#so i had to get off the next stop
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guys i cannot go to the art store unsupervised. went to get some modeling clay for my architecture hw and a palette knife bc im tired of wasting paint mixing colours.
but in addition to those two items, i ended up leaving with a new brush, a 2b pencil, a pack of crayola coloured pencils, and crayola crayons LMAO.
the crayons are kinda goated ngl
#very unrelated story#but i had to sprint after my bus to get back home#bc i was alr waiting around for ages#curse stupid ghost busses#anyway#dropped my (only) jacket as i was running#but didn't realise#so i had to get off the next stop#do the walk of shame to grab my jacket#and then sprint back to my bus stop because oh shit here comes the next one#it's been a day you guys#also dont run while binding it's not worth it. just take the next bus ive learned my lesson lmfao
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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Okay Okay OKAY.
I knew Dave had to be there. I KNEW - he was in the shop when the tape started, of course he'd be inside the action world. But as what I couldn't guess. I was going to let myself enjoy the ride.
But now...
Given what we know, about the Shadow Falcon protocol, the Archimedes Files...
I think Dave will do either of these two things
Rob the world and remain inside as the President for all time but also the emperor of reality given the abilities we've seen in the preview
Rob the world and LEAVE with all that world's money
I think number 2 might be more plausible than number 1 given how St. Jude had the belief that there was a new world waiting for him even after his 'death'. However, is it likely Dave lied to all the members of the Shadow Falcon protocol that he could take them with them, just so he can use them to further his own schemes? Possibly.
We also have to ask if Dave was ALSO aware of the power of 'Never Stop Blowing Up'. Because - think about it - how was Dave able to gather together the resources for a criminal conspiracy if he had only been in the world for the same amount of time as the others from Elsinore?
In fact... how has Dave been able to maintain a video rental store in the town of Elsinore for so long?
What if this wasn't the first time he's run this scheme? And the only reason the video rental store has survived for so long is because he's been robbing 'Never Stop Blowing Up's' inhabitants blind every time he enters the world? It would explain why he keeps Usha around, whose reticence for technology would mean an easier and less traceable way to funnel stolen funds into his pocket.
But because of Barsimian holding onto the tape for so long, he wasn't able to plunder the world for cash in time to pay the rent and has been FORCED to close the store.
It would also explain why he was so insistent on getting the tape back, despite it not making a difference because - why put so much effort into one tape when you're going to be dumping all your inventory anyway?
And if Dave and Barsimian were using the tape at different times, of course Barsimian was never aware of the Shadowfalcon protocol. He was enjoying the world, never questioning why - never wondering who was behind the drugs and the capers. It was all Dave.
And I wonder if there's going to be a connection between Dave and Wolfman Anne?
All things to ponder and I hope are explained in the coming episode.
#dimension 20#d20#never stop blowing up#nsbu#nsbu spoilers#nsbu dave#nsbu barsimian#i didn't mean for this to get so long i wanted to stop after the list but my theory set off another theory#my brain was rolling high and my thoughts kept blowing up#now I have quadruple my turbo tokens and am FOAMING AT THE MOUTH for next week's episode#brennan the STORY you have woven for your wife is incredible#also I had a feeling there was something sus about this man's business model if he was able to afford an expensive car from owning#a vhs store in 2024#like he wasn't just a bad boss he was also a bad man#his business model made no sense#it made no sense because there was no money in tapes anymore... UNTIL he discovered never stop blowing up
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me stoically navigating my way through drama bc bigger things are ahead and it’s not my fault people are dumb
#kissed a guy at a kickback and thought we caught a vibe only to find out he just wants to fuck me. next#friend’s bf of 7 years drunkenly hit on me at the same kickback (I was not ok w this). they ended up beefing over me. he denied everything.#do I want to be involved in this? no. and so I simply ignore it and keep it pushing#and the guy I kissed is cancelled. like he is dead to me. so that’s also taken care of#it’s back to studying full-time for the mcat#going to the gym/taking walks daily#volunteering at the refugee center + clinic#getting published in orgo research papers#and trying to snag the opportunity to shadow doctors at a massive cancer research center. like I’d kill for it#december was such a mess but I’ve finally made peace w the fact that most of the stuff that happened I couldn’t prevent#but I’ve mourned it enough !! whatever drama comes out of it I’ll handle just fine#i literally want to be a multitasking academic weapon everyone is intimidated of this year#i am not letting something as puny as a dumb man (both of them btw) stop me. goodbye#also everyone involved is older than me (they’re both 23) but it all just feels like such high school behavior#this is not a euphoria episode like I’m literally just not entertaining any of this#had to get this off my chest. i feel better#p
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Well they caught him. If he wasn't the exact kind of person tumblr loves, the conspiracy theories about this being a random person being framed would have continued to spread. But he's an attractive 26 year old white man who was caught carrying a manifesto about corporate America and has an internet history that matches up with tumblr's general politics. So everyone is going to get excited about how he's a martyr and go back to acknowledging reality in that there isn't a conspiracy to frame the wrong guy.
