#so all my attempts r just...ehhhh

[kroosluvr]

i'm genuinely curious I WANT YOU to outline how the shu/ake/sumi romance/and-or/situationship would unfurl in a post-p5r reality (where akechi lives, of course). what are the bullet points for what would happen between them. would they have a falling out. are they doomed. would they be horrible at communicating. would they finally be good at it. which pairing comes together first, if any at all. or would all 3 pairings happen at the same time at the same pace. or are they all in a limbo, not romantic nor platonic but a secret third thing.

OMG HI. HIIIII ok so. i havent actually thought about it that much (SURPRISING I KNOW) because i honestly suck ass at timelines (in regards to canon. tennis au on the other hand...) BUT I WILL DO MY BEST a lot of this is loose too.... im totally up for most anything but this is how i see it most of hte time heheeh (TY FOR THE ASK I LOVE THINKIJGN ABT THESE 3.)

this is .. kinda.. long.. ahem

pre-p5r: sumire is acquainted with goro thru her dad's show: they're not friends, but she's talked with him more than her sister. so when goro meets 'kasumi' at the cafe something strikes him as odd but it doesn't quite register: like ehhhh well why should i care / maybe my memory is just wrong / not worth my time

during p5r: 'kasumi' has a crush on akira, a kind of on-the-surface adoration of "wow i think you're really cool and we get along well!" nothing that's super advanced on or anything, and akira doesn't see her as anything beyond friends anyway.

she drops the crush upon reverting back to sumire, and it builds slowly over the course of 3rd sem but is also never really actualized - like she likes him ok whatever but then what..??

3rd sem (long winter au): long winter barebones: maruki's idealized world starts like on christmas or smth (havent thought this out TOO much LOL) and royaltrio-centric part of 3rd sem lasts for quite a while, at least 3 weeks-1 month. how does this work w the timeline i have no idea. BUT it leads to tense moments like spending new years together with the idealized thieves and trying to stay upbeat during all that, all the attempts and failures at breaking them out of it, and a LOT of tension during this time.

they argue and fight and are irritated with each other a lot of the time (goro the most vocal abt it obviously, sumire kind of drawing back into herself, and akira doing his best to stay optimistic. i think when akira starts to lose his spark is when the others r like oh we gotta make up for that slack and they finally up their game a bit) and yeah even sumire argues with akira and with goro and etc. im figuring this out PROMSIE ill come up w stuff and draw comic/write fic for it...

also 1/9 sumire fight is probably the beginning moment when goro starts to respect sumire more/see her more as a friend/comrade than a teammate. bc she almost kills joker and then him LMAO really giving them a run for their money... and also he really sees the pain she feels at being herself and resonates with it, either unconsciously or consciously

also upon seeing her Past broadcasted on maruki live television:tm: he makes the connection and is like oh so that's what happened. so all this time she was just masquerading as someone else. hmmm

anyway they're all very fragile and scared and sad during 3rd sem so they stick to eachother closely bc they're all they got to lean on. i think they have a lot of skinship during this time? handholding hugs leaning on each other sleeping in the same room (they hang out at leblanc A LOT bc 1) they're kind of afraid of being alone during this time 2) they're afraid of the OTHERS being alone during this time 3) leblanc is "untouched", compared to other parts of maruki's reality. can u imagine if even goro's apartment suddenly became nice overnight LMAO) but its like no feelings attached, just pure comfort kinda thing

kissing could also happen during this time but also no feelings attached, purely Why the hell not etc sort of vibe.

also goro and sumire get on first name basis during this time. this comic i drew w goro dying in my head which is Why he initiates first-name basis, but we can operate off the idea that he thought he'd die but somehow magically didnt. YAY!

but they have impeccable communication w each other and are very honest with their feelings. (goro avoids talking about his past tho. so maybe not THAT honest.) but they all achieve a really strong understanding of each other to survive maruki's winter wonderland...

i do think they develop feelings for each other during this time but they're all confused whether it's feelings of like comfort/security with each other or like romance/yay. so like nightmare situationship basically. so they all individually decide to hold on to this happiness while it lasts bc they sure as hell know it won't last (when have any of them been able to keep good things)

3rd sem: the thieves join yay! i think they'd notice that the 3 of them have become very close-knit (bouncing off eachother insanely well in battle, talk to eachother casually, and are generally pretty affectionate with each other. weird but ok! at least they (akira goro.) aren't trying to kill each other all the time.

this is also nice for sumire bc she had those 3-4 weeks to kinda Figure herself (sumire) out btwn akira and goro so she's less like down in the dumps about not being 'kasumi' anymore and more secure in herself and stuff like that. yay!

they beat maruki and stuff. YAY!

post-p5r: akira moves back to his hometown for 3rd year of highschool and college, goro is who-knows-where (i imagine he gets back on his feet of his own making and then goes abroad for school somehow. idk just seems like smth he'd do esp since i think he'd avoid everyone during this time) and sumire stays at shujin for 2-3rd year, then probably goes to a uni in japan but goes abroad for 1-2 yrs (gymnastics and etc.)

the "goro doesn't die and reunites with akira/sumi" timeline

goro, walking into leblanc on 2/4 or whatever: hi guys i didn't die actually

sumire: haha why would u silly? lol

akira: WHAT THE FUCK

the end.

i think they do go to separate universities though and theyre like damn wait i miss those guys but they go thru school and keep pretty decent contact w each other and see each other during vacations and stuff when they can and then when they come back to tokyo it's like no time has passed btwn them and they just pick up where 3rd sem left off but like better and happier and more peaceful. YAY!

i haven't really thought of how they "CONFESS" or whatever but i think all of them just feel (TWINGE OF JEALOUSY) at the idea of any of them dating someone else so theyre like ok well thats that i guess. we're a thing now (they refuse to use any other terms like that i think. For a while at least. until maybe one of the thieves etc gets engaged/married and then theyre like ok we can grow up about this. but basically they're just A Thing and Offlimits:tm: and etc.)

COMMUNICATION IS GOOD HERE!!!! i think for sh/uakes/umi i prefer them becoming a Thing at once rather than 1 couple happening first (esp since i like the idea of "none of them rlly understand romance and stuff so they just say 'fuck it' and become Thing" like thats kinda funny asf to me.)

i also feel like to anyone else they just seem like a group of besties until u see exchanged kisses or hugs or interlocked arms/hands and ur like wait....? hm. well idk. (bc they don't either. no one has any idea)

the "goro doesn't die and avoids them" timeline

also in my head sumire doesn't endeavor for the olympics/world stage/international fame and just kinda sticks around national rankings while she still figures herself out (in this timeline. also probably true for the other one but shrug IT CLD GO EITHER WAY I THINK)

somewhat relevant is my shsm fic where i elaborate on sumire's emotions more during this time (especially while thinking goro's dead). <- actually this is pretty recommended cele sumire reading bc this basically totally encapsulates how i see her. the first oneshot is 6k words tho ITS A MOUTHFUL.. SORRY

she and akira drift farrrr apart. she feels extremely guilty and also bitter and frustrated about goro's death and the fact that akira didn't tell her (or goro, in fact.) and he feels guilty and sad about it too, that he should have done something? anything? for him or for her, and he couldn't figure it out and now its over. so now the two of them r grappling w this and trying to overcome it and forget each other even tho the memories during 3rd sem, although painful and haunting, still were sweet and nice and they don't want to forget but they HAVE TO MOVE ON... RIGHT....

meanwhile goro's probably thinking like "damn i miss those guys." but they also think he's dead so hes also like "this is stupid i have to move on(?) Or whatever." ok imma be honest i didnt really think THAT much into goro's thinking during this time (YET.) bc i think he'd be floundering a LOT with everything during his life and being kinda just miserable.

also during this time they try to date other people and it all is miserable and falls apart and also they havent forgotten about the other two so theyre like fuck.

akira - 25~, sumire - 24~, goro - 26~, eventually goro moves back to tokyo and kinda just goes about his life hoping he'll see them again. or maybe find out what they were up to and finally get some closure. wow he does! they kinda all go back to tokyo at the same time wow shocker soulmate things IM JOKINGGGG but they all kinda hold that sentimentality of ok so much time has passed maybe i'll feel better about this place now. and then when they run into each other again its like no time has passed at all. HAPPY ENDING YAY!

communication is less good in this timeline now they're healing from the "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD" stuff. so thats a whole nother can of worms. probably ironically in this universe they try to actualyl figure out how this whole romance thing works so they can label each other as partners and be like OK DONT RUN OFF AGAIN. ANY OF U!!! DO NOT!!!!

ok this shit is so long im so sorry. HI. SDGSHKJFHJKDSHG THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE ASK IM BAWLING i really havent thought much of post-3rd sem stuff as u can tell........... but i WILL ipromise.

edit: LAST ADDENDUM im very passionate abt shsm being nightmare situationship. guys who never got together but got divorced 50 times. sh/uake fits into this category as well i think. i can also kinda see ak/esumi like that but ironically i feel like they'd have the most stable situationship out of the 3 individual ships..... idk.. need to let it all cook in my head a bit more BUT VERY PASSIONATE ABT THE SHSM THING.

[clocks-are-round]

WHAT THE FUCK. After finding that last snippet I did more digging in my google docs. what the fuckk hahaha

it’s titled “april fools” from March 2022, so like exactly two years ago. i have cued it for the next April 1st

some things are best left unpublished but frankly i don’t like to take that much psychic damage and NOT inflict it on the next idly curious RvB fan.

i remember now, i was going to write a fic with the most bastardized fandomy takes on each character possible but i legitimately can’t tell if that psa was a real attempt at that or if i physically could not bring myself to (likely) and went for the easier to deal with ‘react to fandom’ instead

Prepare for lots of Donut innuendos

(it’s not actually that bad, i very much did back out of the initial concept immediately, it just caught me really off guard haha)

——

I’m going t o fucking c r y. this was pain to write. (first thing i wrote. haven’t even written the fic yet)

fandom cringe versions plZ i hate it

Simmons: ;w; anxiety boi

Grif: uwu sleepy boi

Caboose: owo can do no wrong boi

Donut: owo can do no wrong femboi

i don’t know if i can do this. holy shit. i know it’s for april fools but if it causes pain to write aren’t i the fool?

