#so i have to deal w one or the other
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Hate the ammount of times im late to things bc of diarrhea.... all ready to go and then the consequences of my actions pop up
#consequences bc if i dont do domperidone then i have constipation#so i have to deal w one or the other
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atla!au designs part 3 !! one of these things is uh. not like the others
first year trio gojo/choso/nanami
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk atla!au#geto suguru#yuta okkotsu#mahito#lmhs#atla!au: design#squints at mahito i think i might b trying a bit too hard fr preliminary designs.......#they keep getting progressively more detailed OOPS#atla!au: art#i feel like no one will complain tho so ! anywayyyyy#thank u hisuian zoroark fr ur weird hair n bad posture. stole that 2 put on this freak n gave him some soul orb hair ties#idk if his design adheres very faithfully to anything that can be considered atla canon....but i like it so much ok sue me#i would unironically like mahito more if he looked like this#let him lean more Monster.......pl..pls.......#dont dig too deep into that statement . anyway.#this whole page is full of chars i just Never draw but i dont have a least favourite here ???? all of them look rly good imo??#waterbender garb suits geto's design so well he gave me No trouble#yuuta on th other hand i was Concerned for on account of th aforementioned Orange on a very monochrome char in jjk canon#but i think i made it work? he looks great in th tattoos also??????#maybe th rumors r true and im good at what i do GHFGHGHL#(oh ya after mahito i didnt want to draw Another monster-spirit so i omitted rika but she exists. probably looks similar 2 canon also!)#(sighs ill deal w her later. priorities !!!!)
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really do not think people understand the extent to which palestinian sites/landmarks (especially muslim ones) were destroyed, beginning in 1948 until now, even in cities. the oldest extant mosque in jaffa (al-bahr mosque) was built in 1675, even though islam came there in the 7th century
#not to mention that many mosques that /were/ restored but are in 'jewish areas' r heavily guarded & prayer is hardly if ever allowed#to anyone thinking ''you can say the same thing abt jewish sites in mena countries''. you can't have one repaired w/o the other#and ultimately the root of the problem is both the colonization of palestine + antisemitism. advocating for palestine + against#antisemitism are far from mutually exclusive#(and for the love of god please stop using mena jews as a political gotcha i swear to god#and it's not like a regime that forced everyone to integrate into the ''new jewish'' culture is any less genocidal)#as someone who comes from one of the jewish groups who was affected by that to arguably one of the highest degrees & who's also a staunch#antizionist even i know that. politics re: cultural site preservation are stupid but that doesn't make it any less stomach-wrenching#it really is just Luck. al-bahr mosque just so Happens to be in a ''mixed city'' so destroying it'd be a ''bad look''#the tomb of nahum just so Happens to be in an autonomous kurdish territory so restoring it isnt as big a deal#and then people have the gall to wonder how i could ever ever ever sympathize with those ''savage arabs''. seriously??#btw im muting notificaions on this post so if you have a problem with me just dm me or block me whatever idc
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this is gonna be such a bog standard joelguy post but anyone ever think about how so many of joels recent-ish duos are so. snappy. comparing him to fire is overdone but whenever he's with someone they legitimately do just get on like a house on fire. every dynamic he's in they're always just biting at each other. pearl iskall gem etho shane fwhip even sausage to an extent. not to mention jimmy oli lizzie and scott. what is his Deal
#smallishbeans#joel smallishbeans#life series#hermitcraft#trafficblr#hermitblr#im kidding i know exactly what his deal is. it's just the normal effects of having a sarcastic jokingly egoistic comedy persona#like obviously his for-fun interactions would be snarky as hell that's his entire Bit#still. i think it's fun to overdramatize it and it's really funny to me that he keeps doing his bit w similar people which locks him into#a feedback loop where they just try to endlessly one-up each other#maybe overdone but im not complaining! sometimes it ends up with him calling a guy his wife or a guy calling joel a wife so. happy days#sometimes theres even mpreg#zml#zbait
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litany of the martyrs (click for better resolution!)
