#so as much as im greatful for ppl wanting to learn from me
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I'm going to just make this post here, for the questions people keep asking me haha (/nm)
What program do you use to draw?
I use procrete to draw digitally currently
What program do you use to animate?
Oh boy! I don't animate much, but I use Flipaclip!!! And I'd like to use procrete or procrete dreams but my tablet literally cannot handle it haha
What brushes do you use?
The main brush set I use is this one:!!! It's really great but it does cost money.
So if you'd like a similar brush set but for free, I'd recommend theses!!! (I used to use them for a while!!)
What canvas size do you use?
I don't know- I don't usually plan to have a specific image size when drawing but they tend to be average 900×700 pix size .which I have no idea is a good size to have you drawing..erhhhh *shrugs*
What colour palette do you use?
I don't use colour palettes, I just pick colours I think look nice, and sometimes play around with layer settings. It would be cool if there was a specific palette I took from, because colouring can be a headache for me. But I usually guess what colours I use! :D
#hehhehe i get these questions alot and i think its good to have w pist to reference back to#instead of repeating myself alot haha#also link to my brushes!!! cos i keep losing the link haha#hope this helps#im am in no way a professional artist and cant teach#so as much as im greatful for ppl wanting to learn from me#my knowledge is limted haha
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been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently
#i love them but im gonna explain#i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did#but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes#i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now#in healthcare no less#but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad#im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts#like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no#and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face#even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said:#i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too#bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall#bc i feel we don’t do this any more#i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go#i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her#bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort#my other situation is my childhood best friend#i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me.#it comes from a place of knowing me for so long#and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins#but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis#even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins#bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st#like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup#even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back#bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me#and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it#but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back#i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag#idk its a lot. thank u for listening
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god i just sometimes really wish the things i created brought other ppl the same joy it brings me. i want to give something so happy for them to enjoy, i want them to feel this same wonder i do when creating. why wouldnt you want to share that feeling with other people? do u know how happy i am when i am creating? would you like to?
#i cant ever understand why i want my things to be popular#cuz when i really think about#i hate the idea of being famous#id have so much anxiety and fear of failing to perform and be what ppl want from me#but i want to popular so i can show as many ppl the things that bring me great joy?#but i dont want to be known#i want to be hidden away where i cannot be hurt#but i want to reach out and touch the world so they may feel the sunlight that i have pouring out of my heart#even if i create such dark and scary stories that have pain in them#it makes me happy#surely other people would find happiness in it too?#im still scared of hurting so im mean and like to ruin my own chances#but fucking hell i want to exist for others i want to create something that brings ideas to someones mind and makes them create too#i am sorry i am sharp i was cracked so many times#i just want to learn and grow be good to you all
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i worry a lot about some transfems and its not me trying to be like "im better than you" or some shit its bc some of them remind me of me when i was a kid and new into being considered a girl/woman and being really naive thinking people would treat me better than they would- like i knew people were gonna be shitty but i wasnt prepared for the sheer amount of dehumanization and being reduced to just a sex object... idk... I just want some of you out there to be careful...
#ik its hard to convey tone and emotion through text but i do really worry.#im sure people have felt the same way about me being new into being considered a guy too. Ik i wasnt prepared for how emotionally distant#guys can be. and how like. atomized we all are and how a lot of guys only know how to interact with the world through violence and#being a dick and .-. basically how a lot of guys are just bullies. idk.#i think if we have experiences that we think we can help others by sharing them and maybe preventing them from making the same mistakes#as us then we should share them yknow. idk.#for me at least it does in some ways feel like im a little kid again learning what its like to navigate a new social setting.#like i didnt realize how much playing pvp games with cis guys suck and ppl who grew up with that are just like. 'yeah. thats just how it is#im literally playing wow rn and playing on a pvp server and i literally never attack anyone sdhjdshjvvfd and ppl are just like.#dicks for NO REASON. im LITERALLY RUNNING AWAY. ugh#i get it dude! this is the only way you can feel like you have a big dick but cmon. you gotta accept the truth some day#^and having to learn to talk like that has been something ive had to adopt from dealing with cis dudes. fun#some transfems i want to grab by the shoulders and shake and be like 'DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF'#with a desperate plea in my gaze#'I WANT TO PROTECT YOU BUT I ALSO KNOW PPL HAVE TO LEARN SOME SOCIAL SHIT ON THEIR OWN BUT BY GOD ARE THERE#SOME THINGS I REALLY DO NOT WANT YOU TO HAVE TO FUCKING LEARN ABOUT THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND#IS UNFORTUNATELY LIKELY TO HAPPEN TO ANY WOMAN'#why am i becoming a parent. i need to stop. problem is i care too much about people in spite of what ppl might think .-.#i worry so much thats why i yell at ppl online bc i dont want them to get hurt or do something to fuck themselves over idk.#i just... dont express it the best way. like a gym coach or something 🤦#i really am Dad Vibes now huh. how do i stop myself from becoming a dad. i dont even have kids.#well. i have a cat. the eternal rebellious teen. but still#i need to stop expressing my care and fear through anger. its not great. ppl misinterpret me too much w it. but im not mommy enough to#sugarcoat things and coddle people if i feel like thats whats happening. so idk.#i realize this might sound patronizing and im not trying to be at all. to transfems with more experience this is like 'duh' to them probabl#but I'm more talking to the young transfems I see online who seem like they dont go out much and i dont blame them at all for it#its fucking scary out here. especially as a woman. esp as someone alt righters fetishize. and im sorry.
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giving the people what they want 🙏
warnings: ofc swearing and yes we get VERY freaky yet AGAIN, y/n refers to herself as kk’s controversially young gf bc i think it’s funny, deal w it
—-
you: babe we should do this trend
kk: yes come over
kk: don’t even have to film it i’ll do it for free
you: i know u wanna kiss me 💋
kk: i think that’s obvious
you: no it’s a tik tok sound
kk: ok great come over and kiss me
you: ok… calm down… i’m coming
kk: really???
you: what is wrong with u.
kk: i’m sorry plz forgive me ma’am
—-
you: come over
kk: yes i’m omw
you: amazing response time btw
—-
YOU: WHWN THEY CALLED OFF THE CIRCUS BURNED THR DISCO DOWN WHEN THEY SENT HOME THE HORSED AND THE RODEO CLOWNS IM STILL OM THAT TIGHTROPE IM STILL TRYING EVERYTHING TO GET U LAUGHINF AT ME AND IM STILK A BELIEVER BUT I DONT KNOW WHY IVE NEVER BEEN A NATURAL ALL I DO IS TRY TRY TRY IM STILL ON THAT TRAPEZE IM STILK TRYING EVERYTHING TO KEEP U LOOKING AF ME
kk: is this taylor swift?
