#so i’m trying to sketch something consistently just to see where it takes me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sarahowritesostucky · 11 months ago

Text

📖"Hydra Sanatorium"

Rated: Explicit

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers

Word count: 5297

Tags: a/b/o, medical institutionalization, cognitive disability, made up kinky medical things, diapers, catheters, non-con medical procedures, restraints, forced wetting, hurt/comfort, humiliation, kind!Careworker Steve, bratty!Patient Bucky, alpha Steve, omega bucky, dry humping, forced orgasm, masturbation, implied self harm, orgasm therapy, age difference (19/30), omorashi

Summary: Bucky is a troubled teen coping with the traumatic transformation of late-onset omega puberty. Steve's the care worker who's been developing too much of an attachment.

A.N. I will no longer be going to the trouble of posting extensive warnings, cautions, "Minors DNI", "smut below the break", or extra trigger warning outside of the story tags etc., like I used to. Because the staff troll has targeted my account and held it to standards that virtually no other explicit fanfiction authors are consistently held to or follow on this platform, I will now only be tagging major themes above the story summary, and other than that, the only warnings you'll see from me are the "mandatory" (🙄what a joke) community labels: mature. Sorry, but I'm not going to bend over backwards to please a bunch of antis and an illiberal, vindictive child who works at Tumblr with zero accountability for their abuse of their position. Troll: grow the hell up, and PLEASE for the love of God: never go into politics.

So here is my new sign I'm so excited to introduce!🥳Feel free to use it - no need to give credit. As Mr. Mackie likes to say to the nitwits: "Baby I'm a grownup."

Wait! I think I missed a previous chapter! Series Masterlist

Chapter 6: Inflation Therapy

Previously:

"It’s going to be okay, Buck. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Bucky says, voice dull. “I know.”

It’s not the tantrum Steve was expecting, but somehow it feels just as bad. Because rather than reacting, Bucky’s just withdrawing. Steve watches him pick at his meal for another half an hour. With some gentle encouragement he’s able to get the kid to eat the majority of his protein, but he’s obviously getting no enjoyment from the food, his mind a mile away as he chews mechanically. It’s depressing. Steve goes into bossy alpha mode to try and give him some direction, make him feel a little more secure. He tries to show Bucky that he does have an alpha who cares about him, however temporary it may be.

“Throw your trash away, bub. Put your tray over there. Good job. C’mon now, let’s go do an activity. I’m leading art tonight. You want to give that a go?”

Bucky seems docile enough, following Steve into the art room and sitting on the carpeted floor with one of the lap desks for drawing circle. A few other patients trickle in, until they’re a group of ten. Steve hands out paper and cups of colored pencils, and takes up a spot on the carpet. He tries not to be obviously over-focused on Bucky, figuring that the kid needs his space to process the news about his parents relinquishing custody. “Okay everybody," Steve greets the group. "How are we doing?”

He gets friendly answers from the other patients, then guides them through a few warm up exercises. They do some rapid-fire sketch associations, where Steve throws out words like “recreation” and “comfortable,” and “dread,” and everybody has to sketch the first thing they think of in ninety seconds.

Then Steve tells the group they’re going to be doing a “Now and Then” project. He asks them to draw a picture of how they see themselves and their lives in the present, and gives them twenty minutes to work without scrutiny. “Try to pick one word or phrase to focus on. You can draw anything you like, to express it,” he tells them. “Something literal, or something abstract. Anything that you feel depicts your current emotions, state of being, how things are going for you in the world or simply in your head. Anything goes. Get as far with it as you can, but don’t feel like you have to rush with coloring it in or anything, if you’re trying to make a masterpiece.” He chuckles self-deprecatingly at his own drawing board. “You can always add details later if you’re as nitpicky about your art as me.”

“We can draw anything?” one boy in the circle asks. He’s not Steve’s patient but Steve knows his name, knows he’s there for treatment following a miscarriage. Steve nods and gives him a gentle look. “Yeah, Daniel. That’s right. Anything goes.” Across the circle, Bucky glances up and meets his eyes. Steve smiles sadly. “If anybody needs to draw violence or something that depicts self harm, this is a safe space to do that. You won’t get put on protocol for it, as long as you’re willing to join in the discussion portion and explain your drawing.”

Bucky and one other boy look like they’re relieved to hear that, and Steve gives them both encouraging looks before turning his attention to the sheet of paper he’s got on his own lap desk. He’s always been good with a pencil—had even considered going down the art-therapy track, back when he was in college. The only reason he hadn't wound up pursuing it was because he didn’t want to turn his passion into something he had to do for a job. But he still loves leading art sessions for the omegas on-ward. Figuring that powerless is a pretty good focus word for his 'Now' drawing, Steve picks up a mustard yellow pencil and begins to sketch.

“Okay pencils down.”

Twenty minutes later, everybody takes turns showing what they’ve drawn. Unsurprisingly, five of the boys have drawn something literal from their current stay on-ward. Two others have pictures of their families. One boy has chosen a forest scene to depict his feelings of uncertainty about an upcoming heat, and Daniel talks about his violet-hued sketch regarding his feelings over the recent miscarriage. Bucky is the last to volunteer to talk about his piece, and in fact Steve has to prompt him twice before he’ll turn his lap desk around to face the circle.

He’s drawn a person—presumably himself—in thick, brown lines. The person is sitting and hugging their knees to their chest, contained in a tiny space like a box. It’s a scratchy drawing but rather well-done, and the instant feeling Steve gets from it is isolation. Outside the box, it’s bright and colorful with a lot going on, but inside the box it’s muted and still, with heavy olive and brown lines. “What does this represent for you, Bucky?” Steve asks, forcing himself to do his job rather than crawl across the carpet and wrap Bucky in his arms the way he really wants to. “Hm? To me it feels rather lonely, looks isolated.”

Bucky shrugs, not looking up. “I guess.”

Steve asks if anybody has positive comments for Bucky’s piece. Daniel ventures, “... The lines get messier on the dark side. On the bright side, they’re all neat and specific, but then they get kind of scratchy on the other part.”

Steve hums, glad to at least have a couple people willing to participate in art tonight. Usually patients just sit around grunting and rolling their eyes at it. “Good point. I see what you mean. What do you think that technique could communicate?”

Daniel hesitantly meets Bucky’s eyes from across the circle before saying, “Um. Like … it’s more chaotic, on the scratchy side.”

“Yeah. Kind of gives it a distressed feeling, doesn’t it?” Steve looks at Bucky and gently prods, “Buck? Why do you think you chose those colors?” He gets nothing from Bucky besides a mumbled, “Dunno,” and forces himself not to push him on it. He talks to the group as a whole about colors and what they can represent. “Most people know that darker colors can indicate a sense of foreboding or depression,” he says. “But lighter colors aren’t always ‘happy’ per se. Take mine, for example.” Steve shows the group his drawing of a bear sitting on the side of a road with cars. “You’d think this should be in greens and blues, yeah? A nature scene. But I only used taupes and yellows and a little brown and olive. I think it looks kind of sallow, gives it a feeling of melancholy.”

“Why’d you draw a bear?” Daniel asks.

“Well, I’ve been feeling sad this evening. Kind of helpless, you know?” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Bucky’s head lift up a little. “And I remember seeing this clip once on Facebook or something. A bear that’d been separated from its cubs across a busy highway. And it just seemed so sad.” He shrugs, feeling silly but knowing that he needs to be open and honest if he’s going to expect the same from his patients. “So that’s what I drew. That feeling of powerlessness that the video made me feel.”

“Why do you feel powerless?” Daniel asks.

This time, Steve does let his eyes slip over to Bucky—who is looking at him, but who quickly flicks his eyes away. “Because I’m worried about somebody I care about,” Steve says. “And I’m not sure I can help them the way they need. I’m not sure how much they’ll let me help.”

Bucky’s lips part, and for a second Steve really thinks he’s going to reply to that, but then he clams up again and looks down at his drawing board, not saying a thing. Steve swallows down his disappointment. “Okay guys, now we’re going to do a second piece, and I want everybody to try and make this one as literal as you can. Let’s all draw a depiction of what we’d like our lives to be in the future. You can draw something you’d like to have happen tomorrow, or something you dream of happening in a year, or ten years, even how you picture the perfect life when you’re old and grey. Really dig deep and think about what you want your life to be like, in a perfect world. It doesn’t necessarily have to be realistic, just so long as it represents what would make you happy. Kay?”

He watches as everybody gets new paper and starts drawing. Bucky, he notes, stares at his paper for a long few minutes before he ever picks up a pencil. He looks lost.

Steve gives them thirty minutes for their second drawings. When time’s up and everybody discusses what they came up with, Bucky has drawn a beach scene. It has a little blue bungalow in the background and a family on the sand. There’s an umbrella and a person lying on a beach towel whom Steve can tell is supposed to be Bucky. He’s surprised though, because that person is also visibly pregnant, and there’s a little kid right next to him, wearing water wings and building a sandcastle. There’s a dog next to the kid, and another person in the picture sitting in a beach chair who looks suspiciously like Steve, but no way in hell is Steve going to point that out. The Steve-person is blond, and Steve knows for a fact that Bucky’s family all have dark hair.

“Buck,” he prompts. “You drew yourself at the beach?” Bucky just shrugs, and Steve tries to draw more out of him. “... Is that one of your favorite places?” he asks.

“No.”

“No?”

“No. I’ve never been to the beach. But growing up, everybody else’s families would always go somewhere in the summer. Up to the Hamptons or down to Jersey, you know? Stay at a beach house, eat crabs, go to the boardwalk and get saltwater taffy and shit, ride the rides. It always seemed nice. Like something real families did.” His lips twist ruefully as he traces his finger from the lines of the pinwheel beach umbrella, over to the black and white dog that he drew. “... And I never had a dog. I like dogs.”

Jesus, God, Steve wants to kidnap this kid and take care of him forever. “Is the person on the beach towel you?” he asks gently. Bucky shrugs again, but then he nods. Steve nods too. “It looks like you’re pregnant in the picture. Is that what you were imagining when you drew it?” Bucky doesn’t say anything, and Steve feels absolutely pained, trying to force answers out of him like this. Across the circle, Daniel has made a little whimper and put his hands on his stomach, and Steve knows it’s time to abandon that point. “Okay,” he says quietly, moving past that little detail. “Um, what about the other people in your drawing?” he asks instead. “What part do they play?”

Bucky looks down self consciously at the paper. “They’re not real,” he mutters. “I don’t have anything right now. And I don’t even know if I want kids, but … I dunno. I drew it with a baby, and an alpha. Cause maybe that’d be nice, even though I don’t think it’s ever gonna happen.”

“Why couldn’t that happen?”

Bucky’s eyes flick up to him, reproachful. “Nobody wants me,” he says. “I just don’t see the point.”

Steve has to swallow past the horrible lump that’s formed in his throat. “Having a family of your own is a totally realistic goal, Bucky. Having children and a partner? Going to the beach with your family? Those are great things to imagine for the future.”

“I don’t have a family,” he says dully.

Steve is about to address that, but before he can, Daniel bursts out into tears and starts ripping up his paper, upset about babies and the pregnancy he miscarried a few weeks ago. Steve has to put all his effort into calming him down and escorting him down the hall to the soft room so that he can calm down. And by the time he returns to the art room, Bucky has left.

