#since that takes a lot of mental energy

[ressioo]

Yes im posting about commissions again, sue me lmao. Dont have an official post for em yet anyway

But yeah! Trying to get money for a tablet to draw in bed with, hopefully. And maybe to spoil the pets. So, commissions. Decided that doing them wasn't the worst, so i've opened up more options that aren't locked to slugcats. Headshots and fullbodies. Not completely sure about fullbody prices just yet, i might raise em if i feel its warranted. Shall be seen

But yeah gimmie your guys to draw. Especially good at murder cats (thank you warrior cats phase)

I can make your cats into little fuckin creatures like this. Its my favourite activity. Mine and sponty's cats btw

Ive actually got quite a few doodles of em, i should share em more

[thebramblewood]

Settle in, folks. It's time for a little story.

Previous / Next

Helena: Do you ever sleep?

Caleb: [distractedly] Rarely. It’s the benefit of an all-plasma diet. Hunting expends more energy than anything else.

Helena: Is that why Lilith always threatens to rip our heads off if we interrupt her beauty sleep?

Caleb: Oh, she barely needs a reason to make threats. What’s keeping you awake?

Helena: Why didn’t you stop me from feeding on that man. You could’ve gotten in my head and told me not to.

Caleb: I can’t be your conscience, Helena. That sort of willpower has to come from within.

Helena: [mutters dejectedly] You say that like it’s easy.

Caleb: Of course it isn’t easy. But it is possible.

Helena: I nearly killed him. She wanted me to go all the way and I almost did.

Caleb: You restrained yourself in the end.

Helena: Only to sit back and watch her finish the job!

Caleb: You’re hardly alone in that regard.

Helena: She tried to push you too?

Caleb: [meditatively] There’s no such thing as a good vampire. You’ll make mistakes, which is why you shouldn't strive to be perfect, just better. The point of no return is to stop believing you can be better.

Helena: I need to understand her — and why you stay with her. Caleb, where did all this begin? I tried to ask how she became a vampire, but she only told me to talk to you.

Caleb: [cagily] I’m not sure it’s my story to tell.

Helena: But she never will, and doesn’t it involve you as much as her?

Caleb: [after a moment’s silence] Focus on my thoughts.

Helena: I’m still not very good at this.

Caleb: Come closer. Physical touch strengthens the bond. Relax, Helena. Close your eyes. Let me show you.

[puppyeared]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[jils-things]

by the lighthouse.

dividers

[blueberryspyder]

I know my blog doesn’t have like, any followers, but I wanna make it clear that transmisogynists are not welcome here. I also know for a fact I have some people I need to unfollow for being transmisogynists. The last few months I’ve been very, very confused by wtf “transandrophobia” was, and I had only ever seen the “good” side of it, and never the side of it being used to actively hurt trans women. I’ll admit I’m still confused on certain things, but I’m not above admitting that I might be wrong and I’m willing to learn, so thank you for your patience.

To any trans women/trans fems who follow me: I support you, and I want you to feel safe here.

Edit: I’m retracting the bit about transandrophobia, since some of y’all have been really kind (genuinely) and helped explain the theory to me (as well as the antisemitism behind the “truther” term, which I apologize for).

To any fellow trans men/trans mascs that follow me: I want you to ALSO feel safe here. Even if my original message came from a good place, it was still worded poorly and painted us in a bad light. I won’t delete this post cause I don’t want to hide from my misconceptions and help others like me who are confused, and because I want to stand behind the message that transphobia of any kind is NOT welcome here. Thank you 😊

[zipstidbits]

hi!!! i know i've been a little absent so i wanted to pop in and say that i've been taking a bit of a break and will probably continue that break until the second week of june. i'm hoping to come back then :)

[per-the-jellicle-magician]

I wanna draw so bad but in the grand competition for my energy drawing keeps losing to the long reigning champion: crocheting

[kindahoping4forever]

I miss your fics. I hope you’re doing well tho

I appreciate this, thank you 🥹

For the record, I miss my fics too! This unofficial hiatus has been out of necessity rather than choice, and I can honestly say there hasn't been a day where I don't fantasize about A Grand Return. 💙

