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withdrawingramen · 2 years ago

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alone (whumpril)

@whumpril d17 - self-treatment. CW: !! self harm / non professional messy aftercare !! | lady/female whump, whumpee w/ c-ptsd, dissociation, suicidal ideation ref, implied long term captivity in the past, overworked whumpee (feel free to let me know if i missed anything.)

this one's kinda heavy, and you as a reader are free to click out.

- The car had halted right before the dorms. Kurai sighed, glancing at his watch. "I'm actually going to take an off tomorrow. Don't let that faze you, I don't want to wake up to a call from your client." Sihyeon nodded, getting out, walking straight home. Her supervisor called out to her, probably complaining about how she'd slammed the car door shut, but it didn't reach her, at that time.

Her dorm room was cold, the window wide open. The air rushed in as she quitely carved another cut into her skin. Although it was invasion of her very being, she continued just like how she was slicing vegetables in the afternoon. Her half-eaten stew was now cold, the rice soggy. Sihyeon observed her somewhat 'shredded' arm. Blood dripped down her wounds, onto the floor. Every drop that fell, the more she tethered on the edge of her world. Her world was simply a cliff, and she saw nothing beyond it. The chains that used to be on her ankles and wrists in the facility years ago were now nothing but threads, inches away from snapping. Letting her fall off the cliff, into nothingness. She shut the tiny razor with a soft shiiing. Sihyeon eyed the first aid box, tired. Fortunately, nothing had stained her sheets. She tossed the razor into a plastic bag. Akira would catch on if she didn't get rid of all the 'evidence'. She'd already noticed the white under her sleeves, and day after day she thanked that winter had set in. Of course, she could always play it off by blaming the bandages on her arm as aftercare from her supervisor's 'discipline'.

She observed the damage. It wasn't that severe, she knew to avoid the arteries. Although they felt so, so enticing. Sihyeon felt weightless, yet her head felt fuzzier at the same time. Her wounded arm felt numb, despite her cool surroundings. Thin streaks of red covered her vision, as if her eyes had been sliced, too. As of now, she was distant from herself. Every breath that she took felt unreal. Sihyeon reached out for the plastic bag again. Maybe one more cut would tell her if the pain was real or not. A loud ringing filled the air the next moment. It startled Sihyeon, hands jolting away from the bag. Her phone buzzed beside her. She picked it up with her free hand. The Lead Supervisor on the side spoke of a new job. Sihyeon hummed back in response to the empty words, putting down the phone. Her other arm instinctively reached out for the first aid kid now, opening it. She took out the sterile pads along with bandages. She'd already used the disinfectant on the pads earlier in preparation. Sihyeon grabbed a pad, dabbing it on the cuts on her arm, wincing lightly. The world came into focus a little more, now that she was actively aware of the stinging. Everything around her slowly shifted from untangible to tangible, the wind whistling. Sihyeon blinked at the light shades of red coating the white fabric, switching them out regularly. Mild nausea started to rise in her. Sihyeon dropped the stained pads into the bag on the floor. What was next? Did she miss a step? Or did she do something wrong? She wasn't able to tell fully. Sihyeon reached out for the anti-bacterial ointment in the first aid box. The next few moments passed slowly. Her free hand almost moved mechanically, wrapping her injured arm in the sterile gauze. Sihyeon shut the first aid box, carefully crumpling the plastic bag containing the waste she had to hide. She'd have to think about disposing it safely, again. Maybe she'd just give it away with the regular trash. Sihyeon got up from the edge of her bed slowly, cautious to not strain her arm too much. She placed everything where it should be. Sihyeon sat down on the couch beside the window. Most lights were out, save for the huge skyscrapers. Her own room was dark. She pulled her knees close to her chest, just like she used to years ago, in the facility. Post beating, post nightmare. After a bad day at a shift. She let her eyelids droop, her jaw unclench, and her muscles relax. Sihyeon couldn't bring herself to shut the window, regardless of the cold. Her only concern the next morning was the Lead Supervisor's countless messages and 10 missed calls since 7 AM. Perhaps she'd forgotten something important.

#whump #whumpril2023 #whumprilday17 #whump drabble #whump scenario #whump tropes #whump scenes #whump writing #whump scenarios #whump community #whump blog #whump challenge #Sihyeon Seo #cw self harm

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therev28 · 1 year ago

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Get to Know the Fanfic Writer

Tagged by @bioticbooty (thank you!!)

When did you post your first ever fanfic?

July 2011 (jesus christ, lol)

First Character(s) you wrote?

My self insert 🤣 but in terms of a fictional character, it'd be Commander Shepard from Mass Effect!

Main Character(s) you’re currently writing?

Honestly, I'm sort of a variety writer, so I write for a pretty wide variety of characters? But my current longfic focuses on Shiho Hinomori and Harukua Kiritani from Project Sekai!

Character(s) you haven’t written about before but plan to write about soon?

That's a tough one. I feel like I've written for most of the characters I care about right now. Actually, I've never written Toya Aoyagi, but I do have something in mind for him (and the rest of Vivid Bad Squad) that I'd like to write soon.

Fandom(s) you’re currently writing?

Project Sekai and Love Live

Platonic pairing(s) you’re currently writing?

Platonic Poly/need. I love their friendship so much 🥺

Shiho & Shizuku Hinomori. Their sibling relationship means so much to me.

Romantic pairing(s) you’re currently writing?

Project Sekai: Shiho/Haruka,

Love Live: Setsuna/Ayumu

Your top AO3 tags?

Fluff

Established Relationship

Pre-relationship

(Can you tell what I enjoy writing? lmao)

Current platform you use for posting?

AO3, TheRev28

Snippet of the WIP you are currently working on?

I don't have any full prose WIPs at the moment, but here's a dialogue snippet from an upcoming Shiho/Haruka chapter!

Shiho: “Onee-chan, why are you putting on makeup to go to practice?”

Shizuku: “Oh! Shii-chan! I didn’t hear you come in. Do you need the bathroom?”

Shiho: “No, I was just about to head out.” [thinks about it and decides to push] “And you didn’t answer my question.”

Shizuku: “Ah… well, today we’ll be livestreaming our practice for the first time.”

Shiho: “Haruka mentioned you were doing something like that soon. But that still doesn’t explain the makeup. Isn’t it just gonna run and get all messy?”

Shizuku: “This is stage makeup! It’s designed to stay in place even with lots of physical activity! We always wear it for shows so we can look our best for the fans.”

Shiho: “But this is just a practice session.”

Shizuku: “But our fans will be watching.”

Shiho: “So? If they’re watching you practice, they should know you’re gonna get all sweaty and gross.”

Shizuku: “But… my fans have never seen me like that.”

Shiho: “I thought the whole point of starting over with MMJ was to free yourself of those expectations.” [sees that hit a nerve. Feels bad about it and tries to end the conversation] “Whatever, I’ve also got practice to get to, so I’ll see you at dinner.” [hurries off]

Tagging @infiwrites @ryqoshay and anyone else who wants to do this!

#fic stuff #fanfic #text

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fun-happy-music · 21 days ago

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hiii hi!! im saki!! :)

・❥・general

this is a fictive selfship and agere blog where i reblog things related to those and my source !

what you can expect to see on this blog:

layouts, pictures, and art i like

stuff with my f/os!

posts related to my regression & to comfort me when little

interests outside of pjsk! right now i'm really into spy x family!

stuff with my gf!

original posts yapping about fun stuff that happens to me!

mildly venty posts, always tagged and im making a separate blog for them :)

・❥・fickin stuff

no doubles please!

i will be reaching out to sourcemates i meet if they say it's okay, please feel free to reach out to me!

my memories are for the most part canon compliant, i have extras though :)

this is a little oddly specific but my major deviant memory is that my tsukasa was transfeminine! if you're a tsukasa and you don't use she/her or fem terms i might slip up and use those on you,,, i'm really sorry in advance i'll try my hardest to remember ^^

i can't really bring myself to see toya as a sibling, but i do see them as a very close friend for sure :)

do not ever ever ever bring up any kind of pjsk angst to me ..! ty

sourcemates can act like you know me but try to keep it "canon-compliant" until we get close y'know? if that makes sense hehe

・❥・selfship stuff

my f/os are ichika and mizuki! they're romantic partners and i love them very much <3 both use she/her!

i do like polyneed so i'll rb stuff with that, i just don't selfship with shii or hona :)

i'll tag f/o stuff with #🎸 and #🎀

no sharing... you can interact if u selfship with either of them but if u could keep it away from me that'd be nice :)

・❥・agere stuff

i regress to two states depending on how distressed i get: either from 6-8 or 3-4,, interact with extra care when in the latter! i probably won't remember to indicate what state i am when regressed though

i actually really appreciate comforting/caregiving asks sent when regressed regardless of whether i know you well, so if you want to :)

i'll try to remember to tag posts and reblogs i make when regressed with #❥ little but i get awful memory when regressed so chances are i go back in and add them later

・❥・byf and dni

i don't have a set dni but please block me if i fall onto yours! i'm pro-endogenic systems. don't care to see any ships profic in nature, but you guys can still interact!

i block freely, mainly if you bring up angst/whump/nsfw etc to me esp when regressed. if you make me uncomfortable also

ill think of more stuff to add, im tired after writing all of this hehe...

#❥ self #❥ 🎸#❥ 🎀#❥ little #<- not currently regressed just want the tag in the system #❥ originals #❥ fan mail

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fancyfade · 3 years ago

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Batfam as Jedi

Okay so my brain is combining fandoms again anyway so was thinking of what people would be if they were Jedi and what lightsaber forms they would use

Bruce: Bruce uses Soresu IMO because that one’s the one where they often emphasize redirecting attacks when you block and that’s how he almost always describes martial arts when he’s teaching the batkids like using your opponent’s momentum against them. Or maybe he uses Shien which was like made to make up for Soresu’s weaknesses in terms of offense but has similar deals wrt defense. Bruce uses 1 semi long lightsaber

Dick: When he’s fighting on his own Dick uses Ataru because its the flippy acrobatic form tho he’s familiar with other lightsaber forms (assume everyone is at least somewhat familiar with most forms i’m not going to bother putting that in all of their things) due to how long he’s been training. He’ll use what is needed though and he often uses Shii Cho if he’s fighting a lot of different people in a team battle. Dick uses 2 medium length lightsabers

Cass: Cass knows all 7 lightsaber forms but she likes Soresu for when she’s in a big battlefield because of the focus on deflecting blaster bolts (that’s why it was originally made I think deflecting blaster bolts). She prefers to fight with her hands and is mistaken as an Echani sometimes but she’s not Echani, she just had instructions from Echani when she was being trained by star wars version of Cain. She can block lightsabers with her hands (worked to master that due to preferring her hands) but uses a lightsaber when she has to protect a lot of people to get more reach on her deflecting blaster bolts. She has a pretty long double bladed lightsaber for this purpose but if she ever fights another lightsaber user 1v1 she turns off the lightsaber and uses her hands. Cass is definitely a Jedi Guardian. She should also be pretty good at reading people’s emotions and thoughts (though she chooses not to read people’s thoughts) to mimic the jedi version of her body language reading)

Barbara: When she was AB Barbara used Niman (form vi, pretty balanced) now she kind of adapts a lot of stuff to work from her chair. Rather than using lightsabers she uses two cortosis sticks to be able to move her chair without deactivating her lightsabers. She’s a consular but prefers not to straight up engage in combat if she doesn’t have to (She keeps her Oracle role) but is capable of kicking ass when she needs to.

