#so i TRIED to stay vague
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Eve, Kate, Mark and Rex! Nailing some ideas down on how I wanna draw them in the future, and enjoying messing with their designs like usual! Not a fix-it whatsoever just fun + ref for the future! I cannot do realistic styles so translating them into something I can do while still being recognizable is peak. I will mess with Rex's suit more. Trust. I Kate so much now. Look at her <333333
#the brainrotsreal's art tag ✧˖°:*♡#invincible fanart#invincible#mark grayson#digital art#fanart#procreate art#rex splode#duplikate#atom eve#eve wilkins#RAMBLE TIMEEEEEEEEEEEE#MARK: again he's got his mother's pearl earrings as a winky wink to batman reference + fun inkling that he is ALSO his mom's son#MARK: adding to the whole difference of civvie/hero persona he's a bit more miserable looking and anxious w/o the suit while emotional in i#but also means he's eager and confident when he does think he knows what he's doing. but is not as confident outside of it.#heroism is his chance to prove his worth in his eyes even after Dad Realization because know he has to prove he ISNT his Dad.#Basically Invincible will always need to prove himself but he doesn't know how to do that as Mark Grayson. so gold = joy/confidence#stays on Invincible. but not mark#REX: easy peezy a spiky hair style to wink more at his passionate and louder personality as well as wink to the explosion thing#REX: gold earrings and shoulders exposed as civvie because i know in my soul he WOULD. like i cant even explain he told me himself.#goggle change to lean more into the style change! pupil-less design!! and gold eyes cause he got experimented on/powers ingrained.#the dangling bit from the goggles screams fighter and since he does ALSO need to fight it makes sense#KATE: new haircut cause i cant stand her normal one istg. ugh. but keeping the same vibe! leaning more into ben 10 type of elements since#numbers ARE a point of her design AND power so it was only fitting! i love her suit so much#NOWWWWW since she is A REAL FIGHTER like her only thing is multiplying still mean she knows how to throw a punch and MOVE i figure#she works out a ton and has a more flexible sporty fit going on so she's got a hoodie crop top. ready to jog at all times.#once in my brain she's the vague sorta raven of the group (more isolated and withdrawn since she doesn't rlly interact with anyone)#added black made SENSEEEEE#EVEEE: easiest to do because she is starfire of the group so i got possessed! honestly kept all her colors except tried to move around the#logo a bit more and take slight inspo from Justice league Green lantern's design + tweak the logo cause i realized i hate it KSDKS
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night so long you start thinking of your f/o taking care of you so you can just lay down . night so long you start thinking abt them taking off coats and unzipping dresses or unbuttoning shirts and being careful when they take off any makeup or glasses and giving gentle little reminders when they hand over any medications or even just a glass of water to make sure you've had some.
#i fumbled the baddest bitch tonight im never going to be heard from again . do NOTTTTT talk to me. (joking)#(on the not talking part. the fumble was real and painful and im getting a new identity and bone structure reconstruction is tomorrow)#also sorry this is more fem aligned ummm. as im sure you can guess I Had A Long Night. and i was dressed very femme#so. ummm. sorry. self indulgent post but i still tried staying a little vague. sorry to all my masc warriors#self ship#self shipping#self ship community#f/o imagines#imagine your f/o#f/o prompts#self ship imagine#selfshipper#selfship community#selfshipping community#self shipping community
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do you still write for jj?
ooooh not only do I write for JJ but I kiss you on both cheeks for giving me an excuse to talk about one of my favorite obscure JJ thoughts. JJ x ballerina!reader (gn so technically ballet dancer reader, but you do dance pointe and in a more feminine style in pas de deux so do with that what you will)
They thought you were a kook for the first few summers since you clearly went to school off the island. It turns out you're not, you're just a scholarship kid to whatever fancy school you go to (something that Pope LOVES to pick your brain about since he's dying for a scholarship to his dream college)
at some point or another, there's a hurricane. you end up sticking it out with the other pogues. that's when they notice how... weirdly flexible you are. especially JJ. mostly JJ. it started off small, with you stretching a little while you guys are hanging out in the aftermath since the day after a hurricane is always a free day. JJ looked away from you for like two seconds and you just fuckin... dropped into a perfect split. he's surprised by this obviously, but he's more surprised when you seamlessly shift to a split on the other side, then a center split, bending and moving with impossibly flexibility. then a moment later, you're asking him "hey can you grab my leg?" as you stand up and stretch into a scorpion/needle pose. soon you're dragging him out of the room to "help you with something else." he FULLY thinks yall are about to hook up, but instead you put on this beautiful, artsy, erratic piano music, kick off your sandals or sneakers or whatever, and begin moving like a fucking vision.
you're rambling to him while you dance like it's nothing, but his jaw is on the fucking floor.
"This is the solo I learned last semester," you chuckle while spinning like a little figurine atop a music box, or something in a snow globe, or... wherever else he's seen ballerinas in passing before.
"If I'm rusty by the time I get back, Miss Raine will kill me." you chuckle playfully.
after a few moments, you finish, posed delicately on the ground. you look up at him, your cheeks flushed, your eyes glistening with mirth.
"holy fucking shit," he exclaims, making you blush. "goddamn, princess, that-"
he trails off with a disbelieving chuckle.
"That was fuckin' incredible," he says with a breathy laugh, then nudges you playfully, looking at you more closely like he must have missed something all those times he looked at you and never saw this magical ballet fairy hiding inside you. "you've been holdin' out on me." he teases.
"okay, okay, here's where I need your help." you begin, trying not to get too distracted. you reach out and grab his wrist, holding out his left arm palm up. "I'm gonna run at you like this-"
you demonstrate, taking a step forward. his attention is locked onto you even harder from the moment you grab his arm.
"And kinda... kick my leg around," you do just that, so you're twisted around and facing away from him. he lets out a little noise of surprise. you know it must seem convoluted and ridiculous, but you really need help practicing this lift.
"I need you to wrap your arm around me like this," you say, bending forward with one leg extended behind you, the other supporting you, so your stomach rests on his bicep and his hand holds the small of your back. "And then place your other hand right on my ribcage here."
"oh, my hand will be wherever you want it, cupcake." he says, making you roll your eyes at the (only half joking) innuendo.
"okay." you say, taking a step back. "you ready?"
the first few times you walk through it together are clumsy and slow, a mess of limbs and giggles, but eventually you get it. you call your friends in to show them the bluebird lift you've been working on, even having successfully taught JJ how to lower you and do a few basic steps with you to conclude. you both get through it unscathed, and your friends reactions are very similar to JJ (with only slightly less innuendo and teasing from John B and Pope), and as JJ giggles and demands you come at him so he can lift you again, you start to see a lot of potential in him.
maybe, just maybe, you can shape that potential a little more over the summer. your ballet academy always has scholarships for boys available since they're always in demand in the performing arts. you think there might just be a chance for JJ to do a lot more lifts with you.
#drabbles#outer banks#outer banks x reader#outer banks drabbles#JJ maybank#JJ maybank x reader#JJ maybank drabbles#ballet!JJ#THIS IS MY FAVORITE BRAIN ROT AU IVE NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT#ITS SO WEIRD AND SPECIFIC BUT AUUGUGHHHH BALLET!JJ JUST HITS DIFFERENT#ITS GIVING SKATER BOY BY AVRIL LEVIGNE BUT INSTEAD ITS YOU WERE A CLASSICALLY TRAINED BALLERINA/HE WAS A SURFER TURNED BALLET DANCER#CAN I MAKE IT ANYMORE OBVIOUSSSSS#also I have an ex friend who is HORRIBLE at singing (I normally never say that about people but she gave me nothing to speak kindly about)#and she was obsessed with that song#I didn't love skater boy by avril (also genuinely surprised I only got one letter wrong in her name before) by avril lavigne before#but after knowing this person I wanna puke a little whenever I think of it bc I can only hear it in a voice that I can only describe as#the scene from the family guy sherlock holmes episode where the dead bodys organs are replaced with bagpipes and sewn back up#and brian and stewie jump on the stomach and play that one song#toxic ex friend used to sound like she had bagpipes in her stomach and was being weakly and erratically punched by a fatigued amateur boxer#every fucking time she would sing#HORRIBLE breath control. nasally. horrible diction. could not stay on key or on tempo to save her life#so yeah anyway#doubt she'll ever see this much less read these tags but girl if you do??? no you didn't. do not fuckin interact w me girlfriend#and yes this is the same bitch I had to block on ALL social media platforms INCLUDING youtube pinterest gmail kakaotalk and several others#I tried to block her on spotify but unfortunately you cannot block people on spotify (last I checked)#anyway enjoy ballet!jj and this bizarre and vague borderline trauma dump lol#to quote that line from fiddler on the roof “may god bless and keep the czar far away from us”#relieved to say she is not my circus and ergo I am not responsible for any related monkeys
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u guys know those “giving my Italian husband (x) food/(x) American thing” tik toks. well yeah Hetalia Prumano semi-rare pair attack
my friend and I have been. Obsessed with those. Why does she. Why. It’s like aggravating a chihuahua for views and it’s the most entertainment. Tbh. This art looks SO shitty but the Prumano brain rot is too real for me… Also I saw the pizza burger irl the other day and I don’t wanna talk about it
#to quote my friend#“IS THE PUSSPUSS SO GOOD YOU STAY AND DRINK FRENCH WINE??? IS IT REALLY THAT GOOD??”#tried to make them look as close to canon as possible while still mainrinainf my headcanons I guess#this is so cringe but idgaf atp#prumano#romapru#Lovino Vargas#Gilbert Beilschmidt#aph prussia#hws prussia#aph romano#aph south italy#hws romano#hws south italy#my (f)art#digital artist#artists on tumblr#hetalia fanart#hetalia#aph#hws#Prumano is so real honestly#it’s literally canon trust me. Trust#skibidi rizz or something#I TRIED TO MAKE LOVI LOOK ITALIAN AS POSSIBLE#FUCKIN. Dude idk how Italian are supposed to be besides vague hand gestures#hopefully this looks okay. Idk any Italians got advice lmk cause I wanna do Lovi justice#Gilbert is just. Based off my friend#Gil is so adhd coded actually#anyway yeah by
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as much as i love marinette, i think mlb would be 10,000 times more interesting if it was more focused on adrien and his home life rather than mari and her relationships with her friends
because i feel like we still know very little about adrien outside of what we know about him through marinette's eyes. hell, HE hardly knows who he is through the eyes of others but thats what makes him so fascinating as a viewer. we couldve watched him go through his fathers control, couldve watched him try to find himself while still being puppetted, we couldve seen him when he was finally freed from his fathers control. what did that feel like for him? how does he deal with the grief of losing an abusive parent? the mourning of what couldve been their relationship rather than what it is.
