#so i worry that fic i started with a specific perception of the characters in one wrestling time period | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

a-small-batch-of-dragons · 2 years ago

Text

Stubborn

Prompts: hey I really like your writing, and I have a prompt if you're looking for one. I adore the scene in I'm Okay (Sure) where Janus forces Logan to admit he's lying, and I would love to see more of Janus getting through to the more stubborn sides in a similar way. I feel like only Janus would be perceptive enough/willing to pick one of them apart like that and I like it a lot! so maybe one of the sides is having a Bad Time and refuses to admit it/hides it, and everyone can kind of tell that something is going on but they don't know what to do because nothing they try is working, and maybe nothing is wrong in the first place? so Janus gets them to reveal exactly what's up and how bad it's gotten and then the side in question asks for help. I don't mind who it is, but this probably would work best for a more stubborn character. I hope you have a great day :D - anon

it's been raining all day here and I am very sleepy, so I come with a simple request

could we have some sleepy dlampr cuddles? I don't have anything too specific, I just want them all being soft and fluffy and caring for each other and maybe getting some cookies ... now I want cookies anyway, that's it buh-byee - anon

Hello *hello* I have an thought(tm). I would love to see your take on a drlamp fic where the others are just smitten over their emo. Just head over heels. Janus and Patton bonds over how much Virgil smiling and cooing over kittens gave them heart palpitations. Logan getting starry eyed when Virgil makes tea just how he likes it and thinks he's the luckiest man on earth. Roman and Remus compete over who gets to slow dance with Virgil or who gets to woo him shsksjs. Just— a fic where all of them love Their Emo, yanno? - anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: spirals, anxiety attacks, panic attacks

Pairings: DLAMPR

Word Count: 4813

This is fine. This is fine. Everything is so fine that it’s hard to imagine it could be more fine. No, seriously, everything is so fine and so good right now in the way that it’s happening. This is great. It’s hard to imagine life could be better than this. This is fine. It’s fine. It’s so totally fine.

…okay, maybe it’s not fine.

Or, Virgil's having a bad day. The others try and make it better. Now, if only Virgil will let them.

…okay, maybe it’s not fine.

Virgil grits his teeth and shoves his hands deeper into the pockets of his hoodie, making the seams whine in protest as he strains against the fabric. Should he be more careful with it? Maybe, but it’s not like he can’t just…fix it if he breaks it. He’s done that before, right? It’ll be okay. It’s not like he’s got some incredibly priceless thing on that someone gifted him or that he spent an exorbitant amount of money on so it’ll feel important.

It’s just a hoodie.

Muttering to himself isn’t helping, so he takes one of the strings and chews on it. That’s better. Something to chew on that isn’t his lip and probably won’t fuck up his teeth as badly as gum. Which is rude. Gum shouldn’t fuck up your teeth. It’s designed to be chewed. Why design something to be chewed if it’s just going to fuck up your teeth?

Why make something if all it’s going to do is fuck up?

“Oh my god, I fucking hate this.”

Okay, it’s not like he’s not used to Anxiety spirals. He is Anxiety, that’s his fucking job, to get worried about things and be worried about things and sometimes it’s right and he’s correct and Thomas is better off not doing something—or doing something—and it’s okay for like, two seconds before he starts worrying about the next thing.

But this one…even he knows that this one is really fucking stupid.

So here’s the thing: Thomas has been really on this self-love kick recently. And while yeah, that’s great for him and, uh, honestly probably a lot healthier than a lot of the shit he’s been doing before that, it has the side effect of, um…

Look, let’s just say everyone’s been a great deal sappier recently, okay?

And while that’s fine when it means he gets to snicker in the corner as Patton melts into a great big fuzzball or Janus hisses ‘cause he’s too flustered, it’s not great when it feeds into these goddamn Anxiety spirals that make him want to do bad things.

Because he said it earlier: self-love kick. Thomas didn’t magically wake up and decide to love himself, he’s got to work for it. He has to get up and make that choice every goddamn day and that’s fucking hard. It’s hard to put in that much effort to do something new, especially when it’s something really new—and that’s kinda sad on it’t own, but we’re not going to talk about that right now—and at some point, something is going to give.

…doesn’t help that the Anxiety is really fucking convinced that he’s the thing that’s going to give.

Because his job is to doubt! To whisper all the bad things that could happen in Thomas’s ear and guess what? He’s gotten pretty fucking good at it over the years and that’s not good for Thomas.

Yeah, yeah, there was that whole thing about accepting Anxiety and realizing that yeah, there are healthy ways to have stress and all that jazz, but this? This kind of spiraling?

Unhealthy.

Virgil bites down so hard he breaks the aglet on the end of the lace.

Is…maybe he’s just unhealthy.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe while all the others are being all sappy with each other, he should just stay on the couch and watch. Watch them getting all touchy-feely with each other—which is fine, he’s not big on the whole sap-fest anyway—and just stay away from it before he ruins it.

He won’t, like, duck out or anything, they all know how badly that went anyway, but he’ll just…not.

He’s probably not included in the whole…love every part of yourself thing anyway.

“Holy fucking shit, Janus, don’t fucking do that.”

Janus chuckles as Virgil recovers from the jumpscare of his goddamn existence, hand still clutching the hoodie material over his chest and scrubbing a hand over his face.

“What in the fuck do you want?”

“I’ve not heard you swear so much in ages, Virgil.”

“Yeah, well, whose goddamn fault is that?”

“I hardly think Patton is one for cultivating the use of swear words.” He tilts his head. “Unless you intend to…balance out the Mindscape now that you and Remus no longer share a hallway?”

“I don’t—wait, what the fuck does that have to do with—you know what, never mind. Why don’t you just explain why you came in without knocking and scared the shit out of me?”

“I was summoned.”

That draws Virgil up short. “What? No, you weren’t.”

Janus hisses quietly.

“Wait, that’s not a lie, I didn’t summon you—“

Another hiss.

“—will you knock that off? I did not decide to summon you!”

“Now that is true,” Janus says, raising a hand to tug the lace from Virgil’s mouth, “I will accept that you did not knowingly summon me.”

Virgil pinches the bridge of his nose. “If I ask very politely, will you turn off the cryptic and condescending bastard part of you until this conversation is over?”

“Perhaps.”

“That’s a ‘no.’”

“It’s a ‘perhaps.’” Janus’s mouth curves up in a smirk. “Depends on how nicely you ask.”

“Janus Sanders, O Powerful Lord of Lies, will you please resist the temptation to be patronizing and condescending for the remainder of this conversation?”

“Ooh, he is capable of being polite.” He tilts his head thoughtfully. “But you didn’t say ‘please.’”

“Really?”

“Getting less inclined to agree…”

“Fine, please?”

“Aw, there it is.” Janus chuckles when Virgil’s glare turns on him. “Oh, alright. You should try it sometime, though, it really is quite fun.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah, sure. I’ll keep that in mind.” He crosses his arms. “Now, can you tell me why you’re here?”

“I told you. You summoned me.”

“And seeing how I have no idea why you’re here, can you tell me what summoned you?”

“You were lying.”

Virgil throws his hands up. “Did or did you not just agree to not be a cryptic bastard?”

“The exact words of your question were, and I quote: ‘will you please resist the temptation to be patronizing and condescending,’” Janus says in a way that somehow sounds both patronizing and condescending, “nothing in there about cryptic.”

Anger bubbles up into the back of his throat and he growls. “Get out.”

“No can do, I’m afraid.”

“Why the fuck not? Did you forget how to use doors in all your efforts to be an absolute bastard?”

“I’d just be summoned right back,” he points out as if he’s bored, examining the fingers of his glove, “what would be the point?”

“Just be—you haven’t even fucking told me why you got summoned in the first place, don’t you think that would be a little more helpful than whatever the fuck—“ he gestures to Janus’s whole…thing— “this is?”

“Because god forbid I ever be anything other than helpful.”

“What in the fuck does that even mean?”

“I don’t know, Virgil,” he says in that stupid lilting voice that makes Virgil want to throw a chair at his face, “whatever could that mean?”

“I don’t have time to play your stupid games, Janus.”

“Oh, but you have time to walk around in a little circle in your room?”

“You know what? Yeah. Yeah, I fucking do, okay? I got time to do that ‘cause it’s my job to freak out and I was freaking out just fine before you got here.”

“My, my,” Janus says, covering his mouth with one hand, “whatever could you have been freaking out over? It isn’t like this is the best mental health Thomas has had in a while or anything, nor the fact that oh, apparently this is the first time everyone’s gotten along in, what, over a decade?”

“Yeah, and how fucking long do you think that’s gonna last, huh?” Virgil steps forward, shoving his face into Janus’s space. “You think that we’re all just gonna be one big happy family from now until Thomas fucking dies? You think it’s just gonna work? Because it isn’t!”

Janus doesn’t say anything.

“It isn’t just going to work. Sooner or later something is going to happen and someone is going to disagree with someone else and we’re all gonna be right back to hating each other and fighting. That’s how it goes, that’s how it always goes.” He tangles a hand in his hair. “And then the twins are gonna separate again and it’ll be like we can’t even spend time with one without the other thinking that we’re taking their side—then Logan’s gonna get all aloof and detached again ‘cause shit’s too hard for him—and you’re gonna pull a great fucking disappearing act again and it’s gonna be my fault.”

“Your fault?”

Virgil throws his head back as a humorless laugh escapes. “Who do you think is gonna be the bearer of bad news when shit hits the fan again? Me! I’m the one who says when shit’s wrong, I’m the one who brings attention to all the fucking problems we have.”

He looks down at his hands. They’re shaking.

The anger rushes out of him, almost staggering him as he’s overcome with something that just hurts.

“I’m gonna fuck this up for everyone,” he mumbles, still looking at his hands, “I…that’s what I do.”

The room is quiet. A clock ticks. Somewhere down the corridor there are footfalls on the stairs.

A blob of yellow interrupts Virgil’s view of his hands. Something soft takes them and guides them up, looping them around Janus’s neck as his hand raises his head, staring at a face that isn’t patronizing or condescending in the least.

“Hi, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, all trace of antagonist gone from his voice as Virgil closes his eyes and buries his face in his chest. “I really fucking hate when you do that.”

“I know, sweetie, I know.” And he does sound genuinely remorseful, which makes it worse. “But it’s the only way I get can you out of there sometimes.”

Which is true, but he doesn’t have to say it.

Another hand—he’s a fucking snake, why does he get six arms—lifts his chin up. His wobbly chin because apparently, he’s crying now. Janus lets out a soft noise and kisses his cheek, stroking a hand through his hair as he pulls him close for a cuddle.

“I’m sorry for riling you up so much,” comes the gentle apology as he’s tucked almost inside the cape, “but you were hurting yourself, sweetie.”

“I know.” He sniffles. “But ’s my job.”

A soft hiss in his ear. “Don’t you ever believe that hurting yourself is necessary for you to be wanted or to be useful.”

“But—“

“No buts.” Janus pulls back to take his chin and stare at him. “You are not worth more in pain. Do you understand?”

It’s phrased like a question, it’s not one. Virgil nods and Janus nods back, tucking his head over his shoulder. He closes his eyes and just gives in, sagging into Janus, knowing he can take his weight, letting tears fall onto black fabric as gloves run up and down his back.

“I’ve got you, sweetie,” he soothes, pressing another kiss to his shoulder, “I’ve got you. I’m right here. Just hold onto me.”

It is nice, he begrudgingly admits, to spiral—or come out of a spiral—while he’s being hugged. Every time he almost slips back under—or does slip back under—he can just tighten his grip and Janus responds immediately. He’ll squeeze him back, or he’ll hum and his chest will vibrate, or he’ll kiss the part of Virgil’s head he can reach and murmur something soothing.

Of course, the downside of this being really nice is that oh my god he does not want to leave.

But eventually, his body makes it known that uh, hey, they actually do have other needs that have to be attended to and he slumps, snuffling awkwardly into Janus’s shoulder.

“You get enough of it out?” Janus just catches him easily, because of course he does. “That was a lot, sweetie.”

“…mhm.”

“How long have you been feeling like this?”

“Since the start.”

“Oh, sweetie, why didn’t you tell any of us?”

The silence is telling and Janus sighs—a bit too fond to be just disappointed, and gives him an extra squeeze.

“Well, I think I have a solution to this.”

“Mm?”

Janus pulls back a little, cupping Virgil’s cheeks and kissing his forehead. “Go wash your face, sweetie, then come back.”

“…you won’t leave?”

“Well, that’s quite the change in tune. No, no—come back, sweetie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, shh, shh,” he says when Virgil almost flinches back, “I’m sorry, that was horrible timing, I didn’t mean it. Of course I’ll stay.”

“Don’t do that, J.”

“I know, I know, sweetie, I’m sorry.” Another kiss, an apology. “Leave the door open, I’ll stay in view the whole time.”

