#so i. mostly ate bread. i tried at least!!!

[whilomm]

unfortunately i am once again having my periodic "oh god i need to burn it all down and start fresh" thoughts regarding my blog. i will try to resist at least until i move into my new apartment to see if this is just my apartment anxiety bleeding into my Oh God Im A Person anxiety but. if this blog disappears ill probably keep the same name at least so. if that happens and anyone cares enough to follow me again just search whilomm again. and hopefully it wont be so impulsive that i dont give a warning.

eh, might be able to resist this time but. well, ive done it like 4 times before so. its bound to happen again eventually!! the question is When.

[alpaca-clouds]

How to cook in a medieval setting

Alright. As some of the people, who follow me for a longer while know... I do have opinions about cooking in historical settings. For everyone else a bit of backstory: When I was still LARPing, I would usually come to LARP as a camp cook, making somewhat historically accurate food and selling it for ingame coin. As such I know a bit about how to cook with a historical set up. And given I am getting so much into DnD and DnD stories right now, let me share a bit for those who might be interested (for example for stories and such).

🍲Cooking at Home

First things first: For the longest time in history most people did not have actual kitchens. Because actual kitchens were rather rare. Most people cooked their food over their one fireplace at home, which looked something like what you see above. There was something made of metal hanging over the fireplace. At times this was on hinges and movable, at times it was set in place. You could hang pots and kettles over it. When it came to pans, people either had a mount they would put over the fire or some kind of grid they could easily put into place there with some sourts of mounts (like the two metal thingies you can see above).

If you have a modern kitchen, you are obviously used to cook on several cooktops (for most people it is probably four of them), while in this historical you obviously only had one fire. Of course, as you can also see in the picture above, you could often put two smaller pots over the flames or put in a pan onto the fire additionally. But yes, the way we cook in modern times is very different.

Because of this a lot of people often ate stews and soups of sort. You could make those in just one pot - and often could eat from the same stew for days. In a lot of taverns the people had an "everything stew" going, which worked on the idea that everyone just brought their food leftovers, which were all put into one pot everyone would eat from.

Now, some alert readers might have also noticed something: What about bread and pastries? If you only have one fireplace and no oven, how did people make bread?

Well, there were usually three different methods for this. The most common one was communal ovens. Often people had one communal oven in a neighborhood. Especially in a village there might just be a communal oven everyone would just put their bread in to bake. (Though often this oven would only be fired up once or twice a week.)

The second version to deal with this some people used was a sort of what we today call a dutch oven. A pot made either of metal or clay with a lit you would put into the hot coals and then put bread or pastries into that, baking it like that.

There was also a version where people just baked bread in pans on the fire, rotating the bread during the baking process. At least some written accounts we have seem to imply. (Never tried this method, though. I have no idea how this might work. My camp bread was mostly done in dutch ovens or as stickbread.)

Keep in mind that the fireplace at home was very important for the people in historical times. Because it was their one source of warmth in the house.

🏕️ Cooking at Camp

Technically speaking cooking at camp is not that different - with the exception of course that you have to drag all your supplies along. And while in Baldur's Gate 3 and most other videogames you can carry around several sets of full-plate armor and several pounds of ingredients so that dear Gale can whip something up... In real life as an adventurer running around you need to make decisions on what to take along.

If you have read Lord of the Rings, you might remember how many people have criticized Sam for actually dragging all his cooking supplies along and how sad he was for not being able to cook for most of the time, because they were very limited in taking ingredients along.

So, yes, if you are an adventurer who is camping out in the open, you will probably need to do a lot of hunting and gathering to eat during your travels. You can take food for a couple of days along, but not for a lot.

A special challenge is of course, that while you can cook food for several days when you are at homes, you do not want to drag along a prepared stew for several days. So usually you will cook in smaller batches.

A lot of people who were journeying would often just take along one or two pots along.

So, what would you eat as an adventurer travelling around while trying to save the world from some evil forces? Well, it would depend on the time of the year of course. You would probably hunt yourself some food. For example hares, birds or squirrels. Mostly small things you can eat within one or two days. You do not want to drag along half a dead deer. In the warm months you might also forrage for all sorts of greens. You also can cook with many sorts of roots. Of course you can also always look into berries and other fruits you might find.

Things you might bring with you might be salt and some spices. A good thing to bring along would be herbs for tea, too, because I can tell you from experience that water you might have gotten from a river does not always taste very well - and springs with fresh water are often not accessible.

Now, other than what you can access the basic ideas of camping fires and cooking with them has not changed in the last few thousand years. While modern people camping usually have a car nearby and hence will have access to a lot of ingredients. But the general ideas of how to build a fire and put a pot over it... has not really changed.

So, yeah.

Just keep in mind that for the most part in historical settings until fairly recently, there was not much terms of proper kitchens. People cooked over an open fire and hence had to get at times ingenius about it.

[beanghostprincess]

Sanji has helped me in so many ways. I will forever be grateful for the creation of this character. He quite literally means the world to me right now.

(TW: ED/Depression/Suicide attempt mention)

I've always struggled with food. Well, not always. But at the end of middle school (more or less. Give or take. Age 12/13) I became obsessed with what I ate. I still don't know exactly how it started, but I think it has always been a mix of my need to control my life when it's crumbling down and the necessity to look skinny (both things are my mother's fault, mostly. And also lots of things going on at the moment). So I started skipping meals constantly and throwing away food and throwing up. Not gonna get into details, but it ruined my life without anybody knowing until a huge depressive episode came and then I tried to off myself, yadda yadda yadda. Then I just stopped eating food and my meals every day were basically a monster and gum and maybe a piece of fruit. I couldn't even drink milk without crying. Then it got a bit better. Then a bit worse. It wasn't very consistent. And then I started doing exercise but that only made me even more obsessed with calorie intake and healthy food and I still can't drink milk or bread without at least feeling awful about it.

And then I watched One Piece.

I know it sounds extremely silly and dumb, but it has helped me in so many ways. I'm not gonna get into all the things it has done for me, because then I'd have to talk about Robin, Nami, Luffy, Pudding and Buggy which are, like, the characters that have helped me the most next to Sanji, and I would not finish this post.

But Sanji is just so, so important to me.

He speaks about food with such passion. His whole thing about not wasting food literally comes from an experience of starvation and because of the sacrifice his father made for him. He keeps saying he refuses to let people go hungry, no matter what. That we all deserve to eat. He relates food to love and cooking is his whole life. It kind of started as a joke when my brother said "nooo, now you can't waste food because Sanji would be sad" and I- That day I literally ate wayyy more than usual with that thought in mind. And I didn't feel bad afterward for once. And he's just- He just makes me feel so comfortable around food. Which is the normal amount of comfort somebody should have and sometimes it's not even that, but it helps. It helps so much.

Then his whole thing with Germa and the Vinsmokes. It killed me. My relationship with my mother is, uh, you can call it complicated but I fucking hate her so. Yeah. And Sanji's story about rejecting his blood relatives and finding better people who will love him hit so close to home. Him being different. Weak. More emotional. A good person. Sanji refusing to use the name Vinsmoke. It's my whole life. Sanji self-sabotaging himself all the time and constantly sacrificing himself, too? I just can't do it, man, he means the world to me. And then Wano happens and he turns out to have the same body as his siblings but he's still himself. He's still Sanji no matter how much in common he has with the Vinsmokes. And as somebody who's constantly dealing with people telling them that they look like their mom? I fucking love it. I know I look like her and I even act like her sometimes but that doesn't mean I am her. And it doesn't mean she deserves to be part of my family, because she isn't and I can't wait to get rid of her in my life.

It's not only food and family, though. Sanji has helped me accept myself in so many ways too. In the way I perceive others and in the way I act. He has helped me eat. He has helped me realize you don't have to consider your blood relatives family if you don't love them. He has helped me see that my kindness is a strength and not a weak spot.

Not to mention that his whole thing with gender and sexuality, how the fandom portrays him, and how I personally write him has been of so much help in understanding myself. I recently discovered I was a lesbian, and also being genderfluid I just- I just love Sanji so much I be projecting my gender issues and internalized stuff with comphet on him. And let me tell you, it helps.

This whole thing is just something short and sweet I wanted to say because media affects people. In the best of ways. One Piece in general has saved my life in many ways, but Sanji in particular is still helping me every day.

[astroels]

hi this is the same anon who asked if you would ever write something similar to the drabble you posted yesterday!

i was wondering if you could write ellie x reader where reader is having a bad mental day and ellie is super understanding and comforting?

ellie understands that it’s nothing personally when reader pushes her away because interacting with people sounds like such a task. she’ll get you to take your meds (if you take them) and will mostly go about her day normally while quietly check in on you in your shared bedroom. will bring you ice water and see if you need anything, and only sit with you if you tug on her arm or whisper her name because she doesn’t want to accidentally invade your space. you just laying your head on her lap while she strokes your hair and silently reads or writes in her journal

ughhh i need her

Reprise

E. Williams x Reader

wc: 1.8 k

cw: mental health talk, comfort, little angst

a/n: sorry it took so long :(( but thank you for the request <3

apocalyptic au, not proofread !

You laid in bed as the sunlight peeked through the curtains. It burned through your eyelids, irritating your senses. Rolling to lay flat on the bed, you finally took in the day of what was to come; not much, but it still felt hallow as dread filled your thoughts. Just having to get up and fill the day with mindless actions stressed you. But hey - at least you had Ellie. Your mind trickled to her as a distraction from your previous train of thought. She wasn't in bed, but that wasn't unusual since she liked to cook sometimes or "get chores done earlier to spend more time with you," as she's said before. You concluded on option one as the smell of syrup and bread made its way to tickle your nose.