Duke: I think Duke should have one like “special” force ability that not everyone can get to parallel his meta powers. Like his light powers let him see the future and all Jedi kind of have some degree of precognition (mostly just like danger sense) maybe he can see further into the future? To a better degree than most Jedi can, it’s not like he sees a force vision “something bad is going to happen” and it’s a one time thing, maybe he can go through a battle step-by-step in detail before it plays out? IDK I mean this might make him slightly OP but i think he’s supposed to be really powerful so who cares. He also has above average awareness in terms of what is going on right now and how far away he can detect people and their emotions or thoughts, and like Cass he’s above average at reading emotions and thoughts (though this is to mimic his extrasensory meta powers not cass’s body language reading) He uses a double bladed lightsaber that can separate to be two separate lightsabers (and they are yellow to match his signal suit in the DC comics). I think he’s still deciding which lightsaber form he wants to use he relies on Niman a lot but is taking influence from other forms as he’s making his own way of fighting.

Damian: Damian just gives me Jedi Consular vibes maybe its because of the times he tried to use magic (I think that was in his shitty teen titans run i’ve only seen out of context panels but also. I think Damian should be allowed to use magic occasionally, as a treat). His preferred fighting style is Makashi (the one that matches more straight up sword duel stuff) which I think he would have learned from Ra’s (it seems like what Ra’s would use lol). He has pretty well-balanced force abilities and is better than you wold normally expect for Consulars at lightsaber. I also think he should be pretty good at force healing to mimic his surgery skills

#couldnt think of anything for steph and tim so theyre not here #but whatever #dc comics #star wars #batfam #damian wayne #duke thomas #barbara gordon #cassandra cain #dick grayson #bruce wayne #jedi

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twstwonderlandstuff · 4 years ago

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Octo Love! (Reader x Azul!)

Original song

My cover

In which [Name] gets a little too tired and goes on a sporadic singing journey.

It always feels like you’ve exhausted yourself to the max limit. Every day, you trudge back to Ramshackle, muscles and back sore from the work Crowley forces upon you, that damned bird. Every day, you collapse into the soft cushions in Ramshackle and fall asleep in 3 seconds, and after an hour-long ‘nap’, you wake up to see Grim sprawled on top of you, snoozing away (you’re always grateful for the ghosts you take their time to spread a blanket on top of both of you).

But today… today was different.

No, you’re still exhausted (come ON now, this is school and when does one catch a break from school?), eyebags visible, but this time, you don’t get the chance to go to Ramshackle.

No-no-no. See, you’re broke. Very, very, broke, and you have to work, and what better place to get models, than working in Monstro Lounge, right?

Well, it depends.

On good days, working there can be its sort of fun, with Floyd’s unstable mood swings, the business of the place, Azul (with his mafia-like nature) running the place to perfection, and Jade’s butler act, but on other days were simply dealing with that is too much.

You lose all sense of logic and fear- throw that shit out of the window, dawg, it doesn’t matter.

Say it with me, loud in clear! LOGIC AND FEAR DOESN’T MATTER! Again! LOGIC AND FEAR-

“Shrimpy~?” Floyd asks, and you gasp in alarm, gripping onto whatever you were doing. What were you doing?

Ah, yes, cleaning Monstro Lounge after dark, right, right…

“Yo, Floyd…” You give him a weak grin, tiredly pushing the mop against the tiles. “I’m so… sleepy.”

“But you’re always sleepy.” Floyd points out, lighting up. “Ah, wait here, Shrimpy. I got something for you~” He quickly leaves, leaving you looking like a deer in spotlights.

“Ehh… ah, whatever…” You mumble, going back to your duties. Oh god, the floor’s beginning to look like something entirely different….

“[Name]? Are you alright?” This time it’s Jade asking, his calm and soothing voice forcing you to rub out the sleepiness from your eyes. You know he’s not that concerned, but the verbalization is appreciated.

“No, not really. Fuck, I just want-” You don’t get the chance to finish your complaint as Floyd bursts in, holding a sheet of music and a mic in hand.

“Shrimpy~! You know when you sang that weird song?” Your eyes snap open for the first time, and your cheeks redden. Ahh…

It’s a song from your middle-school years, how embarrassing. You were talking with Floyd- well, to be precise, he was spinning and squeezing you about- and as he was spinning you, you began to hum a little tune. The eel picked up on it, and insistently asked what you were singing about, so you gave him the entire rundown of the song.

He giggled, saying how weird it sounded, but his grin contradicted his statement and before you could realize it, he dropped you on the ground and ran away, doing who knows what- and it seems that he’s…

“You… wrote the entire note-chorus- thing?! Based on what I said?!” You shout, skimming over the notes he’s written down messily.

“Floyd, this is amazing, holy shit!” You gasp in amazement. “That’s so cool!”

“Hehe, sea otter helped me out! Sea otter’s too nice, it’s kinda annoying.” Floyd pouts, going to sling his arm around Jade. “Whatcha think, Ja-de?”

The twin smoothly takes the paper out of your hands and reads the notes, looking amazed. “Ah.. this truly is spectacular, Floyd. Good job.” He pats Floyd on the head, and Floyd grins at the praise.

“What’s going on here?” Ah, the man of the hour, the head of the fish mafia himself, Azul Ashengrotto.

You might or might not harbor a tiny, insignificant crush on him. No, you don’t have secret doodles of him and you in the corners of your notebook, of course not! That very notion revokes the idea of logic!

But then again, didn’t you say ‘FUCK LOGIC!’ just a while ago? You did, didn’t you?

…

Well, maybe the crush is bigger than that. There might be a chance that it’s 0.1% bigger than that.

…

No, you most definitely harbor an obvious crush on the silver-haired bloke, and EVERYONE KNOWS, except the bloke himself!

“A-Azul, hey!” He waves you aside, used to the way you stutter when you speak to him.

“Floyd, I believe I told you to check on [Name], not needlessly wave around a piece of paper,” Azul says, adjusting his glasses.

“But A~zul~ take a look! I, Sea Otter, and Shrimpy made this, you know! And I don’t wanna work anymore! I wanna play the piano~” Without giving Azul a chance to protest, he grabs you (and throws you over his back like a sack of potatoes) and the paper, and runs to the piano Monstro has, leaving Jade to deal with Azul.

“Jade, set me down at once-” Azul complains as he’s handled similarly to you, looking undignified.

“My apologies, Azul, but it wouldn’t do good to displease Floyd.” Jade chuckles. “Besides, don’t you want [Name] to rest? It seems that you were quite worried about their health, fufu.”

Azul stiffens, a light blush adorning his ears. “I haven’t the slightest idea of what you’re talking about.”

“Ah, I must have misunderstood. My apologies.” Jade snickers, setting Azul down on one of the tables in Monstro Lounge, sitting next to him.

You and Floyd are too far away to hear this conversation, with Floyd getting the piano up excitedly and handing you the mic.

“Wait, are we going to play a concert? In the middle of the night?” You mutter, taking the mic dumbly.

“Duh~ you’re pretty dim, Shrimpy!” Floyd snickers darkly, setting the music sheet in front of him and stretching. “What did Goldfish say…? Oh yeah, this spell!”

After the spell was cast, the piano began to play a tune to what you’re familiar with.

“Holy shit. It’s playing by itself?!” Floyd pays no heed to your words and began dancing.

“Come on, Shrimpy, sing!” He encourages you, clearly having fun.

Well, what’s the harm? You turn the mic on, and begin singing, moving your body for a bit.

“Ooo, we break the laws of attraction

Like you’re sent from above

Got a case of octo love”

Azul glares at the oddly fitting words but begins to slowly bop his head. Jade is smiling, stiffly dancing in his seat.

“Ooo, we’re like a chemical reaction

Or a code you can’t debug

Got a case of octo love”

“She’s always turning to violence-” Floyd laughs particularly hard at this, and swings you around, leading you to giggle halfway through the song.

“…’s so determined she’s timeless

And I’m so nervous I’m silent.”

Floyds leaves you be, and you pause in time with the music.

“What if she finds out I’m lying?

What if she sends me home crying?

Why can’t I just be kawaii?”

“Isn’t that a term Idia-shii often uses…?” Azul mutters. Floyd comes closer to Jade and Azul, picking the latter up.

“Wait wait wait-!”

“Too late, Azul~” He plonks Azul, next to you, and you give him a grin.

“Baby, baby, baby, you’re so fine-” You scream into the mic, clutching it like a madman.

Mew mew kissy cutie, you’ll be mine-

Crushing, crushing, crushing, on AZUL-”

The octopus freezes in shock, as you continue with the very, very fitting lyrics. Floyd’s going absolutely ham, doing some sort of ska dance with his twin as he laughs at your mistake. (RIP all the other members of Octavinelle).

“Oh, did I say that out-”

No, did I say that out loud?!” You, being dramatic, clutches Azul’s hands and shake them, seemingly unaware of what you’ve said.

The octopus face reddens almost immediately when you swing his arms as children do.

“Ooo, we break the laws of attraction

Like you’re sent from up above

Got a case of octo love”

The poor dorm leader would like to hide under his octopod forever now, thank you very much.

“Ooo, we’re like an improper fraction

Hope this ship gets safe to shore

Though I’m quite unsure”

“Come on shrimpy, join us!” Floyd grabs you and Azul, and together, the 4 of you began dancing in a circle as the Dance Break ensues, your and Azul’s hands holding each other. Azul just repeatedly wants to die of shame and embarrassment.

