#shit got homoerotic in a f/f way

[mistystarshine]

Whenever a female character is widely hated, put the blame on misogyny. However, a good chunk of fans of specific works (with certain exceptions) are teen girls and women. Is it a case of internalized misogyny, then?

Somewhat, yes, but it's also a matter of attraction.

A great deal of fandom is shipping, and people tend to be more drawn to ships that they are attracted to. No, it's not the be-all end-all, yes, you can love characters and ships that you don't find attractive and dislike ones that you do, but it adds a MASSIVE boost. You are more likely to consider ships when you find one or more of the characters attractive. You are less likely if you do not.

I'll use myself as an example.

I don't give a shit about m/m pairings unless they have strong canonical chemistry that appeals to me (or it's a REALLY well written fic) because I'm a lesbian. It is harder to make them appeal to me because I don't get the attraction boost. I will read Adamsapple fics (with a note that I am picky about characterization) because I find the dynamic compelling. I don't mind Huskerdust, but have never once sought it out. Alastor is the major ship-launcher in this fandom, but I have not and will not read any fics that dedicate a significant amount of time toward Alastor shipping (or read Alastor-centric fics in general) because I can't comprehend how people find him hot and I find what we saw of him in canon deeply boring, so there is absolutely no appeal. M/F is honestly largely the same. Constrastingly, although I obviously gravitate toward things I already ship, I will give almost any f/f ship a shot if the fic seems well written. (With another note that I am picky about characterization.) Why? Because there is additional appeal there to make me willing to give the author the time to convince me.

(This is without even getting into smut, and I don't think I need to explain the importance of attraction there. All of the M/M or M/F smut that I've written was as a gift to a friend or because the narrative demanded it. And guess what? The f/f I've written (on a burner account that ya'll will never see) was way better.)

The majority of fandom is women. The majority of women are attracted to men. So guess what? Attractive male characters and m/m pairings get most of the attention. And guess what else? Female characters often get in the way of m/m ships, which provokes hate. Especially around younger fans who might not be experienced enough with narratives to be able to get a female love interest out of the way without demonizing them.

If you want me to say that female characters just aren't as well-written as men, it's not going to happen. There are PLENTY of male characters who are flat as cardboard yet get tons of adoring fans and fandom doing the work to flesh them out to hell and back. Just look at Hux in the Star Wars fandom. There are plenty of extremely well-written female characters who are ignored in favor of the most prominent bland hot man. And yeah, it's because they're hot. And maybe it's a bit of misogyny too, but... from what I've seen, a lot of attention comes from attraction, and when it comes to female characters, much of the hate comes from ship wars that people don't want to admit are ship wars. Plain and simple.

[shaunamilfman]

can't wait for love (to destroy us) [3]

pairing: Jackie Taylor x Shauna Shipman x f!reader summary: If your hookup buddies have dumped you for each other, why do they keep trying to hang out with you? Don't they know it's giving mixed signals? Masterlist

Jackie waves you over the second she sees you, her face alight with joy as she sits next to Shauna. Your eyes are drawn reflexively down to her neck, taking in the sight of hickeys you didn't remember leaving on her. Jackie flushes as she glances down, uncharacteristically shy as she presses her cheek against Shauna's shoulder. 

It doesn’t do much to hide the marks, but you manage to drag your eyes away anyway. You’re not sure how you’re supposed to feel at the sight. It’s not jealousy, per se; you’re more than familiar with the way that burning feeling wells up in your throat. The feeling was heavier, a dull ache like a bruise just beneath the surface. You didn’t want to take Jackie from her–how could you when you’ve already shared so much together? Besides, it’s not like you’ve ever had enough of them to possess in the first place. 

You were theirs, not the other way around.

This was what you wanted, ultimately. At least you had thought it was until you got it. They would be happier together without all of those desperate glances shared between them, touches that lingered just a little too long to be shared between friends. And that’s not even getting into the way they used you to learn about the other. All those little burning questions about what Jackie tasted like or how Shauna sounded moaning into your ear had done more to indicate their relationship than just kissing each other in front of you ever could have.

It’s not anger, either, at being so carelessly tossed aside like yesterday’s news. You were expecting that to happen when they both finally got their shit together, so that wasn’t what surprised you. The only surprising part really was that it took them so long to come to that conclusion themselves. You’ve long since suspected that the two of them are aware of their feelings for each other even if they don’t strictly act on them, which doesn’t make a lick of sense to you. But hey, what do you know about homoerotic childhood friendships?

It’s just… You thought there would at least be a conversation about it. That Jackie would sit you down on her bed while Shauna awkwardly leaned against a desk behind her to tell you that they had finally gotten together, so they wouldn’t be sleeping with you anymore, and couldn’t you still be friends? 

You’d sat around in your room all of that first day waiting for an invitation that never came, forcing yourself to focus on an assignment you barely hit the word requirements for. By the end of that day, the only thing you’d gotten from either of them was a text from Shauna asking if you wanted to study together the day after. Maybe they were just busy that first day, totally caught up in finally getting to taste the other when they’d so long kept themselves from it.

You’d spent that first night just imagining them together. The way Jackie would look sitting pretty on Shauna’s lap the way she always did on yours, her thighs trembling and her breath hitching as she whined for more. The way Shauna would look leaning over her as she pressed Jackie back onto that twin-sized mattress, strong thighs pressing against Jackie’s as her ankles crossed behind Shauna. The way Shauna’s fingers would flex around Jackie’s wrists as she pinned them back, so effortlessly strong even though she doesn’t look it. Or even the way Jackie’s nails would scratch lines down your back deep enough to last for days, aching every time you moved the wrong, or the right, way.

Her back. Shauna’s back.

Shauna hadn’t even mentioned anything when you’d met her at the library the day after, just bringing you your normal coffee order like nothing had changed. And it hadn’t, not beyond the obvious. If you hadn’t known what happened two nights before, if you hadn’t woken to find Shauna’s bed empty and cold after she’d left you in it for Jackie’s, you wouldn’t have suspected it from the way she acted then. The two of you had spent the hours in comfortable silence, something you always appreciated in Shauna, but still the question lingered in the back of your mind: is this when she tells you to stay away?

But still nothing. 

No call after about it, not even a text.

If you had to think about it, really think about it, you would say that you were just simply sad. You had thought your relationship with the two of them was serious enough to at least warrant that much, but it seems like neither of them valued it enough to straight out tell you about it. It’s not like you were ever exclusive, and they knew you must have seen them together. They’d just thought you were smart enough to put the pieces together yourself.

Show yourself to the door, as it were. Which was fine, you guess.

Shauna's idly stabbing her fork at her food, likely more out of the desire to stab something than any real desire to eat what's left of it. Her hand comes down hard, making her wince as the prongs scrape against the bottom of the plate. She puts the fork down quickly, fingers twitching all the while like it cost her something to distance herself from it. Still, she glances up and gives you a small smile all the same as she sees you reluctantly step forward after Jackie calls out for you. 

Shauna’s eyes narrow as she notices you hesitate, her gaze sharpening as she flicks her eyes up and down. There’s this look on her face like she’s daring you to do something–daring you to sit down, or not to, you’re not sure. It’s not like it matters. You couldn’t make any other choice when Jackie looks so happy to see you. Shauna softens after a moment, kicking at the chair legs in the seat in front of her to push it out for you. Her eyes track you as you move, an air of happiness at odds with that look she’d just given you.

You grip your plate tighter in response, plastering on a smile as you head straight into the lion's den. You'd hoped to avoid seeing them so obviously wrapped up in each other for a few more days, but it seems like you can't even eat lunch without getting tickets to the show. The worst part is you're not even hungry anymore, not after witnessing the way Jackie turns to whisper in Shauna’s ear and then swat at her shoulder in response to whatever a suddenly smug Shauna says back.

You feel sick. 

“So,” Jackie says, clapping her hands together as you sit down. 

You eye her warily as she continues. 

“I heard there's something we need to talk about.” 

Oh god, in the middle of the dining hall? 

“About what?” You ask, hoping your voice doesn't sound as shaky as it feels. 

Jackie laughs, her eyes sparkling with mirth. “So serious.” She draws out the s, one leg crossing over her knee as she leans forward to get a better look at you. “You look like I'm about to give you a ticket or something.” 

You relax at the familiar teasing, likely just as Jackie planned the whole time. 

“Shauna told me that you don't like that shirt I bought you.” 

You gasp, looking over accusingly at Shauna, who's preoccupied looking literally anywhere else. Her fingers tap rapidly against the edge of the table, more mocking than any genuine regret in her actions. Trusting her with that little tidbit was your fault anyway–anything told to one eventually made its way to the other–but you were counting on their argument lasting longer than it actually did. If they had gone on a few more days, she probably would have forgotten about it.

“Snitch,” you mutter under your breath, watching as Shauna's lip twitches. 

“I wish you would’ve told me you didn’t like it.” Jackie continues on as if you’ve never even spoken, her fingers fiddling absentmindedly with Shauna’s as she holds her hand on top of the table. She pauses, thinking it over for a moment before conceding, “It wouldn’t have mattered.”

You watch Shauna cough out of the corner of your vision, bringing her hand up to her mouth to cover up the way she wants to laugh. You want to fault her for it, but you know you’ve enjoyed watching her suffer under this particular brand of Jackie’s attention more than once. The knowledge doesn’t stop you from kicking at Shauna’s shin under the table.

Shauna gasps, her eyes lighting up as she glances under the table. She stretches her leg out slowly, testing for a bruise. The look that crosses her face is almost disappointment at the lack of one, up until you kick her again in the same spot. This time it’s hard enough to make her wince before a weird smile crosses her face.

Jackie looks between the two of you, Shauna’s apparent glee and your half-hearted glare, before deciding she doesn't want to get in the middle of that right now.

Jackie’s voice drops lower, almost conspiratorial. “You look good in it.” Her eyes rake over you, almost as if imagining you wearing it now. “But you could have told me.”

You hadn’t thought it was anything all that special in all honesty, but if it had Jackie looking at you like that just thinking about it, you would have to reconsider. Not that it mattered if Jackie found you attractive anymore, of course. That part of your relationship was in the past.

“Careful, Jax,” Shauna interjects, sharing a teasing glance with her. “You don’t want to start things you can’t finish.”

Jackie pouts at the reminder, reflexively glancing at the time on her phone.

“But I have time,” Shauna continues, leaning closer. “I think–” Jackie yanks her back without another word spoken.

Jackie snatches a fry off your plate, not even bothering to look ashamed as you catch her in the act. She winks at you as she pops it into her mouth, chewing happily as her eyes fall back to your plate. Her head turns to look around the room as she tries to feign disinterest, letting a happy noise leave her mouth as you slide your plate closer toward her. 

She reaches for another, only to frown when Shauna snatches it right out of her hand. The bottom third of her fry sits loosely between her fingers as she stares at it in shock, giving Shauna a betrayed look as she realizes what just happened. Raising it up between them, likely to complain about it, only for that to be snatched and swallowed by a smug-looking Shauna. 

“Shauna,” she complains. 

“Jackie,” Shauna mocks 

“Shauna.” More serious this time. 

You roll your eyes, grabbing a fry of your own as you watch them go back and forth. 

“It just tastes better when it's yours,” Shauna defends, tilting her head to rest against her palm. 

You try not to show how bitter the words make you feel all a sudden. It tastes better when it's yours. That sounds about right. 

Jackie gives up with an affectionate huff, just reaching for another as she suspiciously eyes Shauna's hands. Her face creases with concern as she looks at you, making you shift uncomfortably underneath her attention. 

“You look upset,” she accuses lightly.

Upset? You look upset. That would be half of it. You really thought that you could do it, that you could still be friends with the both of them after everything was finished. But the longer you spend with the two of them together, the less likely the idea sounds. Just Shauna on her own wasn’t that bad. Maybe if you found a way to just hang out with them separately from now on.

However unlikely that would be now that they were attached at the hip again.

“Just a paper that’s coming up,” you say with a weak shrug, taking a sip of your drink to avoid having to explain further. The words feel flimsy even as they leave your mouth, leaving you with a nagging feeling that you’ve misspoken somehow. Sure enough, Shauna confirms that one.

“You said you finished it yesterday.” Shauna sounds hurt, almost, having caught you in a lie. You try not to visibly react to that one, not having expected her to remember that little bit of information. Your mind races, scrambling for a way to recover.

“I just reread it last night, and I don’t think I’m quite finished with it. It seems sort of weak now that I’m looking at it.”

Shauna frowns, staring at you contemplatively before slowly nodding in acceptance. “I don’t think that’s true.”

You almost choke on your drink. The burn of liquid hitting the wrong spot in your throat makes your eyes water before she continues, “You’re a really good writer usually. How about I look it over?”

It’s a nice offer, surprisingly nice coming from her. It’s not that Shauna wasn’t usually nice, it’s that she usually saved it up for things more important than things like this for anyone who wasn’t Jackie. You could always count on Shauna to come get you from a party if something went bad, but it was a 50/50 chance whether she’d hold the door open for you or let it slam shut in your face.

The thought of Shauna Shipman, an English major whose second closest friend was a red pen, reading over your paper made you a little nauseous, but who were you to turn down such a generous offer when she looks so painfully earnest? You can already imagine the way her face would fall if you turned her down like that when she offered it up to you, the way she would pull away and get moody and insecure about the whole thing. You would just have to make sure to edit it a few more times before she remembers to ask for it again.

“That would be great,” you manage.

“It’s a date, then.”

“Wow,” Jackie says slowly. “Just wow. Save some for the rest of us, why don’t you?”

“What does that even mean?” Shauna asks, rolling her eyes.

“Nothing. It’s just–smart and gorgeous. How do you do it, Shipman?” Jackie prompts, pinching at Shauna’s cheek teasingly.

“Stop,” Shauna insists, trying to bat Jackie's hands away as her cheeks start to redden. “This is the same outfit I wore yesterday.”

“I know,” Jackie groans. “It’s honestly disgusting how you manage it.” She leans back in her chair, slowly sweeping Shauna up and down with her eyes.

“Tell her how pretty she looks,” Jackie insists, brushing some stray hairs out of her face to tuck them tenderly behind her ear. Her fingertips linger, thumb brushing across her cheek as they stare deeply into each other's eyes.

“You look really pretty, Shauna,” you say softly. You hate that you mean it still.

Jackie's not ever mean, not on purpose, anyhow, but this might just be the cruelest thing she's ever done to you. You look away, hands fiddling in your lap as you stare down at your chipped plate. You wonder idly how it happened, if it was dropped or thrown down, just to try to distract yourself from the scene in front of you. 

“You're going to be late,” Shauna says dryly, glancing up at the clock.

You're sure that it's true, but you also know from the way her blush is steadily creeping down her neck that she desperately wants this conversation to stop happening–in public, at least. Shauna didn't react quite as strongly to compliments as Jackie does. You're not sure her enthusiasm for them is even possible to meet, but there's no doubt in your mind that this little moment is going to make its way to her journal sooner or later. 

Jackie jumps up without even checking the time, just trusting that Shauna knows her schedule better than she does. One thing about Jackie Taylor is that she would never be accidentally late. If she shows up half an hour after something began, that was completely on purpose. You've watched her sit around fully dressed for twenty minutes in order to be fashionably late. 

As Shauna stands up to follow her out, you leave as well, happy for the excuse to get away from this conversation. Shauna looks a little confused, hesitantly taking a step back to grab her things from the back of her chair. You wince at the realization. Shauna was just going to hug her goodbye or something equally as disgusting. Well, don't you look like an asshole.

It's too late to take it back now, awkwardly following a step behind them as you step outside. Shauna's still watching you like she's trying to figure you out. A puzzle that she's missing pieces for. You rub absently at your arms, trying to brace yourself against the chill. 

“Oh, you're cold?” Shauna asks dryly. She pulls the jacket she has folded over her arm open and wraps it over your shoulders. The same one you'd left on her bedroom floor the last time you'd been there. 

You start to protest, wanting to take it off in a pathetic attempt to distance yourself from what you so badly wanted, but Jackie just tuts. She reaches forward, pinching the collar of her jacket between her thumb and forefinger as she adjusts the way it sits on your shoulders.

“There,” she says simply. “Don’t you just look so good in Shauna’s clothes.”

It’s not a question, even though the words could be interpreted as one. You nod hesitantly, confused at how pleased Jackie seems at the answer.

Whatever. Jackie was just weird sometimes.

…

You sigh as you lean back against the couch, wishing you had been able to come up with another excuse to avoid going out tonight. 

