#snorting opiates
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anaxietyyy · 2 months ago
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Tfw you're dopesick all day but you manage to score some more 🤪📶 also took 2 benzos 💊with this so I hope I can finally fucking sleep for once!
I'm not proud of this life, but this is how I'm coping and surviving rn.. addiction is a severe disease and I'm still in denial about it tbh to myself and to my therapist.. in my eyes it's only a problem if you shoot up,
But when I blow my nose, it bleeds from all the snorting. I hide it from everyone and I'm literally physically dependent now, get violently ill if I skip a dose or two. I really need to get help, but I'm not ready yet to let this security blanket go, it sounds pathetic but it's literally all I have to make it through atm..
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dizzydrugz · 1 year ago
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From the last time I snorted hydros.
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xpitypartyx · 6 months ago
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withdrawals make me genuinely suicidal and my dealers aren’t picking up, guess suicides the answer 🫶
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misanthrop99 · 11 months ago
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Visited hengelo (nl) with train 2nd time now together with a Friend today. Came with speed benzos sugar ~ h first stop bi + methadicct 40mg one for each and 2 tenner Age. Weed Hash Speed/amphe and Pills yeah Ich 👻🤍🗯
Not sick at moment ! 🔥💯❗
{DIARY LONG START DOWN ⬇️}
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Warnung: Viel Text
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And of Course speed last night in Train in nl and so on.... soon one last shorty line
Now nice 5g of a Good hash not the 3€ cheapest one, 7/g , but of course not the cfazy 40€/ 1/2g bubble hash or wax (70-1xx€ - dabbing)
Took 60mg (i think so) of metha middle of day yesterday 160mg, and normal 40-100 is enough with halflife addicated blood concentration 80mg enough for day Zero heroin but with no too big Cash Problems best 4 days meds only 24h+ no metha H, and 20mg after that and 40mg befpre sleep.
Having 1g good Brown sugar ('Stein' /stone called in germany on street 99% powder stone mixed with mannitol Paracetamol Coffein katma so it looks different comparing plugs of a small town City 140k LOL
🔻Urban Legends...😑 :
~ Stone is not better than powder
~ Darker stuff is #
~ When smorting it must burn. (...)
Bin in Bielefeld Hbf warte auf Zug nach fzcking home sweet paderboring.... Gestern Abend spontan zu kollege weil kp wo sonst nacht verbringen kalt Regen usw war so lieb lies mich rein Couch mein Reich heute nacht auxh... Fuck The hamsters Born Raised / Pushed in normal Rules / working when your body works your brain your Psych hlpefully for money status family pls die young and no long sick Phase (not for you for the Healt care system...)
[ ~Misanthrop99~ ]
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jooniperbonsai · 9 months ago
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My Bloody Valentine (jjk)
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Pairing: Vampire!Jungkook x human reader (afab)
Rating: 18+
Word Count: 13.9k
Release date: Thurs. February 15, 2024
Genre: smut, fluff, humor, hella angst
Summary: You don't understand why your vampire boyfriend is so caught up in the idea of a silly holiday, until you realize it's about more than just candy hearts.
Warnings: Blood (duh), swearing, blood drinking, lots of angst, allusion to jungkook being bisexual, alcohol, brief description that sounds similar to disordered eating, jungkook is clingy and kind of a brat, so is reader tbh, accusations/assumptions of cheating, both are conflict avoidant which makes things worse, discussions of death and infertility, references to opiate addiction, medical theft, uh y/n kind of non-consensually feeds jungkook her blood, oral sex (m/f), masturbation (m/f), fingering, temperature play, unprotected rough sex, clit spanking, biting kink (!!!! just be warned lol), choking, dirty talk, mention of menstrual sex/oral kink, mention of somnophilia, creampie
a/n: Hi! Happy (late) Valentine’s Day! Thank you all for your enthusiastic support for this fic. I hope it exceeds your expectations (as it exceeded mine). I have some extra thoughts that I’ll leave at the end of this fic to avoid spoilers, but I hope you enjoy my little y/n and vampire Jungkook couple as much as I do. I would like to thank p for talking this universe through with me until it made sense.
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“All I’m saying is that Halloween hardly feels like a holiday about vampires!”
“As opposed to what? Christmas?”
You’ve been standing in your kitchen arguing with your boyfriend for so long that the once-scalding cup of coffee in your favorite mug is now cold. Jungkook is sitting on the bar stool against the counter, his white shirt rolled up his forearms to reveal a similar pale shade underneath. You can see the corded tendons of his arms flex as he wrings his hands together in frustration. 
When you woke up this morning, it was not from a lazy well-slept haze you were expecting to have. Instead, you had awoken to a crash coming from the kitchen, sending your heart jolting as you tried to make sense of the world and the source of the noise. 
Buttercup, your cat and usual suspect for mischief, mewled angrily from her perch as she, too, eyed the wrongfully accused sleep disruptor. As she arched her back in one long, tail-shaking stretch, she glared at you and then twirled herself around to face the wall before settling back into her bed with a final huff. 
If it wasn’t Buttercup, then it could only be one other creature. 
You’d padded your way down the hall to the kitchen, only to see Jungkook already dressed and swearing to himself as he gathered the shattered pieces of a glass measuring cup and what looked like orange juice into a pile with a wet dish rag. 
“Don’t come any closer!” he shrieked, and before you could even open your mouth to assure him you’d be fine, he'd already swooped you into the living room and onto the couch. “Don’t move!” he ordered and because you heard the sharp warning creeping into his tone, you obeyed. 
An hour and a half later, the kitchen is a mess from what you now understand to be Jungkook’s attempt at cooking you breakfast for Valentine’s Day, a holiday that you both agreed you wouldn’t celebrate.
You take a sip of your coffee, trying not to wince at how it still somehow tastes burnt through the too-sweet pink sugar cookie creamer he’d doused it with when he insisted on making you a cup. 
“No, of course not. Y/N! But don’t you think Valentine’s Day should be more about vampires?” 
You snort, and the residual coffee on your tongue shoots to the back of your throat, sending you into a coughing fit. 
“What?” You say when you finally regain composure. You set down the mug and glance around for a single cup in your kitchen that hasn’t been dirtied in this process of making…well…you’re not sure what. There’s some burnt edges of something in the sink, but a weird goo glazing various bowls that somewhat resembles pancakes. However, a bright green lump of…maybe spinach?...rests in those as well, so you’re not entirely confident where he was going with this execution. 
Jungkook isn’t usually this oblivious to human tendencies, mostly because it wasn’t so long ago that he himself was a human. In the year you’ve been together, you’ve learned all about Jungkook’s swift descent into vampirism. Unlike many of his kind, he’s a fledgling. He was turned a handful of years ago and doesn’t exist in the ancient, strange accents and customs form of vampire some know. Nor is he a sleepless, sparkly teenager with superhuman speed. Yes, he has fangs, is paler than the normal person, and he will not (you think) age. But as someone who has maintained his twenty-something appearance, this currently presents as a non-issue because, if still alive, he would still be a twenty-something. 
And unlike the stereotypes of his kind, Jungkook is not in a decades-long bloodlust. Lust, perhaps, but it’s unknown if that’s because of his vampirism or because he’s a horny man. The one who changed Jungkook did so in a dark night club in Paris between searing hot kisses, where he slid his fangs along Jungkook’s throat while rutting against him on the dance floor. Jungkook, in that drunk and sex-induced haze, never suspected that the slight sharpness tracing along his jugular, sending a delicious chill down his spine, would result in him waking up three days later in a hotel in Vienna with nothing more than a vague note of warning and a few plastic bags of blood chilling in the mini fridge. 
While he doesn’t consume much now beyond A or O positive, Jungkook often cooks you meals so you’re not as tired when you get home from work. It’s sweet, but you know that he does it for himself, for the reminder of his humanity and, as he once admitted himself, for the fact that more energy saved from you not cooking means more energy for him to fuck out of you seven days a week. 
“I’m going to need you to explain your reasoning behind that logic,” you say, and finally locate a clean cup to fill with water. 
Jungkook grunts, and when you glance over at him, you can see he's pouting, his dual lip rings pulled under one of his fangs. 
“Well,” he says, tense, “I just thought…with all this stuff, Valentine’s Day should be more about, you know, vampires? Blood? Red? Hearts?”
“Baby,” you laugh, and fish around on the cluttered countertop for something to eat until you spot a bowl of strawberries tucked behind a jar of kimchi. Your stomach growls. “Valentine’s Day uses the heart motif because of love. You know that. You weren’t born yesterday.” 
He rolls his eyes in annoyance and you furrow your brow before popping the sweet fruit into your mouth. What is going on with him today? 
“Yes, I know I wasn’t born yesterday! Thank you for the reminder! But I’m saying that Halloween is this holiday that makes vampires into these beasts who suck and drain all the blood from bodies or sleep in coffins! Beware the dark corners of the world or else they’ll get you! But Valentine’s Day, what even is this about? A fat naked baby who spears you with an arrow and suddenly you’re in love with someone? Sounds way more monstrous to me! And people embrace this guy? People want him to stab them so they can be all fluttery in love and get all these nice things. But I have to be seen as this awful monster all the time? It’s just not fair!” he shouts, and swipes his hand across the counter. 
You gasp as you watch an empty plastic container clatter to the ground before he brings his hands up to cover his face. 
Jungkook isn’t one for temper tantrums. While he does have a tendency to be more sensitive, throwing things, even empty containers, is very out of the norm for him. You remember early on in your relationship, he once used a little too much of his supernatural strength to hit you with a pillow when you were both goofing off, which resulted in you being smacked right off the bed with the wind knocked out of you. 
You spent the rest of the day posted up on the couch under his orders, while he waited on you hand-and-foot despite the fact that once you recovered (mostly from laughter), you were perfectly fine. It led to an eventual discussion about how you weren’t so breakable, where you proved your point by showing him just how flexible you were. 
Which is why now, as Jungkook huffs all over the place, you know something is seriously wrong. 
You move away from the strawberries and walk around the kitchen island to Jungkook, gently pulling his hands down.
“Hey,” you whisper, looking up at him. His hair has fallen into his face, disheveled from all his fussing in the kitchen and the many times this morning you’ve seen him running his fingers through it. 
Jungkook yanks his hand away and stands, pushing away from the counter before stomping into the living room and pacing angrily. You follow him.
“Hey,” you try again, firmer. “You gonna tell me what is going on? Because normally you don’t leave a giant mess of whatever that is going on in the kitchen before you walk away from it, and you especially don’t walk away from me when I’m trying to talk to you.” Your jaw sets and you stand in the doorway, crossing your arms as you watch him pace. 
He responds with a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah, well that’s a start. Can’t even fucking cook my girlfriend a meal on this stupid holiday.”
This is exactly why you told Jungkook you don’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year. All week long he’s been making snarky comments about it, from rants about the greeting card company’s agenda to explaining how it’s become over-the-top and overrated to now, as of this morning, promoting vampires as the superior holiday mascot to Cupid.
Truthfully, you’ve always liked this holiday. When all the post-holiday sales were running months ago, you’d noticed a deal on the record player Jungkook had been eying for months but would never let himself have. His last one had started to break right after you two started dating, but he was always a good sport about it, cracking jokes about how the old-timey canned sound it produced didn’t play Eminem, but “Eminesquire the Third”. Prompted by the desperate need to replace the tinny echoes that haunted your apartment, you didn’t hesitate to snag this gift for him and immediately wrapped it before shoving it under your bed to give to him today. 
