#so i went home. fuck gas.
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I left ten minutes in advance for work with the implicet purpose of getting gas. I did not get gas. I want the press to know this.
#random thoughts#so first i tried filling up at a casey's#big mistake never go to caseys their card readers are always broken#so i went WELP. and went to work#i could have gone to dillons but i already tried at caseys like a minute ago what more could you ask of me#i planned on getting gas at dillons on the way home but the windows frosted over of my truck#and i scraped them and started driving but i couldn't really see??? for some reason#so i was like 'well i can kind of see and that's all that matters' and then i drove on a curb and went 'NOPE'#so i pulled over and scraped my windows again but i STILL! COULDN'T! SEE!#condensation. i had condensation on the inside of my windows.#so i went home. fuck gas.
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School got evacuated and it smells like gas what is happening this year
#our teacher got called out and then didn't return and someone wanted to go look and came back within five minutes#telling us that it smells like rotten eggs and everyone seems to be leaving the building#so of course we went fuck the official permission we're out of here#there's police the teachers were pretty much chasing us homewards#someone mentioned there's an alleged bomb threat BRO WHY IS EVERYTHING HAPPENING IN LIKE THREE DAYS CAN I JUST GET A MINUTE OR SOMETHING#so now I'm home. and confused and a little scared#i have a major exam tomorrow I don't want to wrote that in a building under threat of explosion#fuck my lifeeee#AND NOBODY TOLD.US ANYTHING THERE COULD'VE BEEN A GAS LEAK OR A BOMB AND WE COULD'VE JUST STAYED THERE BECAUSE NOBODY ACTUALLY CAME#TO TELL US TO LEAVE THAT IS INSANE#this is only sinking in holy shit that was an actually genuinely dangerous what the fuck#i don't want to go back there tomorrow jesus christ
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dude im
i think this is the first time in... as long as i can remember that life's actually going well. like sometimes life just Goes By until something bad happens or whatever... but like, ive had a lot of pretty good days in the past month ish? ive gone to two really amazing local shows recently, plus some other concerts, im seeing my favorite band next week, i might be making merch for another one of my favorite bands.... and yeah ive had shitty days and i got sick but like.. i remember those days well so the inbetween is just, that.. the in between... god idk becoming more involved in my local scene has been so fucking surreal..
#like its hasnt been great weeks back to back but#ive had really great experiences? yk#so like... those mainly stick out to me bc of my memory issues#and like.. ugh#i dont even know it just feels like things might actually start getting#fun#ever since i went to my first incubus concert i like... knew i wanted to fucking go to as many as possible#and thags coming true!#ive found so many local bands i absolutely fucking love and theyve become what i regularly listen to#which makes that so much easier#and im hoping to eventually get my license because like... i need to start drivinnt#which will make traveling easier#if i do get to sell shirt i can make money#and stickers#and just#idk im actually excited for the future for the first time in so longm#like.. i know So many people like concerts#but just like#theyve genuinely given me a reason to live#i love seeing people at shows and i love taking photos and meeting the bands and just everything about it#i met a guy whos been to two shows i have and i got his insta n like#that shows that like hey maybe i can find a group of people to go with yk?#even if its not him or whatever#i still want to try and make a movie one day but i really am considering working for bands and shit cause like#i dont want to be rich i wanna live w a couple people and travel and actually Live#as long as i can pay the bills and get gas im okay#i mean fuck im even willing to stick around my home town longer if it means that i get to do that shit yk?#idk im rambling but whatever#just like#fuck im so thankful to have found a place i genuinely enjoy and most of the time can express that pretty easily
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me and the generic extra strong Tylenol and the pure rage in my system
#Every once in a while I think. It’s not too bad home. I’m over dramatic. It’s not bad and it won’t be bad when I go home and never been bad#Then actually think and remember#I shouldn’t have been hit as a small child. I thank god that my parents stopped that with me.#But also. I should have been taken seriously when I went To them with concerns and shouldn’t have been brushed off.#But also to be a 14 something year old and to realize your parents aren’t in love is a crushing feeling#Since that must have been when. 13-14. Appa passed. Pandemic times. I’m sure my father. Since this would have been the last time I saw Appa#We went down to visit. Dad didn’t go he had work. He sent us off. I remember sitting in the passenger seat by mom in driver#Dad praying for our safe travel and for him going in for a kiss and the moment of hesitation and unwant from my mother#And the awkward silence and the way everything seemed to just shift to the side#That was summer of 2019. My first time realizing my parents weren’t both in love happened when I was 13-14.#I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.#And going to college has me feeling so guilty. Like I fucking ditched my siblings? The kids I raised as a child myself?