#so eh i really wanted to be a linguist but i want to have an interesting job!!! like not working with a minimal salary!!

[lost-victorian-sailor]

i want to have a cabin in the woods where i could translate things in calmness and silence

[silverzoomies]

Cunning Linguist

pietro maximoff x reader smut

warnings: cunnilingus, porn with (slight) plot, blow jobs, dissociative identity disorder, dissociation, existential crisis, smut, shameless smut, halloween, canon divergence

word count: 3,990

a/n: i meant to finish this ages ago. but i always overthink shit. i rewrote this several times, and it still doesn't feel worth posting. oh well !! just meaningless filth - same old story, different clothing. i wanted to play with the concept of pietro as an alter in ralph's head. again. lol

he's a little ooc here. but i'm blaming the brain fog. i'm running on three hours of sleep every night. fuck it, we ball. also, not including a tag list because tumblr's system kinda sucks for it. sorry !!

Pietro recalled the moment his consciousness came to light.

Agnes waved her spooky hands in his face, as though she were taunting him. She muttered incantations under her breath. The words of which Pietro didn’t recognize as English. After implanting sentimental memories in his mind - based on stories of Wanda’s childhood - she sent him off on his own. Like letting a dog loose, free to roam. 

Pietro’s mission? Find Wanda, have a gabfest or two, extract information. Or something along those lines. Pietro hadn’t paid much attention while Agnes yapped about it. Why focus on that, when the mystery of his own sentience piqued his interest instead?

He was given an easy enough job to do. No problem-o. Pietro had a talent for pestering people til’ they cracked. That’s what Agnes told him, anyway. He wasn’t too sure why she wanted him to play undercover rat. It had something to do with magic. Pietro knew that much. There was some kinda witch-on-witch rivalry in the works. But unfortunately for Agnes - and maybe fortunately for Wanda - she might have to take a raincheck on her duel of the sorceresses.  

Pietro could be a bit of a dipshit. Was he stupid? Not so much. He had brains where it counted. He could be crafty. Even sneaky. But his expert level slyness didn’t make him any less of an idiot. Pietro couldn’t refute that factoid about himself. Around Wanda, he forgot how to function like a normal person. Which he blamed on the fact that he wasn’t a normal person. Being brutally honest with himself; Pietro technically wasn’t even a person at all.

More like a conceptual incarnation of human sentience, really. Simple enough.

No ifs, ands, or buts about it, though - Pietro carried the irksome flaws of a human. Often, he acted thoughtless when he didn’t mean to. Without filtering himself first, Pietro unapologetically spoke his mind. He’d drop fourth-wall breaking quips here or there. Sometimes, his careless habits made for entertaining slip ups. Perfect for sitcom shenanigans. Other times, his blunders resulted in pain. Lotsa pain.

Halloween night, Pietro found himself whisked away by a forceful wave. Conjured by Wanda’s potent magic. The same power Agnes wanted her wiggly witch fingers on. After going aerial in a wild whoosh, Pietro got up close and friendly with some Halloween decorations. But, hey, what’re a few broken bones between pseudo siblings, eh?

Wanda sure had a helluva temper. She quickly banished Pietro from ever setting foot in her house again. Talk about a major bummer. Pietro suffered a huge loss on that front. One part because he’d have no choice but to crash with Agnes again. Ninety nine parts because he’d miss his troublemaking nephews. Those fun, lil scamps.

Tough luck, Quickie. Try and do better next time.

Honestly, he’d prefer if there wasn’t a next time.  If Agnes wanted to make small talk so bad, she could do it on her own. Calling it quits for the night, Pietro wandered off to a Westview bar. To his surprise, he found the place still in operation. And despite Pietro’s memories - vague imagery of Busch beer cans crushed under his fist - he hadn’t had a beer since his consciousness manifested. Shit. Did he even like beer? Whether he cared for it or not, a subconscious instinct drew him to it.

He assumed that instinct was none other than Ralph himself. The poor dude wanted to drown his terror in alcohol. And after all the twisted shit Agnes put Ralph through; who was Pietro to deny him one of life's simplest pleasures?

The mellow atmosphere of the bar oozed Halloween spirit. Kinda unnecessary, in retrospect. Considering Wanda never stopped by for a drink. Why bother sprucing the place up with her wispy magic, if it never saw any use?

The bartender’s clever quips reminded Pietro of Cheers. Another totally bonkers concept. Pietro had memories of watching Cheers, sure. But he couldn’t decipher if they were Ralph’s or not. For all Pietro knew, they might be a part of the ‘dead brother’ package deal. False memories, meant to give Wanda someone to relate to. Making him liable to tear down her defenses when she least expected it. 

But why did Pietro get the sense he was more of a Frasier guy anyway?

Sitting at the bar on a rickety stool, Pietro spun around to satiate his boredom. He cradled a beer, inhaling all of it in a single beat. Superspeed really did have its ups and downs. Consider quick consumption a positive. As far as negatives go…well…inebriation was completely unattainable. Sucks for Ralph. As Pietro flagged down the bartender for another beer, he tuned his ears to a radio broadcast. On a shelf amidst dollar store Halloween decor; a radio droned old fashioned tales of wicked witches. Subtle.

Outside interference interrupted the broadcast. Voices intermingled between buzzes of static. Whispering soft, but panicked mantras of 'Wanda? Wanda, are you there?' Pietro narrowed his beady eyes. His ignorance of the world outside Westview should’ve stayed intact. But whatever the reason, he knew exactly where those voices came from. Why he carried such knowledge was anyone’s guess. Maybe Agnes let too much her own insight slip into his psyche. Whoopsies. Oh well. Shrugging, Pietro flagged down the bartender for another beer. Deja vu.

Bored outta his mind, his thoughts explored elsewhere.

Pietro dreamt of something a little more down to earth. He remembered a cutie-pie neighbor new to Westview. A ‘next door’ kinda type, with a quirky sorta charm. They had no idea why they were in the city to begin with. Pietro knew these details, only because he gathered the what’s what on just about every person in town. It took him all of two seconds to do so. Zip around. Observe. Make mental notes. Report back to Agnes. Spill the deets.

Anyway, about you…

Call it a crush, loneliness, or even instinctive lust; whatever the case, Pietro thought you were cute as could be. You didn’t remember how you got to Westview, or where you even came from. One day, you woke up in town, and found yourself wearing unfamiliar clothes. Threads evocative of decades long past. But hey, it happens to the best of us. Pietro was well-acquainted with feelings of confusion and alienation. That mingled sense of being both lost, and born anew.

For crying out loud, he was the very materialization of sapient awareness itself. Agnes forbade him from that knowledge as well. But again, Pietro credited his oopsies and ding-dongs to her shoddy miracle work.

Whenever you questioned the reality around you, the world only stifled you into silence. The everyday citizens of Westview seemed so content with life as it was. Acting as if you had nothing to worry about. Wanda’s sitcom setup was nothing beyond sunshine, rainbows, and television tropes. But Pietro could see the unspoken terror hidden deep in their eyes. The truth Wanda kept hush hush.

Just thinking about it was enough to give Pietro the heebie jeebies. And if his intuition was anything to go by - it never proved him wrong yet - you had a bad feeling about Westview too. Way to go! You caught on even quicker than he did. Which was kinda nuts, if he thought about it. Wasn’t he supposed to be the fastest at everything? ‘Cuz speed was his middle name or something. Or…well, it wasn’t. But it could be. Who’s to stop him from seizing his own destiny at this point?

Pietro Speed Maximoff.

Eh, maybe not.

In Westview, you had no friends or family. And much like Pietro, on Halloween night; you found yourself at the bar. He caught your curious gaze from down the counter. You were dolled up in a scanty, witch's dress, leaving Pietro to wonder why witches were such a recurring theme in his life. Looking too much like a manchild goober, he spun around a few more times in his seat. His sneakers kicked against the stool’s railing. No matter what, he couldn’t sit still. He thought he might be embarrassing himself. But his antics appeared to make you smile even brighter.

Tilting your head, you shot him a look of familiarity.

You weren’t familiar with him, though. But there was a chance you saw him appearing and disappearing around town. During his impromptu stake outs, more than likely.

Bringing your drink to the seam of your lips, you stifled a playful giggle. It was obvious you were gawking at his costume. Arching a brow, Pietro grinned into the rim of his beer bottle. To be fair, he looked supremely ridiculous. The blue tights under his cut-off jean shorts rode up in the crotch a little too much. He dipped his head, staring at the frayed edges of his shorts. Yeah. It was clear he did the job cutting them himself. A hasty one too. Since he was too eager to pull pranks with his nephews.

Damn. Pietro missed those kids like hell already.

The dirty blond hair/ear-things atop his head bounced every time he knocked his neck back. As Pietro downed yet another beer, he lost track of how many he drank. A dribble of it plummeted into silver. Creating a sheen against the lightning bolt duct taped diagonally down his shirt. Pietro sighed and pursed his lips. 

His outfit was an all blue ensemble. Garnished with a spritz of silver here or there. Quicksilver. His hero name, apparently. Pietro knew he’d never live up to it.

A bit of friendly conversation later, and the air between the two of you shifted. Your playful look morphed into something a little wanton, the more Pietro acted in silly ways. Holy shit. Seriously? He hoped he wasn't misreading your signals. Because really, your attraction was too good to be true. If you honestly wanted him, where should he proceed from here? How much freedom had Agnes even allowed him? And furthermore - if Wanda’s happy, dream town ran on a curated schedule; what if credits rolled just as the two of you finally got handsy?

Maybe sitcom rules didn’t apply to conscious manifestations of witch hocus pocus? Wishful thinking on his part.

Outside the bar - in an alleyway too uncannily clean, like a set straight out of Hollywood - Pietro beckoned you in with kisses. Technically, he played the role of Agnes’s deadbeat husband. And if that were the case, did kissing you count as cheating? Shit…was Pietro committing adultery right now?? In the midst of macking on your sweet lips, he pressed a palm to the wall next to your head. Pietro pretended to do so for balance, as he devoured you with his mouth and tongue. 

But unbeknownst to you, he cracked an eye open. Just to double check for a wedding band.

Nothing there to prove he ever got hitched. Go figure.

You giggled coyly into his lips, letting a soft moan ease through your teeth. Bringing your hands up to the hair/ear-things on his head, you toyed with them. Your pretty voice teased him, as you played with his hair in gentle strokes of your thumbs.

“Ooooh…such a good boy, huh? Fast too.” You cooed, the same way one might praise a puppy.

