#so doing something short and fun is a way to keep posting while giving myself space for rest

[ikemenomegas]

Megumi is objectively very handsome. (He looks like his dad, so what else is he going to be?) Now on top of that, he's skilled with a famous, rare technique, and if he survives he's going to be the head of his clan or more likely Maki's right hand. He's a very desirable mate in the sorcerer world. You're no slouch yourself but you don't really see it because all you can see is him. And it has the unfortunate side effect of making this alpha incredibly pathetic.

They know he's desirable. They've probably seen others try and confess to or flirt with him and it gave them a panic attack. So if the choice is between panicking while others steal him, or panicking while they try their luck... well they can only do something about one of those things. And they try, a couple of times. At least a few of those times, it stresses them out enough to make them run away crying and Megumi is baffled. Luckily he likes sincerity and they're much less hm "like that" when they do their job. It's also memorable and no one else can compete with that.

(This could work with another sorcerer or non-sorcerer, but I think it's funnier with a sorcerer.)

Nanami wanted nothing to do with the sorcerer world if he could help it, but he also wouldn't be very happy if he had to keep a whole part of himself separate. He never planned on going back to the sorcerer world, so it's entirely possible he also never planned on mating with another sorcerer once his life in the human world was established.

Whether or not this alpha can see curses is perhaps up to further discussion. Being able to see them would in some ways make dealing with this (this being feelings) easier, for Nanami. It would also be safer if his alpha couldn't see curses, even though it means they have no understanding of why he fights (or so Nanami thinks). There's no dramatic meet cute or meet messy for this one, I just think they're probably neighbors. They work in the same sector so you have the same hours, but probably not the same company. It means they can't talk about anything work related and are forced to socialize about friend things - hobbies, complaining about coworkers, weekend plans.

(If we're sticking with canon) The only sad or unusual part is when he suddenly disappears. They knew that he'd changed jobs - suddenly he was traveling a lot more - but one day he just doesn't come back. Then someday later on, people come to clear out his apartment and that's the end of Nanami Kento in their life. They never forget him though, even if they go on to mate with someone else.

In the "good ending" version of everything, Nanami eventually gets back out of the sorcerer game, and either comes up with a believable excuse for his resulting scars or tells the alpha what happened and they keep a healthy distance from the magical madness for the rest of their lives.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

HI ITS ME gvxzggsgjfh ok look this is. i know this is a weird one it is SO specific and so obviously something i should just write myself if i want it👏but👏but👏BUT i decided to shoot my shot when a perfect chance has arisenderised for you to pick and choose from anything you like AND in any form, and to see if this one maybe by any chance just so happens to spark anything fun in u too xD

ssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooo RANDOM EVENT ROLL D20 mc gets bitten by a werewoof or some other kind of "contagious" monster species (....cant really think of anything else other than vampirs, now that i say it) but WAIT THERES MORE because. what if mc insisted that they dont want any potential existent cures, they just wanna stay monstery >:3 JVDTHGLN who's considering it, who would absolutely go in the "its either me or this" direction, who's enthusiastic🤣 this is silly as hell but in the case it sparks joy id love to hear ur any and all thoughts because this idea has been haunting me for forever lmao honestly the best way ive imagined it is like one of your own selfinsert pieces youve posted before where its just all of them together bickering heeheehee💘💕🩷💞💖

love u have fun!!

The Arcana Drabble: MC transforms into a "monster"

In the spirit of things, I though a long drabble/short oneshot would work best to keep the madness going XD

Asra's getting stuck in their "one focus and one focus only" mode and right now that focus is making sure you're okay. He'll decide how he feels later, which isn't being helped at all because Julian keeps calling on him to help him slow down the process and get you to think about this a little more. However, it's hard to tell what exactly Julian wants your decision to be because in between him trying to get Asra to make you think about it some more, he's having all kinds of medical epiphanies about how your anatomy is adjusting to the new monster form:

"MC, let's think about some more, shall we? I'm sure Asra agrees with me - don't you, Asra? Asr - oh, whats this?! Your finger's joints are rapidly adjusting to accommodate for - I need a pen and paper -"

"Right here, Ilya." It's Portia's dismissive tone as she digs a small notebook and pencil out of her pocket that keeps you grounded. Not for long, though, because she can't wait to see what happens next. "Accommodate for what, anyways? Are you growing another joint?? Are you going to get claws??? Talons???? Show me!"

Between Julian jotting down unintelligible notes while he studies your elbow's range of motion, Portia's excited exclamations, and Asra's attempt at soothing touch as they rub your shoulders and ask how you're feeling, it's a miracle you can notice Muriel's quiet mumble in the background. He's clearly overwhelmed and very concerned that the physically-altering substance in general got to your brain first, making you so seemingly okay with turning into a monster.

"MC, do you remember your name? Do you need to take a nap? You don't have to be okay with this -"

"I believe this may warrant far more than a nap to recover from." Nadia's doing her best to keep Lucio calm, holding him back from tackling you much like she might grasp a leash. You can practically see the headache building behind her eyes. "We have yet to determine what the extent of this transformation is and therefore whether our dear MC is even capable of fully agreeing to the current process. MC, darling, did the source of this transformation give you any indication of what the end result would be?"

You'd try to respond, but Lucio's excited yelling is too noisy to shout over. He's fumbling at the fastenings on his cape, distracted by your ongoing changes, and very annoyed at Nadia's interference.

"Where did it go? I want to see if it can give me powers too - OW! Dammit, Noddy, I'm trying to help here! You're keeping me from finding the monster and getting it to give me cool - I mean, getting it to tell us more about what's happening! Don't you want that? Don't you want to help MC, Noddy?! Let me go -"

It's with a loud RIP and subsequent "that was velvet, you know!" that Lucio finally breaks free and sprints off in the direction of your new monster friend. You can feel yourself slowly settling in to your new form as the process shows signs of slowing and reaching completion.

Nadia's facepalming. Portia's looking at you with eyes shining in wonder. Julian's still trying to nag Asra into reversing this as he takes notes. The magician in question is still ignoring him as they ask you how you feel for the nth time. Muriel's eyeing the nearby closet in hopes of taking a nap and waking up to it all being a dream. Lucio's a distant, spiky golden speck at this point.

Faust is quietly trying to sneak her knife into your hand, for crimes.

[reverie-obsessingtime]

Why I think Sparkle is a maladaptive daydreamer coded character and who it plays part into her character as a whole: from a maladaptive daydreamer (and a character analysis)

(Ok folks, this turned out rather long so get your popcorn and water at hands reach!.....trust me.)

Hi!!!! :,D This is my second post here and it feels like it's been a decade but here I am again haha...

This time I'm here with something I'm more confident in exploring as, I myself, am a maladaptive daydreamer! :,)

And because of that Sparkle hit me like a TRUCK and her MADD (mal. daydreamer for short) coding makes me love her and go insane about it at the same time.(it means a lot to me ok?😭)

Sooo I'm here today to expand and shine light on it to the rest of the masses as there isn't much appreciation for Sparkle (which is understandable cause she is a character not everyone can savor) and I feel like her maladaptive daydreaming can help understand her way of thinking.

comments, reblogs and likes are VERY much appreciated if you would like to see more of my billion cents and share with others to further show me support :,)

if you have any disagreements, corrections, different opinions or such that you would like to discuss I'm always open to further discussions as I would love to receive back engagement with these posts (as long as it is in good manners)

Enough talk from me though, let's get into it already:

What is maladaptive daydreaming?

Throw the google definitions out the window, let me give you a gist of it from someone who has it:

it's a coping mechanism turned addiction that can develop from loneliness or trauma (it is also common in people with ADHD). It helps you deal with the current reality you are in by offering escapism but it differs from normal daydreaming because it becomes maladaptive (as the name suggests).

What that looks like is being addicted to escaping reality through it by daydreaming, which can make you want to trade time forming human bonds, hanging out with friends, doing tasks you should, even taking care of yourself (etc.) with daydreaming. Most of the time you don't even need to do it but daydreaming is so much more fun and entering than ur current boring life that you keep doing it anyway. It can isolate you and make you lose touch with reality (from one degree to another depending on the individual).

But people with MADD DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN THEIR DAYDREAMS. They KNOW they aren't real. Some might willfully want to believe in them but at the end of the day they know it's all made up. If you are a MADD but get serious delusions about it you might want to check more into that cause something is overlapping.

Maladaptive daydreaming is MUCH more immersive and vivid than normal daydreams (what can I say, practice makes perfect🤭). Some MADD will stim while daydreaming in various ways that have to do with whatever they are daydreaming for enhanced immersion (some will pace around the room, some will make facial expressions, some will catch themselves talking, etc)

The daydreams each differ from individual to individual and can be classified in multiple types, some make OCs while others imagine a different version of themselves or make a character similar to certain degrees to them.

We are very much fictional-stories-makers nerds no matter to be honest

Now that we got the explanation out of the way:

Why do I think Sparkle has MADD?

🎇Proof number one: her character story IV

..... *POINTS AGGRESSIVELY* like?? COME ON!! (my "she is just like me fr!!!" moment and what made me want to make this whole post)

Ok, ok, let me try to be serious about this 😮‍💨

Analyzing this alone:

"It's truly addictive to me" maladaptive daydreaming is a behavior that is addictive to the individual (du uh)

"The more I imagine, the more I get absorbed in those characters" Getting absorbed into your daydreams (and it being addictive) is a core part of MADD and what differentiates it from normal daydreaming.

"the wonderful and tragic situations I create for them, and the emotions they experience in those circumstances..." Here, Sparkle is talking about the characters she makes and how by acting them and playing their roles and their stories, she enjoys herself and is entertained by them.

From my perspective, Sparkle is an individual who finds the emotions of others and how each reacts put in various situations, fascinating, entraining and enjoyable to witness, observe and ponder on more than an average individual.

Which I think is something all of us MADD, writers, OC makers, character analyzing enjoyers and fic writers can relate to ( "no"? ok. now tell me your OCs tragic backstory come on~ come on~ ik you have one. No? Ok then tell me through what psychological horror you want ur fav to go through~ Ik you know that you want them to get tortured by the writers at least just a tiny bit....I know what you are.)

🌸Further more quotes from her character story IV:

"Lies? Come on, I'm not trying to tell a grand story or fabricate an eye-catching experience... I'm wholeheartedly exercising my imagination for my own sake. I imagine various lives, seek excitement, and then recreate them as best I can, and pump the brakes on my imaginative balloon just a second before it bursts."

.... genuinely what do you want me to say honestly, that's SUCH a MADD to say, pls reread how many times it takes to get it. Everything in that is just PEAK maladaptive daydreamingness. Genuinely I don't have anything to add that won't sound like "Water is H2O and 2+2=4" 🤷

"Seriously, having a script is far from enough. First and foremost, I must wholeheartedly believe that the character I'm portraying truly exists. Then, I need to imagine the other stories where the character would appear. I always need extra information to make their motivation logical and emotional."