you: omg u got it right?? i’m so proud ❤️
kk: i learned from the best 💪
—-
you: why do u have no food in ur apartment
kk: ?? we have food
you: literally here rn and u don’t
kk: me and laila went shopping yesterday babe
you: *laila and i
kk: same thing
kk: i’m sure u can find something
you: i cant and im starving
kk: baby there’s food
you: i’m never eating again bye
you: i hate u healthy freaks
you: buy potato chips like normal ppl
kk: okay baby
…
you: i was hangry im sorry
kk: i figured 😂 no worries babe
kk: did u eat?
you: yes i had to doordash tho
kk: 🙄
—-
kk: i love u
you: PLEASE DONT KYS
kk: what????
you: i’m sorry it’s an automatic response
you: i love u too ❤️
kk: u confuse me sometimes
you: then i’m succeeding at being ur controversially young gf who’s references u don’t understand 🫡
—-
you: do u hate me?
kk: no ofc not
you: are u sure?
kk: yes i’m sure where is this coming from babe?
you: u let go of my hand earlier ☹️
kk: babe are u fr rn?
you: bye u hate me ok i’ll just see myself out
kk: and i’ll just drag u right back in bc i don’t hate u
kk: when did i even let go of ur hand?
you: when u were adjusting the bags ☹️
kk: ok so
kk: i let go of ur hand for one second to adjust the shopping bags i was carrying for u and u think i hate u?
you: yes exactly
you: do u?
kk: i love u my very clingy girl 😂
—-
kk: what is aura?
you: like aura points or the actual metaphysical thing
you: pls use it in a sentence
kk: “this dance is giving u negative aura points”
you: ok translation: doing this dance makes u look like a fucking loser
you: basically it’s like coolness
you: like if i tell someone “outfit gives u +1000 aura points” i’m basically saying like ur fit ate
kk: oh i see
kk: thank u baby
you: controversially young gf to the rescue 🫡
kk: u do realize ur not that much younger than me right
kk: like it’s not controversial
you: can u let me have this.
kk: okay baby ur my controversially young gf
you: thank u very much ❤️
—-
you: stop cheating on me.
kk: excuse me?
kk: i’m literally standing across from u. we’re in the same room right now
you: tell that bitch to back off before i do
kk: are u jealous?
you: obviously not. come here now
you: please
kk: yes ma’am
kk: i don’t even know who ur talking about btw
you: the blonde?
kk: i was genuinely too busy looking at u to notice
—-
you: omg this is so us.
kk: it’s a deer and a raccoon??
you: u just don’t get it…
kk: what is there to get
you: see the deer is me and u are the raccoon and the raccoon is hugging and kissing the deer
you: bc like ur so clingy
kk: unfortunately that makes sense
—-
you: i miss you
kk: yeah baby?
you: please come over
kk: i cant rn babe
you: please baby i miss u so muchhhh
kk: i’m sorryyyy sweetheart
kk: i’ll see what i can do but probably in an hour yeah?
you: that’s too long
you: come over now
kk: i’m sorry babe i cant
you: please caroline
you: i need you
kk: 30 mins
you: i need u really badly though…
kk: 20 minutes i promise
you: caroline please i really really need u rn
you: u know where i need u
kk: be there in 5
—-
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Hihihihi, in case ya remember me, im the Pain-sensitive anon, and in case i will request again remember me as BigS, because my requests are as big as my S, but enough about that.
Poor you, so many requests. Drink water, be stronger that those 637181 requests, don't let them kill you!!!
But im here to torture you with another one~
So i have an album with 3814 Asmodeus screenshots(I FKIN LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!), and i had an idea "dam, if Asmo became real, it would be very hard to explain why i have 4k pics with him... " So here is request!
Brothers, finding out that MC's new hyperfixation is... them?
Apparently MC is neurodivergent or something like that, and as many neurodivergent ppl, they have a hyperfixation! They just randomly becoming very interested in something specific and collect stuff with it, talk with everyone about it, and remember every single detail about it! Like Levi with TSL.
But one day, brothers realise that MC stopped talking about their past fixation and was less interested with it. They think that "Oh, they probably just found something new!". But one day, they take MC's phone just to find that... They have a giant album in their gallery that is dedicated only to him????
The album has every photo he posted on Devilgram, every photo that he send MC, some unique photos that MC shooted themselves, even some chat screenshots with times when he said something cute to them! They even was photographing thigs that "reminds of him". Like some cheeseburger with "Beel vibes", Blue flower that "Looks like Luci" or gorgeous mannequin that "feels like Asmo".
If its someone like Asmo, he would also notice thta MC started buying their fanclub's merch! Like "Asmo lover #1" shirt or "Lucifer best man!!"cup(Luci is very popular, he probably also has some fanclubs! i hate this guy tho)
I think Levi and Mammon would die from embarrassment. Asmo would die out of happiness and Satan with Luci will try to pretend like thay never saw that. and idk about other ones. :P
I think that would make a cute fluff and a very scary situation if it was real uwu
Thats all
Have a nice dayyyyyyyyyyyy~~~
-BigS aka.AlgophobicDude
hey! great to hear from you again :)
haha thank you! been slowly knocking out requests one at a time and let me tell you it's a lot more fun than it might look haha
i wrote this while wearing a pink cowboy hat. i just wanted to share that
you got it! enjoy!!
Mc with a hyperfixation on the brothers
Lucifer
is this a human thing?
he's happy to indulge you as long as you're not too loud about it out in public
especially please don't share those pictures with anyone, like mammon. he will sell those, especially the ones he only intends for you. please
he's happy you don't hate him, actually. you make this old man very happy haha
Mammon
he would never tell you, but he's also got a photo album dedicated to you
also has a note on his D.D.D. full of all the things he never said to you but hopes to be brave enough to one day to tell you
he doesn't tell you he's got that though, not in a million years
he really loves that you're hyperfixated on him because that just means you care about him just as much as he cares about you
Levi
as expected, he's very flustered
he knows what it's like to have a little blorbo and he would give anything to be able to see them daily in person and live with them
he's over the moon once he realizes this and despite his embarrassment, he pushed through to spend more time with you
he's so dedicated <3
Satan
he's probably the most puzzled
he's always learning new things about humans even when he thought he knew everything
he knows and trusts you so from time to time, he'll take a picture with you in mind that he knows will remind you of him
all in all, he does think it's a little strange but won't stop you since he's never seen you happier
Asmo
like they said, you're literally about to become the number one member of his fanclub!
lucky for you, once he finds your asmo photo album, he's feeding into your hyperfixation
you get lots of exclusive privileges, such as early morning selfies and all his merch for free, including prototypes
he's always ready to pose for a picture for you. every side is his good side!
