#so if i post ass this month please dont hate me

[neanmoins-que]

day 3&4 for DDtober

Collection and Ruins

I'm using the twitter's prompt list by @/soul_of_sparda

[astranauticus]

'wow the vibes are rancid in here today!' i say, referring to the inside of my own brain

[devdozes]

SO HAPPY TO HEAR ABT SPIDERMAN PHAINON, like can you write how exhausted he must be after being busy all night? Dozing of in the middle of class and having to cover for him and If you have more shenanigans for them please add them!!

♥ Spiderman Phainon !!

OH MY GOD THIS MAN HAS ME IN A CHOKEHOLD !! AND HELL YEAH ALSO SPIDERMAN PHAINON DRAWING AT THE END OF THE POST!!

This man treats you as his personal pillow istg. And, he will be passed out within SECONDS. You’ll be talking to him, and next thing you know? He’s OUT. If you try to get up, he tightens his grip around you. -"Babe, I need to get up—" "No." "Phainon." "You’re my pillow now. ;3"

He is absolutely DOWN BAD, he will definitely do those silly couple trends with you, and sometimes you wonder whether hes the man in the relation or you. -"BABYY WANT TO DO THE RIBBON TREND WITH ME??" -"BABY WANT TO DO THE LIPSTICK TREND WIRTH ME PLEAJ :(" - "Of course phai :), NOW CMERE"

He falls asleep in the most RANDOM places, and when he falls asleep, he is a HUNDRED times more clingy, You have caught him dozing off in class more times than you can count. Sometimes, his head just drops onto his desk with a loud thud. Other times? He’s literally asleep with his eyes open. "Babe, wake up." pinches cheek Mumbling. "Mmf… five more minutes…" clings onto your arm like a koala. "Phainon, we are in a LECTURE, wake up—" Grabs your hand and dramatically puts it over his heart. "Let me just… rest in your warmth for a moment…" "Oh my god."

Calls you his savior since you have to write his notes for him, of course you do hes literally spiderman and your boyfriend, you have to help him since you love his idiotic ass. If you don’t remind him about deadlines, he will forget. "Phai, did you finish the essay?" "… What essay." "THE ONE DUE IN AN HOUR???" "WHAT THE FUCK??" -You once caught him doing an entire paper five minutes before submission. The man wrote 1,000 words in 4 minutes. It somehow got an A.

Doesn’t want to admit when he’s too tired. "Phai, baby, go sleep for gods sake. "Nah baby im alright" immediately trips on air and faceplants

You once tried to see how long phainon would last without touching you and clinging on to you, he lasted 46 seconds. - baby come back i hate this, this is TORTURE—"

He texts you randomly during patrol and tells you EVERYTHING "Just stopped a robbery. Miss u. What r u doing?" "Babe I just saw a guy try to fight a raccoon behind a gas station. This city is insane." "I’m on top of a skyscraper right now thinking about u." "Send me a selfie. I need motivation."

HE LOVES WHEN YOU PATCH HIS INJURIESS !! and when you kiss them "Baby im alright no need to worry" "YOU HAVE A HUGE GASH ON YOUR ARM. SIT DOWN." "Im alright ill heal-" "Ill kiss your injuries" "Yes maam, please do that 500 times"

Bites you everywhere, fucking whimpers if you bite him back "Bites you "here is your daily serving""bites back""Lets out a whimper and asks you to do it again" "PHAI WHAT THE FUCK"

He always calls you "his" like 24/7, And gets SHAMELESS whenever he wants your attention and if someone approaches you "My love" "My baby" "Mine" "My girl" "Phai thats a cat you dont need to be all.. clingy" "Felines are cute yet dangerous"

His love language? Spoiling you. SPOILING THE LIVING SHIT OUTTA YOU. If you casually mention you like something? BOOM its in your room the next day "Babyyy you like cats dont you?" "Yes i do- oh my god." "Meet our new kid :D" "PHAINON WHY IS THERE A BRAND NEW GAMING SETUP" "But you complained on how your old gaming setup lagged :(" "Phainon i love you but you can NOT keep wasting your money"

Eats alot, and will force you to eat with him, He practically lives in your house so your fridge is ALWAYS full "Baby i got you your snacks and groceries!!" "That is enough food to last me an entire month." "You just eat less" "I am not a bigback like you Phainon" "THE AUDACITY??"

ALWAYS uses his webs cuz hes too lazy to do anything. One time, you were "too far" from him (you were 7 steps away from him" and then used his webs to pull you to him "PHAINON I WAS NEAR YOU! YOU COULDVE JUST WALKED" "Nuh uh" "Fuck you mean nuh uh"

If you compliment him once he will malfunction and BOMBARD you with compliments, kisses whatever. "C'mere pretty boy" "..." "OH MY GOD YOU LOVE ME" "We are literally dating" "MY AMAZING SWEET BEAUTIFUL PARTNER I LVOE YOU SO MUCHH"

He carries you randomly just to see your expressions, he is a down bad mf. And does those random ass stunts. "Baby look!" does a backflip "You're so dumb" It is dumb but you laugh and smile widely "YOUR SMILE IS SO PRETTYY"

If you ever feel bad, or want comfort, he will do ANYTHING FOR YOU. ANYTHING. Want fresh air? He's swinging you through the city with you in his hand the next second. Want to rant? He's listening and comforting you the next second

He may be a hero, but he would do anythin for you, even if that means betraying his city's trust or becoming evil or just quitting.

ARCADE DATES AND CHAOTIC ASS DATES. Phainon took you to an abandoned place and explored it around as a date. He is afraid of normalcy and loves being unique im not like other boys ahh 😒 -He insisted on dancing in the rain with you. "Baby can we please" "Sure :) but your clumsy ass is gonna get hurt" "No i wont!!" He falls on his ass the next moment he tries to do a fancy step in the rain with you, but you just laugh your asses off - He one time stole a shopping cart, seated you inside the shopping cart and pushed it full speed while controlling it. You both almost crashed against a light pole at like 100 km/h but his strong ass dodges it with ease luckily "PHAINON OH MY GOD LOOK IN FRONT!!" "FUCK OH MY GOD" - If you go on a beach date? hes beefing with kids and everyone. He is competitive. LIKE ALOT. He built a sandcastle and webbed it up so its technically indestructible. "BABYY LOOK :D" "Phai thats a goddamn kingdom" And whenever you all play beach volleyball, he does EVERYTHING to impress you or beat you. (he just wants to win) "HEY BABY THATS CHEATING YOUR USING YOUR SPIDEY SENSES :(" "I TAKE NO LOSSES." - Even when yall do an arcade date he does that. He always secretly uses his webs to pull out plushies without the sensors and you noticing "Aww baby you wanted that plushie" Pulls it out using his webs "PHAINON THATS STEALING!" "UH ITS JUST EXTENDED CLAW FUNCTIONALITY" Please kiss him after that - And in mall dates? he somehow manages to sneak in an entire course meal inside the movie theatre. He refuses to sit still. His leg bounces. He fidgets. He’s either whispering dumb commentary in your ear or dramatically reacting to the screen. "Baby the popcorn is so dry ugh" casually pulls out an entire full course meal from his jacket "Phainon what the fuck" "Shh Shh baby just relax and enjoy the illegally smuggled pizza" -Go karting dates? Hes gonna web the other players to win. And bowling? he accidentally breaks the bowling ball and the pins

HE ALWAYS RANDOMLY PICKS YOU UP, JUST TO FLEX HIS STRENGTH AND MUSCLES, AND EASILY DOES THINGS FOR YOU "Phai.. you dont have to hold my shopping bags" "Its okay there are only 21 bags" "Phai-" "Ill carry you too." AND HE ACTUALLY DOES. -His BACK MUSCLES OH MY GODD HE IS SO FINE, One time you walked in on him shirtless and his back was facing towards you, his shoulder blades and back msucles were so fucking fine. And the way his arms are so fuckign firm. You can NEVER get out of his grip

some texts with this menace

giggles, i am down bad AND THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST WHOEVER DID THIS OH MY GOD ILY

[tastesousweet]

⭒ the girl with the tattoo (ii) - pt 1 here!!

matt sturniolo x fem!oc / reader

summary : matt is still a grumpy ass but y/n can't seem to get him off of her mind.

warnings : idk uhhh matt’s rude but in a love hate kinda way 😋! also alcohol/drinking (i headcannon everyone 21+!)

mickey speaks : shes finally hereeeee and shes kinda long. im hoping to post more consistently!! luv u guys enjoy <3 ignore the fact that the pic above has a yt girl in it this story is for everyone i promise !!!! i just liked the little green vibe ok? ok.

THIS IS PART TWO GO READ PART ONE FIRST DUH!!!!

