#so hes a bit insane about it but its okay its all good
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oh golly how do you make these things
jayvik tickle hcs because i can
(sparkle sparkle)
separate and then together, a few swears, one tiny suggestive bit on jayceâs
JAYCE
lee!
ohhh boy. jayce my bbaby. okay. so as a decently muscular man, hes gotta be at least a little ticklish.
i think his worst spots are probably the spots you can just latch onto and squeeze- thighs, ribs, knees, even shoulders.
my boy cannot take a massage. he has tried so hard but every single time heâs just a hiccuping snorty mess
speaking of hiccuping snorty mess. i think he has a lot of different laughs. when you get him really going itâs his usual deep belly laughter, loud and proud and so bright youâre gonna need sunglasses
but also i think if you have him for long enough his laugh changes pitch a lot. like itâll go from low to super high, and heâs all like âhahahAHAHAHHHSGH OHGOD OH GOD OH GOHOHODâ and oough. bbg
if itâs less intense, heâs not really one to giggle, but he definitely hiccups. he scrunches his face all up and jerks around and flinches and snorts and covers his mouth with the back of his hand and.. ghrhrgh.. im going insane guys
i think heâs the kind of guy who doesnât squirm too much but arches his back a lot. he doesnât squirm back and forth, but heâs always folding like a lawn chair, forwards and backwards
with his hiccupy/snorty laughter, heâll go silent for a few seconds, and his shoulders just bounce as his whole body shakes, face absolutely BURNING red
oh yeah and heâs a blusher. bigtime. he gets a little flustered at the fact he can get plucked apart so easily by something as silly as tickling. he doesnât think its childish, per se, but certainly not something a grown man should be This weak to.
..and yeah, he likes it. heâs embarrassed about it, but wonât necessarily deny it. he kind of has a thing for going all dumb and happy and brainless. just made into a smiley little puddle of jayce
oh and his smile. i know these hcs are already so freaking long but his smilee he is always grinning. even just a poke and heâs already got a big dumb smile. he is literally the sun when being tickled, itâs absurd
i didnt even get into soft tickles yet what
okay so we all know his abs are sensitive. i think he might just die at some gentle fluttery fingers. same with his sides and back
hear me out. behind the knees. oh and biceps. and the underside of his arms in general. and his forearms. none of them are too bad, but heâll still squirm a little if you just slowly trace your fingers over them
post-season-2(SPOILERS KINDA??) his wrist his mad sensitive from the crystal embedded in there.
all of his scars are sensitive too. i donât think he has too many, but the ones he does have are Big and also very ticklish <3
all in all i think heâs very sensitive. heâs the type to be flinching and squirming at things that arenât even supposed to be ticklish, like god this man cannot take a tummy rub. if someoneâs hands are on him in a sensual manner he canât hold back tiny little giggle-huffs.
whenever anyoneâs hands are on his bare skin in any soft manner, heâs. he canât. he is too ticklish to survive on this earth
okay im gonna stop myself there or im gonna be ranting for seven more paragraphs
ler!
this little shit oh my god
okay no i take that back. i feel like he would be a smug cocky little shit, but not always.
im sorry, i have to say it, engineer hands
i have less ler hcs than i do lee hcs for him but i do think he would be absurdly switchy. heâs the type of guy to just poke people at random whenever heâs bored or to prove a point
has a habit of digging. heâll find a nice meaty spot and just squeeze it lighting fast for about a second and then give you a teensy little break before doing the exact same thing again
he can be a little merciless though. he doesnât realize just how good he is at tickling, he just thinks everyone who he tickles is mad sensitive
its hilarious though. heâll be like âHow did I never know you were this ticklish?!â and the lee will be like I DIDNâT KNOW EITHER HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS-
his hands are going all over the place, too. if he has a really handsy/squirmy lee, heâll just keep switching spots every time they go to defend something. arms glue to their sides? okay, heâll switch to their knees. legs pull up? okay, neck now. shoulders scrunch? ooh, armpits are fun!
he is such a menace and doesnât even realize it
heâs crazy playful. mostly back in academy days, but if you can get close enough to him as the man of progress, and he has some free time, heâs so freaking playful its wonderful
he thinks its fun, and he likes seeing peopleâs stress just melt away. he will get a little worried if you tell him to stop, though, and pulls back a little if you do. he doesnât wanna hurt you or make you uncomfortable.
definitely pokes people a lot but doesnât actually engage in full attacks all that often. usually he has to be pretty close friends with someone to do that.
heâs very gentle with viktor when he tickles him, sometimes a little too gentle. itâs agony
VIKTOR
lee!
okay im gonna say it now before the thought leaves my brain. ticklish ears
heâs a lot more keen to light tickles as rougher stuff just kinda hurts a lot of the time or gets him really overwhelmed
tbh if you wanna get him bad, tools are probably best bet. rough tickles with hands are a little too much, but get a feather or a pen or a brush and Hoo boy youâve killed Viktor.
i donât actually think heâs all that ticklish. like he is but he isnât? heâs sensitive but not hypersensitive, i guess.
except for his bad spots. i think its more of a thing where heâs not too ticklish in most places but his bad spots get him writhing.
of course iâm obliged to say neck, ears, jaw, back.. the works. i think his stomach has the potential to be sensitive but heâs a little too skin and bones for it to really impact him.
he has a lot of vaguely unusual spots. his wrists and palms are sensitive, i think his scalp is even a little sensitive. he doesnât like people playing with his hair for that reason
if not for his brace iâd say his back and spine especially would be real bad. without his brace, just tracing a line all the way up his spine has him jerking forward so hard sometimes he falls over. and absolutely spits out any drink he may be drinking. i mean it feels like stars bursting all the way up his back, okay?? so tingly
heâs the type to hold his stomach when laughing really hard, just in general
heâs also a big snorter, but he uhm.. he has a very maniacal laugh. itâs literally just like- a whole villain laugh. absolutely terrifying.
i think heâs a lot less sensitive than jayce in theory, but in practice heâs a lot less used to it and very squirmy
so squirmy. very slippery. i wouldnât quite say nimble, because of his leg, but- at the very least very good at escaping.
definitely the type to go straight for his lerâs sides to get them off him. he panics and just squeezes. usually it works but sometimes it doesnât
i think he has the potential to be a giggler. idk though. he wouldnât have bubbly giggles as much as he would have really breathy, huffy giggles. silent giggles are another big thing
i think heâs very neutral on the whole concept. he has to be in the right mood and it has to be with someone he trusts with his life.
feather-ticklish bastard. trust me on this
ler!
idk about you guys but viktor talking like heâs documenting an experiment while tickling someone? oughhrgrh.
im usually not one for teases but aaugrgghgrgr.
his hands are absurdly nimble, so while he can commonly be overpowered by his lee, heâs still a slippery bastard and somehow manages to slip into all of someoneâs worst spots
iâm kinda stealing this hc from someone else, but i think he is very good at predicting/guessing someoneâs weak spots. âHOHOW DID YOU KNOW I-â âoh, i just guessed. not very hard, you know.â gggggraagg
i really canât explain just how evil he is. those nimble hands of his are all over someone in seconds, spidering and digging into every single spot and switching at lighting speeds.
very good at tickling people, i think. him and jayce are on a pretty even playing field for that
i have such a distinct idea of what ler!viktor would be but for some reason i just cant explain it with words.
TOGETHER
oh these two. these two. iâm.
they are so switchy itâs scary. tickle fights with these two are not tickle fights, they are strategic tickle wars.
viktor tickles jayce out of stress a lot. jayce is definitely the type to get overwhelmed with stress and not tell anyone, literal king of masking, but ofc viktor sees through it in seconds and wrecks him until he admits whatâs wrong. and then viktor wrecks him some more so he can forget about it for a little while
theyâre always teasing eachother. on energetic days theyâre both so playful with eachother, and theyâll be poking eachother around the lab all day until one of them cracks and launches an attack
they wreck eachother just to prove a point sometimes.
jayce has a habit of getting viktor when heâs being too cocky or sassy. viktor has a habit of getting jayce just because he feels like it.
jayce tickles viktor when heâs bored, heâll pick up a quill and flutter it against the back of viktorâs neck while heâs ranting about something.
they get revenge a lot, but then they get revenge on the revenge, so itâs kind of.. a cycle
they know eachotherâs boundaries like the back of their hands, since theyâve known eachother so long theyâre very good at knowing exactly when to stop and exactly what to do
they also pick up on eachotherâs lee moods.. and ler moods sometimes. letâs just say jayce knows when to run when viktor gets a certain look in his eyes
aftercare with them is sickeningly soft. brushing hair out of faces, gently caressing skin, massaging eachother to get rid of some of the lingering tingles, all of it. they hold hands and press up next to eachother and ghhgh. even if its in a scenario where they arenât dating, they still do all of this, and if someone questions it they just shrug. just two bros bein dudes, nothing to see here
i feel like these together hcs are so bad im sorry. itâs so early rn and im suffering Hunger. ill probably make more of these in the future if anyone is interested
feel free to shoot me an ask or two about them as well!!
#jayvik tickles#tickle hcs#arcane tickles#arcane tickling#lee!viktor#ler!viktor#lee!jayce#ler!jayce#ticklish!viktor#ticklish!jayce#arcane tickle#how many tags must i add for this to reach my target audience#wrongposting
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Honestly I'm kind of obsessed w Peppino and Pepperman's dynamic and how it manages to be even fucking gayer than an actual romantic relationship. Like the sheer adoration and admiration and obsession like holy shit đ«Ł makes me a lil insane.
vvv Me every single time someone comes into my inbox telling me how much they like their dynamic vvv
It is just so fun to write them this way. I wouldnt say i ship them (i really do like Just pep/stavo when my brain defaults to peppino while im bored and idle) but like w any kind of relationship and/or dynamic it is just fun to make them a lil gay for each other. Every friend ive been with is like that a little bit like haha bro ur so funny say that again hey did u know ur smile is so nice and it lights ur whole face up? Just sayin bro didnt mean to interrupt ur joke just wanted to get that out đđ
#chattin#answered#pepperman really loves his muse so much like NEVER has he felt so much inspiration within him until he fought this man#so hes a bit insane about it but its okay its all good#and like even when they are doing mundane things#like watching peppino interact w customers#or following him around the market to keep him company#or watching him snooze off at a very important event he is like ALWAYS taken aback#that is his muse!!#inspiration and love in the mundane !!!#he feels like he owes peppino so much; how could he have been so blind this whole time#heehee
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That one chef saying that the worst thing about a bad boss is how they unlock that behavior in you and seeing Carmy mirror the attitude of the chef that terrorized him and gave him panic attacks and then ending the season with Syd having a panic attack because of the stress of working with Carmy...diabolical.
#idk if it's a little too on the nose or not (i literally just finished the season so i haven't had time to sit with it) but that whole#element is so interesting (and so devastating). and the ways that mirrors all of Nat's worries about continuing the dysfunction of her#family now that she has a kid...#i also think its a good portrayal of how not addressing your trauma and leaving things to fester can end up hurting other people way more#than it hurts you. like even if Carmy is okay with choosing to not have a life or to be close with anyone (which. debatable) he's#not the only one whose life gets fucked by that. the mess just radiates out until it hits everyone around him and he ends up creating#the same circumstances that caused his dysfunction in the first place.#even if evil joel mchale chef is right (a+ casting btw very punchable face) and carmy needs to ruin his life to be a good chef#--which is a big if--he's actively making the people around him less able to do their jobs. which then makes the people around them#less able. and so on. so in the end it's still net negative. and like. chef terry proves that he's actually completely wrong#the environment in her kitchen is the exact opposite and everyone is operating at an insane level anyway no abuse necessary#this season was definitely the weakest of the 3 but i rly wanna see where they go next. and they better drop the next bit soon bc that was#in no way complete#the bear#the bear season 3#carmy berzatto#sydney adamu#the bear spoilers
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The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro TobiramaĂIzuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...
#I FEEL ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO SAY THAT I COMPLETELY RESPECT SNS TO THE ULTIMATE DEGREE AND I AGREE WITH THEIR SHIPPERS ON MOST THINGS#BUT THE SHIP STILL KINDA PISSES ME OFF IDK WHY IM SORRY IT JUST RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY I HAVE TRIED TO LOVE IT I REALLY HAVE BUT I CANT#AND MADARA HAD SOME GOOD POINTS BUT I THINK ITS SHITTY THAT HE ABANDONED HIS CLAN AND THEN PLOTTED THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD#ALSO ITACHI HAD LIKE OTHER OPTIONS!???? WHY THE FUCK DID HE TORTURE SASUKE TWICE LIKE đđđ#WHAT WAS THE POINT MY G WHY ARE YOU TORTURING HIM I THINK THE MENTAL IMAGE OF THEM DYING WAS ENOUGH DIDNT NEED TO GIVE HIM 500000 EXAMPLES#WE AS A SOCIETY DO NOT TALK ENOUGH ABOUT THE FACT THAT WHEN MADARA ASKED HASHIRAMA TO EITHER KHS OR KILL TOBIRAMA#TOBIRAMA GENUINELY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT THAT HASHIRAMA WOULD GO AFTER HIS THROAT FOR LIKE- THIS GUY WHO HE USED TO THROW STONES WITH!???#ITS SO DIFFICULT TO FIND PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND SASUKES TRAUMA AND WHO LIKES SASUSAKU đđ#COS LIKE ILL 100% ADMIT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP WAS WRITTEN SHITILY AND SUCKED AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE BROTHERS#SNS HAS BETTER WRITING THAN SSK OR NRHN SOMEHOW???? ITS WRITTEN SO WELL PEOPLE GENUINELY BELIEVE THE ORIGINAL PLOT HAD SNS PLANNED#BUT ALSO SAKURA IS SO SILLY AND STRONG AND DID ANY OF YOU READ SASUKE RETSUDEN âTrapped by a body he knew perfectlyâ#OKAY SASUKE YOURE ON A MISSION??? CALM THE FUCK DOWN đđ#NO AND IN LIKE SSK FICS SASUKE IS SOME BAD BOY WHO JUST SMIRKS AND IS EMOTIONLESS AND SAKURA IS SOOOOO EMOTIONAL FUCK OFF YOU TWATS!!!!#SASUKE IS THE KITTEN!! SAKURA SO OBVIOUSLY RADIATES DADDY ENERGY YALL ARE FUCKING INSANE!!!#WHY DO WE GET KITTEN SASUKE IN EVERY OTHER SHIP BUT THE FUCKING CANON ONE!! AT MY FUCKING!!!! LIMIT!!!#FIND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS THE COMPLEXITYS OF SASUKES CHARACTER AND UNDERSTANDS WHAT TRAUMA DOES TO A PERSON YET DOESNT HATE SSK CHALLENG#Uh oh I went a bit mad there hahaha#I REGRET NOTHING SASUKE DID NOTHING WRONG SAKURA IS GIRL BOSS AND THE NARUTO WORLD IS EITHER UNEXPLAINABLY VIOLENT OR FAR TOO FORGIVING#naruto#naruto shippuden#itachi uchiha#pro sasuke#haruno sakura#Pro Sakura#Sasuke Uchiha#sasuke did nothing wrong#It looks awkward to just go from all those long tags to the iddy bitty ones#Moldy-flowers#Kitten and daddy? Tf am i on about I've been watching too much game grumps shi đđ
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Jerez 2006
[It] was certainly within the four walls of that gym, between rep after rep on different muscle groups, that the 'LorenShow' was born. There was a time when only Rossi used to put on a show, but even that has become a rare event. 'Now he only does it on certain occasions,' says Jorge. 'The World Championship was losing a bit of sparkle. Other riders were trying things but they weren't funny, especially in 125cc. There was a time when Melandri tried to imitate Rossi but he never managed to make it as funny.' Jorge had been thinking for a long time about how he could offer his fans something extra after a win. A lot of people saw him as too serious, but he wanted to show that he cared about them, that he enjoyed what he did and that he was affable and good humoured, as well as imaginative. He needed an ingenious plan because he had a clear objective: to celebrate the World Championship title in style. 'We wanted to do it in style, go mad,' recalls Dani Palau. That seemed a long way off, back in the summer of 2006, but once the crises of Turkey, Shanghai and Le Mans were behind him the dream of beating Andrea Dovizioso was alive again.
