#its me im autistic people
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shoutout to autistic people who have memory issues and can't remember many things about your special interests. you don't need to be able to remember things for the interests to be valid or important to you! if you enjoy them that's what matters
#its me im autistic people#i feel shame about this often so im making a positivity post#autism#actuallyautistic#actually autistic#autistic positivity#autistic adult#autistic things#max yaks
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autistic people when the au/rewrite of a thing they like has faux religious imagery
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What about autistic people who know everything about niche shit because of hyperfixations?
i love you autistic people who don't know shit from fuck
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Sorry no Morrowind art this weekend because I've been playing the MHWilds open beta and auggghh my brain is so focused on it. My PC almost died but I somehow managed to get it to look decent and ohhhh my god. It's sooo good. I can't wait for the full release.
Already got emotionally attached to the Seikret so I made a few drawings with it and also Nora because I love her.
Thinking intensely about the fact that she would definitely put its feathers in her hair so that they match...
#genuinely so obsessed with this franchise#im so autistic about it its insane#and to think i rage quit this game for a year the first time i played it#shoutout to my brother for getting me into this#but anyway i think wilds might end up being the best monhun game#its so visible how much work and love the people working on it are putting in#and dont even get me started on rey dau and the music#soooooooo good...#monster hunter#monhun#monster hunter wilds#monster hunter oc#mhwilds#seikret#digital art#muscariart#muscariocs
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a thing i've noticed with autistic people, that i don't see talked about too often, is the idea that there MUST be a Correct way to act. that if only you could find the most perfect sequence of words, someone would understand your point of view completely and you'd unlock the good ending where everyone agreed with you forever.
i'm not sure if this is from the rsd, or just a trauma response to being constantly told that we are NOT acting correctly and everyone else IS, or some facet of the black-and-white thinking thing, but it's a constant struggle to remind myself that no, some people just aren't you and will never ever be you, and will probably do things you find unconscionable, and that sucks.
#actually autistic#like i CONSTANTLY see this topic come up with every autistic person i know#that if only i found the right cheat code. that would do it.#and its what i do late at night as i try to craft arguments against people that hate me#in fact its what im doing right now. thats why all my posts are so wordy.
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it's always "autism acceptance" until the autistic person is weird, or fat, or a man, or has poor hygiene, or a POC, or makes unfunny jokes, or isn't a cute feminine gay, or is actually bad at communicating, or needs to have things explained to them, or is too loud, or too quiet, or needs to be told something multiple times to understand it, or has mannerisms that make people stare at them, or, or, or, etc. if you would show patience to the cute autistic girl who collects plushies and stims by flapping her hands then you MUST show equal patience to the large autistic boy who stims by humming or hitting his head and worms underwater welding into every conversation. I am no longer asking. your acceptance cannot begin and end with people you deem palatable.
#jay says a thing#im also not dissing cute autistic plushie girls either#their autism is valid#its a spectrum and everyone experiences it differently#but this is something ive seen over and over again IN PROGRESSIVE SPACES. IN *AUTISTIC* SPACES. and it is so so heartbreaking#like oh my god if an autistic person makes you uncomfortable maybe examine why that is. maybe check for internal biases.#im so tired of seeing this shit#people will write off a wonderful person because of their own internalised bullshit and it kills me#autism
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could you pwetty pwease do sum moceit or logicality,,, (also genuinely tweaking over your dsmp stuff. you've woken up the autism in me)
whats it take 2 get ur number >.< ??!!?
whats it take 2 bring u home ^o^ ?!??!!
#glad to wake up the autism in people#full moon to werewolves is what i am to to autistic people#i have lotsa art reqs but ive done.. the ones i wanted to do so far LOOLLL sorryyy#also so far its been all logan ships.. u know me!!!!!#thomas sanders#sanders sides#logicality#sanders sides fanart#patton sanders#logan sanders#sasi fanart#tss fanart#im just babbling
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Captivated by that one scene where they talk about this... How often do they sit down to have side by side autism dinner..
