#13 reasons why imagine

[awarnin]

NSFW Alphabet | DYLAN MINNETTE HEADCANONS

warning: NSFW content (obvs lol), chocking.

author's note: my first time writing smut FUCK. please be kind, constructive criticism is welcome. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT <3 my inbox is open if you have a request or want to chat!

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a = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Dylan will take care of you always, during and after sex. He will pick you up and carry you to the shower, gently wash your hair making you feel comfortable and loved. He likes to make sure you’re okay.

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He LOVES your hips. He loves being able to grab them and pull you towards him to feel your bodies collide. He does it everywhere, in private, when you’re talking to someone, when you’re distracted. A discreet act but sexy enough to turn you both on. As for himself, he’s been working on his arms lately and is very comfortable with the results. He knows you like them, and he likes that.

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves to cum on your stomach, seeing you lying there, defeated and with your puppy eyes waiting for him makes him give himself to you with such fervor. Plus, he'll always make sure you cum before him.

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I dare say he's always had the fantasy of cuckolding. The idea of seeing you with another man turns him on a lot.

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

Experienced enough to know what he's doing, but he'll always ask you what you like and if you're comfortable with what he's doing.

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

COWBOY. He really loves your hips, being able to hold you while watching you take control and make him cum is the best thing that can happen to him.

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He'll make a few comments that will make you laugh so you don't lose track, but most of the time he'll focus on making you roll your eyes.

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

As you like. He'll keep it the way you prefer it and makes it more comfortable for you.

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Dylan won't get tired of giving you kisses on the neck, and whispering how much he loves you.

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

It's something he enjoys doing, whether you're there or not. It's something he does often and he loves doing it in places where he knows you'll catch him.

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

Choking kink: He likes you to choke him, Dylan is a multi-dynamic person, be clear about that.

Daddy kink: When he's in control, he loves you calling him that, it makes him feel like he's doing a good job.

Threesomes: Not necessarily a fetish but it's definitely something he likes to experiment with you, of course, if you want.

Praise kink: He likes to flatter you, compliment your figure and tell you to say it by doing well, he likes to receive the same.

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

He is a very closed person when it comes to having sex: your bedroom, the shower or the living room.

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Like I said before, your hips. God, he loves them so much. Also watching you wear his clothes or play his guitar.

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turns offs)

Public sex. It’s a no, no negotiation.

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He likes both. He loves feeling your legs getting stiffer and more stiffer around his neck, it gives him enormous satisfaction knowing that only his tongue can make you come that way. He loves tasting your juices. He also adores to see you on your knees ready to give it your all just to make him feel good, what can I say, he has a big ego.

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He’s the sensual type, he likes to take his time with you and make you feel great, plus he doesn't want to hurt you.

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not a big fan.

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

As I said before, he doesn't like to take risks when it comes to outsiders that you aren't sexually involved with at the time. Sex is an intimate experience and he believes it should be treated as one.

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

3 on a good day, most of the time 2.

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He really enjoys using them on you, especially vibrators, he feels it adds a little extra spark to the moment. On himself, he's not into it.

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

He doesn't like to tease you too much, enough that you're already so down before you even start.

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's quite a talkative person during sex, he likes to whisper dirty words in your ear during the act, he'll let out a few little moans here and there.

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He likes to use handcuffs sometimes, it doesn't matter on which one of you, he just enjoys using them. He enjoys having you on top of him while he's being subdued by you without being able to escape. He loves you doing whatever you want with him without him being able to interrupt. When he's in the mood, he'll return the favor.

x = x-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

He's a little bit above average, kind of 6-6.5 inches, kind of thin but really good.

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Pretty normal, he enjoys sex with you.

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He would rather spend some time talking to you before going to sleep, he likes to take care of you afterwards and make sure you are okay.

.

[cloveswifey]

Teach Me

Parings: Zach Dempsey x fem!Reader

Warnings: Fluffyyy, basketball, big ego, kissing, zach being a cute boyfriend, cuteness, fluff overload, requests open

Type: Fluff

Words: 0.3k

One day, Zach had the brilliant idea of teaching y/n how to play his beloved sport; Basketball

"Please babe, let me teach you," Zach urged with a reassuring smile.

"But I've never even played before!" Y/N protested, crossing her arms defensively.

"Don't worry, I've got your back. Plus, who better to learn from than yours truly," he said with a playful wink, causing Y/N to giggle.

"Okay, fine," Y/N finally relented, sensing the excitement and enthusiasm in Zach's voice.

So, Zach took Y/N to the park one sunny afternoon. He brought a basketball along and they found an empty court to play on.

"Okay, first things first, let's work on your dribbling," Zach said, tossing her the ball. "Just try to get it to bounce smoothly between your legs."

Y/N laughed. This was harder than it looked. But she was determined to learn.

Zach patiently coached her through the basics of dribbling, passing, and shooting. Their conversation flowing smoothly as they talked about everything from family to career aspirations.

After a while, Y/N was actually starting to get the hang of it. And when she finally made a basket, Zach couldn't help but pull her into a tight embrace.

"You did it! That was amazing!" he exclaimed, beaming down at her.

Y/N felt her cheeks heat up. She couldn't help but smile, feeling grateful for Zach's encouragement and faith in her.

As they continued to play, Zach kept showering Y/N with compliments and affection. And when she managed to make another basket, he pulled her in for a big, passionate kiss.

Y/N felt her heart racing as they leaned into each other. This was the happiest she had ever felt.

[beamergirll11]

I’m Not Yours

Synopsis:

You and Monty have been hooking up secretly but he is still in denial about his sexuality. A party at Bryce’s you find yourself in the arms of another man. Your openly gay and your family is very influential so no one really cares but Monty sure does.

Pairing: Toxic? M Reader x Monty

Warnings: violence, beat downs, Monty being Monty

A/N: Bryce is in the fanfic not trying to glorify him

You had been out of the closet for the past two years. At first you did have some trouble but when your rich and your daddy owns parts of Crestmont people tend to bow. It was a late Saturday night at Bryce’s and of course he was throwing a party. Everyone was drinking and pretty rowdy, Despite some of the people’s disdain for Bryce they showed up because of free booze and drugs.

That night something different happened, You usually found yourself prowling on dating sites or hitting up Monty when you had that itch that needed to be scratched. However tonight you had met a handsome young man blond hair the works. He was charming and in a mere hour he had his tongue down your throat.

No one gave you shit because of who you were, Bryce on several occasions even managed to find a few guys for you to play with. You were single and ready to mingle nothing serious because you hadn’t found the right guy and hell you were young.

Your face was practically being devoured by this guy whose name you didn’t even know. However he smelt like sandalwood and he tasted like cigarettes for some reason this was intoxicating to you. When he finally let you go the look in his eyes told you what was next and you would have happily gave in if it wasn’t for Monty…

Over the guy’s shoulder you saw Monty staring at you menacingly. At that moment you knew there was no way tonight was going to go the way you wanted it to. The guy began to pull you towards Bryce’s house, Obviously ready to take you to pound town. You couldn’t help but smile knowing you were going to get what you wanted what you craved.

However your hands were forced apart by Monty and suddenly he was between you both. Once your eyes met his you sighed and with only your expressions you begged him not be an…asshole for once. This didn’t work and what made it worse was the guy thought he could take Monty on. Once the guy placed his hand on Monty’s shoulder that was it, Monty had him on the ground beating him.

Blood flew each hit purposely meeting his face, You went towards him but as Bryce rushed over he managed to tackle him with the others. As they held Monty down the guy got up on all fours spitting out teeth mixed with bright red blood. In that moment you bent over trying to comfort him but he shoved you away.

When Monty saw this he seemed to get some fucking boost like a video game character because now he was back on feet trying to get to him. You rolled your eyes irritated and made your way to some others trying to distant yourself from the situation.