plus like. hes just not CURIOUS enough for me. why isnt he questioning ladybug as chat noir? why isnt he constantly prodding ladybug for more info?
granted, theres only four episodes of the new season so im HOPING that there will be more adrien lore coming up because god im SO much more fascinated about the agreste side of things.
they do him a disservice in general so i just hope they try to fix that this season
#vague mlb spoilers#i tried to stay spoiler free for season six#dont get me wrong the eps are pretty good so far#i have words for what theyre doing to marinette because it comes to a point#im SICK of miscommunication oh my GOD!!!!#but mari and adrien are cute but i miss my ladynoir and marichat crumbs#maybe well finally get that reveal though i doubt jt#miraculous ladybug#mlb#mlb fandom
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sometimes being autistic really separates me from other people. there's an invisible wall that separates me from people, society, the world. all those things can reach through the wall and slap me around, but it's one way. I can't reach them. and they never pat me on the head. nothing nice comes through. and I can't get out. I try to share good things. nothing gets through the wall. they see it as I purposely don't come out of the room i'm locked in. they think I act like i'm too good for them. they are offended and reach in to slap me. i'm desperately screaming and trying to reach out to them. trying to be part of things. but I can't. I can't connect with them. I can't be part of society. this wall isn't my doing, but they are making sure it stays up and making sure they only send negative signals through. know I can't stay behind this wall or I literally can't live. but also can't get out. i'm stuck and blamed for it. told i'm not trying and it's on purpose. i've been kicking and screaming at the wall my whole life and didn't make a dent. the lonliness and disconnection that can be felt when autistic is something nonautistic people will never feel or understand.
#lee rambles#just feeling that autistic lonliness and disconnection strongly today so heres vague rambly nonsense#autistic#autism things#actually autistic#dont know how to truly connect to people. or be part of society in a way that benefits living. people dont seem to try#nor do they want to help. they just act like and assume im the one not trying. im trying way harder than they ever will.#i need some patients and accommodation and understanding. needs and boundaries need met and respected. i never get those.#no one tries to connect with me. i have to do all the work but dont have ability to. but im expected to. since i cant its my fault.#so i stay on the outside looking in. begging for the door to be unlocked. while they stare through window laughing#and blaming me for not walking through a solid wall because they dont unlock the door fkr others so why would they do it for me#ahhh. idk what im talking about. need to do mamy things but think brain dissociating. idk who i am right now i could be anyone#patience* typed wrong word. cant move tags in right place on phone anymore
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i made super delicious curry with pork, potatoes, carrots, eggplant, green pepper, mushrooms, and pumpkin and because of how big a pot i made it's only like $2 per portion. adult success
#was excited abt the curry and this also seemed like the kind of thing you put on tumblr#on the bus back from work today i wrote a reply letter to my friend#and getting off the bus in front of the post office i ran into one of my closest friends here#all fancy seeing you here#she was like eh fuck it i'll join you on the side quest so we went to the post office then picked up bread at the bakery#said bye at the park and i stayed and read in the grass for a while#another friend tried reading honey girl and said it was ass which surprised me bc i'd been so close to buying it#at bookstores so many times#or like vaguely aware of it w it established in my head as good sapphic lit#found a pdf and read it in my downtime at work + at the park + used text to speech to listen to it while cooking#now sitting on couch eating the fruits of my easy labor#filled w veggies!!#an abnormally nice day in a lot of normal ways#personal
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thinking about this again for some reason but in my fic I described zerith as smelling like incense and in my mind I'm imagining specifically like. palo santo or something. just a very nice smoky & sweet woody smell.
#yans stuff#am I weird for always thinking about what a character might smell like#like I've had whole conversations with my gf about what drals smells like#(he does not smell nice. he smells sorta musty and like chemicals)#(like that one time my roommate tried to put a towel in the washer that was soaked in acetone)#(it's an old washer so it smells kinda funky already but the acetone smell stayed for like a month)#I think azandar probably also smells vaguely like he's been living in a lab#however I think he would wear like a nice mild cologne like sandalwood maybe. so the fantasy isopropyl alcohol smell is mostly hidden#drals arano
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really enjoyed that piece! how about niserie and archie?
The sweltering heat was relentless on Solerin citizens today, but it didn't stop a particular elf--Niserie Reythana's mind was set on one thing: training at Arhurst Grasslands. Her muscles burned, her heart pounded within her ribs, and her hair clung to her forehead with sweat. A thick breeze did little to provide her relief as she swiped at her face with a cold towel. Her chest heaved with effort, but she didn't want to stop. Though she knew if she didn't, it would do her more harm than good. Swallowing hard, Niserie gripped her sword pommel tight before placing it away safely into its scabbard. It was only then that realization dawned: she was more tired than she thought--and hungry. Damn, Niserie internally cursed before struggling onto weary feet. A tavern wouldn't hurt before heading back home, probably. And so she began the trek in search of one. Luckily, The Jolly Star wasn't that far away-a small, cozy tavern in Solerin's outskirts. She'd not been, but it looked rather obscure compared to others. Before entering, however, a curious sight gave her pause: a tour bus. Odd. It wasn't very often you'd see someone famous coming through the outskirts, she wondered as she wearily stepped through. The warmness from the tavern's fireplace, various aromas from foods and drinks, and chatter from visitors set her at ease from the ache in her bones and the heat outside, at least for now. Making her way to a stool, Niserie plopped down with a groan. A stranger opposite seemed to notice, fixing her with a concerned yet curious gaze. "The heat outside get you too? It's a real scorcher," he said. "Needed to stop ourselves, it gets you quick." She lifted a brow at him. "Sure. Especially if you've been training all day. So that bus is yours?" Redirecting her attention to the bartender, Niserie decided to just order a cool drink and a light meal-she wouldn't be here long. The stranger hummed the affirmative, gulping his ice water down greedily. "Yeah, it is. I come from Solerin, but we're going to the outskirts of town, and then all the way out to Traice. But that heat, I'm telling you. Nothing like back home!" She blinked, brows knitting in confusion. So whoever this guy was, must've been some kinda hotshot? Smiling politely, he stuck his hand out toward Niserie for a shake. Inviting enough, right? She could only frown, eyeing him hesitantly. "Actually, I was born in Kelis but I moved to Aeredale. My name's Archie Meadows, a musician with a love for rock n' roll, just doing what he loves," he introduced. After another pause, finally coming to the conclusion he wasn't a crook, Niserie finally shook his hand. "Niserie Reythana. Are you some kind of big name around here, then? With your music?" Archie laughed. "Not as much as back home, no! It's getting there. Some know me, some don't. I don't let it get to me. The music was huge there, here sort of." As the two chatted back and forth for quite some time, Niserie, initially on edge, learned more about Archie's intriguing background, the whole teenage idol spiel, and Archie vice-versa with hers. It wasn't her thing really, but she had to give him credit. Fame in that way wasn't something Niserie could deal with. And Archie? He was absolutely blown away by her valor, and heartbroken for her losses. And of course, someone such as Wulfric piqued his interest. Magic was something he'd been around his entire life living in Eludin, though his mother Carolyn wasn't fond of it. If Wulfric hadn't helped her, Archie though, who knows where she'd be now? Soon though, he had to leave: his tour was waiting on him. Reluctantly, he rose, stretching out kinks from sitting far too long. "Next show's on me, Lionheart Concert Hall, if you're interested. Nice talking with you." Flashing another smile, he gave her a nod, then turned to exit. Niserie watched him go, then returned to her meal and drink. What an interesting character, she thought. Perhaps, just perhaps, she'd have to take the young man up on that offer. Give the music a shot.
