#so confusing
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requested by kofukisu
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i think the thing that sets autism social anxiety apart from general social anxiety is that it’s not “anxiety” or nervousness, it’s genuine paralyzing fear
#everytime i go outside it’s like i’ve never left the house before#so confusing#i feel like a covid baby experiencing the world for the first time istg#autism#autistic#actually autistic#asd#autism spectrum disorder#on the spectrum#autistic things#autistic problems#autism problems#social anxiety#autism social anxiety
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If u rp and u also have did, it’s never just as simple as “I’m really in character now” is it
#lmao#ever split an oc#or have an alter rp as their source#shit is MESSY#so confusing#I gave up on roleplaying partially bc of my did#but it’s a little funny#did#actually did#did stuff#did system#did osdd#osddid#fictive alter#actually polyfrag#polyfrag did#polyfrag system#polyfragmented
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I have an idea
Guys if we are going to do multi person RP then @ the next person in the line so it can go smoothly and we know who's turn it is. Imma @ @eclipsen-smiles they seem to organize us.
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Imogen having "liked" Nick and Ben before realising she wasn't straight is such classic queer behaviour. She was drawn to their queerness without realising it. She didn't know why she chose them, but it was no coincidence. They were hiding/suppressing just as much as she was. There was something "off" about their performance of heterosexuality, just as there was with hers. Something forced, uncomfortable. She was confusing her longing for queer kinship with them, for heterosexual attraction.
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I'll Be Here Until You're Okay
Legend was fine when they landed in Skyloft. It'd been ages since Sky had seen Groose or Sun, and he quite literally cried when he saw them again. Sky deserved to see his partners, deserved to see his Loftwing, his home. It was a blissful few days of rest, before they had to leave due to hearing of a group of black blooded monsters nearby.
Legend was fine when they landed in Outset, even with the memories of the waves, the sand, a girl and a dream. Wind had missed his grandma and sister so much, and he'd screamed as soon as they hit the sand. He ran faster than Legend had ever seen him run. Wind had smiled more than he had in a while too, and Legend got really sunburnt and quite miserable.
Legend was fine when they landed in Four's world. It was good to see Four's Grandpa again, to trade stories and fix some of Wild's broken weapons. Four had been excited to see the Minish again, and get a chance to talk to Dot.
They were fine when they landed in Time's. The ranch was quiet and felt almost like home. Malon was kind as always, and they had good places to sleep. Fighting was easier, almost, with the knowledge they'd have an actual bath and mattresses to sleep on when they were done.
Fine in Wild's. Flora had been ecstatic to see her partner again, and Wild relaxed a good bit around her. Seeing Farosh had been a rare treat, and the hot springs Wild had brought them all to were heavenly.
Fine in Twilight's. Ordon was just as quiet as the ranch had been.
Hyrule's. Good to see Hyrule acting confident for once.
Warriors'. The bars were good.
But they were most decidedly not fine once they landed in Wild's again, after only a couple of months away from it. ***
Legend stepped forward out of the portal, Hyrule right behind them. They blinked in the bright sunlight, expecting to see a familiar landmark, the house they shared with Ravio...
When none of that was seen and instead they were greeted by an open field, Legend froze. Why Wild's Hyrule again? Why? Hylia must really hate them if she won't even let them go home. Legend hated her just as much, she never let them rest, not even after all the adventures. No matter how many times Legend did her bidding, she was never satisfied. Legend clenched a fist, angry. They wanted to go home.
Home.
Oh, Ravio.
Legend's eyes watered. They let their hand unclench, suddenly gripping the side of their skirt instead. It'd been almost five months since Legend had seen Ravio. Legend bit their lip and didn't notice their name had been called until the entire Chain was watching them with worried expressions. Legend took their hands from their skirt and clasped them together instead, with a sort of finality. "Wild. This is yours, right?" Fuck, Legend's voice broke. Legend took a shuddering breath, watching Wild. Wild nodded, expression sad. Legend nodded stiffly right back, before turning around and beginning to walk, shaking. They didn't care where they went, not right now. If the road didn't lead to home then Legend didn't care.
"Legend-?"
Legend ignored Warriors, continuing to walk. The longer their mind dwelled on home, on Ravio, the worse they felt. Legend was quite tired of feeling sad already.
Ravio. Legend missed him so much. The space between his teeth, his scarf. Sheerow. His laugh. The feeling of his hands against Legend's. The gentle curve of the back of his neck against Legend's hand. The stumble when they danced together.