“She’s always turning to violence

I’m always turning to science

She’s so determined she’s timeless

And I’m so nervous I’m silent.”

You lot stop spinning, dizzy, and out of breath as Floyd takes the mic and sings into it, surprisingly melodious (well, maybe it’s not THAT much of a surprise. He IS from the sea, after all.)

“What if she finds out I’m lying?

What if she sends me home crying?

Why can’t I just be kawaii?

And then I’m like…”

Jade takes the microphone, seemingly knowing the lyrics, and sings into it, making you cheer as you press close to him.

“Baby, baby, baby, you’re so fine

Mew mew kissy cutie, you’ll be mine-”

You grab the mic back, spinning in place.

Crushing, crushing, crushing on Azul-”

You point towards the dorm leader, who’s taken to sitting on the floor of Monstro Lounge and hiding most of his face with his hands, excluding his eyes, and come near him, getting your face a little too close to his liking.

“And so I shout it out!”

And so I shout it out loud!”

You grab Azul by the hand and drag him towards you, skillfully keeping him balanced. He can’t help but wonder, Where was this energy when you were working?

You began to do a sort of impromptu couple dance, your exhausted giggles and laughs slipping in and Azul sighs at the silliness of it all, but… he smiles genuinely.

You look so plaintively happy here that he can’t help it, you know?

“Ooo, we’re like a warrior in action

Fit together like a glove-”

You shove the mic into his face, and he, in a low voice, murmurs.

“Got a case of octo love…”

You gasp dramatically, looking like you didn’t notice him.

“OOOOH MY GOD HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN STANDING THERE?!”

“I’ve been right here the whole time…” He mutters, a little confused. Is this part of the song, or something?

“Ok, now I want to die.” You say, deadpan. The twins, who were back to their own ska dance thing, grabs the mic from you and pulls you and Azul by the arms (again). The four of you began to sing in harmony (as harmonious as you can get, anyway).

“Ooo, we break the laws of attraction-”

You eagerly grab the mic back. “A duet will maybe do... cuz I invited Floyd and Jade too!”

“Hehe, of course, you did, Shrimpy~”

“Smooshed together like a bug!!”

“Got a case of Octo love~”

You let out a huge laugh, giggling and snickering as Jade sets you down, catching your breath.

“That was… fun…! But now, I...holy shit… I’m tired…” You gasp in exhaustion, falling flat onto one of the couches and quickly began to fall asleep, but-

“Ne, Shrimpy?”

With the last bit of your strength, you open your eyes just a tiny bit. “Wha..?”

“D’ya realize what ya said?” Floyd’s grin is wide like he was about to tease the SHIT out of you or use you in some way. He flops on the floor and leans onto your leg.

“The song, yeah?”

“Hihihi, Shrimpy~,” The twin says. “You’ll see tomorrow~ goodnight.” He says quietly, a quick change of mood.

“Sleep tight.” Jade laughs, sitting down next to you and putting his head back.

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” Azul finishes, sitting a bit further away from the 3 of you.

“G’night.” Not a second later, and you are asleep, breathing softly.

“Ne, ne, Azul~? Watcha think of Shrimpy’s confession?”

“Th-that wasn’t a confession! It was a slip of the tongue.”

“Eh. You’re still gonna deny that. That’s cowardly, Azul~ Even Shrimpy knows better than that.”

“I must agree. Honestly, to think that you were beaten to confessing. And most oddly, too.”

“I...um…”

*The Leech twins grin widely at Azul’s clamming up.

“Hmm~?”

“J-just leave me be!”

*With a face as red as tomatoes, Azul leaves, assuming to hide in his octo pot.

[Thanks v much for reading! This is a better version of what I put out yesterday because god damn, that was disgraceful.]

#azul ashengrotto #twst azul #azul x reader #azul twst #twst #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #twisted x reader #floyd leech #jade leech #leech twins #eyyyy tsun2 azul come on now

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capricornus-rex · 5 years ago

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A Legacy Begun (11 - End)

Chapter 11: The Spark of Hope | Cal Kestis x Reader

Summary: After a long time of running and fighting, you and Cal decided to finally settle down after all these years to raise a family. However, it was never a life of peace whilst the shadow of the Empire looms over your heads.

Prompt/s in play: Anon prompt (found in Chapter 1 link) + fic idea

A/N: Wow, I’m a day overdue on this. I was supposed to work on this a day ago until I had a yard accident. Don’t worry, nothing’s broken, but something’s... wiggling. Hopefully, I’ll be okay in a few weeks... hopefully. Sorry for the delay, you guys.

Also posted in AO3

Tags: Scruffy! Cal Kestis, Daddy! Cal Kestis, Adult! Cal Kestis, Jedi Family, Jedi Offspring, Force-Sensitive Offspring, Settling Down, Rebel Alliance

Chapters: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 | Previous: Part 10 | Masterlist

11 of 11

The Kestis family and the Mantis crew eventually decided to join this alliance with the objective of stopping the Empire at all costs. They took up the offer a month after Mari Kosan had personally approached them.

For young Cassidy, it was a big adjustment, having to leave the home she knew back in Zera III and begin to live in a new home. The child had mixed feelings about it, she had sensed the uneasiness of her parents when they prepared for their departure that day.

“I never saw a planet that red before,” she gasped, gawking at Yavin’s main planet that they passed by as they approached the moon’s atmosphere.

When the Mantis had cut through the skies and had full view of the forests that covered the land mass. All of a sudden, little Cassidy didn’t feel a bit homesick anymore.

“It’s… almost like home,” she softly uttered, the treelines reminded her of the wide, green dells of Zera.

Greez prepared the Mantis to land near the open area in front of the sandstone structure. Upon closer look, it would’ve been a temple when it was still in its prime. The entire family was greeted by Mari Kosan, who went out of her way to meet with them as soon as she saw that familiar ship flying into their radar.

The bustle of the temple-turned-base of operations fascinated the young Jedi. Never has she ever seen a different kind of ship besides the Mantis, she had to step back while keeping her head titled up—emphasizing the gargantuan size of the fighter ships.

The new feeling was a two-way road: for the adults working in the base, it was new for them to see a kid running around—understandably so, it was someone’s daughter. As for Cassidy, she wasn’t used to this much people in a single place, she felt small and therefore found more solace with her family.

“This place is so much bigger than our house, Mom!” she exclaimed.

“Well, it is a base after all, darling,”

“Did they build that too?” she points to the pyramid.

“No, it looked like it’s been there way before they even came here,”

Much like her lifestyle in Zera III, Cassidy found herself a spot where she can practice her saber techniques in peace without being in the way of the adults working in the base. It’s no surprise that her spot was another clearing in the forest, little did she know that she was in full view of the scouts in the watchtowers but they didn’t mind her that much, it was also only a few meters away from the base so she can find her way back on her own.

Her parents eventually found her spot, thanks to a watchtower scout, and they continued their training—almost as if nothing happened. Over time, her skills improved and she was able to spar with her parents—something that she has been secretly dreaming even before she had her own saber constructed.

“You’re catching up real quick!” Cal encouraged.

“Well, I’ve been practicing all week, Dad!”

“Don’t get cocky then, Cassy!”

Cassidy’s combat techniques had evolved from sticking to only Form I: Shii-Cho to being a practitioner of Form III: Soresu, occasionally making a medley out of the first four forms if the situation arises. It was a blatant contrast to her father’s combined forms—which were technically powerful, swift, nearly-brutish in terms of movement, and is highly likely to be overwhelming for an unskilled opponent.

You observed that Cassidy was more in the offensive and Cal was being defensive in his stances. He surely didn’t go easy on sparring against his daughter.

“You confuse your confidence with arrogance, keep yourself grounded—literally and figuratively!” Cal lectured as he proceeded to lunge at her, to which she barely dodged by a hair. “Celebrating too early will cloud your judgment. You may think you’re winning—but you’re getting closer to loss.”

From that, Cassidy became more conservative with her attacks, timing for the right window of opportunity to get a jab at Cal, he disarmed her when he made a flurry of combos against her to the point that the grip on her saber had weakened and led her scuttling on the dust. The tip of his lightsaber hovered mere inches away from the front of her face.

“Well, Cassidy?”

This isn’t how Cassidy pictured herself in today’s instruction. While she had her father thinking that she’s submitted to the ground, she mustered her energy in her hands and Force-pushed her father away. It wasn’t a strong push, but enough to stagger him away from her so she can reach for her saber.

Igniting it the second the weapon reunites with her hand, she lunged for an overhead strike to which Cal flimsily deflected while trying to regain her footing.

“Impressive,” he commented as the colors of their blades mixed in the tight space between them. Cassidy pulled away before she could let the weight of her father overcome her in the block. “Most impressive.”

Cal switched his saber off, signaling the end of today’s session. Cassidy made a celebratory spin of her saber before turning it off.

“You’re learning everyday,” you added.

“There are just some parts that I can’t get right,”

“You’ll have plenty of time to work on that, sweetie. Come on, it’s time for lunch, Greez is making your favorite,”

“Alright!!”

Cassidy raced out of the forest, forgetting to wait for her parents and simply dashed towards the Mantis. You and Cal exchange insights on your daughter from today’s session.

“She’s becoming more and more skillful. She really is a born fast learner,”

“To tell you the truth, I didn’t think she’d do a Force-push on me. That was quite creative of her,”

Cal insisted that his daughter had inherited tactfulness and adaptiveness from you.

“Yes well, she got that tinge of recklessness from you,” you rebutted, half-jokingly.

The two of you walked out of the clearing and followed Cassidy to the Mantis. Apparently, she was waiting for you by the entry ramp, when she had caught sight of her parents she disappeared into the ship, probably helping out set the table inside.

“If there’s one thing Cassidy is weak for—it’s fried Nuna legs,” Cal quipped, nothing but a chuckle from you became his reply.

The first few months have been peaceful, yet there was always the looming fear that war will come here and ravage the moon. Your only comfort being you’ll be fighting with good people and in numbers.

—–

0 BBY, IN THE TIMELINE OF “A NEW HOPE”

In the midst of the committee, he was held in high regard, looked upon with great esteem, they turned to him whenever the subject matter felt like his insight was crucial. He was a constant figure among the meeting rooms in the base. They didn’t look down on him due to his second origin of being a scrapper, as a matter of fact, he had the same knowledge as their engineers.

