#of course there is no other kind
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Sometimes you'll hear people talk about how God has guided them to wherever they're at through little nudges or providential serendipity or little nudges to do or say this or that
I'm having the opposite experience, wandering into bad career moves, silly errors, inadvertent oversharing, etc., unintentionally self-sabotaging in a futile quest that can lead only to ruin despite my best, even desperate efforts to the contrary
#one pair of footprints in the sand but it's me blindly wandering off alone begging for help completely out of earshot#now the Christianese answer to this is to stop trying so hard#and just put it in God's hands#except that God isn't going to fill out these applications#nor has God led anyone to offer me a job apropos of nothing#or friendship or intimacy or love for that matter#all these things I am on my own to chase down#ironically pushing them further away with every effort#forcing me to conclude that God's plan all along was actually just isolated misery#like that cartoon of the guy begging God for a sign of what he should do and God tells him to be an accountant#except that God is telling me to stay in my hometown#bounce from dead end job to dead end job#be lonely#and submit to my family whose presence I cannot tolerate#for years people have theorized that there are some people who are created with the nature of a slave#I was created to be ground into the dirt#'Ivan what prompted all this today?'#accidentally left a reference to another job application in a cover letter#applying for jobs is a full time job#you need to give every application your full undivided attention so that ChatGPT can filter you out#except I already have a full time job#and a family that I can only describe as ASTONISHINGLY needy#of course there is no other kind#so when and where do I find the time and the ENERGY to devote to each and every job the love and care it demands?#will any of this ever return to me?#after I have poured myself out so there is nothing left#will anyone or anything pour back into me?#will I ever reap anything worthwhile?#is it worth it to be alive
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the difference between till at the start of round 6 and round 7
he doesn't seem like he's trying at all during round 6, having already fully given up living after losing mizi
but in round 7, even though he's lost even more, he's clearly putting all he has left into it
and the reason for that... has to be ivan, right?
he must have recognized ivan sacrificed himself for him, so for the sake of ivan's feelings till tries his absolute best to respond to them and perform that till sings at all here is for ivan
...but at the same time ivan is what haunts him
obviously, right? there's no way watching someone you were so close to you die like that right in front of you can give you actual "strength" (and this isn't even getting into the kiss...) contrary to ivan's (clearly wrong) conviction that till doesn't care enough for him to become a trauma to him, that's exactly what happens
this inextricable mix of love and hate, hurting and healing... this is the tragedy of their relationship to the end no matter how much ivan and till care for each other, they can't ever cure each other
#ivantill#alien stage#alnst#alnst till#alnst ivan#blink gone#i thought it was kind of sad ivan only showed up so far into the vid#then i realized#his presence is right there from the start isn't it#no matter what ivantill will always be attached to each other...#they died on the same day.#ivan really did haunt till for the rest of his life!! (sobbing)#also a note on tillmizi#since mizi is what actually gives till strength at the end#(yknow. by BEING ALIVE. UNLIKE SOMEONE ELSE--#but... his love for mizi is built on this idealistic fantasy... as simple and pure as it is#he still doesn't truly /know/ mizi to the end#so of course that can't be enough either#the way alnst explores 'love' is so... so... So........
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This wine tastes like pigs blood!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#jin zixun#wei wuxian#su she#(Su She needs to have his carrie moment before he can have his Carrie Moment.#Which means he needs to exist as a punching bag before he can hit 'em with the rebound).#My first draft of this comic had WWX slurping LWJ's wine per actual scene canon#As it really is a great scene of how WWX is willing to absorb the scandal and harm that befalls others.#It had a lot less to do with it being LWJ and more so that WWX just happens to be the kind of person who refuses to turn a blind eye.#It could have been any Lan who was being pressured (inappropriately) to drink (do not pressure anyone to drink irl PLEASE).#Because this is a romance plot it of course *is* LWJ. But don't forget that in this moment they aren't on great terms.#It's not a knight in shining armor moment - it's a 'you were being treated unjustly and I have the power to absolve you from that.'#And as we are very soon about to see - WWX certainly cannot turn away from those who need aid he can provide.#And like Jin Guangyao; that kindness is also his downfall.#By the way - that you all for the amazing community commentary on the last comic. I really loved reading everyone's thoughts!#Suyao shippers...I get it now. You had me at 'wen ning and WWX parallels'. I'll be back with a treat for you soon.#And yes 'everyone' does include the ironically named tumblr user jin zixun.#Who blocked me right before the character makes his pd-mdzs debut.#I hope you are well. You seem like you were having a real bad time yesterday.