Oh. Fuck yeah. To hell with sitcom tropes and bogus wives. Agnes scared the ever-loving shit out of Pietro anyway. He had no semblance of a domestic connection to her. Not that she gave much of a damn herself. With how often she threw insults his way. Agnes always used Ralph as her little punching bag, before hijacking his body for her own gain.

No wonder your simple praises got his proverbial tail wagging.

A chuckle hummed in the back of his throat, as Pietro purred into your lips, “Speed’s kinda my middle name, y’know?”

You snorted one of the dorkiest laughs he’d heard since cognisant birth. And with a sudden spark of primal urgency; Pietro felt something else spring into transcendence down below. 

Sifting through Ralph’s sidelined psyche, Pietro came to realize how much of a recluse he was. The guy never seemed to get out much. In fact, Agnes might’ve even been his first partner. If one could classify her as such. So, really, Pietro was doing him a major favor. If Ralph knew he planned on using their body for some frisky fun - on an otherwise lonely Hallow’s eve - surely, he’d give his brain roomie some thanks.

Pietro’s hands were vascular like a wired-up machine, clad in arm-warmer paws. Grabbing hard onto your curvy hips with them, he pulled you in closer. He sought the friction of your crotch against his. And after some seriously sloppy making out, Pietro dropped you an invite to his place.

Or…Agnes’s place.

Uh…or…was it technically Ralph’s? Shit, this sitcom roleplay sure gave way to some mental gymnastics.

You didn’t expect Pietro to zip you off at superspeed. Moving abruptly fast, he brought you straight to his disaster of a man cave. Laying you back on the futon, he gave you little time to adjust over the blankets. The wrinkled fabrics reeked of pot, in desperate need of a wash. You got as comfy as you could on the skunky sheets. Blinking your needy gaze up at him, you tugged his white belt, pulling the band undone. Pietro grinned lazily, colliding his swollen lips into yours. His primal instincts left him wreckless with want. 

Burying his tongue in the cavern of your mouth, he brought with him the flavor of cheap booze. As you tasted him, you moaned, shucking his dumb jorts down his hips. A sizable swelling twitched in his tights, squirming under muted blue. Your eyes bulged in their sockets, cartoonishly wide. The way you whirled your tongue across your lip gave off a vibe of animalistic hunger. As though you were eager for an all dick dinner. With Pietro as the appetizer.

And the main course. And the dessert. He hoped you'd rate him five stars.

Restaurant metaphors aside; this was the very first test of his capabilities as a lover, after all. If he couldn’t live up to his superhero name, maybe he could make a name for himself in other ways.

Pietro Speed Maximoff. Quicksilver. Cunning Linguist.

But first…he really should satiate your hunger.

One, generous tug downward, and Pietro’s - or Ralph’s - slightly above average length sprang out. Bouncing in your face in mesmerizing oscillation, his cock appeared pulsating and roused. Thick veins weaved like threads through his shaft, akin to his vascular hands. His balls bulged in his tights, his jorts hanging halfway down his thighs. Pietro took his blistering cock in hand. Aching for the kind of stimulation Ralph never got, his desire painted him so flush and ruby red. 

Since you looked so delighted at the sight before you; Pietro gave his cock a few strokes. He played with himself for your viewing pleasure. And as his firm grip tugged his shaft, the world pulled suddenly back. It was as though Pietro viewed life through a third person perspective. Metaphorical cameras fixed their lenses on the two of you, in an all too human position of closeness. 

The weight of a cock in Pietro’s hand felt both familiar, yet weirdly foreign. Combine that with the sight of another living, breathing body below him; and his nerves buzzed uncomfortably. Frenzied in such a way that matched the quick pulsing of his heart. Focusing instead on your fluttering eyes, Pietro weaned himself out of dissociation. Your hands braced his hips, thumbs circling the fabric of his tights. The gentle gesture brought chills throughout his body. Inching forward, you teased his bobbing cock with a flick of your tongue.

Wet heat grounded him in reality. Upon racing to the forefront of his own mind; Pietro’s breath hitched with a husky groan. He held your head, massaging his fingers in your soft hair. Cute mewls spilled from your lips as you flitted your eyes shut. Swirling your tongue over his cock’s puffy head, you lapped any tearful pearls of precum. His thickness sank between your plush lips, and Pietro’s own lips parted for breath.

Of all things to happen on Halloween night, getting his dick sucked wasn’t on the docket.

Not that Pietro had any reason to complain. This? Wicked awesome. Ralph was really missing out.

You drew lazily back just to lap his balls over his tights, staining fabric with slick saliva. Rolling the tip of your tongue up the underside of his dick, you giggled in that dorkish way again. Pietro’s teeth pulled his lip as he tilted his head back. His dick twitched, throbbing while the heat of your mouth embraced him fully. He moaned, smiling wide enough to show off his dimples. You pumped his cock at the base, teasing his veins with your tongue.

Pietro’s brows turned inward. You suckled his head like you longed to guzzle anything he could give. He sank his fingers deeper through your hair, holding on tightly as he rutted his hips. With each slam of his weeping tip into your throat; he hoarsely grunted. You really did try your best, just for him. Even as tears spilled down your cheeks and your lips began to swell. Plush and puffy, circling his slick length. Pietro kicked up the speed at which he rutted.

Fighting his instincts, he was cautious enough not to choke you. Or, he wanted to be cautious. He braced his hands on both sides of your tear stained face, his arm warmer paws soft against your cheeks. Sinking his dick even deeper between your lips, he accidentally went balls deep. The wet fabric of his tights smothered your chin. You sputtered on his cock, which made your throat wring him so tight. As your tongue curled, sliding under the thrum of his veins; Pietro cursed. Playful chuckles and shameful apologies fell from his lips.

Bitter heat coated your tongue in sweltering jets, thick and explosive down your throat. Pietro’s groin twisted in a blossoming surge of pleasure. And as he ruptured your esophagus with his sticky load, he found himself that much more grounded. As if such a bombastic nut somehow tethered him to reality - securing Pietro from any further derealization. 

Righteous. His first big O since Agnes blessed him with the gift of consciousness. Significantly more electrifying than any sad, jerk sesh Ralph had in the past. And since you so humbly took him like a champ - giving Pietro a most euphoric experience; he saw it fit to return the favor ASAP.

Neither Pietro - nor Ralph, it seemed - had any experience toying around with partners. But he did have a vague knowledge of how to do so. Thanks to the backlog of not-so-safe-for-work memories deep in his subconscious. Raunchy porn, mostly. Magazines. Tapes. Jesus, Ralph…why’s there so much dirty stuff in there, huh? Lots and lots of it. Pietro would have to do his own research later.

He gave you no time to prep for his oncoming nose dive. Perched on your knees, coughing and clearing your throat - you found yourself abruptly resting on your elbows. Your upper back pressed into the futon. Pietro lifted your hips, using his strength to hike your thighs over his broad shoulders. As you parted your swollen lips to protest, blinking your reddened eyes; Pietro pulled your panties to the side. He kept the soaked lace pinned under a thick thumb. Burying his lips in your cunt, he lapped up your honeyed heat.

A sudden addiction, triggered by something carnal, overtook him instantly. Pietro became hooked on your fragrant flavor, swirling your cute bud in high-speed circles. He worked your stiff clit like a microscopic joystick, flicking wet heat in a spastic whirlwind. Alternating between drawing patterns, and sucking your precious pearl hard. Pietro so easily made you squeal - even without any prior experience - until you scratched your fingernails deep into Ralph’s sheets. Kissing your cunt, he let his thirst take over, and dove deeper.

The tune of his name melting through your moans made him wish the night would last forever. A small fraction of him hoped Ralph would never take over again. If consciousness offered rewards this scrumptious, Pietro wanted to stay sentient into eternity. Not to be selfish or whatever, but he almost considered playing minion for Agnes again - if only to secure the lifespan of his psyche.

Your supple, pussy lips parted as he wormed his tongue through your slick walls. Smooth, bumpy heat squeezed the fuzzy ridges of his tongue. In milliseconds, your fluttery love gushed over his taste buds and leaked down his chin. Tears teased the edges of your eyes. You cried whines of sugary bliss. Pietro’s thumb kept your panties pinned, his other hand locked around your thigh.

He smirked into your pussy, deep chuckles burning hot on your mound. And since the position wasn’t exactly the most comfortable; he allowed you some reprieve. Pushing you past your breaking point at light speed, Pietro bashed the sopping slickness of his tongue into your clit. You trembled, shuddering through powerful waves of orgasmic intensity. White-hot flashes of light flooded your vision. Under Pietro’s zippy tongue, your sweet pussy quivered.

Totes mcgoats. If he learned anything tonight - aside from the obvious lessons in subtlety; Pietro now understood why the everyday man lost his doggone marbles over puss.

After your first release, he eased your tired body into the futon. Your back met cozy blankets, engulfed in that skunk weed scent. Before you relaxed, he edged you even longer, drawing out your pleasurable suffering. Pietro sank his fingers deep into your heat, pumping the length of them inside you. His digits curled perfectly, finding every spongy spot that made your core burst with a desire to cum again. His tongue teased your swollen nub until you grabbed at his hair. You mussed the funny looking ear things atop his head, pressing your palm into his forehead to try and push him back.

You begged him to stop. Pleading in disoriented whimpers, your noises went straight to his limp dick. A few more hot, wrathful waves of pleasure later - he finally stopped. Only after your cunt erupted in one more, wet burst. You leaked like a fountain into his lips, soaking his chin, even making a mess of his makeshift costume. More than worth it. Pietro sat up on the futon, admiring his handiwork. He wiped his mouth with one of his arm warmer paws. Your mouth fell agape as your lungs begged for air. More tears sparkled on your flushed cheeks, mirroring the twinkle of your pussy. Pretty as a rose in a rainshower.

With your sluggish arms, you gestured for Pietro to climb over you. And once he did, you pulled him into a lazy kiss without a single care. You paid no mind to the taste of your sweetness on his lips, or the scent of your musk on his chin. Sleepily blinking, you bravely asked if you could stay the night. Too tuckered out to even consider a long walk back home.

Pietro could just as easily speed you over to your place. But even at the risk of his not-wife catching him in bed with someone else - he felt too adverse to loneliness. Besides...your company brought him more delight than he ever expected of anyone. Settling into the futon, he popped on Ralph’s old TV set.

Cheers was on. Pietro snickered to himself, rolling his dark eyes.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, snuggled up against Pietro’s strong form. He’d changed clothes at some point in the night, finally foregoing the tights. Oh, and he lended you one of Ralph’s shirts too. A Grateful Dead t-shirt, of which you were very grateful. Hah, “You don’t like Cheers?”