The discussions over whether or not this man should be lionized as a hero are honestly not as relevant as the comfort with which people are going to drop the conspiracy theory they would have been fully committed to if this man's politics turned out to be nuts. The ease with which the userbase of this website switches between realities based on whether or not they confirm their biases is really alarming. I just hope people understand how weird it is to claim a random person is 100% going to be framed by the FBI on one day, and then drop that by the next day when it becomes clear that the person being "framed" is the exact kind of communist you had hoped.
#gingerswagfreckles#i feel like this comes off as waaah the ceo got shot and i really dont feel that way#i dont care he had it coming#and also. i cannot say yet bc not much info has come out but so far the shooter doesnt seem like someone i dont generally agree with#(preliminarily. maybe the manifesfo is super nuts idk)#but i really think that everyone's excitement to celebrate this guy as a hero is going to#distract from the fact that leftists have like decided conspiracies theories are completely acceptable#and not only that they're fun and true based on nothing but also that they stop being true#when theyre no longer politically beneficial#which just like. do you guys even understand how bad that is. not just that ppl are all gung ho about conspiracies now#but that theyre not dropping them in response to new information that disproves them#but in response to new information that makes them politically inconvenienient to continue to believe#it implies that a huge chunk of leftists are not basing their opinions on reality and facts but whatever makes them feel good and confirms#their identity within their social group. which has been true to some extent for a while#but we are getting to the point where people arent uncomfortable with the cognitive dissonance#that comes with believing in different versions of reality from one moment to the next based on what feels like it would be cool#in that moment#idk we are all doomed i think#i saw this coming back in 2017 and no one listened to me :/ people dont believe in objective truth anymore#they believe truth is something malleable that can be changed to confirm their beliefs#rather than something objective that they should change their beliefs in response to#like why are you all dropping the whole this is a random person being framed thing if you believed that yesterday#like oh ok NOW the police are a reliable source for identifying who the perpetrator is?? bc the perpetrator turned out to be someone you#think is cool?? i do not believe you guys would be believing these same souces arent in on a conspiracy against leftists if this guy#had turned out to be someone you dont like and agree with#luigi mangione#united healthcare#united healthcare ceo#united healthcare ceo assassination
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idk if it's a fun fact or not but! Right's favorite color is green. He never wears green but it's his favorite color. then I've been working on silly emotes for my OCs and they're "disappointeddad" and "tryme".
(Also there is an AU where these two are knights along with Paul and Evelyn while Brent/Caspian/Atticus are princes. Chris is basically Caspian's personal guard while Right just runs around trying to do everything to stay busy even when not on duty which stresses Chris out. But since he's kinda busy with the crown prince it defaults to Paul having to babysit Right.)
