#so ill just. get it next week its fine
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Work got my paycheck wrong again 🥲 it'll get fixed but rip
#they paid me. for my 8 hours at one store at my new $16.50/hr rate#and 96 hours of backpay at $2/hr for the raise they forgot to give me#but not the other like. 32 hours i did at our other location#which is like. at least $460 of my paycheck missing!!!!#so i called adam like hello bestie <3 ive been screwed again and he was like damn again!? i swear we arent doing this on purpose#so ill just. get it next week its fine#lord may everything be correct and sorted out
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whump episode of all time look at this poor baby
#whump episode of all time until vanquishers that is#anyway i think postpotd when yaz has moved into the doctors house being sick is totally one of the ways she asks for attention#like she figures out that pretty reliaby if somethings wrong with her the doctor will be all over her#so if she starts to feel a bit lonely and abandoned and neglected among all the family and companion extended family#shes like hm. minor illness time#not that she'd be dramatic abt it. she wouldnt be obvious abt it#she would i think even hide it a little bit. just enough to make the doctor notice shes a bit off#she'dbe like no im fine its fine dont worry abt it#but you know. once he knows smths wrong hes not gonna let it go and she knows that too so thats how she hooks him#and then shes like the centre of his attention for a week or so and thats enough for the next couple of months#she /is/ a little bit master-y after all#and he /is/ still called the doctor. 'how else would i get your attention?'#how else but giving yourself a little food poisoning.or going swimming in winter and get hypothermia. or jump out of a tree and break an ar#how else#ive got so many headcanons#secret slightly fucked up yasmin who lives in my head <3
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i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure
#if i had them everyday or every other day i would be so fucked 😭#id like to say they dont bother me per se but the entire week after is laying in bed after 11 pm and wondering if jts going to happen again#bc my head feels like its about to explode#and then do not get me started on the fear of getting in the shower within the first few days of one happening .#reasonably i understand that my seizures happen from 11pm to maybe 3 am on average .#but ill have a seizure and then have to hype myself up for like 2 hours just to take one 3 days later st like 2 pm#my seizures do not interfere with my day to day life in extreme ways but existing knowing that i have them during a certain time frame is#like. Hey man can you grow up#also it is really funny being told theyre probably hormonal or stress related and should 'probably stop' as i get into my mid 20s .#Well im turning 25 next month and evidently i still have seizure activity in me#also also heres a fun fact: my epilepsy does not have an actual named diagnosis they just said i certainly have a Form of it ❤️#they dont know what causes them and i have no real warning signs (bc a headache =/= potential seizure)#they dont bother me but i do have to live with the knowledge that i could have one any day now and wake up to my mom asking me questions#hope everyone can tell i have a lot of feelings about my epilepsy despite not talking about it like ever ❤️#the only thing that really bothers me is the no warning signs. ive been perfectly fine and had them. ive had massive migraines when i was#unmedicated and didnt have one. very bizarre#and ofc all my brain scans come back normal all the time so they dgaf Lol
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smthn shitty i made for my chinese final ft. the only 4 vsynths i currently have that natively support mandarin chinese
#my video lol#vocaloid#synthesizer v#synth v#zhiyu moke#moke zhiyu#aiko synthv#chiyu synthv#mai synthv#I CAN FINALLY POST THIS NOW. god. i have one more day and then hell is (until next term) over. GRAHHHH#i am feeling Not Great about things lately 🥴 so just take this even tho its not that good pls someone appreciate it#I Just Have To Make It Through This Week. And Then The Next. And Th#ill be fine ill be on break SOON so I GET TO DO SHIT AGAIN!! FUCKGIN FINALLY IM SO EXHAUSTED#also lol if anyone's curious about those lyrics they translate to smthn among the lines of#1234567. where are your friends? here? here! your friends are here.