Reluctantly, Virgil pulls away from the warm embrace to go to the bathroom, shoving up his sleeves and turning on the cold water. Thank god he didn’t put on too much makeup this morning, it’s probably all rubbed off anyway—he needs to go bug Princey about proper setting stuff. He splashes his face a few times until it just looks like he’s been outside in the cold for a hot second—heh—and not crying his eyes out for…half an hour.

God, it was half an hour?

“Sweetie?”

“’M coming.”

Janus holds out a hand as he walks back, letting him decide how much contact he’s comfortable with. Virgil takes it and just keeps walking, planting his face in the crook of Janus’s neck.

“Well,” he chuckles, “I suppose that answers my question about how comfortable you are with being touched, hmm?”

Virgil just hums, squeezing Janus’s hand lightly.

“What about the others,” Janus asks gently, “can we go see them?”

“…what if they’re mad?”

“Mad? Why would they be mad?”

“Because I’m fucking everything up.”

“You’re not fucking anything up, sweetie.” When Virgil still doesn’t sound convinced, Janus wraps an arm gently around his waist. “Can I prove you wrong?”

“Sure.”

“Hang on,” comes the warning before they’re sinking out.

They emerge in the living room—on the couch, thank you Janus—and Virgil quickly curls up tighter. Yeah, he’ll take the knock to his dignity if it means the others won’t spot his slightly-less-obvious-but-still-very-obvious tear-stained face.

“Oh, Janus, you’re back! How is he, is he…” Patton’s voice trails off and then starts up again in that super-soft concerned one and Virgil is doomed. “Baby?”

Oh, god. Oh, god, not the Patton pet names. He’s gonna die.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Soft hands on the back of his head, carding through his hair and encouraging him to look up at a concerned face. “Are you okay? What’s happening, are you…have you been crying?”

A stupid question, as it turns out, because he starts crying again.

“Oh, I’m sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to do that.” Patton reaches out. “Can I hold you?”

Screw it.

“Thank you, sweetheart, c’mere.” Patton scoops him up out of his little curled ball and into another cuddle—and did he just finish pulling something out of the oven? He’s so warm. “Hey, shh-shh-shh. It’s okay. It’s all gonna be okay, sweetheart. You’re okay.”

Okay, it’s not so much crying as it is tears rolling down his face, which is preferable. He can handle that. “…hi, Pop Star.”

“Hi, baby.” Patton’s fingers curl in the hair at the nape of his neck. “Can I ask Janus what’s going on?”

“Sure.”

“Spiral,” Janus explains softly, “anxiety over how long this getting-along period is going to last. Also…”

And Janus’s hand is rubbing soothing circles between his shoulder blades, excellent.

“…he thinks when it all falls apart again, it’s going to be his fault.”

The noise of shock and sympathy Patton makes fucking hurts. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry you got caught in that. I can’t imagine how awful that must’ve been.”

“Sucked, yeah.”

“Did Janus tell you it’s not true? That you won’t be at fault if we all have a disagreement again?”

“Told me, yeah.”

“But I bet you don’t believe it yet, huh?” Virgil shakes his head and Patton hums. “Well, there’s a way we can fix that.”

“How?”

“Well, we gotta show you how much we care about you!”

“…how is that gonna help?”

“Well, if you believe we’re all capable of thinking the worst of you where we all just go right back to arguing when you say something’s wrong, then we gotta disprove that!”

Virgil blinks. That’s…surprisingly logical for Patton.

“Yeah? You with me?”

“Mhm.”

“That’s my Virgil.” Patton cups his head and kisses his cheek. “Can I—look, I know you hate sappy things, but it’s about to get really sappy, okay? We’re like—tree levels of sap.”

Despite himself, Virgil feels his mouth turning up. “Okay.”

“Do you know what the first thing Janus and I bonded over was?”

“Oh, wait, hey,” Janus says, “that’s embarrassing.”

“We’re about to embarrass him, Janus, it’s only fair.”

“Oh, alright then.”

“Uh…I’m afraid to ask more here,” Virgil says, glancing between the two of them.

“It is a little embarrassing,” Patton admits, “but…Virgil, do you know what you look like when you’re listening to music you really enjoy?”

“…no?”

“You’re adorable,” Patton says plainly, “like…really, really adorable.”

Ah.

Well.

Hm.

“You get this soft little smile,” Janus says, “and you’ll bob your head or tap your hands and you just look so happy.”

“Like you’re happy with yourself,” Patton agrees, “and if you spot one of us then you smile at us and—oh my goodness, Virgil, it’s lovely.”

“You, uh, you really weren’t joking about the whole embarrassing me thing,” Virgil mumbles, “you—wait, you bonded over that?”

“Mhm.” Patton ruffles his hair. “We were trying to think of things that we could do to help Thomas feel a bit better after everything and it went to things that make us happy, and well…”

“M-me?”

“Yeah, sweetie,” Janus says, smiling softly at him, “you make us happy.”

And before he can even begin to process that, Logan comes down the stairs.

“Ah, good. You did find him.”

“Wait, they what?”

“I was looking for you,” Logan says, “I wanted to talk with you about…”

And now it’s Logan’s turn to trail off as he gets closer and notices how damp Virgil’s cheeks are, and Virgil is once again taken aback by how quickly Logan goes fucking soft, setting down his notebook on the coffee table and leaning closer.

He barely notices Patton getting up and going back to the kitchen as Logan takes his place, brows drawn in concern.

“Are you alright?”

No, because now Logan is being all soft and sweet and worried and this is not fair. “Mhm. ‘M fine.”

Logan doesn’t even dignify that with a look to Janus—who just squeezes his side lightly—and reaches out to—to—

Well, okay, he could’ve just asked if he wanted Virgil to cry again, he didn’t have to reach out and gently tuck his hair back from his face and look at him like that.

“What’s the matter, little one—“ or do that— “what’s troubling you?”

“Spiral,” Virgil blurts out, “fighting. Bad things. My fault.”

“You got into a spiral due to the fear of being the cause of an inevitable falling out?”

How does he do that?

“Have the others helped assuage your fears?” Logan drops his hand—thank god, because Virgil can not think while he’s doing that. He nods. “That’s good. Have we found things that help?”

“He doesn’t know how much we care about him,” says Janus, the traitor, “those help.”

“Ah.”

And see, Virgil expects something along the lines of what he��s said in the past. Problem-solving, solutions, helping them stay balanced, that sort of thing. He is not expecting Logan, of all Sides, to get domestic.

“Did you know you’re the only Side who knows how to make tea the way I like it?”

“I’m—wait what?”

Logan nods, smiling. “You’re the only one, Virgil. And—“ he leans closer, voice lowering to a conspiratorial whisper— “don’t tell Patton I said this, but it tastes better when you make it, too.”

“It—that doesn’t make sense,” Virgil protests weakly, “it’s just tea.”

“Mhm.” And no, it turns out, he can’t deal with Logan speaking that softly to him like that. “But it’s true.”

“Janus?” Patton calls from somewhere behind him. “Can you come and help?”

“Here,” Logan says, because apparently he’s not done with surprises and picks Virgil up like he weighs nothing, “I’ve got you.”

“Thank you.”

Virgil is spluttering still, thank you, very much, because what in the fuck is happening, as Logan sits back on the couch while holding him in his lap. “Uh?”

“Hello.”

“Hi.” He slowly relaxes when he realizes Logan’s just holding him. “Um…what’s—what’s going on?”

“Are you asking for a reality check of what’s currently happening in this moment, or for what I plan to do now that I’m holding you like this?”

“…the second one?”

“I am attempting to confirm that I am fond of you,” Logan says, still speaking in their gentle voice, “and I want to do that by offering you the physical comfort that you enjoy and telling you the ways I appreciate you.”

“Oh.”

“Is it working?”

“Mhm.”

Logan chuckles as he shrinks a little bit, curling into his neck. “Is this the good type of overwhelmed?’

“Mhm.”

“Would you like me to tell you more things I am fond of about you, or do you just want to cuddle?” Virgil reaches up and throws his arms around Logan’s neck, burying his face between his head and the couch. “I see. Let me know if you’d like to move.”

Logan is also really warm. Which is not fair. He’s not supposed to be cold, why is he cold? That’s Janus’s schtick. And he’s humming under his breath which is really nice and grounding but also why is Logan humming so goddamn endearing?

“Little one?”

Ah, yes, the pet names. Forgot about those. “Hmm?”

“Have you had a chance to see the twins yet?”

Something takes hold of his chest. “No, why?”

“Hush, little one, it’s nothing bad. Only that they were worried about you and I’d hate for them to—“

“Found him!”

“—over-react,” Logan sighs, adjusting his grip slightly to pull him out of the way as Remus sinks directly onto the couch, “be careful.”

“But I win! I found him!”

“Wait, what?” Virgil peeks out warily, “Win what?”

“Whoever found you first gets cat-pile dibs!”

“Gets what?”

“You,” Roman announces, storming down the stairs covered in…something, “cheated.”

“Uh-huh. And it worked! You lost!”

“That’s beside the point!”

“Wait, wait, go back, what—win? What’s going on?”

“Boys,” Logan scolds and wow, okay, Logan clearly needs to speak up more often with how fast both of them stop fighting and pay attention, “explain yourselves.”

“Virgil likes deep pressure stims,” Remus says, “so cat pile!”

“We both wanted to find you,” Roman says softly, snapping his fingers to get the whatever-the-fuck-that-was off of him, “and it became a competition of who could find you first.”

“…why?”

Roman frowns. “Why what?”

“Why did you want to find me so bad?”

And see, now, this might be the moment he actually seals his fate, because the second Roman and Remus find out he’s been spiraling and crying, he’s going to be smothered in affection and die in the fluffiest way possible.

And Remus, lovable pain in the ass that he is, can hear all the nasty little thought bastards still swirling around Virgil’s head.

“Emo,” he says, and ah, fuck, Remus got soft, I’m doomed, “you okay?”

Janus sticks his head up before Virgil can stay anything and that’s apparently good enough.

“You need a cat pile?” Remus snaps his fingers too and he’s in soft things now, holding out his arms. “That make you feel better?”

“Probably,” Virgil mumbles as Logan picks him up with his freaky strength and hands him off to Remus, “you won, right?”

“Yes, I did,” Remus says, sounding far too pleased as Roman murmurs to the others, “now, once Roro makes the mattress—“

“I’m on it, Re, be patient.”

“—you can come lie on top of me, okay?”

Virgil just nods as Remus ruffles his hair.

“You gotta let Roro sulk for a bit for losing,” he whispers as Roman not-so-subtly tosses a pillow at them, “then he’ll cuddle you too.”

“Cookies are done,” Patton says, “but they need to cool for about ten minutes.”

“Excellent.” Janus slithers into the bed and stretches out, sighing. “I need to sleep.”

“I think we could use a nap.” Logan lies down next as Patton snuggles in on the side. “Everyone have enough room?”

“One moment.”

Roman reaches out and draws back the curtain, filling the room with the soft golden glow of the setting sun.

“Can you stop making us all aesthetic? ’S too good.”

“No can do, sorry.”

Remus just sighs and bundles Virgil into a cuddle on the mattress. Remus is big and soft and warm and Virgil isn’t too upset about dying like this.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Okay. You wanna be distracted?”

“Can you just hold me?”

“Can do!”

Remus cuddles him for a while before he sighs dramatically and hands him off to Roman, who is watching them with his big puppy dog eyes.

“Hello, Stormcloud,” he murmurs once he has his arms full of Virgil, “fancy seeing you here.”

Virgil snuffles into his shoulder as Roman nuzzles the top of his head.

“I missed you,” he says and Roman needs to be less good at the whole tender-yearning-caring thing, “my little shadow-ling.”

“R-Roman…”

“Yeah? What’s up, Stormcloud?”

“R-Ro—“

“Hey, hey,” Roman’s cooing as soon as Virgil’s traitorous eyes well up again, “we’re all right here, shadow-ling, we’ve got you. Remus—“

“Got it.”

And now Remus is curling up behind him and they’re both so warm and Roman’s still talking in that voice and goddamnit.

“You be quiet in there,” Remus growls against the crown of his head, “leave our Emo alone.”

“We’ve got you, Virgil,” Roman promises, “always and forever.”

Yeah, this…this is fine.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@reddstardust@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance @whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous

If you want to be added/taken off the taglist, let me know!

#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #virgil sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #sympathetic deceit #deceit sanders #janus sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders

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wistfulwatcher · 10 months ago

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20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @tessaservopoulos, thank you! ☺️

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

40, though 2 of those are graphics for events/challenges.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

579,021!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

My AO3/main writing fandoms are Yellowjackets, The 100, Once Upon a Time, and Supergirl. I've been writing since I was 12 though, so I've also written for CSI, Criminal Minds, Buffy, Smallville, Glee, Lost, and Friends.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1) let our mercy be the gifts we lay - swan queen 2) Deliver Me - swan queen 3) sharing is caring (it can be fun) - swan queen 4) let me lend a helping hand - supercat 5) it takes two to tango, and other dance cliches - swan queen

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I did my early fanfic writing on forums and livejournal, where the culture was to respond to each comment. It's actually how i made most of my fandom friends pre-tumblr, just getting into long conversations in fanfic comment threads that would veer wildly off-topic. I really miss that, and unfortunately I do feel like the culture has shifted to the perception that replying to comments is more to ~boost your stats on AO3 (which could just be me being a worry-wort, but it makes me hesitant sometimes!).