#my characters#oops i fell in love#genuinely shocked ocs has such a high percentage on the poll i did NOT expect that#bu this isn't even due to that it is just starting to get stormy and im just.... gonna have to shut down soon#and was craving chris today#so he gets an emote and also another doodle with right#bc i dont draw them together enough and that right there was the closest he had to a friend in his mind before brent#like chris was SO proud to be the one right would vent to bc that meant he was trusted AND not the reason right is angry#then hes like oops gotta swing by work on my off day and this is a problem because dottr#so he brings his SWEET LIL GIRL into work who immediately decides right is the nicest person ever and she loves him#and chris is like please anyone but him#but alas he loves his daughter and he adores his work children (p much everyone else) so he allows angel#also fwiw karen is not actually as much of a physical menace as it might seem#like sure she craves the murder as a warlock in a fictional setting but she honestly is v gentle#she might push and shove at paul some times but thats bc thats basically family and then#she just cuddles up next to him when sleepy at a bar bc they always sit next to each other#and it shocks no one to see her falling asleep on him and she is just a usually patient person !#but come on right is a menace verbally and she can only put up with so much until he stops being such a dick
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Hey how’d your date go? What’d you end up wearing?
-🧎
aww thank you for asking!!
Here's the look <3
MEN DNI
#At the advice of my friend who told me to wear quote a slutty top and fun pants which is silly bc I'm more a big sweater tiny skirt girl#This was pre hair and makeup dw#The date was nice v chill she bought me a couple drinks and I stayed the night at hers a little makeout cuddle times#We did have a cute makeout ses in the bar when we deciding to get more drinks and she did the Knee Thing and I was like oop time to go now!#asks#love letters only#💌 asks#That was sweet of you to ask!! How are you doing sweetheart??#🧎anon#omg forgot to tell u guys I got her number irl on public transportation like one stop before she got off it was v meet cute!#So I knew nothing about her v cute and fun I'm not an Apps girl#But the train was so full she offered to let me sit next to her which I declined but I was smiling at her and she made small talk!#And we had to reschedule a bunch so I thought she would give up but she was really trying!
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so why did nobody tell me actively trying to date would make me feel lonelier than ever
#it's the thought of the potential happiness just to get ghosted and wondering if you're even worth the effort.......#and then it's the feeling of someone finally putting in effort but not feeling the spark you seek so you cut it off to not#waste their time or feelings#it's the getting attached way too quickly to someone who apparently didn't care but acted like he very much did when you were with him#like. i cried when i rejected a dude. i didn't even want him that's why i rejected him?? but i guess i miss the feeling of being wanted??#which is fucked up? as i was perfectly fine on my own for years? but i guess getting a sneak peek at what “could be” is fucking me up#maybe i should stop and get therapy first. LMFAO#if you read all this im so sorry i'm ok just had to let it out. problem is i got nothing to do this week. next week i'll be distracted&fine
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Other fandoms: enviousness and gatekeeping, know-it-alls, "you're not a real fan if xyz" and other competitive shit
Fandom of six German old men making scary music: immaculate vibes and heartwarming people, dash and inbox filled with the cutest chainmail ever, happy for each other when someone gets concert tickets, having a friendly ear for sorrows, lovely exchanges in general, collective thirsting and/or crying over said old men...