#yknow when autistic people need to eat the same thing for every meal. are they eating beans and ramen like this??#also its me. im autistic people lmao#lupin fanart#lupin iii#jigen daisuke#goemon#goemon ishikawa xiii#lupin sansei#lupin the 3rd#anime screenshot#redraw#lupin the iii comic#jigen x goemon#jigoe
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you say you have disabled hiccup headcanons? :3 *ears get really reall big. how are they doing that. why*
id love to hear them :D
Yes! Okay you've opened the floodgates my friend, I've been waiting to talk about this for so long.
He's autistic and has adhd! Obviously.
stims by tapping his fingers against things, waving his hands around, quickly taking apart and putting back together trinkets he's made, mimicking dragon noises (tho over time he's realized their vague meaning and stopped doing it randomly bc it was confusing them), running his hands over toothless' head to feel the texture of his scales and (when he was younger) petting his fur vest
His 'obsession' with things (trying to one up viggo, and when he was working on his sword) is literally just him Hyperfocusing on things
Easily loses track of time when he's locked in (Hyperfocused) working on inventions
Has that random 'I need to info dump NOW' thing and wakes Astrid up in the middle of the night like to randomly talk about abnormal behavioral patterns in a new terror flock on berk and Astrids just like 'babe I love you but it's three am'
Dyspraxic. When he was a kid he spent so much time practicing coordination for things like learning to write then later working in the smithy, and almost gave up more than once before continuing out of spite.
immunocompromised. Like seriously Hiccup has a weak ass immune system and would get sick every winter as a little kid, to the point of it being fatal. The villagers would always talk in hushed tones (bc of stoick caught them they'd get yelled at) and wonder if that years gonna be the one where he doesn't make it but he always ended up pulling through (also out of spite)
After meeting Toothless he developed tinnitus. Didn't think much of the ringing in his ears at first bc. Yknow, dragon roared at full volume directly into his ear. Then it didn't go away and he was like 'huh maybe this is an issue' then it just got worse as he continued to be in close proximity to loud noises like, even more roaring, and explosions etc.
Despite this he's got that weird "I enjoy loud noises like dragons roaring and the sound the wind makes when you're flying at like 40 mph, but if I hear the noise of lots of overlapping voices all having different conversations in a large room I need to die."
Chronic pain. The obvious, phantom pains in his leg of course, but fun fact! The human body really doesn't like it when you've broken bones repeatedly especially in the same area, and with how much this kid gets thrown around in rtte it's safe to say he's broken, fractured, and dislocated a lot of things.
When he comes home/gets back to the edge after a long day of traumatic or ridiculous events, first thing he does is take Toothless' saddle and prosthetic tail fin off, then he tries to crash in his bed, but either Toothless doesn't let him sleep until he's taken his prosthesis off (I hate that he sleeps with it on in canon looking at it makes my body hurt imaging how uncomfortable that'd be), or Astrid comes in to make sure he does (and also to make sure he eats bc he forgets to wayyy too often).
Asthma. No explanation. I just know he has it
I hope not all of these came off as super angsty, they aren't meant to completely. Like sure it sucks but he's allowed to not be miserable constantly (disabled people are allowed to not be miserable constantly, it doesn't make our pain any less valid. We're allowed to be happy).
I just love when characters are permanently, physically, changed by their story. Tbh if it weren't for rampant ableism, I think a lot of characters in action/adventure stories would be disabled, but people aren't ready for that discussion yet. Ty for the ask I had so much fun answering and writing these!!!
#httyd#reblog or you hate disabled people (THIS IS A JOEK)#autistic!hiccup#hiccup haddock#rtte#Hiccup is going through it bc I am lmao#him pulling through out of sheer spite is so funny to me#also the last kind of rant bit isnt directed st you more just in general bc im sure its stuff you alr know#nemo-is-real#ask#canon disabled character#httyd headcanons#my headcanons#disabled headcanon#hiccup is disabled#hiccup horrendous haddock iii#hiccup and toothless#hiccstrid#t4t hiccstrid#<- just the people know...#disability#autistic headcanon#moth.txt#deyas dragons
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Autism advocacy is interesting.