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I am so not an angst writer, but I wrote one truly angsty fic for the doctor mechanic angst day, called hands of time where one of the pairing dies at the end. I'm glad I tried it, and I was actually pretty proud of the writing overall, but I'm certain now that I'm a fluff girl, through and through!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

With the exception of the aforementioned angst, all my endings are happy! I can't do it any other way. Any of the established relationship fics are probably the happiest (because any first time fics I usually give a hopeful but not perfect ending, to show that they WILL be happy but it'll take a bit of work which feels the most realistic to me), but it takes two to tango, and other dance cliches is probably truly the happiest ending because it's the fluffiest fic to begin with.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I am very fortunate, I do not.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Pretty exclusively, yes 🤭 I like to write smut with feelings, where the smut is all about characters connecting and working through their issues. I love smut, but it HAS to have depth or I don't care.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have written exactly one crossover for a glee landcomm challenge, and it was a glee/community crossover. It's the first time I wrote a humor fic, too!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think a lot of my swan queen fics have been reposted on those Russian (iirc) sites back in the swan queen heyday. But I don't think any have ever been stolen, stolen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I did just get podficced for the first time a few days ago, on let me lend a helping hand! I can't wait to listen to it ☺️

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Possibly as part of a landcomm challenge, but if so I don't remember the specifics? Otherwise no. I'm notoriously a TERRIBLE collaborator, I'm too much of control freak to co-write 😅

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

This is such an incredibly difficult question. Any pairing I've written for holds such a special place in my heart, and inspired me deeply enough to write. The only pairing that's a contender for this title that I haven't written for is Xena/Gabrielle (and that's in part because they're too canon for me to feel the drive for, although I did at one point start a post-FIN fix-it fic, but didn't get far).

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I started a post-Scream 5 Sidney/Gale fic that I was excited about, but lost steam on. I'd like to finish that one day, but I doubt I will. I have a lot of Misty/Nat ideas in the mix that I want to write, though I do have hope I'll write those once I make it through the winter blues.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like to think dialogue is my strong suit, in part because I write to try and get a good feel for a character and their voice. But I think I get the most compliments on movement/how I describe the physical behavior of characters which always surprises me since that doesn't feel like my strength!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Motivation feels very difficult for me, so I write in weird jags and it's unpredictable (which is so frustrating to me!!). But actual content-wise, I think my biggest weakness is action, especially fighting or scenes without much/any dialogue. They just never feel organic to me, no matter how much emotion/reflection I try to put in there.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Use it sparingly, and only when it won't detract for those who can't read it or it is translated as part of the dialogue. I think it's most meaningful when the translation is part of the story, otherwise you're taken out of the scene to check notes for a translation (if you're like me). Single words, short phrases, or pet names rarely detract in my opinion, even if it's not translated in the fic since you can usually glean the meaning from context.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Friends, Monica/Chandler. It's still floating out there and it's truly terrible 🫣

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

My most recent fic, dust off those rusty strings, is my overall favorite. It's the longest work I've ever written, and I think it's the best, as well. I put a lot of effort into foreshadowing and parallels within the story, and I felt like I grew over the course of writing it. It was also a perseverance project for me, because I really thought I was going to give up after the Yellowjackets finale aired 💔

Tagging: @alinaandalion, @tabithatwo, @toocabaret, @woodenpicador, @lesbiantahani, @laurabenanti, @shinyalice, @tunemyart, @strangesmallbard, and @damelola (and of course, anyone else who would like to!).

#personal #~~#wordles #as always no pressure!!

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malaks-perch · 2 years ago

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Helloooo!

I’m trying to start writing for the Arcana, but I keep struggling to write for Portia.

Do you have any tips?? ( on writing for Portia, or just for writers block in general. )

take as long as you need & have a good day.

oh gosh, tips???😳 guys know that i tried. if you post any of these tips elsewhere pls credit me bc i worked really hard on this but without furtherado

ymmm firstly what ive learned about writing is everyone has their own perception of characters so not all outcomes are gonna be the same, i naturally took one look at portia and thought:

yeah, there's bound to be some mischievous crack there, only because thats who i perceive portia to be.

when writing i have to consider the fact portia is a character with feelings and flaws so she's not going to take to everyone immediately. i took one look at lucio wnd went ; yes, hes a chaos gremlin

but portia, in my opinion, would try to reel anyone wanting to go near lucio back in because portia was different feelings about him, different morals, and her worries that she's set aside and experienced from her encounters with lucio (hold on! don't, don't go over there. you need to be careful around him, he's not to be taken lightly)

but tips on writing portia..

theres canon and fanon, it's nice to let your readers know every now and then which one you're leaning towards. here's a helpful guide of definitions defining both terms: what is canon and what is fanon?

references! references! references! it's hard to write a characters sometimes, for me at least, when there's little to no writing about that character because you have to figure out little specifics like how would muriel handle one of his chickens being mangled or what does nadia do when she tastes a dish she doesn't like? sometimes it's hard to tell by yourself so pick a few fics that you really like, reblog them, take notes on what characterizations you like or what sticks out to you most, having a reference lets you have base and a foundation to go off of.

alternatively; it's nice to have friends/responsive readers in the same fandom because you can read what they think portia might've/would do in the next chapter or what they thought portia would have done. ie, it's nice to have a place to start when you're writing characterizations about an unfamiliar character

hmm... practice. practice is good, take some prompts or talk to a friend, putting your characters in every day conflicts is a good way to start writing for them. you ripped your favorite shirt - does portia swear like a sailor or collapse to her knees with remorse if it happens or does she just fix it? no cereal left in your cupboards - does portia deflate or go get some? basically there's a lot of questions and as a writer, you get to determine your own answers for them because there's no writer pop up block thats going to say uh no, this character doesn't do that. thats bull and you're the one writing this character so go nuts.

if you genuinely don't know where to start on writing for a charcter, this works for me without fail:

1. read through writing prompts and rp prompts from a resource blog (type in rp prompts, you'll get tons), take note of prompts you like

2. revisit official content: reread that one book, go through your favorite arcana chapters, rewatch that tv show. ideas pop back up. you might lack the gas to write them but jot down the ideas. write them down bc i promise you'll forget all seven of them.

3. if you have your concept or idea, figure out the reason why your character is doing the things they're doing. is it for approval? is it because they want to hold their hand for a night so the other doesn't suspect them? add some stakes. figure out the ending. give your story conflict and make it stick.

writer's block. the enemy of the brain. a procrasinators best friend

alright look. everyone knows theres no upsie daisy out of it. if there is TELL ME. DM ME. COMMENT. PLS EVERYONS DESPERATE. but anyway the best way you can fight it, is to let it breathe.

if you're facing writers block then map out the plot. you need to know where you are and figure out where the story is supposed to be going. the story should have a checkpoint as to where it needs to be. get there.

is this more than one chapter?? figure out what goes in the chapter you're in, what happened in the previous one, okay, and now move on to the next one. you know what you already have, somethings not working between Point A and Point B, so just move on to a different part of the story.

it's not more than one chapter? same thing. you should reevaluate what's happened, where you are, and what needs to happen. throw something to move the story in the fray. maybe it won't make sense now, but you'll be able to write off of it and move forward. you can go back and change it later if you don't like it.

if you're stuck, the problem is probably ten lines back or so. i thought that was bs when i read it for the first time, but then i checked a story once and found a characters actions were holding up my progress, changed it, and moved forward.

the hardest method of all for me is the let it breathe method.

let your mind breathe and forget about the fic, move on to a different show and relax. your brain needs a break whether you believe me or feel like you need one. you need a break and your mind needs to breathe bc you're suffocating it with one subject. so change it. let your mind breathe and change the subject.

let the work breathe. you've been harassing the words. overediting, overthinking that one sentence, you don't know what it needs and you've reread it too many times. let it go, do something else, you can go back to it in a few days and you'll connect the pieces later.

let yourself breathe. this is honestly a little repetitive and ugh, disgusting 'i don't need to breathe'. babe, you're obsessed with a deadline in your head, the image of a final perfect draft, obsessed to get it done. you probably lost sight of the fact you should be writing for yourself. writing for yourself is supposed to be fun. you're not having fun, go somewhere else until you can properly allow your mind to connect theories and concepts together. you need to go have some me time and it needs to last more than twenty four hours or until you stop checking the clock to see if twenty four hours have gone by yet or actually until you stop checking the clock to see when you can get back to your work all together.

is it an external source hindering you from writing? is your support group not giving the right support or could it be that you're not receiving the feedback you need? make a bulleted list of points you need to figure out about your work and then rewrite that list as questions for a beta reader or yourself to answer.

whewww that's a lot of advice. ive been writing for a little bit, i started in middle school and im still reading tips on how to further my writing. i ask around and i look around, but theres no set bar for anything. writing is hard, writing fantic is hard, and dont even get me started on writers block. but if you need help, the answers are either out there at your fingertips or maybe your mind needs a break before you can unscramble them from in there.

i hope this helps and let me know if you ever need any help with portia. xoxo

— the shopkeep

#writerblr #writers on tumblr #the arcana #the arcana game #julian devorak #asra alnazar #nadia satrinava #muriel #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #count lucio #writing advice #writer inspo #portia x reader #portia x apprentice #the arcana x reader #the arcana x mc

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chemdisaster · 8 months ago

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fandom asks ✨ 3, 5, 7, 10, 15, 23, 24 (if it's too many, just choose the ones you wanna do!)

hi, thanks for the ask!! and no, it's not too many at all, i love answering questions

3. a character that fandom has helped you appreciate

any woman characters in anything tbh. this is in part due to how underrepresented women are in media, and i will also freely admit to being slightly influenced by the misogyny in our society and in fandom spaces, but i never really paid that much attention to female characters until i started actively participating in fandom. i do hope that i've gotten over that flaw in my perception, and will keep getting over it as my understanding of people and my characterisation in my own writing improves and develops

5. something you see in fics a lot and love

for hamilton - the very popular idea that ham is afraid of storms. i don't care that it's overdone or whatever, i love me some good anxiety and ptsd and i love me some good ham angst. for mcyt - i haven't actually read mcyt fics in a while, but i love the idea that all the life people remember every game across servers. it has soo much potential for angst in my opinion

7. your favourite tropes to read/write/draw

ohh man. hurt/comfort is everything to me, specifically the kind where one character cries in front of the other. hurt no comfort is also great, and there's also a specific one that i'll try to sum up in a concise way - character suffering in silence while everyone around them slowly begins to notice that something's wrong, all eventually culminating in them having some kind of breakdown in front of all these people in which the extent of their misery is revealed. this one's all i need in my life tbh, i wish there were more fics with this scenario

10. a blog (mutual or one you follow) that has made your fandom experience brighter

well. i confess that you came to mind first. like, your fics? i've been afraid to read some of them because i know that i'll get destroyed (/pos). the founding fucks? i have so much fun there. i'll admit that i'm rather lonely and coming off a messy friend-divorce, so having people to talk to and have fun with and be inspired by has been quite great. also you're just so nice? and you introduced me to 1776? and whump: the musical has done wonders for my creativity, i've had so much fun coming up with all the prompts and writing them, and it's kind of made me realise - i can write whatever i want. like, it doesn't have to be a long multiple k words fic, or have a whole story - i can literally write one specific scene. i can write for fun, fully, without worrying about my perfectionism kicking me in the ass. which, my perfectionism does tend to lead to masterpieces, but not everything has to be a masterpiece, and whump: the musical has played a big role in me realising that. so, uh, yeah!! thank you so much for brightening my fandom experience!