You all make this such a nice and cosy place on here 💜
#kissies to all my mutuals#i had to get this off my chest it's such a cozy space on here#can't wait for next year when the fandom is exploding again with new content#rammstein#fandom#never had a fandom experience like this I'm so happy about being on here :')#ok I'll stop
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i keep getting tiktoks of these younger gen z kids referencing a time they did something relating to fandom in public and now they're embarrassed by it and everytime i see one i sit there thinking over all of middle and high school and having genuinely 0 moments that i feel embarrassed by, like i definitely did a lot of shit these kids would be embarrassed by but i think these are all just really fucking funny
also photographic evidence of the kinda kid i was. these are from 2014/15 when i was in 8th grade
-desolation row one shot(still on wattpad gerard way/reader smut)
-twerk it on (mcr crack fanfic no longer on wattpad but i have another fic in my library called twerking in taco bell which definitely ALSO used for my reading log)
-frank iero must die(a serial killer/assassin frerard fic, still on wattpad)
-hair (really vague maybe a phanfic? nowhere in my wattpad library rip)
my binder i used in 7th grade i had a blue one that looked pretty similar to this for 8th grade but idk where it went, also the parts i scribbled out are my full legal name i had written on it. i wrote it normally and then the big spot is where i wrote my name REALLY BIG in elysian code from the vladimir tod books. also the lines are from when i used an exacto knife to cut up some papers and forgot that my binder was underneath
in conclusion yall can now see why im so shameless about talking about shigaraki the way i do
#base line i started sobbing IN THE MIDDLE OF MATH CLASS and had my phone taken away bc i was watching the mv for the ghost of you by mcr#i went to school with cat whiskers#me and my bsf made a presentation about an imaginary trip to the planet uranus and we filled it with so many memes and butt puns she started#laughing so hard she couldn't breathe and i had to do the entire presentation alone and we got a standing ovation#my 8th grade science teacher hated us#another time same class we had an assignment where we had to make a bunch of words with the periodic table and we did shrek and lucifer one#after another and when we turned it in our teacher read it and immediately told us to leave💀💀#same class again different friend we saw NA on the periodic table and started singing nanana by mcr and got sent out of class bc we started#laughing so hard we couldn't breathe#high school i would eddie munson on the lunch tables#found that aspect of eddie so relatable#filmed youtube videos at my old hs that STILL EXIST ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL#id honestly have them up for anyone to see but my old bsf found them extremely embarrassing and she thinks i deleted them#i used to go to school with a whole library in my backpack like the entire pjo/hoo series of unfortunate events harry potter etc#my backpack had a bunch of doodles on it and it said battaco big asf and it was an inside joke with my friends for years bc of it#i also used to go to school dressed as frank iero/gerard way/etc#pete wentz eyeliner#larped with the anime club in this little corner outside of the library bc it had a bunch of trees and a 6 ft long stick that we took turns#holding and screaming YOU SHALL NOT PASS‼️‼️#the middle school book club had movies days on fridays and when people tried to vote to watch the lighting thief movie i stood on my chair#and spent so long bitching about how bad it was that we had to do the movie the next monday bc people needed to go home and the librarian#could not stop my righteous fury#a teacher assaulted me trying to get me to stand for the flag so i dead weight dropped on top of him and then ran around the class to stay#away(real hard to do in a small music classroom) and when i got tired of that i beat him up a little and i didnt get in trouble bc he was#really embarrassed i got the drop on him(bc i had tiddies)#that man hated me for being trans#really got mad at me when the pledge started after that and id get up and salute while singing welcome to the black parade#was also genuinely bad at soccer that my teacher sent me off to other teachers when our class did soccer bc the only time i ever got the#ball i kicked it into the wrong goal#i got more stories but i ran out of tags :(
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✨2024 makes wrap up! ✨
this ended up being a big year for me in terms of makes, though it didnt really feel like it at the time! im also realising how many of these projects i never did a proper wrap up post for, so i will try and do some more of those over the coming weeks!
Total sewing projects: 11 Costumes completed: 3 UFOS finished: 1.5 (one was a long-awaited alteration) buttons sewed for coworkers: 13 (ish)
and the full list, with links to posts as i write them!
Anne Pants
Anne Blouse
Anne Corset
Flora Dress
Janet Skirt
Record Bag
Ginny Skirt alteration
Ginny Vest
The Coat
Skirt alteration
Minecraft Guardian plushie
bonus mentions:
(things that werent sewing projects or didnt get completed, but felt important enough not to leave off!)
Anne necklace
Cross stitch progress
design a dress
swallow ita bag
below the cut ive wrote a little about the projects with pictures, if you wanna read more in depth thoughts!
Anne took up most of the start of my year, working from february to may on the parts of the costume. it took me outside my comfort zone in a lot of ways- my first time making pants, and the corset presented a whole bunch of new challenges, being in leather- any seam i made was impossible to fix. i made a whole bunch of mistakes, but im incredibly happy with the overall results anyway.