Steve sticks around for an hour afterwards, making sure nothing spirals out of control. He was prepared to spend the night on-ward if he had to, but Bucky’s behavior remains rather tame. He wets himself rather abruptly after art therapy, and Steve helps him get changed with no issues. Bucky tells Steve that he’d like to be alone, and Steve can’t force him to talk if he’s not ready. So he just watches helplessly as Bucky retreats to the soft room and curls up in the same corner where Steve found him that morning, face buried in a pheromone-treated plushie.

Steve has a talk with the overnight orderly on duty, making sure that the beta man knows to keep an eye on Daniel and on Bucky. Then he clocks out and heads home, feeling like the most useless support alpha to ever exist.

The next day, he arrives on ward to find Bucky in an unresponsive state, and the soft room having been cleared out to accommodate him.

“Moved everybody else over to the Phys-ed room,” the on-duty orderly mutters with a grimace, as they both stand in the doorway watching Bucky’s behavior. “He doesn’t answer when we talk to him. And he’s tried to bite when we go to grab 'im.”

“How long has he been like this?” Steve asks, concerned.

The beta man shakes his head. “He seemed normal when he woke up. He didn’t talk, but he wasn’t like this. We let them wander around for their AM free time, and then when I came to move everybody to breakfast, he was rocking. He won’t even look at me. Acts like he doesn’t even hear.”

In the padded far corner of the room, Bucky is sitting huddled over one of the foam rocker forms, naked, his knees planted to either side of the form and his thighs gripping it hard in stress. He’s shed everything from his body, including his diaper, and has his head resting on the front piece, his eyes staring sightlessly to the side. His thumb is in his mouth and he’s sucking it while he rocks compulsively. Steve nods grimly at the sight. “He can hear.”

The orderly looks dubiously from Bucky to Steve, and then back. “Um ... are you sure about that?”

Steve inhales deeply. “Yeah. This is a stress reaction to some traumatic news he got yesterday.”

“Oh.”

Steve goes over to kneel beside the rocker to try and get Bucky to respond to him. But when he has no success, he goes back to tell the orderly to watch the room for a minute while Steve consults his boss.

“I think he needs a course of hormones,” he tells Christina, standing in the doorway to her office because he’s too antsy to even sit down for a proper conversation. “Will you sign off on it?”

Christina nods. “Of course. What method of delivery?”

My dick, Steve thinks, though of course he’d never say that. He’s just frustrated is all. He just wants to make all of Bucky’s pain go away. “Inflation session,” he suggests, receiving a nod from Raynor. “We’ll do sense dep. after, hit him with some ASMR, some tactile stim.”

“Sounds about right.”

Steve turns to leave.

“Rogers?”

He looks back over his shoulder to see Raynor staring him dead in the eye, and gets an uneasy feeling. “What?”

“Once he’s out of this episode, I’m telling the doc to go ahead. We’re castrating him.”

Steve’s heart sinks. “Christina, please, no.”

“We should’ve done it a long time ago and you know it. The only reason we didn’t was the parents, and they’re not in the picture anymore. Steve—don’t look at me like that, Rogers. You agreed when the recommendation came down. It’s what’s best.”

Steve looks down at his feet to avoid glaring at the woman who is directly responsible for his employment. She’s not wrong, which is the worst part. Bucky’s so unbalanced, he should’ve had a therapeutic castration years ago, but his parents have always refused and Bucky’s been none the wiser. Quietly, Steve grits out, “He can’t even take the news of his folks giving him up, how do you imagine the conversation about his nuts being chopped off is going to go?” It’s snarky and unprofessional for him to talk that way to his boss, but he’s emotional.

Miraculously, Christina doesn’t call him out on it. “Not well, I imagine,” she drawls. “But what has ever gone well with this kid? After today, I want you to think about your long term care recommendations for him.”

Steve suppresses a growl. “Long term?” he repeats, and she nods solemnly. He feels dread fill his gut at the look that’s on her face. “We can keep him on ward,” he insists, hating how much it sounds like a plea. “Extended stay, and then maybe—”

“He’s not improving here. It’s been three years. He’s nineteen now. We need to think about his future. He’s in no shape for independent living, and you know it,” she says.

Steve huffs, knowing where this is going. “His family dumped him, Christina. He’s got no one. What do you expect me to do?”

“Long term care recommendation, on my desk by the end of the week.”

Steve grits his teeth, knowing there are only a couple of options there. Bucky can either be institutionalized, or sent to a group home, neither of which is promising. Steve knows Bucky, goddammit. He … he cares about him. And he knows that that’s not what Bucky needs. Bucky just needs someone to ...

To love him.

“What if I found him an alpha?” he asks, ignoring his better judgment. “Somebody who was a good fit, who could take him on?”

“By the end of the week?” Christina looks dubious, and rightfully so. She sighs at him, exasperated. “Rogers, you and I both know that nobody is gonna—”

“Just say that I did,” Steve snaps. “Would you approve it?”

Maybe she can tell what he’s thinking, or maybe she just thinks Steve’s venting and throwing out hopeless ideas. Either way, Christina nods reluctantly, her lips pressed thinly together. “Sure,” she says, obviously not believing that Steve can find someone to take Bucky on in such a capacity by the week’s end. “If you found someone who was actually suitable, I’d sign off on it.”

Steve isn’t even sure why he’s posing impossible hypotheticals, but Raynor’s agreement makes him feel relieved anyway. “I’ll need the bathroom isolated for our session,” he tells her, in lieu of a response. “And then the soft room for the rest of the afternoon.”

Christina grunts and waves him out of the office. “You got it. Now go on, get outta here.”

Steve goes.

“Buck? Hey. Hey Honey.” Steve approaches Bucky like he would a wild animal, wary of the possibility of him lashing out. Not that Steve has to worry about being physically overpowered or anything like that, but even he can take a surprise fist to the face, and he’d rather not have a bloodied nose or a black eye today.

Bucky doesn’t get violent. He seems to register Steve’s presence, as his scent shifts to something slightly more eager and his hips start rocking harder on the foam padding of the form. But his eyes don’t track Steve’s movement when the alpha kneels down beside him, and he doesn’t talk. He just keeps making these little stubborn grunts as he works on stimming himself up to another orgasm.

There’ve been several already, if the state of the rocker is anything to go by. Its red vinyl covering is shiny wet between Bucky’s thighs, making squeaky-slick noises as he moves. Steve reaches out and tentatively touches Bucky’s back. The boy’s nostrils flare and he grunts, rocking harder.

“Shh. Okay, Sweetheart. Okay. I’m gonna help you feel better, Alright bub? Just gotta let me move you around a little bit.”

‘Sexual catatonia’ is the technical term for what Bucky’s experiencing. His brain has gone into protection mode and his body is seeking out the most basic of comforting stimuli as it tries to reorient itself. He’s regressed, only able to process a certain level of input right now, and he’ll stay that way until his body receives enough signals that he’s safe and protected and wanted.

So Steve’s job is to make him feel all three of those things.

He gathers Bucky up from the rocker, shushing him and holding him in a basket restraint position until his few seconds of reactive thrashing stop. “Okay, okay. You’re okay,” Steve murmurs, keeping a low purr going in his chest for Bucky to hear and feel against his back. “Shh sh sh. Okay now. Here we go. Come on over here with Alpha.”

He all but carries him out to the hallway and into the bathroom. The nurse is already in there, setting things up. Bucky’s like a blind and deaf animal, staring aimlessly and making upset noises as he scents another person in the room with them. The orderly keeps a wide berth, but nods at Steve as they enter and points to the equipment he’s had set up for them. “Three bags there for him,” he says. “Just in case.” He heads for the door. “Push the button if you need anything else. I’ll be on station for the rest of the morning.”

Steve nods, depositing Bucky on the treatment bed. “Thanks.”

Bucky’s already naked, so that much is taken care of at least. He’s grunting a little more angrily now that he’s been taken away from his rocker and brought somewhere unfamiliar, so Steve moves around in a hurry to get them all set up. The colonics bed is shaped to cradle him in the correct position while he lies on his back. Steve guides his legs over the incline, then goes about setting up the machine.

‘Therapeutic pregnancy’ isn’t much more than a medicated retention enema, but it can help with bringing omegas out of severe emotional and psychiatric episodes. Obviously, it’s not an actual pregnancy. It’s just that the patient’s body is temporarily tricked into thinking it’s pregnant. And that’s what the nurse was referring to when he said he’d set aside “three bags” for Bucky. On the machine’s hook hang three heavy bags—all full of synthetic alpha semen.

Steve pulls a warmed blanket from the electric cabinet and drapes it over Bucky’s upper body. The omega’s eyes flutter closed as he immediately starts purring in pleasure. Steve smiles tenderly and comforts him, even though he knows that Bucky isn't to aware of his surroundings right now. “There ya go, bub. Just gimme a sec and we’ll have you feeling real good, okay?” He rolls the cart over and hooks up the bags. The machine will warm it to the natural temperature of semen as it moves through the tubes and into Bucky’s body, but first: the apparatus.

An average adult alpha knot is about the size of a regulation baseball, and the artificial knotting apparatuses that hospitals like Hydra Sanatorium use are thus sized. Uninflated, however, the diameter is small—no more than Steve's own thumb. It’s very easy to lube the thing up and slide it inside of Bucky. The omega is already aroused, lax, wet and swollen, and Steve feels his dick start to get interested when he glances down to watch the rubber nozzle slip past Bucky’s pink and pulsing rim.

If you were mine … he thinks covetously, Bucky’s plaintive whimpers echoing alongside the treacherously unprofessional thoughts in his head. If Bucky were his, they wouldn’t be in this horrible, institutionally puke-green tiled bathroom right now. They’d be in Steve’s home, in bed or in some little space in the apartment that Bucky had chosen to nest. Steve would be fucking his mate naturally instead of using all this artificial crap.

If Bucky were his, he wouldn’t even be regressed like this in the first place, because he would know down to the marrow of his bones that he was loved and wanted. Steve would make sure of it. He’d keep him healthy and happy and satisfied. Maybe Bucky would even be pregnant for real, bred up all fat and happy with Steve’s pups. Steve can’t stop thinking about the drawing that Bucky did in art therapy, how he’d drawn himself pregnant in the picture. He’d expressed uncertainty about pregnancy, but maybe if it were Steve’s pup inside him, Bucky wouldn’t mind it then. Maybe everything would balance out in his system, if Steve put a litter in him. Maybe it would make Bucky happy if he—

On the bed, Bucky whines, and Steve shakes his head and huffs at himself. If, if, if. Too bad he doesn’t get paid for Ifs. “Get it together, Rogers,” he mutters, and reaches down to grind the heel of his hand punishingly against his trapped dick—It helps, somewhat. He grasps the hand pump for the knotting mechanism and squeezes it, observing Bucky carefully as he slowly but surely inflates the rubber bulb to its full size inside the omega’s body.

Bucky’s unseeing eyes blink up at the ceiling, glossy with unshed tears. “Ahn, ahn, ah,” he grunts softly. “Ugn, ugn, ah …”

Steve uses his free hand to rub over his lower belly. “You’re okay. It’s okay, Buck. S’that feel nice? I bet it does, huh? Don’t worry, Sweetheart. You just relax now for Alpha, mkay? Alpha’s gonna make it feel good.” He’s sure it’s not the actual words, so much as it is the sound of his voice that Bucky recognizes, but even still, it’s nice to see the way that Bucky responds to him. “That’s right,” he soothes. “Good boy. You’re such a good boy for Alpha, Buck. Alpha loves you.”

