#sigh. do i have to write it myself
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on the floor praying next to my bed: next time i open ao3 and search the miguel ohara tag pls let there be one (1) femslash au ty
#.diaries#sigh. do i have to write it myself#its fine my 1 party trick is to just pretend all guys in fic are he/him lesbians. my imagination knows no limits#when i was a teen i got thru the most eye wincing ya dystopia romances by closing my eyes and telling myself the guy was just rly butch#god. i just want a scary hench spiderdyke with big fangs + claws to knock out my insomniac ass with her paralysing spider venom#is that too much to ask#spiderverse#atsv#miguel o'hara#<- maybe if i tag this someone out there will see my cry for help. manifesting
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Like I get why human-Bill post canon redemption fics for Billford are common because it's fun to put Bill in that situation where he doesn't know whats going on and its a way to 'break' Bill into not being a huge asshole through learning empathy BUT I feel like also a big part of that is also people being COWARDS and not leaning into the monsterfuckery of Ford falling in love and getting it on freaky style with a triangle LIKE HE ALREADY DID.
#like i get it. thats what people are used to writing etc and thats not to say i dont enjoy those fics either. i do#i really do. but also i wanna see the saem trope but Bill as a triangle.#is this me shamelessly trying to beg for post canon bill-redemption monsterfucking smut. uhhhhh noooooo definitely not.#jokes aside seriously though id love to see that explored more. theres so many fun situations. handyman bill is one of them obviously.#but id love to see more#theres also probably more of them out there then im aware of but the human ones are DEFINITELY more common#hugin rambles#hugin rambles gf#gravity falls#billford#bill cipher#ford pines#stanford pines#big sigh. do i have to write one myself... ive been TRYING to ignore the ideas ping-ponging around but also that could be fun. but also#where the fics attty
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Me when I see someone rambling negatively about a character I wrote, or making incorrect assumptions about them based on their behavior
Me when I remember they haven’t read the 100 pages of backstory on said character, watched the nonstop footage of said character’s life in my head, and are going entirely based off little crumbs I’ve shared and don’t understand the meaning of unreliable narrators
Me when I remember it’s ok to be at peace with people not liking a character I wrote, whether it’s because more hasn’t been revealed about them yet or because of their personality - because that’s how real life works too, people like some folks and don’t like others, and it means that maybe I wrote a three dimensional character
(Shoutout to @/linkeduniverse for the images)
#writing problems#just a reminder to all my writer lovelies#Whether your writing is everyone’s cup of tea or not is their problem - not yours#I have to remind myself too lol#Especially when it’s a character I like#Like EXCUSE ME THAT’S MY BABY YOU’RE GRUMBLING ABOUT AND MISREPRESENTING#sigh#it’s not MY fault they don’t know every facet of this character#(It is)#lol#I do feel like reading comprehension is not something everyone possesses though and I need to just take a deep breath sometimes 🙃#But whatevs
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i told myself that yakuei only had one position then i proved myself (sorta) wrong
my fave face here:
#technically... if they were boinking in outer space... a lot of these would be the same position#makes a rotate-y gesture with my fingers#what is yakumo's kabedon if not a vertical missionary#so i've half proven myself right AND wrong! i'm net neutral in outer space broskis!!!!!#zizz-asdf if ur reading these tags i'll have u know that u inspired me to Do the Research1#like. 5 garu riding eiden? no. it can't be. does yaku do one specific thing with eiden 5 times? *tries to write it down*#i can't quite... what's the word for that position...uhhhh#ah forget it i'll just draw it out#<- that was the process of creating this. collage? 😆#THE MATRIX OF YAKUEI BOINKINg POSITIONS (under construction)#when u about to be semi-normal and make a spreadsheet but ur sexcabulary is stunted so you resort to visuals instead#legit opening up every intimacy room and skipping thru sections to get as complete a picture as possible#wondering... where are yaku's feet planted in this one. (skips to 8minute mark)#ah! there they are. theyre not supporting his weight in this one *draws it*#while drawing crimson phantom room 2 my brow was furrowed and i was mentally narrating#[and this one i affectionately call.. rectal exam - professional misconduct Grounds for Termination)]#surprised they str8 up havent done classicdoggstyle yet. is it because he's a snake? garu should teach him#also surprised that there's been no Light SSR for yaku yet. come on!! Light mode on the double!#uhhh i think the only repeated positions were freestanding (choco liqueur r2 and dark nova r2)#and standing AGAINST! THE! WALL! (choco liqueur r5 {interior} and shadow lineage r5 {cave})#wait. *throws papers around* i swear they did missionary more than once. was it only ocean breeze???#i know with the intimacy rooms they gotta modify the positions into certain angles to make it...look...better#but seriously? only one missionary out of the lot of them? despite the aesthetic tweaks??? how can that ........#*tosses more papers around with increasing befuddlement* WHERE IS MY PURE 100% VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM#sighs as all the papers lie scattered on the ground#dude... i don't know anymore..... this is beyond my scope#now that i see how evenly spread out the positions are...#i BET the devs have SOME SORTA CHART tracking yaku's positions. now THAT'S a funky office corkboard!#yakuei#nu carnival eiden
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Dawn
I am back because i got home from work and I got no chill! :D @spotaus
First one Prev drabble Next one
Okay. So why this one? Because i realised it was a while since i wrote a drabble from Horror's point of view and that is criminal and it is a great excuse for me to showcase some stuff from the quiet and very observing sockets of Horror! (also gives me an excuse to not think about the drabble order i got now and that thought i messed it up a bit which I need to think of a solution for)
Ready? Let's go!
