#enough to be enrolled and do some work but not so overwhelming
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many thoughts rushin thru my brain
#i am. im having uni thoughts#specifically drop out of uni thoughts#and i have these thoughts every year its true but usually at the end of the semester not the start#i am just. burned out from study i think#i have been in school of some form every semester since i was 5 years old that is Twenty Years of non stop schooling#and i am Tired#like i wanna drop out and work full time im enjoying my job a lot#but my doctor and gym membership are both thru school and so theyre free and so. if i stop. i have to start paying#which is doable if i work full time probably i just. its a lot and its a big deal#ive contacted the student advisors for an appointment and ill talk to my dad since hes the one that funded my studies#i wish i could just like. do One Class and not have it connected to a degree u know#enough to be enrolled and do some work but not so overwhelming#bc my current degree is one that i dont think can be done part time#so idk#its too late to withdraw and get my money back that deadline passed last week#its just very. im overwhelmed and i can not do 9h of uni on a Wednesday right after 3 days in a row of working#i could do another work day no problem but uni is a struggle bc it takes so much mental work#i don't know gang idk what imma do i will wait and see what the academic advisors say#in the mean time i have elected not to go to any of my wednesday classes i dont have the energy#i might go to my cinema studies class this afternoon i enjoy movie watching
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I'm not done torturing Timothy
Kid dies of overwork in the middle of his work hours as CEO of Wayne Enterprises
All the bats are busy everywhere else and while they are the first to know Tim was confirmed dead, said death was too public and it rapidly spreads all over Gotham, the internet and maybe spheres outside of them that the teen CEO is dead before he even turned 18
Questions at W.E. but the Waynes especially are being asked, and people want answers.
All anybody—to Gotham as a whole, to Young Justice, to the Justice League, and anyone else—can do now is live with the fallout of Tim's and Red Robin's death, and go from their
Inspired by those fics and AUs where Tim sacrifices his time, sleep, energy, sanity, happiness mental health & physical health, and general well-being for the Bats
Is fandom or canon ever really done with torturing Tim?
And great AU! Let's beef it up.
I couldn't find a definitive answer for how long it takes before someone dies due to overworking. The consensus is that 54 or more hours a week is considered over-working. One article said they studied what health conditions people received over a ten-year study.
So, let's start Tim off early.
In this AU, he skipped grades. So, even though he was intelligent enough to do so, this had a few effects.
The effects include poor socialization (and chances to be a kid/de-stress with peers), increased workload (more homework/more mental energy required in comparison to those his age), and he needed to study harder than his classmates to ensure he was keeping up.
His workload increased when he became Robin.
He was worried about Bruce, and his Robin activities/responsibilities took a lot of time. School is already usually around 35 hours, not including homework. In this AU, his parents also enrolled him in honors classes with the expectation that he maintains decent grades. Add on that his Robin needed to ensure Batman wasn't violent every night Batman went out? He was patrolling at least 5 nights a week.
The subsequent losses and grief were overwhelming and stressful
Not much needs to be said about this other than just another aspect added onto Tim's shoulders
Bruce dies
That's another loss, there's all of the stress with the Battle of the Cowl/losing Robin, he works without breaks or supports to find Bruce, and he assumes some control of WE. His missing spleen also lowers his immune system (which was already jeopardized by his stress and the permanent consequences of the Clench).
Tim continues to work as CEO in this AU while managing the Bats, Waynes, various hero society issues, and patrol ad Red Robin.
No wonder he collapses. I think the even more increase in work combined with his strenuous relationships with everyone (YJ is still trying to navigate Kon and Bart coming back to life with Tim and Cassie's fight) causes Tim to pile more and more onto his shoulders until he dies.
So, with all of these added together, Tim can die pretty quickly after obtaining the CEO position. I like to think that a combination of being sick, having an infection, lack of sleep, and stress took him out.
I hope Bruce burns to death in this one for not noticing, putting more pressure on Tim's shoulders, and being an ass :)
#dc comics#tim drake#dc universe#thank you for the ask!!!!#dc au#you can add more of tim's canon events to give him more stress while taking out his support systems
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Just something me and @breedtheseed wrote on Discord. Even have some art done by them as well! Smut. Lots of smut. Enjoy.
Lucifer x Adam x Lilith
Heaven, a government-paid underground lab, decided to make a genetically perfect human for espionage and assassination. If they were successful, then they would create a female. Or even better. A man that could do it all.
So Project Eden began. Experiment 1-A, or Adam, was grown from a small clump of cells. They experimented on that fetus until it could have both fully functional female and male parts. They messed around with the DNA to see what yielded the best results.
He grew in a test tube until he was a fully grown adult, 21 years of age. At this point, he was a 7-foot-tall slim man with both a reproductive system and a way to reproduce.
They trained him. Hard. Adam gained muscles, strength, and intelligence, and was able to adapt to any situation they threw at him. Adam knew how to seduce both men and women for information and how to kill a human in over a thousand different ways. They created him with hyperthymestic, perfect memory. They labeled him the perfect human. The only thing they needed to do was to test him in a human environment. He needed more human contact other than just the scientists who conversed with him.
He was too old for high school. But college was right up his alley. They decided to enroll him and see how he reacted to humans his age.
They prepared Adam the best they could.
Adam barely talked, he liked to think before he said anything, but this left him silent. He had read about college of course. To Adam, that was an otherworldly experience he wouldn't know about. To think he was going to the Hazbin College, not the most creative name, to learn stuff he already knew.
When they explained to him he needed to know how to converse with others his age more smoothly, Adam reluctantly agreed that it was vital for his purpose.
They wanted him to blend in but excel in his studies. They also wanted to see how well he could adapt without any prior knowledge of what was trendy or considered normal. Sometimes, you wouldn't get the privilege of knowing everything before and you would need to wing it.
This was Adam's chance to prove he could.
The first time Adam felt the sun on his face was enough to make him smile. He read about the sun. He had just never seen it.
He was given an apartment with everything he could ever need, school supplies, and groceries delivered to him every week.
Adam knew how to cook just fine so he wasn't worried.
He made sure he picked something that would interesting but not something off-putting and weird.
He decided to major in Biology.
His first day came faster than Adam was prepared for. He was still adjusting to the overwhelming pressure of being outside and even more now that should he try to do anything Heaven wouldn't like it was game over for Adam.
They implanted a chip in him when he was asleep. Adam didn't know where but they would know where he was 24/7. If he ever defected...tried to run away, then he wouldn't be having a head anymore.
Adam walked into the building he would be studying in for the next 2 years. He had already seen the maps so he knew where he was going.
Only, there seemed to be two people struggling. Two...very beautiful people. Adam likened them to works of art. They seemed lost. Perhaps this was his first test? How would he do in a situation like this?
He approached the two people, a female and male, and quietly asked. "Do you need some help?" They both turned and looked up, Adam was pretty tall, and smiled. "Sure! Do you know where room 3-E is? This place is a maze," the shorter male said. He looked about 5'9. Blonde coifed hair, crystal blue eyes, and a smirk that made Adam blush a bit.
The woman had long blonde hair and eyes that shimmered like violets. Her natural smirk made him shiver too.
"Yeah, I know the way." They end up following him.
Adam was quick to understand that they were already very popular and everyone loved them. They had already been to college last year and they were coming again for their second.
They threw the best parties and knew the best people. Everyone wanted to be them or have sex with them. Adam knew they were physically attractive but no one knew them on a personal level. Didn't you need a connection to be in a relationship? Or was he thinking about healthy relationships?
Adam shrugged to himself as he saw the two of them surrounded by people and laughing at some of their poorly made jokes.
Why were they laughing at that? Adam didn't understand it. Unless this was their way of blending in with the crowd.
Adam though keeping an eye on then would be useful. They could effortlessly fit into crowds and compel people to tell them things. He couldn't place why but he felt he had to know more about them.
He wasn't prepared for them to come to *him*. He was just eating lunch outside campus when he felt a strong arm hug his waist. Startled he looked down and saw Lucifer grinning up at him.
"Hi!"
Another grabbed his arm and Adam turned to see Lilith holding it.
"What are you doing out here?" He wasn't used to being touched. He didn't know what they were doing. It did feel...nice. He didn't know how to explain it any other way.
Back at Heaven people would ask him odd questions all the time. He gestured to his lunch and told them he was eating.
"Looks tasty," Lucifer said. It was okay. "We wanted to invite you to a party!" A party? Adam had never been to one. Oh, sure. He trained on what he was supposed to do in that kind of situation but had never experienced something so normal.
"Do you want to go?" Lilith asked, biting her lip a bit.
Did he? It would be a good experience and he would have another normal thing to write I'm his report to Heaven.
"Sure." They looked so happy that he accepted their invitation. "Here. Let me just write the address." Lilith took his hand and Adam watched fascinated as she wrote on his hand with a pen.
"There. It's tonight!"
The way Lucifer wrapped his arm around Adam gave him a much closer look at the shorter man's face. Adam could feel like he'd seen him before he was sent to the college or at least someone with a very similar face.
Adam shrugged it off. Adam remembered everything, so if he couldn't place Lucifer's face then he hadn't seen it.
Lucifer was holding the party at his place. It was large expensive house owned by his older brother who raised him since their parents died. Since his older brother was always away at his government job Lucifer started thinking of it as his place.
Adam did some research on what time was acceptable to arrive at a party. There was apparently something called being fashionably late.
He came when the party was in full swing.
"Adam!" Lucifer greeted with a bottle of alcohol in one hand.
Drinking that stuff lowered your body's rate to function properly.
Adam would *not* be drinking tonight. He brought a sealed plastic water bottle that he would pour into a red solo cup or something and pretend he was drinking.
Adam allowed himself to be dragged to a sofa where Lucifer sat him down. He was about to ask why when Lucifer plopped right on his lap. Adam froze, not expecting that of Lucifer. Lucifer smirked up at him and winked. Oh. Either Lucifer was the teasing type or he was flirting.
Adam didn’t know where the action was going to go, he didn’t want to ask just in case Lucifer would leave him. He didn’t dislike the action he was just rather confused about why it was happening
But when Lilith sat beside and slid a hand to his neck and gently squeezed....oh. Ooooohhhhh. That felt good.
Lilith smiled as she gently rubbed his neck and played with his hair. Adam melted I to the touch.
The scientists at Heaven never showed affection like this. He loved it.
No one was paying attention to them as Lucifer's hands found their way to his chest and massaged gently. Adam's eyes snapped open as a whimper left his mouth.
A goddamn whimper. He...he hadn't done that since Heaven tested his durability. But that was a whimper of pain. This...this felt good.
"Damn...I knew you had muscles but damn..." Lucifer muttered.
"Doesn't he look pretty? Such a pretty boy." Lilith murmured in his ear making him whine. Was...was this going too fast? It...he didn't know what to do.
When he felt buttons pop open from his shirt and stifled a moan when Lucifer's fingers found their way to his nipples. They pinched.
Adam did moan. It was quiet and breathy.
Adam heard Lucifer say, "Let's take this to a bedroom." He was guided away from the couch. Strong hands. Hands that squeezed and felt good.
Adam wasn't quite sure what they were doing, but he was good at following instructions. When he was gently pushed into a bed, he understood. They wanted sex. They taught him the basics at Heaven but he was a virgin.
Lucifer licked his neck while Lilith settled behind him.
"I just knew how innocent you'd be when I saw you." Lilith whispered huskily in his ear making Adam bite his lip. He was far from innocent in most things, but experiencing was different.
Lucifer chuckled and helped him out of his shirt. "Damn, you look perfect. You must have worked hard for these abs." He did. He worked for years through blood, sweat, and tears to get this body the way it was. But to hear it be appreciated by someone who wasn't for Heaven, made Adam blush and moan.
It sounded needy to his own ears. "Aw, he has a praise kink." Lilith cooed.
Praise kink? Adam blushed and squirmed a bit against their soft touches, Lucifer’s hands had returned to his chest.
“They’re so soft when you aren’t flexing,” Lucifer hummed as his fingers traced the man’s nipples once more.
"I wonder if I just—" A loud moan tumbled out as Lucifer pinched his nipples and twisted them. He felt his hips leave the bed, chasing something....something he didn't know, but his body was reacting to Lucifer's touch like fire to gasoline.