Strictly speaking, the first episode of the 'LorenShow' was at the Spanish GP in 2006. It was his first victory in the 250cc class and Jorge got off his bike, took off his helmet and started shouting at the fans. 'It was pretty spectacular and it was the first time we used the word "LorenShow",' he recalls. 'Palau and I used to put together a ten-page magazine of our own after each Grand Prix and on the front cover of that particular edition we put a photo of my celebrations and the headline [in English] "Welcome to the LorenShow!" That was awesome, really different. I have always been creative and I fancied doing something special after I won, so I decided to give it a try!' The design of the magazine, by the way, was similar to GQ. 'Well, not similar exactly. We kind of copied it! We were worried about getting into trouble for copying it but I hope they don't hit us with a lawsuit now ... it was only for us!' he laughs.
March 2007
After his victory at Losail Jorge pretended to skip like a boxer, as he'd done for so many hours in the gym with Marcos. It was a spontaneous, intuitive celebration and an early turning point for his season. After such a morale-boosting performance during and after the race, why not celebrate all his victories from now on? 'In Qatar I did the skipping-rope thing but I never thought that in the future I'd be using props to celebrate my victories!' The preparation that went into each episode of 'LorenShow' was a simple but elaborate process. Generally the original idea would come from Jorge and, often with the help of his computer, Palau would fill in the details. It became something of a team effort at Motorsport48, where almost everybody began to join in the fun. Everybody except the boss: Dani Amatriain kept his distance. He didn't like or dislike the celebrations but he preferred to leave them to Jorge as a bit of innocent fun. Out of the blue came another idea, this time from Marcos. Once again, it was an idea born in the gym. 'You are a warrior. You have to reclaim the championship, right? But what kind of a conqueror doesn't have a flag?' Jorge's eyes began to twinkle. 'It has to be something really visual,' Jorge told Palau, taking on the idea. 'Imagine that in each race I stick a flag into the ground, as if I have conquered that land. Like Christopher Columbus when he arrived in America!' The design process was short, with Jorge's X-fuera logo the obvious choice, set on a black background - the colour used by pirates. And written in English, so that it would be understood all over the world, not just in Spain, would be those now famous words: 'Lorenzo's Land'.
The day of its first unfurling soon arrived. It was the Spanish Grand Prix at Jerez, known as 'The Cathedral' by local fans. Dani Palau headed for partisan territory - the section of track that features the 'Angel Nieto' and 'Peluqui' corners, where he would meet his friend if he won the race. 'I had goosebumps. You should have heard the noise from the crowd when Jorge stopped!' he recalls. There were 140,000 people packed into the grandstands at Jerez that day and they had been treated to an outstanding 250cc race: 'la carrera de los cuarenta y dos adelantamientos' ['the race with forty two overtakes']. Jorge Lorenzo savoured the moment. As he had done in 2006, he removed his helmet, got off his bike and punched the air to celebrate his second victory at Jerez. Then the flag appeared by his side. He took it and drove it deep into the gravel. Jerez had been conquered, the first circuit to be claimed as 'Lorenzo's Land'. A few weeks later he won again, in China, and again he planted the flag. However, unlike Jerez, this victory was his first in Shanghai. Nobody was going to stop him now.
"Now what's happening with Lorenzo? Oh, he's going to plant the flag, I think. Here we go! Or he's going to throw the flag. He's going to do something, but, eh... All the script we have in front of us, all the timings, goes out of the window when Lorenzo wins a 250cc race... so you can just, rustle up your papers, any scripts you've got, what's coming up next, disappears, because he delays everything. There we are. Plants the flag..."
Le Mans 2007
Lorenzo, who designs his own logos and comes up with fun things like the pirate flag he sticks in the sand at the circuit where he wins to "announce to everyone" that he has conquered "that land" , says that preparing for these celebrations is just another way of coping with the hard training he does and, above all, having the best time possible. "Looking for ideas for the parties I have at the circuits encourages me to win ," he said yesterday after his excellent victory over Dovizioso.
The Mallorcan, who did not hesitate to admit his mistake on a line and apologize to Dovi for the push he had given him ( "I'm very sorry, I went out too wide on a curve, I wanted to regain verticality too soon, get back on the right line and I crashed into him" ), yesterday came up with nothing better than to dress up his soulmate, Dani Palau, as Jorge Lorenzo, with whom he shares the entertainment of festive designs and games. Palau appeared on the lap of glory and tried to get his two-and-a-half-litre Aprilia and, as they had agreed, Lorenzo told him to go away, that the bike was his and that he was the owner of the winning machine. "We wanted to make a joke, implying that the double, which was him, Dani, represented the Lorenzo who had fallen on Friday and that the real one, that is, myself, was the one who had won the race."
Mugello 2007
Jorge was coming up with more ideas for celebrations than he could use, and that was probably a good thing because some of them would have got him into more trouble than they were worth. Like the one that involved him wearing an Andrea Dovizioso mask. 'We've still got the mask but Andrea would have had to do something really bad to me to warrant getting it out ... though he'd better âwatch it!' smiles Jorge. Another one that failed to get past the ideas stage was for Valencia, the final race of 2007. Jorge had already claimed the title and, after being criticised all year for using the 'Lorenzo's Land' flag instead of the Spanish one, planned to go completely over the top, using not only the Spanish flag but dressing up' as a bullfighter. Maybe it was a good thing he only managed seventh. The celebrations he did get to use became ever more elaborate and meticulously planned. He would scour the circuit for the best comer, with the best camera angle and the best view for the fans. Jorge had decided that each celebration should have something to do with the country he was in, and in Italy a friend, Jordi Ohva, who worked for Dorna [the commercial and television rights holders for MotoGP] gave him an idea. 'In Italy they've nicknamed you "Spaniard". The commentator on Italian television has started calling you that.''"Spaniard"? Why?''Because you are like a gladiator and that's what they call the main character played by Russell Crowe in the movie Gladiator.' Maximus Decimus Meridius was a Roman general born in Merida, Spain. He lived in the second century and since this was the second year of domination by a Spaniard in the 250cc class then what better way for Lorenzo to celebrate victory in the Italian GP than by dressing up as his namesake? 'In fact, the idea of doing something historical came after watching 300 with Marcos,' explains Jorge, 'We watched the film again with Palau, the three of us talked about it and we decided we wanted to do something related to the Battle of Thermopylae. It was while we were looking for a King Leonidas suit that we came across a Gladiator outfit. That coincided with me finding out what [Italian television commentator] Guido Meda was calling me.' The wheels were quickly put in motion. like any good media relations manager, Pere Gurt sourced an exact replica of the costume worn by Russell Crowe in the film, which was owned by an agency in Madrid. It cost 600 euros a week to rent and the sword was extra. It was kept in a corner of the garage at Mugello, where Dani Palau devoutly guarded it from the inquisitive eyes of journalists who were already wondering what Lorenzo had up his sleeve if he won this one. On race day Palau headed for the comer where they'd agreed to meet if a miracle should happen. Jorge was starting from 20th on the grid, but he still had his sights set on victory. Everybody knows what happened next. On the big screens around the circuit, Palau watched his friend slide into the gravel after colliding with Bautista. He jumped onto his scooter and raced to fetch him, sword, breastplate, helmet, 'Lorenzo's Land' flag and all. The Italian fans spotted the props and, despite Jorge's popularity there, Dani could hear them laughing and shouting insults. The mediocre can be unforgiving when a winner falls from his perch. 'The preparations were perfect, but unfortunately the race wasn't!'
Catalunya 2007
You have to be very confident in your abilities to appear on the starting grid, having previously asked two friends to dress like you, to wait for you at a strategic point during the lap of honour and to take out some guitars so you can emulate your favourite band in front of 112,600 spectators. That was how Jorge Lorenzo celebrated his fifth victory of the season at MontmelĂł, giving a concert on the track and another one off it, microphone in hand, as a tribute to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and to make up for his fall at Mugello a week ago. This time, the Mallorcan needed two stunt doubles at his side for his performance, and those who dressed as him were Dani Palau, his webmaster and the same one he used at Le Mans, and Ricard CardĂșs, a CEV driver and Carlos' nephew.
Looking back on his performance, it could be said that the most critical moment was the start, when Thomas Luthi had taken the lead on the first corner. 'Por Fuera' did not back down, he lived up to his nickname and made an epic outside turn. That was the only thing that really cost him, or so it seemed from the sidelines, because he later said that it had been a difficult race. Maybe he said that because he still had in mind the blunder in Italy, that fall on the last corner when Ălvaro Bautista overtook him. Whatever the reason, he was exultant and at the end of the podium ceremony he dared to take the speaker's microphone to address the public. "Did you enjoy the show?" he asked from the top of the podium. And he continued: "I know that some of you liked me and others didn't, but I don't care. You are Spanish like me and I love you! Thank you."
The trio completed a recce of Montmelo on Thursday and Friday and performed a rehearsal at the corner of choice, in front of the stadium section. I told them, "When we're playing here, I want you to jump around like the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Go on YouTube, have a look at the videos and learn the dance moves," ' recalls Jorge. 'But the bastards ignored me!' For one magic moment Jorge, Dani and Ricky were no longer Lorenzo, Palau and Cardus. They weren't even three Lorenzos, dancing and singing like maniacs in front of 100,000 people. They were Anthony Kiedis, Flea and John Frusciante. Only Chad Smith was missing on drums, otherwise they would have been the real Chilis. 'I wanted there to be four of us, like the real Chilis, and I was going to ask Ricky's older brother Jordi to join in but there weren't any more leathers in my size. Also, getting a drum kit onto the track would have been a nightmare!'
Donington, Assen, Sachsenring 2007
After Catalunya came the British GP and before travelling there they went to dinner with a racing friend, Xavi Ledesma - the owner of the Fortuna Team hospitality unit and one of Jorge's closest friends in 2005, as well as being the organiser of the Copa Aprilia when he first started racing Xavi told them that the tradition in England was to drink tea in the afternoon. No sooner said than done. They went out and bought a tea tray, complete with teapot, cups and spoons. Palau planned to sit at a table at the Melbourne Loop, dressed as a waiter in a tuxedo and crash helmet. All Jorge had to do was turn up, rest his feet and have a drink. Oh, and win the race. Unfortunately, the final and most crucial part of the plan started to go wrong in the warm-up because, as is well known, rain is as traditional at Donington as tea. Despite the heavy downpour, Jorge produced a great performance - he was having the best wet race of his career. 'Shall I go out or not?' thought Dani halfway through the race. His buddy was running in second place behind Dovizioso. He had to have faith. 'If you have any doubt, something is bound to go wrong,' says Jorge. 'Whenever I have felt sure I would win I have won, but if there has been any kind of doubt I've lost, come second, or something has happened. That is what the brain is like.' And just as Palau made his mind up and went to load up the scooter with props, Jorge hit the deck. That was one cuppa that was hard to swallow. Jorge's next celebration was enjoyed by the Spanish fans, although it was on a Saturday rather than a Sunday. The Dutch are a bit different in everything, even their racing, and since 1949 the TT at Assen has always taken place on a Saturday. Jorge knew exactly what he was going to do if he won. He wanted to copy the thousands of locals by riding a pushbike. They rehearsed their routine at two or three different comers. 'This place is best. How far will you ride the bike? Will you be able to cycle in boots?' Every minute detail was taken care of. 'We'd practised in that area where Valentino sat when he won the MotoGP race, the bit that looks like a target. I was going to leave my Aprilia and the pushbike would be in the middle of the circle. We thought of it before Rossi!' Suddenly, he changed his mind. On his return to the pit garage he realised that there was a stage, all set up right next to the track, because just by the final chicane that leads into the start-finish straight there is a VIP terrace. It was the perfect place - and not only that, there was a television camera directly opposite.