Sparkle seems dedicated to portraying, grasping and understanding her characters by IMMERSING herself into them as much as possible. Going the EXTRA mile, such as imagining other stories they could appear in, making herself believe the character TRULY exists and informing herself about them to portray them the best.

Which, again, all writers, OC makers and fic writers who actually give more than two dice about their character can relate to as we want our characters to be most accurate and well written and for that we do all Sparkle said.

The "I must wholeheartedly believe that the character I'm portraying truly exists" strikes a chord in me because it's such a ??? NON MADD ARE NOT THAT DEDICATED TO IT JSJSKSJ THAT'S SUCH A MADD MILDLY CONCERNING BUT MADD THING TO SAY SKDHSKSN IK WHAT YOU ARE!!!

OK OK.

I can hear you going "but she is an actor, it's just part of being an actor". Ok Sherlock, but Sparkle is not your average actor. Case and point:

Sparkles love for the stage of acting and how it ties into her MADD:

🎇Who is Sparkle an actor for?

Herself.

Saying "she is so matriculated and dedicated because she is an actor" is only half way true.

Sparkle's love for acting and her maladaptive daydreaming are things that can coexist at the same time. (just like being a writer and MADD for ex. (yes, some of ur fav writers could have been MADD))

Which got born from which? We don't know but both are proof of how much she loves the other.

("But you said MADD develops from trauma or loneliness" YES!! And we still have no real idea about Sparkles backstory but ik damn well a "normal" person with an average fine life doesn't end up like Sparkle.)

(Also no, her character stories 1,2,3 and be at most half trusted as she says she makes them up for each individual both in her char. story 4 and a voice line.

They could either be total nonsense or parts and truths of her past but altered/heavily exaggerated and metaphorical. Pick ur fighter tbh.

"There are a few versions that are particularly popular." "Liking and believing are two different things, but people are more likely to believe in their favorite stories." "Lies? Come on, I'm not trying to tell a grand story or fabricate an eye-catching experience... I'm wholeheartedly exercising my imagination for my own sake."

She is basically toying with everyone who asks including the player for her own amusement and, honestly? Iconic.)

🌸She acts for her own entertainment.

Wealth, status, power... None of this matters to Sparkle. The only thing that can lure her interest is "amusement". (from her twt intro)

Her doing all this. Immersing herself into characters so deeply. It's all for herself and her own enjoyment. Just like MADD is for us and our own enjoyment and entertainment.

Not to be the greatest actor or for others recognizing her. In her introduction on twitter, she says: "I'm not exactly a person loaded with cool skills, and dreaming big isn't really my thing." Which says enough to contradict such ideas.

Yes, some MADD might go on to become writers or actors but some don't. And those who don't could still want to improve their characters FOR THEMSELVES because that will bring them more enjoyment, because they love what they do and their characters for one reason or other and want them to shine like they see them could.

🌸Sparkles elation is acting and MADD.

Elation: great happiness and exhilaration.

What makes her feel elation? Acting. What is her heavy immersive acting that is all for herself to feel elation intertwined with? Maladaptive daydreaming ✨

(wow, shocked, ik)

Sparkles Myriad Celestial Trailer: Behind the Curtain

Next, I want to talk about both her Myriad and Character Trailer through a MADD lens, starting off with her Myriad Celestial Trailer:

What struck a chord in me with it is her "conversation" with her mask. What is her mask really representing for her? The way I see it: it's her MADD and also, Sparkle.

At first she says it keeps on smiling even when she doesn't and that she can hide under it. While in reality we might not be able to smile all the time. Escaping into our daydreams through characters who can helps. The use of a veil to describe it can also be interpreted as choosing to hide your true emotions from yourself and others through emulating a characters happy emotions and state of mind.

Second, she says the mask imitates her face, her emotions, like a mirror showing her own reflection. When writers come up with characters, some might be similar to them through a degree with or without the creator even realizing. This can happen to MADD more since we are creating characters for ourselves and its a coping mechanism so emotions seep through unless we make a character/s that we want to share with others. It's also a way you can understand and grasp yourself better. In this particular setting, I think she means how through some characters she acted as (made by others) herself and emotions shines true,like that character and her acting were a mirror.

Third, it takes a darker turn, "when I'm smiling, you're screaming. When I'm angry, you're crying. When I'm sad, you're smiling". This could be her MADD taking a tool on her.

"When I'm smiling, you're screaming" like when you are content with reality but your addiction's screaming at you to be noticed, like an icky who wants to be scratched. The urge to do it despite not needing to.

"When I'm angry, you're crying" This is her "mask" empathizing with her, weeping for her anger and understanding it like no one else could.

"When I'm sad, you're smiling" this could be the situation from the first instance, but it takes a darker turn so I think the "mask" smiles because it knows that her sadness assures its existence.

Addiction is dependent on your sadness because you do it to comfort you through that sadness. Her acting and MADD is both her addiction and her elation.

From Sparkles tone, she might even be surprised at how, despite her deep sadness, the mask can still smile.

"You're like a face, steering at me" she says at the end. It brings back in mind the imagery of a mirror/reflection. But instead of a reflection, it's a different reflection, still a reflection, but not.

It reminds of when I see characters being depicted as steering into a mirror and they are smiling but their reflection reflects how they truly feel inside (emo ik)

I think that's what it's supposed to mean. Your true self steering at you, it's uncomfortable and penetrating.

Or maybe it's a blank face being unsurprised or just lacking any emotions or maybe the face itself is empty waiting to be drawn on an expression.

It's a very vague sentence, and I don't want to pretend like I 100% understand the meaning behind it, because it can be interpreted in very different ways and only an explanation by the one who said it can give us a sure answer. Maybe it's something we can't even understand with the info we currently have on her.

Overall, she holds positive feelings about her mask but she also recognizes it's kinda fcked up but she still chooses it at the end of the day for the elation it gives ("I am elation" ok girl.)

🌸In this section, I also want to come back to her:

Oh who is she?🎶~

Actually? Good question! :D

I think it was Sampo who commented that Sparkle's name is probably made up (which du uh)

But that is fascinating as well.

We see this girl at first in her trailer looking soft and innocent, nothing like the more.... eccentric person we know today.

If you look closely, she DOESN'T have the butterfly/flower(?) symbol in her eye at the start but she DOES at the end. Which to me represents how she and Sparkle were separate at the start.

"It doesn't matter how I am off stage.

When I'm on stage, I'm just Sparkle"

With the end of this video, this whole thing might be made up go, but that would be too pointless and annoyingly stupid so I'm inclined to believe she isn't fckin with us in this one. (for the most part)

That said, it seems like the girl Sparkle was before was performing for her love of acting, her madd, and for the audience.

But as time went on, doing all of this for an audience over and over lost its meaning (and probably drove her insane a little)

"When I realized that life was just a play, I wanted to leave the stage.

Because off stage, there is a even bigger stage"

Her acting, madd and elation shapes her way of seeing life and others. Why confine yourself to a stage when you can take yourself and your characters to the big stage of life itself and have fun with it the absolute bonkers way you want?

She is very much a Shakespeare truther, as he put it:

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts."

That's how her acting made Sparkle see things (to an extreme )

🌸Another thing is this scene:

"Im.... I'm not Sparkle

No, I am Sparkle"

Both in her Myriad and Character Trailer, she is actively conflicting with herself.

In this moment. She shows opposition to "Sparkle". The physical constraint is interesting imagery as well. Maybe she feels trapped by "Sparkle"? Like "Sparkle" is against her? Why is she? Because she doesn't allow her to be Sparkle(/herself/her true self)?

She separates herself from Sparkle at the start but becomes her after and laments that she isn't her than at the end, and only then, her eyes have the same symbol this big eyes have in the back (Sparkles) eyes and she becomes Sparkle.

Which, um, IS SO INTERESTING!??!?!?!

I think at the end, she gives into her want to be Sparkle and fully embraces it. Fully embraces the path of elation.

And I don't think Sparkle isn't her. I think it's still her, just more free, unrestrained version of herself that doesn't hold back when the rest of society those.

Think like how different someone with social anxiety disorder is when they feel comfortable with summon and lets out their weirdness for example. We hold back on many actions because of societal perception but she stopped giving a fck and WILL set up a hundred "bombs" on a ship to fck with people for her own amusement.

Seeing life as a stage comes with seeing the absurdism of if all and choosing to stop giving a sht and have your own fun and entertainment. Play the roles you want to play instead of playing the part.

🌸As for my take on this part?

Yeah, maybe the whole thing wasn't her true backstory, but I think it's not 100% false either. Or maybe it is and she sees it as her playing another role. The role of her past self how is so so different it's her own character at this point, right? :))

It sure was more realistic than all the other stories going on in the background (like come on, Harry Potter, Sparkle playing Herta)

"Who is the real Sparkle"

Maybe the answer is all of the Sparkles are Sparkle.

Am I gonna elaborate? Mmm, nope. :)

--------------------------------------------------------------

*cracks knuckles* OOOOOKKK this turned out quite long Jesus (never put me to write something about a fictional character in a few paragraphs, that's physically impossible for me)

Don't worry though, I'm probably gonna make a part two soon 🙃 (analyzing her Character Trailer, her design, her in game animations, who knows what ales, etc etc~) (no we are NOT done, we. are absolutely. NOT done.)

Soooo can you tell how much I like Sparkle? She lives rent free in my mind actually.

There isn't enough talk about her more deeply despite how MUCH there is to ponder on so I have to take it upon myself to do it 😮‍💨

If you made it here..... will you marry me?🥹💍

NAH NAH NAH JUST KIDDING 🤭

But if you did then thank you for giving me the time of day and I hope this post spark(l)ed some curiosity and interest into this little hedonistic gremlin! :D

(also no, I don't ignore, justify or support her racist remarks)

I do these posts mostly for myself but someone else to respond back is really nice! :,)

Ok, I'm signing off for this one. See ya in part two 👋:)

[sugarpasteltmnt]

Hi, I'm someone who's interested in making a long-fic but just been struggling to do so. Alot of it just cause I really I'm not confident in my ability to write it well or that people will read it. Even though Neon Void was your first fic (I think) you managed to not only reach so many, but tell a story so deep and personal and moving that every time I re-read a snippet I find myself wanting to read a whole chapter.....and then the entire series.

If I can be so bold to ask, how did you do it? How did you take Neon Void and make it? What kept you from giving into the voices within and without that tell you to give up? How did you make sure the story was the best it could be. If you could go back, what would you do differently? What strategies would be best for someone who also wants to do a longfic?

Sorry if it's alot.

First, thank you so so much. It makes me super happy to hear that you thought it was moving and enjoy reading it!!

and don’t be sorry!! I’m super flattered that you wanted to ask me such a cool and thought provoking question!! Gunna hide most of this answer under a read-more as I get a little autobiographical, but in short:

You must be your own biggest fan

I’ll be honest— I had NO idea so many people would read my fic. The amount of positive feedback has blown me away and I couldn’t be more thankful for how nice the TMNT fandom has been to me (and my sister!!)