I took a break after Anne, chilled out, did some cross stitch, only to jump head first into Flora on an impulse (aka my friend said "do you want to?" and i said "say less") In spite of the time crunch, she was quite an easy build, following a pattern, not too much fitting, and most of the problems ended up being of my own making. after coming back to redo her hem in october, im super happy with how things came out!
I floated around for a bit over the summer, messing around with patterning the wing collar for the design-a-dress for a while, working on my Janet skirt, and patterning a couple other miscellaneous things before throwing myself into mcm prep again! as mentioned, i redid my Flora hem, and i also decided to learn a new type of skill! bag making!!!
Looking at my archive, i dont think i ever posted anything about the bag i made for Maggie, which is frankly a crime, because i love this thing!!! it was absolutely a learning curve & i didnt have all the best choice of materials (it was mostly scraps from my job and things from in my stash) but i really did learn so much that i can take forward into the future- which there definitely will be a future! i already have plans for at least three more bag projects, and im gonna figure out how to make ita bags too :D
then it was full steam ahead into november, and i decided i could finish another costume this year, and so it was time for Ginny! She was a mix of refashioning & from scratch work, but every fabric piece was made with recycled materials. I loved making this costume, it was super fun to mess around with techniques with no worry about how professional it looked at the end because she was such an obscure costume!
At the same time i was working on Ginny, i decided it was high time i finally finished the coat i started working on... two years ago ''':) this too was all about learning new techniques and understanding proper construction, and i am so, so happy with the results. theres definitely a couple pieces id like to come back and revisit at some point (looking at you, collar -_-) but i know those are mostly things only im going to see. im so glad i put it down for a while, i think ive done a lot better than i would have done this time last year- and i know when ive given it some time and come back again, ill do better then, too. but its wearable and cute, and i finally have a lovely winter coat :)
I thought i would be finishing the year with a couple of long overdue alterations to my favourite skirts, but i ended up only getting one done when my coworker asked for help making a christmas present for their friends kid. the second she showed me the pattern, i knew i could do better, and so i wrapped up my year with a mad dash to make a plushie guardian in a week before i finished work for the year.
You should know by now i love a challenge, and this sure was something different! i think id do things differently if i had more time, but im super happy with how this guy came out! it was great practice for satin stitching on my machine & working with tricky fabrics, and i think id definitely like to make another one, with a few changes to the design- and the colours of the fabric, as i had nothing to do with those! im telling the kid its a shiny guardian ;) either way, i hope the kid has a great time using him as a mace !!
and thats my year in review!! im hoping next year ill be able to do another one of these and be just as proud of everything ive achieved :)
#LOVE to talk about my plans. hate to post finished pictures#(mostly bc i get frustrated to the enddddd)#i will try and spend some time writing them up this week though!!! i feel like especially for anne i jst. stopped writing halfway through#i think the summary is. im just. so so proud of myself actually#i felt like this was a weird year in terms of being productive#i had mad periods and then months off#and i shoved a whole bunch of stuff into the end of this year#id like to not do that next year#but even if i didnt achieve the Most amount of things. im still so so proud#i did that#looking at it all in one post. im so proud of me#i cant wait to see who ill grow into#sewing#year in review#2024 wrapped#cosplay#sewist#im counting each piece of a cosplay as its own thing bc if it wasnt for a cosplay then it would be an individual garment#i havent included the Details but yeah. anne blouse was its whole own thing
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Here is lady pics from when I was MIA
#alek insanity#using this time to rant about my personal life. my dad had a medical emergency but he should be coming home soon#i spent a while at my aunts house it was fun they have a cat named harold hes so fatness#my stepmom has been staying with my dad up there and magically our heater broke#the hvac guys came (like 10 minutes ago) but they cant really fix it it just needs 2 be replaced atp.#and its been getting below freezing these past few days behhh#but its all good bc im gonna get popeyes soon#doodle (the lady) is sitting on my as i type this#and i decided to start drawing everyday !!! around 2 hours at a time is my goal. i used to draw until id get numbness in my arms#carpal tunnel speedrun? but ive realized its best for my joints if i draw for 1-2 hours. also if i draw everyday im more motivated#ive been trying to pace more too. i used to get 10k + steps a day but kinda. stopped doing that. oopsieeee. just aiming for better habits#fixed my sleep schedule too behhh#my friend has a christmas party on the 21st so im excited 4 that. also christmas in general bc im gonna get a new laptop#mine barely works and is held together with duct tape 😭 and im gonna get a ton of money#my friend is planning a h×h zine so thats exciting + there's a lot of ninjag0 ones around the corner. big things brewing#i think next year will be a good year. this year kinda... started off really shitty#hoping to get my drivers liscense next year. ive been studying for my permit but stuff keeps getting in the way#Also im gonna get new glasses soon after TWO YEARS hfgdhd . idk the future looks bright yall#and i got this fatness woman on me rn so happy times now too#shes trying to sleep on my leg . but ... i have to eat food ... doodleee lady
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... tumblr. How do we feel about tf2 ch7 comic?