'We could sit down and have a drink,' Jorge told Dani. The fact he'd missed out on his cup of tea at Donington a few days earlier still irked him, so it was all hands on deck. The owners of the terrace had to be consulted and asked for permission. Initially they weren't too keen because there are no fences there and it is easy for people to get out and access pit lane. For that reason, a huge deposit has to be paid to hire the area, which the circuit organisers retain if there are any problems. In the end they realised it was a Lorenzo celebration and they went along with it. This time Jorge backed up his plans with a dominant victory. However, having left his bike propped against the fence before climbing over the tyre wall and on to the terrace, he was swamped by punters taking photographs and the television cameras lost him in the melee. 'On top of that, the bar owner was a complete opportunist and he got a bunch of people to hold up an advertisement! It was a disaster.' Even though not much could be seen on the television, it was clear that Jorge's double had returned and that they'd gone to have a drink together. But why? Jorge was happy to provide the answer in pare ferme. 'After the crash at Donington, somebody [Dovizioso] had suggested I was getting nervous. So I sipped on a herbal tea.' Some time later Dani Palau insisted that the initial idea was to drink a glass of water but, as at Le Mans, Jorge was thinking on his feet and he was eager to hit back at Dovizioso. 'Sometimes that happens to me. I get really good ideas on the spur of the moment. Other times I really have to think things through for them to work out. But sometimes I get a flash of inspiration.'
Jorge finished fourth in Germany but there were no plans for a celebration even if he'd won. He was worried about the joke wearing thin. 'You have to keep people guessing. It is good to have an element of the unexpected. If we did it every time it wouldn't be funny any more. The truth is that I like things to be complete and maybe I would have continued the celebrations race after race but I let them convince me. It was good to have a break.' The summer holidays were approaching and they wanted to leave the fans gagging for more. To be fair, I have to say that I can't always put on a big celebration because I need helpers and Palau didn't come to every race. For the ones outside Europe we had a much smaller group.' There were no celebrations in the Czech Republic either, but this time for a different reason. Nobody at Motorsport48 was in the mood for a party. Dani Amatriain's assistant, Esther Serra, had just lost her brother, Marc. Jorge won but conducted a silent parade of his now obligatory 'Lorenzo's Land' flag in honour of the family. 'The problem with the celebrations is that it gets harder and harder to come up with something original, with meaning, that isn't just plain stupid,' says Jorge. 'Ideas are finite. We had something planned for Portugal but I'd prefer to keep it to myself - I might use it in the future. We also wanted to do something with animals but are they allowed on the track? We planned to get Datil, my mum's dog, a set of made-to-measure leathers but imagine if we brought him out and he had a shit on the track! That'd cause a scene!' Jorge fell about laughing as his imagination took over. 'It's a shame Marcos doesn't come to more races because we could dress him up as Shrek! Ha, ha!'
Misano 2007
From that moment on, Jorge defended his first place, riding alone and maintaining a calm margin over the second, who ended up being the Japanese Aoyama, after first catching his teammate Kallio, who fell next, and then HĂ©ctor BarberĂĄ, who added his third podium of the year. Lorenzo is now 50 points ahead and celebrated by doing a lap of honour dressed as a Roman gladiator. De Angelis is second after finishing a disappointing fifth in what was his Grand Prix.
Jorge toyed with the idea of wearing his new outfit [the gladiator costume he had been mocked for at Mugello] if he won at the GP of Catalunya but eventually decided that revenge is a dish best served cold and it was better to wait. The season would give him plenty of opportunities to settle the score and the Italian fans would have no choice but to bow down before him like a Roman general. Every great film has unforgettable lines that are often repeated by film buffs. This one from Gladiator suited Jorge down to the ground. My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius . . . commander of the armies of the north . . . general of the Felix Legions . . . loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius . . . father to a murdered son ... husband to a murdered wife ... and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. 'What a well-chosen phrase!' Lorenzo must have thought. Italy owed him one and he was going back to collect his dues. It wasn't to be in that first race on Italian soil, but he was determined to get his revenge in the second. He rented the outfit again, waving goodbye to another 600 euros, but this wasn't about the money. This was a question of honour. He didn't know the circuit, because there hadn't been a GP there since 1993, and although he had visited Misano once, when he'd signed for Derbi in 2002, he was only 15 then and not old enough to actually ride. None of that mattered now, because he went out and won. And on top of that, Dovizioso broke down. Jordi Perez and Cheni Martinez raced out onto the track to dress their man. They'd already discussed with Race Direction and the television directors where the best place would be for the celebration in terms of safety and maximum exposure. Jorge didn't want to take the outfit off - not when he stepped on to the podium, or when he sprayed the champagne. He even kept it on for the press conference. He clearly wanted to recoup his investment, but above all he wanted to enjoy the moment. He felt like the king of the world. ' "Now THAT was legendary," Guido Meda told me.' "
Sepang 2007
Dovizioso responded to remain in Lorenzoâs slipstream as the duo were caught by KTM team-mates Hiroshi Aoyama and Mika Kallio, plus Hector Barbera. The five battled until the penultimate lap when Doviziosoâs wafer-thin title hopes were ended as Mika Kallio took him out in an out-braking move. Hiroshi Aoyama inherited the lead and kept it to the flag from Barbera and Lorenzo. As Kallio remounted to finish fourth ahead of Tomas Luthi, Andrea Dovizioso remounted to cross the line eleventh. Meanwhile Jorge Lorenzo was celebrating keeping the 250cc world championship in a boxerâs gold-coloured gown and gloves, and picking up a fake championship belt in parc ferme.
Jorge won his second 250cc World Championship at the Malaysian Grand Prix with one race to spare, to top off an outstanding 2007 season. And what better way to celebrate in style than by looking way back to the very first race of the year in Qatar, when Jorge recovered the 'eye of the tiger'? His antics in 2007 had made him the leading contender for the title of paddock showman left vacant by Valentino Rossi in a season when the Italian had little to celebrate. It's clear by now that Jorge is up for a challenge and a second 250cc World Championship title was enough of an excuse for him to stake his claim, as the leading heavyweight in 'motorshowbusiness'. On this occasion it wasn't actually one of his own ideas, but he made it his own as soon as it left the lips of Marcos Hirsch. Having started the season training like Rocky Balboa and trying to recover the 'eye of the tiger', he took the title in Malaysia (coincidentally a country the famous Italian novelist Emilio Salgari referred to as the 'land of the tigers' ) and there was only one way to celebrate - as the new CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOORLD! That box in the corner of the garage at Plulhp Island contained a story all of its own. Jorge and Marcos's initial idea was to set up a boxing match between the two of them, in which Jorge would knock Marcos out. The idea was that I had to beat a heavyweight. And boy is he heavy!' laughs Jorge. When I'd dressed as Jorge at Valencia the previous year, the message was that he had grown up,' explains Marcos. 'This time it was a case of demonstrating that he was capable of anything. Even knocking out somebody twice his height and weight, like me!' Another of Jorge's ideas was for Marcos to grow his hair like Don King, the world's most famous boxing promoter. In the end the celebration wasn't exactly as Jorge and Marcos had planned, partly because the Brazilian trainer was unable to make the trip to Malaysia.
The final idea came about after a conversation between Jorge and Marcos after which the 'celebration panel' of Jorge, Dani Palau and Pere Gurt set things in motion. They went on the Internet to download information about the Clint Eastwood film Million Dollar Baby and then researched other famous boxers like Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, Oscar De La Eioya and Julio Cesar Chavez. Once they had decided on a look they set about sourcing the outfit. Esther Serra was sent to a fabric shop in Barcelona, which is where they encountered their first setback. They didn't have any gold fabric for the hooded cloak - only black - and if that shop didn't have it, it was difficult to imagine anywhere else that would. But necessity is the mother of invention and somebody suddenly remembered that the covers used to unveil Jorge's Apiilia RSW250 at the start of the season had been gold. Problem solved! Now it was a case of putting the whole outfit together. They'd found a blue cloak in a Barcelona boxing shop, and picked up a gum shield at the same time. There were some fruitless trips to fancy dress shops. It was time to get the family involved... Pere Gurt called his mother, Rosa Casas, and her friend, Carme Armengol. After much protest, which fell on deaf ears, the pair reluctantly accepted the assignment and, as a result, MotoGP ended up with two more avid fans - to the point where they would get up at 5am to watch Jorge race in Australia.
A world championship belt needed to be found at the same time, so the team got in touch with the Spanish Boxing Federation (FEB), who recommended 'Charlie's', a specialist shop in Madrid. Bingo! Not only did they have a belt, they also had a pair of golden gloves. The only problem was that the belt featured the Dutch flag, but Esther wasted no time in having the red, white and blue colours replaced with a logo designed by Dani PalaWeb that read: 'Loren Show II'. In the end Jorge didn't use the gum shield, but there's a little story about that too. When Juan Llansa saw it he said there was no point: 'That is a shit gum shield. You need one made to measure!' Juanito knew what he was talking about - he'd not only seen plenty of riders use them over his 20 years in motorcycle racing, but also his daughter, Zaida Llansa, was the 2001 Kata [a form of martial arts] World Champion. As soon as he landed in Australia he looked on the Internet for a martial arts shop near Phillip Island. He bought the silicone, warmed it in boiling water and made Jorge bite it for a made-to-measure gum shield. Lorenzo still decided not to use it for the celebrations, but Juanito saved it just in case Jorge decided he needed one for MotoGP. 'He never wore one in 125cc and 250cc but I've saved it just in case he really needs to grit his teeth in MotoGP!' Llansa laughed. Everything was prepared as quickly as possible because there wasn't much time. Jorge quickly became impatient: 'Pere, how's the cloak coming along?' 'Don't worry about it.' 'If it's going to be shit just leave it and we'll think of something else.' 'Trust me. I don't doubt your work, so don't doubt mine.' It was almost time to leave and everything was ready. Cheni Martinez picked up the outfit and went to meet Jorge at the Hotel Barcelo-Sants gym in Barcelona for a dress rehearsal. He had to try everything on before leaving for Melbourne. In the car on the way to the airport Jorge received a call. It was Pere. 'How is it?' 'Pffff. It's not that bad.' Pere Gurt hung up with a smile. 'We've done it,' he thought.
The box remained unopened in Australia, of course, but in Malaysia the surprise was unleashed. The hardest-hitting World Champion in racing was about to be crowned and the character of Rocky Balboa represented the strength he'd displayed to overcome his own limitations and fears. Jorge Lorenzo had not only clinched his second world title, he'd proved to himself and to the world that he could do anything, as a rider and as a person. And then he and the clan treated the public to their most memorable celebration yet. His friends, headed by Juanito Llansa, waited for him with the boxer's outfit that Lorenzo wanted to wear to mirror his battling performances on the track that season â the cloak, gloves and belt of a World Champion, made out of gold fabric and with a logo on the back, hand sewn by Pere Gurt's mother and her neighbour. It simply read: Loren Show II. World Champion 2007. The 'Lorenzo's Land' flag had fluttered at seven different circuits during the year, but this time it was the Spanish flag that an emotional Lorenzo drove into Malaysian soil, in the final turn of the Sepang International Circuit. The whole act had been Jorge's tribute to 'the eye of the tiger', the winning attitude of Rocky Balboa that he'd adopted as his own. All the knock-out blows to his rivals during the season had given him just cause for celebration. Celebrations are often forgotten the following day, as soon as the outfits and props have been returned, but not this time. The World Championship gown and gloves will always remain part of Jorge's life.. 'One day I returned home to find that my mother had prepared a surprise. She had redecorated my bedroom and there it was, my gold outfit, hung on the wall, looking magical.' Some people think Jorge Lorenzo is simply copying Valentino Rossi, the originator of post-race victory celebrations, in order to enhance his own image. Others feel that perhaps he takes things too far, or they may view the Lorenzo antics rather more favourably. Jorge will continue to hope they're accepted for what they are: harmless, innocent fun but always with a moral to the 'story'. There's no doubt, though, that he will have something to say if other riders start copying him...