And you’re right! Neon Void WAS my first fic I ever published!! But I’ve been writing every day since I was a tween. I just love to write. But even then, I was nervous to post. No one except my closest friend had EVER read my writing before. I wasn’t sure if anyone would read it, or even like it since it was kind of a wacky premise.

But also in a way, it was okay if no one else read it, because I liked it. And that’s kind of the secret sauce to it all.

I have never, ever written anything this long before. Originally, TNV was going to be like, ten chapters max. I have no idea it would evolve into a nearly 30 chapter fic. And i think there were several factors that contributed to that.

First, I was utterly and totally obsessed with my own AU. When i started daydreaming about certain scenes over and over, i knew i had to write it. Being so invested in my own story was the biggest factor in actually finishing it. Which sounds so obvious, but the thing is I have a tendency to think of new AUs constantly. (Sometimes even daily.) The fact I kept revisiting this one was a sign that if i wanted to write it, now was the time.

Second, and this is piggybacking off of that last confession of always daydreaming new AUs, i knew i was on a personal timer. If i was going to do this, I had to make sure I did it. So i gave myself a goal of trying to post on a rough schedule to keep myself accountable.

(But remember!!!! It's just fanfiction!!! you never, ever have to put that kind of expectation on yourself! You don't need a posting schedule. You don't even need to finish. I personally pushed myself so hard to see it through because for years I told myself that if i was ever going to post fanfiction, i HAD to finish. It's okay if you don't!! I would never ask a writer or an artist to slog through something that doesn't bring them joy anymore. Because at the end of the day, fanfiction is meant to be fun!!)

BUT

Here's a bit of a confession. I didn't want to give up on it because it brought me a lot of joy during a rough year. I found myself sneaking on my phone at work to write a paragraph or two whenever I had the chance. I would think about it 24/7. I was in love with the story I was making up and looking forward to writing helped get through some not so Cowabunga times. I know posting your work is super intimidating-- and you might be tempted to stop-- but remember, if it makes you happy-- even for a while-- it's worth it. TNV was making my days a bit brighter even before I started posting it.

Which leads to my next confession-- and this is probably the biggest reason I was able to actually pull it off with a posting schedule:

I had already written 50%-60% of TNV before I even posted chapter 1.

And that was on purpose for several reasons. One, I was having so much fun planning easter eggs and planning long-term foreshadowing bits. Second, it was a test to see if this AU was really rotting my brain enough that I wanted to spend a lot of time writing it. By the time I had a lot written and scenes I was super eager to get to, I knew I wanted to post it. But having a bulk of it already written was a huge reassurance in trying to maintain my posting schedule. (But again, that was just my style! You can hit the ground running if you'd like, start and then pause for a while to figure things out-- whatever works best for you!!)

But even when i was insanely obsessed with my own AU, it still took a lot of time and energy to write. There will be times you will find yourself trudging through bridging scenes to get to the scenes you actually wanna write and it's sooooooooo haaaaaaaaard. BUT!!! It's worth it!!! Getting through it and seeing how it sets up the exciting part just right is soooooooo satisfying.

As for making sure the story was the best it could be??? I'm not sure!! Because there were definitely times I went whining to my sister and best friend about certain plot points or scenes, worried it wasn't good enough. There were a LOT of times a scene or idea just didn't feel right. Heck, a lot of chapters ended up in a different order than when I originally started writing!! The lesson I learned throughout the whole thing is that the original idea doesn't have to be absolute. Sometimes rearranging the scenes is just what you need!

But when i was REALLY struggling, I'd find myself referring back to the original source. It was what inspired a fanfic after all! Sometimes taking a step back and reevaluating each character's personality helped me shape the scene into something that felt better. Other times I had to step back and remind myself about what was actually important to the story. (Example: originally, I had no idea how to get Donnie to the hidden city by himself. At first I tried to think of some lore on the mask to give Donnie a reason to go investigating Void... but it didn't feel right. The mask wasn't important. Not even Void was the most important thing to Donnie at the time. Leo was. And that helped me sort of get rid of the loosey-goosey idea of giving a complicated back story to the mask that made the story feel muddled.)

But even then, I wasn't sure if certain moves were the best they could be! I was always worried (and continue to be) that I poured too much into descriptions, or spent too much time talking about emotions with too little action. Or that I overuse phrases. But so long as each chapter made me happy, I figured readers would enjoy them too.

If I could go back and do something different... I wouldn't have goofed with Leo's kraang parasite adaptation in Mad Dog Part 2: Prom. I was trying to make his parasite enter an obvious 'stage 2 boss battle' look, but later I realized I didn't like how I described it lol.

But!!! I will confess, I'm no saint-- when i started getting lovely comments, it helped pour gas on the fire to keep going. And that's why I'm so thankful for every comment or doodle or ask sent my way. You guys are amazing and helped me get the fire under my ass to keep going, even when things were really hard.

I know it sounds so corny and like a cop-out answer, but ultimately, it's YOUR personal investment in YOUR story that is the secret sauce!!! So long as your interested in it, it won't feel so impossible to write a long fic. There will be challenges (like there is with any project) but honestly?? If you're head over heels for your own story, it will be fun and fulfilling. Even if you don't finish-- so long as it made you happy, that's what matters the most. (Again, that's so cheesy... but just like Master Leonardo tells Leo, 'cheesiness makes the best pizza pies in life'.)

Thank you again so much for this fun ask-- and I believe in you! You've got this. Have fun, enjoy writing, and have confidence in your work, because it makes YOU happy, and that's the greatest thing a story could be.

[folklore-girl]

ek ladki bheegi bheegi bhaagi si — a short story

a/n: okok so i tried my best for you @androgynous-pavbhaji <3 since this is your secret santa gift? im so sorry for posting this so late, this was supposed to come out a long time ago.. but ig happy new year? hope you like this!

word count: 0.6k

warning(s): bad writing, cringe dialogues + a shitty asf story in general :( im so so sorry.

raindrops splattered on the sidewalk as i hurriedly made my way to the bus stop, my clothes drenched from the downpour. my hands held up my handbag to shield my head from the rain and to try and deflect some heavy raindrops, but all in vain. for the millionth time, i cursed my stupid self for not carrying an umbrella, even though we were deep in winter, and there was no way I could’ve predicted this. i still should have.

and, to top it all, i was horribly late to my bus.

when i reached the bus stop a thousand years later, my shoes were soaked and my head was in an overdrive. i noticed a guy—probably my age—waiting at the stop too and decided i should probably wipe the mess off my face.

so, i took out my napkin, just to drop it on the ground like an absolute idiot. and as i bent to pick it up, the guy on the right offered me his napkin, in spotless white.

i was scared. not of the guy, but of ruining his napkin by using it. he saw me hesitate and said, “arey, it’s fine. i have a spare.”

“pakka?” i asked, uncertainly.

“yup,” he said and i thanked him, smiling.

he smiled back. and i thought, wow. i guess men aren’t all bad, then.

i took the napkin from him and dabbed my face with it gently, still scared to damage it. when i was giving it back, he said “it’s ok, you can keep it.”

“you sure?” i asked again.

“yes!!” he laughed, “it’s alright, you know. i don’t bite.”

“no, but, i’m not used to all this,” i gestured with my hands and his eyebrows rose in confusion. “kindness?” i finished lamely.

“well then, you will be soon,” he winked and i looked away because i was in a loss of words.

meeting a decent man made me feel like i was in some other dimension, some dream where kind strangers were real and not a thing to read in tumblr posts and fawn over.

by now, my heartbeat had slowed down and my breaths were much less frantic, so we talked about our buses.

“oh, me too,” he smiled, “we’re both going to mumbai.”

“that’s nice,” i smiled as the bus approached the stop, “i bet the ride is gonna be fun.”

he smiled, “hopefully.”

we hauled up our luggage and sat in the bus, me in the window seat with him by my side.

we talked for almost the entire ride there, exchanging our names and talking shit about distant relatives (my lord, we had the same type of humour). and when we grew bored of talking, we both decided to do something else. he plugged in his earphones and i found out that i couldn’t find mine anywhere.

i looked out of the window and i could tell it was going to be a long road.

he noticed and offered to share his wired ones. feeling utterly helpless, i gave in.

later, we discovered that our music tastes were very similar and i soon found myself scooting closer to him as we listened to his playlist together.

by the time shuffle lead us to ‘i guess i’m in love’, i knew the feeling burning up in my chest, threatening to spill over. it was beautiful and warm, like sunlight filtering in through the curtains. like the first day of spring, my heart was blooming and after a long time, i felt the butterflies.

but it couldn’t be, could it?

i woke up to the sound of mumma calling my name. i’d fallen asleep with my head in my arms, crossed on the windowsill while rain poured outside and my chai grew colder with each passing minute. right next to it, my phone had just finished playing the song “ek ladki bheegi bhagi si” on my wired earphones and suddenly the surreal scenario in my head made sense.

i guess it was a dream, after all.

xoxo

[stanchett]

Hi! I saw your post asking for prompts, so here's one for you, if you'd like. ☺️

Out of all of Nevermore's traditions, Larissa disliked Staff Bonding Nights the most. She preferred to drink her wine alone in her office instead of in a loud bar, thank you very much. But thanks to the new addition to the staff, maybe this time it wouldn't be that bad of an evening...

Here you go!! Thanks for the request, I hope you enjoy!!! :)

I owe a massive thank-you to @pro-weems-places for editing this for me, it was written at 1am and required much revision.

Black and White

Warnings: NSFW, alcohol use

Word count: 3.4k+

Your laptop screen glowed a bright white in your dark bedroom, the seemingly endless stream of emails welcoming you to the Nevermore staff taking up the open tab. The most recent one caught your attention the moment you read the subject line, “Staff Bonding Night at the Weathervane”, written in bold black letters. 

“That could be fun, I suppose...” you pondered to yourself while scrolling through Netflix for something to watch. 

Normally, you were more of an introvert, but you were determined to come out of your shell a bit in light of your new position at the school. You turned in for the night, shutting your laptop and curling up in bed with a nature documentary, unaware of what the following evening would bring.

--------

The next morning was a bit of a drag as you roamed the hallways of the school, nearly getting lost (again) as it was only your second week. It was still early, about an hour before your class was supposed to start. Rounding a corner, you almost run head-first into Larissa Weems, the stunning principal you’d hardly stopped thinking about since meeting upon your hiring. She gasped in surprise and stepped back from you, clutching her chest while she caught her breath.

“Oh Principal Weems, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you coming-” you apologized, but a quick wave of her hand dismissed your apology. 

“It’s quite alright, Ms. Y/L/N. Are you lost? You seem a bit turned around.” You blushed at the realization that you definitely were, and nodded in confirmation to her question. 

“Walk with me darling, I’ll show you the way from here,” Larissa offered, and you gratefully accepted. Keeping in stride and making small talk was easy with her, she was so sweet and polite. You wondered if you would see her that evening at the staff gathering. 

“Hey, will you be at the Weathervane tonight? How do those events usually go?” 