*------------------------*
Horror makes sure to carefully close the door to the greenhouse. It is still early but he is used to those.
He enjoys the cool fresh air as he walks towards the house, small basket filled with fresh monster food. Horror is happy he got permission from Crop to harvest the plants in there for their meals.
He quietly opens the door and listens for a moment. He saw Cross leave the farm a little while ago to do his own morning workouts and by the sounds of it the other three are still asleep.
Which is good because he needs his own sleep. Horror knows very well that Dust is the one to wake up with Nightmare if something bothers him in his sleep.
He found the two of them awake and reading a book one too many times for Horror to believe they just had an allnighter.
Horror likes being up early. Maybe strange for him but he got used to it in his old universe. The best time to check his traps and search for food had been in the very early morning, or very late night depending on how you look at it, as most people would be asleep.
It is a leftover habit and he just kept going with it when he joined Nightmare's gang.
He puts the food away in all the right places and goes about getting the ingredients for todays breakfast. He notices the fresh milk and eggs and the choice is obvious. Some pancakes would be great.
He starts preparing the ingredients as he takes the time to measure it all. The milk makes him chuckle.
Watching Cross realises there was a cow had been funny. Finding Cross in a tree shaking with a cow under it had been hilarious. Crop ahd been apologetic as he explained that his cow, Betty (Killer had mutters "of course it is claled betty") was aparently mischievious.
Horror had his doubts but Cross swore that the cow would know when he left the farmhouse. That the cow would stand at the edge of her field and stare at him.
Cross did not go to the east side of the farm anymore. aparently that was Betty's territory in his mind.
Nightmare liked petting Betty however so you have your ups and downs.
Horror mixes the ingredients slowly but surely. Thinking about Nightmare, "Shouldn't you still be in bed?"
silence before a soft mutter "Not tired anymore."
Horror chuckles as he shoots Nightmare a look. He looks fully awake and adorable in his new wool sweater. Horror grins "God powers?"
Nightmare shrugs "I mean probably. I never needed sleep before. that is still new." They hadn't really noticed anything that could be connected to Nightmare's godhood at the moment. Maybe it had gone domant, at least that was Cross's guess. Dust just thinks Nightmare's magic is now focussed on healing instead of weird god shenenigans.
Speaking of healing! Horror gives him a stern look "bandages?"
Nightmare rolls his eye lights but mutters his answer "All still in place and good. Killer replaced them after the bath last night,"
Horror nods. With that secured he relaxes abit "Want to help?"
Nightmare is already by his side and stands on his tiptoes. Horror chuckles as he gives him a look "Need a chair?" he would offer a stepstool but the chair is more stable for him.
Nightmare looks at the counter annoyed before nodding his agreement. Horror grabs a chair and puts it near the counter. Nightmare climbs it easily.
Horror really wants to pick him up but they do have the rule that inside Nightmare should walk around himself to carefully train his spine. It is still much to early to already start carrying him. Horror knows that if any of them start they won't stop.
Nightmare reaches for the ingredients, some fruits for inside the pancakes, before pausing and staring at his sweater.
Nightmare has been very careful with his new gifted clothes. Horror himself is also very careful with the set of clothes Dust got him.
Horror frowns at the food he is making. He really hopes he can quickly find soemthing to do here to earn money. At the moment only Dust has something and it is starting to show, even Killer seems to be getting annoyed with himself over it.
Until now Horror and Cross helped around on Crop's farm. Which he was happy to do as it only seemed fair as a way to repay Crop for letting them stay. Horror has also been learning the basics about farming, farmland and farmwork from Crop. It is still a lot and not everything sticks in his skull, probably falling out of that hole. But he is getting better at it. He hopes with this Crop can maybe get the news out that both of them are more than willing to help around with heavy duty work and get a bit of cash flow.
Killer... Killer has a very specific set of skills. Sadly not specifically useful on a farm. Even if he is great with the animals and can herd pretty much anything, which is very useful but well. Most people won't let you near their animals unless they trust you and Killer is Killer.
Horror just feels bad that Dust is pretty much still Ngihtmare's main caretaker, got the rough end with the backstory they settled on, and has to deal with work to get cash. Only to spend all of it on them all.
Horror can see it is starting to wear him down. He just hopes they can figure out how to balance everything better.
It is another reason he loves these mornings. Because morning time means Dust, and Killer, both sleep in and Horror gets time to supervise their babybones. Horror adores the time wiht Nightmare. Especially when alone because then others don't watch them nervously the whole time.
It is exhausting to be seen as something dangerous even if he knows it is true. It is why they mean so much to him, they never treated him like that. None of them did.
A glance confirms that Nightmare has carefuly rolled up the sleeves and is taking extra care with cutting the fruits, using one of the duller knives which won't be able to cut bone. Horror turns back to getting everything else ready. He has to concentrate to push his intent into the food. He wants them to enjoy and like it. Feel the things he can't say to them.
Horror knows what he wants and feels but also knows none of them are ready to hear it. Horror has known that from the moment he realised what he felt was. The curse of being the only emotional stable one.
He still remembers all the way back near the start of them meeting and chuckles to himself. they did not get along at all.