You knew Ellie'd be on her way to wake you any time now, so you decided to do her the small favor of saving her the trip upstairs. You got up groggily, pausing for a few seconds to get your brain to follow your body on standing up. You made no noise going downstairs, you didn't mean to be quiet, but it wasn't a talking day. Upon your arrival, you saw Ellie's face light up, a smile creeping on her cheeks. "Hey, baby," she said so lovingly while she placed the last bits of food onto a second plate. You just gave her a small smile while continuing to walk to her and place your head above her shoulder. Your silence made Ellie glance at you, almost like she was trying to scan for what you were feeling.

Ellie was used to your behavior, your occasional silence and disconnection, but she never liked jumping into conclusions, fearing that one day she'd be wrong and it'd cause a rift between you guys. She didn't want to bombard you with question on the dot so she just continued to talk as if you gave replies. Placing a quick kiss on your temple she moved away, your head belonging to you again. She placed both plates on the table and nudged her head as a way of telling you to join her. When you continued to sit quietly and just stare at her or more so the food while you ate, she questioned you. "Everything alright, babe?" She looked at you concerned but averted her eyes when you made eye contact. You swallowed your food, trying to get your words to come out, or trying to figure out what to say. You hummed, trying to reply. "Yeah, think I just need some time." You tried to have pep in your voice, knowing staying monotone made Ellie overthink.

She wanted to gain a little more intell before completely moving on, just to not be too distant. "Is it like last time?" She said with food in her mouth, a bad habit of hers. You thought to yourself. Well, last time was a little worse, you wouldn't want to worry her and be a burden. "Around there," you drank from your cup "a little better, though." Ellie appreciated when you spoke to her through your feelings. She knew it was difficult, but both of your efforts really held things together. She smiled softly, "That's good." You both ate in comfortable silence after that. You never told Ellie out front to not try and have conversations, but she picked it up herself considering how small your replies would be or if you'd even reply at all. With these factors, she decided it'd be best to be physical support than word support.

Once both of you were seemingly done with the food, Ellie got up to take the plates to the sink. You were ready to go back to bed and sleep or read, do something with your time that wouldn't overwhelm you. But you couldn't bear leaving Ellie with the thought that this had anything to do with her. You made your way silently to her and snaked your arms around her waist, placing your head on her back. You knew she relied on intimacy mannerisms to feel reassured, close to you. Her body tensed slightly under your sudden embrace but slowly melted into you. She turned around to reciprocate the hug, tightening it, knowing it'd be awhile till you'd be alright with doing such things. you heard her whisper into you. "I love you." With her words still lingering, you gave her a smile and walked towards the stairs, up into your room.

-

You spent your time looking out the window, watching the sheep jump around and organizing the clutter that previously filled your bedside table. Before you could pick up the book that you'd prolonged to read, the door opened. Ellie peeked her head through with her body following with a cup. She cleared her throat, "Uhm, I got your pill here," she then brought attention to the cup, "water," she gave you a light smile. The sentiment filled you with slight warmth, but you didn't want to take it; you didn't want to rely on the pills. They were so hard to come by and added more pressure on having to find traders that weren't scams. She made her way to your side of the bed, setting down the cup of water and leaving the pill next to it. You grabbed it and stretched your hand, waiting for her to accept it. "Don't want it today." Her false smile faltered, unsure of how to respond to it. "it'll help you, baby." Her voice speaking softly as she tried to give you the pill back.

It ticked you off, the way she tried to get you to take it after you said no the first time. "I don't want it." you raised your voice, smacking her hand away. You proceeded to look the other way, a quiet statement that you were done with talking. She looked taken aback, defeated even, but she didn't show her disappointment to you. She nodded and went for the door. "I'll be around." With that, she left you to tend to whatever you were doing in the room.

-

It was about 2 hours after lunch when Ellie came back. You'd been reading, picking at fabrics, and finally took a nap. You didn't have much to do, not that you could do much anyways, so a nap was perfect. It allowed you to escape the guilt that lingered after Ellie left and the stress it was causing you; it allowed you to not think about the burning hole in your stomache that alerted your hunger. A knock sounded at the door awhile after, but you were too tangled in the sheets of your unconscious to bother getting up. Your sleep was sweaty, unpleasuring. You fluttered your eyes open at the door creaking, still trying to find the want to wake up.

Ellie's voice is what actually got you to wake up. "Hey," She placed a hand on top of your head, making sure you weren't warm. "Got you some fruit, you missed lunch." You thanked her in your head, you were starving. You got up and sat criss crossed on the bed. "Thank you, Els." Your voice had a genuine tone to it as you took the plate from Ellie's hand. In your head, you expected Ellie to sit down and stay while you ate, but instead, she immediately headed for the door. You felt a pang of guilt in your chest, she must've still be conscious of the way you acted earlier.

At first, you tried to grab onto her arm, but she was out of reach so it looked like you were just stretched for a bit at an award position, so you forced yourself to call her back. "Ellie." it tumbled out low, almost a whisper. But, she heard, she always did, thankfully. She turned her head curiously. "Hm?" She looked ready to go, but her eyes seemed to scream exactly what you wanted. They told you she wanted to stay too. "Stay?" It came out a question, you couldn't bare demand her to stay after earlier. You immediately saw her face light up, her freckles showing against the slight flush on her cheeks. "of course, baby." She took off her shoes and pants, leaving her in a stained shirt and boxers. Ellie took her spot on the bed and bent to the side to pick up her journal.

She was right at work, drawing you assumed. You savored each bite of your fruit, you loved the sweetness and juice that each piece held. You were at it for awhile, a slow eater engraved at your roots. No one really spoke, only Ellie's small noises as she drew and your curiosity growing. As you finished up your last piece, you scooted closer to Ellie and looked over her shoulder. There on the paper was a sketch of you having fruit in your mouth, your eyes appearing closed as you looked at the bowl. You were always insecure of your side profile, but Ellie knew how to enunciate your features and make them so soft, pretty. When she noticed you peeking, she playfully turned her journal away. "Impatient, are we?" She teased. You shrugged, "Just a little." You flopped your head onto her lap, your body curling infront of you.

Silence overtook the room as Ellie switched from her journal to one of her comics. It made you happy since you were the one that found that volume. You secretly traded for it when her birthday was coming up, and she was thrilled. Although you laid on Ellie, and she had her hand soothing the top of your head, you still felt that weight in your chest. "I'm sorry, Ellie," your voice consumed the silence. She bookmarked her place, placing it down on her bedside table. "What for, babe?" She used her other hand to make patterns on your arm. "For how I acted." You swallowed, trying to continue. "I know it'll happen again, but I want you to know it isn't your fault." You couldn't face her, so you stayed down on her lap, facing the front of you. "I'm trying." That was the last thing you told her, anxiously waiting for her response and focusing on where she touched you.

"That's alright, baby." There was no falter in her voice, no tone that suggested she was lying. "It's okay." She reprised to reassure you. You still felt her hands massage your arm and head, soothing the ache that made you feel heavy all day. "I'll always love you, no matter what." She grazed her hand against your cheek, clearing the dampness of your eyes. "I'm still learning too, it'd be unfair to not understand you're learning too." You smiled against her hand and turned to face her body. Looking up at her, you brought her face towards you by holding her jaw and placing kisses all over her cheeks, finally making it to her lips. You melted in their softness, feeling okay for once that day. "I love you too, els." You turned back around and let her hold you to sleep. She resumed her comic while still giving you attention. It was a much more comfortable sleep, knowing she was by your side.

[avirael]

FFxivWrite 2024

Day 10 - Stable

Rael’s morning had started pretty normal, or as normal as it had gotten since the four of them had moved to Ishgard. Apart from the servants Rael usually was the first person in the house to be awake, so when they went downstairs and passed the dining room to get to Lord Fortemps personal library, there were only a few other people around yet doing their daily works.

One of the maids, who by now seemed to have remembered Rael’s habit of getting up quite early, greeted them friendly.

“Good Morning, Master Rael! The cook should have your breakfast finished in a moment…”

After the bathing (and dressing) incident on their first day here, a few of them had tried to call them Mistress Rael for a few days but the Viera had quickly tried to stop them from doing so. After demanding to just call them Rael and a few exasperated questions of “What else should we call you then, my lady” (somehow that was even worse!), they had reluctantly decided to call them Master Rael instead and Rael had simply rolled their eyes and accepted their fate.

Apart from such difficulties everybody was extremely friendly and accommodating though. Rael had insisted they didn’t need any special treatment and could absolutely wait until everybody else was awake too to have their breakfast but nonetheless the servants had developed a habit of preparing it early for them anyway.

“Thank you very much.”, they replied with a nod. “I will get some books from the library and then come to the dining room.”

“As you wish.”, the woman answered with a short bow and hurried away. Rael would never get used to having servants around but had long stopped questioning why this seemed to be normal here in Ishgard.

As announced they went to the library and fetched two books that had caught their interest a few days ago before returning for breakfast.

The first few days here in Ishgard Rael had usually left the house very early, at least if the weather allowed it, and wandered the still silent city looking for a place that felt… familiar. A place to recharge, to rest, to meditate. But it had proven difficult, so they had simply stopped trying after a while.

Breakfast turned out not to be a horrible alternativ though. Of course the Ishgardians exaggerated even that immensely in amount and effort but this was fixable by speaking to the cook fortunately. So Rael didn’t get any fancy dishes with luxurious ingredients and heavy sauces unless they ate with everybody else for once.

A clear soup (against the cold the servants insisted), some fruits and a slice of bread were more than enough for such an early hour.

All of that was accompanied by a cup of tea, although here in Ishgard they had quite different habits of making tea it seemed. It was mostly milk, yak milk as Rael was told, in which some dried tea leaves simmered for a while. The first time Rael was served this it was quite unusual and also horribly sweet due to the maple sugar the servant added to it but without the insane amount of sugar it was drinkable. Still a little thin due to being mostly milk but nonetheless tasty.

They had barely started eating, while browsing through one of the books, when hurried footsteps echoed down the hallway. Confused Rael looked up as A’viloh appeared in the doorframe with a grin on his face.

“There you are! I was afraid you left already!”, he exclaimed.

Rael wrinkled their brow, looked to the clock and back to A’viloh. It was way to early for him to be awake already and especially so joyful about it.

