travelforone-blog

[travelforone-blog]

Randers Bike Week 2017

It really never gets any easier, it actually just hurts more and more. Movie by yours truly, photos by: licenscykling.dk, lalafoto.dk, Melle Waldeck

HINT: First, watch the video above, get into the melacholic mood of green winter roadtripping and amateur road racing, then play the below album and read on ...

Pre-race

Trampen Slaget Vid Lund

Windy AF, with a finish climb, like 100km or so kantvind would DESTROY the peloton, so stay up front 2.5 laps meh, then just 5 places too far back and ... after jumping 3 gaps and getting stuck on the wrong side of the echolon for the whole megakantvind section ... dropped Chilled for a lap or so, chased down a Klubben Cyklisten dude, then Simon&co came riding by, I joined and we did the laps to the end, I dropped my little bunch in the last climb to get the small victory hehehe

Ringen Allians Sturup GP

Ride there for warmup, bla bla bla, start race, Emil goes and we do nothing for 8 laps while he's in a break with Per and some other dude Then I try some stuff, nothing, then Rikard is in break, I try something, nothing, then we sprint Riding home was more fun

Randers

Day 1 - Street race in Aars

Context

30 minutes on a 1.4km lap in town with a MONSTER COBBLED climb Look at it, look at it hard: https://goo.gl/maps/Ywa7WrgGdQw I am sure people get tired walking it for fucking sunday brunch, imagine going all out (yeah, it's a crit so ALL OUT) for about 15 times, into motvind ... mhm Plan: AAAAARRRTHGGGGHHHHH ONE CANNOT BONK IN 30 MINUTES

Race

AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH 3 dudes go, H40, ok, chase AAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHHGHGHGH CHHAASEEE Time check - lap about 2.x minutes, ok, 15 laps AAAAAARRRGGGGGHH That goes on for about 4 laps Legs: KHM KHM Ok, ease off a bit Couple of dudes come round, I join They are going hard aaaaaarrrgggghhh For about 2 laps Legs: KHM KHM Ok, ease off even more, more dudes and Glenn come by Hold on for a lap or so get dropped on the climb GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE FFS Ok, I got this, I got this REGAIN COMPOSURE, CHASE MODE ON Start gaining, we have like 7 minutes to go, I can catch a couple of guys Ok, the hill is not hurting that much puncture NOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK DNF

Fun facts

Cars met going the wrong way on the track: 1 I apparenlty do blowup after 3 laps at cca 350W Cobbles hurt, they also make you feel sorry for your bike That is until you hear A riders GO, then you feel sorry for their bikes

Day 2 - berglop

Context

7 laps of the most hilly lap danish races have seen (according to organizers, I believe them), 7 LAPS Plan - survive, zen for first 2 laps, see what we're dealing with, kittens and cake, kittens and cake, then ... whatver, finish

Race

We go, roads are soaking wet, water everywhere BANG PSSSS People are afraid of turning BANG PSSSSSS People are afraid of descending BANG PSSSSS First punchy climb, all good, legs good, reach top, people are already being dropped jump gaps, all good, maaaan, I GOT THIS, I FINALLY FEEL LIKE THIS IS THE DAY BANG PSSSSS Me? noooo, ufa, close one t t t t t t t WHAT t t t t t t t t THE t t t t t t t t t FUCK t t t t t t t t t PUNKA s s s s s s s s s s s s ssssssssssss Foljebil: do you have a wheel in the car? Me: ??????? WHHHAHAAAATTT TTHHHEEE ... no Foljebil: ok, bye Stop by the side of the road What should I throw? Bike? Naaaah, we know how that goes ... bottle? I already lost too many ... should I rip that sign out of the floor and throw it ... wait, no, smash it into the fence ... eh, messy and muddy ... maybe kick the fence, rip off the sign ... eh, I'm bored now, I hope it does not rain ... (5 min later) make hitchiking sign to passing cars (10 min later) Amager dude comes walking Yo, sup, punka? Yeah, same here ... so, is there a car? yeah, should be ... how's it going, ah, it's going ok ... (we catch up on gossip and transfers, differences in racing Seeland vs Jylland etc.) (10 min later) C and H40 comes by, no Glenn ... hmmmm ... Dropped group comes by, dude crashes in the corner, we comment on the action (10 min later) A tow truck with a flat bet shows up, Glenn and Rickad in the car, bikes in the back - YO, JUMP UP Throw the bikes on, jump in the back and OFF WE GO See the race from the reverse perspective until AB guys catch up and the dude starts flooring it on downhill to not get caught Does not look like a good day to die, with the punka and all ... Get to the finish, get funny looks from people You know, cos it's me, Glenn and Marcus in the back, whole fucking club ...

Fun facts

Rotweilers observed along the course, without a leash: 1 Times thought OMG WE'RE GONNA DIE: 2 Personal bests for: 30s, 1min, 2min

Day 3 - linjelop

Context

8 laps on what was supposed to be much flatter than berglop lap, but was still insanely hilly, like, INSANELLY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU DENMARK???? Plan - at this point, just make it to the finish with the bunch

Race

Stay up front, stay up front NO MATTER WHAT STAY UP FRONT First climb: ugh First kantvind: uugh Second climb: Ugh Second kantvind: Ugh (did I mention, the lap is a combination of climbing and kantvind sections, always following the climb) Look back: fuck, we dropped everyone (it's like 15 of us) Third climb: UUUUUGHHHHHHHH (fuck I am breathing heavy, am I breathing heavy? dude in front of me looks back ... yeah, I am breathing heavy ...) Robert brings a bunch of people back Hej Glenn! Glenn: UGH Lap 2: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT ATTACK IN THE CLIMBS and they attack in the climbs climb 2: dropped Also dropped on climb 2: Glenn and Richard Chasing group picks us up, we chase and we're back together by end of lap 2 Lap 3: PLEASE FOR T ... whatever, fuck you all Second climb: dropped MOTHER FUCKER Ride for a lap solo, get caught by 4 dropped guys, ride 2 more laps, get a puncture

Fun facts

Personal bests for: 5, 6, 12 min, HR all the way to 2 min

Day 4 - criterium

Context

11 laps on same track as day 3 but shorter and with a new climb (look at it, LOOK AT IT: https://goo.gl/maps/SpqdKYRZUGy), at the end, you get massive headwind, ... yeah, only in Jylland Plan: PLEASE JUST MAKE IT TO THE FINISHLINE

Race

Lap 1: All out sprint to climb, all out climb, all out attack in kantvind Lap 2: -||- Lap 3: ok, shit eases off a bit Lap 4: meh Lap 5: descending to the first climb, doing like 55 passing the polka dot jersey dude on the left as he closes the line and elbows me (literally, pushes me, as, uses force to dislocate me, not like Sagan magic elbow, proper push) into the grass off the road ... and I am like, ok, this is muddy, so my tire will dig in and ... oh, and there is some large stones there as well, ehh, goodbye .... wait, grass is not muddy, hop, back on the road. Ride up to the guy and politely as possible say: excuse me sir, that was a bit rude, please restrain your ... AHAHAHAH, #no: YOU DO THAT AGAIN AND YOU ARE FUCKING GOING DOWN YOU PIECE OF SHIT .... hold your ... DID YOU GET IT? ... line ... IT'S NOT YOUR LINE IF I'M ON IT ... Contemplate: do I have an aggression problem? Lap 6-10: some attacks, lungs are breathing heavier and heavier, I actually try and attack in the kantvind, Glenn does some solid work, anyhow, we're having fun, people are still pushing eachother around, good times, I try and pull/pace up the climb ... fun Lap 11 (last lap): I know they will attack, so I am up front going uphill, like 5th wheel or so, but then there is this dude, his handlebar keep bumping into my ass and I am like: ok, enough aggresion for today, I need some shelter anyhow so I move behind him WOOOOOP WRONG MOVE as they attack he opens gaps FUUUUCK NOOOOO ... .by the top I am dropped, 4 guys come by, I join, all I think is: hold that wheel, hold that wheel, just get the wheel, I love that wheel, that is my wheel, I LOVE YOU WHEEL ... never caught the bunch

Fun facts

By this time racing without velotooze seems weird, like REALLY weird

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY

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Signwork Løbet 2017

An empirical study on how the race was ... not won ... with GIFs ... for feels Photo by: Tommy Kjærulff Eriksen

Weirdo Shrine by La Luz

Setup

Team: - Jonte, Glenn, Christian, Patrik and me Team status: - Jonte tired and not in shape, working too much - Glenn back after 2 weeks of rest, no motivation after Vättern, - Christian's 2nd race this year, has been training he says, - Patrik's first race apperance in 2017, no training whatsoever I believe - I am back after 3 weeks of beer drinking and 1 minute interval sessions Track: A square 8ish, with 2 major kantvind sections, uphill motvind finish sprint Plan: Attack out of the box 2km in into kantvind, ruin it for everyone. Then repeat until we break the group and have legs. Apparently I am the captain of the team for the day, I have no idea why or what that actually means

Execution of the experiment

Segment 1 - the attack - [0km, 10km]

Start easy, move up to the front as we near the turn to kantvind Me, Glenn and Jonte line up, enter the corner and BOOM 3 man team tempo, good positioning, good exchange

We manage to stretch the peloton, but noone wants to pitch in as we hit motvind The weird dude comes by, gives us a hand and rides away, yeah, I guess we've been pulling a bit too hard Pace eases off Summary - the attack was well executed but not much came out of it.

Segment 2 - getting the feelling back - [10km, 25km]

As pace eased off there is a couple of attacks including Glenn, some chasing but noone really manages to go Summary - standard early race dynamics, been there, done that

Segment 3 - the messing around - [25km, 45km]

As we enter into lap 3 shit gets a bit realer than before as attacks get more powerful Glenn manages to go, stays up front for a while, but is eventually caught As he's up front me, Jonte and Christian are riding nicely on the left, all calm and good, too calm actually I move up to the front of the peloton to pace the group a bit since I got a feeling someone will go and we don't want to accelerate too much since Glenn is out there While I am doing this I was kinda expecting my two teammates to stay where they were so they can react if someone goes, since you can't really respond from the front Nope, Christian is on my wheel Acceleration happens and boom, 5 guys are going, 10 guys are going, where are you Ringen .... everyone is going just as we are going uphill FUCK FUCK FUCK

AAAARRRGGGHHHH CHASE ... Close the gap, look back FUCK now THAT IS A GAP people are getting dropped WTF?? Chase and hold for the next 10km over narrow windy kantvind roads Dig very, VERY deep FML

Eventually come back to the group, Glenn comes by: You good? Yeah, NOW I am ... Summary - due to fucking around I was almost dropped, none of our guys dictatet the race dynamics, Glenn was doing well up front, the rest ... well ...