Larissa rolled her eyes with a sigh, “Oh yes, that.. I myself am not normally in attendance, but I’ve heard they can be quite fun, according to other staff members. I much prefer my study and a glass of red personally, but to each their own.” 

Your heart sank a bit at her admission, but you tried not to look too defeated. “Why don’t you give it another shot? After all, I’ll be there..” you said in a mock-suggestive tone, secretly hoping she would realize you meant it in a way that wasn’t entirely a joke. 

Just as you delivered your makeshift pickup line, the two of you arrived at your classroom. You stopped at the door and leaned against it with your arms crossed, looking up at Larissa with a challenging look, “What do you think?” 

She chuckled and looked away from you - was she getting flustered? Clearing her throat, she stated, “I’ll think about it. Enjoy your class this morning, Y/N.” And with that, she headed back to her office. You watched her leave for a moment and smiled to yourself, then removed the keys to your room from your pocket. If she decided to show up tonight, you would make sure she had a great time.

By 5 o-clock that evening, you found yourself rushing around to finish getting ready, hopping out of the hot shower to throw on a button-down and some slacks. Leaving a few buttons undone in hopes you would catch the principal’s attention, you put on some light makeup and headed out the door. You hoped beyond hope that Larissa had made up her mind and decided to show. 

After a short drive down the winding road, you parked outside the café and noticed the inside had been completely revamped to reflect a vibe similar to a nightclub of sorts; the tables had been pushed to the edges of the space or removed altogether to make room for a makeshift dance floor, and the overhead lights dimly lit the room in a variety of colors. “Maybe this’ll be more fun than I thought...” you whispered to yourself, glancing in the mirror of your sun visor to double check your makeup before leaving your car. 

--------

Swinging the front door open, you were immediately greeted by a chorus of hellos from the handful of staff members already inside enjoying themselves, the low hum of dance music hitting your eardrums. 

“Y/N! I’m so happy you showed up! Welcome to our little annual bonding tradition,” Ms. Thornhill exclaimed, quickly looping her arm through yours to guide you to the counter. “Would you like a drink? There’s a full bar and a table of snacks over in the corner, too. You’re welcome to them!”

You smiled your thanks in return, and she patted your back before rejoining a group of teachers by the door. She seemed like the excitable type, which you weren’t really into, but she made you feel included nonetheless and for that you were grateful. 

Peeking past the counter, you spotted Coach Vlad preparing a few drinks. He handed them out, then headed your way with a grin.

“Hey, fresh blood! I’m so glad to see you! What’ll you be having?” 

You thought for a moment before deciding, “Just a Jack and coke for me, Coach. I’m glad I could make it. This place moonlights as a club for you guys, huh?” You jest, leaning on the counter, eager for something to take the edge off your remaining nerves. 

“Oh yeah, the Nevermore staff really knows how to get down,” he joked, gesturing to the dead crowd before you both, all chatting away. He handed you the drink and you took a swig. Strong stuff. You wondered where Larissa could be. Would she really decline your ever-so-convincing offer? 

“I guess Weems doesn’t really ‘get down’ much, does she?” You asked him. His hands were already busy with prepping another drink. 

“Not these days. She hardly shows her face at these events. Not really her style, I gather.” He wandered to the other side of the counter to take some more orders. You took another sip and pulled out your phone, suddenly feeling out of place without someone to really talk to. 

While you were mindlessly scrolling through your social media apps, the group of teachers suddenly went silent, quietly muttering to each other as opposed to the loud conversations they were just having. You look past them and see a flash of silver brush past one of the windows. Was that..?

The front door eased open and you swore you had never seen anyone more beautiful - in walked Larissa, adorned in a silver dress and white elbow-length gloves, her hair done up perfectly. 

Your jaw dropped to the floor and you struggled to keep from staring. She caught your eyes roaming up her figure and strutted her way over to you, politely greeting everyone along the way. It was at that moment you realized the alcohol was starting to hit you, giving you more confidence than you normally possessed. 

Setting your drink aside, you attempted to lean coolly on the counter behind you as she approached. “Fancy meeting you here,” you teased when she reached you, her gloved hand coming to rest on the marble surface next to you, effectively trapping you beside her.

“I suppose I could say the same..” she said, her eyes openly sweeping over you, momentarily coming to rest at your slightly revealing choice of clothing before flicking away to Vlad who was still wearing a look of surprise on his face at her appearance. 

“I’ll have a red, Coach,” she said all too smoothly. Grabbing the wine bottle, he poured her drink with a nod. Her gaze turned back to you, her eyes glistening under the multicolored lights as she regarded you. 

Leaning in, she said in a low voice, “You sure clean up well, Ms. Y/L/N.” 

You were momentarily grateful for the low lighting, positive it hid the blush that quickly rose to your cheeks and shiver down your spine. But you feigned shock at her words, putting a hand to your chest as you retorted, “Principal Weems, are you flirting with me?” 

She raised an eyebrow and elegantly turned to accept her drink, looking you dead in the eye as she took a long sip. You felt a searing heat gather in your lower abdomen. God, this woman is stunning, you thought to yourself. 

“It’s possible,” was all she said. 

There was a sudden clap sounding from the center of the room, an attempt from Thornhill to command everyone’s attention. “Alright everyone, partner up! Let’s get a little dancing in, shall we?” She said with a grin. 

A collective groan passed through the room and she jogged over to you, a huge smile still plastered on her face. “Would you care to join me? It’s your first time here, you have to give it a shot at least!” 

You would feel bad turning her down, so you jokingly rolled your eyes and agreed, Larissa watching your reaction the entire time. She tried to hide her amusement but she was looking forward to this. You swallow the rest of your drink and let Marilyn lead you out onto the dance floor. 

Someone cranked the music up a little higher and you quickly found yourself swaying to the beat, the alcohol in your system doing its job. You were grateful several others ended up taking her up on the offer as well, all of you dancing together to the rhythm. You closed your eyes and lost yourself to the music for a moment, your hips working on their own to keep time with everyone else. Maybe Nevermore really did know how to get down. 

You opened your eyes to see Larissa staring you down from her spot at the bar, her eyes raking over your body while you danced. Without thinking, you reached a hand out to her, wiggling your fingers in the air as a silent signal for her to join you. Tossing the remainder of her wine down her throat, she placed down the glass and stalked over to you, her eyes never leaving yours. She came to stand in front of you, and you boldly placed your hands on her hips. You looked up to catch her eye and confirm that this is alright with her, her only response a sly smirk and a glint of mischief in her eye. 

She began moving her body to the beat in time with you, and you released your hold on her to raise your hands above your head, losing yourself to the music once more. She closely watched your every move, almost hypnotized, like you’d put a spell on her. You turned your back to her and threw her a glance over your shoulder. That was all the invitation she needed. 

Placing her hands on your hips instead, she pulled you against her front for a moment, and you gasped at the contact and her forwardness. You deliberately moved your hips more seductively against her, your intentions becoming infinitely more clear. You knew you couldn’t keep this up in front of your co-workers, so you turned to face her once again as the song ended, tossing your head back with a throaty laugh. 

You looked up to find her smiling down at you, that hint of something more never leaving her glare. You crooked a finger to beckon her down to you, and she quickly leaned down to catch your whisper. “Do you wanna get out of here?” It sounded so cliche, you knew, but in that moment your arousal was almost unbearable. Straightening up again, she nodded in agreement and even in the dim light you swore you saw her cheeks redden. You bit your lip and jerked your head in the direction of the door. 

Waving your goodbyes to everyone in attendance, you passed off the excuse to Thornhill that you were too tipsy to drive in an attempt to avoid suspicion and practically darted out the door, Larissa hot on your heels. Hopping in the passenger side of the school’s van, you waited while the principal buckled up and started the engine. 

“You’re quite the little tease, aren’t you,” she said, her own voice coated in arousal. Her words shoot straight to your core. It was nothing you hadn’t heard before, but it sounded so much better coming from her. Her gloved hand came to rest on your thigh during the drive back to the school, her thumb stroking the sensitive skin. You were ready to hop into her lap just as she pulled into the parking lot, and she quickly cut the engine and got out. 

--------

Once inside, you let her lead the way back to her quarters, your eyes glued to her backside the entire walk there. She unlocked the door and ushered you inside, locking it behind you both before pressing you against it with her hips. You gasped and looked up at her, her pupils blown so wide you could practically see your reflection in them. 

“Is this what you want?” she asked, making certain you’re on the same page before proceeding.

“God yes,” you breathed out, hands coming to rest on her lower back. 

She wasted no time in leaning down to capture your lips in a bruising kiss, swallowing a deep moan that rumbled from your chest. Her thigh pried your own apart, coming to rest between them and you gasped into her mouth wantonly, your hands grasping her ass. 

“I’ve wanted this from the first time I laid eyes on you,” you husked. 

Her lips worked your neck, making your eyes roll back. “Then that makes two of us,” she whispered, pressing her thigh to your center. 

You let out a breathy moan, your legs threatening to give out. All at once she pulled away to examine her work, her eyes burning into you and you licked your lips in anticipation. 

“Take off your clothes and get on the bed for me.” 

You loved the idea of following her orders. You didn't hesitate, tugging at the buttons of your shirt hurriedly and dropping it to the floor, followed by your pants, leaving you in your matching set of black lace panties and bra. You climbed onto the bed and knelt at its edge, and Larissa turned her back to you, silently prompting you to unzip her dress. 

You took your time in doing so, kissing down her back in the zipper’s wake. You eased the garment off her shoulders and she removed her gloves, tossing them onto a nearby chair. She turned to you to reveal her choice of lingerie; a cream-colored set that complimented her skin tone perfectly. You felt your mouth water at the sight. 

Sitting up on your knees put you at her height at last, and you pulled her into another kiss, this time softer. You passed your tongue over her bottom lip and she granted you entry immediately, a small whimper escaping her throat. You allowed your fingers to tangle themselves in her perfectly pinned-up hair, her own exploring over your body. You arched into her when her fingers found your nipples through your bra, her lips quirking into a playful grin at your reaction. 

“Someone’s eager..” she teased, pinching them experimentally, earning her a gasp from you.

“Lay down for me,” you whispered against her lips. 

With a chuckle she obliged, lowering herself beside you. You quickly took your place between her thighs, placing open-mouthed kisses from her knee up to her inner thighs. Your fingers danced over her core through the fabric, and she shuddered at the contact, spreading her legs further for you. 

“Someone’s eager,” you teased, throwing her own words back at her. 

Larissa covered her face with a giggle, but it quickly turned into a gasp as you finally made contact with her center through her underwear. The heat of your mouth drove her mad with need, and she tugged the offending article off, revealing just how aroused she was for you. A low growl left your chest at the sight and you dove in without a second thought. 

Flattening your tongue against her clit, you finally got a taste of her, and it was well worth the wait. Her sweetness coated your tongue as you devoured her, and you glanced up to watch her writhe beneath your touch. Her back arching as her hands grabbed for anything that would ground her, eventually landing in your hair. Her whimpers were heavenly, you could listen to them all night long. And you planned to. 