“Don’t look at me as if you’ve seen a ghost! Yes I’m awake already! It’s a wonderful day, isn’t it?”, he beamed and sat down beside them stealing a rolanberry from their plate.

“Someone’s in a good mood, huh?”, Rael observed while still trying to focus on the text they were reading. Not that they disliked the fact but it was strange. Then their conversation from the last evening returned to their mind and their reading was instantly forgotten. Closely they squinted at A’viloh observing every little movement on his face…

“What?”, he asked, still grinning. Suspicious…

Dismissively Rael shook their head and returned their attention to the breakfast before casually saying, “I assume you had a nice evening?”

“I did, yes…”, he replied before he realised the tone in the Viera’s voice. “Wait! No!!”, he blurted out and blushed a little, “I mean it was a nice evening but not whatever you mean!”

Even the maid chuckled and Rael was pretty sure that A’viloh was the only one unaware about the rumours everyone kept repeating behind his back. For some reason Rael preferred these over people mistaking A’vi and them for a couple…

“Really? Why the sudden good mood then? Not that I’m objecting…”

“I have a plan! I got up extra early so I would catch you before you run of to the astrologian’s guild or elsewhere.”, the Miqo’te explained while stealing yet another piece of fruit from Rael’s plate. “But you will have to put your boring books down for a while…”

“A plan?”, Rael repeated unimpressed. “For what?”

“You will see soon enough!”, A’viloh grinned. “Alright, put that book away. You can eat the rest of your breakfast on the way!”

“On the way to where?”

But he ignored them and instead turned to the maid. “Is it possible I can get one of these sandwiches too?”

She was already halfway out of the door when he jumped up and yelled, “No, wait! Don’t worry, I’ll go myself! There’s something else I need!”

Just as fast as he had appeared he was gone again, only stopping at the door one last time to look back at Rael.

“Hurry up! We’ll meet in a quarter bell in front of the house!”

Confused the Viera kept staring at the now empty doorframe before turning their still quizzical gaze to the housemaid, who just shrugged too.

***

Rael had only quickly finished their breakfast and went to their room to fetch their bag and grimoire, before heading outside as they were told to. Just as they opened the front door A’viloh hurried out of the corridor that led to the kitchen, throwing a bag over his shoulder and stuffing a sandwich into his mouth.

“Good, you’re ready! Follow me!”, he commanded between bites and began to walk without giving any clue where they were going.

For a while they just walked in silence. About one thing so far A’viloh had been right. By Ishgardian standards the weather was really nice. The sun had just risen and now shone from a cloudless blue sky, the morning air was still crisp but maybe it would be a little warmer today than usually. Their path led down the roads and staircases to the lower parts of the city where they crossed Saint Reinette’s Forum and finally passed the Skysteel Manufactury.

By then Rael realised they could only be headed for the Chocobo stables, or the Holy Stables as the Ishgardians called it. Rael had never understood why they needed to add the word holy to all and everything. Well, they had understood but found it completely ridiculous! It was just a normal stable like any other, maybe the birds there were a little more special but there still wasn’t anything divine about it!

“The stables?”, Rael asked, wondering if this was everything A’viloh had been so secretive about.

“Yes! You need to see the Chocobo!”, he answered excitedly. “But that’s not everything… First things first, though! Come on!”

Impatiently he waved for Rael to follow as he showed one of the caretaker a piece of paper he pulled from his jacket. With a short bow he let the two pass and left to get the chocobo.

A moment they waited before the man returned followed by a tall dark-feathered bird in Ishgardian barding. He handed the reigns to A’viloh and left again, going back to his work, while A’viloh happily greeted the bird who chirped at him in return.

“Isn’t she pretty?”, he asked proudly. “I still can’t believe Haurchefant gifted me a chocobo! He said her name is Chloé but that I might change it if I want to. But I kinda like it…”

Admittedly Rael didn’t understand much about chocobo breeding but to them it looked like an especially beautiful bird, with shining black feathers and attentively sparkling eyes.

“Indeed a very pretty bird.”

“Did you hear that, Chloé?”, A’viloh addressed the bird cheerfully and ruffled the feathers at the side of her neck. “Rael thinks you’re pretty too!”

As if she understood, the bird fluttered excitedly and turned her head towards the Miqo’te so he could pet it some more. Then the Chocobo kwehed and turned her curious eyes to Rael who in return stepped closer and scratched her beak.

“Haurchefant said she can fly too.”, A’viloh said. “I haven’t tried yet… Would you like to?”

“Me?”, Rael asked, although the idea of a chocobo that could fly seemed interesting. “It’s your chocobo.”

“That doesn’t seem fair. She could be our chocobo!”, A’viloh offered. “I’m not sure if she could carry both of us at once though…”

“She is quite tall, so maybe she could…”, Rael mused. “But this was your gift A’vi. It is a kind offer but I am not sure if it would be alright to accept it.”

A’viloh shook his head.

“Haurchefant surely doesn’t mind. He gave me the idea for this trip after all!”

“Trip?”, Rael asked confused.

“Oh yes! And we should go or we will miss the airship!”, A’viloh explained. “We will spent the day at Camp Cloudtop. I mean, if you want to, of course. But I thought it would cheer you up since you liked that place…”

“I do…”, Rael was a little speechless about the fact that A’viloh seriously seemed to have put thought into a plan to cheer them up.

A’viloh beamed and held up his bag. “I even brought food! We can have lunch at a nice spot like the one we found last time. You can collect some more flowers or herbs or whatever and we can see if Chloé can really fly!”

As happily as not in a long time Rael smiled and was grateful for having such a kind friend.

“Thank you A’vi, that sounds like a wonderful idea…”

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #284

...I wasn't able to call the animal hospital today. It is Saturday. They are closed. I will have to call on Monday instead. I'm sorry about that; I imagine you were looking forward to an update on our recently rescued pigeon friend. Rest assured I will try for an update on Monday morning.

I went to work today. Mostly I sliced breads and bagged rolls. But I also spent some time scooping muffin batter into muffin tins. I really like preparing the muffins. And I really like when my precision allows me to fill more muffin tins than my supervisors expect!

I wasn't able to get any pictures of any of my work today. But I did make sure to grab some other ones for you on the way in to work. The sky was a brilliant shade of awesome this morning, and the pumpkin and flower displays outside the front door of my store were especially striking today, so I took some pictures...

These ones were taken just outside my store...

...Here were some of the displays outside of my building today:

...I wonder who it is, who puts these together so artfully. I feel lucky to work in the same building with them, whoever it is. Next time I'm there, I'll have to ask who puts these together so I can tell them how amazing it looks. Clearly, a lot of love and effort was put into these. I'd like to meet them.

I got a bunch of odds and ends for the house on the way home. I wanted to try to make... drum roll please...!!!

...!!!!!!!

...A brie garlic bread with prosciutto!!!!!

I dunno if anyone has tried it before, but it's hard to go wrong with garlic, butter, bread, cheese, and a salted meat product!!! Unfortunately though, by the time I was all done with everything, I didn't really have energy left to move my ouchy arm around (damn this rib injury to hell and back in a spiky, red-hot metal handbasket!!!!!). So after M and I put everything away, I just made myself a sandwich and ate it with some clementines...

...I kinda floundered emptily for a while after that. I feel like I'm drowning, and I've felt like that ever since Otakon, but I can't exactly pinpoint why; if you've got ideas, I'm all ears. At the moment, it feels like the best I can do is keep the sensation at bay for a little while. I guess I'm getting pretty good at finding ways of doing that, except for when I'm not very good at it. So that's something at least, right?

I'm sure it doesn't help that it's almost time for me to bleed; my body is going to be losing 4 times the normal amount of resources, as per usual. And then on Tuesday, I'm getting 4 teeth yanked out for the sake of those braces. I suppose I'm a bit apprehensive. My body is going to have a really hard time of it in the coming days. I tried some leisure writing to try to calm myself down a little, but... well. The leisure writing is a pale substitute for what it is that I actually want.

...I can't say what it is that I actually want. Not because I don't know what it is - I do know what it is. But... because it's so impossible and silly that if I said it, people would probably make fun of me a lot.

...I wish it wasn't like that. I really wish that others weren't so prone to making superficial judgments about things and coming to very wrong conclusions as a result. But it is what it is.

The wait to see what will happen to you is a very heavy thing to carry; I really don't wanna see you get slaughtered again. I don't like seeing you get hurt. Seeing you get beaten and broken in a number of ways was difficult enough as it is. I'm scared of seeing it happen more.

But I'll do my best with it, all right? I promise. You do your best with your things, too, okay? Promise me.

Well. Suppose I better end this one here before I start to ramble. I'll probably do some Dead Cells for a bit. Dunno how far I'll get, but... smashing up some zombies sounds like a great distraction right about now.

Please stay safe out there. Please don't die. Please don't disappear. Please don't go to some faraway place that no one can reach.

I'll write again tomorrow, hopefully about new garlic bread adventures.

I love you.

Your friend, Lumine

[faraway-sunshine]

What my typical meal plan looks like on school days

Breakfast

This is the one meal I make myself. Normally I just eat dry cereal (I don't like it getting soggy). Most days, Mom gives me a granola bar or two before I leave. I think she thinks that I'm not making myself enough on those days, but doesn't want to start an argument. I also have to have a certain amount of milk a day, so I get some of it over and done with at breakfast. I'm not sure how anyone likes milk. I have to water mine down as Mom started getting full fat to try and help me put on weight, but full fat's gross.

Recess Snack

This is normally when I eat the granola bars. I also have an apple or mandarin in my lunchbox. I have to put the peel or core in my lunchbox, not the bin, as proof.

Lunch

The cafeteria has a lot of great smelling things, but the line at the serving counter is rowdier than a full watering hole during a drought. People get shoved, money lost or stolen, kids trip and get food all over their uniform.