AND of course you see matt again.

only a month ago, you were introduced and forced to spend an hour of your time in close proximity to him, no matter his disinterest. yet, also, only a month ago, were you gifted with the cutest tiny tattoo that continues to surprise you a little whenever you lift your shirt before a warm shower.

it hasn’t bothered you nearly as much as you'd assumed - only disrupting your life with the caution you now take to avoid irritating the skin at your lower stomach. though some nights you grow lazy, you’ve maintained a very disciplined attitude of incorporating time in your morning and nightly rituals to ensure the tiny hello kitty inked on you is properly cared for.

contrary, your interactions with matt bothered you far more than you assumed. your sub-concious must've held onto your attempts to break past his careless attitude (that greatly opposed your own people-pleasing nature) just to pettily haunt you. but you've you forced yourself to get over it at this point. you just had to after one night, the week following your tattoo appointment (and after a long day of rude professors and pretentious customers blaming you for their own mistakes), you broke down to andrea:

you sniffle before your voice breaks again, "everyone's just mean. and- and i was so fucking annoying last saturday. it keeps playing over in my head. i'm so embarrassed and i just know he hated me, but i dont know why?! i thought i was nice enough. he could've just smiled or maybe just- i-"

andrea pauses from petting your head, "honey, you're not still talking about the guy who tatted you, right?" you look up at her from your head's soft spot in her lap with glossy eyes and a quivering lip.

"dre-" you choke.

"oh my god! no! y/n, you can't take shit like that personal. not everyone enjoys talking or happiness for that matter, you can't hold on to something like that. i promise he's not too hung up on it himself." she wipes away one of your pitiful tears.

and here he is, standing across the room from you at a party.

you definitely did not expect to see matt (who’s mild attitude was clearly fueled by socializing) in this scene but you guess that la parties are just like that. as long as you know someone who knows someone you’re easily in, that's how you tend to get into these events at least. though an insta stalk would tell you matt has enough clout to get himself in, he and his brothers have built quite the brand for themselves among la socialites.

once your eyes spot him over the shoulder of some guy who just introduced himself to you, they can’t seem to move. you watch as matt smiles for a photo with a few others. matt. smiles. okay, so maybe it was a you problem. he doesn’t hate everyone maybe just you.

though, your thoughts are denied as quickly as his face drops. he doesn’t even care to look at how the image may have turned out like the rest of the group. instead, his eyes opt to watching the people around him as he sips his weak drink.

great, now you’ve become the weirdo watching him watch other people.

until his eyes catch your cautious yet curious stare from across the room. your cheeks heat and you’re immediately shifting your eyes back to the man in front of you.

matt almost smirks at his luck. no fucking way the scared sweetheart he’d tattooed just a few weeks ago is here. he looks away when someone lays a hand on his shoulder to bring him back into the conversation. you're surprised that he continues to look back over to you after adding his input.

the guy finally acknowledges your disengagement with the story about his new motorcycle and turns to see what exactly you’re staring at. he sees matt and turns back to you, “you know him?”

“yeah. well not like know-know we only met once, he gave me a tattoo.”

“oh, cool,” he looks back over to matt and turns back to you once again, “is he bothering you?”

your face scrunches initially, “no, it’s fine.” you smile at him, not wanting to give him the impression that matt did anything but exist (which apparently is enough to capture your attention).

“good. wanna go grab another drink and tell me more about this tattoo?” a charming smile morphs on face and you nod your head easily, taking his hand and leading him towards the bar outside of this large home. and away from matt.

“two-” you look over to the man beside you, “wait is this an open bar?” you ask him genuinely and he laughs a little at your aloofness.

“yeah,” he nods.

“perfect, we’ll take two kamikaze shots pretty please!” you smile at the bartender who seems to be enjoying her night quite a bit and squeeze his hand when you realize it’s still in your own. he looks down at your attached hands then back to you.

you turn your body to face him more directly and lean up to his ear, cupping your hand and whispering, “i’m so sorry, i think i forgot your name.” you were starting to feel bad and just had to confess.

you lean back and bite your lip to hide an awkward smile, and he somehow smiles harder than he already was, “it’s-”

“ashton!” you hear a voice yell hurriedly and now some dark haired guy is pulling him away from you and repeatedly saying “code red!” in his face. and suddenly, without any indication he’d enjoyed your short lived time together, he’s gone.

you try not to sulk but he was an attractive guy with easy conversation, so you at least hoped to get his number by the end of the night.

instead, you’re left leaning against the bar hoping those shots come around soon. you decide to update your friends on your night:

Y/N

cute guy lefttttt :(

REMI

noooooo he was so cute 😫

Y/N

don’t remind me

ANDREA

where r you now???

Y/N

outside bar, im waiting on shots

Y/N

come find me💔💔

your head shoots up from your phone when three guys practically ram themselves into the bar near you, a few people around them laughing obnoxiously.

"god damnit, chris! we said we were going slowly!"

"shhhh. you are so loud, matt!"

“excuse me, can we get some water? none of the sparkles or bubbles and shit, just water, please.”

“next time i'm speaking for myself! what if i wanted the bubbles?”

you lean your head a little to get a full view of the three recognizable faces. chris, with his arms dangled over his two brothers’ shoulders clearly obliterated and slurring his words (but excited to be there nonetheless). a blonde one, you haven’t gotten the chance to meet yet, with two nose piercings and a commanding voice. and matt, with his signature pout, even poutier now that chris’ weight is causing him to hunch over slightly. you guess you were bound to run into them.

you wonder if andrea was right in saying matt hadn’t held onto your exchange. you wonder if when he saw you earlier he remembered you for your friendly smile rather than your annoying nagging. or did he even remember you at all? did he only look at you because you were staring him down first? okay, where the fuck are those shots?!

“no way!" you hear chris’ voice screech upon recognizing you from across the bar, "y/n!?”

you look over and see him shockingly excited to see your face again. you smile in an attempt to not allow your nerves about matt get to you. you are never one to deny a conversation after all.

“oh my god! hi!” you reply as chris unwraps himself from his brothers and moves closer to you.

“how’s your tat treatin’ you?” his eyes express so much excitement he reminds you of a little kid. you’re very flattered to see someone feel so much emotion due to your mere presence.

“oh, it’s still so cute, no regrets so far. i love it.” you smile and he nods while you’re speaking.

he turns around and sees his brothers and a few friends remaining in the other side of the bar talking amongst themselves. “yo, get the fuck over here! why are you guys so far?” he encourages them with a hand wave.

you wave as well, trying not to be a total stranger- even if you are.

the blonde guy leads them over and hands chris a glass of water that must’ve been waiting on him.

“cheers,” chris smirks and takes a sip before a disgusted look takes over his face, “gross. my god! why do they make this shit so bland?”

the blonde boy rolls his eyes in amusement, mumbling, "just drink it," before approaching you kindly. "hey, i’m nick by the way."

“y/n, nice to meet you! i met chris and matt when i got my tattoo done at your shop a while ago.” you explain kindly.

before nick can get another word in a female voice is squealing, “you’re y/n?! hi, i’m asha, i don't know if your remember but we talked on the phone that one time!” a tanned girl with soft cheeks and dark loose curls moves herself in front of the boys.

“of course i remember, how could i forget that insane frog story? it's so nice seeing you in person finally!” you gush.

suddenly chris is beaming, “aww wait guys this is so cute! i’m feeling like we should all hug!” he nods to his brothers who are quick to shake their heads no.

“i don’t think..” nick starts.

“nooo! let’s hug!” chris argues and opens his arms wide gesturing for everyone to hug him.

౨ৎ

after sharing a very drunk and messy group hug you all continue to talk until chris finally blurts, "i gotta go pee so bad guys, " he laughs, "but i need people with me because if i walk in on someone puking, then what? i'll die from my severe" (its not severe at all) "emetophobia and no one will ever know?"

you and asha (who you've found is actually so similar to you) both laugh at his crisis.

matt just breathes a laugh.

"chris, there’s no reason to go further with the fear factor when no one said they wouldn't come with you. i’m coming, so you're not gonna die, let's go." nick shakes his head.

“you don’t understand, nick i would be dead and covered in- i can’t even say it, dude,” chris’ voice fades as they walk away.

"wait, i'll walk with you guys inside! 'm... getting cold out here!" asha suddenly says removing herself from your side and waving goodbye with a drunk smile.

"it's not cold at all, she's trippin'" matt speaks watching her run and practically jump onto nick, causing the three laugh while leaving the crowded yard.

you just shrug and lean onto the bar again, making eye contact with the bartender who looks as if she only just remembered your existence but also seems to mentally question where the other guy went and how you managed to replace him that quickly.

"are you always so nice about everything?" matt questions, leaning his forearms on the bar, still looking at you.

