#so I changed my requirement to being BASICALLY caught up instead of totally

[nowoyas]

koi no yokan 18: get some rest (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: back to your regularly scheduled programming! as mentioned over on ao3, there's a slight chance of a small hiatus AFTER next week. I had to pause and hammer out the next arc more thoroughly, since my outline is mostly limited to the actual onscreen and offscreen proposals. next week's chapter is already banked, though, so there's ALMOST no way I don't manage the planning AND drafting for at least one chapter within two weeks' time. almost.

Summary: It takes a lot of good sleep to recover from a concussion.

Warnings and tags: briefly implied/referenced child abuse, blanket series warnings

Words: ~3000

Noya comes home late.

You might not have noticed; it's not like you're waiting up for him. You'd come home after practice, barely managed to pull out the futon, and immediately gone straight to bed. If he hadn't purposely woken you up, you probably wouldn't have noticed, but he shakes you awake when it's already well past dark out, gentle as he stirs you from a dead sleep.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asks while you're still blinking into the lamplight.

"Mrrrrgh," you tell him.

He laughs, soft and sweet, hand resting on you as you stare at him. "Okaa-san said you didn't come down for dinner. Wanna eat with me?"

"Didya just get home?" you mumble. "Time?"

"Yeah. It's like, nine or something. Got caught up in individual practice until they almost locked me in, so I haven't eaten yet. C'mon, I'm starving."

"You're late." You groan and push yourself to sit up. "I feel like it's s'posed to be my turn to wake you up, but fine."

So you follow him downstairs, let him set a reheated plate of food in front of you and sit across from you with his own. Sleepily set about eating.

"I was surprised to see you back today," Noya comments when you're both settled in. "At practice, I mean."

"Good. I wanted it t'be a surprise." You yawn, stretch a little. "Was everyone… like, do you think everyone liked the lunches?"

"Are you kidding? They were amazing. You did a great job."

A smile flicks to your lips. "I'm glad."

You watch him eat for a bit. He hasn't showered yet; his hair's still down.

"Why the hair change today, by the way?"

"Oh, that?" He laughs, a secret third kind of Noya laugh you haven't heard before. It sounds almost nervous. "Don't worry about it."

So you were right. It's definitely because of this morning. As much as you kind of wanna tease him for it, that has the chance to go down a path you're trying to avoid looking at. Also, requires acknowledging that you were awake and just sort of let it happen, which basically guarantees looking at that path you don't want to acknowledge the existence of.

So instead, you hum thoughtfully. "Took a little getting used to, but it looks nice."

He freezes, the bite of food that had been on its way to his mouth dropping back to the plate as he stares at you, cheeks growing red. "Y-you think so?"

"Yeah. Totally different vibe from your usual, but it does."

"Marry me" tumbles from his lips thoughtlessly, and you smile.

"Nine hundred thirty."

He finishes eating way before you—you blame his snakelike ability to unhinge his jaw and the fact that he's actually fully awake, while you're still recovering from your nap and eat like a normal human being—and watches you finish up, an uncharacteristic quiet settling between you. It's comfortable.

You're really comfortable with him.

"Do you want the rest?" you ask after a moment. "I'm kinda full, but I don't wanna waste it."

"Sure," he says. He takes the plate you push over, and you watch with amused horror as he polishes off the last bit of food in record time.

"You know, if I weren't so worried for your digestive system, I'd say you should go into those eating competitions professionally. There's that one American who does it, like, full time and gets all these sponsorships and stuff."³³

"You worry too much."

"Someone's gotta worry if you won't," you quip back, resting your head on your arms to look up at him. "Lucky for you, yours truly is fantastic at it."

"Yeah," he says. "You're great. You complete me, you know?" He flashes an easy grin. "So you've gotta marry me."

"Nine twenty-nine, and let me help clean up."

He raises an eyebrow. "You did a lot today. Are you sure?"

"I can wash one plate, Senpai. Probably even two plates. If I'm feeling ambitious, I might wash a fork, too."

"Woah, let's not get too crazy, here," he jokes. You bump shoulders with him as you come to stand beside him at the sink. He actually lets you help clean up, a fact that you sigh into.

"I'm glad everyone liked the lunches today," you say as you wash your plate. "Really. I was… kinda worried."

"Why? Your cooking's great."

"Not about the cooking. I mean, a little about the cooking. Just… you know. Insecure, I guess." The admission comes out too quiet, nearly lost in the sound of the sink. "I'm extra, you know? There's really not a need for there to be three managers for the team."

He's silent a minute. When you glance at him, he's staring out of the corner of his eye, realization widening his eyes and pursing his lips. "And you think you're the unneeded one."

A nod. "I guess. I mean, Shimizu-senpai's a third year and everyone loves her and also she actually knows what she's doing."

"…And Yachi-san did those posters," he realizes. "You were so weird after she first showed them to us."

Another nod. "I remember seeing them the first time and thinking… wow, she's amazing. What am I doing here?"

A hand rests on your waist, pulls you loosely into his side. You wrinkle your nose—he smells like sweat. Definitely hasn't showered yet. "And today? There's no way you still think you're extra after that reception."

You huff. "Guess not. I missed everyone. I like it here, but… I guess I sort of like going to practice with you guys and helping out."

"Marry me, then."

You laugh, turn your face into his shoulder to hide your smile. "You are really working them in tonight. Nine twenty-eight."

"What can I say? There's something about coming home to you that makes me wanna keep coming home to you."

Error: [name].exe has stopped responding. Reboot program?

…

Rebooting…

"I. Um." Fuck. Your face feels dangerously hot. "…n-nine twenty-seven."

His shoulders shake with poorly-stifled laughter. "I didn't even ask that time."

"T-that felt like one, okay? Shut up."

"You know, [name]-san, I'm starting to think you might be…"

"Whatever you're thinking of finishing that sentence with, shush."

He breaks into a grin. "Just a little bit of a tsundere, that's all."

"I said shut up!" You shove him away roughly. "Go take a shower or something. You smell gross. I'm not letting you cuddle me like that."

"So if I clean up, I get to—"

"Go!"

He mock-salutes you before darting out of the room. You remain standing at the kitchen sink, desperately trying to get your bearings.

How the fuck is he single? No, seriously, how the fuck? Is it the height thing? Has he just never had the chance to come out of nowhere with shit like that and completely floor some other unsuspecting girl?

Fucking hell. If he just acted around other girls the way he acted around you...

You shake your head. Dry your hands. Slip up the stairs to head to bed. With any luck, you'll be asleep again before he's done in the shower.

You're not optimistic about it, to be honest. Your mind is racing in a weird way—completely blank, but the blankness itself is at a high speed, which is odd to say. It occurs to you, faintly, that you suddenly are aware of what "!?!?!?" sounds like. Then there's footsteps coming down the hall towards your room, and you're forced to slam your eyes shut and turn over so your back is facing the door.

Tonight, he slumps into your futon with a contented sigh and a whispered good night. Tonight, he wriggles under your blanket with you, and tonight, you lay awake, count his breaths as he spoons you.

You're hyperaware that you need to stop this. That you need to pull back, for his sake and yours. Before you hurt him and rip your own heart out in the process. Before he hurts you just by being him—earnest, straightforward Noya. But it's one of those nights, and what you know and want takes a backseat to what you do.

Tonight, when his breathing slows and you're sure he's asleep, you trail a hand up his arm. (Stop it. Just go to sleep.) Tonight, you close a hand over his. (Stop it. Someone's gonna get hurt.) Tonight, you intertwine your fingers with his. (Stop it stop it stop it—)

(You do not stop it.)

(You fall asleep that way.)

(You're just so comfortable in his arms.)

~

Three more days sees three failed attempts at meeting your—admittedly ambitious—goal for the day, three marked increases in your stress level as you call whichever sister is available to come walk you home, three days without a word from your father, three nights where Noya comes home later than the standard, and three nights sleeping cuddled up to your best friend like nothing's weird about it.

You ease into other home chores where you can with the blessing and supervision of Rina or one of the girls. Noya's grandfather isn't around much—you don't know what he gets up to all day, only that once or twice he's come back with a strange woman maybe Rina's age on his arm. When Noya's home, you ask for updates on what you're missing during dinner, and when you're in his futon or he's in yours, you drag the pads of your fingers over his exposed skin and tell yourself that tomorrow, you'll go home.

The guys are improving massively already—apparently, Azumane wasn't the only guy working on something new. You're treated to new flashes of everything they're trying during the meager hours you can tolerate being there, and Noya excitedly tells you more during breaks or when he comes home for the night. When it comes to his own little project—the jump set he's told you about multiple times and which you admittedly keep pretending to forget about, half to tease him and half to watch him talk about it—he's grown less and less enthusiastic over these three days.

He's getting frustrated.

Your suspicions are confirmed on day four of this—today, your goal was "lunch and stay until individual practice", and it's the first day you've successfully met your return goal, with seven to spare before you have to miss the biggest sleep-away camp of the summer. On a break, Sawamura had waited for Noya to disappear for a bathroom break before approaching you. Can you talk to him? he'd asked in a quiet voice. We've been trying to get him to pull back a little, but he only listens until I stop glaring at him.

So, perfect timing. He's overworking himself, and there's no damn way you don't stay until Noya leaves tonight. You'd agreed with a sweet smile, an assurance that either he'd listen to your request to take it easy or you'd make him literally carry you home.

So now, you're helping with his individual practice for the first time since you allegedly agreed to do so over a week ago, in spite of the protests from multiple team members that you should take it easy and not risk getting hurt.

You're throwing a ball. That's it. If Azumane or Tanaka manage to hit you in the head where you're standing, perfectly perpendicular to the direction they're trying to spike in, they should probably just quit volleyball entirely. Even Hinata apparently only had to hit it a little out of bounds at just the right time to take you out the first time.

Like this, you get to see exactly why Sawamura asked you to talk to him, and you grow more and more disapproving as the night drags on. It's like he's Hinata, with the way he's absolutely relentless—whoever he's setting to takes a break, and he immediately tracks down Suga for advice or moves to a setting drill you've seen Kageyama do, bouncing the ball repeatedly against the wall without pause. Something about strengthening his fingers and improving control? You don't know.

What you do know: he literally hasn't sat down since individual practices started.

For the fiftieth time tonight, you check the time, and while you were pushing through the exhaustion and occasionally using them as reasons to try to force a break, it's not working.

So this time, when Noya takes the ball and starts setting it against the wall, you fix a glare on his back. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot Tanaka watching you march up to him and shift away a little bit.

You snatch the ball out of the air between the wall and his fingers with a glare. "Senpai."

He blinks. "[name]-san?"

"You have a lot of nerve, you know that?"

"I—what did I do?" he manages, staring at you entirely stunned.

You sigh. You really want to lecture him, but with the way he is, you get the weird sense he's just not noticing what he's doing. "Hardly letting me take a plate to the sink because I need to take care of myself and then doing this shit. Sit down, Senpai. Everyone already knows you're cool, and you're gonna get that set, so there's no sense in going hours without taking a real break."

His cheeks tinge pink as he processes your statement, and he slides to the floor obediently. "You think I'm cool?"

You roll your eyes, take the ball over to the volleyball cart for now. "Not the issue here."

"Marry me?" he calls after you as you make the walk across the gym.

"Nine twenty-one," you grumble in reply.

~

That night, curled up in his futon instead of yours this time, you trace the scar on his shoulder thoughtfully. It's so much easier to worry about him than anything else, so that's what you do.

"Gonna swing by my place and check on things tomorrow," you say. "Maybe grab some clothes so I'm not stealing all your shirts."

"Want me to come with you?" Noya offers. "I'm sure everyone'll understand if I'm late because I'm helping you."

"Nah, I don't wanna take you from practice, and I need to be able to handle this stuff on my own if I'm gonna be cleared for full activity again soon."

He pouts. "How strict are the doctors gonna be with that? It's not like you're playing."

"Dunno. They're probably worried about, you know, five volleyball teams playing at once in the same room possibly leading to me getting my shit wrecked again."

"I'll protect you this time," he grumbles. "It's not gonna happen again."

"I'm sure you will, but the doctors don't know that. I really don't wanna miss the whole thing, though, so I'll probably ask if I can still go under a modified schedule. Like, help out for half the day and hide out in the girls' room the rest of the day or something."

"Aw, you do love us," he teases.

"Who said anything about that? It'll be boring here all alone."

"Sure, sure," he laughs. "You can admit that you like us, you know. I won't tell. You even already said it once."

"Shut up."

"Marry me and I will."

"No, you won't," you snort. "But nice try. Nine hundred twenty." You sigh into him, eyes lingering on the arm in your vision. "How'd you get that scar, anyway?"

"Mm?"

You tap your finger against it. "That one."

"Oh." He sounds… kinda upset that you asked.

"If you wanna talk about it, I mean. I'm just curious."

He shrugs, the position awkward for it, shifting you a little bit where your head rests on his chest. "My dad, probably."

"Your… dad?"

"I don't remember much, and Okaa-san thinks Satsuki and I don't remember anything, so she doesn't talk about it."

Oh. "You mean he…"

"'Sjust a guess. I know that I barely knew him, and that Mei and Kaede both get really upset if Satsuki and I ask about him. Okaa-san wouldn't talk about how Kaede got a concussion, either, so it's probably related to that. And the one time he tried to contact us, Mei had a panic attack and then stopped talking for like, three days. Figure it's probably got something to do with that."

"Noya, I'm so…" You freeze, and then you laugh. "Sorry, I—I'm not laughing at you, I just… I was so emphatic about not wanting you to be sorry when I told you about my family, and now I'm laying here and I don't know what to be if not sorry."

Another light squeeze, crushing you to his body. "Just be here."

"I can do that," you whisper. "That's easy. Can I—is there anything else?"

He hums thoughtfully, taking a moment to nuzzle the top of your head. "Well, there's one thing. Ma—"

"Nine nineteen," you interrupt.

He smiles. Huffs. "Let's get some sleep, alright?"

You nod, shift to get just a touch more comfortable. "G'night, Senpai."

"Marry me," he blurts in reply. "I mean, goodnight."

Your shoulders shake with silent laughter, and you count up one more proposal before you drift to sleep.

Footnotes

33. Joey Chestnut, of 76 hot dogs (with buns) in 10 minutes fame. At the time of this fic taking place, he had just tied his own world record with 68 hot dogs (with buns) in ten minutes, about a month before this chapter. I like to think Reader-chan knows this information solely to tease Noya about his eating habits, but who has the power to make that canon?

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish

[chacusha]

I probably should give an update on the fic I'm working on, and might as well do it by reblogging this post. Basically, when I started giving my full focus to this particular fic in April, it had a bit over 6k words in it: the first two chapters, more or less complete, and then quite a few snippets from later in the fic already written up.

I'm writing this for an event (Unconventional Courtship) that has a vague June deadline (I have until 14 June to sign up for a posting date 1-30 June, and there's also amnesty posting on 1-7 July for people who signed up but missed their posting date).

I made a sketchy outline in order to estimate how many chapters this fic would require in total and came up with 12 chapters total at a bare minimum, assuming my chapter plan panned out.

I then counted how many weeks there were from the beginning of April to the end of May, the main work period before we started getting into scary Posting Territory, and I counted... 9 weeks. So even at a very ambitious (for me) "1 chapter per week" pace, I would still not be finished drafting by the beginning of June -- and I needed to budget quite a bit of time for editing too.

In any case, I decided to just go for that "1 chapter per week" goal and see how it went. Each of the chapters pretty consistently came out to about 2k words. So I could kind of make a secondary goal which was to write at least 2k words per week in case my chapter plans/lengths changed (which (spoiler alert) they did...) and tracking by chapter started to become messy.

The good news is that I... have largely kept to this schedule? I currently have 12 chapters finished, and 24k words written, which is slightly ahead of schedule in terms of chapters (+10 chapters in 9 weeks) and BANG on schedule in terms of words (+18k words in 9 weeks). This discrepancy is because some of those chapter are shorter (~1k) chapters that did not exist when I was making my outline. T_T

So yeah, the BAD news is that my chapter outline is currently sitting at an estimated 15.5 chapters (chapter 16 being a short coda) instead of 12 chapters. In terms of where I am in the story using my original chapter outline, I have just finished what used to be "chapter 8" was in my original outline. So still 3.5 (possibly more) more chapters to go and we are already in posting period land. <:D

But the good news is that those 3.5 chapters are exactly the ones I estimated would be the easiest for me to write (they are relationship drama, my favorite thing to write for Quodo, and a significant amount has already been written in the form of snippets). I was actually secretly hoping to hit the end of the (old) "chapter 8" by the end of May, because chapters 3-8 were the tricky ones where my idea of what would happen in them was "???" but I already know exactly what happens in the remaining chapters (old chapters 9-12; now chapters 13-16) and knew it would be a coast from this point. BUT BUT they DO still need to be written AND ALSO I still need to do editing! Serious editing!!

Also, during May, I actually fell behind significantly due to travel and getting sick, and so the last three weeks of May have featured me writing at a pace fast enough to hit my weekly goal and then a little more to make up the deficit. And as of this weekend, I am fully caught up, so yeah, that's been great.

So yeah, this writing experience has been really weird for me. It's hard for me to describe my progress because I am simultaneously slightly behind schedule, ahead of schedule, and also right on schedule. In order to achieve all this, I've basically been doing daily sprints all throughout April and May, which has been both hectic and extremely effective.

I did not have high hopes of finishing this project on time, but it was always a *possibility*, and after all the work I've done, I'm basically at the same place: it IS possible I can throw this together in time for a late June or early July posting date, but the jury is still out on that one. I don't have a clear "you have to throw the towel in" OR "yep, this is in the bag" signal, so I guess it's still an uncertain forward charge for me.

Anyway, since I have to make a final decision by 14 June, I think I am going to make one last writing push this week and if I have easily finished drafting by 14 June and am ready to start edits, then I will sign up.

Whew, that was really long, sorry!

Quo-do the Thing! - Check-in #1 (June 1-7)

Here it is -- our first check-in! This check-in is optional, for people who need external accountability in order to get things done. If you fit this category, then it is required. ;) For everyone else, though, you can skip it without issue.

📋 Check-in form 📋

The check-in form is open from now until the end of June 7th (whenever that is for you). Also, sign-ups are still open if you would like to join the event! The AO3 collection is also open for posting, if you have already finished a work that fits this event.

Helpful links: Sign-up form | AO3 collection | Event info

Below the cut is a reminder of what you said you'd like to have done by June, for those who have signed up. If you marked that you are using Tumblr to follow this event, I have @'ed you -- I hope it's okay.

chacusha:

Quodo UCII: Goal: The whole thing, basically. Can I do 2-3 chapters in April, and 3+ chapters in May? Is that feasible??

colorcoded:

Smutty Quodo art: Goal: Rough digital sketch

@mossmx:

QuodoCook: Goal: figuring out the storytelling, finished gathering references in a PureRef file (characters+proportions, DS9 room, DS9 cooking accessories, DS9/Ferengi food), decided which "props" to have in the scene and finalizeing the poses.

@rulesofacquisition:

Doctor Odo and the No Good Very Bad Physical: Goal: 1200 words

Weaver:

Earring: Goal: Maybe 1 chapter

@yvanka:

Anniversary date: (No June check-in goals written.)

Quark bi bi bi vid: Goal: Adding all the footage to the file

Feel free to check in using the form or by replying to/reblogging this post or just wherever works for you. If you haven't gotten started or you're not quite where you wanted to be, feel free to get a little work in before checking in!

[oh-boy-me]

Could I get a headcanon of the demon boys' reaction to MC who is surprisingly string for their size or build?

I’m going back to some older asks--sorry it took so long to get to this!

Lucifer

“Humans are weak,” he thought.  “MC needs my help to survive,” he thought.  Haha bitch no they don’t.

The first time Lucifer sees MC lift something they really don’t look like they should have been able to carry, he’s about to rush over to take it from them.  But, seeing them not struggle at all, he’s so shocked that he ends up cemented in place.  He was gaping a little bit, but good luck getting him to admit that part.

He’s never going to truly get used to it, but he does appreciate the extra pair of hands around the house.  However, MC has to be really careful about what they take up.  Helping Lucifer move some heavy boxes because there’s a lot of them and it’ll save time?  Sure thing.  Helping Lucifer move a heavy box because it looked heavy?  His pride won’t let them get away with that.

On the bright side, Mammon’s suddenly pulling his weight around the house.  Lucifer can’t complain about that.

Mammon

Ok so what you do is set up an arm-wrestling stand and make mad bank and then

Mammon is in quite the pickle, because he keeps trying to show off to seem cool in front of his favorite human, but every time he offers to carry something they say they can do it and then actually can do it????  How is he supposed to look cool when they’re cooler?!

Maybe he’s being self-conscious, maybe it’s just an easy out, but he starts blaming MC’s strength for things that don’t make any sense.  “If it weren’t for MC and their dumb muscles, I wouldn’t have forgotten to buy eggs!”  Mammon, what are you talking about?

It’s not a problem, because literally everyone calls him out on how that’s bullshit and doesn’t make sense.

His quest to look cool in front of them never truly ends, so he’ll fight heavy lifting out of their arms and take care of it instead, under the guise of “you’ll hurt yourself” and “I’ve gotta protect my human.”

Leviathan

MC is lucky that Levi is technically still stronger than them, because that envious streak isn’t one that they’d want to have to deal with.

And since Levi is technically still stronger than them, we instead get the whiny, petty “why can they do that and I can’t?”  Maybe it’s because you haven’t exercised in 500 years, Leviathan.

He’ll beg them to share their secrets with him.  They’re human, right?!  It has to be easier than whatever it is that Beel does!  He wants to be stronger too, like the hero in I Want to Ask My Childhood Friend Out, but She Said She Would Only Date Me if I Won a Triathlon and I’ve Never Run a Day in My Life Because I Have Wings.

It’s definitely not because he wants to spend more time with them and hog their time and maybe see them in their element.  Nope.  No way.

Kind of wants to be carried by them, just once.

Satan

Little known fact about Satan: jars have a vendetta against him.  Or, at least that’s what he says.  In truth only about one in every ten jars he tries to open give him trouble, but when everything pisses you off that adds up to every single jar personally being out to get him.

And let me tell you, it doesn’t really make him feel better when sweet, unassuming MC is able to force it open when he wasn’t.

Oh but he’s not angry at them!  He’s just VERY angry at the jars.  Ok, well.  He’s a little angry at MC for one-upping him, but he controls himself because strong or not, MC is still human and he could snap them like a twig if he isn’t careful.

Moving forward, he appreciates that he can ask MC for help with lifting and the like instead of Mammon or Levi or, ex-father-but-not-really forbid, Lucifer.  But he’s not going to be direct about it.  He kind of just pointedly complains about it until MC gets the hint.

Low-key he also wants to see MC beat someone up (preferably not him).

Asmodeus

To say that Asmodeus finds that attractive would be an understatement.  Ooh, there’s just something about someone who could bench press you that’s so thrilling.

And to say that Asmo will walk anywhere ever again is a foolish assumption.  Have fun carrying him, MC.  He’s not very heavy, luckily, but he’s basically dead weight in their arms with how he drapes himself.  And knowing that MC can support his weight, he will jump into their arms without warning.  Or on their back.  Anywhere, really.

He’s also never lifting a finger again, so have fun with that as well, MC.

If anyone threatens him or gives him attitude, he’ll threaten them in return, saying that he has a really strong human.  And then he’ll actually call MC to try to get them to put Asmo’s money where his mouth is.  Please don’t humor him here, MC.

It all seems rather selfish, but Asmo really adores MC and their strength, and he makes sure he drowns them in compliments whenever he’s being a spoiled princess.

Beelzebub

Beel is as strong as he is because of exercise and dedication.  He breaks the assumption that he’s by default the second weakest of his brothers, so the fact that MC is also stronger than they look doesn’t surprise him all that much compared to the others.

(I feel like that’s a common thing with Beel--I guess he’s just good at accepting whatever new nonsense life throws at him lolol)

More importantly, though: does MC have a workout routine?  Because if they’re doing something to hide all that muscle in that body, Beel wants in on that secret.  Also he wants a workout buddy.

Can and will drag MC to the grocery store because that’s more bags of food to carry.

He can lift MC easily, but he’s excitedly looking forward to the day that MC can lift him.

Belphegor

The best word that Belphie can think of for this is “convenient.”  Because he’s light for his size, and MC could probably carry him as well.  And that means that finally--FINALLY--he has one more person he’s comfortable letting carry him to a better napping spot.  When Beel isn’t home it’s really tough for him, y’know?  Under the table isn’t fun, but no way in hell was he gonna let Levi pick him up.

Like Lucifer he’s a little bit like “what?  I thought humans were all baby.”  And yet he kind of thinks it’s cute?  MC is so… human.  But they can give a good fight.  Like a small bear.

He will bribe and dare MC to get into trouble with him.  “Hey MC, don’t you think that whole marble statue would look better in the middle of Lucifer’s study?  Right on his desk.  Or even better, let’s block the door.  Yeah, the feng shui of the room is all messed up and I think a giant statue in the way would really help.”

They’re both going to get in so much trouble but seeing Lucifer’s face is enough of a reward.

Masterlist

[edorazzi]

Once again, it’s the post everyone’s been waiting for! Reviewing Part 1 of the Miraculous Season 4 finale. 

This is a followup to my reviews of the “Felix” episode and “Gabriel Agreste”, so if you haven’t read those then you might like to! They’re not required but do contain my thoughts/opinions/screaming/crying about the Felix storyline up to this point. 

I haven’t watched “Strike Back”/Part 2 yet so be gentle with me.

Sorry this one took such a long time, I just wasn’t emotionally ready for this journey (and caught Covid in the middle of editing). But hopefully everyone else is up to date and ready to watch me suffer, so I’ll throw the rest under a cut and let’s get going! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

---

So to kick off, here are my pregame thoughts. Like previous episodes I went on total content lockdown once the finale aired so I’m only aware of a few spoilery things which slipped the net:

Felix gets hold of a Miraculous. Not sure how, why or which one; just that it’s orange. Also something about the Peacock brooch.

Whatever happens in this has radically changed the fandom’s opinion of Felix and not for the better.

Lila is featured somehow.

So I really have no clue where this is going. I recall Lila was working with Gabriel to control Adrien and seemed to ally with Chloe at the end of “Penalteam”; but Felix dislikes Chloe and outright hates his uncle - who he’s aware is Shadow Moth! - so I can’t see him joining this squad of villains.

I’ve talked about this before but at the end of the “Felix” episode I got the impression Felix really does like Adrien, he was just seething over feeling abandoned at his dad’s funeral (and trying to grab the family ring at the same time). In “Gabriel Agreste” the boys seemed on good terms, so I assume they consider that score settled and anything Felix is scheming from this point on is directed more at Uncle Gabe.

On the other hand, Felix’s relationship with the heroes isn’t great. In his debut episode he really messed around with them, appealed to Hawk Moth directly and looked genuinely hurt when Chat accused him of having no friends. However, they seemed fine in “Gabriel Agreste” when Felix was again in need of rescuing; and I can imagine him harbouring a long-term grudge like he had against Adrien but to sabotage the heroes in a way that benefits Shadow Moth/Uncle Gabe? Ehh. Unless Lila is finally staging an uprising and trying to take over as the big villain? MAYBE.

(And I will say - I think there was a HUGE difference in the writing quality of the previous two episodes. “Felix” was just a “fuck you” to PV fans, an incoherent mess which outrageously villainised this new character instead of telling a real story; while “Gabriel Agreste” was much more solid and portrayed Felix as an intelligent/morally grey figure. Like Chloe’s character assassination in “Miracle Queen”, I think Felix’s attitude in the Finale will heavily depend on which episode this draws more from.)

On my magic third hand, how about the increasing speculation of Felix and Adrien being Sentimonsters, or at least ‘more than human’ in some way? I wasn’t buying into the theory at first but at this point I’d believe it. Mostly because I’m genuinely nervous they’re going to “unalive” Felix; if they’ll basically kill Sentibug onscreen when she was a really sweet character then what makes Felix (the most hated one of all!) any safer?? 