Jorge Lorenzo and 250cc celebrations
Lorenzo is authentic, reject imitations (2007); Shanghai race commentary (2007); A recital by Jorge Lorenzo to forget about Mugello (2007); Lorenzo 'Gladiator' conquers Misano and caresses the title (2007); Sepang MotoGP: Jorge Lorenzo is 2007 250cc GP champion, Hiroshi Aoyama wins race (2007); Jorge Lorenzo: My Story So Far (2010)
#bodied melandri fairs#the biographer also kinda bodied valentino fairs. ntm on his 2007#my life's goal is to organise an interview with dovi just to see what his face does if i say the word 'lorenshow' to him#genuinely do think the 250cc ones are my favourite jorge titles likeeeee they hit so good i'm telling you. poor poor dovi#the bit where dovi allegedly suggested jorge was getting nervous and jorge reacted in a sane and normal way... cinema. to me#brr brr#//#alien tag#comp tag#morale tag#'like christopher columbus when he arrived in america' JORGE NO#something charming about the biographer saying 'everybody knows what happens next' about the 250cc mugello race in 2007#a book that knows its insular target audience. like no I didn't actually know off the top of my head but please continue#obviously I have checked but I haven't been able to secure any footage of what this whole gladiator on a scooter situation looked like#okay look I NEEDED to include the presser photos because it's like. the context of What Version of jorge is doing all this#look at him!! he's a kid!! casey and valentino having their whole Thing going on at the same time#that one misano 2007 presser photo is an incredibly rich text if you are an insane person. look at it#casey and dani pointedly ignoring the concept of 250cc in those years I reckon#valentino observing all of this in his peripheral vision and just saying to himself. listen. that's a problem for future me
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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts
#toy txt post#my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW#its very silly of me#imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad#even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i#listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception đ maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary#i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a#different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound#so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy#ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate#feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed#*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it#which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting#sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same#i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic#OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about#different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject#needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBEđ I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP#ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE#WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE#SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR#ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT#anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess#(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill#deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts#and the subject
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Feel free to ignore this!!! this is kinda like public journalling?? i dont wanna keep talking to my friends about it <3
#So obviously i dont want to âmake this about myselfâ but im gonna push that aside to examine my own thoughts foe a bit#obviously 6 hours isnt a good time scale but i want to get this out of the way#so ive journaled some thoughts about how I WANT to let myself feel discomfort#-and gross and stuff so I can release it instead of pushing it aside and just prolonging the feeling#I want my brain to know i forgive myself for feeling like this in spite of not being the injured person because its normal#I am not worried for the guy that got hit because I know that other than a broken leg he is all around okay#although i did find out that my age estimate of 13-14 was wrong and hes actually 11 or 12#i feel bad for him obviously !!!#but this is for me to get out my own feelings#I am easily disturbed and his leg was VERY broken#ive not broken a bone before (or really been injured at all) and it made me very uncomfortable#I felt sick and/or like i was going to cry#I called my mum but she had to go in a rush because of Plans (totally fair!!!!)#The noise of the hit was insanely loud and definitely whats twisting me up the most#since i wasnt looking i dont know if it was just him getting hit OR if it was also the bone snapping#although the bone snap could 100% be something my mind made up#i think thats psrtly whats frustrating idk how much of this is real#like I thought i saw the inside of his leg but i almost definitely didnt#i dont know#im not like. DISTRESSED.#Im just feelinf kinda queasy i havent stopped thinking about the noise it made and how LIMP his leg was#I was so anxious crossing the roads on my way home#and getting off my bunkbed makes me think im gonna snap my ankle everytime#But its natural to feel that yknow?? like ill move forward and after that ill be able to move on too#I think feeling it is the easiest way to do this i dont want to push it down#i cant ask for a day off for reasons#oversharing on main#beverly says stuff#tw bones#tw car accident
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it's soooooo embarrassing that my mum knows i like twelveclara. and she was in the room for last christmas which is embarrassingly close to being explicitly romantic. keep that shit more unsaid please
#and also the magician's apprentice party scene which is super fun and the first time i watched it and she was there i was just openly enjoyi#ng it. well now i want to die. esp bc she probably thinks the pretty woman thing for clara. well no i equally care abt missy.#me.txt#im not used to this shit usually what happens is i care about gay pairings and either it doesnt look that gay or mum will just not react#to it bc she is homophobic and would rather not think about that#or maybe more likely knows i dont want to hear what she has to say. i do appreciate that#wait actually i think half the problem is she probably thinks i have a crush on twelve đđđđđđđ#well i do but she doesnt need to know that. prolly thinks he's not a dyke n all#also i am just currently thinking that some moments are a little Too open for my tastes.#Also i was talking to mum once about twelve's possible face blindness (and she'd seen the when do i not see you scene and when he couldnt#tell clara was like 80 or whatever#and she was like oh in the kdramas i watch they love to have the guy be faceblind but he can only recognise the girl. mum im trying to talk#about my favourite doctor who and also fucked up hetbait. not your vaguely hallmarkish romances#okay they are not like hallmark they are more creative and also better. she just says she likes them bc they're like chaste. and she started#watching them instead of hallmark shows#anyway. time to go home and watch before the flood and under the lake and she'll probably be there#the problem is that mum likes romances that are nice. and she probably thinks twelveclara is kind of nice or maybe that i think it is#mostly its slay and fucked#it should feel a little bit like being queerbaited (kind of bad but so good and like you may be insane but also you're deeply correct)
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gojo fucking you in your sundress bc he likes easy access and canât control himself when he sees you. thanks for listening!
gojo fucking you in a sundress â
cw. fem! reader, dirty talk, praise, unprotected, whiney gojo, premature ejaculation, breeding, mdni.
âuh huh,â gojo hums, listening to you ramble about your day. he slings a beefy arm around you, holding you close before planting a kiss on your forehead. you looked so pretty todayâyou always looked pretty, but today was a bit different. you were wearing a new sundress he bought you. with that fact alone, gojo sucks his teeth, relishing on how good you looked. it fit you perfectly, showing off every part of your sonsie curves. his eyes roam and dawdle everywhere, slowly peering down at every inch of your body before he clings onto your hips. groaning, he cuts you off. âbaby, did i tell you how gorgeous you look today?â
âyeah, like five timesââ you giggle, gasping once you feel him rub against you. pressed up against the kitchen counter, you feel the hardened print of his bulge poke out of his sweats. itâs hard, and as he rubs against you, you suddenly lose your train of thought. âmhm, s- satoru. are you hard?â
sibilating out a single hiss, he grunts. âmaybe just a little. your thighs look so pretty. iâ i just wanna,â and he buries his face into the crook of your neck, taking a second to suck against your tender skin. oh, you tasted so sweet. too sweet, your skin had a bit of a syrupy flavor to it. to him, you were simply glacĂ©âcandied, gojo satoruâs always had a sweet tooth. his tongue enticingly curls its way against your neck in a circular fashion and you let off a moan. his touch was staticky like electricity. each pad of his fingertips running against the edges of your sundress felt like dozens of little shockwaves coursing through your veins at once. âi want you s- so bad.â
âso take me then,â you teaseâyet heâs serious, and the moment you say those four words, he lifts it up with a single hand, giving your ass a mean squeeze.
âi plan to, a- angel.â
as youâre still hunched over the counter, he wastes no time to spring out his cock.
itâs so cute at how soaked you were. your pretty cunt all exposed and sopping wet. between your thighs, you were nothing but a messâdrooling with heated arousal. he can smell the scent, it makes him needy for more of your taste. for more of how you feel from the inside. with an eyebrow raise, he murmurs underneath his breath. âhuhh,â and a thumb of his strums straightly down your sobbing slit. âso soaked. you been playinâ with yourself, baby?â
âjust a little,â you inhale honestly, biting back a moan once he drags his dick toward your opening. your beloved cunt that was dribbling with your own slick was growing impatient, his reddened tip was just aching to be inside. itâs as if the air suddenly grows substantially thick. another low groan rumbles out of him before he aligns himself. at your cute answer, it makes his snowy brows arch together in frustrated rapture. âcouldnât help it. missed you, âtoru.â
âdonât like when ya play with her when âm not here, angel,â he tsks, purring against your earlobe. a thumb still spreads against your opening folds. warm breath of his ghosts against your ear and itâs enough to make you moan.
with the way your pussyâs drooling, itâs enough to make his mouth salivate. you looked appetizing, especially in this point of view. thatâs right when he smears his fattened tip against your greedy little hole.
âmhm, but thatâs okay. pretty girl jusâ canât help herself sometimes,â and his voice grows low.
the rasp was hoarsely deepâyou whine incessantly once he starts to slowly insert his way in, the girth of his cock clamping against your walls and it drives you to the first street of insanity. as your goopy, stretchy walls happily accept his pulsating length wholeheartedly, you bite down on your lip harshly. âlook at this ass. all for fuckinâ me.â
and he spanks you, a swatting palm goes against your skin. the smacking sound rings through your ears and you whimper from the brief sting that follows for a few seconds. it almost rings through your ears like bells on a wedding day before he sinks more inches inside. after a while, he caresses your ass cheek to soothe it. gojoâs lengthy, long inches seep into your core before you whine. it doesnât take long before he bottoms out, already having your eyeballs roll and knock to the depths of your skull. âs- satoru,â you moan, clinging onto the granite made kitchen counter.
itâs slick and cleanâcold, you wriggle your ass against him and that only tempts him more. a hand of his yanks on the back of your sundress, and heâs fully in. âfuck me, âtoru. f- fuck me.â
âyour voice alone âs gonna make me c- cum,â he groans, and within seconds heâs fully in. you hang onto the railing of the counter, chewing down on your lip.
whimpering loudly, gojoâs so vocal against your ear. heâs smelling youâyour scent, your aroma. it makes him go crazy. to think all this was because of your pretty little sundress. âfuck,â he swears, rough hands of his gripping onto the fabric sticking against your skin as heâs rutting his cock in and out of you.
prying your legs open a bit with a little pressure, a hand of his wraps around your throat gently. meanwhile, another snakes between your parted thighs. âyou should wear more sundresses around me, b- baby.â
âyou should buy more for me then, âtoru,â you sweetly mewl in response. there was a bit of playfulness in your voice. his throbbing tip mashing against that same spot to make your toes curl.
youâre tasting nirvanaâitâs salty, ethereal and perfect. his strokes against you was deep but thorough. gojo never misses a spotâ he knows the layout of your cunt, he knows the exact areas to strike his tip at to make you weak. youâre babbling, digging your nails into the edges of the counter before gasping for air. gojo gives your spasming cunt a brief squeeze with his whole wrist before he starts whining into your ear.
âiâll buy you anythinâ you want, angel,â and his bottom lip quivers. his sweet melodic sounds against your ear grows louder, causing your limbs to spike. his rhythm was rough but sensual and precise. âugh,â he tilts his head back, white flimsy strands of hair falling near his naturally arched brows. your warmth, its suffocating his dick entirely. swallowing a single gulp, his adamâs apple bobs and gojoâs eyes start to roll into the backs of his head. âs- so wet inside, i missed you. i missed my wife.â
âwâ wife?â you reply, but due to the shakiness under your tone, itâs more of a whine.
a grunt rumbles from gojo and a hand of his then squeezes against your thigh. taking in all of your curves was his favorite. âyeah,â he lowly whispers, bringing a single kiss against your collarbone. âgonna make you my wife someday. give you a few babies, i- i want you.â
âsatoruuu,â you moan, reaching down to toy with your clit but he stops you. with quick reflexes, he grabs ahold of your wrist before pinning it back. with a sharp piston of his hips, his base thwacks against your ass before he hisses. gojoâs about to finishâhe knows and you know it too. he starts to gradually slow down, yet heâs still going in deep, going in hot. âyouâre right, wanna be your wife ân bare a few of your kids.â
âiâll be sure to make this tummy,â and he pauses, rubbing a hand against your stomachâhis palm was frigidly cold.
feverishly hot bodies clash and grind against each other in pure harmony, pure sync and it was pure bliss. â. . . . extra plump ân round,â he concludes his sentence, and right as heâs finalizing his single pumps, he bites into your neck. a grunt chokes from his throat, and he succumbs to the sweet euphoric sensations. the friction of your cunt sloshing and sloshing against his cock makes him whine right into your ear. âoh, f- fuck, âm gonna fill you with so much. take it baby, pleaseplease.â
once gojo finishesâ itâs so much. it comes out in stringy ropes, velvety,
with a gripping grip clinging onto the back of your sundress, itâs almost being torn into two. once he shoots into you raw, it spurts and spurts to where you can almost hear it. just aboutâ it sounds wet, just like you were. you jitter a bit as heâs still inside, feeling him emit such volumes of seed into you. itâs smiley and thick, gooey and goopy.
languidly, he pulls his limp cock out, watching as his hot own cum ooze out of your achy pussy. it looked so pretty that he takes a mental picture. he wanted to savor this momentâsavor you being arched over like this, savor the exact color pattern of your sundress, savor everything. gojoâs dizzy, a thumb of his drags in a zigzag rotation toward your sopping entrance. youâre saturated between your thighs by now. bedaubing a digit against your opening, it coats on the pad of his finger with so much filth and he canât help but bring it towards his mouth. doing so, he takes a quick lick, truly unfazed and unbothered, not caring he tasted his own. as you stand there on shaky legs, you moan once he smears his fat tip against your cuntâ watching it try to instinctively swallow his shaft back in. itâs hardly to any avail though.
âs- satoruuu,â you pout, feeling against the back of your sundress. âmy dress is ripped.â
with an airy laugh, he leans against your neck to create a slope of wet kisses near your tender skin.
âawww,â he purrs, a hand grasping onto your hip. gojo feels against the curvature of your physique before humming. âdonât worry, angel. iâll buy ya as many sundresses you want. youâll be the perfect mommy.â
#â
vegasbaby.#gojo smut#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru smut#gojo x you#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujustsu kaisen x reader#anime smut#female reader
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a/n: alternate universe where touya didn't go insane and goes to UA :] dedicated to the loml @saerins cus we're on our touya brainrot + went a little insane with this instead...
"jesus doll, excited now are we?" touya muses, a smirk on his lips as he lets you push him inside your small and cramped bathroom.
rolling your eyes, you motioned him to sit down on the toilet lid while you prepare the shower. making sure the water is just the right temperature or else you might burn touya's head off when you rinse the hairdye off his hair
"is this the part where you remove your shirt and i suck on a titty?" touya says more of a statement rather than a cheeky question. you stop yourself from hitting the boy that has his signature lopsided smirk with the shower head you were currently holding
with an exasperated sigh and a pinch to your nose bridge, you answer him
"just shut up for once, touya. besides, won't your dad kill you if he found out you're dying your hair black? or did you forget that he almost kicked you out of the house when he saw your piercings for the first time?" you raised an eyebrow at your boyfriend who decided at the last minute to dye his hair as a sign of "rebellion against his "uptight, stick far up his ass dad" his words, not yours
"he can manage" touya huffs, scoffing at the memory of his dad yelling at him for acting and starting to look like a good for nothing delinquent or in endeavour's words, a villain. "it's not like it's my duty to keep our image of a "perfect family". if only the rest of the world knew what its like to have endeavor as your deadbeat dad!"
touya and endeavour never really got a long per say.. at least that's what touya tells you whenever he had a shit day training with endeavor. days where he would train with his dad were usually days where he'd opt to spend the night at your dorm. away from all the chaos inside the todoroki estate that he unfortunately refers to as his home
but to touya, at the end of the day, you are his home. his peace, his serenity, his anchor in this world where hell could break loose at any given moment
"don't give me that look, doll" touya sighs, shoulders dropping when he noticed you were staring at him.
"i just don't want to see you hurt all over again. you almost gave me a heart attack that one time when you showed up here unannounced" you pout, letting touya slowly wrap his arms around your waist.
touyaâs arms tighten around your waist, pulling you closer. âi can handle the old man. itâs his problem if he canât accept me for who i am,â he mutters, resting his forehead against your stomach
"i mean, he already stopped giving a shit when he realized i can't withstand my flames, so who am i to give a shit back after everything he did to me?" touya continues, his grip tightening
you run your fingers through his hair gently, feeling the warmth of his presence. âshhh, we already talked about this" you shush him, "all i'm saying is that i just want you to be safe, touya. i canât stand seeing you hurt,â you whisper, your voice tinged with worry.
he looks up at you, his usual smirk replaced with a rare, sincere expression. âi know, doll. i know." touya presses light kisses on your stomach, "but I have to be true to myself, even if it means pissing off endeavorâ he chuckles, the pads of his thumb rubbing circles on your exposed skin
you both stay in that position in silence for a bit. just finding comfort with each other's presence. just the way touya likes it. nice and quiet. a contrast to his daily hellish life back at his own home
that is until touya starts to feel his scalp burn a little
"okay fun time's over, doll. my scalp's startin' to kill me here" touya shudders, slowly unwrapping his arms around you as he reaches for the shower head in your hand.
you stifle in your laughter watching him make a fuss inside your cramped bathroom.
that is until, you remembered that your bathroom tiles were pearly white and if he's rinsing off black hairdye thenâ
"TOUYA MY TILES!" you let out a screech
"too late, doll" touya pokes his tongue out at you, hair dye getting all over your walls and cold tiles.
you were gonna pay one hefty fine if you don't clean this shit up as soon as possible.
now, touya sits on your bed. drying his freshly dyed jet black hair with a towel and you're not even gonna lie to yourself. he looked a little too good for your liking. touya has always been a looker himself but with this new hairdo.. oh lord
"why are you looking at me like you want to eat me?" touya chuckles, hanging the now stained towel around his neck as he leans back on your bed with his elbows propped. he was giving you bedroom eyes, quite literally and figuratively.
what a tease!