"what?" you look over to him now, feeling almost sick at his proximity.

he mocks you with a high tone in his voice, "'it's soooo nice to meet you! it's soooo nice seeing you!' it sounds exhausting, to be honest."

"didn't realize having manners got you jail time," you breathe.

"and i never said it did."

"well, i don't have to be nice to you if it bothers you so much," you shrug.

"aw, sunshine, you'd do that for me? you're too sweet." he almost laughs at his own sarcastic comment.

you lick your bottom lip out of habit, "why are you still here? don't you have friends you should be ignoring?" you hope he can't tell just how frustrated he's making you.

“you must think you know me.”

“i know you don’t like me.”

“wrong, again.” he smiles and points his finger at you.

“oh, you just don’t like anyone then?”

he glances away before responding, “what's the fun in telling you?”

you huff in defeat, wanting nothing more than those shots right now. though your subconcious hopes the bartender continues to prioritize her flirting customers over you just so you can continue this addicting back and forth with matt.

"you know, that’s the thing with people like you. you think everyone owes you everything." he shakes his head.

"people like me?” you scoff under your breath, “matt, why are you still here?"

he can pick out the offense in your tone, "oh shit, that was true? i was fucking with you, sunny!"

"you don't know anything about me," you laugh and shake your head.

"alright there are those kamikaze shots for you! so sorry about that major delay, honey!" the bartender sets the shots in front of the both of you and smiles at you apologetically.

"don't worry about it, thank you!" you hand her a spare five dollar bill from your back pocket.

when she's gone you finally notice matt's widened eyes.

"what's up with your face, now?"

"you gave her a tip for pouring you some rankydank, fuckin' low level shots after you've waited long enough for her to apologize?" he seems genuinely shocked.

"she only makes money off of tips," you roll your eyes, picking the shot up and gesturing towards the second shot for him to take.

"that's all you," he raises his hands towards his chest.

"oh my god, do it, matt."

he shakes his head and points to you, "you take your shot, sweetheart."

"i knew you wouldn't, pussy," you say under your breath before smirking as you down the alcohol you've been craving since you first saw his face.

upon your insult matt is immediately taking the shot along side you. and just as both of your faces adjust to the taste, matt's phone begins to vibrate.

he grabs it and you attempt to hide your own curiosity by asking the bartender for a lime to suck on (not daring to ask for alcohol again because you simply don't want to be hung up at this bar for any longer).

"yeah, yeah still here," matt plays with his bottom lip and looks down at you with your mouth full of lime. he thinks you look pretty adorable, especially under the blush pink fairy lights hanging above the bar. "'kay, i'll be quick. alright, nick. i will. bye."

he puts his phone away and wipes his mouth, "that shit was fucking vile, by the way."

"okay, drama queen."

"mhm," his face falters back into his usual pout, "well i gotta go, but, um, nick wanted me to invite you to this get together thing we host at the warehouse, it's in like a month but, you know, come if you want." he shrugs.

"tell him of course i will, but only because he asked." you smile sarcastically.

౨ৎ

ANDREA - 12:39 AM

y/n where are you we are both so confused rn help

ANDREA - 12:45 AM

hellooo????

ANDREA - 12:47 AM

GIRL WE'RE OUTSIDE AND WE DONT SEE YOU TF

Y/N - 1:06 AM

WHERE ARE U GUYS RN I JSUT SAW TATTOO GUY AGASSN IM LOSUNG MY MIND JUST A LUTTLE BIT

Y/N - 1:06 AM

I WAS AT THE OTHER OITSIDE BAR IN THE FRONT(?) YARD!!!!! but its ok im gonba find u guys

౨ৎ

a few days later matt comes across your instagram story, forgetting he had followed you in the first place. it was a picture of you and your friends from the same night he had seen you again. it's a simple mirror photo where you're all smiling but besides your soft skin and cute outfit, matt's attention focuses on frank ocean's pyramids playing over the story.

you see the notification later that day when you finally get time on your phone:

matthew.sturniolo liked your story

꩜⋆ ˚｡⋆🎱˚

[lyrakanefanatic]

hmmmmm

this is an excuse for me to share my controversial tig (and other books) opinions. (BTW IF U HAVE SOME U WANT TO ADD ON PLSSSS DO I LOVED GOING THRU THE COMMENTS OF THAT TT POST AND READING PPLS CONTROVERSIAL OPINIONS SO I NEED MORE)

1. toby hawthorne was a BAAAAD father. (thank you to @beautifulmusicengineer for opening my eyes about this cuz wtf) he came and went as he pleased, (ik he was worried about tobias coming after him… but bae cmon hes all the way in texas and on his deathbed ur fine) compared avery to her DEAD MOTHER every waking second which stopped being cute VERY quickly, and realized that he was a shit father while his daughter was 19 YEARS OLD (eve) and had been invisible all her life, took her into hiding, and then was surprised that she didnt want anything to do with him and didnt like him whatsoever. LIKE BITCH THAT IS THE EQUIVALENT OF TAKING A RANDO OFF THE STREET, STICKING THEM IN UR BASEMENT, AND THEN TELLING THEM UR THEIR FATHER LIKE WTF 😭😭😭

2. i like eve more than i do toby

3. lia zhang wasnt iconic she was honestly just a headache for me and for cassie 😓😓

4. the naturals shouldnt have more books, UNLESS its to pursue that twelve novella plot, AND EVEN THEN THATS JUST THE NATURALS BUT WITH 13 YEAR OLDS 😭😭 im sorry but the series is done. it doesnt need more books. and im sorry but if jennifer were to make a book about agent sterling and agent briggs kids i would actually delete my account and go into hiding because i LOOOVE them but girl. WE DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHAT UR KIDS ARE DOING, LET THE SERIES REST 😭🙏🙏

5. ill prob read the toby book just bc i get fomo easily and want to be involved with what goes on in this fandom, but we do not need tobys pov whatsoever. like he loves her, we get it, we’ve BEEN getting it every time he sees avery and immediately starts writing a sonnet on how much she looks like her mother

6. i hate michael townsend. like when cassie came back from LITERALLY BEING FUCKING KIDNAPPED AND CHASED AROUND A FOREST BY MICHAEL MYERS II, AND ALL THAT BITCH HAD TO TALK ABOUT WAS HOW SHE CHOSE DEAN????? i was going to throw atrocious hands and considered sentencing him and lia both to a torture chamber xx

7. i hate hate HATE when theres a love triangle snd the author randomly makes one of the people in it WHO WAS BETTER THAN THE OTHER OPTION a TERRIBLE person just because the other option is ass cheeks. no this doesnt apply to grayson and jameson, i actually really liked how jlb made eve come to hawthorne house because it showed avery that grayson wasnt prepared to love anybody aside from emily yet. THIS IS TARGETED TOWARDS LEGENDBORN.

(spoilers for bloodmarked, book two of the legendborn trilogy) THIS BOOK ACTUALLY MADE MY BLOOD BOIL. TELL ME WHY TF SEL (theres a love triangle with a guy named selwyn, a girl named bree, and a guy named nick) IS THERE ALL THE TIME AND ALL HE DOES IS PISS ME THE FUCK OFF. AND OFC NICK IS KIDNAPPED OR SOME SHIT AND HE CAN ONLY TALK TO BREE THROUGH SPIRITUAL FACETIMES??? IDFK AND THEN AT THE END NICK (who was kidnapped for MONTHS and was so skinny he could probably fly away in the wind) RAN AWAY FROM A BATTLE THAT BREE AND SEL WERE FIGHTING AGAINST THIS DEMON OR SMTH, AND THEN BREE USES THAT AS JUSTIFICATION TO KISS SEL (for the millionth time btw, even tho she was dating nick 😁😁) LIKE BITCH WTF???

8. if u cant tell by my last controversial rant opinion, i DDEEESSPPPIISEEEEEE selwyn, and i strongly dislike bree.

anywayssss thats all!!! pls dont kill me you guys 😓😓

[choccy-milky]

(SPOILER WARNING to people who haven't read your story) I SWEAR to GOD!!!! This is borderline anon-hate with my current state of mind after finishing The Raven and The Snake over this weekend. I finished it in two days. I'm a mess. I've even started making a playlist because I feel like I can't properly enter reality again. I'm supposed to be writing my bachelors thesis right now,,,, what have you done to me!!!!

I loved it so so so much, and I am very mad I cannot have a collectors edition hardback version of it on my shelf. There are many many moments that keep replaying in my head, and scenes that I saw so vividly when reading through it. The first imperio moment and Sebs shadow and imperio-green eyes as Clora was held captive, and the entire scene in the repository and how I was physically shaking as I slowly realised that Seb had made a fucking horcrux, and when it was CONFIRMED the GASP i GUSPED. It was so perfect, and so very Sebastian; because OF COURSE he made a horcrux (lowkey hot, sue me).