#at some point i wanted to make an illustration for each character but in retrospect maybe each is multiple song-coded..#drew the sketch for a quincy thing after a chat with a mutual reminded me this song existed dfsghjkl and then spent weeks rendering this#quincy cynthius martin#adamandi#i'm finally done with this! the saints especially were joys to paint and the halo a menace.... this has been the most ambitious one so far.#but it also took quite long because i only worked on it <engages with quincy> when mentally okay to deal with the themes. i'm not religious#but i do identify with the irrational(?ish) guilt + family legacy + academic achievement + disregard for self. also more complex thoughts#about love [but depsite quincent being a large part of quincy's character this piece deals with mostly the Rest of it. so another time..]#anyways! in the original sketch- the saints had heads bent towards quincy so the halo spikes pointed at him. but this worked better! halos#of the saints implying/creating one for quincy was a concept from the start though. in the show they don't touch him directly here but#differences in mediums i think- i don't have time in an image to craft a narrative so everything has to be happening. also artistic liberty#misc inspiration for this includes stained glass windows. i might have maybe misinterpreted the saint costume but i think i logic-ed it out#as the cloth part following a nun's habit w the hood. and then halo above. the material is also more transparent originally but i had. um.#too much fun painting fabric folds.. if you look closely you can see the basis of faces though behind the cloth; but only the vague shapes#because smth obscurity + inhumanness// cassian is the only one i gave a mouth though. that stems from melliot's post about the saints and#st cassian as spokesperson (<- did research teehee!) that's also how i found out which costume = which saint. speaking of which.#left to right: 'st lucy take my hand' // 'st lawrence give me strength' (presses quincy forward; but hand on shoulder connotates guidance)#/'st cassian help me smile' (quincy's mouth is btwn a grimace and a smile; tilts up at side. also no direct touch bc added insidiousness.)#//'st jude [...] i hope your causes burn' (jude's hand is in two places to show movement- nearing the flame and then snatching back; burnt)#other notes: at the midst of the flame the core is shaped like a human heart /the saints and their wax are all melting like the candle for#fun visual effect and also this way they are even less tangible <real>. perks of painting as a medium i guess. // also insp from icarus?#wax and burning imagery; looking at the halo and rays as parallel to sun that burns. too close to the sun; melting; hurting; hurtling //#candles at bottom are a nod to the frankly gorgeous set// also the entire composition kind of stems from the lyric <what use is a candle if#both ends aren't burning>; the two sides between the concepts of catholic guilt and academic perfection that spur quincy#the halo above (saints and guilt; litanyofthemartyrs) and the 'halo' below (academic papers; insp from choreo for perfect at school)#the papers were originally supposed to be more glowy. but i like the idea of it now being a reflection of how quincy's priorities shift#also of note is that <candle> in centre = quincy; w burning candle + aforementioned heart in flame -> most human; idea of love + passion#last thoughts: kneeling + hands close tgt = prayer //wax dripping onto the red As make an effect that looks like blood. because i like#hiding that within the adamandi pieces :OO continuity!! // i've run out of tags but yeah! had fun with this one! every so often i go a#little insane in making art and the final result astounds even me. ngl i'm quite proud of this one. pretty colours <3333
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if yord had lived he'd be leading the hunt for qimir and osha and we would've gotten the most delicious tension between him and qimir. qimir would start out frustrated that yord got away, intent on finishing what he started. and yord, once hunted, now hunter, once an exemplary jedi, and now solely focused on revenge disguised as righteous justice (which it is also a bit of that). and qimir starts to enjoy the game, the chase. and in this timeline, sol still dies, osha still goes with qimir, but yord was unconscious, recovering in a bacta tank, so all he knows when he wakes up is that qimir is out there and took osha, his friend, away. so then you also have the tension of that confrontation, the realization that osha has willingly turned, and that maybe yord can't blame her for that, because what has he been doing these past many months, years, maybe, but give in to the selfish desire to finish what he started too?
#in this au vernestra doesn't blame sol for all the deaths. like maybe she doesn't say it was her apprentice#but she says they're dealing w someone powerful#like she can't lie about that bc yord can testify#and in this maybe jecki lives. on one hand - probably not bc yord's guilt about her death would be SO GOOD#but on the other hand just maybe stick her in a coma for a while idk lol. until she joins him on the hunt#plus if she lives osha's betrayal will feel more personal...... hmm....#i literally do not have time to write another fic. i haven't even finished the ones i'm currently working on!!!#but now this is sticking in my brain.....#idk that post about yord's little gay earring just made me think that he should have gay tension with qimir. just a thought#like if we REALLY wanted to discuss the themes of light and dark and the in-between#and the whole 'nobody wakes up and thinks they're the bad guy' theme#maybe we should've left the very stoic uptight capital g Good Guy jedi alive to challenge that#yord fandar#qimir#osha aniseya#the acolyte#star wars#sticking this in the tag:#my writing#bc i very well might come back to this
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thinking about kageyama’s “it’s the setter’s job to break the wall in front of the spiker” in reference to how kenma sponsoring hinata while he’s in brazil and onwards is effectively doing that on a financial level. once a setter always a setter.