It's interesting in the sense that part of Autism is "Social and Communication deficits". Why does that make this interesting?
Because it means I often can not participate in advocacy myself because I do not understand what exactly we're advocating for or what it means.
A lot of advocacy wants to force big changes but do not explain what type of changes we should implement or how that will help those with moderate-high support needs Autistics. Which makes it harder to understand or "get on board".
We are all Autistic. But some of us still need more support than others. This is not excluding others. This is fact.
I need to put some level of trust into Autism advocates because I do not have the ability to advocate that way. Autism limits my abilities to do so. If my NT parent can not understand the advocacy, it means I will struggle too. I need to trust that there are people advocating for people like me and that they are being listened to as well.
#autism#actually autistic#autistic#actuallyautistic#but for the most part#i do feel like im being left out#maybe its bcus i dont understand?#but it does not feel like people like me or those who need more support are being advocated for
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trying to be more accepting of the likelihood I am autistic, I feel ive been having this constant back and forth conversation with myself for the past 2 years about it. "you can go to school, be a therapist for people, run errands, win awards, and somehow fit 2 jobs into all of that" and I use that as proof that I am NOT autistic...however, realizing i lose an entire weekend for a trip? distress. fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and leaves me trembling, crying, and forced to recover? oh boy i wonder why that happened. feeling confused and like i'm constantly missing something when people express themselves in class or in the workplace? hm, it's almost as if I struggle to not take their language literally.
i don't think i've ever been allowed to be "disabled" by whatever neurodivergency and its symptomology, like, ever. god speed any other neurodivergent children of immigrants, but i don't feel allowed to let any cluster of disturbances or schedule changes or social conundrums disable me. I mean, they can affect me privately, where I am forced to stim and cry and process all on my own. But unfortunately i cannot look like the misshapen freak I feel I am, or well, as least not appear so in a socially unacceptable way.
it's funny i carry so much shame. i am unmasking in ways i never thought i could. i am allowing myself to take things literally with people, and I am allowing myself to ask more questions. "what did you mean by that?" "why did you use that word to describe that?" "can you rephrase that?" it's funnier that I am at such a queer and neurodiverse internship; nearly all of the other clinical staff have some sort of diagnosis (usually adhd/ocd/with flavors of trauma), and we all serve a population of the queerest and most neurodiverse students. i feel SO happy when I see a student and they refuse to make eye contact with me, because I take it as an invitation to NOT look them in the eye too! i tell students during our sessions feel free to stim, here's a weighted plushie you can hold, sit where you like, would you like to pace, should I dim the lights? it is even funnier that i am a neurodivergent clinician working with neurodivergent people, and half the time I dont even follow the same advice I give my clients!
i worry about what my life will look like when i've graduated. my master's will say, "hey, this guy is a clinical social worker and is now ready to be your therapist! or caseworker! whatever they have you people do nowadays!" and I don't think i feel ready to enter any workforce. how on earth will i manage my life and wellbeing doing this 40 hours a week? like wtf? ugh.
i dunno. these r just rambles and perhaps im just seeking some sort of comfort from other autistic people, especially because it feels like i have very few autistic people in my life. i know a lot of the validation i seek will be "resolved" if i seek out an official diagnosis, but I don't have time or $ for that. nor do I think I want one for a number of reasons. I should just continue working on my own self-esteem when it comes to most likely being autistic.
oh well
#muerto talks#sorry for long ramble#been having lots of autistic thoughts#been making less eye contct stimming more in class#showing up in what feels comfortable to me#ive also been frustrated becaus realizations r slowly processing and i feel really fucking silly and dumb rn#because im only just now putting up hints together#whatever i think its dumb to make the autistic guy have to pick up all these social cues and hints even tho people wont just say something#but yeah either way im actually feeling really good at my internship#i think my neurotype gives me an advantage in a lot of ways#do i get triggered still like yeah#but it wont him me until well after a session is over#but whatecer#would love to hear from other autistic people who work or go to school n stuff like that
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ahAh and the disability disabled me again !!