Nightmare immediantly looks up "What is funny?" he looks adorably confused.
Horror thinks for a moment "Remember when you brought me in?"
Nightmare blinks before giving a slow nod "Yeah... I had hoped you would calm Killer and Dust."
Horror chuckles "Can't believe you thought i could do that."
Ngihtmare shrugs as he finishes up his task and just sits normally on the chair "I mean... It worked." his hands find the glass of juise Horror got him.
Horror pauses for a moment before nodding. Nightmare is kinda right with that one. It hadn't worked right away but he made it work. Mostly because he had had a lot of motivation.
Nightmare, still a fully active god at that point, had offered him that he would slowly but surely fix the food problem in his universe in trade for his service, something about it being too severe for him to be able to instantly fix but if Horror worked for him he would work on it. Horror had figured Nightmare had known about his little weird immortality situation with his own universe's core and accepted.
Turns out he just wanted him to fix whatever had been going on with Killer and Dust. Because they would fight. Constantly. And those two got very close to killing each other a few times.
Horror had eventually managed to somehow form a connection and bond with Killer. It had been rather easy and Horror was able to become friends with him over coworkers. Eventually find him not just annoying but funny. And later think fondly of his antics.
Dust took longer. Which had been a combination of Dust just being an introvert and not looking for connections or at least not in the way that made that clear to Horror. And well Horror heard bits and pieces of what Dust had done and had honestly been disgusted with the idea that Dust just murdered his whole universe and his own brother. Just to fight one human? Just to end a timeloop?
It was well after he managed to get them to stop, or at least contain the damage of, their fighting. Well after he started working for Nightmare more permanently that Horror realised how the multiverse worked.
And how fucking unfair it was.
Because aparently? stupid fate or some shit? That decided how your universe worked. His would always have ended up with a famine and starvation. Killer would always lose control and be controlled, abused and used by the human. Cross would always be the end of his universe. Dust... Dust would always have to kill his universe. No matter what he tried or solution he tried.
It wasn't until later Horror learned that Dust had tried everything. Multiple times. That Dust had learned to play multiple musical instruments in the time of resets. That he had learned to cook, and tinker. He master chemistry. Everything in the hopes it could give him a solution.
But the fates had already decided his ending, much like for all of them there was only one ending possible for them. And in the end locked him in a dead AU make by his own hands when no other options was left. Just like all of them had been.
Horror has to admit it took him a long time to get Dust to admit those things to him. Msotly because Horror had been standoffish before and that he accidentally gave Killer advice to treat Dust like one of the many stray cats he interact with.
He hadn't specifically said that. horror had just told Killer that maybe Dust would like Killer more, or at all, if Killer learned to respect his boundaries. Horror had mentioned how Killer could learn each cat's limits so why not Dust?
Worst part was that it actually worked.
Horror rubs his face "I give him cat advice." his voice sounds pained. Dust had been so mad at them both.
Nightmare nods "I remember. Dust left for three weeks." he snorts "which really is very catlike..." more thoughtful "And then you two got mad at me for not telling you where he went." He blinks and shrugs as he drinks from his orange juice.
Horror ignores the cat comment as he looks at Nightmare "Why didn't you tell us?" Dust had actually been recruited to help Nightmare with the balance. Something Horror only started to do after helping Killer and Dust be less homicidal.
Nightmare blinks at him wiht those wide sockets "I didn't want to force any of you... If you wanted to leave..." he speaks softer and softer "I wasn't going to stop you if you wanted to leave... if you didn't want to stay..."
Horror frowns and picks Nightmare up. He embraces him and hums "I am sorry we left..."
Nightmare shrugs as he pushes clsoer to him "You came back..."
hah... yeah they did. Much like Dust did all that time ago. He was gone for a few weeks before returning after killing Ink bringing back one of his fucking sketchbooks as proof. Obviously killing Ink does little in the long run but it was quite the powermove. Dust had glared at them daring to say anything. Killer of course had muttered something about Dust bringing back a kill much like a cat.
Horror is still not sure how he managed to stop Dust from Killing Killer that day.
Horror puts Nightmare at the table and gets a small yogurt and fruit snack ready for him. Just so he can eat a tiny bit. See how his magic will handle food today. Nightmare starts eating it when offered and that is a good sign. Means his magic is actually sending out the signal that it needs food today.
Horror goes back to flipping pancakes. Horror tries to stay in the here and now but his injury makes his mind likely to wander. and with already having been thinking about them.
He still remembers one of the early missions, after Horror learned about fates cruel games. Dust had still acted the same but Horror had tried to be more friendly. He had been close to giving up on it as clearly it wasn't working as Dust was still standoffish. Only for Dust to pull him out of the way of an attack from Ink, getting hit instead.
Later Horror had demanded why he did that and Dust had just shrugged. He hadn't had an answer for him. It confused Horror to no end. Horror was immortal because of that fact that his magic had been used in the core and bonded to that. Meaning as long as the core in his universe was fine he would return to life.
The gang had known this and Horror knew that Dust knew this. And yet. Dust had heard all of that and looked at the large monster Horror had become saw soemthing worth protecting. Something that needed protection.
Horror thinks he fell a little bit in love that day.
Much like how one day Horror just realised he couldn't stand the idea of not being near Killer or never seeing him again. That even if Killer could be annoying that he didn't wish him any pain or harm.