You’ve managed to effectively avoid them the last three days with excuses and tales of upcoming exams and deadlines, but it wasn’t enough to stop Jackie from insisting you come out with them Friday night. Telling them that you would just meet them there seemed like a good idea at the time, as there wasn’t any real intention on your part of showing up. A text half an hour after they left about not feeling well would have solved the whole issue. But a knock on your door from an irritated Shauna five minutes before you should have left quelled that plan before it even began.

Now you get to sit next to them on a couch with suspicious-looking stains that Shauna had glared the previous occupants out of at some house party you hadn’t cared to know the location of as Jackie sat across Shauna’s lap next to you. 

Jackie’s leg brushes against yours occasionally, accidentally at first but seeming to grow more and more purposeful as the night goes on. It’s not like you hadn’t noticed how short her skirt was before she started pressing bare skin against you, but it certainly wasn’t helping you to forget. You wanted to move further away, anything to stop the way your eyes kept wanting to wander, but the seat next to you was taken by some guy who looked far too old to be here. Better just to suffer the vision that was Jackie Taylor dressing up for attention.

She’s certainly got it from Shauna, who keeps glancing around the room to stare down anyone who dares to give Jackie more than a passing glance. It’s a miracle you’ve managed to make it through so much of the night already without finding yourself on the receiving end, but you’re willing to take wins wherever you can get them. The thought of having to deal with Shauna’s withering stare and likely Jackie’s look of pity at the same time was enough to have you considering throwing yourself in front of a bus.

You’re surprised Jackie managed to make it out of their dorm dressed like that, in all honesty. Not that Shauna would tell her what to wear, but the way Shauna’s hands have been wandering carefully along her upper thigh for the last hour, Jackie must’ve had to beat her off with a stick to make it out the door. It’s not like you can blame her: you’re certainly guilty of feeling Jackie up when you probably shouldn’t. Jackie never seems to mind, always reveling in the attention–in the way every shift of her legs draws your attention back even as you try to feign otherwise.

“Do I have to beg, Shauna?” Jackie grumbles finally. 

“Beg?” Shauna questions, digging her thumb into the muscle of her thigh hard enough to make Jackie squirm.

 “Are you going to make me beg you to touch me?” There's a certain bite to her words that makes you wonder if begging might be what she really wants. “Y/N–”

You stand up suddenly, wanting to be anywhere else but here. The last thing you need to deal with right now is being dragged into the middle of that conversation. No way.

“Hey! Where are you going?” Jackie calls, her voice rising in frustration. She seems genuinely upset at your retreat and more than a little confused by the suddenness of it all. 

Shauna’s hand drops down to Jackie’s knee immediately, her lazy confidence quickly turning to irritation that’s barely hidden behind a tight smile. She looks at you with a sharpness that almost feels like a warning. A warning to what, is the question. Does she want you not to leave? Does she want you to leave quicker? You could never really know with her.

It’s the same way she looks whenever Jackie starts to get particularly bossy. Something bubbling up just under the surface that she isn’t sure how to put words to, but is more than aware of how it pisses her off. You already dread what Shauna’s going to say when she inevitably blows up about this.

She has a certain way about her when she gets angry enough, an unease in the air that permeates every step she takes. Words will spill out of her lips that she doesn’t mean but can never take back. There’s only been one time you managed to get her that mad at you, back when you first met and you pushed a little too hard about her relationship with Jackie, and you had lived to regret it. There wasn’t a single part of you that wanted to do that again, not when you have such an obvious wound for her to jump on.

If the two of them have decided not to tell you directly that they’re ending things with you, you can only imagine how on edge that’s making Shauna. Shauna wasn’t one to share anything that she felt was hers and hers alone, and Jackie was a prime example of that. Jackie was hers in a way that bordered on obsession and often crossed the mark entirely, and any threat to that is usually dealt with posthaste. The fact that you were still receiving invitations from either of them, let alone both, seems like a miracle.

“I just remembered my drink is empty,” you say quickly, stumbling over yourself in your eagerness to get away from this particular line of thought. Old habits die hard, after all.

You still remember the last time you made a quick exit like this, back when everything felt simpler. It was only a few weeks ago, but it feels like so much longer now. Maybe you can look back at this and laugh in a few months, but right now you just want to get away.

Shauna tries to stand up immediately, like she’s going to chase after you as you make your way out, but Jackie just shakes her head and holds on tighter as she leans closer to whisper in her ear. You can see them having a whispered conversation as they press their heads together, Shauna’s hand waving in the air as if she’s trying to argue her way free.

Good. You’d hate to interrupt their time together.

Turning away, you make your way around the house toward the door, planning on just making your way back to your place on your own. Only–

“Hey!” A voice calls out, drawing your attention. It sounds vaguely familiar, which has your head turning even as you dismiss it as calling out for someone else. 

An eager face stares back at you, framed by loose blonde hair and waving dramatically enough that you can be sure she’s had a few more cups than you tonight. You grin despite yourself at the sight, letting yourself be called over by your lab partner as any thought of leaving slips from your head.

It’s not that you were particularly interested in her. She wasn’t really your type. In any other situation you wouldn’t have even let the thought cross your mind. But she was interested in you and was none too subtle about it. It could be nice being chased for once, as the way her chest heaves as she breathes tells you she rushed through the party to catch you before you got out. You could appreciate the simplicity of the situation with everything those girls have been putting you through recently.

“You weren’t leaving, were you?” She asks, trying to casually put herself between you and the door. That’s a question she already has the answer to before she even asked, but there’s something about the blatant manipulation of it all that has you stepping back from the door where you were clearly about to leave.

“Not when I have such good company.” You extend the invitation easily, no doubt in your mind that she’s going to jump on the opportunity. She’s been flirting with you all semester, but you haven’t thought to entertain her before now. It’s probably an asshole move to do it tonight of all nights, when you’re more than aware you’re only allowing it because of how upset they’ve made you, but you don’t think she would mind all that much.

Her interest in you doesn’t seem all that serious, and she hasn’t cared at all to learn anything substantial about you in the time you’ve spent together. Not your favorite movie, not the way you prefer your coffee, not the songs you like to hum under your breath. Honestly, that was a relief right now. You're not in the mood to start sharing again, not with her. 

You haven't bothered to learn much about her either. Not even her major. It all felt forgettable when compared to Jackie and Shauna, but here you were. 

What you have noticed is the way her eyes wander and the way she seems to size you up whenever she catches sight of you. Her eyes were brown, but they were unremarkable. Nothing like the brown of Shauna’s eyes. They weren’t something that you could get lost staring into. They weren’t eyes that betray her emotions no matter how she manages to play off her expression. 

They were just eyes.

You need something simple right now, something that doesn't make you feel complicated. Just eyes were perfect. 

It doesn't take much out of you to vaguely listen along as she speaks, letting her lean closer and closer with the excuse of not being able to hear you over the music. 

Shauna wouldn't play nearly this subtly if she were interested in you, not the way this girl is. It was something you liked about Shauna, the way she just goes for things she wants like it's no big deal–unless it's Jackie, of course. Shauna likes to just grab you when she really wants your attention, hand fisting in the collar of your shirt as she tugs you to her level. 

The thought distracts you long enough that you don't even notice the figure storming through the crowd until she grabs you by the arm and starts to drag you away. You stutter out a goodbye to the girl watching you in a mix of shock and something else entirely, but before you can get anything substantial out, Shauna presses her hand across her mouth to cut you off. 

Shauna just scoffs when you lick the inside of her palm, hoping the ick factor would be enough for her to let you go as she pulls you through the door. 

“Really?” She spits. “I've been inside you.”

Which is far more effective at shutting you up than her hand ever was, making your face flush as your eyes dart to the ground. Finally she lets you, taking a few steps back to really let you see the full force of her glare. 

Oh. 

She's pissed. 

“I thought you were getting a drink,” Shauna says stiffly, her back straight and her shoulders stiff. Her jaw clenches, her eyes darting away before coming back. 

You’re confused, a guilty feeling rising in your chest as you take her in. As much as she tries to play it off as anger, she’s undeniably sad.

Slowly the feeling turns to anger and something close to resentment. Just because she didn’t want you anymore than no one else could either, huh? Typical Shauna. 

“I wasn't thirsty,” you say flatly, crossing your arms across your chest to mirror hers. It takes a concentrated effort to meet her eyes when she looks this angry at you, but you've got some tough feelings about the whole thing yourself. 

“Certainly looked like it,” she bites back. 

“What's that supposed to mean?”

Shauna smirks, a cruelty to it that goes straight through you. “What's it sound like?”

“It sounds like you're jealous, Shauna. Though I can't imagine why.” 

“What the fuck does that mean?” The genuine confusion in her voice startles you, your arms dropping from their defensive position to sit against your side.

“Look,” you say finally. “I’m not a mind reader, Shauna. If you’ve got something you want to say to me, just say it. I’m tired of trying to figure out what’s going on with the two of you/”

“With the two of you?” Shauna repeats, her voice quieter and unsure.

“Yeah, you and Jackie.”

“Me and… Jackie?” Shauna asks slowly. The stiff posture she’s been holding crumbles as she tilts her head to the side in confusion.

“The two of you got together and didn’t even bother to tell me. What was I supposed to do, Shauna? Just sit here and watch as you rub it in my face? Would that be better for you?”

“Are you–are you fucking serious?” Shauna asks. “Oh my God, you are. You’re an idiot. I’m dating two idiots.”

“Two?” You ask weakly. They already got another girlfriend? That just wasn’t fair.

“Oh my God, it’s you. We didn’t get together behind your back. Why would you even think that? What? Me and Jackie just started dating, and then I meet you to study platonically the next day like you didn’t just eat me out?”

“...Well, it sounds kind of stupid when you put it that way.”

“It sounds kind of stupid when you put it any way. Did you not think you were dating either of us this whole time?”

“Should I have?”

But before Shauna can answer, a voice comes calling out from a few feet away.

“You were going to leave without me?” Jackie asks, a hint of a pout forming before she notices how serious the two of you look. “What are you doing outside? I thought you were bringing her back.”

She looks unsure as she glances between the two of you, hesitant in a way you know she doesn't like feeling. Jackie thrives in a familiar environment when she knows exactly what to do and when to do it. She hadn't been counting on this, and it shows. 

“Your girlfriend was chatting up other girls,” Shauna says dryly.

Jackie whirls around, a look of utter betrayal on her face. “What?”

“Yeah, apparently we started dating and dumped her to the curb. News to me.”

Jackie’s jaw drops, glancing between the two of you like she can’t believe what she’s hearing.

“You thought we just, what–moved on?”

Jackie sputters angrily, continuing, “I-I sent you pictures the other day.” 

“You said Oops, I meant those for Shauna!” You stress. 

“There was a winky face right after! I was wearing your shirt!”

“Why would you even say that then?”

“I was trying to make you jealous,” Jackie says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. She has this way of making you feel so stupid. It's maddening. 

“Congrats, then.” 

“Yeah, but like jealous in a hot way. Not in a flirting with other girls way–” 

“Oh my God,” Shauna mutters, pinching the bridge of her nose. She looks around the yard, cringing when she notices the three of you are turning some heads. 

“You never said anything,” you defend weakly, feeling like the dumbest person in the entire world.

“We thought it was obvious,” Jackie says quietly.

“Well, it wasn’t.”

“To you, maybe. I felt it was pretty clear,” Shauna quips, feigning a wince as Jackie slaps at her arm. Jackie watches you closely for a minute before sighing. You think she’s about to say something nice, something about how it wasn’t really your fault.

“What's her name?” Jackie asks, arms crossed as her fingers tap against her arms. 

Of course not.

You pause, taking a moment to think it over. “There's a J in there somewhere,” you muse. 

“You don't even know her name?” Jackie asks, trying too hard to seem offended. The knowledge seems to take weight off her shoulders, letting her stand a little taller. All the better to stare you down with all the severity of a disappointed principal. 

You’re not recovering from this one any time soon.

[zeherili-ankhein]

Now tell me the gay montriputro story please🙃🙃

KSKSJDJDHD NOW IT'S TIME FOR MY ANOTHER FAVOURITE TALE MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Ok so this story is actually so cute I wanted to retell it in my own ways someday... (nvm im too lazy to get going with anything) and this story's characters also had no names so I thought “hmm since I'm already planning to retell this why not give them brand new names....”

You might have (or might not have) seen me making some random gay doodlings and showing them to @igotadigbickandureadthatwrong [the uponkor ones lol...] and sometimes I sent one or two pictures from the og book to @randomx123 too ig..?

So this story has 4 main characters... (Well that's what I consider but you can consider 3...) And for the love of god non of them had a fucking name (and a fucking side character had a name 💀🤌) That's why the names I allotted to them are...

Dun dun dun...

Im revealing them in the narration lol...

Tagging people whom I want to share this crazy story with @randomx123 @jeahreading @krishna-priyatama @no-idea-where-i-am-lost @foreignink @igotadigbickandureadthatwrong @prettykittytanjiro @ishaaron-ishaaron-me @stxrrynxghts @desigurlie @crystraniqelle @priestessofuniverse @dwarpharini @shubhadeep385 @hydestudixs @dreamer-in-sleep @aru-loves-krishnaxarjuna @livingtheparadoxlife @groovycynicalcheesecake @wulfricnavy (im sorry im adding you late 😭 but consider this the return gift for Depth of Despair)

Trigger warnings: bitchass people, unfortunately those bitchass people don't die well in this story... sigh, infanticide, homoerotic friendship, divine intervention, snakes, snake dying, snake coming out of nose, turning into stone, talking birds and swearings

So in the starting of the story we are told about this rajkumar Upendro (yes I named him) and his verryyy verryyy verryyyy close “friend” the montriputro Shonkor 🗿 (I named him too yeahhh)

They are such good “friends” they can't even spend a day without eachother. They grew up together and do everything together eat sleep roaming around. They are literally the do dil ek jaan kinda “friends”. It's a hot topic how close these two are with eachother...

Their “friendship” is so deep Shonkor sometimes falls asleep in Upendro's room and nobody gives a flying fuck about it... Not Even the king. 💀🤌

(Me interviewing the maids of the palace*

Maids: ohh then they fell asleep together, such good friends I mean...

Me: 💀💀🗿✨ yup... Very good friends... 💀✨)

.....

So whatever back to actually plot

One day Upendro is like

Upendro: yk... I feel like going on some adventures...

Upendro: roaming around the kingdoms... Seeing new things..

Upendro: just you and me...

Shonkor: ...

Shonkor: ok

So yeah, they decided they'd go do Dora the explorer shit in the wild and went away. Just the two of them on their horses and didn't take any men or soldiers with them. 💀

And they roamed around here and there in different kingdoms and places, like those discovery channel dudes.

.....

One day after travelling for long enough they are in a forest and it's getting late. And they come across a BEAUTIFUL lake and it got really clear water like glass.

So our boyfriends besties decides “yeah let's spend the night near this lake on that banyan tree nearby”

And they tie their horses at the bottom and then get some water from the lake for hath mukh dhona and drinking and climbs the tree to sleep on it (I have no idea what they were planning to do on those branches or if it's even possible to sleep on branches 💀🤌)

.......

Now after sometimes a lot of light literally blinds them, like there's too much brightness like my mom's phone screen all over the forest and they are both like o.O trying to figure out where the light came from

And their eyes fall at the lake and they see a bigass snake coming out of it, and it has a BIG mani on it's head (hehehehehehd nag mani lessgoo) which is the source of all the blinding light.

So they see the snake crawling out of the pond and into the forest and under the tree. Snake bbg puts the nagmani down from it's head and below the tree (idk how that even happened considering it has no hands or anything 💀💀)

And then the snake eats up those two pookie horses (MY SHYALAAAAAA NO MY SHYALAAAA 😭😭) and goes away deeper into the forest 🗿🗿 blud didn't even try to climb the tree bruhh

So now Upendro and Shonkor are like 💀💀 because one wtf is that giantass snake and two their horses are gone 😭😭 (I just really love horses ok!!)

So Shonkor my ultimate gadha climbs down the tree to look at the mani and he just fucking covers that stone with the horse saddle for some weird reasons idfk 💀🤌 and then climbs back next to his boifren

......

So snake dude?dudette? idk comes back after sometime and when it couldn't find it's mani it just makes all those growling sounds like crying and all. Then it fucking dies. 💀 In dispression. 💀 Because it lost it's stone. 💀 (Ykw mood 🗿 I'd die too if I lost my favourite stone)

So now Shonkor and Upendro stays awake the entire night on the tree scared shitless 🌝 because yeah obviously you don't wanna end up in a anaconda's stomach even if you know it's ded. Like take no chances my boys.

So next morning early in the dawn they come down from the tree and Shonkor picks up the mani from those hiddings to wash it in the lake (why's he always doing the labour Upendro you hypocrite bitch)

And as soon as the mani touches the water it again starts to glowwwwwww ( read it in the you make me glow tune) and they notices a literal PALACE under the lake 💀💀

And they are like “GURL DAMN WHAT”

......