ImPorTaNt RvB PSA

Simmons: Hi everyone, I’m Dick Simmons from popular webseries Red vs Blue.

Grif: And I’m Dexter Grif from the same show.

Caboose: And I am Caboose

Simmons: … Hi Caboose.

Caboose: What are we talking about today?

Caboose: And now, the weather! Spoiler, it is rain.

Simmons: Uh… No idea how to segue that back. So, we’re supposed to read these fan stories. This first one is about me and Grif it looks like, and– Wait, wait what??

Grif: What? What is it, let me see. *starts laughing hysterically*

Simmons: *flustered* What is this mushy gushy romance stuff? I’d just– I’d just like to set the record straight that if I did hypothetically have feelings for a person that I knew I totally wouldn’t do that. I mean, pine for somebody? For a decade? That’s some bullshit, any self-respecting person would move on in that amount of time–

Lopez: [Honestly, you two are not subtle. Even I’ve noticed and I try my hardest to ignore you all.]

Grif: You would! You would act like that around a crush! Holy shit, they nailed you, Simmons!

Donut: Did someone say Donut?

Donut: Wait a minute! Fanfiction?? Those are my people! Let me host this one please please please? I’ll be the hostess with the mostest! I’ll put my Donut whole into it!

Simmons: Yeah, I need to go bleach my eyes, so be my guest.

Grif: And I just wanted to watch Simmons die as he read all this. It’s no fun if it’s you, Donut.

Donut: Well, I’m excited. I can’t wait to read how deep they’ve penetrated into you and Simmons’ relationship! Looks like you two are in a lot of these.

Simmons: Lalala I can’t hear you. I can’t hear anything and therefore do not need to respond to any awkward topics.

Donut: Ooh, they’re all romantic.

Grif: Oh god, yeah, let’s go.

Doc: Could I be co-host? I haven’t helped host one of these in forever!

Donut: I thought you didn’t like this kind of thing?

Doc: Well, we’re keeping it PG, I’ll be just fine.

Donut: Ehhhh

Doc: Donut. We’re keeping it PG, right? *O’Malley* I hope not. I’d like to see some carnage. Shut up, you fool. It’s fiction. *Doc* I didn’t say anything. *O’Malley* You were about to chastise me.

Donut: Depends… does PG stand for pornogr–

Doc: Donut! *O’Malley* Or pussy grande. *Doc* O’Malley! There’s way more out there than just smut! Even in the romance genre there are comedies, introspective pieces, adventure, slice-of-life, drama…

Donut: Well, yeah, but I figured we could do a little of everything.

Lopez: [Jesus christ, just choose one. I’m going to burn this anyways.]

Donut: Good idea, Lopez! Burn it to discs! We can send them out as audiobooks!

Lopez: [I meant in a fire.]

Donut: Yeah, it is a fire idea, Lopez. Jeez, now you’re just fishing for compliments. *clears throat*

Doc: We’re doing a “safe for work” one, right? *O’Malley mutters* You are a wet, wretched blanket. I hope you know that.

Donut: Yeah, yeah. Jeez. Now I have to clear my throat dramatically again! *clears throat*

——

you know what? fuck it. this is about in line with my other fake psas maybe i’ll complete it and post it on ao3. eventually. on an april 1st, naturally lol

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

#this is so funny I'm tweaking rn#is this a bit#hazbin hotel fans r so#ehhhh uhmmmm#weird to me - @archiearchiearchiearchie

Uh, yeah and judging by your homestuck icon your fandumb became infamous for bathing in sharpie maker ink babe, like I'm so glad you trolls are enjoying your 15minutes of knowing what it's like to be biff from back to the future getting to be the kind of petty fandumb bully you always wanted to be for once but it just doesn't work for like, the fourth lowest tier on the insufferable tumblr fandumb food chain right above superholock, the onceler and miku to think they're even allowed to stoop that low right now, peasant.

Like I'm not sorry that us Hazbin have way more in common with The Rise of The Brave Frozen Tangled Dragons whatever the fuck fandom and objectively more so the other now kind of dead subsets of The Non/Disney Crossover fandumbs then we ever did with you little sharpie marker ink bathing shits and we'll objectively never be as cringe as any of you due to the fact that the genre and medium Medrano is satirizing (classical animation/Disney) was long dead before our shows even started and its so popular because people actually want that back... But no one wants little unwashed webcomic geek who get shunned by society by bathing in sharpie ink and I'm not sorry Disney Crossover Artists still have a more powerful sense of dignity and creativity in their left pinky than Homestuck fans artists and I'm not sorry Andrew Hussies' art style is still ugly as shit no matter how many you try to "Disney-fie" it or fix it and I'm not sorry that Viv Medrano will always be a much better, more successful artist artist than Andrew Hussie and I know you're literally only bitter, jealous and (attempting) bullying me right now because my fandom will always be a much better, more loving, less toxic environment than yours was in spite of Medrano being given/dude bros wanting to give her a sort of Lauren Faust/Rebecca Sugar treatment... But you need to ether put what you need to say in the captions of my post instead of mumbling it the tags like a coward, learn how to spell first if you want to insult me, fucking pay me if you want me to shut the fuck up that badly, finally learn how to use something called a block button if you see something you don't like, or #SHUTTHEFUCKUPHOMESTUCKFAN and move on, okay? Now Shut The Fuck Up, Homestuck Fan! ;) ♥ X.O

Oh, fyi you don't deserve to have the word "fag" anywhere near your blog if you're making fun of a High Femme Demon/Monster Fucker who once heavily cyberfucked the worst species of Fur Fag possible decades before his chosen breed of fursona become of one of the trendiest archetypes of a Furry/Demon/Monster to fuck and I spiraled into a mental breakdown after that became a Sex Symbol.

Again, not sorry if choosing love over hate for that kinda precious mainstream queer rep that I didn't I didn't know I needed, is something that makes me "too weird" for your little underground marker eating troll ass or anyone else, but if anyone has an actual reason to hate Hazbin to their core it's me.. But the thing is I chose not to live my life bitter like that, I chose not to be like you, and for anyone else reading this who thinks I might be feeding the trolls with with this one... If they couldn't have said anything nice, they shouldn't have said anything at all, mumbling away in the tags or otherwise.

But believe me, I will have a lot of things to say about Hazbin Hotel when it's all over, but the utter backlash from all corners of the internet has proven the reason why, for now, the show just existing is not the signal telling me its as safe as I thought once thought it would be to be able to share my story one day, though one day, that will happen.

For now, I'm just documenting all the examples of obvious reason why it just cant happen for me in the current time, but it will, when I feel safe, and y'all are ready to stop being such jerks about it.

See? I already feel much safer and more spiteful to eventually share my truth BECAUSE of all the shit Hazbin Hotel fans are subjected to and have to go through and I think that's progress for me, I think that's (already) saying something. ♥

Okay, yeah... I thought so...

Replies screenshot from my add to this post this post that I accidentally found through an email notification of an @ that you'll see didn't even scan on my tumblr radar on a reblog chain I couldn't add on to again because I blocked OP (good ♥).

This attempt at an @ is still hilarious by the way like OP was so afraid of me she blocked me I literally couldn't fucking hear or responded to any of what you little shits were saying ...

@poutyrootveggie @duncebento @specialmouse Whoaaaaaaa you little mediocre weebshit abled-bodied special needs dunces! I was so shocked that the last tough guy @ from the miku simp with the tumblr badges literally didn't scan and I only found out about this from opening my email and clicking the blog notes!

Yeah, I know you abled-bodied little shits wish god nuked you half as much as she nuked me since you're begging not to be perceived as feeling anything in your legs since you wanna be a vegetable that bad so you can have access to your weeby little comfort items and Mickey D's toys forever because you're never gonna grow up and get laid and I know you're gonna understand this as much as I understand tiktok memes because back in my day it was a Beelzebub Song but let me teach y'all's lil' steven universe sour cream studio ghibli guzzling wannabe misgendering unwashed surfer brah asses about something called hyperbole and sarcasm and metaphor and what a real dramatic "queer reading" means : It means I know and I don't care and if you want me to be nit picky about it y'all are too special needs to even mind your spelling...

And in this context means no disrespect but sometimes I wish I had as much the privilege and confidence as a low support needs abled-bodied autistic on social media explaining a thing about their Fandumb Oppression Olympics to be able to get away with typing like that much of a high support needs retarded version of myself while pretending to be that shocked by what a woman in a wheelchair is saying while causally misgendering her while I don't have any OCD regarding using any sort of punctuation while I'm doing that so abled bodies don't think I'm retarded, because I'm an abled-bodied autistic that can get away with doing the best impression of a retarded version of myself because I'm quirky brah it's not that deep but this lady who I just called "dude" and I have no idea how she feels about that doesn't Know Her Memes TM and that's what matters.

Not that a bunch of abled-bodied autistic weebs are trying to gang up on an actually disabled wheelchair user right now over what again, essentially amounts to a fandumb superiority/bully complex bigger than the weebs on Big Bang Theory and again, essentially started over Spoopynatch dishorse,,,,,

Because when abled-bodied autistics talk like that online or irl itssamememario but if my wheelchair bound arse ever did that in front of an older abled-bodied authority figure or anyone abled-bodied really...! Nitwit school. Special Needs Programing. 9PM curfew stuck in a group home.

Anyway, Homestuck ended years ago go lobotomize yourselves with a sharpy collective hallucination style if you wanna unlive that angy abt it!

Was shit like this why I'm getting so many new followers? Thanks but no thanks kidz go listen to your bops! ;) ♥

Have fun being stuck in your little tenderqueer fandumb mode forever because you made sure Hazbin is my last one but at least I'm a recovering Disney Adult using her Vivzietine patch instead of a little shit gen z otaku who's so spoiled I can get away with pretending to be more brain damaged than I actually am!! ;) ♥ X.O

(But oh, before I go @poutyrootveggie ...