How it warmed his soul that Killer, and Cross later, would hide behidn him. Seeing him as someone safe that would protect them. See him as someone trustworthy.
Cross, so eager to please and desperate for affection and affirmation. but once he relaxed so smart and funny. Loyal and always ready to help...
But now is not the time to try and see what any of them thought or felt. They are dealing wiht a lot at the moment and they need to concentrate with trying to make staying here work.
The front door opens and Cross walks in quietly. He sneaks a glance at them and smiles when Horror catching him looking. Cross waves to Nightmare "Hey guys. All good?"
Horror nods "Nightmare helped." he flips another pancake as Nightmare drinks his juice with a smug little smile.
Cross grins "Good to hear. I will quickly get cleaned up and help. Dust and Killer?"
Nightmare hums "Still asleep." and he sips his juice again.
Cross nods "Good to know. be back in a bit" and he goes towards the bathroom. The pipes groan softly as Cross no doubt turns on the shower.
Horror finishes the last pancake and gets to wrok on getting the drinks and coffee ready.
Another day for them to figure out how this will work. Horror is just happy they are all here, everything else can wait as long as they stick together.
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#utmv#realageau#nightmare sans#deaged nightmare#cross sans#Horror Sans#We are back with a Horror POV#you guys I love Horror's pov. He is just such a nice and emotionally stable guy#I can actually just have him admit feelings and thoughts and let him make conclusions without a lot of selfdoubt!#It is so nice?!#this is a drabble that if it were a full story i would be stuck on#mostly because there are so many more things i wanted to add and expand on but just didn'have the room or time to do quickly#I write these in one go which is why they are drabbles instead of official chapters#they are the rough rough drafts of chapters#This would be a hard chapter because there are so many things i wanted to type but yet the flow of the drabble and story only goes so far#Writing whining aside this is the next drabble#maybe i will revisit things that were mentioned later#You guys i wanted to add how everyone has their own love language and explain the one of the guys but i just couldn't get there without it#breaking the flow and that hurts so much! I wanted to talk abotu that! sigh#maybe another time#but i promised myself these drabbles are unedited and stay as drabbles and rough shape so here we are!#but yeah if i ever turn this into a full full story with even more in between bits and expand the drabbles this would be terror to figure#out just because there is so much i would want with it1#okay i am going to stop now
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A Minute in the Morning
so I started playing pokemon legends arceus. crumples to the ground. (2762 words)
In a hazy, rusty morning light, Ingo wakes up.
It’s a slow start—like his office computer, taking a whole ten minutes to finish booting, enough to stir sugar into his morning coffee and dissect his breakfast sandwich into parts. It feels like it takes just about that much time for Ingo to become aware of where he’s lying, which is in bed. Which is not where he fell asleep to begin with, which means that someone lifted him to bed and tucked him in. Which was rather sweet. Because he’s burrowed into the covers like a happy drilbur, keeping the cold from his fingers and toes and nose. He finally blinks his eyes open, and it’s sunrise that fills his room. Not his room. Scratch that. Emmet’s room. No wonder the blankets are so much lighter than he remembers them being. Nevertheless. Happy drilbur. He weasels a little more into the pillow. From either side of him, something moves. It’s slight, if there, but as he cranes his neck, slow and careful, he can see a dark head of hair on one side, and silver-white on the other.
Ingo’s heart swells a fraction too big and too warm for his chest as he sighs out.
Elesa and Emmet haven’t woken up yet, which is a plus. If he were to move too much and move them he might lose the warmth from either side. Elesa’s shoulder rests against the crest of his back, and Emmet’s holding onto his elbow with one hand. The grip is loose at best, but the warmth, both from shoulder to spine and hand to elbow, seeps through him.
It’s blurry. Just everything. It kind of mushes together in his brain, like jam. Or maybe jelly. It doesn’t really matter. If he thinks too hard, his stomach starts to twist in knots, and he’d rather not feel sick while he’s trying to enjoy his morning. He remembers falling asleep while the television played the night prior—nighttime skits and commercials he filtered out until Emmet’s shoulder became the comfiest thing. He supposes that sometime between that point, and the point which he’s just woken up, Elesa came in, and at some other point, he was carted off to bed. It’s nice, though. The blankets make just enough weight over him to soothe ache and anxiety, and it’s warm, and he’s mostly thinking about how nice a cup of coffee sounds right now. Maybe a latte. Something warm. He shuts his eyes again.
The light is surprisingly yellower when he wakes up again. There’s still a warm weight on both sides of him, but it feels different than before. It stretches over him, too, more than just the weighted blanket that’s been added on top of him. He peeks an eye open to find Eelektross slumped over him, his large head curled near Ingo’s shoulder and his similarly large eyes shut as he snores. Ingo snorts, trying to shift to his back with the weight over him, without waking Eelektross. He does after a moment, settling once again, only for Eelektross to huff and fix one, tired eye on his face. Ingo smiles, just a little.
Wriggling a hand free, he pats Eelektross’ forehead, a path well pet and well loved.
“Good morning, you gigantic eel.”
Eelektross trills, nuzzling into Ingo’s hand.
“Mm, yes,” Ingo says. “I’m sure that definitely did not alert Emmet that I am awake, meaning I can’t fake any more sleep. Thank you Eelektross.”
The eel gives a happy sniff.
Ingo snorts.
Typical.