Just as her breaths started to quicken, you circled two fingers over her entrance, before easing them into her. She let out a high-pitched moan, and you moaned against her in response, her sounds and the tugging of your hair spurring you on. You began pumping and curling them inside her in time with the strokes of your tongue, and you could tell she was already getting close by the way her walls were tightening around you. 

“Are you gonna come for me baby?” you coaxed, your fingers brushing that sweet spot inside her that drove her wild. 

“Y-yes, I’m- fuck-” 

You could get used to hearing this woman curse. Especially if you were the cause. With a few more gasps and breathy moans, she reached her release, flooding your fingers and mouth with her intense taste. You helped her down from her high before removing your fingers carefully, climbing up beside her and flopping onto your back to catch your breath. 

After a few minutes Larissa wordlessly straddled your waist, lowering her lips to yours to taste herself on your tongue. Whining against her, you squeezed your thighs together for some much-needed friction and she chuckled against your lips. 

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not done with you yet,” she teased, her fingers trailing up your thigh. 

With practiced skill she pulled your panties aside, quickly finding your clit and circling it with featherlight touches. You gasped and bit your lip, the coil inside you already wound tightly. She kissed up your torso, her soft lips finding your hardened nipple through your bra with ease. You leaned up on your elbows and removed it for her, the movements of those damned fingers making it a nearly impossible feat. 

She caught the sensitive peak of skin in her teeth before you could lay down again, causing your head to fall back in pleasure, a desperate whimper leaving you. Her tongue circled it in the same pattern as her fingers below and you felt entranced by her touch. You cupped her cheek, encouraging her to meet your heated gaze.

“I need you,” you all but begged, your cheeks turning pink at the nature of your words. 

“That’s all I needed to hear, darling.” 

Her words in such a low tone nearly drove you over the edge, but as she pressed her fingers into you, it took everything in your power to keep from crying out. A pathetic whine still managed to leave your throat despite your efforts. 

Her digits filled you up in the most delicious way and she knew it. She pumped them slowly, finding the same spot in you as you did in her, massaging it as you fell back onto the mattress. You knew it wouldn’t take you long to finish at this rate, but the sudden ascent toward your orgasm took you by surprise. 

“Larissa.. so.. so close,” you whimpered, your eyes squeezing shut in an attempt to stave it off a bit longer. 

Your hands gripped her shoulders, nails digging in. Your vision gained a few black spots when you opened your eyes again, only to find Larissa’s lustful stare looking back.

“It’s alright dear, I want you to come.” 

Her words sounded delectable in your ear when she whispered them to you, and you couldn’t help yourself when you came undone on her fingers, a moaning mess beneath her. You moved to cover your mouth but her hand caught your wrist, pinning it above you. She wanted to hear you, so you let her. 

Once your pulsing around her slowed, she pulled her fingers from you and looked deep into your eyes as she sucked them clean, groaning at your taste. A smirk played on her features, proud of her handiwork as she regarded your now disheveled demeanor.

“Perhaps I’ll make a habit of going to Staff Bonding Nights.” 

You both burst out in laughter before settling into a comfortable silence, soon after falling into a deep sleep, wrapped up in each other.  

[earthnashes]

hey, sorry, but i was wondering how you started on your fitness journey? i'm in a similar spot that you were two years ago and i want so badly to make the progress you have. i keep trying to begin but stopping because i get too scared or nervous, it's so daunting. do you have any good resources like websites/videos/youtube channels/blogs/etc.? i would really appreciate it. you look awesome and your post was super inspiring.

No apologies needed! It is pretty daunting man because it's getting into it for the long run.

Before I finally stuck with it I started and stopped several times in the past as well. If I were to give short tips personally on how to get started based on how I did:

-Start with the most simple thing for you and focus on building a habit out of it. Whatever that is, do it even if you don't want to. For me, I started with a scheduled walk around a trackfield (one full loop around the track) twice a week.

-Take the time to really outline your goals. Make sure to include short term goals and not only long term ones! It helps to say "I'm gonna walk for 5 minutes" and building up to the goal of "I'm gonna walk for 60 minutes", for example. Additional: having something visual can help with tracking it.

-Take it slow, and keep it simple. You're in this for the longhaul. And it will be very slow, but trust the progress and focus on the present

------------------------

As for resources, these are what I used (with some notes if it helps!)

Jeremy Either's Youtube Channel

Great source of information in regards to many things, particularly muscle building. I already had a base understanding of working out due to my sports background, but he's great for complete newbies and for anyone who needs a refresher. I still watch his stuff today but I don't rely on it nearly as much now that I have a better idea of what I'm doing.

Hybrid Calisthenics Youtube Channel

Fantastic channel for complete beginners and for people looking to get into the swing of things again, but at a slower rate. He focuses on being genuinely positive and encouraging finding ways that'll work specifically for you. That includes doing variations of exercises that may be too hard at first, like variations of the pushup, or pullup. Simple routines to get you started without destroying yourself. Very good channel, honestly.

Sean Nalewanyj Youtube Channel

He was the first fella I followed before I found Jeremy. His content is short, punctual, and easy to understand, so if you're looking for much quicker advice without the super detailed explanations his YT Shorts would be recommended. You'll likely have to do a little more research on your own to supplement the knowledge though. Like Jeremy I still watch his content.

Jeff Nippard Youtube Channel

His content is chocked full of research based shit and sometimes can be a tiiiiny bit much to follow, so not really something I'd recommend for beginning lifters. That said, his content in general is downright fascinating and if you're looking for in-depth analysis on the world of bodybuilding, powerlifting, and so on, he's my go-to.

Leanbeefpatty Youtube Channel

Her content is far more vlog-ish, but she gives solid advice while simultaneously just being fun to watch. I like how much more relaxed her stuff is as well, so if you're looking for something that isn't as potentially stressful I'd recommend her over anyone else listed.

Eugene Teo Youtube Channel

I've only just started watching him a couple of months ago but he's been a joy to listen to. His content is relatively chill but he gives indepth explanations without getting too science-y with them. He also promotes things other than fitness that'll help with your goals; stuff like mindful hobbies, healthy food-relation habits (for example: there's no such thing as a good or bad food), so on.

----------------

Other sources I've used to help educate myself the more I got into it include MyFitnessPal (I use it to count my calories and macros), Healthline, countless other youtubes I won't list just so I don't talk your ears off, and asking for tips from fellow gym goers who attend the same gym I do.

I hope these are of some help to you! And keep up the grind; take it one step at a time, and if you need any more advice you think I can help with I'm all ears. I'm rootin' for ya! :)

[zayndrivesmeinvain]

The One That Got Away - Part 3

A.N. - Part 3 is finally here! I apologize for the delayed upload but unfortunately work and life got in the way of things but I'm hoping to create a consistent posting schedule soon!

Pairing: Single Dad Harry Styles

Summary: Alena finallys gets a night out on the town with her friends, but will it go as planned or will surprises and feelings arise?

Word Count: 3.1K

*********************************************************************

Alena 

- 

“Fine, I’ll come.” my phone has been buzzing non stop. 

This weekend's one of the first weekends that I am going out in a long time. I typically use my weekends to catch up on chores or run errands since Harry typically has Aria for the weekends, but this weekend my friend’s convinced me to come out with them and have a girls weekend. We’ve all been preoccupied with life and what better way they thought to come together and go out and have some fun. 

I’m not much of a partier if I do say so myself, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t indulge in it ever - back when I was younger, the weekend parties were something I looked forward to - the drinking, the music, the friends, the games, the angst - EVERYTHING. However, that was short lived because by the time I was just at that age to drink and do things legally, I was blessed with my baby girl and responsibilities and motherhood took precedence over the weekend parties. 

“Yay! Alena’s hitting the town.” My friend Molly was on the other end of the Facetime call laying on her bed with a face mask on. 

“Ugh, I don’t even know what to wear though - I’m sure anything I have probably doesn’t fit anyways.” I was rummaging through my closet which is 90% of lounge wear, 10% of business casual clothes in which I recycle once a week to wear to work. “I don’t even own half of my wardrobe before Aria, Mol.” my voice probably sounded defeated but I am trying to stay hopeful for my friend because I know she’s looking forward to this outing of ours. 

“Lena, come on! You have to have something hot and flirty in that closet of yours - I know you do!” Molly’s a long-time friend of mine - she’s been around through the thick & thin of mine, however, our lives are the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Where I am on mommy duty 90% of the time, she is out free and living her life. She is a radiologist at our local hospital and due to her schedule, she has just enough time and energy to have a great balance of work and play. I truly believe that she is the one that keeps me young. 

“Do you think leggings and a baggy sweat-shirt are acceptable for dinner and bar and club hopping?” I flashy a cheek smile across my Facetime screen and Molly gives me the biggest eye-roll. “Lena, if you’re not at least wearing something that’s tight tonight, I am going to beat your ass sensely.” Molly makes her way to her bathroom and takes her phone with her. “Lena, stop acting like a mom for once and be free - shake your ass and show your tits off! Maybe even make-out with a guy - honestly when was even the last time you got fucked?” Molly places her phone down just in time for me to flash her my middle finger. 

“ Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know getting fucked was supposed to be on the agenda while also picking my daughter up from school, providing for her and basically making sure she doesn’t die.” I shut my closet door and make my way to my kitchen because I’m starting to get a little hungry and a snack doesn’t sound too bad right now. 

“Lena, I love you but step out of the mom role, even for one night - you are still allowed to have your own personality and be your own person, I promise you, you going out for one night will not make Aria love you any less. Plus, who doesn’t love a sexy milf.” Molly has a way with words, that’s for sure. 

“Plus, word around town is that your baby daddy has been seeing someone. Don’t you think it’s time for maybe you to get out there a little bit and meet a few people that could even be remotely interested in you?” Molly’s words sting a little, but I’m not sure if it's because she brings up Harry seeing some or if it’s because it's the “word around town” and I feel somewhat protective of his privacy and his business because he’s the father of my child.

“Yeah, I already knew that.” I take a bite of my toast. “He asked me the other day if it’s okay to introduce Aria to her - from the sounds of it they seem to be getting serious. I’ve been talking to Anne a little bit and she tells me that he seems to be happy and gets this - he hasn’t been seeing anyone else.” 

“I’m sorry - you’re telling me that he asked for your permission to introduce Aria to his girlfriend and you agreed?” Molly seems to be severely taken back, her face  expression if not her tone says it all. 

“Yeahhh… why wouldn’t I be? He is Aria’s father and I am trusting his judgment, so if he thinks it was the right call - then it was the right call - point, blank, period.”  

Truth is, it did and still does bother me that he wants to introduce Aria to someone he is seeing. What if she likes her better than me? What if she grows attached to her? What if she starts calling her mom down the line? The thought of Aria calling someone else mom makes my stomach queasy, however, I can’t worry about the “what ifs” and just hope and pray that she isn’t mean to my baby girl. 