So these gayass bitches decides they wanna know what's in tha palace (like no thoughts of self preservation or safety or anything... 💀🤌 dumbasses)

And they go under the lake and yeah surprise surprise they can breath under water because of the mani 🗿

So whatever... they get under water in that palace and it's really gorgeous and big and a lot of stuff are there like trees and fruits they never heard of, flowers with sweet smells, and ofcourse lots of gemstone and stuff and as expected NO ONE fucking no one's in that palace 💀🤌

So they get inside the palace (bro that's trespassing where's your poribar's shikkha??) And starts to search all the rooms like some local chor because bruhh 💀

......

Then they suddenly hear some very feminine crying sounds coming from one of the rooms, and ofcourse they are like o.O and go to see what's wrong and comes across the room where the sound is coming from

Inside they see a gorgeous maiden sitting on the GOLDEN bed and sobbing like her world ended (which yeah it did)

And she hears to footsteps and looks up to see those two randomass dude standing there like🧍And she's like

Bbg cutie: who are you all? 😭

Bbg cutie: why are you here? 😭

Bbg cutie: go away or the snek will eat you 😭

Bbg cutie: it already ate my mom dad siblings and everyone in this palace 😭

Bbg cutie: only I'm alive now (because of unknown reasons) 😭

Bbg cutie: so go away before you become the 3 course 5 star meal for the snake... 😭😭

So Shonkor is like

Shonkor: girl dw that snek is ded, we killed it :D (where dude? It died from grief stop lying idiot)

Shonkor: see see the mani from its head :D

And he shows her the mani (also Upendro you bitch why tf are you just standing and doing nothing you kamchor lyadkhor harami)

[Ohhh btw I named my bbg Kumudini just because 🗿🗿🗿]

So now

Kumudini: umm ok... But who tf ARE you??

Shonkor: ummm I'm Shonkor... You? (Well in the og tale he just says he's montriputro but since I gave him a name he's saying his name ok)

Kumudini: I'm the princess of this place Kumudini 🥹🤌

Kumudini: will you two go away from here 🥺 (goshhh she's so pookie I love her soo much ahhhhh)

Shonkor: no no! We're here to stay ofcourse :D

Kumudini: omgg yayyy welcome you all will be as comfortable as possible here :D

[I love how Upendro is just standing there like 🧍 while these two chat like he's such a dumb and introverted gadha... I love him so much lmao]

......

So they start to stay in that patal palace (that's how that place is described ok it's said to be patal... cool ig?)

And ig in those days Upendro and Kumudini have their Kuch Kuch Hota Hai moments cuz Shonkor then one days tells her Upendro wants to marry her 💀🤌

(Lmao imagine the conversation that went between our cookie Shonkor and his adopted introvert Upendro...

Upendro: bhai 🌝

Shonkor:

Upendro: setting karwa de 🌝

Shonkor:

Upendro: plj 🌝

Shonkor:

Shonkor: ok 💀

Upendro: yaayy ilysm 🥹)

And unsurprisingly Kumudini agrees to marry him cuz ofcourse duhh they are in looveee~ 💀

So they get married in that place (idk how they got a purohit tho... Ig allrounder Shonkor became the purohit... Or they simply married without a purohit which is also not at all wrong)

......

Now after somedays Upendro starts to feel homesick because they have been away from there kingdom for SO LONG

So Upendro tells Shonkor that they should go back home but Shonkor is like

Shonkor: yaaa you're right. But idt you two should go like this....

Upendro: wot? woi?

Shonkor: cuz you both are newly married 🗿

He basically tells them both to stay at the patal palace and enjoy their honeymoon while he goes back to their kingdom to get the king daddy to come and fetch them, since Upendro's the prince and he just got married so that would be appropriate.

And so Upendro and Kumudini agrees, while Shonkor tells them bye bye and sets off for home. (Sighh... Things you do for your homoerotic friendship huh)

......

So now Kumudini and Upendro are spending their days well and good in that patal palace.

BUT one day Kumudini was getting really bored in the afternoon while Upendro was giving a mosher moto ghum (this bitch also likes bhat ghum my brother in maa Durga ufff 🫂🥹🗿✨)

And she looks at the nagmani kept close by and wonders how the upside world looks like cuz she had NEVER been there in her entire life (you need a guide for your first trip bbg don't do it alone pls)

So she decides “yeah nothing bad will happen I'll just go and come back before hubby wakes up...” and takes the mani to get out of that lake and wonder around the forest :p 💀✨

And she goes around admiring the things and all yk typical snow white behaviour, and it makes her really excited and happy because she's seeing all those for the first time in her life.

Then she comes back to the patal palace before Upendro could wake up and acts all normal and happy 🌝 telling him nothing (because more gele ke dekhche what's safety what's precautions???)

......

So this shit continues for some days, everyday she goes up and wonders like Dora the explorer during the afternoon and then comes back before Upendro can wake up from his moron ghum and she pretends everything is normal. 🗿🗿

BUT how can they live in peace right? Some crazy shit is bound to happen...

So one day as she was sitting by the lake and just playing with the water like the pookie cookie she is, that kingdom's bitchass rajkumar (the kingdom in whose area that forest falls) was out hunting with some of his equally bitchass friends and they come across the lake and banyan tree. (There's a buri mohila near the tree too, keep that in mind, it will be important to the plot later)

The rajkumar (I'm not naming him I'd just call him bitchass rajkumar) sees Kumudini only once and Kumudini get's scared and just jumps back in the lake and goes back to the palace.

And now dude is like shocked pikachu face because tf happened and he falls back down unconscious because of how GORGEOUS Kumudini is.... 💀🗿 (i mean I would too 🗿)

.....

This side Kumudini got REALLY scared so she stopped going out of the lake for some days and just spends her days in patal palace like normal, not wanting to get caught roaming by some randomass men (see everyone is scared of unknown men)

And on the other hand, over there bitchass rajkumar's sakha gang are like “yoo dude wtf happened??” and they worry for him but all dude could say is “where did she go?? where did she go??” 💀💀💀

So they are like “beta pagla hoye gache” and they take him back to the palace to his father the king. And in a few days bro becomes absolutely bedridden and mad only ever saying “where did she go?? where did she go” 💀🤌

.....

Now king dude is like “wtf gotta save my baby boy” and he does what any typical king does when no raj vaidya works... And makes the announcement that whoever can cure the rajkumar and decode who's “she” that person will get half the kingdom and the hand in marriage with his daughter the rajkumari 🗿💀✨

And now nobody fucking knows what to do because who IS “she”??? So nobody is able to save rajkumar and the king dude is getting frustrated...

THAT'S WHEN the buri mohila from before randomly appears claiming she knows how to cure the rajkumar and who “she” really is...

But ofc nobody believes her not even the king (cuz she got a rastar pagol type er chhele who's called Fokir and everyone thinks she's also pagol like her son) 💀💀💀

But she insists and says she will do it she'd just need a lake side view hut and a bunch of soldiers to help her. And if she succeeds her son must get that half kingdom and the princess' (king dude's daughter not Kumudini don't confuse) hand in marriage... (I first thought she was gonna ask to get married to the princess herself 💀🤌)

So king dude is like yeah what's there to lose? And agrees to her thinking the buri mohila can't do shit.

......

Then she gets the lake view hut and soldiers and starts to stay there starring at the lake all day.

Now this side after many days Kumudini finally gets the courage to go back outside and gets out of the lake to sit near it. 💀✨

NOW as soon as she's out in the wild sitting and playing around with the water, that old hag approaches her... And pretends to be friendly telling her not to be scared and anything and dumb dumb blorbo Kumudini agrees and tells her who she is saying she's the patal puri rajkonna and stuff showing her the nagmani.

The buri mohila pretends to be curious and asks to see the mani taking it in her hand and as soon as Kumudini gives it to her like a bokach*** she tells the hidden soldiers to come out and basically kidnap Kumudini 💀💀💀 (that's why you should trust NO ONE in an unknown place)

.....

They kidnap her and take her back to the palace while she's crying and begging them to let her go (too much traumatizing shit goes on in this story trust me)

And the buri is like “dw girl you'll be fine here the rajkumar just wants to see you”

So in the palace they call the half mad depressed bitchass rajkumar who's still murmuring “where did she go?? where did she go??” and as soon as he sees Kumudini he's like

Bitchass rajkumar: THAT'S HER THAT'S HER THAT'S THE MAIDEN I SAW BACK THEN

Kumudini: just lemme go plssss 😭😭🙏

Bitchass rajkumar not even listening to her: you're so gorgeous ahhh I wanna marry you 🥹

Kumudini, trying to save herself: ummm umm I- I can't marry for six months I'm doing a vrat 😭

Bitchass rajkumar: okk bbg I can wait for you for eternity what's six months to that 😩✨✋

(💀💀 that's legit a line from the book ok... 💀 And as much as I like the flirting romantic line he just said he's still a big long smelly piece of shit so I hate him)

......

And now back to patal palace, Upendro wakes up and is in deep depression cuz Kumudini is missing and even the mani that enables them all to get out and inside of lake is missing so he can't even go search for her.

He's literally in pieces, crying himself to madness in that lonely palace (ok yeah bro really loves his wife sigh... I just love him so much)

So now six months are going by and Kumudini is still kept hostage in that bitchass palace.

And this side Shonkor had returned to the lake side after months with those delegation party men and is waiting for Upendro and Kumudini to come out of the lake on the given date and time. But for obvious reasons non of them does that but who's gonna tell that to my baby boy sigh... 💀🤌

So he and the men he brought wait for them for some days camping in the lake side 🗿✨

......

But then one day he sees some randomass man of that kingdom going by and he asks

Shonkor: yoo dude why is there so much noice in this kingdom?? Is some festival going on?? (Cuz dude's been hearing shanai er awaj for the past days)

Dude: donchu know?? The rajkumar of this kingdom is getting married to the beautiful patal puri rajkonna...

Shonkor: .....

Shonkor: ohhh

(YEAH THOSE FUCKERS ARE FORCING MY GIRL TO GET MARRIED CUZ SIX MONTHS ARE ABOUT TO BE OVER)

And now Shonkor is like.... Damn something sus is going on and decides he'd go and investigate further cuz wtf?!?!

.....

So he goes to the city and just stays as a guest to a randomass brahmin's family to get more info

Shonkor: umm so... I heard the rajkumar is getting married to some patal puri rajkonna... Where did he find her??? 💀

Brahmin dude: ohhh yeah thats a really long story so atleast a year ago.... *tells the entire tale of bitchass rajkumar becoming depressed and muttering “where did she go??” and then buri mohila bringing Kumudini and etc etc*

Shonkor, internally fs: 💀💀💀💀 FUCK- GOTTA SAVE MAH GURL-

Shonkor: ohh umm achha... Ummm

Shonkor: so... Uhhh did the king get his daughter married to that buri mohila's son Fokir as promised...??

Brahmin dude: lmao nahhh that dude is a rastar pagol ahh person idt the king would keep his promise LOL

Shonkor: ahhh damn... How does he looks anyway??

Bhola bhala brahmin dude: hmmmm tbh he looks kinda like you... Just a little more mad and dirty and he roams around in torn clothes and all

Shonkor: ohhhh achha achha well thank you ʘ⁠‿⁠ʘ

......

So next day Shonkor is like dress up bitches ✨🗿💀 and find some chhera fata clothes and becomes Fokir 🗿 cuz ofc he's THE FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED personified (he's my shona mona chader kona frrr ahhh)

And then he goes to that psycho bitchass buri's house during the evening cuz well buri must have cataract at that age and won't be able to tell properly if it's her son or some randomass dude 💀

So he goes infront of the buri's house and starts to 🕺🕺🕺✨ .... Yes... Dance 🗿🔥

Psycho buri: yoo Fokir you home??

Disguised Shonkor: ..hmm 💀

Psycho buri, rambling on: where tf do you stay you dumbass

Psycho buri: do you even have any idea I fixed your marriage with the rajkonna???

Psycho buri: you'll marry her right??

Disguised Shonkor: ..hmm 💀💀

And then she drags him inside not even knowing that it's not her son because well... As I said it's evening and she got cataract fs

Psycho buri: do you even know how I fixed your marriage??

Disguised Shonkor: 💀💀 ....no...

Pyscho buri: ok so listen...

And she PROUDLY tells him how she kidnapped an innocent maiden just like that and practically held her hostage so that people can force her in a marriage without her consent 🤡🤡 and then shows him that mani which she kept with her all this time

Shonkor internally: BITCH I WANNA BEAT YOU UP YOU HORRIBLE FUCKING WOMAN- 🥰🔪⚡🔥👹💀✨ (this is legit in the book ok)

Shonkor internally: gotta somehow.. anyhow get that mani out of your hands asap and save my bestie and return back to my boyfriend...

Psycho buri: ykww.... Fokir... You keep this mani with yourself... AND DON'T LOSE IT!

Disguised Shonkor: o.O ok... 💀

Psycho buri: now lessgo to the palace and meet that patal puri rajkonna

Disguised Shonkor: ...hmm

......

So she dresses him up in somewhat bhalo jama kapor and takes him to the palace, where the king dude does some khatir jotno 💀🤌 cuz yeah Fokir is gonna be his ghor jamai afterall... (like bro how tf did this bitch of a man even agreed to get his daughter married to a rastar pagol typa guy?? 😭 I hate him so much)

So whatever now Disguised Shonkor looks here and there and when the buri asks what's wrong. He does some ishara to that buri to say “where is Kumudini” and she goes “ohh yeah lets go see her” and takes him the chambers she's kept locked in.

They go by the gaurds who look at them like 🤨 but still lets them go cuz yeah one's a madman another's a buri mohila what can they do...

.....

Inside the chamber Kumudini bbg is still crying because ofcourse she would be

Psycho buri: ahh girll why do you keep crying?? You will literally marry the rajkumar he'd be such a nice husband...

Shonkor, internally: BITCH HOW'D YOU EVEN KNOW WHY MY PHUL JAISI LADKI IS CRYING YOU'RE THE REASON FOR THIS 🥰👹👺🔥🔪💀

So after sometimes buri mohila was like “lesgo home now” but disguised Shonkor refused to go anywhere and just shaked his head.

Buri was like “yeah if this bitch said no then I can not convince him, I'll just let him stay and hangout with Kumudini then...”

So she left and Fokir looking Shonkor stayed in the room with Kumudini who's still depressed and crying and what not.

.......

So late at night when everyone has already retired to sleep and all

Disguised Shonkor: yoo bestie can you recognise me???

Kumudini: wha- *looking closely* OHHH

then she just breaks down in more tears out of relief ig...

Kumudini: TAKE ME OUT OF HERE BY TONIGHT PLS PLS PLS BESTIE PLS 😭🙏

Shonkor, covering her mouth: shhh don't say that

Shonkor: dw da'lin I've found you now and I will get you out I promise 🥹🤌

Kumudini: okk bestie 🥹🥹

......

Now Disguised Shonkor keeps roaming around the place and doing his ✨🕺dance🕺✨ in front of the gaurd who suspect nothing cause he's a madman and he goes in and out of the palace quite a few time to gain their trust.

THEN when he's sure they will let him do anything he wants, he gets to Kumudini and tells her to dress as a man and then he takes her and they both escape from that hellhole 🗿🗿✨ (boi is so smart)

And they FINALLY get to the patal palace under the lake and see that Upendro is literally on the verge of his n'th mental breakdown.

Seeing his boyfriend and wife returning like that Upendro is like o.O And then Kumudini again starts to cry

Kumudini: I'M SORRY I WENT UP WITHOUT INFORMING AND ALL THIS HAPPENED WAHHHH 😭😭😭

Upendro: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THO WAHH 😭😭😭

Shonkor, awkward thirdwheeling most probably: ..... 🌝

Upendro: broooo you're my ultimate broooo come here 😭😭😭

And then they HUG 🗿✨ (and kiss ig)

.....

So now they all decide that “yeah let's get back home” (Upendro's kingdom) so they get out of that lake but to their surprise and horror all the people Shonkor brought to fetch them left lmao (like I wouldn't be waiting so long for them either) 💀💀

So they all get disappointed and starts to walk on their own like dumb bitches but obviously gets tired after quite some times so they decide they'd spend the night in that forest under a bigass tree.

......

Now under the tree as Upendro and Kumudini falls asleep and Shonkor is... Idk what he's doing he's just awake for some reasons ig... He hears two birds talking (bengoma bengomi reference yooo ahhh)

Husband birdy: yo wifey yk that montriputro Shonkor did so much to save the rajkonna and rajkumar but it's of no use...

Wife birdy: wot? why??