And the scene where Clive realised Seb straight up just died for his daughter without knowing he would be back, oh my dear lord.

And the idea of Seb being seen as a 'Ruffian' and that little mamas boi bitch of a Henry thinking his hand-me-down-riches, muggle ass would be preferable to a powerful wizard. I secretly wished they didn't have to keep magic a secret so Henry could have known just how inferior he was. AND SEB APPARATING SO FAR UMPH the skilllll.

I could go on and on and on, and maybe I will some other time in your inbox when I have another mental breakdown.

And now I'm also almost done with the small sequel. Just taking a break to bombard you with this unhinged message of mine. And how you draw Sebastian is so fucking good. It's actually what got me reading in the first place. I see your version as being in a completely separate universe from the game, cause the way you draw him just has that something, and it's not the same anywhere else. It certainly doesn't help my obsession that my own boyfriend has the same features and colour palette as him, now I think I might even use your art as inspo for next time we need wardrobe additions.

I love you and I hate you.

Ps. Of course I added Sarah Smiles to the playlist and also Far too young to Die, and Just One Yesterday. If you've any other songs you think match please let me knowww~~

BRUHHHHH I ALMOST FEEL NARCISSISTIC FOR POSTING/RESPONDING TO THIS ASK BC ITS JUST PRAISE BUT DAMN THANK YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭😭IM HAPPY YOU LIKED IT SO MUCH!! FORGET WRITING YOUR BACHELORS THESIS, TY FOR WRITING A THESIS ON WHY U LOVED MY FIC SO MUCH AND ALL THE LIL THINGS U ENJOYED BAHAHAHA (love the henry slander) im also glad u like how i draw seb too, and i love how thats what made u start reading it in the first place BAHAH but fr, sometimes i try drawing seb more accurately to his ACTUAL appearance and then im like... Who The Hell is this... and it may sound arrogant since im the artist but my seb is MY seb, yknow...its why i dont like drawing him with other mc's romantically. bc even tho its like, oh look, that's Sebastian Sallow™ from the hit game Hogwarts Legacy™! in my style if i draw him with another MC, its like, NO!!! THATS NOT SEBASTIAN SALLOW™, THATS CLORA'S HUSBAND🤺🤺THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING BOI??🤺🤺🤺 LMAOO but rly TY AGAIN💖💖💖 not only for reading but also taking the time to write all this and let me know how much you enjoyed it🥹🥹i (and all writers, really) always love getting stuff like this!! it also brings me back to when i was writing it, especially now that ive been finished with my fic for a few months, listening to u react to all the diff scenes is making me miss it and giving me nostalgia for my own damn fic FRRR😩 also i love that youre making a playlist LMAOO thats how u know the brainrot truly has a hold on you IM SO SORRY🙏🙏 i actually made a seb and clora playlist like last year and its somewhere in my ask tag if you look through that?? but one song that i can recommend off the top of my head (which i almost made their anthem in that OTP chart) is arms tonite by mother mother...whenever i listen to it i cant help but laugh to myself bc its SO perfect for the chap where seb sacrifices himself....YOULL SEE WHEN U LISTEN😇💖

[magmythedevil]

TW: mention of grooming & sexual assault Please dont read If this topic makes your uncomfortable

Quite of a long test ahead. Sorry

Listen, i dont want to sound rude or anything, but everytime someone on the murder drone fandom (twt specifically) gets outed as a groomer, sexual predator, or Just someone who has caused harm to other people in general MD fans on twitter always turn these types of situation into a:

"LMFAO murder drone fandom suck ass!! I hate you all!!!!!! im out of here for real!!!!!"

"i love murder drones But i hate this fandom"

And ...no... Please....dont.

I know these guys are all just teenegers just like me and may or not may have good intentions when they say this, But i have an awful truth about to say about these situations;

Those groomers and sexual predators are not on the fandom bc they are interested on the show and just happen to be groomers just because. They are on the fandom bc they know murder drones Its the type of show that attracts vulnerable teenegers and kids

Stop making these type of situations into a fandom thing, bc Its something serious. These groomers are not genuine fans of the show (most of the time) theyre here to make victims

And yes, these groomers are capable o spending months building their murder drones fandom accounts just to befriends the minors on the fandom, even If theyre not even acctually interested on the show.

Im tired of seeing groomers in the fandom getting outed and then some minutes after some corny;

"lmfao, in out here, im just gonna be a normal account now lolll"

"muted all the words related to murder drones <33333"

"wait??? Thad the cool guy is a groomer??? Cant this fandom be normal for once???"

tweets pop up taking the focus away from the real problem.

Some predators using the show to make their victims doesn't automatically turns the fandom into "an awful place full of disgusting people" and its because of that generalization that these events keep repeating themselfs.

Theres some assholes and toxic people on the fandom? Yes totally. I saw toxic envy shippers trying to turn nuzi into a """pedo coded"""" ship in real time.

But, this is difference, a groomer disguising themselfs as a fandom member is not a fandom problem or drama, and doesn't automatically makes the an entire group of people bad.

If the fandom knew how to handle these types of situations Instead of making;

"block this disgusting murder drones fan!!!!!!! Loll im so tired of this fandom, in out"

posts, people should make;

"therese another predator out there, Please everyone be carefull and block all of their accounts and i feel so sorry for all the victims"

(they do make these posts, but get quickly overshadowed by the fandom focused corny ones)

Things would be so much better.

Remember the murder drones strike thing? The fandom could make a campaingh similiar to that but focused on spreading awareness about predators that use murder drones to attract kids. Its a sad truth, But only facing reality is a way to make things better

Maybe that happens bc MD is the first fandom these people have ever been at, so they don't know how to react to these type of things but trust me i have seen fandoms that are much worst who have had terrible things happening out there.

Anyways, this is all i had to say, sorry if Its kinda confusing, english is not my first language, but i hope i made a clear point here a least

[ask-unpleasant]

hey chat sorry for the month of inactivity. i was unmotivated to do anything with this blog

but then i looked at some of the art on here and realized that i just lost my love for the character designs. so you know how we're gonna fix that? we're redesigning some characters bayybeeee 😈

starting with the man the myth the legend, here is UNPLEZZIE 2.0

he's probably the only one i had genuine problems with other than not being very aesthetically pleasing. he seemed too boring, his proportions were always a bit wonky, and the way he became more and more simple the more i drew him dumbed him down to just...awkward.

for this redesign, i kept all the features that made him my unpleasant. the only really signature thing i changed was his hair, sorry not sorry he had to fire his barber. i changed his scars to be far less opaque as to not clutter him up (which was the main reason i left them out most of the time), the only drawback is that i'm no longer just scribbling them in with a brush, they're actual geometry, so i cut back on the arms just for my own sake. also his tail now looks (and acts) like an actual docked tail.

next is the QSWX GVCTXMG AMXLSYX VIEPPC FIMRK GVCTXMG GLEVEGXIV SJ XLI CIEV, here is CREEPY 2.0

creepy was probably my least favorite character to draw. its head shape with the hair that always ends off screen, the 4 arms, the lack of any real way to move visible, it has always been a mess of a character. don't get me wrong, creepy is my second favorite character to write for (beaten only by neuro), i love its personality and its inflection, i just never got the chance to show that because i hated drawing it so much.

so for the redesign, i've basically reimagined it. its face hair now has an actual definitive ending, it has a more unique shape, and is just much more expunged-friendly in my opinion. it looks even more like its mom now...

next is this one, i thought she was american. here's PARANORMAL 2.0

i'm gonna be totally honest i have no idea what i was doing when designing para for the first time. that outfit was 100% subconsciously stolen from some other character i can't think of right now. it also really just didn't fit her character at all. also i dont know why i gave her boobs???? what????

anyways for the redesign she's basically a whole new design now. i wanted to play with some shape language. also, para always had a sort of inhuman quality to me, despite her personality, so i've given her inverted eyes and some animalistic features. i guess it adds irony or something, i dunno.

and finally, the moment GERIATRIC CAT you've all been waiting for, UNNERVING 2.0

in truth nervy's design is my favorite. the only gripe i had is the lack of legs, like with creepy. also i had to give her one of the same pride flag ass gradient as the rest so she'd fit in with the rest. other than all that i love her she is perfect just the way she is with minor adjustments

that's all the redesigns done!! i only did these 4 because stabby is not mine to redesign and NEURO is perfect just the way it is. feel free to give me any constructive criticism for these redesigns, i can always tweak em a bit. also the more stripy gradients wont a pattern that follows the contours of the body but rather just unmoving plaid always. i hope this lengthy yap sesh contributed something to something, maybe gave some insight into my characters.

and if you got this far i put a public discord server link in the intro post. you dont gotta ask anymore. dont tell anyone....shhh....*lovingly puts my finger on your lips* *smirks* *bolts away* *gets hit by truck* *instantly fatal*

[emergency-vehicle]

About Me

Madison | 24 | Vey/Vem, They/Them | AuDHD | Transformers Side Blog | Main Blog: @commandant-queer | Follows come from @stalin-bot

---------

Welcome to my personal brand of hell!