The door cracks open a moment later, the wide eyes of his brother peeking through. He raises his eyebrows, looking over Ingo and Eelektross still in bed. It comes with a little head tilt, something Ingo knows is indicative of an Emmet with a question.
“Sleep well?” he asks. Ingo nods.
“I think so,” he says. “I didn’t realize I’d be carried to bed when I fell asleep.”
“Ah!” Emmet says, eyebrows raising. “I made sure you stayed asleep when we carried you in. You’re a very deep sleeper when you want to be.”
It’s getting better, the gaps in his memory. It’s not enough to trust himself to start his duties as a Subway Boss again, but it's enough to have a few doctor’s appointments and to speak with police and his boss and their coworkers. He’s remembered their pokemon, which is why Eelektross didn’t startle him. And he’s remembered enough for him to fall asleep on Emmet’s shoulder with no care in the world. Enough for life to begin to settle from the chaos. Today is Tuesday, which means Emmet has the day off, and Ingo can tell, even as he reaches to wipe sleep from his eyes, that Emmet is still in his pajamas. He opens the door a little wider, leaning against the doorframe.
“Ah,” Ingo echoes. “Was it Elesa’s idea to sleep in your room rather than my own?”
“It was,” Emmet concedes, smiling. “But I am Emmet, and I make a very good pillow.”
“You are Emmet and you are a very clingy sleeper,” Ingo says, letting his eyes shut again. Emmet makes a startled noise.
“Go-Go, don’t fall asleep again,” he yaps. “Your breakfast will get cold.”
Slowly, Ingo opens one eye, looking at his brother in the doorway. Eelektross snuffs into his shoulder, wriggling off of him. He grunts as the eel’s weight shifts off, leaving him free, but cooler.
“What’s for breakfast?” he says, watching Eelektross wriggle off the bed and toward Emmet. Emmet opens the door a bit further, takes a step back, and hefts the eel into his arms, knees bending with the weight. Ingo watches Emmet giggle to himself, shifting Eelektross in his arms to better wrap around his neck and arms, weight heavy against him. Clearly.
“Pancakes,” Emmet huffs. He’s still smiling, something almost infectious.
“Alright,” Ingo sighs.
“I also cut some fruit.”
“I’m getting up,” Ingo grumbles, rolling onto his side before he peels himself up and into a sit.
“I think Elesa left her nice coffee creamer, also.”
“I’m already up, Em,” Ingo snorts, trying not to laugh. “You don’t have to convince me.”
Emmet laughs again.
“Just adding!” he says cheerily, wobbling off toward the living room. In the open doorway, Ingo can see the sprawl of their living room and kitchen, lit by yellow daylight. Ingo sighs, stretching his arms above his head, twisting around. When the room settles, he stands, and he realizes that the room is warm around him. Emmet must’ve turned the heat on, and it must actually be working. He hums as he combs his hair back, wandering into the bathroom to wash his face.
When he finally makes it to the kitchen table, Emmet is sitting at the table, scrolling on his x-transceiver. He’s changed into a cream-colored, high collared sweater, his hair held back with a small headband. Eelektross is lying across the couch, head resting on the arm. There’s a plate of pancakes sitting in front of Ingo’s seat at the table, and a half-eaten plate in front of Emmet. He looks up as Ingo sits, raising his eyebrows.
“Good morning,” Emmet says. He nudges a cup of coffee toward Ingo. It’s a light brown color—likely the way that Ingo likes it. It helps they like their plain coffee the same way. If it were any other type of coffee, Ingo’s certain there would be some big disagreement—type of milk and way of prep and iced versus hot. But Ingo takes a long sip of hot coffee and nearly sighs in relief. Whatever fancy creamer Elesa buys really does make a plain cup of coffee so much better. He sits, nudging Emmet with his foot under the table.
“What are you reading?” he asks, gesturing with his fork to Emmet’s phone. Emmet holds it up.
“Article on a new electric rail system in Galar.”
Ingo tilts his head, nodding along.
“Interesting. Any good?”
“Very efficient,” Emmet says, nodding along. He eventually pulls back, setting his phone face down on the table and returning to his pancakes. He takes a large bite, and through it, says:
“Maybe Gear Station should get some upgrades.”
Ingo snorts.
“We’re already quite efficient,” he says. “Do you think our trains could be quicker? Easier to board?”
Emmet shrugs.
“Wishful thinking. They’re already automatically driven, so there isn’t much more, but maybe longer cars to hold more passengers. Our trains are quite small.”
“Sounds expensive,” Ingo says, drinking his coffee. He pulls apart his stack of pancakes, poking at them with his fork.
“Maybe they’ve already got an upgrade in the works,” Emmet says. “It’s been a while since we’ve had an all-staff meeting. Perhaps we should inform the director.”
“Especially since I’ve returned and have about three years to catch up on, mm?”
Emmet smiles. It’s a bit tight, though. Ingo glances away, biting into his tongue. Should’ve kept that thought to himself.
“Maybe you’re right,” he says. “Though I promise you that not much has changed in the last three years.”
Ingo hums. He believes it, that nothing much has shifted. It’s hard to say, obviously, considering he wasn’t there to see it for himself, but his brother was never the type to lie without a reason, and this certainly didn’t have a good one. He takes a large bite of pancake and finds them still warm. It’s a quiet breakfast, between pancakes and coffee and Galvantula sleeping underneath the table. Emmet eventually finishes his food, shoveling large bites of pancake into his mouth as quickly as he can. Ingo watches him swallow with surprising difficulty, reaching for his cup of coffee. It takes a moment for Ingo to stomach the rest of his pancakes. Having this much food is a luxury he had not often afforded a month prior. His stomach still wasn’t used to it.