Beel
he's a little confused but he's happy to make you happy
he listened to you talk about your hyperfixations the most beside levi so he's quick to pick up on this shift
to make you happy, he decides to make a handmade adult bib just for you haha and at first he's a little sad but then he finds it while digging for your snack stash
you've never worn it once because it's hanging in your closet next to your fancy outfits <3
Belphie
you what? is his initial reaction
from the outside, it seems like it doesn't bother him or that he could care less
but, on the inside, he's elated since he thought after how he tricked you, you'd never want to be close to him again
now, you're the very thing that makes you excited to wake up every morning by his side
#obey me#obey me!#obey me x reader#obey me satan#obey me asmo#obey me lucifer#obey me beel#obey me mammon#obey me levi#obey me belphie#omswd#obey me shall we date#obey me! shall we date
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I JUST FINISHED SONK ADVENTURE 2 IM NOT OKAY OMG
The scene with Shadow falling to earth was funny at first and it all happened so fast i was still trying to wrap my head around it. Ppl talk about that scene a lot which theyre so right for, but i need to talk about the scenes after because oh my god they broke me!?!??!
Sonic, coming back onto the ark, completely silent. Everyone asking if Shadow made it back and he just slowly shakes his head without a word.
The scene where Sonic gives Rouge Shadow's inhibitior ring hold so much more weight to me after actually playing the game: In the short time they knew each other, Shadow saved Rouge's life. Twice. This is the only possession she has to remember him by. Knuckles asks her what shes going to do now and she actually stops to reflect and remarks how shes thinking of changing jobs, something else on her mind now(What exactly shes referring to in this moment isnt stated but theres a fair few connections to draw there). After almost getting killed during a heist and never getting a chance to thank the guy who saved her from it, that's a pretty good and strangely mature call to make from a writing standpoint. This whole scene has a similar feeling like that, like the jokes and the extravagance thats typical of the cutscenes have really been toned down with intention.
This one genuinely shocked me, and im really surprised i havent come across anything about it yet because the scene between Eggman and Tails was actually super deep?? There are a lot of different Sonic medias as far as I im aware that have touched on the paralells between Eggman and Tails: their small similarities and how well they work together when they have to, but the scene here really stuck out to me. Eggman is talking about how much he admired his grandfather as a child, how much his work inspired him to learn and create and strive to be great like him, drifting off to question whether or not he really wanted to see them all fall. Tail's response is very chipper and optimistic, but i really like the idea of Eggman having almost this turning point here, having to face something so saddening as watching someone you love curse the world and everyone on it(including you). After arguably some of the most dangerous and threatening feats have been accomplished by Eggman in this game as the story's primary antagonist, is this moment a nod to him maybe stopping to think about what he's done? Im amazed by how much meaning can be taken from these few seconds of dialogue!!
Finally, the last two moments. Amy, despite having had her own short heart to heart with Shadow before the final battle and ultimately being the one to spurr Shadow on to fight alongside Sonic and the others, doesn't seem as upset by Shadows death as Sonic is. This is genuinely, in my limited knowledge of Sonic media, one of the only instances i have seen Sonic be thoroughly shaken up by something and brushed it off when someone asks him whats wrong. In most cases, he's just relatively unfazed from an emotional standpoint like that, so theres nothing to brush off in the first place. But here, the ever-yapping blue blur remains silent for a while, just staring at Earth in a similar paralell to how Shadow used to. It isn't until Amy comes by that he looks away. Its the really subtle details here that get me: Sonic doesn't look or respond to her right away. There's a prominent pause of silence before he turns to her and says its nothing, switching the topic immediately to rush her along. Sonic, typically impatient and eager to move to the next adventure, slows down and is the last to leave the deck, delivers the farewell line to end the game. Again, the contrast in how slowly and soft he speaks here in comparison to literally anything else he says in the game is insane. The pause between "Shadow" and "the Hedgehog" is still very funny to me and im not lost on how the delivery does end up being chopped up quite goofy like that, but if that isnt an absolutely insane way to end off the game with such a somber, emotional moment...
Sonadow or no sonadow, take it as you will, its undeniable how impactful this adventure in particular is to Sonic. How much Shadow meant to him by the end of the game. How much his sacrifice meant. I really see his discussion with Rouge as both a way to comfort her, and to comfort himself. To say out loud how heroic and brave he'd seen Shadow to be, regardless of the intention that came from his creation. Sonic is big on freedom and giving people the opportunity to live how they want to, and Shadow's sacrifice in that regard means even more to him. He had just come to understand what he had truly promised Maria he'd do, joined Sonic whole-heartedly to help save the planet, and never got to experience anything beyond that. Given Eggmans continuous antangonistic streak at that point (I'm not fully aware of the other villain's Sonic had faced up until that point), it's rare that Sonic actually gets to see someone who opposed him change for the better!! And not only was Shadow one of the first to do so, but he was a speedy teen hedgehog!!! Just like Sonic himself!!! Its like Shadow said, there was so much more to them that they never got to find out about each other!! The fact that Shadow gave up all of that possibility, all of his own personal freedom to help Sonic save the planet and the freedom of all the people on it? That hits. HARD.
Im not familiar with the full canon of how Sonic actually managed to get one of Shadow's inhibitior rings to give to Rouge, as he's actually not shown in any scene taking them off during the final battle(i actually dont even think their mechanics are properly explained which is more confusing but yk), but getting into more headcanony, sonadow adjacent space for a second? I like to think Shadow actually took two of his rings off/had two break off before he fell. Sonic gave one to Rouge, and secretly kept the other for himself. He obviously didn't want his friends to ask him more questions about how he was feeling, so he hid it in his quills before he greeted them back on the ark. Shadow ended up meaning a lot to Sonic, and it's really interesting to think about what was running through Sonic's mind when all was said and done.
Uhhh anyways good game very very infuriating at times but very good game i have a true taste for the appeal of Sonic games now and i want to play them all. If you actually made it this far, thank you for reading my silly sonk rant! If you have any information you know of to patch the spaces where I'm lacking or just want to discuss your own thoughts on the ending feel free!! Have a good day or night wherever you are :]
#i will in fact be thinking about this non stop for a while now#shadow the hedgehog#will probably make art or write something if i ge the time#sonic adventure 2#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonadow#rouge the bat#dr eggman#dr robotnik#sticks can talk!?#just really tagging the main characters that i bring up ig? tagging is strange idk#look after actually playing the game and experiencing the real sonadow intro myself theres honestly so much more there than i was expecting#they wanted to get to know each other :(((( its sooo angsty compared to how i usually perceive them but its great tbh#sonic adventure 2 spoilers#i guess???