Segment 4 - the Miha - [45km, 55km]

Noone has the balls to attack in the first kantvind so we chill until the ABC løbet straight where we ease off a bit and Patrick shoots like a rocket Into motvind, so he burns out in about 5 minutes At this time, we have an the big Amager dude in a break (who you might remember from 3 Dage i nord and Marcello Bergamo, the one who likes to solo tempo the race ... I guess all that training paid off), he has like a minute I guess and an FBL dude chasing, he's like 20s in front of us As we approach the little roads I have a good position, about 6-8 guys are just done working hard so enter small roads, a bit of a lull and BOOOOOOOM

I am away, push, push, push, PUUUUUUUSH Don't look back, don't look back, don't look back Look back - YAY, I AM AWAY, ALONE, AGAIN FFS GET TO THE FBL GUY, MUST GET TO THE FBL GUY GO LEGS GOOOOO I am going all out, like AAAAALLLLLL OUT And I am actually gaining I AM GAINING AND I AM NOT DYING YAAAAAAAY Legs start to burn look back, I have like 20s, maybe more? 10s to FBL And we're gaining on Amager dude, YAAAAAY, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PROPER BREAKAWAY YAAAAY Must ... chase ... down ... FBL Almost there Wait ... did FBL just catch Amager? No waaaay ... Wait ... did Amager ease off to get caught and now they're going full speed again? Wait ... am I losing ground now? SERIOUSLY HEY GUYS I AM RIGHT HERE NOOOOOOO FML Fade gracefully, get caught, join the peloton

Glenn's definition: attack and accelerate in an attempt to bridge and catch the breakaway, get halfway there but fail miserably and get re-caught by the peloton instead = do the Miha Summary - I got exposure, again, and a move named after me

Segment 5.1 - This one is gonna stick - [55km, 65km]

First one - Finishing lap 3 Patrick decides to go with some guys, me and Glenn pace the group and Glenn says: this one is gonna stick And it sticks, for about a quarter of the lap, then they're caught

Segment 5.2 - Look at those two go - [65km, 75km]

After Patrick was caught IMMEDIATELLY Jonte and Christian go, beautifully on the left, synchronized as fucking synchronized swimers

First I was like

But then I was like

Amager dude was fading so they team up and off they go For a while, they are caught by end of lap 4 Summary - 2 solid attacks, good job guys

Segment 6 - Till cramp do us part - [75km, 88km]

Right, enter last lap, situation: there is a FBL dude up front, about 1 min ahead and we're all tired, VERY tired Aaaaaaanyhow, enter bigass kantvind section and we chill so I decide to GO Good move, as they catch me the inertia takes them waaaay past me so I have to chase FML So we try to organize a chase, but noone wants to chase I must say, the best job award goes to the other FBL dude messing about with our attemps, he did a better job at fucking with us that we did with chasing It's like everyone was so tired that they would just let him ride up front and take turns and not do shit Me and Glenn were shouting: GO AROUND, PASS HIM, GO AROUND, HE'S FBL, HE HAS A DUDE UP FRONT Didn't help ... GIF - kudos, my FBL man, you know your shit At some point I even try to push Rikard up to work but nooo So we chase some more, we accelerate some more, I make a big effort just before a slight climb, so I get slightly dropped

try to close gap and BANG CRAMP CRAAAAAAAAMP I'M OUT Summary: FML

Segment 7 - It's all so quiet [88km, 97km]

Ride solo to finishline, keep a good pace, enjoy the calm after the storm

there you have it ...

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY

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How I qualified for Gran Fondo Worlds

Part 2: Marcello Bergamo Cup, UCI Gran Fondo Maraton Franja

Final Man 12"LP/CD by CONTAMINATED

Marcello Bergamo Cup, day 1

Team: Glenn and me (should have made a movie with this title by now) Track: up and down with a long climb at the end Plan: Dictate the pace, chase down attacks, be aggresive, like in Sjælland

Race

BOOOM, IT IS ON Chase, chase, chase Still chasing Chasing uphill Chasing downhill Chasing in kantvind First half lap chase like a motherfucker Hmmmm, isn't there a climb at the end of the lap Last part of the lap: climb BONK, dropped Ride another lap to cool down with 2 Danes

Summary

Should not have bridged

Fun facts

I chased the winner and his 3 breakaway buddies, the german winner soloed to victory, dropping everyone Also, he should totally race in B, TOTALLY. Also, new max 17km NP record. I HAVE BONKED WITH EXCELLENCE Simon was also dropped, he was NOT happy

Marcello Bergamo Cup, day 2

Engulfed in Obscurity 12"LP by ENGULFED

Track: flat, with monster kantvind sections (rumors said much tougher than the first day) Plan: do not attack, stay in the bunch (for 50 minutes according to Glenn), be zen

Race

Stay zen in the klungan for 52 minutes Elapsed time: 53 minutes. Hello! Glenn is in the break, so it's defense time Man, the german is like a ... bouncy spring, he's fucking fast and aggresive Anyhow, fun fun fun, Glenn is caught, so I give it a go, a couple of times There is still 2 guys out in front, but whatever I plan to attack into a small climb, followed by a descent I squeeze past and BOOOOOM, I LAUNCH LIKE A ROCKET Don't look back, don't look back 10 seconds Don't look back 10 more seconds Look back - I AM GONE ALONE YAAAAAAAY GO GO GO GO GO GO I AM GOING I WISH I WAS ON TV Right, ok, so ... emmm ... where am I going? Uh, there is a group up front ... wait, that's not the 2 from our race hmmm HMMM NOT COOL Look back I have like 30 second MOTHERFUCKER AMAZING Well, LET'S DO THIS GO GO GO GO GO GO go go go go go go motvind Ok, I am done Let's make this graceful Join the bunch Plan 2: attack in the other climb Plan ruined by the confusion caused by passing H50 Anyhow Plan 3: Bring back the 2 escapees who have like 30s on us ATTACK GO GO HARD PULL PULL PULL And we got them Fuck up entry into beforelast corner no grip on bars due to shit tape and humidity Try to move up Nope Kinda sprint, but not really

Summary

Need new bartape

Fun facts

Bought new bartapes, orange color and meat pattern Meat does not look good (once you see it ...), replace with orange ... WIN Prepared the best carbonara ever according to Glenn

Salt for the Healer by OCULUS

Marcello Bergamo Cup, day 3

Track: kantvindish with a monster climb at the end Plan: be zen the first lap, survive the climb

Race

Hmm, I have a headache Hit a pothole so hard headache gets worse Try to stay in the front of the bunch, but not do too much suck at staying at the front but not doing too mcuh Basically, oscillate up and down, chase, moove up, slowly drop, chase, move up, attack, get tired, drop, chase ... you know, oscillate AKA do the Simon 2km to big climb I ACTUALLY AM at the front and there is an attack happening, 4 guys + 2 chasing Internal monologue: Hmmm, if I bridge, then WE bridge and we are 7 entering into the climb ahead of the bunch so even if I drop I have some buffer GO GO GO BRAAAAAAP I bridge, we bridge Confusion We're caught, we slide back All for nothing Enter climb, waaay too behind, no buffer legs numb Fuck you you head Make it through the climb, gap opens, stuck behind wrong guy Get to the top, Glenn 3m just in front of me Looking good KANTVIND ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? Glenn gets good wheel I get bad wheel chase Chase CHASE Hej Simon! CHASE CHASE CHASE Rejoin by the end of the lap legs gone get dropped after every corner after 5 drops, I decide to call it: I'm dropped Stop by the car, contemplate life and reality Almost cry

Summary

I should not have bridged

Road trip

Distance covered: about 1200km Car's listed top speed: 188kmh My top speed: 182 kmh Glenn's top speed: 152 kmh He was probably the only non-german on the Autobahn that day concerned with fuel consuption Memorable dialogues: 2 1. Hotel, south of Kassel, Glenn gets a free beer from the nice receptionist girl, we drink it on the terrace. me: I remember seeing this Canadian movie once, about a bored receptionist at a hotel in the middle of nowhere who starts fucking guests for fun, just 'cos she's bored. Does not end well for her, dark movie. Glenn: Dude, she's like downstairs! me: Whaaaat, it was a good movie ... 2. After 1 day of driving, me: Glenn, I will listen to my pod now, I will sit here and listen to my pod, if you need anything, let me know, otherwise, I will be here and listening to my pod.

UCI Gran Fondo Maraton Franja

Track: 157 km, 2 climbs, 1 hard, 1 harder Plan: do not fall

Race

Start at about position 100+100+100+100 = waaay too back Consider the first 10km as a criterium NP first 10KM: waaay too much Make it to first group with the leaders, 100 riders or so Avoid crashes First climb: painful, but manageable Managed to stay with the lead group Avoid crashes Stuck in same position due to crowd and smaller roads Second climb: very painful but manageable Lose some places Descend like a madman, pass people Small chasing group forms Some yelling around organizing work Some more yelling And some more yelling And we're finally working together Kinda 15 min later we catch the group before us And every kind of collaboration stops Like, literally So we chill for last 57km Well, I chill, the rest are pretty burned out and kinda grumpy Count the competition: about 7 guys in the same category, so ... just make sure I'm faster NP last 50km: way too low for a race like this Plan: attack solo at Merkator once we enter the city, get a kid to come along with me (wait, what's Merkator? Eh, you'll see) Eventually, get to the main streets in the city Also, get caught by another group since we were chillin', nahmean? Pace picks up, some action going on, we're getting close to Merkator I'm lining up on the side, a dude goes Ok, he can go, I am waiting, waaait for it, waaaaait for it THE KID GOES BOOOM WAIT WHAT? He's going, acceleration, we accelerate, he bonks idle BOOOM, MIHA GOES GOOOOO don't look back don't look back look back YES, I'M AWAY NOW TO BRIDGE GO GO GO GO GO GO BRIDGING look back YAY, GAP INCREASES wait, not bridging constant gaps MUST BRIDGE MUST CATCH DUDE MUST DO THIS MOTVIND WHAT ... THE ... FUCK get caught UUUUURGGGHHHHHH Stay kinda up front Start sprint Jump the roundabout and some other obstacles Do kinda ok

Summary

Qualified for world championships, yay!

Fun facts

Totally pissed off Hanna when arriving late to ride with her and Glenn Rode 2 hill intervals (dropped Glenn), 2/3 Valterrunt (dropped Glenn) as training for Franja Valterrunt included: 1/2 salami and 2 aperol spritz Also did a fixed castle siege race in Ljubljana, made it into semis (man, I got nothing on those fixed dudes, NOTHING. Fucking MONSTERS) Get kudos for organizing work from a Tuš guy I rode with. Miha (not me): Dude, that was Mirko!!! No waaaay. Yeah, totally. ARE YOU KIDDING ME ... lol, I thought you were like BFF or something. No, I had no idea, that's why the hug and back slaps and shit ... clue who he was ... Turns out tt was not Mirko, was Mirko's clone Vlado...

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY

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Memoirs from last month

Part 1: Vincoloppet, Sturup GP, ABC løb Photo by: Michael Strömgren

Hiss Spun by CHELSEA WOLFE

Vinco

Track: tough, loooong kantvind sections and climbs, prognosis said kantvind and warm Team: Emil, Glenn and me. Ah yes, and Sebastian? Plan: Attack like zee Germans, don't let the peloton breathe until the attack sticks, then defend

Race

I attack, out of the box Emil attacks Glenn attacks Dude grabs my leg in kantvind and pushes me back as we are fighting for position Ride up to the dude, extend finger: DO ... NOT ... FUCKING ... TOUCH ... ME ... AGAIN repeat Lap 2 Emil attacks so hard I was just like: woah, amazing ... He's left there for a while, finally some bridge, we have a break Offensive mode ON In theory: chase down any attempt by Lunedi to bridge In practice: maaaaan, chase down every, like EVERY attempt and stick to the cup leader from Lunedi with red Cervelo, be Quintana to his Froome, almost die in kantvind section while trying to bridge, barely manage to hold on Serious crisis averted Lap 3 After about 5 attempts the dude finally breaks away (not that he's that fast, nooo, my legs were numb and gone) What was left of matches burn trying to bridge in kantvind climb, matches burned ... I give up Form a small chasing group Yell at people for not working Glenn yells at people for not working Finally we're going, we have about 20-30s to first chasers But since the swedes are happy just to sit in klungan so they can wave to their families while they scream HEJA PAPPA we never achieve much WAS IT FUN? YEAH? MUST BE SOOOOOOO MUUUUCH FUN TO DRIVE A DAY AND THEN SIT IN THE KLUNGAN MMMMMMM Håkan disrupts the rhytm in at last climb, does not go well with me, swearing and tight moves, he ends up in gravel, upright Håkan's comment later: I'm ok, you can yell but you can't swear (fair point). I also paid the starting fee so I can YEAH WHATEVER Since I do not like sprinting for 20th place I make a monster pull, Glenn does not get the memo ... Emil does not have sprinter legs, ends up 6th Meh

Summary

Should have bridged

Random impressions

Din Gata plays badass hiphop just as we slowly drive through the crowd to the road #malmörepresent Fistbump Per from the car as he waits for B start, hiphop still blasting Strömgren lost Emil's car keys, Emil was not happy Glenn called me after the race to check if I am ok, he said he did not dare talk to me after the race, I seemed too angry apparently AC in the car does not work

Sturup GP

Team: it seems me, Daniel and Anders (what a weird combination) Plan: GO FULL BERSERK

Race

BOOOOM Get the holeshot I Stay up front I chase I accelerate I slay I slay Per goes, with another dude I go Trying to brige, still trying to bridge, hmmm, still here, bridging, yeah .... nope, get caught There is like 100000000 Lunedi riders so no chasing Eventually Åhus brings Per back Attack some more Accelerate some more Get almost taken down by Daniel from Ringen Really, Daniel? Anyhow, from what I see at least someone (= me) is having fun The rest? The rest are ... well, waiting for last lap it seems last lap I don't remember really, kinda the most boring part of the race, Per came second, the OTHER Lunedi dude came 1st Woah, much drama, such action

Summary

Should have bridged

Random impressions

Jakob looks cool with a tooth missing, just like me in 5th grade Rafael did a good job in HSport, but got dropped last lap It seems everyone is either having a kid or making a kid or thinking of making a kid Crits in Sweden are booooooooooooring I still don't get Lunedi, what's the plan? Bore us to death?