"nothing. just making sure that i'm still talking to touya and not his emo alter ego dabi" you mused, plopping down on your bed next to him.
touya laughs at your comment. eyes turning into crescent moons
âthanks for everything, y/n,â touya says softly, voice full of genuine love and appreciation.
your heart swells at the sight of touya like this. you would move mountains if you could just to see touyaâ your touya happy.
"i love you, touya" you lean in for a kiss. to which touya happily returns the favor.
"i love you more than life, doll." touya smiles lazily against the kiss, cranking his neck to the side for more access as he deepens the kiss.
moments like these with you is when touya feels like he's on top of the world and he hopes it will forever stay like this cause to touya, he can face anything the world throws at him when he knows you'll be there right by his side
#bnha imagines#bnha x reader#bnha scenarios#dabi imagines#dabi x reader#dabi scenarios#touya imagines#touya x reader#touya scenarios#mha imagines#mha scenarios#mha x reader#touya todoroki imagines#touya todoroki x reader#touya todoroki scenarios#my hero academia imagines#my hero academia x reader#my hero academia scenarios#boku no hero academia imagines#boku no hero academia x reader#boku no hero academia scenarios
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â© â§âË â© SORCERY SCHEMES â GETO SUGURU.
contents. non sorcery au!, husband! suguru, gn! reader, nanako and mimiko are still your kids, silly lil shenanigans of cult leader! suguru being in your dreams
suguru has been the source of your anger for lots of things over the years. some fair, others not so much.
that one important date he accidentally missed because he got caught up at work. that time you vented and he tried to tell you to toughen up instead of picking your side. that time he accidentally shrunk your favorite sweater in the laundry. that time he fell asleep while you were talking late at night (he had insisted he was tired, in his defenseâyou were just too stubborn to let him sleep.)
marriage has its ups and downs, but suguru likes to think youâre a strong coupleâbut this? this is the most outrageously ridiculous reason to be mad at himâheâs simply at a loss.
âso let me get this straight,â he starts slowly, as if trying to comprehend something far too complex for his simple mind, âyouâre mad at me because i had some superpowers in your dreamââ
âit was sorcery,â you hiss, âwere you even listening?â
âright. sorry. i wasâŠa sorcerer,â he apologizes. he looks at you like youâre insaneâyour eye twitches just a little. âand then suddenly i went crazy in the head and killed a village and adopted nanako and mimiko andâŠleft. to basically cleanse an entire demographic. is that right?â
âyou had a cult too.â
âand the cult,â he nods slowly, âcanât forget the cult.â
âyeah,â you glowerâif looks could kill, suguru thinks he might have never been born at all. this is a new one, he has to admit. âand it was really fucking rude. you left. and you took the kids before i could even meet them.â
âokay,â he says tiredly, rubbing his forehead, âbaby, i donât know if you realize this, but i donâtâŠi canât perform sorcery. and i donât have a cult i can lead either. iâm just a literature teacherââ
âi know what you are,â you snap, shoving away the hand he tries to reach at you with, âyouâre a selfish psychopath who committed heinous crimes and left me single and alone as you led a group of people to follow your crazy ideas. donât even think about touching meââ
âso do you want me to apologize?â he sighs, âbecause iâm sorryââ
âwhat if i left you? huh? and just started killing everyone who has blue eyes? what then? iâll take the kids this time and leave you alone, see how you like it.â
âwell, at least that gets rid of satoru,â he mutters quietly. and then he grinsâchuckles a soft little laugh that makes the edges of your lips curl just a bit. âyouâre crazy,â he snorts, shaking his head. and thenâ âbut i love you. câmere.â
you donât fight the hand the reaches towards you this time, letting his arm curl around your waist and pull you into his side. thatâs a good sign, he thinks, so he tests the waters and plants a kiss to your head. you melt just a little.
âiâm still mad at you,â you mumble.
âyeah, i figured,â he grins, âanything i can do to erase my sins as a mass murderer?â
âyou can make breakfast,â you hum, leaning closer as you rub circles into his chest, âand wash the dishes.â
âeasy enough,â he nods, pulling a scowl from you.
âyouâre not off the hook yet,â you click your teeth.
âof course,â he nods in agreement, âi still have to atone for my radical actions. iâll start by resurrecting all the people i killed. that should do it, right?â
âsuguru, be serious,â you huff, âi was very sad, okay?â
âdid you miss me?â he wriggles his browsâyou look at him incredulously before slapping his chest. he chuckles a little too long for your liking.
âwhat a stupid question,â you pinch your nose, âso if i became delusional and ran off to erase a population, you wouldnât be upset with me?â
âactually, iâd follow you because i love you,â he shrugs, pinching your nose lightly, âiâd be your cultâs second-in-command. obviously you just didnât love me enough in your dream to do the same for me.â
âyou didnât invite me,â you pout through a glare, âwhat was i supposed to do? show up unwelcome?â
âwell, nothing was stopping you. was i at least a strong sorcerer?â he asks in wonder.
you think for a moment before nodding. âyeah,â you say thoughtfully, âone of the strongest.â
ânice,â he grinsâhe seems a bit too pleased for something that happened in your dreams.
you decide to deal the harsh blow. âbut not nearly as strong as satoru. you know he was the literally the strongest?â
âokay,â he scowls, âif you do kill blue-eyed people, start with him.â
you giggle, leaning up to kiss his jaw as he lets a soft grin pull over his features. he laughs with youâand suddenly, youâre both chuckling together uncontrollably.
itâs a bit of a silly circumstance, but he kisses your forehead and means it when he says, âsorry i left you to kill people and led a cult and committed a bunch of crimes while i wiped out a whole group of people. i didnât mean it.â
âyou took the kids too,â you remind him.
âi donât know what i was thinking,â he shakes his head, âthose two are a handful. how was i managing being a single father with all that on my plate?â
âthatâs why you shouldnât have left me,â you point out.
âyouâre right,â he agrees, âiâll invite you if i ever snap and lose my sanity.â
âgood. youâre forgiven. now, i want chocolate chip pancakesâand make coffee while youâre at it.â
âyeah, whatever,â he rolls his eyes. he kisses you though, a soft little peck over your lips as you hum into the kiss and cup his cheek, âyou got it. whatever you want.â
âi want you,â you murmur, âunhinged sorcerer and all.â
he laughs at the craziness of it allâbut he loves it anyway, loves you despite it all.
âand i want you too,â he grins, hopelessly in love, âif youâll do me the honors and join my crazy sorcery schemes.â
hi iâm tee and i had a dream that my rude ass sister stole my car and totaled it and now im very mad at her and i am not speaking to her until she apologizes. she refuses so im now double mad
#teepods.writings#drabbles.#geto x reader#geto x you#geto fluff#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk fluff#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru x you#geto suguru fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff
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9:20 AM.
Jungkook (your boyfriend) knew exactly how to make you feel good, only he knew how to please your body.
pairing: bf!Jungkook x gf!reader genre/tags: smut, fluff, teasing, dom!jungkook x sub!reader, marking, jungkook has a tongue piercing, fingering, oral (f. receiving), mentions of crying (from pleasure), female orgasm words: 1.2k
**old repost from my deleted blog
You were excited for your boyfriend to come back home from his morning jog. You woke up after he did and he left the cutest little handwritten note on the refrigerator. It said on the note that he went out for his morning jog and is heading to the market after to pick a few things up for tonightâs dinner. You smile at his note and thought it was so sweet how he couldâve just sent a simple text but wanted to go the extra mile by handwriting a note for you. Deciding to do your own thing while heâs gone, you pick a romantic comedy movie to watch on Netflix to pass the time. Patiently waiting for Jungkook to arrive back home, you heard the door suddenly unlock and hurry to get up to go leave out of your room.
âJUNGKOOK!â You shout eagerly, almost pouncing on him once he gets through the door.
âY/n, my baby girl,â He greets you back with a doting smile, wrapping his arms around your waist, encasing himself into you.
You wasted no time to start kissing him, immediately going in to grab his pretty face with both of your hands, crashing your lips into his. He mustâve been thinking about doing this all day because once you two start making out, he carries you straight into both of your guyâs bedroom and places you gently onto the bed.
Jungkook knew exactly how to make you feel good, only he knew how to please your body. Heâd begin by peppering your jaw and neck with a plethora of kisses, leaving a faint trail of hickies behind. Heâd also be rubbing your inner thigh with his large hands that always turn you on every time you look at them. The prominent veins on his hands and arms when he flexes just a teensy bit is enough to make you cum in your panties.
âI love you so much,â Jungkook murmurs against your skin, still kissing and sucking on your neck as if heâs a vampire.
âLove you too kooâ fuckâŠâ Your response was interrupted by what he was doing to you next. Jungkookâs tattooed hand makes its way down to the tight shorts you were wearing. The shorts were pink and had a cute hello kitty design on them, Jungkook was the one who bought them for you actually. Heâs always loved seeing you in the clothes he bought for you over the years, acting like a little kid on Christmas.
Jungkook is rubbing you over your shorts and the friction is driving you absolutely insane. You can just feel how wet youâre becoming, the juices from your heat start to overflow; seeping through your panties and he feels you throbbing on his fingers. Heâs got a sinister look on his face and you already know that means youâre in for something amazing to make your morning.
âSheesh baby, look how wet your pussyâs gettingâŠâ Jungkook looks in awe, hissing at the sight of a giant wet spot forming in your panties after he took off your tight skimpy shorts.
Jungkook begins caressing, kissing, and licking your lower body, touching every curve and crevice of you, not missing a single spot. His touch is so gentle, so warm, so inviting. His tongue rolls along the inside of your thigh, the steel metal of his tongue piercing feels cold but the sensation tingles down your spine. Flinching from the action he performed, he notices straight away, eyebrows raised in a sudden stir of confusion.
âYou okay baby?â He asks softly before continuing, wanting to make sure nothing he did hurt you.
âY-yes, just feeling a little sensitive thatâs allâŠâ You say quietly.
You feel him smile against your soft flesh, planting more wet kisses against yours thighs and laid his head there for a while to feel your warmth.
âI could be like this all day yâknow?â He basks in your presence, speaking in a mumbled tone, half his face still buried in your thighs.
âI know koo.â
Jungkook raises his head a tiny bit just to face your clothed pussy again. He couldnât stop smiling like an idiot, bringing his faceâspecifically his nose, closer to you to get a whiff of your sweet aroma. He practically buries his nose into your panties and drags it down your slit.
âYou smell so good..â He was intoxicated by your scent, loving the natural, but fragrant essence.
He licks a stripe to your clothed core, making you moan out loud and bring your hand to latch onto his fluffy hair. You love to play with it and make it a mess of his hair after heâs done giving you the best head of your life.
âYou taste really good too babe,â Jungkook couldnât get enough of you, he was literally drunk off your pussy.
You were so desperate for him to take your panties off as you were starting to make more of a sticky mess in them but he seemed to be enjoying it more that way. He wanted to prolong the action of coming into contact with your bare pussy. He wanted to tease you so much until you were begging for him to touch your clit. You wanted nothing but his tongue against your wet folds right now.
âJ-jungkookâŠâ You mutter so lowly, he almost couldnât hear you.
âHmm, whatâs my name baby?â He asks while still teasing your entrance, now sliding one of his fingers inside your floral panties.
âJungkook!â You moan louder this time, feeling somewhat better that youâre almost getting to where you want to be.
âWant you to scream my name for hours, can you do that for me babydoll?â He asks in a serious tone, pushing his finger in and out of your soaked cunt.
You nod submissively, âo-okay daddy..â arching your back against the bed from the amazing feeling, Jungkook knows exactly how to use his fingers on you.
He kept fingering you harder and deeper until you look him in the eyes and visibly start to tear up from all the pleasure heâs giving you. Itâs so good but so unbearable at the same time. He made you feel like you were in heaven, crying out his name, just saying âJungkook, Jungkook, Jungkookâ on repeat whilst heâs finger fucking you. Heâs scissoring your tight hole from the inside out and your juices were now running so far down your legs. You were super close to your orgasm and he could tell by the contorted face you were making.
âJungkook⊠Jungkook.. fuck Iâm gonna cum!â You scream for him, eyes rolling to the back of your head and your vision was going insanely blurry.
âYeah baby thatâs it, just relaxâŠcum for daddy,â Jungkook coaxes you through it, encouraging you to reach your high but still adding slight pressure to your clit. You couldnât take it anymore, just letting go and being in eternal bliss as you reached your climax. You moaned his name a couple more times and he called you his good girl for cumming when he told you to. You went back to making out and he was now massaging your boobs.
âYouâre really horny today, huh?â You ask Jungkook, stifling a giggle at his overly naughty behavior.
âThe real question should be when am I not horny whenever Iâm with you y/n..â Jungkook shamelessly admits, grabbing your face once again to kiss you harder.
At least you can say you donât have issues with satisfying your man in the bedroom !
#jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook fluff#jungkook smut#bts smut#jungkook drabbles#jeon jungkook smut#jungkook scenarios#jungkook imagine#jungkook drabble#jungkook x female reader#jungkook imagines#jungkook x f reader#jungkook fic#bts x reader#bts x fem!reader
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i need some smut with all of the diasomnia members
(AFAB! reader will be appreciated or if it has a breeding kink if not then its okay since anything you create is insanely good)
love ur work btw one of my favorite creators here also donât mind the hate comments they just donât like peace or happiness. Stay hydrated and have a good day!!