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HII ur aesthetic is just so pretty and the way you write is so shekehsjjdkd fell in love when I read the first sentence, I'm not even joking😕
BUT ANYWAYY could I req diasomnia, heartslabyul, and/or octavinelle with a gn!reader who has a habit of squishing peoples cheeks whenever they hold eye contact 4 too long? /*flutters eyelashes cutely*/
THANKYOU PO IF YOY ACTUALLY DO THIS HOPE U DONT DROWN IN REQS OR SMTH HAVE A GREAT DAY MWAMWAA also i don't even know which characters are good with this kinda prompt so honestly im dependin on u 2 choose whoevee u want 🙇♀️ bye sissymars 🥺🥺🤭🤭🤗🤗
TWST x gn reader
『 malleus ,, sebek ,, riddle ,, cater ,, floyd ,, gender neutral reader 』
-> reader who squishes cheeks when ppl stare too much
— fluff ,, sfw ,, crack
— TYSM 😭♥️♥️ this made my day omg ,, so glad you like my writing ,, i kinda did a few from each dorm you asked for except for octavinelle bc character limit is 5 for me 😭💔 but youre more than welcome to request for others ! :D hope you enjoy this 🙏❤️
- malleus
| • he usually doesnt mean to stare for too long ,, always knowing it was rude and how it feels to be stared at by others
| • though he was focused on talking about the gargoyles at the gates and hadnt tore his gaze away for a moment
| • he shut up immediately the moment you reached out and squished his cheeks ,, eyes wide in astonishment
| • how fearless you are ,, child of man
| • he does ask about it ,, wondering what the reason was for ,, and when he learns why he apologizes and promises not to do it again
- sebek
| • bro was on another rant abt his master ,, how courageous and how kind he is for putting up with these stupid humans everyday
| • oh how he adored his master ,, how pure and wonderful he was
| • it got to the point he was shaking your shoulders and making direct ,, intense ,, eye contact
| • annoyed with how long he was staring ,, you reached up and squeezed his cheeks
| • he jumps back ,, so confused and offended
| • why would you do that !?? explain now human !!
| • he huffs and puffs about the reasoning ,, but listens and respects your boundaries
- riddle
| • he was probably ranting about another reckless first year making a mess of the kitchen or some students ignoring the queen’s rules
| • he didnt mean to stare for too long ,, most likely already knowing about how you get about it
| • when you squish his cheeks ,, he may or may not have let out an embarrassing squeak
| • he’ll puff his cheeks and apologize ,, telling you not to talk abt the squeak to anyone
| • his face is so red by the end ,, embarrassed he let himself stare too long and let out a squeak
- cater
| • knowing how observant he is ,, he’d know about it immediately when he sees you do it to ace and deuce
| • he’ll be quick to discard his eyes when he realizes hes been looking too long
| • though he sort of stared a little too long once ,, trying to take a selfie with you
| • when you squish his cheeks outta nowhere ,, he’ll jump back a little and almost drop his phone
| • he apologizes and says he was adoring you for the moment ,, before taking the selfie and moving on to focus on that
- floyd
| • he probably stares on purpose when he gets ahold of this information
| • its only so you can squish his cheeks ,, hes a bit weird abt it ,, craving your touch and if staring at you long enough grants him that then he will gladly do so
| • but if you get rlly bothered by it than he will stop
| • this time he just happened to do it accidentally ,, trying to memorize your smile as much as he could while it was there
| • he didnt realize what he was doing until you squeezed his cheeks with a huff
| • he blinked a few times before giggling and pulling you into his lap ,, wrapping his arms around you
| • “ ahhh sorry shrimpy ~ i didnt mean to stare too much ,,” he purred before pressing a kiss to your head
#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#twisted wonderland#🌊.octavinelle#floyd leech#floyd x reader#🌊.floyd#♥️.heartslabyul#riddle x reader#riddle rosehearts#♥️.riddle#cater x reader#cater diamond#♥️.cater#⚜️.diasomnia#malleus x reader#malleus draconia#⚜️.malleus#sebek x reader#sebek zigvolt#⚜️.sebek#☁️.twst
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hello hi!!! grfhvhghr i am in love with your artwork so much you cant believe-- i wanna ask if you have any tips on how you lineart and colourpick?? no pressure to answer tho, have a great day/night!! again, love your art <33
hi!! thank you for your kind words!! since i got asked about these a lot, im answering this for all the other ask asking about lineart and colour tips too! You can see some previous post here.
also i could only give out tips that work for my drawing style - which is heavy lineart / colours pop up the line (believe it or not it's American comic book style. ppl cant understand why my art doesnt really look like usual anime/ Asian webtoon style, even though it is still clearly anime / Asian webtoon style, but when i told them it's because im drawing these by studying American comics, no one believes it either lmao.
i do study but i do my own things too, so most of my art inspo is really unexpected to ppl, but they r really where i learn things from, cuz i dont even go to art school TT_TT).
Changing the brush size will help you achieve thick/thin lines better without having to put pressure on your wrists. Keep your hold relaxed and let bigger brush size give you the thick strokes.
I like messy sketch, to me the sketch is just an outline shape to fill details in when i do the line, it also gives more freedom to wriggle as i draw! cuz i dont really plan out everything from the start, just wing it as i go, so a lot of my work is actually very spontaneous.
that leads to this point: when you do the lineart you should start deciding which colour style you want from it to adjust the details amount. the ink shadow blocks in my art aren't there randomly, i adjust them to best complement the shape language and colours.
for piece where i want the line/shadow to...idk hit (?), the colours are almost flat with textured brush adding depth to them, so the inking is the shading, thus there are more details in the lineart / ink blocks.
for the video above and piece like this where i want the colours to be clear and pop out, the use of ink blocks are minimized and i do the shading during colouring process. but! the ink blocks can still make some places pop very nicely! just use in moderation!
when doing the base it's good to keep the colour on the left side of the colour wheel (low saturation), but as you do shading and lighting, try to spread out evenly so it won't look washed out.
toggle around with hue and saturation slider as you go! the key is always adjusting! you're making hundreds of decisions at once, being conscious of your choice in why a line or a colour should be in a certain way will help improve your process a lot! (i think you can tell which art i turned off my brain and just draw for stress relief ........ which is also a valid way to draw and sometimes the result might surprise you! but for more serious stuffs i try to be aware of most of the move i make. it's problem solving, yeah?)
i find that one way to keep your art from appearing too...yellow in the end (which is sth that haunted my ass for a long while) is always aim for cold tone, so if you accidentally make it warm either way in the end it won't be too warm (and yellow :cry:)
well that's all the stuffs i can think on top of my head. sorry i can't give more advice on colour picking cuz it's sth i don't really know how to give advice on???? i think my colours now are still pretty lame haha........ if there are still any questions i'd gladly answer within my ability, though im very slow to answer ask ( i do read and be happy at all of them tho!)