#thank you so much nonny i'm glad you liked it!#and thank you for all these asks and as always to you and everyone else at ANY time feel free to keep them coming!#i tried to stay below the character limit this time i dunno if it worked#anonymous asks#muse: niserie reythana#muse: archie meadows#sorry this one is kind of more vague... character limit. maybe leave it open to interpretation.#only in eludin. ; in character#we've got mail. ; asks
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Is there like 'become a human being' intensive career therapy or smth like that or is that something Ronald Raegan un-invented
#like the idea that you're put into a dorm-ish setting and taught standard life skills that schools and parents stopped teaching a decade ago#and gives you a job or put into a temp agency program or smth#I want and need a job so bad but I have no fucking clue how to navigate life since I wasn't let to most of the time#if this does exist there's a zero % chance it exists in the US because it haaaates people learning how to live#just so tired and lost and always thinking back to like..#6th grade reading teacher fucking hated me and tried to push me to get a work-program thru school instead of staying in school#that would've been so much more valuable to me than 'stay in college get high pay job have our grandkids!!!!' vague plan set tor me#i'm losing it gamers I just want to feel okay again#vent but also cry for actual help
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THERE IS AN ESSAY TO BE WRITTEN ABOUT THE SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES BETWEEN 1984 AND THE CIRCLE JUST TO GET IT OUT OF MY MIND AND THERE'S AN ESSAY OR AT LEAST ANALYSIS LURKING SOMEWHERE BETWEEN INTERNET CENSORSHIP LEADING TO WORDS LIKE "UNALIVE" AND NEWSPEAK BUT BRAIN NO ESSAY WRITING HARDLY EVEN EASY HOBBY WRITING WHICH I'VE BEEN PRACTICING FOR YEARS THAT REQUIRES NO STRUCTURE SPECIFICALLY I AM CHEWING ON THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE
#STUFF LIKE UNALIVE THATS LITERALLY JUST NEWSPEAK THATS NEWSPEAK THATS CENSORSHIP BE IT CORPORATE-INDUCED OR SELF-ADOPTED#ITS NEWSPEAK ITS NEWSPEAK ITS NEWSPEAK IT MAKES THINGS LIKE KILLING APPEAR MORE HARMLESS IT MAKES ACTUAL SERIOUS PROBLEMS APPEAR NOT AS BAD#ITS LITERALLY JUST NEWSPEAK BUT NOT ENACTED BY A GOVERNMENT BUT BY CORPORATE CONTROLLING MEDIA JUST LIKE IN THE CIRCLE#I HAVE SO MUCH TO WRITE GAHHHHHH#but also the circle has been praised as a mix of 1984 and brave new world and also the system being based on rewards rather than punishment#is something from brave new world also so i need to read that as well#nevermind that i speedread the circle and thus didnt catch any details and also that i havent even finished 1984#now with all the *gestures vaguely * stuff going on in the world rn do you think the fear of totalitarianism will rise again#the circle's fear of corporate/social media control is very real rn but will the core of 1984 becaome just as relevant again#bc rn people arent as worried abt totalitarianism but it feels like its not gonna stay like that fo much longer (which i hate but ykno)#a biscuit's rambles#my friend and i had our presentation today AND WHILE WE STOOD THERE IN FRONT OF THE CLASS I NOTICED EVEN MORE STUFF GAHHHHHH#I AM NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS I AM NOT NORMAL I CANNOT I NEED TO I#funny thing is we tried to somehow get it to 15 mins (supposed talking time At Least)#but we didnt really get to talk it through so uh. we overdid it. and um. we took 35 mins#lmao
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Watched talk to me the other night and I can’t believe how good it was
ohhh my god WASN’T IT!!! horror movies are practically all i watch and tbh they can be very repetitive and predictable and formulaic after a while but watching this was the first time in a long time i was having visceral reactions to what was happening on the screen… the initial effect it left on me from my first watch was so brutal i literally didn’t even want to drive home by myself at night after leaving the theater 😭 but even with the horror aspect and tension and atmosphere aside the core of the story is just SO good. i loved loved loved mia, i think nowadays it’s hard to create characters in horror movies without falling back onto old tropes and archetypes but i found her so genuinely likable and charismatic and it’s so tragic seeing her suffer through her grief and how that loss unravels her throughout the movie… everything is just so well executed 😭😭 now i wanna go back for a fourth watch
#i’m so glad you enjoyed it too!! also it makes me so happy that you saw me post about it and decided to tell me you saw it ;_;#tried to stay vague and not divulge any spoilers jic this ends up on the tl of anyone who wants to/is planning to see it… but i could go on#and ON about this movie#ask
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Let's do this then =D First a disclaimer and a bit about my methodology because while the math here is very barebones I want to at least explain what I was doing. Essentially I picked a few ships in different fandoms, calculated the percentage of E and M rated works in the tag, then compared that to the percentage if at least one person in the main pairing is trans, using the "Trans Character A" OR "Trans Character B" filter. I didn't look at non character specific tags such as Trans (Male) Character because I didn't want too many false positives. Since this was part of what I was initially interested in, I then also compared the percentage of mpreg works within those featuring a trans character to the percentage in the ship tag overall. Another note, I'm using the word 'mpreg' because that's inherently what we're talking about, but I found out that only around 20% of works tend to be tagged with 'Mpreg' as opposed to 'Pregnancy', and since that is also the parent tag it's what I had been filtering for. Then, because that's what the OG post was about, I also looked into how often Character A is headcanoned as trans vs Character B.
As for the disclaimer - I redid all of it yesterday, in part because the last time I did this the intention was only to drop the results in a gc and it shows lol, in part because I was curious if anything's changed, but mostly because I'm boo boo the fool who never wrote down which fandom some of this data is even for.
Now for the actual numbers!
I started with two Genshin Impact ships because I figured that's a good baseline for current fandom trends. One that's slightly more recent and another that includes a character I've seen thrown around in the tags a bunch. So;
Alhaitham/Kaveh (Genshin Impact)
All works: 14,589 | E/M: 38% Works where either is tagged as trans: 461 or 3% of all works | E/M: 70% Of those 40 or 9% are mpreg, compared to 2% in the ship tag overall. Meaning those make up for 13% of all mpreg works in the ship tag. Trans Kaveh was tagged 316 times, trans Alhaitham 188 times, 43 works were t4t So right off the bat we get some stats that, spoiler alert, will become a pattern. Works centring trans characters are nearly twice as likely to be rated E or M than the ship average (and most of those are Explicit, like, it's not even close for most ships). Second, works featuring trans characters comprise a disproportionally large amount of all mpreg fics, compared to the overall percentage they make up - in this case 13% vs 3% - altho this particular stat varies greatly from fandom to fandom. It's going to be lower with some. But it's also going to be much, much higher with some others.
Diluc/Kaeya (Genshin Impact)
All works: 8152 | E/M: 55% Works where either is tagged as trans: 186 or 2% of all works | E/M: 89% 22 or 12% of those mpreg, compared to 4% in the entire ship tag. They make up for 7% of all mpreg. 128 trans Kaeya fics, 74 trans Diluc fics, 16 t4t This is by far the horniest tag I looked at lol. 55% is a staggering number and while it's literally impossible for it to meet the 2:1 e/m ratio of most other fandoms, by gods, a solid attempt was made. 89% huh. Nobody here's interested in writing anything but smut. This one also continues the pattern of works centring trans characters being 3-4 times more likely to be mpreg than the average, and one person being portrayed as trans far more often.
Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Critical Role)
This is one of the ships I originally looked into. Nothing's really changed since. All works: 4076 | E/M: 33% Works where either is tagged as trans: 224 or 5% of all works | E/M: 74% 11 or 5% are mpreg, compared to 0,6% in the ship tag overall. Meaning that works centring trans characters make up for, deep breath, 42% of all mpreg fic in the tag. 5% of all fic is trans. 42% of all mpreg is trans. 63 trans Caleb works, 194 trans Essek works, 33 t4t Yeah idk what to say other than there's a reason I was already looking into this one 4 years ago.
Kabru/Laios (Dungeon Meshi)
All works: 628 | E/M: 48% Works where either is tagged as trans: 64 or 10% of all works | E/M: 89% 6 or 9% of those mpreg, compared to 5% in the entire ship tag. They make up for 20% of all mpreg. 62 trans Kabru works, 7 trans Laios, but 5 of those are transfem Laios. 5 t4t Smaller sample size means that the numbers are a bit more all over the place, but congrats to that one person in the tags that fully predicted the 9:1 split.
Now for a fandom that I thought might shake things up a little, because it's the first one on this list where the top/bottom dynamic is heavily implied by the source material and where the supposed bottom is canonically a bit baby crazy.
Lan Zhan | Lan Wangji/Wei Ying | Wei Wuxian (The Untamed/MDZS)
All works: 45,505 | E/M: 38% Works where either is tagged as trans: 444 or just under 1% of all works | E/M: 64% 70 or 16% of those mpreg, compared to 4% of all fics in the ship tag. They make up for 4% of all mpreg. 208 works tagged trans LWJ, 290 works tagged trans WWX, 54 t4t The fact that fics centring trans characters make up a relatively small percentage of all mpreg fic is not entirely surprising in a fandom this big on (magical) baby acquisition. So the most interesting part about this one ended up being the relatively equal number of trans fics for both characters, which I wasn't entirely expecting from a fandom where the source material already comes with certain BL tropes.
And now for the crown jewel of this entire thing. Going in I already knew approximately what results I'm likely to get, so I was a bit blase about everybody in the the tags saying jayvik. I figured, surely it's not any worse than the rest of them. I was wrong. I would like to formally apologise to jayvik shippers, y'all really are fighting for your lives in the trenches.
Jayce/Viktor (Arcane)
All works: 9616 | E/M: 47% Works where either is tagged as trans: 1262 or 13% of all works | E/M: 80% 53 or 4% of those mpreg, compared to 1% of all fics in the ship tag. They make up for 36% of all mpreg. 205 trans Jayce fic, 1199 trans Viktor fic, 142 t4t 1199 trans Viktor fics and basically all of them just porn. Whew. 36% of all mpreg. Whew. I mean it's not reaching the heights of labru and shadowgast in their respective departments, but it's the combination that's the real kicker.
And you might be looking at this thinking, well, it's not really that bad. These are all pretty small numbers, 9% is hardly an epidemic of people writing trans men as baby making machines. And yeah, when you're looking at all the thousands of works available it doesn't seem that bad.
But when you're browsing a 'Trans [Character]' tag and every 7th fic involves them getting pregnant? When half of the entire 'Pregnancy' tag is trans men? When the rest is just extremely heteronormative PIV smut? And the only characters portrayed as trans men are short and skinny and have long eyelashes and their more traditionally masculine counterparts are being headcanoned as transfem??
That says something.
I know this is only a handful of fandoms and you're welcome to add more! Please do! But personally I don't have the spoons to keep looking into this right now and getting hit over the head with the same pattern over and over again. 80% porn. 4 times more likely to involve pregnancy. That 9:1 split. jesus h christ
It's really fucking annoying shipping an mlm ship and everyone in the goddamn universe is like "the bigger stronger one is a dominant cis man who tops and the smaller weaker one is a submissive trans man who bottoms :)"
#fandom meta#ig#because i had to find these somewhere in the annals of various discord gcs#i also found that one time i tried to find out how much omegaverse an average fandom has#and another time where i was comparing the amount of yumejoshi fics across different fandoms#(i did that last one bc I naively theorised that there's gonna be less transformers self insert fic than the average fandom)#(and i was very wrong lol)#i may or may not be also be a nerd#and all it's ever gotten me is /vague hand motions/ this#iiiiiii am not proofreading this rn#fingers crossed it's mostly coherent#i stayed up till like 3am staring at numbers so if i fucked something up welp#apologies
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“you have to go on without me.”
THE MOST CLICHÉ LINES OF DIALOGUE
"Oh no you don't-"
As much as it probably would be easier to leave the writer behind, Agent Mulder couldn't deny that he needed Wake. This was far beyond the simple need of survival and there was something about him that made it feel like he was the most valuable thing on planet Earth. Agent Mulder gripped tightly to Wake's wrist with the pressure of a vice. It was very clear that he wasn't going to let him get very far without him.
"You're coming with me," Agent Mulder asserted, "We got into this mess together and so help me we are getting out of it together. None of this hero bullshit, you get me?"
If there was one thing that was to be admired about the FBI agent, it was certainly his dogged determination. Agent Mulder couldn't let go of something once he had his teeth in it, often to his own detriment.