Harry’s and I’s relationship is complex, on the one hand I want him to be happy and find someone but on the other hand I want someone to hurt him the way he hurt me so he can truly understand what it feels like to put your absolute all into someone, just for them to take - stomp on it and give it back to you in bits and pieces and I truly believe if it weren’t for Aria, I would have stopped all communication with Harry Styles years ago.

-

The rest of my day consisted of cleaning up my house, working on organizing and cleaning out my fridge and finally deciding on outfit for later on tonight. I even had some time to get a home-work out in. I guess just subconsciously knowing that I am going to be wearing something tight tonight makes me feel as though an hour work-out is going to give me my pre-baby body back but I know it's just a ploy to make myself feel better. 

While rummaging through my closet I was able to find a tight body-con midi dress that I wore once and apparently still fits - however, when I say this dress is tight - it is tight. The last time I had worn this dress was right when I was just about 3 months pregnant with Aria and I had more than enough room in this dress to hide my little bump, but now, I am fuller in places I wasn’t before. For starters, my breast feel as though they are up to my chin at the moment and my ass has probably doubled in size since I last wore this dress, but this dress seems to be the best and if not only option I have that can be worn tonight because Molly made it very clear that I was not to dress for comfort tonight. 

- 

“Alena, holy fuck you look hot.” I have just arrived at Molly’s apartment where our other two friends are as well. Molly is dressed in a cute spaghetti strap mini dress and has paired it with sparkly pumps, my feet just hurt looking at the height of them. 

“You don’t have to exaggerate Mol, I’m still coming out with you.” a chuckle escapes my lips as I make my way into Molly's apartment. I know her reaction was genuine but I also am not privy to the fact that she’s trying to boost my confidence a bit as well. 

“Oh I know you’re still coming out - I would actually drag you out of your house if you tried pulling a fast one on me!” Mol’s slightly intoxicated but her genuine personality and sassy attitude is still peaking through which I absolutely adore her. 

My other two friends Vanessa and Maria are just right around the corner making some cocktails as I make my way further through Molly’s apartment. It’s a beautiful apartment, two beds, two baths with a spacious open floor plan and a beautiful view of the city skyline. Her apartment is decorated mostly with whites and grays with a hint of pink throughout used as her accent color which matches with her personality graciously, she's one of the girliest of girls there is. 

-

The four of us mingle for about another hour as we get a few cocktails in and catch up on life before the actual night begins. Throughout the last hour, the biggest thing I have realized is that all of our lives are so different but the biggest difference between my friends is that I am a parent and they are not. Where they worry about whether or not they will be able to get up in the morning because they stayed out all night and drank - I have to worry about whether or not my daughter has everything prepared for school the next day on top of getting myself ready for work. By no means is this a complaint, but it does make me wonder what my life would be like if I was just out on my own? What if I too didn’t have another human to be responsible for? 

-

The night was definitely still young - but the night life was out. We’ve been waiting in life to get into the first club and we’re just now getting close to the front. The night was warm but definitely had a beautiful breeze which made the wait outside to get in not so bad. My three friends and I are slightly tipsy from the few shots that we had back at Molly’s place and right as we got dropped off by the Uber we shared a blunt - you could say I was high on life right now and just riding the wave. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket and it was a text from Harry. He sent me a snapshot of Aria sleeping in her bed at his house in Anne’s arms. I replied back with a little red heart and slipped my phone back in my purse. I promised myself that tonight I was not worrying about anyone else but myself - it’s time for me to be a bit selfish for once. 

“ Hey there pretty lady, can I see your ID please?” 

I pull my I.D. to show to the bouncer and he gives me a quick nod informing me that I was able to go in. He was a tall man with a broad build and dark features, he was pretty sexy if I do say so myself. He was filled with tattoos from the neck down it seems like which is such a turn on. I hope I get to see him later on tonight. 

“ Okay ladies, let the night begin!” We interlock hands and make our way into the nightlife - I feel like a teenager all over again, just me and my girls and no worries in the world, no responsibilities, no care! 

The night club is gorgeous, it definitely one of the more popular clubs in our area, and what is even better is that all the people here seem to be around our age or even slightly a bit older, many eligible bachelors seem to be out on the town as well. 

“Let’s grab drinks!” I yell out at my friends as the music is beyond loud and has the club thumping. 

We make our way over to the bar and we spot an opening close toward the end of the bar, where it seems to be empty. We make our way over there and take a seat, waving over to the bartender signaling that we would like to order. 

She’s a petite girl, with gorgeous blue eyes and short blonde hair that hits just at her shoulders. 

“What can I get you to drink, babes?” 

“Can my friends and I get a round of tequila shots please?” she flashes me a quick smile and a nod, a minute or two later she brings the shots over to us but mentions that they were paid for. Before I can even ask who, I spot the bouncer from the door staring in my direction. 

“Ouu, looks like someone is interested in you, Lena.” 

“He probably does that to a lot of girls, I’ll thank him later.” I wanted to play it cool but the simple gesture has me melting inside a bit. 

-

The night was absolute perfection, the music was perfect and our bodies were moving - I truly haven’t had this much fun in such a long time. My feet were starting to hurt but I was not stopping anytime soon - my friends and I were truly enjoying ourselves. Molly has run off to the corner of the club with some guy that came up to her to dance - he’s a nice looking guy, dirty blonde hair and green eyes. From what I could gather, his name’s Alex and he’s in finance. He seems enough from what I can tell but I wasn’t going to become too invested in learning too much about him, because from what I can tell - this will be a quick hook-up and probably won’t proceed for much more after the night. 

Vanessa, Maria and I make our way over to the bar again for another round of drinks when I feel a hand grip my shoulder. 

“ I wanted to formally introduce myself - my name’s Tommy.” the same bouncer who asked for my I.D. as well as the one who paid for our first round of drinks came up to introduce himself. His smile was cheeky but inviting, seeing him up close again definitely has my stomach in a knot. 

“And I wanted to formally thank you for the drinks, I’m Alena.” I put my hand out for him to shake it, and his grip is stronger than I could have ever imagined. 

“ A pretty name for a pretty girl - would you like to take a seat? I have about a 30 minute break before I have to get back to my shift.” 

“I think I could spare 30 minutes of my time.” I look over to my friends and they are both giving me a nod of approval, I can not wait to tell Molly about this later. 

Tommy leads me away from the bar, to a more secluded and a bit quieter section of the club. The seats back here seem to be more for dining, but the atmosphere and aesthetic isn't much different than the main area. It looks like he had some food pre-ordered and delivered to the table back here. The table has a single lit candle on it with two drinks, an cheese burger cut in a half with a side of fries, and a side order of onion rings. 

“Do you bring all of your muses back here?” I take a seat at the booth and Tommy sits across from me. He’s even more handsome under this light. 

“No, just the pretty one that caught my eyes tonight.” His smile makes him even more likable. 

“Oh, is that so? When will she be joining us?” a chuckle escaped his lips as he was taking a sip of his drink. 

“ A girl with a sense of humor, I like it.” 

I was feeling a bit proud of myself - I don’t normally get this social with a guy after just meeting him, but I think the alcohol is still lingering in my body and I am feeling good tonight. I feel confident, sexy and empowered and no one can take that away from me. The conversations are light, mostly just fun-facts about ourselves and how we occupy our time when we aren’t here on a random Saturday night. I find out that he works as a fire-fighter and works here to fill his time and his weekends and he gets a more steady schedule. From what I can gather from our 30-minute conversation, and quick dinner, he seems like a genuine guy that I would be intrigued in getting to know, however, I am still going to be very cautious in getting to know him. We have similar interests in music and movies and we both seem to be more introverted than anything, even though he works at a nightclub. 

“Unfortunately, my break time is now just over and I have to move upstairs to the lounge for the second half of my shift, but I’d like to take you out on a proper date sometime if that's okay?” The thought of going out on a proper date makes my heart skip a beat, but he can’t know that just yet. 

“Yeah, I’d like that, Tommy.” I ask for his phone and place my number in it, and save it as “Alena” as that is my name, but it’s up to him if he would like to change it to something else later on. 

As Tommy walks me back into the main area of the club before he goes off to the second part of his shift, he looks down and leaves a kiss on my lips. It wasn’t the most romantic kiss I've ever had but it definitely left a mark. 

“I’ll see you later, pretty girl.” 

- 

When walking back into the main area of the club, I was not expecting to see who I was currently staring at. There he was, 6 foot tall stature, curly brown hair and emerald green eyes - they looked sad. However, I couldn’t focus on that because if he was here, then where is our daughter? 

“Harry, where the hell is Aria?”

Tagged List: @gurugirl @wittlecritter @kathb59 @betchyharry @styles1999 @indierockgirrl @kittenhere

@neenaanetanya

[thewritingginger]

;) Alphabet - Ran Haitani pt. 2

Wow! It’s been a HOT minute since I’ve posted  I’ve been in a rut lately but I’m trying to work myself out of it :)

In the mean time here's some spicy Ran HCs for your Tuesday 

Fandom: Tokyo Revengers  Letters: C, E, G, O, U Warnings: 18+, GN! Reader, Talks of sex

Enjoy ~

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Ran’s cum is usually pretty thin & not a lot comes out

If he’s on a business trip/ too busy to get off w/ you or by himself he might produce more

He enjoys cumming inside his partner, if they want him to, but he really likes painting his partner with his seed

Spraying it onto their belly or onto their used hole feels more territorial to him than filling them up

Isn’t afraid to eat his cum out of you oop

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Ran has a fair amount to experience

Most of them are one night stands or short term flings

He does have long spells w/o action cuz work gets in the way and it can become more of a hassle than fun to get laid when he is trying to work—also not to mention boi would probably prefer taking a nap over the risk of having a meh lay with a one night stand

But all that said, he knows enough to get you off and listens well enough to become a pro at working your body

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

As we know Ran is a little chill boy

Of course he, if in a serious relationship/ is down bad, he will slow things down and make love to his partner

But if something happened like knocking heads or stumbling he just laughs it off and gets back to business

He never wants his partner to feel bad when you should both be feeling good

Also he can have a playful streak

Especially during foreplay/ the initiation of sex

If you’re ticklish, he might use that against you

He might say some cheesy/ silly shit

“So cute I could just eat you up, Baby,” he says as he is kissing and playfully biting down your torso and sides, or your inner thighs towards the space inbetween

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Loves lazy licking on his partner

He could honestly spend a while between your legs

If he catches you lying on the couch he might strip off your pants and get to work between your legs for the fun of it

He is part of the does it for HIS pleasure gang

Of course tho he does love seeing your lips wrapped around him

He’ll sink far into whatever seat he is in—the couch, his office chair, ect— with his hand gently caressing your hair as he watches you work yourself up and down his shaft with that lazy smile of his

He also praises you, both while giving or receiving 😉

“You taste so good, Baby”

“Stop? Is my tongue too much for your sensitive body? I’m sorry, Sweetheart but I have no intentions of stopping till you come on my tongue.”

“Just like that. Good Girl/Boy.”

“You are so good for me, knowing just what I like, huh.”