#art tip#ask#anon#albi’s art#ALSO I AM SERIOUS ABOUT THE BRUSH SIZE THING SAVE YOUR WRISTS NOW. TODAY. DONT LET IT HURT THEN TRY TO FIX IT LATER#aughhhhhhhhh *rub my wrists*
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AAAHHH you get me so well I don’t get why ppl say “I don’t bite” like yeah? You’re not a dog?😀 you’ve just made it more awkward congrats
The moving into my point of view 😭😭😭
GIRL HIM LOOKING AT ME WHEN IM LOOKING AWAY🙈🙈🙈 rlly be doing all sorts of things. first the full on adamant refusal of such a thing. why would he looking at me for??? (Stalker) only learning about it from ppl around you and then it’s like huh?? great now I can never be at peace when he’s in the vicinity the self awareness is off the charts. it’d be great if it’s not even at the crushing stage yet him just glancing cuz he’s intrigued especially because the one on one interactions are alr a bit awk (I’ve got a sneaking suspicion he’s the type of guy who enjoys how awk he can make it for another person 😳😳 honestly such a bitchy move why do you cause me pain)
OO OO OOH when she finally starts noticing for herself and they catch each others eyes🫠
-🤩
i think he’d actually love knowing he makes you nervous. as long as you weren’t uncomfortable or anything i feel like he’d test the waters here and there. especially with the moving to make eye contact thing. its annoying as hell but it works for him and it makes u blush like crazy. i think he’d want to get a bit of a reaction out of u. like blushing or a bit of a stutter or u avoiding eye contact like the plague— he’d love it all.
and you’re like why the hell is this guy paying so much attention to me? because i know i personally get weird and soo confused when people really notice that i’m avoiding eye content or that i’m trying to blend into the background. its like 👁️👄👁️ no need to perceive me thank you.
but i think lando would keep at it until you felt comfortable enough around him. and he’s not even sure why?? i think maybe its a bit of a challenge for him at first, like get the shy girl to open up to him. but then he realises quickly that he’s a bit invested in it and actually just wants you to feel comfortable.
and kinda obsessed with the idea of glancing at each other at the same time and both of you catching the other looking 😣😣 AND finding out from other people that he stares at you specifically a lot🤭🤭
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hey oomf...idk if i should be asking this but what resources/apps/websites do you use for japanese?
i started earlier this year around in may with duolingo but i don't really do it religiously and everything but it's like the only thing i use so if you do have any you're willing to share it would be nice :D
hope your illness is better now, getting sick always sucks
noo this is perfectly fine to ask i love helping ppl get started w japanese :D thank you for the ask !!
generally speaking, i do not recommend duolingo japanese for anything more than mere practice. if youre looking for an app experience, i'd actually recommend busuu over duolingo bc it actually takes the time to explain grammar concepts, whereas duolingo trains you to remember sentences. so like idk i feel like busuu better prepares you to encounter new words in the wild and use them.
i learned using the genki textbooks, which i think is pretty common. you can find both volumes and their respective workbooks here.
also w japanese i recommend getting as much practice w the different areas of language as possible (writing reading speaking listening) which duolingo doesn't really do. here you can find reading practice from absolute beginner to intermediate level, after that you can try reading young adult novels and some manga.
for listening, i like comprehensible japanese. she has a lot of great videos. when learning to speak as babies, we learn first through listening, so i think this is the most important thing to practice. she has videos for all different levels, she speaks very clearly, and she provides clear visuals so you can adapt to words you may not know.
for writing, i usually just keep a diary in japanese. i've done this since like week 1 and its cool to see your progress, but it also gives you a space to review what you learned. if you learned vocabulary related to clothes, maybe take a bit of time to talk abt your outfit, etc.
speaking is hardest to practice, and my weakest point. you can find ppl on reddit who are willing to practice speaking w you, or for me, i just talk to myself. i started w something called shadowing, you just listen to someone speaking in japanese and you copy what they're saying. i think its best to do w vloggers rather than anime bc vloggers speak like. realistically where as anime is actually just as cheesy in japanese as the english dub.
japanese is super fun tho, and if you ever wanna practice we can like message in japanese if you want :D i gotta practice mine too tbh, im not actually great w generating speech/text lol
thank you for the ask!! hope you're well :))
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The thing you said about people treating autism like it’s not a disability is SO real!!! I’ve been saying this!!!
As someone who is autistic snd also has a physical disability, it is so interesting to me to see how some low support needs autistic spaces online act as if acknowledging autism is a disability is bad?. Or like. They want to acknowledge it’s a disability but then refuse to acknowledge it’s actually disabling.
Idk it’s really interesting to me to see how low support needs autism spaces are online vs how low support needs physical disability spaces are online. I think a lot of it comes from people acting as though autism is only difficult because of societal pressure to conform and social norms, and while that def makes it difficult, even if those things didn’t exist, autism would STILL be disabling. Like oh people don’t think I am awkward and rude all the time so I don’t have to mask when interacting with people? Great! I’m still going to have random meltdowns bc my body feels indescribably uncomfortable due to sensory issues and gag and throw up over bad food textures and want to cry if multiple sounds happen at once! Im still going to get overwhelmed over basic tasks and not be able to express myself properly! And idk why it is bad for me to say I would rather not experience those things!
I’ve also noticed this kind of thing creeping over into my physical disability spaces as well which is even more baffling to me but I digress.
YES THIS!!! It’s Like, great for u if u are so lightly troubled by ur autism that if the world was more accommodating u would have no disability anymore, but that I think is not the general experience with autism and u can’t act like it is 😭😭. I think part of this attitude also comes with autism being equated with queerness. Which like, yes, lots of autistic ppl r queer, but it’s become a thing where ppl r treating autism *like* it’s queerness. Which erm, obviously if the world was more accepting being queer would not be a problem, but this same logic does not apply to disabilities 😭😭. It’s genuinely extremely invalidating when the support groups for disabilities are centered around ppl who are only vaguely disabled to the point where they insist it’s not even an issue and it shouldn’t be for u either. I’ve also noticed a thing where autistic ppl with low support needs are driving the conversation over what language we should use to describe autism, which is just incredibly unhelpful on so many levels.