Well, that was until all this started a little over a week ago. Up until that point, he’d seemed fine, never mentioning an opinion on Valentine’s Day. Then one morning you woke up and saw him complaining about how since he turned he would never be able to eat chocolate again. Which was incredibly dramatic, because Jungkook can eat if he wants to, but he chooses not to since it doesn’t do anything for him anymore. 
Every mention of the holiday since, from the ads popping up on his phone to the colorful heart shaped decorations in store fronts, has made him irate and hostile. 
“Listen, I don’t know what’s going on, but I didn’t ask you to make me breakfast,” you huff, now offset by his bad mood. “Like, I know that I told you last week we didn’t have to do any of this. So I’m not sure why now you’re trying to make some grand gesture of breakfast or stomping around arguing with me about the politics of vampires being a traditional mascot for Halloween instead of Valentine’s Day or how dumb you think this holiday is.” 
His nostrils flare. “Well excuse me for trying to be a good boyfriend and do something nice for you!” 
“What?” Heat flashes through your entire body as you feel the thin hold you have on your anger slip. “Oh, I see. So this is all about me is it? This is my fault? Tell me, when I go in there and clean up your mess of all my food you wasted by doing this nice thing I didn’t ask for, is that also for me as a treat? Or is that going to be leftover in the fridge for me to clean later?” 
Jungkook’s eyes narrow as you match his anger. He opens his mouth to speak, but you raise your eyebrow, daring him to try. 
“Ah ah,” you warn, your voice laced with venom. “I’m not fucking done speaking.”
He slides his tongue over his teeth instead before sucking in his lips. 
“So, after I noticed it hurt you and said we didn’t have to do it, after I promised you I didn’t mind if we skipped the theatrics of this holiday, you what? Took it out on me? How the hell is this being a good boyfriend, Jungkook? How is you shutting me out for the last week, pouting and being an absolute brat doing me any favors? Showing you love me?”
You begin to feel the fury recede into something worse: pain. It settles over the heat, moving back down into your throat with a sharp lump. 
“You wanna talk about shutting someone out, Y/N? Really?” Jungkook roars, halting his anxious movement. “That’s rich considering the secrets you’re keeping!”
Your brain buzzes with confusion and anger. You rewind the conversation, trying to form connections that would lead to this accusation. 
“Are you serious? Wh-Do you think I’m cheating or s-something? Jungkook who the fuck do you think–” Your voice cracks, and you heft a heavy sob from your chest. 
Never in your relationship have you two ever suspected the other of cheating. You’ve always been so certain of each other, that you two would never stray, that your connection and the very nature of your relationship demonstrated a type of bond that didn’t present anyone else as an option simply because you never wanted anyone else. 
But given how things have been going, how Jungkook has been hiding things from you, you are starting to wonder if that’s not the case, if him pulling away isn’t to try to protect himself from getting hurt. 
You’ve also tried not to notice how this month, when you counted the inventory of the blood bags stashed in the back of the freezer, it wasn’t nearly as empty as it usually was. You considered that maybe Jungkook just wasn’t thirsty, that maybe some of the bags you’d snagged from work, one of them being plasma, were satiating his hunger more than usual. With how Jungkook is looking at you now, eyes wide with the shock of your address, you can see you were wrong, the faint circles of thirst tugging under his eyelids. 
You pull your shirt sleeve up to wipe your dripping nose, only to see it’s stained blue from some mysterious breakfast ingredient. 
“I’m not saying you’re cheating, Y/N! God why would you think that! Fuck, no, this.” He produces a folded up envelope from his back pocket and shoves it toward you. 
You sniffle and take the envelope, noticing it’s addressed to you. From your work. 
Your stomach sinks. You know exactly what that is. “You know what? I’m going to take a shower,” you mumble, and you see in your periphery Jungkook’s head snap toward you. 
“What?” he says exasperated. “Now? We–”.
You nod, choosing not to look at him now as you cut down the hall and shut the bathroom door firmly behind you.
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You and Jungkook met, ironically, at a blood drive. 
You were both volunteering to hand out snacks and mini water bottles to donors at the drive. This was a few months before Jungkook had gone on his Eurotrip, a few months before he would never again be able to volunteer with clinics to help patients. 
While you’d met back then, and certainly had some chemistry that resulted in one really sexy car makeout ending with his hand down your scrub pants and you panting into his neck, it wasn’t until a few years later you’d reunited. 
Jungkook had been pacing around the clinic near closing time, his thirst becoming far more unbearable by the hour. He had been trying desperately to avoid consuming human blood, but the various city rats or injured birds he was drinking from were still racking him with unfavorable guilt and an almost hazy sickness you remember sinking his features. 
When you went to leave that night, you’d spotted Jungkook propped up against one of the glass doors, pale, with heavy bruise-like markings under his eyes. He was conscious, you’d noted, despite the fact that you couldn’t detect a pulse and his skin felt harder and icy to the touch. When you grabbed your phone to call an ambulance, he knocked it from your hand, instead begging you for a bag of blood. 
“I can’t do transfusions, Jungkook, not here. That’s why we need to get you the hospital, so we can you look you over and–”
“No, Y’N, that’s not what I mean.” He’d laughed and flashed you a weak smile. “I don’t need a transfusion.”
“Then, what––.”
And that’s when you saw them: his fangs. 
When you’d heard about Jungkook going missing in Paris, randomly disappearing in the night and showing back up months later with no story to share, there were rumors circulating that he’d started doing drugs and lost his job at the record store because in Europe he got hooked on opiates. 
And you’d so easily believed that lie, though it soured your stomach. What other explanation was there for someone disappearing and coming back more pale, less human? You simply continued on with your work, finishing school in between and finding a more permanent presence at the clinic as a phlebotomist.
Feeling guilty, you turned around and headed back into the building, emerging with two bags of warm blood that you watched him practically shotgun in the passenger seat of your car. You didn’t tell him it was your blood, but as he told you later, he knew anyway. He could smell your particular flavor dotting the bandage. 
Slowly, you and Jungkook became closer, you swiped a blood bag here and there from the clinic when no one was looking, sitting with him as he told you the story of him turning or the first time he fed. It seemed too surreal to be true, but as the dark circles under his eyes began to fade over the weeks, and his laugh started sounding more round and full, you felt like there was no way you could deny who he was, or more importantly, how he made you feel. 
Being around Jungkook was addicting, which was evident in how easy it became for you to steal blood from the clinic without thinking twice. At first, you felt awful, knowing that each bag you were taking could very well be taking away someone else’s chance at life. But the more you thought about Jungkook, how he was just as alive as any human– how he feathered his fingers through his hair or how just a few years ago he breathed and moaned before you in the backseat of your car– what really was the difference between giving him blood versus some other person? Didn’t both bodies need it to survive? 
The months ran on, and the crisp fall days that welcomed Jungkook back into your life were becoming tender, warmer as the early blooms of spring replaced them. Jungkook, too, was warmer, his body full and flushed with blood as he finally returned to as much of a human as he can be, reaching for your hand when you two walked through the park together, or falling asleep on your stomach while watching a movie. 
Vampires sleep, you learned, though it’s not so much necessary as it is habitual, as Jungkook explained. He once tested himself to see how long he could go without sleeping, and as it turned out, the answer was evidently forever, for he managed three weeks not feeling groggy in the slightest. But sleeping helped time pass. Nights were lonely when the only people he wanted to interact with weren’t around, and grappling with being some shade of immortal often led Jungkook into a spiral as he processed time passing. 
Therefore, sleep was welcome when it came. Especially with you, who he could tuck himself close to, and the soft beat of your heart served as his lullaby.
That’s when you knew that you loved him: when he told you that he went to sleep for you, that otherwise, he waited for you to wake up so he could see you again. 
You’d become just as addicting to be around as he was for you, and you trusted it wasn’t just because you were his favorite teller at the blood bank who snuck him a withdrawal. 
It was because he loved you too.
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The fog on the bathroom mirror doesn’t show your reflection currently, but if it did, you know you’d see Jungkook standing behind you silently as you brush your teeth. Despite his stillness and his ability to appear without making a sound when he wants, your body reacts to Jungkook like a magnet pulled toward metal. 
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks finally, and you rinse your mouth. 
“Because, I didn’t want you to feel guilty,” you say and reach for the envelope you left on the bathroom counter before your shower. 
After a year of sneaking blood from the clinic, one year of popping plastic bags your into pockets after writing them off under a sealing failure or manufacturing issue or recording less volume in the official donation records or claiming a miscount in inventory, you were finally caught last week with a warm bag of blood in your possession.
Stupidly, you’d popped it into your purse right before an end-of-day meeting and in the rush to make it on time, you didn’t zip everything closed securely. When you inevitably knocked your knee onto the table while shifting to get more comfortable, your purse tumbled to the floor, exposing the vermillion contents within, and issuing you an immediate suspension. 
Suspension, instead of fire only for the singular fact that the bag of cooling blood was your own. 
You had known for a while that the clinic’s director of operations was becoming suspicious. The entire team had been subject to instances of recertification and retraining to try to address whatever issues that were leading to so many mishaps. It would only be a matter of time before the records kept showing your name attached to these transgressions, though you were almost relieved when you’d learned there were other various cases of blood loss occurring for factors you weren’t responsible for, most notably some interns who kept forgetting to put the bags containing red blood cells in the refrigerator, or who were not filling the entire bags, disqualifying the entire sample. 
Overall, it would be safer to divest from your current plan, but finding an alternative to feed Jungkook was more difficult than you thought. You knew given the shortage of blood donations, you could no longer keep gleaning from work or other affiliates as resources. 
But you also couldn’t convince Jungkook to feed from you. 
You’d tried many times in the last year when he was dizzy or grumpy from thirst. And every time without fail, he refused. 
“I haven’t even bitten anyone before,” he admitted one day, the dark circles under his eyes especially purple. His stubborn refusal slurred his speech into a lisp. “And I don’t intend to start now! Especially not with you!” 
You’d dropped the subject, rooting around in the freezer until you found a blocky pint underneath a tub of freezer-burned ice cream. 
But Jungkook had drunk your blood before on that first night at the clinic. And maybe if you executed things carefully, you could supplement some packets of your own blood in to help him get by. That way, he wouldn't have to bite you, but at least he would be fed. And you wouldn’t be at risk of imprisonment for medical theft. 
So that’s what you started to do, slowly introducing him to your blood by creating fake donor names with the label machine and reprinting the same barcode as you filled bag after bag over the weeks. 
And then last week, you got caught, your only assurance that you might only be suspended rooted in the fact that you hadn’t had the time to issue a fake label for the bag before the meeting. 
And, because the blood was still warm in its pouch, because your arm had only just stopped bleeding, your case that you made of the blood being yours wasn’t entirely unreasonable. But what no one could understand was why you needed a bag of your own blood in the first place, much less why you were doing your own draw of it. 
They confiscated the bag, as well as a small sample you offered for lab comparison to confirm it was yours, and they sent you home with the letter almost like you were a kid who was in trouble at school. 
Your suspension is in effect until the board meets later this week to discuss your case, at which time you’ll be informed if you’re terminated or if you’ll be put on probation. 
You’ve accepted that you might be fired, but what you couldn’t  accept is the idea that Jungkook would definitely blame himself if he found out. Which is why you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him when it happened. If you did, you knew you would also have to admit to him that you have been non-consensually feeding him your blood instead of others’, which was a conversation you’d hoped to avoid until you were sure he would understand. Instead, you fucked up, and it’s all the more apparent as Jungkook frowns at you in the bathroom.