15. the character that always makes you smile

well, to be honest, this changes - whoever i'm hyperfixating on at the time makes me smile. but some of my favourite characters are 1776 adams, ham, hewlett in turn, and also watching a mcyt's new video never fails to make me smile

23. the fandom you're curious about because of a mutual

all the musicals in whump: the musical tbh. i've added them to my List™ (that thing is sooo long help /lh)

24. how has fandom positively impacted your life?

it's provided me an outlet for my creativity and a place i can go when real life gets to be too much. additionally, my special interest is humans and their emotions, personalities, particularly their misery - so fandom plays right into that. and also some experiences i've had with certain people while part of fandom have taught me a lot about friendship, people pleasing, trusting people and learning how to interact with people in general. and while those experiences did hurt, i'm ultimately grateful for the stronger and better person i've become as a result

ask game

#askdisaster #damn this one's a long one-

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gonzo-rella · 2 years ago

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Headcanons: The Prequel Trilogy and Original Trilogy Characters When They Find Out That You’re Feeling Insecure About Your Weight

MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI

Relationship(s): Anakin Skywalker x plus size!gn!reader (romantic), Obi-Wan Kenobi x plus size!gn!reader (romantic), Padmé Amidala x plus size!gn!reader (romantic), Leia Organa x plus size!gn!reader (romantic), Luke Skywalker x plus size!gn!reader (romantic), Han Solo x plus size!gn!reader (romantic), Lando Calrissian x plus size!gn!reader (romantic)

Warnings: Mentions of insecurity/body image issues (obviously). (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: Let me start off by saying that I don’t intend on everything I write specifically for PS!readers to be about insecurity. I wrote this (and intend to write some more PS!gn!reader stuff) because I feel like, in plus size-specific fanfiction, the reader is almost always written as fem, something that I am not. It sucks not having many fics that I can relate to as an enby AND plus size person, so I thought I’d write the fics I want to see more of. My work is written with the intent of including as many people as humanly possible, and I’ll keep writing work that isn’t specifically for PS!readers, but I want to write some more PS-specific work (that fem readers can also read!) that includes my fellow plus size non-women. If you’d like some more plus size!gn!reader stuff from me, drop a request in my ask box or DMs (after reading my rules, of course!) Also, I included Lando on here because I don’t see enough SW fics for him, and I think he’s incredibly hot.)

ANAKIN

Anakin would be quite frustrated if you expressed insecurity about your size.

He wouldn’t direct his frustration at you, though.

Eventually, he might let his frustration show (regrettably), but profusely apologise after, assuring you that how he’s feeling isn’t your fault.

He’d just keep it inside (or at least attempt to).

He’d put on a brave face, sit beside you and talk you through your feelings as best he can, but he can’t stop himself from interrupting and arguing every negative point you make about yourself.

He’d try to assure you that he loves you no matter what, and, at the very least, you shouldn’t worry about how he perceives you.

It’s not like he particularly cares about the size of anyone, least of all the people he loves.

But, he knows it isn’t all about him.

That being said, he’d make even more of an effort to tell you how much he loves you, and all he can do is hope that you’ll realise how wonderful you are regardless of your size.

OBI-WAN

Obi-Wan would be quite heartbroken when he realises that you’re insecure.

Not only heartbroken but confused too.

How could you doubt yourself like this?

He certainly had no issue with you nor your weight; it didn’t matter what you looked like.

In the moment, he’d try his best to comfort you, spluttering out a frantic attempt at reassuring you of your worth.

However, relatively soon, he’d realise that there’s no quick fix for this kind of thing.

Instead, he’d make sure to show you how much you mean to him, while also trying to remind you of your worth separate from him.

After all, with or without him, you’d still be the best person in the galaxy.

Hopefully, it would only be a matter of time until you realised it.

PADMÉ

At first, Padmé would become Sadmé (sorry I couldn’t resist) when she finds out about how you’re feeling.

But, she’d soon grow beyond determined to help ease your insecurities.

She knows from the get go that she shouldn’t let you focus on her perception of you, because it’s your perception of you that needs amending, and how she sees you has little impact on that.

Sometimes, she’ll end up telling you about her occasional bouts of lacking self-confidence.

When it comes to you, she radiated adoration before finding out, and she does so tenfold after finding out.

Throughout the day, she’d pay you little compliments.

At night, when you two are lying in bed, she’d hold you in her arms and, as you’re falling asleep, whisper affirming words to you.

Her certainty and persistence is key in helping you work on your insecurities.

LEIA

Leia doesn’t let herself feel upset upon finding out.

Instead, she goes straight into trying to reassure you.

If you let her, she’ll hold you in her arms and tell you everything she loves about you.

She also assures you that how you’re feeling is completely normal.

But, she’ll insist that you shouldn’t let yourself lose sight of how wonderful of a person you are.

Your size doesn’t matter to her, nor should it matter to anyone else, especially yourself.

She’ll also assure you that there’s nothing inherently wrong with your size either.

Of course, she’d get a tad frustrated if you don’t take in what she’s saying.

But, the frustration comes from a desperation to help you.

If she lets her frustration show, she’ll 100% apologise for it and soften completely, going back to doing her best to reassure you that you’re great no matter what.

LUKE

Luke would be quite alarmed and a bit upset upon discovering how you’re feeling, though he’ll try his best to stop your feelings from making him upset.

However, as someone who has dealt with insecurity and self-doubt, Luke is extremely empathetic.

He’d sit you down and face you, more than likely holding your hands, and, with a small smile he can’t suppress, tell you everything he loves about you.

Like Padmé, he’d start doing this when you two are in bed falling asleep.

He’d meditate with you with the hope that it’ll help you gradually feel better.

He’ll also calmly talk you through your thoughts and feelings, and help you combat the ones of insecurity.

Sometimes, though, he knows you just want, or need, a hug, so he’d be more than willing to give you non-verbal support like that.

He’ll feel terrible if things don’t start to improve for you quickly, but he’ll keep at it until you start to feel better.

HAN

Han, at first, would probably be dismissive of how you’re feeling, saying something easy like: “What are you talking about? You look fine to me.”

But, he’ll clock on to the fact that this isn’t just a one-off thing.

That being said, he has no idea what to do with this realisation; the last person many people would choose to go to for comfort is Han Solo.

That night, Han would probably lie awake, feeling pretty lost and trying to figure out what to do.

In fact, when you wake up the next morning, you’ll assume he’d just decided to forget about it.

You wouldn’t think much of it when he paid you the first compliment of the day, nor the second nor third, and so on.

It’d probably take a few days for you to notice the desperation in his eyes.

Soon, though, you’ll realise that this is Han’s clueless way of trying to show you how wonderful you are.

LANDO

Lando would appear extremely calm upon discovering your insecurities.

He’d pay you compliment after compliment in an attempt to reassure you of your worth (and to make your insecurities go away, because he doesn’t realise how big they are at first).

On the inside, though, he’d slowly but surely descend into some kind of panic mode, something that gets worse when you can’t just get over how you’re feeling.

Of course, he’s not annoyed at you for how you’re feeling, but he just hates seeing you like this.

Gradually, he’d become more serious.

It would go from easy compliments to a serious talk.

He’d look you dead in the eye and wipe that charming smile off his face as this happens.

He’ll say how great of a person you are, and to hell with anyone who values you solely on your appearance.

He’ll do this kind of thing more often, so you don’t dismiss what he’s saying.

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thefanficmonster · 4 years ago

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Corpse’s Girl

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Bullying, Swearing, Derogatory Terms

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: Y/N’s life as a regular college student is forever stripped away from her when her relationship with the famous YouTuber Corpse Husband is accidentally revealed during an online class of hers. How will she cope with the sudden spotlight and the unwanted attention, some of which crosses into bullying?

Requested by my amazing Tumblr friend @itsminniekat 🥰 She’s been reading and liking my works since day one and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful. If you’re reading this, all I can say is thank you, darling. Thank you so much for sticking by my blog even when I posted some crappy fics. I’ll make sure this ain’t one of them. Love you with all my heart. ❤❤❤

P.S. - I named the mean character with my name so I hope no one who reads this has the same name. Wouldn’t want any of you feeling like the villain 😘

Who knew online class would be even more boring than being physically present for a lecture? Seriously, I find myself doing the weirdest of crap to entertain myself - like trying to balance a pen on the tip of my nose for example. I jot down some notes every now and then but that’s basically it. My mind can not fathom the concept on concentrating on whatever my professors are going on and on about. Well, full disclosure, I couldn’t concentrate even if I wanted to, especially with my boyfriend streaming in the other room.

He’s currently playing Among Us with his usual gaming squad. Listening to his input during the discussions, I can always tell when he’s lying. I honestly find it hilarious that his friends can’t pick up when he’s bullshitting them. I sometimes wonder if he has brainwashed them. And that’s one of the main reasons we don’t play Among Us together - he can’t lie to me. Not only do I pick up on his con with ease, but he always says he feels bad when he lies to me which is just the sweetest thing. Also, I refuse to play cause I’m shy. His friends are all well-known content creators and I’m a literal nobody. Every now and then I find myself wondering why Corpse is even with me. He’s always quick to push those thoughts out of my head and make sure they don’t return on a long notice, but they do interrupt my peace from time to time.

“Y/N, do you know?“ The sound of my professor saying my name takes me out of my eavesdropping of Corpse’s stream.

I panic, but quickly improvise, “Sorry, my internet is slow, you cut out for a second. What was the question?” I feel my face heating up, making me glad we are allowed to keep our cameras off.

“Question number 15 on page 82 in your textbook. Do you know the answer to it?“ My professor repeats himself, his tone annoyed.

I look down at the page that’s already opened in front of me. I let out a sigh of relief, seeing that the question is rather easy.

“Yeah, um, it’s...“ Suddenly, Corpse’s laugh reaches my room loud and clear. There’s no doubt my mic picked up the noise, especially since the door to my room is open.

The color drains from my face as I hurry to say the answer and remute myself. My eyes are wide as I stare at my screen, hoping no one will acknowledge that very recognizable laugh.

“OMG Y/N, are you watching a Corpse Husband stream in class?” One of the bitches in my class, Vy, speaks up, “Not a very goody-two-shoe move on your part, dear.”

I purposely unmute my mic to mumble a quick ‘Shut up, bitch’ that somehow manages to fly under my professor’s radar and the class continues. It’s the first time something like this has happened and I’m not sure if I handled it properly or not.

The class ends shortly after, allowing me a sigh of relief as I disconnect from the meeting.

“Fucking finally.“ I mumble to myself, leaning back in my desk chair. Tilting my head backwards, I see Corpse standing in the doorframe. I grin, not only because his presence itself makes me ten times happier, but also because he’s upside down from my viewpoint. “Well, hello there! How long have you been spying on me?“

He struts over to me, leaning his face over mine, “Long enough.” His lips linger above mine without any actual contact before he pulls away, allowing me to sit up straight and proper in the chair. “You still have classes?”

I nod my head while disappointedly rolling my eyes, “Yeah. One more. Shouldn’t be too bad since it’s English Lit. You’re done streaming?”

“Yeah, I just have some other things to do. I haven’t done a narration video in a while, I miss making that type of content.“ He plops down on my bed, running a hand through his messy black curls.

“Weren’t you recording some lines a few days ago?“ I frown as I try to recall if what I’m referring to actually happened or my brain is too fried to decipher reality from my bootleg perception of it. Online class, man - messes with your head like sleeping pills - makes you disoriented and exhausted with barely doing anything other than trying to wrap your brain around a lecture or two.

He hums affirmatively, “It’s not a finished project and I don’t even know if I’ll use those or rerecord them. I’ll have to listen to them again before I make a final decision.“

I tilt his chin upwards with my pointer finger, a gesture he has told me he finds very endearing, “I’m sure they’re great and you just refuse to be satisfied. Everything you do is great.“

He smiles a small, shy smile, his fingers gently wrapping around my wrist, holding my hand in place, “You’re biased. You like me too much to tell me when I do some bullshit.”

I scoff, “You know that isn’t true. If someone’s gonna kick your butt in formation, it’s gonna be me.“ I give him a quick kiss on the forehead before pulling away from him, “Go on, now. I have a class to attend. You distract me enough while you’re in the other room, I can only imagine how hard it’d be for me to focus if you were right by my side.“

He smirks, bowing a little as he makes his way out of the room, “You flatter me.”

I playfully roll my eyes, getting my headset back on as I tap the last class for the day. We have an assignment due to the start of the class which we’ll have to present if the professor approved of it. We basically had to write a psychoanalysis of a character from any book of our choice. I chose Heathcliff from ‘Wuthering Heights’ which is one of my favorite books of all time. I’m proud of what I wrote and the way I wrote it, but I’ve always barely scraped by with a B in this class, a B+ if I’m lucky, so I’ve never gotten any major credit, even when I put my 110% in the assignments and projects.

Well, color me surprised when the professor calls on me first to read my work, complimenting it on its detailed and specific nature. I get my printed assignment out in front of me and unmute myself.

“I wrote a psychoanalysis on for Heathcliff, a character from Emily Bronte’s novel ‘Wuthering Heights’.“ Just after I say this line, Corpse’s voice booms throughout the whole apartment, no doubt being picked up by my mic. It doesn’t sound like he’s actually talking, he can’t be that loud. I put two and two together when I recognize the lines he’s saying - the ones he recorded a few days ago. They’re coming from his computer speakers. He probably didn’t check the volume before playing back the recording.

I mute myself as quickly as possible, but it’s too late. The voice dies down as Corpse probably turned down the speakers.

My professor, who is already done with this lecture, just annoyedly remarks, her words overdosed with sarcasm: “Read your assignment and you can go back to whatever it is you are watching.”

“Wow, Y/N! Again?! Are you one of those crazy obsessed fans or something? Is Corpse Husband all you watch?“ This bitch is really poking a stick at me, huh? The only crazy obsessed fan here is her, and my friends but they are allowed. Little do all of them know, I am obsessed but not simply over a YouTuber. I’m obsessed with my boyfriend who just happens to be a YouTuber.