ABC løb

Go to race pretty much just to hear Eva scream at us speak Danish to us again Also, nice track, google it, the one by the small pet crematorium Team: me and Glenn Plan: attack, attack, attack, then defend

Race

Plan executed perfectly, we have Glenn in the break Defend Chase down people, demotivate them This goes on for like 3 laps At some point end up in a second break with the leader of the 4 day cup from Christiania team, we have like 5-10s on the peloton Looks good, but they have a dude up front, right, so we're ... Confusion, 2 accelerate, me and Christiania dude get caught In retrospective, I should have contributed and we would have bridged, forming a 10 man break Anyhow, regardless of my flawless performance of defending (I got complemented on that) Glenn drops from the break My turn Throw in a couple of attacks and accelerations, but since we're like all tired it does not go well Get stopped by a bus jammed in a narrow section We sprint for 25th again ...

Summary

Should have bridged

Random impressions

Christiania guys were handling bottles to riders on the wrong side of the road Random A girl got really upset 2km to go, no one knows why Borrowed a pump from A class cup leader Passed a stopped bus 2cm from mirror while chasing and doing 50+ Trampen dude made a wrong turn in an intersection because he got blocked by a car + horse trailer combo Flagvakt was shady AF, good thing Anna was not racing

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY

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Örestadsloppet and Hillerød

Do not mess with CK Ringen

Photos by Michael Strömgren Disclaimer: this is gonna be an impressionist piece.

Örestadsloppet

Morning, Malmö, Möllan Glenn, selfie Rondellen drug dealers missing Glenn amazed Is this it? This is it! Malmö! Head north Ruin it distanspass yes 13 mil easy Cykla snacka, snacka, SNACKA peppad, Peppad, FUCKING PEPPAD FUCK YOU LET'S DO THIS piss next to the toalet fuck the kö fuck the plan this is going down right now start attack 4 guys break hahahahah together again attack stretch it out kantvind, kantvind, kanta streeeeetch it pull, pull, burn we're blocked race is stopped fuck you riders coming in good job we did bla bla bla riders coming in bla bla bla fuck you JA bla bla bla JA fuck you ride again attack ATTACK You are NOT resting kantvind lap 2 attack you're are NOT going home happy THIS IS SKÅNE ATTACK Ringen is gone It's me and you Glenn Glennan Nilsson

soft lap gentle lap pussies line is your friend as long as no one sees love the line break haha we own this lap 3 attack ATTACK

Catch break Attack Glenn shouts AAAVLVVLFLFLFLFLFF We broke it Peloton is broken Let's bring this home Aye aye Captain sprint suck ... celebrate Glenn 3rd Miha 6th Mission done Ride home piss in forest on the left Recovery 250W Möllan again Beer

Hillerød

Elsöv gran fondo fuck off

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY

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3 Dage i Nord, day 3

#lightbreezebaby #puredk #braverthantheelements

Aalborg Cykle-Ring - Sparekassen Vendsyssel-løbet - CRAFT Cup

Forgive Yourself by Publicist UK

Track Uphill start, then kantvind, kantvind, kantvind, repeat. Plan Jonte, as we arrive: AH, NOW I REMEMBER, I raced here, tough track, climb and then this monster kantvind, race was destroyed as soon as we started, no shelter at all ... Thank you Jonte ... So, plan - Attack IMMEDIATELLY OUT OF THE BOX, KILL EM ALL, then whater happens, stay in the race, help Glenn, Glenn must finish, MUST FINISH, Death before DNF Weather Norwegians changed the progosis from light breeze to light air. Reality: same shit, cold, windy, rain, casual snow, HORROR

Race

Start, move on up, keep up front, lead the pack into the climb, do not lose the lead, do not lose the lead Legs feel stiff, this is right out of the start, no warmup, nothing and I'm pushing 400W up a fucking hill into motvind mhm, this will end well The used to be superstrong last year but we do not know what happened, also has a good tan dude from Amager takes the lead and starts pulling SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT 10 seconds later he starts easing down I wonder, he was so strong last year, what happened to him? Anyhow, at some point he's tooooo slow so I pass and pick up the pace This might actually work 350W 400W Top of hill, everyone accelerates 500W 600W turn right onto a fucking cycle path (not really, just a small road) ENTER KANTVIND ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK IT'S MAYHEM right turn, medvind, 10seconds, left turn, KANTVIND MORE ATTACKS OOOOMMMMGGGGG THIS FUCKING HURTS Pace eases a bit into medvind, but we're still killing it Fun fact: It was at this point Jonte was dropped. Same Jonte who explained what's gonna happen here. Irony? Glenn is perfectly positioned, I am a bit further back, keepin' an eye out AFAIK the rest of the lap was the same, as soon as we got a hint of kantvind someone went and it was hell all ... out ... hell (weird time lapse episode - you know that instagram picture I posted of the dude writing how tough it was in Oresdadslopp because of the kantvind and attacks? Attacks from me and Glenn that is ... Yeah, THAT was a holiday compared to this. Like, family vacation in fucking Gran Canaria with 1 EUR beer and 25 degrees C compared to ... well, since the germans were pretty much dead and gone at this point ... Stalingrad in 1943?) Lap one done As we go up the hill more and more people rejoin the main group since it's motvind Well, this is an unexpected large group And everyone is just lining up behind eachoter I need to move up Get stuck Glenn passes: Miha, move up I know, I KNOW, I AM STUCK FFS To the left, to the left ... Gap, gooo move to front, accelerate 350W 400W people start accelerating 450W 500W everyone is accelerating 600W FUUUUUUCK enter cycle path and kantvind ATTACKS legs numb go go og ATTACK drop back people pass get a wheel move up too much watt fade move up fuuuuuck another attack a break is formed, 5 guys the big ABC dude it there fuck, fuck, fuck we're 2nd group chase, chase second group and people are still attacking WTF CHASE FUCKERS, CHASE no, attacks hold on, hold on ... tempo eases a bit, get up to Glenn Glenn: nobody wants to chase, fuckers Miha: I got you dog Pick up the lead, GO GO GO Take a turn, take another turn Must do it for Glenn, must do it for the captain It's like 3-4 guys, we're working and actually gaining Another turn, more guys pitch in Tempo is picking up iiiiiiiii can't work this hard much longer all of the sudden 10 guys are working ok, ok, I can do this at some point Glenn signals to shift to the left instead to the right just as I was moving back aaaaaaand I am left with no wheel in the wind after a monster pull into a climb Did Glenn just make me do another Glenn? #metaglenn 3 dudes pass me on the left can't rejoin 5 more pass me fading can't rejoin 5 more fading slowing down can't rejoin 3 more WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE COMING FROM???? WTF??? finally, catch the last wheel I'm dead in Xert terms this means the black line drops below the red line too many times and you're dead, game over unless you're lucky enough to have the time to recover .... ahahahhhahahhahah FML hang on for about 5 min going into last turn mind plays the video of kantvind from previous 2 laps I am sorry Glenn, I AM SORRY GLENN BUT I JUST WANNA GO HOME SNUGGLE AND HAVE WARM CACAO PLEASE DONT MAKE ME GO THROUGH THAT KANTVIND AGAIN PLEASE DONT I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE DNF

That's it, deal with it ...

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY

[travelforone-blog]

3 Dage i Nord, day 2

##lightbreezebaby #puredk #braverthantheelements

Cykle Clubben Hjørring Sparekassen Vendsyssel-løbet - CRAFT Cup

Track and Weather: 5 laps, 3 climbs, 106km or something, yr.no says light breeze, less rain, still cold and well, not light breeze Plan: Hahahaha, don't get dropped, stay in the race, help Glenn

AYFKM by Call Of The Void

Race

We start into a slight uphill AND WE ARE KILLING IT THIS IS FUCKING INSANE Zee germans are trying to keep a high pace as we go up and down some smaller climbs and descends Enter a bigger descend, people are chillin, taking off vests, I am fiddling with my gillet zipper because bianchi celeste gloves give no sensation, people are riding everywhere, accross the shole road, up, down, forward, backwards ... At the bottom of the descend there is some mud on the road An amager rider gets pushed off the road into the mud on the side BAM, hits a fucking hole, wheel implodes, he comes flying into the bunch, takes 2 guys with him, the rest starts braking and going down like fucking dominos same exercise ... iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii .... ok, made it ... and there is a gap FUUUUUUUUUCK FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU I got this, I got this ... chase chase chase left turn motvind FUUUUUUUUCK chase chase chase look back no one is coming fuck chase chase look back still no one fuuuuuuck legs starting to burn chase pulse at 180 chase watts droppin must chase contact UFA Please don't attack breathe spin legs please don't attack ATTACK AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH hold in there breathe hold in there breathe attack is done ugh slight climb ok, I got this left turn, bigger, much bigger climb FIX MY LIGHTHOUSE enter pain push push push narrow road, people dropping, standstill reaccelerate into a climb zee germans attacking zee german dropping WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING OOOOON??? Fading German drops fading A girl drops fading Top of the hill motvind chase chase chase nothing contemplate giving up zee german comes by with the girl join hold on hold on hold on and we're chasing not gaining not gaining every 3rd I contribute legs are dead zee german makes a big effort before the final climb drops girls pulls drops I get to the finish alone and contemplate quiting Jonte with 2 girls and a huge Amager dude: Mike, c'mon ugh join in hold on Pass another dropped german standing at the top of the climb hold on every 3rd make an effort Amager dude is MONSTER I am fucking struggling just to keep his wheel when he's pulling My turn woop wooooop woooooop Eventually we reach the same fucking climb Grinding the big chainring fuck it, I change down front deraileur does not work again no fuuuuck start pushing the buttons like crazy with those fat gloves nothing iiiiiii And I start fading I fade, tell Jonte: I'm dead Jonte: Eh, I'll join you AWWWW 😍 Jonte: you should have shifted to the small one Me: I tried, it's broken ... We chill for about 5 min, then we pickup the pace a bit Jonte: Should we do another lap? Me: I THINK WE SHOULD FINISH THIS SHIT, I PAID FOR IT And we go for another Legs feel fresher At the top of the first climb I start pulling miss the left turn in the intersection halfway into the lap Jonte cannot keep up emmmmm I drop him and continue alone passing finishline I almost hit a random ignorant cycling chic contemplate continuing ... nääää call it quits, 3/5 laps ...

To be continued ...

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY

[travelforone-blog]

3 Dage i Nord, foreplay

#lightbreezebaby #puredk #braverthantheelements #no

This is how we felt going there ...