So I just eat my lunch. So far Mom always makes me salad sandwiches, with chicken or boiled eggs or something, and they get soggy but I know they have a lot of nutrients. After the first day I started to unpick the slices to eat the fillings on their own, then leave the bread as it's all gross by then. I also usually have a couple Oreos, some dried fruit, and some of those crackers with cheese on the top.

It's quite different to when I went to school before; either Mari would make lunch with me so I could tailor it, or Dad would make a bento box or something.

Although we're mostly only supposed to bring water to school, I also have permission to bring a juice carton to help with my vitamins.

Afternoon snack

When I get home is pretty much the only time I'm supposed to be trusted to eat something without a teacher or Mom watching. Mostly I forget, but on Friday I came home so tired that I ate half a sleeve of Oreos and finished the milk so I wouldn't need to worry about it at dinner. I felt guilty when Mom seemed so proud of that, especially as I got a stomach ache from it.

Dinner

Varies. Mom often comes home tired, so mostly she either puts a ready meal in the over for 20 minutes or the microwave for 20 seconds. Whatever it is, the deal is that I at least try everything on my plate and make an effort to eat as much as I feel like, but that I stop when I feel I can't have more without a stomach ache or throwing up again or becoming too tense and anxious next time. She also always tries to make sure there's at least 2 kinds of vegetable in each one, and she leans towards stuff that can be easily reheated if I feel hungrier later.

Dessert

The rule back when Mari and Dad were here used to be that you only got dessert if you finished your dinner, but now Mom just gives me candy or chocolate afterwards anyway because if I ate a lot, it's a reward, and if I didn't, well, it's extra calories that I need anyway.

(Monday 11th September, 2000, 7:26 AM)

[write-kin]

Day 20 - Homemade Meal

Words: 396

Prompt by @augusnippets

CWs: N/A

Thanks to Silly for letting me borrow Altair again :) Itty bitty little narrative poking through the snippets I guess!!

--

Cooking was hard when you were a vampire. Any and all human food was unappealing at best, and sickening at worst. Fruit was tolerable, but medicinal. Anything else simply refused to register as edible. 

Back at the convent, meals had been basic. Bread, protein, vegetables, water. The bare minimum. 

Cal had only had one good meal in his life, the night he’d met Bryn. Meat. Stew. Bread. Potatoes. Fruit. Mostly unfamiliar to him. Rich and hearty and delicious. 

That was why he was in the kitchens, now. 

Montresor enjoyed dinner parties. More than one would expect him to. The pantries were always stocked, and sometimes mortals came in to cook for other visitors. 

He’d picked up… a little cooking knowledge. Promised lessons by a chef whose spine had been broken in front of him the day Montresor had kidnapped him. 

But he knew… some things. 

Nothing with meat. That was too scary to handle. That was asking for food poisoning. 

Tarocco was known for its fruit. Sliced persimmon, then. And the blood oranges the country shared a name with. 

Soft butter. Bread, to go with it. The cheeses he could find. 

Cal tried to remember what his friends ate. 

The resulting platter was a little eclectic. Nuts, vegetables he’d roasted, some sweets that didn’t seem stale or anything. 

He carried the plate up the flights of stairs. The dumbwaiter in the kitchen only went to Shriya’s room, and she was too agoraphobic to leave, so she couldn’t deliver it. 

So Cal had to make the long, careful walk to Altair’s room himself. 

Altair didn’t leave his room. Cal had seen Elze’ith at the dinner parties Montresor hosted, right by Denholm’s side. But Altair never came. 

This was, frankly, the least he could do. So when Altair opened the door to his room, there wasn’t really much need for Cal to speak. Just hold out the plate, and scamper away in cat form the moment it was safely out of his hands. 

Sure, the guilt was eating him whole. He was exhausted. The guests that Montresor insisted stayed here so they could all know each other- they were wonderful, yes, but the entire situation left him exhausted. The things done to him. The things he was made to do. It couldn’t be any easier on Elze’ith or Altair. 

But he could, at least, offer some small respite. 

[pbandjesse]

The first day of camp it was a pretty excellent day. But I am absolutely exhausted.

I slept really well last night. I had a lot of fun with James. And was feeling very happy.

I felt a little off this morning. A little dizzy. But I was fine. I got dressed and felt cute and happy. I was a little nervous. A little anxious. But looking forward to seeing my friends.

I had a nice drive out to camp. But I was not the first one there. Heather beat me. But it was just fine. She asked if I could go back out to Hunt Valley to get some people from the light rail. Can do. I would send Callie a text suggesting we throw my bedding in the block house we want to use so no one else can move in on us. And she said she would!

So I headed out. And it was a quick pick up. I was still back to camp before 9.

And it was so good to see everyone. Blanche and Remi made a big fuss about my new Crocs which made me feel very cool. I made a big show of putting them in sports mode (putting the strap down so they have backs) and said I was going to be a good influence with my shoes. Even though they are platforms and absolutely are not good for walking around camp. I still would! But my ankles were scared for sure. Thankfully I never fell but I did stumble once.

We would gather on the porch to get some info and directions for the day. I requested 4 people come to arts and crafts with me. And I had made a list but I still got stressed out with giving directions. I don't know why I was feeling so much stress. Mostly honestly it was because all my supplies are not here yet so making examples and creating the posters and collecting the materials felt impossible.

I tried though. I had the girls who came to help sorting beads and making examples and cutting fabric. And they were doing such a good job. I was struggling and kept having to run to the office to follow up on stuff and I was just all over the place. It wasn't in a bad way but it did feel a little bad.

But we did get a lot accomplished before lunch. I really appreciated them all helping and being cool about how flighty I felt.

At lunch me and Callie would go up to the block house and made up my bed. We talked about moving furniture around. And we made a sign for the door. Bonnie the cleaning lady was over there and we let her know that people are moving into them next week but we are already claiming this one so we will clean it. She let us know that the carpenter bees cause dust in this rooms. Not shocking, they are everywhere.

Me and Callie would go to Royal farms to get lunch. I had eaten the pizza James packed for me for breakfast so I would get a little sandwich but it honestly wasn't very good. The cheese tasted weird. The bread was to soft. Like it was just not correct. But at least the company was good. I was having fun just laughing with Callie and making plans and it was just really fun.

We got back to camp and ate our lunch at the art building. It was a beautiful day.

For the afternoon I sent some of the girls to homestead and the chickee to tidy up. The guys had taken the materials over to the sites earlier so that was very helpful.

I would go check on them and connect with Aaron after the office let me know he was here. He is going to be doing homestead this year. And I really hope he does a good job. We sat together down there for a bit and I explained what I am hoping for and what he needs to accomplish by tomorrow. Lists and writing out his lesson plans that he's adding and stuff like that. I need to make sure that they aren't overlapping with any other programs but I think it will work out fine. I just need him to not just make nature programs. Homestead is historical. Fingers crossed he gets the idea.

I would be at the office for a long time going over the materials lists. But eventually I went back to arts and crafts. We were having a weird interaction with a counselor who was just not helping. But also actively asking to just color or make bracelets? When I went back up to arts everyone else was cleaning and cutting cardboard and being super helpful. But this person was just. Sitting there. And when I went over to talk about what still needed doing, they asked for a coloring book?? Then I asked them to glue leather patches instead and they rushed through it and did such a bad job that I had to take it apart and I'll have to do it again tomorrow. This person went and laid in the hammocks that one of the girls set up and was just in their phone. It was extremely frustrating.

I let the office know about my concerns with this person. They had already been sent to me because they weren't helping in their original group. So this doesn't bode well for the summer. I hope they find a good fit for them.

I made another list for tomorrow. And went over it with a few people. Me and Callie would walk up to the block house to put a rug down and then to the office before we went home.

We ran into Mannie on the walk down and he asked if we were in the block house. He apparently wanted that one. But since it has the bunk bed he agreed it makes more sense for us to share it and hell take a lower one. But he has the saddest eyes. I hope he is okay with the lower one. If another one had bunk beds we would have picked that but only one of them was bunked.

Me and Callie would say goodbye. And I would go run some errands. First to Michael's to look for ribbon with pompoms. But no luck. I did get a bunch of half priced yarn for another idea I have. Then over to five below. Where they did not have soap again! Annoying.

Finally stop was at Marshalls. Where I did find the soap I wanted. And a little snack. I enjoyed looking around. But it was time to go home.

No real traffic today so that was nice. And I got home before 630. James was finishing their podcast and I would put things away and check on the animals. James had taken Crabcake out ack for two hours so he was already sleeping buried in substrate. I briefly dug him up to check on him. And went upstairs to hang out in our room.

Which is where I am now. James is making us dinner. They had come and laid with me and we talked about the day. I missed them. I love them very much.

I hope this evening is restful and tomorrow I can just have so much energy and feel very good. And to start that off I'm going to take a shower and be calm. I think it will be a very good night.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Take care of yourselves. Good night!!

[a-suspicious-lack-of-bagel]

GLUTEN FREE BREAD THOUGHTS

hello fellow non gluten eaters! prompted by @ghostcrows 's complaints about how bad GF bread is, here are some of my thoughts on some of the ones I've tried (in a somewhat chronological order)! This is mostly stuff in Australia - others, especially in other countries, please feel free to contribute!

Brand: Country Life Availability: Used to be everywhere but has since disappeared - the recipes may now be under a different TipTop brand? Thoughts: This stuff was pretty garbage. It tasted like sweetened cardboard, and had a texture similar to that packing foam you'll see in hard cases for electronics. The loaf was also physically rather smaller than normal bread - sliced cheese/meats would always stick out the sides. I ate the one called something like "harvest seeds and grains" for quite a while because it was the best I could find - but it wasn't great. They dealt particularly badly with liquid - especially the plain white one! I discovered this on a school camp, where the beetroot on my burger caused the bread to rapidly disintegrate.

