#slightly nsfw?

[rilkeantulip]

recently rewatched deathnote *_*

[l0ve-lett3r-4-u-txt]

Cant talk rn I’m having sex (taking apart a laptop)

[theredstargalaxy]

It's all fun and games until a system mate comes to Co-con while you're showering.

He wolf whistled at me and called me a "Tumblr sexyman"...

Goddamn it, Toya. /aff

[flowerdivinity]

found him under my tree, its a christmas miracle 😍

[overwhelmed-cactus]

Tower-off recap

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Thinking about Ace Miguel. Thinking about sex-repulsed Ace Miguel.

Ace4Ace Miguel. Miguel who avoids sex at all costs unless it's 1) with his longtime partner 2) with the intent to concieve and 3) planned in advance.

Like ALL THREE must be true or else he's like 'Absolutely not. Do not ask me again.'

Like Miguel's wife Inca-Spider Moche is only 4'11 and people (mainly Peter) like to poke fun and make jokes about the size difference like 'Ha I'd hate to be her back on a Friday night' as if they're going at it like animals when in reality it's like

'My dearest husband, would you like to engage in coitus during our 30 minute lunch break on Thursday two days from now?'

'Lyla what's my schedule look like for Thursday?'

'Uhhh... Clear?'

'Good. Put us down for Thursday at 12:00'

'... And what am I supposed to list this under?'

'Sex.'

Then after their romp that lasts less than 15 minutes they spend the rest of the week bent over two dozen pregnancy tests and if it comes up negative they're like 'Fuck!!! We have to do the thing again 😐😩'

Jess and Peter are like 'What do you mean have to?? You're married!!'

Leave it to Miguel and Moche to suck the fun outta sex - instead they crochet together. And go to salsa lessons. And watch the Great British Bake Off while doing face masks.

Sex with your wife? Messy! Time consuming! Sweaty!

Bowling with your wife? Fun! Competitive! No clean up! What's not to love!!!!

It's a good thing everytime they do conceive they end up with twins or triplets. Miguel asked for 1, they ended up with 8.

[life-as-a-gamergirl]

Lord!Jaskier and Commander!Geralt AU part 2

You can find the first part here.

A good morning

Geralt: *knocking once and coming into the young lord's room at the previusly agreed hour ready to scort Jaskier in the castle to attend his duties* "My lord, I'm here to…"

Jaskier: *standing in a sexy pose, which is completely by chance and not planned at all, in the middle of the room,only in his underwear, which is casually the pair that makes his ass look better* "Oh, I'm sorry, my dear. Is it time to go down already? I must have lost myself looking at the view. Isn't it lovely?" *turns his head towards the window, showing off his neck and arching his back a bit more.*

Geralt: *face completely neutral, keeping his eyes respectfully above the young lord's neck.* "I'll wait for my lord outside" *does a small bow keeping his eyes locked with Jaskier's, turns around and leaves.*

Jaskier: oh you're a hard one, uh? Even more fun. Let's see how long you can resist my charm.  

*Horny evil bard-lord cackling noises.*

Meanwhile outside his room

Geralt *as red as a tomato* what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck.

[dandelionflowery]

discussions with friends (possibly nsfw) (not word for word)

Whimsy: I wanna flirt with [someone] but i don't have the balls

Me: well grow a pair

Anthony: I thought you meant like gardening lol

Me: Hey that kinda goes with the other mental image I gave you today

Whimsy: ?

Anthony: Which one

Me: Picture Albus Dumbledore

Anthony: OH I REMEMBER

Me: Now picture a sundress

Anthony: FUCK YOU FOR REMINDING ME

Me: Now combine them

Me: Oh i am 100% going to write a fic about this

Whimsy: He's frolicking

Whimsy:

Anthony: DUMBLEDORE FROLICKING IN A PINK SUNDRESS IS A MENTAL HEALTH PEAK????

Whimsy: he looks so happy

Me: Question

Me: Is that a wand, a broom or a bong in his hand?

Whimsy: a wand...

Whimsy: I vaguely remembered his wand has like balls or something

Whimsy: Another great mental image

Anthony: Yeah, the elder wand has weird balls

Me: Ok so we have canon proof wands are used inappropriately, cool

Me: How are we expected to write fics where they're mature about wands when the headmaster has the dildoiest wand

Anthony: Thank you for bringing this adjective into my life

Me: My pleasure

Me: ...and dumbledore's too

Whimsy: EW

Me: hehe

Whimsy: Now THAT i didn't want to imagine

Me: Think of poor Anthony who has me constantly (technically we're all IRL friends but I spam Anthony with weird stuff all the time + Whimsy is far more often sick/absent than Anthony and me)

Anthony: DANDELION I HATE YOU

[Whimsy sent an unrelated pic of a hot lesbian with wings from Webtoon]

Me: Ooo nice, wings are hard

Whimsy: Know what else is hard?

Me: Dumbledore

Anthony (replying to Whimsy): OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

Whimsy: I was going to say homework but good answer, I applaud it

Anthony (replying to me): NO BUT SERIOUSLY

@gendergay-anthony @wh1msy-wav apologies for the trauma :)

Anyways please appreciate the mental image of Dumbledore in a dress (that was bc i mistyped "desk" btw lol) and his dildo-wand

[vnknowcrow]

How it feels being into craig boone

[princess-ibri]

How could anyone have sex with Cruella?

1. Before the cigarettes all kicked in at once she used to look like this:

And 2:

And 3: Dude there are people IRL thirsting over like, every Disney Villain, there's gonna be people in Cruella's version of Our World who are gonna be just as willing

[breadandbloodybutter]

Have you ever noticed the sound that an apple makes?

When you sink your teeth into it's soft flesh, leaving the evidence of your mark, the indentations against delicate, fragile skin. Just as you could be ruthless enough to hear the crunch from the workings of the jaw, like bones breaking beneath one's might.

How delicious would your juices be that drip down the chin, or between my fingers, that I might taste it from each one. Apples can be sweet, tart, baked into another form. Moldable, breakable! So many, many uses, oh apple of my eye.

Watching the green bloom into red, tending to your growth until you are ready; ripe enough for the plucking. For when I hold you in my hands, whether it be the delicate or the jaws - you will be devoured, you will be savoured! For what other purpose have you ever fallen from your branches for?

My sweet, sweet, delicacy; I will bring out the very best of you to dine on, right down to the core that I will thoroughly enjoy worming my way through until you wither and rot.

[l0ve-lett3r-4-u-txt]

This is what I’ll do if I ever get my paws on him

[flowerdivinity]

this guy showed up like this in my bedroom last night and said hes the general of the loufu and would like "a sparring session" should i go for it????

[thornedraven]

anchor up to me, love

[sian-is-really-rather-gay]

I’d watch it

[fried-milk-bun]