You rinse your mouth of the toothpaste, feeling a huge shard of guilt pierce your stomach. 
“I wouldn’t have let you keep doing this if I’d known you were at risk of losing your job,” he mutters. “You already know I feel shitty even relying on you like this.”
“That’s exactly my point! That’s why I didn’t tell you! Because I knew we would end up here!”
“And that’s why this is a problem! You are failing to see how fucked up it is for me to have to depend on you to feed me!”
“Why?” You snap, and you immediately regret it, giving him an apologetic frown. “Sorry, I mean. Why do you feel so shitty relying on me? We’re partners, Jungkook.” 
“Yeah, Y/N, we’re partners. Which means we are supposed to communicate with each other about things. That doesn’t mean you risk your entire career for me.” 
“But doesn’t it, though?” You argue. 
Jungkook groans and then wets his lips with his tongue before speaking. “No, baby. You’re not supposed to be making sacrifices like this! Not for me! Fuck, you shouldn’t be doing shit like this at all! You should be going to work, kicking ass, and then coming home to eat real food with your real boyfriend before you have incredible sex and then fall asleep!”
You cock your head at him, confused. “But, Jungkook, we already do that stuff.”
“No, we don’t, Y/N. You go to work, orchestrate some grand scheme to basically illegally harvest strangers’ blood during a national shortage, you come home and you eat. But I don’t. I leech off of someone else’s platelets. And then we have sex, and you fall asleep. And sometimes I do. But sometimes, I can’t. Because all I want to do is dream of you and I can’t do that anymore. Because I’m not real, Y/N, I’m literally a monster.” 
You shake your head furiously and step toward him. “Listen. I made the choice to do this. Ever since the first day when you showed up at the clinic. I could have left you behind, I could have insisted to take you to the hospital anyway or put you in a headlock or something–”
“You are way too weak to put me in a headlock, even on that day,” he chuckles. 
“I would have figured it out! But I had a choice in this Jungkook, just as much as you did for showing up, for asking me to help you. You could have gone somewhere else, or broken into the clinic after I left. You could have continued to live a half-life with a diet of rats and the occasional squirrel. But you chose this. You made choices, too.”
You push your toweled body into him, desperate for his touch. This is how you often are with him, needing him to ground you, to make sure you don’t spin out of control. He sighs, and you feel him circle his arms around you, his nose nuzzling into your wet hair. You shiver at the contact. Your shower must’ve been hotter than normal, because Jungkook feels almost like ice against your skin, much colder than his normal, albeit cooler temperature. 
“Fuck, Jungkook, when was the last time you ate?” you ask. 
He stiffens, then withdraws from the embrace.
“Get dressed,” he says, ignoring your question, before opening the door to the bathroom, the draft of the apartment, of his absence, leaving goosebumps on your skin in its wake.
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The kitchen is clean, any and all evidence of this morning’s tirade gone. Jungkook has changed out of his jeans and button-down for a black hoodie and basketball shorts, solidifying the idea that he has no intention of leaving the apartment for the rest of the day. 
You dress down similarly, throwing on a large ratty t-shirt and some sweats, very similar to the pajamas you’d been wearing for most of the day. 
There’s a fresh pot of coffee brewing, but you ignore it, your stomach feeling sour over the idea of putting anything into it right now. 
You lead Jungkook into the living room, and both of you sit on the couch, legs folded as you face one another. 
“I know you’re not eating.” You try to say it softly, like an observation, but as the words leave your mouth, you hear them sound accusatory, tense. 
“I know you know I’m not eating,” he responds, his tone even and cool. “I’ve seen you doing inventory checks daily.” 
“You have to eat,” you urge. “You can’t just starve like this.”
“I’m not starving,” he says, still composed, distant. 
“Bun, you’ve significantly curbed your consumption. You used to throw back two pints a day, easily.” 
“Yes, well, that was before I found out my girlfriend was suspended from work for smuggling me those two pints, jeopardizing her entire future.”
“I don’t understand why you’re making this a bigger deal than it is.”
His eyebrows rise. “I don’t understand why you’re not making it the bigger deal that it is!” 
“Because it’s not! Not really! I have it under control!”
“And how exactly do you have this under control? Getting fired? Ruining your life isn’t control!”
“I don’t think I’ll be fired. Put on probation maybe, but not fired.”
“And why are you so sure about that?”
“Because…because I didn’t steal someone else’s blood. And that’s a criminal offense. But the laws are muddier when it’s your own blood.”
“Your…your own blood. You were caught with your own blood.” Jungkook looks at you quizzically. And then you see it register. His pupils blow wide. 
“I fucking knew it,” he says. “I knew I was tasting you. I thought maybe it was just because you were on your period for a little longer than usual this month, and that maybe I was catching something in the air and just mixing up the scent with the taste of the blood. But, fuck! Goddamn it Y/N! I told you I didn’t want to feed from you and you just went and did it anyway?” 
“I’m sorry,” you admit, your cheeks burning with guilt. “I just wanted to help you.” 
“By taking away my choice in the matter? By hurting yourself? Shit!” 
“No. I–I know you said you didn’t want to bite me, so I thought maybe if I did it this way that it wouldn’t be so bad and you wouldn’t have to feel so bad about it! And then I wouldn’t be as likely to be caught at work. It gave me some protection too in this! The board is meeting later this week to talk about my case and because the blood results proved to be mine, they just have to decide an appropriate punishment. I’m not going to go to jail over this, and if I lose my job, I’ll figure something out. But, I really didn’t mean to take away your choice, and I see now that I did.” You feel your throat close as you begin to cry.
Jungkook is right, you took away his choice by doing this, and no matter your intention, he has the right to know. 
“I’m really sorry. I completely fucked up doing this.”
“Yeah, you did. But not in the way you’re seeing this. God. It’s not about biting or not biting, it’s how easily you did it for me. How you keep putting yourself, your own health, at risk for me! You don’t get it! You stole blood for me for almost a year. And then when you started to realize your future was at stake, you took it from your own body. Which you shouldn’t have to do!”
You swipe at the tears pooling from your eyes. “You keep saying that. Why do you keep saying that?”
“Because it’s true, baby! You shouldn’t be in this weird supernatural chaos! It’s Valentine’s Day! You should be feeding your boyfriend chocolates or eating breakfast in bed. Exchanging presents and going on dates to dinner or the movies. Having sex! And not just sex, making love, making babies!” 
“But you said you didn’t want to do any of that! Jungkook, I’m so confused. What is it that you want? If you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day, I have a present for you wrapped up that I’ve been dying to give you for months. And we can go to the movies. We can have sex… I don’t even want a baby!”
You pull a pillow into your lap like a shield. 
“You do want a baby,” he accuses. You snap your head up. 
“What? No, I–”
“You do. You told me on Christmas Eve, when we were watching that movie on the couch. You were falling asleep during it, but in that scene when he comes home after saying no to that deal, she says ‘I want my baby to look like you’ and you looked up at me so sleepy and warm and alive, and you repeated it back to me. You said ‘I want my baby to look like you.’” 
You think back to that night, when you and Jungkook were cuddled up together watching It’s A Wonderful Life since he’d never seen it, and between sips of a very strong eggnog, you kept studying his face, almost overwhelmed by the idea that you could ever love him more than you did in this moment. When Mary told George she was pregnant, something just felt right about that phrase, and in your tipsy, sleepy, haze, you must have recited that part back to him. 
Honestly, you do want your baby to look like him. You can’t imagine anyone else in the world whose features you would want to see copied into another human, one that you make together. 
“It’s okay, Y/N. I’m not mad that you said it. I’m honored. Because if I could have children, I would want them to look like you.” His voice is tight. “But I can’t give you that. I think if I could, we would currently be arguing over paint swatches and baby names while I rub your swollen feet, not this. Because fuck we have definitely not been careful,” he chuckles. 
Despite the sadness in his voice, you feel yourself smirk. 
“And even if we adopted, that doesn’t solve one of the biggest issues out of all of this. Which is that you will grow older and more beautiful and our children would grow older and more beautiful, and I don’t know if I will. I don’t know if I’m going to be doomed by the stereotypical vampire life because I don’t know who turned me. He didn’t give me anything to go off of. Maybe I age but I do it slower. Maybe I will never age. Maybe I live forever or just a little longer than you. Or fuck, maybe instead of living forever, vampires actually have an insanely short life span because we are just another type of mosquito derivative!”
You laugh at that, though you still feel the tears staining your cheeks, making no effort to stop. 
“The point is, I can’t promise you anything human. I can’t promise you a normal life with me. Babies that we make, us growing old together. If I could do one thing different, I kinda wish I put a baby into you the first time we fucked around in that car. God knows I was hard enough.” 
“Jungkook,” you choke, ignoring his attempt at deflecting. “I don’t care about any of that. I know I said that stuff on Christmas, but I didn’t mean it like that. Maybe you can have kids! Like you said, you don’t know. For all we know, my freakishly long periods might be a sign I’m infertile. I don’t know either, I haven’t gone to the doctor or taken tests because I haven’t been too worried about it. That or aging or any of this! My job even.”
“Wait, hold on, back up. You might be infertile?” He looks almost offended by his own use of the term. 
You nod. “Maybe, but I haven’t really been thinking about it lately. I’ve been more worried about you, more focused on you.”
He squints. “Why?”
“Because you’ve been evasive and bratty and honestly just fucking awful. And I can see why. You’re thirsty. You stopped eating again. You started screaming about heart themed things being for vampires. You’ve been avoiding me…is that why you haven’t told me anything? Because of my work thing?”
“I still can’t understand why you are this nonchalant about your career,” he says and you shrug. 
“Bunny,” you warn, and Jungkook crosses his arms across his chest.
“Okay, yes,” he concedes. “Part of this is due to that. Because you didn’t tell me. But also I feel like I’m ruining your life. And if that’s the case, if I’m taking so much from you, I want to take less. I want to be less.”
“I’m a parasite. A leech. I consume human blood to carry on living my nonexistent life. I sleep but I don’t dream. I can’t enjoy things the same way. I can’t be normal and that’s what you deserve. What you need. So if I’m going to be a parasite and dependent on you, I want to make things easier. You mentioned that gift under the bed…and, I don’t know that started it all. Got me thinking about all the things I can’t give you. All the experiences you’ll never have because of me. But how much you want it. Valentine’s Day. Baby, I know it’s a holiday you like. I see your eyes sparkle every time you pass the decorations and candy at the store. Of course you have had a present for me wrapped and ready since Christmas, because that’s you and how incredible you are. And I wanted to give you some of that back, but the more I thought about it, the angrier I got that I can never be good enough for you. I can’t give you everything. And then this morning, I don’t know, I snapped. I tried to cook you something I normally can do with my eyes blindfolded and walking backwards but everything came toppling down around me and I got overwhelmed and ended up fucking it all up.” 
Jungkook reaches across the couch, taking your hand in his, tracing his thumb across your knuckles. 
“You’re so dramatic,” you accuse, and roll your eyes. 
Jungkook retracts his hand and pouts. “I don’t know what you mean by that.”
“You’re being dramatic and over the top with this broody Edward Cullen shit. I’m sick of it.” You toss the pillow to the side and sit up on the couch, edging your body closer. 