and, obviously I don’t think there’s anything wrong with creating a space to be proud of and accept ur autism, that’s great and nice. There’s importance in talking about joy while living disabled. The issue is when the conversation becomes “autism isn’t a disability it’s basically just my personality and being burdened by in ur life is offensive to me”. It’s honestly made me feel rlly insecure and unwelcome when I want to learn to be happy with being autistic and to accept myself, but the ppl who r driving this movement don’t have a place for me bcus their acceptance requires a lack of suffering. Like no, I am not just a special snowflake in a world that doesn’t understand me, I AM the problem, and no matter how much support and acceptance I have I will continue to be the problem bcus I am disabled and will continue to be disabled regardless of the environment I am in. And that should be ok! I think we should have spaces where we can talk about how that’s ok without the reduction of the suffering
(thank u sm for the ask anon this made me happy cuz I was worried I’d get hate for posting that 😭)
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i get ur post abt being turned off by that and i agree but i think ppl do it cause they see just the act of posting a fic as like, being confident that what ur writing is great, so then they try to play it off like that to come across as more humble/shield themselves against criticism. tho i agree it kinda makes me pause and be like well dont tell me im not gonna like it before i even read it!!! also as a sidenote i really dislike when the summary is “Lol imbad at writing summaries but i swear the fic is better than the summary haha” like dont. talk to ME in ur summary i wanna see a description or put a preview of the fic! gimme 2-3 lines from the fic that show me the tone/plot and im fine u dont have to write an elaborate summary to make me click! anyway sorry i just wanted to join in on the convo u dont have to respond if u dont want this discussion on ur blog lol just know that i see u and i agree haha
Anon yeah like that’s p much it
& i dont wanna knock other fic writers because it’s hard and it’s a very vulnerable thing to do - to write something and share it with the world is nothing to scoff at, truly
It just makes me sad because for someone to pour their heart & soul & energy into their writing, and then devalue that with a snarky “oh idek what this is it’s probably full of plot holes cause i couldn’t be assed to proofread it” is like… okay well why should I value the time you spent writing this if you don’t?
And they’re protecting their feelings, but when their fic gets little interaction/feedback they’ll learn the wrong lesson & think its not worth being sincere & putting yourself & your writin out there when the opposite is true!
Sorry this kinda got away from me but yeah
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Do you have any plans for Moth Flight in your au? I always felt like she had a lot of potential, but her super edition…. Oh it’s bad. God forbid a disabled, young, single mom try to raise children and have a job at the same time. Too bad there was no one to help her when things got stressful, like you know, her clanmates… No women should have a job and children at the same time ever again.
If it wasn’t obvious that was sarcasm, Moth Flight’s story has awful implications. But! In BB Clerics Not being allowed to have kits wasn’t a law until the Ripple Era, it used to just be a personal vow and was a bit taboo. So I’m interested in of Moth Flight still had something to do with the creation of the vow itself? And just in general if you have any plans to fix her story or if you’re just throwing the whole thing out. (Which would be completely understandable.) I just think there IS potential there in her story, especially in BB where the Clerics Vow is actually ACKNOWLEDGED to not make sense and be bad. It could be interesting for the idea to rise from such a hyper specific, awful situation. The Clans having altered her story so much over the years that it went from the truth, “the first Cleric was a young, single mother of four, trying to raise her children while morning her husband and convincing the other Clans that they needed Clerics. The odds were against her.” To the perfect, Cleric’s Vow supporting lie, “the first Cleric had kits. She was unable to balance raising them and caring for her Clanmates. She taught the Clans a valuable lesson, a Clerics first and only duty should be healing and worshiping StarClan. Kits only get in the way of that duty.”
Idk, I just feel like there’s still an interesting story to tell somewhere through all of Moth Flight’s super edition’s bs. In the hands of a better writer who doesn’t ACTUALLY believe that Moth Flight’s genuinely tragic life means that all women who have jobs can never have children or get married again.
There's HUUGE overhauls here. I spoke about it eons ago during the last wave where I was discussing my changes to BB!DOTC, but let me give you the fragments thus far.
It's VERY different. Get ready for Moth Flight to be a completely different character.
MOTH FLIGHT'S VOW
She is no longer the child of Wind Runner. In fact...
She's the daughter of Wind Runner's shitty ex, Branch
Moth's other dad is Cloud Flight (prev. Cloud Spots). Since the Great Battle, Cloud has been wandering between the 5 groups as a sort of traveling doctor. It's a lot of work, there's only him and Dapple and an overwhelming amount of cats who need his skilled paws
So Moth Flight has always been a bit detached from people. I want her to actually have ADHD this time around, instead of it vanishing when it isn't convenient.
She kind of has Military Base Kid energy, hopping place to place with unresolved mental health issues. She probably bites ppl because I love weird girls
"papas can i bring my leeches" "honey no"
Cloud really wanted to train her to be a Medic the way he is, but... she has to learn how to do it her own way.
Branch doesn't help he's a goof and mostly interested in playing games with his baby.
I want to portray Branch as someone who's flighty, not another example of "before the Tribe cats came we were uncivilized heathens without society"
I also don't like his original narrative purpose to give Wind Runner trust issues that don't matter. If she had trust issues, what exactly was all that "please let me join ur group" about??
BB!Wind Runner is a breakaway from the River Kingdom, and the leader of the loosely united Moor cats. She created the Wind Coalition and is its intense, notoriously ruthless leader
So something eventually calls Cloud to do his work for the Wind Coalition
Branch: *SWEATS*
Cloud Flight: "..............branch. what did you Do"
Branch: "youre not allowed to be mad at me"
Cloud Flight: "tell me what you did and then we'll see if im mad at you"
The take might be controversial, but I do like the way that Windstar has problems with Moth Flight for no reason. I wanted to preserve it while removing it being yet another case of motherly child neglect, and more of a case of Wind Runner holding unfair grudges. I think it's good drama
Moth Flight's love of nature, herbs, and the natural world eventually prompts her to follow a Hairstreak Butterfly to the Moonstone. It leads her through the winding tunnels, a path that only Clerics will know how to navigate in the future, to the shimmering chamber in the middle.
Through her special connection to StarClan, drawing off the early cultural view of their ancestors as nature spirits (the fact that they are star spirits is a Park Cat contribution and all 5 leaders have their lives by this point), Moth Flight is able to come into her own as a holy speaker and healer. She begins to blur the line between holiness and healing, marked by how Clanmew has only one word for both concepts.
Hairstreak Butterflies also become known as a "herald" type of butterfly. I could get into the linguistics of this, but the old Tribemew word for moth/butterfly becomes the Clanmew word for sacred butterflies.
Micah is not supremely important anymore, but he's there. He doesn't become a healer in MFV, he's just Moth's mate.
But things begin to go wrong when her kittens are born.
All four children are born with a high connection to StarClan, just like their mother.
She takes it on herself to train them, as Cloud Flight had done with her, wiser from understanding that they would learn in their own ways.
Dapple and Cloud Flight never have this connection to star spirits, and they're growing old. Cloud is ready to retire, Dapple dies in some way before she's able to train a replacement
It begins to cause panic in the groups. It was bad with only two healers, but now everything is stretched even thinner.
SkyClan, notoriously violent, is the first to make the move. Skystar was not above the practice of Kit Stealing, taking Misty's kittens and giving them to Petal Claw for her loyalty ages ago.
Kit Stealing wouldn't become common until the creation of the Law of Loyalty, which is only a few years away, but it did exist before then.
They want a Mothkin kitten.
The Wind Coalition, of course, moves to fight and protect them. They call on ThunderClan, who can usually be relied upon
ThunderClan's request... they also want a Mothkin kitten. They need doctors too.