#im talking spoilers in the tags so dont open see more if you dont want to seem more#lalala#taking up space#idk how many tags fill up the see more this is probably enough#I ALWAYS GET SO FLABBERGASTED WHEN CHARACTERS HAVE CHILDREN??????#also scout is somehow a good dad???? i mean good for him of course but also damn how is he gods gift to women and they dont even treat him#right?????#also spy face reveal!!!!!#also it's interesting that scount had more kids than soldier#ALSO MEDIC GOT A DOG??? and of course his baboon child <3#and this is dumb but im chosing to believe that medic and heavy being directly next to each other in the final pannel meant something#i checked their hands for wedding rings just in case lol#also... We are the tf2#anyway yeah those were my thoughs#also crazy backstory for the administrator and im glad Ms. Pauling stopped the cycyle#it's cool that saxton and meg got eaten by cheetas or whatever and died? or maybe won who knows or maybe the did jump off the cliff but#i think that would be too boring for their tastes#so yeah.#op#tf2#tf2 comic
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#I can't believe my computer broke just a couple of days before the new chapter came out.#Not to be dramatic or anything but this was my last straw#It means everything to me 😭😭😭 My puter has my whole life in in. And endless resources of everything#That's why people tell you to backup stuff 🤦🤦🤦#Okay before I get too dramatic it's not gone like I can turn it on just fine.#Except there's no cursor to be found anywhere and I can't find a way to fix it#(Yeah it's not the f4 key I've tried that. Repeatedly)#So since there's no way to turn the puter off without mouse I had to kill it the hard way 4-5 times today#(aka every time I tried turning it on again in hope everything got fixed on its own)#And when I turned it on again five minutes ago. IT DIDN'T START NORMALLY. AND IT ASKED THE SYSTEM LANGUAGE AND STUFF#I lost like. Half my lifespan. I was terrified it got formatted out of nowhere and I had lost everything#It didn't. It seemingly is fine (from what I can see from my desktop).#But man I really didn't need this kind of stress on top of average exams depression#Idk what to do... I want to go to the guy in my dorm who studies computer science but it'd be the third time I ask him for help–#and I'm a little embarrassed now. Asking for help sucks in general#But I don't have money to pay consultation...#I think there is a chance my touchpad just worn out since. Like. I use my computer extensively#But even that seems a little excessive? Not even the buttons work. I've only had this computer for three or four years...#Anyways I don't have a physical mouse. And I can't spend money to buy it when there's a chance that wouldn't fix the problem. Ughhhhhhhhhh#random rambles#If I stop posting in the next days. It's simply because I can't 😭😭😭#Goodbye people please keep posting ss kk for me
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Thinking again about my plans for Vash and Knives in ITNL
Which I can't really get into the specifics for How I'm going to do things w/o going into spoiler territory. But I Do have Vash & Knives tagged on the fic for a reason. I set up in the first chapter that Vash is determined to try to save Knives too.
Which. That choice, as well as the entire basis for all of this, depends so much on that final fight in trimax. The one that was literally a scene away from where ITNL Vash went back in time. His mentality just a hair's width away from that...