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thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:
the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)
it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.
"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)
as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.
that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.
#tl;dr the demon is a metaphor about dissociation and trauma and it's doing its job thematically fucking pitch perfectly that way the end#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#this mission is like ds9 the wire in terms of episodes you really can examine from a thousand different angles#and find something new and soulcrushingly sad every time. exactly my kind of episode in other words#whenever people say there's nothing to him but coffee and spite jokes some small part of me goes 'oh I'm so incredibly sorry!#it must be really hard and so impractical to go through life without being able to read :'( get better soon'#is that very nice of me. perhaps not. is the writing here *perfect*? of course not. but some people are also dedicated to being#wilfully blind (presumably b/c they would have preferred to see something else?? idk man)#lucanis' reaction to taash going 'I'm sorry I'm such a bad crow :'('... he could NEVER do what caterina did with him no matter what#you just can't use him like that. he needs the clean family/enemy/contract distinction or you just break him!!!#caterina literally what are you thinking. every day I ask myself this. (probably 'the only other option that keeps the seat in the family#is illario. so that's right out of course' lmao)#god forbid it happen anytime soon if it should happen b/c there's Stuff that needs working through first lol but he'd be such a soft dad
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I'm not the kind of person that's like "Here let me fix the canon" usually but like holy crap gen 5 implied a lot of messed up shit about our hero Twilight Sparkle lmao
#It almost says something about the dangers of undertakin responsabilities alone#the nuanced idea of putting heroes on a pedestal being inherently self destructive#hell its kind of funny that Sunny idolizing her is objectively wrong#her legacy was a house of cards!#but I digress#I hope this post isnt swinging a bat at a hornet's nest#but y'know#this is also related to my fics lmao#bc of course#twilight sparkle#sunset shimmer#gen 4#gen 5#pony posting#mlp gen 4#my little pony#friendship is magic#Also like. Celestia herslef regretted banishing luna#and shes happier ruling WITH a partner#meanwhile twilight is like “Ok im not even on my thirties time to undertake all of this”#bonkers! Nuts!#its almost like. entirely accurate#entirely purposefull that her rule would fail completely#Wouldn't it be fucking sick for sunset to try again#to give it another shot!!!#now that shes better#changed for the better by none other than twi#i wrote fics of this lmaooo#fanfiction#writing stuff
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Okay so another gavv ask shocking. But.
Do you think lakia thinks shomas gavv is super fucking weird since it's BRIGHT RED and sticking outwards from his stomach like some damn muzzle (also it has a face?!?!)
option #1:
option #2:
#art#kamen rider#gavv#gif warning#gifs that will scrummy down on your rock garden warning#this is body horror to lakia#anyway of course the real answer is that he simply doesn't care but where's the fun in that#and like. c'mon. you don't make fun of someone's gavv for looking weird. that's RUDE.#that said i do 100% believe that there is some kind of human-blending-in-with handbook that nyelv meticulously researched and compiled#that lakia immediately threw away because he couldn't be bothered#like. other granute are out there hacking people's youtube channels and having flourishing vtuber careers#meanwhile lakia's over here like 'i literally could not care less about what this 'ice cream cake' stuff is'#(solemnly eats a rock while staring off into the distance)
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I haven't watched this show a day in my life
#I have a vision for this show#Tommy invites Eddie with him to help him pick out a promise ring for Buck but Eddie acts super posturing a weird the entire time and Tommy#is eventually like “you wtf is up with you? I didn't know you had such string opinions on gold verse silver” and Eddie breaks and is like#“a promise ring?? I didn't know it was that serious between you two?”#“I held a funeral for a mummy for him of course its that serious. Why is that an issue are you in love with him or something?”#“Yeah actually”#“what”#and then the entire next episode is Tommy and Eddie doing elaborate wooing stunts to buck to try and win him over from the other#Buck is completely oblivious to eddies wooing because hes acting exactly the same#but now Buck is going around to the rest of the station like “Tommy is acting really weird” because Tommy doesnt do this kind of thing#but the station freaks because they think tommy is being an asshole agaib#also tommys actor is replaced with bobbys actor in a bad wig#to represent bucks daddy issues#911 abc#911 show#buddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#destiel#destiel day
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Felt a bit nostalgic watching RT shut down…Here are the og faves again for old times sake 💙