H. birdy: yeah see so when the king would send elephants and horses to fetch his son and daughter-in-law...

H. birdy: Upendro will fall down while climbing the elephant and die

W. birdy: 💀 what if someone doesn't let him climb the elephant??

H. birdy: ohh he'll be saved then

H. birdy: but then once at the kingdom, the shingho daar of the palace will fall on his head and he'll die

W. birdy: 💀💀 what if he doesn't goes from under the gate??

H. birdy: he will be saved but...

H. birdy: when he sits to eat at the feast, the fish bones from the machher matha would get stuck in his throat and he'd die

W. birdy: 💀💀💀 ...what if he doesn't eats the machher matha??

H. birdy: ohh he'll be saved then

H. birdy: but at night when he'll be sleeping next to Kumudini

H. birdy: a snake will come out of her nose and bite him and he'll die

W. birdy: 💀💀💀💀 what if someone kills the snake before it can bite Upendro??

H. birdy: then he will be saved...

H. birdy: BUT that person can't speak these words to anyone else or they'll become a stone statue

W. birdy: 💀💀💀💀💀 YO WTF

W. birdy: then is there no way to save that person???

H. birdy: yeah there is...

H. birdy: when Kumudini will give birth to her first born child

H. birdy: that first born child must be cut in half and it's blood must be poured on the statue for that person to again become a human

W. birdy: 💀💀💀💀💀💀

.......

So yeah Shonkor listens to those birdies for the entire night 💀💀💀💀 and goes “DAMN GOTTA SAVE MY MAN-” because obviously he's the greatest “friend” ever

Now in the morning Upendro and Kumudini wakes up and they all again start their lalala journey back to the kingdom. 💀

But comes across the king's send men on their way and they are all glad and then Upendro tries to climb the elephant

And Shonkor stops him 🗿

Shonkor: bestie lemme ride the elephant once pls 🥹

Upendro: ...

Upendro: ok :)

Upendro feels a little weird that Shonkor would ask something so out of the blue but lets him take the elephant ride anyway cuz anything for his boyfriend and Shonkor literally saved his and his wife's ass just recently. 🗿🗿✨🤌

.....

They get back to the kingdom, Upendro on the horse and Shonkor on the elephant (and Kumudini was in the palki ig I forgot lol)

But now when time came to cross the shingho daar

Shonkor: bestie pls break the door na 🥺

Upendro: 💀💀💀

Upendro: ok

Upendro starts to get a little annoyed but complies with everything Shonkor is asking cuz same reasons he can't deny his boyfriend, especially after he did so much.

So now they are all happy and everything coming back home and blah blah

But the same thing happens while they were eating, Shonkor notices that his boyfriend is served with that bigass rui machher matha and he's like

Shonkor: lemme eat that machher matha bestieee 🥺

Upendro: uhhhh

Shonkor: yaayyy thanks :3

Atp Upendro had started to get irritated cuz wtf is this son of a bitch (respectfully) doing.... Just because he saved their lives doesn't mean he owns them 💀💀💀🤌 but he still keeps quiet in the public to not cause any chaos.

......

Later time comes and Shonkor is like “ok bye darling I'm going home :D” (ufsos wo kabhi ho na saka...) but Upendro is still angry and he pretty much ignores his boyfriend... glad that he's finally going home 💀🥹🤌

BUT BUT BUT my sweet child of heavens Shonkor didn't went to his home... INSTEAD he literally went to Upendro's bedroom in secret and hid under the bed 💀💀💀

💀

Yeah....

So now later Upendro and Kumudini comes to the room and it's said they fall asleep after yk talking and stuff... But we all know that's not what happened right? 🗿💀 (Don't tell me I'm the only dirty minded bitch here I swear-)

......

Once Both Upendro and Kumudini are finally asleep, Shonkor crawls out from under the bed and stands at the corner with his sword like 🧍🤺

Then by midnight he notices some thread like stuff coming out of Kumudini's nose and he gets ready as that stuff slowly becomes a poisonous snek.

As soon as the snek tries to get close to Upendro and bite him, Shonkor is like 🗡️🐍🩸☠️ and kills it. But it's blood splashes all over Kumudini 💀🤌

So this dumbass bitch is like “yeah ykw it would be rude to let her sleep with blood on her face I should maybe clean it.."

BUT while he was trying to wipe of her face, Kumudini startled woke up and started to scream, which in term woke up Upendro 💀🤌

....

AS SOON AS Upendro is awake he's angry as fuck and starts to cuss at Shonkor 💀✨

Shonkor: pls don't misunderstand me lemme explain

Upendro: omg leave it Ik how you are

Upendro: you disgusting p.o.s

Shonkor: babe listen-

Upendro: I don't wanna listen

Shonkor: bestie I did it to save YOU

Upendro: SAVE ME? Save me from what? Stop lying

Shonkor: I- I can't say that I'll turn into stone

Upendro: idfc just tell me or I won't believe you EVER

Shonkor: you won't even believe even after I told I'll turn into stone.... 🥺😭😔

Shonkor: ....ok listen then.... 😔

.....

So now Shonkor starts to narrate whatever he heard from those birdies and both Upendro and Kumudini listens to him intently

By the time he told them about the elephant incident both his legs are stone, but Upendro insisted he continues... And by the time he's done telling till the machher matha incident he's all stone till his neck

Shonkor: you still wanna listen why I was in your room??

Upendro: yeah ofcourse duh I NEED to know the entire thing...

(I mean he got a point 💀 BUT DUDE YOUR BOYFRIEND IS TURNING INTO A STONE STATUE BRUH)

Shonkor: ok then 😔

Shonkor: BUT remember if you even want to turn me back... You will need to sacrifice your first born child and drench the statue in it's blood..

Shonkor: now listen....

And he tells them the entire thing and yeah... He's a stone statue now 🗿

Upendro and Kumudini now notices the cut up snake on the floor and they are like “damn buddy was telling the truth...” 💀💀

.....

So they both keep Shonkor's statue at a corner in their room from then on...

And soon Kumudini becomes preggo and in an year gives birth to a beautiful baby boy (whom I named Mukundo btw.... :D)

And then both of them are solemnly sitting in their room as Upendro takes little baby Mukundo in his arms and raises his sword AND- yeah... I ain't saying that.... 💀

The blood splashes all over Shonkor and in an instance he's back to normal.

......

The first thing Shonkor sees as he opens his eyes is Kumudini CRYING, SOBBING, SCREAMING IN DESPAIR and Upendro trying to comfort her through his own tears 💀💀

And Shonkor is now is despair and trauma because it's all because of him their baby is dead because of him.

He picks up Mukundo in a piece of cloth and RUNS to his own home, because he remembered his WIFE was a great devotee of maa Durga and perhaps she could help him... (YES YOU PEOPLE ALL THESE WHILE THIS MAN THIS DUDE THIS FUCKER WAS FUCKING MARRIED AND I WAS SHOOK)

But as he reached his home, he didn't knew what to do, so he ties the cloth which had Mukundo in it to the banyan tree in his backyard and goes inside trying to pretend everything is normal 💀🤌 (arre amar gadha reee)

.....

His wife (I named her Jogodomba hehe) is happy that he's back after so much time and it's all going good and well. But soon she starts to notice that something's wrong with her husband (fuck of Shonkor that' my wife, my woman, the love of my life 🗿🗿)

He'd sit quietly all day lost in thoughts and look really guilty and scared and sad and everything.

Jogodomba: hey... what's wrong...

Shonkor: ....nothing....

And she tries to ask him many times for the past days but when she sees nothings working she goes to the mondir to consult maa Durga (all problem one solution maa 🗿🗿✨✨)

Jogodomba: maa maa he's so weird these days he looks so sad and idk something is definitely wrong with that dude of mine... 💀🤌

Maa Durga: hmm I see... Go ask him tonight what's wrong and tell me tomorrow

Jogodomba: okk (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

.....

So FINALLY that night Shonkor at last tells bbg what's the matter as he have a emotional breakdown crying and all and Jogodomba goes to maa Durga the next day and tells everything to her 🗿

Maa Durga: ohh I see ok yeah bring the baby to me I'll revive him :D

And so Shonkor runs back to the tree and brings Mukundo and hands him over to Jogodomba who as soon as puts him near maa Durga's feet is back to being alive and well 🗿✨ (Joy Maa Durga 🙏✨🗿)

So now Shonkor runs back to the palace with Mukundo and hands him over to Kumudini and Upendro who are all SUPER GLAD to have their baby back alive and healthy

And Upendro hugs Shonkor crying saying how much of a great “friend” he is and how grateful he'd be to Shonkor for the rest of his life (I bet they kissed)

And happily even after Ig...? (Jogodomba is mine tho-)

.......

SOOO THAT'S IT. Amar kotha ti furalo note gach ti muralo....

And I'm so sorry these took sooo fucking long to post 😭🤌 I had been so stressed and busy this week trying to cope with school and shit that I got zero time to type and everything 😭😭

But here's it! The story that I wanted to retell... Hopefully... One day... 🥹🤌 But idk if that will ever happen LOL

So now coming to why I named my characters what I named them...

Shonkor and Upendro: well... They are inspired by Harihar 🗿✨ and their “we are the same we can't live without eachother we are eachother's heart” propaganda 🗿🤌 lol.... As I was once telling @igotadigbickandureadthatwrong

Kumudini: well... Kumudini means lotus so... Lotus = Kamala, hence Kumudini = Kamala/Lakshmi so Upendro's wife being her made sense to me... 💀🤌 Also because she's from patal in the story and that was also another iconic thing that matched with Lakshmi hahahaha

Jogodomba: well duhh obviously because she got that ✨special✨ connection with Maa Durga as we saw 🗿✨ and her husband is named fucking Shonkor so it only made sense right??? 🗿💅✨

(I am such a genius no?) so I got my own Shri-Hari-Har-Uma Quad now hahaha 💅✨

Also because Shonkor Jogodomba and Upendro were names that sounded bangali enough so I choose them specifically... Kumudini well.. since she's patalnivasini she is a little different then the rest ig...

Yaaa that's it LOL I hope y'all enjoyed it :D and lemme know how you liked it :))))

P.S. this silly doodle I made of Upendro and Shonkor one day hehe

[dudenastii]

Firth's home is really low key. It's nice but just a ranch house that two bedrooms (one is used as his office ) a big kitchen (he learned to cook from his papa and his momma) he has a nice living room, he has an older tv (it has dvd and vhs), not too big of a library but enough.

A nice cabinets of fine liquor, ales and whiskey. His furniture his all hand made by locals and he pays them good. Everything is cherrywood or darkwood. Very southern gothic but there's a twinge JUST A BIT of modern tech.

Which leads me to his bedroom. His bedroom is actually the coziest fucking thing ever. It's a queen size mattress with 100% cotton sheets and quilts or fur throws (again locally bought). Hes got one long body pillow then two on top of it. Its all black maroon red greys things in those realms of colors. He's got a vanity inside a walk in closet fashioned like a crypt mixed with golden age holywood inspo) would be (probably the most gaudy part of his home bc its golden age movie aesthetic..Think Elvira). He has a flat screen in there along.

Outside hes got a slammin' deck with a nice grill unit with a nice little loveseat porch swing. A sweet little garden again nothing too fancy but just elegant enough.He doesn't have pool but he has a small lake that he likes to swim in. Hes also got stables for his two horses. Buckaroo and Screwball (they eat people's hair sometimes) and hes got a couple chickens for pets and eggs. He doesn't remember any names for them (Charles has categorized them and has decided the only he cares about is a hen he named Betsy. Thats his girl. Don't fuck with Betsy.)

He also has two cars at the ranch. A 1971 ford f 100, jet black and red velvet interior and a custom '66 Coupe DeVille maroon with black leather interior (and a doggie bobble head).

I say all this just to tell u Charles likes when he can stay there. Humorously he kinda thinks of brokeback moutain bc its so ...Firth. Firth has always been really about his southern roots. His mom was from Appalachia originally and his dad from Texas and through his life hes lived in both places, loves them both dearly. He has more of Texan draw but there some Appalachian slangs he'll use from time to time. Charles thinks its a nice little reprieve even if its not his typical way to wind down on his free time.

Just a little time thats more personal and not rushed. Special little moments they get to just kind be two guys who enjoy each other very genuinely but they don't gotta go on about it. TO BE HONEST its giving the two fags in buston legal (i dont remember shit from that show besides those two sleazy lawyers being homoerotic)

[applepies-and-starlight]

hi, hello, you mentioned you have ocs and i would like to learn abt them if thats ok, could i get some fun facts abt them?

Y'know, I was planning to make a list of OCs anyway so this is a good excuse to do that

Gonna giving their names and fandoms with a couple of facts under cut (i feel like this might get long Very quick)

(Mid-edit Apple: minor Canto VI spoilers, nothing really story-related but I do use terms mentioned in 6.3 in passing; better safe than sorry tho)

Tamami Mochizuki (Persona Series)

As her last name implies, she's related to Nyx

She's my watsonian/in-universe explanation to where the rest of the arcana shadows are

Her persona variant is Akhlys; heavily based off Riordan's interpretation of her, meaning she can control poison

Her appearances changes a lot more than her brother's since the collective idea of suffering/misery changes over the ages while death stays stagnant (I've been considering making her look gyaru since that seems to be associated with japanese mean girl tropes)

Ena Kutsuki (Persona Series)

Initially, her name was Era, but I changed it somewhere down the line (did you know that the name 'Ena' has japanese origins too?)

Demigod of order; got a certain cup's magic handed to her after Striker's AI takeover attempt

Her bones are fucked up because of said magic (her spine can literally burst out of her back and turn into extra arms doc ock style)

She is being rizzed up by the goddess of misery and neither are aware they're in the slowburn plot and mutually believe they are friends (both of their friend groups can see how lovesick they are)

Cai An-Yue (ProjMoon; Lobcorp)

She's named after me! (My chinese name is Cai An Yu)

She has stolen her world's Library and made it her own

I'm considering classifying her as some flavor of Erlking because she's been fucking around the timelines and superimposing herself on various people and/or corpses

Transfem, any pronouns; ENA Dream BBQ is her voiceclaim (both voices)

Unit O-1 // Cordelle (Smash Bros/Kirby)

Their favorite attack is F-smash; their second favorite is Side-B (hammer flip)

They have a weird relationship with their creator (Octave), since they were initially made as a murder protocol and ended up accidentally developing a personality along the way; by the time the incident cleared out their creator went "wait, shit, I didn't expect that to happen I'm not ready to be a mom–"

They're on good terms for the situation they're in though

Their original name was Ocean before i changed it to Cordelle (Ocean started to sound less like a word the more i said it)

Whaleship Essex (Azur Lane)

Heavily inspired by Ishmael from Limbus Company

Very post-adventures 2!Shadow the Hedgehog coded

Feral; very prone to biting people regardless of whether they're friend or foe

(I'll be adding more on another post since someone else asked about her specifically and I'm still figuring out what to say about her)

Galatea "Gamma" Soliel (Miraculous/Genesis)

Ladybug holder; she's in a different timeline where the Miraculous have landed outside of Paris

All of her teammates are idiots and she only Vaguely tolerates the Black Cat because she Knows he's in a perpetual state of "Nagito Komaeda in his bad luck cycle"

Has shanked the Butterfly once; the Butterfly keeps trying to do homoerotic swordfights with her (they're similar in age)

May or may not be inspired by Mitsuru Kirijo from Persona 3, I can't tell you because if she was then it was likely subconscious

[negativepeanuthoarder]

ok when u have time i wanna hear about the quacknap murder fic im intrigued o7

Ok alright hi so :3 the Quacknap murder fic was this idea I had back in like May/June and I started but never finished (bc lazy and depressive episode and etc etc etc). 

⚠️⚠️C!QUACKITY NEG AHEAD ⚠️⚠️

Basically it was canon cDreamSMP - cSapnap goes and visits cDream a SECOND time after the whole torture thing starts and is like “holy shit why does he look like that sure he was a bit emaciated last time from his hunger strike but there are huge scars across his body and his ears have been completely chopped off (in this cDream is a hare hybrid (which was a rabbit run reference and also it was to contrast with cKarl - who is a bunny hybrid and who cSapnap goes back to after seeing all the shit that happened to cDream) anyhow he’s openly horrified and ends up getting into a fight with cSam over this, before he goes home and continues to be horrified.

cTina later mentions having seen “the guy you were looking for” (cSapnap showed her a picture at some point so she kind of knows who he’s after but she doesn’t know cQuackity like personally or anything yet because DSMP canon and all that) covered in blood outside the prison and cSapnap kind of goes insane with fury and rushes after cQuackity to confront him. cQuackity denies it at first but. He’s covered in blood and also cDream had Q’s name carved into his chest so. Huh.