@champion-of-light
#champion of light#champion-of-light#verse tbd#HELLO ALAN MY DARLING BLORBO#tried to tailor my usual narrative to sound more like Alan's writing uwu#i love alan wake so much aaaaah thank you for following me back#let me know what verse you would rather stay in#i left it vague just in case
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as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3
thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!
I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:
i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.
I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.
so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all
so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...
(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)
#i dont know how to ask for attention without asking for attention because attention seeking is bad and annoying#the more needy and annoying you come off the more people will ignore you. saying i need someone to talk to or hang out with gets me ignored#but being vague gets me also ignored???? like just trying to start a convo by throwing things out randomly doesnt work either#so if i cant be direct or indirect or invite people or ask to be invited or anything else ive tried ehst do i do?#how do i satisfy this stupid social need im cursed with? it takes me a month or 3 to recover from socializing so its not like i always ask#but its still too much. and “you need to find the right people” isnt helpful. because how!!! ive been looking for that for 30 years lmao#i just need someone to invite me and always invite me every time and always reach out first every time (well not every time. just dont make#me be the one every time because thats how it usually seems to go)#but no one wants to do the work and tell me when its ok to bother them. if i bother someone too many times in a row and get no response#then i will stop and wait. and wait. and wait. and give up eventually. or after certain amount of rejections i give up.#so that i dont come off as needy and attention seeking and obnoxious. if people want me they can come to me. and when no one does#that just feels bad. i hate that it feels bad. i wish to make that stop. i wish to turn off feelings.#i cannot figure out the line between bothering someone too much or just enough. how much am i required to push people#and how much is too much where i snap the line while trying to reel them in? because ive snapped more times than ive caught#or the bait just gets completely ignored and i get bored of waiting#oops im slipping into metaphor territory now. that means its time to stop saying words.#hopefully no one reads my annoying tags. i just needed a free space to ramble and vent amd tags are lile little whispers to do that in#but also it is autism acceptance month. people should be adopting a local autistic(me) person to show them what having friends is like#lee rants#im being super particular about how i need to socialize right now as well. dont want trauma bonding/life talks/depression sharing type stuff#only want special interest light hearted goofy fun talks. but those are so hard to do. its easy for people to default into doom conversation#but its hard to keep them on my topic of interest and to stay positive 😭
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i.
★ pairings: dante (netflix dmc) x fem reader
★ summary: After a messy breakup with Dante and a year of silence, you've rebuilt your life from the ground up. Now, Dante's back, and one thing is clear — he's determined to make you his.
★ ❝ It's been exactly 365 since I've seen your face ❞
★ c.w.:dante being a little shit, suggestive content. not beta'd, reuploading bc it got taken down?
★ a/n:HIIIIIIIII!!!! okay so i put out a poll asking about how y'all would feel if i posted a dante fic, and omg. so many of you replied. so now here go ahead and take this shit!! damn!!! jk i want him so bad so yk i had to rush to get this done LMFAOOAOA. enjoy besties! if you're from around here, you know the drill. if not, please leave lots of comments, i love the spam and your praise gives me motivation to update quicker!!
★ w.c: 10k
pretty ; chapter index
YOU AND DANTE had a messy breakup. Contrary to how it may have seemed at the time of “The Argument” (as you had begun calling it), there was nothing sudden about it. It didn’t detonate like some sort of time bomb, but disintegrated rather slowly – like water trickling through the cracks in the cement, soft and patient, until one day everything just caved in.
It didn’t always feel that way.
When you had first met Dante, it was… effortless. (Some of which was the rose colored glasses’ doing, you were sure). He was cute as hell, first of all. He was funny, too. He had no problems laughing you right out of your panties on the first date, and… well, practically every night after that. He looked at you like you were everything to him – like a dream come true, like he couldn’t believe someone like you would actually have chosen him. You got along famously.
For a while, things stayed that way. Six months, in fact. Things were good. Simple. You’d wake up to his arms around you, his voice in your ear, calling you names that only sounded pretty falling from his lips – princess, babydoll, sweetheart. His stupid jokes – the ones that always used to make you crack a tired grin. He used to make time.
But, somewhere along the way, his job started taking more and more of him. Late nights began to bleed into early mornings. You’d wait up for him with leftovers gone cold and shows paused halfway through. At first, he apologized. Said he hated missing out on time with you. But then the apologies stopped, and so did the explanations. You’d go days without hearing from him. Sometimes weeks. You’d text—hey, you okay?, can you call when you're free?—and the replies would trickle in too late or not at all.
You tried to be understanding. People get busy, right? Life gets in the way. You told yourself that a strong relationship should be able to weather a few quiet days. But it was more than just quiet. It was absence. It was like he was slipping through your fingers and pretending he wasn’t.
And when you did talk, it was always surface-level. You’d try to tell him how it made you feel—how the silence scared you, how you felt like you were in this alone—and he’d get defensive. He’d say, “I’m doing my best,” or “You know how much pressure I’m under right now.” And you’d bite your tongue. You didn’t want to add to the weight on his shoulders. But the resentment kept building. You weren’t asking for the world. Just a check-in. A sign that he still remembered how to love you when things got hard.
The miscommunications started small. A forgotten anniversary dinner. A vague answer when you asked if he’d be home. But they stacked up like dominoes, one after the other, until the smallest push sent everything toppling. You both stopped speaking the same language. You’d say, “I miss you,” and he’d hear, “You’re not good enough.” He’d say, “I’m tired,” and you’d hear, “You don’t matter.”
Then came the argument. The big one. The one that split the foundation.
You were setting the table when he buzzed the apartment door.
It was 10:18 PM.
You stared at the intercom for a second before pressing the button to let him in. No words. No "I'm here" or "Sorry I'm late." Just the click of the door unlocking and silence.
You opened the door before he could knock. Dante stepped in looking like hell—literal hell. Blood on his sleeve, eyes sunken from lack of sleep, hair damp like he’d tried to rinse off whatever mess he’d walked through before coming to you. He smelled like copper and smoke and exhaustion.
Still, your heart lifted for a beat just seeing him. Stupid, soft reflex.
“Hey,” you said.
He nodded. “Hey.”
You stepped aside and let him in. He didn’t kiss you. Didn’t touch you. Just dropped his duffel by the door like he was clocking out of something. The sight of him like this—tired, distant, barely standing—it tugged at something in your chest.
“I made dinner,” you said, a little too hopeful. “It’s probably cold by now, but—”
“I’m not hungry,” he cut in, already moving toward the couch.
You stood in the kitchen for a second, hands still resting on the back of one of the chairs. Watching him. He sat with a grunt, elbows on knees, head in his hands like gravity was pressing harder than usual. You knew that posture. It meant don’t ask questions. Don’t start anything. Just let him sit in the silence.
But tonight… you couldn’t.
It had been a week. A week without him. A week of one-word texts, unanswered calls, and too many nights alone, replaying old conversations in your head trying to figure out when exactly he started slipping through your fingers.
“I waited,” you said softly. “I thought you were coming at eight.”
He didn’t look at you. “Got held up.”
You waited. Hoped for more. An apology. An explanation. Something that showed he realized this mattered.
Nothing.
You took a slow breath. “Dante… you can’t keep doing this.”
That made him lift his head, eyes hazy with irritation. “Doing what?”
“This,” you said, gesturing vaguely between the two of you. “Ghosting me for a week. Showing up in the middle of the night like it’s nothing. Acting like I’m just supposed to—what? Pretend we’re fine?”
His jaw tensed. “I’ve been working.”
“I know,” you said, voice sharper than you meant. “I know you’ve been working. Risking your life. I get it. But I can’t keep pretending like I don’t care when you disappear. I can’t keep sitting alone in this apartment wondering if you’re alive.”
He blinked, like the words didn’t land right. Or like he didn’t want them to.
“You think I enjoy this?” he muttered. “You think I like being stuck in some sewer for three days bleeding out while some freak tries to tear me apart?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“You have no idea what it’s like out there.”
“No,” you snapped, stepping forward. “But I know what it’s like in here. Waiting. Checking my phone every five minutes. Making excuses for you. Pretending this doesn’t hurt because I’m scared if I say the wrong thing, you’ll just disappear again.”
He stood then, sudden and sharp. “You think I want to be like this?”
“I think you don’t know how to let people in,” you said, quieter now. “And I think I’ve been trying so damn hard to hold onto something that doesn’t want to be held.”
He stared at you, breathing hard, a muscle ticking in his jaw.
“I didn’t come here to fight,” he said finally.
“I didn’t cook for someone who wasn’t going to show up,” you said.
The room went still.
He looked away first. Scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’m tired.”
“So am I.”
Your voice cracked on that last word, and he looked at you again—really looked this time. And for a second, something in him softened. Like he saw the version of you that wasn’t angry or nagging or dramatic. Just hurting.
But he didn’t reach for you.
Didn’t say I’m sorry.
Didn’t say I missed you.
Just ran a hand through his hair and said, “Maybe this isn’t working.”
Not working?
Not working?
“You can’t be serious,” You huffed out a bitter laugh. Dante reached for you. You swatted him away. “You… We’ve been together for six months. What the fuck do you mean “Maybe this isn’t working”?”
He stood before you with his arms crossed, white hair still disheveled from his day, eyes narrowed, jaw ticked. “I mean that this…” He answered, gesturing to the space between you and him. “Isn’t working out. I don’t think– I can’t…” He swallowed, “I can’t be the man you need me to be. Not right now.”
“You’re gonna give up on us? Just like that?” You continued, still, with tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. Then, you stepped forward, raising a hand to reach out for him, “I love you, Dante. You’re not gonna fight for us?”
“This isn’t love,” He spoke, tone final, but the slightest trembling breath beneath his words betrayed his true feelings. His fingers slipped into his hair, trembling as they carded through his white locks and tugged at his roots. “Look at you– you don’t even see the problem. You shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not your boyfriend is gonna come back alive. You shouldn’t have to put your whole life on hold for me. You still have the whole world to see. I don’t want to have to live a double life anymore.”