He starts the flow, remaining at Bucky’s side and massaging his tummy gently while the machine begins to pump.

The therapy mimics a pregnancy in that it fills the patient’s body with a physical weight. It inflates the colon and the uterus and mimics the influx of hormones that a growing fetus would create. These physical cues help to trick the brain into thinking an actual pregnancy is taking place, and it’s that input—in addition to the naturally calming feeling of the knot itself—which forcibly tells the omega brain that it is safe and bred, wanted and protected. Only a strong and dominant alpha can keep an omega successfully bred up, after all—that’s what the basest parts of a regressed omega’s mind hang onto. And Bucky is currently fully regressed.

His thumb is back up in his mouth already, sucking away. Steve rumbles in his chest in answer to every grunt and moan that Bucky makes, rubbing his tummy for him as he slowly but surely fills out from the liquid. Steve’s sitting on a stool beside the bed, down by Bucky’s bottom where the warm blanket doesn’t cover, so he can clearly see the twitch of the boy’s taught little sac, the way his shrunken prick is getting chubby underneath the swell of his belly. He frees one hand up from the belly massage and rubs him there, smiling tenderly at the pleased chirp he gets for his efforts. “Yeah,” he whispers, working the head between his fingers like he would a female patient’s clit, nice and delicate, gliding gently from the precum his little dick keeps blurting out. “S’that feel nice, baby?”

Bucky grunts in an adorably demanding way and shoves his butt down against the knotting mechanism to stimulate himself harder with it. Steve chuckles and uses his other hand to tug on the nozzle, rocking the inflated rubber knot nice and steady against the swollen glands inside. Bucky makes a very happy noise at that, and when Steve looks up at his face, he sees the omega staring at the ceiling with bleary eyes, hand fallen away from his mouth as he pants open-mouthed and drools. A wave of renewed want hits Steve so hard, he almost feels like he’s taken a punch to the gut. “Oh, bub,” he whispers, feeling his eyes start to heat with the threat of tears. He wants to take care of Bucky so bad that it hurts. Just absolutely fucking aches. He thumbs under his cockhead a little faster, and is able to pull the next orgasm out of him within seconds.

Bucky sobs, voice caught high and pleasure-pained in his throat, still non-verbal and lost in his own head. Steve swallows heavily and glances over at the enema bags. “Almost there,” he says, forcing himself to go back to rubbing Bucky’s belly as the boy takes the last quart of semen inside his body. “Doing so well, Buck,” Steve praises, running both of his big hands over the swell of his belly.

Fuck, he really does look pregnant. With his muscles all lax from the regression, and a couple liters of cum inside him, he’s filled out enough that he looks like he could be about four months pregnant. Steve eases him through the rest of the remaining bag, praising him with a bunch of rambling words when the machine cuts off from its pumping cycle. He removes the tubing from the knot and rolls the machine back out of the way, goes to grab another couple of warm blankets from the cabinet and drapes them over Bucky’s midsection and legs so that he’s totally covered and encased in warmth.

The boy sighs and grunts happily at the sensations, and Steve smiles down at him. “I know, Love, I know. That feels really good, huh? That’s what we want. Need to show your body that everything’s okay. Make you feel like a mommy for just a little while.” Bucky’s not really hearing him or seeing him, but Steve refuses to believe that the sound of his voice doesn’t have any effect. Bucky knows his voice, he does. Steve knows he does.

Bucky’s eyes are barely open. The tears that’ve been glazing over for so long have gathered at the corners and trickled down his temples as he lies there and feels his body telling him it’s pregnant. The knot is keeping him plugged up and the liquid will have made it past his cervix by now, filling him up with a warm, heavy pressure. Steve remains close and rubs his bloated belly from overtop the blankets, maintaining a steady stream of praise in his ear.

When it’s been a good half hour or so, Bucky begins to show signs of emerging from the fugue. His eyes seem to track Steve’s movements more, and he starts to become more aware of his surroundings. He doesn’t have his words back yet, because he looks to Steve and whimpers and whines little helpless sounds, rather than asking questions about what’s going on or what’s happened. Steve hurries to hold his hand and reassure him. “Shh sh sh. Hey, you back with me, Sweetheart? Hi.” He smiles gently and pets his face. “You’re doing great. Took your treatment so well, Baby.”

Bucky wiggles in place, and Steve can see the moment he recognizes the heaviness in his belly. His hands go there, touching the swell of himself, and Steve nods and places a hand on top. “Yeah, that’s right. We’ve got your tummy all filled up. It’s okay. Just a little inflation therapy. S’it feel nice?”

Bucky looks shocked, and incredibly vulnerable, but not upset. His eyes still leak sluggish tears as he nods at Steve. “...‘pha?” he warbles, the tail end of what is probably the only word he’s capable of articulating right now.

Steve’s face pinches and he smiles and nods. “That’s right, bub. Alpha’s right here takin’ care of you. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

Bucky whimpers, dazed, and his eyes slip closed again. But down below, on the distended curve of his belly, he hooks his pinky finger over Steve’s.

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14 notes · View notes

le-trash-prince · 2 months ago

Note

Hi! I love your stories, and I was wondering how you plan them? Because they are so well written and every little corner, every little detail fits perfectly together!

Oh thank you 🥺

My process starts off internally. I’m a visual thinker rather than a verbal thinker, so I have to be able to see something very clearly in my head and then translate it into words. This involves a lot of lying in bed and staring at the ceiling while I play out a scene from a story over and over until I can see it as clearly as if it were happening to me. Sometimes this step may only take a week or two esp if it’s a oneshot, but often it will be months and months of working on a story before I even type a word.

Usually when I actually sit down to properly start a fic, I’ll have at least a couple of major moments or scenes pictured clearly, as well as the general shape of the story. From there, outlining helps me lay things out in a more linear format and helps me narrow down how one moment leads to the next. My outlines tend to be pretty simplistic bullet points—I’ll start broad and then add in more specifics as I work on a chapter and a scene. It’s really just a way of noting to myself what I want to happen, but writing it down helps give me a different perspective on the story as a whole and helps me with tying together moments from different parts of the story. At this point it’s like laying out puzzle pieces, playing with them and seeing where they fit best, maybe realizing some of them don’t fit at all, and figuring out which new pieces I need to make.

For instance, an outline might start out as something like this

Coffee shop scene, exposition, maybe SonicNorth POV, maybe Kim POV: Kenta makes an order, SonicNorth act up, Kim kicks them off the register

Laundromat scene, establish Kenta’s motives, bonding convo

Tony scene, tone shift, oh no

maybe coffee montage or smth

pining

KimKenta date(?) at CharlieBabe cat/dog cafe

pining

[redacted] scene

And so on until I’ve got enough to work with.

Some of these moments are obviously more detailed than others, so I’ll go in and refine them until it’s fleshed out enough that I have an idea of the pacing and where I want to break it into different chapters. Once I figure out where the first chapter begins and ends, which for instance, may be the first three bullet points above, I’ll segment off that portion of the outline. From there, my process varies between adding more detailed bullet point ideas or just going straight into writing it out.

When I’m writing, I tend to think of it in terms of layers, like a drawing in photoshop. The outline is a sketch layer that lets me see the composition of the story. When I’m writing a scene, I can usually only focus on one aspect at a time, so I have to go back again and again and add things until I’ve gotten close to what I see in my head. Action and dialogue often get worked on at the same time, but emotion is usually a different layer, as well as tone, setting (I skimp on describing this lmfao), symbolism, etc

When I describe it like this, it may sound like I’m consciously separating these aspects of a scene, when in reality it’s just that I’ll write something, read it over, realize there’s no emotion conveyed, and then go back and add in what the characters are feeling. Sometimes this happens when I’m drafting, sometimes not until I’m officially editing, and when I’m editing, it’s definitely more purposefully separated so that I can try to be consistent with how often I’m touching base with how the characters are feeling or that I can make sure I’m being consistent with my descriptions of a room layout.

I also tend to think of characters as colors—say, I’ll look at a story, realize I’ve got a moment with North in one place and realize I need to balance out the composition by sprinkling some North-blue in another place or two.

Overall, I feel like I’m always struggling to convey the level of detail that I see in my head. Even though I’ve improved, I still have a long way to go until I have figured out how to describe certain details. This isn’t me being self-deprecating, just lamenting that there’s parts of my stories that readers can’t see 😔 So it means a lot to hear you say that you love the way the details fit together 🥹

I hope this makes sense! This is just the way I’ve figured out how to work with my brain, since I’m not the sort of person who can sit at a blank document and just start typing away—even when I know exactly what happens, it’s still a lot of work to translate it into words.

#em post #asks #writing things

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dramarising-replacement · 11 months ago

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Free art threads.

Made a couple of these in the past, and I'm actually considering just.. not doing them on this site anymore? I actually think I'd be better off doing free art for people on Toyhou.se instead.

Cue the rant.

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So I'm sure some of y'all are familiar with the "Creative Corner" in the forums, yeah? You can share random art you've made, ask people how much they'd pay for your art, that sort of thing. Then, you got the free art threads. They can be titled things like "Drawing ur dragons :33" and "bored, draw humans. bye." and you'll also see the same couple users posting in those threads, but I'm not here to name-drop lol.

The ones who I have a problem with are the ones who don't read anything. Like, at all. You could spend thirty minutes crafting a decent looking thread, filled with information (but not TOO much, just enough to answer most people's questions) and highlight the "rules" part of your thread that has specific steps to follow for free art. Wanna know what the majority of the commentors on your thread are gonna do?

"[Insert dragon image] Pls draw :)" or "[Link to a page with over 60+ dragons] choose whatever one you want.]" and that's about it. There won't be any mention of any steps you wanted them to follow, (The steps are usually very simple, too. As in, let the artist know the bare minimum idea of what you want. I'm talking about expressions here. That's literally all they'd have to do to get some scrumptious free art.) and that feels kinda invalidating, y'know?

I'm not asking the commentors to describe a whole scene for me, I'm just asking them to give me ONE LITTLE IDEA (again, an expression or maybe if they want a bust) and I'll do the rest for them, free of charge. The art that they'd be getting isn't some random disaster of a sketch, nono, it's fully-colored and shaded. It also doesn't look like something that a 5 year old drew. (No shade to people who draw like that, I was stuck like that for years.) Bro, just do a MINIMAL amount of reading and I'll draw your dragon that has an absurd amount of apparel to tje point where it hurts my eyes.

..It doesn't just stop there, either. I've also seen these people never reply to artists who have given them an absolute masterpiece of a drawing, for free. Bro. You serious? I get that some people are inactive, which I'm not bothered by. But the ones who aren't? ...Ehh, I just think you could at least thank the artist before returning to the void with your free art.

The moral of the story is; Do the bare minimum and read what matters in a post, and thank the artists who draw your dragons for free. Especially the ones who could've easily charged you 1kg+ for the work they've done.

If you're socially awkward, then cool. I get that. If you can't afford to pay artists with fictional pixel money, then go ahead and visit the free art threads. I'm not trying to gate-keep them, I literally make these threads. I just don't enjoy having people put zero effort in their requests and then never acknowledge the fact that I drew their dragon for them. Just my thoughts, everyone views things differently and that's okay!

---

Btw, I mentioned Toyhou.se because I've posted on both before, and while there are SOME similarities in the users' behavior, there's also some notable differences, too.