#(I had to go. I don’t know if my scholarship would have held I don’t know if my financial aid would have held. I couldn’t have waited. )#(I would have likely done something bad to myself. Genuinely. If I weren’t able to be here. If I had to stay. I wouldn’t survive that.)#my siblings are fine. They have no responsibilities. My sister is manipulative. They will manage. They want me to get the education I need#They aren’t going to have to use their own college money to pay to be able to eat because the parents won’t feed them for the summer#I went into college with at least a couple hundred less than I should have. Because I had to parent. I had to feed my siblings.#And I had to pay to fill the gas tank on my father’s gas eater truck. We couldn’t be home because of the selling home situation.#I had to do something to get us out and to feed us but I didn’t get paid back for anywhere near all of it#I don’t regret it. But a kid shouldn’t have to pay for them and their siblings to live.#But then I remember the dread I have for returning ‘home’ for the breaks. I don’t know what I’m going to do.#If I can’t work all of the breaks then I either won’t be able to pay next semester#Or I’ll have almost no money in savings. Like nothing to my name. Can’t buy gas. Can’t do anything. Can’t buy food.#Unless the next scholarship stuff I’m doing pulls through. But I’m willing to work the whole break just to get away from either house.#I want to violently shake my parents and get them to comprehend#Father you have dropped 260$ into my bank account in the last two weeks. Why could this not be earlier in the semester.#Why couldn’t that be in the time and fashion you FUCKING PROMISED for helping me pay my schooling?#You have money to spare. Stupid. Why couldn’t you help like you promised.#Mom you fucker. I get that you are kinda with a new man now. But you’re leading yourself into a relationship with a man you said yourself#You don’t want to date because he wants to move away with his sister and because he hates it here
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shoutout to walmart for doing more for my community than the government officials are
#the situation here is being handled so poorly 👍#there was a news article i read that listed everything city officials said they were doing#but have given no evidence or proof of ACTUALLY doing and the article said they would continue reaching out#bc the officials were not responding to them#it took fucking KEMP for us to finally request federal aid#we weren't under a state of emergency until 2 hours AFTER the hurricane hit#i just#its fucking ridiculous#but there are some walmarts providing water hot meals wifi spots charging stations#abd i saw shower and layndry services listed as well ???#while the city gave out water twice in a location that was out of the way for much of the city#during a time when getting gas is a 4+ hour trip#while we're under a curfew#AND they cut our water for 2 days while none of us had power and it was 80-90F outside daily#now we're on a boil advisory#which again so much of the city can't do without POWER#but at least i could shower so long as i was careful jfjsjcj#anyway#yeah. YEAH.#fuck this city fuck our government fuck our mayor#hopefully biden approves our request for assistance and then maybe we can actually get something happening down here#sorry i just#i read about the walmart stuff and remembered all of the nothing happening from our government#and got angry#also i went to one of the water things they did yesterday and ended up just driving home bc the line was SO LONG#and like i get it i do but maybe idk have more than one set up in different areas??#or have it last longer than an hour or two????#idk. idk. im annoyed.#shh ac
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red markets moved into the first few games of our communist train enclave getting on it's tracks! gnomies has a new look and a new crew, and the same old stinky attitude
#red markets#oc tag#isabelle#others ocs#hey everyone in this game i love u#SO FIRST TIME SHE WENT OUT WITH HER NEW BOYS (chains is big and depressed Rigged is small and sleazy)#they found santa raided a home for a cache of memes were blown up on camera she had to take her shirt off in a BLIZZARD for the stream and.#fucking#got caught in the Loss version of a prank show. ShitPuncher the punchbot and the liberal use of laxative gas....... i will say no more#all to get home SUCCESSFUL and get fucking. RICKROLLED by the employer. i love him. i'll kill him#all this to say again hey everyone in this game i love u
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Just took the best post concert shower of my life
#I am fixed#I was fucking pouring sweat down my face and body it was awful but so fun and like I had ppl I knew there but we didn’t interact that much#so it wasn’t like. anxiety inducing being alone or anxiety inducing having to talk to people who will talk to me again#I sang my fucking heart out danced so hard I’m so glad I went even tho I’m exhausted cause I drove like five and half hours today and had a#big anxious doctors appointment and my mom drove another hour and a half with me in the car this morning so I was in the car for seven hours#today 😭😭😭 and running on three hours of sleep 🫡#I’m just glad I made it home fully awake I love you eating ice cubes from the gas station#also when I was picking up my ice cup I saw a cat outside i love you Florida street cats
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truly if i explained some of the things my anxiety convinces me of, i’d be admitted