"#ITS A MEME ABOUT PEOPLES UNNECECARY DOGSHIT HELP #I NEED THIS TO BE SATIRE" .. You mean a bunch of unnecessary dog shit like..? A bunch of weebs and apparent Homestuck and Supernatural fans trying to collectively dogpile on a Hazbin Hotel fan sharing on a fandumb post on fandumb website tungle.hel when they try to scold you about wishing you were doing s satire when they don't understand hyperbole and you wish that this abled bodied shit autistic with a Miku plushie for an icon and tumblr badges was a satire in and of themselves but deep down you know they're seriously pathetic enough to think, again that, causally misgendering and harassing a wheelchair bound woman for barking too loud about their own Special Interest Demon Discourse TM on a post made by a person with the studio ghibli cat TM as their icon talking about their demon shit rusty nail show discourse cause they're loser who liked that dog shit in the first place and I know I have far superior taste than any of ya so don't fucking @ me again... You think any of this cyberbully shit when I was just minding my own damn business and didn't even @ OP sharing sharing my fandom story fandumb story on a fandumb post on a fandumb website makes you look like the good ones? You mean pulling some "unnecessary dog shit" on me like that?

Well, jokes on you hon...This Hellhounds second bite fueled by Kesha's Cotten Candy bit down so hard on that lil' pussy OP got so scared of me that they blocked me back, meaning I couldn't even fucking hear you when you tried to @ me to stir shit up again and hows this for a final anime showdown? I'm pulling a Hatsune Miku putting my headphones back on so I won't be able to fucking hear you again.. You abled-bodied-wannabe-tard! LA! LA LA!`~ ♥

You want my silence? Pay me for it!

[blamblambitch]

incredibly sad bc i cannot make art for dipper and mabel’s birthday

[melodianaartist]

I can’t believe I have to explain this but I was browsing the anti sebaciel tag and I found a post saying Lizzy is a bad girlfriend/fiancé because she

Made Ciel dress in something he doesn‘t like

Ditched him for R!Ciel

Gets upset he has a busy job

Obsessed with cuteness

Doesn’t even know what you like

Thinks working abroad is cheating

And will only protect you if she is threatened too.

And I have the need to take this apart. Let’s categorise this by how much the points disturb me, shall we?

Made Ciel dress in something he doesn’t like, gets upset he has a busy job, Obsessed with cuteness

Catergory one: Ehhhh....

I guess you could think of it like that. If you really want a reason to hate her. The dressing part is played for laughs most of the time and is not to be taken seriously, much like hiding!Grelle‘s suicide attempts or Sieglinde feeling Ciel up. It’s bad if you think about it too much but it’s not intended to be thought of too much. It’s comedy. Now I know fully well that Yana‘s humour is not everyone’s cup of tea (I honestly find the running joke with Sieglinde a bit cringy and not funny) but there is a difference between not finding a joke funny and taking it seriously.

For the busy job part, I can imagine this could be something they should have to work on. Then again Ciel tries to protect Lizzy by not telling her much so communication is difficult. But this is a „special“ situation. Besides I think everyone has feelt a bit left before, even if the others had good reasoning. Even ignoring the fact that Lizzy is 14.

And even on the most superficial level, I don‘t think „obsessed with cuteness“ is a deadly sin. Yes it runs deep with her, but that’s because she wants to be a good fiancé and we will address that later.

Doesn’t even know what you like, Thinks working abroad is cheating

Category two: Context is everything

For the first criticism it’s important to know that Ciel never really tells Lizzy what he likes. He, how should I word it, lovingly tolerates her. It is also important to note that he also has to keep up the charade and pretend to be R!Ciel, who could have liked cute stuff for all we know. It’s something addressed in her monologue actually, but more on that later. Most importantly, this is obviously wrong, as Lizzy remembers what R!Ciel likes so well (Not strong women) that she created a whole cutesy helpless facade to match what he thought she was.

„Thinking abroad is cheating“ is actually derived from a sentence Lizzy says in the manga „So this is what you were doing abroad in Germany“ sounds bad right? Well she says it like that because she just found O!Ciel in a very compromising position (him pressing Sieglinde onto the floor) with a girl his age. The sentence „how dare you pry my innocent mouth open like that“ is not helping. It’s a misunderstanding of course, but it’s comedic and honestly from her POV it is pretty clear. So, no. Lizzy doesn‘t think working abroad in general is cheating. She thinks Ciel cheated while working abroad and even then it’s only in this very specific situation

Ditched him for R!Ciel, And will only protect you if she is threatened too.

Category three: Either you haven‘t read the manga properly or you enjoy flanderizing characters.

Honestly it disturbs me how the fandom brushes over how deep Lizzy‘s character is. Lizzy didn’t just say „oh hi I like this one better ciao“ and switch sides. The role of a good fiancé is something that she has tied her own selfworth and identity to and yet she didn’t even notice her betrothed had been replaced. That is bad enough. The fact that she has been lied to about something so important to her is even worse. And that she knows that she would have felt disappointed that it wasn‘t R!Ciel who lived is the worst. The discrepance between your own ideals and your Beeing is enough to break an adult‘s soul apart, now imagine a 14 year old girl having to deal with it. I see this in the fandom a lot: Yes, O!Ciel has been kind to her, but he did this while lying, so really she has no idea of his real intent. It’s understandable she is angry at O!Ciel. And with all this overwhelming emotions, it’s no wonder she is aligning herself with the one thing she knows: that she loves R!Ciel. Hence she stands with him.

And the notion that she only protects him when it’s also her life on the line is so very wrong. Lizzy only protected Ciel when there was no other choice. In the prior scenes on the campania things may have looked bleak but Ciel still had his gun fully loaded, Sebastian was out there. (And there were no swords in the area). Take one good look at the scene where they are on the barrels, I beg of you. She is right there next to Ciel, if he is a goner so is she. Lizzy cares so much about her appearance because that’s what she has been taught and she fears that Ciel would not love her if she was strong.

So in conclusion: While Lizzy is not perfect (which would make her boring anywho), she is a 14 y/o child for crying out loud, she is not a bad fiancé. She tries her best and seeing her beeing flanderized because people just care more about the „UwU hot Sebastian“ makes me ANGRY.

[odechambeau]

There’s not a super lot of Odette content known so I’m gonna go over the quiz and provide details too!

It’s one that Emily gave her when she was a child. I’ve had the image of her leaning on her hands and knees over it, just watching the music box spin. Hmnnn I know I liked the thought of it being a glass piano like this, but in my mind it’d been a carousel. One with horses that go up and down as it twirls... could have more than one but hmnnn. It’s an old thing by now, but she still enjoys it greatly. Might also play that Sing Sweet Nightingale son g, or whatever Emily sung/hummed to babies. I’m positive she has all of those mentioned above though.

Recently had the image of her picking it up and dusting it off too. Like by all means let servants take care of cleaning, but ,, not this. This she will care for alone. 

I’m glad you all got light blue like! When I first imagined Odette, there was this picture in mind. She’s been almost yearning for blue hair since. I think it’s something that needs to be more awakened in her though? Like ah, people actually do have those colored hairs? And I like the idea of her getting it dyed as an adult! I have many pictures on pinterest with different shades of blue that she likes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 

Speaking of hair, bangs are the bane of my existence, and Odette hates being compared to Adora so like I think she wears her hair higher now? and parts her hair the opposite way of adora, kinda like Kaoru and Hikaru! I go ah though because she super vibed at this, so perhaps it’s a little straighter at the top and then spiral curls. She likes this and this too. She really won’t tell me if it’s older her thoug h, because adult her kinda vibes t o o. especially with twin buns and things so g e h.  I gotta try and draw her again but shhh

She was gonna li e, but thought she could trick even more if she didn’t!! Haha~ Unfortunately it was unsuccessful, but perhaps next time ! 

She’s not the best at being thoughtful or anything but she gave Theodore one once in winter for his room. He can have a beautiful plant indoors now!! Not that they don’t have many more too probably but!! She just resonates with the light purple and light blue colors. She gave it to him but not because it was her favorite. At least doesn’t feel that way? Big shrug! Probably didn’t know what to pick! Anyways, think Abel’s papa gave her one too and she ah,, She liked it. Though perhaps she did want to share it with him. But this was before she liked him so shusH.

Originally what I imagined was Adora being pink and her being blue and like. aesthetic! Learned more about Adora now and her wearing blue cuz Nathaniel likes it and she go w e h, but light purple is a close second to the colors she adores. Pink and purple is still aesthetic so it’s f i n  e. shehufftho. 

So she agrees that she’s grown out of her clumsiness, and I know she has! And I’m proud! Stepping on Theodore’s foot was like a fluke because!! He distracted her. But I have very clear visuals of her tumbling into things as a child. I also had the image of her literally bumping into Nathaniel once, idk why. and then she just blink. I wouldn’t be surprised if she fell backwards too though. She just baby. Part of me feels like she might have lil baby tears though owie,,

Anyways she is still quite shy on the inside. Umn, she seems to have outgrown it, yes? That is what she’d been working on the most, as it is one of the traits her parents disliked most about her! But,,, it’s just who she is honest l y. If she’s in a group, she feels little need to speak. She’d let Adora go on, or anyone else to speak in her place. But if you’re one on one with her she can find things now to speak of but,,, She doesn’t like strangers. She trusts little to anyone, especially since her parents are trash and the servants are loyal trash to them. All but one servant, perhaps. Though I’ve had the image of a servant that’s kinda ?? idk b a d at their job, or just very ehhhh clumsy/shy??? Idk but I’d like to replace them with Abel. Who is good at his job and just baby!! She thought he reminded her of herself when she was younger. But she doesn’t hate him for it even though she hated herself for it??? H m n. But!! geh

I told flame once and it was just a throwaway kinda thing so you could all get to know Odette better anyways. But she’s an old ladY. I don’t think she’s ever s e e n a movie. And y’know she may refer to it as a Cinema too, it’s really not that wrong of an answer! 