[mars-ipan]

Ya got any rants stored up? Long-burning hatred?

i FINALLY found one i’ve been holding onto this ask waiting for the opportunity.

i HATE how people treat people with anxiety disorders. it’s endless pity mixed with complete incompassion

like ok. obligatory i have generalized anxiety disorder here. a lot of things make me stressed and when i’m having bad anxiety attacks (which can last days and sometimes put me into month-long spells of misery) i get physically sick, to the point of throwing up and fever. i also tend to go nonverbal/low-verbal during these periods of time (usually bc i’m nauseous.) i’m also very prone to migraines and have a tic and wear a night guard due to jaw clenching etc etc you get the point it affects me.

when i share these symptoms with people (assuming they don’t have similar symptoms) i get a lot of frowny faces. “owh i’m sorry :( that must be awful how horrible“ and the like. and it’s never said in a way that’s actually kind. it’s said in the way people talk about those aspca commercials. and it’s never actually come from a place of genuine concern- it’s superficial pity apparently meant to placate me. i hate it

and that’s assuming i even get that reaction at all! usually when i try to explain to someone that i’m experiencing symptoms of some sort like “hey i’m sorry i can’t really be productive right now, i’ve got a lot of brain fog” i am ALWAYS dismissed. EVERY time. maybe it’s because i’m quite skilled at coping and masking. maybe it’s because my panic attacks don’t (always) look like wailing and thrashing and choking on air. but for some reason people don’t seem to understand that yes my anxiety disorder is actually disabling for me sometimes. i will ask for an accommodation i need, be compared to someone else with different needs from me, and then be told i need to just suck it up and deal with it. and i am SO! TIRED! OF! IT!!!! the amount of times i’ve told people “hey please don’t say that to me i’m prone to paranoia about xyz” and then been yelled at because “it’s not that serious take a joke” is ABSURD. hey maybe stop telling me my cough is covid bc now i have to spend the next 3 hours reminding myself that i don’t have any other symptoms asshole!!! jesus

and THEN when i actually DO find a way to cope or utilize the way my brain works or god forbid crack a fucking joke about it people get mad at me. “see i knew it wasn’t a big deal” or “so you’re actually fine” or “that’s not funny” i am. so tired of it

and then i go online and see people saying that disorders like anxiety and depression have been destigmatized and we’re treated basically the same in neurotypical society. motherfucker i did not go undiagnosed for 17 years with several doctors telling me it “wasn’t anything to worry about” despite my family history and clear signs from a young age just to be told my disorder is respected. if i say my anxiety is a disability i get called dramatic and am told to stop taking attention away from people who need it- or not to call it a disability because “it’s not that bad” and i’m fine because clearly having a disability makes every second of your life miserable of course of course. hell anxiety is demonized too! not as badly as many other illnesses but it’s still demonized!!! if i tell people “hey i have anxiety so please be careful with xyz” they act like i just asked them to let me do anything i want without consequence. there’s literally a whole fucking stereotype of people using “anxiety” as an excuse to be lazy or an asshole or entitled. as someone whose anxiety manifests in depressive spirals (freeze response) and rejection sensitivity (doom spiraling) this is Not Great!!!!! like i am hypervigilant about enough things i do not need to add “will these people get mad if i explain how my brain works” to the list

and about the rejection sensitivity. i HATEEEEE when people judge me for crying because they’re upset at something i’ve done wrong. “mars if you’re in the wrong then you’re not the victim” who the fuck said i think i’m the victim???? i cry because my brain takes “can you pls stop doing this it genuinely bugs me” and turns it into “you’re a horrible person how could you do this to someone they hate you.” but just because that happens doesn’t mean i’m not capable of rational thought!!! i KNOW realistically that my friends are good communicators and share that stuff because they like my company. i just need to cry about it as well. that doesn’t negate my logic or say i won’t actually try to improve myself. i’m just upset that i made the mistake. obviously i’m gonna fix it. that one REALLY pisses me off esp when i warn someone in advance that i do that. like calm the fuck down i’m not even pointing out that i’m crying rn this isn’t about me stop making it about me.