Common flight rising free art thread comment: [doesnt read text and adds dragon image] thanks if you draw.

Common Toyhou.se free art thread comment: [links a character, goes into a VERY in-depth explanation about how said character acts, very passionate too. Usually reads rules, too.] Thanks if you draw. (gotta stay consistent lol)

Obviously there are some differences in the sites which affect how the users act, I get that. One's a literal dragon collecting game and the other one's focused on writing and drawing characters, it's expected that one would read more than the other.

...But again, free art. Not paid, but free. Someone takes time out of their day to draw your dragon. Just give them a simple "thanks" and go on your merry way. That's all you gotta do. Lets them know their effort was appreciated, and shows that you're a nice person. Win-win.

Please man, just read. Did I mention that these threads usually have a maximum of 100 words? I don't usually type this much. But damn, this just irritated me so much.

Well, that's the end of this rant. Like I said, a few people are obviously going to disagree with some/maybe everything I've said, and that's life. This was a disorganized rant, and that's all it's going to be.

#Forums

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daydreamerfox · 2 years ago

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Routine Update #1

It'll all be under the cut in case you don't want to read it!

Also, please enjoy these sketches of Kaeya, because drawing this man brings me joy!

Close ups also under the cut!

I wanna make these kind of text kinda regularly, that’s something that I’m slowly working on.

There are a few things that I’ve noticed as the time went by that I think they’re important enough to be written down and read not just by you but by myself too, so I can keep reminding myself of that all the time!

Creating habits is something hard. It takes time. Months, actually. It’s not easy to get used to do something you never really did before or start doing something in a completely different way. The important thing is to be persistent and not giving up, the more you do it consistently the more you’ll get used to doing it.

Yes, there will be moments you’ll forget to do this new activity, there will be moments you’ll go back to your old “routine” and not even realize, and that’s fine! It’s normal. The important part is that, if you notice yourself doing that, you pay attention on what made you stop doing it (if possible) and change what’s needed so you can go back to your habit. That being if you’ve noticed that this new habit is helping you in any way.

I’ve been trying to record videos about what I’m doing and what I’m trying to change or not in my routine, but I frequently forget about recording them and sometimes I feel like I should just let go of this idea because “it’s been a long time I don’t work on it, anyway”, but that kind of thought is exactly the reason why I’m doing this whole process. It’s precisely to make me not give up on my projects and keep evolving and working on them and actually turning all my ideas into reality.

There are different kinds of productivity and when you’re working on a project that you really want to make it become a reality you don’t want a short term productivity, you want a long term one, something that would actually help you make things happen, actually create all those things you want to create, something that will help you feel like you’re moving forward and not stuck in the same place.

This kind of productivity doesn’t have a lot to do with how much you can dedicate yourself to it each day, it has more to do with how much attention you give to this project in general, how persistent you are and, more importantly, not giving up on getting it done, even if you spend a few days not working on it.

It’s important to pay attention to how organized your project is and how much you make it easy for your brain to think about it at different times of the day. If your brain can easily think about that and you have the path you wanna take minimally thought out, then that’s already a big step towards being productive!

The less obstacles you put in your own path, the better (we already have so many that we don’t have control of, lets try our best to help ourselves with what we can change!). Slowly I’m starting to understand that having a bunch of different big projects simultaneously can also be an obstacle. If you wanna do something, it’s important to direct your attention to that thing. Priorities are hard to come up with, but they’re necessary in these moments. (Particularly I’m a mess in all of these, and I guess you can see why I haven’t been posting much… oops!).

I’m trying to change that, though, get better at focusing myself in what I wanna accomplish and what I wanna make come true, try to prioritize every single one of my goals and give them the right amount of attention so I can get where I want.

I’ve changed my set up, now I’ve been using my drawing tablet also as a second monitor, even when I’m just writing these texts. That might sound as something really simple and with no importance, but the idea is to help me whenever I decide to draw something. I’ve noticed that sometimes I felt like drawing, but just because the tablet wasn’t connected to the computer I kept procrastinating as much as I could and eneded up not producing anything, now all I need to do i move my keyboard to the side and grab my stylus. It hasn’t been long that I did that, let’s see how this will go and how much it’ll improve my productivity or not, I’ll keep you guys updated on that!

I’ve been trying to go slow, get it easy on the things I wanna do and keep them simple, I usually end up making everything super complex and hard for myself, way more than I should, which always makes things hard to actually finish any project. Sometimes I plan it so much and end up never really working on them because I always think I haven’t planned them enough, and I always catch myself doing many things at once and planning 3-4 other unrelated projects I’d like to work on, without even knowing where to start!

At the moment I’m trying to get used to my projects I’m already working on and just when I’m already used enough that I don’t have to think too much about what I’m doing, then I’ll consider starting another project.

Do you also go through that? Do you guys have any solutions?

#genshin impact #fanart #kaeya #brart #brazilian artists #my art #daydreamerfox #text #motivational #inspiring #🦊 the artist rambles #Daydreamer Fox Text

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solstrix · 22 days ago

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ART RESOLUTIONS OF 2025

Looking back at my progress this year, I can see how much I have grown…. And exactly where I want to improve in the future! To help me figure out how to improve in those ways, let us make a list to further define my goals and objectives, as well as to consult if I ever feel I am losing my way. But the most important thing to remember, is that every piece made gets me closer to being the artist I want to be.

As a disclaimer, this list is extremely specific to my own goals, please! Feel free to share your goals if you have them! I’d be curious to see, and I genuinely feel inspired by hearing what other people want to work on.

Therefore, without further ado…

Work on comics!! When we really get down to it, this is my most significant and most important goal. I have always wanted to be a comic artist, to tell stories using my art… But I’ve been holding myself back, feeling that my skills were not good enough, not consistent enough, just… not enough in general. That’s a lie though, and it has been a lie for a long time. I’ve been drawing characters since junior high. Backgrounds have never been my strong suit, but that is something that can only be improved by drawing more of them… Which I would have been motivated to do for the sake of my comics! I can only get better if I make them. And so I simply must make them.

Stay in my lane! Make less fanart, and more original work! Now don’t get me wrong, fan art is fun to make, and if making art of your fave is what keeps you picking up the pencil, then do it! But for me… I always find myself at the end of the year, wishing I’d dedicated more time to my own projects, my own stories, my own artistic voice. So this year I want to commit myself to finishing the first chapter of my webcomic, to draw my own characters, to draw from life or reference photos I’ve taken myself. Fanart will now be an occasional treat, not the everyday meal, so to speak.

Embrace my own pace! I’ve talked about this before on here, but the fact that I’m a slow artist has long been a struggle of mine. To make a long story short, I’ve decided that thinking of this as a flaw was in itself the real problem, and that what needed to change was my mindset. After all, it is when I take my time that I end up most enjoying the process. This means I might occasionally have to skip posting for a week, but most difficult… This means I have to give up weekly/monthly challenges. I keep trying to do these, and I keep failing, and it keeps making me feel burned out and worse than before. I have to let go.

Explore and define different approaches to making finished pieces. This one is a little hard to explain, but perhaps one of the most important for this blog. In the past, I’ve convinced myself that there was only one way to truly finish a piece: start with a sketch, do clean lineart, then flat colours, and then shading and rendering. Only once every single one of these steps was done, could a piece be properly considered “complete.” Not only is this completely untrue, but it is also incredibly limiting, and… perhaps even part of what makes me a slower artist… And what really broke through to me last year, was that many of the artists I looked up to and admired, often didn’t even follow these “necessary” steps! Vespertiliu’s hatched inks are just as complete as Abigail Larson’s flat colours as Julia Lepetit’s blocked shadows as PricklyAlpaca’s painterly renderings. I have such a range of options at my disposal, and I’ve been limiting myself to just one! I hope to explore more of these options and become comfortable with each of them, until I can approach illustrations with an intentional style approach in mind. And not every illustration needs to be done the same way.

Draw more scenes! Like I mentioned above, backgrounds have been something I’ve struggled with, and which I wish I was more comfortable with doing. But drawing a background for the sake of drawing a background has always been a bit boring to me… And it’s only recently that I realized there was an extremely simple solution to this “problem”: throw in a character! Not only will this motivate me to draw the background in the first place, but it will help me improve at proportioning things, considering compositions, and, of course, it will make it easier to draw scenes for my comics.

Sketchbook and journal regularly. So here’s the thing: I actually LOVE making traditional art, just as much as digital art. In particular, traditional art tends to be my sanctuary of sorts, the art I make truly and only for myself. Most of it will never be posted, and that’s part of the point. Sketchbooking for myself is how I practice and warm up at the start of an art session, but most importantly, it is how I nurture my own creativity and my love for making art. I must ignore the voice that tells me that art made behind the scenes serves no tangible purpose to my presence online: it serves a purpose to me.

Find my audience. Now let me be clear: I appreciate every single one of you who follow my blog, watch my progress, share my art… But I have to be brutally honest with myself, and with you, here. The fact that my original art gets little to no attention compared to my fanart, is… a little soul-crushing. But this is something that can change. By prioritizing my original works this year, I hope this means I can eventually find those people who would love my original creations for what they are, and to whom my art speaks to and compels in the same way that it does to me.

Have fun, and enjoy the process. Avoid the traps of perfectionism and succumbing to social (or invented) pressure.

#soli soliloquies #artists on tumblr #art advice #art struggles #artist struggles #new year's resolution #Took a bit of time away from posting for the holidays #and then! because I got married last week!!!#I love my wife so much y'all

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tryingtolearnartsob · 1 month ago

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hehehe i’m soooo happy feel like i’m IMPROVED AND CRACKING DOWN AT THIS DRAWING FIGURES SHIT! !!! i feel like i’m more consistent with it too and ahhhh that makes me happy. so like i feel like i started to run into this trap of drawing in simplified ways of just drawing all of the body in one go and the problem with this is well. the fact that i get the proportions wrong and it becomes flat, since the simplified way was like. flat drawing of the torso and i thought my problem for a while was trying to get the portions and also kinda realised my drawings were becoming flat. but i didnt want to go back to drawing in ribcage etc since it was like so. much more steps and hahaha i just! terrible! but i did get some enlightment between these moments where i felt like my understandings and shit were getting better.

i also realised drawing circles helped instide the flat simplificiation helped but anyways it was until today i figured way. and its honestly less figured out and more like things clicked into place. recently, ive been wanting to not zoomed into the canvas since i realised that it becomes small that. and i think overall picture from zoomed place will help wih spacial stuff and i have been using more pen like brushes so like i can focus on my line and stuff. anyways i didnt think that today i would be doodling, i did want to but eh it wasnt something i just wanted to do. and since i didnt wanan force it i just let it be… until heheh i got the urge to draw today <333 and so! i got the pen and went to cracking it. picked a art pose ref and got to it: and this session i wanted to take it slow. its something i also realised about me self. like i sometimes go to fast with sketching stuff, that really, its better to just sometiems SLOW THE F DOWN. ahaha.