#could talk about how the narrative purpose of every setter (at least in hinata’s story) reflects the idea of breaking a wall in front of him#for hours i think#i want to do a full manga read to fully think about that but#atsumu & hinata’s feeling that he needs kageyama. kenma & just the financial logistics of being able to go to brazil. oikawa & homesickness#obviously there’s more going on w/ all the characters but like. those 3 & kageyama (obviously) all have at least one big thing they help-#hinata overcome. kageyama has so many of these moments w/ hinata i’d have to rewatch & list them all but yea.#akaashi is also this but for bokuto. (bokuto is this for akaashi as well)#(& if we’re talking setters & spikers obviously hinata is that for kageyama. Obviously. they’re soulmates)#i know this is lowkey just me analyzing the concept of support which a team sport series is inevitably filled to the brim with#but with a lot of what i consider to be hinata’s big character moments… it’s always setters man. & that feels deeply intentional.#& takeda obviously but he’s the coach. that is his Narrative Purpose#i wonder if there’s something strong to be said about main characters positions within the team & their strongest overall narrative purposes#like ‘libero’ meaning free in italian & nishinoya & freedom being his Whole Thing. he goes to karasuno bc he likes the uniform!!#i’m curious if i took every character & took their position if i’d find a list of commonalities between their narrative purposes. idk!#but yea anyways i dislike dumbing down hinata’s relationships w/ his setters as like ‘omg setter harem’ as anything other than a light joke#but hinata & setters is such a big deal. almost all my favorite hinata dynamics are with setters i think & that’s bc of that importance#if anyone read this rant in the tags thank you for your time lol. happy birthday hinata i love you forever#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#haikyū!!#hinata shouyou#hinata shoyo#kozume kenma
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not me learning from the wiki that yamato (2.63m/8'8") and kiku (2.87m/9'5") are like exactly 1m taller than they should reasonably be respectively if they were normal humans of their birth sex
#one piece#apparently the anime took some liberties w their heights when it wasn't convenient to have them tower over literally most of the others#I'm tryna draw sanji next to em and we'll run into the canon!sanji is an in-universe short king at 1.77m issue again like usual#they're so fucking tall#but I also can't make the editorial decision to cut them by a meter to make them normal ppl height bc then yamato would be shorter than#sanji and I just plain old can't have that cause that'd make it too noticeable#OH WELL I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CANON HEIGHTS AAH#(also apparently izo should be taller or kiku should be shorter bc anime decided they're close in height when man's literally like <2m tall
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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Reverse Gondolin AU family portrait
#silm#silmarillion#idril#tuor#earendil#reverse gondolin au#is this baby earendil's first appearance in the au?#so I decided Idril & Tuor still get married in this au#mostly bc I want Earendil to exist.#i haven't figured out what I want to do with Lomion#but maybe he can be obsessed with tyelpe instead of idril bc they're friends in this au and idril showed up a lot later?#also c&c + celebrimbor moved to gondolin instead of nargothrond since Aredhel lives there#you may notice that tuor has a diff hairstyle & outfit in the au!#this is bc fashion trends in reverse gondolin are more influenced by aredhel's choices than turgons for obvious reasons#hence the white cloaks and shorter (but equally fancy) sleeves#also idril is lord of the mole in the au#my headcanon is that 'lord' as of the lords of gondolin is just the title regardless of gender for the specific role#'lady' is a different role with much less administrative stuff and more social/public-appearance type stuff#aredhel is the white lady of gondolin bc she does Not want to be a lord#so she does the occasional royalty-waves-and-smiles-from-a-tower type event when necessary#but other than that she doesnt have political duties#idril is the administrative/political leader of the Mole in the au hence she is a lord#shes also the lady of the wing bc she married tuor and is part of the house of the wing's nobility but doesn't do their political stuff#and tuor is the lady of the mole#reverse turgon after arrival has less of a interest in politics than canon turgon (the whole eol deal was rather traumatizing and he needs#time to recover)#so he's not one of the Lords but he is colloquially ar-feinion#his official title is some sort of prince#after he reaches a more stable emotional state he helps a lot w the political stuff when aredhel is out#so maeglin doesn't have todo everything himself
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no bc i am CONVINCED one of them confesses (crowley) in 1941 and the other (aziraphale) has to reject them, even tho they feel the same, bc of heaven and hell and THAT'S why there's so much fucking tension between them in 1967. like u actually can't convince me otherwise it's canon in my brain.
#41 scene will actually be the death of me shit went DOWN that meeting and im so excited im gonna puke#no cause one of them ACTUALLY REALIZED THEY WERE IN LOVE W THE OTHER ON THAT MEETING WND NOW THEY'LL HAVE TO DEAL W THAT AND PERHAPS W THE#OTHER PERSONS FEELINGS AS WELL?? WHAT IF I JUST THREW UP#good omens#azicrow#ineffable husbands#good omens s2#good omens season two#good omens speculation#crowley#aziraphale#crowley x aziraphale#the delusions which might not be delusions based on recent pictures are taking over
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Guys you're not gonna believe this. The books are wrong again
At least this time I didn't even get half of them and half of what I did get was damaged...? So I only have another 70 books to deal with... This time they're soft touch......
