#so does sitting all day but standing all day is worse because people often will lock their knees when standing in the same spot

[cass-ass]

Why is a cashier having a chair lazy but a receptionist having a chair normal? Why can't the cashiers have chairs?

[juniperdugong]

Relationship Quirks 97s ver.

Aka habits I can see the boys doing in a relationship || 95s || 96s || 97s || Maknae line ||

The8 Wears your favorite color

Now this one is truly an unconscious thing that Hao does. You mention your favorite color one day during a random conversation and he doesn't do much with it... until the color starts becoming more eye-catching.

Suddenly more and more of his wardrobe is taken over by your favorite color; Not in a way that cramps his personal style but in a way that adds to it, of course. And even when he isn't wearing clothing that's your favorite color then his nails will definitely have sort of accent in or completely be (insert fav color here).

It's funny because he vehemently refuses to believe that's what's happening. If anyone, especially you, brings up how often he wears that color then he will scoff; Something about "no one being able to shake his personal preferences" or something like that.

"Been liking purple a lot lately, huh?" "No, I haven't." "But your nails are purple, your beanie is purple, and your cardi-" "Maybe, It just fits with my current style???" *Rolls his eyes and then buys a belt he's been "eyeing for ages"... just so happens to be purple*

DK Brings you up in every conversation

This sweet summer child~! (He's older than me) You would never in the world have to be jealous when with this man. Because chances are if he's talking to someone and it looks like anything interesting is happening AT ALL he's probably talking about you. Honestly, his dedication to talking about you might make people think he's obsessed (...he is) Maybe people would be even more interested in him because of that though... Call me crazy but dedication is sexy!

Either way, you're the only person in his sight and he swears it up and down. Doesn't leave any room for doubt either! The boys and your mutual friends are constantly telling you how appalled they are at how sweetly Kyeom talks about you when you aren't there. You're at the forefront of most of his conversation when you're with him, you can't imagine it being worse when you aren't around, but apparently, you are DEAD WRONG.

Seeing a pair of shoes can turn into a rant about what pairs of shoes you like. Ice cream flavors remind him of the time that you got ice cream for him when he was feeling sad and he just has to tell the guys about it. A talk with his manager about his recent health suddenly takes a turn and now he's sobbing talking about how much you take care of him. It's all you you you~

Mingyu Has to hold your hand

So we all know that Gyu is the biggest cuddler of all time, there's no doubt that he isn't clinging to your side when you're around. But hand-holding is different, Gyu can stand to not be hugging you 24/7... as long as you're holding his hand.

Claims that it feels like he's missing a piece of himself when he lets go, and also claims that you practically disappear if you aren't holding his hand, endless sulking. (Dramatic ass) And why can I vividly see him holding YOUR hand while clinging to the members??? Like he'll be swaying your arms back and forth while LITERALLY HOLDING WONWOO BY THE WAIST & BACKHUGGING HIM!!! Then has the audacity to be offended when you let go.

Also, has to hold your hand to sleep. He would love to cuddle! And he often does!... For like 10mins before this human space-heater gets too sweaty and has to move to the opposite side of the bed. Holding your hand in his sleep is a good compromise though, of course until you're letting go to use the restroom. (Deffo the type to follow you to pee, sits on the sink too)

A/N: I ain't even gonna lie... all of these headcanons could have been turned into full fics. I went insane imagining these habits, the 97s have been killing it in terms of looks and popularity lately. On a real note though, FUCK PLEDIS! PROTECT THE BOYS! Still so fucking pissed about what they let happen to Mingyu and TWS. Calming down... Comments and Reblogs are like super fuel for my writing and are much-appreciated lovelies!

TAGLIST (open): @bemybabiibish @bath1lda

[liyawritesss]

ʟᴏᴠɪɴɢ ᴋᴇɴᴊɪ ꜱᴀᴛᴏ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇ...

-> synopsis: what would life be like to love the worlds baseball darling and secret superhero Ultraman, Kenji Sato?

-> pairing: kenji sato + black!gn!reader

-> from: ultraman: rising

-> contains: pure fluff, gender neutral, mentions of emiko and emi, 2nd person ('you', 'your', 'yours')

-> a/n: these animators need to stop making these kid movies with fine ass main characters bc whyyyyyyy is he so cute??? why do i wanna baby him in my arms and tell him everything will be okay? LET THIS MAN KNOW PEACE PLEASE!!!

-> join my taglist!

-> tags: @badass-dora-milaje @uranometrias @lees-chaotic-brain @jacuzziwaters

Kenji Sato who loves loves loooooovveeesss those subliminal couples pictures. The ‘private but not secret’ ones. They’re so aesthetically pleasing to him and they allow him to show you off to the world while still maintaining an air of privacy that he cherishes deeply from the media. Kenji is proud to call you his, and wants to show that in all ways possible.

Kenji Sato who is heavy on the couples jewelry. He’s already got a couple of notable pieces in his collection beforehand, and they only expand when you come into his life. In fact, the speculations of his love life come from the fact that people were noticing that he was wearing pieces from brands that were specifically designed for couples. Of course, when asked about it, he never goes into depth about it, and just recites how he thinks they look nice on him…and on someone else.

Kenji Sato who introduces you to his mom only after he’s sure that he wants to be serious with you. I have a feeling Emiko is the type of mom to get attached to their child’s partner in the sense of already viewing them as part of the family very early on, and Kenji wouldn’t want to get her hopes up if something were to happen - he can’t stand to see his mom upset. But when he does introduce you to his mom, you two become the best of friends! So definitely expect to be sent on girls day adventures by Kenji, cuz he’ll definitely be treating the two most important women in his life like royalty.

Kenji Sato who requires a lot of patience to deal - I mean, the man has a lot going on. Being the number one baseball player in the world, saving Japan from threats as Ultraman, and caring for the large kaiju baby Emi is more than a lot on anyone's plate. Kenji’s gonna need someone to understand that his schedule is never solid, and plans may fall through from time to time, and thats not because he’s not trying, but it’s because spontaneity runs his life and things can change at the drop of a hat, out of his control. It’s not the life he asked for, but it’s one he must take on.

Kenji Sato who doesn't exactly know how to bring up the topic of him being Ultraman, much less about Emi, early on in the relationship. I mean, how often do you tell someone that you're Japan's legendary hundred-foot tall superhero or that you're the surrogate parent to a twenty foot tall baby dragon kaiju? As much planning that he does on telling you, it ultimately happens in the worse way possible - you end up finding him mid-transition with Emi in tow...now that's gonna be an interesting story to tell. Spoiler: you stay with him, but now he's subjected to jokes about how is ego isn't the only thing that blows up to an enormous degree.

Kenji Sato who appreciates a partner that can not only deal with spontaneity, but is also rather spontaneous themselves. Surprise dates, random gifts, adventurous propositions out of the blue, I think those kind of things are right up his alley. He’s learned to live life in the moment and to the fullest, because it can be taken from you within an instant, and he wants to cherish every moment he has with you.

Kenji Sato who would spend his money on you religiously. He’ll sit in the dressing room with you as you try on armfuls of clothes, only to hand you his credit card at the end of the haul with a kiss to your temple, encouraging you to buy it all if you desire. And don't let you look at something too long in a display window, because he will have it shipped to your address in two business days. Endless trips post-baseball season in secluded locations so that the two of you can optimize the privacy you desperately crave.

Kenji Sato who’s a little bashful and nervous in the beginning, but eases into the relationship as time goes on. He doesn’t wanna mess up something so good that he has going on. Opening up takes some time, as he’s got some high walls that are hard to climb, but once you do get him to open up and bare his heart to you, don’t take it for granted. He doesn't do this to everyone, only the people he feels will truly return the care and compassion he has - so don’t prove him wrong.

Kenji Sato who seeks your comfort in the middle of the night when sleep evades him, leaving him restless and anxious. Most times, its about his mom and her disappearance, a mystery that's never left his mind. If you don't wake up to find him sitting up in bed deep in thought, or trying to tire himself out in a simulation, he finds comfort in just cuddling you, admiring your sleeping form, and talks about the most random things until the sun begins to peak over the horizon.

Kenji Sato who’s sort of in between the serious lover and the playful lover - he’s maturing in his emotions and how to deal with his past, learning how to communicate better and express himself healthily. Simultaneously, he’s a goofball and a jokester reliving a bit of his childhood in his love with you. Playful banter, jokes and teasing are equally as present as the late night talks and the deep conversations the two of you share.

Kenji Sato who tucks the chain that has his promise ring on it close to his chest, and on game days, rubs his thumb over the gold band for comfort and assurance before he heads up to bat. During championships, he'll ask you to kiss it for good luck, and when he wins, he of course accredits it to you being his 'good luck charm'.

Kenji Sato who loves deeply and fervently, with compassion and the entirety of his heart, who will do his duty and love you unconditionally an proudly while shielding you from the cruel and prying eyes of the public, letting you know time and time again that it will always be you he chooses, no matter what.

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!