Info

What: 3 Dage i Nord - set of 3 races in hell Where: fucking the other side of the wall of the north AKA Nordjylland Who: Glenn, Macke P, Jonte, Miha How: drive about 1500km in a Golf variant blue motion TDI 7 speed with white interiors (not anymore hahaha) Weather: slight overcast with light breeze from the south ... NOT Bikes: 2 Cannondale supersix evo, 2 Meridas reacto, 2 fulcrum racing zero spare wheels

Random fun facts

Hotels visited: 3 Breakfast rescheduled to earler than hotel defined times: 2 Buffes attacked: 2 (shit Danish, amazing Lebanese) McDonalds: 2 (Glenn big menu: big mac menu with extra big mac, used to be called Malmö FF menu in Sweden?) Pizzerias: 1 (Comment: kebab pizza is ok, but far from Malmö quality) Beers consumed: 4 Beer alcohol content: 4.2 - 4.5% #piss Bauhauses spotted from confusingly far distance: 1 Cycling stores called to ask for neoprene gloves: 6 Stores that had neoprene gloves: 0 Big bridges passed: 3 Double rainbows seen: 1 Police cars: 1 in Denmark, 2 in Malmö Closest we got to running out of gas on E45: 10km Music played: yodl, turbofolk, trap, hiphop, skånsk klassiker, house (yes, in that order) Amstel gold races watched: 2 Pictures taken: 23 Hashtags invented: 2 Hipster clubs joined: 1 Glenn's reaction time when a rainbow appears; forever Glenn's reaction time when I drive 115 where 110: 0.02 seconds New terms invented: 1 (to do a Glenn)

Races

Play this if you feel like an observer on the outside:

The Blackened Sea by Sea Witch

Play this if you feel like being inside the action:

Döda Vägar by Mylingar

If you don't like it go listen to Aviiiiiiici or something, lemme know how it fits ...

Sparekassen Thy løbet

Track 4x24km lap with 3 climbs at least the size of Slagelse last climb (which is considered huuuuge), or, think Vinningebacken, the whole deal ... kantvind between climbs, no shelter most of the time. It felt pretty much the whole lap was uphill ... Weather pouring rain, 3 degrees, strong wind from south Jonte's comment: ehhh, it's only 90km, how hard can it be Pre race Breakfast too late, arrived to race too late, Garmin not working, pissing rain and cold, no warmup ...

Action

45 strong start, start onto open roads Whole peloton is killing it downhill at about 60-70kmh Everyone trying to position left and right Internal intermezzo: Kinda reminded me of an Eslöv gran fondo I did when at the end of the first part of the big road all the old fat Vättern dudes with too expensive bikes starting pushing forward over the whole road and taking selfies and shit just before we hit that kantvind where they all dropped ... . Something like that, yeah ... just ... in a different universe ... AAAANYHOW We enter the port, pushing it to the front so I can hit the climb positioned well Climb is loooong, kantvind, and zee germans attack Enter pain Hanging in there Made it to the top, ughhh Glasses fogging up, fuck, I overdressed ... Climb 1/3 done Some corners, I slip a bit back, we start descending We're going like 50 into some medvind it seems Out of nowhere a crash, two guys go down, start sliding accross the road, everyone starts braking and as theh do, they go down, I am like ... iiiiiii I see myself down, left, right, I see Jonte fight his bike on my rigth, I see people riding in grass, I see mysel ... ah, an opening inbetween 3 bodies and 4 bikes ... NAILED IT and now there is a gap FUCK there is the main group, 6-7 guys with Glenn chasing and me chasing them ... I make it, eventually, fucking pushing like 400-500w down a hill ... So I make it to this group which has like 5-10s gap to leaders, dead Couple of guys work, Glenn passes, I hang in the back Some more dudes take turn, Glenn passes Fuck, we need to close the gap, we're so close ... FUCK IT, I'LL DO IT I join in and do a monster pull, bringing us to like 10m gap Signal to change, enter corner and behold, CLIMB #2 LAdies and gentlemen, that is from now on known as a Glenn: leadout the group into a climb and get dropped FIX MY LAMP Enter pain We reach the top and pretty much all 6 guys passed me, but we made contact OHHHHH, YES, FUCK YES Some shady roads, left, right, a descend, a u-turn and KANTVIND and zee germans attack The attack kills the group, we are now 3 groups, leading 7-8, chasing 10 guys and girls and chasing chasing 5 of us By this point I am holding on for my life We're not gaining I take a pull We're not gaining long, looooooooooong kantvind section with a clearly visible climb #3 in the distance We're not gaining Try to take a turn, legs are numb Slide back FUCK THIS SHIT I AM DONE DROP ride nice and easy to finish FML Fun fact: people started: 45, people finished: 13

To be continued ...

I will post the other two races separately. Apparently people have very ... (checks facebook) ... short attention span so the posts seem ... (checks instagram) ... long to them since they cannot ... (ah, event invite, let's put interested) ... stay focused for more than ... what was I saying again? Ah yes ... I guess real life canont be described by only #hashtags and contains more emotions than just 👍. Yeah? 🖕🖕

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY

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[travelforone-blog]

Buildup to 3 Dage i Nord - Glenn in Søro

#puredk

Date Location Discipline, club Result 2017-04-01 Søro, Denmark Landevej, CK Ringen I got dropped, I don't care

Disclaimer

This is a guest post from Glenn, he provided the material, I provided the translated interpretation. I list both texts for clarity ...

Pre pre race

Woke up with a slight hangover in Hanna's bed ... in Kristiantad ... after celebrating her birthday ... we make sure we always celebrate when we get the chance when she's home ... Body was feeling good, good food, good drinks, good ... Translator comment: I am not sure where the body was good ... nahmean? Vaknade i Morse hemma hos Hanna i Kristianstad efter en bra gårdag med Födelsedagsfirande eftersom Hanna aldrig är hemma så fick vi ta det igår. Kände ändå i morse att kroppen var med mig fick i mig bra med mat o vätska igår. Pic from wild party night. Credits: Hanna's instagram

Pre-race

Season premiere in Denmark! Drive from K-stad to Lund, pick up Macke P and with jodel blasting TO MALMÖ! Pickup Rhubarb and set course for Denmark. We talk: kantvind, terror attack, kantvind, kantvind, kantvind, kantvind. We reach Sorø, unpack bikes, leave car and ... fucking kantvind. ... dramatic pause ... Get to the start, line up, standard speech from commisares ... Så Race i DK säsongspremiär! Körde från K-stad till Lund o hämta upp Macke P. På med jodel i Bilen o vidnare mot Malmö. Där hämta vi upp Rydbart och satte kurs mot danmark! i bilen gick snacket om Kantvind Terrorbrott Kantvind Kantvind Kantvind. Väl framme i Sorö lasta vi av Cyklarna och inser ganska snabbt de vi befareade i bilen...fucking kantvind! ... ställde mig till start och de var som vanligt på danska tävlingar...en liten saftey brif innan start "håll er till höger god tur" alltså starten har gått...

Race

So there I am, just starting to work my way up the peloton, reaching the first half ... and then BAM, first kantvind ... THE SPLIT I am like 3 places back from the split Internal monologue: noooo, not now, not first lap, not first 5 km, nooo, please don't drop me FULL FART (haha) and a bucnch of us trying to bridge ... Looking good, getting closer and closer ... We come around some trees and ... A FUCKING CLIMB ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I am dead already when people start attacking FML It's over ... Ride around like a training with a U19 kille ... Recent developments ... drop the U19 kille (haha, take that, Junior) (turns out he was in a breahaway for 2 laps and dead when he joined me) Get caught by a group of C riders and A women riders Chill Notice a girl is wobbly AF Notice flat front tire, ask: are you racing for positions? YES Give girl my front wheel I OWE YOU ICE CREAM as she rides away ... jag börja jobba mig uppåt de gick fort direkt galet fort kom upp till hälften av fältet o sen i första kantvindspartiet så händer de... the split jag sitter 3 platser ner från att klara mig i första gruppen.... noooooo fuck noooo inte redan, inte första varvet, inte första 5km ska jag bli droppad. Så full fart fram många sammarbetar för o komma ifatt... on the limit! vi kommer närmare o närmare ... looking good ... sen kommer det bakom träden och nerför en backe... kommer den en fucking backe ... jag ligger på rött och folk i fältet börjar attackera för att brygga upp till frontgruppen jag som redan ligger på rött flyger all världens väg! fuck it´s over on the first lap..shit what happend...wintertraining did´t help? avslutade loppet som en träning med en kille från U-19 som också ville träna lite...

Post race

Realize I got a WATT record on my Garmin Watch Paris-Roubaix and contemplate how much I suck after the race i looked at my Garmin and seeing Wattrecord! fuck it was a fast one today. nu ligger jag i min soffa och kollar reprisen av Paris-roubaix o känner att jag aldrig kommer vara i närhten av de där grabbarna 😊 over and out! @Glennan

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY

[travelforone-blog]

Slagelse

#ckringenisforthechildren

Date Location Discipline, club Result 2017-04-01 Slagelse, Denmark Landevej, CK Ringen 21/28 and about 15 dropped

Pre pre race

Waw, it's been a while since cross ... I went to Tenerife after last cross race, you know, because everyone has to go to Canary islands to cycle, right? RIGHT? Fuck that shit, one night we got so drunk we lost a friend, he never made it home, we assumed he was dead ... I guess that's what happens if 5 shots cost 5 EUR AND you get a bottle of shit champaigne on the top ... #carbloading? So ... experiencd looking for a corpse with a massive hangover in weird piss smelling corridors under bars in party alleys. He was ok, he went to an afterparty with Norwegians. Fucking Norwegians ... Never planned to touch a bike that week, would probably punch it after .... also, beer costed 1 EUR. Ah yes, I was pretty fed up with bikes by that point, I counted 15 cross races and 13 road races from last season ... I should probably write a retrospective post ... By the looks of it I spend ... 28 days racing and ... at least twice that amount training, AT LEAST ... so ... FML ... wait, I have no life ... UGHHHH Come January I hooked up with a coach and this new super system called xert which has numbers and graphs and these projected values and shit and I started training again ... Indoors, in front of a fan ... soooo muuuuuch fun I like having a coach, I lack the discipline to be my own coach ... Ola, you the MAN! So January, February, Marchuary was a combination of 3 - 5 - 5 - 1, XSS here, XSS there ... What this means is: 3-5x hard session per week, rest, contemplate dying, train, rest, can one die from exhaustion, train, hate life, train, hate bike, train, recover, cook, eat, cook, eat, eat, WHERE IS MY CHOCOLATE??? Let's buy some chips ... I will totally start eating healthy when the season starts ... repeat Nothing new ... So I spend ... way more than 30 hours training in jan, feb and march ... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ In the meantime we shot a promo video for a company to earn some money for the kids in the club. See screen grab above ... we had fun ... At some point I get a VO2max and lactate threshold test, best numbers ever. I was in a shit mood tho, work got in the way that day, it got in my head, IN MY HEAD ... But then I also started riding outside, like ... well, - 130km with my cross bike in rain with dry chain lube (now THAT was funny) - 120km and 100km with my road bike - 1x lågtempo intervallen with klubben - 1x shitty attempt at solo intervals that resulted in my knee hurting and me feeling like shit for 2 days Ah yes, my knee started hurting on my bike, I guess the saddle went to shit ... Get paycheck, buy licenses (plural, this shit is real yo!), sign up for Slagelse, let the tension rise ... Shave legs, best 2 hours of the week ... Contemplate cutting hair, but after a comment from Glenn: 'Dude, I am losing mine, so you are definitelly keeping yours, I encourage long hair' I decide to keep it ... Stop by Musette and SLAM THAT STEM (thanks guys, you're the best) Avoid alcohol whole week, yeah right, stress at work, meet deadlines, amazing, have 2 beers on Thursday, friday night ... well, I had a hof after 3 alkoholfree beers, let's leave it at that ... Wait, are we doing the whole alcohol thing again this year? FUCK ...

Pre-race

Play this and read on ...

