#so am pushing myself to actually do it
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am attempting to write something again! so far we have:
and ... ! :
#perhaps maybe will delete this later#just felt like sharing for a moment in case i go to sleep tonight and never touch this doc again lol#microdosing on playing with body horror just a teensy tiny bit in that last paragraph#i dont really have a plot for this yet#but i think i might have an idea of what i want the plot to end up being ... ??? maybe#if that makes sense lol#have a whole bunch of random lines between these two parts that i hope to flesh out a bit more into something#all of those lines are inspired by songs ive been listening to#like good looking by suki waterhouse (? i think that's her name im blanking rn for some reason) and pool by samia#and the giver as well as oh no darling by sarah kinsley#anywho#shawna speaks and no one listens#hold on im thinking#oh wait another thought!#this was so much fun#really want to write again these days#so am pushing myself to actually do it#ignore all the typos and grammatical errors here pls tho#me.txt#a story about us
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couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead
#calne ca#hatsune miku#VOCALOID#cw: body horror#<- And I Fucking Mean That We Are Not Fucking Around Today#well we are. as in I drew this as a fuckaround treat for myself#but the body horror tag is the most warranted its ever been on this blog#ask to tag#I am as ever on my journey to make calne ca Worse. her OG version is too cool. even the crab ver is too cool#I need her to be worse to look at. I am also getting myself into to mood to test my hand at boarding a pmv for my friend's cover#I think my thought for this was ''I should try and give her a more insectoid bodyplan''#which in this mostly means gently three-part body and six limbs (my favourite amount of limbs to draw rn)#actually almost gave her eight but didnt like how that silhouette came out so I mermaided her uh. abdomen I guess#though maybe next time I do this I should push that idea more. the head and torso are still very distinct for one unified part#I feel like one of my old attempts was onto something with like. a more horizontal body plan... well! live and learn etc#happy late mid autumn I guess. I should play with touys about it... I miss model kits. mayhaps...
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(Basic context is that AU of Duel Desinties where the phantom impersonates Phoenix to get him found guilty of Clay's murder, I talk more under the cut abt it jkhlj)
-Basically meant to be a parallel to turnabout trump, cause if you can have ONE boss get found guilty of murder, why not a second one?
-OK basically: everything in DD happens normally until like- a day before clays murder, Phoenix gets yoinked by the phantom somehow (he is still alive, just being held captive), Phantom is still Fulbright, but they've decided to be silly goofy (target Phoenix and get him found guilty of murder, escape police custody and then murder phoenix and make it seem like Phoenix accidentally died while on the run, thats why they didn't kill phoenix right away unlike the real Fulbright) there is an imposter amo-
-I dont have the logistics as to how this affects solving Metis's murder, and how it effects what evidence is used n whatnot and turnabout for tomorrow as a whole, so im just going nuts HGJKHLJ
-Originally I was actually imagining this taking place during turnabout for tomorrow and I wanted that case to be apollo v klavier instead of phoenix and edgeworth and thats why klav is in here instead of Simon (I decided that Simon got badly injured and couldn't stand in court for the retrial, so klavier was asked to step in)
-The courtroom bombing still happens the same way it does normally, but Apollo decides to take up the case again instead of taking a leave, instead of like, you know, healing from the traumatic event that just happened, turnabout countdown still happens as well
-Apollo and Athena do not find out about the phantom's existence until well after this trial, so they have no idea that Phoenix could've possibly been replaced, though simon, after hearing about the trial, might be suspicious about whether or not that was the real Phoenix
-The Phantom had been not only keeping an eye on Simon for a while, but was also stalking Phoenix and Edgeworth after they both started looking into UR-1, so they were able to impersonate phoenix so well that not even his own daughter thought that anything was up (though while Trucy did find him a *little* bit off, but she figured that it might've been the bombing that caused him to act ever so slightly weird, so she didn't pay much mind to it until she heard about his confession in court and realized it might've been because he possibly, ya know, killed someone)