ANYWAYS. it’s really frustrating to deal with this shit from nts and then go to an online nd space for community and hear people talk about anxiety disorders like we don’t face ableism. just because it’s quieter doesn’t mean it isn’t there. that AND the “it’s barely an issue” girlie i was told i wasn’t disabled enough by doctors my whole damn life i am NOT about to start hearing it from you too. you can drown in the ocean or a swimming pool or a puddle. doesn’t fucking matter. the hypocrisy irritates me so bad

[kurthorton-moving]

many thoughts rushin thru my brain

[cluster-b-culture-is]

you never posted what i sent in about stigma and doctors and healing. it was kinda long but i feel rejected.

There are currently 110 asks in the ask box and I have (and have had for a little while) very little energy due to personal events in my life, which makes it difficult to draw up the spoons to manage the blog as I otherwise would. The queue is also (currently) at 8 posts per day and is 87 posts long as of right now. Some of those asks are from late December of 2022.

A lot of those asks are still there because they're in large paragraphs, which we struggle to read through and often save for later in favor of adding shorter asks which we can (more) easily read to the queue where possible to keep it running. (note this is not us saying to never send large paragraphs, this is us saying that the longer the ask, the longer it may take for us to be able to queue it up)

It's also possible that it was never received. There have been many occasions where an ask has reportedly been sent, but we never received it.

If an ask is sent but not posted, or if an ask was sent during late December or January and was never posted, there is a very high chance that it's not because we have anything personal against the ask/er or because we didn't like it; rather, the most likely reason is that we simply A) have not had the energy, B) weren't able to read it at the time it was sent because long paragraphs, or C) never received it in the first place because Tumblr is a webbed site.

[dadbots]

cold as shit & freezing my ass off in this winter (But at least we made it to December.)

[lucky-draws]

my god its ocie birthday in less than a month

[not-actually-human]

god i hate high school

[crybaby-bkg]

I know I should do some of my work for next week today since I have two papers and a quiz due but like. wow. I really don’t feel like doing shit :(

[charrfie]

am on desktop so pretend i'm sending you the flame emoji ok. let's talk spamton

HI BASIL your flame emoji is super awesome

But okay. Let's start with the obvious one being that the other addisons are actually related to spamton. That's really highly contested and I know nothing concerning their specific kind of dynamic is confirmed but admittedly yeah it does make me feel really weird seeing people ship them together. Though ig this isn't really an unpopular opinion considering the fandom is pretty much split with it?

On that note I also have to admit I REALLY don't like a lot of spamton ships (with canon characters that is- self shipping is great obviously, it's sweet). It's one of those things where I totally see pretty much all the most common pairings with him happening at some point in his past (like jevil, swatch, queen- admittedly all unhealthy in some way), but I would never see it as something that I would. Yknow. Intentionally ship. I'd rather just acknowledge it as a likely thing of spamton’s history. From everything I've seen, it feels like people need to mischaracterize spamton or the other character he's shipped with in order to actually ship them in a way that even slightly resembles a healthy and long lasting relationship. I mean at the end of the day I'm not going to stop anybody, do what makes you happy if it doesnt hurt anybody, but it's very interesting to see that mischaracterization happen once you're aware of it being so common.

Last one! I've been thinking about this one a lot lately but I honestly do not think that spamton is nearly as narcissistic as people make him out to be. Yeah sure he's shown to be super self centered and excessively self praising in the moment you see him in canon but I highly suspect it's a coping mechanism rather than anything else. In a world where no one loves you or wants anything to do with you, you're the only person who CAN show yourself that love. It comes from a desperate place. Now do I think big shot spamton is narcissistic as fuck???? UH. YEAH. DUH. He's blinded by fame and constantly praised by others, ofc he's going to behave like that. But I genuinely do believe that current spamton, when positioned in a better, more stable environment, would absolutely chill the fuck out and might even border on insecure. It's a part of his character I feel is often taken at face value rather than looking at the context that has cultivated that personality trait of his. However, even in a more stable environment, he's likely not to let that facade falter very often out of fear.