After the party ended Bryce was handing out 100s to the guy you had almost been dicked down by if it wasn’t for Monty. You watched from afar with frustration as you took a drink from your rum bottle. Tonight you would most likely either needed to be driven home or you would take Bryce’s sofa or guesthouse.

As you began to take another drink you groaned as you saw Monty approach you. You began to walk away but he stopped you his voice almost pleading, “No wait…”

You wanted to walk away but for some reason Monty always got to you.

“What? Monty haven’t you done enough?”

“I don’t know why I did what I did…” he said apologetically.

“What am I to you?” You demanded to know as your brows furrowed.

“It’s complicated Y/N.”

“No it’s not…Monty you’re a fucking coward…either be who you are or leave me alone.” You snarled.

“You…you don’t mean that.” He said shaking head.

“Yes I do…I’m not yours Monty.” You said watching him as he glared at the ground.

“I know who I am…I accept myself and I don’t give a fuck who doesn’t.” You said your voice slightly cracking.

Damn you hated how he could make you emotional, Monty looked up at you sympathetically and regardless of his actions you knew he cared maybe even more than just cared.

“Don’t cry…” was all Monty could muster.

“Monty we can’t see each other anymore.” You said watching his eyes widen and his shoulders go slack.

“Don’t do this…” He pleaded.

“Then right here right now tell everyone who you are.”

“…I can’t.” He said avoiding eye contact as if he was ashamed. You sighed completely over the situation, You had feelings for Monty. However he wasn’t brave enough to be himself, Terrified of the judgement harassment he would get. His dad would most likely disown him, everyone knew his dad was a piece of shit.

“Monty…I can fuck or be with whoever I want.” You said despite feeling guilt.

Monty seemed angry but in despair at the same time, His temper threatened to make him have another outburst but somehow he held it down. With a glare he turned heel shoving past Bryce and the others. They all looked at each other confused except Bryce who knew who Monty really was.

Bryce simply shot you a look and then changed the subject for everyone. As Monty left Bryce got everyone inside to check out the arcade room being built. As you walked inside you turned slightly seeing Monty in the distance by his car giving you one last glance. You shook off the feelings as you turned back heading inside before hearing him speed off…

[ihearthawkmetri]

JUSTLEX MY ROMAN EMPIRE😭🩷 OH HOW I LOVE YOU JUSTLEX🩷🩷

Justlex Headcanons

they start off as friends

they switch off on whose house they go to but they end up mostly hanging out at justin’s

they basically just play video games, tease clay about tony until he gets annoyed and leaves, study (only after getting ‘the mom look’ from lainie), and binge tv shows

they fall asleep and wake up cuddling multiple times and clay teases them endlessly everytime  

they kind of just start doing things you normally see couples do without realizing it

the group definitely notice and they have a bet going for when justin and alex finally notice

they cuddle while watching tv, hold hands, softly tracing random designs on each others arms when they get bored, and alex lets justin eat his food and that’s wild because?? alex doesn’t let anyone near his food ever

they’re basically always touching

they start calling each other cute pet names next

alex calls justin babe and justin doesn’t stop blushing the whole day

they’re just drawn to each other

their first kiss is an accident

they were at lunch and alex was leaving early so after he got all his stuff together he looked at justin and was like “i’ve got to go babe” and leaned down and kissed him before leaving

and justin just sat there with his mouth open before he shook his head and turned towards the rest of the group who had mixed reactions

“did he-” “ yup” “huh”

alex showed up at justin’s later and was working up the nerve to knock because all he could think was that he ruined everything but as soon as alex raised his hand to knock justin opened the door and kissed him

they end up talking most of the night and decide to be together officially

they tell the group by sending a picture to the groupchat of them kissing

tony and zach won the bet

they’re comfortable being vulnerable with each other

and honestly they’re each others support system

they fall asleep together over skype on the rare occasions that they aren’t spending the night together   

justin starts leaving notes in alex’s locker

they’re always sharing clothes

sometimes they just lay face to face and look into each other’s eyes

they can just be together in complete silence and not need anything else

alex likes to trace justin’s tattoos while they cuddle

if they’re spooning justin is 100% the little spoon

alex finds out justin is ticklish one day when they’re cuddling and alex definitely takes advantage of it because the way justin reacts to being tickled is so cute

justin kisses alex on the forehead before every class they don’t have together

if they share a class they sit next to each other and hold hands the whole class

lainie and matt love alex, they’re always reassuring justin that alex can come over whenever he wants as long as they get their school work done

lainie awkwardly asking justin if they’re being safe and justin is mortified, he’s stuttering and blushing and trying to leave that conversation as soon as possible

alex parents are different

carolyn loved justin almost immediately but bill takes a little while to warm up to justin

bill starts noticing how different alex has been, how happy justin makes him and how justin can calm him down and he eventually comes around

clay and peter really don’t care, as long as their brothers are safe and happy then they’re okay with it

[nobitchs-world]

If I ever get these men in my claws I will transform into the ultimate freak

[elodieunderglass]

Guys GUYS

Concept: Throw Your Heart Over as an animated show of some kind but there are, like, educational appendixes at the end of each episode like “the making of planet Earth” but it’s about some Fascinating Fact. So for example, in an episode in which the Celt and his Irish Hobby have been doing weird feats of equitation in the corner of Killie’s eye, there would be an ENTIRE 20-minute documentary video essay in which people like @mylittlehony would be able to explain to you everything about the Irish Hobby, from whether it did give rise to the Thoroughbred, to how it fared in medieval battle, and how it gave rise to the term “hobby.” We’d bring in linguistics and DNA evidence and people would be fascinated, they’d be like “but my horseboy yaoi show” and we’d be like “it was a TRAP to get you interested in……… medieval horse warfare apparently. Uhhh. next episode has a recipe for Sachertorte though. And then we are getting FULLY into… narrowboats… and Kendal mint cake.”

But but but the funny thing will be that a pennywhistle-based musical motif that pops up associated with the ghost horses would be “concerning hobbies”. and you THOUGHT this was a LotR joke combined with wry commentary about how WORRYING these interests are. But then halfway through you hit the Irish Hobby infodump, find out that it was a joke about hobby horses, and put a KNIFE THROUGH YOUR TV SCREEN

[ineed-to-sleep]

Yk I don't think ai art will ever really substitute real art. Like I don't think a future like that is possible, and if I'm wrong, we'd be living in the saddest, most depressing version of reality.

The thing about ai is that it will never be able to tell you a story in the way that an artist who actually drew the image will. Even my old drawings I did at age 13 with the wonky poses and huge anime eyes could tell you more of a story than ai ever could, even if it was just a very human story about a kid who liked soulcalibur iv and wanted to draw her ocs. If I'd only been messing with ai back then instead of picking up a pencil, imagine how sad it would be to look back and realize the art said absolutely nothing about me or my personality or intentions or where I was at in my life and with my skills.

It might look pretty. Maybe. But that's it. The result is shallow. You can't read into it, you can't think about the person behind it, because it says nothing about them. It's honestly the saddest thing. I hate to think about a future where people only want to produce ai art because it just sounds so empty. You can see none of yourself and your tastes and your history in an ai produced image. I think that's what people mean when they say ai art is souless and has no human behind it, because even if a human used the ai tool to generate it, there's none of themselves in it.

Real art feels more like an inescapable mirror. An amalgamation of the things you love poured into every line and brushstroke. A frankenstein of everything in the visual world that has ever inspired or fascinated you, built up over a lifetime of learning and repetition. And the more you learn and the better you get the more it grows and the more of yourself you can see in it, the more it looks back and screams at you the story of who you are. If your art doesn't feel like a living thing your hands have birthed then what's even the point?

[cutielando]

hold me | justin foley

synopsis: in which you're the only one he trusts

pairing: justin foley x girlfriend!reader

my masterlist

The ringing of your phone made you look up from the notes you were reviewing for your big biology test that was coming up.