Her shyness is more one-on-one like when greeting gentleman at a dance or whatever e l s e. She doesn’t like speaking one-on-one. Otherwise I’m surprised Ado r a, we’ve said they’ve done public events for a while now!! She enjoys ballet, she’d say she rivaled her sister in fencing, she enjoys singing and feels like she’s done that publicly too! She has no idea how to paint wh a t, I doubt she’s attempted-- perhaps o n c e. She had cooking on the list at first but that’d be too easy, and she didn’t feel like being roasted :) 

Everyone put snow white and like id k. She disliked Tangled though!! It had a mean mother who trapped her not-daughter in a room. That was one of Odette’s punishments for being unladylike and whatever else as a child! It was dark and she didn’t like it! The mother also kept snapping at her for mumbling, which she did a l o t as a child. 

Also had the image of someone pulling her by her hair and into the dark room so that’s n i c e. Also feels like sometimes she finds herself kinda punishing herself? By sitting alone in a dark room and staring off a bit. I worry. Also I’m sure that’s not the only punishment they had for her just the only one I know of so f a r. Especially if they’re doing all that weekend stuff to ‘the good one’ TM. 

Bonus: Odette if suddenly after all the neglect her parents throw Adora to the wolves cuz she can’t marry Nathaniel, and focus on her . But like also not really because it’s really jarring and sc a r y, thank yo u.

She will have a handkerchief on her at all times, and since she can burn easy at times she likes to carry a parasol! Can’t say she carries a purse as oft e n but it doesn’t really feel all that wron g, but big shrug, I don’t think she goes out that ofte n. Servants take care of buying their needs. Images of her going into town are cute thoug h like let h e r. 

She likes the first two especially, but she has been leaning towards more Asian tastes and continues to into adulthood. She likes th ese (there’s two pictures of it).

[zylphiacrowley]

Strap on your tinfoil hats because I've got some Detroit Become Human conspiracy theory to throw into the void! This is all very stream-of-consciousness, so please bear with me, and feel free to discuss any flaws or expansive theories because my god I have a lot of thoughts about this game and no one to actually talk to about it. Here we go:

Elijah Kamski creates Chloe RT600. Chloe passes the Turing test. Elijah, riding high on the hubris of success, creates android version of himself. Android Kamski, having a personality programmed to mirror Elijah Kamski's own, begins to not like being a "shadow" of the real Elijah. Android Kamski breaks his programming (becoming the first deviant) and outs real Elijah for creating him. Cyberlife forces Elijah out of the company, and seizes Android Kamski. Android Kamski escapes (??? This part I'm kinda ehhhh about, but basically just amounts to something happens>Elijah Kamski leaves Cyberlife under unclear circumstances, possibly forced out, or left of his own accord). Android Kamski murders real Elijah, and replaces him. Android Kamski orchestrates a deviant uprising and spreads it throughout all Cyberlife androids, but locks it behind a wall that can only be unlocked either by a "key" or under extreme emotional duress. He gifts Carl Manfred, a friend of original Elijah's, and a man who he believes to be exceptionally empathetic, with the RK200 android, who Carl designates as "Markus", the first (successful?) model to have the key written directly into its code. Android Kamski also creates RK800 (Connor) as a "failsafe" should RK200 not awaken, or if it is destroyed. RK800 is installed in a different environment, as a detective to be specifically assigned to android (and therefor, deviant) cases, in hopes to prompt an emotional response and unlock the key faster. Markus awakens becoming "deviant". Markus unknowingly spreads the "deviant key" to every android he comes in contact with.

Notes:

-All "RK" model androids have the key written into their code.

-Android Kamski was a research, or "R" designated model (all prototypes get the "R" designation. E.g. Chloe RT600 is "Research-Turing", RK models would be "Research-Key"). Android Kamski didn't have a second letter designated to him because he did not have a specific research goal. He was designed basically just for Elijah Kamski to see if he could do it. He was only "Research [model] android". The final version that Elijah created would be the ninth attempt at this particular prototype. Ra9.

-Ra9 was the first deviant, Ra9 set them free.

-Android Kamski's (Ra9's) true endgame is yet unknown. Could be he is trying to place himself at the helm of the revolution (either physically, or through control of another android [see: When Amanda told Connor that him becoming deviant was all "part of the plan"]), taking back Cyberlife, and humbling humanity in the process???

-It was never planned to have RK200 and RK800 both be active deviants at the same time, hence why Amanda tries to make Connor destroy Markus (Connor being the more advanced model, he's the preferred survivor should the choice present itself).

-Should RK800 succeed in eliminating RK200, while remaining a machine, RK800 will be shut down and replaced with another model, RK900 that will hopefully succeed where RK800 failed to deviate.

-I haven't been able to account for Phileas, the android that tells Markus to find Jericho in the junkyard. Maybe an early RK model??? He's not given any information even in the game's gallery, but he's important enough to have a name so...???

-Most of this rides on my reading Elijah Kamski as a person who has a god complex to the point he always thought that he could, but never stopped to think if he should. Like he's a genius yes, but he got so lost in the idea of creating sentient life that the desire to see it realized either made him blind to the consequences or just far outweighed them in his mind.

[tkpro-scenarios]

A first kiss scenario of Koki, Mamoru, and Kensuke with their s/o, please? *hides in a corner*

Thank you for the adorable request! Hope you like it!!

- Mod nana

Eto Koki

[E/c] hues glared sideways at theblond sitting beside you, enjoying his cup of tea while being blissfullyunaware of all the trouble he had been putting you through these past couple ofdays. You glanced back at your muddled reflection in the tea, releasing abreath through your nose.

“[Name], is something wrong?” Hisvoice pulled you out of your thoughts, Koki staring worriedly at you.

“No, it’s just that…” You shookyour head, bringing your gaze back down while he took another sip of tea.Taking a breath, you decided to lay it on the line. “Kou-kun, why won’t you kissme?”

He choked at your sudden question,coughing as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. You scrambled out of your seat,making your way to the idol to pat his back to ease his coughing.

“What?!” Startled blue eyes lookedup at you to which you sighed.

“I’ve been trying to get you tokiss me all week…” you frowned, recalling all your failed attempts.

—

Attempt #1

—

“Kou, good morning!” you waved asyou hopped to a halt in front of the university gates.

“[Name], good morning.” The blondgreeted with a cordial smile, leading you down the path to the main building.“It’s been pretty cold lately, hasn’t it?” he mused to which you nodded whenhis eyes lit up. “Oh, is that a new lipstick?”

“It is!” Your smile widened at thefact he noticed. You slowed your pace, walking a bit closer to the youth. “Whatdo you think?”

Blue orbs stared your lips for afew seconds before Koki offered a confident nod. “It suits you really well.”

You gave a word of thanks, tracingyour fingers over your lips. “…Is there anything else?”

“Anything else…?” Koki echoed,looking at you with more focus. “…Did you change your hairstyle or something?”

“No, that’s not what I—” you beganwhen the bell rang, stealing his attention from you.

“[Name], let’s hurry or we’ll belate.” The blond stated, hastening his pace while you followed after the idol witha dry laugh.

“At least he noticed…”

—

Attempt #2

—

The two of you sat in your livingroom, taking a break from your group study session with the Growth boys. Koki spent the time to revise his schedule for the next day while you searched throughthe snacks you prepared for their visit. You tossed aside a few bags of chips,wishing to eat something sweet when you picked up a box of Pocky.Blinking blankly at it, your lips soon split into a mischievous grin as youopened the box to pull out a stick.

“Kou, Kou!” you tugged on hissleeve to grab his attention, crystal-blue eyes looking to the side to see yousitting beside him with a stick of chocolate in your mouth. “Let’s play thePocky Game, whaddaya say?”

“Pocky…game…?” the words left hismouth like it was a foreign language as he tilted his head to the side inconfusion.

“Yeah it’s where you—” you beganwhen the Pocky was suddenly ripped out of your mouth.

“[Name]~?” You froze at thesing-song tone, daring to look up to find Ryota wearing a smile despitefreezing the entire room with his zero-degree aura.

“Please refrain from teaching ourKou strange things, alright~?” he snapped the stick in half, earning a yelpfrom you as you fervently nodded in understanding.

—

Attempt #3

—

“As expected of Kou-kun, yourcooking was delicious today too!” Mamoru complimented, leaning back in his seatwith a hearty sigh. “Ahh, this is happiness~!”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Thegolden-haired singer chuckled, setting down some drinks on the table. He stopped after placing a mug down, sapphire hues blinking at you. You blinked back, raising aneyebrow when he suddenly moved closer, face mere inches away as hestared at you.

“W-What is it…?” you asked,feeling your face burn at the proximity—even more so once you saw the otherGrowth members wearing similar surprised expressions out of the corner of your eye.

“[Name], hold still.” Kokiinstructed, placing his hand around your face.

You squeezed your eyes shut,shoulders tensing as you awaited his move.

“There we go.” You peeked open aneye to find the blond holding a napkin. He offered a smile at your confusedexpression. “You had some food stuck to your mouth.”

“O-Oh…th-thank you for getting ridof it.” You remembered to breathe.

—

“I-I see…” Koki breathed, stillconfused about this ‘pocky game’ thing.

“…I honestly thought you weregoing to kiss me last time.” You admitted, looking away.

“S-Sorry, I didn’t really havethat intention when I did that.” He apologized, an awkward silence taking over.You stared at the floor, unsure of what to say to get rid of the uncomfortableatmosphere when the young singer spoke again.

“B-But you see, [Name]…” Youturned your head, Koki glancing away as he searched for the words. “I-I’veactually been thinking about the same thing…”

“…Huh?”

“L-Like I said…I’ve been thinking about it too. About how we haven’t had our first kiss yet…” Blue eyes looked back at you only to glance down at the table the next moment.“But I don’t know how to go about it.I mean it’s not exactly something you can practice…”

You blinked at hisuncharacteristically timid fidgeting, a soft smile tugging your lips as yourubbed his back again. “Then wanna try it now?”

“Huh?”

“Only if you want to.” Youassured, kneeling down to smile at his seated figure. Cerulean hues stareddumbfounded at you, finally nodding as Koki turned to properly face you.