Basically it was going to get really weird from here - cQuackity and cSapnap almost sleep together because hey having your angry demon fiance shove you against a wall and try to strangle you for torturing his former best friend is kind of hot - but that devolves into a homoerotic sword fight which THEN devolves into a fistfight and then cQuackity just kind of dies.

(Obviously this is his second life so he’s still got one left but cSapnap goes to cPhil and cTechno (and ends up finding cPunz too) and is all “hey we have to move this shit along and rescue him already please” and they’re like “lol ok”

Little snippet under the cut cw for gorey torture :3

Who did this to you? He writes on the book, before passing it to Dream.

The man stares at it for a moment before managing to scrawl out a response in shaky letters. I can’t tell you.

Why not?

You’ll be angry at me.

Why the hell would I be angry at you?

You said you’d kill me if I ever got out of here.

Yeah, I thought you’d be SAFE in here, where you couldn’t hurt anyone and no one could hurt you.

It’s complicated.

Who. Who is it.

I’m not telling you, you’ll hurt me.

I’m not going to hurt you - you’ve clearly been hurt way too much already. Who did this to you?

Pandas, I can’t tell you you’ll never believe me.

How the fuck would I not believe you, you’re torn to shreds in front of me. Who was it? Who hurt you?

Stop, I can’t. I can’t tell you.

“Your time’s almost up, Sapnap,” Sam’s voice calls over the intercom. “One minute.”

I’m about to leave. Sapnap writes in the book. The time is going way too fast but he’s not about to argue with a trident wielding warden. I can’t possibly hurt you in the space of forty seconds. Who the hell did this to you?

Dream swallows, glances behind Sapnap, and sighs, before leaning backwards, grabbing the book, and chucking it as hard as he can into the lava. He stares at the demon hybrid for a long moment, before carefully peeling back the prison uniform around his chest and revealing his pale skin there.

There’s a small coin branded against his skin, with an uncomfortably familiar :] in the center, and below that, a name, carved directly into Dream’s skin itself, leaving the area there raw and ugly and torn, oozing slightly from infection.

P R O P E R T Y 

O F

Q U A C K I T Y

Sapnap’s stomach drops out when he recognizes that handwriting. He knows that handwriting, he knows who wrote that, and it’s entirely unmistakable who did this to Dream.

His own fiance.

His own fucking fiance.

[pstelwitchcraft]

Critical Role - C3EP52 (After the break)

We're back with more Sending fails!

F.r.i.d.a looks so cool i love themmm

Also the kids are starting to get strong i love it

Feels like yesterday when imogen had like, 10 hit points

Also this is absolutely the leylines being fucked

Something happened and magic everywhere is going heywire

I'm now convinced the exaltants are being "awakened" to be Predathos' army and it's all gonna go balls to the wall

Imogen has to be this campaign's double agent right? They're absolutely gonna have to fight her at some point and it's gonna wreck me

Now that I think about it does it mean they'll have to fight fearne too??? 😳

i'm getting vibes from imogen and f.r.i.d.a and i don't hate it? 👀

Exandria's Greatest Bake-Off: Pike Trickfoot vs. FCG and their easy-bake oven

Ooooo fearne has pass without a trace now? Thank God

Once again i got sad we won't see marisha, liam and tal tonight 😔 hope we have robbie with them tho, maybe even more people from EXU?? I hope we get to see Opal!

Chetney still struggling 😅

I don't know Dustel but I f*cking hate him 🤬

Chetney backstory finally!

Don't get me wrong I'm very excited but I knew it was gonna be some bullshit 🤣

Travis is NOT here for anything serious this campaign AT ALL

He "kneecaped" someone?????

Aabria somehow has great chemistry with everybody she ever roleplays with it's the Iyengar effect istg

That little talk with chet was so cute

And then... fearne tells deanna he has horrible diarrhea

They keep making it worse 😅

This IS indeed a wild group to meet out of nowhere

"Be nice to us, we're trying our best" 🤣 they're so stupid but I love them sm 💖

This is probably the most vulnerable and reasonable FCG has been all campaign for real

I don't think the real problem here is whether or not the gods are good, it's whether or not the Godeater is good, and even before we worry about that, it's about whether or not its gonna wreck everything and everyone in it's path to the Gods

Imogen herself is most likely gonna die for whatever this whole thing is if they let it happen

Like are we really willing to do all this shit and possibly extinguish all life on Exandria when you could like... not worship the Gods? It's not like they're forced to or smtg

Wait. WAIT. So if Ruidus is wherever (whenever?) the other half of the group is and it's NOT in Exandria anymore there are really only two possibilities for where the others are: back in time or in another realm and both are big problems for us

Matt please let my babies see each other I'm getting sad rn

Oh shiiiiiit this is a big big mess yall 😳

So ruidus is in exandria it just doesn't move?? So the others are actually still in Marquet then

It's the Reilora 😱 this is baaad

Yup, they're already trying to pull her to the dark side. This is gonna be a mess. I'm preemptively so upset for how much this is going to hurt.

I have a feeling this is how they really got to Liliana and all those people. Whatever Predathos is, it has some sort of pull on people that makes them want to give into it, specially the ruidusborn and even more specially the exaltants.

Do not listen to the robot right now

Laudna would be slapping yall in the face for even SUGGESTING IT

Do NOT let Imogen go into the freaking alien godeater hivemind or so help me GOD

See? This is why I get worried when they're separated they're like each other's emotional support pet, two days and Imogen is already considering going into the damn light

This scene with f.r.i.d.a is giving that scene from twilight without the homoerotic undressing

Why, why would he go to chetney alone like that?? He has almost taken half the party once this is BAD!

Tho we know robot boy is a heavy hitter so I guess it could go either way🤷

This is the only place where we can get heartfelt, beautiful monologues about the meaning of death and life and morning toot in the same episode and that's why I love this show

This fight is giving one of those old chihuahuas that keep snapping at your ankles but that has for some reason taken a burning passion rage against your robot vacuum

Also you can't convince me a dog wouldn't absolutely hate this thing

It would just feel like a threat, this weird human that isn't human and it can mimick stuff but also it sounds weird? My dogs would go NUTS

Listen. I'll be a chetney apologist for this one. I'm a wildlife veterinarian and animal behaviorist and idk where dude thought he was gonna get off approaching a wolf like that, or honestly approaching him alone at all

Surprising he survived all this time in wildemont tbh but I'll give him a pass bc it's is D&D

Love that Deanna is so horrified by them when this is not even the full party 😅 like, ma'am we're missing- *checks notes* one tree/cadaver/goo person, a magic rock rainbow sparkle barbarian and a 4ft tall widowed ballerina that is prob covered in monster blood as we speak 😀

Final thoughts:

Overall I loved this one, it was light and fun and everything I needed after all the stress from the last few weeks

I also enjoyed the split party dynamic more than I thought it would and I am hopeful it's gonna lead to some good things in the long run

It's a bold move ngl. One of the quintessential, funnest things about D&D parties is the found family, the unity of it all, it's seeing them spend time with each other and develop different dynamics, games, inside jokes

In any other situation it might alienate party members from each other and make it not feel as cohesive, maybe even jeopardize the forming of a tight bond.

But with Bell's Hells we have such close pairings that this almost feels like it has to be done

Fearne and Orym, FCG and Ashton, Laudna and Imogen are all pairings that came together and rely deeply on each other, to the point where it felt a little stiffening to the other members of the group bc these people very rarely sought deeper companionship and support from anyone other than their initial pairing

Also we can get a closer look at Chetney's backstory and hopefully Ashton's next episode when I'm hoping we'll see how the others are doing

I also was hoping there would be some time fuckery or realm travel and still kind of am, but it's sounding like the other half of the Hells were still in Marquet by the end of 52

If they are still in close proximity to the beam it's going to be a mess and I have no idea what to expect but chaos, specially since they can't call the others and I'm guessing shit is going DOWN over there

If they are indeed in the shadowfell, close to the key that Beau and Caleb tried to take down, I wonder if they could go after that connection and weaken whatever they are doing to Ruidus, hopefully even sever that connection completely.

[sendme-2hell]

Ranking the HOTD episodes by how gay they are

10. Episode 3. really very little happened except Rhaenrya and Alicent having their gay little fight in the godswood 5/10

9. Episode 5 this episode isn’t super heavy on Alicent/Rhaenrya other than Alicent having her big green dress moment and angrily calling Rhaenrya “stepdaughter”. But it DOES introduce a very important gay couple: Laenor and Joffrey. If this episode hadn’t violently murdered joffrey in a way that diverged from F&B and made it MORE traumatic for Laenor, making him get married in the same building his love was murdered in, hours afterwards, I would give it more points for having a canon gay couple. I’m not over the change however. I still don’t understand how Criston got away with that .10/10 for joffrey and Laenor before the end of the episode -10/10 after the ending

8. Episode 2. This episode was also homophobic bc Alicent got engaged to Viserys. But it did have a scene of Alicent comforting Rhaenrya in the crypt, which 1) shows Alicent is religious 2) is the beginning of the holding hands motif 3) was sweet 4) also a parallel to them sitting at the table in episode 8 with the candles 5) highlights how they are both two young women who have lost their mothers and neither of them should be anywhere near a certain two targaryen brothers😔 6/10

7. Episode 6. This episode was important because it introduced Emma D’Arcy and Olivia Cooke. And the question on everyone’s (my) mind was: now that the younger actors are being replaced, will the homoerotic subtext remain? And the answer is a resounding yes. Episode 6 was an experiment to see how much gay tension you could fit in one small council scene. Alicent was really mean to Rhaenrya in this episode and also accidentally asked for the murder of her baby daddy but I still call it a win 8/10

6. Episode 1. I rememeber having extremely low expectations for HOTD due to GOT disappointment but after watching the first episode there was only one question on my mind: did they add lesbians to game of thrones? Even my extremely straight friend texted me to ask if I thought Alicent and Rhaenrya seemed a little bit in love. 10/10

5. Episode 7. The entire knife scene is one of the best on the show. And really showcased a breaking point in Rhaenrya and Alicent’s relationship. The rituals were intricate I fear. Also Alicent called Rhaenrya’s feet pretty. oops. This is also the episode that Laenor and Quarl avoid death and HBO avoids the #buryyourgays accusation so I’m happy for them 9/10

4. Episode 9. In this episode Otto calls Alicent gay to her face, and Alicent loses her shit at the mention of murdering Rhaenrya. It lays it out for us that Alicent cares a lot about Rhaenrya and it’s messing with Otto’s plans. But also Alicent crowning Aegon is not gonna help her pull Rhaenrya. 9/10

3. Episode 10. In this episode Otto recovers and finds a way to use his daughter’s inconvenient lesbianism to his advantage. Is it gay to keep a ripped out piece of paper your ex-homoerotic bestie-now-enemy gave you decades ago? Is it gay to receive this piece of paper and shed a singular angry tear? The way that Rhaenrya says “Alicent…. asked …..you to …declare ….for Aegon” is the second most heartbreaking line delivery on the show, right after “he is your son, Viserys”. Clearly Rhaenyra cared about Alicent. 10/10

2. Episode 4. First of all this episode contains possibly the gayest scenes in the whole show, when Alicent and Rhaenrya are sitting on the bench. Rhaenyra apologizes to Alicent and says she missed her too and grabs her hand. In interviews, Milly Alcock and Emily Carey said they thought they were gonna kiss and reader, I did too. This scene of almost reconnection is so tender and heartbreaking and it adds to the hand motif these girls got going. But second of all, the way that Alicent reacts to rumors of Rhaenrya fucking daemon. I’m sorry there is no heterosexual explanation for HOW upset she is. None at all. 11/10

1. Episode 8. Rhaenyra and Alicent giving forgiveness toasts. Rhaenrya and Alicent staring at each other while pretending to stare at Viserys. But most of all, Alicent begging Rhaenrya to stay and giving her a death grip and Rhaenrya gently reciprocating as she promises to return, even though I think in some way they both know that if she leaves their tenuous reconciliation will not last. Every time I see a gif of that grip I go feral. All of the shots of their hands touching in episode 1,2,4,7 for it to culminate in this shot of them desperate to find each other again. 100/10

[mermaidsirennikita]

have you read (or already posted about) any Cat Sebastian novels? I am such a sucker for queer hist-roms!!

I haven’t read too many from her just yet but I love her writing so much and I can’t wait to read more. I’ve read her sapphic novella, A Little Light Mischief, as well as The Perfect Crimes of Marian Hayes (m/f, bi leads for those not in the know) and Unmasked by the Marquess (nb/m, both bi). Unmasked especially I just adored. I have a non-binary sibling, and trying to find content that works for me AND them (I should elaborate lol, we try to consume shit and discuss it to bond) is so challenging; that book was just…. A lot.

Also, just the way that book built a friendship and made the feeling of being betrayed by a friend soooo acute. It got those moments of tension, Robin’s feeling of needing to exist as they were--Alistair loving her but still taking a long time to understand.

And also just the FUN SHIT. The moment when Alistair sees Robin in a suit at the ball and she's pulling her gloves off with her teeth and he almost comes in his pants, lmao.

I'm currently reading Something Fabulous, which is the rare time when I read out of order.... I got an ARC of Something Spectacular, the second book in the series, without realizing that they were connected. I'm loving Something Fabulous, and I loved Alexis's queer historical A Lady for A Duke... But lol dude, if you love queer historicals, you have to read Something Spectacular. I loved it. That one is out in April (4/11, I think?) and has a genderfluid lead, Peggy, who's trying to get over her ex, Arabella, and agrees to help Arabella hook up with Orfeo, a famous castrato. Peggy literally FAINTS when she first hears them sing and Orfeo (who is non-binary/agender) comes to see her and is like "so I see that you fainted, people do orgasm when they hear me sing sometimes, sorry" and she's like "I DID NOT HAVE AN ORGASM" and they're like "whatever you say".

And WE'RE OFF TO THE RACES FROM THERE LMAO. It's got a queer found family, one of the most.... spectacular truly is the word..... sex scenes I've ever read. An amazing third act conflict. So much eroticism. A homoerotic poetry slam. A "panic-gasm". I recommend wholeheartedly.

[maya-malfoy1012]

So... Episode 3 of The Devil Judge... let's get into it! I wrote a page of notes, this episode had a lot to offer. But before we get into it, let's just recap on the ending of episode 2... cauuussseeee

I was watching the UST confrontation, thinking they were going to bang against the windows. I'm minding my own business, just admiring the cinematography - as they had bisexual lighting throughout -

(I can only watch it in the worst quality lol)

Then shit blew up! And they're saving each other like all angsty vampy boyfriends do.

(he should have carried him bridal style... just sayin')

Then we get into episode 3. Which has all of the marks of every Forced Proximity Yaoi story ever! Even includes non-consensual touching and one character (usually the younger) not being allowed to leave or move around their surroundings freely... which is... fun. "It's not like I want to do it" sure, Jan. (also, they keep mentioning their age gap, I think they're into it.....)

This leads to Gaon's Belle arc of discovering what's in the west wing. (The house's decor is super... not my taste). The Nanny/mother step-in character reminds me of Bae Hae Sun's character in Hotel De Luna (Choi Seo Hee). Daddy Bandit is super possessive over his new twink, even going as far as almost shouting "ARE YOU DATING?" to Soo Hyun. super suss. Sun A thinks she's hot. She really had her "step on me, Mummy" glow up and I respect that. Kyung Hee is surrounded by idiotic men BUT that does lead us to her house which is Han Ki Hwan's house!!! I was so happy when I saw it then I felt so sad because... it's where the rich boys go to get emotionally (sometimes physically) abused by their parent. This house is also featured in Stranger and every time there was a scene in THE living room, I kept saying out loud: "that's where Han Joo Won got his heart broken" or "some very sad things happened here" or "NOOO joo won... DONG SIIIIIKKK"... I am pathetic and annoying. (Also, I think the derelict sight is the same location where they shot Lee Sang Yeob's death scene) I will say I like the way TDJ is handling the dystopia themes. It feels very realistic and it isn't too glamourised, which a lot of movies/TV shows do. So, that's a really nice aspect of the show. The court scene is actually kind of funny (not in a bad way)

Trauma Bandit's backstory is definitely a child abuse 101 storyline, even includes a shitty reason for his awful treatment. (the dad is a right twat). I haven't paid too much attention to the older brother storyline but if he and Gaon are related, I'll be pissed. It's an odd thing to include considering Daddy Bandit and Gaon are going to fuck. There's no doubt in my mind that they're going to have sex. And even if we don't see it, it's still happening! Oh, and... just because you're traumatised, it doesn't give you the right to murder people, Daddy Bandit. Anyway, speak soon!! :)

[cue circus music]

episode 02 ending & episode 3. ah yes, the banes of my existence (:

I was watching the UST confrontation, thinking they were going to bang against the windows.