I've got so many of book 2 it's not even funny
#aaaaaa#emailing w customer service#they're sorta going like 'prove it'#not really but..#soft touch and matte are visually very similar#so its hard to show clearly that they are different#and i reported all the damages as well#mostly to be like hi. can they please be packaged properly when theyre replaced. the books were shrink wrapped wrong#and completely unpadded#so over half of them had bends in the spine#or the corners#or peeling laminate#or overgluing...#like. come on.#I'm gonna idk make art out of them or something i cant keep all these around hoping to sell damaged copies#ill try to make something of it#but this is delaying my Kickstarter packages so much 😭😭😭#y'all im trying and I'm so tired#its been one thing after the other#it's. fine. im just...#it's fine.#hopefully they replace them and hopefully they take extra care to actually do a proper fucking job of it#this isn't even that big a deal. < repeating to myself#its only a big deal if i have to buy more books. cause. i uh. didnt budget quite fo THAT#anyways.#text post#vent#Kickstarter stuff#book saga
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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.
There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.
#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional#attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self#sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that#he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been#having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and#out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't#know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know#they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn#if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character#the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense#of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to#unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or#letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated#it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being#about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good#and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good#it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and#gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy#or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal#character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma#impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be#'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well#the bear#sydcarmy#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto
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I don't care about ""romance"" or """hurt and comfort""" where issues are (temporarily or otherwise) resolved via effusive declarations of love and devotion and praise I want to read more fucked up people fumbling their way through their best approximations of intimacy and human vulnerability like "What are you doing. Oh ew wtf are you crying? Are you good? Don't get snot on my shirt" etc but no one understand smy visions
#I have to do everything MYSELF#Genuinely I love writing about interpersonal dynamics between low empathy people with weird attachment styles it is probably my#key historical trend in OC dynamics and etc#Both with platonic friendship and/or romance it's very endearing to me. Love people who sincerely care about each#other and do it in ways that suck so fucking bad#The ways having low empathy and/or disordered personality can affect relationships when you genuinely care about someone but are#woefully unequipped to deal w/ some emotions and etc can be very interesting and something I wish I saw in Media more often#but unfortunately it's already hard enough to get people past step fucking one of 'low empathy and/or cluster b does not mean evil abuser'#Am not expressing myself very well rn I have a really bad headache and yet I hit the post button
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Random life update let's go!
So, in my house we have an aread w a dinning table outside, next to our yard, and in this place there is ou beloved celling fan that we haven't used in years because it was too weak and the warmth here needed a strong mechanism to dealt with it
Those last months, we notices that a couple of birds we're making a nest on the... idk the name to be honest but its like a small metal bowl right above the fan and we were quite amazed because :D even tho we do have some trees on the yard it's been years since I saw a nest
S o
Recently they hatched.
How did we discovered it?
Because a small baby bird FELL ON THE TABLE OUT OF NOWHERE
Now we're making plans to place a safety nest somewhere below the fan because the ground is very, very hard (pure concrete) and the nest is very small for the two babies (that I've seen until now) and the mother bird. Oh gosh ajvahwvwvsvwjw good morning to all of us I guess
#my mom grabbed the baby w her bare hands and I almost died because!!!!!! bruh!!!!!! the risk of the feathered mother not wanting it back-#-because it smelled now Human was very high! we put it on a fabric that i held and hopefully kept warm until it was responsive again#i put on the nest because of Tall Privileges and now it seems like she accepted it back but I am not sure since I don’t know for sure how#much small birbs there are there so. high hopes i guess.#we already dealt w fallen birds plenty of times before but!!!! they were never so small!!! really! it didn’t even had feathers covering#the entire body!!! the other ones were at least big enough that we just gave them some seeds. put in a high place and listened to it sing#until the parents went back for them. this one would need to be fed and kept warm and i don’t have this structure now to deal w that aughh#so. safety net it is. I wanted to put RIGHT RIGHT BELLOW the nest but I am afraid of scaring her away so were putting it#above the table instead. well. we most held our meals at our living room so gactqfwjwvywdwyfw yeah#kanene being kanene
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i hate having no friends anymore i hate being utterly forgotten i hate having to wait out here to die with nothing fucking why am i even on here!! no one cares at all. me even attempting to exist here's just pathetic huh
#im just#wish i wasnt entirely alone when i deal w this shit/end it/whatever#ig i was just too much. as always. bad girl bad girl bad girl bad girl bad girl bad girl bad girl bad girl#how could i be forgotten this fast i tried to come back#i did#but everyone abandoned me. everyone!! i dont get it#i dont know what other choice i have at this point. im so lonely no one bothers to think of me anymore let alone msg me and im just#so so fucking alone all the time#while everyone tried to pretend they care#and i just#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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