-it's pretty much just switching Athena being framed for murder with Phoenix, and instead of the trial ending on a cliffhanger, it continues on (probably with Klavier insisting on it) ending with soloman being found innocent and Phoenix being declared guilty
-There's a couple days inbetween the end of the cosmic turnabout and the start of turnabout for tomorrow, so Athena, Apollo and Trucy all get a little bit to process the fact that "oh god my boss/my dad killed someone" (simons execution date is pushed back a bit in this au) and they probably get to talk with Klavier and eventually a lil bit with Simon after he gets out
-Im not sure how it all winds down in turnabout for tomorrow (Phoenix escaping and being at large is basically the perfect cover for the phantom to resume being fulbright for that trial) but they do eventually realize that the phoenix who confessed wasn't the real one and now there's a search on going to find out where the real one is being held captive, hes fineeee just ready to take a week long nap and a good vacation (along with every other waa member)
-I dont have anything else to add on rn but if you want to add something or just throw in a scenario feel free to!! this idea has been bouncing around my head for like a month now and Im very happy to finally show yall it
#ace attorney#ace attorney dual destinies#apollo justice#athena cykes#klavier gavin#phoenix wright#copycat au#indys art#apollo faints like- 0.5 seconds after the verdict is called which is very understandable#Apollo and Athenas horrible no good very bad court trial#and klavier isn't fairing any better tbh HJGKHL#no one is doing well at all and it gets worse before it gets better hjgkhl#Im both very excited but also TERRIFED posting this#I rarely try to actually write actual serious dialogue for characters cause im not a writer-so im hoping it's like- halfway decent HGJKH#I may be anxious as hell but Im going to be very brave and post this instead of- not doing that HJGKHL#I also tried to push myself a bit with this one so I included more panels to work on and coloured it#I like how it came out though!!#I hope u enjoy <3#also if something doesn't make sense blame it on the fact that I wrote the caption and these tags at like 2:30 am
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atp i would snort reeve tuesti fic like cocaine.
if anyone knows any fics that put reeve through the blender like “Son” by She_sees_in_the_dark or “Through Another’s Eyes” by CorsairOriginal—
i need to see that man under enough pressure to make a diamond crack. For my health.
#reeve tuesti#ff7#ffvii#txt#nah if anyone’s got fic recs PLEASE slide them my way#even if you’re like ehhhhh it’s not exactly what OP was thinking#because i WAS NOT JOKING ABOUT SNORTING REEVE FIC LIKE COCAINE. ITS GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE IM CONSIDERING SYNTHESIZING MY OWN REEVE FIC#LIKE WISH DOT COM CRACK. ALIEXPRESS CRACK. THE KIND OF CRACK THAT MAKES YOU RECONSIDER YOUR LIFE CHOICES.#fluff is great and all mad respect to our confectioners in fandom#but i think i’d actually suck dick to feed the part of my brain that needs to see Reeve pushed to his limits#comedy is great too love me some comedy. but yeah i’m fiending for reeve fics and i don’t think that’s even an exaggeration.#*deep breath* SO IF ANY REEVE TUESTI FIC WRITERS ARE OUT THERE LISTENING#IVE GOT 50 BUCKS AN ENGINEERING DEGREE AND I WORK AS A FIRST RESPONDER.#hit me UP#stg ill answer any question you have abt those topics.#idk if i’ve made it clear how desperate i am for reeve fic#I’m writing some reeve fic myself but i’m not a particularly fast writer when it comes to fiction#OH#i can also draw! the pfp is my work but that was like a rly short thing#not exactly representative of my full abilities.#so if you want to see what some of my high effort work looks like hmu i do digital and traditional.#i’m dead serious abt all of the above. i’m kind of broke so i got maybe 50 $ a month to drop on this at most.#but everything else is a free resource baby.#hi you’ve made it to the end! thanks for reading my deranged tags#i’m clinically unwell about reeve tuesti.#anyways live laugh reeve!
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There are less than 600 works in The New Teen Titans category. This has to be rectified *Jack Skellington voice* immediately!