I’m writing this all before going into the episode, obviously. Maybe all my speculation is useless and it’s just “Miracle Queen” Round 2 where they mess up an interesting morally grey character for no reason. Guess I’ll stop avoiding this and go see. :/

---

- Alright, I’m going in. Seeing a bunch of the heroes together is nice; I heartily disapprove of “Kuro Neko” downgrading Chat from ‘partner’ to ‘basic bitch backup’ but this isn’t the place to talk about that (OR IS IT?). There’s also nobody in this group I actively dislike Vesperia. 

- How come Roi Singe and Carapace get a bro fistbump but not Chat? Are they EVER going to resolve the plot point of Nino revealing his identity to Adrien in “Rocketear”? He did apologise for beating Chat up in the street but have things been frosty since then or what? :/

- Everyone splits up before they detransform, and Ladybug won’t let Chat go with her to collect their Miraculous(eses) because she doesn’t trust him with their identities. And yeah, I’m glad Chat is going off about this, we’re like 10 seconds in and I’M MAD TOO. Ladybug let Viperion learn who Chat was without his consent (which could have led to a Luka/Adrien friendship arc but this series continues to starve me of the most basic sustenance!! >:0), and I’m glad Luka knows because someone has to keep an eye on both these magic idiots, but SHE CAN’T TRUST CHAT WITH WAY LESS VITAL INFO? GIRL...

- Also, doesn’t he at least know who Ryuko and Pigella are? Maybe he can’t admit knowing Carapace but I’m sure Chat was there for both Kagami and Rose getting their Miraculous. She could let him help a little! :(

- “Cat Noir will always be a holder like any other...” / “Yep!” LADYBUG. WHAT ON EARTH. Kissing him on the cheek and calling him your “favourite” does NOT make up for that!!! >:0

- I’m also gonna go down that road and say kissing Chat is a really messy thing to do right now. He clearly interpreted that as something romantic and haven’t we established a million times that Ladybug does not want that relationship with him? :/

One thing I want to talk about here is how “Glaciator 2″ includes a scene where Chat admits that he’s been ‘acting up’ out of desperation to maintain the relationship he has with Ladybug, but he’s so inexperienced with affection that he always ends up acting flirty or romantic and just makes her more frustrated with him. 

I think Adrien (as an isolated, socially awkward celebrity heartthrob) has genuine problems knowing how to express platonic love - look at his failed relationship with Kagami! - and yes it’s his own job to deal with that but this kind of thing isn’t helping! What he needs is Ladybug trusting him with more responsibility as a partner to show she values him, not giving out misleading kisses to soften his rejection as a teammate.

Does that make sense? I do think Ladybug’s trying to be nice but this feels cruel to Chat after everything else this season. Where is Felix.

- CAN YOU BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT RENA WHEN I WAS GETTING MAD ABOUT LADYBUG TRUSTING VIPERION OVER CHAT. THE WHOLE SENTIBUBBLER/SCARABELLA MESS WHERE CHAT WASN’T ALLOWED TO BE IN THE LOOP ON ANYTHING, AND THEN GOT BLAMED FOR BEING DIFFICULT TO WORK WITH. OH MY GOD.

- Anyway, Rena Furtive makes sure the coast is clear as Ladybug reclaims the Miraculous from each holder. They do a synchronised dive into an alleyway and detransform amid some cute banter and a plan to go to the movies.  This is really pushing the concept of Rena being Ladybug’s ideal partner and it’s making me feel super bad for Chat right now, especially when Rena does what I think is an imitation of him bowing to “Mademoiselle Ladybug”. Maybe it’s a coincidence but it’s very suspect when she’s currently filling Chat’s role as Ladybug’s trusted aide. It’s not funny if you’re punching down, ladies.

- I do apologise for being so nitpicky. I’m way too high strung for regular episode content. Just show me what Felix did and get it over with! >:0

- Cut to Gabriel in his butterfly cave.

Side note: I’m watching a TV series with my family (“Temple”) about a guy who’s keeping his comatose wife in a secret basement, trying to find a cure for her illness while lying to everyone else that she’s dead, and the LOOKS I received when I said it’s the same plot as Miraculous Ladybug. They know I draw a lot of stuff for this sparkly baby show but I’m not even sure they knew it had a plot. They just know I like the catboy. :/

- Ol’ Gabe starts monologuing to his unconscious wife as per usual, mainly about what an embarrassment he’s been this season; but this time he ends up sobbing over the coffin and cracking the glass by beating on it with his fist. Can’t help thinking that the “I am not worthy of our LOVE!” stage already came when he started throwing Adrien around in Season 1; how many akuma has this man unleashed on his own son??

- Gabe reels back in terror when he realises the damage - huge props to the voice acting here, it’s very good! - and immediately shuts the safety doors on the coffin and bolts outta there like a kid who just chipped mom’s best plate. If you put it back in the cupboard right away it’s like it didn’t happen!! 

- ...And goes straight to throw a fit in Nathalie’s room, apparently. I know she loves this trainwreck of a man, but 1) why, and 2) is she getting paid extra for this? Adrien comes to cry in here too but at least he brought sandwiches. These emotionally damaged people just bust into her room whenever they want and Gabriel doesn’t even have snacks.

- NATHALIE, I’M SORRY, BUT PRETENDING GABRIEL HAS NEVER MADE MISTAKES IS SO FUNNY. MY BRAIN IS JUST FLASHING THROUGH ALL THE TIMES HE’S MESSED UP LIKE A COMEDY MONTAGE. The worst mistake was letting Felix into his house, not once but multiple times! And where is the little bastard anyway? :/

- Gabriel rushes to Nathalie’s aid when she starts coughing, looks despondent as she assures him she knew the risk she was taking with the Peacock Miraculous; then leaps up with a maniacal laugh as he realises LADYBUG NEVER TAKES RISKS and bolts out of the room still cackling. THE WHIPLASH HERE IS INCREDIBLE. GUESS NATHALIE’S GETTING HER OWN DINNER.

- Our regularly scheduled stop at the Butterfly Lair! But this time it’s all tinted red as Shadow Moth cooks up his plan to FORCE Ladybug to take enough risks that she eventually makes a mistake. I see we’re out of solid villainous plans and moving into Codename: Kids Next Door territory; this is something Knightbrace would do to increase traffic to his dental practice.

- I do like how Shadow Moth sifts through all the voices of people in Paris experiencing negative emotions; I think(?) it’s the first time they’ve illustrated exactly how he chooses his victims and confirmed that he only knows what he can hear; a nice dive into an otherwise staple sequence. :D

- He settles on a child who isn’t allowed to ride their bike without a helmet or training wheels. Classic Gabriel Agreste, here to start fights with children before getting dunked on by other children! Speaking of, where is Felix. It’s just occurred to me that I don’t even know if he’s in Part 1 of this finale. I better not be suffering through this for no reason. :/

- New child character! Frog Boy and his generic backgrounder parents! He’s zooming around at the zoo and wishing for sweet sweet adrenaline, the kind you only get on the razor edge of death. I guess not all characters need stories based around their visual theme but why is this child a frog when his story is (presumably) about taking risks? Why not a tiger? Are frogs particularly fearless bastards?

- So Shadow Moth’s plan is to remove everyone’s sense of fear, meaning the citizens of Paris will start taking risks and doing dangerous things. I’m reminded of “Simpleman” where he made everyone incapable of complex decision-making and the fallout was huge. But what kind of risks are we talking about; is Marinette going to fearlessly confess to Adrien or is someone getting hit by a car?

Now I’m theorising Felix gets a Miraculous because he’s already a sociopathic little bastard who knows no fear; and as such is the only one Ladybug and Chat Noir can trust to act level-headedly in this situation. I’m under the impression he steals this Miraculous though. Hmm.

- Frog Boy’s transformation just gives him a bigger hoodie and a very slow pedal bike, and an annoying song to top it off. No flames or spikes on the wheels? Underwhelming but the less I remember him the better, I guess. A megaphone on his bike spits out glowing orbs which zap everyone they find, including Alya (and her whole family), Marinette and Adrien. So that’s our three main protags compromised! There’s a mark left on each of their necks which I’m sure will be used to tell apart two suspiciously identical blond boys at some point.

- Adrien wakes up first! I appreciate that they scraped together enough leftovers from the budget to give him pajamas; four seasons in and we’re FINALLY allowed to see more of his fashion model closet. It’s taken equally as long for Marinette to get a blanket, she was sleeping on top of her sheets every night until recently! Alya isn’t allowed to sleep at all and Nino doesn’t even have a house (or parents), it just costs way too much. :/

- Nathalie video calls Adrien with his morning schedule, and I’m pleased to see the return of the Chinese lessons! They haven’t done much with that since Season 1, but between this and the Shanghai Special it’s becoming relevant to Adrien’s character again and that’s nice.

- “But first and foremost, the breakfast for two that my father’s been promising me for MONTHS!” SWEETHEART. OH NO. This breaks my heart because I already know Gabe’s going to cancel, I feel it in my bones. Please let Adrien tell his dad to get bent; the fear is gone, right?

- Okay, so Gabriel is deigning to set eyes on Adrien today, but in the study to discuss work instead of at breakfast. This old man can’t talk and eat at the same time, in the room literally JUST across the hall??

- I bet Gabriel’s invited Felix, hasn’t he. Is this ‘new project’ a twin fashion shoot thing? I don’t know why he’d let Felix in the house after what happened previously but maybe Uncle Gabe thinks he’s really got a grip on things this time. Either that or it’s a romantic photoshoot scheduled with Lila, and the test of the akuma’s powers is whether Adrien has the confidence to tell her to back off or not. I’m sorry for all these projections, I’m just trying to second guess this episode before it can get me first.

- PLAGG DECLARES THAT HE FOR ONE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE BREAKFAST WITH ADRIEN. That’s so sweet. This feels like a holdover from “Kuro Neko” where Plagg has realised just how emotionally vulnerable Adrien is - especially now Ladybug is pulling away from their partnership - and has really pitched in with supporting him! I love how their relationship is developing. :’)

- Oh I see, the frog-shaped Risk marks get activated when Frog Boy (who has apparently been out cycling around Paris ALL NIGHT) passes within earshot singing his annoying song. I guess that explains why there’s no widespread chaos yet. I’m sure we’ll be having MANY “well well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions” moments if it comes and goes in waves!

- With a burst of fearlessness Adrien FLIPS OUT, HURLS his neatly-pressed shirt across the room, and yells that he’s fed up of being a model and just wants Gabriel to be a dad to him! SWEETIE, ME TOO! He stalks off in determination to “GO TALK TO HIM” and Plagg can’t stop him. I KNOW THIS IS GONNA GO SO BADLY BUT IT’S WHAT I’VE ALWAYS WANTED FOR ADRIEN, YOU GO HONEY!!!

- ADRIEN BURSTS INTO THE STUDY IN HIS PAJAMAS, ENRAGED, IN FRONT OF GABRIEL AND HIS COLLEAGUES. I’M IN TEARS. 

- Lila is also here (so no Felix yet), and is either wearing all white or they forgot to texture her outfit. It’s happened before; never 4get Alix going a whole episode with grey hair because they just forgot to colour her model properly. Does anyone remember that Season 1 episode where Max’s hair and glasses ran away from the akuma without him?

- Gabriel shoots Adrien down and he immediately subdues and leaves. I guess the wave of fearlessness has passed but BABY NO, YOU WERE GONNA GET HIM! Even Plagg is encouraging him to give it another try! :’0

- “Rebellions are like cheese soufflés: just because they sometimes collapse doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try again!” is my new favourite line from this show. It’s so uniquely baffling. I want it on my wall like a Live Laugh Love sign.

- Poor Adrien is stuck doing this romantic photoshoot with Lila, I guess. Is this all before school or did Gabriel pull him out of classes for this? Did they have a lot of time set aside for that breakfast they were supposed to have together? Has Adrien even HAD breakfast? LET ADRIEN EAT 2K22. >:0

- OOH, Adrien calls Lila out pretty viciously when she begins lying to him! Specifically claiming this photoshoot is nearly as romantic as a Hollywood movie she starred in. And that wasn’t even a “sure, Jan”, he went for the throat. Is he being affected by the akuma again or is this a holdover from last season where Adrien really told Lila where to shove it? I’m betting on the latter since he isn’t interrupting the shoot to yell at his dad like we know he wants.

- GABRIEL’S PLANNING TO SEND ADRIEN OFF FOR MONTHS ON AN INTERNATIONAL PHOTOSHOOT WITH LILA. MY GOD. Can’t blame him honestly; sucks for Adrien (who can’t even bring himself to argue, sweetheart!) but Gabriel’s the one trashing the city on a regular basis and making the Surprised Pikachu face when his son gets caught up in it! I’m amazed Adrien hasn’t been in a Swiss boarding school since Season 1.

- “At the end of the ad, using CG, they will meld together to become the perfume bottle. Two souls, one mind, one heart.” Several concerns. I’m VERY nervous about this Sentimonster thing. Not to keep bringing Felix up before he’s even got here but is this about the cousins somehow, or is Ol’ Gabe just monologuing blithely about missing his wife again?  I’m not overlooking that camera angle of Emilie’s portrait right behind Gabriel’s shoulder as he stares at Adrien, either. Hashtag symbolism.

- GUESS ADRIEN’S OUTTA HERE. SORRY BABY. Marinette’s apparently watched this news clip 22 times and is FREAKING OUT.

At least Adrien gets to attend school one last time, that’s slightly better than nothing but isn’t the “adrenaline or death” akuma still on the loose? Is Gabriel just counting on this not being the incident which gets his son killed before he can ship him off to safety? :/

- Ah, we’re back to the strategic wheelie bins so Marinette can get around the school courtyard unseen! That’s a nice callback. And of course, despite Lila doing literally nothing this season until the previous episode, she’s suddenly commanding the class again and Mari can’t get near any of her friends. I sure hope Alya isn’t on Lila’s side any more, now she’s all in with Miraculous business can’t Mari explain what happened with Volpina? :/

- Nice to see Adrien with the guys too! I like that they’ve been pushing that friendship group a little more recently when we get so much of the Girl Squad already. I’m half sad to hear Adrien would be missing Nino’s birthday if this travel plan goes ahead (after all the trouble and property damage Nino went to for HIS birthday! :’0) but between episodes like “Rocketear” and “Penalteam” Nino’s been such an ass to him lately that I don’t know where they stand as best buddies. I’m still frustrated they haven’t addressed that! >:’0

- I will say, there’s no way this storyline will actually end with Adrien and Lila going on a months-long trip, so I’m not taking any of this very seriously. Season 4 has been better at updating the status quo but that’s way too big a change. It’s terrible that I expect them to kill Felix onscreen before sending Adrien off for an unspecified amount of time but here we are. :’)

- I’M GLAD MARINETTE’S NOTICED HOW UNHAPPY ADRIEN LOOKS. I thought she was just going to focus on Lila “stealing him away” or whatever but this is a good use of her infatuation. She’s literally the only classmate paying attention to his feelings right now! I’m more surprised a public photo of Adrien going “:(” hasn’t been analysed more closely but I gotta maintain my suspension of disbelief here. Mari loves him.

- Also, I’ll be really disappointed if this particular shot (shown above) isn’t a rehash of that Season 1 scene where Marinette shuts her locker and Adrien is right behind the door. It’s set up exactly the same way, please, that would be so funny--

- I expect nothing and I’m still disappointed. 

- Anyway, Frog Boy chooses this moment to cycle past the school and Marinette’s Risk mark lights up, cementing her urge to confess her love before Adrien leaves FOREVER (or at least long enough to fall in love with Lila)! >:0 

Where are this kid’s parents, by the way? They initially let him go because of his akuma power, but if people return to normal when he’s out of hearing range (and still recall what they did in their fits of fearlessness), shouldn’t they be looking for him? Calling the police to report their toddler missing??

- So is this, like... a class fencing lesson? Like the class soccer outing in “Penalteam”? I really wish they’d give these kids some sports kits, I know animation is expensive but they’re never dressed properly.

- Just like the soccer game, Lila fakes a complex and obscure medical condition to get out of this activity; but it backfires when Marinette (who arrives late after angsting in the locker rooms) gets to be Adrien’s partner and their teacher won’t let Lila step back in for safety reasons. Get rekt LOL.

- MARINETTE’S ABOUT TO CONFESS AND ADRIEN GETS NUTTED IN THE FACE WITH A BALL. GUESS THEY’RE NOT FENCING. I don’t know why I didn’t pick up on that when Lila was benched for “ball-ophobia” (there are no balls in fencing! >:0) but that was completely unexpected and SO funny. Is someone trying to get Adrien out of this modeling trip by smashing his face in?!

- IT WAS NINO!! HE’S CELEBRATING HIS STRIKE (I guess this is dodgeball?), ALYA’S LOOKING ON IN HORROR AND I’M CRYING WITH LAUGHTER. I DON’T KNOW IF HE’S BEING A GOOD FRIEND OR A DICK RIGHT NOW.

- Oh yeah, okay, they are playing dodgeball! Adrien gets smashed in the face and goes to the ‘dungeon’ behind the opposing team. Is this a metaphor for the way Gabriel treats him under the impression he’s keeping his son safe? And why is this the second episode in a ROW where nobody will explain team sports to this poor boy? :(

- Also I see Nathaniel didn’t get out of this one. Marc can save him from soccer workshops but not this!

- Alya tags Marinette WAY more gently to send her to the ‘dungeon’ with Adrien! A very generous move. I appreciate that it was just a little bump on the arm while Nino nearly fucking ended Adrien’s modeling career; as Certified Best Friends they’re both doing what needs to be done! :D

- Adrien and Mari have a little talk. It starts out awkward as they don’t know what to say, then gets really awkward when Adrien’s Risk mark flares up and he starts kicking off about how much he hates everything! The photoshoots, dumb ads, his celebrity status and now being expected to just drop everything and go do all this with Lila!! >:0 I REALLY enjoy his speech here; Adrien’s given hints in the past that he doesn’t enjoy the things Gabriel demands from him but this is the first time he’s been so open about it. Yet again the voice acting here is awesome!

- Marinette says she understands how Adrien feels; probably referring to all the pressure of the Miraculous Guardian stuff. Which would be less of a problem if she’d TRUST CHAT NOIR once in a while (or at least build a healthy Alya-Luka support system in the meantime!) but I digress. Adrien seizes the moment and holds her hand! :D

- Lila is getting SO mad. Does she really think she can win Adrien at this point, or are appearances all that matter and she just wants people to think Adrien’s into her via these situations Gabriel engineers? Adrien and Marinette’s emotional exchange continues, and it looks like Mari is about to confess her feelings when LILA BARGES IN AND DRAGS ADRIEN AWAY. SORRY KIDS, NOT TODAY.

- Everyone crowding in to say goodbye to Adrien is so cute! Albeit very frustrating that nobody is reading his emotions properly. His tutor lifting him up in a hug is adorable, between his dead mom and his emotionally constipated father (and Nathalie not being paid enough to actually touch him) have we EVER seen an adult hold Adrien like this?! I think he sees this as Adrien’s chance to escape - implying he’s noticed Adrien is unhappy at home - when tragically it’s the opposite and Gabriel is just locking him down harder! :’(

- So even Chloe is standing by and fine with all this? I know she and Lila got chummy in the previous episode but she wants Adrien too, right? And we’ve seen proof she genuinely cares about him. This would be a great moment for her to ally with Marinette for Adrien’s sake but I guess Chloe doesn’t get to have positive development any more. I’m sure Felix’s interesting character arc will be joining hers in the garbage soon.

- Oh, I see how it is. I should have waited two seconds for Chloe to hip-check Marinette across the street when she was just about to confess (AGAIN). Is she serious about being able to come visit Adrien whenever she wants, is that her agreement with Lila? They’re basically planning to hold Adrien prisoner between them? Jesus Christ.

- Adrien even tries to check on Marinette before he goes! GORILLA, HOW COULD YOU DRAG HIM AWAY. YOU NEVER SPOKE TO HIM BUT ADRIEN ASSUMED YOU WERE HIS FRIEND.

- Alya does come to assist Marinette while she’s lying wasted on the sidewalk, thank goodness. Is this another metaphor for the Rena/Ladybug/Chat triangle? Too bad it’s over Chloe’s nonsense; I want to know if Alya’s suspicious of Lila! >:0

- Marinette calls an emergency meeting with Nino, Rose, Kim and Alya. It’s not lost on me that this is the same group from the opening scene, minus Luka and Kagami who go to different schools. I wonder where Juleka’s got to?

- I enjoy Nino thoughtfully chewing on his juice box while Marinette lays out her wild Veggietales plan. Time is of the essence but she’s already wasted enough to make little cucumber glasses for the “Alya” juice box?? The life of an artist I guess, gotta put in the extra effort. :/

- Okay, I love this whole sequence with the panning camera as Mari explains she’s trying to save Adrien instead of hinder him; it’s an emotional speech (again, great voice acting!) and way more cinematic than the usual static shots! 

- And of course the others don’t get it. Nino thinks Adrien deserves to travel (after his dodgeball assault plan failed, I guess); Alya thinks Marinette is overreacting to Lila’s involvement so I guess we know where she stands on this issue; Rose thinks this is Adrien’s dream for some reason; and Kim can’t fathom why anyone WOULDN’T want to be an international model. Again, why isn’t Juleka here? Isn’t it her dream to be a fashion model? She’d have more to say about this than Kim!

- “If (Adrien) didn’t wanna model any more, he woulda told ME! He’s my best bud!” NINO, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BREAK THIS TO YOU, BUT THERE’S A CHAT-NOIR-SHAPED DENT IN A VAN OUT THERE WHICH IMPLIES YOU GUYS AREN’T REALLY BESTIES THESE DAYS.

- I was gonna say “why isn’t Marinette calling Luka? After Wishmaker he’s clearly the best choice to help Adrien!”, but it’s occurred to me that maybe that’s why Juleka isn’t here. Is the houseboat Mari’s next stop when her classmates won’t help? :0

- OOOH, OKAY! Alya gives a firm no, and in a flash of confidence Mari basically tells the whole table to go screw themselves and leaves to fix this herself! BETTER BE HEADING TO LUKA’S.

- Chaos is erupting all around Marinette as she strides down the street WITHOUT FEAR. This is more what I expected from this akuma! Spontaneous love confessions and other emotional outbursts are embarrassing but not exactly beneficial to Shadow Moth, I want to see Kim catching fifteen different diseases from trying to swim the length of the Seine! >:0 

- Back at the Agreste mansion and Adrien is despondent. His final bids for freedom have been struck down, his bags are packed and--

- FELIX?

- MY BOY IS HERE, OH MY GOD. MY SON. I’m sure this is the only moment of genuine joy I’ll get in this entire finale but I adore him on SIGHT. He’s just chilling on top of Adrien’s suitcases, wearing Adrien’s clothes and messing with one of Adrien’s basketballs like a cat with yarn. How did he get in??

- Whichever way he broke in here, and whatever horrible nonsense he’s about to start, I appreciate that they kept his neater hairstyle this time. The “Felix” episode was terrible anyway but even worse since they just used Adrien’s character model for most of it. This time you can actually tell it’s our horrible little boy!

- I am so nervous to go beyond this point, honestly. This is such a nice scene. The music is soft, Felix is framed pleasantly in the afternoon sun, and I could just quit watching here and believe he’s shown up to take this bullet for Adrien because he knows how much it would mean to his cousin. WOULDN’T THAT BE NICE.

- AND IT’S RUINED. The music shifts and Felix leers at Adrien with a menacing “Hi there, my favourite cousin. :)”. WHAT’S ADRIEN DONE TO HIM THIS TIME. DIDN’T THEY MAKE UP? Is Felix the kind of guy who just decides he’s freshly mad about something that happened years ago?!

- LOVE Adrien’s first question being “HOW DID YOU GET IN”, which is basically confirmation Felix isn’t allowed in their house any more. Did the “Gabriel Agreste” episode just not happen? I’d understand these hostile attitudes if this only took place after “Felix”, but how have they instantly started off on the wrong foot? 

Maybe it’s like Lilo and Stitch, where Adrien’s prayed for a nice and peaceful solution to his problems and here comes Felix as the most chaotic thing possible. The universe sent “the nicest angel it has” but stocks were low.

- I’m sure this will escalate into something nasty, but for now I adore Felix’s dramatic impression of Adrien as a helpless maiden, and Adrien’s annoyed insistence that that’s NOT how he talks. Felix trying to cause trouble and Adrien gently slapping it down every time is the dynamic I crave between these two. I know I won’t get it but I crave it. :(

- I also like the detail of Felix brushing his hair from neat to messy and back again when imitating Adrien. It makes his impressions funnier and (like I said before) is less of a cop-out than just using Adrien’s character model the whole time.

Adrien tiredly pacing around the room with no time for Felix’s nonsense is great; he’s got more important things going on and doesn’t have the energy to deal with his twin cousin lounging around like a supervillain.

- Also, do you think... are these suitcases a reference to Castle Vanily? Surely not. Felix just gives off that indulgent, catlike energy of sitting atop piles of things (which do not belong to him) like a dragon on gold, and I got there before the series did. Hmm.

- Alright, I KNOW Felix has nefarious intentions by claiming he’s here to “save” his cousin (unless he’s literally incapable of saying anything nice in a non-sinister way, which would be very funny), but I appreciate that he picked up on Adrien being upset from one single press photo on the internet. No one else but Marinette noticed and she’s literally obsessed with Adrien, while Felix has seen him all of twice since they were kids!

- Is it significant that Felix puts so much emphasis on describing Adrien’s “SUPER-cool, SUPER-nice friends”? Hmm. 

- Another reference to Felix living in London. I already suspect he won’t be in the London Special (if he even survives this finale) since that’ll likely be a backdoor pilot for the Miss Rose series, but I’m very fond of these little nuggets of info nonetheless. :’)

- “Freedom is something you make, Adrien.” Ooooh, that line gives me shivers! I don’t know if we’ll get any more of Felix’s backstory at this stage but I’m REALLY curious about what’s going on with him. He’s so weird and edgy for a 14 year old, but it sounds like he had a breakdown alone at his dad’s funeral last year so maybe he’s earned that baggage.

- So Felix’s plan is to swap identities with Adrien like they did when they were kids; dressing Adrien up in his clothes so he can chill elsewhere while Felix fights his case and tells Gabriel where to shove it. He implies there may be a “hidden side” of Ol’ Gabe which Adrien hasn’t seen yet. I’m thinking it’s the side which tried to murder Felix in the study last time he visited! :V

- I HIGHLY doubt this is actually to help Adrien. I adore Felix shamelessly but I don’t trust him an inch. Is this a plot to distract Gabriel while Felix gets into the study again, this time undetected?

- Adrien’s Risk mark flares up at just the right (or wrong!) time, and he thinks Felix is on to something! Oh noooo. We’ve seen the kind of carnage that comes with Felix dressed as Adrien, but what about Adrien doing “whatever he wants” dressed as Felix? An untapped market of chaos. Is this all gonna go off the rails and Ladybug will give a Miraculous to the wrong guy?

- THE MESS BEGINS. “Adrien” approaches Gorilla in the courtyard for help carrying his bags, and “Felix” sneaks out the front doors while he’s distracted. This naming will be a little confusing but I’m sure you guys get it.

- Back upstairs, “Adrien” takes a moment to swipe Nathalie’s work tablet under the guise of helping close her suitcase, which she is too weak to do. I’m noticing she has a Risk mark too and I’m sure that’ll be relevant. So this IS a plot for Felix to dig deeper into Gabriel’s business, colour me completely unsurprised!

- Also, does this indicate Nathalie is going on this trip with Adrien? Bedridden Nathalie who needs an Avengers-style exosuit to move around the house?? Nathalie who was on the verge of death at the beginning of this very episode??? GABRIEL.

- Speaking of Ol’ Gabe, he catches “Adrien” at the door and... doesn’t seem to recognise him as Felix. Which is EXTREMELY funny, because at the beginning of this arc he made a huge fuss about the cousins pulling this prank when they were toddlers. “I won’t be fooled a second time!” he said, and has now been fooled a second time.