“No commentary, please.“ The professor scolds her, “Go on, Y/N.“

I finish reading without any other disturbances. The professor compliments my essay again when I’m done, the small incident at the beginning forgotten already. Well, not by everyone. One of my friends shot me a quick text to joke about it which only earned an eye roll from me.

My friends don’t know that I’m dating Corpse either. As I said, they are simping HARD over him while I act the most indifferent on the subject. Whenever they ask my opinion on him I either say ‘he’s OK’ or just avoid answering completely. I know saying anything more enthusiastic than that would turn into a snowball rolling down a snowy hill - I’d just keep babbling about how nice, amazing, wonderful and a gift to this world Corpse is, inevitably revealing our relationship in the process.

I’m afraid of revealing my relationship with Corpse in front of these people. They are all run on jealousy and selfishness and I can only imagine how mean they’d be about it. I’m already not too fond of them, it would only be worse if any of my personal life was exposed.

When the class finally ends I remove my headset, putting my forehead down on the desk, barely missing the keyboard. I groan in frustration and anger at myself for not fighting back. I could’ve and should’ve said something - ANYTHING. But what? That’s a question I can’t find the answer to.

“Hey...“ Corpse’s hesitant voice comes from behind me, “You ok?“

I straighten my posture, turning to him with a smile. “Yeah, but these people suck.”

I get up from my chair as he approaches me, basically falling in his arms. The comfort I feel radiating off of him makes me relax, forget the past hour or so. He has always had this effect on me. Like my own personal kryptonite to my anger and anxiety.

“Did I get you in any trouble because of that?“ His voice shows clear concern and guilt.

I wrap my arms around him tighter, burying my head in his chest. “No, don’t worry about it.“

And I really wasn’t in trouble. Not until now that the video is officially posted....

I can call these people dumb all I want but they sure put two and two together awfully fast. They recognized the lines they heard during class as the same ones from his new video that came out almost a week after the incident, aka two days ago. It’s safe to say I haven’t touched my phone or computer since.

“This is all my fault.“

Of all the horrible things I suspected would happen this has to be the worst - Corpse is blaming himself for it. I am prepared to take all the shit these people have to throw at me but seeing Corpse beating himself up over this is killing me. No amount of convincing can change his mind. Nothing I say helps.

“Please, stop doing this to yourself. Non of this is your fault, Corpse.“ I’ve repeated this sentence more than a thousand time these past forty eight hours, each time saying it more and more desperately.

“All of it is my fault, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I hate myself so much.“ Has been his reply single time.

I can’t watch him be so mean to himself. It’s the most conflicting thing when the person you love most is torturing themselves. It’s easy if it’s someone else doing it, you just kick their ass. But what are you supposed to do when the person you want to protect is the same one you need to protect them from.

Corpse has shut himself away in his recording room these past few hours and though he clearly needs to be alone, he still left the door open just a crack cause he knows I’ll be worried sick otherwise.

While I’m alone in the living room, I’ve finally managed to brace myself and build enough courage to power up my laptop. Last time it was on it was going mad with notifications.

“It’s digital. Only digital. It can’t hurt you too badly if it can’t touch you, right?“ I mumble to myself, already frustrated despite not having yet seen all the horrors that await me.

And horrors there were. Everywhere. Twitter. Instagram. Facebook.

My grades. Some pictures of me no one has ever seen. My school files. People from my class tweeting Corpse to ‘expose’ me for the ‘slut’ or ‘bitch’ I really am. Corpse hasn’t touched social media either and I plan on making sure it stays that way. God only knows how much worse he’ll get if he sees these claims.

And then, like a notification sent straight from hell, an email from my professor.

Practical lectures on Friday. Be here at 9 AM. Don’t forget your mask and gloves.

Good thing I opened my laptop when I did. Friday is tomorrow and I need to prepare for this day. Not only do I need to hit the books but I need to toughen up a bit. I can’t go there looking like I feel - like a mess.

Alright, time to put the brave face on. No more wallowing in it, at least not until tomorrow afternoon.

I make a study plan and hop in the shower. I feel the need to apologize to my hair for washing it so roughly, basically yanking at my strands from frustration that has been suppressed for too long.

I get our of the boiling hot shower, red as a lobster, and change into some clean comfortable clothes and put my ass in study mode. I remove all the scary expectations of the morning to come from my mind and let the information the textbooks has to offer seep into my brain.

* * *

I’m about to head out and, despite my put-together composure, I am a wreck inside. I actually put effort into my appearance, I mean - I even styled my hair. A pretty façade to hide a ruin.

I saw my friends’ texts last night, all three of them ending their friendship with me because they felt betrayed. I haven’t yet decided how to feel about that. Doesn’t matter at the moment, there are more important matters at hand, aka surviving the next three hours.

My college is within ten minutes walking distance from our apartment. That ten minute walk has never been so stressful, not even during exam season. The air feels a little harder to breathe, the path a little shorter to walk. And my moment of reckoning a little too close.

I feel eyes on me the second I start walking through the park of our campus. Sure, I could just be paranoid, but the feeling is too real to be just my imagination in overdrive. I’m glad I have my hair down and a mask on so the redness of my cheeks and neck isn’t on display. That’s a sign of weakness right now.

We have two an hour and a half long classes between which we have a snack break that’s half an hour. I usually enjoy that period but I’m dreading it now. These assholes can only be so mean in the presence of a professor, but during lunch break they can increase that tenfold.

“Well if it isn’t Corpse’s girl.“ I hear that a lot. The whispers are not so much whispers as intentionally loud enough for me to hear remarks. I’m not bothered by them, it’s the least they can do. If I let such a simple thing get to me, I’d be crumbling by the end of first period.

I hear some shuffling behind me and out of the corner of my eye I see, yeah you guessed it, THAT bitch. She’s standing as close to me as she can without violating Covid regulations. A mask is covering her face but the menacing look in her eyes tells me all I need to know about the interaction that’s about to go down.

“I’d ask how much he pays you for the hour.....“ her long nails tap the wooden desk, “but that’d be rude. I bet it’s tough being a maid. Do you just clean or are you a multipurpose lap dog? No offense, I’m genuinely curious.“

“Vy, would you be so kind as to give Y/N some room to breathe?“ The professor asks as he nonchalantly walks in.

Vy rolls her eyes, batting her eyelashes at me, “Talk to you later, sweetheart.” With a fake friendly wave she’s out of my hair, at least for now.

Remember what I said about these people not being as dumb as I pegged them to be? Yeah, scratch that. These fuckers actually tried getting away with taking pictures of me with flash in broad daylight. Like, HELLO! I have two functioning eyes and a brain, I’m onto you. Sadly, me having figured out their childish but hurtful methods of humiliating me doesn’t change much. They still posted the pics they took, using the most derogatory terms they could find in the English language, always making sure to tag Corpse and me both.

Needless to say, these were the longest three hours of my life.

* * *

Shutting the door to our apartment behind me causes relief of the highest levels. I feel like I’ve locked out all the bad shit I have had to deal with these past twenty four hours.

I’m tired. I’m fucking exhausted. I feel like a discarded piece of paper.

And it all starts crumbling. A wall is bound to start slowly falling apart after being hit over and over again, each time feeling the blows with a stronger intensity.

I slide down the door sitting down on the floor and slowly taking my shoes off. I put my bag beside me and wrap my arms around my knees, hiding my head in the space between them and my chest.

One tear slides down my cheek.

Another follows.

And another, this time accompanied by a choked sob.

A pair of arms wraps around the ball that my body has been shaped into. One of his hands comes up to stroke my hair gently, feeding me the comfort I have been longing for since I left the apartment this morning.

“I saw it. All of it. All the shit they talk about you. All the names they call you. And I’ve never wanted to beat so many people up simultaneously.“ His words make me raise my head from its low position, giving him a knowing look. “I wish I could. I would, but that would land me in jail. Which doesn’t even sound so bad cause I don’t like going out. Only problem is you wouldn’t be with me. I wouldn’t want you to be there with me, don’t get me wrong, I’d never want you to end up in jail. I-...” I cut him off by pressing my lips to his. A quick kiss that says so much but mainly shows the immeasurable gratitude for his support.

Seeing those awful tweets and comments had the complete opposite effect on him. He no longer blames himself but the people who actually deserve the blame - all those jerks from my college.

I pull away, giving him a small smile. “I would never let you go to jail.”

He smiles back at me, overjoyed that my mood is slowly being lifted, “Come on, I have a nice crowd that would like to meet you.”

I know exactly what he means. Felix, Sean, Rae, Dave, Sykkuno and the rest of his friends. The people I’ve been so shy and afraid to meet since day one. Being shy doesn’t really make sense now, seeing as how they know I exist and that I’m a part of Corpse’s life.

What do I have to lose?

“Guys, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.“ Corpse’s black avatar runs around my cyan one in the Among Us lobby.

I can’t help but giggle when I unmute my mic, “Hi everyone! It’s so nice to finally meet you.“ They each introduce themselves, expressing how happy they are to be meeting me too.

It’s the first time in what feels like a while that I’m truly having fun. These people are wonderful, each so unique and lovely. They never brought up the scandal nor acted as though they knew about it. I know they did and I am beyond grateful that they never mentioned it or treated me any differently because of it. Also, Corpse was streaming the whole time. I had my phone on his stream, my eyes nervously scanning the chat every now and then. I couldn’t believe it. Corpse’s real fans were just as wonderful as his friends - they were nothing but supportive and happy to have met me.

Now, I can either choose to believe these people were being so nice to me out of sympathy or I can believe they really like me and appreciate me for who I am and not for what happened to me.

I choose to believe the latter.

And while I’m still getting accustomed to this whole new spotlight, I know I’ll be able to handle it as long as I’m holding Corpse’s hand in the process. All I need is to have him beside me and I’m prepared to tackle anything.

“They love you.“ Corpse tells me once the stream is done and we’ve hopped out of the Discord call, “But I love you more.“

His arms wrap around my waist while mine instinctively find their way around his neck, “I love them, too. But they’re at the number 2 spot.”

He smirks at me,��“I wonder who’s at number 1.”

I push up on my toes, putting my lips an inch away from his, “Hmm, I wonder...”

He doesn’t let me finish, silencing my teasing with a sweet, loving kiss.

@susceptible-but-siriusexual @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat

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writings-of-a-hufflepuff · 4 years ago

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Prompt List #10 - Plus Size/Fat character

For the sake of this prompt list Character A is always plus size/fat. I mostly made this because I think we need more plus size reader inserts and character fics. For those who want to write them but aren’t sure of ideas, don’t know where to start I figured this might be worth while.

I’d love to see more people create plus size/fat character specific prompt lists tbh.

All my Prompt Lists

Character A is grabbed/physically assaulted as a joke/way of laughing at their body. Character B is the one person who steps in.

“I’m too heavy...baby…”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

Character B digging their fingers into Character A’s hips, soft waist, stomach, sides etc. enjoying the tactile nature of their partner.

+ (You may like to add to this) Character A pulling away from Character B due to feeling self-conscious/uncomfortable with Character B touching those parts of them they’re usually admonished for.

Character A is forced into wearing something tighter than normal, maybe they haven’t had time to do their laundry and it’s the only thing they have left, or it’s a last minute formal event and the only dress they have is something they bought and never felt confident wearing. Character B is there to remind them every step of the way how lovely they are.

“Has it ever occurred to you that I find all of you attractive? That i’m not ignoring anything, not picking and choosing parts of you that I like and ignoring those that I dislike? That I like all of you?”

Character A walks past a mirror and feels unusually (or not) self-conscious, it puts a damper on their mood. Character B takes note and aims to correct this.

Victorian AU: Character A has spent their life being told they’re unmarriable, unlikely to find a spouse because of their size, that they don’t fit the mold. Character B has a few choice words for Character A’s parents and a proposal.

Victorian AU: Character B soothing the marks left on Character A’s skin from wearing an ill fitting corset in an attempt to conform to societal expectation. Lots of tender love and care.

Character A decides to wear a swimsuit to the beach/pool for the first time in years, they’re self-conscious but trying not to show it. Character B is just there hyping Character A up, showering them in love and appreciation because damn!

Character A is confident, feeling it, has worked so hard on their body confidence. Character B isn’t quite there yet with their own. Character A is here to remind Character B that they are wonderful, lovely, deserve to feel confident and good in their body.

Character B is proudly showing off their partner Character A, not afraid to show everyone how much they love them.

(You could add this) Character B is asked why they’d even be with Character A, derogatory comments are made about Character A’s size. Character B is not having it. This is their baby and they love them.

“I don’t want you to hide from me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to, ever.”

“I love you for you, for all of you. I don’t think you’d be pretty if you were smaller, I don’t think you’d look better if you lost a few pounds. You’re all I want and all I need, just as you are.”