Pietro shrugged, sipping a beer. A Busch beer. He scowled at the taste, curling his lip.

“Eh. More of a Frasier kinda guy.”

[writingoddess1125]

The Canary

Me and stupid shit again

Support on Ko-Fi, I'm poor

"Ah, 50k in debt for a linguistic degree you didnt get while working at a grocery store- Can't get any better then that!"

You had said that morning- Your sarcasm rolling off your tongue like a goddammit curse as you headed off to work.

And yet here you are now...

Your ass tied up on the floor of the grocery store while men armed to the teeth walked around talking- you felt oddly fortunate however, these guys were clearly grunts at the bottom of the food chain in terms of 'bad guys' hell they were speaking a language you had studied so you could pick up what they were saying as well.

You had been in the meat section when the explosion went off- The cow statue having saved your ass from being turned into a tube of ground beef, but now you were a hostage..

Greaattt.

"Hamil told us we needed the hostages, 6 of them exactly for this while they set up the explosives down the block.. we just gotta wait for the signal" The man said in the different language. You taking mental note of this-

You spot a little girl and her mother among your fellow hostages, your heart breaking at rhe sight as you saw the man approach her. Her mother clearly trying to undo her child's rope and get her to slip away down the aisle. However pausing when one of the men approached her and the girl.

"Hamil said Makarov gave us the clear so we could do as we pleased as we wait right?" The man said, one of his peers rolling his eyes in disgust and calling him dirty.

"Whatever we got some time to kill" He grumbled, beginning to undo his belt as he grabbed the screaming mother who was trying to shield her daughter away from the possible assault. You sitting up fully at this point and your brain going on autopilot.

"Woah Woah Woah Man! Got that weak of game you have to rape some Mom now?!" You yelled, the man pausing his actions. Tossing the sobbing women away from him and marching to you angrily fixing his belt-

"What did you say?" He hissed angrily flashing his gun at you. "I'll fuck your mother how about that-"

He said angrily, You took note of all the men now staring at you and not at the other hostages- Keeping them distracted... maybe enough for the little girl to slip away?

"I've already fucked your mom asshole- I have her saved as slip and slide on my phone" You say with a crooked grin- A few of the men snickering at your joke, Oh Fuck Yeah!

"What did you say!? Do you not see the situation you're in now?" He growled.

"Aww can't take a joke big guy? Come one gotta lighten it up somehow-" You see in your peripherals the girl slipping away as you chattered.

"Got a big mouth huh? Why don't we put it to use?" He chimed, you really wanting to turn this guy away from molesting you or anyone else.

"Listen it would be a waste of space- like if you throw a hotdog in a cave" You chimed, smiling as he looked ready to rip you apart but instead punched you across the face. OWWW!!

"Is it BDSM tuesday?.. Eh not doing it for me though big guy maybe rub your nipples and give me a wink?" You say, His friend who had called his dirty giving a hearty laugh at this.

The man glared down at you and spit in your face, clearly wanting to kill you in some way but needed you and the others for their plan. You pretended to taste it like a fine wine, Looking him in the eye.

"Oh?~ Cock flavored spit?- New Age?" You chimed making the man face red as a tomato in rage as his mate to the left laughed.

"Was this a little self yoga or did Unicorn overthrew give a hand?"

He smacked you with his pistol making you cry out-

Fuck that hurt!!

You defiently had a cracked bone somewhere in your face and the fresh taste of blood in your mouth didn't exactly help those feelings.

"Say something smart now!" He yelled angrily.

"A pistol whip!? What is this 1995? Give your balls a tug you tit fucker! Or are they so shriveled up you can't grab them?" You say with a smile, the man grabbing your collar and pressing the gun to your temple.

"I no longer care what Hamil wants! I'm killing this little bastard!" He screamed, you wincing at his breath.

"You can't! I don't want Makarov on my ass!" His peer yelled ready to pry him off you.

"Just put a sock in their mouth or something if they are bitching that much!"

"Well if you're gonna kill me so close a breath mint would be nice? You do realize Tiktacs aren't just a penis size right?" You chuckle nervously, you eyes catching a shadow moving behind the men now all staring at you. Their backs turned to the shadows.

"You know what- I'll shut up after one last joke? Eh?" You say nervously, The man yous been tormenting cocking his gun- you see a man silently stalk out, a skull mask covering his face as 4 others moved in perfect formation behind him.

"No more fucking jokes!" He yells, rage in his eyes.

"Okay- But I tried" You say cheerfully before closing your eyes. In seconds gunfire went off around you and quick screams surrounded you.

"Clear!" You hear sounded as you crack open your eye to take a peak.

"Holy fuck-" You sigh out and give a nervous laugh. Looking at the dead men now littering the ground as the soilders file into the area quickly-

The guy in the skullmask- The one who you spotted getting into position behind the guys comes to you and undoes the rope around your wrist in record time as the other men do the same to your fellow hostages.

"A medic will be here soon to check over your injuries" He said in a surprisingly deep voice- accident not lost on your either. He reached a hand down to either help you up or pick you up to extract you from the area.

You grab the man's vest quickly to stop him before he could, He stares at you hard in confusion.

"Listen, Those guys said that there were bombs down the block and were waiting for a signal. They have others- I can understand them and thwy said they followed someone name Hamil who talks to Makarov... I-Im a linguists and um.. can understand them" You say quickly, The masked man narrows his eyes at this and speaks into a radio on his side.

"We have info that more bombs are down the block- Scout the area and evacuate further" he said as he went back to helping you up. A quick thanks leaving your lips as you pulled off your work hoodie and passed it to the mother to cover her up.

The men escorting you out of the grocery store.

"Got to say, never seen a Canary get the best of those guys-" The Mohawk guy said with a smirk on his face, supporting a old man who clearly had a broken foot.

"Gotta use my gifts somehow- and Canary?" You shot back,

"Always fuckin' churpin" He said with a smile. A laugh now coming from you as you nod. Once outside the medics quickly swarmed all of you and prepared to take you all to the hospital.

You spot the masked guy again- Giving him a head nod. "Thank you Mr. Spooky!" You call out rather loudly- earning a amused glare from the man who rolled his eyes.

"....Your quips- Were... quite amusing.." He said calmly, You looking at the hardened man with a smile on your busted face- The others in his little boy band also cracking some smirks as they walked off finishing their jobs- which you assumed was down the block.

You give a bow of your head in a mildly dramatic flare. Wanting a shot and a nap at this point as the

"Glad my show went well"

Bonus!

- The little girl got out and went to the police that were waiting outside- explaining what you were doing and immediately getting checked over by medica

- TK141 had actually gotten to your location a little earlier then when you saw. However Soap had to stop everyone since he almost fell out at the cock flavored spit take.

- The whole team had been laughing on the inside or holding back laughter the whole time they heard you chirping at the men holding you hostage.

- The Nickname 'Mr. Spooky' will follow poor Ghost for the next few months-

[basicallyaturtle]

never been part of a tag game, sounds really fun! tagged by dear Lanvender, @khan-crete

Do you make your bed? A freshly decrumbed, stuffed animal arranged and dirty clothes removed bed feels great. How often do I do this? We mustn't ask (like once or twice a month) that's all making the bed entails for me, I just have a fitted then normal sheet and blankets

Favorite Number? 4 4 4 4 4! I've loved four my entire life she is like a goddess to me. 2+2 2*2 2^2, divides into halves twice. can only compete with sixteen, whose status and 2^4 and 4^2 is nice, but not as symmetric. 37 and 73 have a place in my heart as the 12th and 21st primes, but not a large place compared to 4

What's your job? What do I get paid for? undergrad lab TA, what do I do? grad research in low energy nuclear physics

If you could go back to school, would you? In school technically still. Would I rewind time to experience school again? highschool no college yes. would I go back for another college degree? I could be convinced if it would be cheap and unobtrusive to my current schooling. Was always torn between physics and linguistics. I made the right choice but I always wonder what if.

Can you Parallel Park? I have done it, on the driving test, like four or five years ago. I think I could do it again, but not too confident

Do you think Aliens are real? Eh, probably in a 'the observable universe 9.3e+9 ly across, it must have happened more than once' kinda way, but not in a 'they've been feeding us tech for thousands of years or are visiting us' kinda way.

Can you drive a manual car? Never tried, hubris tell me yes, anxiety with even normal cars tells me I'd probably fuck up the transmission while trying to leave the driveway. gonna say yeag

Guilty Pleasure? I think like cheesy childhood disney live action movies?, generally I'm pretty full chested about the things I enjoy

Favorite Type of Music? yeah, hard, a lot of vocaloid, which isn't reallly a genre, a lot of edm genres from like old school monstercat, a lot of jrock by way of anime OP's of show's I've never watched then finding other songs by those artists. some rock music though that genre is also extremely expansive and I'm not sure how I'd categorize a lot of it. Generally my music consumption consists of a group of maybe five songs completely unrelated on repeat for months at a time and genre is not a huge factor in that

Do you like puzzles? twisty puzzles like rubik's cube type puzzles are really fun working, towards doing a 3x3 blindfolded but challenging, I used to do jigsaw's with my mom but over the course of a very long time because we'd get frustrated. crosswords, but I'm no good at them

Favorite Childhood Sport? Soccerrrr. Wish I'd stayed with it, but there were only a couple more years before there wasn't a league for my age group anyway, been trying to get back into it recreationally

Do you talk to yourself? I do, but as if I'm talking to someone else. I prefer not to do it because I'm not content with my voice atm, but I find myself doing it a lot especially when getting stuck on research stuff trying to talk it out or I will say a comment to someone I disagree with outloud rather than typing it and posting it. A lot of this is to my reflection which is probably part of the reason it feels like someone else lol

Tea or Coffee? tea all the way. drank iced sweet black tea my entire childhood and started drinking it hot with milk in college. I was the kind of person that disliking coffee was a sort of pillar of my tastes, but then a few years ago made it with like half milk and a lot of sugar and like it, lotta people wouldn't call that coffee, but eh.