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overslept and didn't wake up until my FOURTH alarm.......😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#the only reason i have the 4th one is to remind me to stop faffing and get my shoes on & out the door.... whoops#ah well. its fine ill catch the next bus ill only be like 20 mins late. and my boss isnt even in today so maybe itll be fine#also pain has moved to a new location and doing different things which is interesting. uhhhh. lets not worry too much abt that#it started doing this yesterday i dont even know anything anymore... whatever riding it out hopefully its nbd#touch wood!!!!#just hoping i can go to the gym today its been almost 2 weeks since I was last able to go i feel insane#okay i need to finish getting ready byeeee#.diaries
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Shit I forgot about wip wednesday. Was gonna post but got my ass handed to me by my biomed illustration class lol. I'll post something tomorrow when I get a sec, thanks for everyone who tagged me 💚
#just gonna hope the people who tagged me see this cause i dont wanna clog up fandom tags lol#im seriously so fucked tho#like ive got 8 assignments and 7 are due next week.#and its shit like perspective and life cycles and mitosis and cellular respiration and latinx culture essays#so idk when im gonna get the chance to post#trying not to rant about this lol#ill be fine and ill get through it. just a little stressed is all#anyway. hopefully i wont forget to post something tomorrow#ive got some really fun scenes i wanna share!#yall feel free to mention or dm me to remind me lmao#im in est time btw - so if you wanna yell at me when its close to like 10pm my time. you have permission lmao
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FINALLY. I DONT HAVE TO DRAW FOR SCHOOL FOR A MINUTE. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
#I CAN DRAWR WHAT I WANT!!!#not that i will. i dont have any of my adhd candies because. week before finals week *sweats*.#so next week when i have them again ill only have a few days before christmas and 2ish weeks into january. and i can forsee the burnout#shutdown incoming LOL#i have been trying to mitigate my poor habits! ive made myself work steadily with good breaks!#but those breaks dont give me the opportunity to do what i want... and i pushed so much stuff off that ive had 1 foot in shutdown city for#the past month (ive been working So Much since the end of october)#lalalala hopefully this week of Unmedicated goes fine bc even if i dont fold my laundry at least its clean for the next week#honestly thoughthe worst part of unmedicated brain for me is the noise .-.#i just get so frustrated w myself and end up irritated and depressed :( and mean to myself and others :(
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Getting into stuff that has a lot of pre-announced release dates is really good for me like vocal synthesizer products and new love live etc franchise music releases....I'll be lying in bed at like 2 AM with ur usual 20-something's fear and existentialism over time and the future and then I'll remember a piece of singing software or a new song related to cartoon characters I like is gonna come out like next month and I'm like 😌
#this keeps happening to me with the upcoming december#miki and kiyoteru sv.....im so excited...if they get delayed ill scream#jk jk ill be fine but i do hope we get some demos in November soon!#soyogi still doesnt have a concrete release date but hes also probably december#now if HE gets delayed i will actually explode. i will spontaneously burst into flames#the other night i had a dream about aivoice2 ryuusei coming out. which is a normal thing to happen#it literally was just like i went online and saw videos people made with him SHDBFBSJFNFN#premonition dream...this is what will happen in november#but it reminded me i wasnt as familiar with how aiv2 sounds with a2sync. i like the aiv1 kotonosync situation#BUT it is very noisy and the vocals usually sound like lalavoice with the slightly obvious looping#which is charming but not as versatile in the grand scheme of talk synths made to sing#just the nature of it. but a2sync sounds FANTASTIC i was really shocked. im curious how his#particularly deep voice will sound compared to a more medium gentle tone like iori but im excited#im really curious how he'll sound compared to vv humming ryuusei#now what weve seen of his design.....im not suuuper into quite yet. its not BAD and well see when its fully out#but i dont care for the blue hair bits. im picky about hair dye in alternate designs#i like his gray black default situation too much. also i DO like how slutty his design is looking#but also it might look um. a little too much for a talk synth? like brother whats going on here#why are u so dressed up to chat ....i guess for fun#then again his aiv1 design was also probably more appropriate for singing synths rather than talking But I like that one more LOL#doesnt matter too much for me though im more interested in the unofficial singing side stuff AHDBFHSHFBDJJD#which also reminds me i hope someday aiv1 vy series can get a aiv2 update#a full singing synth would be nicer but i wouldnt mind a talk turned singing synth. i know everyone hates the aiv vy designs#i dont hate them theyre not great but theyre fine for talk synths. i think nancy is hilarious. white woman jumpscare#im not a huge fan of the main fanon vy designs (theyre good but they dont fit to me) so i dont mind the aiv ones#even if its just two random people SHBFJFAJFJFJSJJF but yeah i hope they get a aiv2 someday#i think it would be fun to make em sing with a2sync hee hee#also on the ll end i am so excited for dia birthday album end of dec#AND all the new liella tunes. i still havent watched the new season because i havent been able to sit down and enjoy it yet#but soon....next week ill have time...sooooooon
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♡
#today was cute acc 🥰#screamed 5sos in the car with my sister with coffees so i could feel real again and bought tonssss of stuff for my halloween costume#(now i just need to find boots somewhere)#and im still sooo ajksdhfkjashd over him last night#but i may have left an entire article (thats due in a couple hours) to finish tonight so like 😭#BUT i just took my polisci midterm and as far as im concerned i did good <3#but ill be ignoring that til i get the grade back next week#(also bought stuff for the car and dorm that i dont have yet but its fine 😭)#anyways#sky.txt
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Agreed to switch my day off from Wednesday to Tuesday and just now remembered I have tickets to 2 concerts on Wednesday coming up thay I bought specially bc I dont work Wednesday and one is in 5 days
#meow.txt#lmaoooooo oops#ill have to tell them abt the one next week when i go in today#the next one is in october so i can just take the day off or leave early#its far enough away that itll be fine#this one is just next week which is when the new schedule is starting i think#maybe i can see if i can leave early that day too...#since the doors open half an hour after i get off work and also im not driving#and its in atl and with traffic it can take an hour and a half to get there
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utilizing the power of gay love and my girlfriend believing in me to push through the 11 pages of writing due Thursday o7
#she believes and i cant keep worrying her by joking about jumping into traffic#got 2 pages done tonight in the last like 45 minutes after locking in so i only have 5 left to finish one so i can do that in like 3 hours?#and then the other is only 4 pages so i can do it#the power of gay love and adhd focus music is gonna get me through finals i can feel it#i literally just have to get to friday and im clear ill only have 4 more assignments after that and 2 of them im already mostly done with#and the other 2 arent due until next friday and should be quick#and exams are next week but thats fine im a good test taker ill be okay#maybe its midnight delusions maybe im just pulling through whos to say#she speaks??#girlfriend tag <33
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#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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Lmao you should tell your dad to take you camping sometime when you'd we him this weekend!