[6okuto]

MATSUKAWA RELATIONSHIP HCS

gn!reader, timeskip mentions | 4 whoevah asked! 🫵👍

waits until you're distracted/busy before suddenly saying shit like "first one to get to the lineup gets to pick extra snacks" at the grocery store

eats your leftover food if you can't finish

works hard to take you to a fancy restaurant on one of your first dates... doesn't know which ones are actually good so he's on reddit researching, texting the seijoh 4 gc, etc etc. he dresses up too... he wants to make sure you're happy and treated well 🙁

issei isn't super into or against pda,, he's happy if you're happy. most of the time it'll be an arm draped around your shoulder while you're sitting together or casual hand holding. he isn't opposed to a quick kiss either! :3

if you show him one of those videos that are like,, "if you know your partner, which one would they choose?" and he gets it wrong issei's like "?? tf are u sure" as if it isn't Your choice

he isn't used to getting gifts. if you give him a gift his first thought (fear) is that he's forgotten some kind of anniversary. but you tell him it's just because you thought of him and he gets all flustered and can't keep eye contact 🙁 you catch him glancing at/playing with the gift for the rest of the day

^ him with a lot of stuff actually LOL he tries to hide how Not Chill he is it's so cute 😭 you ask him to hold something but your hand is empty and you just interlock fingers? he's like wow okay if you wanted me you could've just said so As if his ears aren't red hshsdbshs

denies crying over a sad movie as he takes the tissue box from you (refuses to look at you until he's wiped his tears) (looks at you with red eyes and sniffles and says It's not even that sad)

says he'll take a photo of you then takes a selfie LOL

^ you'll have to show him how to take good photos... or learn together... he promises he's a quick learner + he thinks you look good in all of them

takes your compliments/comments to heart. you say his hair looks nice grown out and he takes a few extra seconds messing with it in the mirror, pushing off a haircut for a little longer. you say his new jacket looks great and he's like yeah of course it does,, then reaches for it more often than planned at its original purchase.

i think timeskip mattsun would worry about sharing certain stories from work ;; like... would it upset you (more than him)? did you have a rough day and would he make it worse? he keeps it pretty vague until you ask him to share because you can tell it's been big on his mind

mattsun's not one to care about what side of the bed he sleeps on (it's just the one is closest to a charging port) until you're together. like if you pick a side yourself, it becomes a habit for him to slide into the other even times you aren't sharing a bed. it just doesn't feel right anymore bdhsjdbsj

you know those trends where you ask the other person/people to draw flowers or stars for your lockscreen. he just sends a shitty dick drawing LOL. but he ends up spending super long on decent flowers after i promise. scrunching his eyebrows, moving his finger really slow, picking good colours and everything... even pulls up references. yeagh

sees you online listening to sad music and texts "you up?" in hopes of distracting you. he gets away with coincidental timing the first couple of times, but you figure it out. not that this changes anything (other than maybe his text to "you wanna talk?") — mattsun continues as an offer / reassurance he's there if you'd like him to be

so supportive. SO SUPPORTIVE. you have a big project you're working on? he's checking on you and complimenting you with every day of work, even if he isn't knowledgeable on it himself. you get a promotion or offer you've always wanted? you have to celebrate—you deserve it!! you have a big game coming up? he's in the stands with your jersey on and he's brought his friends to cheer too

^ he isn't really one to Jump for Joy, but he'll be grinning so big, and always matches your energy. (you like hugs and kisses? you got them! you'd rather a solid high-five or verbal praise? that's good with him too! he just wants you to know he's happy and proud of you)

^ actually he might jump for joy. a little. not in a YAHOO! YIPPEE!! way but in a LET'S GOOOOOO way.

you ask to meet the seijoh team and he's like. begging the universe no one's gonna embarrass him. everyone's like No way someone wants to date our mattsun?! Are you sure?! and he's 😐

^ tries to act cool in front of you. gets called out like "lmfao what are you doing" "so obvious" "okay mr. tough guy?" "blocked a ball and thinks he's hot" WBDJSNSSJ

^ brightens when you tell him he Is very cool and you like watching him. shoots his team a look and says something about how they're all single LOL

doesn't post you a lot, but he doesn't really post in general so the ratio of you on his profile is still great tbh. maybe for anniversaries or if he took a really good photo—keeps it minimal and won't write long paragraphs. adds a couple blurry or 0.5x pictures if you're okay with it

accidentally kicks you while he's napping and apologizes even though you swore he was deep asleep shdbsbns

lets you have the window seat. he doesn't actually care that much (since it's you) but he makes a scene of giving it up for you /silly /he's smiling

issei always does his first karaoke song with you if you're there. the first time it happens he doesn't even ask he just hands you the second mic and you're like wait what ??? LOL

gets scared if you say his full name. skips right over confusion and freezes like a deer in headlights even if he hasn't done anything

middle guy for autographs.. LMFAO 😭😭 like what do you mean you know oikawa tooru and iwaizumi hajime who then knows msby etc etc. you show up and say his name like :)) isseii?? :)) and he's like 🙄 Who's asking now. you know you know them too right. /lh

bro does not decorate. imagine unpacking for your new shared apartment and you're like ?? is that really all your stuff. and he's like ....Yeah??.. a lot of the things on his desk/around the house were bought together or by you

i write hcs and im like wowww what a respectable post length and then i realize how long the points are and im like FAWK??!?! ur telling me i DONT actually have that many ?!?!?! so i keep adding more and thats why i take so long. then i stare at myself like GIRL GET IT TOGETHER!! EVERY TIME!!! 🙁🙁🙁

[luveline]

Congrats on 40k Jade! Also hi, I hope you're having a great day (I'm really nervous this is my first time sending in a request I'm so sorry if I sound weird)

𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝'𝐬 𝐨𝐤 —send me a hurt/comfort request for any reader and any character and I'll write a ficlet, 2k or less

Can I request a reader that has a bit of a temper and got told that no one would like her because of it so she's a bit insecure about herself? My favourite character is James so maybe with him or with Remus whichever you prefer (and they reassure her and it's awesome because your writing is just so awesome)

Congrats again <3

luveline's 40k party ☆ thank you so much, you didn't sound weird at all dw ♡ fem!reader

The day has been long, your feet dragging up the steps to Remus' flat. His door sticks and the only radiator that doesn't need bleeding is the one in his bedroom, so it's cold, and you're irked. You kick out of your pinching shoes and hang your jacket up, which falls on the floor. You pick it up and it falls again. Huffing, you put it on the sideboard and trudge down the hallway to Remus bedroom. 

"Hello, my lovely," he says without looking up. 

There's a notebook in his lap. He's wearing his reading glasses. If you were in a better mood you'd try to distract him by laying across his thighs. As it stands, you're fucking exhausted. You flop down in his bed and curl towards him where he's sitting against the headboard. 

"Tired?" he asks. 

"Mm." Tired isn't the right word, but the right word makes people cringe at you. 

Today has been awful and you hate the part of you that wants to rail about it. You can't help how you feel; this anger glows molten. It makes you hate yourself, which irks you worse. You grab one of his pillows and pull it against your chest to squeeze it until your arms hurt. 

"Bad day?" he asks, pen scratching.

You exhale. "A bit," you say into the pillowcase. 

"Sorry, dovey," he says. There's the sound of paper leaves catching against one another and the clink of a pen put away. "What did you say? I needed to finish writing that edit down before I forgot."

You're not mad at him in particular but your voice comes out tightly strung anyhow, "I said it was a bit of a bad day."

Remus hears your tone and refuses to skirt around the issue. Not from a want to be confrontational, but a direct way of going about things. "What, are you mad at me?" 

"No," you say, turning away from him. 

"You seem mad." 

"I think I am." 

"Well, now you don't sound mad," he says, dipping down to talk into the back of your neck. "Now you sound upset. Have I upset you?" 

"No, Remus," you say. Mad to sad to mad again, your shoulder and spine ache with rigidity. 

All his questions didn't make you mad, but you were mad to begin with, and so what might usually be very normal turns to irritating. In the moment, you've no hope of controlling it, and, not wanting to further subject Remus to any misdirected annoyance, you shuffle out of his reach. "I just need a minute," you say. 

Remus is used to your temper, though you often worry he'll grow tired of you and your big moods and throw in the towel. You count useless numbers in your head and curl your fists into balls until your bones feel like they're too big for your skin, wanting to deal with it alone. 

A minute or two later and Remus reaches for your side. "I was trying to lighten the mood, and it wasn't my best work," he says, tip of his thumb drawing semi circles into your shirt. 

Remus taking the blame for your emotions has you frowning, rabbit-holing into twisting thoughts. He's always been good for you and good to you, accepting of your short fuse. He's not always sunshine and lollipops himself. But, he's not angry half as often as you are. Does that bother him? People have said to you before that your temper will be the ruining of a good thing, that Remus won't want to deal with it. And it makes sense. 

You don't want to deal with it either. You don't really feel like you have much choice when it comes to being mad. 

"Sorry," you mumble. 

Mattress springs groan as he leverages himself closer to you. Familiar, his hand sneaks under your shirt to tickle the soft roll of your stomach. He draws a slow and winding line with no end nor goal in mind, uncaring of the pouch you get laying down. Remus doesn't really care about anything that could be marked superficial. It's one of the many reasons that he's markedly the best person you know; he loves everything that you hate about yourself without hesitation. Like your anger. 

"Do you want to set a rule?" he asks. 

"Pardon?"

"Humour me. Let's make a condition before we have this conversation." Remus stops drawing to slide his hand between your hip and the mattress, hugging you to him. "I'll assume you're not mad at me even if you sound angry, and you can assume I don't mind." 

"Do you mind?" you ask. 

"Well, I don't love when you're angry, but I know it isn't at me so it won't matter." 

Reassured enough to face him, you meet his eyes. 

"I know I have a tendency to make it sound like I'm angry at you when I'm really mad at someone else," you say. 

"That's not true. And I ask, don't I? If I think you're mad at me?" Remus' already dulcet voice drops to a murmur, words said slowly and with as much care as a person can put into words alone, "I don't know why you feel like you're such a bad person for being angry." 

"Because it's all the time," you say. Your throat burns with the effort that it takes to stay intelligible. 

"It's not all the time." 

"It's often, and it's not fair to you." 

"It's not fair to take it out on other people, and I promise you I'd let you know if you were doing that. So… could you just tell me why you're mad? Without worrying I'll take it personally." 

"It's not about taking it personally, I don't want you to take it personally, but it's just– it's just ugly, isn't it?" 

Remus frowns. "Honestly? I don't think so. You have to be angry sometimes. Everyone gets angry and those feelings need somewhere to go, or it'll eat you up inside and make you bitter instead. Like… okay, he'll forgive me for telling you this, but Sirius used to get into these awful angry tirades where he'd shout at nothing, you know? And I hated seeing him do it, but I wasn't sitting there thinking he was ugly for it. I just kind of hated that something was able to occupy him so heavily. And that's how I feel about it when it happens to you, dove." 