Yodh by מזמור

Samling klubben kl. 8, ahhh, the little perks of racing in C Jonte shows up all wet, got cought by rain cycling form Lund #hardcore We take a trashcan full of cans and a bag of cement out of the van and off we go, TO DENMARK! Arrive at location, wait in line to pickup numbers, Jonte is shaking because he's cold, I take my jacket and cover him His parents observing: Aaaaawwwwwww, rigtig bra vannër ... situation almost gets emotional for a second Observe some TreBerg pros just chillin on their expensive bikes, observe some other pros chill on some other expensive bikes ... fuck me I am poor .... ehhhh Marcus is coming by in D so we go and watch, the mandatory D break passes, mhm, he did not make it ... peloton comes by, he's in there HEJA MARCUS KÖR HARD ... Me and Jonte: he looks tired ... yes, he does, he was sick whole week ... how was his training this winter? ... Well, not so good ... ah, he's a student, right, so just partying and shit, girls, booze? ... Haha, no, does not drink or party at all ... WTF? ... Yeah, he just plays videogames ... Ehhhhhh Get to van, grab bike, try to register, system says I am a Junior, some dudes laugh at that, me too, hahahaha det ikke dig? neeej, det var ikke mig ... HAHAHA ... fuck me I'm old ... Eventually, things get sorted out ... Notice the registration trailer is made by Adria, #ifeelslovenia Also notice the bed inside has a sticker that says: MAX 70kg ... well, that's kinda pointless ... Warmup, lineup for start, observe Jonte has no arm warmers ... take off arm warmers ... observe Jonte has no gloves ... take off gloves ... Jonte's dad: wanna take off the shirt too? Nah, forgot to shave chest ... Observe a random Swedish cyclist from ... Jönköpings Cykelklubb ... Observe the Sagan look and the lack of interest in marshall talking ... All photos by: Tim R. Larsen

Plan

Plan before today: exchange in chasing down attacks, stay in front, don't attack unless it gets really booring Plan today: Jonte - I'm just gonna chill for the first 2 laps, me: DEATH BEFORE DNF, AARGGGHHHHHH, you're kidding Jonte, right?

Race

We start, I stay up front, good job Miha There is this huge ABC dude who is like all over the place, looking back, talking loud ... jerk, I hope you get dropped After first couple of rolling hills we enter into a big road and KANTVIND YES, I WAITED ALL FUCKING WINTER FOR THIS BRING IT OOOONN!!!!1! booom, attack, couple of riders go, I am in front of peloton, normal pace, waiting for Jonte to launch behind ... nope Pace picks up, I wait ... nope EVERYONE SPRINTING FUUUUUUUCK Chase, chase, chase ... ok, we're goood, contact regained Right turn, again, pace picks up, as we hit the first smaller climb attack, uphill, kantvid Left turn, kantvind, downhill, attacks keep coming, we're chasing, I am chasing for my fucking life here ... Jonte? Nope ... Random Swedish dude goes, for like 2 seconds ... Big road, kantvind, new break of 3 is like 15s ahead, I lead the pack, try to chase ... I tire myself out chasing and then everyone starts springintg again AGAIN ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? ... well, it was painful but I got back in pack, in the back Oh, there's Jonte ... (later, the xert graphs show it was like really painful, like, lines were crossing and shit ... amazing) Final climb - kantvind, attack again UUUGHHH Start-finish straight, kantvind, attacks again ... Lap 1 done Internal evaluation of the situation: This is gonna hurt ... Lap 2 mellows down a bit, but it's still fucking crazy in kantvind Big road, we're all over the place, avoind oncoming traffic by like 2cm just to have that wheel RANDOM RANT: Hey douchebag driver, I wonder if you would be so fucking brave enforcing your right of way against an oncoming truck in your lane. Or a tank. Or a plane ... Yeah?!? ... I thought so ... fucking arrogant cunt, fuck you ... I mean there is this downhill section with kantvind, we're going all out, really ALL OUT just to keep the wheel of the guy in front ... Insane ... Jettison an empty bottle just after the finishline #feelingpro Lap 2 done Notice Random Swedish dude is dropped, so is large ABC loudmouth ... haha Internal reevaluation of the situation: Well, actually, this is manageable ... ASS CRAMP FML At some point there is an attack and Jonte joins GO JONTE ... but we all accelerate, so they're caught Lap 3 is fun, we actually form a chasing group up front, we're 5-6 cyclist chasing a group of 3 that made it at some point I even shout a bit since people stop working after a right turn Mmmm, shouting at people ... By the end of lap 3 just before the climb noone wants to really pull, so ... little break, we're looking at eachother ... NOTE: last climb is a small road, so it's important how one is positioned, so about 2km to that intersection all hell breaks loose when people want to get into right position There we are, just looking at eachother ... and BOOOM, people start going, all over the place, chasing here, there ... I do a bit of too much effort, shoft to the wrong side in the wind ... Try to catch a wheel but everyone is zooming by, no gaps, no nothing 20 like riders pass me FUUUUUCK Chasing, chasing, chasing ... ok, contact Last climb, finish straight fast pace ... I'm dead ... I definitelly burned my last match there Internal reevaFUCK THIS SHIT, FUCKING WIN IT OR DIE Death metal song plays in head ... Last lap Plan - keep things under control, stay up front, whatever happens, stay up front ... It hurts, but I stay up front I slide back a bit on the big open road and BAM, CRASH, BIKES FLYING AND THERE IS A RED TREK COMING MY WAY IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII OK, AVOIDED Aftermath ... chase, chase, chase ... Internal thought: Maybe the DIE methafor was too much? Close every gap, EVERY FUCKING GAP Enter last climb, good position, all good, let's see if we can get the final attack in LEG CRAMPS I guess not ... Ease the pace, nicely get to the finish with another dropped dude

Post race

Get to the van, change, barely walk Buy a chocolate milk, cake and water with money I won at a cross race #feelingpro Look for bottle in grass, no bottle, it's gone ... Get in van, get home Foam roll, eat, have 2 beers, watch a documentary titled 'The Swedish theory of love', sleep

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Musette 184 RACEDAY

[travelforone-blog]

2. Tradicionalni ciklokros Trzin

Ena po domače ...

Date Location Discipline, club Result Distance driven 2016-12-10 Trzin, Slovenija Ciclocross, CK Barriär 5/17 260 km

Pred dirko

Vstal na izi, nekje po 8ih (cel luksuz, za italijo smo bli pokoncu ob 5:30) Večer prej nisem kaj dosti spal, poslušal moj intervju na radiu do 1:30 zjutraj, tuhtal da moj glas ne zveni tako sexy na radiu kot v moji glavi, hmmmm ... Dober zajtrk, u izi, vmes razlagat mami da ni panike, da mam cajt, da se ne mudi, ne ne bom še enega jajca, ja, pomarančni sok pa bom, pridem nazaj nekje pod večer, ja Trzin, na rojstnem dnevu od Neli se ustavim, aja, gledališče, pive mamo, smo kupli s Kajo ... Spakirat vse v Volvota in gremo, via Trzin Kruz kontrol 130 na AC, pizda kako počasi to gre, vse leti mimo, zum zum zum benva, audi, benva, benva, passat, škoda superb, svašta Vmes en rondo s semaforji V rondoju, kjer smeh ... Ura in pol kasneje, enter Trzin, boom! Parkiram, naštimam, gremo po številko, še prej dvignem Filter 57 dres, Kje si legenda? Kje si majstr? ... Pozdravim klapo in grem en krog po progi, za mularijo, k je lih štartala ... Proga izgleda precej podobna lanOPA, kaj je to, UUUUU, offcamber blatni klanc, spust, offcamber desni ovink, mmmmmmmhmmmmm ZAKON, to bo še scena Proga naprej, ok, zdaj prihajam do gozda, mhmAAOOOOAAO OVINKI TAKI POČASNI DA TRPIŠ KU PRASC HAHAHAHAHAHA Ravnina leti, skrajšana, da ni dolgcajta, ostalo enako Na najbolj oddaljenem koncu, na najbolj osamljenem mestu srečam Miho HEEEJ LEGENDA, KAKO SI? Skandinavski pozdrav, ZAKON, WOOO HOOOOO LIH PROW, lepo ste to poštimali Ulovim ženske, jebiga, vozim malo zadaj, ena navijačica me cučno gleda: Babe lovim! Ok, 1.5 ure do štarta, kaj čmo delat? Debate, bla bla bla, malo ogrevanja, pojem eno frutabelo, pozdravim Deklevo, malo debate ... Ok, gremo počasi na štart, itak, skoraj zadnja vrsta Hitra debata z Borom v pelotonu, v bistvu zjanje sem im tja, huh?

2 minuti do štarta

Plan

lovi Jerneja ku mona, drži se Jerneja za vsako ceno, Jernej, Jernej, Jernej ... vse ostalo fleksibilno

Dirka

Štart iz ozadja, do prvega ovinka prehitim ene par komadov V gozdu je gužva, ne vem točno kaj se dogaja spredaj

Pridemo do offcamber klanca, klapa se lovi, hop dol s kolesa in tečemo, prehitim ene par komadov Obtičim za enim na Specialized k ne zna v klanc gonit, mu kopa, tuhtam, ma kako da ne zna? Pa tak bajk :O

V gozdu v ovinkih malo pogledam naokoli - ok, nekje okoli 10a mesta, Jernej ene 4 mesta pred mano, pred njim ene 3-5 komadov OK, I GOT THIS droppnem kolesarja na ravnini Prvi krog končan, gremo naprej, all the way up Ene par me prehiti ker sem nekako zatknjen za ene parimi, tako da spet končam za unim Specialized modelom, spet mu kopa: MA DEJ NGNI SE NAZAJ JEBEMTI mu zakričim Na ravnini mi uspe spustit ene par jih (haha), Jernej je v dosegu, en Cannondale je tudi spredaj, zgleda kul, zgleda kul Še en krog gre mimo, na klancu po potoku mislim da dropnem še enega, Specialized še kar vztraja

Skozi cel krog se približujem Jerneju, ga ulovim, ok, I got this, ga ne spustim

Na ravnini ga prehitim, gaaaas, DEJMO MIHA! aawwwww, hvala Jernej ... Ok, prehitel sem Jerneja, kaj pa zdaj? Hmmm .... MONA, GONISAMO GASA, SAMO GASA, lej da te ne ulovi naslednji krog gonim ku mona, all out, moram narediti luknjo, ni druge ... Naslednji krog tik pred ciljem pogledam, ok, gap established, now what? Resno, kaj zdaj? Kaj narediš ko prehitiš Jerneja Stibilja? Tretjega iz državnega pred dvema tednoma? Emmm ... GONIŠ KU MONA?!1!!! Tuhtam, tuhtam, kje so uni Cannondale in klapa? Hmmm, kje so, a čem Jakovaca vprašat? Eh, ga ne bom motil ... V ovinku Dejan: DEEEJ MIHAAAAA, spustim tak gas da zakopa BRAAAAAAAAAAAP BRAAAAAAAAAP Grem mimo Dekleve, slišim: Miha je izgubil nekaj malega, verjetno ker so na švedskem krajše dirke, Miha, kako dolge so tekme na Švedskem? Miha iz gozda: IIIIIIISTIIII KURAAAAAC Kolesar pred mano: huh?(?_?) Ok, zgleda da bo treba prtisnt GAS NA MRTVO, NEMA DA NEMA Una frutabela se mi sporigava, jebemti ... NEEELIIII!!!!! UUUU, naključni PRO navijač

Ulovim enega mulca z aero čelado in ga dropnem na klancu po potoku (dejansko slišim v glavi BRAAAAP ko ga dropnem) Foto: David Krevs (fant dela izjemne jeklene okvirje, BTW) Ulovim še enega, tip se zpne za smrekco pred klancom, laufam mimo, ga prehitim in potem se Lajlar zatakne in spotakne in zdrsne na klancu in me blokira: EH DEEEEJ NO BEJŽIIII! Ni panike, situacija rešena, tip dropnjen ... Ma unega Garmin Cannondale (zelen u glavnem) ni nikjer ... Spet grem mimo Andreja: bla bla bla Miha drugo mesto bla bla bla ... HUH? Drugo mesto? (pulz 175: hja, kaj jaz vem kako majo te kategorije, mogoče pa sem drugi, booo) GAAAAAS, IMA DA OBDRŽIŠ DRUGO MESTO boom, mimo prileti Tancik Ehh ..... Zadnjih par krogov držim pozicijo, nič drastičnega, kontempliram kakšen air v gozdu, ma zaključim da raje ne, drugo mesto je drugo mesto Končno v cilju, dejmo en dab naredit, en weak dab narejen (kaj pa jaz vem kaj je dab, mona, mam 35 let ...)

Po dirki

Šesto mesto WWWWTTTFFF???? Ej Andrej, a nisi rekel nekaj o drugem mestu ... Ne, je mogu tvoj pulz te zjebat, nisi slišal prav hahahah Eh well ... Važno je sodelovati :D Mah, kurac, dal sem vse od sebe, dirkali smo, se prehitevali, proga je bila zakon, ALL GOOOOOD Spijem pivo, pojem joto, še eno pivo, malo podebatiramo, podam izjavo, pohvalim prireditev, pozdravim klapo, solzne oči in ciao, grem na rojstni dan

Pici-Bici.com - SLO Cyclocross cup - Trzin 2016 from Pici Bici on Vimeo Spijem 5 piv in ob 21 sem doma, starši lih doma iz gledališča Spijemo še ene par piv, si povemo kako je bilo ... Sloveeeeeeniijjaaaaa ...