You took your phone and saw that it was Justin calling, making a smile appear on your face.

"Hey babe, what's up?" you said once you answered, your voice cheerful.

"Um, hi. Can I, um, uh, can I crash at your place tonight?" his voice was shaky, which immediately made you panic.

"Justin, what's going on? What happened?" you asked, the notes on your bed long forgotten.

"Can we talk at your place?" he asked, sniffling through the phone.

"Of course, of course. I'll be waiting for you"

"Thanks. I love you"

"I love you too, baby"

You hung up and immediately started gathering your study material and putting it on your desk, knowing you weren't going to get any more studying done that evening.

After you were finished, you made your way to your parents' room to let them know Justin was coming over and was going to spend some time at your house.

Your parents had loved Justin ever since the two of you started dating 2 years ago, so they were delighted Justin was coming over.

"Did he eat? Do you guys want dinner?" your mom asked, knowing that Justin's home situation was not the most ideal.

"I don't know, I didn't get to ask. I'll heat up some leftover pizza if he's hungry, we'll be fine" you said and just as you finished talking, the doorbell was heard.

You closed the door to your parents' room and bolted down the stairs, flinging open your front door.

Justin was standing there, his Jersey jacket on his hand and his bag flung over his shoulder. He had tried tears coating his cheeks, making your heart shatter more.

"Oh, baby" you muttered and pulled him into your house, locking the door behind you and enveloping him in your arms.

He let his bag fall to the floor as he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist, burying his head into your shoulder.

"Sh, it's okay, I'm here. Let it all out, you're safe with me" you kept whispering into his hear, rubbing soothing circles on his back and the back of his head.

His cries were muffled by your shirt, his whole body shaking in your hold.

Your heart was breaking for the poor boy currently breaking down in your arms. Nobody deserved to be going through what he was, such a sweet and gentle soul yet so damaged and broken at the same time.

After a while of just holding him, he finally managed to calm down, his cried turning into silent sobs and finally dying down completely.

"Did you eat?" you asked him softly, not wanting your voice to disturb the silence and peaceful atmosphere that enveloped the two of you.

"No, I didn't get around to it" he croaked out, his voice hoarse because of the crying.

"Come on, I heated up some leftover pizza for you. Let's get something in your stomach and then we'll go up to my room and talk, alright?" you were caressing his cheeks while you talked, his arms still wrapped tightly around your waist.

He nodded, not trusting his voice to speak up.

You unwrapped his arms from around your waist but took his hand in yours, pulling him to the kitchen. You knew he needed to feel your touch more than anything right now.

"This is good" he commented once he started eating the pizza, his voice still small but steady now.

"I know, I convinced my parents to get it from that new place that just opened up. The food is absolutely delicious there" you said while you ran your hands through his hair comfortingly.

He nodded but didn't say anything else, making silence envelop the spacious kitchen.

You kept your eyes on him, observing how he was avoiding making eye contact with you. You didn't know why, but figured it was because he would break down again if he looked at you. He tended to do that a lot.

"Come on, let's get you in bed" you said once he finished eating, putting his plate in the dishwasher and taking his hand.

He silently walked behind you, his steps light and silent as to not disturb your parents.

Once you were both in the privacy of your room, Justin took a seat on your bed and kept his gaze on the floor, not saying anything.

"Do you want to talk about it?" you asked him, taking a seat next to him on your bed and taking one of his hands in yours, intertwining your fingers with his.

He was quiet for a second before he raised his head to look at you.

"Meth Seth is back. He lost a grand of cash last week and he thinks I stole it from him. We got into an argument tonight and, well, I gathered all my shit and left" he said, his hurt now replaced with anger and defeat.

"Look at me, baby" you said as you raised your free hand to his face and cupped his cheek, making him look at you. "You're going to move here, permanently. I don't care what anyone says, your mom or Seth or anyone. I'm not letting you go back there ever again, do you hear me?"

He pursed his lips and nodded, his eyes filling with tears.

"I don't want to intrude. I don't want to be a bother to you or your parents" he started shaking his head, looking away from you.

"You, Justin Foley, are not a bother to us. My parents adore you, they are going to be thrilled to have you around constantly. Baby, you are so loved by them, they see you as their own son. Don't ever doubt how loved you are by this family, how much we want to keep you safe and sound, baby"

By now, tears were running down your cheeks as you looked at the broken boy before you. Justin was also crying, staring back at you, not believing what he was hearing.

He grew up without a father and with a junkie mother, a mother who never cared about his well-being as much as she cared for her boyfriends. A mother who never made him feel loved, cared for and happy, what any child should feel from their parents.

"I love you so fucking much, and I am so fucking grateful to have you in my life. You don't even realize how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate everything you and your parents have done for me. You've saved me, Y/N"

You pulled him into your arms and rested your head in the crook of his neck, both of you sobbing into each other.

"I love you so much, Justin Foley" you whispered in his ear, planting a kiss at the base of his neck.

"I love you, too. So much. Please, just hold me and don't let me go" he whimpered, wrapping his arms even tighter around your body, if that was even possible.

"I'm never going to let you go, baby. Never" you whispered back, reassuring both of you that you are never going to leave each other.

Your thoughts started to wonder on what your life was going to look from now on, but you shook them away.

For now, you were just going to hold your boy.

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[deathofacupid]

I love ur clay Jensen work please it’s so fucking good 😭🫶🏼

Could I get a clay Jensen with a depressed reader ? Like she has a traumatic past and it gets triggered because liberty Highschool is never peaceful and clay basically comforts her? If you see this THANKS 😻🫶🏼

it'll get better | clay jensen

a/n: thanks for the req! i was in a huge writing spunk, and this got me out of it. also, i'm sorry this took so long! summary: liberty is a hard place to be in, but it's a little less hard when clay is there. warning: thoughts/mentions of su1c1de, depression, and death. overall, all thirteen reasons why warnings apply here. please don't read this if you aren't comfortable with this fic's contents, and you if, by and means, get triggered, don't hesitate to reach out to me! pairing: depressed!reader x clay jensen (no established relationship, but take it as you will!) word count: 1.1k+ words

you press the palms of your hands into your eyes, hard enough that you see colorful spots. outside, on the back stairs of the school, you finally feel like you're getting a break. like the whole world isn't yelling at you, isn't taunting or shaming.

you're so tired of your mind constantly reeling, and dumb kids, and the horrible, horrible thoughts. so tired of hearing her story over and over and over again. even if it's so selfish for you to think like that, you wish someone, anyone would look past it and take a break from her.

from the very second you stepped into this school, you've been surrounded by pain, and death, and- and it never stops. why does it never stop?

is it just you? are you the only one who can't stand hearing more? seeing more? living more?

first, it was jeff. and then hannah. then bryce. then monty. and you can't help but feel like it'll get worse, and worse, and never better. you hate that everyone's leaving, even if they're people you don't care about.

and you're sick of it. you're tired. and god, it's not the kind that sleep can fixed, because you've tried. you've tried sleeping more. too much, really, but then you drown in nightmares.

and after the nightmares, it's not like you can go back to sleeping. and you don't meaning going back to sleep after an hour, no, not at all.

you mean days. you mean weeks. you mean months.

people die, and die, and die, and they only mourn for days, it feels like, and then the horrid, horrid jokes begin.

you wouldn't even be able to die in peace, knowing that they'd ridicule you.

no, no, no, you don't want to be a spectacle. you just want... to rest, indefinitely. why is it so hard to do that?

no, hannah wasn't a coward.

she was brave.

and you never knew her, but you knew her. you knew her in the way no one else might ever, because you are her. in a sad, sad way.

and you never knew her, but it still hurt. it hurt because you knew she was good. she was joy, at least for everyone else.

and you never knew her, but you knew clay. and you knew clay saw that joy.

and you never knew her, but it broke something in you.

you can faintly hear the sounds of the creak back door opening, despite the loud beating of your heart in your chest. there's some shuffling of sneakers on the grainy concrete, and you hear someone take a seat beside you.

you don't feel like looking up. maybe if you don't acknowledge their existence, they won't actually be there. right? a soft voice goes, "hey."

it's clay. you know it's clay. you can tell by the quiet, yet worried, lilt in his voice.