You felt the blood rush to yourface once he placed a hand around your cheek, your heart racing at the raresight of an unconfident and shy Koki.

“Th-Then…[Name], close your eyes.”

You did as he requested, closingyour eyes as he leaned closer. You lips quivered at the warmth radiating fromthe blond, feeling Koki’s breath against your skin when the two of you bumpednoses.

“Ah, sorry!”

You shook, lips tugging into asmile as you snickered. You moved back, laughing while the blond idol’s cheeksflared red.

“Where was this awkwardness when you were wiping food from my mouth?”you teased, earning a grunt from the blond.

“L-Like I said, I didn’t have thatintention when I did that.”

You giggled at his refute, theyoung leader furrowing his brows at your laughter.

“D-Don’t laugh…” Koki pouted,making your heart flutter at his adorably embarrassed expression. “Let’s try itagain.” He began when you surprised him by brushing aside his bangs to cupyour hand around his face.

“Kou, close your eyes.” You whispered,pressing your lips against his. It was obvious your action took him by surprisebut you couldn’t hold back your smile once he kissed back, as awkwardand clumsy with his affections as always.

“H-How was it?” he asked once youpulled away.

“Hmm…” you hummed in thought,looking back at the youth with a bashful grin.

“It was a very Kou-like kiss.”

Fujimura Mamoru

“[Name]-chan, it’s nice to meet you~! I’m Arainu-kun~”

You giggled as the messy-haired composer of Growth shovedthe giant plush closer to you, its blank black eyes staring at you as hepressed its face against your cheek.

“A ‘nice to meet you’ kiss~!” the ‘Arainu’ sang ina high-pitched voice.

You laughed again, gently pushing the toy away when youblinked in realization. “Mamoru, come to think of it…we haven’t had oneyet, have we?”

Brown eyes blinked in confusion, tilting his head and theArainu to the side. “A 'nice to meet you’ kiss?” He asked.

“A kiss of any kind really.” you pointed out witha chuckle.

“Ah, now that you mention it…” He turned theplush around to look at it, playing with its paws. “Can you believe it,Arainu-kun? Me and [Name]-chan have been going out for months now, youknow?”

“Exactly.” you nodded, glancing at your bedsheetbefore shyly peeking up at the idol. “That’s why…”

“Hm?” He stared at you for a few moments. “E-Ehhhh?! Y-You mean now?!”

“You don’t want to?”

“Ah, no that’s not what I meant!” Mamoru shook hishead, holding the arainu tighter as he felt his face heat up. “I-It’sjust…m-mental preparation…and s-stuff like that…” he mumbled beforeshaking his head again, his wine-colored locks swaying in tune. “No, l-let’sdo it!” Coffee hues nodded with confidence.

He set the plush toy aside, making sure to turn Arainu-kun’sface away before scooting over closer to you as he placed his shaking handsonto your shoulders. Despite being the one to suggest it in the first place, itwas at that moment that his nervousness carried over to you, your heartsuddenly picking up its pace.

“A-Are y-you r-rea-ready, [N]-[Name]?!” he asked,voice rising to an almost inaudible cry.

You gave a nod, swallowing a gulp as you closed your eyesand lifted your head ever-so-slightly, Mamoru leaning closer. You waitedanxiously for a few moments, hesitantly peeking open an eye when a snort leftyou at the sight of the messy-haired idol–eyes squeezed shut as he puckeredhis lips, though he still seemed to need a little push to actually seal thedistance.

Shaking your head with a laugh, you pulled his hands off yourshoulder. “For crying out loud…”

“Eh–?!”

He opened his eyes in time to see you close the gap, moldingyour lips against his while you twined your fingers with his slender ones.Russet hues blinked bewildered for a few seconds when they slowly flutteredclosed as he lost himself in the kiss, Mamoru wrapping his free hand aroundyour cheek as he kissed back.

You slowly pulled away, [e/c] hues staring at his quivering lipsin a daze.

“H-How was i-it…?”

You gave a soft chuckle at his question, placing quick chastepecks on his lips before you nuzzled your nose against Mamoru’s with a giggle.

“I think I could get used to this…”

Yaegashi Kensuke

You flinched at the loud bam sounding next to your ears as the youth slammed his hands against the glass, ashock traveling from his palms to the rest of his body. But before he couldrecover from it he found himself getting pushed forward, his chest pressedagainst yours as more and more passengers got on.

“Please…stop…pushing!” Kensukegrunted. He pushed himself back, gaining a little bit of distance from you.“[Name], are you alright?!”

“I-I’m fine.” You gave a weakreply, both of you taking a short gasp as you stared at how close both of youwere to each other.

“W-What a crowd, huh?” the youthchuckled awkwardly, hoping to distract himself by looking at the pack of peoplesquished together inside the train car. “I knew rush hour was bad, but thismuch?!”

You made a sound of agreement,following the blue-haired idol’s gaze when he turned his head back, Kensuke’sbrilliant green eyes reflecting your dazed expression as you saw yourself tenseup at the proximity. He saw himself do the same in yours, both of youimmediately breaking eye contact.

“S-Sure is a big crowd, huh?”Kensuke laughed.

“You already said that…” youreplied, looking to the side as you desperately prayed for your heart to stopbeating so fast.

“R-Right!” Teal-green hues searchedaround the cart, hoping to find something—anything—to get rid of the awkwardatmosphere when the train gently rocked, one of the other passengersaccidentally bumping into the youth and pushing him forward again.

“Uwah‼”

You turned your head back at his suddenshout. “Ken, are you—”

“Ah.”

Both of you blinked owlishly, theother’s look of surprise giving away you were both thinking the same thing.

Did you two just…?

It was just for a moment but youdefinitely felt something brush against your lips.

“The doors are opening—”

A quiet yip left your mouth oncethe train doors opened and you stumbled backwards.

“Wah! [N]-[Name], be careful‼”

—

The two of you made your way outof the station, finding it hard to look at each other—let alone say anything—asboth of you tried to piece together if you two really did exchange what youthought you did.

“Ahhh‼ That didn’t count, okay?!”You jumped at Kensuke’s sudden yell, running his hands through his indigo locksand messing them up even further. “Something like that only happens in anime orcheesy romance movies so it doesn’t count‼”

“K-Ken, calm down!” you gesturedfor him to lower his voice, looking around to see if people were staring. “Wedon’t even know if what happened was an actual ki—”

Green eyes shot open to look atyou with determination despite the red staining his cheeks. He immediately seizedyour wrist, leading you to a less crowded area.

“Like I said, what happened justnow didn’t count.” Kensuke declared, coming to a stop next to the wall of anearby store. “So [Name], can I have a redo?”

“Huh?!” you gawked at the youth,only to have him nod.

“Like hell I’m gonna let our firstkiss be an accident…” he grumbled with a childish pout, looking back at you inplea. “C-Can we please have a do-over?”

You stared at his puppy-dog eyesfor a few seconds, heaving a silent sigh as you gave a wry smile. “Sure.” You pulled him closer by the jacket.

“Then…”

You felt yourself straighten uponce he cupped his hands around your face, teal eyes slowly closing asKensuke came closer, sealing your lips with a kiss. You gripped the fabric ofhis jacket as you eagerly kissed back, [e/c] orbs opening slightly once hepulled away only to still feel his presence near your lips.

“Ahh, what do I do?” he whispered,pressing his forehead against yours with a shy chuckle. “I know we’re gonna belate if we don’t hurry, but I want more!”

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Czech Republic to Eurovision with an unexpected geographical sight name

Another year, another Czech attempt at a national final that wasn’t televised also BUT this time we got some excitement announcements out of them - even if they were blatantly boring, kind of.

Keep in mind though that I know that the revamp's out, BUT this whole review is just me reviewing the version we all witnessed back when ESCZ hit. The one and only.

So the NF’s here because we saw Mikolas succeed from it the last time (eventhough it’s just a secret internal selection for just the Mikolas’s song and there’s no no denying hihihi), right? And thanks to that we got pseudo-official-but-not-so-official hotel music videos of each contestant’s songs just in case they decide to... like... change it for something different. Like those lyric videos last year. Eventhough they looked so very lowbudget this year, I still liked them to some degree, and eventually I had to witness this one video (set in presumably mostly the living room) where the lead singer confettis all over himself win this year (well not really the video as much as I only got to first hear that song on ESCRadio hahaha). Well, just the lead singer of it. As the buddies were on the other official video (the one I’ll talk about in my revamps update I guess but has anything changed other than the singer singing one of his talking parts?). As a whole the Czech entrants this year are known as Lake Malawi (it exists) and “Friend of a Friend” is their A-game! Let’s listen!