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Ciclocross del Ponte

How shit got real really fast and Italy's cyclocross rocks! Photos by: dad

Date Location Discipline, club Result Distance driven 2016-12-08 Fae di Oderzo, Italia Ciclocross, CK Ringen 24/52 250 km

Pre race

Get up 5:30, eat breakfast, get in car, Valter drives me to venue #pro This is awesome, bonding time with dad, I have a soigneur for start and a fan during the race #awesome Arrive at 8:00, pickup number, quick shit, pin number, recon time Random comment: Ah, Goteborg, Svezia? Si, si ... Ho una sorella in Goteborg. Ah ... bene, ma io sono di Malmo. Ha, mia ALTRA sorella e a Malmo, ho due sorelle a Svezia. Interessante ;) Track is frozen, sun is not up, after 5 min I cannot feel my fingers Venue is PRO AF, half of track is fenced up with sponsors, long start/finish straight, truck, cameras, big screens, tents, this is the shit ... After 1 lap fingers start warming up and they start to hurt, badly Fuck Track is actually surprisingly grippy, huh? Track is also PRO, bridges, flyovers, shiiiiiieieeeeeaaaat ... Another recon lap, a bit faster, ok, looking good Last recon lap, try race pace, notice track has been cleared of everything but ice due to riders practicing, so now it's just icy concrete hard frozen dirt everywhere. Ok, maybSLIIIIIDE OUT OF A CORNER like just lie down on the left side and sliiiiiiide out Hahahah, laugh at myself as I get up, there goes my cornering confidence Get to start for callup, embro time, lineup in 3rd row, 10 riders per row, number of riders in our start: 60+, number of riders in start 2, 30s behind us: 70+, race time: 50 min, lap time: 7min Yup, it's gonna be messy

Race

Horrible, horrible start, by half lap I lose like 10 places because I have absolutely no corner confidence Eventually, by the end of the lap it comes back, so plan: chase evertying in sight, until the end. No backing off ... So, come start finish straight I put down some power, pass 3 guys ok, this will work every corner is like super sketcy icy slippery mess of iiiii and braaaap and iiiiiii Attack every straight, brake hard, slow and steady, look for Sven lines, try and run all the tricky sections because icy and no point in struggling Actually at some point try to ride the nasty off camber, eh, fuck it, just run it like crazy instead next time, much faster and also, blocking people from passing, 2 in 1 :) Slowly gaining ground, pass a rider every 2-3 straights, looking good, I see about 10 riders up ahead to chase so all good At some point some of the faster riders from start 2 come by Occhio! Move to the side, see an older gentleman fly by with huge speed FML 30s later: Occhio! Move to the side, another gentleman passes As I do this a dude I passed before passes me too Fuck Also, the older gentleman is not as fast as the one before, so we are slower, gap is opening up to the dudes I was chasing Occhio! Ma guarda, e una gara, anch'io voglio andare avanti! Si, ma, non sei nella stessa categoria. E, giusto, dai, passa, ma corri veloce! Ok, grazie! Note to self: no occhio anymore. Eventually a group of 4-5 riders forms and we chase eachother down, pass eachother, block eachother, fun times I have no idea where I am, who is in my category, I am just going all out, trying to stay upright, this is fun Hear the announcer - the gap of the leader to 2nd is like 30s seconds, and we're like 3 laps in Fuck Also, try to keep pedaling and keep momentum in corners (somehow that was my mantra for the day - keep momentum and keep pedaling in corners) That and I WILL PUT DOWN SOME SERIOUS POWER ON ASPHALT BBBRRARAAAAAAP Try to put down some power not on asphalt - spin rear wheel like crazy, almost crash ... every fucking time ... Anyhow, keeping it consistent, catching and defending, all good Last 2 laps I am kinda battling with 2 dudes, trying to catch another one, it's all over the place I mean ... It's ALL OVER THE PLACE ... Last lap I have passed them, trying to drop them, kinda succeeding but not by much, so by the time we enter the last sprint I have the guy on my wheel I really put everything down to open a gap, he's right there, drafts, sprints pass me Fuck, I knew it!

Post race

Almost crash into riders stopped after the start finish line Try to figure out how to get out of the track, people everywhere, riders everywhere Get bike washed by the organizers I see Valter, get dressed, chit chat a bit about the race, grab a beer, chill in the sun Random comment: Ah, Gotheborg, Svezia? Si, ma io sono Sloveno. Ah, dober dan! Dober dan! Podium ceremony, winner comes by, ... I am like - hey dad, look, rainbow stripes, he must be a world champion or something :) Dad: Mi scusi, ma vedo che hai il simbolo del campione del mondo (points completlely at the wrong place). Si, si, cinque volte ;) Me and dad:

It was Massimo Folcarelli Too bad I did not get a chance to elbow him, hehehe Wait for results some more, have some wine, not in top 15 for prizes, head home Notice Nippo Vini Fantini car, shit is getting real here ... At home, have some beer, watch the elite race (Marcel Meisen took that one) ...they are flying, where I was pedalling to get up the hill they need to squash it to not jump too much. FML

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Malmöcrossen, Sunday

Go hard, crash, get up, repeat. Picture: satisfaction, by Jonas Wiking

Date Location Discipline, club Result Distance driven 2016-11-06 Crime City, Sweden Cykelcross, CK Barriär 6/20 ヽ(´ー｀)ノ 15 km

Plan

All out, try to run better up the hill

Pre-race

Get to venue, dress up, ride the track for warmup, try the improved running, booom, nailed it, hips and everything ... Meet Daniel Svegmar from Vësteros walking to the track - Hej, how was the race? Eh, I crashed, then it sucked ... Eh well, lycka till today ... Track is even faster than the day before, a bit more loose and muddyer, but even more BRAAAP Check the competition, ok, I got this! Glenn shows up, Hej Glenn! That's a nasty herpes ... naaah, crowbar to face, I work in construction, it's a dirty job but someone has to do it ... aaah, cool, much better :D Line up to start, 2nd row again, next to Björn, lets keep left this time Standing there - Björn (from Västeros) - Hej Mike, podium today? Me: Shhhhh, man ... Everyone: ahahahha. Me: You RUINED IT MAN, YOU RUINED IT!! Speaker: Fem minuter til start ... awkward silence ...

Race

I would say a bit better start than the day before, like maybe top 5 but ... Bottom of runup, Batman: Hej Mike, see, not tired at all! Me: I can see, you can still talk :D Top of runup - like 15th Observe Batman crush his balls descending without clipping in hahahahah Gain a couple of places in the offcamber, climb, boom, power down I am going all the way up today Slight gap opens in the gravel, I close it by the forrest, I am holding 5th, goood, GOOD, THIS IS GOOD MOTHERFUCKERS Enter lap 2 and Daniel Svegmar passes me in the valley of the hellwind Turn 1, ok, turn 2 he goes down hard, like front wheel washes out and he's down Me, drafting behind, oh no no no, try avoiding to the right, maybe juuuuuust ... BOOOM, HIT HIS BIKE LIKE FULL SPEED, bike jams into his, I fly over, land on his pedals with my ribs, bounce over and end on the grass Dafuk just happened? Pickup bike, everything hurts, can't breathe (Photos by Thomas Bengtsson) fuck, fuck, fuck Need to continue, need to continue ... Think: Run, run, RUN, RUN, MUST RUN, MUST RUN Pain is horrible, leg hurts, ribs hurt, everything fucking hurts and now I need to run up this fucking hill? YOLO, I start running This caused a gap to open up and Olle to catch up ... Top of runup - fuck, this hurts, and then it takes about half of lap t o regain composure, by that time I was passed by Olle Revise plan - NO REVIEW, FUCK THIS SHIT I AM GOING ALL THE WAY UP! Attack Olle and pass him at the gravel section, he passes back in the runup, attack and pass in the kanelbulle, he passes back in the runup Ingrid's brother Claes: You got this Mike, I know you're faster than Olle Note - my running was much better than day before, hips forward, full extension on legs, full MvdP style, I was feeling a bit sexy doing it actually :* Just look at those hips (Photos by Jonas Wiking) I mean, the race is on, he's going all out every single time he can, I am trying and push every climb ... ... This is how Sven and Albert must have felt ... Pass Claes in front of Olle: see, told you so! At the top of the highest climb he has like 1 second on me Enter first hairpin, commit a bit too much, right pedal catches the tape post Perform a sidewayish OTB with an addition of a Backside Cork 5 (it's a showboard term, google it) off the bike Bike lands on me, kick it off, get up, hear someone say: get on the bike Mike! I look at handlebars, seem straight, I guess I will be getting back on the bike then ... Hear Olle accelerate away Oh no you don't! Regain composure by the end of the descend on the gravel, notice Garmin is sideways, center Garmin (it annoys the shit out of me if it's sideways, that's why I was riding with a watch WHATEVER ...) Think to myself - I got this ... this ... IS ... MALMÖ!!!!! Get back to Olle, Olle has mechanical in the turns before the barriers, pass him, nail the barriers and accelerate ... Accelerate so hard up that climb I swear to gods I could feel the Earth spin under my wheels Last lap I see the dude in front that we kinda lost contact with due to intense battling this is it, all out, ALL OUT, Slayer starts playing in my head (I am not just saying this, I could literally hear them play Angel of Death) I hear myself breathing ... and I am breathing hard ... FUCK, breath deeper, breath deeper ... actually breathe deeper, feel slow, feel slower, FUCK THIS JUST GOOOOOO!!! Acelerate like crazy out of the forrest, got the dude in my sight ... Lap Glenn: Go get him Mike! You got him! Try to say it but not really managing: I AM TRYING, I AM TRYING, WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM DOING, FUCKING FIKA? Leave ... every ... last atom ... of energy ... out there ... Pass the finish line, never caught the guy ...

Post race

Cruise after the line and Björn and David both want high5 ... Thinking - if I high5 both, I crash, so I high5 björn on my right since my left is stronger on handlebars. Sorry David, it's me, not you ... OMG it's all so full of stars ... After about 3 minutes of pointless cruising around and getting back to this world start talking to people ... Complement Glenn, Olle ... Photo by Olle Receive some complements (like from the cup leader, mhm, woah, he was behind me, yes1!!!!) Ask coach Ola - did I do good coach? I gave it all? Ola: Yes, you did good! Check results - 6th GODDAMIT YES! BUT MIXED FEELINGS WHY DID I KEEP CRASHING????? Podium was of reach, so ... eh well, best result of season, also ... Malmö REPRESENT BITCHES! Ask Jakob: did I do good? Jakob: winks with approval! Side note: Jakob is the one who got me into cross, I saw this thing on fb years ago (CX i skåne?), showed up at Sibbarp and there he was, with his fancy bike and rolph prima wheels ... I sucked so bad back then :D Thank you Jakob for getting me into this adventure! We're going all the way up! Watch elite race, from the hills etc. But then, make my way to the forrest section where there is literally noone and watch Andreassen and Fini come through So much speed and flow, so smooth, it was better than watching porn ... I felt like a little kid again ... Try to explain to Björn what I just saw but I think I just sounded weird ... Teach Raphael how to carry a bike Later, perform some flagvakt so Björn can race, which basically meant smash the Rapha bell into the fence as hard as possible and scream as cyclists passed Shout random observation, like: Johan, go faster, this is not a fike, speed up, SPEED UP! Eventually, get home and drink 2 beers ... I'm dead ...

I guess I'll write a summary at some point ...