Lucifer blinked before smirking. Lilith chuckled into his neck.
“So sensitive,” Lilith hummed as she kissed Adams neck, Adam shivered and his hips made a small jerk. Adams lip trembled this was so different than what he trained for, he knew this could happen but it felt so different than what he imagined.
It felt good.
They pinched, caressed, and pulled on sensitive flesh. Adam was a moaning mess when he felt a warm mouth suck on his nipple.
"Let's see what other treasures you might have?" And Lilith slipped a hand into his pants and rubbed his ass.
By this point, he was pitching quite the tent and his vagina was pulsing and feeling so wet.
Lilith smirked as her fingers brushed over the ring of muscles, she had to do a small double take when her fingers dipped into Adams soaked pussy, the mans hips instinctively arched into her fingers.
Her eyes grew wide at the realization as she traced her fingers around Adams ass hole and pussy the small taint separating the two.
A squeak left Adam’s lips as he flet fingers brush his very sensitive vagina.
"Oh my god....do you have a pussy?" She asked shocked and very turned on by this.
Lucifer's head whipped up, surprised etching his features and it didn't take long for him to slip Adam’s pants off along with his underwear.
There, right below a proudly standing dick, was a drooling pussy. H-holy shit. He had heard of them. Hermaphrodites. Incredibly rare. And so very arousing...
Lucifer smirked up at Adam who was red-cheeked and breathing very heavily.
Lucifer’s mouth watered and he licked his lips as he gave Lilith a look, Lilith met the look with a knowing smirk as she pulled Adams's face to hers capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. Adam moaned
Adam had never been kissed before. This was so new and he was all to happy to let Lilith take the lead.
However, the kiss broke when Adam gasped and looked back to see Lucifer between his legs, when did Lucifer do that? Adam was barely able to soak in the view when Lilith pulled him back into the kiss and ravished his mouth, while curious fingers spread his weeping pussy.
Adam moaned, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. Fingers pushed gently, exploring new territory.
"I can't believe you have a pussy." Lucifer said. Pussy? Was...was that what people called vaginas? Why call it after a cat?
He lost his train of thought when Lilith forced her tongue inside his mouth, tasting everything.
They broke for air when Lucifer pushed more in.
"God, you look beautiful like this, your pussy spreading for me so easily."
"P-pussy? Do you mean vagina?" This causes them both to laugh leaving Adam feeling very embarrassed.
They chuckled and gave gentle kisses “so innocent,” Lucifer hummed as he scissored his fingers making Adam moan. “Would you prefer I call it your vagina or cunt?” Adam didn’t answer he felt embarrassed somehow.
“Aww it’s ok Adam don’t be shy,” Lilith glided his face back to hers “We just think it’s cute that’s all,” she kissed his lips but it was softer. Adam whined, he was cute?
He had never been called cute before. Deadly. Annoying. Perfect specimen. But never cute.
"Y-you think it's cute? I know it's not...normal." And that was the kicker, wasn't it? He would never be normal. Not really. He was essentially a test tube baby. He would never understand people simply because he wasn't made for it.
Lucifer and Lilith frowned as they looked at Adam, he was so red in the face he looked so beautiful.
Who the fuck would say he wasn’t normal?
“Adam you are so beautiful,” Lucifer said as he trailed kisses up Adams body, his hands rubbing circles on Adams hips.
“He’s right Adam you’re so perfect,” Lilith whispered as she peppered his neck with kisses, Adam moaned against the touches.
Adam squealed hard when he felt a mouth directly kiss his...pussy? Cunt? He didn't know what to call it anymore more but those soft kisses were driving his sensitive p-pussy wild.
Lilith chuckled and held him down with two hands while Lucifer smirked up at him.
"Have you ever been ate out before?"
Adam frowned, was he wanting to eat him? He shook his head. And Lucifer smiled as he swiped his tongue against Adam's folds, Adams's hips stuttered at the feeling he wanted more. Lilith smiled and kissed his cheek, “it’s going to feel really good,” she whispered.
Adam's legs wanted to close, but the feeling was too strong. But Lucifer’s hands kept Adams's shaky legs open
Lilith bit and sucked his neck, loving the little noises he made while the Lucifer's skillful tongue worked its magic.
Adam whimpered and whined. To Lucifer and Lilith, it was so hot to reduce someone as strong and capable looking as Adam was to a whimpering and moaning mess.
And to find out that Adam had a pussy and a dick? God, he truly was the best of both worlds.
Lucifer couldn’t get enough he wanted to be deep inside of Adam, he rolled his hips into the bed for some friction against his aching cock.
Lilith bit her lip, she wanted to see how much Adam could take. Maybe she could bring out her strap when Lucifer was done with him, or maybe she would teach Adam how to eat a woman out. She smirked at the idea as her hands found Adams soft muscular pecs. She hadn’t expected them to be soft as he played with them, watching how Adams hips tried to ride Lucifer’s face.
It was cute.
"Aw, are we getting desperate?" Lilith whispered with another kiss. Adam whimpered out the words, "I, ah! I need more!" Adam yelped when he felt *teeth* down there.
"What do you want Adam?"
"I-I don't know!" Adam cried desperately. "I just want more!" Lucifer snickered and sucked on his clit, knowing that it would drive Adam crazy and it did. Tears looked beautiful on Adam.
And Adam was so vocal, his moans were very much like music to the two ears. As Lucifer sucked the cute bud his fingers began to trace Adam's entrance as they dipped inside and began to thrust. Adam's eyes flew open and he gripped Lilith, his grip weak as his body grew hotter.
“That’s it Adam doesn’t it feel good,” Lilith said with a soft voice against his ear.
“Hot,” Adam whimpered into Lilith's neck as he got closer to climax.
He had read about it but never experienced it. Would this be his first orgasm?
Lucifer hummed, going a bit faster.
Lilith gently rubbed and pinched his sensitive chest while she licked his lips. "Cum for me Adam."
Adam did with a scream. He breathed heavily. As the two go out of bed. Was-was that sex? Were they done?
He gulped when he saw them strip. He forgot he was the only one naked. Both sported lithe muscles and by all accounts, he was the bigger and more muscled of the two, and yet he didn't mind them being in charge. Lilith and Lucifer smirked as they...stripped teased. Yes. He was taught this. If he needed to seduce someone, he would tease them provocatively and distract them.
But Lilith and Lucifer did so effortlessly. Soon, Lucifer was only in his boxers and Lilith in a lingerie set of purple.
"Adam, " Lucifer purred. "Will you help us strip?"
Adam got up on shaky legs, when he approached them Adam easily took off the woman’s bra to which Lucifer chuckled and showed Adam how to go slow. Adam followed Lucifer’s lead, slowly stripping Lilith of her lingerie.
“That’s it Adam, just a good boy,” Lucifer hummed.
Adam moaned at the praise. "Why don't we reward you?" Lilith climbed back into bed while Lucifer guided him until he was face-first into Lilith's breasts. They were, well, huge and Adam never realized how soft they would be.
Lilith chuckled and pressed his face closer, loving to see his embarrassed and flushed face in her bosom.
Lucifer bite his lip as he saw Adam's dick already hardening and pussy dripping again.
Adam moaned again when he felt Lucifer’s hands against his ass, feeling his pussy spreading the cool air against the heated flesh made him shiver.
"I can't wait to deflower you, baby boy," Lucifer growled as he sunk the tip in. Adam yelped and squirmed but Lilith held him in her surprisingly strong grip.
"That's it, baby. Doing so good. You're the best baby boy in the world."
There it was again. Baby boy. Why were they calling him that?
"Baby boy?" He moaned out while Lilith cooed at his fucked out face. Lucifer was going slow to give Adam some time to adjust to his enormous girth and size. She knew exactly how big Lucifer was and only someone who had experience could take him going wild animal on them.
Adam deserved it nice and slow. At least at first.
Lilith chuckled at his question. "Cute nickname, right?" Then she smirked mischievously. "Unless you prefer baby girl?"
Adam whimpered, he wasn’t a baby, he moaned when a particular thrust pushed him further into Lilith. It felt so big inside him, he whimpered and his training kicked in. He arched into the thrusts, and hugged Lilith for some kind of grounding as Lucifer rolled his hips into Adams sweet heat.
Lucifer’s view was amazing seeing how Adam’s pussy took him so well, he bit his lip looking at the tight ring of muscles above the entrance.
He wondered if Adam had a prostate. He’d have to do that another time.
Lilith was definitely going to be eaten out tonight. They found a treasure trove. A man with no hang-ups about sexuality or was judgemental about having a threesome. In fact, the only reason they were interested at first was because Adam looked and acted different from everyone else. He was an empty canvas and Lilith and Lucifer were going to be the artists. Plus, it helped that Adam was adorable. Who knew a seven-foot giant with muscles for days would be this subby in bed? He was the perfect sub.
Lucifer groaned when he finally bottomed out.
Adam whimpered against Liliths breasts, “Adam baby,” her soft voice called to him. “Will you make me feel good too~” Adam whimpered as the shifted putting Adams face right against Liliths soaked cunt, Adams mouth watered as he looked up at her for instructions.
“Go on Adam, give it a try,” Lucifer said from behind him. Adam hesitantly swiped his tongue against Lilith's soft folds making his insides clench around Lucifer’s cock.
"That's it. Why don't you go a bit deeper?" Lilith suggested with pink cheeks. Adam moved a bit closer and dragged his tongue across Lilith's pussy. She moaned and gripped his hair tightly, causing him to moan. He licked and sucked at her entrance, trying to bring up the diagram he was shown of the female anatomy. Hmm...there should be something called the clitoris somewhere...lick. "Ah! Yes! Right there!" Lilith screamed as Lucifer began moving again.
Adam tried desperately to make her feel good, he liked the way her moans made his insides twitch around Lucifer’s cock.
He sucked and licked trying to mimic what Lucifer did as much as possible, he moaned loud against her folds as Lucifer's thrusts began to grow faster.
Adam shoved his face deeper as Lucifer and Lilith moaned, reaching their own climax. Lilith gripped Adam's dick and rubbed it, causing him to squeal in overstimulation.
She bit her lip as he began crying again, giving her pussy little kitten licks.
Lucifer continued to roll his hips into Adam making sure to milk every last bit into the man as Adam reach overstimulated territory.
“So perfect,” Lucifer whispered as he ran a hand down Adams back.
“He really is,” Lilith agreed as she helped Adam cum, Lucifer bit his lip feeling how Adam's thrusts pushed Lucifer’s cock deeper into him.
Adam screamed the loudest when he came. Dick squirted cum onto Lilith's and his stomach while his pussy spasmed. He got a mouthful of Lilith's juice and he was quick to swallow it all.
"Baby girl is so good for us," Lilith said to Lucifer as they watched him whimper on her thigh, face covered in her orgasm.
"Aw, he's so cute like this. All fucked out and drooling." Lucifer pulled out gently and kissed Adam's back.
Adams legs gave out and his brain was fogged, was that sex were they going to leave him like this? Adam shivered when Lucifer fingered him cum back into Adams pussy.
“Such a good boy you are Adam,” Lucifer said as he helped Adam get more comfortable on the bed.
“Won’t you stay our baby girl Adam~” Lilith hummed as she and Lucifer looked down at his tired state.
"Mmmm....yesh." He slurred. He felt so protected right now and relaxed. He snuggled up and lied down on Lilith's plush breasts, yawning tiredly.
"Aw, so tired." Lucifer cooed as Adam fell asleep.
Everyone had trickled out, it was 2 am, and that meant they were alone. He came back and stripped out of his clothes before climbing into bed. He snuggled up to his girlfriend and possibly boyfriend.
"God, he's perfect. I can't believe we found him."
“Me too,” Lilith matched his excitement as they looked at their secret treasure. He was so perfect.
“We should clean him,” Lucifer said as he was about to get up.
“Nah I think he’s fine plus look how tired he is, we wouldn’t want to ruin his sleep,” Lucifer couldn’t disagree with her on that one. “Plus I read that hermaphrodites are mostly infertile,” she finished as she snuggled up to Adam, Lucifer shrugged and joined her.
Adam woke up to the sound of humming. He whimpered, God he was so *sore,* but still had his eyes closed. He was on something soft and warm. It felt like there were two warm...bodies next to him.