#plus i don't even know how many of them just have tntt characters/teams but don't actually take place in that time period#what are we as a fandom even doing if not writing for the new teen titans#no i can't include myself in that bc i do have 2 fics that take place in that universe so i'm safe lmao#gonna reinvent myself as a new teen titans writer#i just have to reread everything and take extensive notes about each character and event#with my penchant for procrastination--that'll only take me ohhhh who knows#maybe 2 more years lmao#no but if i pushed myself i could get it done#but i am so sleepy rn#no but we need to bring back the new teen titans vibes#without all the bats obnoxiously being there#bruce alfred and robin jason being the exceptions
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went to my first queer event (other than dyke and pride march) in like... two years? and it was SO good oh my god. it was basically a carabiner event when you could make keychains and such. and as soon as I got there, I spotted another girl who was alone, and once we realized we both came by ourselves, we sat together and yapped for the entire event :""") and we agreed to go to future events together EEEEKKKK
#we both spilled sm tea about our personal lives it was so much fun#and omg this event confirmed to me that there very much is NOT a masc shortage#there were so many of them at these events and i kept trying to play it cool but i was literally fumbling and staring sm#one of them i had briefly spoken to when selecting charms and after that through the night we'd sometimes make eye contact and smile#and then there was this one person who had like a mullet a muscle tank tattoos and they were SOOOO hot omfg#and when i went to them (bc they were in charge of hooking rings onto our charms) they nodded to the carabiner#+ i already wear and asked about one of my keychains so i gave them the backstory#and the friend i made left us to save her and i a seat#and the masc who was putting the rings on my charms told me about a keychain their friend gave them and like i was BLUSHING SO HARD#but i pushed myself to continue talking so be proud of me guys!! i asked them about how they know to work with the charms and they told me#+ about their artworks so then i asked them more questions and for them to tell me which of their pieces is their fave#and then they asked about what art EYE do and i was like omg 🥺??? little ol' me? so i told them i write and then they asked me what kind#+ of writig do i do and like HELLO FOLLOW UP QUESTIONS?? MARRY ME NOW! and they told me of a poetry event happening so i may go hehehe#they were so fine like i spotted them lifting some heavy shit near the end and i was swooning so bad#then at one point i was telling my new friend about this masc girl i used to have a crush on in hs who was lowkey my gay awakening#and ANOTHER masc near us was smiling and clearly listening like bby pls you can be my new awakening#anyways i love you lesbians i had such a good time#tho i am like so confused as to how people actually flirt and pursue someone enough in these spaces to like#+ makeout or hookup? because i could not for the life of me approach anyone i was attracted to omg i was way too shy#like idk how to actually navigate approaching someone and making a solid flirtatious move#anyways#fr3akspeaks
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"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like “Sure. :/"#i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want#but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care#i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now#i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit#i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do.#there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know#i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW.#i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends...#btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines#i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words#to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court#anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him#why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it?#they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out#way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone.#the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames?#something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey#I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now
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if your post is inviting notable amounts of people to be biphobes in the notes because they think the post was agreeing with their views, but you didn’t intend it that way, to the point where you have to go in the notes and go Hey Stop Being Biphobic, This Post Wasn’t For You, I was Complaining About People Who Use Bi Headcanons as A Stand-in for ~Real Characterization~, I Don’t Have a Problem With Bisexuals Of Course!!! Why Would You Think That. You Must Have Poor Reading Comprehension,
well. that is a moment for self reflection for that OP, ideally. (it won’t be but one can hope.)
#there is a school of ‘uhh ok so you headcanon characters as bi but do you actually explore it or use it as a stand-in for characterization’-#-thought in fandom that is pushed by ppl who probably TRULY don’t realize what they’re doing#and yet might immediately Get the problem if they saw the same logic applied to like. people casually mentioning race headcanons.#i can speak on this because my favorite bi4bi (To Me) couple (You All Know Who lol) has been analyzed to total smithereens in my brain#so i know i’m not the ‘declares them bi and does no further characterization’ sort#i am the polar opposite to a frankly unhinged degree! the amt ive mulled Those People’s characters and perceived queerness is..Abnormal.#and so im allowed to say the sort of person who does NOT do all the shit i do and ‘just’ declares an otp ~bi and into pegging~ is Also Fine#just like even though I put a lot of thought into the Implications when HCing certain characters as SAsian like myself—#—i think it’s fine if other people don’t put as much thought and are just like Ha Ha I Made Miku Indian For Funsies :)))#if a character being a minority in fanwork/headcanon is only ok if they do Enough Work on it there’s something wrong with your thinking#unless that’s also a barrier that you apply when people think of characters they like as straight
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officially told the guy that this isn’t a relationship or dating thing, and that i just want to be his friend. i don’t really know what’s going on with my sexuality but i know that i don’t want to treat him the way i have treated him, kinda like an experiment or a consolation prize in the place of of someone i actually do feel romantic desire towards. he was disappointed especially since i put it in no uncertain terms, but i can’t do anything about the way he sees me and i trust him to accept my boundaries. i’m just really glad he still wants to be my friend even without the possibility of getting to kiss or date me, because i enjoy his company and with my current lifestyle i can use all the irl friends i can get
#i’m not ruling out being bi#but i have for months now been trying so hard to force feelings for him at least that just aren’t there#i understand why i’ve pushed myself to do this given some recent experiences that made me wish i wasn’t gay#but the heart does not want what the heart does not want. and it’s not good for either of us for me to pretend i feel things i don’t#just as much as it’s difficult for me to pretend i DON’T have feelings when i do have them#one of these days it has to work. there will be someone who i want who actually wants me back#maybe a man maybe a woman#statistically fewer women are likely to want me but statistically i am way less likely to want a man than a woman#so maybe what my heart really wants is pain and rejection#who knows!