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Malmöcrossen, Saturday

Representin' Malmö! Picture: Mr. Pink by Simon Pictures by Simon and Thomas

Date Location Discipline, club Result Distance driven 2016-11-06 Crime City, Sweden Cykelcross, CK Barriär 7/18 15 km

Plan

All in, no regerts

Pre-race

Pack shit in car, arrive at venue at 11:00 with Juhlia, take her to the best spot (top of the hill) and say: The is the best spot, stay here :D Along the way meet and greet people, calm down Björn: WHAT, ingen cykelkläder? Ja, ja, soon, will warm up now ... See where the barriers are, just in front of a climb ... .... .... mentally complain to myself ... think - I hope I don't jinx myself Side note - remounting just before a climb and just after a looooong power section can be tough ... just sayin ... Get to car, start warming up, notice there is not that much time left, stop warming up, get dressed, start riding around the track Almost fall into a ditch in the forest section of the track while loudly exhaling: DAFUCK? Get to start, piss in a bush, Daniel drives by and says - Hej Mike, toaleten är då! Yup, 10m away, never saw it ... Get to callup, get called to 2nd row, good, position in the middle (thinking - left is fast, right is slow, gives me some wiggle room) See Emil soigneuring for the Specialized dude, interesting ... Emil nods in my direction, yeah, thanks, hand over the jacket Get ready to rumble!

Race

Start, the dude in front of me gets sandwiched between two riders, brakes WTF DUDE, FUCKING PUSH THEM AWAY Move left, like 10th wheel, try to move forward Enter first corner someone on right (Martin) goes down hard, wipes out about 5 guys with him ACCELERATE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER Get to the climb, suck at running, get passed Bomb the descend, pass a couple of people in the offcamber righ turn, descend ... Position check: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6th, good ... Keep position, lose a bit accelerating on gravel, catch up in the forrest, looking good Feeling in control ... Batman crashes in the slowest corner in the forrest, blocking everyone, gap opens up FFFUUUUUUCK My Garmin stops. Comment: Dude, you made my garmin stop! Batman: _Unrecognizable KLING shouting KLING as I KLING power away and KLING shift down Ok, I am in touch with the leading group, feeling strong, gooood Mr. Pink (Nikolas Kauzas) comes by and passes me Observe David follwoing behind ... Ok, not bad, except mr. Pink here is sloooooow in anything but a straight section or runup Also, Björn passes me Gap is oooopening uuuup ... Nikolas, pick it up ... Pass him and Björn in the gravel section, swerve left for the right corner, BZZZZZ tires touching, some shouting from behind ... Try to drop him, close the gap, fuck, dude is strong By the time we are running again he passes me easily, as does Stefan ... FML Gap is still opening up Goddammit, pass him in the forrest, get a comment: Don't do anything stupid now hehehe Put an effort into it, I thing it's the kanelbulle, pass him on the inside, good #igotthis Get passed again in the runup FUUUUCK The Lempre stanza dude passes, ffuuuuuuck ... Need to catch up, need to catch up ...but he's soooo slow in the tech sections, like the big kaelbulle, I need to brake ... fuck He gets a mechanical after the forrest, ahhhhhhh, yissss ... try to catch up to Stefan Pass a dude or two who are fading away ... good ... Stefan is moving away, Björn passes me before the barriers, c'mon Mike! ... Think to myself - Like, if we were on the road, I would be full aero boom mode, following 2mm on hiw wheel, but here, we're not on the road, what am I supposed to do, take your wheel? Meh ... Björn is gone ... Goddammit! Literally put everything down to try to catch Stefan ... gaining some ground, good, maybe I can get him Catch a lapped dude, pass him Fuck up last lap remount, like really fuck it up, unable to clip in, mourn: ah dej no, piiiiizda with a sad voice, no speed into the climb, fuck Lapped dude passes me, I pass him back in the kanelbulle climb, elbow him away (like, wtf just boom, stay there ...) See Stefan pass Oskar I think (my mind was in a weird place) I see Oskar see me, Oskar sprinting, me sprinting EVERYONE IS SPRINTING TO FINISH WHY AM I SPRINTING? Pass finish line Ufa

Post race

Ride a bit, regain concousness, breathe, let the dizzyness go away, try not to vomit, try not to fall off bike, see pixels ... Get back, hej Juhlia! Wipe snot away, puss puss ... Björn hands me a ... shot of something ... mmmmmm, Slovenian stuff :D (he just re-gifted with the best possible gift) BJÖRN, MY MAN! Chit chat, receive some good comments, hug Nikolas and apologize (man, he's huge) ... it's racing man! Talk to Simon about my running, it sucks, need to move hips forward, less stiff, thanks, will try! Chit chat some more, head home, move boxes, drink 1 glass of gin, 2 glasses of wine, rest Eventually get results - 7th place, 30s behing 3rd YESSS!!! Plan next day:

Also watch a video of Van der Poel running, just to get the feeling. Facebook Comment to JP: FUCKING AWESOME MEGAFUN FUCKING BRAAAAAAP BRAAAAP SKID SLIDE BRAAAAP POWER BOOOM AWESOMENESS PORN Comment to Batman: dude, try NOT crashing in front of me, like, crash like David in a wide section Batman: I will do my best to block you Sleep like a baby

To be continued ...

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Prelude to Malmöcrossen

The path to the OTHER highlight of the season All Photos by Heine J. Melgaard and Flying Monkeez

Introduction

Written at Kastrup airport, on my way to the last two races of this year. Gets a Carlsberg Juløl 0.5 for 55 DKK, mmmmmm, sweet caramel piss Also, this is important, shows the shift in mentality and state of physical condition ;) 3 weeks since Sjöängcrossen have been spent training hard for what was the 2nd highlight of the season - the local Malmöcrossen race. Which meant: - about 2 days of rest after the SM weekend and then hard training again (Coach: Same thing as last time? Me: Yes, of course, let's DO IT!! FML ... WHYYYY??) - [repeat] every day, wake up, tired, make breakfast (because hungry like the wolf), push stone hard, heavy legs to the office, get to office sweaty because the body has NOT recovered from the day before, work, get home, contemplate just stopping living, get my ass on the turbo, do a hard session (like, 4x10-40-20 at 500+W), gain concousness, eat something, stare at ceiling for 2h, fall asleep, maybe ... - Ocasionally, go out to the cricket bana in Ribban to do 15x60-120, after explaining to coworkers that (because I show up with a bike they have not seen before, later dissapear into the toalet and show up in full battle gear, adjusting my package in the bibs while talking to them ): I'm just gonna ride in circles for about 45 minutes and do 60 seconds intervals at 400W+. Huh? - And then there was the Soigneurcross #3 at Amager, AKA #therewillbemud. tl;dr - EPIC. (No, not the game, like ... monumental ...) Man, I loved the shit out of that game ...

[intermezzo] Soigneur CX #3 - Amager motocross track

Pre race

Get there with Ola and Winston (it's actually Henry, but somehow my mind says Winston), actually feel like a team, chit chat about stuff, bla bla bla in the car, you know, TEAM SPIRIT, nice change from going alone everywhere Arrive at scene, see CKX guys, say hi (feels a bit like gang war), chit chat, say hi to Barriär teammates Christian and Markus, Rikard shows up later ... First impression: where is the mud? Pre-ride the track, after half of lap - aha, there is mud. Meet Fredrik - Oh bless me Jesus? You have been blessed my child! Plan for the day - go all out, have fun, practice mud (there are not that many chances to ride in proper mud), see where the others are maybe adjust plan if needed. But fundamentally: this is just training, so fun, fun, pain, fun. Get to start, follow the hord, end up at the tail of the bunch, fuck

Race

Start, gravel in my eyes, WHYYYY, stuck behind everyone Remember, fun fun fun (just look at this face) Anyhow, first lap, suck at running the stairs, then yay, mud, power through, nail some mud ruts, mhm, this is fun Pass a blond girl. See Henry up front, gaining a bit on him ... Second lap, someone is bombing the inside of the second corner, defensive mode ON! (elbow out), person rams my elbow like big time, hmh, AH, it's the girl again (internal monologue: should I remove my elbow and let her pass? Would I do that to a dude? Hell NO! So ... if I do this to a girl, it's technically sexual discrimination. Ok. Elbow stays) She drops me in the stairs. and that was my daily dose of gender equality Second time into the mud - man, I am loving this Exiting a tight 180ish corner, I pedal into nothing narrowly avoiding smashing my jewels Ah, the chain is off. Try to put on chain ... Still trying to put on chain ... Fucking narrow wide ... everyone passing ... Ola passing ... never mind me, just putting on the chain ... nope, there is too much mud, chain will not stay on, chainring will not engage. On, what to do, WHAT TO DO FFS???? AH! Wash the bike :D Pickup bike, run 300m to pits, wash bike Remount, ride again, YAAAAY Feeling revitalized fucking nailing the corners and the mud, full braaaap mode (like, enter full speed, let the bike do the work, nail the rut, power down BOOOM, EL ON!) (trying to get a new catch phrase ...) Christian: Where were you dude? Me: I was washing my bike. Christian and Markus: WTF? Lession learned from chain exercise: do not stop pedalling, do not stop peadlling in mud Since I have no idea where I am I just power on, try to catch whoever I see 2 laps later, entering into same corner as before, chain off again loud NEEEEIIIIIIIIIII Same exercise, run to pits Meet Ola in the pits, he's washing his bike, he gave up because of chain issues Me: Fuck no, I paid for this shit, It's too much fun man! Point that thing at my bike. SSHSHHHHHHHHH, bike fixed again. Goo.... Even more fun in MUD, LIKE BRAAAP BRAAAAAAAAAP BRAAAAAAAAAAAAP (seriously, go to the braaaap page and click on the text, totally like that) Then 2 laps later, a slightly heavy remount after the bariers, bike stops Ah, I've managed to strip the tubular of the rim. Does not want to get back on You win this time, bike! YOU WIN THIS TIME!!!! Carry bike to pits, smile at a random danish photographer who tries to strike a conversation with me

Post race

Drink FREE BEER - I love Denmark, I LOVE DENMARK Cheer for Christian and Markus (like, really cheer)

Conslusion

EPIC!

(for reference, checkpoints that qualify the ride to be epic): - slow, but actually really fast [x] - Black & White (because of mud) [x] - suffer [x] - beer [x] - good company [x] - AWESOME video to summarize everything [x]

Also, Best comment ever from Juhlia: you look so hot running with your bike. Someone should photoshop Baywatch logo onto that video and add the music! - Training continues, last session is a week before the race with Henry, Old Man Stephan and Martin reconing the track, doing some fast laps - We ride a bit, I kinda go at my pace (not really hard because there are 5 days of suffer behind me), when I am done: hm, you are going kinda fast. Nääää. But numbers show good progress, legs are PANG PANG PANG! - Submit track feedback to both Phillip and JP (the masters), complain, of course - The week spent resting legs, fixing bike, drinking as little as possible (It's DECEMBER FFS)

Friday before Malmöcrossen

Leave work early to go and recon the track Arrive at venue, see people working, see some funny stuff going on with the track Comment on track features, get told to shut the fuck up and fuck off, you were not here helping, so STFU ... Actually, good point there! Internal monologue: You are correct, I am a dick, but I am SOOOOOOOO dropping you tomorrow MOTHERFUCKER. Apologises later, so do I, #totalbromancemoment Some Elites and Juniors show up, follow me around the track (hehe, funny) Chit chat a bit, go home, prepare everything for the race, chill, rest, go to bed early Can't sleep, too nervous, waaaaay too nervous ... FML

To be continued ...

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Cykelcity Pcyclopat absoluteBLACK 184 RACEDAY

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Sjöangcrossen

The day after Picture: Phillip = pure happiness Jonas W

Date Location Discipline, club Result Distance driven 2016-11-13 Eksjö, Småland, Sweden Cykelcross, CK Barriär DNF 😐 650 km

Pre-race

Got up 7:12, sneak out of the room so I do not wake up cute sleeping teammates, grab some breakfast, hit the track Getting ready a dude shows up - Hej Mike! Mhm? Jason Brim, I follow your blog. Ah, hey man, nice to meet you, wanna ride a lap together? Ride a lap, snacka litte, then some more, be done, track is frozen solid Get back to hostel, change to race clothes, warm up inside, get back to venue just in time for Senior B race Shout and cheer for Petter and Daniel, at some point hear the echo of my screaming over the venue, stop shouting at people Ride the track, track is melting, ride a lap, ride another lap, those offcambers are getting sketchy Get to car, change to mud tires, ride a lap, contemplate, contemplate, no, no changes last minute, stick with the choice from before, change back, get to start, miss callup, WHERE IS MY SPOT? Start all the way at the back. Quick nervous piss, hectic attempt at taking off leg warmers, good thing Daniel is an AWESOME soigneur. Line up, Hej Phillip, what's up?