- Back downstairs, “Adrien” checks the coast is clear before ducking into the Forbidden Study. And he... apparently has a high-tech monocle which can scan the room and locate points of interest?

- No, seriously, what on Earth is this thing. Where did Felix get this? How does a teenager just whip out a piece of Phantom Thief technology, and why did he need it when he already had a hunch something was up with Emilie’s portrait? Is this another Magic Kaitou reference, like his magician tricks from the first episode?

- He has a codebreaking device too, which must be pretty complex if it can crack Gabriel’s top secret safe in a house with a ridiculous level of security. How did he get any of this past boarder control? DOES FELIX’S MOM KNOW WHERE HE IS.

- It’s an x-ray monocle and everything. OKAY, KAITO KUROBA. 

- Ah, ALRIGHT. So Felix got the safe open and discovered what look to be the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous(es), but I’m guessing these aren’t the real deals. I think Miraculous lose their camouflage when they’re renounced instead of just removed (like Marinette losing her earrings in the Shanghai Special vs Adrien giving up his ring in “Kuro Neko”), and we saw Uncle Gabe putting the Peacock brooch away at the end of the previous episode while scheming up a “surprise” for Felix’s next visit. THIS IS A TRAP.

- Either that or the Peacock Miraculous is still damaged and will just outright kill him. I can’t believe how expectant I am that Felix is going to die; I just feel like if they’ll do it to Sentibug they’ll do it to him. :/

- So Felix takes the Miraculous(es), and manages to reset the whole system including security cameras exactly the way he found it. Even if this kid is evil you’ve got to respect how capable he is compared to literally every other character in this show. But his Phantom Thief monocle picked up more of Gabe’s fingerprints on the painting; is he going to figure out how to get to the butterfly lair or Emilie’s capsule? Are we finally going to see how that whole system works?! I’M LOSING IT.

- UH OH, HE WENT DOWN THE TUBE BUT LEFT HIS BAG BEHIND. Guess you can’t plan for everything. Felix was ready for a heist, not his uncle’s fucked-up carnival funhouse slides! 

Yet again I wish this wasn’t all done using Adrien’s character model, but at least there’s a better setup for it this time.

- Upstairs, Gabriel takes off his wedding ring while talking about this being his “riskiest plan yet”. What does that mean, dude. 

- OH SHIT, FELIX FOUND EMILIE’S CAPSULE. I guess this is my moment of truth about his characterisation this episode; he seemed really fond of his aunt (or at least her portrait) in “Gabriel Agreste” so will he give a shit or are we playing by “Miracle Queen” rules? I really have no idea if Gabe intended this to happen or not, what on Earth is the fallout going to be?!

- HE JUST TURNED TAIL AND RAN. IT GOT TOO REAL TOO FAST. Like I’m sorry, I know this was a really tense moment and huge for all characters involved, but I love this whole spy movie setup leading to Felix just BOLTING at the sight of his dead aunt in his uncle’s basement. HE FIGURED OUT GABE WAS SHADOW MOTH AND STILL DUG DEEPER, BUT THE FRIDGE WITH EMILIE’S CORPSE IN IT WAS THE LINE. GOOD LUCK ADRIEN, YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN.

- Back upstairs, Gabriel puts his wedding band on Nathalie’s ring finger as a memento “in case something goes wrong”. Buddy, this is on the line with Ladybug kissing Chat Noir on the cheek earlier, you can’t maintain that platonic boundary you’ve been complaining about for this whole arc?! PUT IT ON LITERALLY ANY OTHER FINGER, GOOD LORD.

- “I’m trusting you with my wife’s ring. And my son.” WORST PROPOSAL EVER. At least Adrien won’t take much work; just leaving him alone will be better than the nonsense Gabe’s been pulling with him for the whole series. Except “Adrien” is currently Felix and having a heart attack in the study. Uncle Gabe warned you not to dig any deeper, honey, it’s your own fault!!!

- FELIX DITCHES THE MONOCLE AND KICKS IT SOMEWHERE DISCREET IN THE STUDY. IT’S SHOWN HIM TOO MUCH. I’d say “why wouldn’t he just put it back in his bag where he got it from, which he’s currently holding?” but 1) I refuse to put the burden of common sense on my special boy; and 2) the kid just saw a corpse which looks exactly like his mom. He’s handling this pretty well all things considered.

- I CAN’T HANDLE HOW GABRIEL BURSTS INTO THE STUDY AND FELIX INSTANTLY SAVES HIS ASS BY SNAPPING BACK TO THE “PRETEND TO BE ADRIEN AND TELL UNCLE HE DOESN’T WANT TO GO ON THE TRIP” PLAN. LIKE THAT HORROR SHOW DOWNSTAIRS DIDN’T HAPPEN. I don’t know if this is equal to or better than his immaculate “Oh I just wanted to get to know you, Uncle! :3″ save from the previous episode; this boy’s core talent is recovering from heart attacks in record time! >:0 

- Okay, THIS is interesting. Gabriel tries to tell “Adrien” he won’t stand for this rebellion, but falters at the look in “Adrien’s” eyes and itches at the place his wedding ring should be - a habit we last saw in (I think) “Megaleech” when he banished the real Adrien upstairs for being defiant. Nathalie glances at Gabriel, adjusts her glasses with the ring visible on her hand, and tells “Adrien” it’s “time to go”. And “Adrien” just flinches wide-eyed and agrees?! BUT THIS IS FELIX.

OKAY. SIDEBAR. I HAVE THREE THEORIES HERE.

The first (and weakest) is that Felix is just obeying in order to get everyone out of the study, because every second they linger in here increases the risk of his Spy Kids mission being discovered - especially since he’s taken things from the safe and his Phantom Thief monocle is lying on the floor in easy sight. He got what he needed here and Adrien can fend for himself.

The second (and strongest) is that this is about the family rings again - now Felix knows Emilie is here he also knows there’s a second ring to be had, so he needs to stick close to Nathalie and the best way is by taking over this trip Adrien’s supposed to be going on, especially if Gabriel isn’t going to be there. 

The third, returning to the Sentimonster theory, is that the ring actually did something to Felix. Maybe Gabriel just fidgets with it as comfort when he has to make tough calls with Adrien, but maybe it really does affect the fight Adrien has in him and forces him to be obedient, and if that’s the case then it might affect Felix too. I’m drawn back to “freedom is something you make” and how much trouble Felix went through to get hold of the first ring when Adrien has never touched this one. HMM.

- Full disclosure, it was very late so I went to bed after that scene. Couldn’t take any more excitement. Now I’m back for the last five minutes and HI MARINETTE, I NEARLY FORGOT ABOUT YOU. I really appreciate this arc being Agreste-centric; I’ve talked about it before but it’s refreshing for Mari to take a spectator position instead of getting crowbarred into the Adrien/Gabriel/Felix nonsense.

- ANYWAY. Marinette is back and with less than half an hour to save Adrien! We’re returning to the fairytale analogy from “Gabriel Agreste” and Mari’s taken two and a half hours to figure out that Adrien needs to be rescued by a knight, whatever that means. She’s also kept copies of those illustrations Nathaniel drew which is a cute bit of continuity.

- My brain wandered away from me for a second, and when Marinette says “The knight will be LLLLL--” I REALLY THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA SAY LUKA, LIKE SHE GOT HIM IN ON THIS SOMEHOW. But nope, just Ladybug. There goes my OT3 dream. :( Her reasoning is “Nobody listens to Marinette, but EVERYONE listens to Ladybug!” which is actually very true, especially when Lila is around. If she’s willing to use Ladybug for environmental activism she can save Adrien too! 

- Tikki starts the “you mustn’t use your powers to solve personal problems!” lecture, but I’m not taking any moral guidance from the Galette cake monster. Mari should totally do this. At any rate her Risk mark flares up again; she vetoes all Kwami concerns and forces Tikki to transform her! I’m sure this can only end well.

- Now we’re with Adrien, sitting on a park bench dressed as Felix. At least I get to see Felix’s character model in SOME form today. It’s like a glimpse into some alternate universe where Felix remained the deuteragonist instead of... whatever this is now. Sigh. 

- Plagg is excited about Adrien’s newfound freedom, though he was VERY critical of Felix in the first part of this arc so it’s interesting he doesn’t suspect any mischief here. Though maybe Felix was serious about getting Adrien out of this mess; like yeah it’s an excuse to go raid his uncle’s stuff again but no harm no foul? I do believe he likes his cousin. Hmm.

- Adrien doesn’t want to risk taking advantage of this freedom (or isn’t in the right headspace to do anything except sit nervously) because he’s just waiting for Felix to call him. Kagami calls first and starts RAGING down the phone about not saying no to his dad. I guess this makes three people who noticed Adrien was unhappy about this situation! She asks how long he’s going to stay Gabriel’s “puppet”, and yet again I’m nervous about that choice of words. Is Felix okay right now?

- Uh oh, Kagami brought up their relationship. I don’t condone what happened there (and still think it’s a sign of Adrien having issues expressing platonic affection) but can Adrien get a break today? Everyone’s dunking on him. Though I think Kagami’s realised how unhealthy it was; she points out how between herself, Gabriel and Felix (and Ladybug) there’s always someone telling Adrien what to do. I’m getting increasingly concerned about this Sentimonster thing.

- Kagami yells some more, apologises for the harsh truths and hangs up, and Plagg just goes “wooooooow”. ME TOO BUDDY. KAGAMI IS GREAT.

- Adrien’s Risk mark flares up and he thinks Kagami is right, he should have stood up to his father a LONG time ago!! He texts Felix to stop the plan because he’s coming to confront Gabriel his damn SELF. All well and good but IS FELIX OKAY THOUGH.

- Felix (still dressed as Adrien) receives the text, reads it with narrowed eyes, then deletes it and gets into the car. Oh man.

- Both Adrien (in Felix’s clothes) and Ladybug see the car leaving. Adrien says “I should have known, he tricked me again!”, but like-- to what end? The car is heading to the station for an international trip Adrien doesn’t want to go on, right? Does he just assume Felix is tricking him even if he can’t figure out why this is bad? What is the plan here. He dashes off home with the intent of talking to Gabriel.

- Ladybug arrives at the station and sees “Adrien” and Lila about to board the train. Her Risk mark flares up and gives her the confidence to JUMP DOWN THERE IN FULL COSTUME AND TELL ADRIEN SHE “NEEDS” HIM. GIRL. IS SHE GOING TO SAVE FACE BY MAKING THIS A MIRACULOUS THING??

- Oh no, okay, she saved face with “Adrien Agreste is a national treasure and if he leaves Paris everyone will get akumatized from grief, so TURN AROUND RIGHT NOW AND TELL GABRIEL AGRESTE WHERE TO SHOVE IT”. Which is fair actually.  “Adrien” says he doesn’t have the confidence because, unlike Ladybug, he’s “not a superhero”. This is like the third time Felix has used the word “super” today; is he actively gunning for a Miraculous after all?

- “ADRIEN” GETS ON THE TRAIN AND IT LEAVES. LADYBUG COLLAPSES IN GRIEF. DUDE WHAT IS GOING ON. I guess Felix doesn’t have to pay for his own ticket back home to London but I have no clue how to read his character right now; girl HELP--

- THE REAL ADRIEN BUSTS INTO THE MANSION. Does he have a door and gate key? I get the impression he’s not allowed to come and go as he pleases. Maybe Gabriel just didn’t lock up after all the capable household staff left. What does he MEAN he left the front door open for three days after Nathalie went on this trip, YES you have to close it yourself--!!

- Back on the train. Lila and “Adrien” take their seats. “Adrien” overhears Nathalie calling Gabriel to report his son is safe (lol no he isn’t). 

- Gabriel answers his phone FROM THE TOP OF THE EIFFEL TOWER, WHERE HE TRANSFORMS INTO SHADOW MOTH IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, READY TO CAUSE WIDESPREAD CHAOS WITH A SENTIMONSTER.

- This is all very unnerving, but what I’m getting is that GABRIEL DEFINITELY DID NOT LOCK UP HIS HOUSE. THE REAL ADRIEN JUST WALKED IN THERE OFF THE STREET. If Felix had waited like 3 hours he could have wandered in and explored the place totally uninterrupted, but I guess hindsight is 20/20 (and maybe he’s more interested in the ring?). :/

- Shadow Moth creates Ultron. Between this and Nathalie’s Avengers exosuit he’s definitely been watching too many of his son’s movies.

- Ultron (or “Strikeback”, I guess?) begins stomping through the streets; and fearless Parisians start approaching/waving at/trying to take selfies with it. Which is honestly par for the course and I’m surprised the superheroes are only dealing with this NOW; if the influx of akuma haven’t destroyed the tourist economy they’ve just boosted it!

- Marinette has returned to the station roof and detransformed to lament about Adrien. Tikki tries to comfort her by describing Adrien simply going on a “voyage”, but Mari’s Risk mark flares up at the key word. IS SHE GONNA USE THE HORSE MIRACULOUS ON THE STARTRAIN AGAIN. “No magic portals” is the kind of sign you’d see in the train carriage and wonder what happened more than once to make it necessary.

- TIKKI IS NOT ON BOARD BUT MARINETTE IS THE CONDUCTOR OF THIS TRAIN. She didn’t even feed Tikki before re-transforming; I guess there’s no need to replenish her energy if she didn’t use Lucky Charm but isn’t it polite to provide a snack?!

- Back at the Agreste mansion, Adrien ventures into the study. Is he gonna find Felix’s Phantom Thief monocle and use it to discover Gabriel’s secrets too?? 

- Oooh YES. His Risk mark flares up at just the right time to deter him from stepping back out of the room and he spots the monocle; but the sound of Ultron stomping through the city distracts him! 

AND THEN THE EPISODE ABRUPTLY ENDS. SHEESH, OKAY, BYE.

--- 

ALRIGHT, SO. GOODNESS. MY THOUGHTS SO FAR.

Realistically I know the “Adrien leaves Paris forever on an international photoshoot with Lila” thing isn’t going to happen, so I’m not too engaged with that (and only focused on it so much because I was nervous about whatever mess was about to happen with Felix, lmao); but as usual the Felix stuff is very interesting. I assume he’s going to do something horrible in the next episode which is why everyone’s been ominously telling me to “have fun :)”. 

HOWEVER. This ring stuff. You guys know I wasn't totally buying the Sentimonster theory back in my "Gabriel Agreste" episode review, but with Felix's submissive reaction to Nathalie - especially right after challenging Gabriel for Adrien's freedom, and Gabriel's fumbling response as he went for a ring which wasn't there - I'm VERY suspicious of what's going on.

At this stage, I think Felix really DID intend to help Adrien out (as a fair trade for being able to get into Uncle Gabe's office again), but he wasn't prepared for how much he'd discover, AND the family ring had some kind of effect which led to him obeying Nathalie and deleting Adrien's text. Is it just because he wants to steal the ring for keepsies, like before, or does it have some other connection more deeply related to Adrien being Gabriel's "puppet"? Is this related to the "surprise" Gabriel planned for Felix's next visit which I'm sure involves the decoy Miraculous items? And where is Amilie in all this??

Can’t wait to see what happens in the next episode (which I’m planning to post a second review of sometime soon), I’m sure I’ll hate it! :D

[erwinsvow]

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 | 𝐚𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬

a/n: hey everyone! hope you enjoy these college headcanons! part two can be found here! warning for nsfw in jean's, and mentions of alcohol/partying throughout!

jean kirstein

jean shows up to college thinking it’s gonna be high school part two, and quickly gets put in his place

his old antics (for both school and girls) won’t fly anymore, so he tries his hardest at both

i personally see jean as not the smartest, most gifted kid (in college!) but definitely one of the hardest workers

this man comes in pre-law and changes to sports management real quick

he definitely plays some kind of club sport, lacrosse or basketball or maybe even both and he is way too into it

like club lacrosse is his life.

he 100% has eyes for cheerleaders, because he loves idea of someone rooting for him, and if you are one, then it’s instantaneous

he notices you at one of his games, giving a shove to conny and asking if he knew who you were

which is met with “what do i look like, a phone book?”

he builds up the courage to ask you out eventually, to which of course you agree, and it’s pretty much a happy ending after that

makes for a lot of sweaty, post-match sex, with him still in his jersey and you in your uniform hiked up

reiner braun

frat bro reiner is a business major with a focus on finance

reiner is the guy who dedicates 100% of his time to school during the weekdays, and the weekends are for the bros

he’s the first in the library, last to leave lecture because he stayed behind to get clarifications, and pretty much aces everything

halloweekend, he decides to drag annie and bertholdt to a party, because they are in desperate need of letting loose

probably dressed up as something mildly douche-y that didn’t require a lot of thought: a foot ball player jersey with eye black improvised by annie

he is a heavy-weight if you’ve ever seen one, probably on his fifth cup of cheap beer and not even slightly buzzed

annie and bertholdt are sloshed, so he keeps one eye on them to make sure they’re alright

you, on the other hand, are serving as designated-driver for the night and sipping on soda

i think any kind of sweet, innocent costume (angel, fairy, woodland creature) would get his attention immediately

he goes over to you to try to make conversation, and finds himself stumbling over his words even though he just swore he wasn’t tipsy yet

but you find it cute, and given how you have seen him before around campus, studying all the damn time, you’re pleasantly surprised to find a sweet, interesting guy making conversation with you at a halloween party

eventually, your friends take off with their hook-ups, and reiner is left behind alone too after making sure everyone had a safe ride home

with no one left besides you two and his passed out friends, you offer him and his roommates a ride back to his dorm

after dropping annie off, you arrive at the dorm and help lug a blacked-out bertholdt to their room

you say goodnight and as you leave, feeling bold, you leave your number on the whiteboard hanging on their door

so that then turns into coffee-and-studying dates, and eventually a relationship before too long

armin arlert

i think we all know what armin is like in college: marine biology major and history minor

this is an effortless genius, so unlike reiner, he doesn’t have to spend all his time studying

i think armin would be the kind of guy who has school and life figured out, and he slowly realizes a healthy relationship is the one thing missing from his life

there’s honestly plenty of people who want to date him, if he had ever cared to return any of their gazes

i honestly see him being oblivious, so when a fellow classmate asks if he wants to study together, he goes “oh, sorry, i wasn’t really planning on studying, but maybe eren wants a study-buddy, i’ll let him know for you!” instead of realizing that was someone flirting

so it’s the same for you

you’re taking the marine sci class as a last resort, everything else was completely filled up, and you just had to get out of that physics class

but all this talk about oceans and sea-creatures is even worse, somehow. to put it short, you’re struggling, and armin is the kid who raises his hand at every question without so much as jotting down a note during lecture

you know mikasa through a friend-of-a-friend type situation, and ask her if armin would be willing to tutor you sometime

doesn’t matter that part of the reason you’re doing so poorly is because you’re staring at the back of his head most of class

armin and you get together to study on a saturday evening, and what began as a recap on the history of the ocean quickly turns into laughing, talking, and then “you wanna go grab something to eat?”

for someone so smart, he’s really dense

he thinks you’re being friendly and doesn’t want to assume you’re thinking this is a ‘date’ even though you’re internally screaming

it takes you leaning in for a kiss after he’s walked you back to your dorm for it to click

needless to say, he wasn’t quite so oblivious after that

eren yeager

eren was determined to get into the same college as armin and mikasa

my man is undecided, and then sociology after he’s forced to pick

not exactly a fuckboy, not exactly a stoner, just somewhere in between

procrastinates doing work and submits every thing a day late, even though he probably would have gotten full marks if it was on time

him and mikasa decide to take a marine bio class with armin, and he ends up falling asleep during lecture

i don’t see him going for a goody-two shoes type that wants to reform him, because he just wouldn’t want to deal with that

it’s not a toxic relationship, but pretty close to one

on again, off again ever since the two of you met in a dingy frat basement, absolutely hammered, and hooked up

this boy does not want to admit that he’s caught feelings, but eventually it comes to that because he is very much the jealous type

catches you engaging in polite conversation with reiner and he is seeing white in seconds

he realizes he has to make you his

marco bott

the most wholesome nursing major with a minor in english because he is a sucker for lit

i don’t think there is any shortage of girls who want to be with marco, just given how sweet and genuine he is

that being said, i feel like the few time he’s wanted to pursue a relationship with someone, they haven’t reciprocated/just saw him as a friend

which isn’t the easiest thing to deal with, but because he’s a mature angel, he doesn’t hold that against anyone

instead, he kind of succumbs to this false idea that people want to be his friend, and not his girlfriend, which he’s a little insecure about

that’s why i think you and marco would have idiot best friends to lovers, featuring everyone around you knowing how head over heels you both are except the two of you

you two meet in a particularly challenging class, and not recognizing anyone, you both turn to the friendliest face in the room to make study-buddies with

over a whole semester of late-night cramming (and talking), scribbling smiley faces on flashcards, and good luck texts before the exam, you realize how much you’re gonna miss constantly hanging out with marco

and on his end, he’s complaining to jean about how after the final, you two won’t have any reason to keep talking

“so ask her out then, you idiot”

“she probably doesn’t think of me like that…”

“are you blind?” jean says, with a roll of his eyes

after the class has ended and you’re both headed back home for winter break, you work up the nerve to text marco one last time

“let me know if you ever need help studying for another class :)”

you have no idea that he’s over the moon, and that finally brings an end to your friendship, and starts your relationship

bertholdt hoover

mister bertholdt is structural design and architecture major

there’s basically six of those total in your entire college, so he definitely gets a bit isolated/lonely sometimes

he basically came to college with reiner & annie, and figured he didn’t really need more friends than that

so when they’re busy, he’s just by himself

annie definitely makes fun of him for not spreading his wings and flying out of the metaphorical nest, but he’s comfortable with how it is

not a huge fan of the party scene, and prefers a quiet night of studying

i feel like you and him would be the last two studying in the library most nights, and sometimes walk out together after the librarian reminds you both the building is closing

so, when reiner and annie drag him to a party one weekend, he’s shocked to see you there too with outgoing friends of your own

he’s used to seeing you in the bright fluorescent lighting of the library, so this dim, hazy room after the shots have already gone to his head is hard to take in

you two eventually end up talking after your friends push you towards him

“funny seeing you here.” “i could say the same to you.”

he already has a crush (you do too, but he doesn’t want to accept that) so the alcohol inhibits his usual caution

a little bit of dancing, a lot of sitting on the pavement outside while looking at the moon, stars, and each other, topped off with a first-kiss starts your relationship

levi ackerman

teaching assistant levi is a staple of your college

almost infamous, really

you count your lucky blessings that he’s still a year or so away from graduating with his ph.d. in molecular biology and that he’s ta’ing this microbiology class

you’ve definitely heard all sorts of rumors, but you really don’t know what’s truth and fiction

he definitely hasn’t slept with a third of his students (right?) but the lingering way he looks at you isn’t helping quell your thoughts

technically speaking, teaching assistants and students are not allowed to date, interact, etc

until the semester in which you are their student is completed, at least

it doesn’t take long after that for you two to constantly run into each other

“how’re your new classes going? any hot ta’s?” he asks, sipping his tea from the bookstore cafe. you choke on your hot chocolate.

all this being said, you’re an upperclassmen about to graduate, possibly start a ph.d. or masters program yourself. i see him teaching upper-level courses exclusively.

it’s not long after that you admit your feelings to each other, since after all, there’s no time to waste

erwin smith

you’re a second year masters program in the history department. your specialization is military history, so of course professor smith is assigned as your thesis advisor.

i mean, he’s only written several textbooks on the subject

on first sight, you can’t believe he’s a professor. because certainly, this is a some cruel twist of fate. he’s closer to your age than some of his colleagues.

you both try to keep it strictly professional

at first least. this gets gradually harder and harder

there’s a certain chemistry there neither of you can deny.

having a mutual interest in the same subjects doesn’t help too much either. suddenly, you guys are spending hours pouring over topics for his next textbook and your thesis.

the conversation continues over chinese food in his office, long after the rest of the building has cleared out for their friday evenings

“well, i won’t keep you any longer. i’m sure you have much better plans on a friday night than talking military policy with me.”

“there is no where else i’d rather be.”

hope you all liked it! :)

[mypoisonedvine]

okay but here me out: you're a prostitute hired by laurie bc she found out that andy is cheating on her and needs proof for a divorce. when you see him, the payment is merely a bonus

wait i love this but i wanna modify it slighty: you’re a private investigator hired by laurie to seduce andy to prove he’s cheating!

this got so nasty so fast omg watch out for really dominating andy, with lots of dirty talk and a little bit of manipulation if you wanna read into it

“you don’t have to go through with it, obviously,” she explained, “you just need to get him to admit he’s done it before, and he’ll do it again.  on tape, with this.”

she set the audio recorder down in front of you, and you smiled sympathetically.

“don’t worry, ma’am, this isn’t my first time with a case like this.  I have my own equipment that’s less conspicuous and more reliable.  I could even catch him on film if you wanted.”

“you can do that?”

“yep, I have cameras that look like pens, buttons, rings, earrings, glasses...”

“well, video footage would be even better,” she explained, excited yet somber.  “I mean, it would make a better case in the divorce.  it would kill me to have to watch it, though...” she trailed off, scratching the back of her neck.

“is there any doubt in your mind he’s cheating on you?”

“only because I don’t want to believe it.  but it’s become to obvious to ignore,” she shook her head.

“I understand.  it’s hard to stomach that the people we care about most would hurt us like that.  but sadly it is all too common.  let’s just say that as a private investigator, this is a huge portion of what I do... and I get very steady work.  you’re not alone, laurie.”

“thank you,” she smiled weakly. “can you do it tonight?  I want this over with.”

“um, as long as it’s pretty late, I have other tasks this evening.”

“oh, late shouldn’t be a problem, he’s out until 4 or 5 in the morning these days.  this is the address of his work--” she set a piece of paper in front of you-- “just follow him to whatever bar he goes to from there and you shouldn’t have a problem.”

she’d shown you a photo, so you knew what to expect.  you had to come straight from your last assignment following somebody else around the city, so you weren’t dressed for the occasion at all.  to follow someone, you needed to dress plain and forgettable; to seduce someone, especially someone like andy barber, you needed to be extremely memorable.

you brought a change of clothes in your car, which you hastily slipped into in your back seat-- it required some acrobats to put tights on in the back of a small car like yours, but you managed to get through.

not just tights, but lingerie and garters.  sky high heels, a skintight dress that made you feel like your whole body was on display.  a motorcycle jacket and dark lipstick to give the whole look some edge.  basically, you’d tried to look as different from his wife as possible.  married men who were fucking around on the side always wanted something different, something fresh.  you knew how to do that.

plus, the jacket had the hidden camera attached to the lapel, nearly invisible among the snaps and buttons.

the echo of your heels on the concrete floor of the bar made every head turn.  it was quiet, and apparently a pretty slow night with only a few men scattered here and there-- the only other woman was the waitress.

andy was sitting at the bar, nursing a beer, and he gave you a quick glance before doing a double take.  you tried not to smile visibly. gotcha.

you sauntered up to the bar, leaning forward and making sure to arch your back just so, showing off your ass. “vodka cranberry?” you requested, smiling when the bartender nodded and started pouring grey goose into a glass.

you took a seat decently far away from andy, “adjusting” your jacket to turn the camera on.  you wanted to make sure you caught him coming up to you, starting the conversation, flirting first.  he looked over at you a few times but never said anything, making you start to get a little impatient, before finally the bartender arrived with a second drink.

“from the gentleman at the end of the bar,” he explained as he handed it to you.

“oh!” you smiled, “that’s so sweet!  you can tell him to come say hi if he wants.”

and it was just a few minutes before andy got up and leaned against the bar beside you, looking down at you with dark, half-lidded eyes.

“thanks for the drink,” you grinned coyly, letting your gaze drift a bit.  he was really good looking, honestly, and he looked all kinds of right in that suit, too.  if it weren’t a job, this might be the kind of guy you would actually flirt with of your own accord.  then again, you knew better than to go for a guy who had a tan line on his ring finger-- you hoped the camera was able to see that he’d taken his wedding band off.