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Sometimes you'll hear people talk about how God has guided them to wherever they're at through little nudges or providential serendipity or little nudges to do or say this or that
I'm having the opposite experience, wandering into bad career moves, silly errors, inadvertent oversharing, etc., unintentionally self-sabotaging in a futile quest that can lead only to ruin despite my best, even desperate efforts to the contrary
#one pair of footprints in the sand but it's me blindly wandering off alone begging for help completely out of earshot#now the Christianese answer to this is to stop trying so hard#and just put it in God's hands#except that God isn't going to fill out these applications#nor has God led anyone to offer me a job apropos of nothing#or friendship or intimacy or love for that matter#all these things I am on my own to chase down#ironically pushing them further away with every effort#forcing me to conclude that God's plan all along was actually just isolated misery#like that cartoon of the guy begging God for a sign of what he should do and God tells him to be an accountant#except that God is telling me to stay in my hometown#bounce from dead end job to dead end job#be lonely#and submit to my family whose presence I cannot tolerate#for years people have theorized that there are some people who are created with the nature of a slave#I was created to be ground into the dirt#'Ivan what prompted all this today?'#accidentally left a reference to another job application in a cover letter#applying for jobs is a full time job#you need to give every application your full undivided attention so that ChatGPT can filter you out#except I already have a full time job#and a family that I can only describe as ASTONISHINGLY needy#of course there is no other kind#so when and where do I find the time and the ENERGY to devote to each and every job the love and care it demands?#will any of this ever return to me?#after I have poured myself out so there is nothing left#will anyone or anything pour back into me?#will I ever reap anything worthwhile?#is it worth it to be alive
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sometimes i remember the hunger games and how nobody actually paid attention to what was in those books
#americans close your eyes and ears right now#i'm well aware that my political takes are way too spicy for you all#and i really do wish my media diet didn't contain so much us-centric shit#but alas we're all suffering here#and i could say that 'oh actually it does matter who your president is for us in the world'#but it doesn't. it really fucking doesn't. that's kind of the point.#oh i'm sorry my spicy takes are already starting#anyway it is wild that you all can understand katniss assassinating coin at the end of mockingjay#but get super upsetty that chappell roan won't support your favorite presidential candidate with her full chest#like come on none of you actually thought that her using the phrase both sides meant that she was a republican or even a centrist#that's just copium#you all knew exactly what she meant#but i guess encouraging people to think critically and get involved with their local elections and politics as well is... bad now?#also... why do you all care so much about a random pop star's opinion and whether or not she dares to criticize a government#like... she's right but i'm sure 5 years from now if she survives in the limelight her edges will be completely chipped away#by all this insane reaction#and before anyone comes for me... no i'm not saying you shouldn't vote. please fucking do.#neither am i saying you shouldn't vote strategically or encourage other people to do so#but if all your energy is spent policing people who criticize your chosen party because of their own principles#then there's something seriously wrong with your politics#and all you're signalling is that you truly do not fucking care about the issues that they care about#if anything..... you RESENT them#and then the same people bring up the parable of the 'unjust man'#or how it's never the right time to talk about gun violence in your country#harm reduction is all good and based but attacking people who are leveraging their support to push your party left#is not. it's not even fucking helpful#anyway. don't base your lives and politics around pop stars.#even if they are more based than you 🤷#i think i'm done now thank you tumblr for letting me have insane rants in my tags that hopefully no one reads#idk i just find this all depressing. i wish you all cared more about the world outside of your bubble. i wish we all did - myself included.