“For starters, you’re punishing yourself by not eating. Your hands are like ice, and that means you’re extremely underfed because very little blood is in you. Second, you refuse to eat because at first  it was someone else’s blood and I could get in trouble so that justified not doing it. But now that it’s freely available, because it’s mine you have some moral conniption preventing you from nourishing your body. And all of this is circling around the same problem. Which is you deciding for me what you think I want and need.” You hover just above him now, your knees digging into the cushions on either side of him as you trap him under you. 
“You decided wrong, by the way. You based what I want not on who I am, but on your own insecurities and fears about me, Jungkook. And that’s not fair to me.” 
You plant yourself down on him, straddling your weight across his chest. Jungkook gazes up at you, a frown still etched on his face, though it’s grown softer. 
“It’s also not fair to me that you are trying to control my decision about feeding from you or not. If you were a vegetarian, how would you feel if I had replaced your veggie burgers with meat patties just because I thought you needed the protein?” He asks.
You hadn’t thought about that. Your shoulders sag as you sit with the realization. 
“I need you to trust that I won’t ever go back to feeling the way I did when we first met. Look at me, are the marks under my eyes as dark? Am I as hard or pale?” You shake your head, and Jungkook reaches up to your face, touching his palm to your cheek. “I am thirsty, baby. But I also know how to control myself. I have spent months with you, around your blood, smelling you when you do something as little as get a paper cut or have a large blood clot pass during your period. Don’t look at me like that, it’s literally just blood from your body, you as a phlebotomist know better than to find that weird or gross.” You giggle, trying to ward away the flush of your cheeks. “And yes, it hurts, but kind of like when you smell something really good cooking in the kitchen and your stomach growls. But that’s the worst of it.”
“Is it though?” you ask gently, trying not to argue with him, but his eyes seem almost cloudy to you. 
His brows knit and he opens his mouth but then shuts it, nodding for you to continue. Instead, he strokes along your brow bone, then down the curves of your jaw, tracing your features with his index finger.
“Your eyes aren’t as clear as they are when you feed regularly,” you sigh sadly. “I don’t want to change you, at all. But you’re warmer then too. And on days like today, it would be nice to have you less frigid to cuddle up next to. But I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to do. I was wrong to not tell you about my work stuff and my blood. Those are two big things that you deserve to know as my partner, and because they impact you directly. I’m sorry.” 
You take his hand in yours and bring it down over your chest. “If you don’t want to drink those blood packs, I understand. We’ll find some other way of getting you blood. But we need to make these decisions together. All of them. No more of us deciding we know what the other person needs best. That means I am not force feeding you my blood, I know. It also means you don’t get to decide if I want to have a biological baby or if I want to grow old with someone else.”
Jungkook contemplates this, and then nods in agreement. 
“Do you feel that?” You ask, glancing down to your chest, referring to your heart beat. 
“Yeah,” he whispers. 
“Good, because in all this, you keep saying you’re this monster and that can’t be further from the truth. Maybe I don’t need normal, because I don’t want normal. I want you. And I am alive and warm as a human is, sure. You insist you’re not alive. But what is life really? Do you need to be breathing and to have a beating heart like mine to experience love? Joy? The things that make up life? You feel me. Even if it’s all a habit now. The memory of your body, I don’t know. I don’t know how you work either but that doesn’t matter.”
“Do you need to have dreams or to eat chocolate or make babies to feel like you’re living, Jungkook? Because I don't think you do. I think your body and my body sitting here together, my heart pumping blood through me, more than I probably even need to keep me going, is more than enough for me. You loving me, I think that’s life. Is that not enough for you?”
Jungkook’s eyes are glassy, and he takes a deep breath, also probably out of habit more than necessity.  “No, it’s more than enough,” he says.  “I think this is life.”
You smile. “Okay, then let’s live. Let’s live like this. Whatever it is. And we can decide as we go what living looks like, alright?”
Jungkook releases his bottom lip from his fang. “Alright.”
You lean in, and Jungkook’s lips pull up into a smirk right before he kisses you, molding his body into yours with relief. 
You welcome his tongue into your mouth, surprised by how cold even that is. When you pull away to catch your breath, you pull yourself tightly against him. 
“We need to find you something to eat,” you say for what feels like the millionth time today, and Jungkook sighs. 
“Tomorrow, okay? I just want to be close to you right now.” He burrows deeper into your t-shirt and you hum in agreement, letting the soft animal of his body feel like home.
The rest of the day, the two of you drift back into the softer and more familiar patterns of your relationship that the last week has disrupted. 
Jungkook cooks you dinner, properly this time, a steak you wash down with a beer, the two of you discussing your friends and the latest episode of the show you finally have caught up watching, the tense air between you two perhaps not entirely diffused, but ultimately much more at ease than before. 
You choose to not address the moment in your peripheral vision when you see Jungkook gnawing on some bloody gristle that he trimmed off the steak, his brows set in dissatisfaction as he tries to replace some of the nutrients he’s craving. 
He’s thirstier than he’s admitting, you know, but you are trying to loosen the tight hold of control you are tempted to have. 
“Hey,” you say as you load your dirty dishes into the dishwasher. 
Jungkook, who is reading the beer founder’s story on the back of your empty can, perks up, curious.
“Do you want to open your present?” you ask, and can’t help but laugh at the way his face lights up at the suggestion. 
“Oh my god, yes! I've been dying to know what it is since Christmas!” He beams, and before you can even move to go get it from under your bed, he’s gone, shuffling around down the hallway and cooing to Buttercup, who has just finished her own dinner. 
When he reappears, he puts the gift on the counter and looks at you sheepishly. 
“Um,” he says, and you can tell he’s desperately trying to be polite and well behaved like a small child on their birthday. 
You snort. “Open it, Bunny.” 
Jungkook rips right into the paper, his jaw dropping. “You! This?”
You watch as he takes off into the living room to disassemble the current turntable setup. 
“Goodbye Old Play, Fall Down Boy, and Alicia Broken Piano Keys,” he sing-songs. “Damn, when was the last time we had music around here?” 
You watch him putter around. 
This, you think, could be a good life. 
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Lying in bed, you drift between a dreamstate and your overactive brain trying to process your reality. Thoughts of your job, more specifically what you’ll do if you actually are fired filter through your head. You suppose you’d change careers, but this job has always been the one thing you wanted in life, at least before you had Jungkook. 
Between a body heat barrier of blankets and pillows, you toss yourself around and sigh, finally coming to a state of being fully awake. Jungkook shifts across the pile to alert you that he, too, is awake. 
“What’s wrong, baby?” he asks gruffly, and you grunt as you roll over. 
“Can’t sleep,” you whine, and you move one of the pillows shoved between the two of you out of the way so you can see his face in the dark. 
The soft glow of the outside city lights shifts through the window, casting a hint of pale blue light across his face. Like this, he looks more wan, sallow, and your heart wrenches. God, it’s so hard to see him this way, starving himself, and you know you shouldn’t feel guilty, but with the day behind you, you feel the late-night flood of regret starting to taint your mind as you try to figure out how you let this all go so horribly wrong.
“Busy mind?” He asks, and you blink up at him, a little surprised by how it seems as though he’s reading your thoughts. 
“Yeah.”
“Me too,” he grumbles, and then reaches out to pull you into him, his cold hands in an even colder room sending a tremor through your body. 
“God, I’m sorry,” he says, and you clench your teeth. 
“ s’okay” you mumble, and you push your face into his chest to warm your nose in his hoodie, throwing your leg over him to bring you closer. 
Jungkook gently rubs your back, his touch light as his fingers trace up and down your spine. It tingles, sending a shiver that hardens your nipples. 
“What were you thinking about?” he asks after a long pause. 
You could lie, and then you wouldn’t have to worry that Jungkook would be awake all night carrying your baggage for you. But, you know how important this step of honesty is, so you take a deep breath. 
“I-I just keep thinking about work. What’s going to happen? I don’t regret it, please don’t think I do or misunderstand. But I love my job. I love you more. It just feels all convoluted and scary. If I get fired, how will we afford this apartment? Find your blood?”
You feel Jungkook take a steep inhale, and you know he’s doing this to steady you, that his lungs don’t really need to expand but to breathe next to him, with him, is what feels the most natural to you both. 
“Baby, I’m sorry,” he says, and you fight the urge to cry for the third time today. 
“I know it’ll be okay,” you assure him, “but I’m sad anyway.”
His fingers continue to strum along your spine, soothing you in the quiet winter night. At some point Buttercup gets up to go prowl around the apartment in her usual late-night zoomies, leaving you two alone in your little universe. 
“I’ve been thinking a lot tonight, too,” Jungkook mumbles into the dark. 
“About what,” you whisper. The wind outside kicks up, and you feel a sharp draft cut against your now-bare legs, beading you with goosebumps that make you shiver. 
Jungkook tuts, shifting you to his side momentarily so he can reach down and pull up your thick duvet. You relish the return to warmth and lay back down on him, resting your head onto his chest while letting out a satisfied sigh.
“Feeding,” he says casually, but you can still hear the hunger in the word as he pronounces every syllable sharply. A different kind of tremor rocks through you, and you feel a tug of arousal behind your belly button. 
“Oh,” you say, trying to be unaffected, but Jungkook sees right through you and chuckles. 
“The first time I tasted your blood, you don’t even know what it did to me, Y/N,” he groans.
“It felt like every single dead neuron in my body was firing all at once again. I’ve never experienced anything like it. You were so warm, your blood was so thick on my tongue. I knew I was going to crave you for the rest of my, well I guess, existence.” 
You squirm a little, trying to ignore the slight dampness you feel forming between your legs. 
“Then, god, I thought I was going crazy when you were feeding me those blood packs. That I had wanted the taste of you so badly that I was imagining it somehow from knowing the way you smell.” 
He continues. “I know I told you that I have control, but fuck, baby, you almost destroyed me with that little stunt of yours.” 
Jungkook shifts, and you can feel his hardening length brush against your stomach. His thigh butts up against you, and you know he can feel the effect he’s having on you. 
“How?” you ask weakly, and Jungkook flexes his thigh underneath you, putting a little pressure right onto your clit. The whine you’ve been suppressing escapes, needy and rich. 
“I almost caved. One night while you were sleeping, Thought about waking you up by fucking you with my tongue so I could finally taste you again.” Jungkook’s cock twitches underneath you and you rut against him in response, the heat in your core building. “Shit, you were even sleeping with your legs wide open for me, your panties and those tiny fucking things you call pajamas shifted and your pretty little pussy was right there for me to taste. Practically begging me for it.” 
You rock against Jungkook’s thigh, the broad grind of your wet panties against Jungkook’s thigh releasing some of the tension. 
“Oh,” you moan softly, but Jungkook isn’t done talking, and he ignores you as his hands come up to your ass, his cold touch on your cheeks causing you to squeak as he pulls them apart to force you to rut harder, deeper onto him. 
“I can smell you right now,” he says roughly. “You can’t hide it from me, you know. Your blood, your wet pussy, they’re equally delicious to me. Equally mine.” 
You moan as he forces you back and forth on his thigh. “You like that, don’t you? The idea of me devouring you like that? Waking you up with my mouth swirling around that hard clit, have you drooling and begging for my cock before you even know what day it is?”
“Shit, yes. Yes,” you pant, and Jungkook laughs, grasping your panties with his fingers and pulling tight. The fabric shifts, digging onto your swollen clit, blurring your vision from the sharp, deep wail.
“Such a dirty fucking girl, humping me like this. Letting me use you like this. What happened to my good girl, hm? Where’d my baby go?” 