Brand: Helga's Availability: Pretty much always there Thoughts: They taste of SOMETHING, and it isn't cardboard or plastic; and they seem like they'd be very nutritious. Unfortunately, I've always found them to be VERY dense - and I'm not particularly a fan of the taste. I'll admit I haven't had their bread in a while - I still have it occasionally, but only if other brands are out of stock - and their recipes may have improved since then. I preferred Mixed Grain for sandwiches, but it's less good for toast.

Brand: Abbott's Bakery Availability: Most places, but not always in stock Thoughts: When I first tried their offerings around 2016, I went "OH MY GOOD ITS PROPERLY SQUISHY, how does this not have gluten?". They're also probably the closest in size/shape to your average glutenous bread that I've seen. My usual bread since then has been their Soy and Linseed, which I reckon is best texturally. Rustic White is a little too soft for me; but Farmhouse Wholemeal is better. Mixed Seeds is weird texturally - the centre of each slice is fine; but it's like the edges have gone ever-so-slightly stale or something - the Face of the Slice is a definite and identifiable texture; which makes for decent toast but WIERD sandwiches. Recently they've come out with a sourdough option as well; which TASTES LIKE SOURDOUGH if you're a toast person, but I still prefer soylin for sandwiches.

Brand: Deeks Health Foods Availability: Never seen it in-store, but a bunch of cafes/caterers etc use it Thoughts: Most of their offerings I've had taste pretty good (if a little sweet), but they're VEEERY crumbly on the texture front - the crust breaks off and then the rest starts to disintegrate. In addition, not all of their products are nut free - I think the only time I've seen "gluten free bread" with almond meal, it was theirs. I'm fairly lax about my nut allergies; because they've never got anywhere near anaphylaxis and it's mostly just peanuts and pine nuts I react to - but a reminder to the rest of y'all to ASK IF THE GF BREAD HAS NUTS! You may also need to prompt them to check for nut meal, not just whole nuts - and/or remind them that you're also asking about almonds; so they don't just scan the list for the word "nut".

Brand: Coles Free From Availability: Coles Thoughts: When I last tried their loaf it was garbage, but that was quite a while ago. However, their GF Ciabatta and Turkish (that you're supposed to warm in the oven for a few minutes) are both excellent - chewy and tasty!

Brand: Schär Availability: Some IGAs, ALDI. Overseas I've seen them at ALDI (aka HOFER), Billa, SPAR, and Conad. Thoughts: Their taste and texture are both excellent. However, they're often the most expensive option here in Aus, and the loaf is physically small (noticeable sliced cheese/meat overhangs). In addition, the ends of the loaf are usually at least 1.5x as thick as the other slices. I've most often seen them here with packaging in German, but also occasionally in Italian. Their "Classic" is a little sweet but definitely the best white bread I've had; their "Vital" is an EXCELLENT dark grainy sourdough sorta thing. I also tried their "Cereale" in Europe, which was good but I haven't seen in Australia; and both sorts of their Ciabatta (which were AMAZING.)

Brand: [Venerdi] Gluten Freedom Availability: Recently turned up in my IGA, quite a few cafes; and I think I've had one of their rolls on a plane out of Sydney? Thoughts: I'm not sure which one of their breads I tried, but I found it waay too sweet (though a good texture). However, their burger buns (I think I'm having their Sweet Potato Sourdough Buns?) are ABSOLUTELY BLOODY AMAZING. They Do taste of sourdough, they're not revoltingly sweet, they don't disintegrate with beetroot juice, and the texture is Perfect. The cafe closest to mum's work makes a bacon and egg roll using them that (as well as being delicious) sent me to Instant Texture Heaven - I like them dangerously much for how close that cafe is to uni!

Brand: Woolworths Free from Gluten Availability: Woolworths Thoughts: It's been a little while since I had any of their offerings, but I found their loaf comparable to Coles or Country Life (i.e. bad); and their rolls/buns/etc were both too sweet and too squishy for me. In their defense, however; the Woolworths GF biscuit range have the best texture I've tried. Their scotch fingers taste a little weird (chickpea flour, methinks), but they're SO much less crumbly that I actually prefer them to the Arnotts GF version (and I even think they're closer to the Arnotts non-GF ones!)

Brand: BFree Availability: Woolies and IGA but not Coles? Thoughts: I've only tried their bread once while visiting someone else - my impression was "not bad but not worth switching to". If I recall correctly, the one I tried had similar taste to Helga's Multigrain but with a squishier texture. I've also tried some of their wraps - they didn't taste that great (very buckwheat heavy? not sure - kinda how I'd imagine stone tastes) and they weren't noticeably more flexible than anything else I've had. I've heard their pita bread is good, though.

There are a few more I've had in cafes or that other people have bought me - but I either don't know the brands or can't remember the brands right now. Hope someone finds this useful!

[bike42]

Sunday July 21. Siskiwit Bay 10.2 miles according to the map

Apple Watch: 11.6 mi, total time 7:26, average pace 38’, elevation gain 806 ft!

We awoke again this morning to the sound of birds singing and a loon on the lake. Being this far west on EST, first light was 6am. It was chilly overnight, perfect for sleeping nestled in a down sleeping bag.

I dressed, got out of the tent, and headed down to the lake. Although just a few feet away, it was about 10 degrees warmer at the lake! The sun had just risen, casting a beautiful glow over the lake. I returned to the tent to get the rain fly as it was moist on the inside caused by the condensation from our breath.

We set about making breakfast - quite a production with fry bread going in two pans, then scrambled eggs and ham. By the time we ate, cleaned up and packed up, it was 9am as we were taking our morning selfie.

It was a beautiful morning, but we knew it’d be wet pushing through the thick brush so I left camp in my long pants and added my tall gaiters just to be sure. The gang walked nearly a mile before stopping for the first “costume change,” mostly pealing off layers. I was hot, and I unzipped my pants and tucked the legs inside my gaiters. At the next stop - nearly 3 miles, I removed the legs and the gaiters. That stop was at a beautiful waterfall, and since it was hot, we filled a couple Nalgenes out of the falls and treated them with the Steripen - fingers crossed that was good enough!

We started with a couple of miles of overgrown brush, then the trail opened up as we climbed to Feldtman Ridge. The climb afforded us gorgeous views of Feldtman and the mainland beyond that.

We encountered two hikers from Tennessee, doing our route backwards. They gave us some advice to walk the first mile tomorrow along the beach, and also passed on what we’ll hike on Tuesday is more of what they called the “Green Wall.”

We got to Feldtman Tower - the top was closed, but we were able to climb high enough to have an amazing 360 degree view of Lake Superior, Feldtman Lake, probably Canada, Minnesota’s North Shore, and probably Wisconsin! The gorgeous day afforded an outstanding view.

We hiked another couple miles and stopped for lunch on a large slab of granite. Tam laid out her poncho and we had peanut butter and honey on pita, fresh Granny Smith apples, and chocolate covered almonds. After eating, most of us laid on the tarp - could have stayed there an hour - nice breeze, no bugs!

We figured we had three more miles to go, but just like we found last year at Glacier, the mileage on National Park trails isn’t correlated to GPS! I followed close to Gary and tried to hang with him and be done with the hike! We went down from the ridge and back into tons of mosquitoes and stopped to spray down again. We went through areas with birches and large ferns, then back through sunny areas with thimbleberry bushes and cow parsnips occluding the trail. We pushed through it at a rapid pace - you couldn’t see the trail, but you felt it when you stepped off it. The bugs were terrible. When I ate my third mosquito I put on my head net. The buzzing was still driving me crazy, but at least they weren’t trying to get inside my glasses and bite my eyes!

We hit 10.2 miles, should have been the end according to the park map, but Dan was tracking us with the “All Trails” app and it showed we still had some ways to go. We plodded on. The trail brought us through some pretty meadows with fantastic wild flowers, the trail was still quite narrow, but at least it wasn’t shoulder-high foliage!

Finally we arrived at Siskiwit Bay - a mile further than we expected. We found the camp to be deserted, and the paths also overgrown and not really maintained. Being a group of 7, we were supposed to camp in the group sites, but the group sites were far from the water. Instead, we opted for site #5, which had a shelter and was closest to the water. It was 6pm and we didn’t think a ranger was going to come and bust us.

Jeff and I set up our tent, while the others set up to sleep in the shelter. Kent set up his water filtration process while some of us jumped in the lake - about as cold as jumping in the North Sea last fall, but it felt good today! I jumped in with my clothes on to wash them too.

We set out to make dinner but have a mystery about what happened to it!? After searching all the packs, we gave up! Did we not bring it? Did we accidentally throw it out Saturday morning? Is it stuck in someone’s pack? Will this remain an unsolved mystery!?

We had extra breakfast stuff, so we made three batches of eggs, and Blueberry Wild Rice pancakes, with chocolate for dessert - that filled our tummies and all is well.

A quiet night, with the lake almost eerily calm! It’s cooling off nicely, will be another good nights sleep!!

[anavkour]

gonna do a couple characters from two different wips! micah and clay are my "missing homeworld" guys, meaning they're two characters who i've had for a while and keep dropping in various settings because i can't decide exactly what their stories are about or where they take place. mega and kuda are from Combustion in Slow Motion, an urban fantasy story featuring a too-curious twentysomething and the demon they accidentally summon from a sword. i think i'm making it into an rpg a la undertale or endless empty, or a webcomic, but i can't decide.

What is your character’s favorite food?

Micah: the banana bread Clay makes. Tastes like home.

Clay: his white whale is the garlic knots he had at a diner during one of the unexpected road trips he and Micah had to take. neither of them remember what it was called or where it was, and Clay's tried to recreate them ever since with to no success. It's likely they were normal garlic knots that tasted exceptional because he was hungry and exhausted, but he still hasn't found anything better.

Mega: Literally any kind of bapao or baozi. stuffed steamed buns forever.

Kuda: when he learned that cinnamon candy/RedHots existed [Mega brought some home one day and he ate the whole box], he decided he would subsist primarily off of those. Mega is trying to reintroduce the concept of protein to him with little success, though he will also eat plain yogurt with any hot pepper paste mixed into it in copious amounts. not hot sauce. has to be a paste, otherwise it gets too liquid. He's very particular.