#rvb#agent washington#agent Carolina#lavernius tucker#michael j caboose#epsilon#my art rvb#ahhh a lot of feelings…of course I stepped away from rt as a company a long time ago#but RvB is special to me!! it was my first fandom experience ever#and the community here on tumblr specifically was so instrumental to me growing up#I really could not have asked for a better community of artists and writers to grow up in. I know it sounds like platitudes when I say#that everyone was super nice and talented but REALLY. People were so kind to me and somehow I became well known despite#my art and writing and me in general still being immature and hashtag cringe#I found my creative legs and#people would respond to my stuff with walls and walls of support in the tags and we would do exchanges and events every year#I made my first lyric comic and it’s still doing extremely well on YouTube even today!! my dad who passed away recently always loved it#and my favorite RvB writer came out of hibernation to write me a bunch of text wall asks about it#I’ve never had another fandom experience quite like RvB#I still keep in touch with many of my friends from that time period even though we’ve all moved on the other things#these guys will always always have a place in my heart#so long reds and blues….
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a fantastic commission from @themetalhiro of my Dungeons & Devil Fruits 5e Sniper Marksman, Vinsmoke “Starfall Gunner” Beretta!
it was an absolute treat to work with you, looking forward to the next opportunity to do so!
#one piece oc#dungeons and devil fruits#themetalhiro#other people's art#let it be known that this campaign is EXTREMELY AU mostly because our captain rolled the ‘king of the pirates’ dream#and there is no chance in davy jones’s locker of the daggertooth pirates beating the straw hats in THAT competition#so the daggertooths are basically taking the role of the straw hats in this version of the setting#there’s been a lot of development over the course of the campaign that ultimately led to her being established as a vinsmoke#most of it came about from rolling the Red Raid Suit on a loot table when we were doing a piracy#and bc gunner is the only one who doesn’t have a devil fruit she took the suit#then after she attuned to it the dm remembered that they’re genelocked#so we quickly worked something together behind the scenes#and it was decided that#1. vinsmoke sora has some distant three-eyes ancestry that judge wanted to tap into#2. lineage factor experiments to reactivate the genetic predisposition for the voice of all things resulted in the growth of a third eye#(2a. the third eye is actually attached to the same part of the three-eyed lineage factor as VOAT)#(2b. she has the pointed ears as a little treat for me personally from initial character creation)#3. because of the ‘kill on sight’ order re: three-eyes vinsmoke goji was sent away to be raised away from germa kingdom#beretta was what goji’s adoptive parents renamed her to conceal her true identity and she’s gotten attached to it#4. vinsmoke ichiji isn’t sparking red anymore now he’s sonic purple and he has thunder powers#she’s also trans and spent her timeskip training montage in kama land so iva did her a solid#pre-timeskip i had her presenting as male bc it wasn’t until i had started solidifying her character that i realized estrogen would fix her#but it’s been kind of cool how much easier she’s been to rp since her transition
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Elphaba & G(a)linda
#Wicked#the book the musical the movie - your pick#basically an amalgamation of all three and my own imagination of course#elphaba thropp#glinda upland#shiz version and then as their witches persona#there's always a few things that connect both versions in either shape or colour#and i went with pink for glinda and purple for elphaba at they're the same colour on different parts of the spectrum#elphaba uses purple to tone down the green of her skin#glinda uses pink to stand out#for elphaba i went with straighter lines and only in the adult version she allows in some green in her clothing#also i like the idea that she's wearing those kind of pants that look like a skirt but allows more movement#for glinda ... it's just over the top 😅#actually elphaba was way easier for me#glinda went though different versions#the dress too#i didn't want it to be too close to the other versions#I've read the book like twenty years ago but didn't follow the musical too closely#but I wanted to try drawing them and it was a lot of fun#(and yes glinda's book is upside down 😅
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birds all sing as if they knew
#if i had a nickel for every fan comic I’d drawn about people getting ready for a wedding I’d have two nickels#ronan lynch#adam parrish#greywarren spoilers#i mean sort of this is just thinking about the future#but wow they got engaged for real didn’t they… good for them….#gansey#richard campbell gansey iii#yes he DOES weep through the ceremony#in a way that starts out endearing and ends up a little frightening and he has to go breathe quietly in a corner somewhere after#its just. Ronan’s okay! he’s happy! Adam’s okay! he’s happy!#they’re adults and alive and getting married! thank god! oh thank god we all made it!#and of course a little in the everyone in this group of friends is a little in love with each other and now lines are more firmly drawn#high school sucked but there was something about it huh#kind of way#my art#the raven cycle#got really possessed by idea thought about it like 3 hours ago and here we are#pynch
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The Charcuterie Board, as designed by your votes! Thank you to everyone who participated; this was a fun challenge!