You know the question is rhetorical, but you find yourself entering the familiar, delicious haze you often go to with Jungkook, one that has been trained to answer every question he asks. 
“Still your baby,” you whine, and Jungkook laughs. 
He reaches down, tearing your panties off of your body with a single tug, exposing your wet pussy to the chill of the air.
“Oh really? You’re my baby? I don’t know about that. My baby usually has her mouth around my cock by now.” 
Obediently, you sit up, tugging your shirt over your head, your nipples hard and sensitive from your arousal. Jungkook groans as he takes in the view of your naked body, but before he can act, you hastily strip him of his hoodie and shorts to reveal his naked length. 
Jungkook’s cock stands tall and heavy, and as you take it into your hands, you don’t mention how that, too, has become incredibly cold from his thirst. Maybe this hunger could be soothing in summer, but in midwinter, it is going to drive you insane. 
You pull him into your mouth, determined to imprint some of your body heat onto him as you dribble your warm saliva down his shaft with a deep suck. 
Jungkook moans above you, tangling his fingers into your hair in approval. 
“Fuck, yes, Y/N. God.” 
You use one of your hands to cup his balls, enjoying the heft of how full they are before stroking up and down the parts of his cock that you can’t take into your mouth. 
“There she is,” Jungkook sighs, and you relax your jaw so you can take more of him in, edging his tip down your throat. He bucks up, and you gag, feeling the familiar tang of him spread across your tongue. Globs of saliva bubble out of your mouth as you attempt to fight the urge to gag more from his occasional thrusts. 
“There’s my baby. My little cockslut. Fuck, I missed this.” You hum in agreement and Jungkook gasps at the vibration. He grabs your head, stopping you from bobbing. 
“Shit…fuck baby, hold on. Stop. God, I almost just came,” he laughs, and your lips twitch as you slowly pull away from him, strings of spit still connecting you to his thick cock. 
You look up at him as he steadies himself, smiling up at him devilishly.
Feeling naughty, you lean forward, testing the waters as you tongue around the head, taking one final, deep suck. Jungkook’s eyes darken in warning and you giggle, sitting back on your heels as you smile at him with fake innocence. 
“Brat,” he mutters, and shoves you down onto the bed, his lips on yours before you can even breathe, tasting himself in the corners of your mouth with feral need. 
He pulls away, tapping your knees with instruction to open, and you do, propping your head up on a pillow so you can see everything. 
The curve of his nose rocks against your clitoris as he begins, and because Jungkook knows you so well, his hands clamp down on your legs to prevent you from squirming. You feel him dig one hand into your thigh, a warning not to try to take control, and you force yourself to relax as he begins exploring you, sucking one of your swollen labia into his mouth. 
You groan, the slow method of him licking and sucking, moving down and up between the inner corners of your thighs back to your center feels both like heaven and absolute hell. 
You have the urge to whine, to shove your hips up, maybe your neglected clit will get more attention, but you know better. Jungkook is testing you, trusting you in this moment not to fail him. 
His eyes meet yours as feasts, the bruises under his eyes more dark now than they were earlier. Between the maddening, erotic swishes of his tongue against your clitoral hood and smug look on his face, you’ve had just about enough.
“Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to play with your food,” you snap, and surprised, Jungkook pulls back, his wet cheeks and wide smirk indicating how satisfied he is with his torture.
“No,” he says, licking his lips. His fangs peek out from under his lips. “But I think my food really likes it when she has to work for it.” 
You roll your eyes, and he brings his fingers to your clit, pinching it. You gasp.
“Did you just roll your eyes at me?” He scolds, and again you lose the urge to disobey. 
You feign an apologetic look and buck your hips at him.
“Such a fucking bad girl today,” he chides. “If you’re not careful, I won’t let you cum. I’ll just use you like my little cumdump and you’ll have to figure out how to get off on your own.” 
You shudder at his words and his shoulders straighten, satisfied with his apparent win. 
“What do you say?” he asks, tracing one finger along your ridges. 
You feel yourself trembling as his soft touch swirls around where you need it most, a frustrating, dizzy fury building in you.
“Jungkook, please.” 
“That’s not the word I’m looking for.” His voice is dark, heavy in the cold of the room. Desperation is blinding you, only allowing you to think in fragmented sentences. 
“I don’t know,” you whine, and you feel a hard slap hit directly onto your clit, sending a shock of pain and delicious pleasure through your body. 
“Liar,” he snorts, and then rubs your wetness to soothe the ache. “You have a big girl brain, Y/N. I know you know what you need to say.” He dips a finger inside of you, you clench. “Or are you already too fucked out and needy to say it?” 
Heat shades your face in embarrassment. Any other day, maybe, you’d challenge this, let him chip away at you until you are babbling and a mess underneath him. But the swell of heat in your core is pulsing what feels like everywhere in your body, including your head, and you rack your brain for the one word you know he’s looking for. 
You pull a sharp breath between your teeth. “I’m sorry.”  
“Good girl, I knew you could do it,” he says, and then he shoves his face into your cunt, more fingers dipping into your entrance. He begins to stretch you, pulling his fingers apart, urging more of your wetness to spill onto his tongue. “So sweet.” 
Your hips twitch in the air and you fight to keep them down now that one side of you is freed, so you concentrate on him, pushing his hair back from his forehead as he devours you. 
Jungkook’s eyes are so dark, pupils blown wide. And in them you see something more than just lust. 
I’m thirsty, he’s telling you, the lines faint, but still there. He sucks hard onto your clit, a low sound tearing through his throat. 
He’s asking you for permission, grazing his fangs along your inner lips, trying desperately to restrain himself as the hand still wrapped around your thigh tightens with a bruise-inducing pressure. 
Then eat, you tell him mentally, your tongue darting out of your mouth to lip your lips as you watch him get lost in his instincts. You hum your approval, thrusting your hips forward and shoving his head further into you. 
“Yes,” you rasp, finding enough air in your lungs to puff out your consent. 
Jungkook moans and you watch the resolve break as he delivers one final satisfying lap over your clit before he bites.
Nothing In your life could ever prepare you for this.
That part of you, the very organ having the most nerve endings, is alive and electric, burning hot as if you are the sun, the center of the universe. And Jungkook is orbiting around you, grounded by the gravity of your blood as he feeds from your pussy, groaning and bucking his hips in pleasure against the bed. A whimper churns from the depths of your throat as you writhe under him. The heat, god it’s everywhere, from the slight sting of the bite melting away from your core to the heady, steady throb of your clit that makes you feel your pulse everywhere. 
Jungkook too, is warming underneath you, the chill of his body flushing away with each feverish gulp he takes. His cheeks are slightly pink again.
“So wet, so good,” he praises you as he swallows, and you see the blood smearing across his cheeks as he dips back into you. 
“Fuck, Jungkook,” you say shakily. His tattooed hand leaves your thigh, reaches up, searching for you in his feast. You don’t hesitate to lace it with yours, your hands a little clammy, but you’re afraid that if you don’t hold on to him, you might be lost among the stars. 
He drags one of his fangs along the edge of your clitoral hood, and flicks your swollen bud with his tongue, self assured in your destruction. Your legs begin to close, but he growls. 
“Don’t you fucking dare,” he warns. His fingers press deeper inside you, thrusting toward the burning in your core that feels like it’s just out of reach. “You asked for this, now take it.”
“I can’t,” you say. “I can’t.” You thrash your head to the side, gaze unfocused as you take in the shapes around your bedroom you know once were pieces of furniture, but the combination of blood loss and building ecstasy has you feeling like you’re almost drifting from your body. 
Jungkook clicks his tongue in dissatisfaction. “Look at me, Y/N,” he demands. 
You force your eyes to him, and he instructs you to take a deep breath. You inhale shakily, letting him come into focus. 
“You’re going to take my tongue. And then you’re going to take my fingers until you cum all over my face.” He makes his threat official, presses deep inside of you, thrusting deeper, toward the burning in your core that feels just out of reach. “And then you’re going to take my fat cock into my pretty little pussy and watch the cum drip out of it after I fuck you full of it, do you understand me?” 
You tremble as he claims you. “Yes,” you reply and he leans in closer, thrusting his fingers in harder as you rock your hips toward him. 
“Good,” he says. “Then give me what’s mine.” You feel him nip into you again, throwing you over with one deep suck.
You cry out, your hips twitching into the cold room, heaving deep broken gasps into your lungs, head spinning as you obey him. Your ears ring as you fall deeper under the wave, but you still feel Jungkook’s hand in yours, tender and encouraging as you force yourself back from beneath the current of your orgasm. 
You try to steady your breath as you feel his drinking slow, his tongue placing a few laps here and there around your vulva in a gentle motion as he pulls himself away. 
“Are you okay,” you hear him ask, though your eyes are trained on the ceiling as you try to stop yourself from seeing double. “Did I take too much?”
You’re not sure, to be honest, but you feel the warmth of Jungkook’s body cover you as he looks you over, feeling your pulse. 
“Your heart is starting to slow down,” he says softly. “Can I leave you for a second to get some water?” 
You make some kind of grunt of approval, and you feel him drape your covers back over you as he pads down the hall to sift through the kitchen. 
He returns only a few moments later, a bottle of water and bag of heart shaped chocolates in hand. 
You take the water from him and sip slowly, feeling the cool liquid soothing your hoarse throat, stabilizing you. You pop a chocolate into your mouth, the sugars melting your tongue tasting decadent. 
When you finally glance over at Jungkook, you erupt into laughter. 
“What?” he asks, his doe eyes going wide with panic. “Are you hurt? Are you okay?” 
You fail to collect yourself, wheezing your breaths as tears burn your eyes. Maybe you did lose a bit too much blood, because it shouldn’t be as funny as it is, but he looks so full and flushed and innocent in light of what might just be the kinkiest thing the two of you have ever done. 
His face is an utter mess, cheeks shiny and smeared with the faint pink of your mixed juices and blood. He looks like a child who just ate a cherry flavored popsicle.
“I-go look in the mirror,” you say between fits of laughter, and Jungkook looks at you confused before he obeys, standing and walking over to the full-length mirror in the corner of the room. 
“Oh shit,” he mumbles, then laughs. “Looks like I was saving myself a snack for later.” He reaches for a tissue from on top of his dresser and wipes his mouth. 
“How can you not feel that all over you?” you ask, coughing when you finally recover. 
“I don’t know! My brain isn’t focused on anything else right now but you! Well, you and…” he gestures down between his legs, where his cock is flushed from the blood, twitching as you give it attention. 
You feel a flutter in your core and let out a soft gasp.
“But really, are you okay?” he asks tenderly, sitting back onto the bed and rubbing your thigh. 
You scan over your body, checking in with yourself. You don’t feel woozy or nauseous, just loose, like how most large scale orgasms feel. Your thigh you know will be bruised tomorrow, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. And your clit, oh. 
Your clit is tingling, and your pussy is dripping wet. 
“Fuck,” you moan, and run your hand down between your legs and press your palm to your clit, enjoying the added pressure as it throbs under your touch. 
Jungkook raises an eyebrow, interested in your response.
You swipe your fingers through your folds and then pull them up. Surprisingly, the liquid is clear, meaning you’re not bleeding. Meaning that this dripping want is coming solely from you. 
“What did you do to me?” You ask, and Jungkook’s eyes flash with worry as he moves closer, pulling your thighs open to inspect you. 
“I hurt you?” he asks, panicking as he misunderstands. “God, I’m sorry Y/N.”