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up? The actual first thing was everything. I would amalgamate like all the stereotypes of things kids want to be into one so a firefighter-astronaut-whatever else. When I got a better sense of my interests, inventor, so I guess like product designer, but what that meant to me was I got to sit around and think of neat gadgets and items then figure out how to make them like freeze ray, time machine, clone gun, that kind of thing lol. the first practical idea of a job I wanted was theoretical physicist in like middle school, which I kinda am now so success I guess

What Movies do you Adore? not much of a movie person, but like to watch movies other people are interested in with them, love castle in the sky, LOTR, howl's moving castle, your name, probably others in those categories I don't know about yet or have forgotten and I have a strong soft spot for childhood halloween movies like twitches and halloweentown

I'm curious what @arc-archernar and @charyou-tree have got to say if they'd like to, and anyone else that wants to participate!

[outfoxt]

Affixes, Clitics, and Particles

i think that these parts of language are really cool! so im going to try to explain them :D also i definitely did not get sent down an hours long rabbit hole of linguistic papers and i also definitely didn't find out that the reason i wanted to make this post is actually a misconception :D i love ignoring things :D

Affixes:

the wikipedia article for affixes says that "in linguistics, an affix is a morpheme that is attached to a word stem to form a new word or word form."

in hopefully simpler terms, this basically means that an affix is a letter, or a group of letters that form a single sound or syllable, that is attached to a word stem to form a new word or word form.

some examples of these are the somewhat well known prefix and suffix, but also the beloved infix:

prefix: undone suffix: spotless infix: abso-fucking-lutely

sidenote: my favorite thing about english infixes is that they pretty much only work with expletives. in fact, there's a tom scott video about expletive infixations!

Clitics:

wikipedia defines a clitic as such: "a clitic is a morpheme that has syntactic characteristics of a word, but depends phonologically on another word or phrase."

in layman's terms: a clitic is a letter, or a group of letters that form a single sound or syllable, that has the function of a word in a sentence, but depends on another word or phrase based on the sound rules of the language.

a few examples of clitics can be seen in finnish (which also has a great many affixes but we're not talking about those right now):

-ko/kö -han/hän -pa/pä -kin

the spelling of the clitic depends on vowel harmony. if you want to learn more, this dissertation is all about finnish clitics!

you may be asking yourself how to tell the difference between clitics and other parts of speech. well this study has just the thing for you! quite a few tests are suggested by the author of this study if you want to be able to tell if something is a clitic or not, including some of the following:

a phonological test observe how the clitic forms a phonological unit with an independent word. (do not ask me how this one works i dont know) accentual test "clitics are accentually dependent, while full words are accentually independent." put simply, if you can't put stress on it, it's probably a clitic syntactic test a word can stand on its own and be subject to normal word processes such as tense changes while a clitic cannot do this

Particles:

"'Particle' is a cover term for items that do not fit easily into syntactic and semantic generalizations about the language[.]"

read: "particle" is a miscellaneous, catch all term for anything that doesn't fit into the above two categories (or any other word categories like nouns, verbs, etc.)

the author of this study (who i'm going to refer to as Zwicky from now on because it's easier) says that theres no such thing as a particle and that its distinction from affixes, clitics, words, and clauses is unnecessary. i think thats an. interesting take.

anyway even though Zwicky just said theres no such thing as particles (which, how could he do that? theres kids around! we dont want to ruin the magic!) he concedes that there is actually a group of words that are commonly called particles that he agrees are actually particles. but he decides to call them discourse markers instead. because fuck you.

i dont like any of the words that Zwicky included so i made a list of my own:

-ね (ne) eh (canadian english) innit (common transcription of "isn't it", british english)

the funny thing is im coming out of this still not entirely clear on what a particle is. i thought i knew, i did some research, realized i didnt know, and now i'm here. based on how Zwicky puts it, it feels like the category of "particle" exists to accommodate the fact that there might be words* that arent affixes, clitics, words, or clauses but it feels like Zwicky is just being contrary. I should probably have done more research but this post was supposed to be done 24 hours ago.

out of context highlights from my research process: - sanskrit - the panini rule - doch - verbosely long section titles

*i dont actually mean words, i mean a morpheme which is a letter or a group of letters that form the representation of one sound that carries meaning, but i didn't want to make that sentence long and unreadable

if i'm wrong, please tell me! i would appreciate being corrected, i know i am not an expert on this topic in the slightest.

[screemnch]

About your Danyas and Tyomas

Hi, it’s almost 2 am and I have a flight in like, 9 hours, which means it’s time for pedantic linguistic musings. Specifically I’d like to share some fun info about Russian phonetics (which I’ve stated many times are really weird) and how that relates to the diminutive names that you can give to Russian characters (including these stupid pathologic characters that live in my head rent free)

As a final preamble I want to point out that this isn’t a critique on the English only speakers within the fandom. I love y’all and you are awesome. However, Russian is it’s own language with distinctive phonetics and notations, and the English language is a bit too… Not limited, but different, and it does not convey Russian words and names properly, especially in notation (don’t get me started on how “Tycheek” is actually pronounced in Russian). And since I’m also here to bridge the gap between languages while also trying not to completely Englishize and Americanize my existence… I’ve decided to talk about the dreaded Russian “y-” vowels.

The Russian language has 10 vowels, which are:

а (“ah” sound, but shorter)

o (“oh” sound but without the “h”)

у (“oo” sound but can be as short as you’d like”)

э (“eh” or like the “e” in the word “ten”)

и (“ee” sound, also can be as short as you’d like)

ы (uhhhhhh… Best I can describe it is the sound you make when you get punched in the stomach)

And that’s it! Here’s the part where you go “wait, tumblr user screemnch, that’s only 6 vowels! Why are you lying to me?” The thing is tho, that I am not lying to you. The other 4 vowels “е”, “ё”, “ю”, and “я” are what I can only describe as “composite vowels” as in vowels that are made up of those I’ve already told you about and the awesome letter “й” (which has the same sound as the “y” in “yes”).

The vowel “e” is comprised of “й” and “э” to make a “yeh” sound.

The vowel “ё” is comprised of “й” and “о” to make a “yoh” sound.

The vowel “ю” is comprised of “й” and “у” to make a “you” sound.

The vowel “я” is comprised of “й” and “а” to make a “yah” sound.

With me so far?

The names we’re looking at today are Daniil (Даниил) and Artemy (Артемий), for which people have elected to use the diminutives of Danya (Даня) and Tyoma (Тёма). Based off of what I explained just now, this makes sense phonetically (and I’ll bet my money that it was my fellow Russian speakers that told y’all about them). HOWEVER. Do not be fooled, do not be deceived. Because Russian phonetic laws get even weirder.

The phonetics I’ve illustrated for you make sense in particular instances. Mainly, when a “composite vowel” is the letter in the very beginning of the word (such as the last name of the Russian actor Oleg Yankovsky. The letter “Я” being in the front makes the “yah” sound).

The other instance is when the “composite vowel” is prefaced with either the soft (ь) or hard (ъ) sign, such is the Russian spelling of cognac (коньяк). These signs have no sound of their own, but provide a kind of separation that allows these “composite vowels” to sounds as I described.

Are you ready for the curveball? It happens when a “composite vowel” is prefaced with a consonant. See, almost all Russian consonants have a “hard” and “soft” versions. It’s a very slight phonemic difference that is difficult to catch if you hadn’t been hearing Russian since childhood (cuz that’s how learning how to distinguish phonemes works. You’re most fine-tuned to the phonemes of the language you were surrounded by as a kid) and is difficult to explain. But I will attempt to.

When you say the word “no” the consonant “n” is a hard one. If you were to use the “soft” version while trying to say “no”, it’d sound a but closer to how you say “gnocchi”.

When you say… Ugh, ok, when you say “nya~” the consonant “n” is a soft one. If you attempted to use the “hard” version while trying to say “nya~” it’d sound more like “nah”.

And that’s what happens in the Russian language. The presence of a regular vowel (except for “и”) dictates that the consonant prior to it is a “hard” one. The presence of a “composite vowel” in turn swallows the “й” (y-) sound in return for softening the prior consonant. Consonants can be soft in other instances. Idk if I’ve actually done it in my analyses when attempting to write phonetics, but you may have seen me use an apostrophe after some letters. I got it in my head some long time ago that that’s how you indicate soft consonants when writing in English, and it’s too late to stop now.

So, if the “й” (y-) sound gets swallowed by the prior consonant, all we get to hear is the “-а” although it sounds like a “я”. So let’s try saying “nya~” the Russian way.

You’d start as if you were trying to say “nya~” how you would in English, but stop short before you actually open your mouth. Substitute the “ya” with an “a” or “ah” sound. The softer “n” sound will alter the vowel, creating (hopefully) the authentic, Russian “ня”.

So, when, for example, saying the name Даня you would apply the same logic. The “y-” sound gets swallowed up by the softened “n”. Same for Тёма. The softer “t” (like in “tea”) swallows up the “y-” sound.

And yes, I’m aware that there isn’t much one can do when writing down names using English letters. But I also don’t really want the whimsical and weird Russian pronunciation to go unappreciated. It’s my language, dangit, it’s worth learning.

Also, I’d encourage you to explore some more fun Russian diminutives. With the names we explored alone you can get the actual Russian nicknames of Данечька (“Danech’ka” using the “-ech’ka/ochka” suffix) and Артёмка (“Artyomka” using the “-ka” suffix).

This concludes today’s linguistic ramblings (and totally not secret propaganda to get people to learn Russian.)

[mejoresetipo]

Something I always found fascinating is how discourse markers and filler words add to our usage of language. Y'know - stuff like "uh" and "um" and "like". I always thought it was interesting how people associate those kinds of words with being stupid or slow to think - but all it really means is just that you're processing information. Anyway, tangent aside, this filler is really interesting to me because, something you may not know if you speak English natively, other languages have their own unique types of filler that are either equivalent to the ones listed above or just entirely unique in their own ways.

Simplest example I have is comparing my two native languages - English and Spanish. Instead of "uh" or "um", people who speak Spanish, especially American dialects of Spanish, will often use "eh". Why, you ask? Well, I always figured it was because the most common vowel differs between these two languages. The "uh sound" is called a schwa in linguistics, and appears as a VERY common vowel in English. I mean, think about it. I just used several words that have it without even intending to. "About", "common", "appears" - all of these use the schwa. Hence our tendency as English speakers to go to it as a filler between thoughts. But think of the average Spanish speaker - the most common articles you'll be using are things like "me", "es", "eres", etc., which all contain that vital "eh" sound. Hence the difference.

That isn't to say we don't also use words like "like" though. It's just slightly different in translation. Often, Spanish speakers will use phrases such as "este, pues, como (=like)" or, an Argentine favorite "che", which fun fact is where revolutionary of Cuban fame Che Guevara got his name - apparently he was a frequent user of that filler.