HELPP the UST was blasting through the roof. I honestly loved how they introduced two female leads, starting off with the implication that they're the very possible romantic counterparts and then dunked the whole show into homoerotism and UST.

just admiring the cinematography - as they had bisexual lighting throughout -

listen, the cinematography? it was out of the fucking world. honestly perspective changes, camera tilts that captures imbalance (whether emotional or power) and the f r a m e s. honestly so capturing.

the b i s e x u a l l i g h t i n g (screams)

(I can only watch it in the worst quality lol)

oof help is it netflix 😭

Then shit blew up! And they're saving each other like all angsty vampy boyfriends do.

KJERDXEFKDCX ANGSTY VAMPY BOYFRIENDS Yohan looks very much like some modern Count Dracula --its the bow me thinks

(he should have carried him bridal style... just sayin')

dsjksjdjk perhaps because gaon's taller than him and trauma bandit's but a smol man

Which has all of the marks of every Forced Proximity Yaoi story ever!

the way i did not realise that until now. ohmygod

Even includes non-consensual touching and one character (usually the younger) not being allowed to leave or move around their surroundings freely... which is... fun.

I also do think that the Nurse/Patient trope (which I'm basing off of Back to The Future, but for all I know could be absolutely rare af) is depicted here. Usually in the trope, the nurse and patient are shown to be more susceptible to have feelings due to sympathy and forced proximity (+ if the patient has some incredibly heroic/awing reason for being injured). I think Beauty and the Beast, you've mentioned Gaon's Bella Arc, also features the nurse/patient trope when the Prince/Beast gets attacked trying to save Bella from the wolves.

It is interesting though, that it should be Gaon who's injured and nursed back to life when we have Yohan, who's the primary choice for the Beast/Prince.

(also, they keep mentioning their age gap, I think they're into it.....)

at this point, watching TDJ is just a progression of kink reveals lmao

This leads to Gaon's Belle arc of discovering what's in the west wing. (The house's decor is super... not my taste).

Continuing from before, it's quite interesting that their dynamics are not set in stone. They frequently exchange roles, albeit most of the time it's not prominent.

Also, if we set apart the BATB trope, Gaon's totally the knight in shining armor even if Daddy Bandit denies it (the house.... it's something alright)

The Nanny/mother step-in character reminds me of Bae Hae Sun's character in Hotel De Luna (Choi Seo Hee).

ah i havent really watched Hotel De Luna, i'm putting it off becuz i heard that there's some real sad stuff but I can see the similarities in their character presentation

Daddy Bandit is super possessive over his new twink, even going as far as almost shouting "ARE YOU DATING?" to Soo Hyun. super suss.

my dude's just totally in over his head thinking he's very chill but just a walking talking emotional disaster

on a serious note though, i think he's more than aware of soohyun's friendship with gaon and it was a deliberate poke to dissuade her (or perhaps, in an emotionally/possessive sense to sting her?)

Sun A thinks she's hot. She really had her "step on me, Mummy" glow up and I respect that.

Jung Sun Ah is just a total badass and if I ever meet her I would run far far away 😂

...her house which is Han Ki Hwan's house!!! I was so happy when I saw it then I felt so sad because... it's where the rich boys go to get emotionally (sometimes physically) abused by their parent.

WAIT HELP I DID NOT NOTICE THAT IREFDJKSDJK tbf i was more focused in practicing imaginary archery on han kihwan

"that's where Han Joo Won got his heart broken" or "some very sad things happened here" or "NOOO joo won... DONG SIIIIIKKK"... I am pathetic and annoying.

EJDKEISDJK LMAO "some very sad things happened here" -- some miserable real estate agent of an haunted house, probably

"I am pathetic and annoying" ah yes the self realisation /t no but i have had this same exact thought when i paused the show for the zillionth time to explain the significance of the fucking rain to my friend

Also, I think the derelict sight is the same location where they shot Lee Sang Yeob's death scene

oooh interesting, i wonder how many shooting locations BE and TDJ share hmm

I will say I like the way TDJ is handling the dystopia themes. It feels very realistic and it isn't too glamourised, which a lot of movies/TV shows do. So, that's a really nice aspect of the show.

right?? i honestly adore that it's pretty much covering the escalating socio-political and economic crisis under the dystopian theme? it also feels very much a commentary on the contemporary issues of the world. along with that, in episode one there's a shot with the word "utopia" that reminded me of this book (i haven't read it but i know of the premise) "The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas". It talks of an utopian society that has built itself upon the suffering of a single child. For the society to prosper the child must be suffer. To my knowledge, the Snowpiercer (the film) and BTS's "Spring Day" are based on it thematically.

The court scene is actually kind of funny (not in a bad way)

yeah no i fucking cackled at that scene

Trauma Bandit's backstory is definitely a child abuse 101 storyline, even includes a shitty reason for his awful treatment. (the dad is a right twat)

the dad's a right bastard

but if he and Gaon are related, I'll be pissed.

Dude (gender neutral) I was flabbergasted when they went "Oh Yohan's big brother actually looks exactly like Gaon :D" like??? During Ep 1 flashbacks, I honestly expected them to go with an amnesiac route (where Gaon forgets about Yohan) or maybe "found comfort/helped each other during this tragedy for one day and then became nameless strangers again" route but noooo they had to go with the "ah yes this possible romantic option who is is identical to mc's brother" i blame the bloody censor

There's no doubt in my mind that they're going to have sex. And even if we don't see it, it's still happening!

there's so much off-screen gaps that the possibility of it not happening is lower than zero

Oh, and... just because you're traumatised, it doesn't give you the right to murder people, Daddy Bandit.

Man's just so morally tilted lmao, but ahem, I heard that you liked morally grey characters [blinks]

I really enjoyed this update heh, your brain is just. galaxy and i can't wait to see more of your thoughts hehe

[daz4i]

teehee. brainstorming

ok i already got dante as ghost. and he's got the whole Thing with nikolai

so i wanna do ones at least for my other f/os. bc why not

lily is based on beautiful. it's actually a bit of a messed up ability i think. where it temporarily removes someone's facial features. they can still breathe but they can't see or speak. i don't think it has an actual time limit but to make it not overpowered you can only use it on one person at a time. touch activated at will. it works mostly for 1 on 1 battles ofc. i don't want lily to be evil so like this is strictly used if necessary. also i will somehow figure out how to get it with poe perhaps

now! one i technically already brainstormed before. winning hand - luck manipulation. for jack (duh)

tweaking the original idea a bit to make the ability connected to an actual cards pack (the same way nikolai's ability is connected to his cloak and kunikida's is a specific notebook, yknow). jack draws 5 cards from it, and whatever combination comes out affects the luck of the person they use it on (including themselves). they can't see the actual hand before choosing who to affect, so it is very much. well. luck based hehe

the combinations come from poker hands, so like high card is shit luck, everything you try to do fails, and royal flush is unnaturally good luck, everything you try to do works out perfectly. other people can use the cards, but jack has to activate the ability itself (same way kunikida's ability works basically). until they do, you can't actually see what the cards say. the ability fades away once jack reshuffles the cards (if they use their ability on themselves and happen to fail hard, the bad luck does not affect the actual card pack. so like they won't accidentally drop it or fail to shuffle it or smth. they can technically reshuffle it until they get a good result, if the situation allows that). it can be used on multiple people at once, up to 10 (5 cards for each person after all)

anyway as you may have been able to guess from the comparisons. i'm getting jack with kunikida and no one can stop me. i think the order/chaos thing they've got going on would be fun.

jack is an ada member. how did they get there i have no idea. maybe a friend of a friend situation like they know another member and they needed some form of protection so that member helped them get involved (i wanna say atsushi. bc i love atsushi. they're besties now. and the protection thing is um. they used to be a guild member but like mark they mostly just chilled. ran away after the group disbanded. befriended atsushi afterwards. i'll figure out that part of the backstory later). they don't go out on the field too often for battle related stuff at first, sticking to solving crimes with or without the use of their ability - using unnatural luck to find more clues and evidence and the likes, for example. they're not too great at fighting, and relying on their ability for that is too risky, so they need to be trained in combat first. and who better to train them. than kunikida 👁👄👁 cue the homoerotic fighting montage. kunikida beating their ass over and over. eventually they get the upper hand on him and pin him to the ground. both blushing and panting from the fight. i'm gonna stop there bc blood is rushing to my dick too fast rn and i'm getting dizzy /j

thank you for reading my rambling 🧐 maybe i'll make one for chuuya too eventually (he's not my f/o. for now. but i do wanna kiss him 🥺). and maybe i'll doodle some designs for them eventually like i did for dante 🤔

i should make more self inserts. like one for each name i use perhaps 🧐

[transsexualhamlet]

alright it’s time for as requested part two of rowan reads the original sherlock holmes and compares it to yuumori

i finished a study in scarlet and holy shit was yuumori accurate to it

obviously they changed the case so that... well, moriarty was involved, and they didn’t go into detail on why drebber was an a-grade piece of shit (lol i wasn’t expecting the mormons but it was a great perspective actually doyle went big brain time on that one lmao) 

Hmmm i mean the other main difference is that Watson Is Gayer In The Original but yeah obviously that’s for a reason and the reason is william james moriarty

I have some highlights of “oh my god I need to see yuumori sherlock do this right now because he Absolutely Would” and they’re WILD

So yuh here are your Sherlock Moments

-when watson asks stamford why he might not want to board with sherlock bestie went “he’s a little queer” and watson was basically like “i like that in a man :)” like i am Fully Aware that’s not what queer meant back then but it’s FUNNY alright

-stamford is also like “yeah i mean he’s the kind of guy who would probably perform human experiments on his friends without telling them”

-watson walks into sherlock’s lab like hello new roommate :) and the dude immediately starts SCREAMING

-he’s all I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT LOOK and fucking stabs himself and drips the blood in a container, yeah yeah it makes a reaction and he’s like I AM GOING TO SOLVE ALL CRIMES EVER ACTUALLY wait who are you

-SHERLOCK THEN PROCEEDS TO SEAL UP THE CUT WITH P L A S T E R AND THEN HANDLE POISONOUS CHEMICALS WITH HIS BARE, INJURED HANDS

-watson moves in with this dude and is like “oh wow im really interested in this guy but im Polite so i cannot ask him anything” so he starts snooping around trying to figure out what sherlock does for a living?????? like he couldn’t just fucking ask???? and he’s like wow he has these clients and he kicks me out of the house every time they come over i Really Don’t Want To Think He’s Fucking Them

-obviously, and to watson’s embarassment, he wasn’t. sherlock is a virgin and it is very clear

-watson describes sherlock in the most homoerotic way possible i don’t even know how to describe it bestie goes on about his hands for a full paragraph it’s really gay man

-WATSON IS SO POLITE ABOUT IT ITS ACTUALLY HILARIOUS ISTG HES LIKE I AM KIND OF SERIOUSLY OBSESSED WITH THIS DUDE BUT I COULDN’T POSSIBLY JUST ASK HIM ANYTHING OR LIKE TRY TO GET CLOSER TO HIM I WILL SIMPLY WRITE LISTS ABOUT HIM AND DIAGNOSE HIM WITH AUTISM

-he’s also like “i don’t know i really think hes on drugs i would say he’s on drugs but also he’s like this all the time and he might just be mentally ill” lo and behold it was both

-SHERLOCK GOES TO BED AT TEN PM AND GETS UP AT 4 AM EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL

-m o t h e r f u c k e r  d o e s  n o t  k n o w  w h a t  t h e  s o l a r  s y s t e m  i s

-and when asked why he doesn’t know! he’s like my dear watson! i simply cannot be bothered! my brain is filled up with more important things! 

-watson compares him to some fictional detective that edgar allan poe made up and sherlock is like HIM OH MY GOD DO NOT COMPARE ME TO THAT MOTHERFUCKER I AM BETTER THAN THAT

-it’s honestly really cute watson apparently will sit and listen to him play the violin and like request pieces and stuff and yeah sherlock can play those fine

-but most of the time if he picks it up on his own sherlock will just start plucking it with his fucking hands while slouching in a chair and sitting like L Death Note and playing random notes that Vibe 

-watson HATES it

-watson once picks up this paper sherlock has lying around about yknow. deduction and all that and how you find things out and watson is like “this is Bullshit who wrote this what the fuck this is the most unrealistic thing i’ve ever read” and then sherlock is like I Wrote It Shawty and watson is like. um. oh haha i take back everything

-MAN I JUST GOTTA POINT OUT I AM A TEENAGE BOY AND I COULD NOT STAY SERIOUS WHEN DOYLE THOUGHT “EJACULATED” WAS A GOOD WORD TO PUT IN PLACE OF SAID

-lol he was like “ahahahhaa my deductions” and watson was like “but How Did You Do It” and he’s like “I WANT TO LOOK COOL WATSON DONT MAKE ME RUIN IT BY EXPLAINING”

-GHHHHHHHHHH BESTIES when sherlock was Infodumping to watson About Crimes watson was like “oh my god that’s so cool bestie!” like Once and watson described it like “i was complimenting him like he was a girl and i called him beautiful and he blushed” LIKE DUDE THATS GAY

-that one time sherlock yelled “THE PLOT THICKENS” and lestrade was like “i t  w a s  t h i c k  e n o u g h  a l r e a d y”

-dude thinks he’s wrong ONCE and has a mental breakdown in front of the entirety of scotland yard before like five seconds later realizing that he was not, in fact, wrong

I’d say that the main difference between him and yuumori sherlock is that og sherlock has a massive fucking ego and yuumori sherlock is very loud but has no ego at all. Og sherlock will brag about how smart he is to anyone who will fucking listen. Yuumori sherlock will only boast abt his intelligence around Moriarty because he knows they’re both mindfucking

Other than that... I honestly cannot come up with significant differences between them. You can really tell how similar they are especially with the sign of mary episode- dude was just like >:((((( the entire day because watson has a fiance and then he walks in on a dead body and goes now hERES SOME FUN

He’s very accurately and enthusiastically portrayed, as far as I can tell, and I think that’s really epic. I love him. I might kin og sherlock too guys ngl

[postmodern-blues]

first listen to rhys and ianto’s excellent barbecue: a saga

I’m just gonna put all my thoughts in order while I listen to this audio and do my homework. I’ll tag it for spoilers, but I’ll also put everything below the cut in case you haven’t listened to it yet <3 um also i do a lot of swearing be warned...

last warning, yall, lots of spoilers and quotes ahead:

Rhys’s friends call him RHYSIE and I Am So Soft For This.

“I’m making my Special Sauce” god if Jack were here....

I love how Torchwood writers can’t even find a way to write RHYS in a straight way. He’s so cute and AHSDHGHFDAS I LOVE THIS SO FAR

the meat jokes.... already.... let’s hope serentiy Ianto does not resurface

IANTO! my god I have missed my boy. HE IS BACK

Oh my god... oh my fuck.... he’s so CUTE i might need to take a breather.... dude....

Gwen looking out for Ianto, inviting him to Rhys’s stuff. DID SOMEONE SAY FOUND FAMILY HMMMM

“lads, lads, lads” I WENT FERAL WHEN I HEARD THIS IN THE TRAILER

“Jack’s sorry he couldn’t come” hhhhhhhh one sausage comes off the barbecue and he’d be like “this is quite homoerotic” HAIJFODHS

Rhys come on,,,, baby,,,,, do not be homophobic about this

I get the feeling I might be going too crazy about this,,, WE’RE ONLY FIVE MINUTES IN

godDAMNIT THIS IS THE SHIT I’VE BEEN CRAVING EVER SINCE GHOST TRAIN afdsohfs

Ianto brought Chardonnay....