and also this time, i wanted to better draw in head. then just circle. and after that, its time to block in body: i leave out the next, and since ive drawn in head more properly i didnt feel like using the simplied body thing or whatever i do. and just did like line for the shoulder and from then, tried to block in the pelvis/crotch era with line and i think its where it clicked. this method of constructing body from line portions and sometimes full boxes/squares. so i can get my portions right and i can have more freedom with it all and i think this all worked out before i did diff things across my journey: like when i really wanted to get better at drawing the chest but was having struggle with it all since when i drew torso first, it just wasnt workig so then i tried to draw collarbone and then chest right after. it also helped with not drawing the chest further up then it supposed to be. also when i was having struggle with where the crouch started/where belly botton was and did this kind of instintcive portion thing where i would go to ref and from chest go to naval to crouch and see that for me, i would do it a little more up than it should do. it was the same for knees, so i would do that. and those times where i thought drawing the arms first was helpful, it was and still is sometimes in some poses. and also that one video i watched that while the exact method isnt for me, the way was helpful while trying to understand n draw arm start/deltiod/shoulder. and thise videos that did pose from other view to help better explain really helped today when i was trying to break down this lying pose since ahaha i havent really hacked on those and theyre hard! but wow did i get better understanding from trying to draw in side view. anyways man it just made me feel/realise all those steps i had and stuff and when id go through OMG I FOUND THE WAY TO DRAW THE ART and even those some early poses that looked good and then became bad but it wasnt. it was me jumping from different ways and different levels to GET TO HERE!

the ups and downs, worked out in so many ways….? im so happy….. it feels like /all/ of it is paying off mann… im so happy. like when i honestly did like/felt so easily frustated in the begining and realised well. problem was that was that i was approaching the studies with such realistic(?) kind of way that. dumbing/simpling shit down made me give up less….! and that time with me trying to study more seriously and doing humerous bone study and muscle…. and that i didnt end up continuing but i stilll rememebr what i learned. and i feel like it will help when i get back to studing arm.

like right now, my arm and legs and head study i really need to work on. even neck. lol the way i forget neck a lot ahaha. and also the doing from diff angles, the digure. also i do like as im doing this studies im also trying to get a feel for the gesture and how to make it less stiff. i feel like now, im getting more better understanding of everything and better direction and ahaha def now that i will fall into those downs again and frustation and feeling like its going bad again but at least now, its all be accumalting my better understanding. ahhhhh im so happy right now.

#art journey #30th dec #next step i wanna do know is try to create stuff and see how i fare better #also just really freaking happy my side views are also looking much better #man side views soooo hard #but approching it with drawing the rectangles of rib or pelvis was so much easier #but also those struggles of side views i draw before that helped me get betetr understanding of where everything goes #is why i could easily build ontop of the rectangled that heloed me with portions and shit #AHHHHH ITS REALLY ALL COMING TOGETHER #December

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kitkat-the-muffin · 2 years ago

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I’ve been hesitant to post this because I’m afraid of it becoming popular and blowing up my notifications but I just have to get it off my chest

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish, one of the most artistically beautiful films I’ve ever seen, would not be possible if it weren’t for the animation industry’s obsession with making CGI look “realistic”

You’re probably wondering what I mean. After all, when comparing the two movies in the Puss In Boots series, the first one definitely looks more realistic while the second looks more cartoonish

But a cartoonish art style is not a downgrade. A really bad art teacher once told me that “in order to draw good cartoons one has to first master realism.” While this advice did not help me in the slightest, I think I finally understand what she meant

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish isn’t in a realistic art style but it still feels real in its own universe thanks to the techniques the animation industry learned from realism. I’m struggling to properly put my thoughts into words so let me try an example

You know how people used to compare the dog from the first Toy Story to the cat from Toy Story 4? And how realistic the cat looked while the dog looked ugly and plastic? Imagine if those animators tried to remake the dog with their new techniques

If they aimed for total realism, it’d look realistic but unrecognizable from it’s original design. However, by taking the road to realism and then turning at the fork into cartoonism, the plastic looking dog can be both realistic and recognizable when art styles are merged properly

I think what my old art teacher was trying to say was that if I draw a cartoon nose without perfecting a realistic nose it’ll look off or something. That’s not really true, art styles are forged from the artist’s own experiences and efforts, but I understand that the physics of a sketch should match the physics of reality

Hair should move with the wind, a character’s weight should be consistent, arm length mustn’t change every frame, etc etc. The efforts of CGI animators to master these physics and then attribute them to fictional settings and scenarios is admirable. Ever see those behind the scenes videos for Tangled and how they animated Rapunzel’s hair? That’s so cool how they meticulously made sure it felt natural wherever it landed

Animation was not made to be a substitute for Live Action (looking at you Lion King remake). While it may be utilized as such, its true purpose was to be a medium for unachievable spectacles, such as a small mouse in red shorts piloting a steamship. Animation should be based on this divergence from what is unrealistically possible in our reality and what may be possible in another

That’s why Disney’s live-action remakes aren’t as good as their original films, because they change the context of the medium. If you suddenly introduce a world where Fairy Godmothers exist in live-action, what makes our world so special in comparison?

Anyway uh with how long this post is it probably won’t blow up, so my notes are safe for now. I hope those who do find this post learn something though

#muffin moments #I’m not tagging every film I talk about though #puss in boots: the last wish #puss in boots the last wish #puss in boots #puss in boots 2 #disney #toy story #toy story 4

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jenuinedog · 2 years ago

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Sorry if this is is a weird question, but how do you draw so many different shapes and poses so fluidly?

(I have a drawing style based on realism and I'm having a lot of trouble finding ways to adapt to different poses and expressions in a way that makes sense to me)

Not weird at all! A lot of my process is breaking things down into simple shapes and making silly mental notes to myself like “ the middle finger is usually always longer than all the other fingers” and “ overlap this line here to make the arm bend look more believable” fjhgsdjhfsdgf

Now, I could spend time drawing out the musculoskeletal structure of everything and all the joints and where everything goes, but that’s extremely boring to me and i’m impatient. So I opt for simple color blocking the silhouettes of shapes. Just enough so I know what I can manipulate, and how. Besides, you can always add details later. Focusing on details immediately is the quickest way to get frustrated, no matter what kind of style you have. Take. Your. Time!!!!

The way I approach it is similar to tweening in animation, or the intermediate frames between two key frames. Y’know, those frames you see when you pause something and the character looks stretched out/disfigured ? Those frames are what create more movement. Same can be applied to the drawing process! Lets look at this lil doodle here:

Sure, the subtle stretch of the circle shows decently enough that these two both have the circle, and want it, and don’t want each other to have it, but it doesn’t really feel like it, does it? buuuuuuuuuuut..

If we stretch it a lil bit and emphasize the STREEEETCH (and the effect of it on the poses respectively), it looks a lot more exaggerated, which makes it more fluid. You get a better sense of the tug of war between these two. Who will win? Will the circle stay in one piece?? Did these two ever learn the concept of sharing???? What matters is you can see the movement a lot more clearly. Especially in tandem with the first doodle. There WILL be a victor here.

You can apply this to basically any shape! Once you break down your shapes, see how they fit with the movement of what you’re drawing. Stretch and squish and squeeze as needed. Combining curves with straights aids in bringing more movement by allowing some contrast to show where the stress of the movement is the highest/most influential. OH also...

DRAW THROUGH YOUR SHAPES!!! This helps you follow the form a bit easier, which will lead to more coherent movement throughout your drawings!

You can see where i’ve kept the initial lines and where i’ve drawn the back of the head and how it feeds into the neck, which then feeds into how I “attach” the shoulders to the torso. This also provides consistency, which I find is super helpful in guiding me to where the “flow” of the pose is going or more prominent. You can (sorta) see where I made the right eye slope a bit upwards to follow the contour of the purple circle I used for the initial headshape. The distortion makes it look more dynamic, even when there isnt any real movement going on here. It provides depth and feel and a sense of where these shapes are sitting in relation to other shapes.

(its a messy sketch, but hopefully you can see where I was goin’ with it LOL).

Learning to abuse foreshortening is also a good way to get some fluidity in your poses/expressions. The whole concept relies on making a deal with perspective to elongate, overlap, and compress shapes to “fit” within the composition. It might also help to try figuring out which edges and contours are more important to your composition, and accentuate them as well!

I hope this helps aid you somewhat in your quest to figuring out how to make sense of things in your style, n good luck! <:

#i know this is long but #hope it's easily digestible #it's been a while since i've picked apart my process for a tutorial LOL #asks #tutorial

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iraprince · 3 years ago

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this might not be something you personally have difficulty with, but i was recently diagnosed with severe adhd and i was wondering if you had any tips regarding just like….drawing?? i have such a hard time getting started even though i usually end up feeling pretty stoked and happy with my work if i manage to get something down. i used to draw constantly as a kid to help me focus in class, but in my adult life i just feel like there are so many invisible barriers between myself and putting pencil to paper. i’m sure there are a lot of perfectionism issues involved as well, so i guess just any sort of advice in any of those areas would be greatly appreciated! your work is fantastic and i’m really grateful that you share adhd stuff as well!! have a great day! :o)

i actually have a LOT of difficulty with this -- i have more difficulty than i have advice, probably! but my advice always ends up boiling down to the same thing lately, and it sounds really hokey but i mean it as literally as possible bc it's the only thing that consistently works for me: be fucking nice to yourself!

for a long time the only solution i had to being Inexplicably Unable To Do Something was to yell at myself, bully myself, assume that i wasn't trying hard enough, and end up a miserable little ball of confusion and frustration. it was def worse before i was diagnosed, but it's definitely not gone (sometimes "i don't know why i can't just do it!" just gets replaced with "well, i know what the problem is, so why can't i find a way around it?!"). and after many many years of experience with the bullying reaction vs a much shorter time comparing this reaction to other, kinder approaches, i can say with a lot of confidence that handling it with internal yelling and shaming doesn't work, straight up. it's not helpful, and most of the time it makes things worse -- even if you manage to force yourself to complete a task once or twice like this, it's too exhausting and demoralizing to be sustainable. so, while you haven't mentioned frustration in your question, that's still where my mind goes as a first step: if you're experiencing distress or anger or embarrassment over running into those barriers over and over again, the first step is practicing being calm and forgiving, not immediately trying to find a way around it. once you hit the wall and you find you can calmly go "oh, okay! this isn't working. let's figure out why" instead of immediately launching into "what the fuck is WRONG with me????", finding solutions is a lot easier.

the times i've surprised myself by having things just suddenly Flow after a long period of struggling are usually brought about by a ton of excitement and enthusiasm! i get really into a rarepair and i'm gripped with the need to make my own content, or i make a new oc who i really love, or i get back into a piece of media i haven't touched in a while and get all charged up with excitement. you gotta feed the tank to make stuff, so setting time aside to consume stuff that inspires and excites you is just as important as setting the time aside to actually sit down and try to draw.

another thing that has helped me is trying to be really purposeful abt reminding myself WHY i draw; sometimes, especially since it's my job, the images i'm supposed to be making just turn into this big featureless stack of Tasks instead of me really thinking about + appreciating what i do and why i love it. when i'm in a rut with commissions, for example, sometimes before i even try to start working (or if i HAVE tried to start and it's just not happening), i stop and sit down with the wips and really LOOK at them. i go through them one at a time and point out things i like about them or what i'm looking forward to doing: "the pose came out so good on the first try and i want to see what it'll look like finished," or "detailing all this hair is going to be so fun and relaxing." when you get so caught up in the constant repeated thought of "i just want to DO something, i want to DRAW," especially when it's been days or weeks or months where you can't, i think you can unconsciously start replacing "i want to draw because it's fun and i like what i make" with "i want to draw because i keep failing to and i just want to prove i can still do it," and for me the latter thought is usually way more distressing than it is motivating.

and finally, a failsafe: sometimes, when i can remember to do it, my secret weapon is counting down at myself for the tiniest steps possible. like i'll literally say out loud, "on the count of five, i'm going to stand up and go get my sketchbook. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...." it has to be out loud and i think the reason it works is because like. if you say it out loud, reach five, and you don't do it, you feel astronomically goofy??? and then i just go from there: "on the count of 5, i'm going to find an empty page." "on the count of 5, i'm going to start sketching a head." it kind of forces through the executive dysfunction in a way i haven't really been able to replicate with anything else. it doesn't always work in a super meaningful way -- like, plenty of times i do like three steps and then i'm like "i hate this and i don't want to and i'm not gonna make anything good like this so i give up!" and then i just take the L for the afternoon. but when the "frozen in place, literally cannot stop just staring at the page" thing is the main issue, it might be enough of a push to get going!

as always here's me going "oh oop no i dont have a lot sorry" and then rambling for paragraphs and paragraphs but by now we should be used to that. good luck, and remember 2 be patient + nice :D

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jacqthehermit · 2 years ago

Photo

Art Summary and Art vs Artist 2022

2022 Art Ramblings and Other Shenanigans:

A.) I am not speed

Whenever artists wanna try something new to improve their art, we tend to make big drastic changes right away. This can be effective for others but not for everyone. As you can see, my art style is still the same as last year with minimal tweaks.