I turned off Anon-asks because of the people who canât speak respectfully, but tysm! Also, I am ~95% sure that you wanted all of the Diasomnia members togetherâŠ? However, I felt a bit weird about it since their relationship is a lot like family, so I changed it a bit.
Warnings: AFAB!Reader who uses She/Her pronouns, Polyamory, Breeding, Sebek whimpers, Cunnilingus/Oral (Reader Receiving), Overstimulation, Aftercare.
Diasomnia
It had been a few months since you entered this⊠new relationship with the Diasomnia crew.Â
Basically, it all started when each of them realized that they had feelings for you, despite you dating Silver, and Silver was more than alright with sharing. However, due to the conflict of relationships, you all agreed that you would not lay in bed together.
After all: Despite no one being blood-related, it was still weird.
Anyway, this week was a rough week for everyone, with Malleus being forgotten from a meeting; Sebek, you, and Silver having had to study a bunch for upcoming tests and exams; and Lilia being sad that Malleus did not have an heir yet.
In other words, everyone needed some relief, and you were more than willing to spread your legs and welcome them.Â
However⊠This time, there was a twist.Â
~~~~~~~~
Silver went first. After all, he was very close to falling asleep, and he was probably going to be the most gentle with you. A warm-up, if you will.
He knelt on the floor, bringing you to the edge of the bed as he tongue-fucked you, his teeth grazing lightly on your clit before he grabbed your legs and placed them on his shoulders. The touch grounded him, reminding him to stay awake. Your scent nearly made him high.
Drawing another orgasm from you, his grip tightened to hold you still as his face became covered in your juices. He moaned a bit at your taste, the vibrations of his voice making you writhe even more under his grasp.Â
However, he soon felt his eyes growing heavy, so he pulled away from your dripping cunt to tag in Sebek. ~~~~~~~~
To say that you were overstimulated would be an understatement, especially since Sebekâs size was nothing to laugh at. He mounted you, and thanks to Silver, he slid right in.
Before you, he was a total virgin, and he was still learning the ropes around sex, but his desperate thrusts and whimpers were more than enough to make your brain melt from the pleasure he was giving you.
However, no matter how desperate he was, it was a rule between the five of you that Malleus was the only one allowed to come inside you⊠so when Sebek got close, he pulled out and stroked himself to finish all over your back.Â
Before he left to head to bed, he grabbed a warm towel to help prepare you for Malleus. After all, the incoming Prince needs the best, right?
~~~~~~~~
Malleus was, by far, the largest size you have ever taken.
He always had you in a mating press, always wanting to be able to see your beautiful face as he gently thrusted into you. Actually, it was more like rutting. His entire shaft didnât fit in all the way, as he only ever managed to fit half of it all at once.
You were the louder one out of the two of you, especially as he sank his fangs into your neck to muffle his grunts. The pretty noises you made would always be his favorite to hear, and he wouldnât be able to hear them if he was making any unnecessary noises. When he neared his finish, he stilled inside you as he filled you up, painting your insides white with thick cum. Then, he put a pillow under your hips to ensure that nothing spilled. After all, an heir needed to be produced, right?
~~~~~~~~
Lilia⊠he surprisingly had no need to get off. He knew you were tuckered out, and he didnât feel that insatiable urge for sex as much as he used to back in his younger days.
As he cleaned you up with a warm cloth, he giggled at your blissed out expression.
âYou know, dearie⊠The Briar Valley Queen would love to meet you soon⊠especially since you will be carrying Malleusâs heir very soon.â You thought about his words, smiling softly and nodding. âPerhaps⊠over the next Winter Break⊠I may go with you all? I have heard many things about Her Majesty, and I would love to meet her as well.â Lilia was happy to know that you did not have much of an issue with the situation. He thought that you would have an issue with having to carry a dragonâs heir, but you seemed very excited about the thought of becoming a mother. âYou shall make an excellent mother, my dear.. We are very excited to be with you on the rewarding, mind-changing journey that is pregnancy.â
Soon, your eyelids started growing heavier and heavier, and the sweet abyss that is called âsleepâ started taking over.
âGoodnight, lovely. See you in the morning.â
#divider by cafekitsune#twisted wonderland smut#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#twst#twst smut#twst x reader#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst wonderland#diasomnia#diasomnia smut#diasomnia x reader#malleus draconia smut#malleus draconia x reader#malleus x reader#twst malleus#malleus draconia#twst malleus draconia x reader#twst malleus draconia#twst malleus x reader#malleus#silver#silver x reader#silver vanrouge#silver vanrouge x reader#silver smut#sebek zigvolt x reader#twst sebek#sebek x reader
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KISS THE GIRL
đ©đđąđ«đąđ§đ : chris x fem!reader
đŹđźđŠđŠđđ«đČ: because of his biggest fear, chris has some trouble getting the courage to kiss the girl heâs been connecting with for months.
đ°đđ«đ§đąđ§đ đŹ: FLUFF, swearing
đ°đšđ«đ đđšđźđ§đ: 662
đđźđđĄđšđ«âđŹ đ§đšđđ: okay i know i said a matt fluff but i finished watching the little mermaid an hour ago and thought about thisâŠ
commitment is chrisâ worst nightmare. heâd rather step on hot coals than do anything with a girl, especially being a boyfriend for crying out loud. heâs getting ahead of himself here, but these are the exact thoughts pacing through his mind at this very moment. why is he acting like this? itâs all because of you.
the two of you met through a mutual friend and hit it off quickly, gaining a relationship to the point where you guys have been talking for months. old chris would say run for the hills and never turn back, but thereâs something about you. itâs like you reeled him in without trying.
currently, youâre walking next to each other â not hand in hand but insanely close â on a path that separates the beach from the sidewalk. chris paid for dinner, although you insisted on splitting the check.
this isnât the first time you guys are hanging out, but this time around feels different. he so badly wants to kiss you; feel his lips in sync with yours. heâd be lying if he said heâd never thought about it. on the other hand, heâs terrified to do so. what if heâs been getting mixed signals this whole time? what if you only see him as a brother?
âare you alright?â your voice startles him as he shakes his head to get out of his trance. âyou seem to be thinking about something.â
âiâm fine.â he smiles. âwant to walk on the pier? we can get a good view of the sunset from there.â
you nod as he leads the way, the sun making the ripples of the water an orangey-pink haze. you lean your back against the railing, your elbows propped on the metal beside you.
inhaling sharply, he then exhales. heâs surprisingly much calmer now, the moment beautiful along with the girl of his dreams. maybe he can kiss you after allâ
PING.
groaning, chris reaches his hand into his pocket where the noise is coming from.
DA BOYZ
nick
did you smooch yet?
no
matt
what are you waiting for?
idk
nick
chris you canât hear me but i just sighed really loudly i thought youâd like to know
weâre watching you by the way
youâre what
matt
[attachment: 1 image]
hi
bro
nick
KISS HER ALREADY
COME ON
matt
iâll do it
fuck off matt
nick
i wish i brought my binoculars i canât really see from here
matt
đ©ââ€ïžâđâđš
this is going to be me and y/n in like five minutes
stop that
matt
iâm getting out of the car as we speak
go home
nick
not until you đđđđ đđđ đđđđđ„°
sighing, this was his reminder to turn his ringer off. he placed the phone back in its place and sighs. âsorry about that.â he mumbles, moving closer to you to place his hands where your elbows are, leaning down to rest his head on your shoulder. you snake your arms around his neck and play with his hair. âare you sure youâre okay? youâre tense.â
âi want to lay here for a bit, thatâs all.â
itâs now quiet, except for the waves hitting the shore. you both are comfortable, and you wouldnât have it any other way. feeling a peck on your shoulder, it travels to your collarbone⊠and then to your neck⊠and then⊠finally!
itâs hard to tell who pulled in who first, being that you pulled him in by the neck while chris pulled you in by the waist. god, your lips feel good. your mouths dance at a rhythm better than heâs ever imagined. unfortunately, it has to come to an end.
he pulls away to catch a breath, your cheeks and the tip of your ears flushed pink like crazy. alas, youâre grinning like a fool before you say a sentence chris wasnât expecting at all. âyou can tell them to stop staring at us now.â
đđđ đ„đąđŹđ!
@bunbunbl0gs @lexisecretaccx @thy-mission @angelic-sturniolos111 @sophssturn @moncherriis @janiellasblog @blahbel668 @meg-sturniolo @mattslolita @sturnbaby @imwetforyourmom @tillies33ssss @sturnifyed @raysmayhem-72 @ripmattitude @p1xieswrld @alorsxsturn @multiluvr @delilahprentiss @tworosesblackthorn @gnxosblog @junnniiieee07 @flowerxbunnie @imaslut4kehlani @sturniolosandmoree @hearrtsturns @stars4matt @freshsturns @etershine @tpvmz @sukiipjs @h3arts4harry @sturnioloblogs @creamoncreamoncream2 @ivyyyyyysposts @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @mbsbaby @mattsdollie @thesturniolos @nononopenono1 @bitchydragonparadise @gdsvhtwa @hrt-attack @dwntwn-strnlo @venusbabysblog @meerkatzthings @bernardsbendystraws @hoes4matthew @fratbrochrisgf
#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo smut#sturniolo fluff#sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo fluff#Spotify
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Luxury Reading Nights | SR
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
cw: fingering, free use, don quixote lines
Summary: Spencer calls you to provide some of your now rather popular services.
A/N: i missed spencer and i love free use!!
The most amazing part of the lifestyle you had chosen to lead was always the vast variety of men's sexual desires.
Some enjoyed getting a little rough, some dressing you in questionable outfits, some even were as far as to use you to serve them, all previously established, all with consent.
It was the wonder of 'free use', you were, at the end of the day, nothing but a tool. That's what made it so exciting.
But with Spencer, oh, Spencer, he was surely an odd one.
"Stop moving, I can't read" he ordered, his voice firm, but he was still polite about it.
He had you bent over his lap while he sat on the couch, your body was stripped naked the second you had entered the apartment. Your back was used as a book rest as he read.
His hand was the reason you were squirming so uncomfortably. You had been overstimulated for the past five minutes or so, and he kept torturing you, over and over.
It started with a call. He had a rough case and needed to unwind, which he often did with a good book. Soon, you were on his lap, kissing his lips and feeling his clothed groin against your wetness, and that's when it turned torturous.
No, he wasn't rough. Au contraire, he was extremely gentle. Annoyingly so. He began to massage your buttocks once you were across his lap, not once touching you where you were aching to have him inside.
"Ooh, I love this line" he suddenly blurted out "Too much sanity may be madness â and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be." tilting his head, he tried to catch a glimpse of your face, womdering if you were as impressed by it as he was.
Little time did he give you, because his thumb began to run over your slit. It was slow and careful, like a caress.
You moaned in complaint. You needed more, so much more.
"You look beautiful like that." he praised, and it only heightened your arousal.
He went back to his book and his thumb kept up its pace, and it wasn't only when he reached half the book that, without warning, slid one of his fingers inside of you, while his thumb part-timed on your clit.
"I always thought Cervantes was a bit insane himself," he began to explain his theory "Takes a madman to write a madman." and without any further word, continued the assault on your cunt.
You couldn't speak from how delightful it felt. Despite reading a complex book, he was definitely paying attention to every movement of his hand, every crease of your insides, he was trying to find the one spot.
Minutes later he was kind enough to add another finger, this knuckles curling inside of you. But he was still going slow and that's when you figured: he was using your pussy as a stress ball. Not to your enjoyment but his, nonethless this was even more arousing.
His pace began to quicken as he turned on the pages, and you could tell he was reaching the end of the book, and you were reaching your limit. But it was on your terms and conditions that you only came when he said a certain word.
"...are even now tottering..." he had begun to recite near your ear what you assumed was the end of the book, but you weren't paying attention at all. You wanted to hear it. The word you needed the most as his fingers sped up their insertion. "...doubtless, doomed to fall forever." he continued.
There was something enchanting and sweet about his voice, as if he were telling you a lullaby.
"Farewell." he finally said.
Like thunder through the sky, a long moan resonated as you came. Knowing what he had done, his free hand quickly removed the book from your back. Old edition, he was not going to risk it getting soaked in your juices the same way his hand now was.
He continued to thrust, helping you get rid of the wave. "You okay?" he asked concernedly, leaning down to press a quick kiss to your naked back. "Sorry, I really wanted to finish the book." he apologized as he removed his fingers from inside of you.
You were still panting and flushed from the overstimulation, but you gave him a gentle nod "Are you feeling better?" you asked. You had noticed his tension since you arrived but decided to keep it quiet.
"I'm on cloud nine." he simply said with a handsome, gentle grin.