“No, no, baby, not like that,” you say, and you feel his hands fall from you as he moves to look at your face. 
He scrunches his nose in confusion. “Then what–.”
“My pussy is tingling, and fuck look at me. I’m drenched.”
His eyes blow wide and he dips to look back down, his tongue darting out over his lip piercings as he takes in the liquid spilling out of you and onto the sheets underneath. 
“Shit. I don’t know. Maybe my venom does that? I don’t even see a cut on you from where I bit.”
He sits back on his legs and his hand finds his cock, squeezing the base as he flits between looking at you and in between your legs. 
You clench around nothing and a low, tortured moan escapes from his throat as he draws his hand up the base, wrist flicking to pump himself up and down in slow, delicious tugs.
“Y/N,” he says, and the way he says your name is dripping with need. You feel his eyes burn into every inch of you as he touches himself, causing you to mimic the fluidity of his strokes as you rub your clit. 
“Please,” you respond. 
“Cum for me again,” he demands but you shake your head. 
“Don’t want to like this,” you say. “Want your cock in me. You promised you would let me watch your cum spill out of your pretty pussy, remember?”
His nostrils flare, and Jungkook jolts, flipping you over on the bed so you rest on top of him, his hard cock smearing with your wetness as he rocks your hips against him. 
“We need to do something about that filthy mouth of yours,” he says, and you pant as you grind against him with broad movements, coating him with your juices. “The only time you haven’t said something bratty today was when my cock was down your throat.”
You moan, raising your hips off of his and taking his cock in hand. “You love it,” you say, and sink yourself down onto him in one solid motion, his thick length stretching and filling you to the brim. 
He hisses and you begin to bounce, using him to curb some of the ache in your core. 
He reaches up and wraps a hand around your throat, squeezing. You squeak, feeling him pull you off of his cock, and leaving you devastatingly empty. 
“Did I say you could fuck me?”
You whine and he scoffs. “Maybe you don’t deserve my cum after all. Disobeying me like this. I told you earlier I wondered where my good girl went, and I think I was right. Didn’t know I traded her in for a disrespectful bitch.”
You feel your stomach flip with excitement at the new term and you clench around him. 
He laughs. “Oh? You like that, hmm? Well, if I traded away my good girl, I better see how much of a whore her replacement is.” 
He lightens his grip on your neck and the oxygen floods back, making your fingertips and nipples prickle with the heightened sensation. 
“Well? Get to it, slut.” and he takes your hips, slamming you back down onto his cock with one single stroke. 
“FUCK,” you scream, and your hips buck, overstimulated as Jungkook doesn’t even give you the chance to have control, his hands clamping down on your sides as he fucks you onto him. 
“That’s it,” he rasps. “That’s it, take my cock like a good little slut.” 
You cry out, clamping your arms around him and pulling his face into your neck. 
“Jungkook,” you say, and he grunts in response, pounding into you with a rhythm so that when you come down, he pushes up, hitting you deeper with each thrust. 
“You like that, huh? Being like little fleshlight? Me using you like this to fuck all my cum into?”
You clench around him, slightly light headed from where he’s targeting you, trying to hit your g-spot dead on. 
It’s so good, so primal, and you know you’re almost there, but you need something more. 
“Please,” you whisper, shoving his head into your neck. “Bite me.” 
And that’s when you feel it, the tiny prick of his fangs as Jungkook pierces your skin and begins to feed. 
Sharp cold pressure is immediately replaced with a silky, scorching wave of pleasure as his venom delivers that addicting tingle through your neck.
Jungkook, too, seems to be affected, his cock twitches in you as the blood fills his body, somehow making him feel thicker and a little longer. 
“Oh,” you gasp as you feel the fingers of one of Jungkook’s hands reach down to your clit, rubbing it hard and fast. 
He detaches himself from your neck and laps up the excess blood before he holds you steady and adjusts your position, placing you on your back as he hovers above you. 
The cloudiness in his eyes is gone, the markings underneath have faded. He settles into slow, deep strokes, his eyes ghosting over your body. 
“I love you,” he says. Your heart swells. 
“I love you too,” you respond, and you look down at where the two of you are connected, your pussy making a vulgar squelching sound as he drags himself in and out, his cockhead glossy.
“More,” you beg. “Please I’m so close”. He obeys, picks up his pace. 
He bends over you, pulling a nipple into his mouth and releasing it with a pop. 
“Should I bite you here next?” he mumbles and you squirm in delight.
Each thrust is now jutting Jungkook right against your cervix, and you feel the wet mess of your pussy trying and failing to take more of his cock inside, relishing the warmth that now reaches every corner of you. 
As you flutter around him, the mounting tension drawing you closer to orgasm, Jungkook dips down again, this time laving over your nipple, plucking it between his teeth and delivering a soft bite.
This sends you over the edge, a stream of white hot pleasure rocketing through your core as you gasp on top of him, your pussy clamping down and trying desperately to take him with you. 
But Jungkook has better control than that, and instead of letting you rest, he sets a deadly, relentless pace, fucking you into overstimulation. 
“One more,” he breathes between thrusts.
“Hurts,” you pout, but he knows you. Knows your limit.
“One more. I know your messy little cunt can take more than this, baby.”
He spreads you wider, hooking your legs back so he's deeper in you than before, the wet slap of his balls against your pussy echoing through your bedroom as you are coated with your wetness. 
You groan and he keeps going, his fingers ghosting over your clit once but not staying. You huff in frustration. 
“Words,” Jungkook demands and you take a deep breath, trying to rack your brain for something other than moans. 
“Yeah,” is all you can manage, and with a dark laugh, he accepts it, placing his fingers back on your clit and finally, finally putting you back on track. 
“Fuck, you feel so good,” he utters, and this is how you know he’s getting close. The praise flowing from his mouth betrays his cold, dominating facade. “Such a warm, wet pussy. Just for me to fuck my cum into.” He pulls his bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on his lip rings.
You moan, matching his thrusts with your hips, slamming yourself together harder, deeper. “God, Jungkook, please.”
“You gonna be good for me this time?” His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat as he swallows. The tone of his voice is slightly higher, straining. “Gonna let me fill you up?”
“Yes,” you pant. “I need it.” His fingers circle faster, desperately working to make you cum before him. “Need to be full of your cum.”
You pull him into you, needing him closer, needing to feel the distance between your bodies to be smaller as you get closer. His fingers keep working, his thrusts hard and deep, hitting you exactly where you need it. 
“Right there. Fuck your pussy, Jungkook. Take what’s yours.”
His hips falter. You place your teeth onto his neck and bite. Hard.
“Fuck,” Jungkook moans and erupts, his cock twitching as he spurts load after load of warm cum into you, giving you the last bit you need to send you off one last time. Your pussy spasms, greedily taking in everything he gives you. 
“That’s it, baby,” he says, his voice shaky as he continues to anchor both of you to your bodies, to the sensation of being full and satisfied.
He kisses your temple, then your cheek, rocking his hips slowly against you as you come down, flushed and overwhelmed. 
You feel almost weightless, untethered to the joints in your arms and legs. If you weren’t being held by him right now, you might think you were out in space, floating around without gravity. In the haze of it all, you feel Jungkook shift you onto your side, his body still linked to yours as his erection deflates, cum leaking onto the bedding below you. 
You don’t care enough to do anything about it, instead clinging to his forearm, needing to feel him everywhere so you don’t disappear. 
“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” he says, and you’re confused by this, and then you realize you’re crying, wet tears stinging your cheeks as you shake against him. He runs his hands through your hair and down the length of your back softly. “I got you.”
You breathe a shaky breath as he wraps the blankets around the two of you, gently humming a song, sighing when he feels you wiggle your toes next to him and finally steady yourself. 
You look up at him and he’s smiling softly, his eyes warm and brown like they were when you first met him. 
“That was intense, huh?” he asks and you nod. 
“But really good,” you add and he beams. 
“Yeah,” he agrees. “I…”
He sits thoughtfully for a moment and you let him, trying to gain the courage to detach yourself and venture into the cold apartment to pee. 
“I wish we did that sooner. I mean, I guess I should ask how that was for you. For me to, you know, feed from you.”
You wince as you shift away from him, feeling him slip out of you as you leak onto the sheets. Your sticky, damp legs beg for a shower, but you ignore it. 
“I…it was a lot. But…but I liked it. The first bite, shit. You explained earlier how it felt when you first tasted my blood? About it being like how everything fired off in your body at once, right?” He nods. “It was like that for me, too.”
Jungkook smiles, pulling you in tightly against him.  
“Do you think we can do that more often?” you ask shyly, and he laughs. 
“Damn, once is all it takes for you to get addicted?”
You smack his arm. “Hey! No kink shaming! I didn’t judge you for wanting to go down on me during my period! While I was asleep!” 
He sputters. “I’m not kink shaming! But you sound like you’re judging me now for it! We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to I’m sorry but I was caught up in the moment and the bloodlust and I was–”
You choke out a laugh, kissing him on his bare chest. “I’m teasing you...it sounds kind of hot actually.” 
He hums in approval. 
“I think we still have a lot of stuff to talk about,” he says after a pause. You sigh. 
“Yeah. The great job reckoning is coming.” 
“Yes, and not just that. I do want to talk more about you…your body. The…infertility thing. I want to go with you to the appointment, I mean if that’s okay? Even if everything is fine, or that you don’t end up wanting kids or whatever, I just want to be there for you through any of it, okay?”
You bristle a bit, feeling yourself starting to cry again. But after the day you’ve had, the intense, passionate sex, all of the things you will still be dealing with in the morning, you let the release guide you as your tears fall. 
“Okay,” you say. You think about your conversations with Jungkook today, how he’s right. There are so many things you both don’t know about what you want or don’t want, about your own bodies. 
“Um,” you say, and you pull back from him, rubbing up and down his forearms. “I want you to know something, too. I know that being a vampire wasn’t really in your life plans, and that there’s a lot of unknowns about it too. Not just about fertility, but like, it would have probably been nice for you to know you had magical tingly, healing venom that turns you into a sex god.”
“Hey! Was I not a sex god without the venom?” He scoffs, pretending to be offended. 
You snort. “Okay fine, healing venom that turns you from a sex god to even more of a sex god. But you know what I mean. There are things that would be so helpful for you to know. To maybe take away some of the worry and those terrifying unknowns. And if you ever want to know, if you want to try to find your creator, I’ll support you in that choice. It would be hard, and maybe we wouldn’t find him, but I’m with you in this.” 
Jungkook takes your cheek in his hand, his warm thumb rubbing across the skin. 
“Thank you,” he says, and leans in to give you a soft kiss. 
The world outside plunges deeper into the night, and after you clean yourselves up and change the sheets, you lie closely against each other. So many things remain unknown, but one thing you’re sure of as you watch Jungkook sleep: you have time to figure it all out. 
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©2024 by jooniperbonsai
ending a/n:
Thank you again for reading! While doing research about blood donations for this story, I was reminded that there’s currently a national shortage for blood donors in the US, and it’s safe to assume that this isn’t unique to just us. Right now, with the ongoing genocide in Gaza, blood shortages are extreme, and with the stonewalling happening preventing aid to enter the strip and Rafah, supplies, including blood for life saving transfusions, cannot make it through. 
The Red Crescent/American Red Cross issued this statement in January:
“​​During emergencies, the American Red Cross will ship blood products outside of the U.S. following a specific request from the U. S. State Department for U.S. citizens overseas, at the request of the United Nations, or at the request of the affected Red Cross or Red Crescent society abroad. We have not received blood product requests for Israel or Gaza at this time.