“I’m here almost every night and I’ve never seen you before.”

“I’m from out of town,” you explained.

“business or pleasure?” he asked with a little smirk.

“I guess we’ll find out,” you winked.

it didn’t take much more flirting and a few more rounds of drinks for him to ask if you wanted to ‘get outta here,’ and with a giggle and a nod you let him guide you to his car with a hand on the small of your back. 

of course, you thought he was going to drive the both of you somewhere.  you didn’t expect him to push you up against it and kiss you roughly.

it was so sudden, and you knew you should stop him, but you somehow couldnt bring yourself to push him back, not when the way he was breathing heavily against you made your head spin, not when you could feel his beard and it was so hot for no good reason at all, not when his thick hands were grabbing you at your waist just tight enough to make you breathless.

“get in the back,” he instructed when he pulled back, making you blink up at him in shock.  you knew you had enough, you knew you should make an excuse and leave, get this footage uploaded from your mini cam and onto your laptop so you could get laurie what she needed...

but instead you found yourself biting your lip and nodding, letting him open the door for you and hopping in before he climbed on top of you, shutting and locking the door.

“we can go back to my place,” you offered as he started to suck on your neck, pulling you closer.  

“cant wait that long,” he mumbled quickly before helping you push your jacket off.

and you could tell that the way he tossed it onto the floor made the camera perfectly angled to see what he was doing to you.  maybe it was the perfect evidence for laurie’s case.  maybe it was about to tape you in your most intimate state with no way for you to stop it.

certainly there was no way you could stop when he manhandled you onto your hands and knees, pushing your dress up to find your black lace panties, and the garters holding up your tights.

“fuck, look at you... that’s why you came out tonight, then?  to get fucked?”

you nodded a little, gasping when he slapped your ass.

“little whore.”

you didn’t think you’d like being talked to like that, but it made your pussy throb beneath the lingerie that barely covered it.

just when you thought he was going to give it some attention, he flipped you around again and pulled you into his lap. 

“get on the floor, on your knees, and suck my cock.”

how was he so comfortable telling you what to do?  better yet, why were you doing it?

you slipped down, barely finding enough room with your massive heels in the way, and started to palm at his cock through his suit trousers, moaning absent-mindedly when you felt the thick, hard, hot length hidden beneath.   your mouth was already watering.

you started on his belt, looking up at him occasionally to find him watching you with a cold, unyielding stare.  when you reached inside his boxers and pulled it out, he smiled at your little gasp.

“bigger than you expected?” he taunted.  you were speechless, only able to nod in response before he put a hand on your hair-- not exactly forcing you forward, but definitely encouraging you to go ahead and put it in your mouth.

“fuuuck,” he groaned with you licked the head and finally closed your lips around it, suckling gently as your eyes fluttered shut.  “no no,” he correctly instantly, “look up at me with those pretty eyes, sweetheart.  take it deeper.”

you moaned around him but obeyed, using your hand to stroke the portion you couldn’t fit in your mouth (which was more than half).  you started to back away when you choked a little, but he pushed you back down and moaned a little louder, “I like it when you gag,” he explained gruffly, smiling when you looked up at him again, your eyes watering this time.  “god, you look so good like this.”

he pulled you off by your hair while you took in a gasping breath, gripping his cock at the base and slapping you lightly on the face with it a few times.  when you put your chin by his balls, the head hit you on the forehead... it made your gut burn as you tried to imagine how that would possibly fit in you without breaking something important.

when he pulled you back onto him, bucking up into your throat as you choked and gasped for air, you felt need tingling up your spine from seeing him like this.  he was completely in control and yet looked totally wrecked as he fucked your face.  it made you so wet you couldn't stand it.

just when you thought he might come, he stopped suddenly and lifted you up onto his lap, pulling your dress down to admire your completely impractical bra.

he grinned when he saw your nipples were already hard, reaching up to tweak them gently until your hips rocked on top of him of their own accord.

“you like having your tits played with, sweetheart?”

“I like when you do it,” you blurted out.

“sweet young thing like you, you’ve probably never even been with somebody who knows what they’re doing.”

it’s not like you hadn’t had some adept partners in the past, but none of them were like this. nobody had ever made you this desperate.

“please fuck me, andy,” you whimpered.

“not yet,” he growled, ripping your bra and tossing it aside.

“that was expens--” you started to protest, but it fell into a moan as he latched his lips onto an exposed nipple, sucking and licking eagerly.

“f-fuck!” you stammered, gripping his jacket tightly as you tried to stop yourself from humping his leg out of desperation

but he wanted you to-- he grabbed your hips and pulled you down, guiding you to rub yourself on his thigh.

“go ahead, pretty girl, show me how bad you want it.”

you were pretty confident that even through your panties, you were going to leave a stain on his trousers. 

you could even feel his cock on the inside of your thigh, hot and still slick with your spit, so hard you wondered why he wouldn't just put it in you already.

“please please please, need it so bad,” you whined, “I'm so wet for you, baby, I'm so fucking ready....”

“I know,” he whispered, pulling you closer to put his lips right beside your ear.  “I know, baby, I can feel it.  I can smell it.  you smell so fuckin sweet...”

you whimpered and your head fell back, pleasure shooting up through your body in jolts as you rubbed your swollen clit on his thick thigh.

“want me to fuck you?  I’ll fuck you, babydoll.  hard and rough just how you need it.”

“yes,” you sobbed.

“I’ll give it to you so good you won’t be able to walk straight tomorrow, won’t be able to sit right cause I tore that pretty little pussy up.”

you gasped but you wanted it, god you wanted it so fucking bad you couldn’t even remember that this was supposed to be a job, not a hook-up.  but you didn’t care.  

“please baby, I’ll do anything just fuck me, please--” you cried, cut off by him grabbing you and pushing you onto your knees again, slapping your ass one more time before pulling your panties aside.

“god, you’re soaked,” he chuckled condescendingly. “you’re so sensitive, honey.  I bet you’ll go crazy if I touch you here,” he proposed, rubbing his thumb over your clit and making you jolt forward from the intensity of it.  

he leaned down to wrap his body over yours, holding you close with one arm around your neck as he whispered in your ear, turning your face slightly with a hand on your jaw.

“look into the camera while I put it in you, baby...”

you weren’t sure if it was realizing you’d been caught, or the feeling of him pushing into you that made your eyes water, but a tear fell down your cheek as he buried himself into you with a groan.  it was just the right type of pain; with how wet you were, even a cock as massive as his slid into you easily.  but it felt like you’d never been stretched so wide and you didn’t even know what to do with yourself as he pulled back and slammed into you.

“I never told you my name,” he reminded you, “but you knew it anyways.  and with what I do for a living, I can smell a p.i. from a mile away.  you’re not as slick as you think, sweetheart-- well, proverbially slick... cause literally, this pussy is so fucking wet for me.” 

you could only gasp and sigh as he pumped into you faster and deeper, reaching parts of you that had never been touched before, let alone ravaged like this.  you could feel his smile against your ear as he started to fuck you faster, his free hand palming at your breasts before reaching back to hold your hips steady.

“god, you’re so fucking tight... anybody ever fucked you this good, honey?  anybody ever taken you like the needy little slut you are?”

he bit down on your ear and you realized he wanted an answer.

“n-no,” you replied, “never.  nobody’s ever fucked me like this, andy.”

“anybody ever fucked you on camera before?”

you swallowed dryly. “no.”

“was it all an act, then?  all part of the job?  I don’t buy it.  I think this is who you really are, a desperate little slut who needs to be stuffed full of cock by somebody who can give you everything you need.”

his filthy monologue fell on deaf ears as you tried with all your might to look away from the camera on your jacket, knowing that you had totally blown your case as well as presumably destroying your reputation.  fucking a married man is one thing, fucking a married man whose wife is your client who hired to prove he was cheating?  maybe you could spin it as doing your job a little too well?

“I can tell you’re close, sweetheart, go ahead and come for me.  I wanna feel this pretty pussy squeeze me, milk my fuckin cock when you come.”

mainly you were just trying not to get too loud, afraid that the car wouldn’t be enough to muffle your noises in case somebody walked through the mostly empty parking lot.

“andy!” you yelped when you reached your peak, not really meaning to but it came out anyways, he chuckled a little, the sound morphing into a growl as you clenched down around him with each wave of pleasure washing over you.

“fuck, don’t fuckin stop, this pussy feels so good I think I’m gonna come inside...”

you were too out of it to protest; you would’ve gone limp and fallen down onto your chest if he hadn’t held you up, his cock flexing against your overstimulated walls as he painted your insides with his come.

he grinned as he stilled his movements, catching his breath for a moment before sitting up and pulling out, slipping your panties back on to keep his come inside for a bit longer.

it was all a blur as he helped you half-redress before he all but shoved you out of the car, stuffing his cock back into his pants before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the engine.

“tell my wife I said ‘hi’,” he winked at you as he drove off, leaving you with wobbly legs balancing on your heels while his come leaking down your thighs.

[fightxxmexxshiggy]

Don't fear the reaper

You love to go urban exploring and you make contact with a sexy supernatural being. I wrote this during KINKtober

Kirishima x female reader

TW:CHOKING, ROUGH SEX, BREEDING KINK, TALK OF DEATH.

Word count: 3420

Walking through abandoned buildings wasn't the safest hobby but it was definitely the most interesting one. You loved seeing all the graffiti, art and equipment from a bygone era. Sometimes you went with groups when the buildings seemed more dangerous but today you went alone. As you made your way through the abandoned factory for today's exploration you noticed all the dusty work stations, they were so eerie the way they were still set up like a worker had walked away for a break and just never returned. You were honestly tempted to film the place but seeing as you were doing this on a saturday and Halloween no less you decided not to push your luck. Walking carefully you avoided the broken glass and some more crumbling areas in the concrete floors. This space was so wide open it made you curious as to what had been made here in the factories prime.

 

As you headed towards the stairs that would take you to the second floor you heard a thump and a voice shout "fucking rats." From above you. Slowly you took the stairs one at a time and called out asking if anyone was there. After a bit of shuffling the voice spoke again." If you're a cop no one is here if you're an urban explorer I'm totally here and would love some company." Laughing you stepped onto the second floor landing coming face to face with a redheaded man with surprisingly sharp teeth. Smiling at you he came forward with a hand out for a handshake. Shaking his hand you noticed how large his hands were and how strong his grip was. Letting go you introduced yourself feeling a bit awkward now that you could see the face that went along with the voice. With a wide smile he crossed his arms over his toned chest, pulling his shirt taunt over the muscles. You really needed to get layed if a rando you just met on an exploring trip was getting you hot and bothered. You were so caught up in your own thoughts you almost didn't hear him introduce himself.

 

"The names Eijiro Kirishima and it's nice to meet a fellow explorer." You smiled at him before looking away to take in your new surroundings. The second floor was a bit dark and seemed even more dusty than the first if that was possible. Walking further into the area you saw a wooden plank laying in the middle of the mostly clear walkway. As you looked at it Kirishima chuckled and rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. "That plank was my fault. I was walking further in to explore some more and a rat jumped out at me." Laughing you told him you had heard his comments on the rat earlier from downstairs. It was quite interesting to see such a large man blush like a child at being caught cursing. Quickly Kirishima bent down and picked up the plank to place it back against the wall.

 

Damn the man had an amazing ass and those arms were so cut you were definitely sure your pussy had just clenched a little. This was bad, this poor man was just being friendly and here you were imagining what it would be like to have his forearm around your throat while he did dirty things to your body. Clearing your throat you asked if he'd like to join for the rest of the second floor exploration. "I'd love that pebble. I usually wander around alone but I'd never say no to having company as cute as you." Blushing you looked away as you started to walk with him going deeper into the dusty space. To your left there were tons of planks and glass panes leaning against the wall and to the right were mostly boxes stacked against the railings. You assumed this must have been office space for the owners and admins of the factory. As you walked a little ahead trying to see what was by the farthest walls you heard the floorboards groaning under your weight before they completely went out from under you.

 

You were lucky and grabbed a part of the floor that hadn't caved in as you fell. You yelled for help and saw Kirishima walk closer to where you were hanging. His face looked conflicted as he made no move to help or even to give you any reassurance. You realized he wasn't scared to fall in but you couldn't tell why he wouldn't help. Sighing defeatedly Kirishima walked over without an ounce of fear and crouched down to make eye contact with you. "I don't know what to do with you pebble, my job is to guide your soul to the afterlife but I really like you. You're so sweet and shy, much too good to be restarted just because the plan says so." What was he talking about? His job was to guide your soul? Why was he talking like he knew you? You just met him 30 minutes ago. Had you just become friends with a nut job who planned to watch you die?

 

"Ah I can see that you're confused, I mean I would be too." standing up to his full high he towered over you as you continued to stare up at him with a mix of confusion and fear. He placed back and forth for a moment before turning to you and smiling that big sharp toothed grin that moments before would have made your tummy do a little flip. If hanging half out of a hole in an abandoned building wasn't enough what happened next shocked you so much you almost lost your grip. Kirishima slowly began to lift off from the floor just floating in mid air. With wide eyes you stared in shock, wondering if maybe you had gone a little crazy while hoping he might help you so that you didn't fall to your death. "Well I know what I'm about to tell you is a bit unbelievable so I decided to show you that I'm not joking before I explain. I happen to be a reaper and today was supposed to be the day you die. But like I said I really don't know what to do with you seeing as I don't want someone as manly and fearless as you to just be gone and reincarnated as someone else."

 

As if to further prove his status as a reaper the man before you started to change. His hoodie and shorts, which were pretty standard for building walks, melted away into a pair of black military style pants and boots along with a fitted black tank top that hugged his chest and back muscles in a way that should definitely be illegal. His arms were covered in a few black band tattoos that circled his wrists and biceps. What was the most astonishing was that his spiky red hair grew long, long to the point that the ends floated around his hips. His still smiling face was covered with a half skull mask leaving his mouth still exposed. "Hey pebble do you want to live as who you are now even if that meant some things about you would change or do you want to die and have me guide you to the next realm? I'll do whatever makes you happier even if it's not what I'd like to see." His eyes shone with sincerity through his mask and his smile seemed a bit forced. You could tell that even though he wasn't human like you he still felt the same emotions that you did. From everything he had said and shown you you could tell he held affection towards you. Enough so that he was willing to go against what was probably as natural as breathing for a reaper. Looking up at him still floating above you a smile broke over your face. You told him you wanted to stay as yourself whatever the changes might be.

 

Kirishima grinned at you somehow managing to look sweet and scary all at once. Wasting no time he floated over you and grabbed you by the back of your shirt with one hand. Instead of pulling you back to the second level he drifted the two of you through the hole and down to the concrete floors below. Letting go of the back of your shirt he held out his hand to you still trying to give you some control over the situation. As you took his hand he gave it a grateful squeeze before moving to sit with you on a dust covered bench. "Listen pebble I want to be honest with you. The only way for you to stay yourself is if you became my anchor. An anchor is kind of like a reaper's chosen soulmate and we only get a chance to have one every 1000 years of service." This day was getting stranger and stranger by the fucking minute. You could live but you would need to become this man's soulmate, basically his wife. Looking at him again you could say you wouldn't enjoy the physical parts of such a relationship. Honestly Kirishima had no business being this sexy. Well if this kind of thing was gonna happen to you Halloween was no better day for it to happen on. Squeezing his hand you agreed even though you knew he had more to explain.

 

"If you're sure then I'll take us to my home so that we can link our souls without turning into dust bunnies." The world around you faded out and changed into a huge bedroom that was painted black and red with posters of an old superhero movie lining them. There was workout equipment everywhere you looked, well that at least told you that his muscles were all from hard work and not just random spooky reaper magic. With no small bit of embarrassment you sat on his bed and rubbed your fingers across the covers looking anywhere but him. Taking you straight into his bedroom instead of a living room or something told you exactly what you had been guessing at. Linking souls was definitely going to require sexual contact. "Pebble look at me." Looking up you took him in once again almost drooling over his now shirtless chest as he loosened his belt giving you a tantalizing look at his black happy trail. He walked up to you and held your cheeks in his hands. He searched your eyes for a few moments and when he saw no fear or rejection lowered his head to give you a kiss. This kiss was slow and gentle but full of so much heat you were sure every nerve in your body was on fire. Kirishima's tongue licked across yours as he savored the taste of his soon to be anchor. Not wanting to just sit there and take it you put your all into the kiss licking his teeth, nibbling on his lips, and even sucking on his tongue the same way you wished to suck on another part of his body. Kirishima broke the kiss panting heavily as he let his hands caress down your neck until they reached the collar of the t-shirt you wore. With barely a flick of his fingers your shirt was torn down the middle, your bra sharing its fate. He pushed the shredded material down your shoulders letting it fall to the bed.

 

"I'm going to be as gentle as I can for you pebble but I have very limited control over myself at the moment. Your so fucking beautiful I swear my supervisor gave me your case cause he knew I'd fall for you." Crawling over you he straddled your waist and began to kiss and bite down your neck stopping only when he reached your breast. Pushing both your breasts together he kissed every inch of them worshiping the heavy mounds. With no warning he sucked both of your nipples into his mouth, bathing them with his tongue before biting them. After every bite he flicked his tongue against the hardened peaks earned himself little whines and moans of appreciation. Once he felt that he could no longer hold himself in check with just adoring your nipples, Kirishima slid down off the bed to crouch in front of you for the second time that day. Slipping his fingers under the waistband of your panties and shorts he tugged them down and over your boots leaving you in only your favorite necklace and your socks and boots. His blood was fire in his veins as he took in the sight of you. Your pussy was so beautifully slick with your juices that it would have been blasphemous for him not to take a taste. Grabbing your thighs he used them to pull your ass to the edge of the bed where he drove in with no hesitation. Licking and sucking the lips of your pussy before using his tongue to separate them. Each swipe of his tongue drove you higher and closer to orgasm. He suckled your clit grazing it with those sharp teeth. The hint of danger from having such vicious looking teeth on something so sensitive threw you over the edge. The pleasure made you so mindlessly happy that you screamed out "eijiro." Like it was a prayer.

 

At the sound of his first name on your lips all rational thought was lost to kiri. He stood shoving his pants down just enough to free his throbbing cock before he pulled you so only your shoulders and head remained on the bed. With you folded over the way he wanted Kiri slammed his cock into your tight little hole. He was only able to fit about half of his massive girth inside before he had to pull back out leaving only the head inside. This move was the best he could do to get the right momentum to start his powerful digging thrusts. Each thrust was hard and determined, meant to help him reach his goal. And reach his goal is what he did, Kiri bottomed out inside of you after 5 thrusts. His cock head kissed your cervix on the last thrust pulling a choked sob from your throat. Being folded into such a position only made the stretching of your pussy feel that much more overwhelming. Kiri set up a hard measured pace,his only focus on getting his seed into your womb to link the two of you together. Grunting and growling he told you everything he planned. "Fuck pebble your so damn tight and wet. I need to get my cum inside your womb otherwise I might go insane. No one told me linking to your anchor would make me feel like this. I wanna destroy anyone who would ever think to take you from me." You whined desperately every time his cock head battered against the entrance to your womb. It was too much and not enough at the same time. Reaching up you tried to rub your clit only for kiri to grab your wrist and hold it in a firm grip. He was almost passed the point of words but managed a beastly sounding "not without me." Before he increased his pace and shifted his hips making sure every thrust hammered your gspot. Kiri leaning over you to rail your little hole was already a sight to see but the way his hair hung down and tickled against your skin made every nerve ending you had buzz with electricity. A few strands had started to cling to his face due to the sweat pouring off of him and you had to swallow to keep from drooling. This man was made for it seemed, he was everything you had ever fantasized about on those lonely treks through the newest abandoned explore. The sounds of your sex echoed through the room, wet sucking noises, the slap of skin on skin and the sounds only two people in a haze pleasure could make. As he got closer kiri started to slap three fingers on his free hand against your clit. The rhythm of the slaps matched his cocks thrusts so perfectly it caused your pussy to let out a constant stream of squirt. At his final thrust he locked his knees prepared for what was to come. Kiri's cum shot from his slit hosing against your cervix as the base of his cock swelled locking inside you. His cum was so hot and he hadn't stopped tapping your clit. All this combined with the swelling of his cock threw you over the edge, an orgasm ripping through your body so hard your eyes rolled back in your head. Once you had gone limp kiri pulled you up into his arms before turning and sitting on the bed, still locked inside you.

 

"You are my anchor now the other part of me that will light my way even in the darkest hour." Laying down kiri relaxed, one large hand stroking your back as your breathing began to even out. Just as you were about to drift off you felt shocks and tingling race up and down your arms. Leaning up you looked down at your arms and found you had developed the same tattoos that kiri had on his arms. When you questioned him on it he smiled happily before caressing each mark. "These are proof that our link is true and blessed by the fate in charge of reaper unions." Your heart did a little flip as you took in his love filled expression. By now Kiri's knot had gone down so you pulled yourself up and off of his semi hard cock. He protested wishing to sleep buried inside you but quieted down when you spun around and put your pussy over his face. Leaning down you took his cock in hand and began to lick all the cum and pussy juice from it. Following your lead kiri pulled your hips down and swiped his tongue through the combination of your fluids and his. Once you had his cock cleaned you started to tease him, digging your tongue into his slit. His hips bucked and his leisurely pace on your pussy became wild as he slurped and sucked away. Feeling mischievous you continued you playing with his slit but began to rub that sensitive spot just under the head of his cock.

 

That is where you went wrong or in this case very right. Kiri's switch was flipped as he lifted you clear in the air by your hips. He threw you into the middle of the room but instead of hitting the floor you stayed suspended in the air. He was using his powers on you! With his magic kiri floated you to sit on his cock no other part of him touching you but the cock pressed at your entrance. "Pretty pebble do your bolder a favor and count for me. I want to see just how much of me is claiming this pussy." You couldn't deny him since keeping silent only made him tease you gently with his tip. Frustrated and wet you began to count each inch. At six you really started to feel the stretching of your inner muscles on this heavy cock. At nine inches you had a little drool running down the corner of your mouth. At twelve inches your pussy was continuously dribbling squirt down Kiri's cock and balls. At fourteen you came whining his name, begging him to fuck you properly and end this delicious torture. All he did was laugh and slowly thrust inside of you keeping you well pleasured but unsatisfied. "It's ok pebble we have all the time in the world now. We're going to take this slow all night long." His last words were said on a beastly growl as he placed one hand on your throat and squeezed enough to make your pussy squeeze his cock in return. This whole Halloween had been nuts so an all night fuck fest with your new supernatural soulmate was just the cherry on top. Sobbing you reached back and grabbed hold of a lock of his hair looking for any part of him to touch that could ground you. His thrusts got harder as you pulled. Well you knew how to get him to fuck you harder. You couldn't wait to learn more tonight and for the rest of your eternity together.

[clumsyyhearts]

Literally cannot get over how much the show fucked up the crows' characterization. Especially since Netflix also adapted Heartstopper, and from what I've seen, it looks pretty good!?!? I just... can't get my mind around it.

It's been said before, but I really think Heartstopper benefits by having so much involvement from creators and so much love for their creation. The careful adaption of a small portion of the series at a time also really helps their case. There isn't an equivalent of dragging the Crows into the plot of Shadow and Bone in Heartstopper. There's just a whole lot of love and organic originality and real teenage charm!

Shadow and Bone could've gotten away with incorporating the Crows if they'd been careful and diligent but I just don't think they were. Preserving the spirit of that heistlike plot adventure was way more important and it shows! Instead of being treated like characters, they're just aesthetic decor to enhance the scenery. There are quite a few ways S&B could've worked the Crows into the show without being totally faithful to every letter of the books but that would've required them to understand the functionality of their characters beyond just an outsider's perspective. You can't understand Charlie Spring without understanding his past experiences with bullies and anxiety and a complicated relationship with his own body, just like you can't understand Kaz Brekker without understanding his own deep-rooted touch aversion and how he's had to grow up on the streets of the Barrel. To adapt characters on-screen is an act of love. Heartstopper is overflowing with it; Shadow and Bone feels more a feat of CGI glory.

Because it's not just the Crows that have issues in Shadow and Bone, it's Alina and Mal and the Darkling and Zoya, too! Those are rich characters with so much potential and inner strife in the books. Even if it's the first season of the show, you should be able to lay hints about those characters' depths and deeply personal backstories that contribute to why they are the way they are. I'm thinking about Zoya and how it's so vital to her story that you understand she is Alina's mirror, and how it's only barely perceptible in Shadow and Bone because they get so caught up in the depth of worldbuilding that is required to establish our basic understanding of Ravka.

Heartstopper has the advantage of not having to do that much worldbuilding but they still manage to give Charlie, Nick, Tara, Tao, and Elle rich inner lives and struggles in our short time of knowing them. Tao and Elle's relationship is organically built; Nick's struggle with his identity doesn't feel unnatural; Tara's coming out process is familiar.

I don't know. I'm a really character-based reader and consumer of media, so I'm always going to value a good character arc or development instead of plot, which is where I think I'm predisposed to like Heartstopper more because everything that happens is driven by the characters and their chance to grow and change, whereas Shadow and Bone has elements of a dystopia and a revolution and those things dominate the storytelling method. It's why I like Six of Crows better, anyway - that plot is driven and enhanced by the characters as we find out more about their lives and personalities and watch them grow, whereas S&B just intrinsically relies more on Alina's growth being secondary to the actions of the series. And Heartstopper's value in their characters is where I think the adaptation really shines. There's so much love and care in the way they were handled, and I really appreciate that.

[peter-parcoeur]

Good girl gone bad | (frat!tom)

request: How about frat cocky Tom at a Christmas party, wearing something that shows off his muscles, and he keeps flirting with y/n, who hates him. Throughout the night, he slowly wins her over, and once he has her in the palm of his hand, he makes her compliment him and then worship his muscles and then get on her knees and suck on him through his boxer briefs and then finally he f*cks her face and he's dirty talking and boasting all the way through :)

disclaimer: Hiii, so this was a request (sadly anonymous but if you’re out there reading this, I hope you enjoy and this lives up to your expectations...) this is my first attempt at fratboy!tom so I apologize in advance if that’s not exactly what you expected from it or whatever. Also I’m french so, some unfortunate spelling mistakes may occur and for this I apologize too! (damn I do really know how to sell myself, don’t I?) Anyway, enjoy your reading and please give it a ♥ if you liked it and a comment if you either really liked or hated it. Annnnd I’m talking too much.

warnings: smut smut smutty smut is to be expected, obviously. includes: brat!tom, braggy!tom, boasting!tom and some serious potty mouth / enemies to lovers (well, more like enemies to fuckbuddies idk) / oral-sex / face-fuck / dirtyDIRTY talk/ fingering / brief mentions of self luuuuvin (that’s masturbation, for you) / dom!tom + sub!reader / I guess a little bit of humiliation and praise kink idk if that’s triggering so just in case... / roughness... I guess that’s it? probably enough already.

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« Come on, it’ll be fun! God knows you could really use some fun… » your friend’s voice almost begged over the phone as you safely locked it between your cheek and your shoulder to open the door to your dorm room, your keyrings grazing the piece of metal surrounding the lock with a soft, clicking noise.

“Yeah cause hanging out with complete morons as they get shit-faced on cheap vodka is totally my idea of a good night...”

“ Urghhhh, Y/N please, are you really gonna be a Grinch about it?”

“  Well, it’s a Christmas party so I guess that’s convenient?”

You could tell your friend was getting frustrated by now, the slight change of tone in her voice making her sound desperate. Kicking off your shoes and dropping your books above the mess on your desk, you immediately crashed onto your bed with a loud, exhausted groan as this never-ending day had managed to push every single one of your buttons. You felt completely drained and yet, your best-friend wanted you to join her to some frat-house where, apparently, the “most incredible” Christmas party was about to be held? Uh-uh. No way. Your actual plan for a Friday night (= eating take-out food in front of some true crime documentary on Netflix) seemed much more appealing than the effort your friend seemed to require from you.

“You’re really gonna bail on me? What if something happens to me?”