#kinda luxury poker nights kinda not#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds#criminal minds x you#spencer reid x you#blurb: mine
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the 2024 formula 1 silly season and drama master post, part 2 (part 1 here)
Hello and welcome to ah fucking fuck auto caps fuck fuck fuck how do i turn off auto caps AHA there we go okay. take 2
hello and welcome to the great and very insane formula 1 2024 season drama post, part 2. if you are new here or are just looking for part one (which contains the previous 16 (?) races, the off season, pre season testing and everything else, that can be found HERE. (a word to the wise: open it in a browser, not the app, and preferably on a computer to avoid crashing. its fucking long).Â
what the hell is formula 1? car go fast. fastest cars in the world zoom around tracks at top speeds of over 300kph, piloted by the top 20 drivers in the world. it might not sound dramatic, but oh man. you will Not be disappointed. this post focuses on the drama, the insanity, the sheer what the hell how is this a serious sport. no legitimately. we've just about seen it all this year. grindr, dogs, watersports, ice cream brands, its all here.
the point of this post? to educate, to catalog the insane drama, and to just have a good time. people like to gatekeep this sport, there is also a lot happening. i try to make it easy to understand. again, probably best to start at the beginning of the post because it does a pretty good job of explaining things, which i began way back in january, and can be found HERE (again, shes long, be careful)
and, as usual, if you do not want to see this post EVER AGAIN, block the tag #saph explains silly season 2024
and a second caution, i assume this post will be getting long as well. including this one we have minimum 9 updates left!
anyway, those of you who have been following along the whole time, welcome back! i know we got a little delayed. and i know weâre on a new post, so lets just briefly take a second for me to explain what the fuck happened. first i had an anatomy test, second i work 2 jobs with fuck ass hours, third tumblr decided to stop letting me look at any of my drafts, fourth tumblr support ghosted me about the drafts issue and the post was half saving half not so i just decided fuck it, were going with post 2, electric boogaloo, and fifth, i decided to start typing this instead in a google docs so. many changes. if you're new here i am usually more on top of this.
but here we are. were back on street circuits. weâre in baku, azerbaijan, for the start of the last third of the season. 8 races remain, world championship titles are still within grasp of multiple people. the drama is dramaing. and today is september 22, 2024 and lets fucking go.Â
first and foremost, on account of the fact that this post is late (again, see above), were going to have to do a bit of a speed run. if you're new here, i promise that this is not representative of my normal dedication to the update post. and for those asking, yeah, ill probably compile it somewhere better than a tumblr post after its all said and done, but we don't have time for that now.Â
what we do have time for is the Off Week (and like some of the media stuff). and it was filled with silliness:Â
george russell decided to wear what can only be described as slightly ugly yellow short shorts with his taylor swift shirt that he got at the eras tour. this was baffling for several reasons, the main reason being that i don't think the internet knew that he was capable of wearing a graphic t shirt
fernando alonso got his aston martin valkyrie finally. in case you are unfamiliar, a valkyrie i think is the worlds fastest street legal car. he posted tweets about this that made it seem like he wanted to fuck the car. hilariously, the car broke down an hour later.
we also had the very thrilling conclusion to grill the grid. oscar won and he somehow managed to look more pleased about his grill the grid win than his first race victory.Â
instagram
nico rosberg went to the green awards and he wore a fantastically insane teal blue suit. yes i know hes not a current driver. but you all like hearing about him so ask and you shall receive. unfornunately i cant find a picture of it though
and also not a current driver is mick schumacher, but my roommate asked me to include that he was seen on his girlfriends instagram being bad at golf. like. exceptionally bad at golf. like he hit a tree 20 feet in front of him.
also playing golf was lando norris. except he managed to look like try bolton from high school musical 2.
he also talked about the world driver championship with his friend max fewtrell while they were playing golf. unfortunately i lost this link in the sea of technical difficulties, but the gist of it was that he was saying that there is still hope for him to beat max in the championship (hes about 60 points behind right now). lando doesnt usually talk about the championship because he doesnt want news outlets to paint him as âdesperateâ so this was interesting
charles leclerc had an insane off week. first he rear ended someone in monaco. then he spoke at a yacht conference. he was not scheduled to speak at said yacht conference, he was there doing something else and they were like hey you're cool people know you, heres a microphone. he alsp ended up on a weather channel while promoting a karting event he was doing for the jules bianchi foundation (his god father, the one who died during the f1 race in japan 2014). he also changed his instagram pop and re centered it because some random tiktoker told him it matched his aesthetic better.
oscar piastri posted a photo of himself sitting in the cockpit of a plane and then promptly deleted it. because he posted it on 9/11. for anyone who doesnt know what that is, that was when some terrorists hijacked commercial planes and few them into the world trade centers in nyc and the pentagon in washington dc
max verstappen also posted a plane pic with himself and lando norris, but he did not delete it.
we also had the return of daniel ricciardoâs jpg instagram account, which is kinda like a finsta for photos that hes taken. i think lando started this a few years ago.Â
heading into the race week we certainly got a weird ass batch of pr. including but not limited to:
lewis hamilton was back on top and slaying in the fit game. as was yuki.Â
lewis hamilton also exposed george russell as listening to katy perry pre race. katy perry and taylor swift (this was after he claimed that he liked listening to old school rap music.) though, lewis then started singing wrecking ball???? confusing vibes all around
george was not off the hook yet tho because some intern definitely make him say skidibidi toilet or whatever the thing is idk, i might be gen z but im not insufferable, okay? actually george in baku was just all kinds of unhinged
george and alex also got up to something, what it is no one knows but it is clearly something
max pulled up to the paddock de aged about 10 years. picture one is of him in baku in 2015 (i believe he was 17) and picture 2 is this year. no i am not kidding.Â
and franco walked into the paddock telling everyone about argentinian mate (which is a drink, not a friend)
and max shoved a microphone out of the way so everyone could gossip
instagram
then of course, we had some slightly more relevant drama
haas announced that ollie would be replacing kevin at baku. in case you forgot, kevin magnussen received a total of 12 penalty points over the season so far, which means he gets one race ban. how did he get the points? well he was mostly wreaking havoc on everyone else so that his teammate, nico hulkenberg, could drag his car into the points. lets all remember the time in saudi arabia where he managed to get 20 seconds of penalties by basically driving like a mad man just to make sure that nico could keep his position after he pit stopped. anyway, nico was kind of pissed about the race ban situation and said âmaybe the guidelines for F1 penalties need to be reviewed as the stewards âwant to get involvedâ no matter the contact.â
in any case though, k mags was out. and ollie was in. weâve seen ollie before. notably he subbed in for carlos sainz at the saudi arabia gp when carlos had appendicitis. he managed to get points as well. since then, he has been announced as a haas driver for 2025 and is now subbing in for k mags (haas, later in the week called him a super sub. clearly no gen z person read that over.) he can do this because ferrari has a haas engine so they share reserve drivers.
adrian newey finally got employed. i know! i can hardly believe it either! but he did! and youll never guess where!Â
ferrari? no that would be too obvious.Â
mercedes? nah
williams? no too much of a shit show
aston martin? ding ding ding! just the right amount of shit show!Â
that is right. newey is going to aston for 2025.Â
apparently he was offered a âgood packageâ according to himself, which i assume means pay and also the fact that lawrence stroll made him a shareholder? stakeholder? whatever its called. in the team itself. basically he has a lot of power.Â
he said that he always wanted to work with fernando and lewis. and he couldn't do both. and aston had a better package than ferrari.Â
fernando looked positively evil during all the announcement pictures. and called the team "definitely the team of the future" and for those of you who don't know, fernando is positively evil. hes just been stuck in a shit box and we havent seen very much of him, but man does he know how to evilly slut it up. so that will be fun to see.
by contrast, people said that lance was not excited enough. and well. lance 1. has resting bitch face and 2. never really looks excited about anything. also he lives in a world where take your child to work day somehow became his job. (his dad owns the team).
lewis hamilton was asked what he thought about adrian not going to ferrari, and here's what he had to say:
"i feel like, while I have mentioned before that it would be an honor to work with adrian, i have been privileged to work with two championship winning teams that didnt have adrian."
mclaren announced pato o ward would do FP1 in mexico. who is pato o ward? hes one of mclarenâs indycar drivers and one of the f1 reserve drivers. he is incredibly charming and definitely runs his own social media as seen here:
mclaren Also claim they figured out who their number 2 driver is and they claim its oscar. i say they claim because the statements were a lot more complex than that. essentially, according to andrea stella, the priority is to the team first, then lando and then oscar. so they didn't outright say that oscar is the number 2 driver and i am willing to bet real money that this is because mr mark webber, oscars manager, has something in oscars contract that prevents him from being a number 2 driver. this is of course because mark webber was one of the most infamous number 2 drivers in f1 history to none other than menace war criminal sebastian vettel, who in their time as teammates, managed to win 4 back to back world champions. or, top to bottom if you're mrs darbus from high school musical.Â
lando was asked about this and he said that yes, the team does support him. though he would not expect oscar to give up a win for him and that it is more complex behind the scenes. i suppose we will see if there are any papaya rules coming out this weekendâŠ.
and oscar said "i think the main point is its not purely just going to be me pulling over for lando every single race, because thats how none of us, including lando, wont want to go racing, if we feel that someone has done a much better job on a weekend, whichever way it is, we want that person to be rewarded."
max verstappen commented on the mclaren situation as well. which was funny mostly because red bull has one of the most defined number 1 and number 2 drivers of any team. he said "you look at it form oscar's perspective, he is closer to lando than lando to me. they have to deal with that."
and allow me to put on a tin foil hat as we are about to talk about the future of the red bull seat. because all i have to offer here is a baseball hat and a red bull can.Â
a long time ago we talked about the red bull cans. the ones that red bull makes to promote f1. at the end of last season red bull put max and checo on the red bull can. this season at the start it was just max on the red bull can. well. now checo has reappeared on the cans too. and i will tell you what i think this means. it means that checo is not getting swapped this season, which was a possibility for awhile.Â
but! there is more!Â
daniel ricciardo made an instagram post this week. and it was very interesting. but most interestingly he was wearing a red bull hat.
which he does occasionally, no big deal really. he did race for the for several years, he technically does currently. BUT then he showed up TO THE PADDOCK wearing the red bull hat.
which is Big Interesting. usually you show up in a statement outfit or wearing the team kit. and daniel is not a red bull racing driver. he is a visa cashapp racing bulls driver. they might be owned by red bull but they are Not the same team. so why the red bull hat. in the paddock. well, the rumor is that hes taking checos seat for 2025. and the rumor is that this will be announced before mexico. so checo can have a proper send off.Â
and with that. the baku lore.Â
theres a lot that has happened at baku. as i said its a street circuit. and i think its the fastest street circuit. but over the years theres been some notable events.Â
such as the great kimi raikkonen radio for gloves and steering wheel:
instagram
they gave mini kimi this week gloves and steering wheel in honor of that
the max and daniel crash in 2018 when they were running p1 and p2 respectfully
instagram
and of course. how could we forget. charlesâs infamous âi am stupidâ radio.
youtube
speaking of charles, he crashed again in fp1. not quite in the same spot, but nearly. he took a picture with the marshalls.Â
then in fp2 he rage quit, basically saying that the car sucks.Â
instagram
but he was back and better than ever in practice three because he managed to top the time charts. welcome back fuck ass ferrari.
some other teams definitely experienced the lows but not really the highs of baku during practice. like lance stroll who came on the radio to say âthis is not a carâ (good thing they have adrian newey now, right?Â
franco colapinto also cut his ear before practice on the neck strengthener stretcher thing that they all use and the team wanted to give him stitches but he was like no no no i need to be in the car in about 5 minutes im not doing that. so he jammed on his helmet and jumped in the car. he also crashed and when he went to the medical center he took off his helmet and there was blood everywhere and they were like no no no you cannot race! and he was like no! this is not from the crash! and then explained it and they let him do qualifying.Â
also im pretty sure? ollie bearman crashed? in practice? but frankly i don't have time to google it so whos to say.Â
but alas. qualifying.Â
i know i know this is kind of a shitty update. i promise ill go all out in singapore. i PROMISE.Â
so as i said. its a street circuit. high speed. 90 degree corners. and also windy as hell. we also had the dynamic duo of karun and harry in the commentary box.Â
max led the first practice, george led the second and i think charles led the third. or some order like that.Â
slipstream here is almost essential (slipstream: going behind another car to reduce the wind drag so you can go faster)Â
charles has the last three pole positions (first in qualifying) here in baku, but he has never won. by comparison, red bull have never had pole here but they have won.Â
and franco has never been to baku before.Â
i think that's all the exposition that we need here.Â
q1 started with max complaining about his car. âthe car is jumping around like crazy on the rear axleâ he said. despite this he was sitting in p3.Â
the mid field battle thoughâŠ.the mid field battle was heating the hell up. mostly because none other than franco colapinto, who if you will remember, has never been to baku before, had split the two ferraris. he was in third for the moment, .109 seconds behind carlos sainz and .159 seconds ahead of charles leclerc. we still had a lot of qualifying left to go, so this was probably not going to stay, but it was still insane. he was pushing insanely hard, nearly kissing the walls. clearly he had learned from his crash in practice.Â
the two mclarens waited until the very end of q1 to do their final flying push lap, and oscar made it through, but tragedy struck for lando.Â
lando was in the middle of his last flying lap, time was ticking down, and there was a Very Brief yellow flag on the track. now, according to rules, you cannot complete your flying lap if there is a yellow flag. so lando pitted and was stuck down in 17th and out of qualifying. this would be the first time that he was out in q1 since vegas last year (which if i remember correctly was also not his fault)Â
now though, of course nothing is ever that cut and dry. people thought that there had been a mis showing of a flag. yellow flag means that a car is stopped on track, white flag means that a car is going slowly on the track. and people thought that there had been a yellow flag shown when it was actually supposed to be a white flag (if there had been a white flag then lando would have been able to keep doing his flying lap) lando himself said that he had no idea what people were talking about because there is a light on the steering wheel that lights up when flags are called and he had a big yellow light. so it was clearly a yellow flag.Â
if you're concerned about lando being able to pull it out of the bag, id like to point you in the direction of the mexican gp last year where lando qualified 17th and finished 5th. on a track that was hard to overtake on. he can be absolutely insane when he wants to be. worry not gentle reader.Â
in any case. also out in q1 was daniel ricciardo, valtteri bottas, zhou guanyu and esteban ocon.
and notably, williams, who was on fucking fire this weekend as we already saw, finished q1 with alex albon in second (ahead of oscar) and franco colapinto in 8th. pierre gasly had somehow managed to also get into 4th. and nico hulkenberg was in 7th with ollie bearman in 13th. i told you the mid field battle was heating the hell up.Â
q2. everyone zoomed straight out of the gate. they didn't want to get lando norrisâd. but, speaking of that, if lando managed to get no points in the race and charles managed to win, charles would overtake lando in the drivers championship. mark webber himself told this to charles, who was absolutely baffled.Â
in any case, charles was kinda suffering right now and that was because he was not getting slipstream from carlos to make his lap faster. meanwhile, carlos seemed to be actively trying to give charles the slipstream because he came on radio to say âhe keeps missing the towâÂ
and amazingly, franco colapinto was 4 tenths AHEAD of alex albon. alex albon who had not been unqualified by his teammate once since the start of 2023. ex red bull driver alex albon. that alex albon.Â
max topped the times in q2, followed immediately by charles. insanely, fernando alonso managed to drag the aston martin to fifth. and franco was right behind him in 6th. by comparison alex albon was in 10th.Â
and from q2 we lost ollie bearman, yuki tsunoda (who has never qualified lower than 8th in baku), pierre gasly, nico hulkenberg and lance stroll. so yes, ollie bearman managed to outqualify nico hulkenberg. this is ollies second ever f1 race.Â
steaming on forward to q3.Â
we had, for review, in q3 the following:Â
both ferraris, both red bulls, both mercedes, both WILLIAMS (has not happened since vegas 2023), plus fernando alonso and oscar piastri.Â
right out the gate it was wild.Â
âred bull! theyve re found their mojo! or have they!â karun said. red bull were in 5th and 6th and not entirely sucking for the moment.Â
everyone did one flyer and then came out at the end for a second flyer.Â
here were the standings:Â
charles, carlos, oscar, george, checo, max, lewis, alex, franco, fernando
and everyone was making it to the line and all was going smooth until-
wait a second what is that
could it be! alex albon! with the air box fan still on his car! surely not!!!