I decided that if I'm gonna make improvements, I'm gonna do it gradually instead of incorporating them all at once. This can be a big help in maintaining consistency. If the changes were small, we can easily remember and apply them on our next artwork.

“So is it effective? Did your art improve?”

It’s barely noticeable but yes it did. I like the direction in which my art progress is currently going. I am at the point where I actually like my finished work more than my sketch. You know that meme where artists like their sketch more than their finished work bec it looks better? I don’t feel like that anymore and that surely tells something haha.

B.) I failed successfully

Last year, I made a pseudo new years' resolution where I said "I hope I can draw my ships, anime and original stuff" since I mostly did Genshin. Well, I successfully drew my ships, anime and original stuff this year HOWEVER I made less videos lol.

I tried doing 1-2 artworks in between videos but sometimes the artwork took me longer to finish so I wasn't able to make video content afterwards. Another thing was the fact that I sorta dedicated some months tryna help save our country but in the end we failed miserably... Anyways! Let's not talk about that here.

Even though I made less videos, I managed to make 2 impactful videos which contributed a lot to my channel's growth this year. One of them is now my most viewed video.

C.) I wanna delete everything

Checking other artists' IG accounts makes me want to turn my account into an art only account. But then again I know I'll be having the urge to shitpost and post irl stuff every now and then so as much as I wanted to be one of those mysterious artists who only post/talk about their art, I can't lmao.

I feel like there's a lot of pressure on the artists who only post art related stuff bec people will always be expecting you to post art or even if they don't, you yourself might think they expect you to. And this kinda contributes to being burnt out somehow.

Whenever I am on the verge of deleting everything (except art) I remind myself that it's fine even if I ain't one of those cool artists accounts. I am human and I do other human activities too besides drawing. It's like taking a breather I guess.

"Make 2 accounts, one art and one personal"

Not everyone has the capacity to manage 2 accounts in one platform when you’re already managing other accounts on other platforms. Even if you did, most people who followed you for your art won't give a fuck about your personal one which kinda defeats the purpose haha.

I know this is not applicable to all artists, especially the professionals/veterans. But for hobbyists like me, maybe you should consider this. I am not forcing you to post personal stuff bec I know not everyone likes that. I'm just saying that it's important to emphasize every once in a while to your audience that you are human too and not just an art producing machine.

D.) I miss time traveling

Long time ago, during my Deviantart days, I used to type a bunch of shit in the description box of my artworks. Then came the Tumblr era where I continued to blog my heart out. When these platforms "died" and Twitter and IG migration happened, I slowly stopped doing this without me noticing it.

I still say things on Twitter but since there's a limit and making threads is a pain in the ass, I ain't as expressive as before. And these platforms (Twitter and IG) made me adapt to its "culture" of short tweets/captions or sometimes nothing at all, just pictures. Which was great! I mean not everyone needs to know your entire business on the interweb right lol.

But as time passed by, I began to realize that I love backreading (I dunno if this is the right term) whatever shit I used to talk about in the past. It's actually amusing no matter how cringe, happy or lonely it was. However, since transferring to Twt and IG, I can no longer go back to a certain period in my life to reminisce what the hell I was thinking, doing and feeling that time because I got nothing to backread and that made me kinda sad?

Even though I am still bad with words, I am trying my best to resurrect my old self here in IG (just less cringe and more careful this time). Don’t worry I am not going to make long posts everyday lmao.

"Nobody's gonna read all that"

True. HOWEVER my future self would and I think that's more important. It's the same as writing in your diary, you write for yourself first and foremost.

“Why don’t you just go back to Tumblr to blog”

My time on Tumblr has passed. Whatever good or bad memories I have there, I just wanna keep them as they are and no longer add some haha. I still love the platform and post my artworks there tho.

Conclusion:

Art progress and channel growth did great this year. Tho I fell short in terms of quantity of my video content, the quality compensated. I am not gonna make any pseudo new year’s resolutions this year. All I can say is I have a lot of ideas and I hope I can execute them.

Before I end this, I just wanna say hi to my future self. I know you’re reading this again for the nth time. Maybe you’re feeling sentimental or just bored as usual haha. Nevertheless I hope you’re doing well.

Happy New Year everyone! Stay safe and see you on my next video~

Jacq out.

P.S. Fuck AI generated images.

#genshin impact #kaeya #yae miko #venbara #yaeyato #naruto #jimin #jin #shaman king #xiaolumi #chilumi #jacqthehermit.drawing

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thefuchsianeko · 3 years ago

Text

never posted these here i guess. well

a while ago something compelled me to do edits with my redesign of Alastor (I WOULD link back to my original post with the redesigns, but it’s old and ugly so...)

got really into it I think

too lazy to write it all out again so I’m just gonna copy-paste what I wrote about them from Instagram... so under the cut will be the original screenshots, as well as some design notes and stuff

I sketched a couple of other characters but I mostly did Alastor... also those are the only ones I actually finished lol. I'm most interested in his redesign than the others.

tl;dr -- I tried simplifying his design while also making it more period-accurate (he died in the '20s apparently), as well as giving him details and a colour design that I think would help him stand out amongst the other characters (tho I did nothing else to edit these but if I was in charge of design a lot of colours in the environment would be changed to help characters stand out from the bg). I also kept some of his deer-traits (the ear-tufts and antlers specifically) bc idk i like deer whatever. (also if these edits are inconsistent idc if the pilot won't be consistent then neither will i)

I don't think it's a secret that I kinda don't like Hazbin Hotel that much... I mean I'm interested in seeing where it goes but the pilot itself very flawed. ANYWAY hehehh... I fucking hate Alastor's design but at this point I kinda love hating him (for reasons unintended by the creators). His design is ANNOYING AS SHIT and he comes off as try-hard so I can't take him seriously. Some design notes... So he supposedly died in the '20s but like, his outfit looks like it'd be from a lot earlier? Annoys the shit outta me but anyway I just gave him a simple suit (after skimming one of my books about '20s and '30s fashion I saw a lot of that) along with some coattails for a cooler silhouette. Almost gave him a regular tie too but I kinda like the upside-down cross thing he has goin' on (a symbol often mistakenly attributed to satanism but whatever looks neat). Cleaned up his hair, kept the ear-tuft-things for the deer-look but also I kinda like how the ears blend into the hair (here it should be assumed they're ears at least). Made his antlers bigger so you can uh ACTUALLY SEE THEM. Muted his colour scheme to help go with the '20s theme and make him stand out against allllll the fkin red, and gave him flat teeth instead of sharp teeth. I think it’d be cool if everyone else in Hell had sharp teeth except this fuckin’ guy… it’d stand out. Didn’t change his radio-staff much but I’d probably make it look more like a mic from the ‘20s. Also I changed his nose bc I want more variety and I hate his goddamn button-nose like wtf.

Oh also, his story's kinda different; in my rewrite Alastor has become a kind of a recluse for years after finishing his last big radio-show (the one that Vaggie exposition-dumps to Angel Dust in the pilot) because he’s having trouble trying to figure out what his next show will be (basically he has art-block lol). He wants it to top (or at least equal) the quality of his last show. When he hears about Charlie’s project from her news interview, her passion and belief in the hotel ignites new inspiration in him (plus the idea of the hotel is insane to him and whether it succeeds or not it’d make a great show). He goes to the hotel in the hope to make a deal so he can cover the story as it unravels. Also he doesn't show off his power that much, if anything it's all only sprinkled in and/or hinted to. He can be pretty friendly but people feel uneasy around him bc 1) he just has that kind of aura and 2) people try not to make him upset in fear of being ripped apart.

Idk if any of this doesn't make sense you can ask about it and I'll try to explain better.... maybe idk i hate words

btw don't be surprised if I make more stuff for this later on bc I kinda love him and have been thinking about a rewrite of the pilot (this is all for fun, of course. If you like the show that's great and I can see how others would like it, there's just details about it that bug me specifically).

#screenshot edit #screencap edit #hazbin hotel #redesign #alastor #character design #veez art

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honeyatsu · 4 years ago

Text

Loner (Junpei x f!reader) 2

Warnings: whole lotta fluff. y/n being dense lmao.

summary: Junpei was suspicious of you. He always felt the world was filled with people who were naturally evil in some way, until you came into his life and challenged his theory.

masterlist

crossposted on ao3

unorganized sountrack

a/n: updates gonna be slow from now on until the semester is over!

Tatsu ramen wasn’t too far from the school grounds, taking your time walking would consist of a light fifteen minutes. The sun would be setting by the time you and Junpei would make your way to the restaurant, the streets being busy with those walking home after a long day. Tatsu ramen would never be too busy with the time you two went considering it was often school days that you two would go and eat after school hours and (sometimes) do homework. The two of you have become all too familiar with the place, the dim-lit yellow walls and red booths become a place of comfort, a place to rest and ease down after a long day of classes and spending time at your clubs.

Within a month, it was a routine for you two. After finishing your club activities, you would always wait for Junpei outside of the school gates, usually playing with the hems of your uniformed skirt and smiling widely as you would see him walk towards you. The first time he saw you waiting he didn’t know it was for him, until you grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the same place you took him to the day before without warning.

It was more you who would go out of your way to look for him, noticing him at school a lot more since meeting him in class. He would often walk with head down, so you would run to him while shouting his name, hugging him from behind to grab his attention. Within the first two weeks of you latching yourself onto him with your presence, he just wanted to ask why. Why did you run from your friends to be with him? Why did you wait after school every day with him just to go and eat after? Why were you so persistent in being his friend?

He would often wonder why with you, but he never asked.

“This assignment is sooo hard, don’t wanna do it.” You sighed while laying your head on the table. You reached your hands out across, grabbing Junpei’s fingers and playing with them lightly. You didn’t miss the way his face heated up at your sudden display of contact. You smiled softly to yourself before saying, “You still get flustered when I touch you. Does it bother you? I can stop.”

You tried not to display a look of disappointment of your face, fearing his answer would be to ask you to stop. You figured after a month of friendship with him he’d be used to it, but you wanted to respect his boundaries and his body language continued to display discomfort whenever you would practically breath near him.