Character B takes comfort in just cuddling with Character A. In resting their head against Character A’s soft stomach, wrapping their arms around their waist/hips.

Character A has begun distancing themselves from Character B as their insecurities take over and they worry Character B is bored of them or no longer attracted to them. Character B is determined to set the record straight

“I’m not asking you to compete with anyone, you don’t need to. You’re the best person for me, the only person for me. I think you’re the most beautiful/handsome/attractive/etc. Person i’ve ever met. I don’t want them. I don’t want anybody else.”

Soft kisses to the soft rolls of a soft stomach

Soft kisses to the soft dips and curves of hips and love handles

“I love your double chin. I love your round cheeks. I love you. I love how your cheeks dimple when you laugh.”

Kisses to stretch marks, trailing fingers over the marks in Character A’s skin.

“You’re so soft.”

Character B is kind of obsessed with Character A’s butt

Soulmate AU: It’s terrifying having a soulmate, growing up to believe that they’ll reject you, that your body will disgust them. Character A is petrified of meeting their soulmate, scared they’ll be rejected, that they won’t be attractive enough. The moment they meet Character B those fears are washed away.

“I love your stomach, have I ever told you that?”

Character A gets dressed up for the first time, Character B is a little bit starstruck

Character A takes Character B with them to go clothes shopping. Character B is having the time of their life seeing all the different outfits.

Alternatively, Character A can’t find anything that fits right/they feel good in and is getting really down. Character be is here to save the day and change their perception.

1980s/70s/60s/90s AU: Character A (fem. presenting) works in a male dominated office, she is constantly dealing with the day to day sexist comments added to that are the comments about their body/shape/size. Character B usually works out of office, but for the first time they’re in house long enough to notice. They decide to put a stop to it.

Mob/Mafia AU: Character A isn’t what people expect a mob boss's favourite gal/guy/person to be like, too sweet, too soft, too big. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re the favourite and no one can say a bad word about them.

Character A has been in past abusive relationships where they’re shamed for what they eat. Character B is here to make sure they eat what they want and don’t feel bad about it, they refuse to let Character A fall into self-destructive patterns.

Character A is soft, sweet, runs a bakery, (massively cliché i know), character B is rough around the edges but melts around character A.

“I’m not like other girls/guys/people you’ve dated. I...look at me? I don’t look anything like them. How can you...I don’t...I don’t understand why you’d want to date me?”

“I’m not your type.” “Who says?”

Character A poses for Character B nude for a life drawing session

Character B is always drawing character A in their sketchbook when they’re not looking. Character A finds the sketches.

Character B tries to write poetry about Character A, it’s bad, but it’s also sweet.

“I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to be hidden away like some sort of dirty little secret. I can’t… I won’t.”

#plus size #plus size reader #fat reader #writing prompt #writing prompts #prompt list #prompt lists #writing prompt list #writing prompt lists

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straighttohellbuddy · 4 years ago

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is it too much to expect? that i would name the stars for you?

A/N: 1151 words. No Love Interest specified, but he/him pronouns for the L/I. No pronouns specified for the reader. This came to me very suddenly and I’m not quite sure what it is. Part imagine, part meta, part think piece about the nature of rpf x reader imagines. It’s a love letter to the genre, it’s a love letter to the poet Richard Siken, who’s quotes I’ve taken and sprinkled throughout, it’s love letter to you. I don’t remember when I started writing x reader fics, all I remember was that I needed to feel loved, and I put out my work in case someone else needed to feel loved too. (also this was definitely written and posted within a single hour)

----

You find him in a coffee shop.

You find him through your screen.

You find he’s been your best friend this whole time.

You find him through a series of crazy random happenstances.

Over and over again you find him, and you love him. You learn to love him each time, from friendship, from hatred, maybe you’ve loved him all along, maybe in this new world, all you focus on is a moment, is a feeling, is the undeniable truth that is your love for each other.

Sometimes he breaks your heart. Sometimes he can’t say the words you want to hear until the very last minute. Sometimes you spend so long denying your feelings that the words feel alien on your tongue.

You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.

But you’ll find him again, and love him again, and suspend your disbelief, mould your self perception to fit this universe, to fit this character that he loves back, because they’re almost you, or similar enough that it’s not jarring, and you let yourself be taken along for the ride.

You know that he loves you like he loves everyone who needs to feel it enough to be reading it, to be sharing it; a piece of understanding and comfort that you know is both yours and the world’s, but it’s okay. Loving them doesn’t mean he loves you any less, so you come back, time and again, and can hear him say it every time; I love you.

You love him, yes, though in each universe you love the idea of him that’s been so lovingly handcrafted by the writers who love him too. This love is a shared experience; this love is something you need or want in the moment you’re searching for it. It’s not wrong to need love. It’s not wrong to want love.

The enormity of my desire disgusts me.

Because this world isn’t built from an authority, this world is built from love, from passion, from people just like you, and people are so self critical, so worried that people like them will not do the things they love justice. But you trust the writer. You let yourself fall in love, you let yourself be loved. Maybe you keep your mouth shut about it, maybe they won’t understand the rush of suspending your disbelief, believing, if only for a moment, that the people you look up to might see you as an equal, might see you as a something they could love too.

Wish fullfilment comes in all forms; don’t be afraid to wish to be in love. I’ll tell you a secret; I wish it too.

I made this place for you. A place for to love me. If this isn’t a kingdom then I don’t know what is.

I’m overwhelmed with love, with desire, with the need to script a world in which the person who gives me comfort will comfort me specifically; will comfort you specifically. Worlds of words sprawl in my mind, over and over I see new ways to hear the words I need to hear; more than anything I want to share those worlds with you. What good is understanding that in another universe, he’ll love me, if I can’t show you that in that universe, and so many more, he’ll love you too. We are pack animals, scrambling and searching for love, for a safe place to store our heart, our feelings, so I will write worlds where you can feel human, and feel loved, and feel powerful in equal measure.

I will write worlds where you are the star, where you are the object of desire, where he loves you, because each universe comes with an understanding, comes with a tweaked version of you, dear reader, so that you may find new things to relate to, new ways to fall in love, with him, with yourself. That rush of first love over and over again; that safety of a secure kind of love that comes from years of hard work, because sometimes you need that warmth without the build up, so I’ll give it to you for free. Here, I hand craft these worlds for you, so I suppose in my own way, I love you too.

Here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all forgiven -

And you’ll fall in love with more than just him, because these worlds are populated by friends and found family who you will grow to love too, because your life does not depend on romantic love, because you are worthy of more than just romantic love, you are worthy of a circle of people who understand you. Find allies in your idols time and time again, each universe has a new way to connect to them.

The worlds I write may not always be kind, for the world itself is not always kind, but the people who matter will love you, will understand you, and you’ll hold your own against the world because you are strong.

You deserve love. You deserve a world where you can see as the object of desire by those you find desirable. I’ll write them for you; I’ll write my fantasies, let them become my legacy, and hope you understand the love I’m trying to put into words.

You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together to make a creature that will do what I say or love me back.

But please be kind to him, to the real him, be respectful; he has given comfort and given love, and given inspiration for all these worlds in which I can envision a version of him loving me, of loving you.

Be kind to him, because I cannot imagine how terrifying, how overwhelming it would be to have a world that loves you, but that doesn’t respect, at least in part, that you are not the version that can love them all in return, in the way they deserve. He can appreciate us, so please, let’s appreciate him for who he is, and love the versions of him, the whole universes writers have been inspired to create just so he can love us in the way we deserve.

In the mean time, here; I know it’s not a lot, but I think it’s what you deserve. It’s the world. It’s his love. I made it just for you.

Who am I? I’m just a writer. I write things down. I walk through your dreams and invent the future.

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asterekmess · 3 years ago

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Hello, I just finished 'Kissing: The multitool they didn't tell you about' and I am in love with you and would kindly request your hand in marriage.

It was so refreshing and brilliant, the way you portrayed Stiles and Derek and their relationship, the fic felt so honest and good and still so emotional without being angsty? I was perfectly able to understand both characters and support both characters decisions, Derek's emotions and confusion weren't signs of him 'needing to get his head out of his ass' like in so many other works and I just. I loved it so much!

I can't even put into words the emotional state this work put me into. I feel flayed open but in a gentle way, like someone swaddled me in a blanket after a good cry and kissed my forehead. I feel taken care of and seen and just.... Urgh. Marry me please

I think the emotion I am looking for is raw. I feel raw after reading Kissing, a multitool. Like when someone you love looks at you for just too long and you feel vulnerable and seen and raw. It's a good feeling but I also need to go lie down for a bit and be emotional, like just allow this feeling to spread through me and consume me for a while.

Please, please write more! Just putting those together for clarity's sake.

First off:

I got the email abt your message and literally only read the first line before I had to go to bed, but I was giddy, I tell you.

Second: My husband says he will gladly fight you for my hand. XD Feel free to meet him behind the Applebee's at 3am and duel for the opportunity to marry me.

and Third: I am so incredibly glad to hear that you liked Kissing: so much. I had a lot of fun with it, with getting to make them both vulnerable while trying to leave them in character, and getting to explore Derek's perception and headspace a bit. I don't use his pov as often as I should. XD Don't worry about needing to lie down; I wrote it while laying down, so you're valid.

And while I don’t have plans to write more in that specific universe, I promise you that I am absolutely writing more in general, with lots of fun emotional scenes for both of our boys. ^_^

Thank you for such a sweet set of messages to wake up to in the morning, you've brightened my day before it even started. ♥

#personal #go for it #love mail #fic talk

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uponrightful · 3 years ago

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I've been wanting to send this one in for a while. What was going through the Wolfpacks mind and how much did Wolffe hear?

“I’d heard about him a lot from your brothers, how angry he was and that they thought he could use someplace like here. Home. But I didn’t think that he would ever show up. And, after a couple times something happened. I don’t know who really even started it.” The girl took another steadying breath, before continuing on the now spilling thoughts and feelings she’d been bottling up for months now. Completely unaware of the three men’s attention being drawn out the window where a grey and blue painted trooper walked towards the front door.

“I think about him, all the time. I hear his voice when I wake up, and I constantly dream about him. It’s like I’m constantly in this fever dream where I’ve finally been given something that I can’t deny I want.” All of the confusion crashed down in a wave of crystal-clear realization. Audience of troopers aside, the girl hadn’t thought it all through so straight.

She was brought back to Rex, sitting there drinking his caf with a look of disappointment when she’d mentioned that there wasn’t anything she wanted out of life. Other than helping the troopers. It hadn’t been the first time he’d asked, and she hadn’t realized why until now. She had the ability to have what she wanted. Regulations didn’t affect her, and neither did anyone else who didn’t have her best interests at heart. Rex hadn’t meant love specifically, or anything of the like, but what she didn’t get was why it mattered. His constant reminders spoken to the fact that without knowing… she couldn’t possibly go about getting it. Whatever “it” is. The girl’s sudden epiphany was that she finally knew -for once in her life- that there was something she wanted more than anything.

And that was Wolffe.

Her awestruck reaction and frozen posture thawed to see not a single pair of eyes focused on her. Boost, Sinker and Comet were all watching high above her head into the kitchen at something positively damning. Behind her, the heavy sound of boots thumped against the floor echoing off the silent walls of the house. Her heart, already thrumming with personal-realization began working double-time as the steps got closer.

Commentary Track for Welcome Company

Copy 500 words -or more- of any of my fics and I’ll give my thoughts/rambles on what was going through my head -or the character’s- when I wrote it!

*Send one in here*

@taz-107 You and I have some of the best discussions on literally everything Clones, and I'm so happy you sent this one in! I kinda went all-in, because I know you don't mind my word vomit 😅

I love you dearly 🤍

***

Let's start with the Wolfpack shall we?

Comet and Sinker know Pup the best, obviously. They think she's sweet, and they've always had a sense of little-sister vibes from her. It's the way she always invites them in, and never let's them leave without being adamant that they come back again... Preferably leaving less time between visits. Her home is one that the Pack really doesn't get to spend much time in, but when they do get the chance it's like they never left. Habits are created very easily, so the same dinners are almost always on the menu and there's almost a bedtime ritual they both have which never goes abandoned. Comet and Sinker are men of habit, but they never miss out on Pup's willingness to oblige them basically anything they want.

For Boost, his normal happy-go-lucky (and troublemaker) attitude is absent. This is the first time he's meeting Pup, and like most troopers he's hesitant for a number of reasons. It's illegal what they're doing, and although this girl has been nothing but a god-send for his brothers, it's nerve-racking to be in an unusual situation like sitting in a living room and talking just for the enjoyment of it. In a matter of an evening though, he's already falling into that same trap of love and affection that everyone else does when they meet Pup. She's sweet, and overly worrisome about his boots not being comfortable. (Something Boost wasn't sure he'd ever thought about before.)