Want to know something even cooler? This isn't even just a verbal phenomenon. There is actually a sign in American Sign Language just to say "um". Filler words are so vital to our vocabulary and yet they constantly get dunked on as being "unnecessary" and "unintelligent". I mean, what else are you going to say between thoughts? You could be like "I apologize, however, I am still thinking on my next point" or you could go "uhhhhh". Personally, I'm more of a fan of the latter.

[visualtaehyun]

Feeling utterly unhinged about Hidden Agenda rn so here's an aimless meta? linguistic meandering through the episode?? Eh, bit of both, I guess.

Disclaimer: I'm still learning Thai so feel free to correct me on anything 🙏

Part 2/4 currently doesn't have subs (watching without any subs turned out to be easier than I expected) so I don't know in how far the subs make it clear but-

When Joke first comes to Zo's dorm and meets his mom, he expectedly addresses her as คุณน้า (khun naa). It's a polite way to address an aunt (specifically the younger sister of one's mom) or address a woman who could be your aunt, age-wise.

As we saw, they seemed to have bonded pretty quickly over cooking so I was delighted to hear Joke call her คุณแม่ (khun mae) already when she invites him to stay for dinner. It's a polite form of address for someone's mother - you could call your friend's mom this, a teacher might address a student's mother like that, it's a respectful way to call your partner's mom or even your own if you're that formal with your parents. Zo's mom most likely offered it to him.

Apart from this linguistic context clue, I think it was pretty obvious how grateful Zo's mom was for Joke bridging the gap and letting her know a bit about what Zo is up to these days. He doesn't seem to talk to his mom much at all but then again he keeps his feelings inside a lot anyway. It's lovely that Joke encourages him to be more open with his feelings and thoughts, not just towards Joke himself but everyone! He's really been consistently trying to get Zo to come out of his shell, experience new things, and be less passive.

Let's talk about the food Zo's mom made! (At least as much as I'm catching, with the lack of subs 🥴)

It's all Southern Thai dishes, อาหารใต้ (ahaan dtai), which are generally known to be spicy hot hence Joke's suffering and sweating lol

Food pictures courtesy of this handy-dandy Wikipedia list, where you can also read up on these and other Thai dishes if you're interested!

The dish Joke and Zo's mom rescue from burning to a crisp is หมูหวาน (moo wan), "sweet pork".

Next up is the curry that Zo's mom makes sure to serve Joke: It's called แกงส้ม (gaeng som), orange curry, in Southern Thailand but everywhere else it's called แกงเหลือง (gaeng lueang), yellow curry, or แกงส้มใต้ (gaeng som dtai), Southern Thai orange curry, to differentiate it from central Thai แกงส้ม (gaeng som), orange curry. The one in the picture above is made with fish.

A clearly struggling Joke says he likes Southern food, especially กุ้งผัดสะตอ (goong phat sataw), shrimp stir-fried with the "stink" beans we see being used as a punishment/challenge at the end of the episode. The picture above is of the pork variety of this dish, หมูผัดสะตอ (moo phat sataw).

I'm not actually sure what the dessert is that Zo's mom shows up with as the boys are having A Moment™. But judging from the color, I'm gonna assume it's grass jelly, เฉาก���วย (chao guay).

As for the tongue twister / pronunciation exercise - the translators did a nice job in choosing an equivalent English one but that can't stop me from sharing the Thai one hehe

ยักษ์รักลิง /yak rak ling/ = giant loves monkey

ลิงรักยักษ์ /ling rak yak/ = monkey loves giant

ลิงน่ารัก /ling naarak/ = cute monkey

ยักษ์รักลิง /yak rak ling/ = giant loves monkey

So here's how Joke ends up using it to continue to be dorky-sweet to cheer Zo up flirt:

ยักษ์รักลิงแล้ว /yak rak ling laew/ = The giant loves the monkey (already). (It's possible he says อยาก /yaak/ here, my ability to distinguish tones ain't all that, in which case it would be Want to love the monkey.)

ลิงรักยักษ์บ้างปะ /ling rak yak baang bpa/ = Does the monkey love the giant at all?

ไม่ต้องรักยักษ์ก็ได้นะ /mai dtawng rak yak gaw dai na/ = Don't have to love the giant.

แต่แค่กลับมาคุยกับยักษ์เหมือนเดิมก็พอแล้ว /dtae kae glap maa kuy gap yak meuuan deerm gaw paw laew/ = Just going back to speaking with the giant same as before is enough.

I'm still in disbelief that Zo could make this smitten face at Joke yet not realize that Joke basically just confessed to him!

This show keeps on driving me crazy with how these characters look at each other, in general. There's a lot of tension, and with how JoongDunk and P'Tee have talked about this series and these characters, I'm kind of expecting that tension to resolve in

SPICE

[abidethetempest]

Eliksni Conlang Progress

Velask! this is my first progress post, hopefully the first of many! i have been really waffling on whether or not i wanted to even share any early content yet, but then i realized that was really just me being scared to show off my art and i'm not about that shit (plus i want to have a record of my progress to look back on)!!! so i'm gonna show off my art >:DDDD

so here's most of what i have now! beware, very long post below the cut:

Phonology

i hope to god tumblr didn't totally cronch that image. so yeah this is the rough phonology, emphasis on rough. full disclosure, everything i know about the IPA i learned for this project like a week ago. i'm a total noob, and i'm sure an experienced conlanger or linguist would look at this and their soul would exit their body in horror or smth equally dramatic. but in my defense, i did have to work backwards to build this based on existing material instead of making it all myself, so it was a lot more restrictive and difficult.

Short Vowels

ɪ: i

e: e

æ: a

ə: e or a (always unstressed)

ʊ: u

ɑ: aa

Long Vowels

i: ii

ɔ: o (primarily used before r)

Diphthongs:

eɪ: written as “ey” or “eh”

eə, written as “eyr” (pretty much exclusively seen paired with r, which is the reason for that spelling)

aɪ, written as “ei”

oʊ, written as “oh”

these diphthongs are used to represent a number of sounds that canonical sources do not differentiate between in writing. There might have been a way to do this using rules for pronounciation instead, but it was honestly so frustrating to think i had nailed down a good rule only to find one or two exceptions that i just decided to chuck canon out the window and make some damn diphthongs.

(if you don't know/understand the IPA, I highly recommend checking out this video for a great overview)

Phonotactics

this is also a very rough draft version, doubly so since the only person who has to care abt writing/speaking Eliksni rn is me. but this is my current basis for how i make, pronounce, and write words. i will definitely clean this up if/when i start making guides on using Eliksni, but it makes do for now.

C^3VC^3

Onset: all phonemes

Nucleus: all vowels/diphthongs

Coda: all consonants including clusters

stress on first syllable in most two syllable words

in three syllable words, stress on second syllable if it contains a k or a long vowel/diphthong

stress never on prefix

single "i" is short if surrounded by other letters and long if left open on either side. "ii" is always long and is written that way in words where it is surrounded by letters. Words that start with single i will be spelled with ii if they are compounded with another word. ex) ikrim (time), draiikrim (forever, lit. “all time”)

Consonant Cluster Rules

I only have rules for clusters of two so far, but I am going to flesh out the rules for three-consonant clusters soon since a few of those have cropped up in my lexicon building exercises. The chart for these is in an earlier post if you want to see it all color-coded and whatnot

C: can only pair with H to for CH, all romanizations using C in place of K are done so for aesthetic purposes (i only preserved the use of C as an occassional K because I like how it looks in romanizations, the actual Eliksni alphabet will never substitute C for K)

H: can only precede another consonant as part of the vowel in the nucleus, except for Y (functionally, H being attached to a vowel makes it part of that vowel, but i wanted to highlight this feature to make it very clear that H cannot precede another consonant on its own)

J: never pairs with another consonant. (i wasnt even going to include J as a sound in Eliksni, but there had to be two (2) damn canon names w J in them so i felt a little obligated)

Y: functioning as a consonant, Y cannot pair with any other consonant.

Z: never pairs with another consonant at beginning

Making this bigass chart was unironically so fun. i love you spreadsheets <3 i love you color coding <3 no i am not neurotypical why do you ask

Syntax

VSO 

verb-adverb

adposition-noun

possessor-possessee

Noun-adjective

thats it lmao! i'm not even sure if this is gonna stay the same, the only sentences i've written so far have been very basic and all like 3 words long. this is definitely an aspect i am expecting to change a lot over time as I refine how i want things to flow.

Stop! Grammar Time!

(i've waited three years to make that dumb joke lol sorry)

unfortunately grammar itself is no joke.

these are the affixes for conjugating verbs in Eliksni. There are 3 tenses currently (if anyone saw that post I made a few days ago abt the second past tense, i do still plan to implement it, just haven't had the time to think of affixes for it or decide how i really want it to work)

For the sake of time and bc this post is,,,, really damn long already, I won't be including the example conjugations i did here. might make a separate post with that so i can also show off how the mood markers work.

speaking of...

Mood time! i will readily admit this shit kinda confuses the heck outta me, though i understand the basics at least in theory. Some are more intuitive for me, like the imperative and interrogative. i might even drop the subjunctive, although i do want to at least try to grasp it first. Also shout out to the imperative for being irregular bc of ✨worldbuilding reasons✨, we love to see it.

and FINALLY

Noun case markers! Something my time learning German actually prepared me for!

There are only two cases in Eliksni, nominative and accusative. All other situations where other cases like dative or genitive would be used will be done periphrastically using prepositions and such. I was inspired by the lack of gendered third-person-pronoun in Mando'a, which is why there is one pronoun to refer to someone in the third person regardless of gender. If gender absolutely need be specificed, an adjective corresponding to their gender (ie: masculine, feminine, nonbinary, etc) is used.

and that's what i've got after about a week's worth of progress! for the sake of good recordkeeping, the date at the time of writing this post is 7-12-23.

feel free leave any thoughts (but please be gentle! i'm very new to this)!

[mysteryshoptls]

SR Silver Lab Coat Personal Story: Part 2

"If it could be cured, I would rid myself of it"

(Part 1) Part 2

[Botanical Garden – Temperate Zone]

Silver: We've found the "thunderwood leaves" and "ground cherry seeds" for the waking potion, but…

Kalim: That last ingredient, "dawn agar" isn't anywhere to be found.

Jamil: That's why I told you, you can't find everything you need in the botanical garden.

Jamil: Dawn agar is a rare herb, and if you want to find it around here, you'd have to look for it in the forest a little way away from here.

Silver: How long does it take to get to that forest?