Opening his eyes, he noticed that Lilith and Lucifer were both asleep on top of him. They snuggled close to him, eager to soak in his warmth. He blushed when he realized they were all naked. It turned out the humming was just Lilith sleep-talking.
Adam blushed at them holding onto him. Especially since he was feeling his morning wood pop up along with Lucifer's which was poking his thigh.
He needed to get some water. He could tell he was dehydrated.
If you all liked this, there will be a part 2! Love you guys!
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how to survive a full course load in uni as a highly-sensitive person
wanted to try this kind of "advice" post / letter to past me as a premed student who also happens to be an HSP that sometimes struggles to regulate her emotions and is frequently overwhelmed by little things... this is a combo of things i'm glad i did in uni and what hindsight tells me i should've done... i hope that if any of this sounds relevant to you, whether you feel like you're an HSP or not, that you're able to take something useful away from it. and please feel free to reblog with your own tips/advice if you feel i missed something here! i'm just a sample size of 1.
part 1:
If you felt overwhelmed by your course load in high school, for the love of God, don't take the maximum (or “recommended”, which is the maximum at my uni) course load in your first year just to “graduate on time.” Take enough courses each semester that you feel the tingles of a challenge, but don't go overboard. You must feel the “tingles” so that you will be forced to find ways to adapt (i, at least, find it very diffcult to make myself get out of my comfort zone unless given no other option), but don't go to the extreme of taking on too much that you're silent screaming in panic more than you're getting things done. If you're not sure how many courses to enroll in, enroll in as many as you want, and if you find it too much, you can drop as many as you need to by the appropriate deadlines. Also, you may feel resistance to “lowering your standards” as you switch up your study methods to account for the much greater amount of material you need to cover, especially if you're an HSP who struggles with perfectionism, but just stick with it for a little while. You're so much more than a number or letter or percentage mark on an assignment or test, and you may find you're still able to consistently achieve all that you had wanted to in the academic realm. Perhaps you'll even find you're able to complete your work with greater calm and ease if you stick with it long enough. i say this as an hsp who still gets stressed by school but now has enough confidence to more easily calm myself down because i know i can still make it with imperfect study methods and because of that, i can do things with greater ease and apparently get on the dean's list not once but freakin’ twice during my degree?!?!?! i just got the email this week! and whaaaaaaa
If you followed tip #1, try slowly increasing the number of courses you take per semester. You're capable of more than you think. Life will throw you so many more curveballs and responsibilities as you get on, and the overwhelm may be demoralizing but you were meant to live. So, the earlier you train yourself to stop freaking out about each addition to your plate*, the easier it will be and the more confident in yourself you'll feel. In first year, I was overwhelmed with 3 courses per semester, and so in second year, I dropped to 2 and found it to be too little. In third year, I did 3 per semester and found it to be just right. Now, I'm doing 4 per semester and it's like first year all over again except I'm handling a fuller plate. And experimenting with taking 4 courses per semester and finding it's not the death sentence I thought it would be is giving me the confidence I need to take 5 courses per semester next year, my final year. ☺️ Ideally, I would've stuck with 3 in my second year and started on 4 in my third year, so I could even graduate sooner, but still, that's growth right there! And if some rando on the internet can do it, you can too! (* okay, you might not stop freaking out but you will be able to calm yourself down faster the more you practice, which is such a big ace for anyone, hsp or not!)
Please don't feel pressured to do all the social things immediately like joining all the clubs and societies and and high-energy social gatherings/parties. Please also don't feel guilty or blame yourself for not engaging in any or all of these, especially if you feel like you aren't living the “uni life” you want. You'll be here for what, 2, 3, or more years? That's a ton of time! Gradually add the extracurriculars as you feel ready (as in your academic life doesn't feel like a game of hot potato) and only as you feel so called to it that you're sure you're gonna regret it someday if you don't take the chance.
On a related note, don't feel like you have to do everything all at once. Some people take the maximum course load and somehow excel in a bunch of extracurricular activities at the same time while functioning on 5-7 hours of sleep. If that's not you, don't sweat it. Maybe you can adjust your schedule so that in one semester you focus more on academics and in the next, you focus more on the extracurriculars you need to feed your soul and boost your resumé.
SELF-CARE IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN (some) PEOPLE GIVE IT CREDIT FOR — DON'T YOU DARE DROP SELF-CARE IN FAVOR OF “PRODUCTIVITY.” (tbh i still struggle with this, BUT!) Ignore all the people who brag about how little sleep they got the night before the exam. Ignore all the people who brag about not having time to take care of their health in favor of completing another assignment or participating in some coveted extracurricular. Make an exercise plan for the kind of workout that rejuvenates you and follow through on it (except when too ill and tired...you'll know when you need to take a rest day, so listen to your body), whether it's yoga, dance, HIIT, slow pilates, weights, or whatever! And sleep a tonnnn. Sleep earlier than you feel you "should" (given that uni students seem to love to keep odd hours...and that habit may rub off on you as it did on me). Give yourself at least an hour to wind down from all the stimulants of the day (tbh sometimes i need 2 or more hours to finally feel relaxed enough after a long day)... don't subject yourself to the stimulant of your phone (if you happen to see this during your wind-down time, take this as your signal to GET THE FRICK OFF THE PHONE 😂). Take naps or just lie down and relax in bed as needed, especially if you feel you're fighting the flu or covid or whatnot. Take the time to have a nice, hot (or cold, depending on your personal preference 😅) shower or a simple, relaxing bath. Meditate when you need some quiet time, maybe try it in the dark if you feel you just really need to soothe your senses. Journal. Every. Day. At least for me, even if I feel my thoughts are mundane, somehow it helps keep me sane, especially when I have no one to talk to because everyone else around me is busy... (If even for one week I neglect basic self-care, I feel physically terrible which makes me feel mentally terrible and then I'm of no use to myself or anyone else! It isn't selfish or narcissistic and it definitely doesn't have to be expensive. Self-care really works wonders for stress levels and sustainable functioning, sometimes in really subtle ways.)
part 2: (did not know about tumblr's character limit for a single block. that's the only reason this second part exists otherwise it would all be in the same list lol)
When on the verge of panic-crying in defeat but you still need to push through or miss important deadlines, try studying to calming music/ambiences that are still stimulating enough to occupy the frazzled part of your brain that keeps you from functioning 😅 I suppose it's like a lullaby except for studying... 😅 One that worked for me last night was this one and a favorite since my high school days was this one. (What Elaine Aron said about water being really calming seems to be true for some reason and I have no idea why it works so well but it does so I'm rollin’ with it.)
Find small, low-effort creative outlets to release the restless energy that comes from creative needs neglected. Especially useful if you feel stuck in “left-brain” activities for most of the day and don't have much energy for your preferred creative outlets that ask more of you (also yes ik the whole left brain/right brain thing is a myth but idk how to concisely describe the bodily feeling bc it does feels like different parts of my brain are used for logical vs creative activities lol). I like to make wallpapers on Canva using the too many pics I download from the internet (istg I've probably changed my wallpaper at least once for every week since the start of term lol) and I guess I also make ugly comics when the mood strikes 😂
Take frequent, extended breaks from social media. This probably doesn't apply to only HSPs but I find that on the days I scroll a lot, create content for, or consume a lot of social media content in addition to all the things that go on in my real world, I get extra frazzled and tired. I think because of the depth of processing that comes with being HSP, we need to be extra mindful of where we put our energy and attention. Some of the mental health benefits I wasn't sure were true for me before I did a social media detox: at least for me, the peace and clarity of mind I get from it is unmatched! Imagine a world with less FOMO/toxic comparison, less guilt resulting from that, less of feeling like you're just very unaesthetic and dull irl, less guilt resulting from that, less time wasted, less guilt resulting from that. Less extraneous emotional clouding -> better judgment. Such a weight off just by hitting “sign out.”
Clean your workspace either before you study or after you study to have a clear mind. (Yeah, that's another a cliché but we HSPs tend to be more affected by our physical environments and we just gotta accept that and so keeping clean and, for me at least, minimalist, does wonders for my peace of mind 😊)
Don't be afraid to ask for help. You might feel like since you're a legal adult, you should be able to do everything by yourself all the time and not have to bother anyone. But the wise who have been legal adults for ages know that they can't do it all alone. So: do you need an extension on an assignment? Do you need help balancing your chores and schoolwork? Ask for help when you need it! It is not a sign of failure.
If you can, it might help to find yourself an inanimate study buddy 🧸 if you feel you need extra cozy/calming chemicals in your brain while you study 😅
Last but not least, if you have trouble regulating your emotions and fall into the pessimistic trap like I do sometimes, this may help:
If you would like a wallpaper version, here are two for different phone sizes lol:
#studyblr#studyspo#study motivation#study tips#study advice#uniblr#university life#college life#collegeblr#stemblr#premed#realistic studyblr#highly sensitive person#highly sensitive people#heydilli#astudentslifebuoy#light academia#light academia aesthetic#cozy academia#cottagecore academia#green academia#free wallpaper#mental health#slow living#self care
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This one is currently winning on my little motivation poll so here we go
SEPERATED LEO AU!!! (because we don't have enough of those already lol)
Link to original post
So, I wanna talk more about how they all refound each other (link to how they met here)
Just to recap, Big Mama has Mikey, Draxum has Raph, and Splinter has Donnie. Big Mama's in her Nexus Hotel, Draxum is in NYC with a cloaking broach, and Splinter's in the ever iconic sewers.
Big Mama is actually a very kind mother to Mikey! She loves her little baby, and especially loves how he has her beloved Lou's smile. She spoils him to death and lets them express himself however she'd like. (If you haven't picked up on it yet, Mikey is genderfluid in this au and generally presents as a feminine man) Mikey absolutely adores skirts and zip-up hoodies, and usually wears a very bright suit top with a big orange ball gown skirt to formal events that Big Mama matches at Mikey's whims (I cannot draw for the life of me so if anyone is willing to draw this for me I will work out some kind of trade with you if you'd like 🙏)
But yeah, Big Mama does not let her fight in the Nexus, and has even toned down the brutality of the Nexus due to Mikey's pleading. There aren't any more lethal fights and she rarely makes binding, lifelong contracts because it made her baby upset to see all the sad and scared people.
They are a very cute duo and both genuinely love each other very much
Then there's Draxum amd Raph! Draxum luckily snagged two cloaking broaches before his lab exploded and slapped them on both him and his 2 year old son before heading up to the surface. The two of them then got a apartment in the.....*shuddder*........human world. Draxum tries to hide them in mostly secret, only leaving the house for groceries and necessities, but eventually realizes that poor Raphie is very lonely.
This is made so much worse when he meets the little girl downstairs and wants so desperately to follow her to school after their playdates.........Draxum finally caves.
With the help of Mr. and Mrs. O'Neil, he enrolls Raphie in the same Kindergarden as April and lets him finally go to school after years of homeschooling. Raphie struggles with the transition a bit, but eventually he gets the hang of it and thrives! Draxum encourages him to join as many clubs as he can (without getting overwhelmed of course) and is his biggest fan.
Once Draxum is able to settle down, he's actually a huge soccer mom and goes to all of Raphie's events, he gets totally embarrassed sometimes. Draxum and the O'Neils are really good friends and try to have dinner at least once a week
But once again, a very happy family! They struggle to show it sometimes, but they truly love each other and only want what's best for each other
Then we have Donnie and Splinter! Splinter was mutated with the DNA from his pet rat that he picked up on his travels with Big Mama and Draxum to get the turtles, and he was only able to grab Donnie and retreat to the sewers before Draxum's while lab collapsed. He, along with the other two, belive his partners and other children to be dead, so he never goes searching for them. Instead, he raises his son in the sewers on his own, foraging for all that they need just like in canon.
However, their sewer home is PREEEEEEEETY nice, since Donnie doesn't really doesn't have anything better to do other than make their home as nice as possible. He's has all major appliances working since he was 6 and only makes improvements from there. He also has his little pet project, but Splinter doesn't know about that yet!!!!