"hi," you mumble back, face still buried in your knees, which are pulled into your chest.

his uncanny awkwardness suffocates you more than anything else, (un?)surprisingly.

"are- are you okay?" he tries.

"yes." it's a mumbled, half-assed reply.

"are you sure?"

"yes."

it's quiet for a beat. then he throws you for a curve when he wraps an arm around you, pulling you close. he's warm and soft, and he smells like... tire grease?

what would he be smelling like tire grease for? was he at tony's? tony's garage, you mean? when would he have had time to be there? had he been skipping class, too? did he only just get back? but he came from inside, didn't he?

with clay, you should be used to having an plethora of questions, and tiny, quarter-built ant pile of answers.

you should be.

doesn't mean you are.

you would ask, but you're trying to avoid anything hannah-related. tony is definitely hannah-related. clay is hannah-related, too, but that's different. you could be by clay's side forever, and you wouldn't get sick of it.

it's really nice, just the two of you, pressed against each other in the cool autumn air. it's nice enough that you almost forget.

but you don't. you can't, not really. not when it's so predominant over anything else. that's what liberty high is. a place where all the bad things overpower the good ones.

when people think of liberty high, they think of death.

they think of unfortunate accidents. they think of suicide. they think of murder. they think of violence and violation.

and god, don't even get started on the tapes.

you hate the tapes. you hate the tapes more than you hate yourself, or more than you hate this terrible place. you hate the tapes more than you hate bryce, or monty, or any of those kids. more than you hate jessica, or alex, or tyler, or tony, or zach, or ryan, or skye, or chloe, or ani, or sheri, or courtney, or winston, or diego, or marcus, or cyrus.

and yes, you hate them, and yes, you know some of them don't deserve that, but no, you can't help it.

and you can't even just leave, because this will follow you around for the rest of your life and you'll never know what you did know - or maybe you did know.

and what truly, really sucks is that no matter where you go, all this follows you around. you've been surrounded by pain and hurt, and it never seems to get any better.

but if you told anyone any of this, they'd send you to a shitty ward, and that'd be it. and all your thoughts just keep going like this, around and around, like a twisted merry-go-round that keeps getting faster and faster. or like a spiral that never ends, but just gets tighter and tighter. and you don't even know if anything—

"will it ever get better?" you ask, a sort of shakiness in your voice.

"i don't know," he admits. "can it really get worse?"

it's rhetorical and you know it, but you answer anyways. "probably."

he then decides to change his answer. "it'll get better. it has to."

you hum, doubtful. he continues, "the way we treat each other. and the people who haven't been doing that right, they'll get outed. i know they will."

"how? what about the trial? remember that?" it's not supposed to be snarky, it's really just a genuine question.

"yeah. but he didn't really win. bryce got murdered. he got what he deserved." it's blunt, and you can't help but wince.

"what about the others? who hurt hannah?"

"they owned up to it, didn't they? they're okay with coming out with the truth, because they know what they did was wrong. bryce didn't. he took his win with stride, as if it was privilege."

"owning up or not, it doesn't change they fact that she'd dead," you murmur.

he's quiet again. "i guess not. but at least it won't happen again."

you think about yourself for a moment. "how do you know?"

"i don't. i just hope. because the better we get, the better things will get. there's always a reason to live. you just... have to look."

and so you do. you lift your head, and clay turns to face you. right into his deep eyes, and you know behind the demeanor he holds, they're full of love and compassion.

you look, and you see.

"okay," you say finally.

because maybe he's right. maybe things will get better. because you aren't alone, maybe not really.

and maybe you're allowed to acknowledge that it won't get better in just a day. or a week. or a month.

but there's a little bit of hope that it will get better.

and you have clay there with you. you trust him. you know there's truth in what he's saying. you know he'd never lie to you.

that being said, it'll get better.

[cosmicflw3rr]

visions of gideon.

jeff atkins x fem! reader

summary: you have to speak at your boyfriends memorial service, in the process bringing up a bunch of old memories making you break.

A/N: I’ve been finishing 13 reasons why and I couldn’t help but write for jeff, my obsession of the month, I also don’t mind writing for any other characters🫦

you stood in your room, staring into the mirror, expecting to see a familiar face staring back at you.

but the person reflected in the glass wasn't you. Instead, the eyes that met yours were empty, devoid of the spark that once defined you.

what you saw was merely a shell of the girl you used to be, a ghost of your former self. the vibrant, confident person you once knew had faded, leaving behind a stranger you could hardly recognize.

you were brought out of your trance by a voice. you closed your eyes, trying to ground yourself before looking at your door and seeing clay. he was one of the only friends your boyfriend had that you actually liked.

clay was always kind to jeff, always there to help him out when he needed it. "are you ready?" clay asked gently, his voice soft and understanding. you inhaled softly, taking one more look in the mirror, trying to muster the strength you needed.

the truth was, you weren't ready. you weren’t ready to face the truth. for fucks sake your boyfriend was dead, and the weight of that reality was crushing you. the memories of him flashed through your mind, each one a bittersweet reminder of what you had lost.

the room felt colder, and the air seemed heavier as you struggled to find the words. the pain was still raw, and the thought of facing the world without him was almost unbearable.

your eyes fell on your dresser before looking back to clay. “yeah, give me a second,” you told him softly. he looked at you for a moment, but it wasn’t the look you were expecting.

you expected him to look at you like everyone else did—like you were fragile glass that could shatter with the wrong word, glance, or touch.

Instead, clay looked at you with understanding, It was a look that said he understood, not that he was pitying you, and he wouldn’t understand it, but it was all that you needed in that moment.

he nodded, a small but meaningful gesture, before quietly heading downstairs, leaving you in your room.

your eyes fell back on your dresser, more specifically the framed picture of you and jeff. you walked over to it picking it up, you gently ran your fingers over it. smiling softly as you examine it.

It was taken last christmas, it was dark and snowing, bright christmas lights scattered in with the trees behind the both of you. he was stood behind you his arm wrapped against your neck, your hand was on his forearm the both of you smiling widely.

as you stare at the photo, the world around you fades, and you find yourself transported back to that moment.

flashback.

the two of you walked slowly down the narrow path, your fingers intertwined as you both took in the display of lights that adorned the park.

as you reached the end of the path, you found yourselves standing before a grand tree, its branches adorned with a cascade of twinkling white lights. "that’s what I’d imagine the stars would look like in a perfect place," you murmured to jeff, your eyes filled with wonder as you gazed up at the shimmering lights. jeff, however, had his eyes fixed on you, captivated by your expression of awe.

"this is perfect enough for me," he said, you looked at him realizing he wasn’t looking at the lights but at you. with a soft laugh, you turn to meet his gaze.

"your’re so annoying," you chuckled, playfully nudging him as he shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips.

"I'm just speaking my truth," he replied with a shrug.

"yeah, whatever," you responded, rolling your eyes but unable to suppress a smile. you turned your attention back to the lights. "I'm talking about the lights, though."

unbeknownst to you, jeff had slipped away from your side. he was now crouched in the snow, gathering it into a compact ball. "I see them, baby. I was just saying," he called out, his voice filled with mischief.

you shook your head, still focused on the mesmerizing lights, when suddenly you felt a cold, wet impact on your arm. startled, you turned to see jeff grinning mischievously at you, a fresh snowball in hand. "jeff!" you exclaimed, your voice a mix of surprise and amusement.