#charcuterie saga#The original version of this was a watercolour but unfortunately I left it behind while travelling...#Along with some of my comic pages and my scripting notes (that's why I have yet to post more pd-mdzs...I funked it up big time)#This board was made on Dec 30th and I am very thankful to the people who helped donate various components to make it possible.#I took a few variations on the composition and while this one has some flaws - I think it has the most personality!#True Charcuterie fans will look at my choices and weep but I never promised good charcuterie!!! I promised accuracy to the poll!#Some elements stand in as 'double counting' in categories. Which was a survival technique for me.#I had to learn a lot of new things to make this possible! My skills like in making the physical wooden board - not the arrangement of food!#Rosemary was hotly debated as I personally do think it counts as edible (so not a valid pick for 'decoration').#I also thought tomato sauce could count as a fruit and spread.#My cursed hand has fingerprints in other parts of this tragedy. Beware looking too closely.#Of course there is a version of reality in which I have the disposable income to buy 20+ different kinds of cheese and-#-make this baby absolutely massive. Not the reality I live in though.#What a wild experience this saga has been. So many opinions about cheese (and other foods).#EDIT: I mislabelled the Salami! There is salami on the board!!!
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It is NOOOOOOT fun coming to terms with the fact that your parents- who raised you to be compassionate and empathetic, have a strong sense of justice, and defend those who need help- are just straight-up Nazi sympathizers at this point.
They were making so much progress a while ago with becoming more open-minded and skeptical of the MAGA cult, but they started watching Fox News again before the 2024 election and it's unreal how much their sense of morality has declined since then.
I cannot fucking wait until Rupert Murdoch drops dead and his grave becomes the next gender-neutral public restroom. I hope hell is real just so he can fucking rot there. Along with Laura Ingraham, Jesse Watters, and all their godforsaken ilk.
#I'm being so serious when I say that Fox News and other right-wing media outlets are responsible for ruining millions of lives#if not billions#I will NEVER forgive or forget how they poisoned my parents against me#of course my parents and everyone else has agency but it's fucking scary how easily they're manipulated#I truly hope history will not be kind to these ghouls#rant#politics#us politics#personal
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In your Spitfire AU, since Zuko is looking after Lu Ten II, what happened to Ursa?
Zuko is slightly older in the Spitfire AU. He was banished at fifteen, his head a little clearer and denial a little weaker than in canon. After his first look through the Air Temples, Zuko decides that if he can't find a myth, he might as well search for the next best thing.
Finding Ursa isn't easy, but in time he makes it to a secluded house in a near-forgotten part of the world. His mom is there, older and stronger and alive.
But she isn't alone.
And Zuko, as it turns out, didn't keep the best company during his search.
When Ursa is discovered and her secrets are laid bare for assassins (for Ozai) to find, she begs Zuko to take his little brother and run. She'll do anything it takes to protect her children, even if that means leaving them behind to keep a target off their back. Ursa diverts attention from them and allows Lu Ten's ancestry to be kept a secret. She orders Zuko not to follow her again, and disappears.