Speaking of Splinter, he varies pretty dramatically from canon. He's a lot less depressed because he had a much better experience with the yokai world and doesn't feel nearly as ashamed to BE a yokai (or yokai-adjacent) and keeps himself in much better shape, helping him with the dysmorphia that he does have. Overall, Splinter's doing pretty well, and he's a pretty attentive parent overall!
He was able to access some of his funds from his Lou Jitsu days and pays for Donnie to go to online school, and by the time Donnie meets up with the rest of his family at 11, he's halfway through high school work and has plans to go on to college so that he can start building up his tech empire by the time he's 18
But yeah, yet again, a overall happy parent/child relationship!
(Then there's Leo. All the angst had to go somewhere, right???)
Moving on! Now, the adults all lived separately with each of their respective kid, but when Raphie was about 8, he got really sick. Like, really really sick. Draxum went to as many human doctors that he could trust, but none of them were able to figure out what was wrong with his baby. He finally musters up the courage to go down to the Hidden City, and finds out that Raphie has Mystic Overload Syndrome. While he's running around trying to find stuff to help his little boy (he's so affectionate guys), Raphie sneaks out! He starts running around the Hidden City unbroached, and he feels truly seen for the first time in his life.
While running around, he literally runs into another turtle yokai, one who's dressed in expensive orange clothes...........
This post got REALLY long, so stay tuned for more! Next post will probably be how Draxum and Big Mama finally met, and then how Splinter and Donnie come into play!
(Don't worry about Leo this isn't about him he's fine)
First // Previous // Next
(Also stay tuned for the name reveal of the AU!
#Separated AU#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#tmnt#raphael#rottmnt raph#rise raph#raph tmnt#donnie#splinter#master splinter#donatello#rottmnt leo#rottmnt mikey#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt Michelangelo#rise draxum#rottmnt draxum#baron draxum#barry draxum#draxum tmnt#rottmnt big mama#big mama#lou jitsu#baronjitsu#hamato yoshi#one jump ahead
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2023年8月31日
お久しぶりですね!Hello, I'm still here! My study log has been on a hiatus since the end of May, but I am here to regale you with tales of my Japanese studies. Why the hiatus? The usual suspects: Work, real life (including vacation!) and family had to take some precedence, but I am still here studying behind the scenes.
I feel refreshed from having had to put down my pencil and focus on other things for a while during the month of August, and so I feel rested and refreshed and I don't feel overwhelmed to come back to my studies. I don't feel like I have to catch up or like I haven't been doing enough during my time off. Rather, I feel very excited to get back into my regular study routine.
お久しぶりですね!まだここにいますよ!日本語の勉強日記が五月の終わりからお久しぶりですね!まだここにいますよ!日本語の勉強日記が五月の終わりから休暇中でしたが、只今戻りました!休暇の理由は?いつも通りでしょうね。仕事や生活や家族ーバカンスも入れてー色々で忙しくて休まなければなれませんでした。しかし勉強の休みはなかった。
8月に色々に集中しないといけなかったので、その間リフレッシュができて今は勉強を続くのは楽しみにしています。バカンスが楽しくても、勉強についてがっかりしているわけじゃなくて、むしろまた勉強ができてわくわくしています。バカンスも大事だし、自分の時間を過ごすのも大事だし、これからまた頑張れると気がします。
Study Methods I Used in June, July, & August
In June through August I mostly studied Vocabulary, Kanji, and Listening. The areas I focused on the least were Writing and Grammar. The study tools I used most were mobile tools so I could bring them with me on my phone anywhere I went.
My pro study tool this summer was the mobile app for renshuu.org because I was able to use vocabulary and kanji flashcards to get in some practice even during busy work days and holidays.
Podcasts were my second pro study tool, especially the Let's Talk in Japanese podcast. I could listen during my work commute, on the plane, while the baby takes a nap, and just before bed.
ママ友 or mom friends are a great way to practice listening & speaking. My son just enrolled in a Japanese preschool and I've already made a few new friends for playdates. Playdates are useful for improving his Japanese and mine!
My 2023 Goals Progress
I laid out some broad goals for my Japanese study in my 2023 Japanese Language Goals post, so here is an update with my progress towards these goals.
1. Read one page a day of 日本の歴史366 (にほんのれきし366) everyday in 2023.
How is it going? Terrible! I did not bring this book on my vacation, so I have not kept up. But I will get back into reading the daily pages as often as possible. I am not going to finish the entire book this year, but that's ok. I still learn something new every time I pick it up, and even retain some of the information! Goal: Read as many entries as possible by the end of the year.
2. Finish 日本語総まとめ N3 (にほんごそうまとめ N3) workbooks.
How is it going? Good! I plan on returning to these workbooks now that things have settled down after my holiday, but I will only be able to do extensive practice on the weekends. I still have two weeks left of exercises in the books, so I think I am on track to finish it by the end of the year.
3. Review and learn the first 6 levels of the 常用漢字 (じょうようかんじ), specifically the 教育漢字 (きょういくかんじ) up to grade 6.
How is it going? Okay! Although I didn't have much time in August to review kanji during my holiday, I was able to get through reviewing Grade 3 of the Kyoiku Kanji during June and July. Goal: Review through at least Grade 4 during the month of September.
4. Read at least one book every two months.
How is it going? Terrible! I still haven't had the time (nor the motivation) to pick back up the books I stopped in March, and I'm trying to be okay with that ^^; I would like to pick back up one book in September and try to finish it by the end of the year. Books are a big commitment, and I have to prioritize my studies, so unfortunately books tend to be the first thing I drop.
5. Improve my speaking and writing by finding a tutor.
How is it going? Terrible! I have not begun to even look for a tutor, despite telling myself I would for the entire month of June. I am not sure if I am going to try to find a tutor at this point or if I will just continue with self-study, writing sentences on HelloTalk, and getting some help from my husband. I would like to try to write more and get my sentences corrected by native speakers. I'd also like to interact with native speakers, but finding the time is really tough.
6. Study Japanese for at least 10 minutes every day.
How is it going? Good! Although the rest of my goals have suffered greatly this summer, my goal of continuing to practice a little bit everyday has allowed me to persevere and to feel like I've accomplished something.
Going Forward in September
I am a bit sad to see the summer go as it's my favourite season, but the changing of seasons is always exciting and motivates me to try new things and continue moving forward.
Focus on Grade 4 of 教育漢字
Write in Japanese on HelloTalk
Read one of the books I started this year by the end of 2023
Read 日本の歴史366 as continuously as possible
Review N3 Grammar
What does everyone else have planned for Japanese study in the fall?
皆さんの秋の勉強予定は何でしょうね?
#日本語#japanese#japanese language#japanese langblr#japanese studyblr#langblr#studyblr#日本語の日記#japanese diary#japanese goals 2023#japanese studyspo#tokidokitokyo#tdtphoto#my photo#japanese goals june 2023#japanese goals july 2023#japanese goals august 2023
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I prayed those lights would take me home
- 9-1-1
- Buck POV
- takes place during 8x03
- 5k words
- Buck remembers the day he got kicked out of college, crashed his bike, and left his parents house. But turns out there was a bit more to it than he'd realized.
full fic under cut
TW/ suicide, suicide attempt, depression
"Los Angeles fire department I need to commandeer that bike!"
Buck called out to the approaching motorcyclist.
"Seriously?!"
"Helmet, come on, let's go let's go!"
Buck practically snatched the helmet out of the confused man's hands, hopping on the bike and speeding away before the man even knew that was happening.
There was the slightest moment of hesitation as he kicked the bike into motion 'what if I forgot how to do this', but he supposed the saying existed for a reason, because it really was like riding a bike. His body immediately knowing what to do, without needing any thought to remember.
He'd forgotten how much he loved being on a bike, the rush of air blowing against him, the speed so much more palpable when there aren't four walls and glass windows blocking out the outside world ... though to be fair he was going considerably faster than he normal would in his jeep.
But there was something else mixed in with all the feelings of freedom and the rush of adrenaline ... something almost like dread, some deep gnawing feeling he couldn't quite identify. But for now he tried to put it out of his mind, he had a job to do after all.
When he'd reached what he suspected was a mile (a little more just to be safe) he stopped the bike and discarded the helmet beside it, leaping over the divider into incoming traffic.
That feeling arose again, stronger this time, harder to ignore. But still he pushed it aside as best he could, lighting both flares and attempting to get the attention of the speeding cars without getting himself run-over.
That feeling pulsed inside him, increasing with each whoosh of air as cars sped past him, almost overwhelming him as he planted his feet in front of an oncoming car, barely avoiding being slammed into as the car slid to a stop before him.
"LAFD! Everyone stay in your cars!" he shouted as the cars in front of him all slowed to a stop.
He breathed deeply, almost surprised at the success of his endeavor. That feeling still thrumming inside him, nagging at every corner of his mind.
He supposed now was as good a time as any to explore the cause of the feeling since the people seemed to be agreeable enough to stay in their cars and not try to slip past him.
The feeling began when he got on the bike, but he never recalled experiencing that before, and he used to drive his bike every day ... but then again he hadn't been on a bike since ...
oh
the day he left his parents home.
He hadn't thought of that day since Maddie told him about Daniel, but even then he wasn't thinking much of crashing his bike. He supposed that's what triggered the feeling today.
But he'd experienced far worse things than crashing a bike, and the reminders of those times never gave him the same feelings as today.
So he thought harder on that day that started with being kicked out of school.
He arrived in class to the teacher immediately pulling him aside and asking to speak with him.
His body was immediately thrust into fight or flight as adrenaline shot through his veins ... he knew he was in trouble, that he'd messed up somehow, disappointed someone ... failed. Again.
His hands started to shake with nervous energy, instinctively grasping his hoodie strings to fidget with.
"Evan. I'm gonna get right to the point. You're over a month behind on tuition, it needs to be paid now, otherwise we can't continue to enroll you here."
He was really panicking now. He didn't have the money. He'd thought he could stall long enough to get the money, that they wouldn't notice, somehow. But he was wrong.
And now here he was, standing in front of his teacher, out of excuses, no way to bullshit his way through it this time.
"I ..." his voice cracked, it sounded weak and pathetic to his ears. He hated it.
"I-I-I-I, don't have ... the money"
The teacher sighed, giving him a sympathetic smile. It gave him no comfort.
"I'm sorry to see you go, you showed some real potential"
And with that she left him standing there in the halls, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings he didn't know what to do with. He felt his lungs constricting, or maybe the air was getting thinner ... he couldn't tell. He could feel the press of tears behind his eyes threatening to be unleashed with each shaky breath. He didn't know what to do, but he knew there wasn't any reason to stay standing in the halls on the verge of a breakdown. It was bad enough he got kicked out of school, he didn't need his ex classmates watching him cry about it.
So he trudged through the halls with his head down, avoiding the smiles of greeting from passing students and teachers, his pace quickening with each encounter.
By the time he reached the parking lot, tears were falling freely down his face. He could barely see his bike through the blur of salty tears filling his eyes, so he let his body run on autopilot, falling into the rhythm of actions he'd taken thousands of times before.
But as he drove away he didn't take the familiar route to his house, he couldn't go there yet ... couldn't face his parents. He'd already failed, already been reminded of his flaws, his incapabilities. He'd screwed up once again, and he could already hear his parents voices in his mind telling him how useless he was, how incompetent, how he failed at everything. He'd always denied those insults, even if only inside his own mind. But now he wondered if they'd been right the whole time.
Maybe he was really useless, he couldn't even finish community college, he wasn't good enough for any of his friends, he was never their first choice, just somebody they invited when they needed more people for an activity. Hell, even Maddie had left. She had Doug, and he'd barely seen her at all since her wedding.
His parents hated him, his sister left him, all his friends had too.
He was worthless, he believed it now.
He'd never be good enough, never be important to anyone, never make anything of his life.
What was the point of it all?
Why did he keep trying?
Why keep hoping?
Why not just except that his life was a waste of oxygen, a waste of space, and a waste of everyone else's time.
His bike picked up speed, the road barely visible before him through the tears in his eyes. Some hard rock song blasting through the speakers he wasn't even paying attention to.
He was sick of everything.
Sick of living a life that never seemed to be good enough, never seemed to matter
Never good enough
Never good enough
Never enough
He saw the back of the SUV pulling out into the road in front of him. He might have had enough time to swerve out of the way, but he hesitated for just a moment too long.