“Where is Elesa?” Ingo asks after a beat. Emmet talks through a mouthful of pancake and strawberry and maple syrup.
“Mm, she had four battle appointments today, but she’ll be back around. Probably before two.”
Emmet is the first to finish, setting all his dishes together as he stands. He moves around Ingo as Ingo finishes, collecting dishes and setting everything in the sink. As Ingo stands to pass him his plate, he asks:
“Did you have a plan today?
“Mm?” Emmet hums. “No, not particularly. Why? Is there something you wanted to do?”
Ingo frowns, face pulling.
“Well,” he starts. “I was thinking—”
“Ah,” Emmet interjects. “Your first mistake—”
“I was thinking,” Ingo continues, narrowing his eyes. “That it might be a good idea for us to visit Elesa. I need to ask her for a new coat.”
“Mm!” Emmet startles, turning toward him. His face brightens. “That’s right! You do need a new coat. Good thing she’ll be over later, mm?”
Ingo nods. He fetches his coffee mug, pouring another cup of black coffee to balance the sweetened dregs. He leans back against the counter right as Emmet goes to hand him a dish to put away. They work in tandem for a moment, pausing as Ingo works to finish his coffee.
It’s a slow morning, 8:45am, and Ingo gazes back at his bed with longing.
It’s just. When’s the last time he had such a good sleep, right? On a bed that soft? He’d gotten so used to tatami mats and the grass and canvas laid out on the ground and here was a bed, with thick fluffy blankets and several large pillows and another person taking up space. It was very—stop it, Ingo—it’s comfortable. He hands Emmet his coffee mug.
“Ingo,” Emmet says.
Ingo hums. His eyes have drifted to the couch. Maybe standing is a little hard today. He should sit, shouldn’t he?
“Is my brother still up there?” Emmet asks, tapping Ingo’s head. Ingo startles as he does, turning to him.
“I would hope so,” he says. “Otherwise I don’t know where I’d be.”
“Not here, obviously” Emmet says. He finishes rinsing Ingo’s mug, setting it top down on the drying mat. “Though I’m not entirely sure you’re all there right now, are you?”
“Trying,” Ingo hums. “Too much going on.”
Emmet hums, a bit of a laugh showing through.
“You look like you’re about to fall over.”
“I won’t,” Ingo promises.
“I don’t believe you,” Emmet says, shutting off the sink. The clean dishes sit on the rack, dripping water. Emmet wipes his hands with a dish towel. “You know, you should be resting if your engine isn’t working at full capacity. Rest is very important”
“Can’t be a well oiled machine with nowhere to go,” Ingo says, folding his arms. “I don’t understand why I don’t have the energy to move anymore.”
“Does the why matter?” Emmet asks. He’s leaning against the counter now, a mirror to Ingo, like he often was to Emmet. It was a natural progression—one following after the other, a mirror, a shadow, a doppleganger.
“It matters a little,” Ingo shrugs. “It matters to me. It gives me a reason.”
“Your reason is that you’ve gone through a lot,” Emmet says, pushing away from the counter. He scoops up his x-transceiver from the table, moving around it and through the apartment as he talks. “Your reason is that your body is playing catch-up with the world around you.”
“Maybe,” Ingo huffs.
“I am Emmet,” says his brother. “I am tired. I don’t sleep well. Do you think it’s my fault that I’m tired and don’t sleep well?”
Ingo grits his teeth. He hates this part—ever since they were little, Emmet would flip this hypocritical card, showing Ingo exactly how stupid he was sounding. It was good, for the most part, because Emmet was right and next time Emmet did the same thing, Ingo could follow suit with that card. But it was so annoying watching it now, watching Emmet throw open the blinds and shimmy open the window for the fire escape. A tinged-cool spring breeze filters in through the open window, tossing the curtains aside. Emmet keeps moving as Ingo thinks, the gears in his head turning slowly, still dulled with sleep.
“No,” Ingo says shortly, watching Emmet rearrange coasters on the coffee table, setting game controllers back into their docks. “I don’t think anything is your fault.”
“Well now you are just flattering me, Go-Go.”
“Don’t say that flattery never got anyone anywhere,” Ingo says, pointing at him, waving his finger. Emmet laughs.
“My point is,” he says, gesturing to the couch. “You’re allowed to rest. We can figure out the steps from there, right? Even if we’re sitting on the couch to do it.”
Ingo sighs, chewing on the inside of his cheek.
“Even if I fall asleep?”
Emmet nods, still smiling a little.
“I will wake you if you do.”
Ingo huffs out a laugh, feeling the edges of his mouth quirk up. As Emmet sits on the soft, corduroy couch, Ingo feels himself pulled forward, as if recalled, to sit beside him. He brings his knees up as he settles into his familiar spot between the back and arm of the couch.
“Do you promise you’ll shake me awake?” Ingo says, leaning his head against the back of the couch. Emmet scrunches his nose.
“Yes,” he says, knocking his knuckles into Ingo’s knee. “I do. But I’m going to watch Alakazam! so you can think without my talking.”
Ingo nods. The television hums to life quietly in the background.