#currently trying to prevent a meltdown by hiding in a toilet stall at school#at 8:20 in the morning. i aint even spoken to anyone and im already at my limit#damn you three day networking residential trip#you peopled me out#sobbing#autism#adhd#neurodivergent#actuallyautistic#actually adhd#asd#being autistic#its the neurodivergency#neurodivergencies#actually autistic
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i haint watched the dang chibisode and idk if ill actually watch it with sound on sdfjk but i have a hurt feeling about them casually imbuing perry with speech for a one off gag because the idea that he needs to talk to communicate is fake. we had 4 seasons of wacky magic hijinks cartoon where perry never needed verbal speech to communicate. they couldve done this gag at any point in the show but they didn't, and the fact that they didn't felt significant. perry's muteness is such a core part of his character, to me, to the way i conceive of him/write him. i don't wanna overreact to a goofy little side cartoon (even tho i'm doing it anyway) but it's still the characters, and it still upsets me! ok that's it i've said my piece
#ill watch it at some point but despite my silence i have been like obsessively anxious about this cartoon#and pestered my friend to watch it for me sDFJKL#in a month this will have either ruined pnf for me forever or i'll have changed my mind and i like it actually its fine#for now anyway i have tons of comic sketches about perry's muteness that i no longer wanna finish and share...maybe someday but not now#i had a rly great day actually but now im falling asleep in bed tipsy and a little teary over this. cuz i love perry a lot he's#really special to me. i also got that star wars perry shirt in the mail today btw. and. it's such a good pj shirt#but back on topic#it sucks when an aspect of a character that is CORE to your appreciation of them becomes casually disregarded by the writers at some point#like im certainly not ever accepting an interpretation of perry like 'secretly hed really like to be able to talk' because its#never ever been communicated. like the idea that heinz wd prefer if perry was human. its just not in the show. the opposite is true in fact#so im left feeling stupid for caring about something that some writers(inc. dan) felt was unimportant. makes me not wanna continue my art#which sux cuz i like my comic ideas! id love to finish them. i hope i get over this.#i overreact to live-updating media when im fixated on it wh is why i prefer getting into dead fandoms haha#but they keep on bringing them back to life dont they...im never safe#it was funny me trying to explain to my friend why i efel so strongly about this meanwhile hes tried to explain why he feels so strongly ab#ut AYA and my stance on that episode has always just been “cute! its fine” lmao#@ dwampy you guys made the show that follows a specific rhythm and set of rules designed to appeal to obsessive autistic brained people ok#you invited my overreaction. unsheathes katana etc#ok im goint to sleep#meta
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actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.
he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.
a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).
but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.
and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.
he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.
and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal
#i had a really big fundie snark phase a year or two ago so that's part of like. this. but im still not used to actually talking about#religious stuff so if it reads kinda awkwardly uhh forgive me orz idk#maybe it sounds dumb but i like that the message isn't 'religion is evil'. it easily could have been. but i think the show's points about#how fundie wasp culture in particular treats christianity and itself and others would be less poignant if they were like. and jesus sucks#btw >:] like. this feels more nuanced to me. i guess there's probably a way to maintain that nuance with an ultimately anti-christian#piece of media but i think it'd be like. wayy harder and it's difficult for me to imagine that bc i think a lot of it would bleed out into#the tone. + why focus on only These christians when They're All also bad? so you'd get jokes about them in general#and i think that's kinda less funny than orel and doughy screaming and running from catholics lsdkjfldksj#i think the specificity makes it more unique and compelling as comedy and as commentary. but that's just me#like moralton represents a very particular kind of christian community (namely a middle class fundie wasp nest)#you're not gonna be able to get in the weeds as much if you're laughing at/criticizing all christians. but they accomplish it so thoroughly#and WELL in morel and i think that's because it chose a smaller target it can get to dissect more intimately. anyway#moral orel#orel puppington#(OH also when i say wasp here i mean WASP the acronym. as in white anglo-saxon protestsant. in case the term's new to anyone <3)#maybe it's also relevant to say that i'm kindaaaaaaaa loosely vaguely nonspecifically christian. so there's my bias revealed#i was never raised like orel but i like to think i get some of what's going on in there y'know. in that big autistic head of his#but it's not like i can't handle anti-christian/anti-religious media/takes. i'm a big boy and also i v much get why it's out there yknow#christianity in specific has a lot of blood on its hands from its own members and from outsiders and people have a right to hate it for tha#but religion in all its forms can be positive and i appreciate the nuance. like i've said around 20 times. yeah :) <3#(<- fighting for my life to explain things even though my one job is to be the explainer)