His bike slammed into side of the SUV, and next thing he knew he was on the ground, his bike crashed on its side next to him. His ears were ringing and his shoulder throbbed in time with his too fast heartbeat. He was vaguely aware of a voice nearby ... speaking to him?
He wasn't sure.
He felt as though his mind was in a fog, or as though his conscious was locked away in some cage deep inside his mind, unable to rise to the surface.
But somehow he'd made it to the hospital, then to Maddie, then back to his parents home ... and then, freedom.
At least that's how he always remembered it, but that nagging feeling deep inside made him wonder if there was something he'd forgotten, some detail he'd buried deep down ... or maybe was never aware of at all.
But that was work for another time, not standing in a busy highway blocking traffic with just his presence, while waiting for a jetliner to touchdown right behind him.
So he put it aside, focused on the task at hand, waiting for the plane to land, watching it glide across the empty stretch of highway. Helping the passengers out, helping Bobby, just like before, like he'd never left at all.
And when his shift was finally over he went straight home to really remember that day, the day his life had changed forever.
He had worked with Dr. Copeland a few times on things like this in past. Recalling certain memories from childhood and focusing on the feelings he'd never had a chance to process.
He'd spent so much of his childhood minimizing all his feelings, hiding them away so he wouldn't get punished for just existing ... especially after Maddie left. She'd been the only safe place he'd had to process his thoughts and feelings, and once she was gone he just buried them away. Never taking the time to work through his feelings or process his experiences. Just feeling, and pretending it never happened.
So there were a number of experiences he'd never dealt with, plenty of instances where a feeling or a moment had just festered inside of him, eating him away from the inside. And like today, sometimes those feelings would arise in strange and unpredicted ways.
Dr. Copeland had given him a few tools to manage these instances, ways to recall the cause of the reaction and process it.
So he chose the one that always seemed to work best ... sitting in the floor of his shower, the lights off, the warm shower water pouring over him, recalling the memories again and again, focusing on every sense his mind can grasp, until he finds clarity.
He recalls the conversation with his teacher, leaving the building, the drive, the crash. But still nothing more.
So he tries again, this time focusing on the scents. Smells always seemed to jog his memory better than all the other senses, so he starts with the community college halls, an odd smell he never could identify or pin point the cause of, though it wasn't bad. Then the parking lot, the subtle crispness to the early autumn air, the sweet scent of dying leaves, the burnt rubber from his tires skidding on the asphalt.
Still nothing.
So he tries sound. His teachers voice, soft and melodic like a birdsong, the quite conversations and distant voices that floated through the halls, his footsteps as he made his escape. The click of the door handle, the swish of it's hinges, the sounds of distant traffic and birds. His engine turning on ... the music. Some metal radio song he didn't know, he'd probably heard it before, but never really listened to it. He couldn't remember the lyrics or the melody (if a metal song could even be considered to have a melody), but he remembered the rhythm. The drums.
He focused on that, on the rhythm of drums, the feeling of it vibrating through his bike, in his hands, up his arms, inside his brain. And that feeling from before started to come back, and again he followed it. Trying to remember that moment.
He couldn't grasp the specific thoughts that had flooded his mind, but he could catch ideas.
The fear that he would never be good enough.
That no one could ever love him.
That his life was a waste.
That he was nothing but a failure.
That he was doomed to always try but never succeed.
That he would always be caught in an endless loop of reaching and hoping and believing that he could have anything he put his mind to, and falling so far and so fast he never had the chance to catch himself before it was too late.
That no amount of trying would ever make up for the lifetime of mistakes.
That he could never fix it.
That he couldn't be fixed.
That there was no point to any of it.
No point in hoping.
No point in trying.
No point in living.
oh
And then he'd seen the red glow of taillights.
But he hadn't hesitated ... and least not how he'd always remembered. It wasn't that he took too long to realize what was happening, it was that he'd been driving much faster than was safe to start with. That he'd drifted to the middle of the road, then farther and farther to the left.
oh
He hadn't thought it consciously, not exactly made the choice to hit the car ... he'd just ... not tried to prevent it. And maybe he'd put himself in a position where it was much more likely, much more dangerous. Maybe some piece of him, deep deep down let his bike drift into the wrong side of the road hoping something would happen. Maybe that part of him saw that glow of light that meant STOP, and decided to keep going.
He focused now on that light in his mind, the moment he saw it, the basic human instinct to survive kicking in and causing him to swerve at the last second. But still there was that feeling, that dread ... the thought that got overshadowed by instinct and never got to be acted upon ... the thought that he didn't want to survive.
The fog began to slip away, his mind regaining some bit of clarity.
He felt a hand on his uninjured shoulder, and the voice again, this time loud enough, or maybe just near enough, to cut through the ringing in his ears.
"Son? Can you hear me?"
He didn't trust his voice not to sound as weak and feeble as before, with his teacher, so he gave a small nod and a quiet "mmhm" instead.
"Try not to move okay? I'm going to call 911."
That broke him free of the fog, a panic shooting through his veins at the thought of being driven away in the back of some ambulance. They'd have to call his parents, they'd find him in the hospital, and he suspected this time wouldn't end with special attention and care. This time he'd have to explain what happened, and he wasn't ready to do that yet. No, he needed more time to figure out what he would tell them.
"No!"
He practically shouted, struggling to a seated position and wincing as a fresh jolt of pain lanced through his shoulder at the movement.
He met the strangers eye for the first time. She was around the same age as his mother, for a moment somewhere in his mind he almost thought it was her. But this woman was kinder, he could see it just in her eyes, behind the surprise of being shouted at by some kid that just hit her car, he could tell she was a kind person.
"I'm ok."
He said with as much strength as he could muster, though even he wasn't convinced at the attempt.
The woman seemed to study him for a moment, sizing him up almost. It made him feel exposed and vulnerable in ways he'd never felt before, like she was seeing right through to his soul.
He squirmed under her gaze, and only then noticed her hand still rested on his shoulder. Normally such a thing would bring him comfort, and ground him. But just like her gaze, it felt too vulnerable, too close. Like she was reaching inside him and holding his beating heart in her hand.
"I'm ok."
He said again, more sure this time as he struggled to his feet, bracing himself against this strangers SUV.
She removed her hand, but rose with him, still keeping him in that piercing stare.
"At least let me drive you to the hospital."
There was genuine concern in her voice, it almost made him break down all over again ... though he supposed the first breakdown had never really stopped. Now that he thought about it he could still feel tears slipping from his eyes, his lungs spasming with each attempt to breathe, his whole body shaking with adrenaline and emotion.
And as much as he wanted to let this kind stranger help him, something in him couldn't bear the idea. Whether it was the fear that if he let this stranger care for him enough he might loose the last stubborn resolve he had left and break altogether, or that this stranger wouldn't really care at all and would just hurt him more in some way, he couldn't tell. Maybe it was both.
But either way, he knew it felt safer to figure it out himself.
"That's really not necessary."
He tried, in his best imitation of certainty.
"Son, I don't know much about motorcycles, but this doesn't look fit to drive."
He followed her gaze to his smashed up bike, and he couldn't help but agree with her on that account.
"And you really should get to a hospital, make sure you don't have a concussion and that arm isn't broken."
The more she talked the weaker his resolve became. If he stayed much longer he might give in and let her drive him, but he couldn't do that.
"I'm fine, I'll just go home and have my parents drive me. It's just a couple houses down, I can walk."
He motioned with his uninjured arm vaguely in the direction he'd been driving.
It was a lie, of course. He was nowhere near his parents house. But he was good at that. Making up some small lie on the spot, speaking it in such a way that was entirely believable. He'd been doing it to his parents all his life. It didn't even take any thought now, the lies slipping out of his mouth before he even thought about it.
The stranger still held him in her gaze, that concern and doubt still oozing from it. But he didn't see any point in trying to convince her anymore, so he picked up his bike and walked away.
He could feel her eyes on him still, and some part of him wondered if he was supposed to say something, to do something. He wasn't sure what one was supposed to do when you smash into someone else's car while having a mental breakdown, but just walking away didn't seem quite right.
But he couldn't bring himself to care enough to figure it out. So he kept walking. The handles of his bike shaking under his trembling hands; he was certain if he didn't have his bike beside him he'd have collapsed onto the road by now, his shaking legs feeling too weak to support him.
But he kept going.
Kept walking.
Until he heard the strangers car start, the roll of her tires fading farther and farther down the road until it was silent again. He wanted to look back to make sure she was gone, but he was afraid if he stopped for even a second he'd never be able to start walking again.
He wasn't sure how long he walked for. He wasn't even sure where he was at this point. Time always seemed different on a quiet walk like this. And even though the looming dread of facing his parents still lingered in his mind, it seemed less imminent. Like as long as he kept walking his problems couldn't touch him. He wondered if he could just keep walking forever ... maybe even walk off the earth altogether.
But every now and then a car would pass beside him on the road, and something inside him would awaken. Some magnetic pull deep down he could almost physically feel. His conscious mind convinced him it was just fear, the lingering effects of such a recent event. A dread that any of these cars might smash into him too.
But deep down, deep in the dark of his subconscious ... it was the opposite. It was desire. A grim infatuation with the danger of such fast and strong machines. The knowledge that in a split second those machines could set him free. Take away all the pain and fear and hopelessness. That he could make a single choice, and everything would be fixed.
If his conscious had shared in those grim ideas of his subconscious he might have done it. He might have fixed his eyes on those headlights before him and stepped willingly into their path.
But he didn't.
He kept walking.
One foot in front of the other.
By now leaning most of his body weight onto the bike rolling beside him. And as much as he wanted to keep walking forever, to hope the world would never break this almost peaceful moment, he was getting tired. He was still shaking, his steps slowing each time.
He hadn't realized when, but the houses lining the road had grown farther and farther apart as he'd walked, and now there were only long stretches of grass and trees lining the road before him. Not another soul in sight, no cars had passed him in some time, now he thought of it.
A sudden panic started to flood his veins, but cut short, as if he'd spent all the panic he had; but just enough to shatter his moment of peace.
He had no idea where he was.
And as much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn't walk much longer.
Reality came crashing down all around him again, smothering him beneath its weight.
He was alone, somewhere he didn't know, no one in sight to help him, his parents waiting at home to demand an explanation, to tell him what a failure he was. And that feeling of being trapped came flooding back. He was a caged animal, powerless, no options, no choices, no freedom. Just the unknown empty stretch of earth before him, and his parents inevitably waiting to destroy him no matter which direction he chose.
His bike slipped from his grasp, crashing to the ground beside him. And he, too, slumped to the ground next to it, his head falling into his hands.
All he could do was sit there on the side of the road and cry. Deep down his conscious was embarrassed for doing it out in the open where anyone could find him, but he was too exhausted to care. Nothing mattered anyway.
So what if someone found him like this?
They wouldn't stay anyway. Wouldn't even spare him a glance. He was invisible, nobody cared, nobody had it in them to spare the time or energy. He was too broken, too far gone.
He was beyond saving.
Everyone knew it.
And now he did too.
He started to wonder if he'd ever stop crying, or if he'd finally broken all the way and he would just keep crying until his body had nothing more to give and he died.
Maybe his soul was pouring out his eyes with his tears, maybe his life would just spill out of him and soak into the ground beneath him.
Maybe beautiful flowers would grow from it and colour the side of the road forever. Maybe children would look out the car window as they drove past and ask their parents why the flowers grew in just one spot, and how they came to be such beautiful and vibrant colours.
And maybe some sad soul walking down the street would see the flowers and understand how they came to be. Maybe they would know it was the last piece of Evan Buckley, a sad soul in his own right, a broken, cheap imitation of human life. Only beautiful, only meaningful and important in death.
Maybe that's all he'd existed for at all.
To die.
Maybe he was like a firework, worthless and pathetic until his destruction ... made only for his destruction.
It was a strange concept, a thing created only for the beauty of its end. To be useless and a waste of materials and space as long as it exists, but to bring such joy and wonder as it shatters.
He wondered if that would make a difference, make it all mean something. That maybe he did have a purpose ... a reason for existing, even if he would never get to experience it for himself. He wasn't sure if it was a comforting thought, exactly. Some part of him disliked the idea that his only purpose and value was in what he could provide for other people. But then again he didn't understand how his life could ever have value at all.