Legend hadn't even received a letter from their husband in what, three, four weeks? Almost a month? (Married for tax purposes, Legend always insists. Lies.) What if Ravio was hurt? Worse, what if Ravio was dead? Fuck. The thought alone... Legend choked, giving a soft whine. They brought a hand over their mouth, trying to stifle it. Tried not to cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't-
A soft hand came down on Legend's shoulder, encouraging them to turn. Legend turned, eyes squeezed shut, biting their lip hard to try and make the pain there worse than the pain in their heart. Legend was gently pulled forwards into someone's chest- Time, only Time had that height -and Time's hand came up behind Legend's head to cradle it close. Ravio had always held them the exact same as Legend was being held by Time right now. It hurt.
"I'm sure the next portal we go through will be yours, Legend." Time said quietly. Legend gave a soft sob- the way they were being held, how much they missed Ravio, the soft tone, it was all too much- and that was all it took for them to lose the tiny bit of control they had over their emotions. Legend shakily put their arms around Time, fisting the back of the man's shirt tightly.
"I miss Ravio." Legend whispered, crying harder as soon as Ravio's name was out of their mouth.
"I know, Legend. You'll see him again soon." Time soothed, hugging Legend for an undetermined amount of time. By the time they were done, the rest had set up camp most of the way and Wild was making lunch. Legend sat down next to the fire, close to no one.
Warriors offered Legend whatever Wild had made for lunch. Legend refused, staring into the fire. An apple was put into their hand.
Legend looked at it, and reluctantly took a bite. It wasn't long before Hyrule was pressed to Legend's left side, trying to comfort. The soft tingle of magic against Legend was soothing, even if only a little. Wind quietly came to rest against Legend's other side, small hands fiddling with a seashell. Legend tiredly watched the fire, tuning everything out.
Ravio, Ravio, Ravio. Every heartbeat pressed Ravio's name into Legend's head. If they closed their eyes they could see their home. The place they put their shoes. Where they packed up their gear. The rocking chair. A table with a cup Legend had carved out of wood, when their hands didn't shake. A blanket that Ravio had crocheted, at the end of their shared bed.
Legend hugged themself, bringing a shaky hand to an earring in their ear. Enchanted with both a minor protection charm and a resistance to lightning. Ravio had given them to Legend for an anniversary. Legend took a shuddering breath. Their anniversary had already passed, and Legend didn't even get to spend it with their husband.
That night, Legend slept away from everyone, and poorly. They were grouchy all the way to the nearest stable, and then some. Warriors didn't jab at them even once the entire trip.
xxx
A week passed in Wild's world. A week and a half.
Two.
Every day, Legend was worse and worse. Everyone was quiet around them, lest they shatter whatever fragile state Legend was in. They cried, and frequently. No further words from Ravio, no reassurance that he was okay.
Three weeks.
Four.
xxx
They spent a month and a half in Wild's world. When the next portal appeared, everyone cheered. No matter how pretty Wild's world was, blood moons were no fun and neither were the guardians. Legend stepped through the portal first, and even chanced a prayer to Hylia. Another one to Lolia for good measure.
Please, let this one be mine. Let me be home.
They landed in an apple orchard. Legend rubbed their eyes and turned around to help Sky through, then Wind. When everyone was through, Legend put a hand on one of the trees, thumbing an engraving on it. L + R.
Link and Ravio. They'd engraved their initials in every one of these trees, after an escapade with a good bottle of wine.
Legend was home.
Legend started stripping themself of their gear, much to the Chain's surprise. They got their boots off, ignoring the questions, and started pulling on the Pegasus Boots. They started cursing up a storm when they had to untie the left one. As soon as they were on enough to stand, Legend clicked their heels and fucking bolted.
It didn't matter that they ran into a tree on the way there. All that mattered was the man in the purple button up, sleeves rolled up and hands in the garden soil. What mattered was the way he hummed and the way his fingers moved and the wedding band on a cloth beside him. Legend wrenched the boots off their feet as soon as Ravio was in their sight, and yelled for him.
"Rav! Ravio, I'm home!" Legend had tears in their eyes, scrambling to get to Ravio.
"Link?" Ravio's head whipped around, and he dropped whatever he had been trying to plant. He'd barely risen to his feet before Legend barreled into him, hugging almost tight enough to bruise.