“Then let me in!” You hissed back. Your arms were crossed, too. “Do you think I like feeling as if I don’t know the man I love? I could take some of the burden off your shoulders, Dante, if you just–”
“Enough,” Dante sucked his teeth. “I don’t want you wasting your life away worrying over me,” After a lengthy pause, he continued, “All we ever do is fight and fight and fight– I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore, not with you. You’d be much happier without me.”
He was probably right.
“Oh, fuck you,” you shouted, your voice cracking with fury, but even then, it wasn’t enough to hide the way your heart was shattering inside your chest. When your eyes finally met his, you knew he felt the heat of it—anger and hurt and betrayal, all coiled together like fire licking at his skin.
“You’re not going to decide what’s best for me.”
“Yes, I am,” he snapped, cold and absolute.
You took a step forward, trembling, jaw clenched so tight you thought it might break. “You don’t know what’s good for my well-being,” you bit back, chest heaving. “You don’t even know what’s good for your well-being.”
That hit him. You saw it in the way his lips pressed into a thin line, how his teeth caught the inside of his cheek like he was chewing on the guilt. Then he said the words that broke you:
“You could be so much happier without me.”
And just like that, everything inside you stopped.
Something in your gaze must’ve shifted then—something that startled even him. Because the anger didn’t burn quite as bright anymore. The fire was still there, but it flickered lower, smothered by something glassy, something wet clinging to your lashes. It was hurt. Real hurt. Deep, bone-deep heartbreak that swelled until your chest couldn’t contain it.
“Baby…” he sighed, and for the first time, his voice wasn’t sharp. His shoulders dropped like the weight of his decision had finally started to crush him. “I’m sorry. You know I love you. I just… I can’t live with myself knowing that one day I might not come back to you.”
You didn’t say it back.
Not this time.
Even if you wanted to. Even if your love for him still pulsed through every inch of your body, even if it begged for a reason to stay—how could you keep loving someone who was walking away from you like this?
Your lips parted, dry and trembling. You licked them slowly, like maybe the right words would come if you just gave them time. But all you could manage, hoarse and raw, was: “Take your shit…” You swallowed hard. God, it hurt. It hurt worse than anything he could’ve done. “And go.”
He froze.
“What?” he asked, stunned, like he hadn’t expected you to mean it. Like he thought you’d plead. Cry. Kiss him one more time just to remember what it felt like. Like you’d make it easier for him to leave you.
But you didn’t.
“I said…” You looked up at him, every inch of you on fire, your arms folded so tight across your chest they ached. You could feel yourself shaking—fists clenched, breath shallow. “Take your shit… and get the fuck out of my apartment.”
And you meant it.
Even if it destroyed you.
You saw the pain in his eyes then. The flicker of disbelief. The way his entire world seemed to crumble at your feet. Two years. Two whole years. Twenty-four months of laughter, late nights, shared secrets, and silent apologies. A thousand soft I love yous whispered between sheets. A thousand more unspoken.
Was he second-guessing it now? Did he finally realize what he was throwing away?
YOU
| Guys we’re going out tn.
When you reached the bar, it was still early. There were a few people here, but not too many. The low murmur of voices and clinking glasses provided the background noise that you desperately craved.
You grabbed a seat at the bar and ordered a whiskey, the burn in your throat just sharp enough to make you feel something—anything, really. It felt like you were drinking to forget, and the first sip seemed to help, dulling the edges of the ache, if only for a moment.
Your friends noticed you as soon as they walked in. They must have heard the difference in your voice when you answered their text. They could tell something was off, but they didn’t press. Not immediately.
The first drink turned into another. And another. You weren’t trying to get drunk; you were just trying to escape. To lose yourself in the clinking of ice cubes, in the low hum of the bar, in something that wasn’t him. But as the minutes passed, the alcohol didn’t do much to stop your thoughts from spiraling back to him.
You thought about the night before. The argument. His face, so conflicted, yet resolute. The way he walked away without even a second glance, as if he knew the decision he was making was the right one. How could he be so sure? How could he leave you like that?
“Another?” one of your friends asked, pulling you out of your thoughts. She was smiling, but there was a glimmer of concern in her eyes.
You didn’t even think about it before nodding. “Yeah,” you said, a forced smile on your lips. "Just one more."
You didn’t want to talk about Dante. Not yet. You didn’t want to explain to anyone why you felt like the world had been yanked out from under you. But it didn’t matter. Your friends could see it in your eyes. They didn’t need you to say a word.
No, a year ago, your life changed.
So, you can imagine how it felt to walk home from a day spent at the grocery store, bags tucked beneath your arms, and see him standing there.
Dante.
It had been a year since you’d last seen him, and you were doing just fine. Really. A little grocery shopping to get your mind off the usual stuff, a bag of chips here, some pasta there. You didn’t need Dante in your life anymore, and if you were being honest, you were doing better without him. You had a boyfriend now, someone who didn’t make you question your sanity. Things were... uncomplicated.
That was until you turned the corner and saw him.
Dante. Standing there across the street, looking like he’d just stepped out of a scene from some movie you hadn’t signed up for. There he was, all messy hair and that familiar red coat, like he didn’t have a care in the world. You froze for a second, staring at him as if your eyes were playing tricks. Was he actually here? In your world, in your life, right now?
Of course he was. Why wouldn’t he be? The universe had a sick sense of humor.
You immediately felt that familiar wave of annoyance—was it even annoyance? Maybe it was exhaustion, or some mix of both. You adjusted the grocery bags under your arms and took a deep breath. You were doing just fine. He was not about to mess with your day.
But Dante, being Dante, didn’t just stand there. No, he was coming toward you now, his long stride eating up the space between you with an unsettling familiarity.
Great, you thought, shifting the weight of your bags to one side as if they were the only thing that mattered right now. But in truth, you were already calculating the best possible escape route. The crosswalk? Too far. The alley to your left? Maybe, but the sidewalk was too narrow. Okay, girl. Focus.
You picked up the pace, shifting into a power walk as though your life depended on it. Sure, you looked a little ridiculous, but it was a small price to pay for a little peace and quiet. You weren’t looking back. Not now.
Behind you, you could hear Dante’s footsteps closing in, his voice trailing after you, “Hey, wait up!”
But you didn’t wait up. No way.
You’d moved on. You had a boyfriend now, someone who would never make you feel like a damn emotional rollercoaster. Someone who didn’t show up after a year of radio silence with that same unreadable stare, acting like nothing happened. No, Dante. No thank you.
Still, you could hear his footsteps, gaining on you. It was like an unspoken challenge. You had to admit, he wasn’t slow. But neither were you. You adjusted the bags once again—damn, this was turning into a workout—and picked up the pace.
You weren’t going to make it easy for him. You weren’t even going to acknowledge the way your heart still remembered his presence, the way it beat a little faster the closer he got. You weren't going to let yourself get sucked back into that mess.
His voice was closer now. “Come on, just—”
A sigh. You were really doing this, weren’t you?
A glance over your shoulder, just a quick flick of the eyes to see how much ground he’d covered, and what do you know? He was right behind you now, practically breathing down your neck. “I’m just trying to catch up, alright?”
Catch up? You weren’t sure whether to laugh or groan at that. This wasn’t a race, Dante, and you didn’t need a personal trainer chasing you down the sidewalk. You could already feel the annoying tightness in your chest. The one that had always been there whenever he was around, the one that reminded you of how difficult it had been to move on in the first place.
He was getting too close for comfort now, and you could already tell this wasn’t going to end well if you kept this pace. So, against every instinct telling you to keep walking, you slowed down just enough for him to catch up. You didn’t want to, but here he was, breathing like he’d run a marathon just to get you to stop. And for what? So he could talk?
He stopped beside you, his eyes searching your face with that all-too-familiar intensity. His chest heaved slightly, probably from the exertion, but you’d be damned if you showed any signs of weakness.
For a second, he just stood there, catching his breath. You, on the other hand, kept your eyes straight ahead, acting like you hadn’t just sprinted for your life.
“Alright, listen,” he said, voice softer now, “I know I messed up. But can we at least—”
You didn’t even look at him as you interrupted, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “I can’t. I have to go.”
And that was that. You didn’t need to say anything else. You couldn’t afford to.
You were done.
That night, you stood in front of the bathroom mirror, hair tied up into a neat little bonnet. The faucet was running – lukewarm water trickling out – but you weren’t washing up. No, you were standing there, letting the water drip down your eyes, your cheeks, your neck. You were staring at your tired reflection.
You should’ve been washing away the exhaustion of the day, but instead, you just let it fall over you, droplets slipping down your face, down your chest, almost as if you were trying to wash away the past.
But you couldn’t. No matter how much water hit your skin, how much you scrubbed away at your tired reflection, you couldn’t erase him. Dante. He was there, in the back of your mind, in the way your pulse quickened when you saw him again, after all this time. It had been a year, and yet, when you looked at him across the street, the world seemed to stop for a moment. It was like stepping back into a dream.
You hadn’t realized how much of your heart you’d given to him, how much of yourself you’d let him take. And then, nothing. No texts, no calls, no explanation. Just silence, stretching on for months, the gap between you two growing wider, until you started to convince yourself that maybe that was for the best. Maybe you were better off without him, your life finally starting to take shape without the constant ache of waiting for him to come back, to acknowledge the mess he left behind.
Cupping your hands beneath the faucet, you splashed some more water onto your face. God, I need therapy.
But, being that your current rent situation didn’t exactly permit a visit to the psychologist at the moment, you threw your favorite fuzzy robe over your satin cami and shorts, popping your feet into your beat up pink slippers. You shuffled right over to your bedroom and plopped down onto the bed, limbs falling uselessly to the mattress.
Kill me, you thought.
That wasn’t viable, though. So, instead, you reached into your nightstand (past the vibrator you had bought eight months ago during the worst part of your dry streak) and pulled out a sheet mask. Biting into the package, you opened it and pulled the slimy thing out. The serum melted into your skin as you laid it over your face, leaning your head back against the pillows and relaxing for the first time in what felt like ages.
Your head was blissfully empty. There were no thoughts of men with precarious jobs and swords and… devilishly handsome faces. No, it was just you. You and your favorite pajamas and your favorite skincare routine.
You flicked the TV on. You didn’t have to change it back to your favorite channel. No, that was the glory of having a shitty little apartment in the city to yourself. It was on the same channel you left off on – your favorite drama.
The characters buzzed to life. You set the remote down and watched.