"He used to?" you ask, the bridge of your nose flat to his knee. 

"Yeah, he did." Remus pushes your shoulder flat to the bed beneath you and leans in to give you a kiss. The corner of your mouth takes the brunt of it. 

"Did you kiss him like this, or–" 

Remus laughs and hugs you, "A discussion for another day," he murmurs. He gives you a last kiss and squeeze and then sits up. "So shout at me." 

"I don't want to shout at you." 

"You know what I mean. Tell me what pissed you off today." 

"Are you sure?" you ask. 

"Yeah, I'm sure, I like the way your eyes look anyways, when you get riled up." Remus finds your hand to hold. "Tell me, dove. I'll be angry with you."

[onceonafullmoon]

How abt some don lorenzo x fem reader headcanons👀(sfw)

Or bllk characters with a short s/o

(Including lorenzo🙏)

I think the hardest part of being with Lorenzo has to be initially catching his attention

See, he’s always been the type of guy to evaluate someone based on not necessarily price, but value when he looks at them

Not saying that you necessarily have to be rich of course, but you have to catch his attention in some way

Whether that be carrying yourself in an confident way, standing out by wearing something bold or just by being a little bit strange, all of these are ways to attract his attention

He’s also the type of person to be attracted to more charitable people, people who are open minded and people who tend to be more responsible

You’d probably meet him either at a club, a sports banquet or a mall

Anyways, however he finds you, you’ll find that he’s very… eccentric with how he attempts to get close to you

Not to say that he’s creepy about it or anything, just very surprisingly open about himself 

Like after a few meetings with light hearted banter you’d find yourself talking about your greatest insecurities and fears without batting an eye, and you’ll find yourself listening intently as he tells you about his past

He’s just surprisingly easy to talk to, and you find it easy to relax around him

After that, you find that yourself fast friends with him, and he’ll come over often to hang out with you to watch movies, listen to your trauma dumps or even just chill

It definitely doesn’t start out as romantic at first, despite the mutual physical attraction between you two

It’s not until one day where you’re sitting on your couch with him, when you’re making commentary about the movie that you watching, that he looks over at you and, really sees you

You’re rambling, eyes on the screen and tucking your hair behind your ear, and then it just kinda hits him, how there’s no one else he’d rather be with in these quiet moments than you

And that's when he starts trying to catch your attention

You won’t really notice at first, but you’ll eventually see that he insists on paying for you almost all the time, getting you gifts and getting more touchy with you

And you’ll try to refuse his ways of spoiling you at first, because you feel bad about using his money, but he’ll get this really pouty look on his face that you can’t refuse

And it takes you a while, but one day when you both are in a mall, hanging out, you’ll see him spend his money to buy a crying child their favorite dessert, and it’ll just click for you

You like him

And normally you’d be hesitant to tell him, but you know he’d never judge you, and you have an inkling that he likes you too, so you confess

And naturally his reaction to this information is to… start barking like a dog?

Yeah, you would’ve been weirded out if you didn’t know him so well, and you can tell he likes you too by the way he presses a sloppy kiss to your cheek

And that’s how you start dating

As a boyfriend his spoiling tendencies don’t stop, in fact, they get even worse, much to your exasperation

You also find yourself rendered immune to whatever bullshit he usually says/ does that usually weirds other people out

Movie date nights!!!

And you know damn well that he’s got the best taste in snacks (the both of you go to the grocery/convenience store before these dates)

Eventually, he’ll also introduce you to Snuffy as his significant other, and you’ll feel a warm spark inside as he proudly shows you off

And when he steps away for a moment, Snuffy will tell you how grateful he is that Lorenzo could meet someone like you

And you’ll just smile and shake your head, because you think you were luckier to meet someone as understanding and non judgemental as him

[multifandomfanatic02]

𝑻𝒘𝒐 𝑷𝒆𝒂𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒏.

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 :: angel dust x gn reader (platonic!!)

𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔 :: you are co workers with angel dust who comes to the rescue in a difficult time. although it seems he needed it too.

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒔 :: minimal talk of sexual abuse, soft angel dust, comforting, angel crying.

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 :: 1k words

What on God's green Earth did you do to deserve this? In all of the 30 something years you spent in life, nothing you did warranted such treatment. No matter what anybody did, this was never a punishment anyone deserved. In a way though, you brought on yourself you thought. To sign a contract in Hell and think nothing of it simply because the demon was.. hmm.. what's the word. Entrancing. He was good at was he does.

Upon entering Hell, you were greeted with a sultry voice with a lovely Hispanic accent. He had offered you a job and a place to stay. He surely didn't look like the villain type, and at the time, he didn't sound like it either so it made it easy to sign your soul away.

However this impulsive decision of yours soured almost immediately after. You had been forced into prostitution and porn. Anytime you didn't pay your dues, things only got worse for you. Why didn't you think to ask what kind of job you were taking? But this is how it was down here. There were no laws no rules. No one had a moral code anymore. All you are allowed to think about down here is how to survive. You do what you must. No matter the cost.

Day after day, you drowned yourself in drugs and alcohol. At home, of course. Unlike some you knew at work, you distanced yourself from sex and intimacy from others. This made it hard to connect with others. You surely craved it though. To be understood and seen as a person rather than a toy. Thoughts like these came on the days you were sober.

You had been working for Valentino for several, several years now. You had seen people come and go either succumbing to the abuse and mistreatment and offing themselves or being fired because they did poorly for Val's ratings which often meant being killed by the Vee's. There was one soul that had been there longer than even you. And actually still the most desirable porn star there is, Angel Dust.

You admired him. Not necessarily because of his work but just because of how he's still standing.

While Angel resorted to the same coping mechanisms you did, he had friends to support and be there for him when he needed. So despite everything he's enduring, he managed to rehabilitate himself essentially. And that.. that was impressive and admirable.

You never talked to him before though you both would just exchange sympathetic eyes towards each other. It wasn't until you hit your breaking point that you had your first real interaction and my, did you need it.

You had been sitting at a bus stop for an hour, the acidic rain making you pull your feet into the bench to not get drenched or burnt. It was quiet outside, due to the rain there was no one in sight. It was just you and your thoughts. Tears spilled from your eyes as your arms wrapped around your knees. Holding things in for a long time will do this to ya. Make you break in public, how inconvenient.

click, clack, click

The sound of high heels approaching broke you out of your depression trance.

"Mind if I join ya?"

"Angel Dust?" You scooted over a little to give him some room.

"The one and only." Angel sat down next to you folding his umbrella and setting it to the side. Not much was said initially but it wasn't like an awkward silence. More of an, understanding. "Ya know, it won't be like this forever." He placed one of his hands on your back. It was a gentle touch, not like what you were used to at work. It was.. calming. It let you take a real deep breath in what actually felt like forever.

"Oh yeah? That pink chain still around your neck seems to disagree with you." You didn't mean to be snappy at him, the statement just felt like a stab wound. Thankfully, Angel didn't take it personally it seems because all he could do was laugh.

"Oh don't ya worry about that. I'll find a way to break the contract one way or another." His gaze softened as he turned to you, lifting your chin up to look at him. "Sorry, I ain't good at comfortin' others. But I want ya to know that I'm here for ya if needed. " You raised your eyebrow in response.

"It's a pain in tha ass. Ya know.. dealing with Val." Angel took a deep breath and relaxed his own shoulders. He himself never really had anyone to connect with, well not someone who understood what he went through. Someone whom felt the same way about his situation. All your other co-worker's saw each other as competition. You never really blamed them though. If anyone's popularity dropped, they were punished. You were all just trying survive after all. "Why don't ya come and live with us at tha hotel. We're always lookin for new sinners to help. And Charlie.. well, they are pretty damn good at it."

Silenced filled the streets once again as the mood changed. Angel's smooth facade dropped, letting his emotions out in the open. His own tears dripped on to his thighs, alerting you in surprise. While you never KNEW Angel, he was a very good actor and managed to keep up the proud pornstar schtick for all the years you have known of him. This was a first for the both of you.

"I'm sorry for lettin go like this. It's just all too much. I- I never wanted to be this way. You grabbed Angel's hand tightly and looked up at him.

"You don't have to explain yourself. Not to me. I know." A breath of relief from Angel as he wiped around his eyes. "And you know what, I think I'll take up that offer. Say.. I heard there was a hot daddy of a bartender, is that true?" You nudged Angel suggestively with your hip and grinned at him.

A look of shock appeared on his face as he frantically tried to look anywhere else but your eyes. This was quite an astounding reaction considering the business that you two have to deal with on a daily basis. Angel flustered from an innocent joke?

"I'd absolutely love to tell ya about everyone." He stood up and dusted off his short dress before opening the umbrella, inviting you underneath it. "You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

𝒂/𝒏 :: I've been wanting to do this type of story for angel dust for a while. I wanted it to be like our comfort character, one whom we resonate a bit too much, was actually talking to us in a comforting manner. It's not my best work in my opinion but it still means a lot to me. And for those who get it, you matter. Your feelings matter. Regardless of how you cope with it.

[stormblessed95]

Hi Stormblessed (dope name btw),

Don't know if this is the best place for this essay or the right time but I need to word-vomit this out, or I'm gonna be a JK-style spaced out zombie all day.

It's a truth universally acknowledged that a big part of the fandom tends to mis-characterize the members based on edits, fanfics and out-of-context clips. Something probably mostly to do with how social media platforms have been pushing for these short videos over the last few years. Why watch 300 hours of original content (some of which is behind a paywall) if you can get the gist of it (you think) from TikToks?

My particular point has to do with how that allows for the narrative (aka made up shit) especially around Jimin to grow. All of the members get that treatment, the maknaes worse due to their popularity, but due to how a big part of Army are also tkk shippers, Jimin is the one who's portrayal often skews more negative. The others' perceptions just are neutral or fantastical in a sense that they're more like badly written male leads. Don't get me wrong, solos throwing around bs is nothing singular to him but no one gets accused (said completely seriously btw) of sleeping his way into BTS or the release of his album.