Race

Start at the back, way, way back Get stuck in traffic from the getgo (is that a word?), also get gravel and mud in face FML (at this point I was like, yeah, YOLO, let's just chase people down) First straight, nope, stuck First downhill - pass a few First uphill - pass a few Barriers and climb - pass a few Thomas, as I pass: Hej Mike, go Mike! hehehe Pass Arvid at some point, hej Mike! hehehe Notice Phillip is on my wheel Get stuck in stairs ... See JP crash in the slow off camber section (mental note: he's definitely not having a good weekend) Later, see Hagen crash after the tree-corner, and the next lap, see David crash there as well tl;dr Basically for the first 2 laps it was ALL OUT FUCKING POWER PASSING PEOPLE, DROPPING THEM LIKE FLIES BOOOOM Insert animated gif of an explosion I mean, at some point me and Phillip came up the steep climb so fast that just coasting afterwards was enough to pass like 2 guys, like Björn depicted below, we passed him by the time we reached the other side Credits: Jonas W At the sketchy offcamber see there is a queue, dismount, run it, pass almost everyone then a cyclist falls in my way, bodycheck the cyclist full force Oh, hai Batman, sorry about that, didn't know it was you It's OK, Go Mike (as I drop him in the start-finish straight) hehehe Notice Phillip is still on my wheel After 2 laps we catch up to Adam and Martin, pass, try to drop Adam and Martin, kinda-ish, but legs are like ... meh? Ok, maybe recover for a second, listen to legs Miha Phillip passes me, ok, ok, rides away, ok, ok, don't panic, don't panic At the straight, Martin passes me, ok, ok, don't panic, don't panic Try to put down some watts in the climb Intermezzo: you know that shut-up legs thing? Yeah, very romantic, I am sure it sells a lot of t-shits, doesn't really work in real life. First, legs can't actually hear you (while you can hear yourself thinking, which makes it weird because you're like who are you talking to in your head) and second, legs will hurt and they will get numb and they will run out of steam regardless of how much Jens Voight merch you buy ... or how much you scream at your legs ... or think about your legs talking ... ever did a VO2 max test? or a windgate? My point exactly ... Back to racing ... Another dude passes me back hmmmm, panic? Credits: Jonas W aaaaand now Adam passes me ... Legs? Leeegs? Oj!!11!! Get to the steep climb, legs decide that's it, we're done. I CONCUR! Slowly roll down to the pits, make sure I am not obstructing anyone (road racing style) As I reach the pits I see JP there, as I come closer he shouts at me: GO MIKE GOOOO!!! like really LOUD at me while I stop and dismount _____awkward moment_____ yeah, no legs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ DNF

Post-race

Grab jacket, get changed, wash bike, see David also DNFd Observe Phillip chase like crazy, still, think to self: dude has some serious power in him Hang around, talk, congrat people after the race Hugs all around, head home

Summary

Good

I am happy with results, worked hard to earn them, beat some fast guys, was competitive, all good. Had megafun cheering, bowling, drinking, hanging out. I mean, CK Barriär is one crazy ass bunch of riders, supernice and positive, happy, fast, strong - all good there too. Am I disappointed for the DNF? A bit, but I've consciously exchanged a good result for fun the previous evening, so definitely no regerts there either.

Bad

I guess I could have gone after Warren or defended my 7th position better at SM if the dude would not kept crashing in front of me all the time, but you know ... Also, riding 2.5 laps at 120% burns you out, regardless ...

Ugly

Not much really, it's just that it's all kinda starting to sound the same ... maybe I should start a podcast?

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Cykelcity Pcyclopat absoluteBLACK 184 RACEDAY

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Svenska mästerskapen

Something we've all been waiting for Picture: self explanatory Jonas W

Date Location Discipline, club Result Distance driven 2016-10-08 Eksjö, Småland, Sweden Cykelcross, CK Barriär H30, 10/28 650 km

Disclaimer: in the post, I used pictures from Olle Claesson and Jonas W (just click on them to get to the source).

Pre-pre-race

Plan: 2 rest days, 1 hard session (went for 15x60-120), 1 rest day, Friday with some openers (had to google that one) Reality: For the most of it, nailed it, the hard session showed potential (highest power, lowest heartrate, I planned for 15x but Juhlia scared the shit out of me when she arrived through the door so I stopped at 12). Except for moving boxes for 3 hours on 2nd rest day. And 7h wait at a tire shop on the 3rd rest day. And drinking booze and wine after that because I was pissed off I spend 7 hours of my life waiting for fucking tires to be changed. 7 hours I will never get back. On the other hand, in retrospective, if I haven't waited, I couldn't have gone to Eksjö in the first place (because Ola's kid got sick) so I guess all good? Whatever ... (Fun fact - Gustav Win-Win waited at the exactly same spot the next day, for the same dude at the station #3 for 5 hours.) link

Pre-race

Pack shit in car in the morning, late 15 min, drive to Eksjo Forget bike cleaning stuff, turn around after 5 min FML Drive for 3 hours, 15 minutes to reach Eksjö, Get dressed, prepare to recon the track, observe Jenny, re-focus, recon the track with very low expectations (like, the most boring track ever) Ride a couple of laps - track is fun fun fun, YEEEHAAAA, fast, loose, sketchy AF, my kinda stuff ... Try mud tires, they grip like tractors but on the straight sections they are sloooooow Meet Björn, Stefan and Martin from CKX and have a very educated discussion about tires and other stuff Ride some more laps, man I am having FUN BRAAAAP BRAAAAAAP BRAAAAAAP (I am LITERALLY making those noises while riding and passing people) Wrap up, Yo Mike, don't drink too much beer today, or whiskey_ Ha, ha, inte idag, Björn, imorgon Wash bike, drive to Vanrdarhem, stay in front and ... well, try to figure out how to get in ... Eventually, figure it out, prep bike, shower, go to SB, have the loneliest, most boring dinner possible Get to bed early, can't sleep, nope, can't sleep at all, WHHYYYY????? FML Finally asleep at around 23:30 some NEW ARRIVALS MAKE SOO MUCH NOISE OMG FFS SHUT THE FUCK UP HOW MUCH LUGGAGE CAN YOU HAVE BOOOM TRASK SMASH Realize it's probably the Stockholm gang. Eh well ... Get up early after a shitty night and bad sleep, have breakfast, observe Jenny, continue eating breakfast FYI, if you haven't figured out who Jenny is: link Hit the track, track still loose, still LIT AF BOOOM BRAAAAAPP Change, warm up on the turbo fucking #pro Callup puts me on 3rd row, I got this?!? Ask if juniors start 30s before? they do ... Klas: Mike, did you hear that, they star... I JUST FUCKING ASKED DUDE :D

Clothes, Equipment

Merckx Eeklo, Stans Iron Cross wheels, Schwalbe X-One tubeless and AbsoluteBlack 38 oval chainring. Pressure sitll fuck I know, but just riiiight. Some kinda medium warm Grip Grap cross gloves (not sure if cyclo-cross or cross-season), no leg warmers but merino underwear, Lazer Z1 Yellow Camo helmet with matching neon yellow Sidi Drako shoes BOOM! Most importantly, some sweeet chamois and embro from The Race Day. Seriously, it was cold AF but me and Klas we're sporting naked legs and we we're on fire. But that stuff, it's the bomb. You definitelly will not regret it. Unless you forget to remove it before shower, then will, but you will also regret being born, so ...

Track

BRAAAAP BRAPAAAAAAPP BRAAAAAP

Hint: click on the text on the page, scroll down, repeat ...

Plan

5th or die trying

Race

Start, shoulder to shoulder, pushing, I am going all out, some dude's pushing me from the right, not having that, push back That did not sound right ... Start, AARRGGHGHSSS, CLIP IN, BOOOM, GOOOOOO, PEDAL, shift, PEDAL SOME MORE, AAARRRGGGHHH, KOMMER PÅ VENSTER, NO YOU'RE NOT, SHOULDER TO SHOULDER, ARE YOU PUSHING ME??? FUCK NO ... ALLL OUT, GRAVEL IN MY EYES TASTE OF BLOOD IN MY MOUTH AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH By the line, I am in a good spot (do observe the elbows please) Coming into the second corner everyone seems slow and clumsy I GOT THIS Once the line forms I see I'm holding like 5th, 6th or something, don't have the ti tl;dt STFU BRAIN We are flying 50m later we hit the barriers, as I dismount a dude blocks me from lifting my bike so I slam my bike full speed into the barrier and stop 3-4 people pass, fuck Regain composure, hit the stairs, 2 more pass fuck fuck fuck Side note: I spend most of the time training on turbo, so my technique sucks balls ... or, hurts balls ahahahha First off camber BOOOM BRAAAAAP, dude in front of me is sketchy, drop him I am nailing this Descend, good, dude crashes in the climb after (Erik KARLSSON-LANDÉN?), pass him and drop him, textbook Stairs, good, remount shit, climb good, nailed it trough the forrest First off camber nailed, yellow-green-red dude (Daniel SVEGMAR, his name was Daniel, I think, I talked to him after Falun at the gas station) has a mechanical, pass him Lay it all down on the start-finish straight First lap done Fuck, this is gonna hurt ... Re-evaluate position, looking good, about 6th, 7th I think, goooooood See Rikard behind me, ok, let's try and keep it that way :D See Warren Bates just in front, that is good, see Mikael KIPPILÄ up there as well, looking good ... Chasing Mikael for a while (see what I did there, I try to mention people's names) (say it with the Law&Order voice: DUM ... DUM, the following took place between lap 2 and 6 of H30 SM on November 12th in Eksjö, Småland) BOOM, a dude from GBH comes flying past on the straight DAFUCK, where did he come from? And he crashes at the grassy slow corners I try to make my way around, no luck Try to keep up with him around the lap (not as easy as it sounds, he's a monstrously strong) WTF? The thing is, I do not know who he is, so I am like: who the fuck it this dude who keeps crashing in front of me?_ It's Erik again, FYI he came 2nd in GBH both days, apparently also famous MTBer Pass him before a technical section, good, now hold it on the straight, nope, here he comes again And he crashes again, goes way back in the pack hahaha, this is funny Uuuu, look, nature looks nice today And here comes Erik again. And he crashes again C'mon dude, just stay down ... Funny as it might have been, everytime he crashed the people in front kinda get a bit more away from us (Warren & co) I kinda tried and anticipate him crashing, so I can avoid, but still, you have to go from the ideal line, so there is a second or two lost everytime that happens Also, did you ever try to drop Erik on a straight? It hurts ... a lot By his 5th crash or so (who counted) Daniel makes his way back and passes us FUCK Keep it together, it's only half of the lap AAaaaaand the La lempre stanca dude (Gustav Wass) comes by FUUUUUUCK It's getting tight, they are riding away, fuuuuuuuuuuck, legs, c'mon legs: no JEBEMVAMMATERNOGE Enter start finish straight, hit the drops, sprint for my life, keep everyone behind YES FFFFFFFUUUUUUU Barely stop before the marshalls and not hit them

Post-race

Have no idea where I ended up, wander around pointlessly for a couple of seconds Then HIGH5s and hugs all around Klas comes in just behind, hugs and love Get changed, start cheering as Women start (GO INGRID GOOOOOOO) Crack open a Black IPA, cheer for women racing Observe Jenny's smooth style over rought terrain and Emma's sheer laying down of power Observe Ingrid's wide smile and that her right leg warmer slided down After the race, grab a burger and beer just in time for men elite start Down some more beers (you know, calories), do some proper cheering For the rest of the day drink beer, have pizza, almost win KM in Bowling with team Dick! Side note: Arvid can bowl, me, not that much Hit the bed at 22:30, you know, because I'm serious and I want to pre-ride the track the next morning

To be continued ...

These help me do what I love, go pay them a visit: Cykelcity Pcyclopat absoluteBLACK 184 RACEDAY