Emmet always watches Alakazam! at 9am. At least, when he can catch it. Ingo watches the last few minutes of the previous game show, something quiet and low despite the flash of colors and excited spread of energy. As the show starts, he watches Emmet’s face shift, that serious pull to his mouth and the furrow of his eyebrows that Ingo only sees when they’re battling. To see that spark again, not knowing how long it’s been gone, turns a question in Ingo’s mind.
“Emmet,” he says.
“Yes, I am Emmet,” Emmet says. “You are Ingo. What do you need?”
“I think I've got an idea of what I want to do today.”
Emmet turns his head a bit, looking at Ingo mostly out of the corner of his eye. His eyes flick back and forth between Ingo’s face and the television, waiting for his program to start.
“Mm?” Emmet asks. Ingo smiles a bit, a laugh stuck behind his teeth.
He sees the glint in Emmet’s eye before he even asks his question.
“What about a pokemon battle?”
#pokemon fanfiction#submas#subway boss emmet#subway boss ingo#text#pokemon bw fanfic#submas fic#legends arceus spoilers#sighs really pathetically. i feel like i could cry i'm really nervous to post this#i like. can't explain myself to people who have never played pkm black/white or legends arceus#hi mcyt followers. um. what the hell am i doing here#hey hows it going. ummmm. do you guys wanna know about my funny train men? no? that's fine--#YOU'RE GOING TO ANYWA YHAHHAHRHARHHARHRHHARHRHRHRHRHRH#RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#okay i'm fine again#i really liked writing this one uhm.. i dunno! i like the twins a lot#and i like how silly they are#and i like elesa their best friend and goofball sidekick
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how many more bleedin wips could i possibly have oml .................
is any of this visible on a device thats not apple cus the colours aren't colouring
(and unfortunately theres more where this came from rip me 😭😭😭 just sketching nonstop but not committing to colouring 💀)
#this is why its been taking me so long to finish writing#plus i intend to have accompanying art pieces for each fic i write#ive looked at these for too long i am starting to hate it all#oh i forgot how patient you must be when you do any sort of creative endeavour#yes i was a gifted kid yes i am hard on myself why do you ask#sigh#is this even worth tagging lmao#dragon age#dragon age art#dragon age inquisition#dragon age veilguard#emmrich#emmrich volkarin#solas#solas x lavellan#dread wolf#fen'harel#fuck it why not#lavellan#inquisitor lavellan#dai#datv#dav#dragon age the veilguard#da: inquisition#solas x inquisitor#emmrich hand practice yes...............................#i need to do a solas study ...............................................#hhhngghgnghghhhhh#its thanksgiving and im in europe so im going to order fried chicken in the spirit of bounty and gratitude
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I have officially hit a "too stressed to write" state of affairs that I suspect will last until this Sunday. Kinda hoping folks aren't too disappointed in the sudden change in regular update schedule - sorry. :(
#personal#if anyone ever asks me to be in a wedding party again I'm just going to tell them to get the fuck out of my house at gunpoint#normally I wouldn't feel bad about taking a writing break but I don't like leaving chapters hanging orz#but we're at “creative juices dead and also having stress nightmares” which funnily enough are my two major flags#for “hey bellamy! you are stressed!” for when I gaslight myself into forgetting that I am indeed capable of being stressed#at least my stress is on a schedule sigh#at least this particular aspect of it which is tipping things over into “too much”#dear diary#you know what i DO have spoons for however??#binge watching the handmaid's tale#boy does THAT put some perspective on how nice my life is lmaooooo
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starting to feel my enjoyment of cooking seeping back in after a long period of intense burnout that had me really slogging along preparing meals with gritted teeth for a good month there. i credit the return of this spark to the much needed break i took on our 3 day vacation that resulted in us eating solely theme park food. while delicious, in all its greasy overpriced glory, i found myself missing the kitchen. so last night for dinner i made heavily spiced chicken wings with crushed peppercorns and garam masala that rendered slowly in its own fat while roasting in the oven, resulting in flavorful charred crisp skin and a really juicy bite. we picked them clean over steamed rice with lime and scallions. i also baked a loaf of marbled pumpkin and dark chocolate bread yesterday for my neighbor as a thank you for doing me a favor last week. it looked delicious. the crumb was tender and plush and velvety, the spiced ginger molasses pumpkin batter swirling alongside the bitter dark chocolate espresso batter, with puddles of dark chocolate bubbling across its top. it looked so lovely i whipped up a second one for us to have for ourselves that's in the oven now, i think it could be a really good breakfast pastry for us this week.
#ugh it feels sooooooooo good to be enjoying cooking again#it was so bad the last like month or so i just#have been sooooo burnt out#it's genuinely insane what a 3 day vacation can do to reset you :(( it makes me sad lol#i wish that everyone could rest to their hearts content forever#i think i am someone who is extremely prone to burnout and i need about quadruple the amount of quiet alone resting time#that the average person does#so when i get burned out its like excruciating to pull myself out of it again#but im also the primary cook of my household so there isn't really time to take a break and recharge and find my joy for it because#we have to eat lol#3 times a day#every day#forever#BUT#i am feeling so much better about things now after making that dinner and baking a little bit#its feeling soooo autumnal around here lately too which helps#the changing of the seasons is so good for my cooking motivationg#idk#i was feeling pretty depressed that i was starting to resent cooking for a while there since when i enjoy it it's like#life-giving#soul sustaining#wonderful hobby that gives my life purpose and meaning#and it was breaking my heart that i wasn't feeling that way anymore#but i can feel myself coming back#writing about food helps me too#something about describing it#and sharing it with other people who are delighted by it#makes me enjoy it a little extra#sigh#i feel like im returning to myself finally !!!