And so again his parents voices returned to his mind, telling him all the ways he was failing. But he was too spent to spiral further, the voices just soft whispers in his mind without venom. It was almost grounding in a strange way, reminding him of the present reality.
The sun was setting, casting an orange glow over the world around him. Long shadows drawing macabre figures on the ground that matched the looming dread inside him.
His bike was still on the ground beside him, his shirt soaked with tears. He wasn't shaking anymore, but his shoulder still hurt, and his head did too. He couldn't remember if his head hurt before he sat down on the side of the road crying for unknown hours. He might have a concussion, even though he was wearing a helmet ... but then again too much crying always did give him a headache too.
And he might be a worthless, dumbass failure, but he was smart enough to know a trip to the hospital was in his future.
He had no idea where the road ahead would take him, but he knew if he went back the way he came he would find his way to familiar roads eventually, and from there easily enough to the nearest hospital.
So he steeled himself for the journey and rose to his feet, taking his bike in tow beside him once again. The walk was much the same as the first time, but as he approached the strangers house his heart began to beat faster, fluttering with the slightest of panic that she might be there, might notice him. And how would he explain still being in the same clothes, his damaged bike still rolling beside him, clearly having taken no trip to the hospital or gone home.
But his trip remained unhindered, so even if she was home, he suspected she hadn't noticed him walking past her house again.
Rather uneventfully, he eventually made it to the hospital, and by the time he made it to the doors he'd once again put on his best mask of normalcy. Just an average young man who happened to find himself in an automobile accident, not a sad broken soul who's life might have ended hours ago if he'd only thought about it the slightest bit harder.
And the rest was as he always remembered. Checking into the hospital, being treated and discharged, going to Maddie to fix it ... and she had. Though he'd never realized just how much she really had helped.
With hindsight now, and clarity for the subconscious thoughts of his mind, he wondered how much longer he'd have survived living in his parents house. If one more day, maybe even one more night might have been all he could take.
It was a terrifying thought.
And more terrifying still was the way he realized the feelings he'd felt on the freeway today were just an amplified version of something he was quite accustomed too. The feeling he got everytime he crossed the street, or did something risky at work. That pull, that magnetism; that feeling of something inside his chest being drawn to something, to danger ... to death.
He'd told Natalia he was old acquaintances with death, and he realized now just how accurate it was. Not only because he had died, but because most of his life was spent with death reaching it's hand out to him, and that thing inside him reaching back.
Even in his coma dream, when he'd died and yet lived again. Nearly every manifestation of his mind was trying to keep him there ... to let him die. Yes they'd appeared as his parents, as Daniel, even Chimeny and Christopher. But it was his own mind. It was that voice inside that seemed to have been born the day he first thought of ending his life, and existed only for that purpose. To remind him of that desire, to reach out to death.
And even if he'd never quite been aware of it until this moment, somehow he knew he'd never be free of it. That as long as he lived, so would that thing in the back of his mind whispering sweet songs of peace and quiet and freedom that can never be found in the world of the living.
It scared him, the thought that one day that voice might win. But it was a quiet fear, a shadow in the corner of a well lit room that's always there but rarely troubles you.
He knew he was okay now, he didn't need to heed the voice or the worry of its message. When it spoke again, he'd deny it again, as was their dance.
And if some day he listened?
Stopped fighting the voice and embraced it?
Well he'd just have to face that time when it came.
And not waste the moments the voice was silent in worrying it might speak up.
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— mahalia.
maris racal, twenty-six, she/her ⟡ — is that MAHALIA RIVERA i just saw walking around kilmer’s cove? i heard they’re a TOURIST who’s been here for TWO MONTHS. it slipped my mind, since they just tend to hang out at THE BOARDWALK. at face value, they’re said to be CHARMING and BUBBLY, but i don’t know… some people have said they can be quite OVERLY DRAMATIC and IMPULSIVE. just don’t get on their bad side, i guess! don’t tell them i told you this, but i’ve heard they DO NOT believe in all the ghost stories around town. who knows what the future holds for them!
BASICS.
FULL NAME. mahalia jade rivera (mah-HAH-lee-ah JAYD ree-VEH-rah) NICKNAME(S). mahalia, lia AGE/BIRTHDAY. twenty-six / june 15th BIRTHPLACE. quezon city, philippines
GENDER/PRONOUNS. cis woman / she/her/hers SEXUAL ORIENTATION. heterosexual ASTROLOGICAL SIGN. gemini sun + libra moon + leo rising
HEIGHT. 5’2” EYE COLOR. dark brown PIERCINGS/TATTOOS/SCARS. lobe and helix piercings, belly button piercing FACE CLAIM. maris racal
SPOKEN LANGUAGES. english, tagalog WORK. content creator/influencer
AESTHETICS.
a heart wrapped in glitter and longing, scrolling through shadows of approval, chasing echoes of validation in pixelated dreams, a delicate façade hiding a tempest within, the battle between girlhood and godhood
PERSONALITY.
(+) ambitious, generous (whenever she sees fit), resourceful (–) attention-seeking, impetuous, self-centered
EXTRAS.
to see. to listen.
HER-STORY.
tw themes of family dysfunction, neglect, favoritism, mental health struggles, social media pressure, and intense family conflict
-`♡´- Mahalia grew up in the shadow of her older brother, Joaquin, who was constantly praised for his intelligence and musical talent. From an early age, she yearned for her father's approval, often engaging in various activities—sports, dance, and academics—in an attempt to prove her worth. -`♡´- Despite her efforts, she felt that no achievement could ever measure up to the golden standard set by Joaquin. Her father’s unwavering favoritism for Joaquin created a rift in Mahalia’s self-esteem, leading her to internalize the belief that she was never good enough. -`♡´- After Joaquin left to pursue his own dreams, Mahalia thought that her father would finally notice her. She enrolled in a business course, believing that following in her brother’s footsteps would earn her the recognition she craved. However, she struggled to keep up with her studies, often being compared unfavorably to Joaquin’s academic prowess. -`♡´- The pressure became overwhelming, and Mahalia began to feel like a disappointment in her father's eyes. The comparisons only deepened her sense of inadequacy, causing her to question her abilities and identity. -`♡´- Feeling increasingly isolated and desperate for validation, Mahalia turned to social media, where she discovered a platform that appreciated her for her charisma and creativity. As she began to post content showcasing her life and interests, she unexpectedly gained a following, providing her with the attention she so desperately sought. -`♡´- However, this newfound fame was superficial, and deep down, she knew it wasn’t a substitute for genuine love and acceptance from her father. -`♡´-The culmination of her frustrations erupted in a fierce confrontation with her father. In a moment of anger, she accused him of neglecting her for favoring Joaquin, revealing the deep-seated resentment she felt. The fight left Mahalia feeling more isolated than ever, yet it also ignited a spark of rebellion. -`♡´- Seeking to distance herself from her father’s expectations, she decided to visit Joaquin at Kilmer’s Cove, hoping to exploit his new life for her social media content and gain even more followers. -`♡´- While Mahalia’s primary motivation for visiting Joaquin may have been to boost her online presence, she also harbored a longing for a genuine connection with her brother. She hoped to bridge the gap that had formed between them and prove to herself that she could be more than just the shadow of her brother.
TL;DR
-`♡´- attention-starved drama queen trades family dysfunction for social media clout, desperately seeking validation in a world where her older brother’s shadow looms large and daddy issues run deep
HEADCANONS.
-`♡´- doesn't know how to drive... literally just a passenger princess, your honor -`♡´- adores and collects hello kitty items -`♡´- canonically dislikes men, but secretly wants a boyfriend -`♡´- literally has no filter whatsoever and isn't afraid to call out anybody when they are wrong (that includes people older than her) -`♡´- may appear ditzy, but is really smart if given the chance -`♡´- more tbd
WANTED CONNECTIONS.
-`♡´- brat pack — literally thinking they're like the bratz dolls or smth idk man i literally just want mahalia to have friends. just a silly little group of people who even with different aesthetics or smth kinda come together. do you see the vision? please say you do. -`♡´- girl, so confusing — not everyone's a fan of someone so... bold/loud as mahalia, she's bound to clash with someone sooner or later; she tries her best to like 'em, but it doesn't just work. this isn't a fully fleshed out wc yet and would love to work on this dynamic! -`♡´- they see right through me — kinda on the nose with the title. this person sees through the façade that mahalia puts on social media. in my silly little head, this person scares the shit out of her since she's so used to gaining attention for who she appears to be, not for who she really is. my girl hates looking vulnerable or smth. (more to be plotted abt!) -`♡´- more tbd, just hmu!
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dossier — modern.
CURRENT LOCATION London, England.
BIOGRAPHY Astoria Grim was born in the early hours of a summer morning to a woman who realized too late that she didn’t want children. In the early years of Astoria’s life she was well-loved by her mother, Veronika, and her maternal grandparents, Aleksi and Ileana; her father would surely have loved her, too, had he known she existed. But even as a child Astoria knew that, though Veronika loved her very, very much, she didn’t seem to like her at all. It was the sort of absence that might have devastated an adult, but children adapt, and Astoria adapted. The first seven years of her life were spent in near perpetual motion: her mother hired a live-in nanny and the three of them traveled, Veronika sometimes gone for days or weeks on end while Nina taught her charge to walk, to talk, to sing, to dance. Shortly after her seventh birthday, Astoria moved to Venice, where she stayed with her grandparents, and her contact with her mother was reduced to the occasional phone call. (She was heartbroken to leave Nina, who kissed her cheeks and promised to call every week. She did. Leaving Veronika was an easier matter.)
Though Aleksi and Ileana had already raised three children, they stepped up to raise a fourth. Astoria was a quiet and clever girl, independent enough that the change didn’t bother her too much. She entered a nearby primary school, spending regular time with other children her age for the first time in her short life, and she enrolled in ballet classes; when she was home, she sat in her grandfather’s office, eager to learn anything and everything he had to teach. She saw her mother on holidays and learned not to expect her calls, and she learned that questions about her father would remain unanswered, but she was an adaptable child, and she was resilient. Shortly before her fourteenth birthday, her grandmother died unexpectedly, and at the funeral she met her godparents for the first time. Elyssa and Evander Vetri were Ileana’s niece and nephew, the cousins to whom Veronika was always the closest, and they took an immediate interest in their goddaughter’s well-being, listening intently and eagerly. Veronika’s arrival at her mother’s funeral was hardly unexpected, but her sudden concern for Astoria was, and Veronika insisted on sending her to school in London, so she could have some distance from the constant grief. Overwhelmed by the loss, Aleksi agreed, and Astoria was enrolled at St. Mildreth International, boarding at the London campus, with the promise that her godparents, also living in London, would keep an eye on her and make sure she wasn’t wholly alone.
The chance to be on her own was daunting, and it felt like another rejection, but Astoria found she liked living in London. She had everything she needed at St. Mildreth’s except family. The Vetri siblings were a welcome relief, and they helped her navigate a new city. She was delighted to learn that they worked for the father of one of her classmates, and when Astoria was introduced to the de Clermont family, she never imagined they would come to mean so much to her, and she found herself particularly close to the eldest son, Baldwin, who quickly became her best friend.
Things changed the following summer, when Astoria moved in with her godparents. Having determined that she was obedient enough to keep their secrets, and so painfully in need of family that she’d do anything to keep it near, they put her to use. The work they did for Philippe was at times less than legal, and the business they took on for themselves was much the same. A well-behaved, wealthy girl with big eyes and a gentle smile wouldn’t be questioned by police, and so she was asked first to make deliveries. A pretty little thing with an audible accent wouldn’t be taken seriously, and so she was asked to sit silently and listen, and deliver information back to them. And a ruthless creature determined to survive at any cost would learn to ask the right questions and apply pressure where it hurt most, and so the Vetris found they could keep their hands relatively clean if they only had her as a shield. If she challenged them, she was disciplined, often brutally, and she was reminded that she was lucky to have someone who loved her as much as her godparents did, so that she could learn how to survive in a cruel and frightening world.