"what?" he laughed, trying to play it off as innocent, as if you hadn’t just caught him red-handed in the act.

"oh, that’s how you want to play?" you challenged, darting to the other side of the path, quickly scooping up some snow and forming it into a snowball. with a swift motion, you hurled it at jeff, hitting him squarely on the shoulder.

"oh, you are so on, y/l/n," he declared, his eyes sparkling with the reflection of the lights. he swiftly retaliated, launching another snowball in your direction.

the snowball fight escalated quickly. you ducked behind a nearby bench, gathering more snow to create more snowballs.

jeff mirrored your actions, crouching behind a tree as he prepared his own snowballs.

they flew back and forth, some hitting each other while others missed, breaking apart.

you laughed as one of jeff's snowballs grazed your arm, sending a cold shiver down your spine. "I thought you play baseball atkins?” you called out teasingly. “you’re gonna have to do better than that!" you stood up to launch a perfectly aimed snowball that caught jeff right in the chest.

jeff responded with a flurry of snowballs, forcing you to dive behind a nearby bush for cover. you peeked out, spotting jeff as he tried to sneak closer.

quickly, you formed another snowball and lobbed it over the bush, hitting him on the chest again.

"I taught you well." jeff called out, grinning. he took a running start, gathering snow as he went, and launched a snowball that caught you off guard, hitting you on the back.

giggling, you gathered more snow and threw it back at him. "call a truce!" jeff yelled. you shook your head, running to take cover behind a tree. you peeked out from behind the tree, trying to see him, but you couldn’t.

you giggled softly as you turned back and screamed when you saw him standing right in front of you. jeff immediately put his hand over your mouth, giggling as he did.

"y/l/n, people are gonna think I’m murdering you back here," he laughed softly, making you laugh too. after a second, he removed his hand from your mouth, still chuckling. you both stood there, breathless from laughter and the cold, the snow continuing to fall gently around you.

"truce," you said, sticking out your pinky and looking up at him with a playful smile. he rolled his eyes but couldn't hide his grin as he linked his pinky with yours.

"truce," he repeated, his smile widening. you smiled and he extended his hand. “let’s head back.”

you nodded, and the two of you made your way back onto the path. jeff carefully helped you trudge through the thick, heavy snow, ensuring you wouldn't slip or fall. your hold on his forearm strong.

the snow crunched beneath your boots with each step, and you could feel the cold nipping at your cheeks.

you guys managed to make it back onto the path. "I think in order to seal our truce, we should take a picture," you suggested, looking up at him with a playful glint in your eyes. he looked down at you, a smirk spreading across his face as the idea amused him.

"I think that’s a good idea," jeff said, his smile softening as he reached into his pocket to pull out your phone. you both huddled together, the cold air making your cheeks a rosy pink.

your back pressed firmly against his chest, and he loosely wrapped his forearm around your neck, he leaned his head against yours.

you grabbed his arm with one hand for balance, leaning into him while you raised your phone to snap the picture.

as you both looked at the picture, you couldn't help but smile at it. "perfect now it’s sealed" he said, grinning as you saved the photo. jeff chuckled, his breath visible in the frosty air.

you laugh softly, the sound mingling in the crisp air. jeff glances at your phone time, then back at you with a soft smile. "let's hurry up and finish this so I can take you to get hot chocolate at monet's after," he says, before he wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer for warmth as the two of you turn around to walk back up the path.

end of flashback.

a tear falls down your cheek, you quickly wipe it. remembering the feel of jeff's arms around you, the sound of his laughter—it all comes rushing back and for a brief, beautiful instant, it's as if he's right there with you again.

you take a deep breath, knowing that in just a few moments, you'll need to stand before everyone at his memorial service to honor his life and the love you shared. but for now, you just want to imagine that he is here next to you, that everything is okay, that everything is perfect.

after a moment, you sigh softly and place the photo back down on the dresser. you kiss the tips of your fingers before gently touching the picture one last time. then, you grab the paper filled with your heartfelt words, written meticulously from front to back.

leaving your room, you close the door gently behind you. as you walk down the stairs, you stop on the last step and see your parents and clay speaking in hushed voices. they don’t notice you right away, forcing you to clear your throat softly. the three of them turn to look at you, a bit startled. “hey, honey,” your mom says gently, moving over to you as you step onto the floor.

“you friend clay is going to ride with us over there,” she explains. you nod, clutching the paper tightly, afraid to let it go. clay glances down at the paper, understanding that it holds your speech, the words you’ve prepared to say goodbye.

she gives you a small smile, grabbing your hand gently. you smile back at her weakly.

the drive to the school was silent, the only sounds being the hum of the car engine and the occasional whoosh of passing vehicles. It was almost ironic that it was raining, the droplets on the window creating a mesmerizing pattern as they slid down.

your parents finally arrived at the school, and you all stepped out of the car, walking into the gym where the rest of the school had gathered.

the gym was filled with a somber atmosphere, the low murmur of conversations blending with the soft patter of rain outside.

your parents turned to you with gentle expressions. "we'll be sitting next to jeff's parents if you need us," your mom said softly, her voice filled with understanding and support. you looked at her, managing a tight-lipped smile.

you dad stepped forward, pulling you into a warm embrace and kissing you gently on the head. you mom followed, wrapping you in a comforting hug, holding you close as if to shield you from the pain for just a moment longer.

after a moment she pulls back smiling sadly before they walked away, leaving you and clay standing together, your emotions still swirling in your head. "I can’t do this, clay," you told him, inhaling sharply.

he turned to you, his eyes filled with worry and confusion. "what do you—"

you shook your head, feeling the urge to run out of the gym right then and there. "I mean I can’t go up there and talk in front of everyone."

clay's expression softened, and he placed a his hand on your shoulder. "hey, listen to me. I know it's hard,and I know what I’m about to say is corny, but it’s true.” he paused trying to find the right words. “jeff would want you to be strong. he believed in you, and he’d want you to believe in yourself too."

you took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. "just take it one step at a time," he continued, his voice steady and comforting. "If you need to go outside for a moment, I'll go with you."

you nodded, you watched as principal bolan walked up to the stand. "we are gathered here today to remember and honor jeff, a bright young man who had a bright future ahead of him," he began, his words echoing through the silent gym. he called up jeff’s parents, your heart ached as you took them in.

as you watched them take their place behind the stand you looked at their faces which were etched with grief, your mind began to race. memories of jeff flooded your thoughts, but you couldn't seem to focus on any single one.

the room seemed to close in on you, and the weight of the moment made it hard to breathe.

your thoughts were a chaotic jumble, making it impossible to think straight.

suddenly, you felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. It was clay bringing you back to reality. you took a deep breath and tried to steady yourself. principal bolan's voice broke through your haze, "and now, jeff’s parents would like to invite his girlfriend, y/n to the stand."

you took a deep breath and slowly walked up to the stage, each step feeling heavier than the last. your heart pounded in your chest as you approached the microphone. as you reached the stand, you hesitated for a second, gathering your thoughts and trying to calm the whirlwind in my mind.

you then stepped up to the microphone, the cold metal sending a shiver through your fingers. you adjusted it slightly, the sound of your movements amplified through the speakers.

finally, you lifted your gaze and looked out at the sea of faces sitting on the bleachers. the room was filled with people, some faces you recognized, others you didn’t. the collective silence was almost overwhelming.

you cleared your throat, hoping to dislodge the lump that had formed there. the sound echoed slightly, breaking the heavy silence for a brief moment. you took another deep breath, unfolding the paper.

your trembling fingers ghost over the words you have written down, you looked to clay who nods.

taking another deep breath, you began, "I- I never thought I’d have to write this. call me naive, but I thought jeff and I would be together until we were old and had gray hair." you let out a humorless laugh at the unrealistic dream. "If a year ago, someone had told me I’d be standing here, giving this speech, I’d have never believed them. but here I am."

you inhale sharply, feeling the tears sting your eyes. "I remember the day I met jeff like it was yesterday. It was two years ago." you read the words off the paper, recounting the memory that was now so long ago. but you didn’t need to. you knew that day was etched into your memory forever.