#tonight my anxiety was so high bc some creepy old man was staring at me at the gas station when i was leaving rehearsal#and like my parents weren’t in the living room when i got home which they usually are so like my anxiety was like#they’re fucking dead in their bedroom and once you open your bedroom door again you’re next#and then i went to the bathroom despite this and came back and my anxiety was like okay the killers under your bed now#like. dog can you be reasonable please#literally sitting in my bed not daring to reach for my phone charger bc of Fear#shit like this happens all the time tho like i have a recurrent fear that whenever i get in my car late at night#there’s someone either in the backseat or trunk and they’ll fucking kill me#even when i know there’s no way that’s possible#but it gets so bad i can’t properly breathe and i refuse to look in my mirror in case someone pops up#like. everytime i think oh my anxiety’s not that bad something like this happens and i’m like. never mind#liz rambles#anxiety tw
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I'm having a bad time at work rn
#im so pissed that they're complaining about me because i still went above and beyond at this damn place#for context i work in a gas station connected to a fast food restaurant#i used to work in the restaurant but i left because it's hell#but then the restaurant manager asked me to cover two days a week for a month while someone else was getting trained#i didnt want to but im bad at saying no#after the second week i asked the general manager if i could get out of it and he said yes#he said i can get out of the fourth week. but the third week was already scheduled so he asked me to do that#so i did the first day of the third week right#and the overnight crew didnt show up. no call either. so i was left alone. and a store manager told me to just shut it down and go home#so thats what i did#but the next day the restaurant manager yelled at that store manager because we should never shut it down#he said that i shouldve stayed until 3am because i was the shift lead#thats four fucking hours after my scheduled shift ended#so i said no. fuck it. shutting down by yourself is hell. and im not working where he expects an extra four hours from me#so i said i wouldnt be working the second say of that week. i was going ti stay at the gas station#BUT I said that if they needed my help they could come get me. and i would take care of the casb registers at the end of my shift#and i ended up working there for an hour so that they could take breaks. and i took care of the registers#and yknow what happened? the overnight crew didnt show up again. im so glad i didnt work there that night#the store manager let everyone go home. but she was told to never let that restaurant close. so she didnt#the lights were on. the doors were open. there were no staff. no one is putting up with the restaurant manager's bs#especially not me. not anymore. but i still fucking helped. and then he wants to go and complain about me? asshole#get staff that show up and be a better manager. then maybe people will be happier with their job there
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just hung out w friends for five hours and feltso full of whimsy I could pass out <333 I miss them so bad already but I get to see them tomorrow tooooo
#like it wasn’t even planned we just talked on the phone then met up at **** house chatted while our other two friends made us friendship#bracelets and watched the cat be silly with a bowl of water that was like two hours of us doing that#then agroup car ride (I love when we do this sm it’s like my favorite part when we hang out) skin to skin in a tiny fucking car laughing#talking listening to music on our way to Taco Bell then rode around taking scenic routes b4 gas station break to like pee n buy snacks :33#flicked up another scenic route went to the epic park w the cool playground n reminisced about how it felt like being a kid again at 1am#I’m convinced all these fuckers are neurodivergent bc not one of them can go without stemming and ***** fucking climbing on top of the every#single thing LMFAO doing backflips off of swings and stuff too I had like an insane amount of whatever bc I skipped like the entire time#just to idk be silly and **** joined in :))) switches seats in the car and went to another park then rode in the car again to more scenic#routes and all the way back to **** house to get our stuff and each driveour cars back home <3#we group hugged at the epic park and the moment was so surreal bc we all were close to crying especially ******* like I love my fwends sm i#cannot even properly describe how happy they make me feel like sonearnestly so#I weirdly felt closer to ***** tonight too probably bc we indulged **** antics together and were skin to skin in the backseat of the car#like having to fasten each others seatsbelt his arm awkwardly behind me n out the window that close n how alike we are…#OH WAIT him and **** buzzed their hair like days before n it really hit me that I haven’t seen him w shirt hair since I’ve first known him#when we all were once coworkers together and it’s like a fond memory now and crazy to think about how we’ve all grown together as friends#ok done being sappy now b4 I actually fucking cry like eyes are on the brink as I type :p#*#personal#heartshapedtrap#can y’all tell I left my journal at home… and needed to like remember how happy I’ve felt since seeing friends <3#omggg i forgot to mention how they all cheered and were like happy for me during the scenic car ride that I’m almost certain im lesbian#still unsure of myself but I think that’s probably the closest label idk I just feel really happy that they support me nomatter what yaknow
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maw why are these troll accounts linked through my ex best friends STILL following me