For those interested in learning more about international humanitarian law and its vital role in protecting the innocent during armed conflict, please visit www.redcross.org/ihl. The American Red Cross has a duty to fulfill the Geneva Conventions’ purpose of reducing suffering during armed conflict. As part of our duty, the American Red Cross leads the effort to ensure Americans are informed of these laws and the humanitarian principles they reflect.”
While it’s not yet being asked for, I cannot recommend enough donating blood if you are eligible. There are many different qualifications for blood donations (if you’re not sure about your eligibility, please look at your Red Cross/Crescent website depending on your country). Your donation can help not just your local communities, but ultimately a population of people you might be unsure how to help. And if not, monetary donations are also accepted.
I’m not affiliated with this organization in any way, but I felt like it would be wrong to ignore this issue just in favor of a fun fanfic. 
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royposting · 1 month ago
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queen tell me about roy harper's hudson sweater <3
oh my god you do NOT understand how many thoughts i have about the hudson U sweater. i have. so many. you do not know what you are asking of me.
see, in order to understand why i go so insane about it, you have to first understand how it ties in together with where roy logically would be as a person during this time in the timeline - i literally have an entire google doc for a logical timeline for him that i made because DC does not keep track of him during his teenage years, and also do not know how heroin and heroin addiction actually works.
logically speaking, for him to be at the state he was during snowbirds dont cry (GL/GA #85-86) he would not have been on gear for only a month or whatever they claim in it. i dont have personal experience with heroin but i have been in that world and have 1. struggled myself in my youth with drug abuse and 2. been friends with plenty of sober addicts.
homeboy would have had to be on the stuff for at least a few months at that point in time. probably started with pills, like oxycodone or similar, then moved on to snorting or smoking H. people rarely go from nothing to shooting up in such a short amount of time, and we see him having withdrawals and shooting in snowbirds.
i typically place snowbirds, and roys addiction, later on in the TL than the bronze age canon. this for several reasons, mainly:
he would, again, have been on gear for some time prior to it. meaning: his friends would have noticed if he was still with the teen titans at this time.
i also typically put him as the youngest member of the OG TT - same birth year as dick, but born in november to dicks march. i typically put ollie leaving for his eat, pray, love roadtrip with hal at the year roy (&dick) would turn 18. dick goes to college, sometime during that fall the TT break up, donna dumps his sorry ass for the last time, and he is left alone with no real support system since ollie (whose relationship with roy is famously strained in bronze age comics) left him alone.
this is when he starts using, in my HC TL.
SO in detective comics #402, roy visits dick in college. by my TL, he would already be using opiates to some degree, here. theyre wearing coats - its probably cold out.
did dick give him the sweater because he felt cold? he would have lost weight if he was using. making him freeze.
more importantly:
snowbirds would be placed around spring the year after. after snowbirds, roy sets off on his own, to tour with his band, great frog (we see an example of this in action comics #436). from the rise of arsenal mini run, we know that roy continued using during this time, spiralling and spiralling until finally deciding enough is enough.
throughout this ENTIRE TIME, even when travelling and touring and using heroin, MY MAN KEPT THE SWEATER. he kept it. he keeps wearing it, casually, it being completely his. he KEPT IT. ???!!??????!!!!!!!
when did dick give him the sweater? was it when roy visited him at hudson U? was it when he came to sit by roys bedside during his detox (which we learn about in i believe NTT)? was it later? i dont know. i cannot be sure. but it makes sense to me that it would be when he visited him at hudson U.
meaning mr roy ”everything i have ever hold onto has claw marks in it” harper held onto that sweater SO HARD through EVERYTHING. and he wears it casually. this fucking beacon of his affection for dickie straight on his chest.
my man has packed up his life so many times and that sweater has stayed with him. it genuinely drives me insane.
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Person A, going through their bag: I can’t believe I don’t have a single clean needle! [takes out a half-eaten cheeseburger with a fried egg] Holy fuck! I guess I didn’t finish that burger after all.
Person C, weirded out: Have you even checked the needle cabinet?
Person A: We have a needle cabinet???
Person C:
Person C: I hate you guys so much. Person A, I helped you set it up! You got it from work, YOU taught me how important it was!
Person A: Yeah, well, congratulations, you’ve met my alter ego. And I’d really like to stay myself today so can you please just get me a clean needle?
Person C, rolling their eyes: [opens a drawer in a cabinet] Oh, fuck. We don’t have a single clean needle left. Person E, this is your fault!
Person E, finally coming out of a suitcase that’s been laying closed on the floor for months now because A never unpacks their bags: YOU GUYS COULDN’T HEAR ME SCREAMING FOR MY LIFE IN THERE?!
Person A, an alcoholic: [leaves an empty bottle of vodka on the crossroad a block away from their house while making their walk of shame at 7 AM]
Person A, to themselves: I wonder if Person C will notice I’m drunk.
Person B: Oh, so, you’re the reason Person D wouldn’t give me a ride today? Because they want to punish you?
Person A: Yeah.
Person B: Wow. Why won’t they just get a drink and chill, fucking Christ.
Person A: WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING!
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hearts4golbach · 10 months ago
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The Night Shift.
Chapter 5.
Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.
I woke up in the car to Johnnie lightly shaking me.
"y/n/n, wake up, sleepy head!" Jake teased from the back seat.
I hadn't slept off the alcohol. I was in the front seat, for some reason. I looked towards johnnie. "wait, do you even have your license?"
his eyes widened. "uh, no. but, we're here safe." he awkwardly smiled.
I shrugged. "okay."
Jake casually got out of the car. it was clear he didn't drink as much as I did. Johnnie helped me out of the car. I tried to find my footing, but it was a little difficult. He wrapped his arm around my waist. my face got hot. I knew he meant it in a friendly way, but I had never really received affection like this from anyone, and my friends didn't make me feel like this. I watched Jake haphazardly unlock the door, laughing at him.
"what are you laughing at, bitch? I just wanna go to sleep." He glanced back before shoving open the door.
I followed Johnnie to his room after we said goodnight to Jake. "where can I sleep?"
"you can take my bed, I'll sleep on the floor." he offered.
"no, this is your room. I'll sleep on the floor."
"but you're the guest, just take the damn bed." he laughed.
"whatever, hoe." I rolled my eyes.
his hand flew over his heart. "wow, is that really what you think of me?" he asked sarcastically.
"of course not." I pinched his cheek before flopping onto the bed. he pulled off my shoes for me, which caught me off guard. "I'm a big girl, I could've done that myself."
"I wanted to help." he shot me a soft smile before pulling a spare blanket out of his closet and throwing it on the floor. he reached into his drawer and pulled out a misfits shirt. he tossed it onto the bed. "so you don't have to sleep in your dress. you have shorts or something on under it, right."
"of course, I'm not a slut." I rolled my eyes. "thank you."
he nodded before turning away so I could change. I did so and got myself situated under the blankets. "sleep tight." I heard him call from the floor.
"night, you too." I whispered.
I laid staring at the ceiling for what felt like forever. There was no way I could sleep. everytime I closed my eyes, all I saw was his smile. it felt like I could still feel his arm wrapped around my waist. I smiled slightly, thinking about his laugh. fuck it.
"Johnnie?" I whispered.
he cleared his throat. "yeah?"
"will you lay with me?"
he hesitated.
was he angry?
did he think that was weird?
"i- yeah of course." he stuttered in a sleepy voice.
I watched his shadowy figure stand up and climb under the covers next to me. he turned to face me.
"are you okay?"
"this is the first time in my life I haven't felt truly alone." I admitted.
"what?" he asked.
"I've never felt like someone actually cared. I guess you're the first one."
"so, why did you want me to sleep up here?"
"you're stupid." I mumbled.
he didn't answer.
"I don't know how else to explain it."
"that's fine."
"it just felt empty up here." I laughed.
"I get that."
"do you want me to stop talking? you sound annoyed." I asked cautiously. I didn't know I'd act like this around people while I was drunk.
"don't. I like your voice, I feel like I'm always the one talking." I could see in the dimly lit room he had a small smile on his face.
"okay," I paused, remembering our conversation earlier. "Whenever I was in 8th grade, I was searching for anything I could that would change something in my life, it was so.."
"repetitive?"
"yeah. my friend asked me to hold her vape. she was scared of getting searched since she made the smoke sensor in the bathroom go off." I sighed. "against my better judgment, I went in there and hit it for myself. it was like my life had flipped upside down. I still remember my first buzz. from there, it just got worse." he made a sound, letting me know he was listening. "I was constantly feining. but, of course, I got used to it. everything it made me feel went away. I never got high. I snorted opiates, and ended up getting addicted to those my sophomore year.  I was constantly high my whole freshman year. yet, no one ever noticed me. I had no one."
"why did you quit?"
"I overdosed one night. I woke up in a pool of vomit. no one knew about that either. you're the first person I've ever told. I knew I had to stop before I killed myself. I kept reminding myself that life would move on and nothing could change that."
he didn't answer, just wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight. I nearly cried. I've felt countless hugs from family, but none felt genuine. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. he smelled faintly of cologne and cigarettes, which I assumed was from Jake. I eventually fell asleep, still wrapped in Johnnie's arms.
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anaxietyyy · 2 months ago
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A new friend of mine said she's gonna hook me up with some guy she knows who knows where to get dope, I'm so excited cause I haven't had actual dope in a WHILE cause my main dealers can't get it atm for some reason and I didn't really know anyone who knows where to get dope until now, so that's "good"! I'm so grateful we still have actual h over here in the Netherlands for now instead of that xylazine infested stuff or stuff cut to death with fent. Fent is available as well, but as a separate thing you actually have to look for, it's not cut into our dope with lethal doses like in America for as far as I know
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dizzydrugz · 1 year ago
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♡ Hydro lines ♡
I'm so buzzed right now, I smoked weed too.
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xpitypartyx · 6 months ago
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my withdrawals are nearly over but being sober makes me painfully suicidal, I want to slam my car into a cement wall💖
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thedarkonesposts · 1 year ago
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Dol drug headcanons (tw: addiction, drug usage, canon typical content)
I doubt anyone wanted this but I think about it a lot
Whitney: shockingly not a user, he rarely if ever does anything hard. Drinks and smokes but doesn’t do much harder than that. Might snort some coke at a party or social event but otherwise doesn’t venture into drug usage. (Personal headcanon is because it runs in the family and he wants total control of his life)
Kylar: will snort, inject, and take anything he can get his hands on. Probably just stays in his room doing drugs alone. Hardly sleeps, often does stimulants so he can stay up watching his monitors or drawing. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love opiates and other classes though- he’ll do anything as long as he doesn’t have to be sober. He’s probably quite reckless not caring what he mixes.
Sydney: wouldn’t do anything before being corrupted, fairly careful with drugs either way but post corruption Sydney would definitely do coke or other stimulants. It’s more of a rebellious thing than a dependency and he has no issue with self control with it. Honestly think he’d enjoy the feeling of snorting things making coke his drug of choice.
Robin: will not touch hard drugs with a ten foot pole. He smoked weed once and it gave him anxiety so he doesn’t bother.
Eden: doesn’t really see the point or the appeal. He’d probably only take opiates for pain relief only to end up being insanely horny. Definitely not a consistent user and finds it a little silly that others get dependent on it.