The River Kingdom and ShadowClan are also moving to take a kitten
EVERYONE needs a doctor, and they will fight and kill to get one. They all begin to realize... if they don't separate, there will be blood. People they love will die, and they'll be ripped apart anyway
Moth Flight, seeing this, BURNING with sorrow and fury at the violence of the Clans but knowing there is no other option, tells her children to make her a promise.
"That there will be no Mothkin after you. That you will never take a mate, or give your kidnappers more children. That you will remember that they were willing to kill their own families to steal you, and that you will be loyal the pursuit of life, virtue, and your sacred ability to heal above the cruel commands of the treacherous Clans."
Having accepted this, the family calls for an end to the fighting. Each child chooses a Clan to go to, and has their name changed.
ThunderClan: Spider Flight -> Spider Flight (no change)
SkyClan: Honey Flight -> Honey Pelt
RiverClan: Bubble Flight -> Bubbling Stream
ShadowClan: Blue Flight -> Blue Whisker
They're being shuffled based on which Clan they go to because it always bothered me that their names don't match their Clans, and also Spider Paw going to RiverClan when he has a phobia of water is insulting and I said no
So, TL;DR, this is a completely different story because DOTC is the one arc that I don't value "fixing." It needs a complete overhaul, imo.
This one would take place after Thunderstar's Justice, which immediately follows the First Battle. In terms of timeline, first is Hollyleaf's Century, 30 years later BB!DOTC begins and lasts several years, a few months after the First Battle begins Thunderstar's Justice, and then Moth Flight's Vow follows a year later.
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updated these since the old ones were from 2020. not much is different, erased with white a bunch of options to make it easier to look at for me, changed some minor numbers that dont rly matter bc its not that easy to put those numbers down anyway.
some talk thats mostly about their relation to me and stuff about me instead of stuff about them below ⬇ (actually i should fill one of those out for me myself too. that could be fun)
i adjusted junis brother a bit focusing on just how hes like at the moment of having been rescued to jorvik, rather than thinking about his potential "real personality" if he was able to heal and become a more developed person instead of just full of trauma. i do want to eventually do something with the concept of what if he healed, or what if he hadnt been abandoned in pandoria to begin with? if hes intj like me (his behaviour is based on how i am when im completely broken down, which sadly has happened a lot in my life) then what would it be like to see him healthy and happy? its stuff id like to think about more eventually
also filled in that juni is enfj. back then i wasnt so sure what parts of her were different than me, over time i developed it and she really clearly became enfj. we both share high Ni aka my dominant function as intj but her dom Fe plays into the whole constantly being in contact w ppl thing - im also very caring and loyal, and i genuinely want to save everyone on earth and want everyone to be healthy and happy. i want society to be fixed (and ive got the ideas) and i want ppl to be kind and loving to each other. me and juni share that. but for me, i cant really handle talking to normies much bc their reality is just too different than mine. juni has no problem socialising with anyone, even if she ofc also has ppl shes the closest to and others who she might not get along with as much, its still easy for her bc Fe just has that harmonising feelings thing with others that i dont have (and being a dominant extrovert function, and not being ND, shes also not as exhausted by socialisation).
for me with low Fi i just dont really get much out of socialising for socialisations sake. its part of why i cant handle being on discord servers and stuff like that. i dont "vibe" with people in that way, i want to actually have interesting and intimate conversations and learn more about my friends, their backstory, their problems (can i help them?), their deep and genuine feelings (not stemming from copying others and peer pressure, group-think is extremely irrelevant to me and i dont view people differently if theyre supposedly in-group or out-group - im interested in everyone as an individual). for my whole life ive just been too different and for many reasons not been part of normie's society, so its just really alien to talk to normies. (as in, the abuse and isolation, the disability, the ptsd and depression, the queerness, and also just being intj, not really having a normal brain. i often wonder if the ppl who say bad things about mbti - besides the obvious "job and school mbti use is bad" yeah it is - have known what its like to just not be able to relate to almost anyone around you ever when it comes to personality. even online, even in a nerdy group, even in a place with ND people, even with queer people, even with disabled people, youre still different. you still cant relate. for me, finding out that im just a weird personality type was really important, and then i was able to study other ppl's personality types and now i actually get why people behave the way they do and why society functions the way it does for better or worse. which is a great thing to understand imo. the "omg mbti bad bc jobs and school and the tests are dumb" is one thing, but studying the functions and really truly diving into how other people function and how theyre different from you and how you all work and how the human history of the world has happened, is beautiful to me.)
as a low Fi person, with a focus on 1-on-1 connection rather than groups, i focus on talking intensely to the beloved weirdos on my computer, or posting my rambles and reading you guys rambles in return. u guys prob dont even realise, but for a lot of u, i remember like... u posting about ur job or school one time. what u posted about that u wanted to do or what ur upset about. i think about what ur ocs symbolise, why u write them that way, what part of ur personality and your lived experience, your feelings, makes u project this or that on characters. i think that a lot of ppl treat social media as a more shallow and "a drop in the ocean" type of thing, but for me, even ppl ive not talked to much on my dash, if youve been my mutual for some time, i think about you and remember things about you. if you post music i listen to it both to see if i might like the song but also bc im interested in what you like. i like learning things about people around me, the same way i like learning things about the world in general and spend obscene amounts of time studying and analysing the world both in its current and past. its an intj thing because its about my dominant Ni function, which loves analysing patterns and taking in information to process. but i dont mean that in a cold way, its an intimacy and friendship to me to learn things about you and understand you. not to "vibe" but to really know someone and see the puzzle pieces of their life. im very much about all the puzzle pieces that makes you You. im not saying its wrong to vibe and chill instead of analysing your mutuals like puzzles, just that this is something thats very different from how i am, and its been hard for me in life to relate to the way most people are.
idk if anyones reading this but some of you also prob noticed that i will pop out of nowhere and talk to you about some random thing you posted thats interesting to me, or send you a message of support if youre going through hard times. i remember when you posted that you were really sad and i notice that youre having a hard time when you post that youre sad again a month later. idk, its hard for me because im not always very emotional in a way that other people understand. i can come off as cold or quiet which in turn can come off as disinterested. but i just wanted to write it somewhere, to put out into the cosmos, that actually i care a lot about the little creatures on my dashboard and i hope that you notice even if my personality and behaviour is a bit different than what people are used to. people project mean things on me sometimes because im confident, for example, or because i stand up against things i think are harmful. because im not "loyal" if i tell a friend that theyre being rude, or im "rude" if im saying capitalism is bad. i can be projected as controlling (telling people "no" when theyre mean) or self-important (being confident in my skills and analysis) and other negative traits which is really unfair to do to someone just bc theyre different. to me i view everyone equally and i will tell off a friend if i have to, without meaning anything unkind by it. idk. ill stop rambling now bc its too much again (high Te will also do that) but i just have feelings and thoughts about that my beloved mutuals dont even know that theyre beloved and that my way of expressing myself is weird and its hard to live in society based around ppl who are very different than me in many ways. but learning mbti / jung functions was really great for me to feel understood and to understand others.