“Except Banana boat, he’s a bit thick” AGFDKHDGS R H Y S

oh shit alien things are happening

“yes, RHYS, I know how to discuss my TOP SECRET work at a social event” he’s fucking ICONIC

“you have an inability to call each other by your proper names” my sister is just like this tho... she calls all her friends by anime character names.. little bit better than ‘sticky jeff’ but not much

Ianto being oblivious to Rhys’s gender role shit is just,,,, I STAN HIM

If Ianto and Rhys do not take a ride in the pink car by the end of this audio I’m suing

jkjk but that would be so great wouldn’t it

godDAMNIT i love this audio

"we.... don’t” yet again, it is the 21st century, and torchwood is sooo not ready

“It’s the BOYS’ barbecue” rhys and his friends seem like they have a very cute queerplatonic relationship. wonder if they wear socks when they’re doing “barbecues”

who the fuck is steven.... whAT IS GOING ON

“I don’t know him THAT well, but there’s no way he would call me love” u sure abt that rhysie

“if u run headfirst into an invisible wall, at least let me FILM it on my phone” these two i stfg

this ‘time bubble’ concept has SO MANY FIC POSSIBILITIES why is big finish spoiling us-

jack and gwen going for pizza instead of being at work AHHDOFDGSHK 

oh my GOD THE CALLBACK TO DISSECTED!!!!! this is like when gareth called back to The Last Beacon in Dinner and a Show AHHHH

I am reminded about martha and gwen,,, i am happy,,, the PARALLELS

these two arguing dude the TENSION.. the SUBTEXT

“god help you if you ever hear about pink wine” SFIHOJADHGF 

i swear half my commentary here is me quoting something funny and then keyboard smashing

Ianto is fucking ANNIHILATING Rhys here and by extension gender roles. Goddamnit THIS is the conversation we needed. I love him so much can you tell

“you LOVE each other” I’ve only had this audio for about half an hour but if anything fucking happens to it, i’ll kill everyone in the room and then myself

i don’t think you understand how goddamn adorable rhys is about his friends

“thank fuck none of them are here right now” mate my man badger calls you RHYSIE i don’t think it would affect them

I am so thankful Jack isn’t here because oh my g o d this would be an hour long block of innuendos. this whole audio is just exposing the very prominent homoerotic tendencies of straight men

sometimes, and by that i mean all the time, i wonder if my family hears me listening to big finish and wonders if i’m actually just watching porn. and honestly I think it would be a whole lot less embarrassing if i just told them i was watching porn instead of “yeah it’s this scifi thing these characters are trying to make a hole in an invisible time force field thing. are they gay? no, well, i mean, yes, but not like that! welllll, a little bit like that, but it’s NOT PORN”

“what the hell was that rhys? You Absolute Idiot.” AHHH THESE TWO

“let’s stuff it full of sausages” 

GWEN AND IANTO TELLING EACH OTHER STORIES ABOUT THEIR IDIOT HUSBANDS IS MY LIFEBLOOD FUCKKKKKK

“back pocket” THIS IS SENDING ME BACK TO MY SHERLOCK FANDOM DAYS (fucking remember john getting sherlock’s phone out of his coat that he was wearing? that’s what this is)

Rhys pretending to be Steven (Stephen?) is,,,,, oh my god,,, this is too fucking intense

god i feel so bad for rhys,,, seriously

ohmygodddddd

this took a serious turn I was not prepared for

also gwen wanting rhys to talk to ianto is,,, ughhhh i ship gwen/rhys sooo hard

rhys- baby- oh my godohmygodohmygod

im like,,, IM CRYING BRO THIS IS

“I DO love them” hhhhhh

the special sauce thing is sending me im sorry

“can we rescue the beer?” RHYS

‘Ianto you beautiful man, you did it!” THEY!!! THEY!!!!!!

i wanna make it clear that i don’t ship rhys and ianto but i think they are so cute as friends

guys im in tears right now

the way rhys goes from not wanting ianto here to not wanting him to leave,,, um its a simple arc but i’d also do anything for it

RHYS AND GWEN RHYS AND GWEN RHYS AND GWEN ANDHDHSGHFAOSDLSDLHD

“OH HE’S ADORABLE WHATS HE CALLED?” me when i first saw Ianto Jones onscreen

“he’s a colleague of the missus,,,,,, and a friend” why don’t you just shoot me in the head hm

rhysie,,, baby,,, holy shit you need to go to therapy,,, just like,,, have a chat with janet the weevil and see how you feel after

funny how rhys fucking williams is handling loss so much better than ANY of torchwood. like jack got PREGNANT after losing owen+tosh. Ianto started having sex with his immortal boss after losing his girlfriend. healthy coping mechanisms? who is she?

they let rhys say fuck a lot in this audio and that is Very Sexy of Them

“bunny has run away with my tie” h e s s o f u c k i n g p r e c i o u s

“lads lads lads” AHHHHHHHHH

this audio. is. so good. so cute. so sad. BIG FINISH YOU DID IT AGAIN YOU SEXY BASTARDS YOU!!!!

[jonathanrook]

legally i have to give you intern 2

em you have awoken an ungodly beast inside me so i need to warn everyone that this post is. incomprehensible. but so is mymusic so i guess we're all used to it.

How I feel about this character:

i watched mymusic as it was airing/running/coming out specifically bc i'm a jack stannie, and as a kid melvin was my second favorite character (w scene being in first, obvs) for mostly that reason. he basically hovered around this ranking until my most recent rewatch in the summer of 2020, which was actually spurred by some events in my personal life that vaguely reminded me of scene's season two arc w jeff, and i thought it'd been a funny/nostalgic way to get my mind off things.

(i want to side note here that -- i know you didn't ask, but -- i love jeff. i have since i was a kid. like, obviously not as a person but i think he's honestly the best written character in the series, w indie close in second. idk what it says about the f*nes that their most interesting and well rounded characters are the villains, but i digress. to this day i'm salty that jeff never got added to the theme song and wasn't really included in promotional merch.)

however, in said rewatch, certain things about how he was written started to really get under my skin, and certain moments in particular have really stuck out to me in a negative way. like, for the entirety of season one and a good chunk of season two he's one person, and then he leaves mymusic and we have an entirely different person, but not in a nuanced character building sort of way.

i've said a few of these points before but i'll repeat them here regardless. at the risk of sounding like i've put on a tin-foil hat, it's my sneaking suspicion that scindie was supposed to be endgame, but since fan reception to it was pretty neutral, and scenechart stans were, at the very least, more vocal, changes were made to the intended finale, which is why in the last scene he's basically just. indie. like, if everything about the show was exactly the same but indie was the one who had ended up w scene in the end that would have made so much more sense since a) scene had a crush on indie that he/everyone knew about and b) indie was kind of a dick despite the half-assed attempts at redemption, so both combined make it slightly less weird/out-of-nowhere that he kisses her w/o her consent (since, even though like. implied consent is not real at worst and a fuzzy subject at best but you could argue that scene would want indie to kiss her); and this isn't even taking into consideration that c) melvin is heavily queer-coded in both seasons, with his friendship with nerdcore being, dare i say, homoerotic at times, and his arc about leaving the company and changing his name mirroring nerdcore's almost perfectly (with nerdcore being a character who b*nny [at least] has all but confirmed is actually gay).

i've also been on the fence about melvin's behavior in that final scene making more sense for indie's character being an intentional decision as a way of shoe-horning in a theme about the lasting effects of abuse/cycles of abuse/the corruption of power but i also don't think the f*nes are smart enough for that. however, for the sake of defending my straw theory, i also point to the scene where indie comes to visit the acid factory after melvin told him to shut up, and we see melvin use reggie as a foot-stool, going as far as to say that it feels good to do so (which, in all honesty, i think is a bit that was entirely improvised, since the f*nes were "notorious for never saying cut" [paraphrased from a bts video], but work w me here). he's also given a seltzer mug that perfectly resembles indie's kombucha mug. in these moment melvin is directly emulating the behavior of his previous abuser, purposefully or not, literal moments after being promoted to an equal position of authority, which was totally just included as a joke, but could also be argued is meant to show that he's becoming indie; or, if we acknowledge that the f*nes have no fucking clue what they're doing and were just directing like chickens with their heads cut off, it at least shows that melvin's new position of power is leading him to understand where indie was coming from, which is supported by their conversation in the finale.

the following contains a couple brief mentions of irl sexual assault so if that's something you'd like to avoid skip to the next section!

HOWEVER, that alone isn't what i have a problem with, since i think melvin is completely justified in being a dick to indie (and also reggie enthusiastically consents to being used as an ottoman so good for him i guess). the issue comes completely in how he treats scene in the scenes where the f*nes clearly thought what they were writing was super romantic. like, the fact that the only thing he's got hung on his cubicle wall is a single picture of scene taken from the fucking opening credits (like. how hard would it have been to have. literally any other photo[s] esp since there's an abundance of cute bts pics of the cast in costume that could have been put there) and him scrolling through her twitter at work really creep me out (and at the risk of oversharing the weird, like, social media stalking angle really fucks w me bc that may or may not have been the exact fucking thing i was trying to escape in rewatching mymusic in the first place). also, having him sexually assault scene as a means of comforting her after she had just been sexually assaulted in the same way by someone else was... a choice (which is also, uh, personally familiar).

again, i recognize that demonizing melvin wasn't what the f*nes were trying to do here, and i perhaps seem hypocritical for opening liking jeff, but what makes jeff work is he's intentionally "the bad guy." having melvin do the same things as indie and jeff uncritically only proves further that the f*nes can't write for shit, and ruins his character which had, up until he quit mymusic, been unironically good. like, it's obviously not beneficial that the exact asshole things he does are personally triggering, but the character would still be a mess and i would still dislike him regardless.

i want to say though that jack delivers a surprisingly great performance despite how shoddily his character is constructed and how little experience he has as an actor. like, it's clear he was having a lot of fun on set and i would love to see him in something, like, good; i think he could pull off even like, guest television roles, which is a lot more than can be said for other youtubers.

-----

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

nerdchart should have been canon i'm sorry. i know that close, nonromantic male friendships are valuable, esp between queer men, but also gd wouldn't it have been baller to have a canon interracial mlm ship. like. c'mon. and they could have been such a good friends to lovers story! we already got to see how melvin was the only person nerdcore could really be himself around so it would have been so cool if melvin's self-advocacy arc/flowchart arc had revolved more around nerdcore with a little role-reversal! and then they kiss! like god intended!

also i ship him and indie bc i'm a grubby little gremlin man ohoho. enemies w weird sexual tension? sign me up. not even enemies to lovers i'm not saying this one should have been canon i just love the vibes. do you think melvin and indie ever explored each other's bod-- *gunshot*

-----

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

i wish him and scene had just been bros. god remember in season one when they were just bros that was the life.

alternatively, i wish we'd seen more bonding w him and metal, as a means of reconciling that. uh. moment from season one. along similar lines i would have loved to see him get closer w rayna in a similar way to how she bonded w nerdcore in season two. i think that could have also worked to show how she'd grown between the two seasons.

-----

My unpopular opinion about this character:

HIM. AND. SCENE. SHOULD. HAVE. JUST. BEEN. BROS. (though i think my general dislike of him is pretty unpopular, lmao).

when the show was coming out i don't think it's unfair to say that scenechart/scenetern 2 was the most popular ship (aside from potentially techstep whatever) but luckily we're all gay and have better taste now. unfortunately i totally fell into this camp and scenechart was even my otp for years (until it was arguably more unfortunately usurped by reddie in 2019) and i didn't even realise that it's a hot mess until, again, the summer of 2020.

when actually watching the show the choices the f*nes made in regards to how the ship actually became canon are so odd and out of place, too? okay, so, on one hand everyone just shipped scenechart bc it was the whitest hettiest ship in the show (esp in season two when idol left) aside from scindie (and we already discussed what's wrong w that). but, on the other hand, lainey and jack clearly also just got along? and i suspect that lainey probably also admired jack's work and was happy to be working with him bc we have so many shots throughout even the first season when the ship wasn't the intended endgame of lainey scene looking really fondly at jack melvin at times when it doesn't make much sense at all, esp since she's smitten w indie? this trend continues into the second season which arguably works but it still seems really out of place for him to be the one to ultimately make the first move on her since it's clear she was the one crushing this whole time and also he's gay! this bitch is gay what the fuck!!

-----

One thing I wish had happened with this character in canon:

at this point i'm struggling to think of anything i haven't covered yet. oops.

i've talked at length before about how he should have been a woman/lesbian, but the tl;dr is that it would have solved a lot of the queer-coding "problems" that just didn't get resolved in the show. if he'd been a lesbian then not only would the friendship w nerdcore still made sense, but scenechart would have as well (not even mentioning that both of scene's other relationships w men make a lot of sense as comphet anyway).

[johannesviii]

So I guess I’m hyperfixating on Death Stranding at the moment

And since I’ve finally finished the story after playing it for like 100 hours over the course of seven months or so I guess I have Opinions(tm) about things I didn’t like in the game

They’re eating at my brain so I’m gonna put them all in a single post to get them out of my system once and for all so I can enjoy the rest in peace

Spoilers, obviously

Hi welcome back to ‘Johannes is obsessing over yet another video game with horror elements in it’! I guess!!

Our latest entry in that category was Until Dawn but since UD can be played in like 6/7 hours and I spent 100 hours of my life on DS, as you can guess we’re talking about a full-blown hyperfixation, the kind that physically hurts because I can’t focus on anything else even after having finished the storyline

But it was super gradual. Again, seven months. I barely made any progress from December to May because I was only doing side-deliveries at the beginning of Chapter 3 instead of... you know... advancing the plot. It became an honest-to-god special interest about two months ago, then 6 days ago while playing chapter 10 it reached hyperfixation levels and now I am in PAIN

I hate my brain

Anyhow

At first I wanted to list the good and the bad hings in it but there’s too many good things to list them all in full, excruciatingly long details, so

Very Quick And Very Incomplete List Of Good Things That I Love

It’s a post-apo game based on travel, logistics, and good will, and it straight up goes AGAINST the whole ‘survival of the fittest’ trope that SO MANY post-apo things try to push!! YES

I insist but it’s built on helping each other and keeping everyone alive, seriously that is my shit right there!

The online community is wholesome?? People leave stuff everywhere, you never see anyone but people put little helpful signs and send you likes, and in my game we almost managed to repair all the roads together

There’s so many new & strange allergies and disabilities and phobias in this post-apo world and? nobody is trying to ““fix”“ anyone?? Like Heartman with his padded floor and his little box that brings him back to life constantly. He’s just... living like that. Nobody’s going “hey maybe you should get another heart operation buddy”

The hero and his phobia of being touched. I. Loved. That. The quiet scenes when he was just talking with Fragile, sitting next to her. In any other context this would just be two people sitting next to each other and talking but it always feels so soft and intimate everytime he allows another human being to just. be next to him. I love it. I love them

Everyone crying constantly because of chiral allergy!!

I loved all the important characters bar one (Bridget/Amelie)!

Why is this walking simulator so enjoyable why am I enjoying the fact that holding L2 + R2 while walking feels like holding your backpack and that you have to relax at times just like you’d have to if you were actually holding a backpack

Seriously. Why

The atmosphere was so great, the music was fantastic and the visuals were on point. A E S T H E T I C

The ghosts!! The giant Beached Things!!! Chiral crystals look! like! creepy hands reaching for the SKY!!

THE RAIN DESTROYS THINGS AND KILLS PEOPLE BY ACCELERATING TIME THIS IS SO COOL SHUT UP

Everytime the game got surreal it was electrifying

THE SURREAL WAR SCENES ON CLIFF’S BEACH

Everyone is using emojis

There’s guys addicted to delivering packages in that game and they’re trying to steal our stuff and we’re like “haha they’re dumb” but we’re basically addicted to delivering packages as the player. So yeah that was pretty fun

Terrorists thinking humanity isn’t going extinct fast enough and wanting to just rip the bandaid and speed things up. Simple but effective concept

People ask for SUPER VITAL ITEMS right next to completely trivial stuff and I’m LIVING for it. “Please fetch my toy dinosaur”. I feel you dude

The most isolated characters are like "LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS THING I LIKE" in your emails because they haven't had contact with other humans in years, it's super relatable

There’s a farm where people use the fact that Timefall rain accelerates time to grow food super quickly in one (1) Timefall and harvest everything just before it starts to die and I LOVE that detail of worldbuilding so much

YOU’RE FIGHTING BEACHED THINGS WITH YOUR OWN BODILY FLUIDS IT’S SO STUPID BUT ALSO SO COOL?? I love yeet-ing my own blood at eldritch entities

THE T W I S T S

All the fanservice (bar one detail that I’m gonna complain about later) is on dudes. This game reeeeeeally likes to show dudes naked or somewhat naked. Mostly the main character but this mocap also L O V E S Mads Mikkelsen and there’s a shit ton of homoerotic shots in there

I love Sam the antisocial papa wolf delivery man and if someone touches him or his baby again, I will cry

LOU. LOU LOU LOU PRECIOUS BABY I’D DIE FOR YOU. Wait I did

I love Fragile and how brave she is and how she keeps helping people even if most of them wrongly think she’s a terrorist and yes I will eat this cryptobiote thank you

I love soft science boi Heartman who keeps dying again and again and is a bit too much interested in bodily fluids

I love garbage man Higgs and how complex, funny and still somewhat tragic this memelord actually turned out to be in the end

Seriously I want to stop fixating on this character but you can’t give me YET ANOTHER character who wants to die but at the hands of someone else, that is unfair to do that right after my fixation on the new Doctor Who Master

So yeah Higgs is yet another character who makes me want to grab him by the lapels and shake him and yell WHY! ARE! YOU! LIKE! THIS! STOP! BEING! LIKE! THIS!!