oh but it was! and harry and karun were like oh wow so unfortunate for williams tisk tisk
meanwhile ted jumped on the radio to Loudly announce to everyone that this was insane and if i have time here i will put the rant he ranted cause it was Fantastic.
and what do you know i have time
so we had 3 minutes left qualifying and everyone was pulling out of the pits for their last flyer when oscar hopped on the radio to say
"the williams still has the air box fan in"
"oh what an error! disaster for williams!" karun and harry said. they speculated if the marshalls could get it or if the session needed to be red flagged. but alex threw the fan off the car.
and then they asked "ted have you ever seen that before?" and ted did not hold back:
"ITS A MASSIVE YELLOW FAN HOW COULD YOU MISS IT???!!! HOW COULD THE MECHANICS MISS IT???? I CANT BELIVE THEY WOULD MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE DOWN AT WILLIAMS! SUCH AN EXPERIENCED BUNCH OF GUYS AND GIRLS! WHAT IS GOING ON AT WILLIAMS OPERATIONALLY? HOW COULD YOU SEND A CAR OUT LIKE THAT?"
alex, obviously, got fined for an unsafe release 5k euros. he also had to throw the fan off to the side and got slightly covered in dry ice. he did not get to the a second flying lap.Â
franco did tho!
and here were out qualifying results:Â
p1: charles p2: oscar p3: carlos p4: checo p5: george p6: max p7: lewis p8: fernando p9: franco p10: alex p11: ollie p12: yuki p13: pierre p14: nico p15: lance p16: daniel p17: lando p18: valtteri p19: zhou p20: estebanÂ
oh ho ho but we werent done yet. because pierre gasly got disqualified from qualifying. for failing fuel flow regulations. and lewis was going to have to start from the pit lane for changing his power unit.Â
everyone, and by everyone i mean oscar max and checo, pretty much said that charles was going to get pole no matter what, they knew this coming in and the best they were trying for was second
onto the race.Â
notably, this is considered a checo track. this was one of the three races that max did not win last year. because checo won it. its a track that he does well on, evidenced by the fact that he qualified above max in qualifying. so people were expecting big things from him.
and so, we head into lap 1.
charles managed to hang onto the lead. checo passed carlos straight out of the gate for third and max managed to pass george to take fifth. lando had managed to get ahead of nico and up into 13th. notably, franco held onto 8th and ollie was able to hold onto tenth.Â
someone who was not doing well was lance stroll, who came on the radio saying that he had a puncture. this was from contact with yuki. lance had to pit for fresh tires and was pretty immediately thrown to the back of the grid.Â
by lap 2 lando had managed to get past daniel and was in 12th, he was trying to get past yuki next, which he managed by lap 3. yuki also lost a spot to nico.Â
also slaying in the mclaren was oscar, who took fastest lap. then charles took fastest lap.
and lewis hamilton, who had started from the pit lane, was up to 16th. already. somehow. though he was displeased with the tires, sayig that âthis tire is pretty badâ over the radio.Â
yuki meanwhile was clearly having a problem because he had started going very very slowly. thought the pit wall said that he had no problems. this would later turn out to be false but we will indulge them for the time being.Â
franco was STILL ahead of alex albon on lap 6. STILL.Â
lando on lap 8 managed to push his way into points positions, overtaking ollie bearman for 10th. though this was where things were about to slow down for him because in front of him were alex, franco and fernando, who were all very close together and would be hard to get past.Â
george was back in bad luck hell as a plastic bag entered his airbox. will he ever catch a break.Â
on lap 11 nico hulkenberg finally caught up with ollie bearman and passed him for 11th.Â
and maxâs car was not working. to potentially no oneâs surprise. âi have zero bite in the carâ he said. and this was probably true because checo was a whole 6.5 seconds ahead of him. insane gap.Â
several pit stops later that i will not detail out because we simply do not have the time, alex albon ended up in 4th and lando ended up in fifth. and oscar was about to get undercut by checo.Â
âmojo seems to be back for checo perezâ harry said, correctly.Â
mojo was back for him indeed. and now he was right behind lando.Â
and if you will recall, according to mclaren themselves, priority at mclaren is the team first, then oscar, then lando. but oscar was ahead of lando. so what did mclaren do?Â
they asked lando do hold up perez, but not compromise his own race.Â
remever a long time ago when i said mclaren wouldn't have any internal drama this season? man how i was wrong.
lando managed to hold up perez for around a lap or two before he got past. this was crucial because this was during when oscar was in the pits.Â
thanks to lando and the power of the papaya rules teamwork, oscar ended up coming out in 4th, only .706s ahead of checo.Â
mclaren are working together everyone! mclaren are working together!
meanwhile, turns out that yuki did indeed have problems because he retired on lap 17 with a hole in his sidepod from the contact with lance on lap 1. this was now two races in a row where he had had to retire for reasons out of his control.Â
several more people pitted. and eventually charles was back out in front, oscar was in p2. until he wasn't. no, he didn't dnf. he overtook charles! he was in p1! he popped out of nowhere! nowhere being 2 car lengths back and just flooring it to spring around charles like a little silly slinky! karun called it a âgood, fair and robust defense,â which sounds like its descibing notes in wine. but this was not wine. this was the baku gp. and we were only half done.Â
ollie bearman was defending against lewis hamilton, holding on tightly to 14th place.Â
charles was still behind oscar and he could not get past, despite the fact that he was still very much in spitting distance. âthey are pushing like crazy or they have more grip than usâ he said.Â
carlos got past both lando and alex albon and was up into 4th
this brought max up behind lando. max was on 11 lap old tires and lando was on 24 lap old tires. but lando still defended like hell and managed to hold onto sixth. max was 0.632 seconds behind lando on lap 25 when he said that âmy brakes are not working.â this was hardly a surprise. max has hated the car since china.
also experiencing technical difficulties was sir lewis hamilton. he was stuck down in 14th and was first told to do âeverything you can do to get the surface temp downâ of the tires. he said âim tryingâ then several laps later on lap 29 he came on the radio to say âare you seeing how i have to drive this thing?â âyes,â bono, his engineer said. âquite effective though.âÂ
max was still half a second behind lando. mclaren faked a pit stop call over the radio to get max to pit. he did not.Â
but, george russell did manage to pass him. which was ânot good for maxâs world champion aspirations.â
this was also when ted very bafflingly said that âif i had a sofa in the pit lane i would be jumping up and down on itâ im not sure what that was in response to.Â
meanwhile, ollie was still holding off sir lewis hamilton. and charles was trying to get oscar to pit again by lying over the radio. it was not working.Â
lando did a pit stop finally and came out a whole 15 second behind max. he was hoping to catch max by the end of the race. but it might be tight. lets go last lap lando.Â
âlando, imagine andrea on your shoulder saying âzero wheel spinâ in every exit,â landoâs race engineer said. if you're confused, everyone else was too.Â
10 laps to go and here were the order of affairs:
oscar
+.449s charles +1.865s checo +2.989s carlos +16.530s george +1.909s max +11.535s lando +9.715s fernando +2.589s alex +2.451s nico +4.667s franco +1.590s lewis +1.261s ollie +1.791s pierre +9.205s daniel +23.919s esteban +.789s lance +3.862s valtteri +3.631s guanyuÂ
lando was determined. he took fastest lap on lap 43 and was 8.8s behind max
at this point, the leaders were starting to lap the cars in the back. âthe back markers are starting to come up,â checoâs engineer said to him. âits going to get messy.â
âhold onto your hats and if you don't have one go get one and hold onto itâ harry said. harry would turn out to be correct.Â
we had the top 3 all running very close to eachother, that was oscar, charles and checo and âwelcome to the party carlos sainz!â who was now 1.2 seconds behind checo in the four way battle for the lead.
definitely not leading was lance stroll, who retired on lap 47 with a brake problem.Â
oscar managed to pull ahead of charles by 1.5 seconds, finally knocking him out of DRS range. so now it was a three way battle for second. and charles had âno rear tires. no rear tires at all.âÂ
and, just like i said he would, lando managed to pass max on lap 49. he was closing the gap slowly in the championship.Â
âverstappenâs day goes from bad to worse,â harry said. because lando still had fastest lap, so he would score 3 more points than max. which is important if lando wants to beat max in the championship (though i think hes still like 60 points behind)
meanwhile! franco managed to pass nico hulkenberg for 10th! he was in the points!!!! at his second race!!!Â
but this was short lived because there was a crash! a big smackeroo! between carlos and checo!! checo was mad, carlos didn't know what happened.Â
what happened was that carlos was trying to pass checo but checo did not move over. it was deemed an equal fault accident. both of them were utterly confused at what happened and apparently spent 20 minutes in the medical center being utterly lost and aparently saying that sometimes this sport sucks. and! contrary to what several people said! checo did not bang on carlosâs helmet after the crash.Â
the crash actually caused chef's dad to have a heart attack. he is stable now.
and well. this clip of george from the post qualifying interviews definitely didnt age well:
instagram
but! since we were a matter of a few laps from the end, this meant that the rest of the race was finished under a virtual safety car.Â
which meantÂ
OSCAR PIASTRI WINS THE AZERBAIJAN GP
and george inherited p3!Â
and on his own merit too! no safety cars, no team orders, no weird shit!Â
âyes!â he whispered over the radio.Â
he almost fell getting out of the car, then gave us all the âone momentâ hand gesture before properly celebrating.Â
instagram
he also got driver of the day!Â
(this was marginally better than george russell, who said over the radio âi cant get any rubber (to pick up on his tires) all im getting is leavesâ)
gunther steiner also hosted the post race interviews. which was interesting.Â
george said that the most difficult part of the race was âdriving full gas into a wall of carbon fiber on the penultimate lapâŠthe vsc should have come out soonerâÂ
charles bashed ferrari because they didn't do any high fuel runs in practice.Â
oscar was entirely pleased. âi managed to overtake and hold onto it for the next 35 laps..one of the better races of my career.â and honestly, oscar winning a race straight after mclaren basically announcing that he was their number 2 driver is nothing short of hilarious.
and! mclaren was now leading the constructors championship by 20 points! for the first time in ten years!!!!
the top three had a moment outside of the car that was filled with baffled:Â
and oscar's engineer tom got to stand on the podium with him. he usually takes a selfie with oscar after each race he podiums at, but he was too excited to so george took this picture for them
(george also aparently demomished oscar in a game of uno on the plane, immediately humbling him)
george also shielded himself from the champagne on the podium
the cooldown room reacted to the crash in a very straight forward manner:
instagram
and very quickly cause its midnight and the singapore gp starts in 8 hours, the post race, speed ran:Â
-mark webber told off laura winter for thinking that oscar didn't have good tire management
-alex albon was âsuper happy, that's a lot of points for usâ (williams finished in 7th and 8th). he cut his own interview short when ollie bearman arrived, saying âI can go, im happy to goâ and then waving comically.Â
-williams was so pleased with this result they blasted everyone with champagne. and they overtook alpine in the constructors championship! this was also their best race finish all season
-(and a quick note, if youre going to really blame logan for being that shit of a driver here, please remember that the car he was driving was several rounds of upgrades behind alex's pretty much the entire time he was driving it)
-ollie became the first driver to ever score points in his first two races for two different constructors because the double dnf pushed him up to 10th place. he said that there was not much difference between the haas and the ferrari, the ferrari was just red
-franco continued to charm everyone and flirt with the reporters.Â
-they interviewed george and lewis and the camera had to be adjusted for george's height. it was comical and resulted in my favorite edit so far of the season (sound on)
instagram
-lando looked pleased and happy for once. he said about holding off checo that âi didn't hold him up i just had to cool my tires a little.â he was delighted to be leading the constructors for the first time in ten years and he defended alex albon saying âi struggled to get past alex for a while, which is common, alex doesnt make mistakes.â he also ratted on max for going to fast during the VSC and said âi didn't complain, facts were stated.â and to sum it all up he said that âim executing things well, iâm very quickâŠiâm not going to be the happiest guy, but i am never the happiest guyâŠ.car is performing well everywhereâŠsome red cars behind us seem to be our biggest competitors right nowâÂ
-by comparison george insulted all of pirelli. the tire people. âpretty infuriating that it (the pace) changes this so muchâŠ.its black magic, people who make the tires don't understand the tiresâŠ..for 20 laps we had a car not worthy of points and for 20 laps we had a car fighting for victory and the only difference is the tires.âÂ
-lewis was notably upset after the race and walked through the paddock with his helmet on, not wanting to talk to anyone. but he did talk to franco and ollie and congratulate them on a job well done defending against him and racing against him. franco even fangirled over this on his instagram.Â
-charles was clearly upset with ferrari. he was so upset he posted a thirst trap.
-and oscar. oscar was very happy this afternoon. and his mom was there! she doesnt usually come cause it scares her, but nicole was there today!Â
-mclaren celebrated with a hell of a lot of champagne. both oscarâs wina and landoâs insane recovery, and the fact that they were leading the championship. red bull have been dethroned, at least for now.Â
-there was so much champagne that lando took off his socks to spray it. all seems well at mclaren.Â
-at least one thing is for sure, oscar had a better time here this weekend than last year when he got food poisoning and only ate four pieces of toast
and with that. we head into singapore. quite literally as it is starting in a few hours. again, i apologixe about this post. its a little sad, but the next one will be better. pinkly promise.Â
see you all soon!!!
#not a tag#from saph#saph explains silly season 2024#im so sorry this is so late i am sooooo sorry aaaaaa#i will get my shit together#baku 2024#Instagram#Youtube
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