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idk how to express it but like. my mum asked me earlier "do you have initiative? you need to learn how to do things without people telling you" and idk how to tell her like. 1. i am autistic and a HUGE part of that is not having motivation or initiative in the traditional sense because its harder to read what people want from you, 2. i also have executive dysfunction with my depression, and 3. she is the reason why i have a lack of motivation! because my whole life when i Try to do things to help out, i either get confused or i do it wrong, and shes not patient with me and also doesnt explain things to me - and the worst part is 4. i dont know how to explain stuff to her without it feeling like an excuse, because when i speak plainly, she thinks im dodging blame, when im actually just trying to communicate my default settings and how im working on overcoming them because i live in a neurotypical society. when i dont contribute or help out because im scared of messing up, i am ridiculed and shamed, and when i do contribute, im not allowed to ask clarifying questions or ask for support, because then i am an idiot. and y'know what? its annoying to be told i have no motivation when right now is the time where i have the most self-driven motivation ive ever had
#personal#its truly just like. im not asking for solutions or comments here#its just straight up confusing for me#and i get so overwhelmed trying to say this out loud to people#like i instantly start crying#but its not because im sad! or trying to get sympathy! i am just so freaked out all the time!#i have to be so self regulated its not funny#genuinely the only reason my family dont see me as an actual autistic person is because i can talk#if i was 24/7 nonverbal maybe theyd believe me#my god
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mister laios dungeon meshi…. as an autistic person, i dont think ive ever related more to a character before.
like laios being so disinterested by the human world around him, unable to understand it and growing bitter towards humans because of how much and how easily they hurt. with monsters theres a Reason for what they do — its all survival, and that makes sense. humans, however, hurt just to hurt. all the suffering that he and falin went through have been because of humans. why would he like them? why would he ever be interested in them? he and falin have Never been afforded being seen as humans.
i feel like, with laios, he likes who he likes, and he doesnt really think about people he doesnt like. sure they exist, and he knows and acknowledges this, but theyre not his. the only humans that really matter to him are the ones that hes grown attached to. hes very compassionate but thats because its in his nature. if he wasnt a kind person at heart, i dont think he’d bother with people at all. that kindness is such a core part of him.
if he were in the modern world i just KNOW that guy wouldnt care about a career or school or even all these supposedly human aspirations that people have-- these long term goals, these big lofty ideals. he would just care about the day to day. working to ensure theres a roof over his head and food on the table. reading about monsters. having dinner with his friends. making sure his loved ones are all doing okay. and i can just imagine people being like "but dont you want... more?" and laios being so confused. why WOULD you ever want more? why would he ever want to give himself to the rat race? be exhausted constantly? work towards a goal that only other people view as worthy? why, when what he has right here is exactly what he wanted!! laios doesnt have these "human" desires and thats a core part of why he feels so alienated from other people. so different. like a monster himself. and as someone who is autistic, let me just say.….. me too buddy.
#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi#sorry this was in rhe drafts while reading andi just#as an autistic person i relate really hard to him#this is just how i view and read him btw which doesn’t need to be said but#im saying it anyways HEHE#i just. biting him#hes so compassionate like its in his nature but yet hes so disinterested#and its not out of a lack of caring bc like i said he cares very deeply in his core#its just. anything outside of his immediate bubble barely exists#he literally cant remember kabrus name bc kabru never made that deep impression on him#like what he did impart is very surface level and laios may not comprehend that on rhe surface but yet he still Knows it and Sees it#i want to talk more ab him. forever and ever#dunmeshi#dunmeshi spoilers#laois touden#tagging so more laios fans come to me. i need people to talk ab him with
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