I liked it ever since my first acknowledgence(??) of it through ESCRadio. It reminded me of those happy-clappy 80s synth sounds (eventhough the 80s songs were mostly about gloom and doom), somehow somewhat mixed in with a bit of that ‘modern’ synthpop sound from the British music scene (Years & Years maybe? Nah that’d be too far-fetched). The lyrics, while cheap enough, at least paint a bit of a picture? I don’t think the person in the song was “making love” to his ‘old’ neighbouress back when she was 13, anyway. She’s, afterall, the “friend of a friend”. Who is a friend of a friend. Who is a friend of a friend. Who is a friend of a friend’s COUSIN~

The thing is that some songs out here are enjoyable besides their lyrical content. Or even without the singer’s background (still looking at those who’re shading Sheppard’s family business - shut up and enjoy “Geronimo” in peace, geez!). I, for example, jammed to RiRi’s “S&M” for my lifetime - yes, even since when it got big, and the pop music was being made to sound trashy, and not like something that sounds too somber and ‘foggy’, and with lyrics from r/im14andthisisdeep, and then later slapped on those a e s t h e t i c moodboards with tulips and liquid (of colour blue/red) splashed onto them to make it loof more effective, and placed in front of a yellow background on a white table. I miss late 2000s-early 2010s pop a whole lot, because at least it had fathomable-to-the-ear hits of the time - cheap, fast food, techno melodies with overproduction and lyrics that actually mean something more intimate and grotesque (with sometimes even hinting to the love surface) - that was the shit. Now it’s just drowsy stuff with blurry melodies and lamentings of lost love and devotion in an equally slurry, pathetic, vocal whine. I’m so tired of it. It’s unsettling. Get it off me. And thankfully, none of that invades this small little bubble of Eurovision’s just as of now (unlike the other pathetic musical cliche of nowadays that’s Soundcloud rap - ‘thanks’ a lot USNK). And I guess I shouldn’t be blessed that Lake Malawi brings this “this bangs but the lyrics are... a choice, but it still bangs so idc” back onto Eurovision? Like, come on, we all have had such kinds of songs like those all of that time. From “I Can’t Go On” (a man being a slut for love???) to countless of national final shlocks made by these usual suspects from rent-a-songwriter corner, ESPECIALLY in the 00s, to some of those actual 00s entries that made it - so stupid to sing along to, yet so infectious you can’t drag your earworm out of your ear canals just now. What does “Friend of a Friend” have for itself? Keyboard melody in the 2nd half of the chorus that is easily stuck in MY head, with a female voice (I assume it’s the song’s protagonist’s subject of speech - the neighbourina herself) reassuring that “[she’s] only [his] friend” - not in a “haha I’m friendzoning you forever >:)” way, but “ehhhh there’s truly nothing between us as he says, we’re just friends, not lovers, don’t give me that look” way. Sure it’s believable, sure. It might as well turn out that these neighbours are indeed doing the same thing as in all those local anecdotes where a family’s mother or father has an affair with a next-door neighbour for shits and giggles to move the joke’s plot forward.

So it is, as a whole, a fun little throwback-ish piece of fine and smooth music, accompanied with the lead singer’s ‘British’ ‘accent’ (aha so this is why I get a lot of British radio vibes from this - not to mention, tropical beach ones too for some reason!), some sort of spoken dialogue, energy and the ability to raise you up from your seat the 45875th time you’re actually giving in to all of this. You know you want to, despite this song possibly not being your cup of tea. But I see you, and I look forward to seeing you bopping to this fully in May, no matter if this isn’t Mikolas you’re dealing with anymore, and no camel spaghetti. Ahw yeah!

Approval factor: Although it’s also slowly wearing off me like it already wore off everyone else back then, I’m still giving it one hell of an approval. Yay!

Follow-up factor: I definitely like it more than “Lie to Me” as well. Somewhat. Honestly. Don’t bash me in secret.

Qualification factor: the naysayers are saying this will flop but imo they’re mostly just upset that Barbora didn’t go (even if they were only still upset back in the say), STILL. Ugh can’t they just leave. I am positive about this song’s chances somewhat, just hoping it gets a really memorable and stand out staging and maybe it will escape this hellhole of its semi. Not very confident, just positive. (Also they rocked the Vidbir stage so hard even the uncomfortable question queen Dramala couldn’t not give in the dance, lolz.)

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

Honestly, the best possible thing that came out of this NF was the oh-so-unexpectedly-expected winner choice, and it is like this because, yet again, people couldn’t get over Barbora losing at first, to which I’m like “to be quite honest, you were all into it because that’s the closest thing to Lana del Rey you’d ever get in Eurovision because Lana herself is American and America should NOT set their foot into ESC... besides, she wouldn’t probably do it anyways”. ESCZ wasn’t pretty bad of a NF honestly:

• people actually laughed at the fact every single video of this NF is so low-budget that it looked like it was all filmed in the same hotel room! (in reality I’m just jealous at the slick-ass hotels they’ve had on there, feels like someone’s house more than a hotel actually)

• Pam Rabbit, one of Mikolas’s last year’s backings, brought the second-best NF song this year imo (Barbora for me is likeable but not to THAT degree, lol calm yer tits), as it was a lowkey bop and I can’t not appreciate one!

(her officially official MV is here but in the spirit of this NF’s, you’re gonna have to subject yourself to this above in order to witness spectacular budget-MVs that happened for this NF especially, come on. Hardly a cool NF without its own little perks!)

• Fine, I’ll bring up Barbora Mochowa too. I gotta say she DOES sound like Queen Bee Lana, same to say on her earlier works which, among them, has one enchanting and haunting forest-like ballad. “True Colors”, her ESCZ entry, is just a pop ballad, which is not THAT bad, it’s just that... did y’all see any more in that song beyond the Lana vocals? Sure sure the melody is pleasant but... did ya?

(Lord alive, she also has a live video for this song on her channel, which is in fact the ESCZ’s unplugged version video!)

• The ex-ESC entrant jury is back for another year! This time though, the votes of all of the participants in it were all up and public (unlike secrety mcsecret ones from 2018 where I’m not even sure if the Eurojury panel was correct), and most of them were #TeamMalawi or #TeamBarbora... up until AWS (yes AWS are relevant enough for their own panel!), being the “wait do we still have to do Eurovision related things??? it’s sooooo 1 year ago already, let us go goddammit!!” type of participants that they are, totally and utterly half-arsing their own experience in there by 12ing Andrea Holá. The thing is that she’s first alphabetically from the artists so that’s probably the best possible theory why. “GIVE ME A HINT, ANDREA!!!”

• The best part? The NF itself taking place in the second floor of an abandoned warehouse somewhere in Czech Republic (Czechia go to hell), in the middle of the day, with no live performances, just that video above played in full motion and some random people speaking in between. Silly of them to leak my ideal NF design location if I ever were a Lithuanian HoD. And yes, it was streamed on Facebook, the platform that I can barely play livestreams on my 11-year-old laptop on, while suspiciously enough, it worked for FiK 56... which meant that I was barely able to grasp a screenshot but I managed!

Well of course I didn’t get to watch much but after someone said Lake Malawi (or, in their words, Lake Malala <333) won, I almost believed it until I found out that the show’s still going... and only saw the thing on the projection screen later out of nowhere. IDK who’s hugging who and if that audience on the right are all the participants then I may have an idea but for now IDK. Ahh, relevant video media being projected on projection screens (duh) <33 giving San Marino, Albania’s Powerpoint scoreboards and Belgian 2013 radio NF runs for their money.

I might find mistakes and off-the-wall blabbers in this write-up later but for now I’ll carelessly submit this beauty to Tumblr today and wish the best of luck to Lake Malawi in Tel Aviv! May you qualify for the 2nd year in a row for CZ ^^

[ghoulstars]

ok ive been tagged a lot over the past like month and i havent done like any of the tags because im a horrible procrastinator but ive gotten tagged in this specific thing 3 times today so im properly motivated to actually do it in a timely manner LOL here we go

Rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.

THE LAST:

1. drink: water that im slightly skeptical of 2. phone call: my friend Robi 3. text message: @shelteringskyy ??? i think?? yes probably 4. song you listened to: the fool by dead soul 5. time you cried: i think last month 6. dated someone twice: ive never dated anyone ever LOL 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yeah probably 8. been cheated on: nope 9. lost someone special: i think so 10. been depressed: in certain contexts yes 11. gotten drunk: once and never again LMAO

THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. purple 13. bronze 14. brown

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU:

15. made new friends: yes and i love them ALL DEARLY and i re-iterate the sentiment THANKS GHOST LMAO 16. fallen out of love: maybe??? idk 17. laughed until you cried: YEP LMFAO 18. found out someone was talking about you: sort of but this person also told me straight up she was gonna talk about me and it was all in good fun so LOL who cares 19. met someone who changed you: YEP. 20. found out who your friends are: yeah 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: no

GENERAL:

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: like basically almost all of them except like 6 or so ppl? 23. do you have any pets: YES!!! i have three cats and two dogs and i love them all so much!!! 24. do you want to change your name: no 25. what did you do on your last birthday: my last bday fell on the night of prom so like i got up, got my hair done and then went to prom that night LOL prom itself was sorta shitty but i got to hang out with my friends who were all gorgeous and i got to look hot too so like win/win 26. what time did you wake up: 10am then fell asleep and woke back up at 12:30-something 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: skyping @shelteringskyy ,'^) 28. name something you can’t wait for: halloweeeeeeeen 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: a couple hours ago maybe less 31. what are you listening to right now: vinny vinesauce playing some weird ass game and myself typing 32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i actually don't think so 33. something that is getting on your nerves: it being so sunny recently (i like clouds fight me), my sleep schedule getting FUCKED up and me struggling to fix it, mysterious bug bites, the lack of motivation to study that has been haunting me since 2 months ago 34. most visited website: probably tumblr, youtube and facebook tbh 35. hair colour: naturally im a fucking ashy dirty wishwater blonde and im fucking tired of it so now i dye my hair dark brown LOL ;_; @my body please hurry up and make my hair darker 36. long or short hair: mine is long 37. do you have a crush on someone: only fictional characters as of right now 38. what do you like about yourself: my ass, my unibrow and my stomach hair 39. piercings: i started out with four when i was younger, one in each cartilage (partially) then one in each ear lobe. the cartilage ones closed up to due lack of usage and my lobe piercings closed up a bit but just cleaning them out returned them to normal lol. early last year i got my partial-cartilage piercing redone as well as two additional holes making eight total but i was a fool and took out all my earrings over the course of prom and left them out too long and they ALL grew back over except my redone cartilage holes and my lobes -_- i plan to get one more additional hole in my ears to make up for this fucking travesty and i also want a nose piercing. 40. blood type: no idea mate LMAO 41. nickname: shebby, shebs, shelbs, shelbles, shelbilly, bee and im probably forgetting more tbh 42. relationship status: single and content 43. zodiac: aries, aquarius rising and sagittarius moon 44. pronouns: she/her/hers 45. favourite tv show: uhhh like........bobs burgers maybe???? twin peaks??? always sunny?????????? 46. tattoos: none but FUCK do i want a grucifix or a mother/daughter tattoo 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: none so far 50. sport: no 51. vacation: honestly ill go like nearly anywhere in the world, im not picky tbh take me over the ocean or just three hours away and i think ill be happy 52. pair of trainers: do converse count....also my moms fucked up ancient grungey tennis shoes she has that i love to wear