This blog is dedicated to Transfomers, whether it be the bayverse, Transformers Prime, Transformers One, or any other piece of Transformers media I am about to devour with a fervor that would make even Megatron tremble.

!! THIS BLOG IS NOT SPOILER FREE !!

If you wish to avoid spoilers, I will be tagging them with #spoilers and #TFO spoilers . After a few months of the movie being out, they will no longer be tagged. Just an fyi.

What you can expect from me:

My art journey. While I'm solid in other areas, learning how to draw cybertronians is a beast of its own. be prepared to see the long journey it takes to be decent at it.

Fanfictions. Fanfictions I'm writing and yapping about fanfictions I've read. I am feral and devour media at a pace faster than the speed of light.

Art reblogs. Whether it be funny, cool, or otherwise deemed interesting, its important to take inspiration from other creators. And, just plain fun to share.

Long winded rants about my personal headcanons. You might want to read them, you might not. It'll be mostly queer posting, and projection- as almost all headcanons are. Will be tagged with #headcanon and #[character's name]headcanon

Ships. I will have a ship list further down. It is inevitably going to grow with time. Its important to remember: im an adult and i can ship whatever the hell i want. cringe sets you free. with that in mind, for some of the more toxic ships, their nuance is not lost on me.

sometimes i post 18+ stuff. it's always tagged as NSFW.

Lots and lots of yapping. My personal posts are tagged as #yapping, so block that if you dont want to see it. I just like to talk into the void. If you also enjoy yapping, please for the love of god, join me in the brain rot.

PLEASE INTERACT:

Artists

Requests

Send me headcanons and factoids. I am a sponge, bone dry and ready to soak in everything the fanbase has to offer

Fellow Ratchet/Optimus stans

Fellow Starscream lovers (my rat boy 💕)

Feel free to suggest new media to me!

DO NOT INTERACT:

Zionists (just so you know, Optimus would crush yo ass. From the River to the Sea, motherfuckers 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸)

Conservatives

Any brand of -phobe

Dont come crying to me about hating my ships. I don't care. I've been in fandom spaces for longer than you've probably been alive.

Minors. Nothing against yall, just a lil uncomfy because this blog can be kinda spicy sometimes.

SHIPS! :D

It's a short list, for now. Ships will be tagged as shown on their bulletin point. For quick reference of how I view them:

- [S] Sexual

- [R] Romantic

- [QPP] Queer Platonic Partners

- [T] Toxic

With that out of the way...

Optimus Prime/Ratchet [R] [S] / [QPP] (depends on my mood lol) (my OTP) #optiratch

Megatron/Starscream [T] [S] [R] #megastar

D-16(Megatronus)/Orion Pax [R] #megapax

Bulkhead/Wheeljack [QPP] #bulkjack

Soundwave/Shockwave [R] #wavewave

Breakdown/Knockout [S] [R] #KOBD

Knockout/Starscream [T] [S] #knockscream

Arcee/Cliffjumper [QPP] #cliffcee

Megatron/Soundwave [R] #megasound

Ultra Magnus/Wheeljack [R] [S] #ultrajack

Aaaaaand that's it for now!! I hope you enjoy your stay, and as always...

[thetransblog]

I’m coming with a bit of a story time because I’ve just now started to realize how bad this was.

This post contains a lot of talk about transphobia and just general really bad stuff so if your not comfortable with that or it has a possibility of triggering something please don’t read, stay safe!

Now a year ago I had this friend, let’s call him Block because he really liked Lego blocks.

Now Block was a pretty like quiet kid, he didn’t really have any friends and such but it wasn’t like he was being bullied, he just didn’t wanna talk to anybody.

Now the thing was that he had two moms, which wasn’t bad and he didn’t get bullied because of it, it’s just important for this story.

Now I don’t exactly remember how I managed to befriend this dude but I did. So we started talking and hanging out a lot, along with another friend of mine I’ll call shadow because he really liked shadow from sonic.

Now it was a good year or so of us three just hanging out and being good friends, until some weird jokes started appearing. Now note here that I was publicly transgender, I had come out in front of my entire class with the help of teachers and such.

Suddenly Block started making weird jokes about transgender people being so sensitive and a bunch of those types of “oh you can’t even say merry Christmas anymore” things like that. Now at the time I thought nothing of it, because whenever I asked he said it was just his type of humor and I was pretty young and naive.

Now shadow started joining in on these jokes, refusing to call me a boy and saying stuff like “oh your a biological woman so I will call you a trans boy, not just a boy.”

Then Block started acting like I was a ticking time bomb, mind you I never talked about being transgender unless it was bought up so I didn’t know where he got this from, like if I was talking to somebody that could be curious about trans people and then he would go “oh you shouldn’t say that to a trans person they will get mad” even if it was completely normal and non offensive questions.

He also started mocking me when Shadow would misgender me and I would stand up for myself, when that happend Block would just say “did you just assume my gender” to make fun of me when I stood up for myself.

Then he once said to me, like dead ass- “I hate when people assume I’m not homophobic just because I have two moms”

Like- dude it makes sense that people probably thinks you don’t mind gay people when your parents are lesbians and your best friend is transgender. And reminder he knew I was transgender so he was admitting he didn’t like lgbtq infront of me and expected me to agree.

Another time I say innocently “happy pride month” to one of my friends that had recently come out as bi. And he went “yeah when is it straight month, you dont desvere a month for kissing dudes”

It got so bad to the point where he walked up to me once when I was drawing once and this is what happend.

“I don’t like that flag” he said and then pointed to a transgender flag on my drawing. At this point I had given up and just went “okay?”. He then raised his hands in surrender as if I had just shouted at him and went. “I didnt say anything about the meaning of the flag I just said I didn’t like it” he said with such a smirk as if he had just tricked me in some insane way.

When I would speak about women’s or transgender or general lgbtq peoples struggle he would mock me and deny it.

I once talked about the man or bear hypothetical and while I said actual evidence and statistics, he just called women idiots and that he hoped they were eaten.

I once talked about death threats towards furries and other minorities online and he just said he thought that it was so funny and that he loved those sorts of comments.

He often would interrupt my conversations with others to tell me “there is only two genders in my opinion” just completely unprovoked and normally he was never part of the conversation and it was never the topic of it. Like he once interrupted me in the middle of my sentence while talking about Minecraft with another dude and said “there is only two genders, that’s just what I think”

And whenever I would try to point it out he would call me sensitive and so would Shadow and he would mock me and act like he was completely innocent while I was being unreasonable.

I’ve finally stopped talking to him but he is still in my class and even if i have a totally new friend group he always approaches me to say something terrible about transgender people.

And I just can’t get rid of him.

Like he will ask competently inn appropriate questions about my friends. Once asking about if my friend still c*t themselves and who in my friend group had s*icide thoughts.

Yet I can never tell a teacher because he hides his behavior so well behind a “what I was just being curious or stating my opinion you can’t get mad at me for that”

And I remember when we were friends he was so convinced he was smarter then me, like he would constantly make me feel insecure about myself but he manipulated me into thinking I was the one in the wrong. I got a IQ test and I scored the same as him which he refused to believe and still denies to this day. As if it would be insane for me to actually be smart.

The worst thing is I still thought we were friends and so did he. He was manipulative according to my other friend, he would constantly switch up on me about trans people, like he would help me tell teachers if others mock me for being trans yet the next day he would be mocking me.

Yet he did all this so secretly so no teachers believed me and nothing seemed serious enough to tell someone. Yet now I’ve realized it definitely was.

He was kind one day, a jerk the next.

So I thought maybe he did support me and maybe he was just joking.

Now let me say this once to anybody that needs it.

IF SOMEONE IS HURTING YOU WITH JOKES, ITS NOT A JOKE.

A joke is funny, for all people involved . Not only for one or two.

He is still incredibly judgemental to me even if we aren’t friends. Like he will comment on my clothes and style just out of nowhere, even if we don’t speak at all.

He convinced me he was so incredibly mature when we were friends and I generally think he is convinced he is, but now I know he is just incredibly immature.

I didn’t take the warning signs early enough but I hope this post can help someone see when something is horribly wrong.

(Please Read pinned post on this account, stay safe <3)

[fefairys]

I just read up to the breakup with Meenah and Vriska and fuck, i really dislike that whole situation. Got any thoughts you wanna ramble about regarding that?