“Now this is guilt pressure and you’re so much better than this! “ You laughed, “plus… I know you wanna go just so you can make out with Harrison… You really don’t need me for this and truth be told, I really don’t need to see that guy shove his tongue down your throat!”

“Maybe YOU need someone to shove his tongue down your throat “

“I’ll pass, thanks “

“Come on, how long has it been since you’ve got laid? “

“That’s… way beside the point?””

Still, you thought about it.

How long has it been, really?

Well. As far as you could remember, there were a couple (disastrous) tinder dates at the beginning of the semester. Nothing major even though the sex was still okay. Then you had decided to delete the app so you could focus on your studies, thinking that, eventually, life would grant you with an actual IRL, cute boy who could actually work a little harder to get into your pants whereas it had taken a single swipe on a screen for the previous contestants.

But for now, as the semester had come to an end and Christmas break was around the corner, it only occurred to you just how busy you had been, studying all night long and running on fumes and gallons of coffee. Maybe your friend was right. Maybe you truly needed to blow off some steam. Sometimes you wished you were more like her, carefree and less picky when it came to boys and random flings. Like her current crush, Harrison.

Harrison was a typical heartthrob with the face of a Greek God, so it was only natural for him to act like a brat and play with girls as he wished. With his piercing blue eyes and dreamy smile, girls could only wish he would look at them twice. But still, he wasn’t the worst part of Team Jackass, as you liked to call them. Their captain was actually Tom Holland. Football Quarterback, Tom collected girls’ hearts like trophies and held his pride within his questionable reputation. Party animal, heavy drinker and confirmed exhibitionist since he’d been caught fucking a cheerleader in the middle of the football field right after a game, his name was on everyone’s lips, whether they whispered gossips down the faculty’s corridor or muffled into a pillow as he dived into another naïve, besotted girl with the promise of an encore. To this day, all of the girls he had laid his eyes on were still waiting for a call-back.

You pulled a disgusted face at the thought of witnessing his little hunting game one more time. Tom was actually one of the main reasons why you usually skipped any frat party now. There were just so much time you could waste, sipping on some funky tasting “home-made” punch as “Football superstar” Tom Holland bragged about his athletic skills or how many girls he had fucked over the last couple days. Sometimes, it felt like a competition between him and his brain-dead friends. Somehow, you just knew he kept score of his one-night stands. Maybe he’d give you five stars for trying anal, a deep throat would give you another six and god forbid if you flattered his enormous, gigantic cock, well then, by all means, the throne would be yours. There was just something about him that screamed and irradiated praise kink.

“Y/N? Have I lost you?”

Your friend’s voice brought you back to reality as you seemed to have blacked out for a while.

Then, out of nowhere and unexpectedly, the words came out of your mouth.

“What time is the party then?”

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For every party, there’s a dress code.

Surely, a “Christmas” party just couldn’t be, without a fair splash of colorful jumpers or any subtle hints at Santa Clause as an excuse for a last-minute theme. Still, standing in front of what could only be Wednesday Addams’ wardrobe, you were suddenly hit by your lack of interest for any piece of clothes that wasn’t a shade between black and white. Was beige even a color anyway?

For a brief second, you considered wearing your infamous Christmas onesie, basically a fluffy one piece with a zipper, an oversized hood and covered with snowflakes and candy canes. The jokes would never end but no one could blame you for being ‘off theme’, then.

In the end, you settled for a rare “colorful” top which, luckily, happened to be whatever shade of green Christmas trees actually were. It was also skin tight and you knew for a fact it made your chest looks twice its size because of the way the velvet fabric enhanced your waistline. It was nowhere near provocative with its long sleeves and turtle-neck so you figured you could be a little bit more risky with the bottom part of your outfit, grabbing the black mini-skirt you’d bought a week before on a splurge, even though you didn’t know if you’d ever find the confidence to pull it off. It was short, there was no denying that as you turned around in the shop’s fitting room to catch a glimpse at your backside, knowing your whole ass would be exposed if you ever dared to bend down even so slightly.

Still, you felt sexy in it and as a girl who happily traded a sexy dress for yoga pants and an oversized hoodie, any piece of clothes that made you feel good about yourself was an instant buy.

Looking down at your final outfit as it laid down on your bed, a pair of nice ankle boots at the bottom of it, you patted yourself on the back for making the extra effort and walked to the bathroom for a well-deserved boiling shower.  Staring at your reflection in the mirror above the sink, you sighed to yourself as the aftermath of a sleep deprived week and lack of skin care routine or basic maintenance whatsoever hit you like a truck on the highway. Your hair had been wrapped into the same messy bun for days and it would definitely take some professional skills to cover up the bags under your eyes.

Maybe this party was the wake-up call you needed, the equivalent of a Judging look from your mother every time you visited her after a while. You could almost hear her complain about how unhealthy you looked and how you should wear more “flattering” clothes. Ironically, you also knew she would never approve the skirt you intended to wear that night. You remembered just too well that frown she’d given you at your father’s 60th birthday and how you had to gulp an entire bottle of red wine to forget about the fact the woman who gave birth to you had called you a prostitute for wearing a dress above the knees. Sometimes it’d be like that. Family gathering were like a plague, somehow, you just couldn’t escape it and it would either scar you for life or make you wish you were dead.

As you entered the cubicle, the coldness of the tiles hit you, covering your skin with goosebumps and sending shivers down your spine. It took you a couple minutes to adjust as you waited for the water to turn hot enough to coat the mirror with a thick foggy layer. Only then did you relax, letting go of this week’s emotionally charged weight upon your shoulders and focusing on yourself, at last.

It was a fairly long shower as you decided to go through your entire haircare routine instead of a brief, one minute shampoo. Not to mention the fact you also had to shave entirely as it felt like it would be a good way to get rid of this nightmare of a semester, like stepping out of your old skin and into a new one. Usually, body hair was probably too far down the list of your preoccupations to even be noticed but you figured, as you felt surprisingly motivated, now was the right time to make your body smooth as a baby. You actually loved the feeling of a soft, freshly shaved skin.

As you rinsed off the soap, your hands fondling the body parts water failed to reach, your mind unexpectedly wandered through some steamy thoughts as soon as your fingertips grazed your slit, taking some shy dip between your folds. It was no surprise that a simple, barely there stroke would instantly strike your arousal, after all, it had been a while. You shamelessly admitted that your studies had taken over your life, up to the point you’d even find yourself too exhausted for some self-love. Somewhere in your chest of drawers, the small collection of adult toys you owned were probably collecting dust in the middle of your socks and panties, wondering when they’d get to take a swim and make you squirm into your sheets as you hold on to the headboard, biting your lip until it turns white so you don’t scream through climax.

What struck you the most was the fact TomfuckingHolland came to your mind the very second your middle finger met your clit, circling it softly as you felt electricity spark through your legs, making it jolt. Why the hell was his stupid smug splattered all over your unspeakable thoughts when he was, by far, the last man on Earth you’d let come close to your naked self? Let alone in a shower cubicle the size of a shoe-box where you’d have no space whatsoever to escape his heavy, muscular chest.

His body looked ridiculously built for a man with the face of a 13 year-old. Sometimes you’d catch him randomly flex throughout the day, showing off his enormous biceps to anyone willing to praise his impeccable shape. There would be no room for these guns in there, you thought as a brief image of these massive arms shielding you from both side, fists tight against the tiles, came immediately to your mind. What took you by surprise wasn’t to actually picture Tom standing in there with you, naked and definitely willing to make that room a lot steamier, but the fact you slipped a finger into your surprisingly dripping core as soon as you imagined him stepping closer so your bare, sticky chests would meet, his obvious arousal poking at your inner thigh, begging to make an entrance.

You stopped before you inevitably came, even though your body craved for that well-deserved relief. You may have been hornier than you thought, but not nearly horny enough to hand your first orgasm in months on a silver plate to a boy who probably stroked himself in front of a mirror on a daily basis. Your thighs squeezed together where your fingers had left a desperate void, rinsing your entire body with a much colder water, hoping it would bring your sanity back.

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You looked incredible.

It wasn’t just you boosting your ego through a pep talk in front of your mirror back in your dorm this time, and even if you loved to give yourself an encouraging speech, praising whatever features you thought made the cut in the top three of your best assets as you gathered the strength to go out in public in an outfit pretty far from your comfort zone, nothing could ever beat the look people gave you as you walked into the frat house looking like a three courses meal. There was just something about that short time slot where you caught a gaze and knew what that look was all about.

You knew Liza, the head student with a soft spot for athletes so obvious she probably had the entire football team’s handprints tattooed on her skin, just hated to see you get the attention she usually caught. Athletes loved nerdy, smart-ass girls like her, but to her own despair, you actually happened to be one of those, only with a shorter skirt and thicker thighs.

You knew half of Team Jackass was already staring at you, wishing they’d catch a glimpse of whatever you had to offer underneath that impeccable outfit as the soft fabric of your skirt kept rising up, every step bringing you closer to an unfortunate peek at the plain, white cotton undies you had chosen to wear that night.

But above anything, you could most definitely feel someone’s gaze upon you, burning up your skin like lasers trying to scan through your clothes. Suddenly, you felt exposed and with a simple smirk, Tom-Holland came out, strong as ever, just so he could pop out the comforting bubble you had built around you. Of course, he had chosen to wear the tightest white tee-shirt so everyone could distinctively see each of his six, rock-hard abs. Of course, his sleeves were slightly rolled up to enhance his biceps and if you weren’t familiar with his despicable behavior, seeing him flex just so he could kiss the pumped-up mount irrupting from his upper arm like a fresh batch of popcorn on a stove, you could have barfed immediately at the disgusting sight of a man with an ego the size of a fucking comet.

For now, you simply rolled your eyes all the way to the back of your head and watched as he smiled cockily, his hand reaching out for a redhead girl’s cheek even though his eyes were most definitely undressing you from afar. You could tell the girl had dressed to impress as she was tightly wrapped into the just-slutty-enough version of Santa’s outfit. Basically a velvet red dress with a fluffy white strap on top of her bustier. The way she laughed and twirled her long curly strand of hair as she gazed lovingly at Tom was enough for you to know she would soon join the never-ending list of names on his score board.

Shaking your head at how easy it seemed for him to get laid within the first hour of a party, you made your way to the kitchen where the alcohol seemed to be. As expected, most students were already sipping at some questionable cocktail right from the bowl with a straw and since you didn’t feel like going straight for the strong stuff, you settled for a beer, fiddling with the bottle cap for a solid minute before you heard a voice coming from behind your back.

“Need some hand with that, sweetheart?”

The cocky tone and thick accent immediately sent you off as a long, single shiver ran down your spine from the disgusting thoughts it brought along. It had come to the point you couldn’t even stand his stupid voice.

“I’m fine, thanks” you lied, your first still tightly gripped on your sealed beverage.

“You look like you could use some strength…”

Of course, he had to bring up his impressive, spectacular strength within seconds. Maybe he expected you to slow clap, bow down or throw confetti’s all over him for being strong enough to open a beer bottle. What on Earth would you do without his strong, manly hands?

Grinding your teeth as your tongue clicked against your palate out of pure annoyance, you gave him the most unimpressed look as he grabbed the bottle from your hand, popping out the cap hard enough to make it fly off and hit the table with a soft, metallic thump. Smirking to himself, Tom handed you the bottle back, tilting his head as he obviously expected some enthusiastic reaction.

“Do you want a medal or something?”

“A simple ‘thank you’ would be a good start? “He mocked, raising his eyebrows in a way that made your consider throwing the entire bottle at his face to wash away his stupid cockiness.

“Thanks” you simply blurted out, raising your beer slightly before walking away as you took a couple sips. It wasn’t even that cold or remotely good.

Tom watched as you walked away in silence, his eyes inevitably drawn to the way your hips and that glorious ass of yours seemed to wiggle into that daunting skirt. Grazing his thumb over his bottom lip with a smirk, the eager flame in his eyes made his will to take you to a quiet place grow bigger with each step you took.

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The music was getting considerably louder as people were now dancing all over the place, from the staircase to whatever was left of furniture after too many parties hosted in this house.  The constant buzzing sound of chit-chats and laughter was slowly making your head spin as you gulped on your third (or was it the fourth?) Shot of tequila. As expected, Y/BFF/N had wasted no time as she was already clinging to Harrison’s neck, feasting on his mouth like an open buffet. His hands were on her bum, holding on to it for dear life with a strong grip. At least, she was having fun.

Out of boredom and to your own surprise, you had agreed on doing shots with a couple people you knew from class. Not technically what you’d call reliable friends but you always bumped into them at parties where you’d basically chat, and drink. From afar, you could see some people had gathered around a table where Team Jackass had started the inevitable beer pong contest. Nibbling at a piece of lime, hoping it would wash away the burning haze of the tequila, you winced at the sourness as your eyes suddenly locked with Tom’s. He was now holding his arms up on both side, raising one fist through the air as he had clearly won that first round. There was something pathetic about a man in his twenties begging for attention and acting like he was about to claim the gold medal at the Olympics when all he did was throw a feather-weighted plastic ball into a red cup.

All the alcohol in the world would never get you drunk enough to tolerate this guy.

Sometimes, you couldn’t help but think it was a shame to see him act so pitiful when he face was actually okay. Well. He was definitely cute as long as his mouth was shut and his stupid, pretentious smug out of the way. With his soft, chocolate brown eyes, his tousled eyebrows and thin pink lips, he could’ve been a guy you’d be interested in. His brown hair was somehow, always tucked into a snapback or a beanie but you had caught a glimpse of his natural curls once and though it killed you on the inside to admit it, he did look great when he didn’t try too hard to be a complete asshole.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t see him walk towards you.

“We’re doing shots now? “

“Impressive” you frowned, “did you figure it out all by yourself?” you chuckled, swallowing what’s left of lime, basically pulp, in one soft gulp.

“You like to act all smart ass around me, don’t you?”

“Correction: I am, in fact, smart… Not that it’s something you’re familiar with so, pardon me if it’s all too confusing for you… “

“Are you calling me dumb, then?” he was frowning now, his enormous self-centered head deflating under the unexpected pressure of your witty come-back.

“Did you hear the word ‘dumb’ coming out of my mouth?”

“No – but I sure know what I would like to see come in that sweet mouth of yours, darling”

The fact he had the nerves to say that kind of stuff right to your face was enough to piss you off but what caught you off guard was his hand reaching for your face as his thumb delicately grazed your bottom lip, pulling at it just enough for you to taste his fingertip.

“Surely, lime isn’t the only thing you like to suck on?” he smiled, cocky as ever as you could feel actual rage building up from your core and all the way to the back of your throat.

“I suggest you keep your hands off me” you snapped, pushing his hand off your face as he laughed to himself, the raspy sound caught in his throat making you throb against all odds.

“Or what? What you gonna do about it, uh?” he teased, confident as ever, his words coming out of his mouth halfway between a threat and a challenge. His arms were crossed against his chest now, making every inch of muscle he owned just pop out. There was nothing sweet about the way his body was built, and was he ever given the occasion, you knew he could break your spine in half with his one hand. You just wished you’d never thought about it as the filthiest images came to your mind, starting with Tom spinning you around over the sink in the bathroom and pinning you down with his palm pressed between your shoulder blades as he pounded hard and fast into you.

Maybe Tequila had gotten to your head faster than you expected.

“I know girls like you” he started, walking backwards until your back hit the wall and you were completely trapped between his arms, one of his leg parting yours so his knee would slowly graze that spot where your thighs met, claiming his access to that precious part of your body you could definitely feel getting damper against your will.

“What about it?” you asked, slightly more provocative than you had intended.

“You like to act all innocent, pretending you have higher standards…” His breath was warm, wrapped into the thickness of alcohol, curving a ball at the back of his throat so his voice would come out raspier and lower than usual, “… but secretly you just want guys like me to fuck the back of your throat until you choke”.

You felt it. Your pussy throb at the single thought of it. You didn’t want to physically react to these obscene images, words coming out of his mouth filthier than anything you’d ever heard, but still, as hard as you wanted to remain cold and unbothered, there was no denying for the dampness between your thighs. You just hoped he wouldn’t get a chance to notice it.

“You disgust me” it took you all the strength you had to spat back at him, and even then, all he did was smile then chuckle softly to himself as his hand slid up your throat, wrapping it slowly until his thumb pressed itself into the crook under your chin, nesting as it was made to be there.

“Please—are you really going to pretend you’ve never thought about my cock filling up your pretty mouth?” his fingers found your lips again, tracing it slowly as your heartbeat increased with each word, “like you’ve never thought about me when you finger yourself at night” he paused, pinching his bottom lip between his teeth as he tilted his head, his mouth coming closer to your hear with a dark whisper “I know you do, baby… I know you touch yourself thinking of me, wishing those fingers were mine, diving into your dripping cunt… Touching spots you could only wish you’d reach… how I would spread those lips open and run my tongue all over your slit….” A warm breeze brushed your neck as a cursed laugh escaped his lips, making you squirm unexpectedly, “I bet you taste so sweet, I would never get enough of that glorious pussy…”

By now, you were wrapped into the intoxicating scent of his cologne. It was strong and manly as expected, yet comforting in a way you didn’t want to think about. You didn’t want to picture yourself wearing that grey hoodie he loved to wear after a game, his perfume raining over your bare chest as you’d lazily ride him on his dorm bed after you’d get bored of whatever movie you’d settled for, pushing your panties to the side as he couldn’t be bothered taking it off completely. You didn’t want to picture him unzipping that same hoodie, palming your boob with one of his strong hands as his mouth sucked on your nipple until your soft, delicate skin turned red from all the biting marks. You didn’t want to feel yourself stretch around his rock-hard cock as he’d lift your legs up to wrap it around his neck, because he’s that kind of jerk who likes to show off even when he’s completely buried inside of you, that kind of complete asshole who loves to remind you just how deep he can go, smirking to himself as he hits your special spot over and over and over…. until you beg for him to stop. That kind of utterly disgusting dickhead who’d never stop, because he knows that, deep down, you just want him to keep going.

“Now you can tell me you’re not already wet… But we both know that’s a lie” he smiled again and as you felt his hand going down, palming you through your top and all the way down to the front of your skirt, you finally decided to come to your senses and grabbed his wrist into your tight fist, stopping him just in time before he’s reached the only approval he truly needed.

“Go to hell, Holland” you snapped, using all of your strength to push him off and walk away.

You didn’t turn back to see him chuckle at the sight of your flushed face.

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The coldness of water came as a shock as you bent over the sink in the bathroom, splashing your face until it didn’t feel like your skin was on fire. Grabbing a towel, you patted your cheeks and forehead, staring at the reflection in front of you. You definitely looked flustered, like you had just run a marathon when all you really did was to suffer through your archenemy’s evil little game.

Usually, you would have just brushed it off and that’d be it. But tonight, for some reason, you just couldn’t seem to shake him off your thoughts, his voice still echoing through your head like a curse without a cure. Outside the bathroom, you could hear the muffled sound of music and screams coming from the living room as beer-pong had turned into strip-pong with everyone removing a piece of clothes every time the ball missed the cup. Typical, drunken behavior. Soon enough these parties would turn into a massive orgy and it wouldn’t even come out as a big surprise.

Freshen up a little had helped you settle your thoughts back into place but still, your body didn’t seem to catch a break as the build-up tension and frustration Tom had caused within your core was yet to be released. There was no denying that your toys would have come handy if you were back to your dorm room as it felt like your pussy kept clenching for no reason, like the gaping mouth of the thirstiest man in the middle of a drought. You knew how bad you needed to put it out of its misery but if you thought undressing for a ping pong game was bad, what would happen if anyone walked on you literally fingering yourself in the bathroom of a frat-house? No one would shut up about it.

Tom would certainly not. Shut. Up. About. It. Ever.

You pressed your thighs together, hoping for some sort of relief as his words came back haunting you, thinking about how your hand had found its way between your legs earlier in the shower, the very second you had thought about his body pushing you up against the tiles. Is that what he was to you, now? A fantasy? Would you become another disgusting cliché of a girl begging for the typical frat boy to fuck her at a party because she couldn’t handle his dirty mouth?

Then you thought about your best-friend and how the last time you’d seen her, she was heading upstairs with Harrison, giggling, her lipstick smudged all over her chin after making out heavily on the couch up to the point everyone was starting to wonder whether they should be charged for that kind of peep-show or just roll with it. How she was probably getting fucked in his bedroom while you were standing alone in a bathroom, dripping wet for a man you hated down to the very bottom of your guts.

The door swung open abruptly, making you jump.

“So that’s where you’ve been hiding!” Tom smiled, walking in.

“Can’t a girl have some privacy?”

“I need to take a piss, you’re the one standing out there doing nothing” he joked, walking to the toilets with his hands already fiddling with the zipper of his pants.

“Hum, excuse me?” you spat, widening your eyes as you realized he was genuinely about to use the toilets with you still standing a few meters away.

“I said I needed to take a piss… So either you just stand there watching, which I don’t mind really… or you can get out?” he pointed his chin towards the door, unbothered as he casually pulled his dick out of his boxers.

Both infuriated and shocked, you turned around as there was no point leaving the room now that his whole junk was out and already halfway through it.

“Do you have to be that disgusting? Really you’re such a pig!” you complained as you heard him sigh with relief before the toilet flush broke the most awkward silence of your entire existence.

“Don’t worry darling, I’ll clean it up real nice just for you…” he smiled even though you still had your back turned to him. You heard him use the tap, washing his hands for a considerably long amount of time. At least he wasn’t one of those filthy rats who thought basic hygiene was optional.

“What were you doing by the way?” he finally asked, grabbing the towel to your left, “touching yourself thinking about me?”

You turned around to face his cocky face once more, this time with a furious need to slap it. Hard.

“You know I’ve seen you walking around campus a couple times, Y/N… Those big jumpers and yoga pants you like to wear don’t do that body any justice, but this?” he circled his finger in the air, pointing out her entire outfit “this, I like to see… and if you weren’t being a little brat I would gladly pull up that skirt up to your waist and have you there, above the sink…”

“I’m being a brat?” you scoffed. That was rich, coming from the ultimate king of bratty assholes.

“Well you call it whatever you like but denying yourself something you truly need just to prove a point seems a little childish…” he shrugged, shoving his hands into this jeans pocket and giving you a perfect glimpse at the veins running up his arms and disappearing underneath his rolled up sleeves.

“You think all girls are begging for you to fuck them? Really?”

“Probably, yeah, and who could blame them really? I have a great cock and I’ve never had a single bad review about the way I use it…” he smiled, with the arrogance of a king sitting on a throne of indecency.

“You’re so full of yourself… it’s insane” you shook your head with pure disgust.

“Then go ahead and prove it”

“Prove what, exactly?”

“That you’re not dripping wet as we speak…”

Point taken.

You were, indeed, dripping wet and soon enough, you’d have some serious explaining to do as the thin cotton fabric of your underwear was now soaked with your unsolicited arousal. Even though your head was filled with hateful thoughts and resentment for Tom, it felt like your body would not stop begging for his touch, dragging him closer like two pieces of magnets on a fridge. Unconsciously, you were now standing a couple inch away from his face, so close you could actually smell the soft mixt of menthol and alcohol from his breath. There was no point denying the obvious tension between you two as you looked like you were about to break into a passionate kiss but now it was just a fight between your will for self-preservation and your body, aching to be touched.

And so you heard yourself say these words you never thought you’d say, like you were standing in the audience as your other self was performing on stage, making some questionable decisions you weren’t 100% okay with.

“Which one’s your bedroom?”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You could have fought longer, for the sake of your personal values, but as your feet were swiped off the ground, your back hitting the door as it closed behind you with a loud slam, all of your good sense and respectable choices just vanished as much filthier thoughts buried them for good.

Your legs were wrapped around his waist as his hands had wasted no time and found their way under your top, fondling your breast with the hunger of a wolf. Your lips attached to his, you moaned louder than expected as he pushed himself a little harder against you, the obvious stiffness of his crotch pressing against your aching core. Your skirt had risen up to your waist from spreading your legs a little too wide, flashing your white panties as it was now so soaked you could definitely see the outline of your lips, the thin fabric sticking to your slit. Catching your breath, heavy pants breaking your kiss, you looked into Tom’s eyes only to see nothing but pure, absolute lust in them. As you tugged at his brown locks, a couple strand curling slightly at the back of his neck, you watched as his snapback fell to the floor with a thump, unleashing his brown untamed mane.

Suddenly, he didn’t seem so bad, groaning slightly as your fingers scrapped the back of his neck, your lips sucking on his throat for good measures. With his head tilted back slightly, it felt like Tom was getting soft for a while, caving in so you could take control over him. Unfortunately, that didn’t last long as he suddenly traced a hand all the way down to your inner thigh, immediately pushing your panties to the side with his middle finger.

“I knew it…” he smiled, sliding his finger along your slit as you wrapped it up with a glistening coat of arousal. You knew he had won the minute he felt just how wet you were for him, but when it should have been upsetting, you just didn’t care. All you needed now was to feel his cock filling you up in any way he wanted, “who made you this wet, darling?” he smiled, pulling at your bottom lip with his teeth.

“Don’t be a brat…” you complained as you could see some mischief in the way he looked at you.

“Just say it” he insisted “I want to hear you say out loud just how wet I make you” this wasn’t a request, but an order. And for some obscure reason you didn’t want to figure out, it somehow turned you on even more.

“You…” you started, biting your lip out of nerves, or out of excitement, you weren’t sure quite yet. “You make me so wet, Tom” you almost moaned, pushing yourself a little harder against his hand when he failed to give you exactly what you needed. His fingers. Buried deep inside of you.

“Hmm” Tom groaned, two of his digits spreading your lips apart at a torturing slow pace, “I like the sound of that…” his knuckles were barely halfway when you buckled your hips off the door, begging for more, “what’s that darling? Tell me what you want…” he was whispering by now, slowly pushing his fingers into your desperate slit, “I want to hear you beg for it…”

You felt him push deeper, curving his fingers into a hook every time he reached your g-spot. By now you were so aroused you just knew it would take you more than a couple stroke to cum heavily into his awaiting palm. You could hear the sloppy sound of your own wetness every time he slammed his slick, extremely skilled digits back into your throbbing pussy. His lips curved into a hasty smile as he could feel you literally drip all over his palm and wrist.

“I want you… I want you so much” you barely managed to whimper as he increased the pace, his wrist working its magic between your thighs.

“Hmm hmm? I’m gonna need you to be more specific baby… what exactly do you want?” his thumb grazed your clit for a brief second and that was enough for you to squeal under his touch, making you clench suddenly around his fingers, “say you want my cock” he almost growled as you felt his hard-on twitch against your thigh, begging to be freed.

“I want your cock” you immediately wimped, your own words sending shivers down your spine as you twitched with anticipation, “I want it so, so bad…”

“Good girl…” he hummed, slowing down the pace so he could add a third finger, stretching you out slightly this time, “d’you think you can take it though? It’s pretty big…” he smiled, twisting his hand just enough so he could dig himself a path.

You simply nodded, unable to speak anymore, but as you were about to beg for more, Tom removed his hand, leaving you frustrated and hornier than ever. His face changed suddenly as he watched you pout, his hand reaching up for your lips.

“What about that pretty mouth, then? You think it may fit?” he smiled, spreading your lips apart so you could taste yourself on his soaked fingers. You immediately obliged, sucking at it, one by one, never keeping your eyes off him. When he shoved three of his digits, watching as your tongue twirled around it, cleaning it off completely, you could definitely tell his eyes had gotten darker, filled with unspeakable thoughts you would be begging to hear soon.

“You’re gonna let me fuck that pretty face?” he added, removing his fingers from your mouth so he could give you a soft, cheeky slap on the cheek. You nodded, obedient as ever. “Say it” he commanded, louder this time, “say you want my cock inside your mouth”.

“I want it… I want your cock inside my mouth” you pouted, only because you knew he loved to see you beg like a spoiled little princess. You’d seen it in his eyes, the way he looked at you every time you tilted your head to fake an innocence that was long gone.