“It’s, uhm, it’s just….always so sudden.” He said averting his gaze to his bowl to avoid the smug look on your face. “Do you just casually touch all your friends like this?”

You didn’t want to admit this to yourself, but you’d be lying if you said his small display of jealous didn’t stroke your ego. That and the simple fact that for the first time in a month, he finally acknowledged you as his friend. That extremely small, and most likely unintentional vocal announcement of friendship was a firm pat in the back for you. With the surge of confidence overflowing, you made the bold (yet not out of character) move of removing your fingers from his, now holding a tight grip on his hand.

“Why? Does me touching my other friends like this bother you?” you teased at him as you rose your head from the table, giving him a subtle smirk.

He quickly removed his hand from yours, turning his head to the side trying to hide his flustered face from you, “I didn’t say that!” he exclaimed shakily.

Your hand that was once holding his shifted towards the chopsticks to the side, picking them up and bringing noodles closer to your face, “If you want, that can be our thing. You’re my favorite friend.” You said as you began to stuff ramen noodles in your mouth.

Junpei continued to avert his eyes, trying to look anywhere but at you.

---------------------

The monotoned lecture echoed throughout the classroom, the words going in one ear and out the other for the room of students struggling to pay attention. Heavy eyes could be mistaken as contagious for those who were fighting to not have their heads hit the desk, each and every student feeling the same internal battle of focusing on their sensei’s words.

You couldn’t keep your glittered purple pen from lightly hitting on the desk, every tap being used as a source of focus to help your heavy eyes stay open. Your foot followed the rhythem of the pen, you felt as if you had to keep moving, had to have something going on other than the mundane voice of the lecturer in the front of the room.

“…and now class, time for a break.”

You sighed in relief as you plopped your head onto Junpei’s shoulder, his body stiffened for a few seconds before relaxing, he was still getting used to your constant physical displays of affection.

Junpei waited to hear your voice seep through his ears, usually when breaks occur during class you take the ten minutes of free time to talk Junpei’s ear off. After all this time, it took you to start a conversation and carry it as well.

The silence was now unfamiliar, sitting with you he became accustomed to regular conversations. He used to crave silence, most words directed towards him stung, but with you he was looking forward to it. Before he was able to ask if you were okay, he noticed you begin to nod off to sleep, until in a split second your eyes perked up when you noticed a movie poster sticking out of his notebook. Your hands slowly dragged it out of the book as you stared at it, it was a “Scream” movie poster.

His shoulder was free from the weight of your head, staring at you curiously as you grabbed his notebook and placed it on the opposite side of where he was sitting, writing in it with your head laying down facing the other side of the desk. He couldn’t see what you were doing, shuffling awkwardly in his sit waiting to figure out what to anticipate from you next.

Within seven minutes, you turned to him with a wide grin plastered onto your face.

“Ta-da!”

He looked down at the paper you slid to his side of the desk and saw a very detailed drawing of ghostface. It was the signature pose, his dark cloak covering his body, holding onto the bloody knife raised before he was prepared to slaughter his next victim. His drawn mask didn’t miss any shadows, even the small texture was visible in your quick sketch.

“I didn’t know you could draw!” Junpei said excitedly, mouth agape as he grabbed the picture with both hands, his eyes widened in awe, “Are you in art club?”

“No, I wish. I take advanced art as a class though. I’m in the athletic club department. I’ve done martial arts and gymnastics my entire childhood.” You brought up your arm and flexed your muscles. “Feel them, I’m pretty strong.” You said with a grin.

Pretty strong would be an understatement, Junpei thought to himself. He brought his hand and gripped onto your bicep, gasping once you flexed to show him you indeed were strong, your muscles putting his slightly-skinny ones to shame.

“I’m pretty strong compared to you, Junpei.” He winced at your comment, about to make his first slick remark towards you until –

“That just means I get to be your knight and shining armor then.”

--------------

Avoiding the pleas of your friends to stay with them, you finally managed to escape the group in search for Junpei. Bumping into other classmates, hovering over lunch tables, even going to more isolated areas of the lunch room, he was still out of sight for you. You gripped your lunch box tightly in frustration, just how hard was it to find the one person in your school that had such a distinct look? You cursed yourself, after a month of friendship and spending the amount of time you did outside of school, you still never managed to get his number.

On a whim you decided to step outside, the cool October breeze catching you by surprise. The autumn trees displaying colors of yellow, orange, red, and purple were the perfect scenario for those school couples wanting to be away from the rest of the school, you knew this. Yet, it was such an embarrassing surprise when every step you would take you would come in a – very awkward -encounter with a couple, whether cuddling or making out, you’d just turn on your heel and act as if you didn’t see a thing at all.

You scolded yourself for even considering looking outside, knowing Junpei he’d be a flustered mess even being near these couples. You didn’t know who his friends outside of you were, so there was no way of you going to ask where he could be for lunch, and you were on the verge of giving up and going back to your group. While taking a detour walking the long way back to the cafeteria entrance, you noticed a boy sitting on a bench under a tree close to one of the classroom windows, a familiar overlapping bang covering the ride side of his face. You grinned to yourself before making your way – of course he’d be in the most isolated place in the whole school.

You ran to him, frantically waving and shouting his name before he finally looked up, giving you a small smile and wave back. Once you got there, you plopped next to him as you let out a deep breath and laid your head on his shoulder.

This time he didn’t flinch.

“What do your friends think?”

“hm?”

“You’re always ditching them for me….” Junpei replied sheepishly as he turned his head to the other side.

“Hey.” You said ignoring his statement, you pulled out your airpods and put one in your ear and one in his. “Give me your number.” You said handing your phone to him.

After he added himself as a contact to your phone, he noticed you quickly send him a link before you quickly snatched his phone from his hand, saving your contact as ‘y/n <3’.

“I made you something.” You said before sending him a link. He checked his phone and the message read, ‘For Junpei.’ With a red heart next to it. “It was a bunch of songs I liked, and I thought you’d like them too. And songs that made me think of you. Let’s listen to some together.”

You were about to hit play before you heard him sniffling next to you. You didn’t miss the tear drop that fell on top of his screen that he was staring at intensely. He had a small smile and blush on his face. Instinctively, you took out a handkerchief that was in your school uniform pocket and bringing it up to him, wiping his slight tear-stained face as he was gliding his fingers through the screen softly. “Are you okay?”

“No one’s ever really...gotten me anything.…let alone made me something.”

A slight frown developed on your face as he continued to stare at the screen in awe, finally beginning to scroll through the songs you’ve chosen to compile together for him. Once his cheeks were no longer tear stained you went back to your original position, sneaking your hand on top of his, squeezing it to grab his attention. He slowly looked to the side to face you, eyes shifting from you and the screen.

“I guess this makes me your best friend.”

He smiles and nods at you, “Yeah, you’re my best friend y/n.”

Your eyes widened at the statement; your breath became rigid as you quickly averted your eyes to the ground. You brought your knees closer to you, wrapping your arms around them and laying your head on top of your knees. Junpei chuckled to himself, he never thought he’d be the one to finally make you flustered.

“Start with Frank Oceans songs.” You said in almost a whisper “I think you’ll like them.”

He started to play the music, sitting back against the tree, bringing his arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer to him.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

It felt as if a drum was going through steady rhythm in your chest. The blood flow rushed to the tip of your fingers, your pulse feeling like a wave flowing throughout your body. His hug triggered a rush of adrenaline that shot through you like a drug. Taking three deep breathes you tried your best to compose yourself, finally lifting your heard from your knees to see him. His head was laid against the tree, eyes closed listening to the song that was playing.

The roles finally reversed, Junpei finding peace with his hold on you yet you couldn’t help but feel a nervous wreck at the situation at hand. You wanted to feel comfortable, you wanted to engulf yourself in the music just as he’s doing but for some reason unknown to you, you were just so damn nervous.

Finally bringing your knees down, you looked up at Junpei seeing a relaxed smile on his face, eyes still closed before he opened one after feeling you move around. He gave a slight smirk before closing his eyes again, not letting his grip on you go. Breathless, you couldn’t find it in yourself to relax in that moment, he’s never made that kind of face to you before nor has he ever looked that confident.

Twiddling your thumbs and avoiding looking at his face, you felt a slight guilt creep up on you. Junpei, your now declared best friend, finally looks confident and finally feels comfortable with you, so why did you feel so weird? You remember when you met him, he was easily embarrassed and insecure, even you could tell that, and you’ve just met him. He finally shows a bit of confidence and you felt a foreign feeling – your heart racing, palms sweating, feeling heat flow through your body, what reason did you have to feel so nervous about someone you were so used to be around, unless –

Oh.

Before you let yourself finish that thought, your eyes caught another movie poster sticking out from him bag. Seeing this as your chance to ruin this movement, you quickly reached over him, causing him to jump, as you took out the poster sticking out of his bag.

'Killer Klowns From Outter Space’.

“You’re a big fan of movies, aren’t you?” You said as you hesitantly looked him in the eye. Just because you were a nervous wreck internally doesn’t mean you had to act on it, you thought to yourself.

He gave you a closed eye smile before responding, “Yeah, are you? Do you like horror movies?”

“mmm, no. not really. My mom hates this movie actually. You should invite me over, then we could watch movies together.” You grinned noticing the blush form onto his face before he stuttered out an “okay.”

Finally, the roles going back to how they should be.

--------------------

Your ankle continued throbbing as you dragged yourself through the empty halls of your school. The halls that during the day are filled with laughter and voices became eerily quiet at this time of the day. Everyone occupied in their club activities there was no room for useless roaming within the halls.

Wincing in pain, you begin to regret saying you didn’t need help going to and from the nurse’s office. During cheer practice you fell from the top of the pyramid, hurting your ankles as you fell roughly onto the mat. ‘You’re lucky you didn’t twist your ankle, just rest and it should be fine in a few days.’ The nurse told you. The feeling of your pulsating ankle and how every step felt like needles seeping through your skin, you had a tough time believing that statement.

You began to regret taking the long way back to the club room, wanting to take a detour of the halls before having to be forced to sit and watch your club members until the end of practice, until you heard a voice that was all too familiar with you now.

Sneaking to the door labeled ‘movie club’ where the noise was coming from, you opened it slightly while peeking your head through it. In it, you saw a very excited Junpei speaking to two other boys. He was going on about the complexities of a plot to one of his favorite horror films, The Conjuring, you were guessing based on the plot, but you couldn’t be too sure, you hated horror films.

Then you saw it. His eyes bright with pleasure and contentment, the most genuine wide smile you’ve seen him wear since the moment you’ve met him. You couldn’t pass this up, you quickly brought your phone up and snapped a picture of Junpei smiling. You wanted to snap the picture and make your way back to your club, giving Junpei some free time from you and enjoy the first moment you’ve seen of him and his friends outside of you.

But this was you, and with your luck the flash from your phone was on and caught the attention of the three boys in the room. As all eyes made their way to the door you sheepishly opened it, giving a guilty smile followed by a small giggle.

“Junpei!” you said cheerily to mask the embarrassment you were facing at the moment. “Movie club, huh? It makes sense, you do love your movies.”

“(y/n), what…what are you doing..here..and did you just..did you just – ”

“Sorryyyy” you whined as you made your way to the table they were all seated at, pulling out a chair for yourself, “You just looked so happy! I don’t even think I’ve seen you that excited to talk to me. I wanted to remember that face, you should show it more.” You gushed out.