She withdrew, and she listened, just as they asked, but she listened to things they didn’t want her to know. And when the Vetris pushed too far, when she was still a few months shy of eighteen, Astoria took matters into her own hands, and she turned to Philippe for help. He brought his son, and as they looked over the mess she’d made (rat poison, she told them, stirred into their morning espresso, and she waited until she was sure they were dead to call for help) she tied her fate irrevocably to theirs. Philippe cleaned up the mess and took her home with him, where she clung to Baldwin all the more, and their friendship became unshakable.
When she reported her godparents missing she put on a hell of a show, and the whimpering, weeping girl who flinched when the police raised their voices was very quickly after seen as a victim rather than a suspect. Her grandfather and uncle came to look after her; her mother followed, late as she so often was. Astoria remained in London, determined to finish her education at St. Mildreth’s, and she followed Baldwin to Trinity College in Dublin, arriving a year after he did and moving in with him immediately. They were as inseparable as they had been before their separation (interrupted as it was by Astoria’s frequent visits), and when Astoria’s engagement fell apart, no one was surprised to see that she spent little time mourning, comfortable as she was at Baldwin’s side. Nor did their relationship, and soon after their marriage, come as a shock to anyone who knew them. Astoria took a position at his father’s company, working in Public Relations, and fully integrated herself into the family,
And when her father-in-law died unexpectedly and her husband was left to take his place, she already knew all the family’s secrets as she moved to stand beside him.
EDUCATION St. Mildreth International School (Fall 2007 - Spring 2012); Trinity College Dublin: B.A. Honours Degree in Economic and Social Studies, B.E.S.S. (Business, Economics, and Social Studies) with a focus in Business and Sociology (Fall 2012 - Spring 2016). CAREER Publicist; later, Media Director. SPOKEN LANGUAGES Fluent in Italian, Swedish, Icelandic, and English, reading fluency in Latin and Irish, conversational skill in Irish, Japanese, Veneto.
PHYSICAL SKILL Self-defense (krav maga). Childhood and adolescent training in ballet; five years archery and fencing. Lock-picking, pick-pocketing.
CRIMINAL HISTORY Astoria’s criminal record consists of a handful of parking and speeding tickets; despite her family’s connections, she doesn’t seem to pose much of a threat to anyone. Were anyone to dig deeper they might find what seems to be her fingerprints on a number of crimes, corporate or violent in nature, committed in defense of the family, even beyond the double homicide committed at seventeen years old.
KNOWN ALIASES None.
social connections. under construction.
Baldwin de Clermont. Husband. Astoria’s confidante, partner in crime, closest friend, better half. Her affection for him is unmatched and her loyalty to him is unconditional. After years of pretending that their relationship is strictly platonic, despite prioritizing one another above all else, Astoria ends an engagement over the phone so that there’s nothing else competing with Baldwin for her attention. Despite the games they play with one another, it’s clear that it’s only ever them, and they’re married by twenty-five. This verse is closed for shipping, and exclusive with Baldwin.
Iain Blackwood. Ex-fiancé. The two first get involved in September 2011, very shortly after Iain’s breakup with Astoria’s close friend, Emily Calvert. They maintain the relationship long-distance while Iain attends university at Edinburgh, despite his growing unease regarding her friendship with Baldwin. She ends things with him in early 2015. They reconnect about a year and a half later and develop a pleasant but unattached friendship.
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How to Balance Life and Learning with a Masters in English Online
In today’s fast-paced world, balancing personal life, career, and education is no easy feat. However, the rise of online education has opened new doors for those looking to advance their careers or deepen their academic knowledge while maintaining a flexible schedule. One popular option is pursuing a Master's in English online, which offers convenience and depth in one of the most versatile fields of study.
However, while the flexibility of an online program is appealing, it still comes with its own challenges. Juggling assignments, discussions, and personal responsibilities can be overwhelming if not handled properly. If you're considering or already enrolled in an online Master in English program, here are some practical strategies to help you successfully balance life and learning.
1. Create a Structured Routine
A structured routine is essential for maintaining focus and avoiding burnout. Online classes may offer flexibility, but that doesn’t mean you should work at odd hours every day. Set aside specific times for coursework, readings, and writing assignments. Treat these blocks as non-negotiable appointments, just as you would for work or personal commitments.
A structured routine can help you:
Stay consistent with your study habits
Set realistic goals for each study session
Reduce last-minute cramming or panic before deadlines
2. Prioritize Your Tasks
Not all assignments or life responsibilities carry the same weight, so it’s important to learn how to prioritize. Use a task management system—whether it’s a digital app or a simple to-do list—to rank your tasks based on urgency and importance. For example:
Time-sensitive tasks like upcoming assignments or exam prep should take priority.
Longer-term projects can be broken down into smaller tasks that can be completed over time.
Personal commitments should also be planned around study time, ensuring you don’t overlap important deadlines with family obligations.
By focusing on what’s most urgent, you can avoid feeling overwhelmed by the workload.
3. Maximize Your Flexibility
One of the biggest advantages of an online Masters in English is the flexibility it offers. You’re not bound by rigid classroom schedules or commuting, so take advantage of this freedom. You can tailor your studies around your life, whether that’s early morning before work, during a lunch break, or late at night when the house is quiet.
This flexibility allows you to:
Study at your peak productivity times
Adjust your study schedule to accommodate unexpected events
Balance work, family, and study responsibilities more fluidly
4. Establish Boundaries
When you’re balancing multiple responsibilities, it’s easy for the lines between personal life and school to blur. To avoid burnout, it’s important to establish clear boundaries. Let your family, friends, and even co-workers know when you are studying, and ask for their support in respecting that time.
Additionally, create a dedicated study space in your home to help you mentally switch into “learning mode.” This could be a desk in your bedroom or even a corner of the living room. A consistent environment can make a big difference in your ability to focus.
5. Stay Engaged in Your Studies
Studying online can sometimes feel isolating, but it’s important to remain engaged. Participate actively in discussion forums, ask questions during virtual lectures, and connect with peers for study groups or discussions. Engaging with the material and with others in the program will make your learning experience richer and more meaningful.
Being actively engaged also means:
Keeping up with course readings
Regularly checking course materials and announcements
Reaching out to instructors when you need help or clarification
6. Practice Self-Care
Balancing life and learning requires not just mental energy, but physical and emotional well-being. Prioritize self-care by ensuring you get enough sleep, eat well, and engage in activities that relax and refresh you. Taking care of your health ensures that you can stay sharp and focused when it’s time to study.
If you’re feeling stressed, take short breaks during study sessions to stretch, go for a walk, or meditate. Avoiding burnout is key to successfully completing your program.
7. Leverage Available Resources
Many online Masters in English programs offer a wealth of resources to support your success. Take advantage of academic advising, writing centers, digital libraries, and tutoring services. These resources can help you stay on track and address any challenges you encounter during your studies.
Some programs also offer networking opportunities, career services, and alumni connections that can help you transition from academic life to career advancement.
8. Keep Your Long-Term Goals in Mind
When the demands of balancing life and education feel overwhelming, remember your long-term goals. Whether it’s advancing your career, becoming an expert in English literature, or transitioning into teaching or writing, keeping your “why” at the forefront can help you push through challenging moments. Celebrating small wins—like completing a difficult paper or taking an exam—can also keep you motivated throughout the journey.
Conclusion
Earning a Masters in English online is a rewarding experience that allows for academic growth while offering the flexibility to manage your life’s responsibilities. With effective time management, clear boundaries, and engagement in your studies, you can successfully balance life and learning. Remember, the key to success is consistency, self-care, and a commitment to your goals.
As you navigate this exciting journey, keep in mind that the flexibility and depth of knowledge you gain through an online Masters in English can open up new opportunities in your personal and professional life. You have the tools to succeed—embrace them and thrive.
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What Should You Know Before Signing Up For Credit Counselling Services?
If you’re struggling with overwhelming debts, it can be tempting to turn to credit counselling services, which offer to help you pay off your loans and bills in exchange for a small fee upfront. But before you sign up, you must know exactly what the credit counselling service offers and what they expect from you in return. Here are some questions you should ask yourself and the credit counsellor before agreeing to any contract or making any payments. If your credit counselling service answers yes to all of these questions, then it may be worth your while!
The Different Types Of Debt
There are two types of debt that people often confuse. First, there is unsecured debt, which includes things like your credit cards and personal loans. Second, there is a secured debt, which includes things like mortgages and car payments. Secured debts have a lien on the property that serves as collateral in case of default. Unsecured debts do not have this protection and usually carry a higher interest rate due to the risk taken by the creditor. However, secured debts also have a disadvantage in that the lender may seize assets if payments are missed or delayed.
A general rule when it comes to securing debt is The more assets you have at stake with an organization, the more likely they will be reluctant to cut off access or take over your account.
Secured debts also involve monthly mortgage payments and monthly car loan payments whereas unsecured debts don’t. The
best thing would be to pay off one type of debt at a time rather than paying down both at once since it can lead to extra stress on yourself financially with reduced monthly income
How Long Does It Take To Get Out Of Debt?
The most common mistake people make when they are trying to get out of debt is that they don’t try and they give up. Debt takes a while to get rid of and it can take years, but if you plan to keep at it, there’s always a chance.
The other thing people often do is stop paying attention after a few months of working on their debt problem. If you’re going to be successful, the best thing is to stay consistent and stay on top of things so that your creditors don’t catch up with you again. One way to help yourself in this process is to have an emergency fund set up in case something unexpected happens. With an emergency fund, you’ll be able to save money and use those funds towards any emergencies without worrying about having enough money in your checking account.
Who Is The Company Helping Me Out And What Do They Charge?
The company that is helping me out is the The Kredit Lab for Credit Counselling and they charge, I can get an annual membership if I want to pay monthly instead of just one time like right now. They also give me access to a personal counsellor who will work with me on how to keep on top of my debt and make sure it doesn’t grow any more than it has to. It’s going to be hard but with this help, I think I’ll have a better chance of getting back on my feet again.
The Benefits Of Enrolling In A Credit Program
There are many benefits to enrolling in a credit counselling program. Programs can help people who have fallen behind on their bills or are facing foreclosure. Counsellors will work with clients to create a budget, help them set realistic goals, and encourage saving money. There is no cost to enroll in a program and enrollment is not an indication of bankruptcy. It is important to understand that there are two types of debt management programs: non-profit and commercial.
It’s also important to understand that just because a counsellor recommends that you file for bankruptcy doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the right decision for your financial situation. You should make sure that it’s best for your individual needs by consulting an attorney first.
The Drawbacks Of Enrolling In A Credit Counselling Program
In addition to the high cost, there is also a possibility that enrolling in a program can lead to more debt because some programs offer debt consolidation. There is also the possibility of entering into a cycle of debt as credit counsellors often recommend taking out loans. The process of getting out of debt can be long and difficult which is why it’s important not to sign up without understanding the consequences.
I recommend that you call (469) 454-8017 to talk our certified The Kredit Lab. Then, you can decide.
Contact Us:
Address - 17350 State Hwy 249 Ste.220 # 9684 Houston, TX 77064
Email - [email protected]
Phone - (817) 264-6554
Fax - (866) 458-1711
Website - The Kredit Lab
Blog - What Should You Know Before Signing Up For Credit Counselling Services?
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The Connection Between Bipolar Disorder and Creativity
Bipolar disorder can have many complications, but is often linked to high levels of creativity in people who have the disorder. Bipolar disorder and creativity are seen as opposites, but in some cases, these opposite states are linked and can form a special creative zone. Creativity can look like many different things, including producing creative works, being able to look at things from a different perspective and solving problems quickly and creatively. People with bipolar disorder may be able to use their unique skills and perspective to tap into greater levels of creativity. Although bipolar disorder can bring about creativity, it also involves significant changes in mood, energy, and behavior that can cause distress. Many individuals invest in additional mental health treatment, therapy and even drug rehabilitation to manage their mood disorder and provide a better quality of life. Creative talents and abilities that stem from bipolar disorder can become both a positive and negative aspect of living with the condition. People with bipolar disorder can create unique and beautiful works of art, for example, but it can also leave them feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. It’s important to understand how to work with and manage the creative potential of bipolar disorder, and how to separate the reality of living with a mood disorder from the romance of having “mood swings.” In order to get appropriate care, you must pinpoint the factors and symptoms of the condition so treatment can begin. Bipolar disorder is treatable, and medication is usually a key factor in treatment. Other treatments such as individual counseling and therapy can help patients manage mood fluctuations, anxiety, and stress related to the disorder. Additionally, enrolling in a addiction treatment center may be indicated for individuals who have co-occurring conditions. It's clear that the cycle of bipolar disorder and creativity is complex. Here are some steps to take to help you manage the effects of bipolar disorder with creativity: - Create outlets for distress – journaling, art, or talking with a close friend can help to safely express feelings. - Take time for self-care – eating healthy, getting enough rest, setting boundaries, and doing pleasurable activities can be very beneficial. - Identify sources of stress – monitor activities, relationships, and stress triggers, and start managing stress. - Build a support system – build relationships and make connections in order to receive emotional support from people who care about you. - Talk to a professional – connect with a psychiatrist, therapist, or support group in order to get the help you need. Living with the duality of bipolar disorder and creativity can be challenging, and it's normal to feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Making use of various treatment options and knowing how to take care of yourself can help you find balance and feel empowered in managing your condition.