Cliff broke all three of my feelings beautifully and in excruciatingly well-acted scenes that transcended the sometimes lackluster dialogue

John made me cry during That Scene

Mama your background was tragic and terrifying and you didn’t deserve any of this shit and I love you

Deadman was more funny than anything, really, but I still liked him even if he had no sense of personal space whatsoever and it clashed horribly with Sam’s phobias

The ending had some sad parts but was mostly positive, thank goodness

Now I’m gonna explain things I dislike and this looks long but it’s actually only 5 main things so I bolded them to avoid confusion

Things I really disliked (and could have been handled wayyyy better)

We all know it but Kojima isn’t a master of subtlety and some parts of the dialogue kept repeating the same informations again and again AND AGAIN and I was like “ok ok I get it”

The dialogue can be so bad at times seriously

Kojima is a bad writer there I said it

It was particularly annoying with Amelie/Bridget and the fact she’s a horrible person trying (and failing) to justify her actions wasn’t helping

Bridges protocols are incredibly intrusive. All of them. I know it’s framed as bad and Sam hates being spied on all the time and in the end he destroys the device that does that, but I wish someone else would openly criticise it in-game

I guess Deadman sort of did but still

Also I know the whole BB technology was Bridget’s idea, and since she’s the actual villain it’s framed as a twisted, evil thing during the ending, but I wish that had been framed like that much earlier ; a lot of Bridges employees just... seem to accept the idea that their employer is using premature babies and their dead mothers as useful, if disturbing, devices. They seem to justify it by “uh we stole that technology from terrorists” to try to cope with the idea but... yeah.

I mean, one of the points being made very early on is that Sam sees his BB as his child who must be protected at all costs instead of a detection device, but I really wish he wasn’t the only one to object to that thing

Again, the game DOES frame "using babies and their dead mothers as tools” as evil and twisted, I just wish it was given a lot more weight and way sooner

Now let’s talk about the Token Straight(tm) in this game

In any other kind of context it would be a joke! But Death Stranding literally has a Token Straight Guy!

I mean, there IS a few hetero couples among the Preppers. Not a lot, mind you. Like, there’s the Montaineer and his wife for instance. But they’re just there and it’s not what their side plot is about

No I’m talking about this piece of shit right there

This f█cking Junk Dealer guy complains the girl he loves is dead because of Bridges and emotionally blackmails us by sending us old holograms of her before her supposed death (somewhat disturbing holograms too because she looks... pretty young in them), then he sends us on what’s essentially a suicide mission in a BT infested zone, THEN when we give him proof she’s still alive and living in another bunker nearby, he won’t go there himself to check??

But SHE’s like “ok, bring me to him, then!”

He doesn’t deserve you, girl

I’ve already seen several people pointing out that carrying a woman as cargo on your back is... debatable at best and sexist at worst, but that part didn’t really bother me to be honest? She asked to be carried to him and it’s her choice. She was talking to us the entire way too, so that made things a lot less awkward. Also Sam has this phobia of being touched by other people so I bet carrying another human being on his back isn’t fun for him. It was also super stressful to do, to be honest.

And then there’s this EXTREMELY AWKWARD scene when they’re reunited and decide to get married, and thankfully Sam finds it just as awkward as we do because he’s standing super far away from the bunker in a “can’t they talk about this later - I’m right there” way. And I’m under the impression it was intended as cringy, in a “yeppp young people in love are Like That” sort of way, so I can accept that, to be honest. If you don’t take that scene seriously, it’s pretty fun in, again, a cringy sort of way

BUT

Then you receive more emails later and this piece of shit guy complains about her and he’s like “ugh WOMEN” or “marriage is the worst” and they end up divorced in record time and she goes back to her bunker

Which isn’t my problem with this subplot either, I promise I’m gonna explain myself eventually but this context is important. It’s okay to have characters who are pieces of shit like this guy who reeks of incel cologne. It’s alright. Not every character has to be a role-model. It’s good to have characters you can hate.

BUT THEN they get back together later to try to patch things up and you learn he was part of a gang who murdered her parents even though he protected her against the rest of the gang and that’s what I hated about that storyline. I guess if you squint it can be read as “this woman is making REALLY BAD life choices” but I read it as “he saved her so she owes him something, he can’t be entirely bad” and y i k e s this left such a bad taste in my mouth, good lord.

But yeah miss Chiral Artist you’re making really bad life choices please get away from this dude as soon as you can, thank you

Also don’t do this ‘sending Likes’ pose ever again, it was hilarious but also you made me use the word “cringy” several times in this paragraph even though I absolutely hate cringe culture, look what you made me do

Now I have to talk about a scene that was intentionally disturbing as hell but ONE (1) detail in it was disturbing for the wrong reasons

To be honest, I really don’t like the Metal Gear Solid games and one of the reasons is the rampant sexism in them so I... was kind of bracing myself for Death Stranding and expecting it to have at least SOME really bad fanservice with a woman at one point or another but to my surprise?? There was none? All the fanservice is on dudes??? Hello? I really liked that (well at some point Fragile takes a shower in our room but we see literally nothing except her shoulder and then Sam looks away)?? What a refreshing change

THAT BEING SAID

And if you played the game you know exactly what I’m about to talk about

Yep this is the part where Johannes complains about how the bomb flashback was shot

Ok so I guess I should also give some context in case someone is reading this but hasn’t played the game, but the deal with this scene is that our friend Fragile was betrayed by her colleague Higgs who used to be a porter but became a terrorist after meeting the “main“ villain of the game. First he secretly put a thermonuclear bomb in one of her deliveries so she’d nuke an entire city without even knowing it, and everyone after that thought she was a terrorist. And then he tried to do that shit A SECOND TIME, but she noticed and decided to toss the second nuke into a bottomless lake of tar. But he caught her just before she reached the lake and he decided to give her a sadistic choice, which was “teleport away and the bomb stays there and nukes the city, or carry it to the lake but only in your underwear under this rain that speeds up time and it will do enormous damage to your health and your body”

And of course being the hero she is, she decides to take the second option

And it’s an incredibly disturbing scene and it’s genuinely hard to watch

But it’s also the ONLY time a woman is in her underwear in this entire game and there’s A COUPLE of shots that were male-gaze-y at the beginning before she started to run and the really horrific part started.

So in a way I guess it could have been worse? way worse, even

But it still tarnishes an otherwise disturbing (and harrowing at times ; seriously I know I’m oversensitive but it was physically painful to watch) scene with unnecessary shots

We know Fragile had a young body before this happened, this isn’t the point of this scene, guys

Whoever decided to keep these shots (probably Kojima let’s face it), that is bad and you should feel bad

Idk how to do a visual transition for that next one because I do not want to screen that memo

So here’s a screenshot with a nice landscape instead

tw: acephobia

Now I have to talk about something I like the GENERAL IDEA of, but not how the IN-GAME MATERIAL ABOUT IT was written

Because I have to talk about that “asexual world” memo

First I have to say that I absolutely love the fact that a mainstream game openly says in-game “this future is full of asexual people" and?? it’s just that, it’s a part of this world. That’s just how things are. It’s normalised. I love it. For crying out loud this memo has the word demisexual in it. I can’t think of any other mainstream game that had this word in it so far.

It should have stopped there and let me enjoy that in peace but it didn’t

THE MEMO ITSELF WAS CLEARLY WRITTEN BY SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THESE CONCEPTS and there’s some really bad stuff there. I’d say it’s accidental acephobia but it’s still there. I’m not the best person to talk about this because I’m bi, but it still rubbed me the wrong way

The words this memo uses near the beginning are “"sexless lifestyle” among young people” and yikes, my dude. “Lifestyle”, uh? Really?

And then it goes on about how these new labels were already more and more common “among young people before the Death Stranding” and it also rubs me the wrong way, in a “wow young people and their weird labels lol” sort of queerphobic way?

However I’ve seen a post pointing out that the line “One theory posits that the Stranding accelerated the proliferation of these sexualities” was maybe a way of saying ‘yo asexuals are causing the end of the world’ but... I don’t see it, tbh? In the context of the game, society is extremely divided and a lot of people live in complete isolation and social norms have heavily shifted and it’s kind of normal that there’s queer people visible everywhere now, aces included obviously, because nobody’s bothering to hide it anymore. It’s a post-apocalyptic world! People are just being themselves! A lot of characters also seem to be bi/pan! They’re just vibing ok

At least that’s how I read that part, I can understand if someone had a problem with that bit but I didn’t

BUT! THAT’S NOT ALL because the memo concludes (I’m paraphrasing) “the birth rate has dropped, which might be a problem, but harassment and assault have also dropped, which is good, so idk it’s 50/50″ and. like. I get the intention. But it’s clumsy as hell and very bad. Please don’t confuse abuse of power and attraction. They don’t go hand in hand. Don’t do that. Please. And you know that aces can have kids if they want to, right. Come on. It’s 2020 my dude. This shit is harmful

Also. Like. It’s the end of the world in this game. People don’t want kids. It... has nothing to do with aces. Reality itself is crashing down. People are reluctant to have kids because reality.exe might f█cking crash down at any given moment!

Or a Beached Thing could VoidOut their city!

Or someone might send them a nuke, not naming names!!

Anyway!!!

It’s really badly written and whoever wrote it should educate themselves and maybe get an ace to re-read their stuff next time??

Again I’m not the right person to talk about acephobia and I bet an actual ace would have plenty more to say about this

Thankfully it’s a memo written in-game by a random Bridges councellor and NOT by any important character that we actually know

"I must preempt myself by admitting that I do not have any empirical data" yeah so, f█ck off maybe

So I’m just gonna call that guy “another piece of shit character” but it still doesn’t excuse the fact that the memo was written by someone who thought it was a good idea to put it in the game

Just let me enjoy my super queer post-apo world in peace and don’t write shit like that in your game thank you and goodbye

Minor stuff I also disliked but it wasn’t as awful

I get that Sam is upset at the end because Lou is dying but the way he said goodbye to Fragile broke my heart. It was abrupt and you KNOW he’s upset and wants to have nothing to do with Bridges anymore and that’s very understandable but it isn’t her fault

Seriously I want them to be friends again

I’m gonna pretend they’re friends again after Lou is saved and that Sam is a freelance porter again and sometimes their paths cross and they just talk together in the middle of nowhere and share cryptobiotes

The pacing is weird, there’s this deluge of plot in the beginning and the end but not much in the middle?

The BT boss fights could have been these epic Shadow of the Colossus showdowns but no, they were relatively standard boss fights. Wasted opportunity

The running on the Beach scene sdfghjhgfdsdfghjhgf that was... dumb

A lot of preppers are interesting in one way or another but some are just boring. Also I wish the design of their bunkers was more varied

Amelie/Bridget’s motivations are all over the place, both creating Bridges AND the Demens is... a lot? I know she both WANTS and DOESN’T want the actual, final end of the world to happen but that is a lot to take in and it’s all very confusing

Who the hell cares about ‘rebuilding America’ I just want to build a network where people can help each other

The ‘likes’ are fun but don’t make much sense

In conclusion

Death Stranding Good

Some stuff Bad

Some stuff Very Bad (but it’s just one memo out of 100+ memos, thank god)

I’m still hyperfixating

Send help

[winterhasbeencoming]

Why Suits disappointed me so much (a Marvey perspective)

Or the s09 rant that slowly turned into a s07 rant.

So Suits is over. I am bittersweet about this, this show really got to me, and a part of me is sad to see it go. Another part of me considers the thing I actually loved the show for over since s07 (even s06), so it wasn’t that big of a loss. 

I've been thinking why s09 let me down so much as an ardent Marvey fan (obviously, I didn’t expect them to rip off their clothes and admit their feelings to each other *sigh*). So here are my thoughts... Spoilers for the finale below.

Simply put, the dynamic between Mike and Harvey is gone. It’s been gone for a while now but in s09 Mike appeared for the first time in years and he was written in as some random side character rather than an (ex)main character. If someone first starts watching the show with s09, they’d never guess this guy used to be the actual main character. I don’t think it was handled right because that wasn’t what Mike fans would want to see and if not for them, why do bother bringing him back in the first place? 

A lot of the things that made their relationship special were absent. Among those were:

a) banter - it was either flat (with a few exceptions) or involved other people. Donna made so many fraud and prison jokes you’d think she was the one to go prison. I generally hated how the whole fraud business was simply used as comic relief when it caused everything to go to shit for everyone! I know they did that before too (and it was actually funny), but it was a tad too much in s09. 

b) them vs. the world - they didn’t have a single thing to themselves (even the jokes). I absolutely abhorred the fact that in s09e09, Donna was the one to come up with a legal strategy so Mike can help bring Faye down by representing Samantha. Then to ultimately slap me in the face, they gave us a scene in s09e10 in which Mike and Harvey actually work together (”I’ve never stopped trusting you” omggg <3), and then when Harvey explained the gameplan to Louis and Donna it was presented like he came up with it all by himself and got Mike and Samantha to agree. WTF? I thought it was “one last con”??? 

c) protecting each other - I get that Mike wasn’t central to the whole Faye plot but they could’ve given us something. Instead, they treat Mike and Harvey as regular lawyers and colleagues. If I were a writer on the show, I’d have milked things like Harvey putting Mike on the stand for all its Marvey goodness and potential. At least Mike taking things personally and blaming Harvey for everything was something normal.

Overall, I got the feeling the screenwriters had forgotten how to write Mike. One of the most emotional characters of the show and this supposedly genius legal mind came off as a pretty emotionless sidekick to Samantha of all people.    

Now, to be honest, the Marvey dynamic has been dying ever since Mike came out of prison. But his long absence from the show probably caused me to have higher expectations for the few precious moments he’d be back. Because to be completely fair I was just as disappointed in s07, if not more. I kept thinking why the moment Mike got into the Bar, he seemed like he couldn’t give less of a shit about Harvey. Did the writers try to show us he didn’t need Harvey anymore since he was now his equal? It was horrible because nobody can convince me that relationship isn’t special, isn’t more than comradery, more than simple friendship among coworkers. They were ready to give up everything for each other back in seasons 1-6. Then in s07 Harvey is just the obstructionist boss, and in s09 they’re trying to make us believe they’re just friendly ex-colleagues. What happened to being family? Maybe we overdosed so much during Mike’s trial and prison time that everything after it is just not enough. 

Looking back, things changed when Mike went into prison. In the first five seasons Mike was the more actively caring side of this relationship, he more often than not, went the extra mile for Harvey. Once he went to prison that was flipped the other way and Harvey in his desperation to help him moved Heaven and Earth and what did he get in return - not even a goddamn hug. (That will never stop bothering me or the lack of hugs when Mike got into the Bar - he embraced goddamn Jessica, but couldn’t do it for the man who did all of this for him; at least they weren’t stingy with hugs in s09). 

Back to s09, maybe it’d been better if they openly worked together at least for the finale. That’d be like good old times (they milked the nostalgia so much I’m not even sure they know they put so many references to past seasons in there). They didn’t have to pretend to add something new to the relationship by making them adversaries which we’ve already been through, but it was done way better in s04.   

In my mind, the whole Harvey-Mike relationship was consciously changed after s06. Before that canon made us believe it was truly extraordinary and simply more, and then they deliberately presented them as kinda friendly colleagues. I keep thinking it was to try and convince us Mike’s secret was the only thing that made that relationship special or the “outgrowing” your mentor bs I talked a few paragraphs above. Which is bullshit, Mike even actually said in canon he loves him (feel free to put or remove the homoerotic context of that) and then what? All of that was because he needed Harvey to mentor him and protect him from getting caught? (Not to mention they got Harvey to say he loves Louis but not Mike... c'mon, you could have given us something.) In that context, s09 shouldn’t have surprised me at all, but it still hurt me to see what was a great duo reduced to bad jokes and an excuse to gush about Darvey.    

Darvey - I haven’t brought that up because remembering earlier seasons Donna was often brought up in Marvey conversation and that hasn’t changed. I just didn’t pay attention to it back then, and now it pisses me off because the whole Darvey relationship pisses me off. Oh, and they couldn’t even elevate Mike to be best man for Harvey in the f-ing Darvey wedding! It’s bad enough Harvey interrupted his conversation with Mike to propose, but they couldn’t at least show how special Mike is by making him best man or something. 

In conclusion, I wish I couldn’ve helped written at least the finale (if not the abomination that was episode 5). I wouldn’t have even included romantic stuff, just canon Marvey dynamic. I’ll never believe they did justice to the unique duo of characters that got this show popular in the first place.      

I can’t overemphasize how desperate for good fix-it fics I’m atm. I really wish I could write fic in moments like these... At least we have Seattle!