“Master Kestis,” a voice, faceless among the crowd in the meeting room. He had insisted everyone to simply call him by his first name, but out of force of habit, they end up addressing him as Master.

When he knew that it was hopeless for him to correct them, he turned to that voice in the room that addressed him. His glance prompted them to continue.

“Do you think it’s plausible to have a far-range receiver to pick up the Empire’s signal?”

A brief pause allowed him to think. He returned his attention to the holograph where they had gathered.

“Well, the concept is similar to something I’ve designed for our previous home. But to make its range farther—for instance, from the surface to off-planet—we’re gonna have to need a stronger satellite, calibrate it with an open channel frequency, and once we test it, we can figure out how far our dummy ship’s signal can be picked up once it’s out of the moon. The farther, the better—it means that we can pick up the Empire in our radar before they even realize it.”

“It’s an ambitious design, but not impossible,” Gial Ackbar, the Mon Calamari admiral, interjects. “It’s sure to help us buy time when the need to evacuate comes.”

“We’ll see what we can do in the drawing board,” the head engineer added, stroking his grey-white beard as if he’s come up with an idea to add up to Cal’s concept. “I think we can do that on one of the prototype transponders we have to communicate with the pilots from their ships once they’re off the planet.”

“That could work, I’d like to see it some time, if you don’t mind, Head Engineer,”

“My boy, it will be a delight if you stop by!” the old head engineer chuckled, tucking his hands into the pockets of his long, white coat.

The meeting was adjourned after a few more discussions varying between the Empire and the base’s own resources. Everyone else dispersed in the meeting room and Cal was one of the first people to leave the room, trading curt nods at fellow rebels as he passed by the hallways.

Cal wore many hats and served them one by one—sometimes even juggling two at a time. But past the formalities, the conferences, and the ceaseless interaction with the diplomats, he always returns to the one role he has been taking on for eleven years.

“Dad! Watch me train with Mom!” Cassidy comes running up to her dad in the hangar and he catches her in his arms.

“I wouldn’t miss it, sweetie,”

“Then we’ll spar, right?”

“You betcha!”

Father and daughter appear into the forest clearing where you had been waiting for the two of them. Cassidy slipped her hand away from her dad, Cal gently holds you by the cheek and pulls you in for a kiss.

“Darling, you’re back,”

“I missed you,”

“It was only for an hour or two,”

“Yeah well, meetings aren’t really my thing,” the bridge of his nose crumpled, playfully making a grimace as he stretches his arms upward and wraps one of them around your shoulder. “This is a bit more of my thing.”

Bemused, you rolled your eyes and found his hand on your shoulder, “Which one—today’s instruction or me?”

He inched close and grinned, the tips of your noses brushing against one another, “Both.”

His lips pecked yours, but he doesn’t plan to let go of you any moment soon.

Now at eleven years old, Cassidy continued to prove her potential as a Jedi.

The child was lithe and nimble, using them to her advantage whether in combat or traversing the terrain of the obstacle course that her parents had built together. Her strategical skills were put into good use in that training course.

Her liveliness in combat was balanced out in using the Force and meditating, courtesy of you, no less.

“You’re getting better at the fighting,” you initiated, eventually slipping away from Cal’s arm. “But let’s see how you’ll fare without your weapon.”

Using the Force, you spirited away the saber from Cassidy’s small hand. She didn’t have time to react on it and realize that you’re stealing away her saber.

“Oh, don’t think about pulling the same trick as you did with your dad,”

There was stern tone in your voice, just hearing it made Cassidy’s stomach churn. To reassure her that it was going to be a fair fight, you removed your saber from the designated hook on your belt and joined it with Cassidy’s atop a rock’s flat surface.

“There will come a time that you’ll be robbed of your weapon—mostly by your enemies. And when that happens, you’re essentially bare—but don’t let that deter you. The weapon you have next to your saber is yourself. Now then…”

It occurred to her that she had to wield only the Force and engage in hand-to-hand combat against you. You seldom engage in any form of combat with Cassidy—because that was more of Cal’s work—but it was only this one time where she saw you throwing fists and delivering kicks. She’s seen you fight with a lightsaber, but rarely with your bare hands.

Your own daughter was surprised to face her mother—who was barely angry or aggressive, always sweet and doting—not once did Cassidy ever imagine you challenging her. Then again, you were a Jedi, she knew that you would eventually.

She tucked her knees down, placing herself in a stance with her fists in front of her.

“Good form. Now, see if you can attack me,”

Cassidy resumed to being the one who always engages in the offensive first. Springing her heels toward you, she attempted to pull a punch—in the blink of an eye, the whole of your palm stopped the impact on wherever she was planning to hit you.

You pushed her away, deflecting her blow, and she restarted her stance. For every punch she threw, she was denied of landing it; in perfect balance, you bent down level to her waist and your leg literally swept her off of her feet.

“Throwing punches may feel thrilling, but if you’re going to be reckless like that first moment, it’s not going to work,”

“I’ll try again,” she declared, steeling her mental willpower and her demeanor.

Going back to your stance was your reply, you anticipated her attacks. This time, she opted to start with a kick and your forearm shielded you from the tip of her boot. When you swung her foot back to the ground, she hooked her left fist towards your cheek—a bold move, you thought, but it was nothing as you repeated the same deflection as the first time. Cassidy took you by surprise when she flung a kick against your side when you were busy blocking her punch with your arm.

You staggered at the impact, you dented the earth with your boots as you skidded and reset your footing to face her in the other direction. A small smirk curled along your lips—that meant that she’s impressed you with her last-minute tactic—and the fistfight continued.

“Good!” you exerted. “Keep making use of your advantages, Cassidy!”

Cassidy allowed the adrenaline to flow within her, dictate her movements, and be able to analyze the situation faster before you could retaliate. Punches and kicks land between mother and daughter. Flinging and trading fists, making sure that it doesn’t only cut through the wind.

Eventually, your eleven-year-old secured her win on this round when she delivered a kick on your knee and then to your abdomen. When the adrenaline had died down in her system, Cassidy’s clenched teeth loosened and the tension in her shoulders relaxed. She darted towards her mother’s side, assisting you to get back up on your feet.

“Oh… Oh no, Mom! Are you okay?!”

“I’m fine, sweetie,” you grunted, managing a reassuring chuckle and taking her hand, you repeated. “It’s fine.”

“I’m so sorry, I… I don’t know what gotten into me,”

“A little adrenaline couldn’t hurt, Cassy,” you tussled her hair. You exhaled away the aches that her hits have delivered.

The arrival of a Corellian freighter called your attention, catching a glimpse of it on the trees’ canopy. The intrigued youngling darted out of the clearing to find it landing right in front of the base, opposite of where the Mantis idled.

“Wow, that’s a big piece of junk,”

“Now Cassidy, be nice,” Cal lightly scolded.

“Oh come on, Dad, you think so too, right?”

He sighed, bobbing his head left and right, “Okay, it’s not the best piece of work, really.”

“Knew it!” the child chuckled.

From afar, you spot the Princess exiting the ship, flanked by a pair of men, a Wookiee, a gold protocol droid, and a blue-and-white astromech.

“Well, it seems Her Highness has gotten herself stuck with an interesting band of misfits,” you commented within Cal’s earshot.

“Quite an interesting rescue team if you ask me,”

The family approached the group, appearing out of the clearing to greet the princess with the greatest esteem.

“Ah, Your Highness, this is Master and Lady Kestis,” the soldier introduces.

“Your Majesty,” husband and wife greeted and bowed in unison, to which the Princess immediately dismissed.

“Oh come now, there’s no need for formalities,” she beamed a smile with lips as red as roses.

Cassidy was still a tad shy towards newcomers, she hid behind Cal’s hip as she gazed at the mismatched group of misfits; she was mostly interested with the Wookiee and how tall it stood over everyone else, when the brown, hairy creature met eyes with her, she was startled and hid her face against her dad’s arm, but the Wookiee tilted his head slightly, mirroring the child’s gesture as she gradually peeked out of her father’s arm. When she sensed that the tall creature was harmless, she flashed a shy but friendly smile and the Wookiee groaned softly.

The same head engineer from Cal’s meeting beckoned him to join them inside the base.

“Lady Kestis, if you don’t mind, we would like to have your company in the council room as well,”

“Of course,” you turned to Cassidy. “Daddy and I will be back, okay? You go play wherever you like.”

“Okay, Mom,”

You kissed her forehead, “I’ll see you later, okay?”

She nodded and you let her free. You and Cal followed the head engineer and the Princess, boarding a cart separate from theirs on the way into the hangar. The Kestis couple sensed the urgency as they strode into the meeting room, while having the meeting, Cassidy had wandered off into the hangar—secretly following the newcomers and caught the eye of the boy with sandy brown hair.

“Hello there,” the nineteen-year-old spoke in a friendly tone and bent to her level. “What’s your name?”

“Cassidy,”

“What a pretty name. Well, Cassidy, I’m Luke! Nice to meet you,” he gladly extended his hand, offering her a handshake. She hesitated for a few seconds but took his hand with hers and they shook on it.

She didn’t notice it, but Luke’s friendly smile unconsciously dissolved as he felt something within the girl. It was similar to a feeling he had not too long ago. Even with his eyes opened, he suddenly reminisced a moment where he had his vision obscured and the sound of the lightsaber buzzing against projectiles rang fresh in his eardrums. He shook away the thought and managed a smile in front of Cassidy as he let go of her hand.

“Did you rescue her? The princess?”

“Yeah, I guess we did,”

“Are the bad guys coming here? Because I have a bad feeling about it,”

“Oh well, would you look at that—just when I thought you were the youngest here, there’s one who beat you to it,” the other man, obviously taller than Luke, cuts in before he could give the boy a chance to reply.

The Wookiee grunted in reply.

“Don’t scare her off, Chewie,” the man blurted.

In reply, the Wookiee raised its voice on the man with the black vest, flailing its arm to emphasize whatever point it was making. While the three bickered, Cassidy turned her head to the freighter they came in with, she reminded herself of her father’s scolding and bit her tongue.

Moments later, all of the pilots started gravitating towards the room where the engineer had summoned them. Although he wasn’t a pilot yet, Luke decided to join in, but he politely excused himself in front of Cassidy before he went with the herd of orange jumpsuits. Amidst that gathering of pilots, Cassidy’s parents were also in that briefing, listening to the head engineer as he points at the blueprint of the plans they’ve recovered while giving instructions.