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The more I think about it the more unfair it feels that Zenos dies at the end of this. I'm like.....7-10? Quests away from "endwalker" and there is so much we don't know. Why did he dream of the end of Amaurot? Emet-selch experimented on him - why was that never touched upon again once it had been mentioned? What did he do? Why? Zenos can teleport???? Switch bodies? What was all that even for? Zenos yae galvus youre making me insane and I'm tearing my hair out of my head
#like did I MISS SOMETHING? Is there a quest chain I've missed doing?????????#He's so good but if these things are not explained at least in part I'll be so disappointed.#and i most definitely don't see zenos doing a lore dump about himself (i love his monologuing but that would be so fucking boring)#agnes ffxiv adventures#Zenos yae Galvus#endwalker spoilers#let me explain myself btw a zenos lore dumb from zenos mouth would not be boring all in itself!#( tbh id love nothing more than more zenos pov - he would be such an interesting character to hear the inner monologues of.)#HOWEVER!!:#what I mean is that if that's all we'd be getting...#...I'd be sorely disappointed#( for the first time while playing this game. There have been story beats that have made me sigh but nothing's been disappointing. )#( like genuine soul crushing levels of disappointment because he's a central character and he deserves that much - and i'd expect more -#from the writers who really seem to care. But If you don't respect your characters what kinda story are you writing in the first place?)#TLDR shut up Agnes: I expect more from the writers and it would be such a let down to be left hanging like this.#Zenos
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something about making Apple White, who biggest trauma is death and it drives her whole character, canonically die and never be acknowledged doesn’t sit right with me at ALL like we really need to start talking about how that would've messed up Apple's life and how it would make sense she just doesn’t really feel alive after that, her own perception about life and death is so warped since she was a child and to go through that just to be swept aside assassinated an interesting plot that had been explored in the books tbh
#like we just got ew who even asked for that#apple deserved to unpack her trauma as a treat#*sigh* I have to do it myself! I might write this#apple white#ever after high#eah#eah books#eah lore
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Me realising I have to actually write my whole fic and not just little paragraphs in between with no context: Fuck
#I have everything planned out#but the first part is SO BORING UGH#i just want to dissect their relationship and professional lives#and write about their parallels and how they grow and change over the span of their time together#but I have to sit here and write about the fourth of July#i say this like i didnt plan out that scene and CHOOSE to write it#still#not liking it#However this is my attempt at starting a fic and actually finishing it#said fic just so happens to be long as shit and spans roughly 30-ish years#I do this to myself#and then have to audacity to complain#top gun#top gun maverick#top gun 1986#yes I know I'm writing fic for a military propaganda movie when I hate the military#and America#*sigh*#the things you give up for a hyperfixation#fanfiction#fanfic
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the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here
#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness#(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too)#but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so#lets see how that develops you know#also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it#not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but#im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing#to complain abt it anyway#the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy#maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness#i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character#in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now#like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains#in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think#or maybe you can! but i'll find that out#i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh#always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do#bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really#but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all#remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe#saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post#all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story#whos Other is story#where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story#ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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"Oh wow I really like this Worm fic that's been going on! Well written, with interesting dynamics, and Wolfspider for once!" [A few chapters later] "I regret to inform you that the fic has flanderized Sophia and casually killed her off"
#worm#parahumans#subtweeting little hunter by 3ndless which I have lost all interest in reading#I'd ask why the fuck it's so hard for so many authors in this fandom to be normal about Sophia but we all know why#also genuinely fucking lazy decision on a writing perspective fucking whyyyyyyyyyy man#if this is all you're gonna do with her don't fucking write her to begin with#*sigh* I guess I really have no other option if I wanna read more wolfspider than to write it myself
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I need to sleep for 70 hours and then maybe I'll feel not evil again
#Robin processes emotions on main#mghmfph#THE BRAIN GUCK#holy spirit fix me. holy spirit. holy spirit save me#the stupid brain guck man..... I need to move out I need to sleep more I need to. need to be braver#I need to write this new story idea I need to. bury myself in zombie au#my brain's coming up with new ocs and even as I'm doing it I'm going wow these are the ocs of a stressed-out teenager#I'm not a teenager but living with my parents again is making me feel like one I NEED TO MOVE OUT#ANYWAY#everything will be fine I'm just venting#I'm just particularly frustrated with myself today and talking myself through it. I hate feeling selfish. ugh.#I wish I had money for therapy :[#I want to do therapy again. but it's just me my comfort media and the holy spirit against the world right now#also in addition to feeling selfish I'm feeling super isolated#I HAVE NO COMMUNITY no irl community anyway#and living with my parents... makes it. genuinely super hard to try to make community. ugh. again: wish I could move out and get therapy#figure out what I'm DOING figure out people to do it WITH#yeuch that was a lot of gross emotions and thoughts sorry#love you. have a glass of water or something. that's what I'm going to do now#oh also I'm stressed out Today bc parents are having friends over and I don't feel up to it. but I like them. but I just want to sleep#SIGH#okay I'm done for real now
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