Jamil: It should be about a three-hour round trip.

Silver: Oh… It's almost time for the sun to set. It'll be more or less impossible to search for herbs in a dark forest.

Kalim: Isn't there anything we can do, Jamil? Maybe like swapping in a different herb.

Jamil: Aren't I always telling you that potionology isn't as loose of a subject as you keep thinking it is?

Silver: So, we don't have any other option but to give up on crafting the waking potion…

Silver: In order to follow in my father's footsteps and become a respectable knight, I was hoping I would be able to remedy this predisposition to falling asleep…

Kalim: Silver…

Little Blue Bird: [chirp, chirp]

Silver: Hm…?

Kalim: Oh, a bird landed on your shoulder there. Maybe it's trying to comfort you?

Silver: Yeah… That may be.

Jamil: Are you two serious…?

Jamil: This isn't a fairy tale, there's no way that's what it's doing. It's just one of the birds in the botanical garden that's gotten used to people.

[rustle, rustle]

Kalim: And now a rabbit's hopped over by your feet! It's so cute～

Jamil: ! Hey, Silver. That plant in that rabbit's mouth…!

Jamil: It's the dawn agar you guys were looking for!

Kalim: Eh!?

Silver: …You want to give this leaf to me?

Rabbit: [nods]

Silver: Thank you… This is a big help.

Kalim: Look, Jamil. That rabbit's jumping all over the place, all happy.

Jamil: It seems to even be blushing… Am I just imagining things?

[thud, stomp, crash]

Kalim: hm? What's that sound?

Jamil: Woah!? A herd of animals all came rushing at us!?

Silver: …Everything is fine, Kalim, Jamil. No harm done.

Little Red Bird: [chirp, chirp chirp! chirp, chirp!!]

Silver: …I see you've got some dawn agar, too. Are you giving it to me? Thank you.

Squirrel: [rub, rub, rub]

Silver: Hey now, no rubbing against my cheek. It tickles.

Silver: …I get it. You want me to take the dawn agar from you too.

Jamil: Thanks to all these animals, suddenly, you've gathered a lot of dawn agar…!

Kalim: That's amazing, Silver! Even the beast tamers we employ can't control animals like you do, y'know?

Kalim: It's like you're an idol the animals look up to! Ahahah!

Silver: Sorry to surprise you two.

Jamil: …Silver, are you this proficient in animal linguistics or persuasion magic?

Silver: Not at all.

Silver: However, ever since I was little, whenever I got lost in the forest, or I felt discouraged because my training wasn't going well, the animals would come and support me.

Silver: I don't quite understand it, but perhaps I am naturally predisposed to have a connection with animals like this.

Kalim: Cool～ Now that I think about it, I have a relative that has a real connection with tigers.

Kalim: I see people with those kinds of abilities all the time!

Jamil: Seriously, you think people like that actually exist…!?

Jamil: With how you fall asleep randomly, and have all these overly affectionate animals… Silver, you're one strange guy.

Silver: Yeah. I think so as well. Just what am I, really…?

[Alchemy Workshop]

Silver: Jamil. If I recall, when the liquid in the beaker turns an emerald green, the waking potion is correct, right?

Jamil: Right. If it drops in temperature even one degree, you'll lose it. Be cautious. Especially you, Kalim.

Kalim: Leave it to me! I gotta measure the ingredients properly and then thoroughly mix it…

Silver: And finally, we put in the dawn agar…

[poof!]

Kalim: Woah, it exploded! Was it a failure!? Did the beaker break again!?

Silver: No, it looks fine. …Look inside the beaker.

Kalim: Ah, the color of the liquid is emerald green now!

Silver: We successfully concocted the waking potion… Now I should be able to stay awake.

Silver: Thank you, Jamil, Kalim.

Kalim: Haha. That's great, Silver!

Jamil: Good, okay… Alright, now you can finally start to work on your supplemental lesson to create a sleeping potion.

Kalim: Ah, oh no!  I completely forgot about the sleeping potion!

Silver: Oh, yes, now the real work must begin…!

Jamil: I knew you guys had forgotten all about your main assignment… What am I supposed to do with these two airheads…!

(Part 1) Part 2

[jayjuno]

Conjunctions in languages

A linguistic digression:

The "eh" and "ee" sounds stand for "and" in many European languages. After that, most European languages use a variation of "oh" or "ah" sounds to stand for "and"; or "un" or "und" sounds if they're Germanic.

Languages and linguistics is another hobby of mine that I'm still learning about, but I've already noticed this pattern of "eh" or "ee" for many European languages.

It's spelled "et" in French, but the t is silent in pronunciation. Spanish spells "y" but it's pronounced "ee". In Russian, "and" is transliterated into English with a capital I from the original character- which resembles a reversed or upside-down capital N from the English alphabet- but is pronounced "ee" here too.

Latin's "et" has the silent t like French- it's pronounced "eh" which is similar to the French pronunciation, which sounds more like "eeh".

I don't believe learning a second or more languages is as hard as some academics want everyone to believe- it's really just about noticing patterns like this "eh/ee" sound and other sounds being used across different languages, and then just taking the time to commit it to memory. If you practice reading slowly for about 20 minutes or more 5 days a week, you'd probably get the basics of a language within a few months.

I lost the book, but a linguistics book I read talked about how most languages descended from the original Proto-Indo-European (PIE) language share similarities. Almost all modern European languages are descended from PIE, which helps explain why most of them would have similarities to each other.

This book also talked about how memorizing conjunctions like "and" across different European languages is like a cheat code for learning multiple languages, at least ones derived from PIE. Even if you don't know many words, if you learn the conjunctions that many European languages share, then you should get to the point where you can read any of these languages and get the basic gist of what's being said. After memorizing conjunctions, you slowly build on that foundation with individual words that are unique to each language.

The words "god" and "deity" and "zeus" are all ultimately derived from PIE- English, German, Greek, Latin, French, Spanish, and even Russian all have a common ancestor (so to speak). The original PIE word for a god is something like "d'ues" or "deus", like Zeus, but with a D instead of a Z sound at the start.

And even though Ancient Sumerian is an isolated language, and thought to have no connection with PIE, I have a hard time believing these two languages, which existed at roughly the same time period, had absolutely no influence on one or the other.

Sumerians used "gah" for "and", which kind of reminds me of the "jah" in Finnish (pronounced "yah"). This is not proof that there's a connection between Sumerian and prehistoric European languages- but it might imply there's something to Noam Chomsky's theories of Universal Language, even if his particular ideas ultimately missed the mark.

I need to do more research...

End of digression.

[philosophicalparadox]

You know, I’ve been thinking.

There’s a particular mentality that I see quite often on Tumblr and all over the damn internet that I just don’t vibe with, and have never vibed with: the “Actions are (to varying degrees of exclusivity) what you should judge a person by” rhetoric.

And it wasn’t without some hard thinking as to why exactly that mentality bothers me, but I think I found the answer in a very ironic medium: because It’s quite literally A Slippery Slope.

How? Because judging actions without context very quickly becomes judging actions without evidence.

And it’s all fine to say, “well no one would be so dense as to not give context a chance to explain a person’s behavior” but that is actually what ends up happening more often than not with people of that particular mindset, because I notice a stunning overlap between people who believe actions are the best measure of morality and people who can’t distinguish explanations from excuses.

Which leads to a slippery and twisty rabbit hole of finding reasons why people’s context for their behavior is “just an excuse” and criminalising them anyway, even when their actions are perfectly justified.

I have known people like this IRL. I grew up with people like that, actually, so maybe I am a little biased towards the assumption of danger inherent in that mode of thinking.

But it really rubs me way the wrong way when people harp on about how reasons don’t matter as much as actions, when they actually mean that intentions are not an excuse for harm.

To quibble, the difference between an excuse and an explanation is rooted in fact, not feelings. There is a categorical and linguistic distinction between those:

Excuses are about deflecting responsibility. They’re quite often lies or exaggerations.

Example: a kid breaks a vase. He knows he will be in trouble for it, so instead of explaining why or how it happened, he tells a wild fib or something close to one so he avoids being in trouble; alternatively, say your boyfriend gets angry and breaks a mirror. Rather than confessing that he lost his cool and wants to fix it, he instead says things like “well I can’t help it when I’m angry” or “that wouldn’t of happened if you didn’t make me” etc.

very often excuses look identical to blame-shifting and has lots and lots of “but poor me” vibes.

Explanation is not about deflecting responsibility. It’s about explaining what happened and why. Simple right? Eh, not always so. More often than not children learn young that excuses by themselves don’t cut it, and learn to work explanations into their excuses to make them sound more believable. But the hallmark of an excuse never changes; it’s always about not being held responsible.

The issue is that too many people who see actions and outcomes as the main stalk for moral values is that they pick and choose when they want to call something an excuse based on how they feel about it. If an explanation seems untrue, it’s automatically an excuse, regardless of further proving or the person’s demonstrated willingness to accept responsibility. This is the fundamental spirit of callout posts. It no longer matters that you are trying your best to make amends if your actions condemn you simply for your having done them.

“But,” I hear some of the people I am sure reluctantly follow me these days say, “I’m not that hardcore! I just don’t like it when people give more attention to a person’s intentions than the fact that they’ve caused harm to me or someone else”

And that’s valid. What isn’t is making the assumption that because you can’t see what’s going on in the accused’s head, that you just automatically know what’s happening in there. What’s not cool is when you claim knowledge in ignorance of how and why things happen because “it doesn’t matter, it’s done now, and I want to see JUSTICE!”

And that, my dears, is why history repeats itself. That is why abusers walk free while victims are believed to be the perpetrators. That is why people get bullied in callouts that could not possibly matter less. Because when people cry “JUSTICE!” What they usually mean is “I want to see them bleed/be killed/be punished!” Not “they’ll get what is appropriate to them to render them harmless or to amend the problems they caused”

No one is owed forgiveness. But if you get SO fixated on “they did bad, therefore do bad to them” then maaaaaybe it’s time to examine why exactly you feel that way. And possibly get a therapist. (99% of the time it’s because of the way their, usually socially conservative, parents raised them)

And it all seems to start with “ But Actions Speak Louder Than Words” as a specific justification for “others Actions are the center of my moral philosophy and damn the consequences”

[brethilach]

I've seen many posts about people missing how common asks used to be so I have been trying to send about an ask a week. Now I send this ask first anytime I follow someone as I really don't want to bother anyone, so I'd love to know if you enjoy receiving asks and if so what kind of asks. Not having energy for asks or being comfortable with them is perfectly okay.