Tom stepped back, walking away slowly as he watched you standing there, flustered, your hair all over the place, panting out of lust and frustration. Pulling his shirt off, you watched as his impressive chest unveiled in front of you. Abs like rocks, a thin strand of hair tracing a path from his navel to his crotch, disappearing under his jeans, his impeccable V-line bringing images you never thought you had within yourself. As he pushed his hair back, daunting you with his a look half way between arrogance and disdain, it felt like all signs of dignity had left your brain as all you could think about was to crawl to the floor and beg for his cock.

“What you’re waiting for then, Darling?” he smiled, unzipping his flies as he watched you walk towards him and get on your knees within seconds.

Your hands pulled at his jeans until it finally pooled around his ankles. Looking up to stare into his eyes, you felt both small and powerful, submissive but in control as you were now responsible for this man pleasure. It was up to you whether he’ll get to cum or not. But as you considered edging him as an option, Tom wasted no time in remembering you who was actually in charge.

“Are you gonna be a good girl for me?” he sighed, grabbing your hair into a fist as his other hand stroked his cock through the cotton fabric of his boxers. You could tell he was just horny as you were as a couple pre-cum had already stained his briefs, turning it into a darker shade of grey.

Again, you nodded, removing his hand so you could replace it with yours, palming him through his briefs as he growled against your touch. He was big. Actually much bigger than you expected but somehow, you were up for a challenge. Tracing the outline of his cock with your fingers tips, you felt him push his hands on the back of your head, forcing you to come closer to his crotch.

“I want to fuck your pretty little mouth so, so bad” he groaned as you unexpectedly ran your tongue all over his stiff through the fabric, feeling it twitch as you palmed his balls. By now he was so hard you could feel the veins tracing a dirty road up to his leaking head as Tom started grinding slowly against your mouth, messing up your hair with his desperate fists.

When you pulled down his boxers, you took a couple seconds to stare at his glorious manhood, hard and pressed against his abdomen where it curved slightly, your mouth watering with a thirst you could have never pictured, especially when standing in Tom Holland’s bedroom. And yet, you couldn’t wait to have this magnificent piece of flesh filling up your mouth.

“Like what you see?” Tom smirked, boasting as ever but immediately squinting his eyes with a deep growl the minute he felt your tongue licking at the base, slowly going up until you finally bobbed on his creaming head.

You had always been good at this, giving head. Not that all of your partners would give you a proper review in the morning, pointing out your highs and lows, but there were just things men couldn’t do, like hiding the fact they were just having the time of their lives. And right now, Tom actually looked like there was nowhere else in the world he would rather be than standing here, with his cock in your mouth.

Twirling your hand at the base where you mouth couldn’t go just yet, you started bobbing up and down his shaft, sucking your cheeks in so your mouth would pop every time his dick came out. You had quickly figured out a couple things about Tom, including the fact he just seemed to love it dirty and noisy. You could actually hear him growl louder, his fist tightening its grip into your hair every time he slipped off your lips, only for him to shove it back a little harder and definitely deeper with each thrust.

“That’s it baby… Just like that… you’re such a good girl…”

You were a good girl, indeed. Always had been. Straight-A’s student from day one, the pride and joy of your parents, spending most of your week-ends doing some volunteer work whenever it was needed while being a caring, polite girl who never did anything wrong. Right choices only.

Or so you thought. Obviously, tonight would be always marked as the only questionable decision on your impeccable path to perfection. But still, as Tom grabbed your face with both hands to push himself deeper and all the way down your throat, making you gasp for air slightly, you had no regrets.

You stayed still for as long as your lungs could handle it, holding on to his firm, muscular buttocks as you swallowed him all. Looking down on you, Tom was left speechless as his cock stretched your cheeks out, his balls resting into your palm as you twitched them slowly, making it jolt with both pain and pleasure. When you felt like you were about to gag, you pushed yourself back, gasping for air as you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. Your cheeks felt numb and yet it missed the feeling of being stretched out already.

“Hmmm baby look at you…. you think you’re ready for it?”

“Yeah” was all you could blurt out. Yes to anything he wanted. You were prepared. You longed for it.

Looking around as Tom started pumping himself, getting ready for you, spitting into his palm to lube himself up so your lips wouldn’t drag along his shaft too much, you just couldn’t believe you were there, kneeling on the navy carpet of Tom Holland’s bedroom, the epitome of the ultimate frat boy. A huge flag from his favorite sports team was hanging above his bed, his never-ending hats collection sitting on wooden shelves by the wall like it was some kind of “frat boy starter pack” Art exhibition. In the corner of the room, you caught an unexpected glimpse at a guitar. It looked fairly new, but never in a million years would you have pictured Tom playing guitar. On his desk, his laptop was still open on a Spotify tab where you’d probably find a playlist based on some typical white boy rap music but against all odds, the room looked neat compared to what you had in mind.

“You look so beautiful” he sighed, out of nowhere, and to be completely honest, had your mouth not been filled with his dick, you would have probably picked up your jaw from the floor. Taking him all in once more, you just pretended you couldn’t hear, sparing you some awkward misunderstanding. Maybe those words were actually directed to his dick. After all, the boy loved himself just that much.

His hands were all over your face, wiping tears from your eyes every time he hit the back of your throat a little too hard, stroking your cheeks, massaging the back of your neck, roaming through your tangled hair as your kept up with his reckless pace, his hips swinging back and forth while you remained completely still so you could take him like a champ.

“God, I love to see you choke on my cock….” He gritted through his teeth “so…so hot…” you could tell he was getting sloppier now, pumping in and out of your mouth abruptly then a lot more slower as a couple twitch from his cock gave you a hint of his upcoming grand finale.

By now, you were a slippery mess, the taste of pre-cum hitting your throat as you dribbled all over his shaft, obscene sounds of suction coming out of your mouth every time he pushed himself out and back in all over again.

“F----uuuuck….fuck baby I’m gonna come!” he grunted, the sudden high-pitch of his broken voice driving you insane as you pushed yourself up a little so you could open your mouth wider, expecting him to fill it up soon enough. “D’you want me to cum in your mouth? Uh?” again, he gave you a little slap on the cheek, not quite hard enough for you to feel any pain. You nodded, moaning whatever came close to a “yes” as every single inch of your mouth was filled with Tom.

You heard him whimper, twitching a couple times, harder with his thrust as his hand fisted into your hair abruptly throughout his climax. Looking up to see his face, your eyes locked with his as he came all over your tongue, raining down your throat with a couple last, sloppy thrusts.

“Oh fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuuu------“

Your eyes immediately teared up as you tried your best to swallow every drop of cum he had to give, the corner of your lips dripping like an overflowing sink.

Then there was a complete silence.

As you wiped your mouth off the thick, warmness of his cum, you felt him kneel to your side, then sit. Both of you looked completely exhausted, drained from every ounce of energy you had left.

“Well, that wasn’t half bad… for a little brat” he spoke again, and you just couldn’t believe he had gathered the energy to say this when he could have chosen silence.

Laughing quietly to yourself so you wouldn’t slap him across the face, you decided not to fuel him up and remained quiet instead. His hair had gone curlier than heaver, his glistening red face making him look like any cute boy you could easily fall for.

“I’ve got a feeling we’re gonna see a lot more of you at frat parties now?” he spoke again, and though it truly pissed you off to admit it, you just knew this wasn’t a one-time thing. For all you knew, this, was barely a prequel to a long, bumpy story of a good girl gone bad.

All because of Tom-fucking-Holland.

[owl-with-a-pen]

I think it would be hella cute if we got a prompt where Brainy carries Nia to bed after she passes out on the couch doing an article or maybe just being tired in general. I know brainy would just be super soft In that moment and be so delicate with her.

- I'm always up for some Brainia softness! Thanks for the prompt x

Although Nia had mostly overcome her habit of falling asleep at inexplicable angles, she was not without relapse.

At least she had fallen asleep somewhere relatively comfortable, Brainy mused as he watched her from the across the sofa, snoring soundly with her face tucked against her laptop’s keyboard.

Said laptop was working vigorously to keep up with the onslaught of text Nia had inadvertently caused to relay across the screen. Currently, her document was on it’s seventh page of tangential gibberish.

Brainy understood the cause. It was no secret that Nia had been pushing herself harder as of late. Not only had she been throwing herself into every aspect of her superhero work, she was also dealing with a deluge of articles - some of which that were on some very tight deadlines - thanks to one Andrea Rojas. Since Kara had returned to office, instead of laying off of Nia as she had admittedly expected, Andrea had instead found a new interest in her, prompting her for more and more stories big and small that might have otherwise been covered by Kara or other more notable members of the team.

“I just can’t figure her out,” Nia had grumbled to Brainy two nights ago on that very same couch. “I don’t know if she’s using me so that Kara can focus on this whole Super Friends angle, or if she’s actually valuing my work as a reporter. Honestly, I don’t even know if that matters. It’s way more responsibility than she’s ever trusted me with before.”

Brainy had to agree that Andrea’s intentions were certainly difficult to figure out, but regardless, Nia had assimilated to her new responsibilities remarkably well. There was a fervour in her eyes when she worked on these new articles, one that had not been present when her priority had simply been covering entertainment and fluff pieces.

Brainy loved seeing that passion in her work reignited, and desperately wanted to support her efforts in any way that he could, even if it was simply by making sure she still heeded to her body’s basic needs.

Such as right now, for example.

“Nia?” Brainy asked softly, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Nia Nal?”

Nia’s eyes only scrunched tighter shut in response, burying her face firmly into her folded arms.

Brainy smirked. The likelihood of this running smoothly had not been in his favour, after all.

It seemed that direct action would be his only way forward.

He stood from the sofa, walking to Nia's side before waving his hand in front of the laptop’s screen. With that, a connection was made, enough that the keyboard locked, halting Nia’s impressively long and continuous key smash at just over ten pages.

Brainy relaxed his eyes, allowing them to flicker across the screen as he kept his hand hovered above the keys. Once he was certain he had read through and highlighted all irrelevant data, he straightened, linking his hands together. In the same motion, he deleted all words not pertaining to the main body of Nia’s original article before she had fallen asleep, ensuring to back-up the document so that she could read it back at a better suited hour.

Once he was certain that her progress was safe, Brainy snapped the laptop shut, taking special care to slip it from beneath Nia’s chin before tucking it fluidly beneath his arm. Nia jerked slightly from the change in angle, but the sofa’s arm was more than equipped to take up the duty of impromptu pillow in her laptop’s absence.

Still, it was not an adequate position to allow her to rest for the time that her body required.

Brainy was well acquainted with the aches and pains the body could present after remaining in an awkward position for far too long. He could admit that he, too, had a habit of getting absorbed in his work, so-much-so that he had forgotten to move for hours if not days at a time.

At least his physiology allowed for a shorter recovery period. With no implants to assist her, Nia’s body would not be nearly as forgiving.

And so, once Brainy had safely deposited Nia’s laptop on the dinner table, he came back to her, folding his arms in silent contemplation.

What was the most efficient way of doing this?

Brainy’s lips twitched thoughtfully. Perhaps the old-fashioned bridal style was in order.

Careful not to jostle his girlfriend too much, Brainy bent forward, slipping his arms beneath her. Once he was sure he had a secure enough hold on her both her legs and torso, Brainy stood to his full height, taking Nia along with him.

Expectedly, Nia hardly stirred at all. Her dark hair fell about her face as she readjusted instinctively to the new position, a soft incoherent murmur passing her lips before she curled in towards Brainy’s chest, searching out the warmth of his closest life projector.

Brainy took a moment to equilibrate his balance before starting towards the bedroom. As he moved, he couldn’t help but glance down, taking this moment to capture Nia’s peaceful expression once again, the total relaxed nature of her body language as she melted so trustingly into his arms.

Brainy lowered his head, pressing his lips gently into Nia’s hair, swallowing the urge to laugh when she mumbled again into his chest.

From there, Brainy maintained delicate strides as he carried Nia into their bedroom. Once there, he rested his knees against the mattress, lowering her carefully into the awaiting comforter and pillows beneath, folding them securely over her even while her arm still hung limply behind his shoulders, her face pressed adamantly against his chest.

It was not without substantial effort, but eventually Brainy managed to untangle Nia from him completely, allowing her head to rest at a far more comfortable angle against her pillow.

He ran his hand through her hair as an afterthought, brushing away the strands that had tangled across her mouth, tucking them carefully behind her ears.

Nia’s eyes fluttered at that and she tipped her head, blinking up at Brainy in confusion. Brainy's chest warmed immediately at the sight. He smirked, cupping his hand against her cheek, running his thumb along her jaw. His smile widened when Nia sighed, relaxing into his touch. “Brainy?” she murmured, struggling to keep her eyes open.

“It is I,” Brainy confirmed, gentle humour warming his tone. His expression softened. “Rest, Nia, you are in need of it.”

Nia snorted. “Don’t hav’ta tell me twice…” she slurred, muffling a yawn into her awaiting pillow. She hummed softly as Brainy continued the idle motions with his thumb. “Are you coming to bed, too?” she asked.

“Soon.”

Nia nodded sleepily, reaching out for his hand before he could even think of removing it. Brainy watched silently as she took his fingers in hers, slipping his hand away from her face so that she could press a kiss against his knuckles. The warmth of her lips sent a pleasant tingle up his arm, causing him to grin all over again.

“Promise?” Nia asked.

Brainy's chest caught. Honesty, after all, extended far beyond the life or death experiences they faced far too often out on patrols. Not every mark of transparency had to be as profound. Sometimes, it was as simple as this.

He leant down then, kissing his girlfriend’s forehead, folding his hand reassuringly over hers. “Believe me when I say there is no where I would rather be,” he said.

“Good,” Nia said, smiling proudly as she snuggled further into her mound of pillows.

In just seconds, her mouth started to fall slack as she joined the realms of her dreams once again.

There were still a few things Brainy needed to do before joining Nia's side for the evening, but he would do everything in his power to complete those tasks as quickly as possible.

After all, he'd made a promise.

[procrastinatorimagines]

What If...

Fandom: Chicago Fire / One Chicago

Pairing: Matt Casey x Severide!Reader

Warning/s: none

Word Count: 2,060

Request: Hi would it be possible if I requested a Matt Casey one shot where she’s Kelly’s half sister and she’s new paramedic the firehouse. One night she tells Blake how she’s always had a crush on Matt and he overhears her. What happens when he kisses her in front of everyone at the firehouse?

Being Kelly Severide’s half-sister meant that the entire firehouse treated you basically the same; even though you weren’t that much younger they looked out of you like you were their kid sister. 

Kelly had just started working at 51 when you’d found out about him. Your dad, Benny, hadn’t exactly always been around, but when you’d told him you were moving to Chicago, he’d finally told you about your brother. It had been a shock, and you’d been angry that he’d kept it from you for so long, but you were glad to have a sibling, and you and Kelly had clicked right away.

Eventually he’d started to introduce you to the guys at the firehouse, including one Matt Casey, and you’d been crushing on him ever since. You’d tried not to, he only saw you as Kelly’s sister and nothing more, but you’d always been pretty close with him since you met, and you’d never been able to get over the feelings.

Now you were a paramedic there, and it had just gotten worse. You hadn’t applied for 51 specifically when you’d made it through training, moving from your nursing job at Med, but Boden had requested your transfer there to fill a spot on ambo 61. 

Everyone had welcomed you to 51, especially Casey, although Kelly had originally been hesitant about his little sister being out on the frontlines and in the line of literal fire. But you were a natural, and he’d soon put those fears to rest. 

It had been a few months now, and you found yourself lying on the bunk next to Gallo on a particularly slow shift, discussing his complicated relationship with Violet. “You asked her to marry you?” You laughed in disbelief, turning your head to face him from where you had been staring at the ceiling. Gallo was filling in on ambo with you for the day, Sylvie taking some personal time out to visit her new sister, and you’d both crashed in the bunk room to chat after a couple of very boring wellness checks. 

“Look, it wan’t- I wasn’t serious, it was the heat of the moment- I don’t know okay?” Gallo rambled, definitely kicking himself for being so stupid. “I should just fake my death and move to a different country, I’m such an idiot.”

You laughed even more, glad you weren’t in his shoes as he tried to navigate whatever his relationship with Violet was. “Okay, enough about me, what about you? You got anyone? I won’t tell your brother I swear,” Gallo promised with a grin, changing the subject away from his embarrassment. You might have called him out on it and kept the conversation going, but you knew he was already getting it from Ritter and Cruz, so you didn’t push it anymore.

“Me? Nah, living the single life,” you answered, mind going to your ever present and annoying crush on Casey as you picked at the cuffs of your sleeves, grey CFD sweater a size too large.

Gallo caught the distant look in your eyes, “...but there is someone you like?” He asked slowly, your turn to feel embarrassed as you felt your cheeks heat up. Were you that obvious? “Oh, there totally is!”

You and Gallo had become good friends, both having joined the station at around the same time, even though you’d known everyone else for years, you’d still been navigating the place together. Could you tell him this? You hadn’t told anyone, especially not your brother, but you wanted to get it off your chest. 

Gallo gave you an encouraging look, and you knew he wouldn’t let it go now, and you didn’t want him trying to find out when you weren’t alone, so you took a breath and told him after casting a final look to Casey and your brother’s dark offices. 

“I might... have a little thing for Matt,” you said quietly, nervously awaiting his reaction as he eyes went wide.

“Captain Casey!?” Gallo gasped as he sat up, way too loud for your liking. You put your finger to your lips and shushed him, sitting up so that you were facing him.

“Would you keep it down? I don’t want the entire firehouse to know,” you slapped his knee a little and he nodded, still visibly amused. “Look, I- I’ve had feeling for him for a long time, but it was never going to happen then, and it certainly isn’t going to happen now, I mean, I’ve always just been Kelly’s kid sister and now I actually work at the firehouse.” 

“Why did you never go for it before?” He asked, and you couldn’t deny that you’d thought about it. What if he said yes? What if he said no? You’d played countless scenarios in your head as you’d had a drink with him at Molly’s, worked with him at Med or spent time with him at 51 and Kelly’s, but reality was a lot more daunting. 

“Because he’s... Matt, even when he wasn’t my superior he was still my brother’s best friend, I’d have better luck at trying to cross a mine field with an aweful lot of mines unscathed,” you told him, running your hands through your hair. You’d untied it when you lay down, but now you figured your put it back up for something to do with your hands other than self-consciously pick at your sleeves.

“Maybe he likes you too and he has the same fears as you do, namely the wrath of Lieutenant Severide, not that I could blame him,” Gallo suggested as you shook your head.

“Oh yeah, because that’s likely,” you said sarcastically and he raised an eyebrow as if to say ‘you never know’, “I’d rather just try to get past it without making anything wierd, it’s my problem not his.”

Gallo was about to reply when the alarm bell sounded, a pile up that required all vehicles to attend. You and Gallo jumped up and headed for the door, but not before you caught sight of Casey emerging from his quarters.

Your stomach dropped at the realisation that he’d been in there the entire time. His light had been off and his door had been open a crack so you’d naturally assumed he wasn’t in there, but he must have gone in there for a nap before you and Gallo got back from your wellness checks. 

Praying he had been asleep the entire time you made your way to 61, Gallo giving you an ‘oops’ look as Casey headed past you both to Truck, but the look in his eyes when they briefly met your told you that that was wishful thinking, he’d heard you alright.

You did your best to compartmentalise that as you climbed into the drivers seat next to Gallo, you had a job to focus on, you’d have time to think about faking your death with Gallo and fleeing the country in embarrassment later. 

-

Fires out, people safe, no casualties; one crisis averted, one more to deal with. Gallo had tried to reassure you that Casey hadn’t heard any of it on the drive back, but he wasn’t even managing to convince himself, let alone you. 

So you’d made a beeline straight for the showers when you got back, going out of your way to avoid Casey in what little time you had left on shift. Who knew, he might just forget all about it?

Alas, he didn’t. You’d nearly made it out, making your way into the crisp morning air as the sun came up, just wanting to get back to your car and bury yourself under your covers, forgetting all about what had happened. Then Casey had caught up with you.

“Hey, Y/N, wait up a second,” Casey called from behind you, the sound of quick footsteps approaching as reached you. You swallowed, ignoring your feeling of dread as you turned to face him.

“Hey... er... what’s up?” Smooth Y/N, really subtle, you thought to yourself as you mentally ran through potential names to put on your fake passport. Casey gave you a small, conscious smile, and you knew he wanted to bring up what he’d overheard you say earlier, but didn’t know how. Neither did you, which led to a very awkward few seconds where you imaged the ground swallowing you whole. 

Finally, Casey spoke up. “I wasn’t eavesdropping, I heard my name and I was going to come out but then I heard... more and I thought it would be better if I just stayed in my office, and then the bell went off-” He stammered. 

Turns out it wasn’t the whole firehouse that heard Gallo practically yell Casey’s name, just Casey himself. “I’m sorry, so sorry, I didn’t- I wasn’t try to- I don’t know what I’m trying to say honestly, obviously I never meant for you to hear that and I don’t want this to be weird or anything so if we could just like pretend I never said anything and-” You were talking way too fast but you couldn’t help it. Casey had said your name a couple of times as you spoke, to try and get you to slow down or stop but you’d just kept going.

So instead, he’d tried a different method of shutting you up, and he kissed you. You stumbled back a little, very much surprised and caught off guard, Casey stepping back quickly as your brain tried to process what had just happened, mouth moving slightly but no words coming out. You probably looked like you were short-circuiting.

“Just to clear up any doubts about how I feel,” he told you, hand still lingering on your arm as you regained your senses. In all the fantasy scenarios you’d run through in your head, Casey kissing you was better than you could have expected. 

“Wow, okay,” you said, unsure of how to respond but Casey chuckled a little and you began to relax, matching his smile, very much forgetting that you were both still just outside of the firehouse. 

“Hope I’m not interrupting,” a voice said intentionally loudly and you and Casy jumped, looking away from each other towards the source, Kelly. He stood a few feet away, arms crossed, jaw clenched as he stared at his best friend, and then his sister. 

You risked a glance behind Kelly, to see that your kiss had been very public indeed, basically the entire firehouse kind of public. Gallo even gave you a thumbs up and you would have laughed if your brother wasn’t standing so close, looking like he was debating punching Casey.

Stella was giving you a look that was a mix of support and sympathy, but she rightfully wasn’t inserting herself into this, the rest of the firehouse seemingly waiting for Severide’s reaction before they said anything. 

“The hell took you guys so long?” You brother said finally, to the shock of both you and Casey as a smirk spread across Kelly’s face. Casey’s shoulders visibly relaxed and you let out a little sigh of relief. Were you confused? Yes. Were you going to dare question it? No chance. 

“You’re not... mad?” Casey did dare and Kelly laughed, shaking his head.

“Why would I be mad? Okay, sure, in the beginning when I realised you guys were into each other? Yeah, I was mad, but I’ve had years to get over that,” he told you both as you caught Cruz reluctantly handing Stella what looked like a twenty. 

You rolled your eyes at your brother, glad he wasn’t mad as you glanced at Casey, a grin on his face as Kelly offered out his hand to shake as some kind of sign of approval. 

Casey shook it as Kelly added: “hurt her we’ll all bury you,” he informed his Captain matter-of-factly with a head nod towards the rest of the firehouse who sounded their agreement.

“I’d expect nothing less,” Casey replied immediately as Kelly winked in your direction. 

“Walk you back to your car?” Casey offered, probably wanting a little bit more privacy to talk, and you quickly accepted, going red from the attention, following him away from the firehouse as Kelly jokingly made a sign that meant ‘I’ll be watching you’ in Casey’s direction. 

All in all, not the day you had been expecting, not that you were complaining.

[magnoliabloomfield]

Gally Imagine part 5

Part one Part two Part three Part four

I was watering the garden on a particularly boring day when Gally appeared at my side.

“Geez!” I exclaimed when I noticed him materialized right next to me, accidentally dumping too much water on one of the pea plants. I looked down forlornly at the oversoaked soil with a sigh. “How do you do that?” I muttered as I set the bucket down and wiped my wet hands on my jeans.

“We need to talk,” is all he said, and that’s all it took for me to panic.

My brain started replaying everything I’d ever done in the glade, trying to figure out what this could be about. Was it about the other night with Zart? Did I misinterpret that look, did I actually mess up telling him no?

Gally just turned and started walking off, missing the color drain from my face surely, and I raised my hands wondering if I was supposed to follow him or what. His enigmatic ways were getting on my nerves. Eventually I did start following him until he’d led me a little ways into the deadheads, stopping and turning to look at me when we weren’t so visible to the other gladers.

“First of all, I thought you didn’t go off alone with anyone?” was the first thing out of his mouth.

I raised a brow at him, like ‘really?’, but he had totally gotten me and made me look stupid. Why on earth would I just wander into the woods after Gally? He was the biggest and the strongest one here, therefore the most dangerous, right? Finally I rolled my eyes and turned on my heel, thinking that was the whole point of this whole thing, but his voice stopped me.

“Wait, I really did need to talk to you.”

I turned back to him and crossed my arms waiting for him to start talking.

“There’s some things you should do differently to make things easier on yourself,” He started after the hint of amusement passed off his face and he got serious again.

“You brought me to the woods to give me gardening advice?” I questioned, raising a disbelieving brow.

“No, and yes,” he answered cryptically which just made me clench my jaw in an effort not to roll my eyes again. I felt like there were only so many times I could roll my eyes at Gally before he smacked me for it. “It’s just general things I think would help you.”

Gally wanted to help me? How? And why did it require us being alone in the woods? Part of me wanted to blurt ‘Oh, do tell.’ but I bit my tongue.

“First off, don’t bend over.”

My mouth fell open and my arms dropped to my sides. THAT?! That’s the kind of conversation we were about to have?

“Don’t bend over?” I repeated with righteous indignation. “What’s that got- what’s the difference between me and you bending over? Really? It’s just a thing you do to pick stuff up!”

“It’s the same thing, but it just looks different when you do it,” He shrugged.

I felt my face go red, I was angry, not so much because of what he was saying but because I was disappointed because of what he was saying. I hadn’t thought of him being like this and it took me off guard. My mouth was opening again, a sound coming from it before I even knew the words I wanted to say, but Gally stepped forward and put his hand over my mouth with an impatient look.

I was frozen. All I could focus on was Gally touching me, his rough, warm palm across my lips.

“Look, I’m not saying it’s right, or fair, or makes sense,” He started to say and I got a good look at his aqua-green eyes for the first time as I gazed up into his face. “I’m just saying that’s the way it is, and no matter how much sense you talk about it, it’s not going to change them all over night. So, for the time being, you’re going to have to be more responsible for your own safety than you should have to be.”

The sheer amount of times I wanted to ask this guy ‘How do you do that?’ was getting exhausting. He could say things in a way that just shut down any argument I could think up. I let a begrudging sigh out through my nose to signal I was ready to at least hear him out.

He took his hand off my mouth and I almost missed it. I watched him return it to his side in a softly held fist while his other hand remained open and relaxed.

“So, after this, no more following boys alone into the woods, and no bending over, we’ve got those covered. Moving on,” he went on to list some simple things, fairly obvious things, like how I reach up over my head to gather my hair to one side, or how I reach for things.

 It was really surreal to hear all this from Gally and it was offensive, but it seemed to be a genuine attempt to help me. It wasn’t lost on me that this whole little idea of his was pretty much just making me change a bunch of things about myself instead of holding anyone else responsible for, oh, I dunno, being rude horn dogs about how I move around in the body god gave me. But he had a good point, they weren’t going to get better overnight and I was outnumbered and easily overpowered by just about anyone there.

“Oh, and please,” His tone caught my attention, it was as pleading as I imagined he could sound. “Don’t do the dance anymore.”

I was so confused. 

“Dance? What dance?” I asked him. “I literally haven’t danced once.”

“You know,” he said.

Clearly I didn’t. I watched in shock and amazement as Gally’s face flushed bright red.

“You know, that thing you do when-when you...” He stuttered and I could have been knocked over with a feather, but I was partially enjoying this. “when you stand up, and you hook your fingers in your belt loops...”

Realization hit me like a rock to the head. “You mean when I pull my pants up?” I asked, my voice louder than I meant it to be, not believing that’s what he was talking about.

“You do a- like a wiggle thing!” He defended.