Zuko is left with a little three-year-old brother to raise and a mother he cannot hold onto.
#dema answers#atla#spitfire#Spitfire AU#prince zuko#atla ursa#Lu Ten II#The Ursa/Hakoda parallels are going to be insane in this one I swear#It's okay tho#It's absolutely intentional#(The other option was killing her. But I happen to find family conflict and abandonment issues way more compelling to write)#Luckily Zuko isn't alone. He's a mess of course—and raising the little brother you never knew you had isn't easy.#But he has Uncle and (once those loyal to his father have been taken care of) he also has his crew.#Look three years into the future and you've got a six-year-old Spitfire running around the ship and giving Zuko early gray hair#Ursa will be reunited with them in the future. I just don't know when would that happen yet.#Probably post-war#She returns to her children only to come face to face with their overprotective found family (aka the Gaang)#Their reunion would be quite messy at first but...it'll all be okay#They all love each other deeply. And sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes there are things that you can't forgive or forget.#But Ursa did everything she did because she loved them. And Zuko knows that. Zuko understands that.#(He was forced to make the same decision in Ba Sing Se—giving yourself up and leaving the people you love behind so that they're safe)#(He understands)#But Lu Ten II doesn't#He doesn't remember Ursa. Not really. He knows of her what Zuko and Uncle tell him. But he doesn't remember ever having a mother.#(Tara is soft and warm and kind to him. She holds him and takes care of him and makes sure he's well-behaved. And he loves her.)#(Is that what makes a mother? Or is it the blood you share?)#Ursa isn't much like Tara. But she loves him dearly—there's a reason he has the name of someone who was so dear to her.#She is Lu Ten's mother. Zuko's mother. Uncle's sister.#And she isn't like Tara. But she loves him even if he can't remember her.#So maybe he can learn to love her back.
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swipes everything else off of the table to yell about diasomnia flower bookmarks
(I gave Silver one too :D)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#white rabbit festival#me: oh boy i wonder what excitement will happen in this new part#characters: now it is time to buy souvenirs :)#me: oh god#jk jk even when the filler is kind of painful i do enjoy the little character moments#like everyone screaming as loud as they can into silver's watch#deuce busting out his suzy izzard impression#SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!#and of course silver assigning flowers to the other dias and getting all sappy over lilia. god. delicious.#you don't understand this ten second long scene is everything to me#though we all know the real highlight#the knowledge that 1) deuce used to have an extremely silly edgy badass nickname#2) he almost certainly gave it to himself#3) he harassed epel's extended family to the point that they told horror stories about him and he was briefly epel's personal idol#epel: i heard he once killed three men with but a look#deuce: what no i never...i mean...ha ha sounds weird nothing a model student like me would know about#also deuce: if you fuckers don't apologize to my mom right now i'll fucking kill all of you (sees dilla) uhhh i mean#deuce: i challenge you to a children's game#black bunnies leader: (strapping on his duel disk) i accept#meanwhile silver is running full speed at a group of children screaming to them about donuts#we aren't going to talk about what ortho did with that fantasy-gregg's sausage roll#so glad that we've reached the 'what the heck is even happening' portion of the event#anyway i completely screwed up the resolution of these so here's hoping they don't look terrible!#whoops!
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love how the oc asks are mainly thirsting over nyoka, then there's some Cecil kissers (ahem) and Emilio...
I mean I love him as well, he has literally my favorite signature spell ever, but my instincts tell me not to trust that man
I feel like that’s appropriate for him also in universe.



#cozy ask#twstposting#he has a net negative of being twisted from a character who is too niche.#but also really unsympathetic to an obscene degree (even if i like the guy. i hate him but i like him but-)#(I wont get into it.)#and emi himself isnt that much better he’s kind of an ass lmfao#by design of course so im not really offended.#my art#emilio estrada alvarez#el segundo strikes again.#THANK YOU FOR LIKING HIS SIGNATURE SPELL I LIKE IT TOO#Mind tho that Emilio is more heavily a 50/50 ownership split between me and oddberry.#waaay more so than the other two guys.#(maybe its 40/60 with me having 40 idk)#But i dont think anyone really cares on the specifics of that? it gets confusing anyway.
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