The characters on screen started a new conflict, one that you knew would keep you hooked for the next hour. You sank deeper into the couch, letting the familiar warmth of your apartment wash over you. Everything was quiet. Peaceful. The kind of quiet that only comes when you're truly alone.
Then, the sound came. A soft knock at the window outside your room, followed by a long, drawn-out silence. Your heart skipped, the peace broken. You froze, eyes still locked on the TV, the characters' voices fading into the background as your mind reeled. It was too late for anyone to be outside. Too late for anything normal to be happening. Another knock, louder this time. A rhythmic tap that sent a shiver down your spine. You slowly turned your head toward the window, your pulse quickening.
Oh, God, you thought. I’m going to die.
Still, because you couldn’t exactly ignore the sound, you slid out of your warm, comfortable bed and into your slippers once more. Then, hesitating every single step of the way, you snuck into the living room, glancing around in search of the source of the sound.
Another knock. This one louder. You held your breath, hand hovering just above the blinds. It was coming from outside. No one else came to your apartment at this hour. You knew who it had to be.
You glanced down.
There, crouched on the balcony just below your window, was Dante. His face was half-lit by the streetlights, a little smirk playing at the corners of his lips as he waved at you. As if it was the most normal thing in the world, like he hadn’t disappeared for an entire year. Like you hadn’t spent every sleepless night wondering if he was dead or alive, missing his presence as if your heart had been torn in half.
The audacity of it. There he was, grinning like nothing had changed. His hair was messy, his eyes gleaming with that same mischievous spark that used to drive you crazy. The same spark that made your chest ache, even now.
“He cannot be serious,” you muttered, voice barely above a whisper, but he caught it, his grin widening.
You could almost feel his eyes on you, waiting, daring you to say something. But you couldn’t. What could you even say?
All you could do was crack the window open.
“Sorry,” He huffed out a laugh. A familiar one. One you… kinda missed, actually. “I tried calling, but I think you blocked my number.”
“I got a new phone,” You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose and squeezing your eyes shut as if that would make this situation any better – as if you would open your eyes and he wouldn’t be here.
But he was.
“What the fuck are you even doing here– I mean– the balcony, Dante, really?” You threw your hands out, eyes full of exasperation. “You could have knocked at the door like a normal person.”
“Would you have answered?” He asked. “If you knew it was me?”
“Probably not,” You replied honestly. “I should leave you out here to freeze to death.”
“Oh, right, about that,” He laughed, rubbing the back of his head abashedly. The entire encounter was so absurd that a part of you firmly believed you were dreaming. “I found out I’m, like… half demon. Crazy, right? So I don’t think I would freeze to death. Demon stamina, or whatever.”
Demon stamina. You thought. Right. Definitely awake right now.
Still, that would certainly explain his… endurance.
“Okay…” You had many, many questions, but that was the only thing you could muster, “Should I be… scared?”
What the fuck is going on?
In all honesty, if he told you that the world was ending tomorrow, you wouldn’t be surprised.
“Nah,” He waved your concerns away with the back of his hand. “I’d never hurt you. Except for… well, when I broke up with you. That’s why I came here, actually. Sorry about that. I’ve done some reflection and I…” Suddenly appearing rather nervous, he trailed off, “I fucked up. I was a real asshole to you back then. God, this is hard.”
Your arms dropped to your sides as you stared at him, completely dumbfounded. “You’re… ridiculous.”
“I know,” Dante said, hands up like he was surrendering. “But hear me out—”
“No, no. You don’t get to just Spider-Man your way onto my balcony, confess your demon heritage, and then act like this is normal,” you said, pointing to him like you were trying to make sense of a hallucination. “You broke up with me out of nowhere. Then you vanished. For a year, Dante. Not a word. Not even a shitty text.”
“I didn’t have a phone,” he replied, offended. “I was on a mission. I was in Hell.”
You snorted. “Oh, please.”
He blinked at you. Then, very seriously, he hissed out, “No, I was literally in Hell. For a year. You can’t imagine what that was like for me.”
“Oh my god.” You pressed your fingers to your temples. “You’re insane. Hell? Really?”
“I’m not making it up! You think I wanted to ghost you for twelve months?”
“Well, you kind of did. You broke up with me, remember?” You crossed your arms. “Said I should forget you. That I should move on.”
A pregnant pause.
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” he muttered.
“Well, congrats. I moved on. I did the whole crying on the bathroom floor thing, I got a therapist, I drank my sorrows away, I bought this plant—” You gestured wildly at the lonely fern in the corner. “His name is Rico. And he’s thriving. Without you.”
Rico was not, in fact, thriving. He was an exotic plant. One you had purchased on impulse at a farmer’s market that you definitely should have researched prior. He wasn’t doing too well cooped up inside of your apartment in New York City. Who would?
Dante crouched down, tilting his head, squinting at Rico. “Looks a little dehydrated.”
You glared. “So do you. What do you even want, Dante?”
His mouth opened, then closed. He looked down for a second, suddenly quiet. “I want a do-over.”
You stared at him.
“I didn’t have much control over the whole… trapped-in-hell thing,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck again, “but I wasn’t happy with how we ended things. I could’ve been better to you. I kept rehearsing what I’d say to you if I ever saw you again, but I wasn’t expecting it to actually happen.”
He’s not being serious
… Is he?
One look at him, and you knew he was.
You let out a long, flat breath. “We can’t.”
“Why?”
You raised your brows. “Because we can’t,” you said again, quieter this time. And this time, it hurt.
“Why?” He asked, as if you hadn’t made yourself perfectly clear. “I’ve changed, honest. The past year I spent without you, I realized how good you were to me. How I took you for granted – I don’t wanna let you go. I don’t wanna make the same mistake twice.”
Aw, you thought, That’s… kinda sweet, actually.
No. Stop that.
Instead, you propped your hand up on your hip, “Does that mean you won’t be here on my balcony ever again?”
He paused, pursed his lips. “Okay, maybe I would,” He finally admitted. “But if you would let me in–”
You cut him off right then and there, rolling your eyes. “I can’t, Dante. I have a fucking boyfriend.”
That hit its mark.
His mouth opened, then closed again. The silence that followed made you uncomfortable in a way only Dante could manage—equal parts awkward and guilty. He looked down at the floor of the balcony like maybe it had some hidden message for him.
“Oh…” he murmured. “Oh. You… You really moved on.”
“Something like that.” You shrugged, trying not to sound as tired as you felt. “That’s what happens when you disappear for a year. Life goes on.”
“Not for me,” he muttered, lips curling downward into a pout that would’ve been funny if it didn’t come attached to so much damn history. “Fuck that guy. I could treat you way better, honest.” Then he added, almost too fast, like it slipped out before he could filter it, “I could probably fuck you better, too—”
He probably could. Honestly, your current sex life with your current boyfriend wasn’t the greatest. Still, he was consistent. He didn’t leave you hanging for nights in a row, wondering if he would come home. Not to mention the fact that, when you were with Dante, well…
You had some of the loveliest orgasms you had ever had. On the bed, on the floor, on the kitchen counter. The kind of orgasm you hadn’t achieved once since he had left. Not with your vibrator, and certainly not with your new boyfriend.
Your stare could’ve burned through glass. “I have to be up early tomorrow.”
He had the decency to look vaguely ashamed, but not enough to shut up. “Did you come here just to ask for a do-over?” you asked, already backing toward the window.
“No,” he said, and then paused. “Yes. I don’t know. Maybe.”
You almost respected his commitment. Almost.
You didn’t respond right away, just stared at him— hair as white as starlight, red leather coat, sword still strapped to his back, ridiculous expression like he genuinely thought charm could undo the year-long hole he’d left in your life. The silence made him fidget, scuffing the toe of his boot against the concrete.
“What do I have to do to convince you?”
You sighed. You really sighed this time, long and from the chest, because there was no point in even pretending this wasn’t exhausting.
“Goodnight, Dante,” you said.
Then… you shut the window.
The next day came with no promises of peace.
You were behind the counter at the diner, hair tied back, apron smudged with flour, oil, and maybe a little bit of your sanity. The coffee machine hissed in protest as you filled another mug for a trucker in the corner booth. Your feet hurt. Your head hurt. But at least it was a different kind of ache than the one Dante stirred up last night.
And then, like the universe had a personal vendetta against your emotional wellbeing, the bell above the door jingled.
You didn’t have to look up.
You felt him walk in—like some twisted sixth sense. The air shifted, and you could practically smell the cologne he always wore, something smoky and leather-soft. A second later, a voice followed.
“Damn. This place got a lot prettier since I was last here.”
You looked up anyway. Because of course you did.
There he was. Dante. Leaning casually against the host stand, all devil-may-care charm and a ridiculous leather jacket that made him look like he belonged anywhere but this greasy spoon diner. His eyes found you immediately.
You blinked slowly, then turned back to the coffee pot. “I swear to God,” you muttered under your breath, “I’m gonna lose my mind.”
He strolled right up to the counter, pulling up a stool like he hadn’t trespassed on your balcony twelve hours ago. Like he hadn’t cracked open an old wound and kissed the air with apologies.
“You look good in that apron,” he said, grinning.
You didn’t bother looking at him this time. “You look like someone who doesn’t tip well.”
“I tip amazing,” he argued. “Just like I–”
“Do me a favor and don’t finish that sentence,” you warned, grabbing a towel and wiping down a clean patch of counter for the hundredth time. “Have you always been this petulant or is it something in the air?”
“I’m a lot of things,” he said, shrugging innocently. “I’m a man of many talents. Want me to prove it? I’ve got time.”
Oh my god.
You finally turned to face him. “Do you not have demons to fight or… hell dimensions to get trapped in again?”
He laughed. “You remembered.”
You deadpanned, “How could I forget? It’s not every day your ex disappears into Hell without a cell phone.”
Dante lifted his hands like he was surrendering. “Okay, yeah, that’s fair. But look—I just thought we could talk. Maybe over some waffles? Syrup fixes a lot.”
You were already shaking your head. “No. Nope. I’m not doing this with you. Not here.”
“I’ll be good,” he said, drawing an imaginary halo over his head with his fingers. “Scout’s honor.”
“You were never a scout,” you replied flatly.
“And you were never this mean to me,” he said with mock hurt.