“So much for that far-range receiver,” Cal mumbled within your earshot.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance in making it,” you comforted as you listened.

“Using proton torpedoes, a precise shot into this small exhaust port found in this trench—it’s an opening so small, its width roughly measures about two meters—will cause a chain reaction into the oscillator, destroying it from the inside,” the head engineer explained.

Murmurs filled the room, heads turning left and right as doubt begins to fill the meeting room. You and Cal glance at the uneasy pilots, their collective inhibition was so loud that neither of you don’t need to sense it—because everyone else in the entire room did.

“That’s impossible!” a faceless voice, lost in the crowd of orange and white, stood out from the whispering.

“Then man your ships, and may the Force be with you all,” the engineer adjourned.

“Are you fighting with them?” that question had been suffocating you for the duration of the briefing.

“No, I don’t think I have the strength to leave my girls here,”

Relief washed over you as you smiled, Cal secretly slipped his hand to yours and intertwined fingers with you. The two of you watched the pilots disperse out of the room, some were confident, some were nervous—but if there was one thing they had in common: they’re ultimately anxious.

Cassidy eventually found Luke donning a starpilot’s jumpsuit. She watched the blue-and-white astromech droid being hoisted by a magnetic crane into the designated port on the exterior of the X-Wing.

“I hope they’ve calibrated and oiled your S-foils well,” Cassidy blurted. “It’s gonna be hard if it’s not fully locked in their attack position.”

“You sure know your starfighters,” Luke smiled, impressed.

“My dad used to be a scrapper, so he knows his stuff. Plus, he helps with the ships too!” Cassidy said proudly.

Luke replied an awkward but friendly laugh as he climbed the ladder onto the cockpit of his X-Wing.

“Hey Luke!”

“Yeah?”

“May the Force be with you!”

“May the Force be with you too, Cassidy!”

You beckoned Cassidy into the far side of the hangar, where the three of you watched all of the X-Wings wheel out of the hangar and take off to the skies—carrying the hope of the entire Rebel Alliance as a first step to battling the Empire.

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boba-beom · 3 years ago

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Hi~! I haven't watched/read the girl on the train. It's more of a mystery/thriller kind of story, right? I think I always prefer movies to books when it's a romantic story without anything big to imagine, and when it's a fantasy/magical/dystopian story, I usually prefer the movie if it's done well (but if they change the story line, then not so much). For example, in terms of The Maze Runner, Shadow & Bone, Harry Potter, I prefer the movie, but City of Bones and Divergent, I prefer the books.

I was so sad to see Kai being pissed because you know someone's done TXT dirty if he's pissed. I totally agree! It's such a good feeling! Speaking of which, when did you get into kpop? Did you have ult groups before TXT? I feel you though. Kpop groups barely come to my country, and even if they do, tickets are sold out before I can get one for myself. 😭I actually spent a semester in the UK last year, I was hoping to see my fav UK band (The Vamps), but then I didn't manage to because of Covid.😭

I've been to a Day6 concert in Berlin, but that's the only kpop concert I've been to. Sadly, not many international acts come here, and I don't really listen to local music, but hopefully, once the situation gets better, I get the chance to travel or have a mini trip to a different country because of a concert like I did with Day6. *-* But I love orchestra concerts and theatre plays, musicals. Do you like them? *-* Yeah, I'm planning on visiting a Christmas market as well, and going home. 🥰

Going to a Christmas market and lighting scented candles, drinking cinnamon-apple-winter spices tea are my Christmas time traditions because I'm trying to get myself into the spirit, and it's working so far. *-* Aww I'm so glad you'll be able to have a different new year's eve this year! I always spend it with my close family, we play board games until midnight, have something to drink and eat, and just watch a movie or spend the day together, so I can't wait. *-* Hope you're taking care! 🥰 -❄️

HI SECRET MOA!!! I'm so sorry this is so late fgnek

I agree with the romance and the fantasy and magical genres as movies, I feel like I'm easily fascinated by the cinematography and the whole lot, plus I know that when reading we can literally imagine it all in our heads, but I do enjoy some good aesthetically pleasing movies!! however, I haven't read the city of bones but I did try watching the movie, but personally, it didn't hit the same as shadowhunters, which I loved with my whole heart. I think because it was a series and I'm more into series than movies these days, but it may also have been because I loved each of the characters and just the anticipation of waiting for the next episode to be released! I remember me and my sister finished season 1 and loved it, but we had to wait for season 2 and then plenty of months later, we forgot about it entirely and stumbled upon it again on netflix hehe and we had season 2 and 3 to binge watch 😌

I actually got into kpop around 2014/2015! one of my friends introduced me to bts and the first song I listened to was war of harmones. at first I honestly didn't know how to feel about it because I just left my one direction and lowkey ' emo phase' fjngekj I think I was listening to a lot of avril lavigne, pierce the veil and sleeping with sirens so kpop was all so new to me🧍‍♀but I got into them pretty quickly actually, I started listening to big bang, vixx and I think a few exo songs too. I started stanning bts properly just in time for their the most beautiful moments in life comeback andI guess that's also when I knew I'm in this kpop shii for life HAHHAHA when did you get into kpop? (I'm sorry if I've asked you this before!)

but yoo!!! where abouts in the uk did you stay? (if that's okay) I find that so intriguing when people say they've come here to visit, I still get very much intrigued when I meet fellow british moas too hehe but covid sucks a*s :(( I'm sorry you didn't get to see the vamps. fun fact actually, the vamps were also my favourite group growing up, second after one direction LMAO but I feel like I was more of a vampette than a directioner ^^ and I can't believe you've gone to see day6 as well 😭 my sister's been trying to get me into them for the longest time, but I really like their songs esp you were beautiful like it breaks my heart, but I love it:(( it's truly amazing how you travel to see these artists!! but it's definitely worth it for sure, I would if I could hehe

ngl I haven't been to an orchestra concert or theatre plays since I was still in high school, and I think the last thing I went to see was les miserables as a trip with my music class! I've seen plenty of others like annie and the wind in the willows when I was around 10/11 yrs old!

I hope you go home safely when you do!! I'm so excited to go to the christmas market :'D our christmas market had been cancelled for 2 years because of covid and I'm just happy that I get to go there again but this time with my friends :> I think that's such a cute way to get into the christmas spirit 🥺 I just really get the cheesy sausages and the churros at the christmas market hehe, but I also admire the lights and decoration in the city centre, so that's another thing! and that sounds so chill and exciting hehe, we usually stay up waaay past midnight, sometimes until 4am just because our family friends haven't seen each other for so long and we just spend more time with each other and catching up and talking about random things here and there hehe

it was nice hearing from you again secret moa! take care also and talk to you soon~

#[ 🪴 ] — asks.#Secret MOA ❄️#I talk so much lmao #but I enjoy talking to you that's whyyy

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maiji · 6 years ago

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Thoughts on Grasses of Remembrance (The Tale of Genji through its poetry)

Finally had some time this weekend to sit down with A Waka Anthology, Volume 2: Grasses of Remembrance Part B by Edwin A. Cranston. This book is the last in an impressive and intimidating collection translating a number of major classical poetry anthologies. It’s basically a speedrun through Tale of Genji (if such a thing were possible) filtered through all 795 waka poems written or uttered by the characters over the course of the novel.

Poetry was a Really Big Deal during the Heian era. If you were an aristocrat, not only were you expected to compose decent poetry, you had to be able to do it off-the-cuff appropriate to the occasion. AND to do this properly, you were expected to be able to recognize and respond cleverly to references to a ton of other existing classic poems from memory that people would just mention casually in conversation or writing (kinda like how people quote the Simpsons today lol). This was a prime marker of how intelligent/competent and - no joke - how sexy you were. So not surprisingly, these poems are extremely important to the development of character interactions and themes in the Tale of Genji which has a lot of romance and relationship plotlines.

However. Translating Heian era Japanese into modern Japanese is already challenging. Rendering Heian era Japanese waka poetry into modern English is, as you might imagine, harder for a bunch of reasons. Considering how dense the actual novel already is, it’s super easy to gloss over the poetry, and some modern translations simply integrate the basic intent of the poems right into the main text/dialogue.

I was really interested in finding something specifically focusing on and analyzing the poetry, and this book appeared to fit the bill.

Short review: IT TOTALLY DOES. If you’re into Tale of Genji, Heian era, classical Japanese history, classical Japanese literature, Japanese poetry, or just love reading translators articulating eloquently while sassing characters or flailing through linguistic complexities, I RECOMMEND THIS BOOK

Long review: blah blah blah thoughts follows, including some quotes/poem for reference.

The book starts with a quick 2 page intro setting the context of the Tale of Genji, then goes straight into the poems. TBH I personally found it more flowery and redundant than necessary (it repeats a few poems that are then explained later). But it’s only 2 pages, we’ll live.

Then, the poems. For every poem (or poems, in the case of an exchange - sometimes a flurry of them with multiple characters speaking or dashing letters off to each other) there’s an intro and summary of context followed by an analysis, including notes on meaning, narrator and character intent, structure, symbols and wordplay. The original Japanese is included in romaji alongside the English translation. The commentary also flags known references to other classic poems (WITH those poems in-line! This is awesome because I don’t have the rest of these books!), and even mentions poem and folk song quotations from the rest of the novel where the characters have not composed new poetry, but are reciting other existing known pieces.

Overall, I have only three real “warnings” about Grasses of Remembrance Vol 2b:

1) It’s very academic and flowery in tone. If you’re not used to it, it can be hard to read. But then again, if you’re not willing to get past that, how are you reading Tale of Genji? lol. In any case, I personally thought the commentary was a lot of fun. Cranston definitely has opinions and can get pretty sarcastic in places, which I found hilarious. Here are a few sample quotes:

“Tamakazura has remarked to herself how superior the Emperor [Reizei] was in looks to all the courtiers in his train (It is a principle with this author that superior people be dashingly handsome or ravishingly beautiful).”

“The ruefully witty poems exchanged between Yugiri and To no Naishi [Koremitsu’s daughter, the Gosechi Dancer] are rather more to my taste than the soggy ones Yugiri and Kumoi no Kari exchanged on their wedding night. Might it be the case that a totally sanctioned relationship is literarily uninspiring?”

“The old lady reaches for the melodramatic ultimate and dies just as Yugiri’s letter arrives.”