Honestly on nights he wants to get off but is too tired, he loves opting for oral/ using his hands

But he loves it as a “main course” any time, any day

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He is a teasing mother fucker

It’s not always in a hyper dominate way during sex

He finds it much more fun during foreplay—he’ll do it out in public if the mood strikes him

“Careful, Baby, keep looking at me like that you’ll let everyone you’re dripping in your panties for me.”

If he put a toy in you before y’all left the house he likes you turn it on when you least expect it

Once when you were out to dinner with him and the guys he had you squirming in your chair, trying hard to hide it. He just put his hand on your thigh and leaned into your ear,

“You all right, Sweetheart? Do you need to go to the bathroom?” 

Then he just laughed when you gave him a glare 

Hope you liked that!

If you want to see more, let me know 

Feedback & Interaction is always appreciated :)

💛 ~

~ Masterlist ~

[ilstar]

name — vos

pronouns — they / them

preferred comms — i'm happy to chat anywhere but i have a bad habit of forgetting to reply to dm's on tumblr and the barely functioning notification system doesn't help. disc is always quickest!!

name of muse — gesturing at my roster. robin, caelus and horrible oc are whispering in my ear the loudest right now though

experience in RP — technically. technically around 14 years because my first exposure to rp happened when i googled warrior cat games at the age of NINE and stumbled upon a chatroom instead. strictly on tumblr, i believe it's around 8-9 years. you have to kill me

best experiences — they are few and far between but it's still very special to me when i get to meet people who i feel like i just match with on every level from like, writing style to humour to being insane about a particular character(s) in the same way. insert honourable mention to val here AS ALWAYS. someone who has made my time on this website so much more enjoyable kdjfhgd another honourable mention to the rpc i wrote in before dipping my toes into hyv for being so creative and open to oc's, which has always really stuck in my mind as a nice place to be. while it lasted.

pet peeves / dealbreakers — some things that will always happen when i write popular or plot - significant characters are having people mansplain my own muse to me, having to bat away fanon concepts and dealing with people running on assumptions made by them, chasing and (stares at kazuha) constant angling for extremely popular ships that i have openly stated i don't like. don't be any of these guys

writing preference ( fluff, angst, smut ) — i'm good for anything but if most of our interactions tend to default to fluff / give me slice of life vibes i will get pretty restless. i like to delve a little deeper. and honestly, i do love angst, as long as it serves a purpose or actually goes somewhere, but angst for angst's sake doesn't really interest me.

plot or memes — plots 100% because i think that talking about our muses and developing a dynamic is half of the fun here. i love prompts!! but having an idea of how our muses bounce off of each other and knowing that we're on the same page gives me so much more to work with, which means i can write something you're much more likely to enjoy / feel able to reply to :)

long or short replies — i'm actually trying to learn how to enjoy writing smaller replies. i've never held myself to a standard where a piece of writing MUST be of a certain length to post it but i also like ... have a tendency to dwell on things like introspection and body language, probably too much, which means by the time i've actually given the reply some interaction / a direction for my partner to take it in, it's already getting pretty long and i could. just keep going. so i am doing my best to practice cutting out what's not really important. being more concise.

best time to write — has to be at least evening but is almost always at night. i'm not someone who can comfortably sit at a computer during the day when there are other things i could be doing, most unfortunately

are you like your muse — there's probably a little piece in all of them that i can relate to on some level. but when i'm developing a character i try my best to avoid projecting too much of myself onto them, and i mostly gravitate to characters who interest me or seem fun to analyse rather than ones who i see myself in / understand very very easily.

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

what the fuck is the Wire Mother book. Sociology has lore now?

oh boy okay

so you remember the Divergent books? the YA boom of the early 2010's? The Wire Mother was one of those series. they turned the Harlow's monkey experiments into dystopia factions.

yeah. i know. bear with me

The first book, The Wire Mother (2010) is pretty standard YA dystopia fare. There's this girl named Leo Groves (the Leo's short for Leonore) who lives in the court of the Cloth Mother, a city where people live in comfort and camaraderie and a general vibe of hold hands around the campfire and sing, except for the people who die at random. This is accepted with unsettling what-can-you-do calm from the main characters. (Eventually, it's revealed that's happening because only a 1/5th of the food served in the city is real, so most of the people are dropping dead of starvation but their bodies are quickly hurried away as to not kill the vibe, so no one worries all that much about it).

Which could have been cool speculative fiction! A handy story about desensitization to violence or complacency or something. Unfortunately, this was 2010 YA, so the concept is quickly kicked under the bed in favor of. yeah. A love triangle. Leo, being a special little narratively significant thing, finds her way to the mysterious other city on the other side of her hometown, the court of the Wire Mother. And when she's there, she meets a boy. Coil 54810.

Coil goddamn 54810.

That brooding son of a bitch. His last name is 54810 because the concept of last names and family doesn't exist in the court of the Wire Mother, only functionality, so 54810 is just the number of Coils there's been in the city. He's not a clone or anything, it's just the amount of people who've had that name. It's like being named Jeremy 54810. Killer of plot pacing. Swoopy of hair. He would have deserved to be named Jeremy.

God, anyway, I'm talking a lot about this. Anyway: The Wire Mother is exactly as good as the average YA dystopia book from the time period. It has some high points (the Cloth and Wire mother are cool ominously looming entities, and the main antagonist Jane-Mary has a level of batshit mad science energy to her that makes her the most fun villain in the series) and some low points (the forced Romeo and Juliet references. the forced romance. It is so clear that Benjamin St. Jobs, the other guy in the love triangle, doesn't stand a chance, but we have to keep who-will-it-be-ing for so long anyway. And Coil's a dick), but it mostly just balances out.

There were three more books in the series. There was supposed to be four, but. Well

Anyway. Book Two, The Wire Mother: Hounds' Toll (2012), actually kind of slapped. It went to more tragic and horror-influenced places than the original book. One thing I'll give Angela Lee (the author) credit for: I don't think this was a sequel for the sake of having a sequel. I think that the series was always supposed to be a pentalogy.

Some of the stuff in this book has still stuck with me to this day- I have to hold myself back from adding ominously ringing church bells in so many of my projects. Also, it really filled out Leo Groves as a protagonist- I could take or leave her in the first book, but I started to genuinely like her by the second. And the stuff they do with Stellarose Ardent, her best friend turned rival... God, I could make a whole post about Stellarose Ardent.

this book series is good, readers thought. surely the third book will be as good if not better

THE THIRD BOOK WAS HELL. The Wire Mother: Ordained Voltage (2013)...I think it did everything wrong. There was a reason that there was a two year break between the first two books, and book three being out only a year after Hounds' Toll really shows.

It's incredibly rushed. Leo barely gets to do anything. Stellarose is killed off in the most unsatisfying way possible. And while it seemed like Book Two had neatly put the love triangle to bed, no! It claws its way out of its grave!! To torment me specifically!

The only good thing we got out of this car wreck is Anesthesia 3, lab rat girl and apocalypse maiden extraordinaire. I adore her. She's got real Fish Inside A Birdcage vibes. Everything else, though? Horrors.

But readers held out hope. At least the characters ended up trapped in an interesting setting at the end of book three. The merciless, multi-layered prison of Tithonus, the central antagonist of the series. It seemed like that was a good set-up for a prison escape storyline. Those have to be entertaining, right?

Somehow, some way, no. Book Four, The Wire Mother: Endless Sentence (2014) is not just bad. I could forgive bad. But it is bad, and it is boring.

so boring that I'm not even going to waste my words on it. It's a school night. I'm not staying up to describe that thing. The only interesting thing about it is how it could manage to be boring while being an homage to the fucking Stanford Prison experiments.

And that was the end of a lot of people's hopes for the Wire Mother series. Only one good book out of four isn't a great track record, you know? A lot of readers were willing to put Hounds' Toll down as a one-off.

Then, in November of 2014, the preview for Book Five, The Wire Mother: Quantum Claws came out. It was three chapters long. And people lost their shit.

First of all, it was good. Maybe as good as Hounds' Toll. Maybe better.

But more than that, it was a break from the relatively grounded, safe, company standard dystopia of the series. Because this bad boy was going to be about time travel. Tithonus, in his evil plans to live forever, had built a time machine and activated it just at the right moment when the plucky heroes were about to kill him once and for all.

Which seems like something that would be a train wreck, right? If this author can't handle the easy-to-please tropes of prison breaks and romance, what business does she have trying to handle a time travel story without completely fucking up the series?

And maybe that would have been true. But the first three chapters were insanely promising. They were refreshing, original- they got time travel. We were able to get characters like Stellarose and Jane-Mary and Turpentine back after the story cast them aside so soon. And it promised to really examine what Leo Groves meant for the book's world. So, hopes rose again.

Unfortunately, we'll never know if it would have been good or bad. The fifth book was never published. We don't know why. It was just promised, for months and months, and then. Poof. The updates stopped. It was gone.

And it haunts me. If you haven't stopped reading by now, you can probably tell that. The fandom was like a fraction of the size of the Divergent fandom, and I don't know anyone IRL who's read these things. I don't even know if I can or should recommend them.

But sometimes something doesn't have to be a literary masterpiece to burrow into your brain and not let go, I guess ASJSJS

[metalhealth-willdriveyoumad]

To get kinda personal for a sec, I forgot how surreal splitting can get especially for the long ones. The short ones that weren’t caused by something immediately bad/traumatic for us have always been *oh something’s wrong* *blurry blurry blurry* *intensifies by 100* *mental flash of white* *oh hi rockstar #37* and that’s kind of it

But with the long ones, there’s a whole range of things that you either don’t experience or speedrun through when they’re quick so the feeling doesn’t stay with you after the fact. Like, I can just be sitting there and just feel like I have someone else’s facial features. Not like the face attached to my body isn’t mine, but like the nose that is definitely mine and attached to my face is a completely different looking nose, or eyes or whatever.

Or, having fluctuating control of different body parts (which is odd enough with just other frontera because we don’t have full possessive switches all that often). This is still kind of happening. Right now I can move my right hand fine, but it feels kinda syrupy like it’s been asleep and it keeps defaulting to a position like I’m about to play piano. Last night I had almost no control over two fingers, and a little bit ago I just couldn’t do anything while it had what looked like a tic attack (that I know wasn’t one). I wrote half this post so far with just one hand, which is a pain and a half. (I took it off the phone for a second and it started again for a second). The whole process feels like it’s staring with the left now which is fun.

I’ve also spent most of today and the end of last night listening to the same album on loop. It’s something I’ve done completely by myself and it’s an album I would do that with, but it feels way different. I’ve switched to something else by a different artist to maybe help get someone else out so I at least don’t have to do this solo, and I’m actually having jitters (physically shaking) and I can only assume it’s because of that.

Honestly, I don’t even know how long this thing’s been going on. Because a while back, I remember getting a vague feeling of a half-formed someone new here (two someone’s, actually) and getting the kinda spacey feeling, and then they both went away and I haven’t seen them since. But now this is happening and I’m getting flashes of them again, so I get the feeling it turned into a three part split instead of two. Because that would help explain why this is hitting so hard.