"It was here, in this school," you continued, your voice trembling slightly. "I was walking to the library, I had books in my hand, i remember I was so stressed-“

flashback.

you hurried through the somewhat empty hallways, your mind racing with the sheer number of tasks you needed to complete before the end of the day.

the pressure was mounting, and it felt like you had about fifty things to do in such a short amount of time.

just as you were mentally organizing your to-do list, someone collided with you forcefully, sending your belongings scattering to the ground and causing you to stumble back a step.

you frustration peaked as you looked up and recognized the culprit—montgomery de la cruz. “what the fuck, monty?!” you exclaimed, your voice filled with exasperation. he continued walking past you, his arms raised in a gesture of surrender.

“sorry, y/n,” he called back, not even breaking his stride. you rolled your eyes, annoyance bubbling up inside you as you bent down to gather the scattered papers that had fallen from your grasp and were now strewn all over the floor.

you let out a huff of frustration, “you’re a dick!” you exclaimed, your voice echoing in the hallway. just then, you heard another voice chiming in.

“come on monty.” the voice said, you looked up and saw a baseball player standing there. you couldn’t recall his name, but you definitely recognized him—he was one of the jocks, one of liberty highs golden boys.

you glanced back at monty, who was laughing cockily as he made his way outside to the fields.

shaking your head, you returned to picking up your scattered papers. just as you were about to reach for one that had landed a bit farther away, someone else picked it up for you.

you looked up to see the guy who’d said something, he was one of monty’s friends. “oh, thank you,” you said, standing up and trying to organize your papers as he handed you the ones he had picked up.

“sorry he’s such an ass,” he said laughing, a hint of apology in his voice.

you rolled your eyes and let out a dry laugh. “there’s no need to apologize for him. believe it or not I’m used to monty,” you replied with a sigh, making the guy chuckle.

dot a moment, the two of you stood there in silence, just looking at each other. then he broke the silence. “my name’s jeff.”

“y/n,” you said, and he smiled warmly.

end of flashback.

“a few days after that, we started talking, and before I knew it, we were inseparable.” you choked on your words, your voice trembling with emotion. “I thought we were inseparable.” you paused, inhaling softly, trying to steady yourself.

“every moment jeff and I spent together was perfect. he was the perfect boyfriend—thoughtful, caring, and always there when I needed him.” you paused again, a tear slipping from your eye, tracing a path down your cheek. “he was the best thing that ever happened to me. I thought he was my forever, but I had seemed to forget that nothing is forever.”

you paused once more, your eyes welling up with tears, your vision blurring. your voice broke as you continued, the pain evident in every word. “the night I found out jeff died was like having the ground ripped out from under me. It felt as if my entire world had shattered in an instant.”

flashback.

the music was blaring, reverberating through every corner of jessica’s house, which was packed with people. the air was thick with the mingling scents of various perfumes and colognes, mixed with the unmistakable aroma of beer, snacks and sweat.

as you weaved your way through the crowd to the living room where you had left jeff to go to the bathroom. you stopped seeing he was no longer there and that a group of people had begun to play such and blow in yours and his spot on the couch. you began to scan the room for familiar faces, until you finally spotted sheri in the kitchen.

you made your way over to her pushing past people, “hey sheri,” you called out as you finally made it to her, raising your voice to be heard over the deafening music. she looked up from her red solo cup, a bright smile spreading across her face as she recognized you.

“hey y/n!” she responded.

“what a party, hmm?” you remarked looking around at the lively scene around you.

“yeah, it’s wild!” she replied, taking another sip from her cup. you watched as she seemed to focus on something else.

you looked around trying to find jeff so you could let sheri enjoy her night. “have you seen jeff?” you asked, glancing around the crowded room once more.

she pointed towards the front yard. “he’s out there talking to clay.”

with a grateful nod, you navigated your way through the crowd of people, finally stepping outside into the cooler night air.

there, amongst the scattered groups of people, you spotted jeff and clay.

a smile spread across your face as you made your way towards them. “clay, is jeff bothering you?” you called out teasingly, causing both boys to turn and look at you, jeff looking at you with an amused expression.

“hey baby,” jeff greeted you, his face lighting up with a wide grin. “I was just trying to convince clay here to stay a while longer.”

“I’m going home,” clay responded, his expression tinged with frustration. he made a move to leave, but jeff quickly intervened.

“just hang with me and y/n for a while, man.” clay’s gaze shifted from jeff to you, and you offered him a gentle, reassuring smile.

clay was one of the few friends of jeff’s that you genuinely liked, the only one who seemed to truly care about him. “I’m going on a beer run soon, come with me.”

your eyebrows furrowed in concern as you looked at jeff. “are you driving?” you asked, the worry evident in your voice.

jeff turned to face both you and clay, holding up his solo cup. “It’s coca cola, my friend and beautiful girlfriend,” he assured you. you couldn’t help but roll your eyes playfully at his response.

to be absolutely certain, you took the cup from jeff’s hand and tasted it, confirming without a doubt that it was indeed coca cola. jeff rolled his eyes playfully at your cautiousness, leaning in to plant a light, affectionate kiss on your cheek as you handed his cup back. “It’s coke,” you told clay, feeling a bit more at ease now.

jeff, sensing your lingering concern, added, “I had two beers, two hours ago. I’m good.”

you nodded, feeling a bit more reassured by his explanation. you and jeff had been to your fair share of parties together over the past two years, and he always made sure he was sober when he drove. you trusted him.

“no. no,” clay said, shaking his head. you could tell something was up with him, but it wasn’t your place to pry. “thanks, jeff. I'm gonna take a long walk home and consider the wreckage that is my life.”

you eyes softened with empathy, and jeff shook his head. “you're a funny dude, clay.”

“so I've been told,” clay said with a hint of resignation in his voice. “see you both monday?” he asked.

“yeah,” jeff replied, taking a step back as he watched clay begin to walk away.

“take care of yourself clay,” you added, he looked back at you and nodding with a tight-lipped smile.

you heard the guys shout clay’s name as he started to walk away. “see you guys,” he told them before continuing.

you and jeff shared a concerned look, both of you clearly worried about him. “he didn’t look too good,” you said, watching clay as he walked off into the distance.

“no, he didn’t,” jeff agreed, also watching as clay left. you turned to jeff, wrapping your arms around his neck, and his hands instinctively found your waist, holding you close.

“you’re a good friend,” you told him, examining his face as he finally tore his eyes off clay to look at you with a soft, contemplative expression.

“I try,” he responded modestly, causing you to tilt your head slightly at his humble words.

“he’s lucky to have you,” you said with sincerity, and he smiled softly before leaning in to kiss you.

the kiss was soft, slow, and sweet. It lasted just a moment before he pulled away. “well, I’ve gotta go on this beer run. wanna come?” he asked.

you pulled away from him, grabbing your phone to check the time, wincing as you read it. “I would, but I can’t. I’ve got a curfew,” you replied regretfully.

jeff groaned playfully, but you knew he understood. you laughed, rolling your eyes. “I know, I know. I would stay longer, but I’m already in trouble for pushing it last weekend.”

he admired your face, gently moving a loose strand of hair out of your eyes. “nah, baby, I get it,” he said with a reassuring smile.

you smiled, giving him another kiss, savoring the moment before he grabbed your hand and led you towards his car. “shit, sheri’s blocking me in. I’ll be back in a sec,” he said, letting go of your hand and disappearing into the house to find her.

you pulled out your phone, quickly texting your parents to let them know you’d be home in about ten minutes. just as you hit send, you felt a hand gently rest on your waist.

you turned around and smiled at jeff. “well, sheri has to get her keys, so in the meantime, I’ll walk you to your car,” he said with a charming grin.

