#so im autistic

[maxillo]

shoutout to autistic people who have memory issues and can't remember many things about your special interests. you don't need to be able to remember things for the interests to be valid or important to you! if you enjoy them that's what matters

[fluffbeast7]

I WAS FUCKING RIGHT

people who disagree or made me embarassed to have had headcanons about this are LOSERS

as i said as soon as i saw this on twitter:

''I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW ITTT I K N E W IT I FUCKING WON!!! I MAY SUCK AT FNAF THEORIES BUT I FUCKING WON AT THIS ONE LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO god anyways i love kellen he was an inspo before the dca existed- this guy is such a goat!! autism icon!!''

@basyacriptid i'm fucking losing my shit sorry if u already saw this

[spooksier]

me when the emotionally repressed character is revealed to have had something happen in their childhood that was completely out of their control but changed them in a way they can never come back from

[vadlings]

Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing���humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.

[paimt]

wanna help a poor bastard out? send me money and i'll draw you stuff

[mokeonn]

"But if college was free, then people would abuse that and get useless degrees" hell yeah I would! If I could go to college without debt I would make it my job to get a degree in every little thing that interested me. I'd get a doctorate in film studies. I'd have a bachelor's degree for every science I like. I'd try to learn at least 5 languages with varying results. I would learn something "useful" like coding and then follow it up with a ""useless"" degree like art history. I'd be the world record speed run holder for getting every degree possible.

But I can't afford college without going into massive debt, so instead I spent the last 5 years trying to figure out what I am passionate enough about to consider going into debt over, because unfortunately being passionate about everything is extremely expensive to pursue.

[mummonia]

the father, the son, the holy ghost

[thepositivefella]

Yeah, yeah, Ford dated the triangle. But now can we talk about how Ford is now openly loving and caring (at least through his notes and journals) and letting his family into his supernatural shenanigans WHILE these bunch of wacky buffoons still manage to let him have his personal space and spend hours in his room without being disturbed???

LIKE he's okay with them entering the room whenever they please when he's not there and even reading his journals and notes (cause he expresses himself better through his writing) and they're all SO welcoming when he comes upstairs after hours locked in his room having a silent meltdown???

Ford will show no reaction besides an awkward smile and just being there but will write about how his family is his universe and how he actually loves doing cute stuff with Mabel like dressing the same and I CAN'T-

Autistic old man has rediscovered unconditional love and respected boundaries. Ford is living the dream.

[dandeleon]

college fiddauthor doodles ^_^

[caffeinatedopossum]

For all my fellow ADHD and soft voice-havers when we get interrupted/can't say anything constantly

[unspecifiedfigure]

there’s a space in my heart and it’s just your shape 🍻🚬

[maskerat]

yes, I've watched the video. now this man is my new hyperfixation. expect more art of him soon I suppose.

[time-woods]

not allowed to stay up late drawing because this is what ends up happening gayass kissingcanvas

[muscariii]

Sorry no Morrowind art this weekend because I've been playing the MHWilds open beta and auggghh my brain is so focused on it. My PC almost died but I somehow managed to get it to look decent and ohhhh my god. It's sooo good. I can't wait for the full release.

Already got emotionally attached to the Seikret so I made a few drawings with it and also Nora because I love her.

Thinking intensely about the fact that she would definitely put its feathers in her hair so that they match...

[crismakesstuff]

in another world where things are a little different….

role swap au debbie and nolan inspired by this amazing fic

[hamiltonandpercyjackson]

rereading heroes of olympus HURTS knowing that nico stayed at chb because he knew that he had friends and then RICK KILLS JASON. HIS FIRST TRUE FRIEND SINCR BIANCA DIED. is nico not allowed to be happy