OKAY I FINALLY GOT HERE IN MY REREAD.

god yes everything involving meenah and (vriska) and the vriska (vriska) confrontation is extremely fascinating to me. mostly because i resonate with a lot of it so hard it hurts. long ass post below. i got very personal lol what can i say. i vriska.

(vriska) goes into people-pleasing mode when she and meenah are alone. it actually reminds me of how she would sometimes act with kanaya. the vulnerability, mainly. but like. its a little different. with kanaya it was more like 'youre the only bitch around here i respect, but im still better than everyone else. i want you to like me but i dont NEED you to! (<-lie)' but with meenah its like 'you are the only person i have and so i have to be good for you so you dont leave me.'

she backs down super easily with meenah. sometimes she does argue for herself, but ultimately she always ends up deferring to meenah. she wants to agree with everything she says. wants her to like her:

^ she doesnt want to say the carnival looks fun until she's gotten meenah's approval. she has to be cool for meenah.

her suggestion gets shot down and she immediately sides with meenah. oh yeah i didnt want to do that anyway in fact i hate horses!

it's tricky, because of some of it seems like actual Character Development, and her getting over some shit. and i definitely think these thinks dont have to be mutually exclusive. she can be realizing things about herself and moving on from them while at the same time falling into habits that are equally unhealthy for a person.

she realizes she used to care way too much about stuff and tries to counter it by not caring at all. she realizes she used to push people around to much and counters it by becoming a pushover herself. this is sickeningly relatable to me.

the scene where meenah convinces her to get a tattoo is a good example of this.

she realizes that a long-held opinion she had is actually kind of bullshit, and that she cared way too much about it for no reason. good job, vriska!

but then she pretty much leaves the actual decision of it up to meenah! she asks meenah to tell her what to do instead of thinking for herself. she justifies it by agreeing that she loves pirate stuff anyway! shes trying to make up for a lifetime of bossing people around by asking someone else to boss her around. and she convinces herself that this is making her happy! and i mean it definitely is, in a way. it feels good to feel liked by someone. to have the approval of someone you look up to. it is making her happy. but is that... good for her? i dont know! it doesn't feel good to me.

this stuff is hitting me extremely close to home on this reread because i like JUST came upon the revolution that i kinda did this? not to this extreme polarity, but it still resonates.

i was (kind of am still, it's in my nature) a very bossy and controlling person, and i lost an entire circle of friends because they were rightfully tired of me telling them what to do and being so self-righteous all the time. so when trying to make new friends after that, i turned on people-pleaser mode. and i'm kind of still stuck there and trying to strike a balance between being a doormat people-pleaser and being a huge bitch that wants everyone to behave how *i* want them to. it is a hard balance to strike. its hard knowing when i should stand up and say something and when i should let something go, so most often i let things go. and OFTENTIMES i live to regret it. "i should have said something" is something i've been finding myself thinking A LOT in recent months...

and its tricky, because it feels good when people i respect say they approve of me. i feel happy that someone likes me. but sometimes that has come at the cost of sacrificing parts of myself. and it can feel good in the moment, to feel connected to someone like that, but then one day you wake up full of dread because you dont know who the fuck you are anymore. (vriska) didn't really ever get to that point, or, she never voiced it. vriska points out that shes become an entirely different person, but she does it in a way that uhhh fucking sucks lol! and is not helpful, because vriska's not exactly doing great, herself! she shows off her hypocrisy DELICIOUSLY in this scene.

she calls (vriska) selfish for.... being dead, essentially. and she justifies all her own selfish actions with it being "for the greater good," just as she always has. this is par for the course with vriska

^ i looooove this part right here where she sidesteps the fact that she did in fact plan to go fight jack but john punched her in the face to stop her. "different shit happened!" (i actually made the exact same decisions as you, but an outside force changed things and now i feel superior to you because i got a serendipitous opportunity that you didnt)

this whole conversation hits hard with me. it literally sounds similar to conversations ive had with myself! it's hard to not want to side with (vriska) i mean she does feel like the more reasonable one in this conversation and has had more time to think and reflect on herself, and vriska is being a fucking asshole about it, but like, i don't think either of them is exactly Right?

like, vriska has a bit of a point that (vriska) doesnt seem to notice that she's gone people-pleaser mode. but (vriska) thinks this is what happiness is. she despises her old self who was obsessed with inserting herself into everything and feeling the need to be The Best and prove herself as such, to catastrophic outcomes. so of course she wants to separate herself from that as much as possible and strive to become the opposite of it. someone who doesnt care about shit, and who lets other people make decisions for her instead of her making the decisions for everyone against their will. i think (vriska) was on the right track, but just couldn't really... Get There without the right support. and meenah was definitely not the right support.

but anyways like. vriska yelling at (vriska) at how disgusted she is with her is so sickeningly similar to me, looking back and realizing that i used to like.. stand up for myself more. if someone said some shit i didnt like i TOLD them i had a problem. i didn't let people push me around. and i think god, what happened to me? i became a weak loser that bends to peoples idea of what i should be instead of being myself. am i really happy?

but its not like i was better off before, either. vriska still isn't right. yeah i didnt let people boss me around, because i bossed THEM around. when i told people i had a problem with them i was MEAN about it. i said rude shit unnecessarily. i made everything about me and didn't care about what other people thought.

my past self and my "current" self (maybe like, my 'a few months ago self' i like to think im working through it but im still having trouble lol) are disgusted with each other. im disgusted that i used to straight up bully people all the time, and past me is disgusted that i seemed to have stopped having convictions, that i let other people decide who i should be, etc.

neither of them are really happy, but (vriska) sure seems a lot kinder, at least. she's made progress, but in a way that benefits other people more than it does herself.

also i love vriska saying "what happened to not letting shit get to you because you always knew you were better than the one slinging it" that is such utter bullshit. she is ALWAYS letting stuff get to her. all of her god damn actions are because she lets stuff get to her. everything she does is to prove herself. the cycle of revenge shit?? yeah totally didn't let it get to you. thats why you killed aradia and blinded terezi. because you were just so totally better than them and not letting it get to you. this stuff:

yeah. letting it roll off your back. lol

anyways back to meenah and (vriska)

meenah recognizes this vulnerability in (vriska) and it scares her. she does the whole "im abandoning you... for your own good..." thing, which... sucks! as you said, this whole situation just fucken sucks, man.

(vriska) basically admits that at this point, without meenah, she's lost. she let meenah mold her into what she wanted, and to lose her would be to lose herself.

but i mean i don't think there was another way this could've gone. (vriska) was essentially meenah's rebound after aranea (and vriska is her rebound after (vriska) lol) and it's just.. ALL bad. its just... everyone here has such deep personal issues that they cant help but let effect each other, yknow? meenah realizes that her issues are effecting (vriska) and thinks that removing herself from the situation is best. maybe it is? it turns out okay for (vriska) in the end, at least. as "okay" as she can possibly get, i guess.

i don't know. there's a lot here! it all just hurts and sucks. teens, man. how it is.

this is just my (very personal, frankly) interpretation of the events, idk. i think i said a lot here without actually saying anything all that substantial, as i feel like i tend to do. i just resonate with vriska really hard, what and you gave me an opportunity to ramble about it lol

[zundamind]

wow, would you look at that! it's been a full ass year since you fucked me over! september 29th.... yeahh..... XD our fuck-you-versary! hi clifford!

in case you dont remember, the name piko might jog your mind. yeah thats me!! hellwo!! honestly you shouldve known better than to stick with your old username but hey props on you for changing it last minute! almost didnt find you for a second lolll!!

i wanted to drop in and say HEY! HELLO! HI! and give you some status updates :3

update one: i'm getting better!! no thanks to you, of course. and actually i should say we're getting better. yep! thats what happens when you suffer so bad your brain cant take suffering solo! XD

update two: while my mental health has been at an all time low ever since you fucking dropped me like a fucking ROCK, ive been getting over things lately! my clean streaks are now longer than a week! i no longer want to kms! im even making friends again!

update three: while both of the above statements are true, you still live in my mind rent free. i remember when i first stumbled across your blog a few months ago, i had a full on spiral! not anymore, though. i am STEEL, BABY! also you spinning in the mental microwave rent free is why i'm sending you this heartfelt ask!

man.... even when i try, i still find you somehow and its never intentional. like imagine scrolling the tptm tag only to be straight up jumpscared by your ex best friend's username! how embarrassing!

also i'm sorry but i have to say the reason(s) you left are sooo fucking stupid..... what, cus i was weird? come on. everyones a little weird. even a little deviantart weird. oh and because of some stupid opinions that shouldntve even mattered if you were actually a friend? get real, trey. what if i left your ass because you had a fuckin biting kink? that wouldve been funny actually. like making a sad callout post on twitter thats just "my friend left me because i wasnt vanilla enough!" XDDD

oh, and if you ever see your "stalker" again, assuming you're not thinking its me and that its actually your previous qpr or whatever the fuck, say hi! i find it funny as FUCK, since, you know, you were considering cyberstalking me at one point. and tell chaos i said hi too. i'd also mention mayu, but do you two even keep in touch anymore? probably not, considering the weird things she's done.