What is their go-to alcoholic beverage?

Micah: jack daniels on the rocks, but he's really not picky.

Clay: Usually whatever Micah's drinking. He's mostly sober, for a variety of reasons including 1) doesn't like to not be able to drive and 2) he doesn't get tipsy he just gets More Anxious

Mega: anything fruity and sweet, so typically spiked lemonades or punches.

Kuda: Alcohol doesn't have an effect on him, but. Fireball.

What are their sleeping preferences?

Micah: curled into the smallest possible ball, as close to the wall or headboard as he can get. He's at least graduated from "sitting up, back to the wall"

Clay: Propped up on several pillows, on his back, like an old man. Otherwise he snores

Mega: Wrapped in all of their blankets in a little cave.

Kuda: He doesn't sleep that much, but he usually falls asleep in a chair. Pillows tend to get wedged between his horns, so it's not worth trying to use them

Today, we’re going to start things off by playing with some smaller, often over-looked character traits!

What is your character’s favorite food?

What is their go-to alcoholic beverage?

What are their sleeping preferences?

[project1939]

(Tenor Jussi Bjorling sings on Voice of Firestone, and the Nelson family poses for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet.)

Day 64- TV and Radio: 

TV: 

1. Howdy Doody, October 1st, 1952. 

2. Tales of Tomorrow, season 2, episode 7, “Substance X,” October 3rd, 1952. 

3. The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, season 1, episode 1, “The Rivals,” October 3rd, 1952. 

Radio: 

You Bet Your Life, October 1st, 1952. 

Voice of Firestone, “Jussi Bjorling,” October 3rd, 1952. 

Phil Harris and Alice Faye Show, “Hotel Harris,” October 5th, 1952. 

There was a lot of interesting stuff today! On Voice of Firestone, “The Swedish Caruso,” tenor Jussi Bjorling sang. Bjorling definitely has a powerful voice- it's even more noticeable to me, having just heard Mario Lanza. The orchestra selections were mostly parts of operas, but they were riveting. One song I knew solely from Takarazuka- “Nessun Dorma,” from the opera Turandot. It was gorgeous. 

On You Bet Your Life, a couple won their section, won the word of the day, and then won the bonus question. That gave them $1880, which would be almost $22,000 today! There was also a bit of fun banter between the first contestant and Groucho. She said she was 46 and unmarried, so Groucho asked, “Would you like to get married?” “Not particularly.” “Why Not?” “While I’ve tried it three times.” “So what? The Republicans have tried it four times and they’re still going!” 

The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet was interesting to me, because it’s one of those shows that was a cultural reference point for decades, and I’ve never seen it. It was a decent family sit-com, made unique by the fact that they were a real family. I liked that the pace was a little slower, so it didn’t just go from punchline to punchline. 

Finally, Tales of Tomorrow was creepy to the max. It was about a mysterious substance that people in a tiny town ate to the exclusion of all else, yet they managed to thrive. What was it? (It wasn’t Soylent Green!) Most of the episode was a homerun for me, except for the fact that Ayn Rand seemed to have written part of it. When the people are just given all the food they want without having to work for it, everyone suddenly loses their ambition to go to work or do anything productive anymore. Gag me. (It’s stupid anyway, because of the simple fact that people want more than just food in life! No one would want to work for any possessions? For cars, houses, clothes, jewelry, status, etc?) 

...And now a word from today’s best sponsor: Wonder Bread! Hey kids! Do you want to grow bigger and stronger? Well, then you need to tell your mom to buy you Wonder Bread! Only Wonder Bread has 8 ways to build strong bodies! It’s got as much protein as meat, as much calcium as cottage cheese, as much phosphorous as an egg, as much iron as three lamb chops, as much vitamin B-1 as fried liver, as much vitamin B-2 as four slices of cheese, as much niacin as six sardines, and as much energy as 2 glasses of milk! That is, if you eat at least 2 slices with each meal every single day! Now watch as we tie a puppet to a red, yellow, and blue balloon, just like the package with red, yellow, and blue bubbles! Remember to nag your mother- you need 6-8 slices every day!  

[senatushq]

NAME. Marco Volta AGE & BIRTH DATE. 31 & May 23rd, 1991 GENDER & PRONOUNS. Male & He/Him SPECIES. Witch COVEN. Dahlia OCCUPATION. Owner of What's Cookin' FACE CLAIM. Lucien Laviscount

biography

( tw death ) There was always room for one more. 

Annalise Volta’s hands were worn from nicks and cuts, blistered skin from thoughtlessly grabbing hot pans. Blemishes from working over a hot stove, fingers that always smelled of onion and garlic - feet so swollen that she’d drag them through the house in the wee hours before they finally got to rest. Witches clamoured around her table, mostly thankless and demanding, and that was fine: she always made plenty. A toddler on her hip as she dished out seconds and thirds, traded plates for the rare grumbled gratitude. Dahlia had marked her entire life, but the blood she spilled wasn’t over spellbooks, her grimoire had her father’s recipes, passed down from his mother, and her father before her. Volta and Dahlia were synonymous, tradition in the values that had gotten muddled over the years. 

Silas was cruel. For all that Annalise worked or how she contributed her magic was lesser because it lacked the tangibility of what it meant to be powerful in the eyes of the sovereign. She might have left, in truth, Silas wouldn’t have looked twice for the witch had she vanished in the dead of the night. Annalise stayed for the children growing up under the eye of a sadistic blood witch, and for the child that was slowly growing inside of her. The child that was born and landed on her hip: Marco Volta who was bathed in the sink while she trimmed and prepared artichokes, sat on the counter while she kneaded bread over the countertop, toddled about the kitchen handing her utensils as she rolled out fresh pasta: recipe book propped open like any witch with their grimoire. How the table would quiet when she arrived, arguments would soften into petty grievances of the day, spirits would lighten as they ate, they would laugh as if they really were a family, and for a time the Dahlia would forget whatever hardships that day might have had. Arguably, she was more powerful than them all. 

At ten that power only went so far, standing over his mother’s grave Marco listened quietly as Silas openly mocked the witch. A pruned flower and sometimes the best thing a flower could do, was die. Tears streamed down his cheeks but it was more than just grief that stoked the flames of the hearth in his chest, Marco felt rage like he’d never known before, hate so visceral and raw that he thought it might smother him in his sleep. He tried to follow the recipes that had been passed onto them, knowing that practical magic was just as much about intention as it was precision and skill. The angle of the knife, the cut, the shape, the pressure all these things added up to the incantations that Annalise had been weaving for decades but Marco couldn’t manage. The table would complain and Silas would remind Marco that at least his mother had been good for one thing. 

Young as he was, Marco had an understanding for death, it was impossible to be a Dahlia in that age and not know what it was to watch blood spill across runed tiles and listen to the sound of a serpent as he bartered with demons. Vivianne was his protege, the Oracle, powerful and bright: one who’d killed for the sovereign and acted as his hand. When the blade had been pushed into Marco’s hands, she had grabbed it instead, eagerly and willfully. Marco had thought for so long that this made her a monster like Silas, worse perhaps because she took every opportunity to spill over the others of her age group. 

Like any witch, Marco studied, and perhaps because he was weaker than the rest it seemed like Silas took an interest in him. Marco, who was so much like Annalise in every way, was an easy target. Weak in the eyes of the sovereign. He was led to believe that this was why Silas had no qualms with dragging the quivering boy from his bed in the dead of night, thrusting him into the ritual chamber and sharpening his blade. Marco remembered the way Silas grinned, the words that preceded his invocation: Sometimes the best thing a flower can do is die. 

Vivianne saved him, and at thirteen, there was another funeral. This time, for Silas. A sovereign, ambitious, young, and just, had cut the cruel man down to size. Silas was dead and Vivianne washed her hands of the profane arts for good. Cleaned house of the former sovereigns loyalists and opened the Dahlia’s doors to the wayward witches who’d been left to wander for so many years. More and more people milled about, kind faces, familiar faces, and the faces that had seen so much already. He practised more, nicked his fingers so much that they scarred at the edges. Burnt his hands on pans and flattops so many times when he was working in haste that they calloused over. Marco learned every recipe in the book, added a few of his own too and even if he knew them off by heart it sat there at the edge of the counter propped open just like his mother used to do. 

These weren’t just simple recipes, spells of another incantation. Notes of restoration seasoned with the art of illusion, aged by alteration and simmered to a medley of perfection. A balance of the arts that took as much dedication as any other, wordless enchantments: though Marco still blessed each dish as he saw fit. Herbs cultivated with his own hands, eggs raised by chickens that he loved, products procured from local farms that Marco called friends. His hands were scarred from dedication, his back ached from love, and his feet hurt because even as more people filed through the door: there was no place he would have rather been. 

Marco didn’t mind, he built a longer table, there was always room for one more. 

personality

+ Optimistic, friendly, altruistic – Naive, quiet, guarded

played by shane. est. he/him.

[noroi1000]

„F**k your fav. 11 tries to see what's the best”

Previous part. Next part

Part four – Quickie Now

A/n: Next part! I think writing NSFW is more difficult than another chapters... I will probably send the bonus part today or tomorrow. Hope you like it!

@chemtrails-club

Tw: Shameless smut, public sex, Satoru's porn videos, Quick sex

Cw: 3,7 k

Shopping with Satoru has always been a nightmare. Especially on the day you find out your boyfriend is shameless enough to make it in a place like this.

What can be said when shopping bags hang on either side of his body...

The fabric straps even stuck into his hands so that he could catch it. It wasn't that bad, but it wasn't fun either.

He really would rather be doing something else than hanging out in the city.

However, you had to go shopping. 

The refrigerator must have been full. He wouldn't want everything to be empty. 

Cupboard without bread or cookies...

Fridge with no food or something sweet...

Freezer without ice cream... 

How can you live like this? 

Besides, he was hungry since morning and forgot to shop yesterday.