“You were never this annoying. Go piss off somewhere. You had no problems leaving me alone for a year,” you shot back. Then you waved down one of your coworkers—a sweet girl named Lila with a bright smile and no idea what kind of emotional tornado she was about to serve.
“Hey, Lila?” you called. “Can you take counter stool three for me?”
She blinked. “Uh, sure. You okay?”
“Peachy,” you said, handing her a menu. “He’s all yours.”
Dante blinked as Lila approached with her notepad, looking confused and a little betrayed. “Wait, seriously?”
You leaned over the counter slightly, voice low. “You want waffles? Order them. You want closure? Write a poem.”
And then you walked away. You didn’t look back. You didn’t have to. The ache in your chest was enough to tell you exactly what kind of expression he wore.
The living room was dark, lit only by the bluish haze of the TV screen flashing between killstreaks and loading screens. Your boyfriend was sunk deep into the couch, legs wide, controller gripped like a lifeline. He hadn’t looked at you in over twenty minutes, completely absorbed in his game, spewing half-hearted trash talk at some twelve-year-old with better aim and a louder mic.
You shifted beside him, stretching a little, brushing your leg against his. Nothing. So you leaned over, nuzzling your nose lightly against his neck, just beneath his jaw.
“Hey,” you murmured, your voice soft and sweet. You let your fingers slide down his chest, slow and teasing. “Want to take a little break?”
He flinched—not from desire, but because someone on screen shot him. Again.
“Babe, not now,” he mumbled, eyes glued to the game. “I’m in ranked.”
You pulled back a bit, blinking, mouth falling open in disbelief. “Seriously?”
He didn’t look at you. Just kept clicking buttons, dead focused on the screen. “Yeah, just like… fifteen more minutes. Can you make dinner or something?”
You stared at him, chest hollowing out in quiet, stunned offense. You’d offered him your body. He asked for food.
There was a moment of silence. Your hand dropped from his chest.
You sat back against the cushion, a little colder now, teeth pressing into your bottom lip. And that was when Dante’s voice—his voice—echoed in your head from the night before.
“Fuck that guy. I could treat you way better, honest. I could probably fuck you better, too—”
You closed your eyes briefly, scoffing under your breath. God, he was ridiculous. And yet…
You pushed yourself off the couch wordlessly, heading to the kitchen without a sound.
Behind you, your boyfriend called out, “You’re the best, babe!”
You didn’t answer. Not with words. Just slammed the fridge door a little harder than necessary.
And in the back of your mind, Dante's voice lingered like a splinter.
You turned the stove on, lips pressed into a thin, tired line. Maybe later you’d lie down and try to remember what it felt like to be romanced by someone who didn’t treat Call of Duty like a second girlfriend.
One incredibly sexless night later, you took the evening to decompress. That is, you lit up some candles, had a few slices of the pie you’d kept in your fridge for days just like this one, and blocked off an hour for the sole purpose of masturbation.
What? You needed it.
The apartment was warm, dimly lit, perfectly still. You’d even put your phone on Do Not Disturb, because tonight was about you. Your fingers itched with anticipation as you laid out your night like a ritual: the robe slipping lower on your shoulder, the cool sheets turned down, your favorite toy already waiting on the nightstand like a promise.
God. You needed this. You were wound tight. Between work, the complete lack of passion from the man you were dating, and that absolutely deranged balcony visit from Dante… you were more than pent up. You were practically vibrating with unmet desire.
You let out a long, dramatic exhale, sinking down into your mattress with the kind of grace usually reserved for tragic heroines. Just you, a flickering candle, and the fantasy of literally anyone but your boyfriend.
You reached for the waistband of your pajama shorts.
Knock, knock.
Your hand froze.
You stared at the ceiling. Maybe it was a neighbor. Maybe someone had the wrong door.
Knock, knock. Louder this time. Three slow raps, followed by silence.
You sat up slowly, groaning into the air. Then, begrudgingly, you stuffed your vibrator back into the drawer, kicking your feet over the edge of the bed and walking into the living room. It was dark, of course, so you flicked on a light. When you stared into the peephole of your front door, it took all of the strength you had to not bang your head against the door.
It was Dante. Again. No leather jacket this time, just a black hoodie, hands jammed into the pockets of his sweatpants.
You blinked, then groaned into the back of your hand.
Another knock, like he heard you. And then, muffled through the wood, his voice.
“I can hear you in there. Demon hearing, remember?” He brought his head up to the peephole, staring right back at you. “I know it’s late, Just… let me talk to you? For just a second? Please?”
You pulled the door open.
Dante stood there in the dim hallway light, hair windswept, hands in his pockets like he’d been pacing outside for a while, working up the nerve. His gaze moved over your face with a kind of stunned reverence, like he hadn’t really believed he’d see you again.
“Hey, princess,” he said.
There it was. That nickname. The one you hadn’t heard in a year.
You stepped aside without a word. He walked in like the place still remembered him. Or maybe you did.
The door clicked shut behind you.
You didn’t speak. You leaned against the wall, arms crossed tight over your chest, watching him watch the room like it had changed without him. It had. You had. But he still looked at you like he saw the girl you were a year ago. That girl who let him ruin her, and smiled while doing it.
“I couldn’t stay away,” he said, voice low. “I tried.”
“Did you?” You answered.
“Okay, not really,” He looked at you again, more serious now. “I keep thinking about you. All the time. You’re in my head constantly, like—fuck—I’ll be walking down the street and I’ll see something and just need to tell you about it.”
You laughed. Just once. It came out bitter and exhausted. “Keep it to yourself.”
“I missed talking to you about anything,” he said. “Everything.”
You shook your head, pushing off the wall, pacing just a little—like if you kept moving, you wouldn’t fall for this again. “You don’t get to come back after vanishing for a year and say shit like that.”
“I know. I know I don’t,” he said quickly, stepping toward you. “But I can’t pretend anymore. I’ve been trying to act like– like I’m not completely in love with you still, and it’s killing me.”
Your breath caught.
After all of this time?
His hands reached for yours before you could stop him. You let him take them.
Okay… what the fuck is going on?
“You deserve someone who sees you. Someone who treats you like you matter every second of the day,” he said. “Someone who doesn’t take you for granted. I could be that. I want to be that.”
Your mouth opened, but no words came out. Because you’d heard those words before, from people who never meant them. From the person you’d curled up beside just last night, feeling more alone than ever. And yet here Dante was, saying all the right things—but he hadn’t even asked. He didn’t know.
He didn’t know how long it had been since someone had touched you like they meant it.
Your voice came out hoarse. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I know exactly what I’m saying,” he whispered. His thumb brushed over your knuckles. “I think about you when I’m trying to sleep. I think about your laugh. Your stupid, shitty taste in TV. Your coffee order. The movies you like. I want that back. I want you back.”
You yanked your hands away, jaw tight.
He’s got a lot of fucking nerve.
“Don’t do this,” you said. “Don’t show up and say these things and make me feel like this again. You don’t even know what you left behind.”
He looked at you, eyes open and raw. “Then tell me. Let me make it right.”
“Go away, Dante.” you snapped.
Silence fell between you like a slammed door. You turned your back to him, trying to catch your breath.
Then he stepped in behind you.
Not touching, not quite—but close enough that you felt the heat of him. Close enough that your body remembered every inch of him like a phantom limb.
“Hey,” he murmured. “I know I fucked up. Can you be… like, not so mad? Just for two seconds?”
His hand slid to your hip, turning you gently toward him. You let him, still trembling, still so full of everything you never got to say.
“I’ve been in love with you this whole time,” he whispered. “And I’m so fucking sorry.”
The words were genuine. Genuine enough that you felt the tears begin to prickle at your eyes all over again – emotional at the mere thought of him, because truthfully?
You missed him, too. You just didn’t want to admit it. You missed the late nights and later mornings. You missed waking up next to him, hearing him talk about his crazy adventures as a demon hunter. You missed his kisses, the smell of him, his everything.
And, God, the sex… The sex was great.
He was taller than you. Always had been. But in that moment, it felt impossible not to notice how much he towered over you—how his shadow swallowed yours, how the air itself seemed to dip around him. You didn’t want to look up at him, but you did.
You stood frozen, breath shallow, pulse racing in your throat. You didn’t want this. You shouldn’t want this. But here you were, locked in place, every part of you screaming to walk away, and every part of you still craving the comfort of his touch.
“Please…” You whispered, trying to fight the overwhelming tide of emotion. “Please, Dante. Just go.”
His expression softened, like he hadn’t expected that—like he was expecting something more. You felt his fingers on your waist now, and they were warm, pressing gently into your skin. There was no escape now. You weren’t sure you wanted to run anymore, not when it felt like your body was already betraying you.
“I shouldn’t be here, I know,” he said, his voice quieter now. The distance between you seemed to vanish with each word. “But I couldn’t stay away. I tried to forget about you, I tried so damn hard, but I couldn’t. I don’t want to.”
You swallowed hard, shaking your head. “Don’t, Dante. I can’t… I can’t do this.”
His eyes searched yours, the guilt and longing mixing together in a way that made your heart ache. He was close now, so close that you could feel his breath against your skin. You knew what was coming, but you didn’t stop him. Not yet.
“I know I fucked up,” he whispered again, more softly this time. “But I love you. I never stopped. And I can’t keep pretending I don’t. I just—I can’t be without you.”
And then, without waiting for another word, he leaned in.
His lips touched yours, slow and deliberate, as if giving you time to pull away. But you didn’t. You didn’t stop him. For that moment, for that brief, heart-stopping moment, you let yourself fall back into the pull of him. Your hands found their way to his chest, clutching at his jacket like it was the only thing keeping you grounded.
God, I missed this.
You melted against him, a wave of relief crashing over you as his kiss deepened, more urgent, more desperate. His tongue swept across your bottom lip, and you responded without thinking, your body moving instinctively against his. He groaned low in his throat, his hand sliding to your neck, the other pressing you closer.
You kissed him back like you were starving, like you had been dying for this. And for a moment, it was like nothing else mattered—like the last year of silence, the hurt, the betrayal, all of it faded away in the heat of his mouth on yours.
But then, just as quickly as the warmth had started, it turned cold.
You pulled away, gasping for air. Your chest heaved with the sudden rush of emotion. You couldn’t do this. Not again. Not after everything. Your hands shook as you pushed against his chest, creating just enough space to break the connection.