anyways thats the end of my relay. if you dont want these kinds of asks again, i suggest either turning asks off or just straight up deleting your tumblr and/or making another one that is NOT connected to any username youve used in the past, because in that case i'll just find your ass again lmaooo. remember! every year on this day will be the day i remind you that you are NOT allowed to stay sane X3

sincerely, your most hated, piko. (i hardly use my old blog anymore, so have fun finding my current blog! and do what you want with this ask, make a callout post, scream into the ethers, reply to it, idc.)

this should stay private but idc

i know what i did was wrong piko! i was 12-13.

dont take this as me excusing myself. i had horrible emotional regulation back then, ive healed from everything back there. you dont deserve to be called out because ur like. 14-15.

do not bring mayu or chaos into this,weve all healed and forgot abt you.

i overreacted bc of very worthless things because i was basically obsessed witj you, you were my fp, if you didnt know.

completely forgot you even existed, i havent been checking your profiles at all in months. you shouldnt either, please forget about me. you'll drive yourself crazy.,

if you think im going to "cancel" you, no im not. for your sake, please dont interact with me anymore. i apologize for how i acted over stupid things, but we were both young and idiotic. im also a system, i dont even remember half of the things you did bc of that.

move on. ive moved on, weve all moved on.

dont bother yourself with me, you dont need to.

[matthewmurdockswife]

My Story <3

Tw: suicide,Sh,self-hate

Hey yall so I never really talk about my personal life on here but i feel like I owe everyone an explanation.

Within the past two years I have recovered from SH, and an attempted suicide, it was half ass but it was still an attempt. I was playing fast and loose with my life because I thought there was nothing left of it. I hated myself and how I looked, How I always felt so depressed the way my relationships with friends and family always seemed to fall apart but most of all I hated myself.

Im not sure exactly when it happened but about one year ago I met someone. She had similar interests as me and understood me on a personal level and even though we had lived completely different experiences she was there for me. We started talking more and more and I found out she lived Hours away from me in a completely different country, but I accepted our distance and created our connection. She helped me see that my life was very much so worth living. This girl was harley @dwntwn-strnlo

About four months later the only friends I was talking with in person blew up on me with fake excuses about why we shouldnt be friends, one had stolen some of my clothes as well as some of my money. It hurt more not because they left me but because I trusted them and they betrayed me, They left me out to dry and I reconnected with an old friend from middle school, M.

M helped me to realize that my emotional connection to people isnt a downfall but my strong suit. My intense passion love and energy I give to the world only makes me more beautiful not more weak.

Then M introduced me to S. And S is the most kind and gentle and loving people ive ever met. She reflected me in every sense of my love for others. S helped me to realize that just because someone else doesnt agree doesnt mean I cant formulate and stand up for my own opinions.

The three of us became very close and talked nearly everyday. Im not sure exactly when or why, but one day I decided to pull out my phone and film one of our lunches. Me,M and S all really hit it off we loved being in front of the camera and it almost just felt like the camera wasnt even there.

So we kept filming and that night I went home to edit our very first video and I posted it on an old youtube channel. I touched it up and added pretty colours and tried to make it more asethetic and I stayed up all night working on that first video.

And it got 13 views. And a hate comment. And then youtube took it down. But we didnt care. We kept hussling and we never stopped filming and i havent lost passion in the past half year weve been filming, I even branched off to start my own youtube channel because I love it so much.

I know I dont share much with you all and you dont even know my name, but I felt that where I was today was something i needed to share. My group doesnt have very many subscribers and im okay with that as long as it means I get to keep doing something I love.

so unfortunately I have been putting a lot less time and a LOT less effort into my writing. Im in my senior year of highschool and its all or nothing. I really want to do youtube as a career but i understand the sucsess rate is low, I have a backup plan but ill never be as happy as I am when im in front of the camera filming one of our youtube videos.

So I wanted to apologize to those of you who have been waiting for me to post but its very unlikely that i will be posting many or frequent fics anymore im not saying Im stopping im just slowing down. Its been a rough couple of years but ive finally found something I can pour my heart into. I hope yall understand I love yall so much seriously youve given me so much support<3

Love,

matthewmurdockswife <3

Please never hesitate to talk to me about anything through my inbox or my dms <3

@dwntwn-strnlo @fenoy7 @sturnioloshacker @lvrsparadise @querenciasturniolo

[shoppinghauer]

so... You're married and there's psychosexual guy?

I'm feeling chatty so buckle up, friendos because I'm gonna learn you a thing....

Psychosexual-kun and I met a long time ago. It was blogspot time so do the math... I guess 14 years ago? Anyway, I was a 17 year old high school student who used to run a literature blogspot. My writing. No fanfic, no "imagine" prompts, plain old poetry and short stories. I was (am) quite talented at it, to the point is kinda what I do for a living so there's that.

I was a big fish in a small tank. Boys my age seemed stupid and I had (have) an overbearing mother so the first thing on my mind was getting out of my house. Where to? I didnt even know but I had that feeling for years...

Coming back to the blog. I used to follow a lovecraft webcomic, leaving comments and participating in its fandom. That where I met psychosexual-kun. He started following me and interacting with my blog, which wasnt particuarly famous but it had consistent followers, sorta like this one.

I loved his writing. I was an overprotected 17 year old from the big city, so his posts were like a window to a bigger world I had only read in books. He was studying to be an engineer (which didnt happen lol colleges in northern Mexico are very expensive not like here in mexico city where is free) and working to support himself. He worked at a recycling plant and read A LOT from the books he found there. He constantly went to work to the USA as a menial worker so he traveled (still does) a lot. Personality wise, he was quick witted, sharp and intelligent. It also helped that he was physically attractive. Shojo manga ass characteristics: black hair, yellow/green eyes, pale complexion.

As you can see, he is older than me, 8 years to be exact. So he was a 25 year old guy and I was 17. That didnt stop him. Years later he admitted feeling bad about it but he's adamant on the fact that I was the one pursuing him. Which I did. So we started an online relationship that consisted on chatting on MSN (the good ol' days), sending letters and crappy videocalls.

What did my mom think about this? She was mildly annoyed because he didnt have a stable job. She is a firm believer of age gap relationships where the man is older so that was fine by her.

Fast forward some months and he saved some money to come to see me. We met but to my surprise he wasnt the man I thought he was. Yes he had those shojo manga features but he was also scrawny and short. Disappointed I rejected his proposal to be his girlfriend and he forcibly kissed me on the subway home.

For years that became ancient history. He and I didnt talk nor call each other until one day, I was already 22 and he was 30, I went to a library to buy something and there he was, a book clerk. We chatted and long story short, we ended up making out in my car.

This time he was the one who ditched me because he had a girlfriend. Who used to stalk my blog so when I wrote a piece on how I imagined he lived, she thought I visited his apartment because of how well I described it. Kudos to my imagination i guess.

Some years pass, I fruitlessly try to contact him to no avail. I dont know where he lives, I dont have his phone number nor a working email address. Nothing. And he becomes an obsession for me. I write about him, insert him in all of my stories, he becomes a myth, a projection.

2020. Lockdown. He emails me. Wants to talk. Mind you he had just broken up with his gf, the one he ditched me for. We get in contact. We talk, we argue. He works at the alaskan salmon boat, at the canadian forest as a lumberjack, he comes and goes however he pleases. I project in him the things Id do if i was in his situation. Very Sylvia Plath on my part.

He's now 40 years old and Im 32. And that's it.

My husband knows about it. He's puzzled and he hates him. He considers him a predator and a dangerous person. Did I mention psychosexual guy confessed to have killed a man in a knife fight?

After my husband and I watched Baby Reindeer I told him this very story and he was angry at him and at my mom for enabling the guy.