“And you think that’s a dance?” I couldn’t help but be a little amused at him in that moment.

“Yeah, the little pull up your pants dance,” He said, still flaming red to the tips of his ears.

I couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of me. Gally- freaking Gally, just said the words “Pull up your pants dance.” That was the funniest shcking thing in this whole sad world to me. Once I started I couldn’t stop, not even with him glaring at me just red, red, red in the face. It made me laugh harder.

“Alright, alright,” he said as I wiped the tears from my eyed, soft laughs still bubbling up but slowly dying out. “So how are you going to pick things up from now on?”

I sighed and crouched down, bending at the knees and basically collapsing like an accordion. It made me feel like I was cowering, hunkered all lowly and small.

“Is there any way you could... look less frail and delicate?” he asked as he appraised me from a mile over my own head.

I gave him a sharp look, lessened by the left over amusement I had found in him. “Yeah, let me just grow some bigger bones,” I dared to respond sarcastically as I stood back up and gave him a ‘get real’ look.

“You know what I mean,” he said, starting to lose patience with me again. “Can you carry yourself less femininely?”

“Oh sure, I’ll just channel my inner Gally,” I didn’t know what I was saying, my first laugh had gone straight to my head and muted the voice that gave me life preserving advice. I stood as tall and straight as I could and squared the hell out of shoulders, it was the best posture I’d ever displayed. I exaggerated my expression to mimic his eyebrows. “I’m Gally, I’m 7 feet tall, as big as an outhouse, my father was a bear, and I can teleport but I only do it to scare the crap out of the girl.”

As soon as the bit was out of my mouth I instantly sobered back up, but it was too late, I couldn’t suck the words back into my mouth. I was surprised to see that Gally didn’t look angry, in fact the corner of his lips curved up and he smiled at me. Not just the thought of a smile, a real smile, a soft one, amused even. Amused with me and my stupid impression of him. 

I just stared back at him, a tentative smile growing on me because his was somehow infectious. 

“You’re nuts, you know that?” he didn’t say it mean.

A little voice in my head replied ‘and you’re cute, you know that?’ and I had to wonder where it came from. I swallowed the wild thought and just replied with: “I guess I do now.”

Part six

[smokedstorybara]

I have so many bnha fanfic ideas, they’ve just been popping into my head every few days for weeks now

So I’m just gonna share them all on this one post instead of making a million new fandom posts out of nowhere (ok, it’s closer to, like, ten - but still!)

If any of y’all want me to actually write any of them, don’t hesitate to say so - or if you just want to ask questions and talk about the ideas I’d be totally down for that too

Also, if any of them inspire you to write or draw something, please send me a link when you’re done!

(under a readmore cause it’s long and also there’s spoilers)

Fae courts AU

Nedzu - Spring King

U.A. / The Spring Court - also known as the Court of Lost Children, all members of the Court were once human children or children of one of the other Courts and they view it as their duty to care for the lost, neglected, and abused children of the world (one of two child stealing Courts)

All Might - Summer King

All For One - Winter King

Objectively, the Summer and Winter Courts are not as different as they like to believe - a Summer fae is just as likely to trick or turn on you as a Winter fae, they just prefer to play at benevolence while Winter fae make no secret of their nature

Shie Hassaikai / The Autumn Court - used to be more like a lesser version of the Summer and Winter Courts, until Overhaul put the King to sleep and made his research into humanity the Court’s focus - they’re now the second child stealing Court

Eraserhead was once human but has made enough deals over the years - most notably with Nezu himself - that he’s practically fae now

Deku and Kachan are human children who were taken in by the Spring Court, though Deku only after catching the attention of All Might

Endeavor - High Fae in the Summer Court - wants to become Summer King but knows he’s not powerful enough to overthrow All Might, married a High Winter Fae in hopes that combining their powers would make one of their kids powerful enough

Dabi fakes his death and eventually becomes a High Fae in the Winter Court

Shouto seeks sanctuary in the Spring Court’s halls

(I don’t actually have a plot for it, but I’m enjoying figuring out the world and stuff)

Evil All Might AU

The underworld knows that young Yagi Toshinori is a con-artist, and a very good one

The kid’s quirkless, and from a bad neighborhood, so of course he gets involved in shady dealings to get by

But he never ever gets caught

See, he’s mastered the eager, innocent, “I know I’m quirkless, but it’s my dream to be a hero! To fight crime! To be someone people can look up to, put their faith in! To be a… a symbol!” act, he’s been running that con any time he’s found in the wrong place at the wrong time since he first started walking - no one with even a single good bone in their body ever questions it

He gets involved with AFO, who’s like “I could give you one of my lesser quirks in exchange for your loyalty, or you could do a long undercover mission for me and get one of the most powerful quirks in existence out of it”

His mission: pulling his signature con on Shimura Nana, being given One for All, becoming a hero, becoming the Number One Hero and Symbol of Peace and the singular pillar holding up hero society, maintaining that status for long enough that everyone grows a little complacent, finding a weak and manipulable child to pass One for All on to, setting them up to fail, and then retiring

(I’d either have this one be All Might-focused and end with the reveal, or have it be Izuku-focused and give it a happy ending where All Might totally chose the wrong kid, cause nothing about Izuku is weak)

Commission analyst Izuku au

Member of the commission overhears him muttering/catches a glance at his notebook while watching a hero fight, strikes up a conversation

The commission tracks him down, shows up at his home with a similar offer to the one they gave Hawks - but instead of a hero they want him to be an analyst for them

Like Hawks, they take away his name, only calling him something like Eagle Eye or something (I’d go with Hawkeye but Hawks already exists so it might be weird?)

(Basically this fic idea is just an excuse to have Izuku and Hawks as the ultimate team, and helping each other get out from under the commission’s thumb - maybe revolutionizing hero society along the way)

Canon rewrite w/ Monoma as main character, somehow

All I have for this one so far is just:

Monoma copies afo, uses copied afo to steal afo, AFO is now defeated

After getting better at controlling her quirk, Eri rewinds Kurogiri back into Shirakumo Oboro

But he’s the age he was when he died

So he joins the current class 2-A

As in Izuku’s class

Basically it’s just his old best friends having to teach him and him making friends with all Aizawa’s problem children

Time travel

(I have multiple cause I really like time travel)

Aizawa-centric time loop fic

Loop stretching from day before Oboro’s death to towards the end of the liberation war (diverging from canon in at least the first loop cause he fucking dies during the fight)

At first he thinks maybe he just, like, dreamt up those 14(?) years

But then things are happening the same way and so he starts changing things and he dies and wakes up the day before Oboro’s death again

He experiments a lot with the loops, figuring out that they’re definitely not time based - unless it’d loop back at the end of the liberation war even if he survives? Requires further testing

Details he changes throughout the loops (culminating in a loop in which he successfully changes all of them):

Oboro’s death

Shimura Tenko being taken in by All for One, All Might’s injury(?), Izuku accepting One for All, and more I haven’t fully decided on

Time travel fic where Pro Hero Deku accidentally time travels back to just before Aizawa’s first year as a student at ua and somehow gets hired as a teacher

Gonna be a two-parter

Part one: Izuku has to teach teen versions of his old high school teachers, channels their future selves a little

Part two: Aizawa, Yamada, and Kayama have to teach the teen version of their old favorite high school teacher, and end up channeling his future self - in different ways

(I’ve come across a couple different “Izuku gets accidentally sent back in time to when his teachers were students” fanfics and they keep making me think about how Aizawa & co would react to meeting him in canon timeline after meeting him in high school and then I took the natural step forward from there to “let’s parallel their nostalgia, make him their high school teacher so it can really hit hard”)

Izuku is related to rooftop trio aus

(I’ve come across a bunch of “Izuku is the biological son of at least one member of the rooftop trio” aus but only one acknowledges that in canon he’s only 15 years younger than them and that one has a very angsty explanation, so I wanted some that fit with canon and also aren’t too heavy - cause like, sure you could go with the complex extremely angsty trauma reason or you could go with the “these 13-16-year-olds(idk Inko’s canon age and as long as I never look it up I can pretend I’m not going against canon by making her only 2-ish years older than them) did what teenagers do and went to a party and made some relatively innocent mistakes and ended up with a pregnancy”)

Dadoro

Oboro and Inko have been neighbors and best friends their whole childhood, despite being a couple years separated in age

The fall before Oboro starts high school, Inko takes him along to a party with her high school friends

They get drunk and sleep together

Inko gets pregnant

They talk it through with each other and their families and agree to keep the baby (they’re both actually pretty excited to be parents) and raise it together platonically

Some months into first year (maybe second), Oboro tells his friends about his kid

Spends the rest of his life gushing about Izuku to all his friends (sorry for the word choice fjdhshshx)

Oboro dies and his friends make pact to help Inko take care of Izuku once they have steady income and stuff

But Inko’s family has moved and she’s married and they can’t find her

They keep searching, for roughly 14 years

And then Midoriya Izuku enrolls in UA’s hero course and his big green eyes and curly green hair match the pictures Oboro used to show them and his smile is identical to their old friend’s

And his mom’s name is Inko

But they’re not sure (His quirk doesn’t match Oboro’s nor his Inko’s after all)

Not until after the first term and the summer training disaster camp and Kamino, when All Might and Aizawa go house to house talking to parents about the dorms and All Might tries to insist on visiting the Midoriyas alone but Aizawa insists right back cause this is the closest he’s come to confirmation

and then he’s face to face with a woman he’s only ever seen in photographs

And then they talk about everything or something idk I haven’t got that far

Dadzawa and Dadmic (trans!aizawa)

A year and a half before he starts high school(I know I changed the timeline a whole year here but shush, how’s he supposed to get into U.A.’s hero course while pregnant?), Aizawa’s middle school and one or two others have a Joint Event, at which he meets a loud but cute blonde who keeps flirting with him

They hook up

He gets pregnant

His dad insists he get an abortion but he doesn’t want to and his mom supports his decision, they convince his dad to let him go through with the pregnancy on the condition that he gives the baby up for adoption immediately

He has twins, both boys (one with green eyes like the blonde’s(but darker) and the other with purple like Shouta’s mother’s)(that’s right, Shinsou is also their son in this, you’re welcome), and he gives them up for adoption to separate families

But with conditions

No one from his blood family is allowed to initiate contact with either boy without the kid’s knowing consent (he’s terrified of his father changing his mind, tracking them down, and hurting them)

With the one exception being that he’s allowed to send each one a birthday present and card every year

Which he does

Then he starts at UA and then gets into the hero course and there he is… the blonde… the father of Shouta’s children… who does not recognize him now that he’s started transitioning

This time Shouta’s the one who flirts - or tries to, the kid’s a little too oblivious

Of course they do eventually get together, and even end up married! (Haven’t decided if they get together during high school or after they start teaching there or what(probably the latter, for plot reasons))

The first time Midoriya Inko contacts Shouta is after Izuku is diagnosed quirkless - she knows the young man loves her son as much as she does and might be able to reassure him where she already failed

His next birthday, Izuku’s mystery card says he can be a hero even without a quirk; it makes Izuku’s year

Hitoshi’s parents also contact Shouta that year, the boy struggling to make and keep friends ever since his quirk came in; Shouta’s birthday card to him isn’t much different from Izuku’s, really

The Shinsous get in an accident and Hitoshi is placed in foster care and suddenly Shouta can’t send him his yearly gift and card anymore cause nobody will tell him where the boy is now because of the contact portion of the adoption contract

They also won’t tell Hitoshi that he was adopted and his birth father is out there looking for him, so Shouta’s pretty sure they’re trying to hide that he’s being mistreated wherever he is

Inko continues to contact Shouta now and then whenever she thinks Izuku will need extra encouragement come his birthday (she never tells Izuku about being adopted - even after he enters his teen years - cause after his diagnosis, everyone but her left him and she doesn’t want him to internalize the idea that his birth parents didn’t want him - Shouta’s not happy with the decision, but he understands)

Then one year he sends Izuku a Present Mic figurine and she writes him to share how excited the boy was and how Present Mic is one of his favorite heroes and he listens to his radio show all the time and Shouta simultaneously melts and has a minor breakdown at the realization that he hasn’t told his husband that they have sons, he can’t tell Hizashi that their son listens to his radio show regularly when Hizashi doesn’t know Izuku even exists

So of course, being the rational man he is, he finally tells Hizashi about Izuku and Hitoshi

Hizashi freaks, of course (in a good way(mostly))

And then, one of the worst days of Shouta’s life

He’s on patrol and sees a figure on a rooftop and rushes to get there - just in case it’s a jumper - and it’s his son, his Izuku

They talk(it doesn’t breach the adoption contract, he didn’t know it was Izuku when he approached and the kid spoke first) and Izuku tells him “everything” about his encounter with All Might, Shouta tells him to tell his parents - they’re there to support him - and also that All Might’s full of shit and a quirkless hero is totally possible with the right training and enough willpower

Then after they leave the rooftop his kid gets in trouble again, rushing in to save a classmate from the same sludge villain that attacked him earlier that day

Of course Shouta swoops in and pulls the kids out of danger before All Might arrives to “save the day”

This time Shouta insists on walking Izuku home to make sure he actually gets there safely

But then All Might shows up again wanting to talk to his kid privately and he wants to tell the man to fuck off but he’s not legally allowed, really, so when Izuku says it’s fine he reluctantly leaves

Inko asks to meet him just days later

She tells him that Izuku told her everything about what happened that day - including what Shouta told him - and she tells him that she’s realized she needs to properly support her son in pursuing his dream

She understands that Shouta wouldn’t feel comfortable training him one-on-one with the kid not knowing who they are to each other, and she’s still not ready to tell him yet, so she asks for a list, for him to help her get in touch with people who can train Izuku or ways for Izuku to train on his own, ways for her to help

He puts her in contact with seven pro heroes (Midnight, Gunhead, the Wild Wild Pussycats, and - somehow - Sir Nighteye) and a vigilante team (the Naruhata Crawler and his team), all of whom he talks into helping - and has to tell about his connection to this boy they’ll be teaching

(Each have something important to teach him: Midnight - using words and body language to throw off opponents, Gunhead - martial arts, Wild Wild Pussycats - stamina, teamwork and use of your environment when out in nature, Sir Nighteye - analysis and planning, the Naruhata Vigilantes - use of gadgets and weapons, use of your environment when in the city, having the heart of a hero, and - most importantly - that quirkless people can be fucking strong and skilled and terrifying and certainly aren’t weak or useless (they were trained by a quirkless vigilante after all, they’re bound to have a different perspective on the idea of a quirkless hero than anyone else, a perspective Izuku could really benefit from))

Ten months later, Izuku passes UA’s entrance exam and is placed in Shouta’s class (he’s pretty sure Nezu did that on purpose)

When the school year starts, he and Hizashi discover that Izuku isn’t the only one in one of their classes - Hitoshi is in Hizashi’s homeroom

They are, of course, fucking extatic

They just need to, y’know, figure out how to tell him that they’re his parents and maybe possibly would love custody of him if he wants

(Again I haven’t gotten any further than that yet)

(Also, if you can’t tell, in this au Izuku turns down All Might’s offer of One for All, cause Eraserhead said he could be a hero without a quirk and was honestly a lot kinder and more responsible (like, making sure the kid got home safely instead of leaving him on a roof) and stuff than All Might and honestly might be his new favorite hero)

[felassan]

Insights into DAI’s development from Blood, Sweat, and Pixels

The book is by game industry journalist Jason Schreier (it’s an interesting read and well-written, I recommend it). This is the cliff notes version of the DAI chapter. This info isn’t new as the book is from 2017 (I finally got around to buying it). Some insight into DAO, DA2 and cancelled DA projects is also given. Cut for length.

BW hoped that DA would become the LotR of video games. DAO’s development was “a hellish seven-year slog”

The DAI team are compared to a chaotic “pirate ship”, which is what they called themselves internally. “It’ll get where it needs to go, but it’s going to go all over the place. Sail over here. Drink some rum. Go over here. Do something else. That’s how Mark Darrah likes to run his team.” An alternative take from someone else who worked on the game: “It was compared to a pirate ship because it was chaotic and the loudest voice in the room usually set the direction. I think they smartly adopted the name and morphed it into something better.”

A game about the Inquisition and the large-scale political conflicts it solves across Thedas, where the PC was the Inquisitor, was originally the vision for ‘DA2′. Plans had to change when SW:TOR’s development kept stalling and slipping. Frustrated EA execs wanted a new product from BW to bolster quarterly sales targets, and decided that DA would have to fill the gap. BW agreed to deliver DA2 within 16 months. “Basically, DA2 exists to fill that hole. That was the inception. It was always intended to be a game made to fit in that”

BW wanted to call it DA: Exodus, but EA’s marketing execs insisted on DA2, no matter what that name implied

DAO’s scope (Origin stories, that amount of big areas, variables, reactivity) was just not doable in a year, even if everyone worked overtime. To solve this problem, BW shelved the Inquisition idea and made a risky call: DA2 would be set in one city over time, allowing locations to be recycled and months to be shaved off dev time. They also axed DAO features like customizing party members’ equipment. These were the best calls they were able to make on a tight line

Many at BW are still proud of DA2. Those that worked on it grew closer from all being in it together

In certain dark accounting corners of EA, despite fan response to DA2 and its lower sales compared to DAO, DA2 is considered a wild success

By summer 2011 BW decided to cancel DA2′s expansion Exalted March in favor of a totally new game. They needed to get away from the stigma of DA2, reboot the franchise and show they could make triple-A quality good games. 

DAI was going to be the most ambitious game BW had ever made and had a lot to prove (that BW could return to form, that EA wasn’t crippling the studio, that BW could make an ‘open-world’ RPG with big environments). There was a bit of a tone around the industry that there were essentially 2 tiers of BW, the ME team and then everyone else, and the DA team had a scrappy desire to fight back against that

DAI was behind schedule early on due to unfamiliar new technology; the new engine Frostbite was very technically challenging and required more work than anyone had expected. Even before finishing DA2 BW were looking for a new engine for the next game. Eclipse was creaky, obsolete, not fully-featured, graphically lacking. The ME team used Unreal, which made inter-team collab difficult. “Our tech strategy was just a mess. Every time we’d start a new game, people would say, ‘Oh, we should just pick a new engine’.”

After meeting with an EA exec BW decided on Frostbite. Nobody had ever used it to make an RPG, but EA owned FB dev studio DICE, and the engine was powerful and had good graphic capabilities & visual effects. If BW started making all its games on FB, it could share tech with sister studios and borrow tools when they learned cool new tricks. 

For a while they worked on a prototype called Blackfoot, to get a feel for FB and to make a free-to-play DA MP game. It fizzled as the team was too small, which doesn’t lend itself well to working with FB, and was cancelled

BW resurfaced the old Inquisition idea. What might a DA3 look like on FB? Their plan by 2012 was to make an open-world RPG heavily inspired by Skyrim that hit all the beats DA2 couldn’t. “My secret mission was to shock and awe the players with the massive amounts of content.” People complained there wasn’t enough in DA2. “At the end of DAI, I actually want people to go, ‘Oh god, not [another] level’.”

It was originally called Dragon Age 3: Inquisition

BW wanted to launch on next-gen consoles only but EA’s profit forecasters were caught up in the rise of iPad and iPhone gaming and were worried the next-gen consoles wouldn’t sell well. As a safeguard EA insist it also ship on current-gen. Most games at that time followed this strategy. Shipping on 5 platforms at once would be a first for BW

Ambitions were piling up. This was to be BW’s first 3D open-world game, and their first game on Frostbite, an engine that had never been used to make RPGs. It needed to be made in roughly two years, it needed to ship on 5 platforms, and, oh yeah, it needed to restore the reputation of a studio that had been beaten up pretty badly. “Basically we had to do new consoles, a new engine, new gameplay, build the hugest game that we’ve ever made, and build it to a higher standard than we ever did. With tools that don’t exist.”

FB didn’t have RPG stats, a visible PC, spells, save systems, a party of 4 people, the same kind of cutscenes etc and couldn’t create any of those things. BW had to create these on top of it. BW initially underestimated how much work this would be. BW were the FB guinea pigs. Early on in DAI’s development, even the most basic tasks were excruciating, and this impacted even fundamental aspects of game design and dev. When FB’s tools did function they were finicky and difficult. DICE’s team supported them but had limited resources and were 8 hours ahead. Since creating new content in FB was so difficult, trying to evaluate its quality became impossible. FB engine updates made things even more challenging. After every one, BW had to manually merge and test it; this was debilitating, and there were times when the build didn’t work for a month or was really unstable.

Meanwhile the art department were having a blast. FB was great for big beautiful environments. For months they made as much as possible, taking educated guesses when they didn’t know yet what the designers needed. “For a long time there was a joke on the project that we’d made a fantastic-looking screenshot generator, because you could walk around these levels with nothing to do. You could take great pictures.”

The concept of DAI as open-world was stymying the story/writers and gameplay/designers teams. What were players going to do in these big landscapes? How could BW ensure exploring remained fun after many hours? Their teams didn’t have time for system designers to envision, iterate and test a good “core gameplay loop” (quests, encounters, activities etc). FB wouldn’t allow it. Designers couldn’t test new ideas or answer questions because basic features were missing or didn’t exist yet. 

EA’s CEO told BW they should have the ability to ride dragons and that this would make DAI sell 10 million copies. BW didn’t take this idea very seriously

BW had an abstract idea that the player would roam the world solving problems and building up power or influence they could use. But how would that look/work like in-game? This could have used refinement and testing but instead they decided to build some levels and hope they could figure it out as they went.

One day in late 2012, after a year of strained development on DAI, Mark Darrah asked Mike Laidlaw to go to lunch. “We’re walking out to his car,” Laidlaw said, “and I think he might have had a bit of a script in his head. [Darrah] said, ‘All right, I don’t actually know how to approach this, so I’m just going to say it. On a scale of one to apocalyptic... how upset would you be if I said [the player] could be, I dunno, a Qunari Inquisitor?’” 

Laidlaw was baffled. They’d decided that the player could be only a human in DAI. Adding other playable races like Darrah was asking for would mean they’d need to quadruple their budget for animation, voice acting, and scripting.

“I went, ‘I think we could make that work’,” Laidlaw said, asking Darrah if he could have more budget for dialogue. 

Darrah answered that if Laidlaw could make playable races happen, he couldn’t just have more dialogue. He could have an entire year of production.

Laidlaw was thrilled. “Fuck yeah, OK,” he recalled saying.

MD had actually already realized at this point it’d be impossible to finish DAI in 2013. They needed at least a year’s delay and adding the other playable races was part of a plan/planned pitch to secure this. He was in the process of putting together a pitch to EA: let BW delay the game, and in exchange it’d be bigger and better that anyone at EA had envisioned. These new marketing points included playable races, mounts and a new tactical camera. If EA wouldn’t let them delay, they would have had to cut things. Going into that BW were confident but nervous, especially in the wake of EA’s recent turmoil where they’d just parted ways with their CEO and had recruited a new board member while they hunted for a new one. They didn’t know how the new board member would react, and the delay would affect EA’s projections for that fiscal year. Maybe it was the convincing pitch, or the exec turmoil, or the specter of DA2, or maybe EA didn’t like being called “The Worst Company in America”. Winning that award 2 years in a row had had a tangible impact on the execs and led to feisty internal meetings on how to repair EA’s image. Whatever the reasons, EA greenlit the delay.

The PAX Crestwood demo was beautiful but almost entirely fake. By fall 2013, BW had implemented many of FB’s ‘parts’, but still didn’t know what kind of ‘car’ they were making. ML and team scripted the PAX demo by hand, entirely based on what BW thought would be in the game. The level & art assets were real but the gameplay wasn’t. “Part of what we had to do is go out early and try to be transparent because of DA2. And just say, ‘Look, here, it’s the game, it’s running live, it’s at PAX.’ Because we wanted to make that statement that we’re here for fans.”

DA2 hung on the team like a shadow. There was insecurity, uncertainty, they had trouble sticking to one vision. Which DA2 things were due to the short dev time and which were bad calls? What stuff should they reinvent? There were debates over combat (DAO-style vs DA2-style) and arguments over how to populate the wilderness.

In the months after that demo, BW cut much of what they’d shown in it. Even small features went through many permutations. DAI had no proper preproduction phase (important for testing and discarding things), so leads were stretched thin and had to make impulsive decisions.

By the end of 2013, DAI had 200+ people working on it, and dozens of additional outsourced artists in Russia and China. Coordinating all the work across various departments was challenging and a full-time job for several people. At this sheer scale of game dev, there are many complexities and inter-dependencies. Work finally became significantly less tedious and more doable when BW and DICE added more features to FB. Time was running out though, and another delay was a no.

The team spent many hours in November and December piecing together a “narrative playable” version of the game to be the holiday period’s game build for BW staff to test that year. Feedback on the demo was bad. There were big complaints on story, that it didn’t make sense and was illogical. Originally the PC became Inquisitor and sealed the breach in the prologue, which removed a sense of urgency. In response the writers embarked on Operation Sledgehammer (breaking a bone to set it right), radically revising the entire first act.

The other big piece of negative feedback was that battles weren’t fun. Daniel Kading, who had recently joined BW and brought with him a rigorous new method for testing combat in games, went to BW leadership with a proposal: give him authority to open his own little lab with the other designers and call up the entire team for mandatory play sessions for test purposes. They agreed and he used this experiment to get test feedback and specifically pinpoint where problems were. Morale took a turn for the better that week, DK’s team made several tweaks, and through these sessions feedback ratings went from 1.2 to 8.8 four weeks later.

Many on the team wished they didn’t have to ship for old consoles (clunky, less powerful). BW leadership decided not to add features to the next-gen versions that wouldn’t be possible on the older ones, so that both versions of the game played the same. This limited things and meant the team had to find creative solutions. “I probably should’ve tried harder to kill [the last-gen] version of the game”, said Aaryn Flynn. In the end the next-gen consoles sold very well and only 10% of DAI sales were on last-gen.

“A lot of what we do is well-intentioned fakery,” said Patrick Weekes, pointing to a late quest called “Here Lies The Abyss”. “When you assault the fortress, you have a big cut scene that has a lot of Inquisition soldiers and a lot of Grey Wardens on the walls. And then anyone paying attention or looking for it as you’re fighting through the fortress will go, ‘Wow, I’m only actually fighting three to four guys at a time.’ Because in order for that to work [on old gen], you couldn’t have too many different character types on screen.”

Parts of DAI were still way behind schedule because it was so big and complex, and because some tools hadn’t started functioning until late on. Some basic features weren’t able to be implemented til the last minute (they were 8 months from ship before they could get all party members in the squad. At one point PW was playtesting to check if Iron Bull’s banter was firing, and realized there was no way to even recruit IB) and some flaws couldn’t be identified til the last few months. Trying to determine flow and pacing was rough.

They couldn’t disappoint fans again. They needed to take the time to revise and polish every aspect of DAI. “I think DAI is a direct response to DA2,” said Cameron Lee. “DAI was bigger than it needed to be. It had everything but the kitchen sink in it, to the point that we went too far... I think that having to deal with DA2 and the negative feedback we got on some parts of that was driving the team to want to put everything in and try to address every little problem or perceived problem.”

At this point they had 2 options: settle for an incomplete game, which would disappoint fans especially post-DA2, or crunch. They opted to crunch. It was the worst period of extended overtime in DAI’s development yet and was really rough: late nights, weekends, lost family time, 12-14 hour days, stress, mental health impacts.

During 2014′s crunch, they finally finished off features they wished they’d nailed down in year 1. They completed the Power (influence) system and added side quests, hidden treasures and puzzles. Things that weren’t working like destructible environments were promptly removed. The writers rewrote the prologue at least 6 times, but didn’t have enough time to pay such attention to the ending. Just a few months before launch pivotal features like jumping were added.