The categories I have in my ask notebook that I file under are in colour. Please feel free to make your response as long as you want or private (the asker cannot directly respond to private responses).

Self, Job/Work: please let me know what you are comfortable with from eh idk just ask it to nothing personal at all.

Baggishield/Tolkien, Dragon Age, Johnlock/Sherlock, ineffable spouses, other fandom: Please let me know what fandoms. I think my main fandoms and ships are Bagginshield/The Hobbit, Sherlock/Johnlock, Dragon Age Inquisition, {Pippin/Faramir Merry/Eowyn}/The Lord of the Rings and I dip my toes in a few that I currently can't remember but ships I don't engage with the canon of at all are: Good Omens but only for Crowley/Azirapheal, Stranger Things but only for Steve/Eddie , The Witcher but only for Geralt/Jaskier, and Ladybug and Cat Noir but only for Adrinette .

OC's, art/drawing, their writing, blog specific only

Story snippets ideas and prompts: Do you like receiving them?

Pets: I'd love to know all about them

Garden and Hobbies: What type of gardening and/or hobbies?

Like being tagged in things: If so what kinds of things?

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer.

I love getting asks!! Please send me them :)

Self -> I don't mind getting asked personal questions; if I don't want to share something, I just won't answer

Fandom -> at the moment this is primarily a Middle Earth blog (The Hobbit/LOTR/Silmarillion) and those are the only fandom spaces I'm really active in, but I'm also a casual fan of Hellboy and Dungeon Meshi, and I really want to get into Discworld :)

Story prompts or drawing requests -> I'm going through some artblock right now but I have in mind to start drawing AND writing for fandom, so please send me these!!

Pets -> I have a cocker spaniel and in the past I've had multiple other dogs, cats, lizards, frogs, chickens, ducks, a hamster, and a guinea pig. :)

Hobbies -> aside from writing, drawing, and reading, I'm also into linguistics, cooking, ceramics, taxidermy/vulture culture, and video games (currently playing LOTRO and the Lego Hobbit hehe)

Tagging -> I have no issue with being tagged in anything. Again, if I'd rather not respond, I just won't. Tag away!

Thank you for the ask! :)

[the-himawari]

A3! Usui Masumi - Translation [SR] Zero Gravity Linguist (2/2)

*Please read disclaimer on blog; default name set as Izumi

---

Masumi: …

*closes book*

Masumi: (I finished reading “The End of the Universe”… It definitely takes longer than usual when you’re translating it at the same time.) *Sigh*…

Tsuzuru: Did you reach a good stopping point? Here, would you like some warm tea?

Masumi: …Huh? Why would you…

Tsuzuru: Take it as thanks and encouragement for working so hard and flipping through the dictionary every day? It’s fine to repay you from time-to-time for all you do for me while I’m writing.

Masumi: …I don’t do that because I want you to pay me back or anything.

Tsuzuru: I know that. But I just felt like it.

Masumi: …Thanks.

-pause-

Tsuzuru: You’re really dedicated every day. Which book are you on from the ones you borrowed from Chikage-san?

Masumi: I’ve finished the second one.

Tsuzuru: Oh. That means you only have 1 left!

Masumi: Yeah. I’m currently in the middle of the third one. It’s just…

Tsuzuru: What’s the matter?

Masumi: At the part I’m reading now, my own translation doesn’t really seem right. I feel like it fits, but it also feels off…

Tsuzuru: Why don’t you try asking Chikage-san? That’s the fastest way.

Masumi: No thanks. There’s no way in hell I’m asking Chikage.

Tsuzuru: Umm, do know you anyone else who can speak English then?

Masumi: Someone else who can speak English… I do.

Tsuzuru: Eh?

*ring, ring*

Misaki: “…Masumi? I don’t get phone calls from you very often.”

Masumi: Is now a good time?

Misaki: “Yes, I can take a moment. What’s the matter?”

Masumi: I’m reading an English book right now, but there’s a part I’d like you to explain and translate into English for me…

-pause-

Masumi: So that’s how you translate it… Thanks for letting me know. Okay, I’m hanging up now…

Misaki: “Oh, you’re hanging up already? How cold.” “…But I’m glad if it helped. Please ask me if anything comes up again.”

Masumi: Sure, I will.

-pause-

Masumi: Here, I’m returning these. I read all three books.

Chikage: Oh my… that was faster than I expected. Well, I thought you could do it though. However, I have to say I’m a little disappointed. I was expecting you to get stuck somewhere and come ask me about it at least once.

Izumi: Woah. You read those all by yourself, Masumi-kun? That’s amazing…!

Masumi: I’m happy to be complimented by you, Director… It was worth putting in the effort.

Chikage: Aren’t you glad you read those three English books too?

Masumi: This has nothing to do with that.

Izumi: By the way, Masumi-kun. What did you think of that novel?

Masumi: It was a good read and I think it’ll be really helpful. Thanks. I’m sure I’ll be able to act well thanks to you.

Izumi: You mean it? That’s great!

Option 1: “I’m looking forward to your performance”

Izumi: I’m looking forward to your performance, Masumi-kun!

Masumi: Yeah. I’ll do my best so you’ll compliment me.

Izumi: Not just me—work hard for all the guests too!

Masumi: …Yeah, I will. I’ll do my best to make it a performance that will move the hearts of the audience.

Option 2: “Maybe I’ll give it another read”

Izumi: Maybe I’ll give that book another read before the play. I feel like I forgot some parts in it.

Masumi: I’ll translate the whole thing for you. I’ll whisper it by your ear all the way from start to finish…

Izumi: Y-you don’t have to, thanks! I’ll come ask you myself if there’s something I don’t understand!

Masumi: There’s no need to hold back though…

Izumi: Oh yeah. Chikage-san. You have the sequel to this, don’t you?

Chikage: Indeed. I still have it on hand.

Izumi: Hey, Masumi-kun. If you’re down, then let’s read the sequel too!

Chikage: I’ll lend it to you any time if you want to, Masumi.

Masumi: … (I’d like to read Director’s recommendation, but I don’t want to borrow it from Chikage…)

Izumi: Is something wrong?

Masumi: It’s nothing… I’ll read it if you say so. (*Sigh*… It looks like my days of using English begin once again…)

---

previous |

[padfootastic]

H E L L O jfp-eyes pen (thats your new name btw)

i know its a little late but my mind keep going back to it and i also talked about a similar issue w several other people on here since and i was wondering if you can/want elaborate on what you said about this:

"like, u want potters to be desi? it’s not just the cute clothes and good food and linguistic differences u need to keep in mind. there’s so much more where it comes from, including several practices that will be considered highly objectionable by this rigidly judgemental crowd."

((i am v v interested but no pressure to answer this, i totally get if you dont want to get into this discourse))

dani—you’re gonna pull me into the desi potters discourse one way or the other, eh?

so. i’m not sure how much sense this’ll make because it’s like…half-baked thoughts but my problem with this scenario actually stems from a more macro, general trend i’m noticing in fandom behaviour. for some reason, puritan culture & veiled conservatism is coming back in the guise of progressiveness? and that’s leading to a lack of critical thinking in these spaces & randomly attributing buzzwords to things out of context bc u don’t have more than a shallow understanding of it.

which means that that comment was directed at a very specific subset of fandom that decided that idk ignoring the Bad Things & Flaws would somehow make them cease to exist. let’s only take the most ‘exotic’, fun aspects even if it’s a completely one dimensional reading & run with it. they wouldn’t be able to tell u what desi is beyond the barebones.

so, you’ll have people vehemently arguing that the potters can’t be anything but desi and white james is gross and i’m just like—why. why are u, as a non-desi person, so attached to this headcanon that you’ll ridicule real people for it? and then their attitudes as well. the incest thing, for example. there are communities in india that marry their first cousins—if i write a story tomorrow where james marries his mother’s imaginary brother’s daughter, then depending on how i HC him, that’s perfectly culturally acceptable (and desirable). if i write a story where euphemia and fleamont use corporal punishment for him, and he takes it super lightly and jokes about it, that’s also fine. (which is a direct contrast to how the western black family & sirius’ abuse is treated). there’ a community in india where the man ‘drinks’ from his mother’s breast, publicly, at his wedding to symbolise the last time he’d be her son before he becomes someone’s husband. another where a new mother can’t feed her son until her sister-in-law washes her breast thoroughly. caste is something that’s not even touched upon. it’s so complicated. but how do u think it’ll be received by most of the desi potter crowd if i actually do write any of this? will i be praised for my ~representation or called out on twitter for being a freak?

and that’s really where i get annoyed. the attitudes most of this crowd hold does not have any space for cultural subjectivity, what is ok to them has to be universally ethical. there’s no way other cultures do things their way and if they do, it’s barbaric/backward/problematic etc etc. pseudo-colonial, like i said.

(disclaimer: i want it to be made very clear i’m not demanding people nclude this stuff in their fics. i’m well aware of how escapism works, being the premier advocate for it. im just saying it won’t hurt to be mindful of these facts, that this is a whole culture that’s ridiculously diverse that doesn’t just exist for the sake of people’s headcanons)

and this isn’t even going into the cultural nuances of how desi families work. you can’t bring in american/european individualism & have james move out at 18 & write everything transactionally & do everything the way u would for a white character but only pay lip service when saying they’re brown ykno? when u say they’re a certain identity, there’s so much that comes with that. and if u don’t include any of that, then it really just makes me wonder why u want a brown james—feels like ego appeasement and falling to peer pressure half the time tbh.

another important thing for me is that so much of this crowd intersects with the ‘fandom is activism’ crowd and i just. fundamentally disagree with those people. and find their words/actions incredibly performative. by which i mean, the way they treat real people—people from the communities they’re adopting as HCs for their beloved characters. there’s this…hypocrisy, yeah? what i mentioned above, about how if i wrote some culturally different practice, i’d probably be attacked. they don’t want desi potter, they want white-lite potters that is palatable to & tailored for their own constitution but in a form that they can pass of as ‘oh look, my characters r diverse which makes me Morally Good and i can use that to shit on others’.

i think my problem is just that i don’t like it when people use the identity headcanons to portray themselves as being inherently better because they have ~equal representation. fandom is not a government institution—lateral visibility & membership is not a prerequisite to wanting to write about x and y fucking or going on a date or hugging or having a conversation. making a marauder group where each character—functionally an OC—is from a different community (often w/o considering how intersectionality works) for the sake of saying ‘oh i have a x in my HCs’ does not make u some radical leftist, yeah? and i strongly dislike people who pretend it does.