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hi! i'd love to get some sympathy/advice/etc from other ppl about this. so long story short my girlfriend (wonderful amazing great i am so happy with her) has a boyfriend, and i at first their rs was meant to be ephemeral, but then things changed and they realized they could make a longform commitment work out, so they tried! problem is, during the trial run, the guy realized poly wasnt working for him and he failed to communicate this well, so it caused a situation where he was very much just fishing for my partner to get in a closed rs with him. when she expressed how hurtful and wrong that was, he apologized and changed his behavior and after some more various ups and downs we've now settled into a pretty good situation where he's giving polyamory a serious try and seems sincerely committed to making it good! i trust my gf wholeheartedly and i want nothing but the best for them both, and for that brief period of time where it was ok we even had 3person dates and really special interactions, so i came to sincerely like guy a decent bit and i am cautiously but sincerely optimistic. however, by having to admit shit to himself, he's now of the mind that he'd like a much more segmented-off rs with my partner, which is fine, but also the resentment he felt towards not being able to have my gf all to himself made him lose his positive feelings towards me and now he expresses a (his words) 'goodwilled indifference' and we havent even Talked since he tried to effectively ultimatum my gf out of being poly. and that is just SO hurtful when i know i did absolutely nothing wrong to warrant the loss of what i felt was a genuinely precious and positive connection, and like, the first time ive had the chance to have a metamour! like as someone who really cares about learning how to admit fault i really cannot stress enough how much i didnt do jack shit here i was just vibing and trying to be nice and now it's just this sad thing i have to deal with. i know it has everything to do with his own preferences and insecurities and nothing to do with me, but i still feel a big child-like sense of betrayal and injustice and it makes me want to be mean and bitter and defensive ("well if you dont give a shit about me and wanna pretend i don't exist, then im gonna do the same! how do you like that, huh?" type beat). i know those feelings are to be worked with and worked through instead of acted upon, but it's still hard :-( i dont really miss *him*, really, i just miss not being in a polycule that has a member who struggles so much with polyamory. and though i trust her deeply, i am still sad and worried that this is a precarious situation that can end up hurting my partner and hampering her ability to feel free and happy in polyamory, which only adds to my mistrusting of the guy. anyone else in a similar situation, havin' to work with a poly-newbie metamour or something similar? im not crazy for getting bad vibes, despite my best hopes for them? thank you either way, i dont know enough poly people irl and ive been bursting with this shit for a bit so it helps even to just ramble it out
Yeah, I've been in similar places. Just putting the read more immediately because I don't have a good pithy introduction. But uh, TL;DRI guess? 🤷♀️: its totally fair for you to struggle with some negative feelings. But you are still in it together (even if he's pretending you don't exist) and the only way to the other side is through.
Its shitty, its exhausting, its infuriating. And it's all the more frustrating that you like... don't even WANT to be mad at him cause he DID apologize and now he IS trying to change the shitty parts, so you WANT to encourage that. Feels very
And it puts your mutual partner in the tough spot of having to balance⚖️ things between you two if he's unwilling to talk to you. And like, you're stuck waiting for him to come around, you can't even really DO anything, its all on HIM to prove he's not going to be an asshole forever.
And you kinda resent him for causing this much trouble basically all on his own! And then thinking he can still get all the good shit after stirring the pot! Like he tried to break you up and now you have to be the bigger person?? What kinda bullshit--
Fucking. Sucks.
I do have some advice, though as with most things, its not magic 🪄
🤬Be mad for a little bit! Allow yourself to feel it. You're not gonna wallow 🐖there, but let it hit you full force how much you dislike being in this bullshit situation. Maybe have a cry about it or throw some darts at his picture 🎯. Then, and only then,
Set it aside. Set the anger aside in your mind, set the situation aside in your discussions. Say "yup, sucks. Moving on..." and enjoy the good parts of your life.
As part of that, remember polyamory is a big ask for people who've never done it before. Him even just politely ignoring you is likely, in his mind, him compromising on everything he's believed in for years and the fundamentals of what his life will look like. That's a big deal. It's hard to do after there was previously a higher standard set, but try to give him some credit for that anyway. (Again. You are probably going to have to Be Mad first to be able to do this. That's okay. Don't skip ahead.)
I don't think having approximately the same attitude back is necessarily a bad strategy. Maybe don't do it with the petulance you presented in the ask 😝 but if you're able to just gently, non-judgmentally accept neutrality as a mode of operating with him... might save you a lot of trouble honestly🤷. Warmth is great and all, but I think it runs the risk of you burning out and feeling greater resentment down the line if it stays one sided (but you know yourself better than I do, so if you can handle it, power to you).
Know your feelings about this really well. Know what you're good with 👍, know what bothers you but you're willing to do for the good of the polycule😖, and know what really upsets you👎. Is this something you can make work long term? What changes would you need to have it work long term (including progress from him, accommodations from your partner, etc)?
Consider confronting him directly. You'll know better if that's actually a good idea in this situation than I will, but consider it. It may help you move past things to air your feelings, it may help him understand you better and vice versa, and it may lay the groundwork for a more functional relationship down the line. I must admit bias here. It is VERY important to me that things can be relaxed with my metas. The idea of refusing to engage with me feels like they're refusing to engage with the very concept of polyamory, and I that cannot work in my life - like, I run a poly blog you can guess how I value polyamory 😂 If you can be comfortable with something closer to parallel polyamory, this may be unnecessary.
And of course, through all of this, you have to talk to your partner. All of it. If you have a tendency to martyr yourself so as not to stress your partner out, overpower that tendency for this one. You are NOT doing your partner any favors by doing bottling it up. 🍾
For example, earlier I said your partner is going to have to balance things between you and your meta. It may be tempting to think you can spare her some of that by shrinking your feelings and needs, so maybe you'll just bite your tongue. However, she has to do the work anyway, and forcing her to work with incomplete information actually makes the balancing that much harder. While you shouldn't harp on them about it, she should know where you're at in all this. You owe your partner the ability to make informed decisions, and your happiness and ability to sustain a certain set-up is going to be an important factor to them! Tell them your misgivings, tell them if its going to take you some time to forgive him his bullshit, tell them if you are okay with something in the short term but don't know if you can spring it long term, tell them if you need a break from thinking about the whole damn situation. (And of course, as always, tell your partner when something feels good or is going well 😊)
It can be recovered. It will require patience. Hang in there. 🤗 I admire your commitment to figuring it out, and it sounds like you have a splendid partner who is just as committed to making it workable. I'm rooting for you all 💙💖🖤
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