Avery: does drugs socially. Mostly coke and other party drugs just because the people around him do it. He doesn’t really care much for any of it but it can be fun and pass time so he definitely doesn’t shy away from it.
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lucajayms · 2 months ago
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fuckin' liar
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gerard way x reader she/her used use of y/n
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part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4
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masterlist
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warnings: drug use, angst, needles
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I exhaled as I felt the high take over me once more. The needle stayed in my arm for, how long after? No idea. All I know is I've gotten my fix for the moment. Since Black Parade was coming out next week, there was a party tonight to congratulate us on the new album put on by our record company. Since I don't drink and neither does Gee, I asked him to go get me a monster from the corner store. In reality, it was just so I could shoot up.
Day blurred together and I had no idea if I was losing myself or not. It started with secret THC edibles, and then opiates. The pills were my favorite I'd have to say. They scratched an itch I didn't know needed to be scratched in the first place.
That itch was impending doom. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with stage two leukemia, and since I've beaten it, I've always feared it to be lurking behind me. Drugs silence those fears. Am I a shitty person? Oh absolutely. I don't deserve Gerard. I'm a fucking hypocrite. But do I have any intentions to quit? Hell the fuck no. This was different. I wasn't snorting cocaine in the tourbus bathroom like I found Gee a few years ago, I just happened to go see my dealer when she was out of opiates. Her boss told me heroin had a similar effect. I tried it just to see what it would feel like, but it's never just trying it. Thank god I have money, otherwise I'd be in trouble with some dangerouse people.
The familiar sound of the front door rang through my ears, but I didn't comprehend it until it was too late.
Gerard stepped into the bedroom, holding the Monster in one hand, but he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me. His face paled, eyes wide with shock and disbelief as they locked onto the needle sitting next to me.
For a moment, neither of us said anything. The silence was suffocating, filled with a thousand unspoken words, a thousand shattered promises. I felt like my entire world was crumbling around me, but I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. I just stared at him, frozen in place.
Gerard’s expression twisted from shock to something darker—hurt, betrayal, anger. He dropped the Monster on the floor, the can rolling across the carpet as he turned away from me. My throat tightened, and for the first time in a long time, I felt truly terrified. I had never seen Gerard look at me like that before, like he didn’t even recognize me.
“Gee—” I started, my voice hoarse and trembling, but he cut me off.
“Don’t,” he snapped, his voice low and venomous. “Don’t say anything.”
I tried to sit up, reaching out for him. “I—”
Gerard spun around, his eyes blazing with anger. “What the hell are you doing, (Y/N)?” His voice cracked, a mixture of fury and pain. “After everything with your sister? With me? After everything we’ve been through? You’re doing this?”
“I’m sorry, I—” My voice faltered, the words sticking in my throat.
“Sorry?” Gerard laughed bitterly, running a hand through his white hair. “You’re sorry? Do you even understand what you’re doing to yourself? To us? You promised me, (Y/N). You promised me you were okay.”
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, but I couldn’t find the words to explain. I wasn’t okay, not even close, but how could I explain that? How could I tell him about the fear that gnawed at me every day, the anxiety that consumed my thoughts, the constant dread of the cancer coming back? How could I tell him that I felt like I was dying inside?
“I didn’t mean for it to get this bad,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “I just… I don’t know how to stop.”
Gerard stared at me, his face a mixture of hurt and frustration. “You don’t know how to stop? (Y/N), you have to stop. This isn’t something you can just mess around with. Do you know how dangerous this is? Do you know what you’re doing to yourself?”
I nodded, my tears falling freely now. “I know,” I sobbed. “I know, but I’m scared, Gee. I’m scared of the cancer coming back. I’m scared of everything.”
Gerard’s expression softened for a moment, his anger giving way to a deep sadness. He walked over to the bed, sitting down beside me, but he didn’t reach out to hold me. Instead, he sat there in silence, his head in his hands.
“I don’t know what to say,” he muttered after a long pause. “I don’t know how to fix this.”
I reached out, my fingers brushing against his arm, but he pulled away. The gesture stung, and my heart broke a little more.
“I can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself,” Gerard said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. “And right now, I don’t even know if I can be around you. I can't talk to you because you're a fucking liar. You lied to me, to our friends and family. I'm so upset with you, (Y/N), it's not even fuckin' funny."
I was speechless. I am a liar. I am a bad person. I ruined my trust with the man I love, and I would probably never get it back. Tears began swelling in my eyes as Gerard grabbed a towel from the bathroom to clean up my needle and spoon. He gently lifted the needle with the towel before speaking, "Don't cry and ruin your makeup, we still have a party to go to." He said coldly. "But after this party, I'm staying with Mikey for a bit. I don't know if I can be around you."
Fair. Though I think the heroin is messing with my perception, because he seems way less angry than he should be. He's right, this is bad for his sobriety, having over a year, almost two clean and sober.
"Okay." Was all I could mutter. I couldn't think straight because of the drugs, but also because of how upset I was and how stupid I was for getting caught.
"Is that what you're wearing?" He asks, his voice sounding echoed. Oh, I was still in my jeans from our shopping trip earlier. I shake my head slowly, still focused on the peeling paint just left of the socket that the TV is plugged into. "Then get dressed, we're leaving in ten." He says, coldly. I push myself off of the bed and entire my closet, not looking at him in the eye. As I look for a dress to wear, I hear the toilet flush.
Fuck.
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junipercastor · 11 months ago
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avg r/drugs
👤 im 13 should i go to the hospital for accidentally snorting cinnamon?
3 ⏏ 16 🗨️
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👤 hey i tried to kill myself off benadryl and zoloft a year ago but everything is ok now im smiling and i love to laugh
30 ⏏ 5 🗨️
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👤 I stole crack cocaine from my Grandma and I don't feel bad about it.
1.2k ⏏ 300 🗨️
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👤 Sober and My dick stopped working ):
1 ⏏ 2 🗨️
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👤 just did KET and saw FRUTIGER AERO. Now my art is changed forever. *link to instagram full of pictures of vegeta traced from the internet*
2 ⏏ 0 🗨️
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👤Can i keep combining opiates and alcohol if I got a heartattacks yess or no?
7 ⏏ 3 🗨️
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reasonablerodents · 11 months ago
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The Smiths Prompt: "And he said that he’d never, never do it again/And of course he won’t, not until the next time." - reid/ethan
When I made this list then I was reaaaaallly thinking about this prompt lmaoo, you know me so well. My favourite tortured couple!!!
As usual, prompts are open, but it really depends on when I get the inspiration, so don’t worry if it takes a while! I’ll get a lightbulb moment soon enough <3
Not Until The Next Time (M)
Spencer Reid/Ethan, Spencer Reid/Aaron Hotchner, Angst, Unhealthy Relationships, Lies
CW: Alcohol, drug use.
They don’t cuddle after sex, but Ethan lights a cigarette. The smoke will stick to Spencer even when he leaves, so even if he could forget what just happened, he won’t.
“This is the last time,” Spencer says as he stands up and gets redressed. He thinks that he might be telling the truth. Perhaps.
“That’s what you always say, I’m not gonna believe you this time.”
“I have someone now.”
Another drag, a raised eyebrow. “What, you got yourself a boyfriend?”
“Not yet. It’s early days, there’s no label on it. We said we’d talk about it soon.”
“And you still came here knowing that?” Ethan snorts, flicking ash into an empty beer can. “Yeah, that relationship is gonna last.”
Spencer finds his shoes and laces them up carefully, vision swimming only slightly now through his opiate haze. “It isn’t a relationship yet, there’s been no talks of exclusivity. But I meant what I said, this is the last time.”
“Who is he, then? I’m assuming it’s a he.”
“Aaron Hotchner.”
Ethan laughs as he reaches for a half-finished can on the bedside table and takes a long swig. “God, your boss? Always had a bit of a thing for older men, didn’t you? Sure, that’s gonna be fun for a bit, until you find out how dull he is and he realises what a mess you are.”
“He’s not dull,” Spencer protests. He doesn’t argue the second part of the statement, though. He’s high in a squalid motel room with a man he shamefully sleeps with, there’s no room to refuse it. Ethan wouldn’t believe him, and neither would he.
“Sure he isn’t,” Ethan drawls, watching Spencer gather up his things. Keys, wallet, needles, vials. “And you’re not a mess, are you, baby?”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Sorry, I’ll save that for Aaron to use. Seeing as you’re going to be a taken man soon enough. It’s gonna be more fun that way, I reckon. We’ve got drugs, we’ve got drink- why not add another taboo to this?”
“It’s the last time.” Spencer mutters again as he heads for the door. “And throw your trash away before you leave, I’ve been charged cleaning fees enough times because of you.”
Ethan crushes the can he’s just finished and throws it on the floor with a pointed look at Spencer. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll pay for the room next time, alright? Until next time, then- I’ll see you soon enough.”
“You won’t.”
They both know he will.
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jordie-gvf · 2 years ago
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can you do an angsty blurb with jake or josh? i’m upset and feeling like i wanna break my heart with angsty stuff. any idea you want! if ur still doing blurbs!:)
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jake blurb #4
this blurb mentions a drug addiction. if you are seeking medical attention, please call the substance abuse and mental health services administration at1-800-662-4357 and get the help you need today. it is never too late.
warnings : drug addiction, mentions of a past drug addiction, language, angst
word count : 487
i am in no way, shape, or form trying to say that jake had a drug addiction. this is fiction.
When you and Jake started dating, he had been a true rockstar. There was one night after a show, where he did coke off of your asscheek. He drank, smoked, snorted, shot, swallowed anything that was a hallucinogen.
You had been the one to convince him to stop, you had lost both parents to drug addiction. He listened to you and you helped him get clean. 
Recently, Jake had seen bouts of $50 being withdrawn from your shared bank account. He had mentioned it to you, but you said you had no idea where it had gone.
You had been taking the money out, but what he didn’t know wouldn't hurt him. Everyday on your lunch break, you had been buying opiates. Both of your parents had done it, you figured it ran in the family. 
He had his suspicions about where the money was going, but decided not to say anything about it. 
Tonight, the two of you had gone out to dinner. When you got home, you remembered that you left your wallet in the center console. You hadn't remembered that that's where you put the pills. He came back inside, wallet in his right hand, pills in the left.
“What the fuck is this?” he questioned, ire in his voice.
“Where did you get those? Give them to me.” you said, and walked towards him. You tried to take the pills out of his hand and he held his hand up above your reach. 
“Jake, Im not fucking around. Give them to me.” 
“When did you start? Didn't we decide to get clean together? How long?” he prodded. At this point, you were trying to climb him like a tree.
“Not long.” 
“How long?”
“3 months.”
“3 fucking months? Jesus fucking Christ. What the hell is wrong with you?” 
He walked into the bathroom, shut the door, and locked it. You started sobbing and banged on the door. You screamed through the door, “Open the door! Open the door Jake! You did this to me!”
You heard the toilet flush and you cried harder. He opened the door and held you in his arms. “What did you do?!” you asked him, already knowing the answer. You pushed away from him and said “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you Jake!”
He released his hold and let you go upstairs by yourself. You locked the bedroom door and sat in the corner, knees up to your chest.
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You woke up from the feeling of Jake scooping you in his arms. “Hey baby,” he said to you, sincerely. “Jake, I'm so sorry. I don't hate you. I never hated you,” you said and cried in his arms. He sat you down on the bed and moved your hair out of your face. “Hey, shh. I know you didn't mean it.” he said and pulled you closer to him. 
“Let's get you some breakfast, yeah?”
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