The overall effect is like an exceedingly well-educated, gossipy and sassy ride through the entire novel hahaha.

2) Minor typos. I noticed some speckled throughout the text every so often (e.g., Tamakazura being rendered Takakazura, Akashi as Asashi, instances of accidental extra letters, etc.). It was pretty clear what the correct spelling was supposed to be, and TBH considering this is the last of a huge-ass series of over 1300 pages I think it’s forgiveable. Maybe a few that spell-check should have caught, but oh well.

3) This book is NOT CHEAP. As I mentioned in a previous post, not only did I not buy the entire collection, I didn’t even buy a complete Volume 2 - I only bought the last half of the second volume lmao. And the Tale of Genji translations are only HALF of this half of a book. The rest is actually the footnotes, appendices, notes to poems, glossary, bibliography and indices (including indices for every poem by author and by first line) for this beast of a translation/compilation project. This includes a lot of additional commentary and other poems and makes for pretty interesting reading itself, even without the rest of the volumes/parts. The price can definitely be scary and an issue for a lot of people, so if you’re interested in it, I suggest try checking it out at your library or on Google Books first. (In fact, Google Books is how I learned of this book in the first place.)

For me, the depth of insight for the poems was fantastic. It gave me a lot more appreciation for the scenes, including the mental state of the characters, plus a million more symbols, metaphors and ideas for my own creative works like the Genjimonogatari illustration series, North Bound and other original stuff.

It also clarified several fuzzy translation questions I had that relied on specific knowledge of Heian culture and history/evolution of the use of the language and wasn’t easily found in Google searches or online language resources. And even if you’re already familiar with common allusions, metaphors and puns/homophones in Japanese poetry, it’s still helpful to see them all summarized. And sometimes lamented by the book’s author too. SO MANY PONIES EATING GRASS. SO MANY PINES. Especially the pines. (It IS an amazing pun though, especially because it works in both English and Japanese. Pine [tree] -> to pine, matsu/pine tree -> matsu/to wait)

In term of the actual translations themselves, you may still find them coming off a bit roundabout in some cases when comparing to the original Japanese. But overall I find Cranston’s translations more direct/flavourful than how they were rendered in the Tyler translation, partly because of how Tyler chose to juggle his set of translator’s challenges for rendering not only meaning but also more technical aspects of the poetic form. So the imagery ends up being, to me, a lot more vivid. The overall effect usually ends up more colourful, more emotional, more erotic, more cutting, more entertaining, and whatnot.

For example, Kashiwagi’s suitor’s poem in the Kocho/Butterflies chapter. When reading the novel, I was like, uh-huh, yah, OK. When I read it here, I was like whoa, dude, that’s a little intense lol. Cranston’s translation amps up the connotation of the heat of the water based on the rest of the line. For comparison:

(The original non-romaji Japanese in the samples following are thanks to the Japanese Text Initiative from the University of Virginia Library Etext Centre and the University of Pittsburgh East Asian Library. Their Tale of Genji page has a FREAKING AMAZING side-by-side comparison of the novel in original Japanese, modern Japanese and romaji. Bless them and the people who had to organize and wrangle that text together.)

Original Japanese: 思ふとも君は知らじなわきかへり岩漏る水に色し見えねば Omou to mo / Kimi wa shiraji na / Wakikaeri Iwa moru misu ni / Iro shi mieneba

Tyler version: You can hardly know that my thoughts are all of you, for the stealthy spring welling from the rocks leaves no colour to be seen.

Cranston version: Hardly can you know / Of the longing that I feel, / For the boiling wave / Is merely colorless water / As it drains away from the rock.

Here’s another example. Oigimi (Agemaki in the book, as Cranston used Wayley’s names for the sisters) telling Kaoru that he’s the only one who’s been actually visiting them and Kaoru is like all riiiight :Db! From Shii ga Moto / Beneath the Oak chapter:

Oigimi’s poem 雪深き山のかけはし君ならでまたふみかよふ跡を見ぬかな Yuki fukaki / Yama no kakehashi / Kimi narade Mata fumikayou / Ato o minu kana

Tyler: No brush but your own has marked the steep mountain trails buried deep in snow / with footprints, while back and forth letters go across the hills.

Cranston: Over the bridges / Clinging to the cliffs along / Our deep-snow mountains / No letter-bearer leaves his trace: / Those footprints are yours alone.

Kaoru’s reply つららとぢ駒ふみしだく山川をしるべしがてらまづや渡らむ Tsurara toji / Koma fumishidaku / Yamakawa o Shirube shigatera / Mazu ya wataramu

Tyler: Then let it be I who firsts ride across these hills, though on his mission, / where ice under my horse’s hooves crackles along frozen streams.

Cranston: In the sheets of ice / Covering the mountain streams / My steed crushes / Such letters as form my reason, / My first, to cross as a guide.

In other examples, Genji’s “*throws hands in the air* I give up” poetic reply to Suetsumuhana about how she keeps using Robes of Cathay/Chinese cloak imagery in her poems in the original Japanese alongside the translation cracked me up even more. And one of my favourites is a pair of poems between the future Akashi Empress (as a child) and her birth-mother the Akashi lady. It’s really sad, sweet and cute all at the same time and completely flew under my radar when I read the novel originally.

The poetry analysis for the Uji chapters is especially intriguing. The plot pointedly pits Niou against Kaoru as opposing personalities with particular similarities and contrasts that drive their relationship with each other and with the woman they’re competing for. Especially in the latter half of the story, a lot of their poems, even ones written independently (i.e., to Ukifune), are specifically composed to highlight those attributes and play off of each other.

Finally, it’s also super interesting to see my experience with the narrative changes through the lens of the poems. Obviously, as I mentioned, some things I easily missed without paying as much attention to the poems in between the rest of the story. But also, some prominent characters have very few poems, so the narrative shifts away from them. Meanwhile, a number of otherwise very minor or usually overlooked characters stand out even more, thanks to the fineness, loveliness, resonance, and sometimes just sheer consistent presence of their poetry. This book definitely gave me a lot of additional perspective on the Tale of Genji, and enhanced my appreciation of the novel and the skill behind its crafting!

#tale of genji #genji monogatary #waka poetry #a waka anthology #grasses of remembrance #edwin a. cranston #royall tyler #japanese #translation #japanese tranlation #heian period #kaoru chujo #oigimi #agemaki #kashiwagi

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krabbages · 6 years ago

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My Thoughts on Dabi as a Todoroki

Warning for spoilers!! If you aren't caught up in the manga, there's some spoilers for the latest chapter.

Im thinking that the Todoroki's think Dabi died. Natsuo couldn't even say his name, so something worse than him just getting kicked out or abandoned had to have happened. I think enji nearly killed the boy, and that's why he has those burn scars that cover nearly his entire body.

Here's my thoughts:

I'm not certain as to when it happens, but I believe it went down right before his mom has her melt down, and that it fuelled her meltdown.

It had to be after Shouto's quirk manifests, because my thought is that as soon as Shouto can use his quirk Enji started abusing him and grooming him.

Dabi was probably still living at home, and might have suffered similar abuse to Shouto as the eldest son before Shouto manifested his quirk.

Quirks manifest around or before the age of 5 in most children, and given that Dabi would be the eldest, that'd make him around 15 or 18 at the time. I'm basing this off of Fuyumi's age. She's 23 currently, so I'd think Dabi is at least 25, if not older. In fact, I could see Dabi being 28 (at most), because when Dabi's quirk manifested and he doesn't have ice powers, it'd make sense that Enji would have another kid. That also helps understand the age gaps between the kids being 4 years apart if you think about it in terms of quirks manifesting.

I think Enji would train his first son from a young age as a fallback in case Rei never has a kid with ice and fire. This would mean that Dabi was being trained as soon as his quirk manifested, through the manifestations of both Natsuo and Fuyumi, up until Shouto's quirk manifested. That's between 10 and 13 years of non-stop abuse and grooming.

I think Dabi would have protected Shouto when his quirk manifested, because he had just gone through Enji's abuse and grooming for 15 years and didn't want another human being to go through that again. Maybe that's why he never left, because he was terrified that one of his siblings would take his place.

Dabi was probably protedting Enji, and maybe took Shouto out of the house to get him away from Enji. Enji would have be absolutely furious, and upon finding Dabi would beat the shiy out of him.

And I think that's what he did. He made Dabi a lesson, best the shit out of him and fought him without pulling punches. When he was done, Dabi probably didn't even look like he was alive and was covered in burns from head to toe.

Enji would have dumped his body and framed it as Dabi left home and never returned. He just ran away. Instead Dabi was left to rot somewhere where no one will find him.

Except someone did find him, and that someone was probably another villain who took pity on his barely breathing and charred corpse and helped him heal. I think it would be interesting if it was a younger stain that helped him, considering that Dabi idealizes Stain, but I think that's unlikely. The person could have also just been a regular civilian, and Dabi refused to talk about who hurt him out of fear of further retribution from Enji of he knew he was alive.

I do have an alternative explanation that explains his scars that isn't Enji nearly killing him. Everything else is the same except Dabi gets kicked out instead of brutalized to death. Essentially it boils down to Dabi's quirk being a mutation of his father's.

The first thing everyone notices is that it's blue. This could be a nod to his mother's ice quirk.

His fire is noted as being hotter than average.

It appears that he can also immediately combust anything by touching it, while normal fire like Enji's would have to wait until the object combusts on its own.

He doesn't display the same ability of control over his fire like Enji. He is unable to shoot flames out of his body. Instead he can cause fire to erupt from any point of his body. He has been shown to be able to throw it and cause his fire to spread rapidly in a way that may take influence from Enji's style of shooting flames.

A popular fan-name for his quirk is Cremation due to his ability to instantly combust anything combustible and the increased temperature of his flames. Cremation is also a reference to the translation of his name. I think Dabi named himself to reference his quirk and his appearance.

Quirks can cause changed to a person's physical appearance when they manifest. While this is seen more in heros with physical quirks like Mezo Shoji and Tsuyu, there are heroes with modified appearances with a non-physical quirk like Koji Koda (the dude who can command animals and insects but looks like a rock). As such I think that Dabi's "Cremation" quirk had a physical affect on his body as part of it's mutation.

Anyway these are just my musings and they are a bit of a mess and unorganized, sorry. I also haven't edited this so I apologized for my mistakes lol

#dabi #dabi bnha #dabi todoroki #dabi is a todoroki #bnha #bnha spoilers #long post #tw abuse

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anarkhebringer · 3 years ago

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I remember you mentioned once that Daisy is related to a species close to mermaids - have you talked about this species and Daisy as a part of it in detail anywhere?