After I saw this vitriol for the first time I had to actually sit down because wtf.

And then I started wondering why that is, and came to the conclusion that it is:

(Internalized) misogyny and sexism

Blatant homophobia

Jimin is the member the most obviously in tune of his femininity. He hasn't subscribed to gender norms for a decade at least, and once his hyper-masculine-esque persona from the debut days was dismissed, he ventured further. (That isn't to dismiss the growth they all have shown in that area.)

But antis, akgaes, Solos and shippers take that femininity and apply every stereotype and misogynistic idea to JM.

Traits they f.e. hate:

He is openly flirty with many people (members especially)

He is very physical, and touch is arguably one of his love languages and go-to way of comforting smn

He is pretty af and knows it

He's sensual and sexy and knows it

He's cute

He's sweet (aka a good fucking human)

But why does that make "them" hate him so much?

Because they have been taught that these traits in women (like themselves) are bad. What makes it worse, however, is that the men around JM all know these things to be true, acknowledge them as true and compliment him on them. In the case of JK (since this is about Jikook at the end of the day):

He loves flirty JM despite sometimes not knowing how to handle him (ehem the 'shameless convo'). He flirts back (fe the whole live where he was in bed begging for JM to come over)

Tkkers and such love pulling the "JK hates it" card. Which is nonsense, considering how he seeks JM's comfort when he's down (esp during concerts), actively cuddles JM (In The Soop) and never uses all his big muscles to shove JM but rather to just carry him around. Compare that to the jokingly disgusted face Yoongi pulls when Tae tries to hold his hand, and it becomes glaringly obvious that no one who says the members dislike touching each other has a leg to stand on. Calling it harassment goes so far beyond any line of sanity...

JK - like all of BTS - acknowledges that Jimin's beauty is simply out of this world. They are regularly stunned by his appearance

Just gonna point to JK's reaction to Filter, Blood Sweat & Tears, Black Swan, and Set Me Free pt 2 here. JK calls JM sexy so often it's hilarious

* inserts clip of absolutely WHIPPED JK after JM cutely punches him during that performance of Boy With Luv *. Also we know that "cute" his JK's type as he himself admitted.

Jimin has been Jungkook's comfort person for so long, and with such depth that he dedicated a whole trip and video to him. They care for each other so deeply that the only logical conclusion was to go to the military together.

Aka: he is all that they hate in the girls/women in their normal life so they can't do nothing but tear him down. They envy how comfortable he seems in his own skin, how easily he goes from sexy to cute, how loved he is by those around him. On top of that is how gay people are still perceived and treated by a lot of countries around the world. No matter what they say, being an army and shipping men doesn't make you automatically an ally and non-homophobic.

They treat Jimin like they would most likely treat the lgtbqia+ people in real life: something to be careful of, someone dishonest and slutty.

They conflate everything they hate about themselves and gay people and * boom * out come frankly terrifying tweets, fanfics and shit.

Contrast that with how these very same people fetishize the relationship between Tae and Jungkook - either viewing them like men who watch p_rn involving two women, or a self-insert with how little character they have - and that's the state of the army shipping community. They could be Barbie dolls getting smashed together and you wouldn't know the difference.

I'm not saying Jikookers are better in that, but the language they tend to use is incredibly different.

---

That was a lot.

To end on a sweet note: I saw a quote on Twitter "If you want to find out what someone fears losing, look at what they photograph."

And...well. that just screams Jikook

Hi! Thank you, I like my name too 🥰

And yeah, basically I agree. I think there is more to it as well, but that a lot of it could be boiled down to all this. And yeah, jikookers are just as guilty of this too, but not always in the same way. Sometimes in a way that is more fetishizing but is just as harmful. Take it from someone who has seen it all in my inbox from people who feel safe on anon 😂😂

Thanks for sharing! And your quote at the end is SOOOOO cute!

[jiyansthesis]

oooo can I request angst w keith? Maybe unrequited love ? Like reader and keith are childhood friends or sthm.

I ACTUALLY HATE WRITING ANGST. but it has to be done. i'm finishing writing a smut for him so 🙏I'LL TAKE THIS ONE. hint of klance?? really implied klance??. tbh i might make a second part if enough people want it

not proofread/really short because im ass at anything other than romance and smut

today was the day.

you straightened up from where you were sitting on your bed, holding a little letter in your hand. a letter you would give to keith if you were too scared to even say it straight to his face.

"i like you." it read. you slightly cringed at how it sounded like a middle schooler's confession letter.

but it was straightforward and got the point across. if it backfired, you could always make up some crazy backstory to the note, but you were sure it wasn't going to get to that point.

you were hoping it wouldn't.

you and keith have been basically tied together for as long as you could remember. you went through elementary school, middle school, and even the garrison academy, until he eventually dropped out.

somehow you had managed to follow him into space. a chance of fate, that one night you managed to follow lance and hunk and pidge.

now basically a medic, since you weren't meant to be a paladin and this was the best job you could fit into. and so far, you've been having the time of your life for the past few months.

of course, that didn't mean you were entirely relaxed all the time. it seemed way too often that one of the paladins have to come to you to fix up an injury they had received, either on a mission or even just practicing. keith was your most normal visitor, and you definitely weren't complaining. (but you were always worried for him.)

letting out a huge sigh, you stand up from your bed and make your way to the door, it sliding open once you were in close proximity. you began sweating as thoughts raced through your mind.

what if he genuinely doesn't like you like that?

what if this ruins what you guys have been building up for years?

what if this disgusts him and he never talks to you again?

what if he does something worse than him saying "no"?

you shook your head. you weren't too confident, but you also weren't going to dampen your mood. all you have to do is go up to him, hand him the note, and wait.

you were about to go search for keith, when it turns out you didn't have to move at all. he was making it down the hallway, and he perked up a little when he saw you standing there.

"hey, i have a question," he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck when he had finished jogging towards you.

he noticed the envelope in your hands, but paid no mind to it as you gestured for him to come inside your room.

"so, what do you want to talk about?" you held off on confessing, opting to hear him out first since he did come looking for you, and you were curious. you placed the envelope on the drawer, right next to a picture of you and keith as kids that you had always kept on you.

he slumped onto your bed, letting out a big sigh as you could see he was struggling to find words for what he wanted to say.

"i don't know what to tell lance."

"tell lance?" you questioned. maybe he needed your advice to just talk to lance about something important.

"well. . ." he hesitated.

"you can tell me anything, keith," you made your way over to him and sat next to him.

"i don't know how to tell lance i like him."

you sure as fuck weren't expecting that.

your jaw dropped, and keith watched as you turned away from, not wanting him to see your glossy eyes.

"w-well." your voice cracked, you quickly covering it up with a cough. "sorry, allergies."

when you finally faced him again, you saw him looking at you questioningly. "you alright?"

"yeah, yeah." you rubbed your eyes as if they were itchy, playing into the 'allergies' cover-up. at least he won't ask why your eyes were red and teary.

(but you knew he was smarter than that.)

"hm, well." you tried not to think about it too hard, lest you start tearing up again. "just be bold and do it. you miss all the shots you don't take."

very ironic.

he grunted as he sat up. "as if i haven't been telling myself that for months.

months?

you've been pinning for a man who's liked someone else for months. all those years of childish infatuation down the drain. all the years of thinking about a future with him.

you wished you never met him.

quickly standing up so he wouldn't see the tears threatening to fall, you excused yourself.

"i have to use the bathroom. sorry keith, i'll see you later." right before you left, you turned your head at an angle so you could see him from the corner of your eyes.

"and remember, what could go wrong?" everything went wrong for you.

but you couldn't be mad at him. you were mad you didn't see the signs. it's not his fault he wasn't in love with you, and there was nothing you could do to change that. the most you could do out of love for him is hope that him and lance get together.

the door shut behind you, leaving a very confused keith on your bed.

he also made his way to the door, trying to build up confidence to ask lance out. his eyes trailed to the picture of you and him, and he smiled. he loved you like a sister, and couldn't imagine losing you, although you did seem a bit more distant after he. . .

he realized.

looking at the letter you left on the drawer, he saw that it was addressed to him.

he didn't bother opening it, because he already knew what was in it.

"fuck," he ran a hand through his hair. you were the last person he should've asked for advice. rushing, he went looking for you.

you on the other hand were in a random hallway, rubbing your wet face to make it look as presentable as possible before you went to the training deck to work out all your feelings. is it a healthy coping mechanism? probably not. but you didn't care.

how did you not see the way the two of them interacted? they were obviously a lot closer than with the other paladins. you were stupid.

never would you ever be blinded by hopeless love ever agai-

"something wrong?" you lifted your head to see shiro gazing at you worriedly.

part 2 with shiro!?!?!?