“such a gentleman,” you teased, laughing softly. your laughter was contagious, and jeff chuckled too as the two of you began the short walk to your car parked on the other side of the street.

“I try,” he joked, making you smile as you unlocked your car. jeff opened the door for you, ensuring you were safely inside before closing it gently.

you put on your seatbelt and turned to look at him. he had his arms resting on the base of your window, his head comfortably perched atop them.

you smiled at him, feeling a warm sense of contentment. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” you asked, your voice hopeful.

he smiled lopsidedly, his eyes twinkling. “of course,” he replied, the promise hanging in the air as you started your car.

you looked into his eyes, feeling a strange but compelling feeling. “okay then, I’ll see you tomorrow,” you told him gently, trying to make out the unfamiliar way he was gazing at you. It was different, more profound than ever before.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he echoed, leaning his head into your car and pressing his lips to yours. the kiss lingered, neither of you wanting to pull away, savoring every second of the connection.

when he finally did pull back, jeff kept his eyes closed for a moment, a serene smile playing on his lips. when he opened his eyes, they sparkled with a warmth that made your knees feel weak. “I love you, y/l/n,” he said softly, the words filled with sincerity.

“I love you too, jeff,” you replied just as softly, your heart swelling with emotion. he tapped gently on the base of your window, a tender gesture.

“alright, drive safe, baby. sweet dreams,” he said, his voice filled with affection.

“sweet dreams,” you repeated, watching as he winked at you before walking off into the night.

you laughed softly to yourself, before finally driving off.

——

It was the morning after the party, and you slowly stirred awake, turning around in your bed to look out the window. the soft light of dawn filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow in the room.

you weren't quite ready to get up yet, so you lay there for a few moments, savoring the peace and quiet.

with a sigh, you rubbed your eyes and slowly sat up, feeling the weight of sleep still lingering. your gaze drifted to your nightstand where your phone lay.

you reached for it, expecting to see a text from jeff. however, the screen remained blank—no message, no response to the texts you had sent last night. a knot of worry began to form in your stomach.

your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you typed out a quick message.

good morning

did you get in safe last night?

pls text me when you get this.

I love you

after hitting send, you sighed again and headed to the bathroom, hoping for a reply soon.

as you brushed your teeth, the silence felt heavy. you tried to shake off the unease that settled in your stomach, telling yourself that he was probably just sleeping in.

after all, jessica's party had likely run late into the night. you rinsed your mouth and stared at your reflection in the mirror, trying to convince yourself that everything was fine.

you got ready for the day, putting on your clothes and fixing your hair. every few minutes, your eyes darted to your phone, hoping to see a notification that would bring some reassurance.

the anticipation was killing you, making the simple act of getting dressed feel like an eternity.

heading downstairs, you were met with an unexpected and unsettling sight. your parents were sitting at the kitchen table, hand in hand, tissues scattered around them.

your mom's eyes were red and swollen from crying, and your dad looked completely drained, his face devoid of any emotion. the scene was so out of the ordinary that it stopped you in your tracks.

confusion and concern washed over you as you approached them cautiously. "mom? dad? what's wrong?" you asked, your voice trembling slightly with a mix of fear and curiosity. "did something happen?"

"sit down, sweetheart," your mom said, her voice shaky and barely above a whisper.

you did as she asked, your heart beginning to pound in your chest like a drum. "what's wrong? what happened?" you asked again, the restlessness and anxiety building up inside you.

the silence that followed was deafening, and you could feel the tension in the room thickening with each passing second.

as your leg began to bounce up and down, a palpable sense of anxiety filled the room. your dad took a deep breath, his eyes meeting yours with a look of profound sadness. “y/n, jeff he—”

your heart stopped, and you sat up straighter, tension gripping you. “he what, dad?” you said, the words coming out harsher than you intended.

“jeff was in a car accident last night.”

you froze, a whirlwind of confusion and hurt sweeping over you. “i-is he okay? what hospital is he in? we have to go see him!” you exclaimed, desperation lacing your voice.

a tear rolled down your mom’s cheek as she struggled to maintain her composure. “honey…” she began, but her voice broke, unable to continue.

you looked at her, hoping she wasn’t about to confirm your worst fears. “mom, what’s wrong?” you pleaded, your voice rising with panic. “you’re scaring me. Is he okay?!”

your mom grabbed your hand, her grip trembling. “sweetie, he—” she began, but her voice faltered. your dad’s voice was barely a whisper as he said, “he didn’t make it. he died in the accident.”

the words hit you like a ton of bricks, and you felt as if the air had been knocked from your lungs. In that moment, it was as if you had left your body; your physical form was present, but you were watching yourself from outside of it.

“you’re lying,” you said, laughing humorlessly. “like—it’s some fucked up prank, right?”

your mom’s eyes fluttered closed as she inhaled softly, trying to steady herself. You looked at them, taking in their reactions—the sorrow etched on your dad’s face and the tears streaming down your mom’s cheeks. “no, no,” you said, shaking your head in disbelief.

“please, this can’t be true,” you continued, your voice rising in desperation. “there must be some mistake. jeff can’t be gone. I saw him just last night, he was just-“ you inhale sharply. “this isn’t real. It can’t be real.”

your dad placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, his grip firm yet tender. “I’m so sorry, baby. I wish it were different, but it’s true,” he said, his voice breaking.

suddenly, you felt a tightness in your chest, your breathing becoming rapid and shallow.

panic surged through you, and you felt as if the walls were closing in. “I can’t breathe,” you gasped, clutching at your chest, you looked at your mom panicked. “mom i- i can’t breathe.”

your mom immediately moved to your side, grabbing your forearm. “y/n, try to breathe with me,” she said, her voice calm but urgent. “Inhale slowly through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. just focus on my voice.”

your dad knelt beside you, his eyes filled with concern. “we’re right here with you. you’re safe. just keep breathing,” he encouraged, his hand gently rubbing your back.

you tried to follow their instructions, focusing on the rhythm of your mom’s breathing. slowly, the panic began to subside, and your breathing started to even out.

you leaned into your mom’s embrace, feeling the warmth and comfort of her presence.

as the tightness in your chest eased, a new wave of emotion crashed over you. the reality of jeff’s death hit you with full force. you started sobbing uncontrollably, your body shaking with each breathless cry. your mom held you tighter, her own tears mingling with yours.

“we’re going to get through this together. you’re going to get through this,” your mom whispered. “we’ll find a way to keep going, for jeff.”

as you clung to your mom, the reality of the situation slowly began to sink in. jeff was gone.

and your life would never be the same.

end of flashback.

tears stream down your face, and you struggle to continue. the grief is overwhelming, and you can barely speak. "that was the last time I saw him. the last time I felt his touch, the last time I heard his voice.” your voice breaks and your hands tremble, the weight of your words pressing down on you.