I haven't really gone into too much detail since I was still building up details for them, but now that I have some I think I'll just spam the information here under a cut (mostly about the mermaids themselves honestly since I misread this ask until I was done jdihoui).

- They mainly stay around the arctic seas (and in some cases the seas of Celestae that aren't in the arctic but are still pretty cold), and only really travel to warmer waters if they want to see the sights and try some new fish and plants to eat. Staying in those cold waters and being able to dive deeper where there are more durable creatures made them evolve to be really big and burly, every one of them naturally really muscular and physically strong, and that carried over to the evolutionary split of the land-dwelling species Daisy is a part of since they just took that strength in hunting to land and eventually general combat careers. Every single person in Daisy's family is really buff and strong like that, and they all are really tall, too, the average adult height among them being between 7-8 feet tall.

- They all look the same in terms of really pale skin and hair, those really bright blue eyes, and their stronger jawlines and noses. Their main unique appearances come from their tails, and those can be extremely varied in color, pattern, and fin type. They do tend to stay in mostly shades of blue for the most part despite the ability to be so varied in the area Daisy's mermaid relatives are located, but a more unique and desirable color among them is purple. If Daisy were to be able to turn into a mermaid like her sea-dwelling relatives, she would have a tail with shades of pink and purple.

- Three holdovers Daisy has from her mermaid relatives aside from looking just like them are her LOVE of swimming and being able to hold her breath for a really long time, her ability to endure really cold temperatures with not much coverage for quite a while longer than others, and the specific noises they can make to call to each other. She didn't even know she had that third holdover until SHII did their call himself and she kinda just responded on instinct.

- They all have fangs and claws, and these are two of the very few things that Daisy's species evolved out of having due to a lack of using them. A few of them only retain the fangs, and even then they're tiny in comparison to even just a standard humanoid demon like SHII and Reaper are. They have much bigger fangs than Daisy does, since she's one of the few that have the vaguest hint of pointy teeth that aren't noticeable for the most part until in use or you're staring right at her teeth up close.

- The reason they have their pale skin and hair all around the board is camouflage. They can blend in better in snowy places, and that's a reason this held over to the land-dwelling species Daisy is a part of, and every one of them is still pale as it gets and they don't tan when under the sun.

- This isn't exactly a biology tidbit, but these merfolk were responsible for creating one of the most commonly used hunting methods on land and in the water in the Celestian arctic, since it was carried over so long and shared with others. It still is in use by Daisy's land-dwelling relatives that live in the arctic to this day.

- They may have had that evolutionary split, but there are still more than plenty of these mermaids still in the seas. They haven't dwindled in population at all and are still going strong, so there's a very high chance Daisy could come across a few of them at once if she were to join SHII for a dive in the colder Celestian seas.

I think that's where I'll end it. Thanks for the ask, I enjoyed spamming all this information about Daisy and her mermaid relatives! I'll make another post about Daisy's specific land-dwelling species if you want, too, since I have more info established for them and that's what you asked for initially and I muffed that up jioufdiyhjg

#anonymous #asks #OC info #OC #original character #OC: Daisy #long post

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tk-duveraun · 7 years ago

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The Taun Fawn and the Orobird 14/15

For @awaari . Read other parts here.

Gal and/or Dorian’s speculation on the decisions other characters will make is speculation. I’m not asserting that they are correct.

Swooping is bad.

Also, yes. This is the second to last part. The last part will contain two scenes. After it’s written I’ll do a little editing of the entire piece and post it on Ao3.

Speeders flying too close to Dorian’s building rattled the windows in the tiny flat. It wasn’t what woke him, but it was enough to convince him not to bother going back to sleep. Instead he pressed his face into the back of Galathan’s neck and took a deep breath in.

Laying wrapped around each other helped push back the throbbing tension of imminent doom that weighed so heavily in the air Dorian could practically feel it while wearing the suppression cuffs. He didn’t want to get up, even if tea service now had two hideous, garish, unfathomably fragile teacups.

“Dorian?”

“Yes, Gal?” Dorian answered after nuzzling the back of his lover’s neck again.

“We do have to get up at some point.” Galathan said, though he also made no move to shift the duvet. “Master wanted to give me a refresher on shii-cho forms.”

“That’s the one with the jumping and the swooping and-” Dorian made a few undignified sound effects, partially to make Galathan laugh - a success - and partially because he hadn’t the fainted idea what the technical terms were.

“Yes,” Galathan said after he’d rolled over and accepted his good morning kiss. “It’s more a more offensive style. In the event of an emergency, I’m still slotted as defence, but given the… “

“The ominous music crescendoing in the back of all of our heads?”

“Yes, that, and I didn’t think it was possible to laugh about it, but there you go, doing impossible things. Anyway, she just wants to make sure my muscle memory is go- Dorian! I really don’t have time for that.”

“You’re underestimating my talent.”

“You’re underestimating how reluctant I already am to get out of bed. Stop making it more difficult,” the Jedi said with a laugh.

“Very careful word choice there, Master Jedi,” Dorian said. Reluctantly he pulled away. “You have time for tea and scones before you go, at least?”

“I’d never be so cruel as to make you have tea alone.”

While pointedly ignoring the warning bells the Force kept clanging in his head, Dorian pulled on a dressing gown and went into his tiny kitchen. He knew from experience he couldn’t watch Galathan get dressed without wanting to promptly undress him, so he kept his eyes on the electric kettle. “Are you going to speak with Master Shan while you’re at the temple?”

“If she’s available,” Galathan said, his voice somewhat muted as he pulled his robes on over his head. “Are you sure about this?”

“I trust your judgement. If you think she won’t shuttle me off for isolation and re-education, I’m willing to make all of my skills available to the war effort.” Dorian set the tea service down on his coffee table and prepared them each a cup of tea in the matching, ghastly, beloved teacups.

Just as Dorian finished with the tea, Galathan took his seat and lifted his cup. “Thank you. And Dorian, truly, I trust you. I don’t need you to do this to prove-”

“As spectacular as you are, dearest, I’ve wanted to do the right thing since before I met you. I want to do this for me. Well, and all of the Republic, I suppose. Who knows where you’d be without me.”

Galathan’s grin could outshine both of Tattooine’s suns, even with it half-hidden behind his cup. “Of course. Here’s hoping she agrees. We can both do so much more if we’re not shackled to Coruscant. Yes, there are refugees here, but the frontlines… When I was on Balmorra…”

“I know. Force willing, this will end soon.”

“Force willing.”

#Taun Fawn & Orobird

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reasonswhyimaginesmatter · 7 years ago

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What Did You Just Say? (Monty x Reader)

Request: Montgomery from 13RW getting into a fight because someone made a derogatory term about his girlfriend.

Warnings; Violence?? shii ion know

I was walking through school hallways with my boyfriend, Montgomery, and talking to him about random things. I love how he listens to me, no matter what it’s about. We’ve been together for about 6 months, and I couldn’t be any happier. I have had past relationships, but being in a relationship with Monty, I couldn’t express my happiness.

“So, I really want ice cream after school, do you maybe think we can go get some?” I ask looking up at him.

He rolled his eyes and chuckled, “Of course, where did that even come from?”

“I don’t know, but I-” I started, but what cut off by a male voice,

“Hey, you know, you’re already fat. You sure you want to eat ice cream?”

I turned around to see who it was who said it, and it was Derrick, a guy who I used to date. We broke up because he expected a lot out of me, and it became a lot to deal with.

Monty stomped up to him, “What did you just say?”

Derrick didn’t back down, “I said she shouldn’t eat ice cream because she’s-”

Monty didn’t let him finish, and threw a punch at him. Derrick instantly fell to the ground, and Montgomery got on top of him, punching him. I stood there, shocked. I didn’t know what to do at all, and I was frozen in place. The guys continued fighting. Monty, of course, was getting many punches in.

“Okay, Monty. He’s had enough” I pleaded, approaching them fighting.

He didn’t stop though, he kept going. I got scared that he was actually going to kill Derrick. He’s always fighting for me, and yeah I am grateful for it, but it’s annoying. He doesn’t always need to protect me in every way. I could take care of myself sometimes.

“I said he’s had enough Montgomery. Knock it off.” I snap at him, but he’s still not stopping.

I sigh, and walk away from the scene. I tried, it’s whatever. I was not going to be apart of it right now. He’s being an asshole, so I’ll let him do what he does. Now, if he gets suspended, he’ll act like it isn’t his fault. He knows that I don’t like him fighting, but he did it anyways.

“Y/n. Wait up!” I hear him from behind me.

I stop in my tracks, but I didn’t turn around right away. He grabbed my shoulders, and made me look at him.

He looked down and sighed, “Listen, I’m sorry that you had to see that, but he was really upsetting me. I couldn’t stand him telling you things that aren’t true, and I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

He looks sincere, and I know that he is sorry that he had to do that. I shouldn’t be too mad at him, since he was sticking up for me in the first place. He protects me, and I know he’ll always protect me.

“I know you were protecting me, and I appreciate you for that. You just don’t always have to resort to violence. I don’t like you fighting people, when it’s not needed.” I reply to him.

He shakes his head, “It was needed. I wasn’t going to let him disrespect the girl I love, and not doing anything about it. He shouldn’t have said anything about you in the first place, and I didn’t appreciate him doing it. I will always stick up for you, y/n. I love you so much.”

I didn’t reply, and just kissed him. He’s so special, he always shows that he loves me.

“I understand, but you don’t always have to protect me. I can do that myself. If I don’t let things get to me, then you shouldn’t either. People will always talk shit, but those things don’t define who you are.” I comment looking up at him.

“You’re amazing, I love you.” he blurted out in surprise.

I smiled up at him, and kissed him.

I would never find a guy like him, he’s my everything.