The Pack's decision to make a visit wasn't a difficult one to make. Each of them had seen the changes in Wolffe's personality, whether big or small, and right away they knew that it was because he'd finally went for his own visit. It wasn't until Chapter Five that they realize there's something more going on than just what Comet and Sinker are familiar with experiencing during their stays at Home. It's the way their Commander doesn't seem to respond to them quickly -like he's off somewhere else in his mind- and the many times they've caught him taking a nap during a mission, mumbling to himself with the occasional slip-up of her name crossing his lips. The entire Wolfpack -Plo Koon included- know that their Commander has it bad. And initially, they're a little bit confused as to why Pup would ever take a liking to someone as harsh as Wolffe.

Note: Until this point, no one has seen Wolffe interact with Pup, and I made this decision very carefully. It was crucial that Wolffe come to form some sense of habit and security with her before this moment happens. It's to better display the completely different way Wolffe acts as a Commander, versus when he's with Pup. Wolffe is extremely talented at prioritizing tasks, whatever they may be. Therefore, when he's a soldier that's the only thing he normally has the mental capacity for. But when he's with Pup, he takes that romantic role just as seriously as he would directing troops on the frontlines.

The Pack know Wolffe is the one coming in the door. They also realize that they'd incidentally forced Pup's hand, and now they had no way of stopping her from talking without making everything even more awkward than it's already becoming. With every second that passes between seeing him walk past the window, Pup just keeps talking and the collective hope of the 104th is that Wolffe's change in attitude isn't just a passing fancy for Pup, and that her proclamation of love is one that their brother will see as something significant. In the background of this apprehension for Wolffe's reaction, they're actually shocked to hear Pup admit what she does about Wolffe.

They've always known Wolffe to be a little on the stiff side of rules and decorum, and even the mention of him being the least bit romantic enough to capture her attention is just another blow to these men's (hopelessly misguided) ideas about their Commander. He's not the most gentle person, and Pup is nothing short of an angel... (That's literally Sinker's nickname for her.) They make for a strange pair, and there's a bit of all three of them that have the same worry that Rex does; Can she actually handle him?

Note: I've always thought of Wolffe as a tortured soul, that never deserved the copious punishments that was handed to him in his life. And in the fic, there was a huge motivation to really play up just how worried troopers get about their brothers who end up the way Wolffe is when we see him post-cybernetics. He's angry and vicious to an extent. Not that he was a really carefree guy to begin with, but it's such a contrast that all of the men who knew Wolffe closely can see a very scary change in the Commander once he's brought back for duty. (Fives and Rex's conversation in Chapter Five is where I tried to make that fear a little more palpable and realistic of what war has done to Wolffe through the eyes of men who've seen things similar...)

They hear her words, and they're all staring at Wolffe who's got the most impassive expression they've ever seen before. It's stiffer than when he's at a parade rest, and even his posture looks like it could fucking snap at any second. But the second Pup's pause of realization hits her, Wolffe suddenly decides to join them all. Every last one of the Pack are holding their breath for this; Literally none of them have any idea of what to expect. They're all making subconscious guesses, trying to read his movements, literally anything that might help try and relax this tension. But when Wolffe just sits himself down at Pup's feet; Stretching out his leg and visibly melting back against her chair...

It's utter shock.

Note: I chose Boost for the next POV because he fit the need perfectly. Not only does he know Wolffe extremely well, but he doesn't have this predetermined idea of what Pup is like. He knows on a surface level that she's very kind and a little shy. But I needed him for this moment because it's truly perception-bending to see Wolffe take such a submissive posture towards this girl. (Her admittance that she loves him aside.) Boost has never seen Wolffe carry himself like that, and I wanted you to see it through his eyes because that's Wolffe's constant personality. Pup is the only one who's seen Wolffe soft -so this isn't new to her- but for the Pack, this is unprecedented behavior.

Now for our sweet, sweet, Commander 🤍

Wolffe was very preoccupied with his conversation with Anakin from Chapter Six and the upset over being forced to come back so late in the evening. He wouldn't dare not return after promising that he would, but the idea of making her wait up so late didn't sit right with him in the slightest. Being so caught up in his own head, he doesn't notice the Wolfpack staring at him through the open window dressings, and he's completely unaware that they'd chosen to come and see her as well. (He tries not to worry himself too much about what they do on planet-leave, and this was just one of his weaker moments.) Not that Wolffe would ever admit to being constantly worried about his brother's getting into trouble, and him not being able to get them out of it.

But all of that changes the second he walks into the house and hears Pup talking. It's not what she's saying at first; But instead just hearing her voice is enough to make Wolffe pause and listen as he pulls his bucket off his head. She's so soft, but this time there's a different edge to it; And standing in the hallway is when Wolffe finally realizes that she's talking about him. It's a miracle he didn't drop his bucket in a loud clatter to the floor in that instant.

Pup is saying things that Wolffe couldn't have dreamt about even coming from her mouth. Admitting that he’s in her dreams like she constantly takes a place in his. Detailing just how surreal it is to have him around her, just like it feels in his own mind. Pup is speaking exactly what Wolffe has been feeling for months and it's all Wolffe can to do try and stay quiet, just so he doesn't miss another word. Every syllable is spoken like she read it right from his heart, and Wolffe is so speechless that he's on the verge of busting through the house to find her and really show her exactly what a fever-dream he could provide for her.

But the moment he sees his brothers, all staring at his shadowed figure in the kitchen he realizes that they knew he was listening, and that now there was no turning back. Wolffe is feeling really pressured at this moment. Not because he doesn't love Pup -because he really does- but it's hard to traverse the admission with his men watching him for a reaction. They know nothing about his relationship with Pup, and he's kept it that way for fear of someone thinking it was unprofessional, and attempting to do something about it that would not only risk himself and the other men who need her, but Pup herself for providing care and warmth to men who were considered GAR property. He doesn't suspect that his men would ever do something like that, but there's this sense of fear that makes Wolffe present himself so emotionlessly. That is, until he can collect his own emotions for hearing her, and try to play it off.

Note: Wolffe is very skittish. And that's all to do with the treatment he faced after his fight with Ventress. He thinks very lowly of himself personally, but has an unbreakable expectation that he do everything exactly as it should be done without failure. This makes him a wonderful leader, but god-awful at admitting he has feelings aside from diplomatic neutrality. He's struggling to do the right thing here, when there really isn't a textbook example of how to handle expressing the emotion of know the person you love, admitting to loving you back in front of a small crowd. Wolffe doesn't understand that anything he could've chosen to do would've been acceptable here. But in the end, Wolffe's diplomacy is what guided the plot. (Once again, I only write for the characters, I hardly ever get creative liberty when coming to the conclusion of what my non-OC characters do. Even then, my OC's are very diligent in reminding me that they have their own personalities and I can't just make them do anything.)

Wolffe chooses what feels comfortable to him in this moment. At this point, everyone -including Pup- is waiting for him. And when he walks into the living room, his first instinct is to go where he feels the safest. And that's with her. (It's important that he sits at her feet and I'll tell you why in a moment.) Wolffe wants to be with her as best he can in this moment. He still feels that emotional relief and warmth of hearing her say she had the same feelings for him, but the last thing he wants to do is put either of them on the spot in front of his brothers that are appearing very worried and utterly confused at the moment. So to tone down the tension he'd accidentally created, he just does what feels right; And that's to let Pup know he's happy to see her, and give the apology he'd been meaning to all along.

"Sorry m'late."

From there, his men -sharp as ever- realize that he has wants to do this one his own, and Comet takes the initiative to take conversation somewhere else for the time being. He's silently grateful for that, and although he never says anything to them about it, Wolffe is certain that they did so on his behalf and wouldn't expect a thank you for it.

The rest of the night is easy to get lost in. His boys -always needing to show off- take turns coming into themselves again, and decide that a competition of war-stories and funny -albeit stupid- stories are in order. It feels natural like this, and Wolffe hasn't ever felt so proud having all of his brothers and his precious lady all in the same room where they can just be normal for a little while. He's extremely attentive to Pup's attempts at touching him, and he has to bite back a smile when he feels her secretive touches against his back. She's doing it on purpose to avoid his brother's notice, but Wolffe realizes she's probably just as nervous to be outright about it as well. After all, he'd not made a single comment about what she'd said, but he was kriffing surprised that it didn't change her desire to be close to him.

Note: Wolffe sat on the floor for a reason. And it wasn't my decision in the slightest. The way the living room sits, Pup has the best view of the room. Her back is to a corner, and the couch and chair that Boost, Sinker, and Comet occupy and positioned to face in her direction. It's strategic -and instinctual- that Wolffe put himself at the center of attention. That is basically a requirement that he head his squad at all times, and naturally he doesn't distinguish this scenario apart from any other. It's simply the Commanding Officer in him. But to a -wonderfully complex- part of Wolffe's character, he's doing it because that puts Pup at his back where he knows she's safe. His brother's aren't harmful in the slightest, but Wolffe knows that should there be a threat, he'll see them coming, and they'd have to go through him to get to her first. Protecting Pup is one of Wolffe's greatest motives throughout the entire fic, and this was one moment I wanted to play that theme out silently. (I don't know if anyone really picked up on it.)

This choice to sit at her feet appears very submissive to the Pack, and to Pup for that matter. But really Wolffe is subconsciously staking claim and protective charge over Pup without even realizing that he's doing so. For example; he could've picked her up and sat down in the chair with her in his lap, he could've sat down next to one of his brothers instead, or even chose to stand somewhere. But all of those choices leave Pup undefended. Wolffe doesn't see that he's doing it, and neither does anyone else in a very direct way. But if you pay attention to the way I toned the scene, you'll notice that Wolffe doesn't ever lose control of the room. Focus and power is always on him even when no one thinks wiser. It's what makes Wolffe such a commander figure all of the time. He has a natural predisposition to hold command, so even when Wolffe isn't trying have dominance, it's always present in the subtle way he moves, speaks, and presents himself to those around him.

***

Thank you for sending this in my love ☺️ I hope it wasn't too long, and you covered everything well enough! If not, let me know what I missed and I'd be glad to fill in the blank spots!

Much Love, Rightful 🤍

#commentary track #welcome company #commander wolffe #wolffe #pup #boost #sinker #comet #uponrightful #uponrightfulwrites

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bigskydreaming · 3 years ago

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I'm so used to Dick getting hit because his family or friend was annoyed and decided he was the closest wall to punch that I never expect anything different anywhere, and then Young Justice s3 and Titans s2 caught me by the neck and threw me into a pool of unexpected catharsis. I never expected Dick to defend himself, I never expected the catharsis, I never expected how much it'd affect me. Although now that Titans s3 is upon us with a Dick vs Jason fight I'm back to the default.

I really, really, REALLY wish more people had even the slightest idea of the catharsis that can come from one character just fucking INTERVENING in a situation like we see happen so often in fics and the comics and just be like....no. That is not fucking okay. And like, without that, it literally is just...permissive? Like when Jason punches Dick in Grayson #12 after the Spyral thing, and Tim just stands there.....Tim's essentially saying its okay, he sees nothing wrong with what just happened. Which....dun dun dun....not all that surprisingly then turned into Tim punching Dick in Batman and Robin Eternal.....again with nobody upset.

Its why I've never even been able to like, go with the idea that Alfred or any of the Titans knew about what happened between Bruce and Dick in NTT #55, specifically, because like....I can't make peace with nobody saying anything about that ever. Bruce is a Big Time Superhero. Who frequently rubs people the wrong way. I don't buy that nobody's ever gonna throw that back in his face to make a point about how he's got no business being holier than thou about various topics. *Shrugs*

But yeah, unfortunately its not just canon. Like, I've read a fic where the prompt was literally like....people being glad to see Dick back from Spyral and getting actual catharsis for everything he went through instead of what we got in canon....so I went into the fic like okay, cool, this is exactly what I'm looking for. LOL nah, we got Jason STILL punching Dick anyway, even AFTER finding out about the events of NW #30 and Dick actually having died, and like, Jason was still so pissed at Dick for not TELLING them this that NOW, THAT'S why he just has to punch Dick before THEN hugging him and saying okay I just had to get that out, but now I'm over it and glad you're back.

And I was just like.....ummm. The author and people in the comments are treating this like an lol moment where all's well that end's well, and I'm like ARE YOU KIDDING ME, THAT'S THE EXACT SAME ISSUE CANON PRESENTED. Only now its WORSE, because people act like that addressed and resolved it, but with it STILL including Jason punching Dick cuz he was mad, and now with this even MORE formally being treated as like....something fine and necessary to repair their relationship. And all of this is packaged as like...the specific catharsis that people who were UPSET with how that all played out in canon like, came into this specific fic looking for....and this is what we got instead, with zero warning.