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

i see a lot of opinions around, about death, and why she didn't intervene in dream's imprisonment

and i think a lot of people have trouble reconciling the idea that she does care about him, with the fact that she didn't do anything?

so then you get the theories that she couldn't have saved him (as if burgess was ever a match for the endless, he only got dream because dream was still recovering from burning out 99% of his power in overture), or that she was stuck by the rules of the endless not interfering with each other (that's a whole other convoluted discussion topic)

but i feel like these theories all kinda. misread, who death is. or rather, they sort of assume she's a human being with the same mentality as a human, and not the literal personification of death

of course she cares about her brother. and of course she technically had the power to intervene. but think about her existence. think about the way in which she knows everyone, the life she's lived for billions of years, and the life she knows she'll live until she's the last consciousness left in the universe

she's an inherently passive entity, she has to be. because her entire purpose is to stand there for the end of every life in existence, often horrific and violent and unfair ones, and to tell them that's just the way of things. to ensure that that fate does indeed come to pass. she knows how everyone is going to die and she just has to keep talking to them like she doesn't

when she was younger, it was different. granted, she refused to help dream then too, because (at least according to dream) all the endless were incredibly prideful when they were young, and wouldn't even have tried to help each other. but also, we have her word that at one point her job got overwhelming. the fact that she had to stand by and watch so much tragedy, to ensure it happened, really got to her. and for a while, she stopped. one of the few times if not the only time she has ever made a strong decision in the face of fate - she stopped collecting souls. and that turned out much worse. in order to exist as herself, she had to find a way to not only be okay with who she is, but find meaning in it. the person who would get involved, who would stand up against unfairness, that person cannot be death of the endless

and think about death as a concept, for a sec, not just as a person. death is patient. death will come for everyone in time, but time is meaningless to it. i like this panel, from endless nights, for connecting that with death the person, because she is always there and always waiting (in this story she waits here for anywhere between 10 and 200 years, depending on how you look at it. and she explains in this story that time doesn't really work the same to her as it does to everyone else. time is her father, after all. she can wait. she will always wait.)

even when she takes human form, like we see in high cost of living, she is the epitome of go with the flow. she just follows where the universe takes her, doesn't try to change anything, just lets her curiosity and love for humanity put her in whatever situation fate decided she should be. and fate (whether that's her brother, the fates, or something else entirely) does play some role in it, because her human form was created with $10.02 in her pocket, which is the exact amount of money she ended up needing to spend that day. and she trusts that she won't need more than that, no matter how many questions are thrown at her about it

which is not an inherently bad thing! because living in the moment means she is so much more alive than her siblings, it gives her the ability to offer so much more empathy towards the mortals she has to spend most of her time with, it makes her in many ways a wonderful person. she's just, not a person of action

death doesn't show she cares by stopping the bad things from happening to you. she shows she cares by being there for you after. by having the patience, despite her busy job, to sit and chat with every single person who's ever lived, and to comfort them in the best way she knows how

which is exactly what she did

[jennay]

That's my Spot

An: Just some cute fluff no warnings.

Summary: Jolly and Reader keep running into each other at a local cafe.

If you want to be tagged in Jolly stuff let me know!i

For a week, you had been caught in a silent flirtation. Every day, you would enter the coffee shop, plug in your laptop and phone, and order your usual drink.

He would be there, too, sitting by the cozy fireplace with a book in his hand. He had long, straight hair that fell down the sides of his cheeks and a black sweater with a band logo that gave him a rock star vibe. He always wore sunglasses when he came in but would take them off as soon as he opened his book.

You wondered what color his eyes were and what kind of books he liked to read. You also wondered what his name was and what he did for a living. Was he a student, a writer, a musician, or something else?

Sometimes, your eyes would meet and linger, but neither of you would say anything. You had work to do, and he had his reading. You wanted to talk to him, but you kept telling yourself that he was just a fellow coffee lover and only being friendly because you saw each other so often.

You didn't want to make a fool of yourself by approaching him and finding out he had a girlfriend, or worse, he wasn't interested in you. You were too shy to make the first move and hoped he would do it someday.

Out of the corner of your eye, you admired him. You thought stupid things like, how long did it take to grow his hair that long? Why did he always come in looking like a rock star? Why did he wear sunglasses inside until he started to read? What was his choice of drink, and who reads as much as he does?

You imagined he was a deep thinker, a passionate reader, a mysterious stranger. You wanted to know more about him but didn't know how to start a conversation.

You quietly giggle, hiding your face behind your laptop as you read your emails. The most silly part was he made you think all these things without even saying a word to you. He had a power over you, a magnetic attraction that drew you to him. You felt a flutter in your stomach every time you saw him and a warmth in your cheeks whenever he looked at you.

You stood up, leaving your things unattended; you'd been here so many times you weren't worried about people stealing your things. You'd been going here off and on for over a year. You were addicted to the atmosphere and how the Barista always knew your name. You loved that they could have your order going when they saw you. You mostly loved that you always got your seat by the window to watch everyone walking by; you were curious about their lives even if you'd never know.

"Vanilla Latte?" The Barista asks.

You nod your head, "Of course." You smile, "Can I have it iced today?"

He smiles widely, "Oh?" He questions, "We're switching things up I see. What's the occasion?"

You shrug your shoulders, "I just feel like being spontaneous. Maybe I'm sick." You joke. "That was a bad joke." You nervously laugh, "I don't have covid or anything like that." You take a deep breath, "I'm gonna stand over here in shame now." You shake your head, thoroughly embarrassed by your actions. You wondered if people could tell you didn't get out much. You heard snickering from where your mystery guy sat, but he dug his nose back in his book when you looked over. Cool. You thought you made an ass out of yourself, and people heard it.

The Barista calls your name, and you thank him for your drink. Your cheeks are red as you walk back to your spot; you hide your face in your laptop, never wanting to be seen again. You sip your iced vanilla latte and try to focus on your work, but you can't help stealing glances at him. You wonder if he thinks about you outside this place like you did about him.

You returned to the café, as you did every weekday morning, following your unbreakable routine. Today, you skipped the coffee line. You skipped everything, even though you had planned on treating yourself to a latte as soon as your meeting was over.

You only had about five minutes to set up your laptop and join the online chat. You couldn't afford to be late, even though you desperately craved your caffeine fix.

You froze in your tracks, seeing him sitting at your table. The one by the window, with the power outlet and the cozy cushion. The one that you always occupied, without fail. The one that kept you sane in the midst of your hectic schedule.

You had difficulty adapting to change, and it was about to show. You didn't have time to confront him. You didn't have time to politely ask him to move, not that you would. You were not the type to cause a scene, and you didn't have any claim to the damn spot.

Instead, you settled for the table across from him, feeling panic as you tossed all your belongings on the table and hastily plugged your laptop in. You put your headphones on and press the speak button on your mic. "Yep, I'm ready when you guys are." You said in a rushed tone. "Go ahead whenever you're ready. I'll be in the background and let you know if I hear anything odd on the recording." You assured your coworker.

You tilted your head back, staring at the ceiling. You felt like a fool as you shifted your legs around; you even attempted to put your legs over the chair beside you and lean against the wall while you listened to them talk. You gave up on sitting comfortably. Your eyes met his, and you gave him a small smile, finally noticing that his eyes were a deep shade of brown. "Nope," you said. "It still sounds clear on this end."

You tap your fingers nervously on the table, feeling restless and annoyed by the people standing behind you and everyone who keeps passing you. It was distracting. You couldn't focus on the meeting, which was already boring enough. You wondered why you had to attend this online conference when you could have just watched the recording later. You had no interest in the topic and didn't know anyone else in the virtual room. You felt like you were wasting your time.

You put your hands in your lap and close your eyes, trying to ignore everything as you continue to listen. The speaker droned on and on, using jargon and acronyms that made no sense to you.

You wished you could mute him or, better yet, leave the meeting. But you had to stay because your boss expected you to. You sighed, hoping the session would end soon.

Your eyes snap open when you hear something set on your table. You stare down at the cup in front of you and see him walking back to his table.

You peek over your laptop to see him smile as he sits down again. You smile like a child, thankful for your gift. You mouth thank you to him and take a sip of your coffee; he knows your order.

It shouldn't feel as special as it did, but no one seemed to remember small details about you, and this was new.

He had never done anything like this before. He had never acknowledged you except for the occasional eye contact and nod. He had never spoken to you or even asked your name. He had never shown any sign that he noticed or cared about you.

But now, he had bought you a coffee. He had made a gesture that said he wanted to connect with you. He had made you feel something you hadn't felt in a long time. He had made you happy.

It's not until fifteen minutes later, when you're ending your meeting that you see writing on the cup, not just an order but something he'd written. "Sorry, I took your spot. Come sit with me?" You read the words, and your mouth slightly drops. Was this actually happening? Was he inviting you to join him? Was he interested in you? You bite your lip, hoping he'll be there when the meeting ends.

When the time comes, you take a deep breath, thankful to be done, and you see him still sitting there; this time, he's scrolling on his phone.

You feel excitement and nervousness as you decide to approach him. You quietly pack up your belongings and head towards him. You stop at the table before sitting and say, "Is it still ok if I sit?"

He looks up and smiles, his eyes sparkling. He nods and gestures for you to join him. "Of course, please sit. I've been waiting for you." He says, his voice warm and inviting.

You feel a glow in your chest when he smiles at you. He gently puts his hand out to introduce himself to you. "I'm Joakim, but my friends call me Jolly." He says, his name sounding exotic and charming.

You quickly notice his accent. You extend your hand and feel electricity when he touches it. "I'm y/n…and that's what everyone calls me." You say, trying to sound casual. You laugh nervously. "Thank you for the coffee."

His brown eyes watch you curiously as if he wants to know everything about you. "It's the least I could do for taking your spot." He says, his tone is playful and apologetic.

You shrug and smile. "It's ok, it's not like it has my name on it or anything." You say, pretending to be cool with it. You set your bag next to your feet. "But please don't make me sit over there again." You say, pointing to the noisy and crowded area where you had your meeting. You laugh, hoping he'll laugh with you.

He nods. "I promise I won't. I'll save this spot for you if you want." He says, his eyes twinkling. "Or better yet, why don't you sit with me next time? I'd love to have some company." He says, his voice lowering and his smile turning into a smirk. "You know we could even spend some time outside of the cafe together."

You feel your face heat up and your heart race. You bite your lip and look into his eyes. You see a hint of nervousness and a lot of interest.

You nod and smile back. "I'd like that."

You think this might be the beginning of something extraordinary. You think this is fate.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

New Taskmaster lineup announcement! That’s fun, isn’t isn't it? Let’s go over some of the new people.

I first learned the news the day after I booked tickets to see Emma Sidi in Edinburgh this summer, so that was good timing. I booked those because I like her in some other people’s Radio 4 things, she was good in Pls Like, she does amusing characters on YouTube, I read some good things about her stand-up show this year for which she’s currently doing WIPs, and she hangs out with Rose Matafeo so she has to be all right, hasn’t she? Oh, and I’ve spent too much time trying to get my hypocrisy-averse brain to reconcile my dislike of the dominance of socio-economically elite institutions over the arts, with how many of my favourite comedians were in Cambridge Footlights. I’ve done the work of reconciling that already, I may as well use it a few more times.