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ivigiohq-blog · 7 years ago

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ok, i’m back and ready to actually start this rp, lol. i’m gem, i’m 21 and live in est. and here is my baby, ivana. i’m ging to post my other muses, giovanna’s intro, in a minute or so. but here are a few things about my hetrosexual little artist.

hey it’s IVANA BAKER! She is the TWENTY-ONE YEAR OLD that is known to be BLUNT, but everyone tells them they’re LOYAL. the ARTIST can be found in THE CHALOT, APARTMENT 301 with 1 ROOMMATE. (lily collins)

so ivana is my little artist, someone who isn’t afraid to show her emotions, she’s very honest about who she is and how she feels. she is not materialistic and she’s very free-spirited, being tied down is one of her biggest turn offs not only in relationships, but like a total life turn-off as well. when something goes wrong in her life, she kind of spirals a little, she’ll get stressed and do drugs and just be a wreck for a few weeks but then she catch herself, or someone will snap her out of her depression and she’ll start being herself again. she is always there for her friends, no matter what. like you could murder someone and she’d be your alibi, she’s kind of ride or die like that tho. she loves to paint, it what she chose as her career, she’s doing all right, social media is her strongest selling point tho, she posts her stuff on Instagram and people dm her and give her bids and shit. that’s how she makes her dough.

wanted connections but hmu for other ideas:

best friend(s): i’m up for like two bff’s for ivana, like they could’ve been a trio in school or something and they are just always together and laughing and being besties and shii. these two ppl would know ivana inside and out, and all the crazy shit she’s been through. (0/2)

childhood friends: pretty simple, they knew each other for like ever and maintained a close relationship. (0/1)

sibling like relationship: they have known each other for a few years and have grown to be really over protective of one-another. they would fight and make-up just like siblings all the time and always just be there for each other. it’s like brotp yo, they get each other.(0/1)

drug hook-up/bad influences: these people would be her suppliers but they’ve also hung out and done stupid shit while getting lit. this would be the people she’s around when she’s down about something and spirals and turns to drugs and what not. (1/?)

ex (bad break up): i think i’m up for two bad relationships but like idk, i’m indecisive. but anyways, the relationship was like a year maybe two, depending on what you want, and they just always got into fights, she can be a toxic person to be around at times so that could’ve been a big part of why they broke up. or maybe they we just toxic for eachother, idk. (0/2? possibly)

ex (good terms): this will be limited to one, bc i only want her to have had like 3 serious relationships in her life and realistically, not a lot of relationships end on good terms. but yeah, they would’ve been like 8 months or 9 months in and they both just noticed they weren’t a good match and decided to break up. and they still care for each other but as friends.

on and off hook up: this would be someone that she can be flirty with and feel strangely comfortable around, but it’s not really romantic. they just look to each other for meaningless sex and go about their days. but sometimes, when ivana is spiraling we could [insert drama], lol and have them be off. (0/1)

enemies(but like not rlly): this would be someone she tries to avoid but when they do have conversations, all they do is disagree. they definately don’t see things the same way and so it makes them clash from time to time.

but yeah, hmu for connections and maybe to say hi and stuff lol.

#intro #wassup fam #( chara: ivana )

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3shaaamazng · 6 years ago

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Reason for a Season

Since I’m like Lana Condor who write letters to all the boys she liked.. I realized I’ve been doing that here on my tumblr.. and idc if they get to read it. I think if it’ll even be better if they do because they can read what I thought about them. haha anyways..

This one is for hopefully the last guy I met from a dating app (for now since I’m quitting it and just gonna try the in-person mingling way since I actually meet more people in person anyway and my personality can)— and seem like none of people from dating apps worked for me. I’m not meant for it. I dont have time for games. I am more convinced that dating apps are not meant for me.

but hey..Just want to let you know that you’re the first one I ghosted that I had a connection with. HAHAHA! well, you kinda already did in a way, it’s just we ended up talking again. But this time, I decided to stop talking to you...

I just watched this movie called Exes Baggage. and the guy reminded me of you. I know you have baggages from your previous relatiionship. We all do..

but the guy really reminded me of you because he can’t decide what he realy wants to do yet..

but okay.. let me go back how I wanted to really start..

Mr. G,

I’m glad we met. Hope you were also glad to meet someone like me. For the past 3 months that we were talking, I was confused if you just wanted to be friends or more than that. I was going with the flow and see how things are. Because I haven’t talked to someone like you in a long time. Someone who I can text in essays and talk about things I like, I do, I feel,I experienced..etc. For me, talking to you was TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. Because it’s rare to find someone who can match my energy when it comes to my talkativeness.. I’ll miss that.. I do miss it now. Like what I said, I’ve been just this strong and independent woman. So things like that makes me weak. I dont’t know how to talk to guys... and so for me, talking to you was like “WOW FINALLY AGAIN A DECENT GUY I CAN TALK TO!” (Because back then it was P)

Anyways../

You were cool. You got to hang and chill with my friends.. You’re easy to get along with... and even made an effort to drive in the snow.. I appreciate it!

I was enjoying your company.. I like how finally after a long time, I have something to look forward to again.. But believe me, I was overthinking. I was already preparing myself that you’d break me at some point. I was looking for flaws, something I know you’ll mess up one day.. something you’ll do to disappoint me.. my friends told me to stop doing that to myself in every guy I get to talk to and just Enjoy the moment.. so I did.

But when did things go wrong?

Idk.. you tell me... you got into a a fight in a party where I did my best to get you out of.. I took care of you.. I do not mind. I saw your embarassed and ashamed expression the next day that made me believe that whatever they were accusing you was not something you’d do by nature. We had our deep talk about relationships for the first time.. which I finally got to figure out why I met you.. because for some reason, God always make me meet broken hearted people.. so from there, I just feel like you’re just lost.. and I’d be here willing to help you since I’vebeen doing that to people anyway.. From our talk, I decided that I’ll stay as your friend and who knows maybe later on... things would be different. I asked myself, do I like you? Answer is I was interested because I had that connection with you. I enjoyed your company.. and also maybe yes, i was starting to like you. But At the same time I’m actually not sure about it. I’m in the middle. It takes some time for me to like someone.

Then.... one night, you failed to give me an update for our plans when I was expecting you to pull through.. I told you how to improve it.. You said you were willing too make it up.. but bruh... you did not even ask me if our plan that day was still going to happen... we also had our plans on another day (Tuesday) to watch a movie.. but still you did not even bother to hit me up and follow through about that..

and you responded to my text 2 days later and I felt like it was not even sincere.. I started to question if everything you told me were fake.. you said I’m awesome and you feel lukcy to have met someone like me who is supportive.. but what happened when I just confronted you with one thing?? if you were a friend or if you at least value me as a person.. you would have been able to show that.. you would have made more effort. But I guess that was me expecting more from you.. because I’m the type of person who always give andI don’t receive as much back... I wanted to change the tone of our conversation and let that go, so even if I should not talk to you anymore at that point, I went ahead and made it more friendly..but then.. you sent something flirty again that made me question.. what do you really want? What’s all these mind games? now youi’re playing with me?? shouldnt you already know what I feel about guys when I opened up to you? anyways.. I was already disappointed with that faking shii.. then you be playing mind games with me.. so that’s when I stopped.. Mixed Signals are UGLY. And i’ve gone through that. I don’t want to deal with it again so I stopped. You like the attention I give you, but you don’t want to do anything about it. Idk which direction we’re going if it’s just friendship or more than that cause honestly I was down for Friendship. I at least want you to be a friend and help you as a friend. But then, idk. I just started to feel that maybe you’re fake to me all this time. You’re all about talking but no actions. You’re a talker and not a doer...

I was like.. if you can’t be a friend to me (at least) and if you’re someone who I won’t date.. then you are just another temporary person in my life.. they say we meet people for a reason and some are for a season. lol

But really what I want to say is that.. I hope you get to fully move on from your ex.. It takes time. I know you are trying to explore options right now.. meeting other girls, etc.. But what I truly believe that you should work on first is yourself.. loving yourself more. I know how painful it is to be betrayed by someone you love.. and going through a divorce is not an easy process.. it’s painful.. Don’t rush in falling for someone again. Like what you said, you do not know what to do with relationships yet. Don’t make a girl fall for you, lead them on if you are not sure yet, and eventually feel that you’re not ready to enter another relationship. You’ll just end up hurting her (the movie I watched was about this. You should watch it lol) but you get it? Make friends instead. But it’s okay to get to know someone, just be aware what you’re making her feel.

You are by yourself right now in a place where most of your family and close friends are far.. but maybe this can help you better to move on and shape yourself to be the better version of you.. someone better than who you were when you were with her.. Show to that b**tch how stupid she is for letting you go, for hurting you... But don’t just work on yourself to prove her wrong, work on yourself because it’s an investment for yourself in the long term.. because you have to love yourself first before you love others.

Trust me, I’m so good at telling other peole what to do, but I, myself still in the process of working on that... working on loving muself more and work on my insecurities on my own so I am more prepared to enter a relationship later.

I wish you’ll find that girl who can take all those fears away.. I know you’re scared to love gain.. I know how that feels.. but hey at least you’re going out there and see the world.. see options..but love yourself first.

there’s this scene from the movie that I watched that hit me hard that I also want you to keep in mind..

this was the scene. **translating the tagalog stuff**

“Nix: I’m just scared to love again because I’ll get hurt again..

Pia: why you gotta be scared? I’m not belittling your feelings but I feel like the people who are scared to love again did not truly love in the first place.. because if you loved, you shouldn’t be scared to feel the pain again, you must endure it all so you can feel what love is again.. it should be like that because love overpowers pain”

That line hit me hard! Cause like you, i’m scared to love again. But Genno has been telling me the same thing Pia said. It’s just hearing that way made more sense.. soo

This year, I told myself i’ll mingle with people.. enjoy wthe moment. if someone approach me and he is decent... I’ll give it a try... but also I’m focus on working on myself..

Meeting you made me believe that decent guys are still out there because I really lost hope on that every now and then.. you showed how not all the time it’s girls who get cheated on.. that guys can love deeply too.. It gives me hope that my future someone is just there also learning for himself.. Like what Genno told me, you have added contribution to my experience and now I can level up.

I take this as a lesson.. yes i am still this hopeless romantic girl.. but I am more hopeful now. I’d do whatever just to feel kilig again.. just to feel what love is again.. but first I will work on being more confidnet in talking to people and stop being picky.. (but soooo hard) haha

I will also work on myself.

I know you’re not a bad guy, you’re a good guy.. just ended up being or looking $hiity with your actions because you dont’ know what to do.. you were weak just cause I confronted you (well apparently Californians do not like confrontations sooo..) Anyways, I wish you the best... if ever you get to read this,that’s cool! Glad you made it here... If you ever want to catch up, I’d be down...

But I don’t know when I’ll ever see you again..

Thanks for stopping by in my life :)

#personalpost #GG #temporaryperson #reasonforaseason

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