#im highly convinced at this stage she was the one that made the fake accounts#the gas thing is is that she was mainly an online friend and had she kept in touch with me at the time she wouldve known i was in the#studio in college preparing for my assignment for the semester so i dont fail like there were specific requirements we had to get done for#that week... and you think i would have that time to make fake accounts if anything itd be you and your online friends#emphasis on online because you could hardly make friends or even get a job here so you got one back home#the saddest thing is that the memes can be funny but its just what they represent in this whole situation that sours it completely#dont get me started on her friend she is honestly so polarising even from an outsider's perspective#ugh it doesnt annoy me anymore as it did because at the end of the day it has nothing to do with me but the fact that theyre STILL going on#about it makes me think that her and her online buddies have nothing else to do apart from being with themselves constantly#i had that life but no way did i want to live that way in my 20s 💀#i fucked up before that incident but isnt it convenient when we hardly spoke for a month just for the ~fake account~ to appear to stop#being friends like as awful as it sounds but itd actually be a lot easier just to say you dont want to be friends#instead of dragging outsiders into it like you do best#the saddest thing is that she was actually quite fake even before she went down a permanent online rabbit hole#and i was aware of it but because i was emotionally vulnerable at the time i never cut her off since i really wanted friends to talk to#play that cool girl alty idgaf attitude all you like but it doesn't change the fact that you're superficial no matter how much you mask it#ugh im hormonal and i cant sleep but at the same time its nice to be able to freely bc not as many people use tumblr anymore#i block those accounts not because im offended or im precious about my image but they do spam and its annoying af so i dont want that tbh#having pictures with a school friend whilst under the same breath making jokes of their dead brother is not a good look 😬#i did fucked up things as a result of coping with trauma and alienation as a teenager but this is actually low?#im sorry but it does it screams fake and im pretty sure that the fake treatment was given to me when we first became friends#fake people rarely ever change#i have to get ready for work in an hour this was unexpected#might vent later because i feel like i can do anything on this godforsaken website#the shocking thing to them is that they nothing on me if anything the 'proof' she showed me almost exposed her and her crowd#i have deleted my fb account but i still have the screenshots somewhere
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okay so i put the cash i have left in japan in front of me and stared at it and i think i will be okay so long as sending my suitcases does not cost MORE than ¥12,000. i have to put ¥10,000 back in my bank account for fucking docomo, i need another ¥10,000 to pay for trains to the goddamn airport because transportation in japan is not anywhere near as cheap as the internet would lead you to believe, then the ¥12,000 for having the suitcases taken to my airbnb and i'll have ¥5,000 left to. eat at all until i leave the country. and when i check my second bag i will simply have to use my american debit card bc thats All i have here 👍
#again. i hate altia. i cannot believe that 9 months of work netted me 0 dollars and 0 cents in savings and i didnt even GO anywhere.#i literally have spent the last 9 months in okayama prefecture and osaka. osaka for a TOTAL of like 40 hours around flights.#yeah i went to korea twice but MY BOYFRIEND paid for those flights. you know what i paid for? japanese trains to the aiport.#which cost as much as the flights.#i hate altia. shit ass wage for real. i dont even know how the little fresh out of collegers do it.#like i have no money. i dont spend on stuff. i didnt buy my niche fashion or whatever. i LEFT my expensive niche fashion. i solf#*sold items from my expensive niche fashion. i have barely survived.#i dont know how Anyone does it i genuinely think i must be stupid i must be ass with money or something#my '''¥240 000''' paycheck was at ¥140 000 or less by the time it hit my bank account after altia was done skimming it for themselves#and then paying for gas in THEIR car to go to my job i do FOR THEM and CRAZY EXPENSIVE utilities in the apartment THEY PUT ME IN#would always have me down to like ¥80 000 in a good month to like eat and enjoy myself with?#but i also did have to send money home because japanese bank accounts are miserable and you cant use them for anything#so i'm eating off of ¥1 000 per day for breakfast and my homemade bento lunches AND dinner#and then when i was lucky i would go to okayama city and have one nice meal with my friends on the weekend#but going to the city costs fucking ¥2 000 so is it worth it?#i dont think this is a good job and genuinely i dont even think the fresh graduates should be doing it#if you want to delay your future this is the job for you. altia misleads you on their website and gives you half-truths in interviews.#dont work there.#t
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had a funny dream where clay wld just sit around and graffiti sad little notes on any surface he cld find like a loser
#him sat at home sighing and scrawling like ‘im so sad :(‘ on the floor in biro#also i was clay in the dream. lets not analyse that.#bloberta was there too she made like some sort of… car… gas invention. idk. with pink liquid. and she got three whole flat tyres#putty was there and said he was gay. real#funny super sleep deprived type dream. love it#went to a sermon and putty had invited a clown as a guest speaker for someee fucking reason#OH probably cus i watched ummm. turn the other cheek just before bed#i do loveee that ep.