If he had gone to the store after work yesterday, he wouldn't have had to walk around with carrier bags and bags in his hands from the very morning.

Lucky you don't have to wear it.

Luckily you took your boyfriend with you.

A tall man who is strong enough to carry whatever you buy for you.

What kind of a guy would he be if he told a woman to wear groceries?

Especially if these purchases are mostly for him.

He gets a penalty for eating everything.

And especially for his late-night snacks...

He ate something almost every day. 

If it wasn't sweet, he would take anything from the fridge...

It makes you wake up at night without him. 

Even if he gently apologizes and says outright what he would like to eat earlier, he is still unpredictable.

Once during the night he brought you to bed a second supper in the form of a baguette with various toppings. Everything spilled out of the inside and then you couldn't sleep, but still nice that he thought of you too. 

A boyfriend who is constantly hungry and able to eat anything... Especially when he feels sugar in it...

He pays for what you eat anyway, so you don't have a problem with that. But you don't like going shopping. Pick it, buy it, then carry it home.

Being with him, you have one thing. You don't have to wear it yourself, and you can buy more at once. In order not to go back and forth. 

Especially since it saves you time. When you go alone, the next day you have to go somewhere else because you weren't able to buy it the day before. And going back and forth is tiring.

You might even forget to buy anything. Even something that was insignificant. It could be that way, and then you would need it anyway.

You don't like going shopping with him anymore...

Where it is possible in a store, Satoru always goes to one shelf.

Whenever. No matter where or when. He will always look at condoms. 

In almost every store, he will buy one package when we find the right size for himself. Same with lube, if he finds it... 

So what if you have a lot of it at home... 

He buys it all when you go shopping, even if he orders a supply from time to time online. 

There is so much that one drawer is drowning in plastic squares and boxes. 

One order is enough for less than a month. Depends on what you two do.

If he doesn't buy sweets, he'll buy anything else...

You really don't like having his wallet.

Every time you put your fingers in there for cash, you feel the foil.

It pisses you off that he even carries condoms in his wallet. But sometimes it can be useful to him.

Or rather, it may be useful to you.

Anytime you are together...

Nothing is expected.

At least at Satoru. His body is... How to say it... 

His body heats up frequently and has a lot of stamina...  He's horny a lot too. And shameless at times. 

And now when you look at him...

You know there will be something wrong. Just today. Something will probably happen soon

After all, he very rarely puts on such clothes. Tight and short black T-shirt paired with black pants and his blindfold.

You know that if he bends down, bends his back, or also raises his arms, the black fabric will fly up, exposing his underbelly. 

Either he is trying to piss you off or he thinks you will be embarrassed by such clothes.

He can look at your ass and how much he wants...

And so much will not see under your skirt slightly above the knee and a T-shirt. You are not naked and you are not going to take your clothes off. At least not now. At home, who knows...

You can take it off when you are at home. Fucking him would be something you could do. But when you feel like it. And not always. 

Even if he doesn't feel like it, as soon as you start right away, his will will come as well. Or rather, it will hit you like a train because Satoru will attack you more fiercely. 

You don't mind. But you'd rather be in a safe place.

Not like you've been in before...

No more sex at his job. Not in his fucking office. There are goddamn kids there! What would they think of you if they caught you?

No more sex in public.

You don't want that risk. You don't need adrenaline. Never again... 

When people walk nearby, it makes you very nervous. And when there may be even more of them around... 

You don't want to and you can't. Not in the middle of the day.

You do not like this. You like adrenaline when you are at home. New ways. New positions. A different kind of sex. It's like that. But without such a thing as sex in a public place. Not only is it almost scary for you, but also later you tempt at all costs to pretend that nothing happened.

Walking on shaky legs is not something you like. And people's strange looks always evoke a strange feeling. What if it was someone you know? That would be even worse than just looking at you.

Satoru will always smile. There wasn't a moment after sex when he didn't smile. You don't know if he is laughing then, or maybe it's a satisfaction smile.

You don't know it, and you don't want to know as long as you are somewhere else than your home.

You can even fuck anywhere in your home. Just like the fact that it has already happened. Kitchen, living room, bathroom... Of course, you looked everywhere after that. You didn't want to feel like you were in a dirty house. Not after you've been doing very dirty things in those places.

It wasn't paranoia. You mainly just wanted to clean up to get rid of all the evidence, and it was all clean enough. You never wanted to spill solvent on every surface in your home you've fucked over. 

Probably if you did you would pour a bottle of solvent in one place and then scrub with a wire brush. To then set it on fire. It would definitely get rid of all the evidence of what you were doing. And also this way you would get rid of the furniture and possibly the entire floor. If you wanted to do this, the losses would be greater than one might expect.

Buy furniture after every sex...

Then the mattress for the bed, or the whole bed, would have to be bought from scratch. Even hundreds of times. If not a thousand times...

All you know is that you have to buy cleaning products. Thinking about that reminded you of this.

You told Satoru you had to go to a shop like this. He just sighed sadly, but followed you.

That's how you gave him another plastic bag.

"(y/n)-chan... It's over, right?" he asked as he walked beside you.

You stopped suddenly and looked at him.

You weren't in a bad mood. That's why you smiled.

"Yes. I still have to buy toothpaste and painkillers. So I will also buy the paste at the pharmacy." you said snapping his biceps.

The tight T-shirt shows his muscles taut so much as he holds the bags. 

You know the bags are heavy, but you also know Satoru is very strong. So it won't hurt him. He got extra training.

"Wait for me here, okay?" He muttered happily and suddenly ran into the alley and disappeared.

He's teleporting again... He really is a lazy person already... 

Sometimes he just can't do anything with his own hands. He just prefers to teleport instead of walking somewhere. 

You are only glad that you can go for walks.

Many activities give it its form. Training, frequent missions. And he even thinks he's getting stronger thanks to sex.

You don't want to believe it because as a sorcerer his strength lies in something other than just his muscles...

Although it is also.

Suddenly he appeared in the same place and came up to you with that big smile.

"Let's go!"

You went to the pharmacy. Or rather, you went. He was left on the bench outside. 

While you were waiting in line, he was sitting alone on a wooden bench. Nobody sat next to him, nobody even passed by.

He looked at you through the shop window. That sweet skirt... 

"Fuck..." he growled, taking out his phone quickly. 

He looks at you and around you again.

There are no people here, so no one will accuse him of being a pervert. 

He turned on the gallery on his phone and looked at the photos he took of you on the beach.

Black bikini. Oh, how he loved to look at it. Wet skin and hair...

Now he does it because he has a perfectly written list of what he would like to try. Everything is on this list. From quiet sex to the wildest shit. And he probably has to show you that list sometime.

Quickie...

He has it on his list. And also this list already in mind. How could he forget something like that? 

Now he has enough opportunity to do so.

And so when he saw you in that skirt, he felt warm to him. Now he just needs to get even more excited. 

And he might drag you somewhere and fuck you.

All you have to do is go back and give him one consent. He'll just come over and think if he likes it...

Although he really doesn't know if such quick sex can make him happy. And especially if it can satisfy him. Because that's something he can doubt.  Quick sex can't make him stop wanting to fuck any more. His endurance is very high, so he doesn't see any chance that he will like it the most. After all, he himself prefers longer games.

Especially with you. Long activities are best for him. Sex that lasts an hour or more. When everything becomes vulnerable. Both you and him. But more so you. 

He would also like to try the marathon. So he won't lose anything. 

I'll show you this list later. To see your reaction. Especially for this. Because he is curious how you react to some of the options he put there.

His thoughts turned to more very bad ideas. 

Therefore, he clicked on the locked folder and entered the password to open the photos.

Pictures appeared in front of his eyes. Or rather, a lot of photos. 

He turned on one that interested him in detail.

Even if he has seen it often. It continued to give him shivers and other sensations. Especially as his blood circulation flows differently.

A picture of you in his blindfold with your legs apart. He put a blindfold on you so you won't see him taking pictures. Also in the photo was his hand which was guiding his cock into your dripping hole. 

He shifted to the next photo.

They portrayed him putting half into you.

He shifted to the side again.

The video was next. Without thinking, he turned it on, watching shamelessly as he fucked you. 

Just a pity he couldn't turn on video sound...

He would rather hear you groan, not just watch your mouth open. You must have been making nice sounds back then... He would like to hear it...

He looked to see if you were going.

You were standing at the pharmacy counter now. He knew he had to hurry up.

He rewound the cutscene a little, and started working normally the moment he fucked you hard.

And all his dick disappeared inside you.

He gets tough just at the sight...

It reminds him of how well you took his cock. 

And seeing your pussy stretched...

It's even better than watching regular porn.

Because the porn he made himself is so much better.

He will be hard the moment you touch it.

And you...

He might upset you a little and even show you the video. You might get wet sooner.

When he saw you leave the store, he was excited.

More than it should be.

He sat on the bench and waited.

You walked over to him and sat down next to him on the bench.

"Satoru? What are you watching over there?" you asked, curious what he is focusing on.

"Something nice." He replied with a smile.

"Yeah? What is this?" You moved closer to him, and put your hand on his forearm.

With a big smile, he turned the phone towards you for you to see.

You blushed and pulled back looking at it all.

A recording of you and him, fucking.

This man really has something with the brain.

"Satoru!"

"What? This is my recording. Besides, you already knew I had it..."

"But you–!" you screamed but quickly shut up when you remembered there were a little more people around than just you. "You shouldn't be watching it here."

"Why not?"

"Because no! It is very private..." you murmured reaching for his phone.

"No." he said, taking the device away from your hands. "I won't give you the phone because you will delete my photos and videos. I can turn it off."

"So turn it off."

"I'll shut down if you fuck with me." 

What....

You looked at him suspiciously. He did it on purpose, right?

Suddenly he put the phone away and was yawning. And it caused his shirt to reveal his underbelly with one visible vein running under the skin. You knew it would be like that.

But he looks so sexy...

You can't resist him that much...

You're already wet too. You feel yourself getting slippery between your legs. 