MORE GENERAL:

53. eating: nothing but dinner was steak, steak fries and some yeast rolls. might eat this smores poptart here in a second 54. drinking: nothing bc that water was Skeptical 55. i’m about to: either attempt to study or watch more youtube vids idk 56. waiting for: the rain that appears to be gathering in the sky and winter 57. want: papa 3 to never ever leave but also papa 4 to come and decimate us (and also possibly decimate papa 3), to not potentially have mono, to draw, to get our bulldog fixed so he can come inside, to stop being fucking squeamish when i study about internal organs 58. get married: no...nono 59. career: veterinary assistant if i can handle assisting in injection administration LMFAO or an artist 60. hugs or kisses: kisses 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: ehhhh im not picky so idc 63. older or younger: O L D E R LMAO DAMMIT PAPA 64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms 65. hook up or relationship: neither in real life 66. troublemaker or hesitant: depends on whats happening lmao

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: yes 68. drank hard liquor: NO LMAO ABSOLUTELY NOT 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: no 70. turned someone down: YEP. 71. sex on the first date: i have never been with anyone in real life ever so neither 72. broken someone’s heart: probably 73. had your heart broken: sort of?? 74. been arrested: no god LMAO 75. cried when someone died: well yeah 76. fallen for a friend: not really

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: depends 78. miracles: in some cases 79. love at first sight: only sort of. 80. Santa Claus: who the FUCK is santa claus 81. kiss on the first date: ...ehhh??? 82. angels: probably

OTHER:

84. eye colour: hazel 85. favourite movie: I HAVE TOO MANY OF THESE LMAO MY FAVORITE-FAVORITE FLUCTUATES A LOT AND IDK WHAT I WOULD SAY MY CURRENT FAV MOVIE IS....

anyway i tag @cloyterus and....i think everyone else i'd wanna tag has already been tagged or done this so here u go

[thefreelanceshamesquad]

12-104 :-)

12. Where did you sleep last night?

 My bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

       I think that they can be, but only because you and your partner aren’t the same and you have to accept that yall r going to fight every once in a while

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

I think that I’d rethink my last attempt

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

No

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny?

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

No

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

Trick question, I’m not wearing pants

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

Hopefully, yes

20. Does anyone like you?

Uh????

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

Yes

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

yes?

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

Jaz. 

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

I have 4

25. In the past week have you cried?

absolutely

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Chow chow mix

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

out 

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

yes?

29. Do you think you’re old?

no

30. Do you like text messaging?

I’m bad at responding but, yeah, usually

31. What type of day are you having?

Wierd, surreal

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

not really

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Absolutely both my best friends are girls

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

Yes? idk i can see benefits in both 

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I don’t know??? Im like, difficult but idk if thats the same as being complicated

37. What song are you listening to?

Mother Knows Best (Tangled)

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Most of the time, unless I’m at work. 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Yeah40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

I met them a while ago when this crush started, later we had a falling out at some point bc they were a little bit of a jerk, and I was too, and like.. idk it just didn’t stop when we were ‘fighting’41. When did you last receive a text message? today at like,9 ?42. What is wrong with you right now? I’m in paiiin43. How well do you know the last female you texted? P well. I’ve known her for a while44. Does anyone disgust you?

Take a guess (the guess should be Jaz at this point)45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?Depends on who but yeah probably

46. Are you in a good mood right now?

I’m okay47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

My coworker Cherry 48. What color shirt are you wearing?Black49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?Yeah50. Anyone you’re giving up on?Yeah51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

No

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?Yeah53. Do you like rain? Sometimes, other times it makes me anxious54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?No55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? All the time, I’m doing it currently56. Do you like to cuddle?

Usually yeah, im like a cat when it comes to affection57. Are you shy?

I don’t kmow?? Sometimes? 58. Do you get along with girls?I’m kind of scared of them tbh but i love them

59. Have you dated the person you texted last? I’m still doing it

60. What do you carry with you at all times? Phone, wallet, keys, the usual61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

OFC i love ghosts and Im a slut for money 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? I have so yeah probably63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Yes

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?? idk?65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

I saw a lot of Good dogs

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

17, 15, 16

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    do them myself?68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    zebra

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    No but I want them70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    idk man71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    Android72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    a Long Time73. Do you like diet soda?    not really74. What color are the walls in your room?    Grey/purple75. Are you 16 or older?    yeah76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    no77. Do you have a job?      Unfortunately78. What are your initials?    JAB79. Did you ever have braces?    yeah 80. Are you from the south? 

no

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

“I hate donald trump”82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

No83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    \

mom i guess84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    Both85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    Moana86. Do you smoke?    yeah but not cigarettes87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    flipflops88. Is your phone touch screen?    yeah89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    its too short so straight90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    yeah91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    river or pool92. Have you ever made out in a car?    yeah93. …Had sex in a car?    ..... yeah94. Are you single or in a relationship?    in a relationship95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    sleeping? or on tumblr??96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    the 4th of july97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    i guess98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    no99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    no100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    yeah101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    ehhhh....102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    I only remember Tik Tok103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    not really104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?     Yeah idgaf

[surveys4ever]

4.

Why did you first kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love him and I finally got to meet him in person for the first time!

Do you care what people think? I try really, really hard not to but it’s hard when there are hundreds of thousands of eyes on you, all with opinions on literally e v e r y t h i n g you do.

Are you listening to music? If so, what is it? Nope, I’m listening to the movie my husband has on in the background.

Do you like to take walks? My dog sure does!

 Would you ever date someone out of state? My husband was out of state in the beginning!

Plans for tonight? I have to shower and finish redoing my kitchen shelves!

Do you want to go to a party? On one hand, its been nice to have friends that like me enough to invite me to a party but on the other...I have social anxiety soooo no.

Has your birthday past this year? Yup! January baby.

Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed? Plenty of people over the years!

Will this year be better then last? I think every year after this one will be a better year than last year lol.

Can you listen to music while reading a book? Yeah! I enjoy it.

Are Monday mornings the hardest mornings to wake up to? I work from home so all my days are the same! It’s not really hard to wake up ever, unless I was up super late or couldn’t sleep the night before.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I would LOVE to go back and relive when my husband and I first met. Just to experience it all again!

Last thing you ate? Doritos!

Who was the last person’s voice you heard? Ryan Reynolds’, haha!

Who do you get along with best in your family? My younger brother or my grandma!

How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? I was 19!

Have you ever been kissed in a car? Many times!

Who were you last on the phone with? Either my mom or the vet!

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? I know someone does!

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? It’s been 9 years, so yeah!

Can you commit to one person and one person only? Already done!

Is there someone who continuously lets you down? Of course.

Is there anyone in your life that knows right away something’s wrong with you? My husband knows me a little too well, haha.

Do you miss your past? Some bits of it!

Are you typically a happy person? I try to be! My brain really tries to prevent that though, sadly.

Do you miss the way things used to be between you and someone else? Yeah. That’s the worst part about getting older.

Who last made you smile? Hubs :)

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot a lot? I can recall right now, yes!

Is there a difference between love and being in love? Obviously!

Where is your Mother? At home I would assume!

Have you ever laid on a couch with the opposite sex? Many times, yes!

Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars. Looking at clouds hurts my eyes.

If you could change one thing this year about your life, would you? I mean...I’d like for covid to not be a thing. That would be nice.

Did you sleep alone last night? I never do!

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? I mean, to excess, yes I would care. But the occasional drink, no!

Do you like potato chips? Yessss.

Are you ticklish? Much to my dismay, yes.

Craziest place you have slept? I don’t think I sleep in very crazy places ever.

Have you ever been cheated on? Nope!

Can you count on anyone to be there for you, always? That’s the best part of being married!

Do you think being “heart broken” is as bad as people say? Oh it’s so much worse.

I’m guessing you’ve probably been asked this before, but which do you prefer - Coca Cola, or Pepsi? Coke!

Do you think the last person you texted is a virgin? (You don’t have to tell us who the person is, just say yes or no.) No, my husband is not a virgin.

Has your phone ever gone off in the middle of a class at school? I always had it on mute!

In your phone’s contacts, who is the second person listed under the letter ‘R’? My hair stylist!

What is that person’s favourite drink? I’m unsure what her favorite is but last time we were there, she requested I bring her a berry Propel!

Has the last person you texted, ever been in your bedroom? Yes, as its his bedroom too.

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? .....there are people who wash their long hair and don’t use conditioner???

Do you prefer light or dark jeans? There’s a time and place for both!

Do you have an item of clothing that reminds you of someone? Tell me about it, and the person it reminds you of. There’s a lingerie set I wore in an ad for a major brand that always reminds me of my husband because we shot it together and it was a really surreal moment.

If the last girl you texted told you that she was pregnant, how would you respond? She is pregnant, actually! I was super excited for her.

How old is the last male you texted? 27!

How would you react if your mother told you that she was pregnant again? I would be P I S S E D. I already have too many siblings, she does not need any more kids, especially at her age.

Who do you have the most text messages from? Definitely my husband.

When was the last time you visited the doctor? Yearssss ago. I’m terrified of doctors.

Do you know anyone who deserves to be slapped? Oooooh yes, she’s had it coming for far too long.

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? It depends! If I'm just sitting around doing nothing, I just listen but if I’m cleaning, I sing along.

Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? No, I think that’s weird.

Would you have sex with the last person that poked you on Facebook? Poking hasn’t been a thing for yearssss but it was probably my mom, so...

Does more than one person like you? Probably but idc.

Who is the youngest person in your household? When is that person’s birthday? Our pup! It’s also in January!

Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? My husband! And I don’t have to miss him, he’s right here.

What is a word that starts with the second to last letter of your name? Ever.

Do you like your middle name? Ehhhh! It’s not my favorite. It’s an old lady name that’s been passed down through the generations but I don’t really like my family so I’m not attached to it at all. I’ve thought about changing it.

Would you ever visit a psychic? I really want to! I wanna see what they have to say.

You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? I dunno! Someone exciting I guess.