I'm much less pleased about Jack Dee, but it could be worse. I’m pretty strongly biased against Jack Dee because one of the first things I ever saw him do was be on the QI Girls Versus Boys episode, which was the first episode of QI to ever feature two entire women. They had Ronnie Ancona on with Sandi Toksvig, and they discussed gender-based topics, and it was terrible. A lot of Fry-era QI was pretty bad; panel shows got a lot funnier when they invented diversity in 2014. Also Stephen Fry is annoying and Sandi Toksvig should be Prime Minister, but I’m getting off topic here.

The point is that the first time QI had two women on at a time, it was so they could make those two women listen to a bunch of gender essentialist bullshit that they used as answers to the gender-related questions. At one point, Stephen Fry explained that the gender pay gap isn’t real because women play fewer sets than men in professional tennis. One of the questions was “Why are there more men than women on panel shows?”, and I thought the answer would involve one of the 300 levels of casual and institutionalized sexism that women tripped over on the path from making jokes on the playground to getting spots on television comedy shows. Nope. The answer Stephen Fry was looking for was “according to an American study”, audiences don’t find women as funny as they find men.

Through this, Ronnie Ancona in particular did a great job of walking the very thin line between trying to point out a bit of the bullshit, while not being the "argumentative feminist", and being funny at the same time so she’s not a killjoy feminist proving that women aren’t funny. She did this funny riff about female comedians locked in a paddock, and then she went back and forth with Sandi a bit about it, in literally the first moment in QI history of passing the Bechdel test, and Sandi started to say something about how rare and nice it is that she gets to sit next to a woman on a panel show, and Jack Dee interrupted Sandi mid-sentence to ask whether the reason they don’t have more women on panel shows is “once you get them started they don’t shut up”.

Now, obviously he was joking. The gruff, curmudgeonly persona is his thing, and this was meant to be part of that. But he got in a lot of "joke" sexist comments throughout that whole episode, a lot more than anyone else did even though this episode was essentially dedicated to comedic sexism. It doesn’t help that the YouTube comments are full of people unironically agreeing with Jack Dee’s comment that women don't shut up.

I saw this relatively early in my time watching all the long-running panel shows, so that was the lens through which I saw all Jack Dee's other appearances, and maybe because of that bias, I noticed that he interrupted women a lot on panel shows, and picked a lot of inappropriate moments for sexist jokes, often aimed at women in general on an all-male episode, or at the only woman in an episode, always a woman who was used to always being the one woman on panels and hearing jokes like that constantly. But at least when most of the men made those jokes they’d have laugh to suggest they didn’t mean it, Jack Dee would just glare at the women like it was their fault. And yeah, being grumpy is his persona, but he would sometimes break that and have a laugh with the men. Never women.

I don’t even mind a good ironically sexist joke. Honestly, I probably mind them less than I should. I enjoy a lot of comedy where a better feminist than me would reasonably say “irony is not a good enough excuse for how offensive this is”. I know irony is used to mask genuine bigotry and I hate that, but also, if I’m convinced enough that the person isn’t masking genuine bigotry, I can laugh at some pretty harsh stuff. You need to build up some cred before I’ll trust you with sexist jokes. If Nish Kumar went on a panel show and said all women should shut the fuck up, I’ll be pretty sure he’s kidding and it’s all right. But if Jack Dee has enough feminist cred to make those jokes okay, then I sure haven’t heard about it.

Also, Jack Dee showed up on Catsdown a lot and did the grumpy thing similar to Sean Lock, but was much much less funny about it, and yet everyone else on the show treated him like he was hilarious, and that annoyed me. Also, after Sean died, Jack Dee sat in for him as a guest team captain once, doing his significantly less funny version of Sean Lock's shtick (yeah it was probably Jack Dee's shtick first, I don't care), and I had a strong visceral reaction of

All right, that is way more words that I’d meant to write about Jack Dee. Honestly, after all that, he’s probably not that bad. He was mildly funny in Josh Widdicombe’s mildly funny sitcom. I heard some of his recent stand-up recently, and a bit of it made me laugh. I just don’t like him because I saw him on too many panel shows.

Babatunde Aleshe I know almost nothing about, except that he’s supposed to have been particularly good on Off Menu once (I wouldn’t know, don’t do food shows), and sometimes he does reality TV. I’ve seen him on Catsdown and WILTY and Rhod Gilbert’s Growing Pains, where he was never particularly memorable, but he was probably fine. I hope he’s entertaining.

And then there’s seat number five, and that’s sure an interesting one. Of course I'd thought about Rosie Jones as a potential Taskmaster contestant before, but I didn't expect it to happen. Not that I didn't expect them to have any physically disabled people. They've had Jonnie Peacock and Lenny Rush and one of these days they’re definitely going to cast Adam Hills and he’ll win and then Australia will annoyingly pull ahead of Canada in the competition for who has the most UK Taskmaster champions (it’s currently 2-2). But all those people are able to do most of Taskmaster without disability accommodations. I didn't expect them to cast someone who'd need significant accommodation.

Having said that, I was very happy to see they’d proved me wrong and are, in fact, going to do that. I think she’ll be great. There are lots of ways to make Taskmaster accessible – just because I thought they wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean I thought they couldn’t.

Rosie Jones’ style of humour will go great on Taskmaster. Some recent seasons have lacked a bit of spark of contestant interaction in the studio, and Rosie Jones is always going after people. She won’t leave anyone alone, which I think will work great on the show. She can be the chaotic wildcard ball of energy that Taskmaster needs to really get going. And she is very funny. That’ll be great. I'm excited to see her get into it with Greg and Alex as well as the other contestants. And to see her yell at people when anything happens during tasks.

So that’s the new lineup announcement. Have I covered everyone? I think that's all the important stuff. It’s good to have the lineup out there.

[are-you-still-writing-that]

Yandere Alphabet: Haitani Rindou

Listen, he was the last one I needed for a specific ask, and I´m so glad I could finish him. The first part of the ask, was like posted in November last year. Well,... I´m slow....

Haitani Rindou

Always standing in the shadow of his older brother, he is used to being overlooked. Something, like that leaves it´s marks, and when he finds something in you that he wants to keep it, he will be ruthless. With more than one complex concerning his relationship with his brother, he will be a lot to deal with. A pseudo therapist wet dream, but in reality quite literally your nightmare. As he turns from hot to cold again and again.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

He rarely does, show affection to his darling. It is never the case, that he doesn´t want to, but more along the lines, that he doesn´t know how he should show them, that he is fond of them. It makes him a confusing mix of overly affectionate, and emotionally distant. He has days, where he just keeps clinging to you, without ever seeming like he wants to let you go. Other days, he will not even look at you for hours, while he frets about how to approach you again. The uncertainty makes it all just so much worse, because you never know in what mood he will be right now.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

While he definitely wouldn´t mind getting his hands dirty for you, he would have it rather so, that you could never be in a position, where it becomes required to for him to kill someone for you. He wants to keep you safe. Desperately so. But that tends to lead him to isolating you. Though, he isn´t against, to get rid of some people to make this happen in the first place. Even afterwards, he would still keep doing it, if it means, that you will stay safe. Your safety. It´s his driving force, when it comes to fighting. Returning to you, seeing you. Simply: You.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He already has a problem, with how he should approach you, or even interact with you. So intentionally taunting you, isn´t even on his mind, when he worries about incidentally insulting you. Your opinion of him matters so much to him. He doesn´t want to purposefully paint himself in a worse light, just because it might get a reaction out of you. He wants you to be in love with him as well. He wants to occupy the first place in your heart. Unchallenged and unparalleled. The one and only. So, he wouldn´t insult you. At least not with the intention of doing so in the first place.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Rindou is quick to back of again, as soon as his darling even suggests so much as wanting that. He will often appear as overbearing, but is quick to back off, when you point it out. Though, it tears something apart in him, when you tell him that he is too close, too overbearing, too much for you to take. It always hurt him, when you remind him of that. But no matter how much it hurts him, he will try to contain himself again. He will back off again, till the urge to be close to you overruns him again. He listens. He tries.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He tries to be vulnerable with his darling, or at least he would like to try. But when he sits down close to you, he never knows what to say. His conversation will quickly evolve into something else. He doesn´t want to put more pressure on you, than he already is. He knows, that he can be too much. Especially, concerning you. Still, sometimes he makes an offhand comment, that will make him stop in mortification, because it was never meant to slip out. He waits with bathed breath, on your reaction. He will only relax later throughout the day, staying tense the whole time, he is with you.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

It makes him anxious, if his darling starts to intentionally fight with him. It makes him feel even more insecure than he already did, and doubt comes creeping in. He starts questioning himself, which only makes him more volatile, than he already is. It makes living and interacting with him even more unpleasant than it already was. He will also defend himself with the same aggression, that you show him. So, he won´t you assaulting laying down. Because, he can´t take it to be reduced to something else again. And that is, what will happen, when he simply let´s you do whatever you want to him.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Rindou doesn´t see it as a game. He is already afraid of you invalidating what he feels for you, so why would he make that situation even worse? He doesn´t enjoy seeing you afraid or having to watch how you try to get away from him. It kind of makes him regret everything he has done. He tries to make you as comfortable as he can. Listening to your rules, while also trying to make his own boundaries clear. He will do nearly anything to make you more comfortable. Just please stay. He is afraid of you leaving, and so he does his best, to avoid that.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

When he genuinely looses control of himself for the first time. It´s when you call him by his brothers name to get a reaction from him, and he just looses it. There is nothing that can be said or done to calm him back down, as he just rages on and on. More than one thing goes sailing through the air, and just shatters apart. The floor soon enough covered in splinters, as he keeps screaming. He is ugly crying at this point, and there is no chance, that you will actually understand what he is screaming between his sobs. He will calm back down by himself later, though he does avoid you for quite some time afterwards.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He wants something peaceful with you. Something, that when he talks about it, seems almost picture perfect. He get easily lost in his daydreams of you, where he dreams something up, that just makes him want. Sometimes, he will talk about it, while also making sure, not to pressure you or anything. Because while he does have a vision in mind, that brings him joy. There are thousands of ways, that he would be able to reach it. He happy enough letting you choose the way, as long as the destination gets you somewhere, where the both of you can be happy.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

While he does get jealous, it also paralyzes him into inaction. He doesn´t know how to deal with being jealous. There are too many thoughts running through his head, when he gets like that. He would like to do many things to the idiots, who take your attention away from him. Many things, that are very in line to his more cruel tendencies. You, on the other hand, stay entire clear from his wrath. He doesn´t want to hurt you, and so he only tries to steer you away from others, whenever his jealousy gets stoked again.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Rindou is very careful, when it comes to interacting with his darling. He is very afraid of bothering you, in any way, shape or form. He doesn´t want to annoy you, while still wishing he had your attention all of the time. He is anxious, when it comes to you. His stomach twisting, and he gets always slightly sick, when he thinks about talking to you. It is clear, that he gets anxious over you. Worry making him physically ill. Still, he always wants to hang around you, and keeps bothering you to get that chance in the first place.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He is someone, that has watched you already for a bit. He has a general idea, what you might enjoy from a day to day basis. But, he is still careful when approaching you. Still, nervous to see your response to one of his gifts. He carefully watches for signs, for what you like and what you don´t. It´s part of the fun for him. He likes, slowly getting to know you. Sometimes, he will gift you things, that are rather stuff he wants you to have, than anything you might like. For him, it´s like leaving a piece of himself with you. Otherwise, he will court you through a copious amount of time spent with you. The one thing, he will always after later as well.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

He is someone, that acts a lot more confident, than he actually is. Decisive and even somewhat cruel, while also being absolutely unaffected by whatever is happening around him. That is the image he projects for the people in his live. This is, what people think of, when they see him. No one expects him to be this anxious and always attentive mess around you. As if he is always just one wrong move away from loosing you. He becomes a different person around you, as the unaffected mask slips away.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

If Rindou realizes, that he is slowly getting angry, he will start to pull away from you. He will stop interacting with you for a while, because he feels like it will only sour his feelings for you, if he stayed in moments like these. It becomes incredibly important to him in those moments, to distance himself, to separate these ugly feelings from you. As a consequence he will isolate you. Unintentionally. Though, even if he was aware of that, he would still continue on like this.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

He is someone, who tries to manipulate his darling into giving up most things, even if he is scared, that his love will start to see through it. He somehow convinces them, to move in with him, to share their location with him where ever they go. He will ask, with whom they are meeting up with, whenever they leave the house. Rindou will slowly make his home, in every corner of their privacy, till there is nothing left in the end, that is truly private from him.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

His anxiety forces him to be patient. There is no way, that he will move quickly, when the thought alone causes him sickness. He waits and learns. That is one of the few ways, how he can feel more secure in interacting with you. It makes no sense to him, to jump into something, when he knows, that he isn´t ready for it. His emotions still in uproar, with no chance of settling. He will wait, because he has to.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

He would be heartbroken, if him and his darling would ever need to part ways. Though, he is someone that would let it happen. He won´t chase after them, if they make it so clear, that they can´t stand his presence any longer. He is openly remorseful and will grief their departure for a long time. It will take a few months, before any mention of them causes him pain, and even longer to hope for another love again.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Hilariously enough, he already feels guilty for simply approaching you. This is also why it is extremely unlikely, that he will ever force you into anything, and backs off so quickly, when his darling says so. He already feels so guilty over things, that don´t even matter to anyone, but weigh so heavily on his mind. He just can´t force himself into doing what might be best, and so instead tries to manipulate into moving him. And this also makes him feel guilty. But this time it´s bearable.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

He was always in his brothers shadow. No matter what he did. It would always be either the Haitani Brothers or people would only give Ran his own identity. When it would come to Rindou, he would always be reduced to being the younger brother of Ran. Sometimes, it felt like he never had a chance of becoming or being seen as his own person. At  least, till you came around. You saw him first. You looked towards him, like he was real. For once, in his life the shadow of his brother wasn´t hanging over him, and he would make sure, that he could experience that over and over again.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

It invokes mixed feelings inside of him. Because on the one hand he is glad, that they are isolating by themself, and so that is one worry taken care of. But on the other hand, the understandable emotional outburst makes talking to them even more difficult, than it usually already is. So, he doesn´t quite know, what to do with the situation, and is very likely to simply wait it out without interfering in any manner. It will probably be for the best.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

The fact, that he listens to you and respects his darling boundaries is what would separate him from the classic yandere. Also, that he avoids hurting you on any occasion. You are very important to him, and he makes that clear. He also is filled with anxiety, when it comes to talking with you, what actually causes most misunderstandings between the two of you. He genuinely wants something good with you.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Rindou genuinely adores his darling and wants to see them happy and satisfied. This is something, that can be quite easily used against him. Though, you should be careful, because he is also aware of that fact, and will shut down any request, as soon as he becomes suspicious. And while he isn´t likely to hold that against you, he will still be a bit snappish with you afterwards.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Not really. Even when angry, his anger turns towards his surroundings, rather targeting stuff, that can be replaced. He even has that habit of avoiding stuff, that his darling has any kind of emotional connection too. The act of destroying things, that are inconsequential to the both of you, calms him down more, than enough. Otherwise, he isn´t inclined to hurt his darling, even outside of fits of emotion, as well. He prides himself on that fact as well. So, it isn´t likely to change at all, no matter what happens.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He definitely is someone, that absolute adores his darling. Would he go as far, as to worship them as well? Absolutely! They become in a manner of days, one of the most important people in his life. Their opinion of him means so much to him, that if they don´t like something, he will aspire to change it. He wants to keep them close to him, while also being careful on how to approach them every time. He is so nervous, when he thinks about how to actually talk to you. Rindou is sure, that his darling simply means everything to him.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

That man dreams about you. He is followed everyhwhere by the hope he has laid within you. He pines so badly, that everyone around him will know. It goes from wistful sighs, to just staring straight ahead, as he daydreams about a possible life with you. He would continue to do so for as long as it takes, even with his anxiety whispering into his ear. It´s important to him, that you recognize him for who he is, instead of just the shadow of his brother. But it just won´t leave him alone. This fear, that he will again take second place to someone else in your life as well. This is, what will make him snap. This fear.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

He doesn´t even know, that it would be possibility with you. Rindou is unsure and his words and actions might come across as incredibly hurtful, but his intentions tend to follow the wish to keep you safe and close to him. He would do it, if he got convinced, that breaking the one he loves with all his heart, is the only possible way to keep them safe. It´s incredible important to him, and so he would do whatever it takes. It wouldn´t be a small decision for him either, but rather something he agonizes over for months, before doing it. It´s for the best. At least, he believes it.

[juniperss]

How did Sunshine hear about her parents dying and how did she react?

I introduce you all to Sunshine and immediately get sent the saddest ask of all time?! 🥲😭🤧

tw: parental death, car accidents, grief

meet Sunshine

Sunshine Finding Out About Her Parents

Sunshine finds out about her parents’ death the same way the rest of the Curtis’ family does; a knock on their front door in the middle of the night. Darry is the one who answers the door while Soda, Pony, and Sunny all poke their heads out of their rooms to see what’s wrong. The policeman is the one who tells Darry, trying to keep himself upright against the doorframe, while his siblings slowly come into the living room trying to understand what’s going on. Eventually they’re all led to the couch while the officer explains the situation again before he leaves. The four of them sitting in the dimly light living room, unsure of what to say or what is going to happen, but knowing that they’re all each other, have left. 

Sunshine can’t sleep alone for weeks. She starts getting anxiety attacks when it gets dark and she can’t stand to be in a room without a light source. She keeps going to Darry’s room and can only sleep if he’s with her. They’ve always been close ever since she was a baby and now he’s the closest thing she has to her dad. Darry keeps the door to his room cracked and leaves the hall light on. 

Sunshine hates when people knock on the front door. Thankfully it doesn’t happen often since Darry leaves it unlocked and the Gang just lets themselves in, but there have been a few times when Two Bit or Dally jokingly knocked on the front door with both fists before slamming it open with their usual burst of energy and Sunny’s face was completely pale and she had to go sit down somewhere else.

She doesn’t cry at the funeral even when Ponyboy and Sodapop do. She just holds onto Soda and Darry’s hands and waits for the service to be over. When they get home she locks herself in her bedroom and finally cries. She doesn’t want her brothers to worry about her, she knows they’re all sad enough already. When she comes out later she tries to hide the red in her eyes and her brothers are kind enough to not say anything about it. 

When Ponyboy starts getting his nightmares she’s incredibly freaked out and loses a lot of sleep because not even sleep is safe apparently. She doesn’t want Ponyboy to get worse, she knows Darry is taking on too much already, and Soda is playing peacemaker. This is when she starts taking care of the house and making sure it’s as perfect as can be to help everyone feel better. 

There was a day when the brothers couldn’t find Sunshine and they began to panic. She wasn’t in Darry’s room or her own, she wasn’t on the porch, and they all knew that Sunny wouldn’t leave the house without telling one of them first. They searched and searched before Soda noticed that the door to their parents’ room was slightly ajar. There had been an unspoken rule that no one was supposed to go in there, not yet, but there was Sunny curled up in the middle of their bed fast asleep. 

There’s a headcanon that I’ve seen a lot of fans share about the Curtis Brothers being scared of getting into cars or driving in general and I share that 100%. I don’t think there’s a way that they wouldn’t on some level carry a deep fear or at least anxiety of vehicles. For Sunshine it’s not so much being in a car as it is seeing her brothers or the gang into a car. She cannot stand the thought of them all getting into one without her and leaving her behind. Even months after the accident she gets deep pits of anxiety in her stomach. 

The first time they laugh together since their parents’ death is two weeks after the funeral. Sunshine helped Darry make breakfast, tired bags under both of their eyes, and everyone was sitting at the table. Sunny can’t remember what was said, but it made Soda choke on his chocolate milk and in a blink of an eye it was coming out of his nose. They all started at the mess on the table and on his shirt before the silence broke and laughter filled the Curtis home for the first time in far too long.

[animal-lover-forever]

Guys, I need advice.

(Putting a 'Keep reading' because there's a lot to read.)

My dad, I do love him... at least I think I do. Recently I've been wondering if this is true love I feel for him, or if it's love that I've been trained to feel.

When I was 12- well actually I was 11 but it was Sep. 19th- I moved in with my dad (Andrew) and stepmom (Amy) because my mom couldn't handle me anymore and desperately needed a break.

As a child with late diagnosed Autism, I couldn't get help to understand the world from professionals. Because of this, a lot of people didn't understand me, and I was often in a meltdown. It was pretty much guaranteed that I would at least have one meltdown if not 3+ a day.

Most of these meltdowns were at school. Why? Well, my body was essentially always in flight or fight mode- which is a big reason I didn't start making and keeping memories until I was a teen. But we will come back to this- when it came down to it, I would try flight first. I would often run into a closet at school but the teachers never liked that. "She can't be unsupervised." "There are things in there, like scissors, that she could get into and we can't have that." Because of this, they would often physically grab me and drag me out.

All Autistic people are different, but a lot of us show similar things, do similar things, and have similar triggers, ticks, and coping tricks. So here's a pro tip for interacting with someone with Autism. Do not touch us! Be sure to ask before you give us a hug, or a pat on the back, etc. A lot of us don't like to be touched, and touching us might just make things worse. Yes, it is human nature to want to touch someone who's not feeling well, who's sad or mad just so we can try to make them feel better. But do yourself, and them a favor by asking first!

Anyway, because they would grab me and drag me out, I was forced into fight mode. I would often try to run out of the room, but they often stopped me. And I hate feeling trapped! No, I do not have claustrophobia. I actually kinda like small spaces, hence the closets. But when I lock myself in a room, I feel safe. When someone else locks me in a room, I feel trapped. It doesn't matter how big the room is, if someone is keeping me in there, I feel trapped.

This was a recurring problem. And day after day, I wore my mom down and broke her. Because of my meltdowns, everyone around me would often leave. But my mom? She never did; she was always by my side no matter what... Until she wasn't. I was starting another meltdown, and my mom was threatening to call the cops on me because she was done. I didn't believe her; why would the one person who stayed by my side for 11 years suddenly leave me? But she did. They were going to put me in a mental hospital. My mom told my dad this, and he came down to get me.

My dad then proceeded to have me until I was 16. Because once I was 16, I made the decision to leave to go back to my mom for good.

He has three daughters, but I'm the only one to talk to him let alone be 500 feet around him. None of his family will talk to him, and if they do, it's a fight about something. I think the last time he talked with any of his family was about 4 years ago and it was a fight. His sister had died and he was fighting with his other sister over the phone. I am his only family besides Amy. So if Amy leaves, I'm the only one left.

My dad is broken. He has diabetes, heart and back problems, and many other things. He's not broken enough to not just sit on his ass all day. Yet that's what he says. He can't get a job because he can't sit for too long, he can't stand for too long, he can't drive, or walk for too long! He can't do anything for too long. But that's all he does all day is sit.

He often had me doing chores, okay fine, that's normal. But then he would start me on a new chore, like mowing the lawn. He said that we would take turns mowing every other time. But then he got sick and said that I had to do it but when he got better he would come back to help. But he never did. "You need to learn responsibility, so do it yourself."

I went from doing one chore to doing them all. I had to do the dishes, sweep the floor, mop the floor, take out the trash, clean up all the dog poop, vacuum the floor, rake the leaves, pick up all the bad apples that fell from the tree, scoop the dog poop outside, mowing the lawn, cleaning the lawn mower after mowing the lawn, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the living room. Over time, my dad put all of his chores on me. I was no longer his daughter that was a resident in his home, but an object that my dad could use to get the chores done so he could fuck off all day. I had more chores than how old I was! And if I didn't do them right, I got yelled at.

He would often talk me down and be a dick to me. "Baby girl, you're fat. I'm not fat-shaming, I'm just telling you the truth, you're fat." He would say as he was fat-shaming me. "I'm teaching you life lessons! The world is full of assholes!" He would say as he was being the asshole. And he was big on manipulation.

I had separation anxiety from my mom. So I called her all the time. Especially once I moved in with my dad. However, over time, my separation anxiety went away, so I started to call and talk to her less and less near the end. Now that I'm with my mom again, I don't talk with my dad unless he starts the conversation. And the conversation always starts with "Why the fuck am I having to hunt you down again? You talked to your mom all the time! Why don't you talk to me?" Not true, near the end, my mom had to 'hunt me down' too.

He loves me, that I am sure of. He just doesn't know how to show it without hurting me. "You know I love you, Dax, right?" "Yeah, I know. I love you too, dad." "You know you're my favorite, baby girl, right?" "Yeah, I know. You tell me all the time."

When I think back on it, I have no happy memories of my dad. I have some that start out happy, but they all end in disaster at some point.

I-... I feel like I should cut contact with him. But I don't know if I should. If I do, what will he do to get contact back with me? Will he resent me because the last of his family- his daughter- left him? I honestly don't know what to do... Does anyone have advice? Do you guys think I should stay in contact with my dad? Or do you think I should drop contact with him?

[lastoneout]

It really is wild to tell a doctor to their face that I have tried to "push myself" to regain my mobility and it put me on bedrest for like three fucking months only for them to be like "well have you tried pushing yourself to regain your mobility??" like bro going on a 15 minute slow-ass walk around my neighborhood once a day for a month took away what was left of my mobility for THREE months and my knee STILL hurts more now than it did before. Pushing myself lead to me permanently making my pain worse, not better.

I also wasn't kidding about the cooking thing, I broke down about not being able to cook because I love cooking so much and eating take out and boxed/frozen food all the time SUCKS so my fiancé helped me make just spaghetti one night, just sauce, cheese, and noodles, it took 45 minutes, I was wearing my knee brace, and I sat down as much as possible, and I was in so much pain by the end that I could barely stand. How do I "push myself" in this situation?? I can't even make a basic dinner for myself and my fiancé without having to give up doing anything else including showering and giving my cat her meds and shit like that for the entire rest of the day. How do I push from here??

Like I just genuinely don't know how you can hear all that and then say to my face that continually injuring myself in this way is going to yield positive results. Every time I have pushed I have limited my mobility further. My PT even TOLD me I shouldn't reach the point of being in actual pain while exercising, if I'm hurting really bad I need to stop so I don't injure myself. How does my PT know that when my fucking rhumatologist doesn't??? How does it not make sense for me even just stay mobile until I hit my limit and then use the wheelchair so hitting my limit doesn't mean "not being able to do anything for the next two days"?????

It's like they think I just started hurting and fucking gave up immediately. I was forced to quit my job THAT I LOVED SO MUCH because even when I hit the point where I could barely walk or sit without pain I didn't want to give it up, I kept pushing myself until my fiancé would have to practically carry my ass to the car at the end of my shifts, and it ended with me so disabled I still can't work. My fiancé legit has to constantly step in to stop me from pushing myself too far because I just want to do the things I want to do and I will hurt myself because of it!! I'm independent to a fault, I hate nothing more than admitting that I can't do something I want to do. Every shred of mobility I have sacrificed has been torn from my very unwilling hands, I haven't given up, I've had it taken from me. I never stopped trying to keep walking, keep working, keep cooking, keep going places, I had to stop because I had no other alternative. It was that or destroy my body. And tbh overall I still chose "destroy my body" more often than I should have.

But they still act like I'm giving up. Like it's me being lazy and stupid that got me here. Like if I was willing to just cope with the pain and not give up it would fix everything even though I already tried that.

I dont hate being disabled, I really don't, even though I've had to give up so much stuff. I grew up with a disabled mother, she's used a wheelchair my entire life and tbh I'm thankful because it seems to have spared me the all too familiar abled worldview that disability is something tragic and shameful and horrifying. It's just life, it's always just been my life, and becoming disabled was pretty easy to accept because I never saw it as a tragic fate to be avoided at all costs. This is the body I have, this is what it can and can't do, my life isn't over it's just different now, I'm allowed to mourn what I used to be able to do while recognizing that I can still live a full life with the right kind of medical care. Most of my frustration comes from people projecting their ableist feelings about disability onto me! It's why "oh but you're so young" comments make me want to deck people.

The only thing I hate about being disabled is other people and all their fucking issues that they keep projecting onto me. The way doctors act like it's better for me to give up everything I do just so I can eventually maybe regain some of my mobility rather than give me the help that would ACTUALLY make that possible. And I cannot stand the way I'm treated like some sort of stupid infant who doesn't have any idea what's best for her because I recognize my own limitations and ask for help. The pain isn't even the worst part, it's the dehumanization and infantilization. The insistence that suffering is better than "giving up" and using a mobility aid. The idea that something happening to someone like me is a tragedy and not just part of life. And the way it constantly makes me feel like I'm the problem when I fucking KNOW I'm not.

Every issue I have faced has been a result of the way other people have treated me. My mobility probably wouldn't even be as bad as it is now if my doctors had Fucking Listened To Me when I first brought up my chronic pain as a teenager, because if they had they would have figured out that I have EDS and will always be damaging my joints and thus need braces NOW to prevent that damage from progressing. I hate thinking about how not being taken seriously by doctors is what got me here in the first place. I'm so fucking tired of my fate being in the hands of people who won't help me and then blame ME for how bad I'm doing and insist I have no idea what I'm talking about and helping me would make things worse actually and have you tried just suffering more.

It's legit inhumane. I just want to be treated like a person, and maybe have some recognition for the way other people constantly make my life hell rather than people acting like I got myself into this situation when I fucking didn't, they did.

I was never the problem.