By summer BW had bumped back release by another 6 weeks for polish. DAI had about 99,000 bugs in it (qualitative and quantitative; things like “I was bored here” are a bug). “The number of bugs on an open-world game, I’ve never seen anything like it. But they’re all so easy to fix, so keep filing these bugs and we’ll keep fixing them.” For BW it was harder to discover them, and the QA team had to do creative experimentation and spend endless late nights testing things. PW would take builds home to let their 9 year old son play around. Their son was obsessed with mounting and dismounting the horse and accidentally discovered a bug where if you dismounted in the wrong place, all your companions’ gear would vanish. “It was because my son liked the horse so much more than anyone else ever had or will ever like the horse.”

MD had a knack for prioritizing which bugs should be fixed, like the one where you could get to inaccessible areas by jumping on Varric’s head. “Muscle memory is incredibly influential at this point. Through the hellfire which is game development, we’re forged into a unit, in that we know what everyone’s thinking and we understand everyone’s expectations.”

At launch they still didn’t have all their tools working, they only had their tools working enough.

DAI became the best-selling DA game, beating EA’s sales expectations in just a few weeks. If you look closely you can see the lingering remnants of its chaotic development, like the “garbage quests” in the Hinterlands. Some players didn’t realize they could leave the area and others got caught in a “weird, compulsive gratification loop”. Internet commentators rushed to blame “those damn lazy devs” but really, these were the natural consequences of DAI’s struggles. Maybe things would have been different if they’d miraculously received another year of dev time, or if they’d had years before starting development to build FB’s tools first.

“The challenge of the Hinterlands and what it represented to the opening 10 hours of DAI is exactly the struggle of learning to build open-world gameplay and mechanisms when you are a linear narrative story studio,” said Aaryn Flynn.

“DA2 was the product of a remarkable time-line challenge,” said Mike Laidlaw, “DAI was the product of a remarkable technical challenge. But it had enough time to cook, and as a result it was a much better game.”

Read the chapter for full details of course!

[eightyonekilograms]

Someone on the Discord brought up fertility

Just like last time I'm lazy and just going to dump it instead of editing.

[5:10 PM] Me: Oh boy, I have thoughts about this

[5:12 PM] Me: I haven't brought it up here but demographics has been one of my covid obsessions. I got a couple books about it (What to Expect When No One's Expecting, One Billion Americans, etc.), read all the articles, etc.

[5:15 PM] Me: I agree with you about a couple things: namely that if we had "infinite free energy" we'd be a a lot better off in many ways including demographically, but I disagree with most of your other points.

[5:18 PM] Me:

Also we need not assume decline in population growth is chronic.

This is a tricky statement because there's a social aspect and a mathematical aspect. Socially you're correct in the sense that whatever trends are driving the current decline could, in theory, reverse at any time. But mathematically, population decline is exactly symmetrical to population growth: it's exponential (technically it's logistic, but that's the same as exponential in the short term), because having fewer people means fewer people to make more people later on.

[5:20 PM] Me:

Infact there is some evidence to suggest that we actually did more science when we had 4-6 billion people.

I disagree with the implication here: we used to do more science because there was more low-hanging fruit, which is now plucked, and further discoveries require more resources (human and financial). Actually one of the big reasons I disagree with Ray Kurzweil and the other singularitarians is that when they show these impressive-looking exponential curves about scientific progress, they quietly hide under the rug that these increases are requiring ever-more investment (again, in both people and money) to accomplish. Just to pick a random example, every time chip manufacturers go to a new process (14nm -> 10nm -> 7nm -> 5nm -> 2nm etc.), the cost to build the fab basically doubles. I remember a couple years back Intel had to spend $5 billion to hit a new process shrink; now TSMC needs to spend $28 billion to hit their next target: https://www.wsj.com/articles/tsmc-to-spend-up-to-record-28-billion-in-advanced-chips-capacity-11610623587)

[5:23 PM] Me: I will try to find it but I came across a paper a little while ago laying out in detail that the cost of new scientific discoveries has been steadily increasing over time. It's not that there's anything necessarily going wrong with the scientific process, this is just what you'd expect as we pick low-hanging fruit: the later discoveries necessarily become harder. But if you extrapolate that trend out forever you eventually hit a point where every single person needs to be a scientist, and every dime of capital in existence, needs to be used to make any new discoveries.

[5:26 PM] Me: (In most fields we're a long way from that point, but it actually is here or nearly here in e.g. particle physics. What I have been hearing from leading-edge particle physicists is that we've got maybe one or two more generations of particle accelerators left before we reach a point where, to probe any further (e.g. to see if string theory is true), we'd need to build accelerators the size of the Solar System, which would take more raw material than the mass of the Earth. Barring some new theoretical breakthroughs, we might actually nearing the "end" of high-energy physics.)

[5:30 PM] Me: Fortunately most fields aren't at that point, but my point is that the more we discover, the more human capital is required to make further progress. That's a tricky enough proposition with a growing population, never mind a shrinking one.

[5:36 PM] Me:

I don't think it is safe to assume lowering population growth is a biological disorder so much as a conscious choice most people in the younger generations are making for a variety of obvious reasons.

I agree with this, but it's important to dig into that a little and understand the reasons. For example, I'm not yet convinced that there is a mass epidemic of people choosing childlessness because of anxiety about e.g. climate change. In internet comments sections you certainly see lots of people making that claim, but talk is cheap and randos on the internet can say whatever they want. In terms of the actual reasons, the data I've seen shows that number of children continues to track closely with a couple data points, mostly housing costs, expected lifetime income and uncertainly about future income flow.

[5:40 PM] Me: Third, I think you should give more weight to the concerns Rhys brought up than you currently are. The environmental stresses of more people is certainly a big issue, but I think it's one that can be dealt with without too much struggle with increased deployment of clean energy (one of the few optimistic data points lately is that there's a staggering amount of wind and solar power being deployed every year) and a couple of lifestyle changes like eating less meat. Not to say these are easy, but contrast with the pretty serious problems of population decline, particularly the social safety net.

[5:41 PM] Me: And I don't just mean the explicit ones like Social Security, but even market-based, privatized ones like retirement savings have a hidden reliance on a growing population.

[5:42 PM] Me: When you "save for retirement", you're not stockpiling food and water to live off when you no longer work, you're collecting financial assets that you expect to sell to someone else and live off that income. But if there's no one to sell to, that doesn't work.

[5:44 PM] Me: This is a problem that's starting to show up at the top end of the income stack: see this WSJ article about retirees who can't find anyone to buy their $3 million homes: https://www.wsj.com/articles/a-growing-problem-in-real-estate-too-many-too-big-houses-11553181782. It's easy to have schadenfreude here at those poor rich people who can't unload their huge mansion, but remember that this is inherently a problem which will start at the top of the income brackets and gradually make its way downward.

[5:46 PM] Me: You can push this problem back for a while by increasing taxes on the rich, and I do indeed think those should go up, but in a declining population that only buys you a little time. Remember that "money" is nothing but a claim on some fraction of total economic output. e.g. when you hold a dollar bill, you're essentially holding a note entitling you to one-zillionth of American GDP.

[5:47 PM] Me: At a certain point once population falls then total aggregate output necessarily falls too, and at that point taxing the rich hits rapidly diminishing returns: you're just claiming a bigger share of falling output

[5:49 PM] Me: One thing to keep in mind here is that most economies, but especially the U.S. economy, are primarily driven by consumer spending, i.e. normal people just buying and selling stuff to each other.

[5:50 PM] Me: This is why e.g. mass immigration isn't as huge a deal as a bunch of nativists like to think: immigrants get jobs, but they also spend money on goods and services just like anyone else: they generate labor demand as well as taking up supply

[5:51 PM] Me: But what I'm driving at here is that, again, a consumer-spending-driven economy with a falling population is going to get poorer pretty much by definition: fewer people buying stuff means fewer jobs to produce that stuff.

[5:54 PM] Me: Or to put another way, to use a ridiculously simplified model, GDP = Population X Productivity, and so if you take the derivative, then GDP' ~ Population' + Productivity'. So in a falling population environment, you need a lot of heavy lifting in terms of forever-increasing productivity in order for economic growth to be positive. And while there might be improvements down the pipe, frankly we kind of seem tapped out on productivity growth already

[5:55 PM] Me: Now, one possible response here is that we should work out how to have an economic system which delivers prosperity without endless growth, and I do agree we need that. But just saying that doesn't fix the problem that right now we don't have it and people will be poorer in a world without growth.

[5:56 PM] Me: And in such a world, I think it actually becomes harder to successfully transition to whatever post-scarcity economy can fix the problem, because people will be caught up in fighting over a shrinking pie.

[5:58 PM] Me: The neoliberal capitalist mindset of "a rising tide lifts all boats" isn't totally true and has been used to justify all kinds of nasty plutocratic behavior, but it isn't entirely false either. Without growth, at least in the system we have now, wealth distribution inherently becomes a zero-sum game. And that could get really ugly.

[5:59 PM] Me: So, that's most of what I have to say about why a falling population would be bad. But that's the easy part. Where this gets really complicated is why it's happening and what to do about it

[6:00 PM] Me: Now, I think one of the reasons I've been so fascinated by this is that it's been a pessimistic year, and falling birth rates are kind of the perfect pessimistic problem because I don't really see an easy way out. Also I'm just annoyed by partisans in general, and this is a perfect problem for that because it sort of frustrates partisans on all sides.

[6:02 PM] Me: e.g. the left mainly talks about the economic causes and proposes a variety of policy solutions, but an ugly little secret here is that government policy to increase birth rates has basically a perfect, unbroken track record of total failure

[6:03 PM] Me: All kinds of countries (mostly in Europe, but also in East Asia) have implemented all kinds of pro-natalist policies, and for the most part they have accomplished pretty much nothing. (Amusingly, this even goes back to antiquity: in the first couple centuries AD Roman Emperors were also concerned with falling birth rates, and implemented a variety of reforms that didn't do anything)

[6:03 PM] Me: You could always say they didn't go far enough, but at some point you're making an unfalsifiable hypothesis

[6:06 PM] Me: Meanwhile on the right, they're constantly talking about cultural factors, but this runs into two problems: it's again a set of mostly unfalsifiable hypotheses, but even worse since they're all tangled up in the Right's usual rants about The Way Things Ought to Be, but even if they turned out to be true, it seems like a hopeless cause because we basically have no levers to change culture.

[6:07 PM] Me: "Why does culture develop in the direction it does" is one of those huge questions I'm not sure we'll ever have a complete answer for, but I think it has to mostly involve technological determinism.

[6:08 PM] Me: https://www.sciphijournal.org/index.php/2017/11/12/why-the-culture-wins-an-appreciation-of-iain-m-banks/ <-- this is a great article explaining what I'm talking about, as well as explaining why you should read Iain Banks

[6:09 PM] Me: But my point here is that all the cultural changes the Right laments as causing people to have fewer children, assuming they're even correct which I am definitely not granting, are pretty much all products of industrialization. You can't roll them back without undoing the Industrial Revolution. At least not without an insane level of authoritarianism

[6:10 PM] Me: So on the policy side we have a bunch of levers which don't do anything, and on the culture side there are no levers at all.

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight: Hanspur, the Water Rat (and Ashkaelae)

Chaotic Neutral God of Rivers, River Travel, and Smugglers

Domains: Chaos, Death, Travel, Water Subdomains: Exploration, Murder, Rivers, Trade

Inner Sea Faiths, pg. 58~63

Obedience: With the assistance of another priest of Hanspur or by yourself, simulate the act of drowning. You can do this by fully submerging yourself in a body of water, exhaling all of your breath, and painfully inhaling water instead of air. Alternatively, you can lie on your back with your head at a lower elevation than your legs while water is slowly poured on your face and up your nose. If you choose the latter method, you must cover your face with a cloth while the water is poured. When you conclude this simulated drowning, contemplate your life and how your goals coincide with the teachings of Hanspur and the Six River Freedoms. Benefit: You gain a +4 sacred or profane bonus on Survival checks attempted while on or near rivers.

Just reading this makes my sinuses burn and my lungs itch, and not just because it’s springtime and I have allergies! As anyone who’s ever been in a body of water large enough to slap their face with a wave can attest to, inhaling large amounts of water sucks. While this Obedience requires only one wet breath, some... well, some pretty severe complications can arise from it, if your DM ponders even slightly what doing this to yourself every day would do. Dry drowning and secondary drowning are both real dangers from brief immersion, let alone concentrated efforts at simulating one of the worst fates someone can experience (I say this a lot but basically anything that deprives you of air is pretty terrible). The ‘simulation’ will likely only last a few seconds while the rest of the hour is spent recovering from your experience and meditating, but even that may not be enough to offset the fluid likely building up in your lungs. Priests of Hanspur must sound atrocious, coughing themselves ragged every day! No wonder it’s recommended your ritual is overseen by another priest, either, because they’d likely be skilled in helping you manage your symptoms.

Dangers of daily drownings aside, keeping up with the demands of this ritual is pretty easy so long as you’re somewhere with easy access to water. In Hanspur’s homelands, the River Kingdoms, this is pathetically simple! Everywhere else? It’s a lot harder! While I do appreciate that there’s a secondary ritual you can do if total immersion is impossible, but what happens if you’re stuck somewhere with no easy water access? Your waterskins won’t carry you for very long, even if you pilfer them from your party as well. Better invest in a Decanter of Endless Water! Or do something ridiculous like fill the party’s Bag of Holding up so you can just hop in and out whenever you need to.

That benefit is also the weakest I’ve seen in a long time, granting a bonus to only a single skill type and only while near rivers. Survival checks aren’t even all that commonly made, unless your DM is kind enough to let you use Survival to navigate with river rafts rather than Profession or Ride checks. Hanspur really doesn’t want his faithful straying too far from the River Kingdoms, which is only further exacerbated by how his Boons work, so if you’re not the type to linger near rivers you may just want to skip him entirely.

Boons are gathered slowly, typically obtained when a given character has 12, 16, and 20 hit dice. Unlike fiend-worshipers, servants of the Eldest, and devoted of the Empyreal Lords, characters worshiping Neutral gods do not have catch-all classes… but Neutral-aligned characters can enter the Evangelist, Sentinel, and Exalted Prestige Classes earlier than Evil characters, classing in as early as level 6 (they need +5 BAB, 5 ranks in a single skill, or the ability to cast lvl 3 spells); entered ASAP, one can gain the Boons at levels 8, 11, and 14. 

-------

EVANGELIST

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Boon 1: River Sage. Gain Hydraulic Push 3/day, River Whip 2/day, or Hydraulic Torrent 1/day.

Hydraulic Push and Hydraulic Torrent live in the same niche of “giant water spouts what push stuff around,” with Torrent being obviously an order of magnitude more powerful than Push. While Push has a range of Close and can target only a single creature or square, Torrent is a 60ft line that Bull Rushes or attempts to destroy everything it encounters, so it really depends on if you’re thinking you’ll need three small streams or one really, really big one. Notably, Torrent can Bull Rush targets of any size, unrestricted by the limits of your pathetic frame, while Push contains no such limiter removal and thus likely means you can only blast creatures up to a size larger than you.

Also of note, Torrent attempts to shatter everything it comes into contact with until it runs into something or someone it cannot destroy or push past. The Strength score the Torrent uses is equal to your caster level plus your casting ability modifier, meaning it will start out barely stronger than you are but will eventually be able to punch holes in iron and shatter stone. Hell, with a lucky roll, it may be able to do that anyway. Your choice on which two to take wholly depends on if you want to push three Medium critters around or launch one Colossal one.

What? River Whip? I don’t see any spell like that here! Lets move on! (alright alright; i just don’t like it. it’s good as an emergency weapon but more or less anything else is better in any scenario)

Boon 2: River Scion. As a free action you can breathe underwater, as if affected by Water Breathing, for a number of hours per day equal to the number of Hit Dice you possess. These hours need not be used consecutively, but must be used in 1-hour increments.

A disappointingly weak Boon. Really, what else is there to see or say? If you need to go underwater, this ability is great and has zero downsides. If you don’t, this Boon doesn’t exist. It’s a very binary Boon that relies on your environment, which means that if you’re overjoyed if you’ve remained in the River Kingdoms, but in a desert or jungle or mountain peak, you’re going to be extremely disappointed upon hitting level 11.

Boon 3: River’s Embodiment. 1/day as a standard action, you can transform yourself into a Huge water elemental, as per Elemental Body IV. You can stay in this form for 1 minute per Hit Die you possess, and can dismiss this effect as a free action.

Finally, a transformation ability that doesn’t suck! What does suck is that this is a level 7 spell being granted to you 1/day, when other Boons are equivalent to level 9 spells in power. Hanspur could have at least given you a little bonus on top of it, or made it 2/day, but it’s hard to complain about the force you become under Elemental Body IV. You become immune to bleed, critical hits, Sneak Attacks, and on top of it all get insurmountable DR 5, and the stack of stats you get? Mmmm-mm! Chef’s kiss!

+6 AC, +8 Con, +4 Str, all for the price of -2 Dex (more than made up for with the +AC). And, of course, a swim speed and the power to collapse yourself into a destructive Vortex, but those are only useful if you’re in water, while the rest of the stat buffs are far more universally useful. You’re not exactly the destructive and terrifying Fire Elemental or the deceptively sneaky Earth Elemental, but a wall of surging water can still wreak all manner of havoc on your enemies, your new dual slams able to smash ships (and bones) to pieces, and since Water Elementals are capable of speech and gesture, you can merely bask in your new tank stats while still casting spells.

There’s also the much more amusing but niche use of transforming while already polymorphed by a hostile effect, as having a new polymorph effect used on you while you’re already changed can end the first automatically.

While I wish the effect was usable more often, or at least broken into 1-minute increments, I can’t call it a bad Boon by any means.

-------

EXALTED

-------

Boon 1: River Guide. Gain Obscuring Mist 3/day, Haunting Mists2/day, or Aqueous Orb 1/day.

I love the name of this ability because two of the three spells do the opposite of guiding people. Now I’m a big fan of Obscuring Mist; it’s a simple staple in my list for almost every caster I make just because of how versatile it is! But now that I know there’s an alternative, it may have competition. Both Obscuring Mist and Haunting Mists do roughly the same thing, but one could argue that Haunting Mists does it better; in addition to granting concealment and shutting off an enemy’s eyes, it deals 1d2 Wisdom damage and shakes up anyone starting their turn inside the mist... But as a Figment spell with the Fear descriptor, there are a great many creatures immune to its unique power, and True Seeing allows one to see through it perfectly, whereas Obscuring Mist remains impenetrable to the apex predator of the Illusion school.

While it cannot be dispelled by wind or motion like a tangible fog, it’s important to note that there’s no way to protect specific creatures from the sanity-damaging effects of Haunting Mists, and its casting distance of 20ft and 20ft spread means that you will likely always be caught in its radius. The range means using it offensively is painfully limited, unless you want to cast it from invisibility after sneaking into the middle of an enemy formation, which... you probably, definitely don’t want to make a habit of.

It’s great for covering your retreat, but not your advance or setup like the normal Mist is.

Aqueous Orb is a good choice if your party is getting screwed over by the mist more than the enemy, creating a big ol’ 10ft ball of water that intercepts and engulfs anything that moves into it, or which it moves into. It deals 2d6 nonlethal damage whenever it rams into a creature and a further 2d6 to everything it has engulfed each round, but the damage isn’t so much the main draw as the fact it’s a massive, roving Sphere of Grappling, snaring and drowning any creature it manages to get ahold of if they fail the Reflex save. It’s a fun little spell that’s great for mopping up and controlling minions, especially ones you don’t actually want to kill, and even at its worst it can become a makeshift barrier in a narrow hallway since there’s no written way to actually move through it beyond wasting 2, 3, or more rounds by slamming into it and swimming through to the other side while your party books it in the other direction.

Boon 2: River Traveler. As a free action, you can grant yourself and any allies within 30 feet of you a swim speed of 60 feet. This effect lasts for 1 round per Hit Die you possess or until you dismiss it as a free action, whichever comes first. Your allies must remain within 30 feet of you or lose this benefit. In addition, you gain a +2 profane or sacred bonus on saves against spells with the Water descriptor.

See, this should have been added to River Scion as a bonus. River Scion and River Traveler feel like they could have combined into a single Boon to make something decent, but as it is they both fall into the same niche: Solves the encounter they’re meant to solve, useless otherwise. This ability is noteworthy for having no restrictions about how many times it can be used, essentially letting you switch swimming off and on at will. The fact it doesn’t take an action is incredibly important, because using the massive 60ft swim speed the ability grants actually removes the bonus, as getting further than 30ft from you makes it fizzle.

I don’t really understand why it would grant 60ft of movespeed if they’re restricted to a 30ft bubble, nor do I understand the purpose of the bubble in the first place. It makes exploration a slog, and escape scenarios more finicky than they should be. Since it can be activated whenever you need to as a free action, the duration feels unneeded. There’s so much about this ability that conflicts with itself that it bugs me too much to say much in the way of positives. The +2 to saves vs Water spells is a fun little ribbon, though most Water spells tend to be harmless utility spells rather than ones you’d need to make a save against.

Boon 3: River’s Depths. 1/day as a standard action, you can cause one creature within 30 feet to begin drowning, filling its lungs with water. The target of this ability can attempt a Fortitude save (DC = 10 + 1/2 your HD + your Wis mod) to negate the effect. If the target succeeds, it is staggered for 1 round. If it fails, the target immediately begins to suffocate. On the target’s next turn, it falls unconscious and is reduced to 0 hit points. One round later, the target drops to –1 hit points and is dying. One round after that, the target dies. Each round, the target can attempt a Fortitude save to end the effect. This ability affects only living creatures that must breathe and cannot breathe underwater. This is a curse effect.

Now this one’s just insulting, being a technically weaker version of a level 5 spell, Suffocation. It’s weaker in four ways: 1) It fails against creatures which are amphibious which, if you’re in the River Kingdoms, is many. 2) It’s curse effect, which can mean some creatures are resistant or immune to it. 3) It has a 30ft range, unlike Suffocation’s range of Close (25ft + 5ft/level). And, finally, 4) Just ONE successful save ends the effect entirely, while Suffocation continues to torment and stagger the victim for 3 rounds until its effects finally expire.

It’s hard to ignore fact that it’s a basically a Save-Or-Die with excellent DC scaling, but I can’t get over it being weaker than an existing level 5 spell! ... Granted, Suffocation could probably get away with being bumped an extra level or two higher given how frighteningly effective it is at shutting down any creature who needs to breathe even if they succeed their save. I’m probably slamming down too hard on an ability that, again, is a Save-Or-Die at best and an unavoidable stagger at worst (good for making some emergency repairs against a powerful full-attacker), and for extra fun can be used without any components involved, so you can just drop it on someone out of the blue and they’ll have no idea who just tried to kill them. While I am disappointed it doesn’t meet the power of other Boons, it’s undeniably effective against a large portion of the creatures you’ll be fighting, even at 1/day.

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SENTINEL

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Boon 1: River Warden. Gain Wave Shield 3/day, Masterwork Transformation 2/day, or Quench 1/day.

Wave Shield is one of those rare spells that are amazing to have, but not especially good to prepare or to waste a precious Spells Known slot on. It’s an immediate action spell that grants insurmountable DR and Fire Resistance equal to half your caster level in response to a single incoming attack, which isn’t stupendous at low levels but is a generous equivalent to immediate, on-demand temporary HP as you get higher and higher level. If a creature relies on a lot of little hits rather than a few big ones, blocking even one of them can save you in the long run, and if your DR cancels out the damage from a poisoned or diseased attack, all the better!

It’s not an especially strong spell given how it only works once before fading away, but it’s better than the other two options by a country mile. Masterwork Transformation is something you’ll rarely need more than a few times in a campaign before masterwork items fall into your laps (or you can simply buy them), and by the time you gain this ability it will likely no longer matter. That being said, if you’re in a low-wealth campaign or have been forced to scavenge for your gear, Masterwork Transformation will save you THOUSANDS of gp over the course of your life, because as a spell-like, the material components are ignored and thus you can slowly upgrade your entire party’s armaments for free. Given its ability to affect a generous 50 pieces of ammunition per casting as well means the Ranger and Gunslinger will adore you, and you can work in tandem with a mystic craftsman (PC or otherwise) to get all of your favorite gear enchanted without discarding your precious family heirloom sword for that masterwork one you looted.

Not to mention the simple joy in taking all the gear off a bandit clan, Masterworking all of it, and selling it for a tidy profit.

Compared to the combat utility of Wave Shield and noncombat utility of Masterwork Transformation, it’s hard to make a case for Quench, which falls into the category of ‘niche spell’ like Water Breathing and Water Walking in that it will instantly solve a handful of scenarios and be utterly useless in the rest. Yes, you may need to put out a forest fire or stop a building you’re in from burning to a crisp, but you’ll have to decide if it’s worth giving up three emergency DR 4/-- and Fire Resistance 4 bandages... as the martial-focused Sentinel. If you plan on fighting a fire that day or encountering a magic item that can generate fires (which Quench shuts off for 1d4 hours) and no one else in your party bothered learning Quench, by all means, but as the Sentinel having the DR is probably better in most cases.

Boon 2: River Champion. 3/day as a standard action, you can sculpt water into the form of a melee weapon that you are proficient with. You must have enough water to form the weapon, an amount equal to the weapon’s normal weight. Once formed, the weapon behaves as a weapon of its type with an enhancement bonus of +1, which increases by 1 for every 5 additional HD you have beyond 5 (max +4). This weapon deals double damage to creatures with the Fire subtype. The weapon dissolves into ordinary water after a number of rounds equal to your HD or as soon as it leaves your hand, whichever happens first.

Boons which call weapons to your hand are alright in cases where your signature weapon has been taken from you, and by the time you receive this ability you will have a signature weapon, but such times tend to come few and far between. This one also has the additional caveat that you don’t actually create the weapon from nowhere, there must already be water around to make it, at least enough water to match the weapon’s typical weight. The good news is that a gallon of water weighs about 8 pounds, and a trident--Hanspur’s holy weapon--weighs only 4, with most other weapons barely ever approaching 10, so you can reasonably carry around an emergency weapon in a waterskin or in your backpack... And you know, now that I think about it, it’s kind of cool to be able to turn a glass of water into a dagger.

But when will you need to? How often do you find yourself bereft of a usable weapon often enough to need an emergency armament like this? I can see the niche in front of me, making a new weapon as-needed against creatures whose DR makes them difficult to damage with your normal gear or taking advantage of that delicious little tidbit about doing double-damage to fire-based creatures, but they take your whole standard action to make and last for only a single combat (if that), and you can’t even shuffle around the +1 bonuses for additional effects!

Don’t get me wrong, it’s by no means bad (unless you’re both in a waterless area and haven’t filled your waterskin), especially at 3/day, but I can’t help but wonder when you’d actually need it at level 11+ when you likely already have a primary weapon and several backups. 

Boon 3: River’s Renewal. When completely submerged in water, you gain Fast Healing 2. You can recover a total number of hit points equal to twice your HD in this manner each day. At 20 HD, if you fall below 0 hit points and your body is fully submerged in a river, you automatically stabilize.

As a final Boon, I wish the Fast Healing had a higher threshold than just 28 points a day (+2 per level). In combat it likely won’t matter, and while out of combat it’s a decent amount of healing, usually enough to spare a couple spell slots from your healers or some potions, it’s just not all that impressive for a third and final Boon. Sentinels are the only followers of Hanspur who don’t get some method to easily navigate the seas, so taking advantage of this Boon to its fullest extent relies on an outside method of gaining water breathing or a swim speed.

Funnily enough, you can carry around a Bag of Holding filled with water and use it as a recuperative pod in case you don’t have access to a deep puddle, which is dubiously useful but not entirely terrible. HOWEVER, the little addition at the end is also a kick in the teeth; why does that only happen at level 20? Why can’t that be a base part of the Boon? It’s just insul--Wait, it only works if you’re submerged in a river, too? You can’t stabilize with some good old pond water? The mighty ocean? Can’t take a dip in a bathtub to stop bleeding out? Come on, Hanspur!!! Be a little more generous to your worshipers!

I dunno, maybe I’m underselling the out-of-combat healing this Boon offers, but it just doesn’t feel worth it to put up with the Water Rat for your entire adventuring career just for an extra 1/8th of an HP bar.

You can read more about him here.