[hedonistic-peacock]

Family Ties

Fem Reader x Donquixote Doflamingo

CW: Language, violence, blood, moral ambiguity, murder, sexual themes and situations 18+ only

Chapter 5: Repayment

Everything in your home had been restored and cleaned. Nothing was put back, but things were organized and stacked neatly, and it wouldn't take you long to get it all back where you had it. Apparently Doflamingo and/or his people had come in and at least undone the damage that had been done, without getting too deep into your private life.

The intent was appreciated, but now you were doubly glad you'd agreed to let Ace and Sabo sleep over. They helped you get the odds and ends put away and it was nice to have people to talk to while you were still dealing with the physical parts of the home invasion. You didn't let them keep you up too late either, glad that you'd offered to work a shift for Zoro the next day.

Working a shift with Zoro gave you a chance to catch him up on all the details you hadn't wanted to throw at people over and over. When you mentioned your house getting tossed you could feel the anger rolling off him, even if his face was neutral.

"I can ask Usopp to give you a security system quote." He offers, knowing you would turn down any other requests he might have offered. "I know you know all the ins and outs of 'em, but Usopp's as good with that stuff as Eustass is with cars."

"I won't turn down a quote." You admit, loading up the van. "I can't promise I'll buy what he offers, but if he's as capable as you say, then it might surprise me."

You noticed Zoro had a flower on his clip board. "What's that?"

"Eh? Oh, Robin clipped it there when I delivered flowers to her this morning. Said it was a gift." He replies absentmindedly, filling out information on the clipboard.

You raise your eyebrows, licking your lips to suppress the massive grin threatening to spread across your face and pulled yourself back into a neutral expression before Zoro looks up at you.

"You know her flower language stuff, (Y/N), what's it mean?"

You shrug, turning away and putting the last few boxes in. "You'll have to actually go in and read the board yourself, Marimo." You weren't going to tell him it meant 'Affection', especially since Robin hadn't asked for your help in hooking them up.

Zoro grunts. Sanji had started calling him that ages ago, due to his perpetually green hair, and the name had stuck. Generally, you only used it when you were teasing him though.

The next day you were working at Sanji's. This was the only job where you had to dress up a little bit to do it. Robin didn't have any uniform requirements for her flower shop, and you usually took care of the backroom and inventory for her more than anything else. So it wasn't like you were dealing with customers like you did at the café.

You wore some light makeup, broke out the nice short-heeled shoes, and had your long hair pulled into a bun with some random wooden hair sticks you'd bought when Sanji requested you not use pencils for it. Here's where you'd refined your Customer Service Voice™ to professional levels.

Today you had a nice blouse on, and a loose-fitting skirt that went down just past your knees, along with a pair of saddle shoes. It was comfortable enough, and while you didn't wear skirts often, you had nothing against them. Dressing up was fun to do occasionally, but you didn't generally have the occasion anymore. You went all out for the seasonal formals at school, because you not only liked dressing up, but you enjoyed people's reactions when the usually scruffy you was suddenly elegant.

Messing with people was one of the reasons you had studied linguistics. Code switching was a useful skill, and while a lot of people did it regularly, linguistics helped you to really drive it deep when you wanted.

The usual rush of the café came and went and just as Sanji and you had gotten everything back in order, two impressively tall men in suits stepped into the small space. You recognized them as two of the people who'd gotten out of the SUVs when things finally concluded Sunday. They weren't as tall as Doflamingo, but they weren't small men either.

"Gentlemen, you seem a tad early." You say, letting Sanji know these men were associated with your impending meeting.

The sterner of the two looks down at you and gave a solid professional smile. "We needed to verify the café was secure prior to the meeting, Miss (Y/N)." He bows a little and then looks over at Sanji.

"Tch." Sanji sours. "I'm the owner," He replies with an edge to his voice. "I'm not leaving."

"I'm more comfortable with my boss around as well," You add. "He can stay in the back, I'm sure he won't do anything rude."

The man's smile falters just a little, but then he nods in agreement. You learned later that the man who spoke was named Diamante, and his silent partner was Vergo.

You and Sanji made some light foods to go with the tea, and the table was set just as Trouble walked in through the front door. Taking off your apron, you stepped to the side of his seat, and pull it out for him. You could hear a soft bemused chuckle slip through the café as Sanji heads into the back room.

He accepts the offered seat with an even, "Why, thank you." And remains silent until you sit across from him. He was in casual attire, or at least casual for him, you imagined. A pastel pink button up shirt, no tie, and khaki style slacks. His shoes were even a kind of brown cream color, that matched well with the rest of his outfit.

Of course, he still had those damnable shades on. Not only did he use them to full advantage to flash his eyes when he wanted, but it was difficult to read him without being able to see his eyes.

"Right on time for my break." You state with a sly grin. "Which should give us just enough time to discuss the business you wanted?"

"Indeed it does." He replies, taking a sip of the tea that was set before him. "I also appreciate your understanding that I would want to keep this short, Miss (Y/N)."

"Business should be concise." You agree. "Since treating me to afternoon tea isn't enough to appease your sense of debt, what did you have in mind?"

You could see the smile slip across his lips, and you wondered if he had dug into your past while looking for you. Did he know you had a Masters in Linguistics? Considering your first meeting you expected him to be more surprised about the change of words and tone comparatively, but he seemed to be taking it in stride.

"I had hoped to literally pay off my debt to you," He begins, but his pause was enough for you to interject.

"I have enough money, I decline."

"Fufufu," It was the same laugh that slipped through the air earlier. "As I expected. I could offer you the opportunity to work for the lighter side of my company. Even if you don't stay with us long, I assure it would look good on your resume for future endeavors."

"Assuming the darker side of your business doesn't come to light." You scoff taking a sip and missing his reaction to your statement. Setting down the teacup you look at him with your business smile. "I currently have four jobs because I enjoy being able to help my friends. It's worked out well for me so far, so I will have to politely decline."

You had expected by this point that you was either irritating him or running him out of options. However, you couldn't detect a hint of anything except polite neutrality in his features. Very frustrating polite neutrality.

You see him move to pull something from his shirt, and admittedly you were suddenly concerned you had honestly upset this bearest of bears, when he held out a business card.

Well, it was no longer possible for you to deny who he was. Donquixote Doflamingo CEO of Smile, Inc. International. The damnable card in your hand had a single number on it, and on the back in excessively neat handwriting were collection of letters and numbers. You tilted your head, you understood the business card itself, but not the code on the back.

The inquisitive tilt prompts him to speak. "Consider it a single I.O.U." He says, "You can call the number on the front at any time, give them the code, and make a request. I'll see it done."

An IOU from arguably the most well-connected man in the world. If you picked your request correctly, you could change the lives of everyone in the city.

No, no. Don't. This is too much. There's too much weight to this card, I cannot accept it.

You move to hand it back. "I can't-." You stop and a smile spreads across your face. "No, wait, I suppose I can. I can call it tomorrow and request a pizza delivery. There's a place I really like that's close to Q's that doesn't deliver to my house." You are slipping into your usual form of speech because right now you're intentionally being a brat and don't want to hide it.

No twitch, no sigh, no anger. Damn this man and his hidden eyes.

"I can accept that on a single condition." He speaks evenly, but his voice was giving away more than his face, and it was laced with similar mischief to your own.

"Hmm?" you prompt, taking another sip.

"I would like a day of your time." He offers. "I would like the opportunity to repay you in a way that meets my own standards. Nothing untoward, no more perhaps than a glorified date."

"So like, dinner and a movie?"

"Close enough to that, yes."

You look the business card over again and give a cheeky grin. "If Pops says it's okay, I suppose I could graciously accept your request." You turn the card over in your fingers lazily, Doflamingo sitting across from you still so frustratingly unreadable.

"Pops... Newgate?" He questions, there's a bemused chuckle when you nod. "I didn't realize you were one of his boys."

You snort at the implication.

"I'm not one of Pops', blood or otherwise." You admit. "Pops saved me when I was younger, and if I had to admit to having any kind of family, I guess it'd be him and his boys." You lean forward, still relaxed, tapping the business card on the table. "You're in the same line of work obviously, but I assume given the proximity, that Pops' work and your work don't wholly overlap. You didn't use a tone like you had when talking about your friend."

He sounded like he had been talking about someone below him, but you weren't going to vocalize that part.

A smile crosses his lips and you're not entirely sure what's behind it. It's not menacing, but there's an edge to it, one you think is your fault.

"Your intuition is surprisingly accurate, my dear." The tone in his voice is jovial, but there's a sudden sensation like this man has shifted gears. Earlier he was hellbent on repaying his debt to you, and it felt like business.

Now though, this felt like interest. Suddenly the whole give-no-shits attitude plan seemed like it was backfiring, and you're sure it really is your fault. Feeling caught in the crosshairs, you did your best to play it off, putting the business card in your skirt pocket and extending a hand.

"I'm afraid my break is coming to an end, it's been a pleasure Mr. Donquixote. Like I said, once I talk to Pops I'll contact you."

A chuckle rumbles in his chest, and you swear internally at how much you like the sound of it.

"Very well, Miss (Y/N), I look forward to your acquiescence." He shakes your hand in return, though you have a strong feeling that he wants to kiss the back of your hand instead. You feel a shiver of electricity run up your arm at the idea of it.

Watching as he left the café, his men abandoning their post at the entrance as well, you wondered what kind of trouble he would turn out to be. Sanji came from the back with a cigarette in his mouth and set a fresh cup of tea in front of you. You both stood in silence for a moment, taking the whole thing in.

Looking down at the table Sanji let out a sound between a whistle and a hum. "Well, he compensated me for the inconvenience well enough."

"Eh?" You look down and see several hundred-dollar bills tucked under the saucer of his drink. "When in the hells did he do that? I was keeping an eye on him the whole time; I never saw him do that!"

"You missed a slip," Sanji shrugs. "It's not like he lifted your wallet."

You grimace. "Sanji I haven't missed someone doing a slip OR a lift in years – and DON'T say 'well maybe you've lost your touch', cause that ain't it."

"Oooooh ho ho ho," His obviously bemused tone did not go unnoticed. You growl as he laughs. "Piquing your interest isn't easy, what a slick bastard."

"Yeah, yeah. C'mon boss, back to work." You say with an air of faked long-suffering. "And you're taking all of that money, I expressly told him I didn't need any, so I refuse to have that included in tips."

"Aye, aye Captain (Y/N)." Sanji replies letting you move him bodily back behind the counter after stuffing the money in his hand.