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I want to write I want to make girls be weird about each other in MY word docs I want to have creative projects and goals againn :/
#but i am. so tired#i also don't want it to be something i'm forcing myself through because i feel like that always backfires#this year to me has really been about figuring out what is actually important to me and in what ways i can push myself to grow without#sending myself back to square one again#i can kind of feel myself gearing up to create things again and have wants and goals again but it is sooo slow#absolutely everything wipes me out mentally which i guess it always did but now i can like. comprehend it!#i know what is happening in there but i am so clumsy at working around it. i hadn't practiced that a lot before#it's taking like multiple years to recover from stuff that other people seem to recover from easily#it's sooo annoying and it's not really about feeling like i wasted my 20s anymore#i am where i am it was my life and i spent it the way i did so far. i just can't change that#it's more about like Wanting to do so many things and feeling like there is the potential for so much and feeling held back by my own self#there are so many things i want to try now that i'm doing more than bare minimum surviving and it's like i want them all at once#but i can't possibly do them all at least not yet there just is not time or energy or money to do them all right away#i have trouble prioritizing
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Oooohhh the urge to yap about my ocs and the world they live in......
#is this the product of growing up lonely with one best friend for 11 years of your life so when she wasnt in school you mae up imaginary#friends and it started off as one but then steadily increased and now your 14 with an entire kingdom with a high population of around 132#and couting because you couldnt stop making ocs based on your interests or hyperfixations or literally anything else to the point where you#could scroll on insta or tt for 5 minutes and think about your little kingdom and think of a character that would fill about 50 plot holes#and this kingdom got so out of hand in your head that you decided to make religons countries languages royal families politics new laws of#physics powers and more because one day you watched avatar the last airbender and decided people could now do water manipulation and#suddenly 50% of characters now possess some sort of magical ability and they all live in a world together that somehow retains peace and#love because the actual name of the planet they live on is peace but just in the language that you made up in your mind. just a little#reminder i started this at 6-7 years old with my gacha life phase going strong which is also how i designed each and every one of my ocs btw#going back this is originally being my imaginary friends I MYSELF AM IMPLEMENTED INTO THIS STORY as it started with my old online persona#that has now become a separate character and now I am a character inside this whole lore so every day i am always thinking about this planet#i made in my head and did i mention ive my favourite genres are action mystery and fantasy??? yeah so thats a main theme#so like theres tons of fighting and betrayal outside of the planet which dives deep into character lores and the whole story line that#this planet follows and i have separated aus of if this wasnt a peaceful planet and if there was some sort of intergalactic war because yes#i am a voltron fan where influential ocs die and thinking or writing that causes me to genuinely tear but because like ive said THESE ARE MY#IMAGINARY FRIENDS they may be imaginary but ive had them for YEARS and theyve been friends with me longer than 99% of my friends so they#mean the world to me so i tend to stray away from the war aus and push that mkre towards my other fics and headcanons thag are heartbreaking#... so anyways!!!#kadens yap session#no but srsly if i were to actually talk to people about this id be shaking in my boots i could not and itd take HOURS#its just a silly world i live in thays all :3
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I will finish this by halloween I will finish this by october 31st I will finish it I CAN!!! I CAN DO IT

#can you tell I am manifesting#I'M TRYING MY BEST I'M SORRY I'M SO SLOW 😭😭😭😭😭#the fact that this stupidly niche dumb fic will probably be longer than the other viktor fic I wrote......#saw a post that was like 'wrote this for me but you can read it too I guess'#that's so me lmfaoooo#shouldn't push myself with this one or add this much detail#because the percentage of people that will actually care about this like I do is. negative#BUT GODDAMMIT I WANT TO FEED MY DELUSIONS!!!!
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yk all that "you don't need a relationship, you need to find yourself 🙏" talk. like sometimes it makes sense to sort out some issues before having a relationship. but the issues I have I will in some way shape or form have for many years to come. and I want a relationship rn not in some hypothetical future of perfect mental health. I know not having one doesn't make me less of a person or any of that shit. it's just something I genuinely want. need to get onto that shit (going to more social gatherings)
#and sex... my therapist asked me if it's something I genuinely want or societal pressure etc#and like. yes I want that 😭 it's been so hard for me to come to terms with my desires#but. I do have them and I do want these things in real life not only in fantasies or while crying in my bed at 3 am#idk what I want to say. just that. I don't want to therapy talk myself out of my desires#(to to clarify. my therapist didn't push me in that direction or anything#he just asked a question which actually helped me make these conclusions about myself)#🕳️
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