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my friend from europe drove and i had to be like “no. you are not going to be driving with both feet”
#aa#the drive home was horrible 😣#also i’ve been so easily pissed off since last night like one of my friends was like ‘oh we’re splitting gas’#yes you fuck you made us take a second car and you think we’re not splitting gas#if anything YOU should pay to fill the tank#and we asked him if he put any gas in the tank when he went to play golf (🤮) and he immediately went on the defense like goddamn we’re#trying to split costs rn and you’re pissing me OFF#also my other friend kept singing and he’s kind of bad he’s like if a good singer was bad at singing#also the mess i woke up to this morning….i went to bed early last night and it’s like they didn’t even try
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#being a nursing assistant in a nursing home really did teach me so much about poop. like. weirdly so.#but nice because every once in a while my stomach absolutely rebels and my whole gi tract is in chaos.#and like. I'm able to recognize and address it and change what I eat and make sure to get more physical activity.#I think I'm through it maybe but this morning I had hella bloating so I went on a run and then worked out and it kinda hurt but#but it worked it all lose so I kept my window open and fan running as I let out way too much gas but my tummy doesn't hurt anymore#idk. it's cool to have this knowledge and be able to apply it to my own personal life#I used to think I didn't get bloating but that's just cause I didn't even know what it was.#being sedentary really does slow down peristalsis a fuck ton huh.
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~ ~ ~
#this is a good one of these kinds of posts I swear#just wanna do a shoutout to my bestie even though I know he won’t see this#but I love him and feel like hyping him up anyway and don’t wanna make a whole actual post about it and annoy everyone#anyway yesterday I took my car in for an oil change and tune up thing and didn’t know how long it was gonna take so I set up a ride#with bestie back to my mom’s place if it was gonna be a while but then they said it’d only be like an hour and a half or so unless there was#actually something wrong with my car in which case we’d just discuss it and go from there. so bestie picks me up at the car place and I tell#him that and say he doesn’t have to stay and I can just wait there at the place if he’s busy but he says nah he gonna hang with me. asks if#I’m hungry and wanna get lunch and I hadn’t eaten yet so it worked out. went to the good Mexican place in town and order in their drive thru#I ask if he wants me to cash app him some money to cover my share and he very aggressively says ‘oh hell no’ which was honestly adorable and#really sweet. goes on to say ‘girl you know you don’t need to worry about money’ which is also super sweet and makes me feel all weird and#wiggly inside cause I’m not used to people being kind to me in that way or just buying me shit just because. and he’s always doing that kind#of stuff too just paying for my food or sending me money if I pick stuff up for us or whatever. dude got bucks at least good for him. but#yeah anyway so we got the food and then he went to a gas station to get us drinks then parked and ate and hung out with me until my car was#ready to go. even offered me money to cover the cost for the car if I needed anything major done and I could just pay him back little by#little. thankfully car is all good but his sentiment was well taken and much appreciated. gave me a big hug before we parted ways as he#usually does and bro gives the best hugs for real they’re so instantly comforting and you really feel the love they make me so happy. and he#even is gonna help me put together a new desk and chair at my house so I’ll have a place to do schoolwork at home and finally setup my tv in#my room. dude does so much for me and will then thank me just for hanging out with him as if I did anything special at all#this man deserves the whole fucking world and I’d do anything for him. love him so much#so ye that’s my hype post for my boy cause I just had to brag about him somewhere and get my feelings out#personal
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