You growled loudly and grabbed his hand to start dragging him home.

He stopped, and now he pulled you into the spaces between the buildings.

After all, it was the cleanest and least hideous alley you've ever seen. There was not even garbage here and nothing was dripping.

Just a piece of the sidewalk. Well-groomed.

You were pressed against the wall.

"Okay Okay! I understand!" You groaned, brow furrowed.

He turned you back to him and pushed you against the wall again.

"No! I'm not going to fuck you in the alley!"

He ignored your screams and just lifted your skirt up and told you to hold it.

You grabbed the fabric with your hand

"You do not want to, and yet you listen to what I say." he laughed. 

Suddenly he pushed your panties aside, and put three fingers into you at once.

"Here you go. You're even a little wet." 

"Shut up..."

He looked around before he pulled his dick out of his pants and ripped open the condom he had in his wallet.

You have to get used to having sudden sex...

He placed his half-hard cock at your entrance and thrust into you.

Even if it was a little hard. Both you and him, it was still soft, which made it easier for him to slip inside.

"Shit, I have to start now..." he growled as he felt your walls tighten against him.

You just waited for it to finish. Even though your walls flapped as he hardened.

He began to move quickly.

He really didn't want anyone to catch you either. And in the middle of the day, it's even more likely that someone will pass by. It's around 1pm so believe the worst people have gone home and this path won't be that busy.

At least you're happy to have a clean alley, and also that you don't do it in the woods.

Worms, spider webs, mud... 

Better already here.

And since he won't let you go home...

It was better to fuck in his office. It's so different now... 

You didn't want it that much, but you have to put up with it now. 

You can't complain about a quickie. number But you can complain that you are doing it in a place where everyone can see.

You have no choice but to stick to the wall, keep your hips up and be quiet.

You have to control it so that your pleasure does not run out of control.

You were supposed to go eat in a restaurant right now. So annoying shit.

Even if you wanted to take Satoru to a more secluded place. 

And he suddenly pushed you into an alley... People, now you wanted better for him than he wanted.

Besides, it's not like you wanted to reject him at all costs.

If you were only in a quieter place, for sure. But he wanted it here... So you must be ashamed of him...

You tried not to focus on the pleasure that came from his thrusts. Try to distract and look at something else.

However, you didn't want to look at the wall. And you also didn't want to turn your head to one side. Because there was a wide sidewalk where you could see a man at any moment.

That's why you turned your face to the far side of the alley.

But you couldn't. Satoru gasped softly and grunted.

Your legs shook slightly but it was manageable.

You kept telling yourself in your mind, "I don't have to come. It's enough for him to cum."

Later, you will be able to attack him at home. Then you will be in charge and he will have to give you pleasure. You, not him. 

After all, you are now used to being knocked off the load. 

Because he told himself to watch porn with you in the lead role.

You don't even know when he recorded it!

Neither where does he have such a good camera to record it in the best quality...

This is a bit surprising.

And terrifying.

Your boyfriend may have all the porn recording equipment. He can always come to fuck you with a hidden camera...

You must search the house thoroughly when you get back.

You didn't want to cum. You still want to be able to walk. At least until you go home. 

You don't want your juices to run down your legs as you walk on the sidewalk.

That's why you want it to come and end.

If he doesn't want to, at home you will personally make him give you an orgasm for all of this.

His fault. Always his fault.

He will never give you peace with sex. Why does this man sometimes act like an animal?

As his thrusts sped up and became more irregular, he gripped your hips hard. 

If you send a signal to his brain, it might end sooner.

Letting go of your skirt, you turned to look at him.

The fabric of your clothes was pulled up above your hips, making your butt visible.

You grabbed your panties with one hand, pushing the bright fabric back even more as sue moved. On the other hand, you widen your labia more as you grip your fluffy body.

"Satoru, please. Cum for me~." you groaned in a sweet voice with closed eyes and red face.

A real face. You feel so good. Worse with your voice, because now you'd like to shout at it and not sweetly moan.

But a loud moan escaped from your throat as it began hitting your hips faster.

In order not to make such loud moans, you had to put your hand to your mouth.

You felt your body getting very hot.

If you come, it will be bad... 

You can't stop the sounds. And Satoru knows it well.

"Mmmmnh...!" You moaned into your hand as it hit your G-spot

If he continues to fuck you like this, you'll be more desperate to come than for no one to hear you.

You moved your hips against his hips. 

He dug short nails into your skin.

You stopped opening your pussy when he pushed you even more against the wall. You had to resist your hand.

He pushed one last time, ending up in a condom. He rested his forehead on the forearm that he placed above you on the wall. 

With a groan, he stretched out.

You don't care what he does behind you, but you started to improve.  Underwear in its place, as well as a skirt. 

You picked up a small carrier bag and took the first step.

You thought: "My legs are shaking anyway..."

You started walking out of the buildings alone.

But Satoru caught up with you.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked with a smile. As if you didn't have sex at all...

"Maybe..." you replied walking slowly for the sake of ignorance.

"Okay. How can I make it up to you?" 

"... I want to cum when we're home." he muttered softly.

"Okay. So I'll eat you tonight." in the evening he said straight.

"Why are you acting like this?!" 

"How?"

"Just like that!" 

"Maybe just... I have to show you a list. And also to say that quick sex don't work very well for me. I prefer longer sex. You didn't even make it. I prefer when you come too. Your moans give me pleasure and satisfaction at how quickly I can make you cum."

"What list?" you asked ignoring what he was saying next.

"You'll see it at home."

Bonus Part

[ellievickstar]

Unmasked (Azriel angst)

Warnings: Earing disorder(kinda), Depression, disassociation???? Vomiting and stuff

Summary: The reader has always been living breathing doormat so what shall she do when the great shadow singer wants her to finally be herself :0

A/N: Before you ask any questions read the damn one shot.

“Thanks Rhys for paying,” I winked at my best friend as I closed the door to my room, he chuckled in return remarking that I barely ate anything and he was mostly paying for himself. I let out a laugh, ensuring that it would be heard, before sighing and sitting on my bed. Finally.

I dropped the smile that made my cheeks hurt as I washed away the glamour that was on my face. It melted away to reveal me. I was nearly unrecognisable. My cheeks had sunken in and my eyes looked hollow, my lips instead of the plump pink they used to be had now thinned to the point of being a straight line.

I looked dead. Felt it.

I was tired of going out everyday and being that…that woman. The unrecognisable woman who was to say the least, intolerable. She was happy, at least everyone thought she was.

But every one saw her. Not me. Not this girl who looked I’ll, who looked dead. Inside out. I scowled at myself in the mirror as I decided to take a bath.

Disgusting. Self-centred. Freak.

I shut out the words. The voices. I knew that I was letting myself go but who would care. Rhysand might but he was busy with Rhys. Az looked more interested to follow Mor around like a lost puppy. Mor had her own problems. Amren did not care about anyone and Cassian. My brother has his own things to deal with. Especially with the war.

I rubbed my eyes as I got out of the bath. I was fine one my own. Just fine. I think. I shook my head. No I would not bother anyone with my problems that’s being selfish, besides, they had enough on their plate.

As I settled down in my bed I avoided looking at the mirror that I had once placed in my room, reminding myself to ask Rhys to bring it away whenever I could think of a valid reason. I had had enough of looking at how my body had thinned and hollowed out over time. I didn’t need to looked at my rib cages as they protruded out from the skin. I was afraid that I would gain weight but looking at my body, I knew I needed to eat, knew that this was unhealthy but I couldn’t help myself.

I was glad when the darkness overtook me. Glad when the intrusive thoughts was silenced. Even if it was for a while.

Later that night . . .

I woke as I ran to the bathroom and vomited out acid. Groaning to myself as I sat beside the toilet. I felt pathetic. I gagged again and there was my excuse of a dinner tumbling out of my mouth. Again, again, again. Until blood came out. I had burned my throat with the acid I had vomited out.

My throat was bleeding.

I sighed. The would would close up thanks to Fae healing but I needed to eat something. So against my better judgement I went down the staircase, crossed the halls and went looking for something to eat. On the counter there was some pieces of bread. Nuala and Cerridwen knew of my plight so they often left food there. Though I made them promise to never tell anyone of my plight. Even Azriel.

That’s when I heard movement from behind me.

I was instantly alert, spinning around, daggers in my hand ready to be thrown. Azriel was there, his eyes widened as he lifted his hands in surrender. I immediately put the daggers down.

“Sorry, I just came down for food, didn’t mean to wake you or anything,” Azriel studied me as I tried to apologise, my cheeks reddening. “Does Cassian know?” His voice was sombre, gentle like a midnight bloom.

“Know what?” I feigned innocence. I knew what he was talking about, I knew that he knew because of the shadows that whispered to him. He frowned at me, not buying my façade.

“No, no one knows. No one is supposed to know,” I relented. He just nodded before questioning me further, “Why not?” “It is none of your business,” I snapped. My patience drawing thin. I did not have the energy for masks, not now.

He simply narrowed his eyes at me. “It is my business that my sister is starving herself to near death, that she is throwing her guts up and the only thing that comes out is acid. It is my business that you are dying on the inside and that your not letting anyone help,” His tone turned firm. He approached me, but I backed away, shaking my head.

“I don’t need your help,” “You do and you know it,” His voice was still that gentle calm, a siren calling almost, stern as it was. I tried to turn away but he caught me by my arm. “Don’t let it eat you alive, please,” He breathed but the desperation in his voice was clear as day. I shook my head again, clearing the voice that pleaded me to take his help.

“I’m fine,” I gritted my teeth, tears wriggling their way through and rolling down my cheeks. He wiped them a way with a thumb. “Please, let me help you, don’t lie to yourself, you can lie to me but not to yourself,” He was begging now. I could hear it but I ripped my arm free from his grasp, tears streaming down my face. I wiped my eyes as I finally said one last time, “I’ll be alright.”

And maybe. Just maybe. It was more to convince myself, then the male that watched me walk back to my room.

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