“No,” you said, your voice breaking as you stepped back, wiping at your eyes. “No. I can’t do this. I won’t.”
He blinked at you, stunned, his face pale, but he didn’t move. His eyes were full of confusion, pain, and something darker that you didn’t want to see.
“I can’t,” you repeated, voice steadying with every word. You took another step back, hand reaching for the door. “We can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
There it was.
“I’m sorry, Dante,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “I really am.”
He stared at you for a long moment, and for the briefest second, you saw a flicker of something in his eyes – something devastating.
But then, he nodded. The motion was slow, almost resigned, and he took a step back. Without another word, he turned and walked toward the door. As he passed you, he stopped for a moment, his gaze lingering on you one last time.
“I got a new phone. Same number,” he said, his voice raw. “You know who to call if you change your mind.”
And then, he was gone.
The door clicked shut behind him, and the silence that followed was deafening.
You were sitting on the couch, the faint sounds of your boyfriend’s video game drifting from the other room, mingling with the hum of the refrigerator. You hated that noise—hated the sound of him so effortlessly immersed in a world that wasn’t yours, that didn’t care about the growing tension between the two of you. You tried to focus on the TV, tried to let the sitcom's canned laughter drown out the gnawing discomfort in your stomach. But it wasn’t working. You couldn’t stop thinking about what Dante had said.
I could treat you so much better.
Those words. God, they kept coming back to you. You didn’t want them to. You didn’t want to feel them pushing into every corner of your mind, making you question everything you thought you knew. But they did. And you were alone with those thoughts now. Alone with your insecurities that you usually kept locked away.
You huffed, pulling the blanket tighter around you as if it could protect you from the storm of doubt forming in your chest. You shouldn’t be thinking about him—about Dante. You should be thinking about how your boyfriend had been in and out of your life, barely there, barely present, always distracted. But the longer you sat there, the more it seemed like it was all just a reflection of the way you felt inside: disconnected, hollowed out, drifting.
And then, as if fate was timing it just perfectly, he left his phone on the counter.
Your breath caught, the phone staring at you like a challenge, like an invitation. You told yourself you wouldn’t. You promised you wouldn’t invade his privacy like this. But your fingers itched to touch it, to confirm the sinking feeling in your stomach that something—someone—wasn't right.
You pushed yourself off the couch, the decision feeling both slow and inevitable as you walked toward the kitchen. The phone sat innocently on the counter, waiting. You took a breath, a shaky, hesitant inhale. You could walk away. You could pretend you didn’t see it.
But you didn’t.
You picked it up, unlocking it with a simple swipe. Your heart hammered in your chest, adrenaline kicking in as if you were about to do something reckless. The phone screen lit up with messages from some unnamed number. And when you saw the first message, your throat tightened.
"I miss you so much. When can I see you again?"
It hit you hard. Like a punch to the gut. You hadn’t even had time to react before your eyes were scanning the next message, then the next, your stomach sinking deeper and deeper with every word.
“Last night was incredible. I can’t stop thinking about you.”
A sharp, painful gasp escaped you before you could stop it. You clutched the phone tighter, staring at the words, and then—bam—it all crashed into you. You hadn’t been wrong. You hadn’t been imagining the distance, the emotional coldness that had settled between you and your boyfriend. There it was, in black and white—proof of his betrayal.
You felt like you were drowning, suffocating under the weight of it all. This wasn’t just about the messages. It was about everything. About the endless late nights when he came home late from “work,” about the weekends when he’d disappear into his own world, leaving you to figure out where you fit into it. And now this—this confirmation that the man you had been with for so long wasn’t who you thought he was.
You could almost hear Dante’s voice again in your head. I could treat you so much better. The words felt like salt in a wound you hadn’t even realized you had, their presence almost suffocating in the quiet of your kitchen. Were you settling? Were you really going to let this happen? Let yourself get swallowed by someone who couldn’t even give you the decency of respect?
You exhaled sharply, your pulse quickening as the next message flashed on the screen.
“I can’t wait to see you again, babe.”
Babe.
The word made you sick, twisting your stomach into knots. You didn’t know why it bothered you so much—maybe because it wasn’t meant for you. Maybe because it was meant for someone else. Someone who got his attention, who got his time, his affection. It wasn’t you. You were just the woman he settled for, the one who wasn’t good enough for the effort.
The room felt too small, the air too thick, and you suddenly hated everything about this moment. The phone in your hand, the pit in your stomach, the way you had let things go on for this long. You could feel the tears start to prick at the corners of your eyes, but you blinked them back. You weren’t going to cry over this. You weren’t going to let him have that power over you.
But just as quickly, the rush of hurt was replaced by something else—a sharp anger that burned through you like fire. You weren’t going to keep doing this. You weren’t going to keep letting him make you feel small. You weren’t going to keep standing by, pretending that nothing was wrong when everything was falling apart around you.
You weren’t going to be the backup. The woman who stayed even though she knew she deserved more.
The sound of footsteps from the other room snapped you out of your thoughts, and you shoved the phone down onto the counter, just as your boyfriend entered the kitchen. His voice was casual, too casual, as if nothing had changed.
“Hey, babe. You alright?” He asked, glancing over at you.
You didn’t respond right away. You just stared at him, your chest tight with all the words you didn’t want to say, the emotions you didn’t know how to handle.
You couldn’t take it anymore. The raw anger, the aching disappointment—it was all building up inside you, suffocating you. You stood there in the kitchen, phone still in your hand, his lies echoing in your mind. Every text, every word, had become a blade, slicing through your trust, through your relationship. And now, standing face-to-face with him, it all came to a boiling point.
You couldn’t help it.
You walked up to him, eyes burning with fury, and before he could even open his mouth to explain himself, your hand shot out. The slap echoed through the small apartment, sharp and loud, breaking the tense silence between you.
His head jerked to the side from the impact. He didn’t even seem surprised. But you could see the flicker of guilt in his eyes. Too late for that.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Your voice trembled with rage as the words spilled out. “You think I wouldn’t find out? You think I’m some kind of idiot, just sitting here while you lie to my face?”
He reached up, touching his cheek, and for a moment, he looked almost confused. “What the hell are you talking abou–”
“No.” You cut him off, stepping back, trying to breathe, to stop the angry tears from spilling over. “Don’t even try. I’ve been here, okay? I’ve been here, giving you everything, and this is how you repay me?”
You could feel the walls around you closing in. The kitchen—the place where you had made so many meals together, laughed together, fought together—it suddenly felt suffocating. This wasn’t your home anymore. It wasn’t the place you thought it was.
“I trusted you,” you spat, your voice cracking. “I trusted you, and you went behind my back. All this time, you were texting her—her—while I was sitting here, wondering what the hell was wrong with me.”
His eyes widened, but then he scoffed, trying to brush it off. “Come on, it’s not like that. She’s just—”
“Don’t!” You interrupted again, shaking your head, your hands clenched into fists at your sides. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t care what excuses you’ve got. I don’t want to hear how you’re ‘sorry’ and how ‘it wasn’t like that’ because it was. I saw the texts. I saw everything.”
There was a cold silence, the weight of your words hanging heavily between you. He was quiet now, eyes downcast, as if he didn’t know what to say. Maybe he had no idea how to fix it—because there was no fixing it. Not this time.
“Do you even care?” You whispered, feeling the heartbreak seep into your bones. “Do you even care that you’ve been hurting me this whole time?”
He opened his mouth to say something, but you could see the hesitation in his eyes. He was trying to form the right words, trying to make it sound like he cared, like he had some kind of reason, but it was too late for that.
“No,” you said softly, shaking your head. “I’m done.”
He froze. For the first time in what felt like ages, there was an almost desperate look in his eyes. “Wait—what? You can’t—”
“Don’t try to stop me.” You took a deep breath, the anger dissipating just enough to feel the weight of the pain. “I’m not staying here. I’m not going to keep putting myself through this. I’m done.”
His face fell. You could see the regret in his eyes, but you didn’t care anymore. You couldn’t. Not after everything. Not after what you’d just found out.
You turned your back on him, heading for the bedroom to grab your things. You didn’t look back. You couldn’t. You could feel the tension in the air, but you refused to acknowledge it. Not anymore. You were done.
You grabbed your bag—your jacket, your wallet, your keys—and made your way toward the door. Every step felt heavy, like you were walking away from something you had invested so much of yourself into, and yet, there was a strange sense of relief settling in your chest. You were leaving behind a lie, a hollow version of something you had once wanted to be real.
You were leaving him.
“Wait,” he called out, his voice strained. “Please, don’t go. We can fix this. We can talk—”
But you didn’t listen. You opened the door, stepping out into the hallway, and closed it behind you. The sound of it was final. You didn’t want to hear his excuses anymore. You didn’t want to be with someone who could betray you like this.
Still, weak thing that you were, you began to cry.
“I got a new phone. Same number,” he said, his voice raw. “You know who to call if you change your mind.”
As you walked down the hallway, your phone felt heavy in your pocket. You didn’t want to look at it.
But then, your fingers moved of their own accord, slipping the phone out of your pocket.
And there it was: Dante’s old number.
The one you’d saved with the naive hope that he might have called. You hadn’t thought about it in a while. You hadn’t dared to reach out to him—hadn’t dared to even look at his name on your phone. But now, standing there in the hallway, your heart pounding, your chest tight from everything you’d just left behind, you thought about what he’d said to you.
I could treat you better.
I’ve always been in love with you.
A cold shiver ran down your spine at the thought. You could still hear his voice in your head, still feel the weight of his words.
Your thumb hovered over the screen, uncertainty swirling inside you. You didn’t know why you were doing this. You didn’t know what you hoped to get from it, but you couldn’t shake the pull. You wanted—needed—someone who saw you. Someone who cared.
So, in a moment of weakness, you typed the words.
YOU: I need you.
You hit send before you could second-guess yourself. The words felt foreign, too raw, too vulnerable, but you couldn’t take them back now.
a/n: ok so whenn i say this is gonna be short... i MEAN IT THIS TIME LOL..... maybe. anyway! part two is almost done, so comment what you thought, let me know what you'd like to see, what you loved, etc! until next time, my loves x not sure why this got deleted? but ok
I obviously do not own csm or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.
also: come find me on my wattpad if u wanna interact more!
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