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hey, mia! would you be so kind as to give me a reading on whether it is better for me to enroll in a private or public university? or perhaps you could give me a glimpse of how i would do in either of them? or any guidance that you could tell me will be helpful.
im now torn between the two decisions. in my country, public university is far more 'prestigious' with higher percentage of competitiveness. however, i have been attending private school since i was in pre-school. so im far more used to and comfortable with the environment. although, as we know, the cost of private universities are high. im still trying to get the full ride scholarship, but it is not as easy too.
the public universities are so competitive that i feel like being the top of my class, winning some debate competitions, and being the head of student council (i am saying this just for context, without the intentions of showing off or anything) is not even enough for me to get accepted.
if i can be honest, i am feeling quite pessimistic, i know that i should not be. i couldn't help it, you know? making such big decisions. however i'm optimistic that whatever guidance you will give me will be a great help.
thank you so much in advance, mia. i truly appreciate your help. may your life be filled with joy and blessings <3
Hello darling!
Thank you for reaching out, and I'm honored to assist you with your decision. Let's turn to the tarot cards to gain guidance on whether it's better for you to enroll in a private or public university and how you might do in each environment.
Page of Pentacles: The Page of Pentacles signifies opportunities for learning and growth. It suggests that both options have their unique advantages, and you have the potential to excel in either setting.
3 of Cups Reversed: The 3 of Cups in reverse could indicate that there might be some challenges in finding the perfect balance between social life and academic pursuits. It advises staying focused and not getting overly distracted.
Knight of Cups: The Knight of Cups represents creativity and emotional expression. It suggests that you might thrive in an environment that encourages artistic pursuits or allows you to explore your passions freely.
Queen of Wands: The Queen of Wands embodies confidence and leadership. It indicates that you have the ability to excel and make a positive impact in either a private or public university setting.
Given your background attending a private school and being comfortable in that environment, you might find it easier to adapt to a private university. However, the prestige of public universities in your country may tempt you to take that path. It's essential to consider both the academic and financial aspects.
When making this decision, focus on the long-term goals you have for your education and career. Think about the kind of environment that will support your personal growth and offer the resources you need to thrive academically.
Regarding the pessimistic feelings, it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed when facing significant decisions like this. Take a deep breath and trust in your abilities and potential. You have already achieved impressive accomplishments, which show your dedication and capabilities. Believe in yourself, and know that whatever path you choose, you have the strength to make the most of it.
Remember, there is no "right" or "wrong" decision, only different paths with unique opportunities. Your determination and hard work will contribute to your success, regardless of the university you choose.
I wish you all the best in your decision-making process. May you find clarity and confidence in your choice. May your life be filled with joy, blessings, and continued success in all your endeavors. ❤️🌟
xx
Mia ♥
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Medblog: Unlocking the Keys to Acing Engineering Entrance Tests, Defense and Police Exams, School Level Exams, and Government Exams
Introduction:
Are you looking for the secret to success on your engineering entrance tests, defence and police exams, school level exams, or government exams? You’ve come to the right place.
In this Medblog, we’ll be unlocking the keys to success and helping you get the grades you deserve. We’ll be covering a variety of topics from studying and test-taking strategies to tips for acing your exams. So, if you’re looking for the best way to prepare for your upcoming exams, read on!
Exam Prep Strategies
A key part of your exam success is properly preparing. This means developing a study plan, getting the right resources, and understanding the structure and format of the exam.
Develop a Study Plan: The first step in exam prep is developing a study plan. You need to set aside time to go over the material and make sure that you’re comfortable with the topics. Take some time to map out your study plan and stick to it.
Get the Right Resources: Once you’ve developed a study plan, it’s important to make sure that you’re using the right resources for the exam. This could mean getting a study guide, enrolling in a prep course, or simply using practice questions. Whatever the case may be, make sure you have the materials you need to succeed.
Know the Structure and Format of the Exam: Knowing the structure and format of the exam is essential for success. This means understanding the number of questions, the types of questions, the time allowed, and any other specifics of the exam. Make sure you’re familiar with the exam before you take it.
Test-Taking Strategies
Once you’ve prepared for the exam, it’s time to start thinking about the actual test-taking strategies. This means reading the directions carefully, managing your time, watching out for distractions, taking breaks, and not panicking.
Read the Directions Carefully: Before you start the exam, make sure to read the instructions carefully. This will help you understand what is expected of you and how to approach the exam.
Manage Your Time: Time management is key to success on exams. Make sure you budget your time and don’t spend too long on any one question. You want to make sure you have enough time to answer all the questions.
Watch Out for Distractions: Distractions can be the downfall of any good exam taker. Make sure you keep your focus on the exam and don’t get distracted by things like your phone or other people in the room.
Take Breaks: Taking breaks during the exam can help you stay focused and energized. Make sure to take a few short breaks throughout the exam to keep your mind fresh.
Don’t Panic: Don’t let the pressure of the exam get to you. If you start to feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you can do this.
Tips for Acing Your Exams
Now that you’ve gone over the test-taking strategies, here are some tips for acing your exams. These include practicing, getting a good night’s sleep, eating a healthy meal, staying positive, and reviewing your answers.
Practice, Practice, Practice: Practice makes perfect. Make sure you’re taking the time to go over the material and practice questions. This will help you get comfortable with the material and build your confidence.
Get a Good Night’s Sleep: Getting a good night’s sleep before the exam is essential. Not only will it help you feel refreshed and energized, but it will also help you retain the material.
Eat a Healthy Meal: Eating a healthy meal before the exam is also important. Make sure you’re eating foods that will give you energy and keep you focused.
Stay Positive: A positive attitude can go a long way. Remind yourself that you’re prepared and that you can do this.
Review Your Answers: Once you’ve finished the exam, take a few minutes to review your answers. This will help you catch any mistakes and make sure you’re submitting your best work.
Conclusion
In conclusion, unlocking the keys to exam success can be a challenge. However, with the right preparation and test-taking strategies, you can be successful. Take time to develop a study plan, get the right resources, and understand the structure and format of the exam. During the exam, make sure to read the directions carefully, manage your time, watch out for distractions, take breaks, and don’t panic.
Finally, practice, get a good night’s sleep, eat a healthy meal, stay positive, and review your answers. With these tips and strategies in mind, you can be sure to ace your exams!
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The Positive Impact of After-School Math Classes on Your Child's Academic Performance
Students who attend after-school math classes often outperform their peers who do not attend such classes. This is because these classes provide students with an opportunity to reinforce the math skills they learn in school and to learn new skills. In addition, after-school math classes can help students develop a love of math, leading to them excelling in math classes throughout their academic careers.
-The benefits of after-school math classes
Kids can struggle to keep up with their math skills when not in school. That's why many parents are choosing to enroll their children in after-school math classes. These classes can help kids stay sharp and improve their math skills.
After-school math classes can help kids in several ways. For starters, they can help kids learn new math concepts. They can also help kids practice the skills they've learned in school. After-school math classes can also help kids develop problem-solving skills.
Kids who attend after-school math classes often perform better in math class. They also have a higher math proficiency rate. After-school math classes can help kids stay on track and get ahead in math. Consider enrolling your child in an after-school math class if you want to help them develop their math abilities.
-How after-school math classes can improve your child's academic performance
After-school math classes can be a great way for your child to improve their academic performance. These classes can help your child review and practice the material they learned in school and allow them to ask any questions. Additionally, these classes can help your child stay on track with their schoolwork and give them a head start on upcoming math classes. As a result, taking your child to after-school maths classes may be a good way to help them improve their academic performance. Here are some ideas to help you decide which after-school maths class is best for your child:
1. Review the curriculum.
When choosing an after-school math class, be sure to review the curriculum to make sure that it will match up with what your child is currently learning in school. This will help ensure your child gets the most out of the class.
2. Choose an age-appropriate class.
Be sure to choose a class appropriate for your child's age. This will help ensure they understand the material and are not overwhelmed or bored.
3. Ask about the instructor.
Ask about the math tutor abu dhabi when choosing an after-school math class. Check to see if they are qualified to teach maths and have experience working with children. This will help ensure that your child receives the best possible education.
-The importance of after-school math classes for students
Math is an important subject often required for many college majors and careers. Many students do not have enough time to learn math during the school day, so they take after-school math classes. After-school math classes can help students learn more about the subject and prepare for college and future careers.
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Breaking the Mold: Strategies for Overcoming Distracting Reading Habits and Acing Your Structural Engineering Exam
Studying for the structural engineering exam can be daunting, especially if you are easily distracted. With so many competing priorities, losing focus and struggling to retain information is easy.
Review can be particularly challenging when you still have a lot of structural engineering courses to cover, with the exam date already around the corner. The best bet (and our two cents) is to enroll with an SE exam prep course provider.
However, if you do not have the funds to finance such an endeavor, explore this piece for some timeless strategies for overcoming distractions when studying for the structural engineering exam.
The Effect of Distractions on Exam Performance
Distractions can have a significant impact on your structural engineering exam performance. When you are distracted, you are not fully engaged with the material, which makes it harder to retain information.
The sheer volume of material that must be absorbed is overwhelming, and distractions can make it even harder to keep up.
Distractions can lead to lower exam scores and a lack of confidence in your abilities. By eliminating distractions, you can improve your focus and give yourself the best chance of success.
Tips for Creating a Distraction-Free Study Environment
The first step in creating a distraction-free study environment is to find a quiet place to concentrate. It might be a library, a coffee shop, or a private study room.
Once you have found a suitable location, it is crucial to eliminate any potential distractions. It might involve turning off your phone, putting on noise-canceling headphones, or using a website blocker to prevent access to social media or email.
Effective Time Management Strategies
Effective time management is critical to success when studying for an exam. One of the best ways to manage your time is to create a study schedule. It involves setting aside specific times each day or week to study. By sticking to a plan, you can ensure that you are making progress and staying on track.
Structuring Your Study Sessions
When studying for a technical exam like structural engineering, it is essential to structure your study sessions to maximize your learning.
It might involve breaking down the material into manageable chunks, using flashcards to memorize key concepts, or using diagrams to help visualize complex ideas. By structuring your study sessions in a way that works for you, you can improve your retention and understanding of the material.
The Power of Practice Exams
Practice exams, including structural engineering, are essential for success when studying for any exam. By taking practice exams, you can identify areas where you need to improve and get a sense of the types of questions on the actual exam. It can help you focus your studying and prepare more effectively.
Utilizing Study Groups and Tutoring Services
Studying with others can be a fantastic way to stay motivated and get additional help when needed. Consider joining a study group or collaborating with a tutor to improve your understanding of the material. It can be beneficial if you struggle with a specific concept or topic.
Mental and Physical Preparation
Finally, taking care of yourself mentally and physically is essential when studying for an exam. It might involve getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and taking breaks when needed. It is also important to stay positive and maintain a growth mindset. Remember, you can achieve your academic goals with hard work and dedication.
Conclusion: Breaking the Mold and Achieving Exam Success
The easiest way to overcome bad reading habits when studying for the structural engineering exam is by identifying what distracts you. Common distractions include social media, email, text messages, phone calls, and even noise from outside. Be aware of these distractions and take conscious steps to minimize them.
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