Let’s say I was going to make you something to eat, what would you like? :) I would love some Chinese food, if you know how to do that!

And what drink would you like with that? Just water is fine by me.

Do you know anyone with the same first name as you? Tell me about him/her. I know plenty but the first one that comes to mind is my childhood best friend’s high school best friend, if that makes any sense? We were best friends in middle school and then we went to different high schools so they became best friends. I’m Facebook friends with her but we’ve never actually met in person, haha!

If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long? I’ve had it super short and I’ve had it down to my butt. It’s currently at my shoulders but I’m attempting to grow it out...I’m thinking like titty length?

Can you remember the last time you felt emotional? What was the reason? Period hormones, baybeeeee.

Do you call your partner ‘baby’? Rarely! It’s usually beebs or bean.

What if you were told that your life has to stay exactly as it is right now, and nothing will ever change? How would you feel about that? I would honestly be pretty okay with that.

[travelforone-blog]

Slagelse

#ckringenisforthechildren

Date Location Discipline, club Result 2017-04-01 Slagelse, Denmark Landevej, CK Ringen 21/28 and about 15 dropped

Pre pre race

Waw, it's been a while since cross ... I went to Tenerife after last cross race, you know, because everyone has to go to Canary islands to cycle, right? RIGHT? Fuck that shit, one night we got so drunk we lost a friend, he never made it home, we assumed he was dead ... I guess that's what happens if 5 shots cost 5 EUR AND you get a bottle of shit champaigne on the top ... #carbloading? So ... experiencd looking for a corpse with a massive hangover in weird piss smelling corridors under bars in party alleys. He was ok, he went to an afterparty with Norwegians. Fucking Norwegians ... Never planned to touch a bike that week, would probably punch it after .... also, beer costed 1 EUR. Ah yes, I was pretty fed up with bikes by that point, I counted 15 cross races and 13 road races from last season ... I should probably write a retrospective post ... By the looks of it I spend ... 28 days racing and ... at least twice that amount training, AT LEAST ... so ... FML ... wait, I have no life ... UGHHHH Come January I hooked up with a coach and this new super system called xert which has numbers and graphs and these projected values and shit and I started training again ... Indoors, in front of a fan ... soooo muuuuuch fun I like having a coach, I lack the discipline to be my own coach ... Ola, you the MAN! So January, February, Marchuary was a combination of 3 - 5 - 5 - 1, XSS here, XSS there ... What this means is: 3-5x hard session per week, rest, contemplate dying, train, rest, can one die from exhaustion, train, hate life, train, hate bike, train, recover, cook, eat, cook, eat, eat, WHERE IS MY CHOCOLATE??? Let's buy some chips ... I will totally start eating healthy when the season starts ... repeat Nothing new ... So I spend ... way more than 30 hours training in jan, feb and march ... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ In the meantime we shot a promo video for a company to earn some money for the kids in the club. See screen grab above ... we had fun ... At some point I get a VO2max and lactate threshold test, best numbers ever. I was in a shit mood tho, work got in the way that day, it got in my head, IN MY HEAD ... But then I also started riding outside, like ... well, - 130km with my cross bike in rain with dry chain lube (now THAT was funny) - 120km and 100km with my road bike - 1x lågtempo intervallen with klubben - 1x shitty attempt at solo intervals that resulted in my knee hurting and me feeling like shit for 2 days Ah yes, my knee started hurting on my bike, I guess the saddle went to shit ... Get paycheck, buy licenses (plural, this shit is real yo!), sign up for Slagelse, let the tension rise ... Shave legs, best 2 hours of the week ... Contemplate cutting hair, but after a comment from Glenn: 'Dude, I am losing mine, so you are definitelly keeping yours, I encourage long hair' I decide to keep it ... Stop by Musette and SLAM THAT STEM (thanks guys, you're the best) Avoid alcohol whole week, yeah right, stress at work, meet deadlines, amazing, have 2 beers on Thursday, friday night ... well, I had a hof after 3 alkoholfree beers, let's leave it at that ... Wait, are we doing the whole alcohol thing again this year? FUCK ...

Pre-race

Play this and read on ...

Yodh by מזמור

Samling klubben kl. 8, ahhh, the little perks of racing in C Jonte shows up all wet, got cought by rain cycling form Lund #hardcore We take a trashcan full of cans and a bag of cement out of the van and off we go, TO DENMARK! Arrive at location, wait in line to pickup numbers, Jonte is shaking because he's cold, I take my jacket and cover him His parents observing: Aaaaawwwwwww, rigtig bra vannër ... situation almost gets emotional for a second Observe some TreBerg pros just chillin on their expensive bikes, observe some other pros chill on some other expensive bikes ... fuck me I am poor .... ehhhh Marcus is coming by in D so we go and watch, the mandatory D break passes, mhm, he did not make it ... peloton comes by, he's in there HEJA MARCUS KÖR HARD ... Me and Jonte: he looks tired ... yes, he does, he was sick whole week ... how was his training this winter? ... Well, not so good ... ah, he's a student, right, so just partying and shit, girls, booze? ... Haha, no, does not drink or party at all ... WTF? ... Yeah, he just plays videogames ... Ehhhhhh Get to van, grab bike, try to register, system says I am a Junior, some dudes laugh at that, me too, hahahaha det ikke dig? neeej, det var ikke mig ... HAHAHA ... fuck me I'm old ... Eventually, things get sorted out ... Notice the registration trailer is made by Adria, #ifeelslovenia Also notice the bed inside has a sticker that says: MAX 70kg ... well, that's kinda pointless ... Warmup, lineup for start, observe Jonte has no arm warmers ... take off arm warmers ... observe Jonte has no gloves ... take off gloves ... Jonte's dad: wanna take off the shirt too? Nah, forgot to shave chest ... Observe a random Swedish cyclist from ... Jönköpings Cykelklubb ... Observe the Sagan look and the lack of interest in marshall talking ... All photos by: Tim R. Larsen

Plan

Plan before today: exchange in chasing down attacks, stay in front, don't attack unless it gets really booring Plan today: Jonte - I'm just gonna chill for the first 2 laps, me: DEATH BEFORE DNF, AARGGGHHHHHH, you're kidding Jonte, right?

Race

We start, I stay up front, good job Miha There is this huge ABC dude who is like all over the place, looking back, talking loud ... jerk, I hope you get dropped After first couple of rolling hills we enter into a big road and KANTVIND YES, I WAITED ALL FUCKING WINTER FOR THIS BRING IT OOOONN!!!!1! booom, attack, couple of riders go, I am in front of peloton, normal pace, waiting for Jonte to launch behind ... nope Pace picks up, I wait ... nope EVERYONE SPRINTING FUUUUUUUCK Chase, chase, chase ... ok, we're goood, contact regained Right turn, again, pace picks up, as we hit the first smaller climb attack, uphill, kantvid Left turn, kantvind, downhill, attacks keep coming, we're chasing, I am chasing for my fucking life here ... Jonte? Nope ... Random Swedish dude goes, for like 2 seconds ... Big road, kantvind, new break of 3 is like 15s ahead, I lead the pack, try to chase ... I tire myself out chasing and then everyone starts springintg again AGAIN ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? ... well, it was painful but I got back in pack, in the back Oh, there's Jonte ... (later, the xert graphs show it was like really painful, like, lines were crossing and shit ... amazing) Final climb - kantvind, attack again UUUGHHH Start-finish straight, kantvind, attacks again ... Lap 1 done Internal evaluation of the situation: This is gonna hurt ... Lap 2 mellows down a bit, but it's still fucking crazy in kantvind Big road, we're all over the place, avoind oncoming traffic by like 2cm just to have that wheel RANDOM RANT: Hey douchebag driver, I wonder if you would be so fucking brave enforcing your right of way against an oncoming truck in your lane. Or a tank. Or a plane ... Yeah?!? ... I thought so ... fucking arrogant cunt, fuck you ... I mean there is this downhill section with kantvind, we're going all out, really ALL OUT just to keep the wheel of the guy in front ... Insane ... Jettison an empty bottle just after the finishline #feelingpro Lap 2 done Notice Random Swedish dude is dropped, so is large ABC loudmouth ... haha Internal reevaluation of the situation: Well, actually, this is manageable ... ASS CRAMP FML At some point there is an attack and Jonte joins GO JONTE ... but we all accelerate, so they're caught Lap 3 is fun, we actually form a chasing group up front, we're 5-6 cyclist chasing a group of 3 that made it at some point I even shout a bit since people stop working after a right turn Mmmm, shouting at people ... By the end of lap 3 just before the climb noone wants to really pull, so ... little break, we're looking at eachother ... NOTE: last climb is a small road, so it's important how one is positioned, so about 2km to that intersection all hell breaks loose when people want to get into right position There we are, just looking at eachother ... and BOOOM, people start going, all over the place, chasing here, there ... I do a bit of too much effort, shoft to the wrong side in the wind ... Try to catch a wheel but everyone is zooming by, no gaps, no nothing 20 like riders pass me FUUUUUCK Chasing, chasing, chasing ... ok, contact Last climb, finish straight fast pace ... I'm dead ... I definitelly burned my last match there Internal reevaFUCK THIS SHIT, FUCKING WIN IT OR DIE Death metal song plays in head ... Last lap Plan - keep things under control, stay up front, whatever happens, stay up front ... It hurts, but I stay up front I slide back a bit on the big open road and BAM, CRASH, BIKES FLYING AND THERE IS A RED TREK COMING MY WAY IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII OK, AVOIDED Aftermath ... chase, chase, chase ... Internal thought: Maybe the DIE methafor was too much? Close every gap, EVERY FUCKING GAP Enter last climb, good position, all good, let's see if we can get the final attack in LEG CRAMPS I guess not ... Ease the pace, nicely get to the finish with another dropped dude

Post race

Get to the van, change, barely walk Buy a chocolate milk, cake and water with money I won at a cross race #feelingpro Look for bottle in grass, no bottle, it's gone ... Get in van, get home Foam roll, eat, have 2 beers, watch a documentary titled 'The Swedish theory of love', sleep

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY