#should i warn for in-verse ableism? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

steadycoffeeflow · 2 months ago

Text

So NaNo staff issued a note to the community that you can read in full over on their website.

As already noted by others, there's no acknowledgement that their earlier statements were couched in false social injustice and co-opted language they shouldn't have. Just the apology for "lack of context" when they came out in wholesale support of AI.

I want to make it entirely clear: It is not "selective intolerance" to be against training models that plagiarize writers' work and threaten the welfare of writers, be they hobbyists or professionals.

NaNoWriMo issuing a statement that's not apologetic in the slightest, to a community well-versed in subtext and tone, is just another indication this org is dead in the water. Their opening line claims that telling people to stop stealing authors' works without permission is "vitriolic", I mean, come the fuck on.

Yet, they're claiming to be neutral.

If you want to give them the benefit of the doubt, AI is a very broad term, so it's possible they didn't mean generative AI.

But to that, I say, this statement was as good a time as any to at least define what the hell they initially meant. And they didn't do that. Instead, they did what I called out earlier: both-sidsing, limp wristed prattle days after the fact (it took Ellipsus all of half a day to issue their statement, alongside much of their board of writers, who are also volunteers by the way).

"We absolutely believe that AI must be discussed and that its ethical use must be advocated-for. What we don’t believe is that NaNoWriMo belongs at the forefront of that conversation. That debate should continue to thrive within the greater writing community as technologies continue to evolve."

Guys, you made yourselves the forefront of the conversation. And that thriving community engagement that had been fostered for over twenty years was summarily nuked when NaNo failed to protect children from harm, let's not forget that. This ideological concept where NaNo comes out, fists flying with accusations of classism and ableism because people take legitimate issue against plagiarism, then rolls right over decrying how vitriolic people are being in response to their antagonisms?

Just an idea, don't support thieves, don't speak over the disabled community, and maybe, just maybe, don't fuck around. Cause with the number of sponsors that have dropped and national media coverage this story has gotten (but lol, totally not at the forefront guys, too much heat for such a silly small thing, y'all are totally blowing this out of proportion let's, oh, take the heat off when we were the ones who turned the stove on in the first fucking place (I am American in an election cycle year I am losing my fucking mind)) I believe NaNo is entering the "find out" stage.

Back to the earlier point of what exactly I'm taking issue with...

Many "AI" features that have been umbrella'd under this term already were available in some form or another for several decades, existing as programs or features of software. Just because some tech bro rolls out an update and slaps AI in front of their API doesn't mean the tool is actually "AI".

But if you want to discuss the merits of Microsoft's Clippy being an AI program, let's fuckin' go.

Full disclosure: I deleted my NaNo account. My MLs were booted in April with no warning nor discussion, and my local community is doing it's own thing independent of NaNo.

We can support and cheer each other on just fine without the groomers and plagiarists.

Also, again, what the fuck does "advocated-for" mean who over there is hyphenating random shit? This is coming from a kenning enthusiast, please what the hell is happening over there??

I'm coming out of my cage and things are not fine, I'm screaming at NaNo "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!"

If you haven't already been made aware how borked NaNoWriMo is, in the past 24 hours they've released an endorsement of AI after partnering with an AI software program.

The problem is, much of what they're saying is outright bullshit, and I don't even need to get into the nature of belittling the very writers they claim they're sticking up for by talking over them. It's an exploitation of a community, using them as a PR meat shield.

Because it should be awfully apparent NaNo's goal isn't to foster a healthy writing community. If that were the true goal, their missteps for the past year following the child harm allegations wouldn't be happening. Rather, instead, it's more likely the reason every company has relentlessly pursued and pushed AI: $$$

I don't think I'm entirely off base to say money is the reason AI is mucking up much of our creative spaces. At the peak of this fervor, you could load up some listicle titled '5 Ways AI Boosts Your Side Hustle' or some YouTuber claiming to make thousands a month with their AI writing, as if it were that easy to make a living writing and silly authors have just been leaving money on the table.

The mad gold rush that followed impacted literary magazines and publishing spaces, such as Clarkesworld Magazine freezing submissions as they were inundated with poorly written nonsense. The people behind NaNoWriMo, however, apparently believe Clarkesworld Magazine is just being classist and ableist in their anti-AI stance. Yes. Certainly because of those reasons.

And not because their submissions jumped an untenable amount, almost 500% from their usual submission intake, and cost the lit mag staff untold amounts of mental harm (as well as a very real number amount of staffing hours and financial costs to combat this problem).

But to that, NaNo Org argues that AI is cost-effective, actually!

Which, we're back to the opening argument that NaNo is full of shit (in case you didn't realize that citation link was sarcasm and not evidence in support of NaNo's stance). It may be free to the end user to access AI, notwithstanding the many many models one can buy including NaNo's own sponsor, but the financial damages being incurred by the use of this tech is anything but. The fact NaNo glosses through this in three little bullet points is insulting.

But what really has gotten me to write off about this on a mostly dead Tumblr blog, is that I've worked in the publishing industry all of my adult life and I've been a part of the creative writing community about as long as NaNo claims to. Hell, part of my contract freelance work has been to go through slush piles and evaluate, by hand, if the submission utilized AI or not. Full transparency, that work has helped me get through medical bills this year.

Yet that's my point. Someone had to rearrange their budgets to hire many people like me to combat rampant AI-generated submissions, from college admission offices to literary magazines to other publishers. What could have gone toward the print run of a special issue or increasing the marketing budget of a debut author now has to go making sure illegal, plagiarized work isn't being unwittingly published and endorsed. It's not classist to take a stand against a technology that's disruptive enough to put people out of business, but NaNo takes aim and fires off some bullshit claim they're pro-indie authors.

You might be thinking, "But Steady, if the business can't adapt to the market, they shouldn't exist!"

And to that I say, not every single little thing needs to have a financial commodity price tag slapped onto it. Not everything needs to make money. Things have a right to exist without a price tag stickered on them. The onus of this situation is because NaNo partnered with an AI sponsor. They're outright seeking to make money out of this. Because they're well aware of the PR fiasco, they're high-grounding the situation by claiming they're sticking up for the little guys, while outright taking money from a harmful billion dollar industry.

Meanwhile, the little guy will find no publisher will touch their work, that their writing has no copyright protections attached to them, and they'll be blacklisted by those they stole the work from. NaNo claims this is unfair; sorry folks, that's just how it works. Stealing from your fellow writers tends to get those same writers to rally against you.

I don't need to be told that the publishing industry has issues, that fanfiction writers are made fun of and lambasted. But most of those issues stem from and feed right back into the very problem NaNo is claiming to stand against: The financial commodity of writing.

NaNo has everything to gain by you believing them and using their sponsorship coupon so you can generate works as a writer that have no copyright protections and likely violated the copyrights of fellow writers works in doing so (I can play the bolded words game too, you pricks (see their update in response to the massive backlash this stance has generated online)).

The final point I have to say, is that in NaNo's defense they claim their online workshops are just full to the brim! See the demand! Look, look with your special eyes how popular AI is!! You fools, this is the future at hand!!!

Except, I, an avid anti-AI writer and publishing professional, attend webinars about AI all the damned time. Mostly to understand what new angle or developments we'll have to defend against. Every single one of these publishing industry or writing webinars are, in the end, a sales pitch to get you to pay them rather than a fellow freelancer.

Notwithstanding, it's a marketing and sales 101 faux pas to mistake interest in a thing, eyes on screens and butts in seats, for tacit endorsement in said thing. Besides the obvious point that people most impacted by this tech would be interested in learning more about it, there's the very real possibility that the same crowd who drives clicks to Forbes and YouTube videos is partially the same crowd that flocks to these NaNo webinars seeking to make a quick, effortless buck.

So, in the end, NaNo isn't speaking to writers. They're speaking to people looking to exploit a blind spot in an industry in order to make $$$ in our Capitalist Hellscape. And in NaNo's rush to join that race, they're trampling over the community they've grown and fostered for over 20 years.

The insinuation of this entire statement is that NaNo is standing tall for the "little guy" that the writing community has just let wilt and suffer for years, neglected and unheard. And it's totally not that NaNo nuked their own forums, a free, accessible resource for such writers to utilize, and without warning fired all of their volunteer staff all because they dropped the ball in moderation and safety checks (I'm not touching on whether the groomer is still working for NaNo since that situation is tainted by rumors, sensationalism, and directly conflicting stories).

And topping this all off with a pithy little cherry on this shit sundae: "For all of those reasons, we absolutely do not condemn AI, and we recognize and respect writers who believe that AI tools are right for them. We recognize that some members of our community stand staunchly against AI for themselves, and that's perfectly fine. As individuals, we have the freedom to make our own decisions."

So not only does NaNo condone plagiarism and theft, they're quick to both-sides the issue, only to immediately say "we're all free to make our own decisions!" Not said is the heavy implication, "oh but if you stand against AI you're a classist, ableist dickhead!" Which, if it wasn't obvious, is so far removed from the truth it's insulting.

In short, fuck NaNoWriMo.

Also what the fuck does "further-proof" mean.

#nanopocalypse #I'm dead serious on hearing Clippy arguments #I want motions on my desk before end of the week #the tech bros just reinvented public transit again I mean Clippy #it's Clippy all the way down #NaNoWriMo AI #on writing #fuck NaNoWriMo

13 notes · View notes

butwhatifidothis · 3 years ago

Text

3H and Bleach: Where the Fuck am I

So, I’m finally hunkering down and trying to write out this post lmao. I’ve mentioned here and there how my personal experience with the 3H’s fandom is similar to my experience with the Bleach fandom’s in more than one way, and - look. Like, I get there’s definitely a semi-universal thing that goes on across all fandoms. I don’t mean for this to say that this only happens within these two fandoms, because duh, of course they don’t. But!! This post is partly me wanting to air years long annoyance towards the Bleach fandom that just so happens to coincide with my feelings towards the 3H fandom, sooo... yeah lmao

I’ll probably be skimming over some bits about 3H, since most people who come across this will already be familiar with what I’d be talking about in that regard vs Bleach, so just a heads up

Note: This is gonna talk about Bleach which will spoiler territory (writing this off the cuff so not sure where this is goin’ yet lmao but I know that much), so if you don’t wanna see that then don’t read this post lol, I know for sure I’ll be spoiling something ahhhh... noticeable, lol

Ableism against the mentally ill

Now, most people reading this post will be familiar with the blog and how this very, very much applies to 3H, but for the sake of this post I’ll lay it out anyway with a brief summary

Dimitri and Rhea are both characters within 3H that suffer from severe trauma that heavily impacts their mental state. Both are the sole survivors of a horrific slaughter, with that slaughter redefining who they are and leaving a permanent marker within their minds in some way (Dimitri with having auditory and visual hallucinations, Rhea with having obsessive tendencies towards bringing her mother back from the dead). Specifically in CF, both characters are set up in the plot as antagonists, with both characters having to relive their trauma in some way due to the actions Byleth and Edelgard take against them (for Dimitri, having his home be razed to the ground and everyone he cares for dying around him, for Rhea having someone use her mother’s mutilated remains be used to end her and her race) and express extreme anger towards Byleth and Edelgard before they are killed to progress/end the story

Now, uh, sad shit right? Not exactly fuckin’ happy sunshine rainbows. These two characters are put through the wringer and are then murdered. They are rightfully not the fuckin’ happiest because of what happened to them before and what happens to them within the present story. But we’ve heard it all before: “They were crazy!” “They couldn’t be reasoned with!” “They had to be put down out of mercy because they were too ~far gone~ to live happily!” “They needed to be killed for the good of everyone!” It’s an extremely ableist rhetoric that gets passed around the fandom as though it’s totally fine to directly state that mentally ill people should be put down if they’re deemed a “lost cause.” Especially worrying because. You know. If they are a “”””lost cause”””” then it’s directly and specifically because of actions Byleth and Edelgard take against them.

But how does this remind me of Bleach? What kind of similar extreme, worrying ableism exists there? Well, let me introduce to best girl a certain character with... a reputation, to say the least:

Meet Momo Hinamori.

Holy shit it’s so weird writing this out because I’ve been wanting to for years but have never worked up the nerve to do it lol

It should be noted, in the Bleach verse there’s two worlds out of three - Soul Society and Hueco Mundo, though I’ll only be talking of the former - that deal with “souls” (the essence within a living human). Souls age far more slowly than human bodies do in terms of body, not necessarily the mind (so a teenage soul will likely behave as such for a long while)��so keep in mind that I’m going to be using numbers that may seem weird to someone who hasn’t seen Bleach lol. With that out of the way, here’s a similar, if longer for context to those who haven’t seen Bleach, summary for Momo’s character as it relevant to this post:

Momo is a character in Bleach that grows a deep admiration towards Sosuke Aizen, a respected captain of the military force called the Gotei 13. She comes to views him as the most important person in her world due to him both noticing and paying direct attention to her as well as saving her and her friends’ lives during a training mission gone wrong while she was younger. Note that “younger” here means 40 years ago from the start of the story. Aizen would praise her all the time, allow her to sleep over in his quarters, would drape his cloaks over her when she looked cold, and would overall treat Momo as though he was his daughter for most of the time we see them interact in the beginning portions of the show. Note that none of this is sexual in nature, nor is it ever implied to be seen as such. That’ll be important later in this post

To make a long story short, Aizen comes to betray her. He stabs her through the chest and shows and tells her that she never meant anything to him, throughout the 40 years they’ve known each other (which, mind, for a soul Momo’s approximate age 40 years is still a noticeable amount of time), and he was only using her to help bolster his image as a loveable captain so that he can hide his plan from everybody that much easier. He did horrible things to Momo - from setting her alarm clock back to a later time so that she would more likely come across his pinned, bloody fake corpse. to framing her childhood friend for the apparent murder and tricking her into fighting that friend, to far later in the series tricking that friend into stabbing her (hypnosis shit, to sum that up) for literally no stated reason - that ended up mentally breaking her. She couldn’t believe that the last four decades were all nothing but lies and she fell into a deep denial about Aizen’s true nature - someone else made him do everything he did, she must have missed something that would have warned her about Captain Aizen’s unfortunate situation that forced Captain Aizen to hurt her and everyone else. This denial would take the majority of Bleach’s entire runtime for her to get over completely, with her having hiccups in her recovery even as she works up the nerve to fight him.

Now, uh, also not the fuckin’ funnest of times to be had here. The deep, long-running mental and psychological manipulation of what approximates as a teenage girl from a trusted older figure is something that is very clearly horrific and bad of the older figure, right? Like, we’re on the same page here on that?

This wouldn’t be in this post if that was the case. No, Momo was the one constantly on fire for what happened to her. She was one of the most hated characters in the western audience, and there were endless jokes about “lol look at Momo, the pincushion!” “Crazy bitch Momo, better watch out!” making fun of her and her trauma relentlessly. If you managed to find a Momo fan in the early 2000′s you should have also bought a lotto ticket because holy fuck, everyone hated her. She acted in a startlingly real if deeply uncomfortable way in regards to years long manipulation and she was lambasted for it. She didn’t immediately get over decades long psychological abuse and she was called useless, weak, a horrible representation of female characters, stupid - you name it, she was likely called it. To this day I still tense up when I hear that someone likes Bleach and they mention Momo at all because I’m always thinking “does this person think this abuse victim is dumb for being abused?”

Dimitri, Rhea, and Momo are all victim-blamed to a disgusting degree in the 3H and Bleach fandoms. Dimitri and Rhea are always hit with “well if Dimitri hadn’t have fought back against Edelgard/Rhea caused the “”tyranical systems” in the first place, nothing would have happened to them!” and Momo was constantly hit with” well, it’s not Aizen’s fault Momo was so clingy to him, what could he have done!” and I get so fuckin’ mad dude.

But for Dimitri and Momo specifically, there’s one thing in particular that caught my attention:

The “Rejection Theories”

This had my head spinnin’ a bit when I first heard it, cuz I had managed to avoid the theory for a while in the 3H’s fandom, but apparently a sizeable amount of people seem to believe that Dimitri wasn’t just mad at Edelgard in the Holy Tomb because of... you know *waves hand* fuckin’ everything, but that the primary reason for his anger was that Edelgard... rejected his advances to her? And that the dagger he gave to her when they were 13 was a phallic symbol of baby Mitri’s want to have sex with Edelgard? And. Like. What in the fuck are you talking about.

But like?? Bleach did this shit too with Momo?? It was also a sizeable amount of people - not everyone, but a noticeable amount - that believed that Momo was just mad that Aizen wouldn’t sleep with her? You’d see it pop up in fics so often, that Momo would want Aizen to fuck her and she’d “go crazy” when he denied her and Momo was actually just this shallow bitch who wanted a good fuck like... what.

Like, when I first heard the Phallic Dagger take the first thing that came to mind is “wait Momo was also accused of just wanting to have sex with the person who traumatized her wtf”

“Actually it was the perpetrators that should be forgiven because lonely and also some shit about ruling better”

Those in the 3H fandom know how often the “Edelgard was lonely!” line gets thrown by just about every one of her stans. Edelgard was lonely and couldn’t trust anyone, so of course she did what she did! If she had someone near her she could trust she wouldn’t have acted like she does in the rest of the game! Nevermind that she “gets” this in CF in the form of Byleth and still acts just as shittily as she does in the other routes, or how being a little lonely doesn’t fuckin’ mean you get to start war. But anyway, we also hear that Edelgard was justified in doing what she did because her ruling Fodlan would have lead to more peace in the end, once she got rid of the power structures in place now (except that doesn’t happen but whatev I guess lmao)

Aizen? He was lonely too! He was far too strong for anyone to truly be able to understand him, and so he tragically fell down a dark path. If he had known someone who could be considered an equal to him he would have never done all the horrible things he did. And the Soul Society is unjust! It needs to be reformed! So him slaughtering hundreds of thousands of souls at the minimum to harvest all of their power to use as his own is justified because it’ll be used to create a more just society under his rule!

Like. Y’all. Lowkey? I’m so fuckin’ glad Edelgard proved herself to be just as fuckin’ awful with Byleth as without because this shit drove me up the fuckin’ wall back in the day. There was 0 ways to prove that Aizen would damn sure be just as fuckin’ bad if he had an “”equal”” to stand by him than if he didn’t, and I get to kinda be right because without fundamentally changing these characters’ backstories they would not give two flying shits about whether or not they had someone “equal to them” (which is still kinda degrading to think about anyway).

Now, this is where I move away to a different topic lol

A split in the narrative cause divides in the fandom

With 3H houses this is really fuckin’ easy to point at: there’s 4 routes, three consistent stories and one radically different story, and that difference in story causes heavy contention within the fandom. It’s very obvious so I won’t go over it much.

But how in the fuck is there a divide in Bleach? It’s not a fuckin’ Choose Your Own Adventure manga, it’s an anime and manga showing off the characters of Bleach’s stories and interactions (with, you know, plot and shit thrown in).

Well. It’s more accurate to say the anime told a story about the characters, and the manga told... the story about the characters.

In terms of plot, the anime didn’t change much from the manga, but hoo fuckin’ boy, did they change shit about some of the characters. Specifically, they changed a shit ton about three characters: the two main protagonists, Ichigo and Rukia, and another main character, Orihime.

Orihime. Got. Fucked.

The anime would make her far more ditzy and clumsy, her crush (turned growing love later on in the story) for Ichigo during more deeper moments that showcases her feelings for him were downplayed if not removed entirely in exchange for talking or thinking about food, key moments she has with Ichigo early in the manga were cut or deadass changed to something else in the anime, some key moments with her relationship with Rukia were cut, her backstory was watered down - so much of Orihime was fucked with in the anime (her fuckin’ introduction was changed drastically). Meanwhile Ichigo and Rukia were given moments that didn’t exist in the manga, they have filler arcs (remember those lmao) that would be stuffed with shit ton of moments for them that have no basis in the manga, other characters would change their behavior from the manga to reflect a sort of “thing” going on between Ichigo and Rukia.

Look, guys, the anime fucked up so bad the fucking mangaka, Tite Kubo, has said he gets stomach aches watching the early anime because it was that awful. And this divide between the anime and manga’s portrayal of these three character helped spawn the ship war of Bleach: Ichiruki vs Ichihime (oh but more on that in a bit). It tanked Orihime’s popularity because people thought she was the stupid dumbass that would stumble ass first into situations when that wasn’t her character at all. And because the majority of anime watchers only watch the anime... yeah, you can see where this went. So just like in 3H in Bleach you have these radically different tellings of the same characters that drove a big-ass wedge in the fandom

Marketing

Imma be transparent, like I’ve said before I managed to avoid nearly every marketing tactic for 3H so it’s a tad hard for me to speak personally, but from what I’ve been told Edelgard was heavily marketed towards the player base pre-release. She was the poster child of 3H, she got the figma, she was in the spotlight - unless you cleansed your board of 3H content you knew exactly who she was. On top of that, it doesn’t stop in-game - loading screen messages would assume you picked BE, Adrestia is the first option to pick when you want to impress one of the lords in the prologue, the BE class is the first option to pick in choosing which route to play, every character has some moment in the game post ts where they express sympathy with the woman who waged war on them for five years (even characters with no business doing so, like Seteth entertaining the idea that maybe Edelgard isn’t that bad during Myrddin). With all of that good PR for Edelgard in and out of the game it heavily impacted how people saw her, and much of it is used by stans to justify her being a good guy (mostly in the game marketing) despite everything else in the game clearly showing that Edelgard is the bad guy

With Bleach in that regard... you have Ichiruki

holy shit it’s so weird talking about Ichiruki i’m still lowkey nervous about talking about them lmao

With Ichiruki stans, they would cling onto outside material that promoted Ichigo and Rukia together as proof that their ship was going to be canon. Spreadsheets, calendars, poems (some of which didn’t even apply to Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship but they insisted they did anyway), novels - outside material that either wasn’t canon or didn’t pertain to Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship. They would shove it in the face of Ichihime shippers that “see, we have all this stuff for us! We ain’t starving tonight!” when the canon (note: in the manga particularly) would clearly show Ichigo and Orihime’s relationship being the one that leans romantic in multiple significant ways. They would latch onto irrelevant shit that ain’t had nothin’ to do with anything and wave around as a paragon of romance when it literally wasn’t even canon

Just fuckin’ ignoring the creators deadass

Creators and developers of 3H: Edelgard is the typical Red Emperor the only difference is Girl

Stans: that’s just a headcanon

Kubo: Ichigo and Rukia have a platonic relationship and I’ve publicly said this since 2008

Stans, now, to this day: Ichigo and Rukia were robbed

Making people reject what they’re stanning for

I’ve seen a few people express that the more they interact with the fandom and see what her stans are doing, the more they grow to dislike Edelgard despite (some) initially liking or even loving her. To put it simply, the same thing happened with Ichiruki - hell, this happened with me with Ichiruki. I can’t fuckin’ stand the ship anymore because every time I think about it I’m reminded of the absolutely rancid, disgusting things Ichiruki stans have to done to others in the fandom, and even after nearly five years after Bleach has ended I still tense up when someone says they like Ichiruki over Ichihime precisely because of the behavior of the stans, just like I side-eye people who say Edelgard is the best lord. Do they like them because they simply prefer them over the other(s) and they’re not totally fuckin’ bonkers, or are they totally fuckin’ bonkers.

And, like, that’s not fair! I know that! But I can’t help but think that when such a loud amount of people act in such deplorable ways just because someone didn’t like a bunch of lines on paper/pixels on a screen.

To all the nice Ichiruki and Edelgard fans, hope y’all are havin’ a nice day.

Long, crazy ass explanations as to why X =/= X (and if anything actually means Y)

Teacher theory for 3H. How Edelgard totally didn’t hire Kostas to kill Dimitri and Claude and was only thwarted because Claude booked it, but how she definitely actually meant to simply scare away the teacher that was with them so that Jeritza could be pulled from his already existing position in Garreg Mach to teach one class so that Edelgard can kinda keep a sorta closer eye on exactly one of the other classes (and just do shit all about the other one I guess), because Jertiza’d be able to gleam so much from teaching a class for a few hours a day I promise

But for Bleach, you also have one particularly infamous theory positing shit that don’t real, with enough renown to be known by a specific name, and that’s the Lust Arc = Fail essay

To explain what the essay is about, I have to set the scene up a bit. Imagine, you, with your tiny little monkey brain, are watching Bleach, and you get to the part where Main Boyo is fighting against Villain to save Girly. Other Guy is there too - this is important. Main Boyo tries his hardest to fight Villain, but is ultimately shot through the fucking chest with a laser from Villain and dies. Like, for bit actually dies. Girly breaks down, has a straight up mental breakdown because she always “knew” that Main Boyo could do anything, and now he’s been killed and is dead in front of her. She screams out Main Boyo’s name, hysterically begging him to save her and protect her because holy shit the love of her life has been brutally murdered in front of her what the fuck. But Main Boyo, from literally beyond the line of death, hears her pleas and snaps back to life as a monster, with the sentence “I MUST PROTECT” repeatedly running through his head and being the only sentence he ever says while in this form, with him fucking destroying Villain and even going so far as to directly hurt Other Guy when Other Guy tries to stop Main Boyo from utterly stomping on Villain. Girly is the only person Main Boyo does not directly hurt, and when Villain is damn sure gonna fuckin’ kick the bucket that is when Main Boyo reverts back human. Everyone is more than a little shocked at what happened, but it’s clear from how relieved Girly is when Main Boyo comes back safe and sound that while this event fundamentally will change their relationship (and it does), it is still one that is extremely strong and they won’t let it get between them (and they don’t).

Now, when looking at the summary, you, with your absolutely miniscule peanut of a brain, might come away thinking, “Hm, Main Boyo might kinda care for Girly given that he literally rose from the dead to protect her and only her and went back to normal once she was safe” and you poor fool would be oh so wrong, because actually, this is all proof that Mian Boyo doesn’t care for Girly and that Villain actually cared more for Girly than Main Boyo ever could.

Without diving too deeply into the absolute lunacy of the Lust Arc = Fail essay, that was its main premise. That Ichigo, after rising from the literal dead directly after Orihime begged and pleaded that he protect and save her and then going on to protect and save specifically her (as Uryu - Other Guy - is also a friend of Ichigo’s and got his fucking arm cut off by Monster!Ichigo), is proof against Ichihime being romantic in any way and was not, in fact, a fuckin’ giant neon flashing sign that read THESE TWO ARE GONNA GET TOGETHER. It was the dumbest shit ever, but Ichiruki stans, much like Edelstans with Teacher Theory, clung to it like white on rice. It didn’t matter how much it was utterly debunked, it didn’t matter how the base premise was stupid as fuck, they point to it as the pinnacle of meta for their respective fandoms in their respective spaces.

And all of this leads me to um... the one I’m kinda the most worried about?

Stan Behavior

Edelstans are their own unique brand of awful in that that the shit they spew is particularly... worrying (”genocide isn’t bad if they aren’t human and also they kinda deserved it” “imperialism isn’t that bad really” the mentally ill should be put down if they’re deemed ~too far gone~” among other... wonderful takes...), and their behavior is also quite shitty, harassing content creators that go against the Approved Opinions (Ghast) or forcing people to take down fanart and in general infecting nearly every Rhea space with all kinds of disparaging comments no one asked for. They actively make the fandom a worse space, and when they flare up it’s almost always noticeable (again, Ghast)

Bleach?

Oh boy.

Guys. If you weren’t there for the Canonization of Ichihime (2016). You dodged a fucking bullet.

The outrage was out-fuckin’-rageous. Their behavior was some of the worst reactions anyone has ever seen come from the canonization of a ship in a shounen. This includes, but is not limited to:

Someone tearing apart all 70+ volumes of Bleach and burning it in their bathroom

In fact, multiple people tearing up Bleach and burning it, while keeping the Ichiruki moments and taping it to their walls

A Rukia cosplayer, in Rukia cosplay, printing out the final color spread of the end-game couples and their friends lounging about - with colored ink and all - and burning it, while filming herself doing so

Ichiruki porn being sent to Tite Kubo

Tite Kubo being accused of grooming a 15 Orihime cosplayer with no proof

Tite Kubo being accused of lying about his various health issues

Ichigo and Rukia being drawn cheating on their spouses with each other - and some of that also being sent to Tite Kubo

Tite Kubo being chased off Twitter by Ichiruki stans... again

Ichihime shippers getting sent death threats

Ichihime shippers getting called delusional for thinking their ship had a chance before the endgame couples were revealed, and then being called delusional for thinking their ship had any real basis and wasn’t pulled “out of nowhere”

Tite Kubo being accused of hating women because of Orihime being shown in an apron in the last chapter and Ichiruki stans jumping to the conclusion she became a housewife, and then Tite Kubo being accused of hating women because when it was revealed that Orihime has a job in a bakery to pay for college later they insisted what Kubo should have done was have Uryu, who’s a doctor at that point, pay for Orihime’s college instead of having Orihime pay for it with her own money

And mind you, this is only the stuff I’ve personally seen and experienced

I am hoping and praying that Edelstans never get as bad as Ichiruki stans did in 2016, but with how otherwise similar they are my hopes are dwindling more and more. I guess I can take solace in the fact that they aren’t quite... that bad yet? In terms of actions, at least? Their sentiments though are infinitely worse, so like... cool

#what the hell do I even tag this #i guess like #fandom observations #fandom critical #fandom criticism #yeah shit got BAD in the Bleach fandom in 2016 #and I fear what the return of the anime is gonna have in store #things already don't look good in the 3H fandom so like... yeah #wanted to get the Bleach rant off my chest for a long ass while now lol so glad I could do that #again wanna reiterate that this isn't exclusive to Bleach and 3H this is just my experience with them

28 notes · View notes

mayonnaisetoffees · 3 years ago

Text

Mayo's Fic Recs

List of my favourite fics below the cut; this list is a WIP and completely personal taste; a mix of fandom classics and lesser knowns

Please remember to leave comments and kudos for the authors and podficcers!

*shows particular favourites

Fandoms currently included: Spn, Merlin, Les Mis, BatFam

Fics That Changed Me Fundamentally

Loaded March*** by Footloose. Merlin | E | 1.26M(Series)/ 35k (First part) | 188k hits (First part)

The reason SAS Captain Arthur Pendragon can’t keep a communications specialist in Team Excalibur because none of them are good enough. And then Lieutenant Merlin Emrys gets assigned to his squad, and Arthur does everything he can to prove that Merlin isn’t good enough, either. Except he is.

You can read all about my thoughts on Loaded March here, here, and here. Basically this fic series is beautifully written, has absolutely delicious UST, has found family, magic, and high stakes. It’s been part of my life for almost a decade now, I made friends through LM that I still have to this day, and it genuinely changed me as a person. Plus there are 78k of Extras to itch that I Finished Now What scratch. Parts 1-5 have been podficced and you can find them in works inspired by this one in each part.

Down to Agincourt*** by Seperis. Supernatural | E | 1.12M(Series)/ 154k (First part) | 73k hits (First part)

The world’s already over and they’re already dead. All they’re doing now is marking time until the end.

S7!Dean is transported back to the aftermath of where 5x04 The End left off. Much like LM, DtA was one that I avoided for a while. I didn’t think it would be my thing. I’m not usually into End!verse, it sounded so bleak from the summary, and it sounded so long for something I wasn’t sure about. If you’re reading this and nodding along? You are as much a fool as I was. Yes, it’s the end of the world. But it’s not over yet. This is a beautiful journey in what it means to be yourself, how to survive the end of the world, a How-To for Coups, and a study in food as a love language. I only read this fic this year, but like LM, it has genuinely changed me. Map of the World has been podficced.

Supernatural

Let’s start with the current hyperfixation. All of these are at least passively Dean/Cas unless otherwise stated. I've split into ones from my first time around in the SPN fandom and more recent ones because the vibes are actually really different and it took me some time to adjust (Not in a bad way! In a time has passed they have grown as characters way)

Old-School SPN (AKA the Classics my first time around)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Home in Motion* by nomdeplume13 M | 232k | 48k hits

Castiel swore he was done with spur of the moment decisions that permanently changed Dean Winchester's life. A year after the angel's most disastrous, his newest may present the largest challenge of dean's life: Fatherhood.

Did someone say kid!fic in canonverse? This is perfect. Canon divergence from the end of S6. Cas saves a baby from a neglectful mother and gives him to Dean to raise. They all move in with Bobby. Great OCs. Bobby considers Cas his son. Listen everything I say here will not be able to begin to encompass how much I love this fic. Just trust me on this one.

Named* by RC_McLachlan M | 95k | 95k hits

Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.

With a summary like that, need I say more? No but I'm gonna. This is one of the funniest fics I've ever read, but it doesn't take any emotion from the serious moments, if anything it heightens them. There are so many quotes from this I think about all the time. It was written in 2010 and so there's a bit of misogyny/character assassination of Anna in places.

Second Childhood by CloudyJenn (read by exmanhater) G | 16k (1h30) | 10k hits

"Dude, I can't do this whole thing by myself," Dean said with far more desperation leaking into his tone than he liked. It would just be too much to make it through hell and death and Lucifer only to have Castiel bail on him because of a frigging baby.

They beat the Apocalypse (OG-S5) and then Sam gets de-aged by a spell. I've listened to this so many times I know it by heart, it's an ultimate comfort fic to me.

Defy Any and All Expectation* by Tenoko1 (read by Tenoko1) M | 138k (14hrs) | 37k hits

Chuck's newly released books tell of another war between Heaven and Hell. Team Free Will sets out to try to defy prophecy, only to realize there is a lot more at stake and amiss than the not-quite-accurate words of one Prophet of the Lord. Along the way, Dean and Cas' relationship continues to evolve into something neither expected or were prepared for, all of their lives transforming in ways no one could have expected. But with no shortage of cases, monsters, and mayhem, it's going to require the help of new friends and old enemies if they're to have a hope of saving the world one more time. Alternate Season Six.

So this is a re-written version of Tenoko1's The Path We Choose which I don't think is around anymore. By the time I was reading the re-write as each chapter came out, I knew every single line of TPWC and it wasn't all that much shorter. It's such a perfect canon divergence because they are all 100% in-character. If you're into podfic, you already know what an absolute gift 14 hours is, but if you have never tried podfic before, Tenoko1 is a fantastic place to start. Her voice is soothing and energetic and her Cas sometimes comes to mind when I'm reading fic in Misha's place (sorry Misha)

His Fucking Kids 'Verse by 8sword M | 96k(Series)/ 3k (first part) | 26k hits (first part)

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

Emma survives and Dean and Cas are raising her and Claire. This fic series will make you laugh, make you cry, and (nowadays) make you wish Emma had survived to be a part of Wayward Sisters.

One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict E | 22k | 37k hits

While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

Dean breaks his legs, and honey!Cas brings home some kittens to foster. It's achingly sweet and also painful because you know Dean wants to fix Cas but there's nothing to fix. It is tagged for ableism for this.

Tripping* by Hatteress E | 49k | 78k hits

That time the universe decided Dean belonged with Cas and wasn't afraid to pull out the big guns to make it so. Big guns in this case being obsessive fangirls, archangels turned tricksters and overly enthusiastic cupids. Welcome to Dean's life.

Alt!S5 and it is beautiful. Also any fic with Missouri is an automatic win.

Broadway Musical by Grifitings M | 12k | 79k hits

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle. The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at. Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

Jimmy deserves a sainthood and frankly I don't even want to hear about crack if it's not on the level of the Host yelling at Cas not to touch the butt.

Classic AUs (AKA AUs from my first time around)

Try Something Tuesday by almaasi E | 48k | 144k hits

Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He's new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean's curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not? Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only...

This was one of the first spn fics to really really stay with me and it never really left.

Rock 'n' Roll Queer Bar by ChasingRabbits E | 127k(Series)/ 8k (Part1) | 29k hits (Part1)

Ellen and Jo Harvelle run Harvelle's Roadhouse, a bar that unintentionally becomes a beacon for wayward queer souls. Her employees: Dean, the smartass runaway with a big heart and bigger mouth; Castiel, the college drop-out turned hippie; his (surprisingly heterosexual) trouble-making brother Gabriel; and Charlie, who has been told several times that the back room is not to be used for after-hours Dungeons & Dragons games. But there's a lot of love in this place, and a new family for anyone who may otherwise be without.

This series. If you've ever felt unsure or out of place or anxious or just really felt like no-one understood you, this fic is for you. I first found this series when I was coming to terms with my queerness and I genuinely think it was invaluable. Also I am a sucker for the go for a dinner at Cas's family and end up storming out trope.

Play It All Night Long by janie_tangerine (read by Tenoko1) NC17 | 43k (4hrs)

The rom-com-ish one where Dean hosts a late night radio show, Castiel is a regular listener of his who starts calling one day and ends up calling more often than not and Dean finds himself liking it. This, until one day Castiel calls for not exactly petty reasons (just before Dean's brother Sam is visiting with his girlfriend for spring break) and things get very, very crowdy at his place. He also doesn't know it's just the beginning of it. Also features Gabriel, Chuck, Andy, the Roadhouse crew and a huge amount of music quoted. Especially Bob Dylan.

Again, this podfic has got me through many a night of insomnia. Cas calls in after a particularly shitty day and it all goes from there.

New-School SPN (AKA post-2014)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Tall Grass by aeli_kindara E | 57k | 28k hits

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says. Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away. Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

There is a reason you will see this recced time and time again. It healed parts of me I didn't know needed healing.

So Says the Sword* by komodobits E | 85k | 73k hits

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’ Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected

I saw ssts mentioned in like every single If you're getting back into the fandom READ THIS rec list. For good reason. It's described as "canon-adjacent in that seasons one to three happened exactly the same, but when Dean goes to Hell, he is not raised by Castiel". It's one of the most interesting concepts I've read and it's one of those fics where the writing style will stick with you. Castiel POV in a way you've never read before.

Aching in the Absence of You* by sobsicles E | 95k | 9k hits (in 5 days)

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back. He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales. "Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time. By nightfall, Cas is gone.

If you don't already know sobsicles, I am delighted to introduce you to the person who will smash you to pieces with a hammer to put you back together Kintsugi-style. This one is post-finale but without 15x18 (it'll make sense as it goes). Cas says he's going to leave again and again Dean doesn't ask him to stay. Full of lines so beautiful they'd make Shakespeare weep, Sobsicles has this way of writing that is so evocative and paints such a clear picture. Fair warning, if you're Dean-coded, this might be A Lot.

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination)** by sobsicles E | 108k | 25k hits

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next. ~~~ Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want." "What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before." "Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out." "Easier said than done."

Yes, two sobsicles recs back to back. This one I read first and it still holds such a special place in my heart. A sign of a good fic is being able to picture it perfectly. The sign of an amazing fic is that when reading this I was so in Dean's shoes I could feel a pool cue between my hands and Baby behind my back. And I sobbed like a baby in this. It has probably my favourite ending ever. It's genuinely beautiful. If you don't read another on this list, read this one.

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara M | 52k | 14k hits

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean. (A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

The ultimate Cas character study and interwoven with poetry.

So There It Is, I've Said It All by PorcupineGirl (read by Ceewelsh) G | 4k | 13k hits

"Why, do you have something you need to say to me that you don't think I'll like?" I think I'm in love with you. "Yeah. I guess so."

Dean figures out he's in love with Cas then can't stop thinking it. This is genuinely beautiful and if you've ever had trouble actually saying the thing you're thinking, you'll relate to Dean here. I recently did the podfic for this.

you won't find this place alone by amidsizedfrog G | 9.5k |

When Claire said she was dropping out of college to pursue hunting full time, Dean said, “right,” and left the room. Or, the cross-generation conversation about formal education, choosing your own path and figuring out what it looks like to find a family. Or, in other words: "But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell-attitude, and I'll figure it out." - Dean Winchester

This is a beautiful look at education in the hunter world, and I love anything that looks at Dean and Bobby's relationship and this does it perfectly. Also best cameo ever.

Seek to Know You Better by ahurston E | 33k | 23k hits

Dean and Cas, a long stretch of highway, and 36 questions empirically designed to make two people fall in love. As if they weren't already.

This is perfect. It has a lovely slow pace like it has the vibes of an indie film if that makes sense? Like it's two guys going from place to place talking. It was an instant favourite.

Newer AUs (AKA more recent AUs)

And This, Your Living Kiss* by opal_bullets M | 57k | 69k hits

Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen.

When I asked which fics were absolute must-reads for someone who'd been out of the fandom a few years, this was said repeatedly. But what really got me to read it was everyone actually told me more about what it meant to them than just the summary. It's a study in poetry, a study in learning who you are and who you used to be, and a reminder that it's never too late.

The Graveyard Shift* by riseofthefallenone, PurgatoryJar E | 620k | 175k hits

Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.

A fantastic magical realism fic - magical creatures live and work with humans. Gabe and Cas run a coffee shop, Dean is a fireman, and the burn is slow and delicious and the intrigue kept me reading for like a week every single spare minute.

Painted Angels by WinJennster E | 106k | 162k hits

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing. Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

The first part of this I actually saved back when I was first in the fandom but I never got around to reading it (I had a To Read folder of 100+ fics that I absolutely dove into when I got back into spn) and the rest of the series finished in 2016 so I'm counting it in this section not the other. On the one hand, I wish I'd read this when it first came out. It's beautiful and heartbreaking, and so visual. On the other hand, I think I appreciated it a lot more now than I would have seven years ago. The parallel of me coming back to the old fandom that I loved dearly with Cas coming back to see someone and places he loved so much really hit. (Although coming back to the spn fandom was much easier and much less heartbreak!)

Finale Fix-Its (yeah fuck you Dabb that this has to be a whole category)

The Goldenrod Revisions by aethylas M | 66k | 15k hits

A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.

Script format re-write of 15x19 and 15x20 into a 5-episode finale fix-it. As far as I'm concerned, this and chocolatecakecas's American Pie fanvid are the Supernatural finale.

break the skin (to break the barriers)* by sobsicles M | 30k | 9k hits

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment. ~~~ Dean is silent for a long, tense moment, then he gruffly says, "It's not for banishing the angels. It's to summon them. So, it doesn't—it's not to get rid of 'em, but to draw 'em in." Mitzi can't help but glance up at him at that. His voice is so heavy with so much unexplained pain, and she doesn't understand why, or what angels have to do with it. She knows religion can impact people. She's very aware that it can get complicated, and that it can be a huge source of pain for someone, but Dean sounds grievously wronged, somehow, as if it's a truly personal thing. She pushes through, focusing back on her job, clearing her throat before murmuring, "Well, I guess we all want angels to visit us sometimes." "Just the one," Dean mumbles. "Your guardian angel?" Mitzi asks. Dean breathes out, "Something like that. As close to one as an angel will ever get."

Therapy through getting tattoos and telling your life story to someone who obviously doesn't think it's real. Outsider!POV not just done well, but done literally the best.

Kingdom Come by ahurston E | 17k | 10k hits

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

I don't know if this counts as finale fix-it as it's more fuck the finale we're ignoring that. There's just so much love and care in this fic.

The Family Business by chai_lattes M | 16k | 5.5k hits

It's all over. It's been weeks since Chuck's defeat and Cas' return from the Empty. There are no threats on the horizon, no apocalypses to stop, but there's something that keeps the Winchesters from being happy. Something that's maybe always been there. On their way back from a hunt, they find John Winchester, back from the dead.

If you're anything like me, you start rubbing your grubby little hands together at the tag John Winchester's A+ Parenting like yes let's address this! This is one of the best examples of John coming back and how it jars with the life that they have built. Also Claire and Jack getting to share screentime!

Merlin

If I have a forever fandom, it's Merlin. I've always kept one foot in this fandom, and it introduced me to fandom, and most importantly to podfic which kinda had an impact. All Merthur unless stated.

Canon-Verse

Seven Magpies by syllic (read by lunchee) E | 33k (3hr15) | 58k hits

Arthur opened his eyes a minute later to the sight of seven magpies streaking across the top of the clearing, their shapes dark against the white clouds and the muted grey of the sky. He tried to remember what it was that seven magpies meant—he'd had a nurse who had sung the rhyme to him as a child—but couldn't. Arthur wakes up somewhere he doesn't recognise, but where he clearly belongs.

Okay so this is an AU but it's Canon-AU so it's going here. Fantastic role reversal fic that you will be thinking about for weeks.

and from your grace, i fell by TheDragon (read by Ceewelsh) T | 4.6k (41mins) | 13k hits

“Where’s Merlin?” he asks the maid. “Where’s that idiot of a Court Sorcerer?!” “Begging your pardon, Your Majesty. I thought you knew,” the maid replies, not daring to look him in the eyes. “He’s taken ill.” “And he couldn’t be bothered to tell me himself that he would be unable to attend today’s council meeting?” Arthur questions, voice full of acid. “He hasn’t woken since he collapsed two days ago, Sire,” the maidservant says, blissfully unaware that what she’s saying the power to stop Arthur’s heart in its tracks.

When I first read this, it had me completely transfixed. I could not stop reading. It was so raw and so full of emotion. I was then lucky enough to get TheDragon in our exchange, so I did a podfic for it and it's probably the most proud I've been of one.

Modern AU

The Student Prince* by FayJay (read by FayJay) M | 145k (15hrs) | 696k hits

A Modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love...

A classic is a classic for a reason. I'm also pretty sure this introduced me to podfics so like special place in my heart x2. Did you know if you filter AO3 by hits on Merlin, this has 426k more hits than the second result? Now that is a Fandom Classic.

Drastically Redefining Protocol* by rageprufrock (read by lunchee) E | 46k (5hr30) | 269k hits

In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose.

As I always say, if this can happen to me and I still love the fic, nothing is going to change that. Arthur hides from his duties in a cupboard and gets stuck in there with a chainsmoking med student.

Fundamental Imperfections by Starlingthefool (read by bravenclawsome) M | 12k (1hr35) | 123k hits

In which an argument about Dickens leads to a Twitter scandal, broken bones, midnight conversations, and transatlantic longing. (Or, an AU with Arthur and Merlin as moderately famous authors.)

This fic has everything: Charles Dickens, long distance texting, Morgana choking a Sherlock cosplayer with his own scarf. This is the ultimate comfort fic and I compare all fics to this even when they're incomparable. I never read the sequel because it was WIP and I was waiting for it to complete, it hasn't been updated since 2015 and apparently ends on an unhappy note, so if you're going to read the sequel you have been warned.

Les Mis

Modern!AU

Overzealous Oddities by YassHomo e/R, Courf/Cosette/Marius, Comb/Ép | G | 6.4k | 4k hits

Courfeyrac: Remember when I smashed our tv and we laughed about it? Enjolras: No. Courfeyrac: Let me rephrase Courfeyrac: I've smashed our tv, lets laugh about it.

I love me a text fic and this is in my opinion the best one around. Just look at that summary. I have quoted that so many times.

But Paris was a very old city and we were young* by GingerNinjaAbi E/R, Courf/Jehan | M | 99k | 42k hits

Perhaps somewhere in between all the cups of coffee, shots of tequila, sunny March days, terrible lumpy jumpers, love, cigarettes, drunken nights and the desire to change the world they'll all leave Paris with a degree in something. Or not. Grantaire's money is on no. But he's a pessimist who's hopelessly in love, so perhaps his opinion shouldn't count.

The ULTIMATE modern!AU tbh.

Tagged by Salomonderiel E/R, Courf/Jehan | E | 155k | 28k hits

So there's this artist. He could probably be compared to Banksy, but he's a lot more... cynical. He shares rooms with a poet who braids his hair with flowers, in a flat near Covent Garden they rent from a short-tempered shop keeper with a penchant for fans and who'd do anything if you mentioned Poland. Sometimes, the three of them will go and deface public buildings in London whilst completely smashed off their heads. And then there's this, shall we say, 'revolutionary'. He has a band of other revolutionaries, who all meet at this cafe by Borough Market. He shares rooms with his best mate, a philosophy student, spends too much time with a flirty guy who has a thing for poets, goes boxing with a guy in a red vest, wants to punch the wet sop who drools on the blonde waitress and is getting tired of this guy who keep breaking his laptops through sheer dumb luck. Thank god the hypochondriac's there to keep an (slightly too) attentive eye on their stress levels. The revolutionary thinks the graffiti artist's work is a waste of space. The artist thinks the revolutionary's campaigns are a waste of time. And all the while, the poet and the flirt drool over each other in the background...

This is perfect and it's funny and it's beautiful and it rips my heart out multiple times.

Canon

To Be Free by kjack89 (read by Ceewelsh) Gen, Cosette/Marius | T | 3.8k (32mins) | 375 hits

Three blows from a bayonet had transfixed Combeferre’s breast, followed by a fall from the barricade as he rapidly lost first blood and then consciousness. But neither of these, it seemed, was enough to kill him, as much as later he might perhaps wish that they were.

I read this because it was on a list kjack89 did of their favourite fics which don't necessarily have the same hits traffic. It's nothing I would have usually read (canon era, not e/R, MCD) but I am so glad I gave it a go. It's a study on what if Combeferre had survived the barricades too and the guilt. This stayed with me for days afterwards until I eventually messaged kjack89 to get permission to podfic it.

BatFam

Canonish (I don't know differences between canons but these are all they're superheros fics)

Robins United by laceymcbain (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | T | 49k (6h15)/ 19k (2h25) (First part) | 103k hits

Bullets, knives, a three story fall, even a fucking crowbar hadn't managed to keep Jason down permanently, but Dick Grayson (and the rest of his "family") was going to kill him with kindness.

The ultimate batbros series. Also if you haven't heard reena_jenkins' podfics before, you are welcome. Pre-pandemic I took a lot of public transport and reena_jenkins kept me sane.

batcoons by drakefeathers (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | G | 6k (49mins) | 14k hits

Jason and raccoons have a lot in common. (Additionally: his so-called family are much bigger pests than the stray animals hanging around his safehouse.)

This is funny, it's heartwarming, and it's a really good character study.

Here Comes the Sun by batsy_rocks Clark/Bruce | T | 19k | 20k hits

Clark Kent is a kind-hearted reporter working in the big city. Bruce Wayne is a stressed dad of four with no idea of what he's doing. Then they meet.

Bruce Wayne is a Tired Single Dad™. It's genuinely such a sweet fic.

#fic rec #spn fic rec #merlin fic rec #les mis fic rec

23 notes · View notes

itsclydebitches · 4 years ago

Note

How do we handle art made during times were everyone was problematic? Should we ban old offensive art? I've seen birth of the nation. It's as racist as people say, but still a important film for cinema history. Snow White was 14 while the prince is 31. Tons of propaganda and racist depictions exited in early cartoons. Lovecraft made a new horror genre, but was very racist by today standards. Is it wrong to sell those or make them easily available? Do we just use disclaimers?

A peer of mine once summed up this issue in a helpfully succinct way: “My daughter really wants to read Little House on the Prairie so I’m taking time to talk to her about the racism in it.” Now, this woman has a doctorate in English so she’s well versed in the impact fiction can have and I personally agree that education is the best way to go about this. Her parenting technique (and the much longer conversation we had about it) acknowledges a couple of things:

Straight up denying access is never the way to go, both because that feeds into censorship (who gets to decide what’s bad “enough” to withhold?) and, frankly, the more you tell people they can’t engage with something the more they’ll want to. Saying “There’s no circumstance in which you’re ever allowed to read this” doesn’t help anyone

Ignoring such stories doesn’t help anyone either. As you say, a hundred years from now we’ll have currently beloved stories that are now unacceptable, so beyond acknowledging that everything has the potential to be problematic and we can’t simply forget about huge swaths of our culture, that culture itself is important - even the bad parts. History is important. Not to get all cliche, but those who don’t learn history are doomed to repeat it. Racism, ableism, homophobia, etc. all exist in our fiction and moving forward doesn’t mean pretending that those stories never existed by hiding them away, but rather acknowledging that problem overtly as a way to say, “We can’t do that anymore.” That’s how people learn - especially kids - and that’s most safely done through something like a novel

That learning requires overt education. Teach people to think critically about the media they consume and listen to different perspectives on it. Note that my peer doesn’t just let her daughter read this series, she does so with plans to discuss the problems she already knows are in the text

All that being said, giving kids access to these books doesn’t necessarily mean we should continue to uphold those books in places like the classroom. There is a very complicated conversation going on regarding which books are worth giving our limited time to. Reading a racist book might teach a student something, but it’s better to simply give them access to books by black authors and have that conversation alongside the benefit of the non-racist literature itself. As said, deciding which texts are still worth our educational time is a huge conversation and everyone has a different opinion about whether what the literature might otherwise provide is worth its problems. That’s not something I alone can decide

(As a non-literature example, we’re seeing this now with BLM: there’s a massive difference between acknowledging Columbus in something like a history book and keeping a statue that acts as a means of upholding/praising him. Books work in a similar manner. Having them remain accessible in bookstores/a library is not the same thing as upholding/praising them in a classroom. Putting the books in that space and in that context presents them in a more positive light than many are comfortable with.)

However, if you do continue to teach such books you (again) want to have those conversations - which includes letting students be upset about this. Don’t tell the woman in your class that she shouldn’t be pissed off over how misogynistic a text is. Don’t tell a queer student their reading of a text isn’t possible. I believe that it’s often less about what we read than how we read it. If a student despises a text and thinks it was a waste of time... that’s the spark of a very important conversation. Teasing out the “why” of “I hated it” teaches just as much as teasing out the “why” of “I loved it.” Of course, there’s also mental health to consider. As said, there are texts we may not want to teach anymore. There are texts you’ll want to warn people about before they buy it in a bookstore. There are texts someone may need to step away from halfway through reading it... these are all things that need to be negotiated on an individual basis

Finally, not all texts are the same. A Disney film where the ages aren’t obvious (Snow White) isn’t the same thing as a text actively grappling with pedophilia (Lolita). In a world where “everything is problematic” it’s important to make those distinctions because though every story will have its flaws, those flaws are not made equal. Acknowledging that is necessary for having those conversations and having them mean something. Like the white person going, “Everyone has to deal with hard stuff in life!” while the black person is trying to talk about institutional racism, pretending that all texts’ problems are on an even level doesn’t do us any good

#fiction #teaching #Anonymous

190 notes · View notes

wingedquill · 4 years ago

Text

against the dying of the light, chapter one

@geraltwhumpweek

Title: against the dying of the light

Ships: Geralt/Jaskier (though not in this chapter)

Prompt Day: Day 5, Loneliness

Medium: Netflix

Warnings: Torture, Geralt is blinded very suddenly and violently. There is a lot of subsequent panic and internalized ableism about said blindness, and he's going to be very negative about it for quite a while (this chapter especially). This chapter in particular has a lot of panicked, disjointed writing/thinking so please proceed with caution.

Word Count: 2,830

Summary: When Geralt is captured by Nilfgaard and tortured for the whereabouts of his daughter, he tries to escape. Of course he does. It's in his nature. Nilfgaard comes up with a clever solution to stop him from running again. A caustic potion poured over his eyes. Time goes a bit funny after that.

Author’s Note: Chapter one of this was written for Geralt Whump Week, but this is set in the Juniper Verse. In case you haven't read that and don't feel like investing time in a long multichapter, all you need to know for this fic is that Geralt was kidnapped by Nilfgaard to protect Ciri, and that Jaskier is actually a witcher named Juniper. Chapters two and three (detailing Geralt's recovery and his and Juniper's budding relationship) will go up at some point soon-ish, but it's not really a priority for me right now, fic-wise, so don't be surprised if it takes a while.

Geralt tries to escape. Of course he does. He wasn’t made to sit quietly in a cage and let them hurt him. So as soon as he has the slightest sliver of an opportunity, he picks the locks on his chains, kills his guard with his bare hands, and sprints for the exit.

He should have waited, he thinks, when he throws open the door to the sounds of shouting and stampeding footsteps. He should have waited, he thinks, when Fringilla waves her hand and his legs lose all their strength. He should have waited, he thinks, when they drag him back to his cell and throw him on the bloodstained table. They don’t even bother to chain him down—Fringilla’s magic has left him completely motionless. Completely helpless.

He should have fucking waited.

Fringilla stalks into the room, spitting fury as her subordinates. Her magic presses down around him, heavy and oppressive. If she gets any angrier, he fears she’ll crack a rib. She stands over Geralt, grabbing his chin in her hand. Her magic is the only thing that stops him from flinching back, and shame curls in his gut, shame that he’s been reduced to beaten-animal reflex in so short a time.

“I have half a mind to keep you like this,” she snarls. “Paralyzed. On this table. Capable of nothing but hurting.”

One of her lackeys steps forward and hands her a clear jug filled with bright red liquid. Geralt expects her to force it down his throat. Expects it to be like the green potion that he’d been made to drink so many times, setting his nerves on fire without leaving a single mark on his body. Pain without the need for a healer. Convenient for his captors.

“But that would take a toll on me,” she continues, swirling the liquid around the glass. “And Nilfgaard needs me at my strongest. So this is my solution to stop you from running again, witcher. Do let me know what you think.”

She tilts her wrist and pours the red potion directly into Geralt’s eyes.

It burns.

He wants to scream, wants to thrash, wants to claw at his face and get it off,but he just lies limply on the table and stares up at the ceiling, at the face of his tormentor. And the room is cold, and gray, and dark, and getting darker.

The world is burning away from the edges of his vision and no, no, nothis can’t be happening to him, this can’t—

This can’t be the last thing he sees.

But it is.

Blackness overtakes everything and he hopes, stupidly, childishly, that he’s just fallen unconscious, except his eyes are stillon fire, shit, fuck, this isn’t real, he has to be dreaming. He hears Fringilla bark an order, feels rough hands grab at his limbs and lift. He’s dumped unceremoniously back on the ground and cold metal clicks shut around his wrists, ankles, neck.

He has motion again. A scream explodes out of his throat, animalistic, wounded, grieving a loss that he never thought he’d have to endure. He curls over himself, bringing his shackled hands up to rub frantically at his eyes. But it’s far too late. The damage is done. He’s—

He’s—

“We should have done this earlier,” he hears Fringilla say. Is she out of the room? How many people are here with him, how many people could hurt him? He doesn’t know, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know because he can’t fucking see. “I think this might be the thing that breaks him.”

Footsteps. Leaving him alone? Is he alone, or are they watching him sob, watching him wail like a child? He knows that his cell is small, but it feels very big, all of a sudden. The world is vast in its emptiness, and he thinks he might be the only person left in it. Stumbling through the void alone.

He wraps his arms around his knees and squeezes his eyes shut. As long as they’re closed, he can pretend that the blackness around him is there by his own choice.

***

For the first night, he tricks himself into thinking it might be temporary. He keeps his eyes closed for long stretches of time and tells himself that, when he opens them, he’ll be able to see again. Perhaps it will be blurry, perhaps it will be faded or colorless, but it’ll be more than endless nothing.

But he opens his eyes again. And again. And again. And every time, it’s nothing but darkness.

His own breaths are loud, loud, loud as thunder in his ears, and his heart is beating faster than it’s ever gone. Sweat covers him from head to toe and he’s shaking like an earthquake, like a small animal terrified of a thunderstorm. Is he dying? It feels like he might be dying.

He’s dying and falling and whirling away into the nothingness of the world.

No. It’s not nothingness. There is cold stone beneath his legs. A collar around his neck, chains on his limbs. Pain licking through his nerves, the aftershocks of the potion they’ve been forcing down his throat every day.

He’s here. He’s in this cell. He’s a prisoner of Nilfgaard and they’ve—

He’s not alone. That’s the point. The world hasn’t fallen away. There are still other people, lurking beyond the small cell filled with his desperate gaps. And he needs to remember that because those other people could hurt him even worse than he’s already been hurt. Want to hurt him worse, want to make him suffer.

He wonders if they’ll come back to give him the potion again, or if they’ll be content with watching him drift through the darkness, watching him cry (because he’s still crying, he can’t stop crying, it’s been hours now, and the tears still rush from him like a river) and whimper and claw at his eyes like that might lift the darkness away.

Maybe they’ll take your hearing.

He curls up even tighter.

Maybe they’ll take your tongue. Or your hands.

Tighter.

Maybe they’ll break your spine and leave you motionless and nerveless.

A sob bursts from his chest and the breaths rush from him, in and out like a runaway horse.

Maybe—

Maybe they weren’t content with—

His mind can dwell on a thousand different scenarios of what his torturers might do next, but it refuses to acknowledge what they’ve already done. It skates around the word, dances away from it.

They weren’t—

They want to do more than—

The breaths rush and rush, snatching control of his lungs away from him. He slumps down, shifting from a seated position to a lying one, his arms curled around his torso like that will do anything to protect him, his side pressing against the ground, his back against the wall. Anchor, anchor, anchor.

You’re on the world, you’re on the world, you’re here, you’re here, you’re just—

He uncurls his hand from his chest and presses his trembling fingers against the floor. Traces the cracks and dirt and tacky splotches he thinks are blood.

You’re here.

***

He sleeps, eventually. He doesn’t have much energy to begin with, these days, and his lungs running away from him sapped whatever was left.

When he opens his eyes, he thinks he might be dreaming at first. There is no other reason to wake to total darkness, not when his tormentors have been leaving torches burning constantly in his cell to fuck with his sleep. He’s used to opening his eyes to flames and gray stone, used to opening his eyes and seeing the fucking table that they like to strap him down on.

So. There’s no reason for this break in routine, unless he’s dreaming.

For a split second, he’s confused.

And then he remembers.

***

He cries the entire day. He thinks. Time is hard to mark when you’re—

***

Eventually he hears his cell door slamming open. He jumps at the suddenness of it, slamming his head against the wall. There’s laughter, cold and cruel, slipping into his void and crushing him from all sides. He doesn’t know who it belongs to, which guard has decided to visit him.

He almost asks.

He clenches his jaw shut. He won’t speak to them, not a single word. He promised himself that a long time ago, promised Ciri that a long time ago, and it’s not a promise he intends to break.

“Breakfast, puppy,” the man says. “Though I can see you didn’t want your dinner last night. Are we feeding you too much?”

Geralt doesn’t answer. Breakfast? But it was the evening wasn’t it? He’s been awake all day, he’s been crying for hours.

Time passes funny when you’re—

“I’ll take that as a yes,” the man laughs. Geralt hears a clatter as he sets the plate down. “I’ll pass along your message to Fringilla.”

Less food. When he can already feel his clothes hanging looser, when his hair has started to fall out, when his stomach is constantly screaming in pain.

He doesn’t answer.

“Eat up,” the man says, and the door slams shut again.

***

He needs to leave the corner.

***

He needs to leave the corner if he wants to eat now.

***

He needs to leave the corner if he doesn’t want them to cut his rations again.

***

He moves on his hands and knees, shivering the whole time. As soon as he gets a few feet—is it a few feet, is it more, is it less, is it?—away from the wall, his lungs run away from him again. He collapses in the middle of the floor, focusing all his energy on forcing his breathing steady.

In and out and in and out and in.

They must be laughing at him, the famous White Wolf reduced to hysterics at the mere act of crawling across a floor.

Is this going to be the rest of his life?

No. It can’t be. It’ll wear off, or Fringilla will get bored and remove it, or he’ll get out of here and find a mage who can fix him.

He’s not—

He’s just not.

***

He finds the food eventually. He thinks it takes him an hour. Maybe two.

Maybe more.

He eats, the raw meat already growing rancid, and steadies himself to return to his corner.

***

Time passes.

***

Time passes.

***

Time is funny when—

When—

He still can’t think the word.

***

His mind keeps circling around Ciri. Wondering where she is. Who she’s with. If she’s okay—gods please, please let her be okay. You can leave me in the darkness, but please let her be okay.

He remembers her as she was in the clearing, terrified, tears pooling in her eyes, refusing to leave him. Leaving him anyway.

It isn’t her fault. It isn’t. It isn’t. This was his choice. His and his alone. He can’t blame his child for this, he just—he can’t. If he does, he’s the kind of monster that deserves to be struck down by silver.

But he thinks of the flash of her hair as she ran, her cloak furling out behind her. And he wonders, drifting in the darkness, if that was his last sight of her.

It wasn’the tells himself, as the days go on and on and on, and the darkness refuses to lighten. It can’t have been.

***

Other potential lasts.

Roach, eyes rolling madly in her head as she was dragged away by soldiers.

Yennefer, back to him, chest heaving as she realized what he had taken from her.

Jaskier, face twisted up in pain, trying desperately not to cry as Geralt dashed his heart on the ground.

They’re all shit.

They can’t be true lasts.

***

Time passes.

And passes.

***

Eventually, Fringilla does start giving him that potion again, the one that sets every nerve alight and makes him scream until his throat gives out.

He’s almost grateful for it, at first. It’s a distraction from the nothing, nothing, nothing.

***

He stops being grateful after—

After a while. Not sure how long.

***

Time passes.

And then.

***

Jaskier’s voice. Jaskier’s hands, pressing against his face, smoothing back his hair, tracing the skin around his eyes. Geralt leans into the touch, breathes in his scent, chases the melody of his voice. It might be a dream. A hallucination brought on by too much pain and too much nothingness. But he’ll drink it in while it’s here, savor it like a fine wine, a gracious lover, a peaceful day.

“We’re getting you out,” Jaskier whispers and—

Ciri is here, sobbing in his arms, a frantic litany of apologies that tug at his heart until he thinks it might snap clean in two. He holds her close, as tightly as he can with his sapped strength, and whispers reassurances in her hair. That it’s not her fault. That he’s proud of her.

(Though he’s terrified, that she’s here, because what the fuck was Jaskier thinking, bringing his child into this hell?)

And Yen is here too, tugging him to his feet, snarking at Jaskier like this is just another monster hunt. His family, here, around him, and they’re pulling him out of the cell, pressing him on step by step by agonizing step.

He wonders, briefly, if he might have died.

And then Fringilla appears, and Ciri steps forward, and he dismisses that thought entirely as his daughter turns his torturer into a tree.

Not even death would be that strange.

***

They drag him out of the shaking, screaming castle.

He struggles, weakly, pointlessly, because there’s one member of his family missing, and he can’t leave her, he can’t lose her, not after everything.

“It’s just a stupid horse,” Yennefer mutters, but Jaskier knows better.

***

He falls against her and breathes her in.

Life. Warmth.

His first and best anchor.

You’re on the world. You’re here. You’re not flying away.

“Sorry Roach,” he says against her neck. “Sorry. Bet you want to get back on the road again, huh?”

She nickers softly, he breath whooshing slowly and steadily beneath his ear.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Me too.”

You’ll never be able to ride her again, and you know it. Not properly.

He closes his eyes. It doesn’t make a difference.

This is the first of a thousand griefs.

***

But maybe not. Maybe—

Maybe Yennefer can fix this.

Maybe you don’t have to be—

***

He doesn’t feel like he’s here with them, as they pile into Yennefer’s safe house, moving too quickly for him to track. They flutter around him like anxious birds, pressing hands against his skin, and he knows he should feel like he’s part of the world. He knows that they are trying to ground him. But he doesn’t—

He can’t—

He wants to see Jaskier’s smile, he wants to see Ciri’s excitable bounce as she reaches up to grab his hand, he wants to see Yennefer’s steady violet eyes. He wants the reminder that they’re here, and he’s here, and he wants the world to be concrete and steady and solid around him.

Yennefer puts her hands on his face.

“This won’t hurt,” she promises.

He flinches anyway, from a knowledge that might hurt more than any blow.

Please, he says to all the gods in the sky. Please please please please don’t let me be—

“I’m sorry,” Yennefer says.

***

Time shatters.

***

Nononononononononono

***

“Yennefer. Can you take Ciri out of here?”

***

NonononononononononononoNONONONO—

***

Jaskier’s arms are around him, Jaskier’s voice is around him, echoing and soothing and Geralt can’t even hear what he’s saying.

***

His lungs are running away and he’s crying and crying and he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop, it’s all his eyes are fucking good for anymore AND HE CAN’T—

***

“Breathe,” Jaskier says, and he doesn’t know how to do that. “Please breathe, sweetheart, please—”

***

Time is shattered, time is shattered, time doesn’t mean anything anymore, it could be noon or midnight, and he wouldn’t know because he’s—

***

“No,” he wails. “No, no, no, no, no. I can’t do this, Jaskier, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t—”

Jaskier is shaking beneath him and he thinks Jaskier might be crying too, but he can’t tell, he can’t, because he’s—

***

“I’m blind,” he sobs. His mind can’t slip around the word anymore. It can’t escape it. It’s made a home in his brain, and he doesn’t think it’ll ever leave. Doesn’t think it’ll ever stop echoing, around and around and around.

“I’m blind, I’m blind, I’m blind, Jaskier, I—”

“I know,” Jaskier says. His breath stutters against Geralt’s cheek. He rocks back and forth like Geralt is a newborn babe, like simple motion is the answer to his tears. But it isn’t. Because nothing will ever fix this.

Nothing will ever bring him back to the world.

#geraltwhumpweek #the witcher #geralt of rivia #jaskier #geraskier #juniper verse #My writing

30 notes · View notes

cubeswhump · 4 years ago

Text

Will Not be a Victim for my character, Blondie.

The neglected Blondie. I need to get back to my Powers Verse too. And the immortal bitches. I have a Sweetie and Michelle story drafted though.

Warnings for mentions of violence, referenced torture, bit of ableism. Pretty tame compared to what I usually write.

The phone rang from her nightstand, and again, and again. Then it started pinging with texts: Terry-Ellen has spoken to me but my own daughter won’t answer her phone.

I’ll be arriving at your house at 6PM.

Blondiw growled and dialled the number. The phone rang only twice before the deep voice came on the other line: “Oh, so you’ve decided to stop ignoring me?”

“Fucking hell, Dad. I’m twenty-three,” Blondie reminded him. “Chill.’

"Language, Melinda,” he scolded lightly. “I don’t care of you’re eighty-three. You’re still my daughter and we just got you back. I need to be sure that you’re okay.”

"I'm fine, Dad."

"Are you really?"

Blondie pinched the bridge of her nose. Don't call him a nosy twat, don't call your dad a nosy twat. She breathed out. "You hired a fucking bodyguard for me. "That's humiliating enough, and now you're prying into my life like I'm a child."

"Language. Good lord, you take after your mother," he sighed. "Who are you embarrassed in front of? You haven't left your house in more than two weeks." His voice was so even and annoyingly calm. Blondie swallowed back the snarl crawling up her throat. "Is it really prying to be concerned about my daughter? I just want to know that you're okay. I haven't seen you since-"

"Okay, okay, I'll stop by tomorrow. No need to stop by." She knew her father would have some words if she saw the state her house was in. Tej wasn't hired to clean after the slob, and no one had patched up the hole Blondie punched in the living room.

"Are you sure? If I come over you can stay home and rest," he offered.

"You just got on my ass for staying in my house!"

"You know that is not what happened, Melinda."

"I'll be there at eleven in the morning, okay?"

"I'll expect you by twelve."

Blondie huffed and hung up as he chuckled.

***

Tej was prodding her. "Get up. We've gotta go soon."

Blondie lifted her head abd ahot rhe other wonan a glare. "There's no we. You're staying home."

"You know that's not how it works," she said, unfazed. "I'll make you coffee."

"Don't." Blondie pyr one foot on the floor and grabbed one crutch. The other must have fallen over at some point in the night, and Blondie whacked Tej with the crutch in her hand when the thin woman tried to help her retrieve the fallen one. "Scram, bitch."

"Very nice, " Tej said sarcastically, handing her the crutch anyway. She caught the crutch Blondie swung at her. "Have you ever considered treating the help like people?"

"Go on, call me a bitch. There's nothing in your contract that says you can't insult me, yeah?"

"I'll leave you to get dreased," Tej said dryly. "Your hair looks nice. Did you wash it?"

She shut the door behind her just in time for the television remote to crash into the wood.

Blondie had only worn bath robes and undergarments for the last few weeks and she hadn't gotten to modifying any pants to her new body. Skirts? No, fighting in a skirt wasn't a great idea - if she needed to fight. Fights were always possible.

Shorts. A pair of shorts, one sock, one combat boot. The left bood sat all alone and sad. She kicked it over. Hair in a bun.

"Your coffee, Blondie." Tej shoved the steaming mug right in her face while Blondie was trying to sneak out the front door.

"I told you not to make me coffee," Blondie grumbled.

"Coconut creamer and one Sweet-N-Low," Tej tempted her, voice sing-song.

"I'm getting coffee on the way to my dad's, shithead." And she was out tje door, slamming it behind her - or trying to. Tej caught it just before it closed and slipped out after her.

"Want me to drive? You can relax," Tej offered, reaching for the keyring in Blondie's hand. Blondie jerked it away.

"I'll relax when you're dead. It's my fucking car."

"Cool, cool."

Tej was in the passenger's seat before Blondie had even opened her door so she couldn't even lock her out. Tej smiled at her knowingly. Blondie gripped the steering wheel sp hard her fingers turned white.

Tej tried to make conversation throughout the drive and Blondie turned the volume up a few notches every time she opened her mouth. After a million years, she pulled up in front of the coffee shop.

"I'll get you an iced mocha cappuccino," Blondie said as she got out of the car. Tej was stepping out too.

"Nah, I wanna look at the menu," she replied. Blondie squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her teeth, reciting the "calming phrases" from her counseling sessions as a teenager.

When was this place ever this busy? Blondie sighed as she joined the line, Tej at her side. "You know, you're paying for your own shit."

"That's fair," Tej shrugged. "Your daddy pays me weekly."

Blondie sneered at her.

The line inched forward. A woman and her child joined. Seriously, did the entire fucking town want coffee right now?

"Wow..." the woman said, her voice hushed. "What happened?"

Blondie didn't realize the woman was talking to her until she felt a tap on her shoulder.she turned around, finding the woman's wide eyes on her still-bandaged stump. The little girl stared too, reaching for Blondie's crutch. Blondie jerked it away from her sticky hand and scowled, but neither noticed.

"What happened?" the woman asled again. "Why don't you get a prosthetic leg?"

"I pesteres someone with intrusive questions and she pulled out a machete," Blondie snapped. The woman recoiled.

"Ma'am, you're being very insensitive, and you should teach your child not to touch anyone's mobility aids." Tej launched right into a lecture. "Please treat my friend as you would treat-"

Blondie's temper boiled over. She raised one crutch and bashed it into the woman's knee. Tej's hand clamped over her own mouth as the woman fell over with a screech, dragging her daughter down with her.

"Oops. My bad." Blondie turned her back on the pair.

"Did you see that?" the woman cried as she got back to her feet. The cashier looked over from the customer he was dealing with, frowning.

"I'll be out fast," Blondie promised the cashier. "No trouble."

They walked out with their coffees and gluten-filled breakfast, Blondie's coffee spouting steam that smelled of coconut... Something she could have gotten at home. Tej predictably got a mocha cappuccino.

"I mean," Tej finally said during their resumed drive, mouth full of bagel, "not that I blame you much, but public battery isn't a food luck."

Blondie turned the radio up higher.

The guard let them into the gated, cookie cutter community. Towering houses were identical, painted a cream not a shade lighter or darker than the house nextdoor. Perfect gardens, no blade of grass even a centimeter overgrown. One house had flowers a different shade of pink than the rest. Blondie might have struggled to differentiate the houses if Chase weren't waving frantically at the end of one driveway.

"Melinda, love, how are you?" The large man was coming at her with open arms as she stepped out of the car. She was too slow thinking of an excuse to get out of hugging her stepdad, and he squeezed her tight.

"Peachy," she told him.

He hugged Tej too before letting both women into the house. He was talking a mile a minute and Blondie let Tej handle the conversation.

"I see you brought beverages. No tea then?" he asked. Blondie shook her head. "Oliver's in his study."

"Tell him hi for me," Tej chirped, and Blondie decided she would not do that. She hurried away when the other two started discussing how much they lift at the gym.

115 pounds? Unimpressive, Tej.

She didn't bother knocking on the mahogany door, throwing it right open. "Yo."

Oliver swiveled around in his chair like a James Bond villain. He even looked the part with his coiffed grey hair and serious expression. "Good morning, Melinda. You were almost on time. Have a seat."

"Nice to see you too," Blondie said sarcastically, falling back ontp the plump sofa.

"Oh, no, you're covered in crumbs! Why didn't you brush yourself off outside?"

"Just vacuum later. I had a muffin."

Oliver sighed, turning back to his laptop. "Depending on your recovery time, we'll get you fitted for prosthesis." He flicked through images. Some were very realistic and even matching her skin color, others clunky and robotic, some abstract and hardly resembling a limb. "We should find a design that fits your activity level, preferably a more realistic one. No one has to know. At that point we'll get you to that physical therapist I've been talking to, and-"

"Whoa, hold on a minure. Don't I get a say?" Blondie snapped. "And who said I want a realiatic one? Maybe I don't want to pretend I'm fucking normal."

"Whatever you want, darling. But I'm not going to let you hold yourself back."

"You tell me to take it easy abd slow down and then you get on my ass for being behind the curve. The fuck is that?"

Oliver sighed. He turned back tp his daughter, choosing his next words carefully. "I know how much you enjoy your hobbies. I think it'll be better for your mental health if you get back into dance and martial arts soon."

Back into dance. She was already the largest girl in the studio, dwarfing the tiny instructor even when she was twelve. Skilled as she was, she never had a ballerina's body and her instructor's main complaints were her thundering footsteps and "unladylike gait". Well, at least pointe shoes wouldn't hurt a prosthetic leg.

"It's my body and my life," Blondie reminded him.

"And it's my money that pqid your medical bills," he shot back. She rolled her eyes. "Melinda, you know I just want what's best for you. I want to help you. I need to help you."

"Help yourself first," Blondie snarled. "How's your boytoy?"

"I've been married to Chase since you were eight. Stop calling him my boytoy," Oliver sighed. Any other time, Blondie might have laughed at how annoyed her dad got when she mocked his husband. "And fifteen years isn't such a significant age difference when you're out of your twenties."

"He's a gold-digger."

"He's well worth what he costs, and he loves you like his own daughter. Come on, stop changing the subject. You mean so much to me. You were the victim of such a-"

"I'm not a victim," she hissed, leaning forward in her seat. Her eyes narrowed. "If anyone's a victim, it's that bitch Camilla. You know, queen of the cabbage patch."

Oliver's eyebrows knit together. "Cabbage patch?"

"Because she's a vegetable," Blondie said, and her father sighed heavily.

"I'm not denying that she's a bad person, but you don't need to be discriminatory. Other, much nicer people live with brain damage."

"Dad, shut the fuck up and listen to me," Blondie demanded. "I fought my way out. I'm not a victim!"

"Yes, yes, you're a survivor," he said in a voice like he was placating a toddler.

"No, I'm Melinda fucking Van Doren."

He lifted his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Before anything, you're my daughter and I want what's best for you."

"I actually know what's best for me because I am me."

"I'm your father. I know you pretty damn well."

"Yeah, okay. I'll keep in tough." Blondie started to stand, but Oliver held a hand up.

"Stay for lunch. Samantha made two extra plates."

It still weirded her out that her father had a cook. Her mother missed having servants after the divorce, but Blondie tried her best to keep her home free of employees. And she got stuck with Tej, the most intrusive Van Doren employee.

Chase brought two plates of chicken parmesan to the damn study.

"Workaholic," he said and rolled his eyes, kissing Oliver on the cheek. Blondie rolled her eyes. "Well, I've been having a lovely chat with Miss Tej while you two have been bonding."

Bonding. Sure.

Blondie stabbed into her chicken. She imagined it was the Queen - no, Camilla - that she was stabbing over and over, making sure she never recovered. Because she wasn't the Queen's victim.

She was Melinda "Blondie" Van Doren. She was a fucking hero and people would know that soon.

#bthb #bthb card #bth bingo #bad things happen bingo #bad things bingo #my writing #my characters #blondie #tej #whump #female whump #female whumpee #lady whump #past trauma #ableism tw

7 notes · View notes

dazebrasrecs · 5 years ago

Text

Fic Recs: James Flint/John Silver (Black Sails)

All individual fics are completed but not all series.

Any Port in a Storm by Farasha

Length: 51k / Rating: E / Genre: Drama / Warnings: BDSM, Dub-con, Imjury

Summary: The situation in Nassau has become complicated. The situation between Flint and Silver was always complicated.

Bathed by twofrontteethstillcrooked

Length: 3k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: injury

Summary: An itch had caused him to reach back to scratch. His fingers came away red as the pain shot like cannon fire across his shoulder.

Silver went pale as he rushed nearer. “You told me you weren’t injured.”

Flint shrugged. “I didn’t think I was.”

Silver seemed to be clenching his teeth hard enough to crack rock. His nostrils flared. “We should see to it before you head much further inland.” He sounded like someone Flint did not want to test on the matter.

Burning In It by PrimalScream

Length: 3k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: So this is based on hawkbi-pierce’s promt and she has graciously allowed me to take a stab at it. Hope I did it justice.

okay but please consider: James Flint and face sitting. where Flint has never sat on anyone’s face before because he’s a bit embarrassed by the idea because it seems rude, and Silver practically begging Flint to sit on his face. please consider Flint losing his composure and being loud. please consider this in light of last season’s facial hair developments and the beard burn that would result

By the Oath River. by Craftnarok

Length: 8k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: In the wake of their victory against Governor Rogers' forces, Silver suspects he knows the best way to bring Flint down from the bloodlust of the battle, and he could do with some release himself, so he sets about giving them both what they need.

Force of Nature by zelda_zee

Length: 3k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: After their reprieve from certain death, Silver's rapport with his captain shifts in a way he did not foresee.

Hey Jealousy by PrimalScream

Length: 3k / Rating: M / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: No definitive time line, but set sometime in the near future, shortly after they become lovers. Silver isn't all that fond of the new crew member, but that's between he and himself, or is it? “

You don’t need to worry about Havers, he’s got nothing I want, he can’t hold a candle to you, or to this.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.

”“Don’t you? You’ve been glaring daggers at the man since he came aboard two days ago.”

His Love of Books by Magnetism_bind

Length: 3k / Rating: T / Genre: Romance / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Silver starts bringing Flint books.

I Hold a Beast, an Angel, and a Madman in Me. by Craftnarok

Length: 3k / Rating: E / Genre: Angst/AU / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Mod!AU. Silver is coming to terms with the loss of his leg, and Flint is trying to help him, but he's finding Silver's lack of self-care troubling. Starts a little angsty, but it gets happier, I promise.

I know you like what's on my mind by PrimalScream

Length: 3k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: S1ish - Straight up porn for porn's sake

I know you really want to move me, you know I'd like to see you try by PrimalScream

Length: 5k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: The one in which Silver likes to touch things that aren’t his….yet

“Who else could I have possibly been thinking about after what you’ve been doing this last month? You’re a fucking tease.

”“And whose fault is that? I made myself perfectly clear. You could have had me weeks ago, but you’re too fucking stubborn to take what’s right in front of you. ”

Immaculate dream made of breath and skin by PrimalScream

Length: 22k / Rating: E / Genre: AU/Romance / Warnings: sex work, daddy kink

Summary: James had gone looking for something different and he sure as fuck found it.

The Kissing!Verse by Magnetism_bind

Length: 25k / Rating: E / Genre: Romance / Warnings: BDSM

Summary: Silver's led to believe the crew all take their turns pacifying the captain, which leads to misunderstandings, unwanted arousals, and pining until he comes up with a way to get what he wants.

Lease Agreement series by twofrontteethstillcrooked

Length: 24k / Rating: E / Genre: AU/Romance/Humor / Warnings: minor violence

Summary: Lonely homeowner James Flint meets renter John Silver, and questionable meals follow.

let us possess one world by vowelinthug

Length: 8k / Rating: E / Genre: Hurt/Comfort / Warnings: past child abuse

Summary: They return to Nassau after their defeat of the British Navy, only to be met by Agitator Billy and his propaganda machine. This is why Captain Flint tries not to let other people decide things.

In which: Flint wears a disguise, Silver tells a terrible story, one bathes the other, and only one man died the whole night which is, like, definitely a record for them.

memories you bury or live by by mapped

Length: 4k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Silver has never ridden a horse before. Flint asks Silver to ride with him. One thing leads to another.

Never Let Me Go by 13thDoctor, JHarkness

Length: 28k / Rating: E / Genre: Humor / Warnings: Violence, homophobia

Summary: When Captain Flint arrives in Nassau with a ring on his hand, the island's inhabitants and the Walrus' crew are left to wonder who the unfortunate dame might be. Meanwhile, John Silver is enjoying the married life as well as reaping the benefits of his superstitious crew's bets.

Open it up tonight the devil can ride by PrimalScream

Length: 5k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Set in the past, early S2. They’re still on Nassau. The one in which Silver gets exactly what he asked for. “Has it been so long since someone has wanted you, just you the man, and not what you could do for them, that you don’t remember how it feels to be wanted? There’s no grand plan here. No scheme I’m aiming for. Maybe someday I’ll want into your head, but today, right now, I just want your body, your hands, your cock. I just want you.”

The Pirate Captain's Wedding by Magnetism_bind

Length: 25k / Rating: E / Genre: Romance / Warnings: BDSM

Summary: Once he has his hands on the thief Flint is willing to do whatever it takes to get the page from him. And then Billy & Gates say marriage is the only solution left on the table. Or rather matelotage – the time honored pirate form of matrimony. Billy says it’s the only way to regain the crew’s trust, by marrying one of them, and Gates agrees. For once Flint’s desperate enough to agree to it. He never expects to actually fall in love with the little shit.

Seedlings by twofrontteethstillcrooked

Length: 23k / Rating: E / Genre: AU/Angst/Humor / Warnings: N/A

Summary: "If there's anything I can help you with, or if you'd like to order flowers for an upcoming occasion--"

"All right, honestly?" Handsomely disgruntled customer looked Silver dead in the eye and said, "I'm looking for a gift that says, 'You are making a dreadful mistake. Call me when you've figured out what a fucking hash of things you've made.'" He spoke the way some people chewed tinfoil.

Silver felt two things: lust like a plague of locusts, and the words 'uh-oh' waft through his brain.

The SilverFlint Mixtape. Vol 1 and Vol 2 by vowelinthug

Length: 20k / Rating: M / Genre: Hurt/Comfort/PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: fics originally posted to tumblr for H/C dialogue prompts

Strike like a match on my skin by PrimalScream

Length: 5k / Rating: E / Genre: PWP / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Sometime in S2 on the warship. I just needed a reason for Silver to be a huge tease.

To Sleep Perchance to Dream by Craftnarok

Length: 8k / Rating: E / Genre: Romance / Warnings: N/A

Summary: John Silver has never been a good sleeper, waking up at the slightest disturbance, and it's particularly tricky on a ship crammed full of noisy men. It turns out that difficulty sleeping is something else he has in common with Flint. This is what happens when his inability to sleep sends him wandering the ship two nights in a row.

Until death it is all life. by Craftnarok

Length: 12k / Rating: E / Genre: Romance / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Ever since Flint told Silver about Thomas he hasn't been able to stop imagining Flint with another man. But then that turns into him imagining Flint with him, and it's only been a few days, but Silver thinks he might be about to lose his mind. So he has to do something about it.

we pull apart the dark, compete against the stars by mapped

Length: 7k / Rating: E / Genre: Drama / Warnings: N/A

Summary: After Silver learns about Thomas Hamilton, he cannot stop thinking about that man and what he means to Flint. He knows that he wants Flint, but how can Flint want him back when he's nothing like this man that Flint speaks of with such undisguised adoration?

you are the queen and i am the wolf by vowelinthug

Length: 10k / Rating: E / Genre: Humor / Warnings: N/A

Summary: They call him John the Giant. Flint calls himself James the Early Risk for Heart Failure.

Your eyes could steal a sailor from the sea by PrimalScream

Length: 7k / Rating: E / Genre: AU/Romance / Warnings: N/A

Summary: Matelotage. Like that was going to secure the safety of any crew. Like that would guarantee loyalty. James understands that there's a problem, but surely there has to be another way.

Your Hips, Your Lips, Your Skin On Mine and sequel This Year's Love by Magnetism_bind

Length: 9k / Rating: E / Genre: AU/Romance / Warnings: ableism

Summary: Flint's model cancels on him for his last class of the semester. Fortunately Max has a friend who might be able to step in. Everything seems fine and dandy until Flint sets eyes on the model.

#black sails #fic rec #silverflint #james flint #john silver

32 notes · View notes

winterironbang · 5 years ago

Text

Art Previews

Below you will find the art previews for this year, remember authors that its not quite time for claiming yet!

Take a good look and pick 2-3 favourites and remember which Number they are for when claiming does begin.

1. Prompt: Tony was taken by Hydra not long after the New York invasion and experimented heavily on Tony. The Winter Soldier escapes his captivity and kinds Tony locked up in his dragon form in a huge cell and decides he should break this poor creature out as well.The Winter Soldier could be his own personality next to Bucky, and if so he doesn't like Steve if that would come up. Restrictions: No Rape/Non-con, No OT3 (Stuckony), preferably a rather happy ending, or bittersweet. No sad endings. CLAIMED

2 Prompt: Tony has always had a thing for swimsuit models.Limitations: go wild.Additional notes: happy to be as involved or uninvolved as the writer wants! CLAIMED

3. Warnings: None that I can think of? Prompts: Definitely don’t have to stick to this, but this was just what was in my mind drawing this — They’re a Shoulder Angel and Shoulder Demon each trying to do a good job for their assigned Human - Natasha Romanov. I’d love it if maybe they’ve been working together over time to help Natasha (maybe to get out from under Red Room) without actually really seeing each other for a while until eventually they do. Not-Quite-Identity!Porn of some sort, with a bit of oh no he’s hot when they meet. Just imagine the hijinks with a little Nat and these boys as her conscience! Ha! Limitations: I know Tony is depicted as a Demon here, but this is Tony, please don’t make him out to be the actual Devil? He’s just doing his job but - oh no! - he gets attached to his Human and adversary and only wants the best for them, screw Hell’s policies CLAIMED

4. warnings: none i thinkprompt: Post-apocalyptic AU! Scrappy mechanic Tony meets badass loner and fighter Bucky (with a clunky metal arm)? Maybe some getting to know (and later: trust) each other and surviving (together?) in a hostile world? Trying to make a living? limitatons and any additional notes: No dubcon/noncon between Tony/Bucky, no sad ending, no super descriptive toture/body horror, Tony and Bucky should survive. Angst/Pain/Suspense otherwise are fine :)The second art is optional. CLAIMED

5. Desired collaboration level(s): I would love to be included with the writing/brainstorming process, even just so much as being a cheerleader for it!-Additional details/requests/Prompt: Pre-WI/getting together fic. Wing Au. Maybe something like "Winged beings are discriminated against/unliked/people are nervous of them. Picture scene is: Tony was sitting out in the rain/stuck in the rain, Bucky comes and sheilds him from it with his wing. -Do Wants: Hurt/Comfort, angst is fine too, must be happy ending please, I prefer canon-divergent, but total au is fine too. -Do NOT Wants: Beastiality, Mpreg, A/B/O dynamics, BDSM, D/S verse, Hardcore kinks, Genderbends, Non-con, MCD, underage/age-changes/de-aging, Sad endings!(I would prefer no other/background ships, but can be discussed!) CLAIMED

6. Warnings: blood Limitation: non-negotiable absolutely no Steve Rogers bashing Wants: OUAT crossover (non negotiable). Jefferson IS Bucky OR Bucky is Jeffersons twin. Steve as a main character as well. Prompt; Bucky goes missing after a mission, with seemingly no reason. A year later They find Bucky, only he's calling himself Jefferson and crying about a broken hat, and a horrific scar around his neck.

7. warnings: possible gun violence, languageprompt: loosely based on Killing eve "you hired me to kill you!?" "I wanted to see you..." basically, Tony and Bucky (established relationship? Mutual pining? ) haven't spoken in awhile for reasons (are they fighting? Busy? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) so Tony Hires Bucky to kill him. limitatons and any additional notes: none that I can think of but if you think there's something that could be squicky/a no go, just lemme know. I'm very open to collaboration with my author. CLAIMED

8. No warnings or limitations. CLAIMED

9. Warnings: None Prompt: Tony Stark meets Bucky Barnes in 1993 and they both fall for each other. One night, Bucky starts to cry. Tony asks what's wrong and Bucky tells him what happened to his parents. Notes: It really doesn't matter how you end this fic as long it includes some good old fashioned angst! CLAIMED

10. Warnings: noneNotes: Was thinking of a Brookly-99 spin on it, something cute and funny for some feel good happy, but very open to anything really :) CLAIMED

11. warnings: None Prompt: (Description: View is outside of a building. In one window Tony plays the violin. In the other Bucky types away.) CLAIMED

12. Warnings:NonePrompt: (description: Bucky is sitting atop a motorcycle. Tony is approaching him, offering his hand for a handshake. Scene is dusk on an empty road.) CLAIMED

13. prompt: tony is one of the last of his kind (inherited from his mother’s side). he hides his wings from the world, and only pepper, happy, and rhodey know what he is. everything else is canon as per the mcu. it’s up to the author to decide how far in the universe they want to take it, and if they wish to incorporate his wings elsewhere in the series, but tony is iron man and it must be post winter soldier. pre-relationship to getting together. limitations: please no graphic depictions of rape, suicide, or self-harm (specifically cutting. other forms of self-harm are okay, but please no self-inflicted cutting). no character bashing, ESPECIALLY of steve. no major character death. things i would like to see: BAMF!tony, ptsd (from either bucky or tony, or both!), a COOL secret reveal, angst, hurt/comfort, and fluff. some smut is okay! i would love if tony keeps the arc reactor. arm maintenance!! please!! tony being terrified of bucky finding out about his wings, and bucky being scared of hurting tony. relevant notes: tony’s wings are 18 ft (5.4 m) in diameter, and are red and gold. bucky still has hydra arm. that’s about it! i’m flexible on most things :) CLAIMED

14. Description/Prompt: John Wick AU in MCU Open for brainstorming or alternate interpretations Warnings: canon typical violence for story (john wick levels or mcu levels up to author?) Limitations: DNWs include a/b/o, mpreg, noncon, dubcon between major protagonists, death of major protagonists, unhappy/ bad endings CLAIMED

15. Description/Prompt: any frontier myth/ old wild west tropes welcome Open for brainstorming or alternate interpretations Warnings: canon typical violence for story? Limitations: DNWs include a/b/o, mpreg, noncon, dubcon between major protagonists, death of major protagonists, unhappy/ bad endings CLAIMED

16. Prompt: Romancing The Stone AU. Tony is a tech reliant city boy who is out of his depth in the South American jungle while trying to save a friend. Bucky is the broke traveller who he convinces to be his guide. Adventures and hijinks and a happy ending ensue. Notes/Limitations: Doesn't have to follow the movie if you're not familiar with it. I don't want Tony to be a damsel in distress that needs to be rescued, just a fish out of water who adapts to his new environment. Any rating is fine, smut is welcome, no character bashing. CLAIMED

17. warnings: general audiences prompt: Bucky is part of the Avengers but he and Tony keep their distance. On a mission Tony saves Bucky from another fall. Later he asks Tony why he didn't let him slip when he knows he killed his parents. He doesn't believe Tony forgave him and confesses that he sometimes hates Steve for not catching him limitations: no Steve/Bucky/Tony, preferably no Stony, no ABO, no mpreg, preferably no BDSM or dom/sub CLAIMED

18. warnings: malnutrition, (minor) injuries, shackleslimitations: anything involving children and/or pregnancy CLAIMED

19. Warnings:none Prompt: Mage Tony and assassin/rogue Bucky. Limitatons: No major character death, no infidelity, no unhappy ending, Bucky did not kill Tony's parents, would be absolutely fine with graphic sex Additional notes: Art will have at least one more companion piece featuring Bucky/Winter in Assassin type garb and probably wielding daggers. CLAIMED

20. warnings: none? prompt: Dreadful pirate Bucky with a heart of gold! limitaions and any other notes relevant to the authors for claiming: I'd prefer it if Bucky wasn't actually a bad guy. Go easy on the gore, and please don't do any noncon or dubcon between the OTP. Angst or pain are good as long as there is at least a hopeful ending! CLAIMED

21. Prompt: After the death of King Howard Stark, his son Anthony had to step up to the throne as the rightful heir. James Buchanan Barnes, a knight and new member of the Royal Guard, is sworn to protect his king no matter what. Even if that means protecting Anthony from his own damn feelings. Warnings: N/A Limitations: major character death, terminal illness, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, incest, ableism Notes: Their designs are fantasy-influenced more than historical, and even though I was using MCU as reference, I aged Tony down since canonically Howard died when he was younger anyway! Also the scribble of a background is supposed to be inside the castle, during a party/ball or something? CLAIMED

22. Artist Withdrew.

23. Warnings: None Prompt: The Addams Family AU Limitations/notes: None CLAIMED

24. warnings: none? prompt: Warlord Bucky gets a new conquest: Tony. (How? tribute? prisoner? Marriage contract?) Tony may expect the worst, but slowly discover Bucky isn't so bad... limitaions and any other notes relevant to the authors for claiming: please no evil Bucky. I like getting to know each other and slowly falling in love. No dubcon/noncon between tony/bucky. CLAIMED

25. Warnings: implied violence, kidnappingPrompt: I went with four comic panels sort of depicting a kidnapping scenario. Bucky (probably) wouldn’t be the kidnapper — i'm gonna try and make him look more surprised in the final draft. Limitations: Go wild. G ratings through Explicit is fine with me. Preferably no M-Preg though. CLAIMED

26. Warnings: None CLAIMED

27. Warnings: None CLAIMED

28. Description/Prompt: fluff or comfort? Warnings: - Limitations: DNWs include a/b/o, mpreg, noncon, dubcon between major protagonists, death of major protagonists, unhappy/ bad endings CLAIMED

29. Desired collaboration level(s): I would love to be included with the writing/brainstorming process, even just so much as being a cheerleader for it! Additional details/requests/ Prompt: Human!Tony/Werewolf!Bucky. Werewolf au. Do Wants: Hurt/Comfort, angst is fine too, must be happy ending please, I prefer canon-divergent, but total au is fine too. Do NOT Wants: Beastiality, Mpreg, A/B/O dynamics, BDSM, D/S verse, Hardcore kinks, Genderbends, Non-con, MCD, underage/age-changes/de-aging, Sad endings!(I would prefer no other/background ships, but can be discussed!) CLAIMED

#winterironbang #winteriron reverse bang #winteriron #first draft #ironwinter

63 notes · View notes

moonythejedi394 · 6 years ago

Note

For your amazing stories on ao3, how would Steve react to having a stalker? How would Bucky react to Steve having one?

coh god a stalker!!! it would be so awful but i’m not the friendly neighborhood angst queen for nothing. this got long. omg it got long.

how about in the these days ‘verse? steve continues working at the hug room at the VA after booger is born and him and bucky get together/married/bonded, and there, one of the vets gets too attached to him. now, let’s be clear, mental health is wrongfully correlated with violence way too often, and it’s more than cliche to say that a vet with PTSD is disposed to violence, it’s ableism

hug room is part of the VA center, but it is not exclusive to the VA, it’s a therapy service. so steve has patients from several places, it isn’t his business where they come from. his job is to reacquaint them with gentle touch and that’s all he does.

so one of his more difficult patients becomes too attached. displacement, that’s the psychological term for it. we’ll go ahead and say it’s a guy and an alpha, bc statistically, that is more likely. and his name is uhhhhhhhhhhhhh frank. maybe over a slow period, steve does help him become more comfortable with physical touch, but almost at the same time, frank develops an obsession with him. tries to book more sessions than have been prescribed per week, shows up at random times and asks if he’s free, things like that. it escalates slowly, but it’s first caught by steve’s boss, who politely and kindly turns frank away one morning and tells him that he’s no longer going to be seeing steve. frank actually throws a fit then and there and he’s escorted out.

steve tells bucky about it after. bucky says that if frank shows up again, call him and he’ll see him out. steve tells him not to be so dramatic.

but it does get worse. frank follows steve home one day, though he’s stuck outside the apartment building. steve doesn’t notice, unfortunately. frank begins watching him daily, yannow, the whole stalker deal.

one night, frank somehow gets steve’s phone number. don’t ask us how, one otherwise ordinary tuesday night, steve’s encouraging jamesy to color outside the lines while bucky attempts to cook something new and interesting i’m sure, and steve’s phone rings. unknown number. not actually the dreaded Unknown Number, it was just a number steve didn’t recognize. steve passes jamesy to bucky, answers the call, he says, “hello?”

“hello.” “who is this?” *long silence.* “hello?” steve repeats? *heavy breathing* steve gets disturbed. “I’m going to hang up now,” he says. “wait!” frank shouts, actually shouts, “baby,” he says, “don’t go!”

steve, highly disturbed, he drops the phone from his ear and hangs up right away. “what’s the matter?” bucky asks. steve wanders over to him, bucky tosses an arm around his side, and steve promptly blocks the number. “weird phone call,” steve just says. bucky hugs him closer. “well, don’t answer it again.”

but it doesn’t stop. frank doesn’t call again that night, but he does the next night. steve blocks every single number, but frank keeps managing to find different unblocked ones, and after a month of his calling, steve changes his phone number. that stops it, but only briefly. bucky wants to go to the police about it, but steve says they shouldn’t, since it’s only phone calls.

and then one afternoon while steve’s taken jamesy to the park, frank gets too close. jamesy’s playing in the sandbox and steve is sitting nearby probably drawing. frank comes up behind him all quiet-like and steve, absorbed in drawing and watching jamesy, he doesn’t notice. frank slyly takes the seat on the bench next to steve and starts inching closer. steve notices when he’s just breached the distance of polite-personal-space.

“hi,” frank says. steve jumps up from his seat, grabs his stuff and starts to run to grab jamesy. “wait, no!” frank jumps up, too, grabbing steve’s arm, “i only wanted to see you again, you’ve been avoiding me!” “this is inappropriate,” steve argues, “inappropriate and it makes me uncomfortable, please leave me alone.” “you keep dodging my calls!” frank claims.

Steve jerks his arm away from frank, leaving his notebook behind, he grabs jamesy and books it. frank picks up the forgotten notebook and claims it as a treasure.

when they get home and steve tells bucky what happened, bucky doesn’t even wait to ask steve if he should, he just calls the police. an officer comes by and steve reluctantly gives a statement, shows the records of all the calls, admits that the hug room had to ban frank bc he’d started harrassing steve. the cop takes it all down, says they’ll make a note of it, and then just leaves. that’s all they can do for the time-being. frank hasn’t done enough to warrant a restraining order or anything. they do send an officer to tell frank to leave steve alone, but that’s all they can do.

bucky does not like that. he wants to go hunt frank down himself and show him a thing or two about stark prosthetics up close (after tony succeeded with bucky’s arm, he did go on to exceed his father in affluence and wealth while all the while giving top-of-the-line prosthetics to people like bucky for pennies). but anyway, bucky definitely wants to show frank the point with his fist, but steve, you know, he only believes the fight is worth having if it’s for someone else.

but for the time being, frank does vanish. steve says “see, it’s fine!” and bucky says “he’s luring us into a false sense of security” and steve looks at him flatly with his eyebrows raised and blinks once and bucky splutters about cautiousness for a bit while steve just looks at him until he just slows until he stops. “okay, we’ll leave him alone,” bucky agrees reluctantly. “for now!”

and for the moment, frank does seem to move on. the phone calls stop, steve doesn’t see him again, jamesy of course has no idea what’s going on, he’s 2. he does know about banana peanut butter sandwiches and the most thinking he does is whether or not he wants chunky or smooth peanut butter.

a few months go by, steve and bucky think it’s blown over. and then one night, bucky’s out with the guys or he’s working late, and it’s just steve and jamesy at home. steve’s just put jamesy to bed and he took a shower and he’s probably like thinking that he’s going to get himself prettied up and he’s going to be ready in bed already prepped when bucky gets home, so he’s wearing a towel and he’s a lil bit drippy, and he notices that the shades are open so he goes to shut it and then he fucking screams and runs out because frank is sitting on the fire escape outside looking in.

bucky books it home and gets there before the cops. steve has at some point gotten into bucky’s bathrobe probably. the baby’s woken up, he’s hungry and grumpy, bucky’s out of his mind terrified, like, what if the window had been unlocked or he’d broken it, oh my god! and steve is just silently hugging jamesy and bucky bc he’s kinda in shock. cops do come and they look around, but they don’t find any trace of frank. the cops can’t pin anything on frank, but they say they’ll talk to him again and one of them advises steve and bucky to get a civil restraining order filed, bc in that case, if frank does show up again, then they’ll have something to charge him with.

bucky right away starts the process to get the restraining order. steve lets him do it bc he’s still kinda in shock. i mean, you go into your bedroom wearing a towel and there’s a dude with his eyeballs pressed to the glass, it’s a shocking thing! it takes several weeks, but they get it filed and in the meantime, bucky and steve put extra locks on the windows and the front door. around the same time, the phone calls start up again and they have to change steve’s number a third time. frank even calls bucky once, unfortunately for him, bc bucky stays on the line long enough to scream at him, and this time, frank’s the one that hangs up.

once the restraining order is filed, frank’s stalking does stop. for a while. a few months of blessed peace, and then bucky wakes up one night to the sound of the window rattling. steve does not wake up, bc he doesn’t sleep with his hearing aids in. bucky wakes up, gets up, suspicious, and actually grabs his sidearm. he creeps up to the window and pops the blinds apart. frank is on the other side trying to jimmy it open. immediately, frank starts to book it, bucky throws the window open and jumps out on the fire escape, yelling and screaming, people all across the building switch their lights on, and frank stops halfway down the fire escape to yell back at bucky, “you can’t stop me, i love him more than you.” bucky promptly fires a warning shot into the air, which does wake steve up, and frank books it again.

the police come. bucky did fire his gun, but it was into the air, nobody got hurt. this time, frank committed a criminal offense and the cops get to arrest him. he’s charged with criminal contempt of the first degree in violating the protection order filed by james b. rogers-barnes and steven rogers-barnes, and he’s given a fine and 2 years, 9 months in prison. frank briefly entertains the idea of suing bucky for firing the warning shot, but his lawyer advises him not to, bc he’d almost definitely lose and he’s lost enough.

steve and bucky both feel much safer with him behind bars. they nearly forget about him until the sentence is close to ending, but when frank is released, his lawyer contacts their lawyer with a very stiff and formal apology notice and the promise to abide by the restraining order there on out. ofc, violating it a second time would earn him more prison time, and that’s probably why. it’s a sigh of relief.

that got really long. i spent way longer on this than i should have. but! i hope you enjoyed this, ducky, and thank you so much for the ask! i did enjoy answering it and it’s definitely a really interesting scenario. god, now i’m wondering what would happen if slutty!steve had a stalker. tho, mafia-king!bucky would probs just shoot them at the earliest opportunity. which would make it a very short scenario. still, the kept boy ‘verse is partially murder kink. carry on, have a lovely day!

#ask #these days #kitten!steve #one-arm!bucky #that's an awful nickname for him but i couldn't think up anything better tbh #a/b/o #alpha/beta/omegaverse #alpha!bucky #omega!steve #mpreg #baby barnes #stalking #stalker #attempted break-in #angst with a happy ending #ficlet #my fics #thepheonixqueen

16 notes · View notes

kiiruna-a · 5 years ago

Photo

` ☆┆THE HERO , ABOUT .

full name : mei katsura. nickname : KIRA 02. specie : human/cyborg. age : twenty. gender : cis female. pronouns : she / her. nationality : japanese. residence : superhero academy, location top secret. occupation : student & achieving superhero .

hair : thick, pitch black bob with bangs. eyes : dark brown, bordering on black. skin : tan. tattoos : n/a. body type : 160cm, inverted triangle (wider in shoulder than hips), slim but with toned muscles.

favorite color : black, purple & red. favorite animal : cat, racoon, panda & leopard. favorite food : mostly anything mcdonalds. favorite drink : coca cola, monster energy & black tea. favorite place : big city, cinema, arcade, cat cafe & in bed. favorite sparetime : browse the internet, play videogames, eat, get into fights, watch anime, doodle, beat up a punching bag, shop for clothes, experiment with make-up, take pictures & selfies, feed stray cats & go rollerskating.

positives : daring, honest, independent, passionate & unfoolable. negatives : abrasive, arrogant, disobedient, irresponsible & lazy. fears : hospitals & thunder. theology : atheist. orientation : grey - biromantic bisexual. shipping status : dualship, single in both verses.

( warning for ableism/audism ) mei was not born with any extraordinary powers, no mutated genes & no extra limbs. no, she was born an ordinary girl, with the exception of the fact she was deaf. she came into this world with the fate of being just like any other girl, ordinary hobbies, ordinary school, ordinary friends, only without one of her senses. that was proven when the doctors decided together with her parents to do surgery on her infant body, giving her a cochlea implant in hopes to “fix” her. it didn’t work. sadly, it’s not a 100% success rate, the doctors informed the parents. it should have stopped there. her fate was decided. if only her father hadn’t taken it into his own hands. her father worked with medical engineering, & a perfectionist, & was said to have a bit of a god complex. he did not want a daughter that was handicapped, he said as he started working on new ways to “fix” her. he developed the cochlea implant, making it bigger, making it more complex, & with help from his wife the nurse he wasn’t scared to perform surgery at home on their screaming child. it was the abuse mei grew up with. never good enough, as none of the methods worked. mei proceeded to attend a school for the deaf, centered around oralism, meaning she was taught how to speak more than she was taught how to read or count. in recess, all the children would sign with each other, play with each other, make friends with each other, but in the classroom it was a hell not much unlike what mei experienced at home. never good enough. pronunciation not quite right, lip reading not quite good enough, rendering the young girl scared of the world, & especially the adults in it. it was when she was thirteen years old that mei was pulled out of school, because her father, who was still obsessed with inventing a hearing aid with 100% success rate, was not scared to turn her into more machine than she was a person. the wiring was all the way through the air canal, to the skull, to the brain, anything in order to make her “normal”. she had mechanisms as big as earphones stuck to her, & wires she had no idea what they did. it hurt. infections, imperfections, yelling, isolation. until the day something that wasn’t supposed to happen, happened. with an electric shock, mei could suddenly hear. it wasn’t the sound of her father’s voice, however. it was a scream, a high-pitched scream like the heavens had opened & every angel was screaming down at her. she screamed back as loud as her vocal chords could manage, & tried to turn the machine off. she had her eyes closed, rolling out of the table & onto the floor where she curled into a ball & desperately grippled at her head to try find a way to turn it off. eventually, she did. everything was quiet. everything was familiar. her head was hurting, her eyes full of tears. if that was what hearing was, she did not want any of it. when she finally dared to open her eyes, however, she noticed something wasn’t quite right. the whole room was torn to shreds. shelves were knocked over, things had somehow flew across the room. her father was laying on the floor, knocked out by a vase that had somehow hit him straight in the forehead. papers were lying across the floor, books & medical equipment. had the angels really been here? had they done it? or was it her? scared, mei ran away from home, now fifteen years old. she found her way to one of her friends from school, & when they all saw the condition she was in, the police were involved. medical professionals. the sign language interpreter translated for her: we can’t take it off. we might damage your brain. you might die. it’s a miracle you haven’t already. mei was then put into the foster care system. she was adopted by a sweet family, one that learned to sign just for her. that was more than her parents had ever done. at first, she didn’t want anything to do with them; her trauma was too big. she was a troublemaker, she didn’t want to go to school & she didn’t want to stay in her room, but would escape out the window constantly. her coping mechanism was to lose herself in video games, manga & anime. that became her entire life. luckily, there was another girl in that household, one many years younger than mei, who was also into the same things. eventually, mei would let said girl into her room so she could borrow her comics & read them. that girl eventually became the one mei would consider her sister. when mei was eighteen, the two had gotten incredibly close. it was the first time that the young girl also dared to ask mei about the machinery around her ears & neck. the little girl thought it was insane, that he didn’t give up when it didn’t work. mei, however, signed to her in soft motions: it did work. i can do a lot more than hear, too. in secret, mei had turned the implant on, trying to tame it, master it, figure it out. the condition the room was in after it had first turned on, it haunted her. she knew it was her. she knew that those electrical shocks had eventually done something to her, & she was going to figure out what. telekinesis. once the screams of angels in her ear had become something that she could handle for at least a short amount of time, she practiced, practiced & practiced those powers. for the first time in her life, she did feel like she had just that--- power. she got a little too ambitious & arrogant, a little too vengeful. she used the powers on her school that she hated so much, the one who wanted her to conform to a norm & society she did not belong in. the one who forbid her from signing, but wanted to teach her to hear, who robbed them of their language & their ability, who cracked their souls from the day they first step into the premise. she decided to hit back. she decided to tear the place to shreds. she expected to perhaps be turned into a correctional facility, but what came was worse. much worse. men dressed in all black suits, black sunglasses & shaved heads came to pick her up. they didn’t look like police, because they weren’t. they were government. they were the ones to take her far, far, far away from home, only to lock her in a cell where her powers didn’t work. a cell where she was malnourished & interrogated. they told her through notes pressed against the glass that she was unique, they needed her, they needed her powers. they’d teach her to use them for good. mei, however, was not going to listen to any tyrant again. she was tired of her father, tired of her school, tired of everyone telling her who she can & can’t be. after being locked in for a month, however, she can’t fight them anymore. she’s weak & broken down, crying. the gate opens. a note reads: welcome to the academy for superheroes, mei.

#( the h e r o ) // aesthetic .#( the h e r o ) // threads .#( the h e r o ) // answers .#( the h e r o ) // musings .#( the h e r o ) // headcanons .

1 note · View note

searchforthescars · 6 years ago

Text

This is part of my Saying Your Names verse, which I will (maybe) be writing in full after I’m done with Litany.

CONTENT WARNING: ableism, mental distress.

You guys owe @maskingtapepoetree all the thanks in the world - this would suck without her editing.

For Emori Week, AU day. I’m late. This is bad. I’m sorry.

“Emori?”

The sound of John’s voice shakes her out of her spiraling thoughts.

“What, John?” she answers.

“Can I come up?”

If her head didn’t feel like it was going to explode and her heart didn’t feel like it was trying to crawl into her stomach, she would’ve laughed at the mental image of John attempting to scale the tree. As it stands, she merely shrugs and leans her head against the tree trunk, the sharp chips of its bark lodging themselves in her hair.

“I’m coming up,” he decides, and several minutes and curse words later, he’s there, crouching in a V between two thick branches, studying her face carefully in the light of his phone. “Emori…” he starts softly, then trails off. He can’t find anything to say. Good.

“I don’t need you to save me,” she says, her voice rough.

“I’m not here to save you,” he says. “Otan was freaked out. He and Bellamy are tearing up the city looking for you.”

That should make her happy. She can’t even muster a change of expression. “Why?”

John looks taken-aback. “Because he loves you. He’s your brother.” He catches himself. “Which, yeah, the two aren’t mutually exclusive. But still.”

“He’s better off without me,” she says, closing her eyes against what she’s sure will be an expression so stung she’ll want to kiss it right off his stupid, beautiful face. “He doesn’t need me. If I wasn’t born, he would be okay.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” John sounds like he’s caught between being hurt, confused, afraid and royally pissed.

Emori opens her eyes and fumbles in her pocket for the printed email. She thrusts it toward him and closes her eyes again. Her head pounds. The voice in her head shouts at her to push him away.

“What the hell?!” John shouts. Emori’s eyes snap over to look at him, but he’s still staring at the paper in his hands. “What the— This is fucking— I don’t believe this.” He looks up at her. “Who sent this to Otan?”

Tears well in her eyes. “Our mother.”

John’s hands start to shake. Dimly, she remembers his own mother, the pain he faces almost every night he goes home. She should feel guilty for hurting him like this, but she can’t be bothered to care now. Maybe he’ll be angry with her for bringing up bad things, and then he’ll leave. It’s the only thing she can think of to do. He’s already seen her hand.

“This isn’t true,” he says vehemently. “None of this is true.”

She nods. “Yes, it is.” She gulps back tears. “She didn’t want me, but she couldn’t get rid of me without killing Otan too. So she kept us both, but I always owed him for keeping me alive. I’m just a leech. He protected me and was starved for it in the womb, so I owe him. And she didn’t want me because I came out defective.” It’s a tame translation of the email’s contents, but if Emori has to utter one more ableist statement, she thinks she might throw up.

John stares at her, his eyes impossibly soft. “You don’t believe that, do you?” he asks carefully, as if he knows the answer. He probably does.

She looks down, at her gloved hand, and aches. “Yes. I do.”

He reaches his hand out to her. She regards it, then leans forward just enough to take it with her good hand. He shakes his head. “Give me the big one.”

“John…”

He beckons. “Come on. Give it.”

She holds out her left hand. The longer fingers touch his easily. He wraps his warm hand around her mitt and squeezes. It’s as if they’re two teenagers with two pairs of normal, beautiful hands. She loves his hands, his perfect long fingers, the surety of them when he’s cutting vegetables on her kitchen counter or deftly braiding Raven’s hair. She envies them too, their capacity, their abilities.

“I will never not want you,” he says, “exactly the way you are. Nothing about you makes me hate you. You don’t have to believe me, but I wanted you to at least hear me.”

She has nothing to say. Her breath comes in short puffs of white in the rapidly cooling air. Footsteps crunching the leaves below them interrupt the moment. Raven is standing at the base of the tree, Otan, Bellamy and Octavia in tow.

“Em!” Otan shouts. Relief colors his tone. “Em, I thought you’d died or something!”

She shakes her head. The world is blurring around the edges. She’s so cold, and she doesn’t want John to let go of her hand, but he does. “I’m fine.”

“What the hell were you thinking?” Raven starts to scold, her face twisted in concern. “It’s fucking freezing out here; we all thought you’d gone off to kill yourself or—“ she breaks off when Octavia smacks her upside the head. “Damn it, Octavia, what?!”

“Maybe don’t say shit like that right now,” Octavia hisses. Bellamy shoves his sister until she shuts up.

Otan steps forward and reaches his arms up to Emori. “Come down, Em. Please.”

She does. She slides down into her twin’s arms, and starts to cry when he wraps his arms around her shoulders, putting his back to the wind to protect her, holding onto her like he did in the womb. “I’m sorry,” she sobs into his jacket. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry for everything, I’m—“

“Stop it, Em,” Otan says gently, carding his fingers through her hair. The tug and press is soothing. “I know you hacked my email, and I saw what you emailed Mom as me.” She pulls away, ready to defend herself, but Otan shakes his head and guides her back to his chest. “I’m pissed, but not at you.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers again. It’s all she can say.

John and Raven don’t leave her apartment all night. Otan sleeps on the couch so Raven can shove his and Emori’s full-size beds together so all three of them can pile in under a mound of blankets and pillows. Within seconds of hitting the mattresses, Raven and John are nearly asleep, leaving Emori alone with her thoughts.

It’s probably not the best way to be, but she likes it, in a way. John is close enough to her where she can feel the deep rise and fall of his chest, and Raven is a solid and comforting weight on her other side.

“Too warm,” Raven mumbles after a moment, jarring Emori from her thoughts just as they’re about to veer into darkness. Raven shoves half the blankets on top of John and sticks her good foot out of the covers, nestling back into the pillow with a soft sigh. John merely mumbles, sleepily spreading the blankets evenly over himself and Emori, and rolls over to wrap his arm around her waist.

It’s a good moment that Emori lays there, frozen, until John wakes up enough to realize what he’s done.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, hastily pulling away. “I didn’t-”

She misses his warmth almost instantly. She doesn’t allow herself to examine why. “It’s okay.”

He doesn’t get the subtle hint; he curls up into a small ball a good few inches away from her.

“No, I mean…” she starts, but she’s too tired, and her head hurts, so she just grabs his arm and hauls it back to her torso, rolling so her back is to him, and curling into his warmth. She can feel her heart hammering in her throat.

“You’re warm,” he murmurs after a moment. His breath tickles the back of her neck. “‘S nice.”

“Shut up and let me sleep,” Raven mutters. John snorts, and Emori finally falls asleep to his thumb tracing circles on the skin between her sweatpants and a faded T-shirt she thinks once belonged to Raven.

#saying your names #emoriweek2018 #this is so bad i'm so sorry #emori deserves friends

11 notes · View notes