"Link-? Oh, honey." Ravio whispered, as Legend started crying hard.
"I missed you, I missed you so much, Rav. I love you. I was so worried when you didn't send any letters, I thought you could've been dead and-" Legend whispered, the rest of the words lost against Ravio's skin, holding so tight as if Ravio would disappear like the girl on the island. Legend wouldn't be able to take it if that happened again.
"Breathe, dear. I missed you too, and I love you just as much. If not more. I was equally worried, since I haven't heard word from you in months." Ravio said softly, and even though his hands were covered in dirt, he brought one of them to cradle the back of Legend's head very firmly. Even though Time had held them like this more than a month ago, it hadn't felt the same.
This was home, and it smelled like lavender and apple soap. The other hand landed on Legend's back. They were still swaying lightly together when the rest of the Chain caught up. Sky flopped down onto the grass, wheezing. After a few moments, both Hyrule and Four joined him.
Legend whined very audibly when Ravio tried pulling away, tightening their grip.
"Link, we've got visitors."
"Don't care. Please, stay, please. Just a little bit longer, Rav. It's been so long. I was so scared." Legend's voice was soft, barely heard, whispered against skin.
Ravio sighed, and kissed Legend on the forehead.
"A little bit longer, then." Ravio sniffled, tightening his hold.
Link's wedding band glittered on their right hand, the only ring that Legend had brought themselves to wear for a while. They'd polished and fiddled with it a little obsessively. Sheerow twittered about, pulling at Legend's hair, nipping at his ear tips, his own little way of saying, "Hello, welcome home, missed you."- no matter how irritating. Sheerow was gently told something by Ravio, and after a moment, Ravio's right hand had the same ring resting on the designated finger.
"You're alright, honeybun. I'm here." Soft, whispered against Legend's cheekbone.
"I'm real."
Legend sobbed, squeezing tight.
Ravio was here, and he was very, very real.
fin.
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#it got away from me#angst#legend lu#legend linked universe#all the boys!#I put legend through it jeez#some of it might be sloppy but that's because I'm just getting back into it#raviolink#Ravio x legend#I have poor memory how do you expect me to remember all the tags#hope you enjoy it!#oh wait there's more tags#hurt/comfort#I used they/them for Legend because their gender is just#so confusing#but I wanna snatch it#married for tax purposes! :D#ALICE by PEGGY really fueled this one#the 'dreamers dream until they don't' really fits Legend#threw myself through a loop with this one#ouch#I HAD IT READY SO EARLY#and they were platonic besties who loved each other very much if you squint really really hard#I think the Ravio and Legend dynamic is great#Here you go here's dinner.
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He’s curious about what you’re doing
I have more requests to get to, but while im doing that, here’s a curious Springy I drew the other day.
#fnaf#fnaf fanart#five nights at freddys#five nights at freddy's#springtrap#fnaf springtrap#springtrap fnaf#fnaf 3#xlcx art#how do I shadows lol#so confusing#the light source is the camera feed btw#I know it’s not that bright but eh#maybe you’re on your phone instead#I wasn’t going to post this but it actually turned out well
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Girl, so confusing
#charli xcx#lorde#tumblr girls#music#girl so confusing#brat charli xcx#remix#tumblr girls rise up#hyperpop#album of the year#im just a girl#girl things#messy girl#girlblogging#girlhood#so confusing#old tumblr#tumblr music#pure heroine
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Asks are open again!!!!! (For a day lol)
#sparkling siblings au#consider this a bday present#from me to you💕#also new tumblr sucks#so confusing
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Writing about hanzo and genji is so healing because I like putting my own ideologies and contradicting perspectives and letting them duke it tf out. But I mention that first to talk about how a body horror aspect between their relationship could get played up for really interesting back and forth.
I saw a person a while ago analyze how hanzo in the dragons short knocks out humans and kills omnis because he has and inherent dislike or skepticism at omnics. And I can only imagine that's due to something ingrained in him since childhood ( and blends in with how the shimada clan seems to have very traditional ways). So it's interesting that hanzo has a constant reminder of what he ( I'm his pov) forced his brother to become this strange distant but still quite there version of himself.