That caused a gasp from the two club members sitting at each side of you and a frantically embarrassed Junpei.

“Junpei, how do you know (y/n)?” the one with glasses asked shamelessly. His face was familiar, you couldn’t help but intensively stare at him, ignoring the blush on his face due to your gaze.

“You’ve been to my tournaments?” You asked, recalling seeing him in the stands holding a sign with your school name on it. All he could do was gulp and nod as you backed up from him, “thanks for your support!” you chirped.

“You told me you did martial arts….” Junpei tried not to stare at you, your uniform hugging your body tightly. The way your skirt was risen up due to the sitting position and how your top squeezed your chest, it left little to the imagination and Junpei didn’t want to feel like he was disrespecting you. He knew it was just a uniform, but the way it complimented your body, the way your hair was styled for the uniform, along with the sweat from your forehead that was dripping...the sight in front of him was dangerous, you were dangerous.

“Yeah and I got bored. This year I wanted art club, but my mom said my future would be more promising if I stayed in the athletic department.” You explained, “So I decided the sport with the cutest uniform. Don’t you think I look cute, Jun-pei?” you said batting your eyelashes at him, hoping he would look at you the way his club members were. His club members gasped at you of all people flirting with their club president, and all Junpei could do was nod his head as he glanced at you for a second, quickly switching his view from you to the movie he was holding on his hand.

“I should go. I bet they’re waiting for me. I wish I was in a club like this, you all seem so relaxed.” You brought your body up, stretching before you pushed the chair back into the original position. “I hope you don’t mind me crashing your club when I don’t feel like being in mine, Jun-pei.” You sang out before dragging yourself out of the room.

“How the fuck did you manage to get so close to y/n?”

-------------------------------

For the first time, it was Junpei who was waiting for you outside of the club gates. Normally if you weren’t already there, he would walk home alone and just see you in class the next day or you would chase him in the halls, whining about how he didn’t eat with you the day before.

He didn’t miss how the fresh colors of the sky brushed upon your skin as he saw your figure making its way towards him. It hits him – seeing you walk towards him with what’s left of the sun kissing your skin, this is what he’s been missing out on while leaving you to walk alone? You grin as you make your way towards him, your usual skip replaced with you wobbling to him. He noticed you coming towards him carrying a box of chocolates and a letter, you just got another confession. It would have been your tenth one this week, not as if he was counting or anything.

Every time he experienced you carrying gifts along with love letters, every time eyes would linger the two of you in the hall, and the dirty looks you seemed to miss when leaving your group of friends to be with him, his self-doubt would whisper harsh words in his brain: what did you even see in him?

“I think this is the first time you’ve waited for me! About time.” You said linking your arm around his.

“You got another one.”

“Yeah, this time from Shota.” You missed the way Junpei winced at the name you just said. His arm unlinked with yours, staying in place as you still walked forward before stopping. You turned to him with a questioning look.

“What..um..what do you think of him?”

“He’s kind of scary.” You admitted, “I feel like his personality is fake. His smile has a bit of a sinister undertone, don’t you think? I mean, we’re in the same circle so I tolerate him. I wouldn’t call him my friend though.”

“You deserve better friends. Yours are jerks.” He spat out, not even realizing the word vomit coming from his mouth. “You reject all these guys…you could have whoever you wanted. Why?”

You brought your hand to your chin, squinting your eyes deep in thought. You never truly thought about why you rejected the confessions you would get; you just knew that you didn’t want them.

“Most of the guys who confess to me are a bit much, I guess you could say. Too aggressive, too competitive, not really on the sweet side. Makes sense, I’m an athlete so naturally I’m surrounded by them and those are common traits in the most successful athletes, I guess.”

Finally, as if a light went off in your head you gave off a wide smile to Junpei at your new discovery.

The reflection of dawn hit you, Junpei saw you as an angel in the very moment. The orange-gold glow bouncing off your body, your eyelashes reflecting the light being given to you by the sky, you were glowing and your sweet voice sounding like honey as you said,

“I like very kind, considerate men…and of course, cute. Now that I think about it, my type sounds a lot like you, doesn’t it?”

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whisperlullaby · 4 years ago

Text

Just Say It And I’m Yours-Ch.1

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Language, stalking ish themes

Words: 1490

Summary: Steve is considering retiring from being Captain America. He doesn’t remember why he took the shield or what it means for him anymore. Then he met you.

A/N: First and foremost I am SO SORRY FOR BEING SO SHIT AT SUMMARIES. I just don’t want to give anything away. Second, this is my first series! So like, comment, reblog, let me know you want to see more of this. This story is going to start in Steve’s perspective and switch to the readers. I’ll let you guys know when the POV is shifting so no worries. So, this first chapter is told through Steve. Third, if I missed any warnings please let me know. Last but most CERTAINTLY not least, a very VERY special thanks to @river-soul for reading through this and assuring me it was a good first chapter. I am so grateful for you. Let me know what you think! (Gif by @navybrat817 )

“Steve, she's getting married tomorrow,” Bucky solemnly states as he puts a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “If you’re going to do something you better do it soon.”

“I know Buck, but what could I say to her? I haven’t been able to tell her how I feel about her for years.” Steve looked out over the lake, his eyes pricking with tears. “She made her decision.”

“You’re an idiot. You’ve been in love with her since you first saw her. If you don’t tell her, she’s going to make the biggest mistake of her life. We both know that,” Bucky sighed, raking a hand over his face. “I know she loves you. You need to talk to her. She can’t marry him Steve, you know the second she does she’ll be gone forever. The person you knew reduced to, whatever this shell of a person is.”

Steve rubbed the back of his neck and looked down where the water was gently lapping against the shore. After a few moments, he heard Bucky make his way back to the lodge. As the small waves ebbed and flowed against the shallow shore Steve thought about you and how he was an absolute coward back when you were a big part of his life.

One and a half years ago

Steve was sketching at Marine Park in Brooklyn during golden hour when everything seemed to glow. He needed a break from his Captain America responsibilities and every time he put his charcoal to the paper everything seemed to melt away. The world was vastly different since he came out of the ice and he felt his heart swell thinking about all the fights he had to endure in order to restore some semblance of peace in the universe. He was happy that he had his best friend back, cleared of the mind control Hydra put in him and he made so many new friends and a family in The Avengers. Yet, as he drew out the skyline on the thick white paper, he couldn’t help but feel like he was still missing something. He knew he needed a break from his duties to figure it out constantly being pulled into a fight was a great distraction, but he knew he needed to figure out what brought meaning to his life. The decision to take time off gnawed at Steve like a dog to a bone, who was he if he wasn’t Captain America?

Steve heard you before he saw you, picking up the fierce tone you were using made him glad he wasn’t on the receiving end of your reprimand. Steve looked up to see you wedged in between a woman and her dog and a man probably twice your size towering over you, trying to be intimidating. The fact you stepped forward refusing to back down made Steve smile, oddly fond of your bravery. The commotion you were making drew a small crowd and Steve felt a strange pull to join the group to be close to you.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Following this poor woman around like a stalker,” You yelled, poking your finger in his chest. “Did you think she was being coy when she told you to stop following her? Was that some deranged invitation to keep on top of her the rest of the world is unaware of?”

Steve could tell that you were not about to back down as you protected the other woman. The fire in your eyes was something Steve was familiar with in himself before he went into the ice. He noticed the man ball his hands into fists and before you could react he had pulled back to hit you. Steve jumped in and caught the punch, inches from your face.

“You’re gonna want to walk away pal before you make things worse for yourself.”

Steve’s voice was low in warning. When he glanced over at you, you looked up at him almost offended that he had stepped in. Before Steve could say anything you returned your gaze to the other man and swiftly kneed him in the balls.

“Stop following women you fucking asshole,” you admonished as the man crumpled to the ground in pain. “I know you probably have a hard time listening to women when they say no because there is just a bunch of empty space where your brain is supposed to be, but maybe take this as a warning.”

Steve watched you slack jawed as you flagged down a police officer to give a statement to. He observed you as you spoke with the other woman, who was visibly shaken by the incident, with such genuine concern and kindness. He couldn’t stop looking at you as you soothed her with gentle touches and quiet whispers. Steve waited for his turn to speak with the officers regarding the incident, after which the man was taken into custody. When Steve turned around you were walking towards him.

“Umm thanks for catching the punch,” you said with a shrug. “I could have taken him though.”

Steve let out a soft chuckle.

“Well I wouldn’t be much of a superhero if I stood around and let a civilian get clocked for defending someone.”

You cocked your eyebrow at him and crossed your arms.

“Yeah but you’re not in the suit, which means you’re off duty. Either way I’m grateful, I have a job interview tomorrow and can’t really show up with a black eye. It wouldn’t really say ‘hire me I’m even tempered and have a keen ability to moderate conflict in a calm respectful manner.’ ”

Steve smiled, letting out a sigh as he cast his eyes to the ground.

“Oh sweetheart I’m always on duty, comes with the territory.”

He looked up to see you watching him with kindness and understanding.

“I’m sure that must be a very heavy burden to carry,” You sighed. “I hope you can take a vacation or something soon. It looks like you might need one.”

To say Steve was enamored by you would be the understatement of the century. In the brief time he had spent with you, he had noticed that you were fierce, kind, honest, compassionate, and absolutely stunning. He found himself physically having to shake his head to keep from staring at you.

“I’m Steve,” he blurted out. “I feel like you already know that though. It was really nice of you to say that. Sometimes I only see myself as Captain America, no vacation days in sight.”

Steve chuckled as you rolled your eyes at him.

“Y/N, and I mean it. You shouldn’t feel like you’re always on duty.”

You pointed your finger at his chest.

“Besides, I’m a tough girl, I can handle myself. You should trust people a bit more Rogers.”

You gave Steve a cheeky grin and started walking away.

Steve scrambled to follow you, not ready to have your conversation end.

“So, job interview? What do you do?”

Steve easily kept your stride. When you chuckled Steve swore his heart skipped a beat.

“Would you believe I’m a victim advocate? I have an interview with the state prosecutor. I make sure anyone who has experienced trauma of any sort is represented and protected during court cases and criminal trials,” you stated proudly.

“After what I just witnessed, I would have been more surprised if you told me you were an accountant.” Steve joked. “Would it be okay if I walked you wherever you’re going? I know you can handle yourself but I’d like to make sure you don’t leave a trail of broken men in your wake.”

You snorted out laughter.

“Yeah wouldn’t want to get put away for attacking more skeezy men. That sounds great Captain, thank you.”

Steve smiled and kept asking you questions on your walk. He had this need to know everything he could about you since you blew into his life like a sunshower. When Steve got you back to your apartment the sun was just setting.

“Well Rogers, it’s been an interesting day,” you say, nonchalantly fiddling with your keys.

“I’ll say, I didn’t think my day would consist of watching someone stand up for another woman who almost got punched, then kneeing the guy in the balls.”

Steve smiled.

“I am pleasantly surprised with the way my day turned out,” he told you.

“Well there’s a lot more where that came from if you stick with me Cap.”

You smirked at Steve grabbing his sketchbook.

“Here’s my number, if you ever need a little extra adventure in your life, call me,” you said.

With that you turned the key in the lock and pushed yourself inside the apartment. Steve was left to stand staring at your closed door. He didn’t know what force drove you into his life but knowing you for those few hours made him feel more alive than he had in years.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #marvel fic #marvel #captain america x reader

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