my dad and my sister have this chronic condition called 'making plans and either forget or life comes upon them last minute and bites them in the ass so we have to cancel and """reschedule""" <- we never reschedule' so i dont think that's in the cards LMAO
#snap chats#if i were to look through all the texts sent between my dad and i growing up it'd just be like#'ill see you X Date' and then the day of or the day before my dad'll be like 'sorry something came up :( we'll try next week'#Spoilers we wouldn't try next week and we prob won't talk for months after that#my sister's similar tho she's like. 2% better about it but that's cause we reside in the same household. sometimes#she has friends and a boyfriend so sometimes she stays with them LOL#still i've just learned that they always end up too busy to spend time with me which is FINE#i get it life's busy for everyone so i try not to let it get me down too much it's bonkers to assume they can put aside other things for me#its my fault for not having friends to spend my time with so i just have to. work on that. somehow LOL#for camping though maybe i can bully my dad into taking me for my birthday...#tho just seeing him would be a good enough present and the best chance of that's just us goin to the city and not doin anythin crazy#i love the city so it's win-win either way LOL#ok ill wrap up my Monthly Required dad rant OOPSSIEE
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#im so fucking scared rn lol#like at the end of the day i teied my hardest and a grad is a grad#i can always do my sats and get a scholarship thro that#its just my parents lol#have an Indian dad and caribbean mom is the recipe for an axious kid#and scared about failure kid#and scared about being a disappointment which j already am in their eyes dmdbns#which hurts but i dknt reallt care ill be fine next week but initially its gonna be rough lol#if j start posting depressing shit j promise jts just a phase is just need an outlet then ill be fjne after i promise💀💀#idk if any of rhis mqde sense bur yh tldr my hands aee ahaking and im gonna die
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they need to make a killing myself I can do every weekend but only on the weekends so I can get up fine on monday and go to work again
#.vent#maybe i should start drinking so i can get blackout drunk every weekend. or fuck around w sedatives or pay someone to just whack me round#the head with a sledgehammer on friday evenings and hopefully ill recover from the concussion by mondays#its not even funny what the fuck is wrong with me that i have to spend all my free time trying not to kill myself i feel so sick#im literally fine at work i guess i just dont know how to have fun or be happy or feel wanted or cared for or loved by other people#but dont have to think about that when im working so its fine 5/7 days which is pretty good. im so lonely i want to throw up#tried to leave the house got ready and everything and then burst into tears for no reason ive spent the past hour trying to talk myself#down from hurting myself and i probably wont in the next few hours but i almost certainly will before the day is up. oh well#man who fucking cares. typing this isnt making me feel any better i dont really know what to do anymore#i have a drs appt in 2 weeks for smth unrelated but maybe ill ask abt antidepressants. theres nothing specific causing this#my brain just doesnt work right.i dont even feel like a person most of the time#well nothing else to say 👍
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Today honestly sucked ass
#im really tired too which isnt helping#my aunt died earlier this year and her husband brought his new girlfriend and her kids to our family get together#the kids were annoying as shit too. normally im chill with kids but they were pissing me off#my grandparents were once again passive agressively trying to persuade me to be more 'feminine' with their gifts#i really only got one present this year which was a new desk. its 25% smaller than my old desk and i now have nowhere to put a ton of shit#my present for my mom was ruined. which. fuck her but also im pissed because i spent a decent amount of money on it#we are traveling tomorrow and our car is broken so we are going to have to take a much smaller vehicle#which means over 7 hours cramped next to both my sisters with no leg room#and our trip is going to be really stressful and annoying too because of my cousins new wife who i hate#plus three extra people staying at my grandparents. when theres definitely not enough room for us all#its gonna be an exhausting week#one positive is that i did get a little bit of cash so im no longer in an unexpected crisis financially#vent#ill be fine i just need to sleep. although since we are leaving so early tomorrow for our trip i probably wont get very much
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