The big positive I can find for this at the moment is that it would absolutely explain why I’ve had such a hard time grounding in the innerworld or getting anyone else solidly out front, with or without me. That’s it. That’s the bright side. My thumbs are fighting with me and my head hurts. The headcount getting higher doesn’t bother me, it never really has (perks of not being the original host, I guess), I’m just so tired of the active part of splitting. If someone could just give me a button to make this whole thing go faster, that would be great.

[unreadpoppy]

Halsin, Minthara and Datamines

I've talked about this before but I decided to make a more "formal" post about it, so that I don't have to keep repeting myself. Also, this is a situation that lowkey makes me a bit stressed and it has been plaguing my mind for quite long now, so I'll use this as an excuse to talk about it.

Context: There's datamined stuff that people found of a potential ultimatum scene. In it, Halsin confronts the player for saving Minthara in the party, because of what she almost did to the grove, and basically says it's either her or me (hence the use of the word ultimatum) and then the player would have to choose to either keep Minthara or Halsin.

Now, Larian, as far as I know, has made no move to actually implement this in game but apparently, lines have been voiced.

So... my opinion on this (and let me make this VERY clear: this whole post is solely my opinion ok, feel free to disagree with me, I'm not the owner of the truth): I would hate if this got added in game.

First, because I love both Minthara and Halsin, and I was so happy when Minthara was finally recruitable in a good run, because I personally, don't find evil runs as appealing, so it was nice to have her while still enjoying what I was doing. And Minthara is such a fun character and I loved every second I got to spend with her.

Second, I don't think it's a choice/scene that makes sense. Why implent the option to recruit Minthara on a good run and then make the player choose between her or Halsin? Because, if you can't have both, why go through all the pains of doing a good run, and just stick to an evil one if you want Minty? Like, it goes back to what it was previously, making the option to have her in a good run pointless.

Third, this scene, TO ME, feels incredible out of character for Halsin. Look, I'm not saying that the two of them need to be best friends, but it feels weird that the one guy who believes that time heals, that people and circumstances can change, a guy who believes in freedom and all that, would give an ultimatum because Minthara, under mind control of the Absolute, wanted to end the Grove. If Halsin knew that Minthara didn't do those things willingly, that she didn't have a choice and is not proud of the hold that the Absolute had on her, I doubt he wouldn't offer her the same grace of possible change and healing as he does others.

I'm ok if this scene was something like the confrontation between Lae'zel and Shadowheart. The two have a fight, due to different beliefs, and Tav 'picks' a side to end the conflict, but ultimatly, both stay and eventually, get over their animosity towards the other.

But, in my opinion, forcing the player to have to let go of a companion that they fought hard to get, it's just so absolutely shitty and feels like a betrayal to what their characters are. And sincerely, it would make me feel very negative towards Halsin, if he wasn't willing to listen to what Minthara had to say and was forcing the player to choose.

With all of that out of the way, I want to address data mines over all. To make a long story short, I'm not a fan of datamined content. I think it's stuff we (players) were not even supposed to know, and when datamined stuff gets discovered, it's spread around the fandom like canon when it's not. Sure, there is a possibility that this stuff might get implemented but it is not a guarantee, and it should not be treated as canon. What is canon is what is IN the game, what we can see, hear, find, interact, not datamined material.

Also, please people, if you're talking about datamined material, MAKE IT KNOWN SOMEWHERE IN YOUR POST. More than once was I left very confused by people talking about character interactions that weren't in game, only for later to discover it was datamine.

Finally, to end on the Minthara-Halsin situation. I think these two have a lot of potential together. I've been told by a friend that a reason this would be implemented would be because of the 'issue' of these two characters sharing a tent, which I hope it's not the 'reason', bc that's such a non issue, and the two of them having to share a place is exactly the type of potential for like, interactions and dialogues;

Just stop trying to pit two bad bitches against each other and let Minthara and Halsin be together.

[mrhaitch]

how do you deal with insecurities regarding your writing? i feel like i vacillate violently between “oh i’m pretty good actually” and “i am the worst writer on the planet”. this is also specifically with creative writing. like, when it comes to academic writing i’m really confident in myself and my abilities, and i feel like that’s because i find it easier to objectively judge my own academic writing? like i can tell when it’s good and when it kind of sucks a little, but i don’t know how to extend the same objectivity to creative stuff, so i guess the default ends up becoming that it’s horrible.

i used to write a lot just for fun but i don’t really do that anymore because i end up getting too invested in whether it’s “good” or not and then it just stops being fun, which sucks, but i also need it to be good for me to have fun with it, which just ends up being a vicious cycle. the last time i wrote just for fun was maybe a year ago? i tried really hard to let go of the “this has to be a masterpiece” mindset, so i wrote some fanfiction because well it doesn’t get more “for fun” and self indulgent than that. i posted a couple on tumblr, and i wasn’t exactly expecting much traction, so i wasn’t disappointed or anything when i didn’t get a lot out of the fandom, but i did get a couple really nasty asks. (i guess that’s on me for posting on tumblr lol.) as far as i could tell, it was just one person who was really, really invested in making me miserable. it was kind of stupid but there was just so much of it. at first it was just racism about how i’m not white so i should stop using english because i don’t know how to, which i don’t care about because i’m perfectly aware that my English is more than fine (not that this ask is indicative of anything, i promise i know how to capitalise and use proper punctuation and better grammar). but they said this one thing that i keep thinking about literally a whole year later: “i’m an english teacher, and i’ve used your writing as a sample of what not to do while writing”.

…yeah. so that was just a teensy bit insane!! like they’d called my writing trash in a variety of ways before that, but that last thing was just ??? what do you even say to that?? it was just for fun, i wasn’t trying to be a modern Dostoevsky or anything, but holy shit, was it actually that bad??? (i ask, as if you would be able to judge having never read my writing.) but anyway, i haven’t been able to stop thinking about that, and every time i start writing something now, i have a bit of a “would this be used as the bad writing sample in an english class?” moment.

I believe I answered a couple of similar asks recently.

The short answer is: that feeling of insecurity doesn't go away, but you do eventually learn to pick your battles. Wondering about the tastes of a hypothetical audience is an ever shifting target and unhelpful, so instead aim to satisfy your own tastes.

But I think you know that already.

As for the person giving you shit - honestly fuck them off into a bin. The glorious thing about the internet is if someone acts like a prick, you can bin them and move on - very easily. I have noticed a tendency within Fanfiction communities to be cutting, graceless, and viciously unkind even though the stakes are (as we all know) very, very low.

I reckon it stems from their own feelings of insecurity - that FF isn't real writing (it is, don't let anyone tell you different), so they feel the need to enforce some backasswards, arbitrary standard to create an air of respectability. Trust me - I've been in workshops and swapped work with some incredible, successful authors and this level of backbiting and cruelty is completely alien to me.

So, again: have fun, write what you love, and if someone gives you shit for it, kick them in the shins without breaking your stride.

Or, to put it another way:

[versegm]

Against my will I keep getting new followers so I suppose I should make a comprehensive post on what's this fgo thing I keep posting about.

What is FGO?

FGO (short for Fate/Grand Order) is a mobile gacha game set in the Fate serie.

What is the Fate serie?

A serie of mostly unrelated games, novels, animes ect where the very simplified premise is thus: what if you could summon various historical/mythological figures to beat the fuck out of each other?

You might also know it as the "people die when they are killed" serie, or the serie with this blonde anime chick that is fucking everywhere since 2008.

Oh ok cool. Should I get into it?

Depends on your tastes. Are you looking for a shounen serie with big flashy battles? Then probably not. Are you looking for a serie with a huge emphasis on themes & symbolisms and the nature of humanity and all that? Then hell yeah brother get the fuck in.

Ok I looked it up and it sounds complicated af, where's the entry point?

Personally I will rec you the first entry of the serie, the visual novel Fate/Stay Night, as it is the one that presents the worldbuilding and core concepts in the most comprehensive ways. It's unlicensed in the west so you will have to pirate it, but worry not here's a comprehensive post as to how to do that. There's also an online version of the ps2 remake if you prefer that one.

I'm told the Unlimited Blade Works anime is a good introduction too if you're looking for something less lengthy to see if you're into the whole thing or not, but I didn't watch it myself so I can't say much about it. Just know that if you're an anime watcher this is the one you should look for.

I wanna check out the FGO thing you keep blogging about tho!

FGO was my entry point into the fate serie, so while it's not exactly ideal I can vouch that it still does a very good job at presenting the important worldbuilding concepts and such. Just be aware that 1) it's a game that references other entries a LOT, so sometimes they'll just kinda go "here's blorbo, we're not gonna elaborate on that, just accept them and move on" and 2) it's a gacha. If you're willing to give it a try though, I really do recommend it, it's a game that made me cry actual tears.

Alternatively, if you're interested but don't want to deal with all the gameplay, you can look up the cutscenes on youtube, or check out this website which has all the transcripts of the game.

Anyways. Have fun!

[ishganytoja]

Pinned post. I've needed one for a while now.

Hello. My names are Ieva & Morta, but I mainly go by Ieva. I'm an artist and philology student from Eastern Europe (geopolitically speaking) and I do all sorts of things, from drawings to screenwriting to poetry to music (to a very limited extent), in-short, I try not to limit myself in that regard. I'm interested in loads of things, motorsports, literature, anything that has the word "goth" in it is probably hoarded somewhere in my liked posts, music of MANY genres & sub-genres (and ofc twenty one pilots <3) is also really something that tickles my brain. Furries too, I've left the fandom formally but calling me a furry prolly wouldn't be wrong, I just want to be a woman in peace and not belong strictly to any fandom, sorry not sorry my anthro friends. I also reserve the right to edit this post except for the red text. That stays always.

This blog has been a lot of things and I think it's cool for me to keep it that way, because it is a lot of things. I am a complicated person and I've got to make sure I allow myself to stay complicated, that's how people stay fun and interesting! This is why this blog is and will be quite chaotic. It's a stream of consciousness!

HOWEVER - this blog does not welcome: TERFs, LGBT-phobes, anyone who thinks LGB is a justifiable idea, I will not tolerate racism of any kind and same goes for xenophobia, I will shove a tailpipe up your ass if I see a sliver of a sign of any aforementioned adjectives interacting. This blog also loves gender non-comformity and complete gender anarchy, some say that the entire point of this place is to make transmedicalists vomit.

To those wondering why now, well, it's slightly impulsive, but life happens and life sometimes gives you a positive push. I've wanted to make this not only a pinned post, but also a manifesto. To commit and pledge to indulge in things I want, to stop restricting myself, I've wanted to for so long and for a while I was slowly, slowly inching towards it but never committing to it. Now I stand here, with hope, with hopefully more courage in my eyes. I pledge to be myself and to push on through, unlimited by the world around me, forever and ever until the day I die, I promise to accept my failures and understand that this is a process and that it will take time for me to heal & I therefore swear that I will in-fact heal and allow myself to heal for as long as it takes.