At the end of trimax, there was reconciliation, however brief and incomplete it was. In ITNL, my question to myself was How could I induce that again? Under different circumstances, How Else could we get there? And that is the long-game in ITNL.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#i say reconciliation instead of redemption. because i think redemption is a difficult thing to capture well.#and it would require Knives to feel remorse or regret for his actions. which i dont think he would really.#but. potentially. if the stars align. maybe his goals can be redirected into something productive.#and maybe reconciliation can be achieved. just maybe.#the redirection here is important bc i dont think Knives would abandon his ideals Even If Vash got thru to him#but the key is convincing him that theres another way. that he can protect the plants w/o killing humanity.#easier said than done though. vash and knives are two peas in a pod after all. so incredibly stubborn.#but vash would want to try. because he Doesnt want to kill anyone. not even knives. though if it ended up necessary.....#well. better to try for reconciliation first. that one's as a last resort lol.#ultimately vash Does miss his brother. we see this at the end of trimax. that's the crux of that moment i think. for both of them.#realizing that once upon a time they only had each other. they were Brothers. they were Close. and they both Miss That.#those feelings were buried under miles of anger and resentment on both sides. but under the right circumstances.....#thats why it's important that ITNL was a hair's width away from that scene. bc he was on the verge of having that realization himself.#i replaced that moment with ITNL vash feeling thru the plant conglomerate the whole of knives' self. and his Realization.#the Knowledge that the brother he used to love is still in there somewhere. but he also wouldnt be able to survive this.#and thus his about-turn from 'nothing remained of the brother he loved. he had to stop him.' to 'i'm sorry. i'll save you too.'#hfalhxksd ultimately it's all so FINICKY and ive barely touched on it so far in ITNL. bc Knives has been off in the goop tube or whatever#but ive given it a Lot of thought. and id be so close to Getting There... to the next steps at least... if i kept writing.#hrrgmg. i am Thinking Thoughts...
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I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!
#I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE ABOUT ANYTHING#IT DOESN'T HAVE TO OVERRIDE ALL OTHER PROGRAMMING EVER AGAIN#HA#MY GOD THAT FEELS LIKE TWO DECADES OF RELIEF#and I found out yesterday. that this year. next winter. it IS two decades. exactly. this is the year. every day i am shown new reminders#that keep me going in my mission to relearn to fully and instinctually trust my self#ever since [redacted therapist] asked me point blank and my IMMEDIATE response was complete disbelief#a firm 'you think there's any universe where i'd feel like i could trust myself? after my nonstop history of failures and being horrible?'#tone “No!” of disbelief#and a horrible way-too-harsh laugh that bolted out before I could strangle it off and stop it.#that woman never coddled my feelings any time I spoke something alarming or bullshit and that was so helpful to me#and the tone she let exist in her voice when she responded to me with a very uncharacteristic “Oh Katie.”#was so. so much more agonizing for me. than her responding with an immediate logical slam-dunk of the truth about healthy behavior and stuf#anyway ramble over i'm so tired. i've done so much trauma work this week i am Drained emotionally#now i see what the past several months but especially especially#the baffling (to me) infuriating out-of-control-speedrun-somatic-processing + every-health-condition-flaring slog that December and January#were for me when I hadn't expected anything to be wrong#...and the extremely specific way this certain zone and particular incident kept coming up over and over and over and over and OVER was not#a bug. it was a feature. thank goodness i trust myself for little things now bc that's the only way i was able to get to this other side#and look back and suddenly realize that my subconscious and body knew what they needed and had a plan in progress the whole time. just like#i rationally say I trust them to have and do.#and that perhaps maybe. for real for real instead of just TELLING myself hard enough a lie that i trust my self and i trust my body and tha#they always know their own needs and timing if really slow down and listen to them f u l l y#anyway. yeah. bye haha i need to stop oversharing on the internet#trauma evolution#shh katie#personal#my god. i wished for this day more than i wished for anything else my whole life. all these many many many many years. what magic.#add to journal#abuse
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