And imagine the horror from genjis part. One second your getting slice and diced by your own brother that you've had hiccups with but still loved dearly. Next your awake with your body parts separated and stringed up and a stranger turning you into something you've been taught all your life to reject, and being told by her that this is your future if you wanna even get a chance to live
Something something how does one embrace change when it is sprung onto their very being and morphs them forever something something
#sorry i just read metamorphosis by kafka#theres something sp surreal about that experience#so confusing#hanzos repulsion mixed with pity and disgust that he even feels repulsed bc he caused this#rambles#overwatch#hanzo shimada#genji shimada#character study ig#also everyone in metamorphosis sucked ass and i hated all of them#the all said no to the “would you love me if i was a worm” question and it shows
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It’s hard to engage in the new PJO show fandom because I have to constantly fight against the urge to talk about just how much this series means to me, like.
I remember the exact moment I started reading the books as a 9 year old. I was in a boarding school and had finished the assignments early. As I was walking back to my seat after handing in my homework I saw a classmate reading Sea of Monsters. I borrowed it from him as I was already interested in Greek Mythology and started reading, and was so confused because it was the second one. The next time I went to a book store I made sure my mom would help me find the first and the third books. And at the time there were only three because even though the PJO series had finished the books were slow to be translated to Chinese, my 1st language.
This series saw so many of my first times. I engaged in online fandom for the first time, by finding an online Sci-Fi & Fantasy forum, to share the news that the Battle of Labyrinth were about to be translated to my language, and people there made fun of me because they had already known for a year. The PJO fandom was where I made my first fandom friend. It’s the fandom that got me into writing fanfics and making art. I started venturing into international websites - sites that are not in Chinese - for discussions and fan content. I became interested in the world out there because of PJO.
When Mark of Athena first came out our side of the fandom was enraged. To me, a closeted queer 12 year old troubled with ADHD and depression in China, Nico di Angelo would be the first ever character that I could see myself in, a gay character that I would actually be able to read about in a published book. A gay character that’s normalized, who was troubled by his identity. Someone who is just like me. And his confession about Percy was censored in the Chinese translation.
I started translating fanfics - and translating content in general - because of this. I didn’t want other Chinese fans to have to wait years for new content like I did; and I didn’t want them to read a filtered, censored version. In high school I would finish a non-official translation of the first Trials of Apollo book. It took me more than a year, but nothing was censored. I hope it is still up there.
I chose my English name - a name that I tie a huge part of my identity to - because of a character in PJO. I started going to my local foreign language library and began to read, read, and read because of PJO. I picked my college major - anthropology - partly because of PJO. Heck, I decided to study abroad in college in the US because I had a crush on a girl who was also into PJO in high school and she was planning on going to the US.
When RR started writing the series I’m sure he did not intend for it to have this big of an impact on a little Chinese girl’s life. But it did, and I’m eternally grateful for that.
#percy jackson#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo series#how do I tag lol#so confusing#sorry for being emo
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I think its such a wasted opportunity in me3 to not have either Emily Wong or Khalisah Al-Jilani on the Normandy, instead of Diana Allers. Like you have a history with both reporters and it would of been more meaningful. But no~ of course not we had to introduce a new character in
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justy
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Kinda wish I wasn’t such a skeptic I’d be much happier. I could truly get into the ⭐️fantasy🌟 of “shipping” (just reading into peoples relationships, idk what to call it). But I keep thinking what if and check what people who ship others think and then I’m like “ok that’s extremely similar” and still jikook has my heart but I start to question if I’m just delusional and if the members are playing into shipping fans or if they’re just expressing themselves artistically and accidentally seem romantically involved. And then I wonder if it’s even morally correct to assume stuff but it’s also human nature and also most of them never said they feel uncomfortable with it? (Except tae I think?)
And I then think about myself if I was queer in this big of a spotlight would I be afraid? Excited? Stressed? Abt people making assumptions? I don’t know. I think about Dan and Phil and how they said that they’ve put off coming out because fans shipped them and guessed (correctly) their identity. I just don’t know.
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Why "Girl, So Confusing" is about Marina, not Lorde.
Lorde and Charli xcx are friends and follow each other on social media.
Lorde gave "Brat" a glowing review and posted about the new album in her instagram stories.
Marina and Charli grew up in the UK and were both in the same record label, Atlantic.
There was major drama in 2016 over a photoshoot.
To this very day they still don't follow each other.
youtube
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I'm making a mirror-tiled/disco bat'leth and my own head for Threshold purposes, and yet people still tell me I'm so serious???
#like why though#so confusing#me: silly fandom stuff? people: serious#me: am I though???#perception is a bitch
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