[herrscherofreasons]

lee oathofkaslana, i was wondering if you have any advice for getting into hi3, especially in regards to digging into the lore. i’ve been following along with your hi3 posts for literal months and i get more intrigued each time you discuss it so i finally decided to just go for it. i know theres the game/webtoon/animated shorts/cooking with valks but i’m not totally sure about how to go about approaching all of it and the more obscure elements (like the other games with the hi3 characters) because i don’t want to miss out on anything. is there a certain order of approach that you suggest? also, are there any resources that may help with taking it all in, like explaining the basics and the timeline or something like that? there’s no pressure to answer right away, i’m sure you might want time to compile your thoughts, i just trust your judgement on how to get into hi3 over trying to figure it out myself based on how knowledgeable you appear to be about everything.

cracks knuckles. anon im being so serious this made my day both bc of your kind words and bc its the perfect opportunity for me to infodump about hi3 resources (<- especially unfortunate part of my current interest on hi3 is that im a lil too deep into things about the game that dont really matter?? thats beside the point)

lee oathofkaslana's hi3 starter guide :) ps: important. please please read my warning in the comics section of other content.

reading lists! ok this is the most important thing so its going first. hi3's comics are a lot more important to the plot than like. genshin's. and its kinda annoying bc in some cases you'll be guided from going between chapters of the game to a comic and vice versa. i highly recommend checking out both of these reading lists: hoyostans reading guide (start from part 1 phase 1) archives wiki hi3 reading list the seconds a lot easier to follow imo! especially with the earlier ones. i personally prefer primarily using the second one and then consulting the first to see if there's any extra content that's missing (since some ggz/retconned hi3 comics are linked there and provide some context! the first one also has some very helpful notes from the OP!) i DO think that reading the comics in the order listed on the archives wiki and then starting chapter one is best. it might feel like a dip in story telling though but i promise it will get a lot btter once theyre a lot more stable w their game development and writing :)

other content: comics: ok first i have to put a warning. escape from nagazora is from ggz iirc and like. early ggz and early hi3 humor kinda sucks ass. there's awful sexualization of underaged girls and its weird about women and this is where a lot of the fetishization comes in. they're also not normal about consent here. also another warning about azure waters. it heavily references CSA and has an almost rape scene and i completely hated the way it was all visually portrayed. if needed I will gladly summarize these comics for you without any of those details. this aside, the comics are included in the reading guides! there are also non-canonical ones though! (4komas featured on the manga site and 4komas from the jp twitter! theres a google drive linked in the other post w fan translations. they're comedic and not at all canonical but they may spoil things since its run coincides with the game's progress so i dont really recommend reading them until you're farther along. atm i am just starting part 1.5 and ive read most of it, but i am intentionally avoiding newer ones just by looking at what design is in the thumbnail. they're very quick to read though dw!) animated shorts -> they are included in the game :) if you would prefer watching them in chinese, i'm afraid you'll have to look at it on youtube though :' for some reason on the western servers all the CG's in the first part are in japanese even if you switch your language to chinese. chronicles -> they're included in both the reading guides! theres some that aren't very lore relevant (dreams of gemima and kallen chronicles) but they're a fine source of weapons and crystals (hi3 equiv of primos) part 2 -> i haven't started it yet but from what i've seen, it's recommended that you finish part 1 before this. open-world -> again, follow the reading order for these :) the only exception is APHO because that takes place in the future (after part 1.5). i haven't finished it and i personally don’t plan to until after i do 1.5 in case there's any important spoilers! there are major hints that kinda spoil the end of part 1 though. <- same with the alien space comic. it takes place. sometime after APHO i think. other universe events -> primarily captainverse. obv these take place in a different universe! these characters are not the same as the main characters. iirc the only one that's really lore-relevant is honkai salvation log (it comes later in the game and later in the hoyostans reading guide!!) donghua: cooking with valks: not canonical content. season 1 is pretty safe but it is best watched after chapter 12 to get full context for some references! honestly you could probably get by with watching the rest of the series after imo but if you'd prefer to play it safe, the hoyostans guide includes it :) golden courtyard: do not watch this one until you finish chapter 31. journey crisis: do not watch this until you finish part 1.5 ggz/hg2: honestly. you don't need to know ggz for hi3. you would benefit from knowing the retrospective timeline's history for the main trio but from there on, ggz and hi3 follow completely different stories with different characters. honestly you could go by without knowing the main trio's history in retro i think its already explained enough in the main story and other media.

links. youtube: homulabs -> has cohesive lore videos that help a lot (esp later on)! also has some hsr stuff if you're interested :) hide's honkai archives -> playthroughs of all of part 1 completely in chinese (including cut scenes). also fixes up some of the translations since i believe the eng translations are translated from the jp dub! i mostly use this to both rewatch chapters when i need background noise and look at cutscenes with OP's translations. i find it interesting.. official hi3 youtube visual novels: again, look at the reading guides. im pretty sure think some of those links on both guides are wonky though so ill provide them here. ae visual novel (eng) shattered swords/7 swords visual novel (eng) durandal visual novel (eng) i also have a larger post with various links here build/combat: ok this is my weakspot. marisa honkai -> kind of unfortunate backbone of the hi3 community. allegedly kicked someone from his discord server for saying kiana is a lesbian. but his infographics are useful! he also has a youtube but i can't vet how his videos are o7 <- lore player and very obvious about it elysian realm shallow sequence -> in case you're ever struggling w this part. dont worry about it early game though you'll get to it in time. honestly its optional though so.

quick tips/loose info:

the wikis will be your best friend.

do the character trials!! they teach you how to use any of the characters and you can open them whenever you want! if the battlesuit is new, you will also get rewards if you do the trial in time :)

honkai has an absurd amount of currencies for some fucking reason. this is more of a warning than a tip.

ok imo hi3 combat is super super fun but my god the powercreep sucks asssssssss. i hate the process of building characters because you have to pull for characters signature gear and that equipment banner's pity doesnt carry over it fucking sucks.

BUT don't worry too much honestly if you are just playing for the story like i am it doesn't matter too much since you don't need to use your own valkyries for much (story wise). do at least build some though even to a minor degree (you will need them for chronicles)

speaking of gacha though! there's no 50/50 to worry about in honkai!

don't go into the chat for room 1 its fucking scary and full of weirdos (derogatory) and assholes. first and last time i went there i saw homophobes.

remember this is all for fun :) sorry if this seems long or wayyyy too serious i meant it when i say im awfully fixated on this fuckass game! i hope you enjoy it if you continue to play it :DD <3

[triplegoths]

drug tw // vent

god my body does NOT feel good at all. like ofc my nose especially it has been fucking unbearable. but the neverending cycle of constantly being like "man i want to stop doing coke so badly im not even having a good time" and immediately going back to vacuuming it up into my sinuses and being like "idk why tf i said that why would i stop" is giving me whiplash dude. like... please fuck let me have some self control but also like. fuck how will i be able to get ANYTHING done.

like. im fucking barely hanging on and not even accomplishing shit WITH it so like. just doing nothing FASTER essentially is what it feels like. whats the end goal here? killing myself? because it really fucking feels like that.

and dont get me wrong im honestly not as depressed as i HAVE been rn its just like. fuck man im tired of feeling like this (i would like to breathe normally for the whole day again. please.) and i wish i had the mind to stop ngl but. the pull is too strong and i just keep buying fucking more of it. and it REALLY doesnt help that its (save for 1 bag) all been REALLY good too. like how tf am i supposed to kick it when its so pure its got me fucking bolted down with those chemicals???

like i feel genuinely fucking pathetic. its gotten to the point where i cant even say off the top of my head how much powder i have sucked into my face by this point. like i would have to like. check with context clues i know its over half an ounce for sure though. which. is not ideal. like its only worth it for the trip i gotta make that i get a ball every time. and having so much around its just. fucking impossible to stay away. and its been. so many times by now i hate how its like. worked itself into every part of my routine. like the trip itself feels like such a normal occurrence now. in context i fucking hate it.

and i also have access to other shit too that i wanna try but i just like. im budgeting all my extra towards the next ball and my fuck ass pills so i can get tf out of bed. like god what am i fucking doing??? im truly barely a person rn. but also if somebody tried to make me stop rn i think i would tell them no anyway. and fuck man i am NOT going to rehab literally fuck that absolutely not. not where i live. like. shit mental health system aside. i would walk out with more contacts than when i came in. like just tie me to the chair at home.

like at least im trying my best to force myself to do things again and not just be depressed all day + trying to be more sparing about it. nd im sure sleeping longer (thus forcing my nose to stay clean) and trying to stick to bumps and not lines will fix the sinus situation a bit.

god i need to just be put down. like come on. if this shit is supposed to be like russian roulette where is my fucking bullet already man. im sick of it

eventually ill get clean... and then miss her immediately. i just need more time. both like. physical time so i can do what i need without abusing substances and more time NOT doing it. bc the longest ive been going without like. since summer essentially. has been a month or smth. and then its usually like 1-2 weeks of not having it and its not out of not trying. which is really not good. the consequences have BEEN here and its going downhill for sure.

fuck man. this sucks. im ending this post try not to be too concerned ive only had like. one or two ACTUAL nosebleeds and usually there is just. blood in my nose. but that doesnt count and means im in the safezone (<- lying to himself) (yeah dave. pink/red snot and basically constantly having sinus infection type symptoms is very normal and healthy youre definitely fine)