That's not even getting started on like, the super long super serious fic set during the Ric Grayson era that was supposedly about addressing Bruce's abusive actions towards ALL his kids, which FEATURED Ric as a regular character, but only ever actually DELVED into the times he'd hit Jason and then Tim. With Tim as an unreliable narrator making some reference to Bruce having hit Dick a couple times but that was different because Dick was an adult....and the author and narration at NO POINT pushing back against this to be like well actually Timmy, that's not fucking different at all, Dick is still his kid, Bruce was still taking out his anger on him, that was still abuse, and saying or even just implicitly framing it as NOT abuse the way it played out in Tim's head, when you're presenting this entire fic as a whole as like, an ode to actually acknowledging the abusive aspects of how Bruce has been written with his kids....

Again, SUPER upsetting to read and witness, because people are absolutely going to read that and internalize that as reinforcing their belief that the situations with Bruce and Dick WERE substantially different and thus not qualifying as abuse and belonging in a separate category the way Tim slotted it in his brain.....because why wouldn't they?

The author only wrote it that way because they perceived it that way, clearly, otherwise by their own stated admission of trying to tackle this subject honestly and completely, like....they would have actually made some kind of point or acknowledgment of it not being different at all and still very much abuse....and the fact that they didn't suggests they very much did see it as somehow different.....so why would readers perceive it any differently and why wouldn't its inclusion in a fic that delved into abuse so extensively NOT at least on SOME level potentially reinforce whatever leanings or perceptions they had in the same direction already? And meanwhile, this story like sooooo many others that wants to talk about abuse SERIOUSLY, all the while calls this their hobby that they do for enjoyment, so please don't criticize anything because that would ruin the HOBBY of it all for them, and its like....

And then there's the fic where its Dick hitting Jason while in the midst of a narrative that's bringing all of Jason's abuse issues and related triggers front and center, and this one is highly recommended as like, a great Dick Grayson characterization by an author who hates any and all canon renditions of Bruce being abusive and so doesn't include anything like that, and so you're going into it like okay, I'm not expecting any catharsis or anything along the lines of acknowledging Bruce's worse moments with Dick or Jason because clearly that's not what this fic is about and that's fine...but by the exact same token, I ALSO was not expecting that an author who is so vehement about how abusive Bruce is wildly OOC writing because the real Bruce would never do that and that's not how they perceive the characters, like....what I'm NOT expecting is for Dick, in a fic PRAISED for a good and complex depiction of him, to like....just fucking pop Jason one in the face and bring to mind how this makes him no different from Jason's abuser and then he runs and seeks comfort in Bruce who whether people like it or not, is canonically someone who has made Dick an abuse survivor himself....

And I'm just sitting there fucking BLIND-SIDED thinking wow, not only did I NOT want this recommended to me by the whole freaking fandom as a wonderfully nuanced portrayal of Dick Grayson, I would have kept a ten mile radius from it if it had say, a tag warning of sibling abuse, which is what they wrote between Dick and Jason, just the other way around. And its like.....I completely understand the author's dislike of abusive Bruce in canon and their desire not to engage with that content on any level, and would have been totally fine with that.....except, I naively figured there was no reason that same logic wouldn't extend to Dick, especially in so lauded a fic, because like, what? Bruce would never ever hit his family and its wildly OOC and simply not believable, even though its happened like five different times with Dick alone, but Dick hitting HIS family is a wonderfully nuanced and complicated portrayal of him? In what universe is that not gonna be a problem for some people??

But because we live in a fandom that's like, umm, this is just peoples' HOBBY, they're doing it for FUN, we're expected to be silent about stuff like this which are very real fucking problems to watch go unacknowledged in fics that claim to be TRYING to treat these topics seriously, but in reality only want to be entertainment just deep enough to move people but NOT deep enough to warrant criticism for having an undue influence on peoples' emotions or perceptions of various dynamics.....and we're supposed to be polite and just smile and say this isn't for us and let it all go, even though like, we would have KNOWN it wasn't for us and not gone anywhere near it in the first place if like, it had been tagged as sibling abuse or something like that. That would have been a clear advertisement to me that like, this is not something you want any part of.

Like, I go to fics that do acknowledge or reference Bruce's abuse to his kids because I'm LOOKING for the catharsis of having abuse actually called out as abuse....and what about that makes anyone think I or someone like me is in doing so LOOKING for characters who AREN'T already abusive to each other in canon NOW being abusive in ways that only the individual fic writer chose to depict them as? And by the same token, its not like I want to go into any fic and see more of the same thing as we get in canon, which is.....more instances of actual abuse being framed and treated as something that's just fine, actually, and nothing to worry about or take too seriously....

But meanwhile, back at the fandom farm, everyone's still totally convinced that they're so superior to canon and doing things so much better than them and fixing all their mistakes....and its like....well then why are you MAKING the EXACT same mistakes, and what the hell are we supposed to do about it with YOU guys if unlike with canon (where we can criticize but it doesn't do much good because there's no guarantee of the people who need to see it actually seeing it), we're not supposed to bring it to your attention as 'criticism-worthy' (thus making the opposite problem of where we CAN bring it to the attention of people who can see it, but we're not 'supposed to' because fandom etiquette)?

And back to the whole thing about using a sibling abuse tag as a warning for people to steer clear if this isn't something they want in their dynamics between the Batbrothers, not just Bruce and his kids....

The thing that fucking gets me every time here, is like......THIS WOULD BE SUCH AN EASY PROBLEM TO FIX, IF PEOPLE WEREN'T JUST SO FREAKING EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT THEY ACCIDENTALLY WROTE IT WITHOUT NOTICING WHAT IT WAS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Like that first example I used....I very naively DID try to bring it to the author's attention when I was new to dipping my toes back into this fandom, and boy oh boy did that just exemplify how counter-productive that is as long as people can hide behind the DONT CRITICIZE MY WORK shield. I sent a private message on Ao3 so it wouldn't even show up in their comments, and just said very simply:

"hey, I really enjoy your stuff but I was wondering if you would mind putting a warning tag of 'sibling abuse' on your latest fic? I'm not trying to tell you how to write the characters and I figure you probably didn't intend it to come across that way anyway, but as an abuse survivor, I can't help but see that dynamic pop out as such for me in a way that I would at least have liked a heads up about, if that makes sense? Its just I do see how you paralleled how the canon presented this scenario and thus get what you were trying to do there I think, but I kinda only came into this fic for the specific lure of the catharsis we DIDN'T get when things played out somewhat similar in canon, with a lot of it having to do with that dynamic between Dick and Jason, and so...yeah. This part of the comics is obviously emotionally charged for a lot of us and I just know personally, this wasn't quite the catharsis I was after for that scenario and just a quick tag like that would have helped warn me of that. Anyway, sorry for this and hope you can understand my position, I'm not trying to be heavy-handed here or anything, but this was a problem for me and just in case it might be a problem for anyone else in the future, I thought I'd try and send a quick message about that for you to do whatever you want with."

I mean, I thought I was pretty reasonable there, personally?

Yeah.

The author did not.

She went off on me for constructive criticism which she did not ask for, and did not appreciate my insinuations into her character about her being an abuse apologist, because that's clearly what I was saying there. But I mean, that's what happens here. I'd bet anything that she was just embarrassed to have written the dynamic in such a way and then been called out about something she was previously oblivious to and then felt self-conscious about having overlooked or perpetrated herself.

But like....as understandable as that is, like....that's not my problem? And that's not a reason to shut down ANY avenue for people to raise the issue when writers unknowingly perpetrate stuff like this, in ANY way, no matter HOW delicately.

I get being defensive about someone thinking you INTENDED to write a pair of brothers as abusive and saying that was fine, and I even get how, being in a defensive mindset, she could have jumped to that interpretation of what I was saying rather than what I was ACTUALLY saying which was just....look, I don't know you, I don't know your own story, but for whatever reason you didn't pick up on this potentially troubling element of what you wrote in ways that I did because of my own experiences, and I'm just trying to point the issue out as delicately as possible because I KNOW that chances are, you WOULDN'T have written things that way if you had at all perceived the dynamic as I did. And I also KNOW that for people who don't have necessarily the same experiences or perspective I do, that they're not going to be as naturally inclined to perceive trouble spots the way I'm kinda....primed to notice them, and its NATURAL for some of this to pass by peoples' notice for a variety of reasons and like....I'm not freaking mad about that?? That's FINE. That's NORMAL. You're not a bad person for writing something a 'problematic' way purely because you LITERALLY DIDN'T SEE THE PROBLEM WHEN YOU WROTE IT.

Nobody has universal experiences. Nobody has all experiences. The problem is almost NEVER somebody just WRITING something in a way that they 'should have' known better than to, especially when it comes to topics like abuse or whatever.

No, the problem is ONLY when they get all up in their butthurt feelings about being embarrassed that they DIDN'T omnisciently know that and they feel self conscious now about how they think it makes them look now that the issue HAS been raised in a way they can recognize, and so they just fucking double down on pretending there's no issue whatsoever and whomever brings it to their attention is just overstepping and who even asked, anyway.

And thus a problem that can easily be solved in TWO ways....1) by adding a simple tag acknowledging the problem area for what it is, or 2) by editing the problem area to erase or write around the issue it raises that the author didn't perceive initially and likely would have avoided from the start if they HAD, because they AREN'T someone who wants to stand KNOWINGLY by that implication and what it says or suggests.....

Instead, this problem just gets turned into a generic fandom discourse issue about critique etiquette that addresses absolutely nothing, changes nothing, makes nothing about any of this better for ANYONE, just extends the problem to one likely to be repeated over and over again because it WILL never change so long as it remains something that isn't SUPPOSED to have attention brought to it, and all of this.

All of this.

Is just self-conscious defensiveness because people didn't want to be perceived as someone who either actually thought the things they'd unknowingly implied for WHATEVER reason, or didn't care/pay enough attention to notice as a problem in the first place....

Or else they just literally DON'T care enough about the content of what they're writing enough that they actually GIVE a shit about becoming better informed on it and thus better able to steer away from troubling implications or points of view in the future. Even if pointed out by survivors or people with personal experience as such that they recognize a problem even where the author didn't themselvse, no matter WHAT their own personal relationship with the subject matter is -

(because yeah, survivors of rape and abuse can absolutely perpetuate harmful viewpoints ourselves as well, because experiencing these things doesn't take away from our being exposed to just as much of the abuse/rape culture and apologia society and media churns out regularly enough that it can cloud ANYONE'S mind on this subject, without the addition or input of other points of view).

And either way, no matter what the reason is, when people aren't willing to even ENTERTAIN input, feedback, or potentially negative or even just AWARENESS-RAISING viewpoints in response to culturally influencing fictional content they put out via a variety of fairly wide-reaching platforms that can thus reach and influence any number of mindsets, from those of survivors to potential survivors to friends or families of survivors to people with no connection to abuse or rape whatsoever currently but for whom that could change at any time because we all meet new people every day and survivors could come into your life and be affected by your views and knowledge of abuse and rape culture and apologism at any point, even if you never become a survivor yourself -

(as is my ardent wish for anyone no matter HOW much I dislike or disagree with them personally. I don't expect or WANT people to be as fully informed on a lot of this stuff as I am personally, just like I'm not like, sad about not being MORE informed on the aspects or experiences stemming from it all that aren't personally relevant to my own life, because I'm additionally very aware that my own viewpoint is not definitive and not the monolithic voice for all survivors everywhere, I've literally only ever advocated for my own perspective on these matters and anyone of a like-mind which is an entirely opt-in POV that people have to decide for THEMSELVES if they feel that applies to them versus something that I'm CLAIMING on behalf of anyone but myself) -

Anyway. Bottom line is whatever the reason for WHY people are so avoidant on this topic, the end result is we've created a culture that says people are allowed to craft fictional viewpoints on any topic in any way to any degree...but the only impact that can ever be acknowledged is positive. Nobody can point out where things can be better. Nobody can point out where things are just fucking WRONG. The entertainment of whomever wrote the thing and whomever reads it and ISN'T bothered by it in any way, is eminently more important and worth protecting than the comfort of anyone who reads the thing and is not only troubled by the viewpoint made or claims presented on a matter they're intimately acquainted with in some form or to some degree themselves.....but then merely wants their viewpoint and concerns acknowledged and made part of the conversation so that both writer and readers can potentially apply that viewpoint and ANY additional perspective or information it contains to future works.

In essence, for all the free speech and censorship talk that gets thrown around fandom spaces....THIS kinda thing RIGHT HERE?

Is the most self-evident example I can come up with of ACTUALLY shutting down conversation and the spread and dissemination of information relevant to the topics being raised as points of interest every. single. day. in this fandom and most every other one I can think of.

So if peoples' ACTUAL goal was creating spaces where the people for whom fictional content is actually MOST relevant to are encouraged and outright TOLD to try and separate their feelings from that relevancy and treat it all as an abstract.....

Just so that people for whom this content already IS an abstract and nothing more, can refrain from having it made real and thus reality-impacting, and in doing so take away some of the escapism and FUN of it all, and make it a little more 'heavy' than they wanted when they turned to it for a bit of self-indulgent angst they never intended or expected to treat (or see treated) as anything more than that?

Then its like, congrats. You did it guys. That's what you've got here. That's what you've made.

Yay.

Go team.

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