“and I know everyone is mad at him. they think he was stupid, that he did this to himself. but I can’t—” you shake your head, your eyes filled with tears that refuse to stop flowing. “I can’t let everyone think that—in the time that I was able to know jeff, he never once drove under the influence, no matter the situation. he was always responsible, always careful. and if you knew him, you’d know that—"

you let out a soft sob, your heart aching with the weight of loss.

your voice breaks again as you try to continue, and sobs overcome you, shaking your entire body as you try desperately to stop them.

but you can’t stop them; they just keep coming, wave after relentless wave. you cover your mouth, looking up at clay, who is sitting in the front row.

your gaze falls on clay, your eyes silently plead for help. he meets your gaze, and in that moment, he understands completely. with a nod, he slowly stands up and walks to the stand, gently taking the paper from your trembling hands.

you let out a soft sob, your heart aching with the loss that feels too great to bear. clay’s voice is steady, but you can see the pain in his eyes as he continues. "jeff was a light in all of our lives. his kindness, his humor, his support – these are just few of the many things that jeff was that i will try to carry with me."

clay's voice falters for a moment, but he presses on. "It was an honor to be loved by him, and an even bigger honor that he allowed me to love him. jeff showed me what true love is – a love that is patient, kind, and selfless. he made me a better person, and for that, I will be forever grateful."

you eyes silently plead for help. he meets your gaze, and in that moment, he understands completely. with a nod, he slowly stands up and walks to the stand, gently taking the paper from your trembling hands.

a tear falls down, making its path down clay's face as he continues, his voice trembling. "jeff's love was a gift and one that I will cherish for the rest of my life. and to him, the love of my life, I will never forget you. and I’ll be forever awaiting the day till we meet again."

as clay finishes, his eyes meet yours, and you clasp your hands together, placing them over your mouth as you look at him through a veil of tears.

the room seems to blur around you, the only clear thing being the connection between you and clay, a shared understanding of the loss you both feel.

clay opens his arms, a gesture filled with compassion and solace, and you find yourself gradually moving towards him. each step feels heavy, as if the weight of your grief is trying to hold you back, but the need for comfort propels you forward.

distance between you closes slowly, your heart pounding in your chest, and when you finally reach him, you collapse into his embrace.

and after a moment, he gently guides you outside, both of you desperately needing a breath of fresh air. the warm air hits your face as you walk together in silence. “you know, you helped jeff a lot.” you started inhaling, “he had lots of friends sure but the only one who truly had his best interest at heart.. was you.”

“im sure jeff didn’t consider me a friend.” clay deflected looking at the ground as you walked.

you touched his shoulder gently as you stopped making him stop as well. “clay. jeff considered you his closest friend.” you told him. clay looked at you his gaze unrecognizable but then you saw the tears slowly build as he nodded and looked at the ground.

you look around almost finding it ironic how you guys ended up at the baseball field, where you had been countless times before with jeff. your eyes fell on the dugout. “give me one second I need to do something.” you told clay, he said a quick okay before you jogged lightly over to it.

as you approach the entrance of the dugout, your eyes are frantically searching.

flashback.

jeff had his hands covering your eyes, leadimg you forward gently.

it was your 3 month anniversary, you had told him nothing big needed to happen but jeff insisted to at least take you out. "where are we going?" you asked, it had felt you two had been walking forever.

“no you will.” he assured giggling softly.

"I doubt it," you said jokingly. after a few more steps, he finally uncovered your eyes. you blinked, adjusting to the dim light, and found yourself staring at the baseball field, the grass slightly damp and the air filled with a faint earthy scent.

"wait, why are we here?" you asked now curious, despite the initial confusion.

jeff just grinned, his eyes sparkling. he gently pulled you towards the fence. "you'll see," he whispered, his voice filled with excitement.

he helped you the fence first, his hands firm and reassuring, then climbed over himself with ease.

he led you straight to the dugout, your footsteps barely making a sound on the soft grass. the field was eerily quiet, the only sound being the distant hum of crickets.

once you reached the dugout, you looked around, puzzled. "what are we doing, jeff?" you laughed, the confusion evident in your voice. jeff pulled out a small pocket knife, the metal glinting faintly in the dim light. "I know you said you didn’t want to do much, but I just wanted to leave something behind," he said, his eyes mischievous and full of intent.

carefully, you watched as he began to carve your initials into the wooden post, the sound of the blade scraping the wood the only thing heard between you two. “I know you said you didn’t want to do anything crazy. but I still wanted to do something that would be here forever.”

“jeff, you’re crazy," you said softly, your voice tinged with both amusement and disbelief.

you glanced around the quiet field, your eyes scanning the shadows and hoping that nobody was around, and that the two of you wouldn’t get in trouble.

when he finally finished carving, you both took a step back to admire his handiwork:

j + y/i

etched into the wooden post with careful precision. a seemingly perfect heart drawn around it.

jeff turned to you with a satisfied grin stretching across his face. "there, now we’ve left our mark," he said, his voice brimming with a hint of mischief.

you smiled back at him, feeling a whirlwind of emotions—"I guess we have," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper, as if speaking too loudly might ruin the moment.

as you both started walking back, jeff playfully nudged your shoulder. "bet you can't catch me!" he shouted, taking off in a light sprint.

laughing, you begun to chase after him, "oh, you're on!" you called out, picking up speed. The cool air filled with your laughter, and the thrill of the chase made your heart race.

jeff slowed down just enough for you to catch up, and as you reached him, you playfully tackled him to the ground. both of you tumbled into the grass, breathless and giggling. "I got you." you declared softly.

he grinned, lying on his back and looking up at the stars. "okay, okay, you win this time y/l/n," he admitted, still laughing. you both lay there for a moment, catching your breath and enjoying the peacefulness.

you smile catching your breath beside him, feeling the cool grass beneath you.

he turned his head to look at you, his eyes soft and full of something you couldn't quite place. "what?" you asked, suddenly self-conscious. "Is there something on my face?"

Instead of answering, jeff leaned in closer, his gaze never leaving yours. before you could react, his lips met yours in a sweet, gentle kiss. the world seemed to stand still for a moment, the only sound being the soft rustle of leaves around you.

as the kiss ended, you both lingered close, your foreheads almost touching. jeff's eyes searched yours, a tender smile playing on his lips. the moonlight cast a soft glow, making the moment feel almost magical.

you reached up and gently brushed a strand of hair from his face, your fingers grazing his cheek. "I didn't expect that," you whispered, still feeling the warmth of his kiss.

jeff chuckled softly, his eyes never leaving yours. "I didn't either, but it felt right," he replied, his voice filled with sincerity.

for a while, you both just lay there, admiring each other. the world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you in this perfect moment.

eventually, you helped each other up and continued your walk, occasionally bumping into each other and joking around.

end of flashback.

the sight of those initials brings a fresh wave of tears to your eyes, and you start crying again, the sobs coming from deep within you.

yet, there's something about seeing the carved letters that brings a you a sense of solace.

no matter how much time had passed, no matter how you felt, there'd always be a reminder that what you and jeff shared was real. jeff was real. your love was real.

you run your fingers over the carving, feeling the rough edges of the letters. just then, clay comes over, it’s quiet between the both of you for a moment.

you sniffle wiping your tears, as you inhaled shakily, you look at him and can tell the concern in his eyes. "are you okay?" he asks softly.

you look at the initials one last time and then back at him. "I will be," you reply, your voice trembling slightly.

clay gives you a tight-lipped smile, understanding in his eyes. without another word, he takes your hand, and the two of you walk back together.

as you walk, you start thinking about how you'll learn to be okay. the pain is still there, and you know it’ll be there for a good while but you know that with time, you'll find a way to live with it.

you'll learn to carry the memories and the love you shared with jeff, finding strength in the fact that those moments will never be forgotten.

[love-triangles-au]

Leisure time

~ Mod Emily 🦇

[lobotomy-lady]

sickened whenever I recall the horrid fact that kurapika is literally the only one who speaks his first language, he has not heard a word of it out of another person's mouth since he was 13 & he knows he never will again. not to mention being the only one who shares his spiritual/religious beliefs, whatever they may be. celebrating any kurta specific holidays alone forever. it's literally sooo sick god I'm gonna throw up. probably can't even reminisce & take comfort in the memories of the good times bc the more recent memory of finding their mutilated corpses is always gonna inevitably float it's way to the front of his mind bc untreated PTSD is just like that. it's so fun & cool how he's not only alone as the last of his people but alone in his pain bc who the hell could even begin to relate to what he's been through. other genocide survivors can't relate, family annihilation survivors can't relate...talk about isolating. haha well anyways unrelated but its time to overdose on my antidepressants

[cloveswifey]

13 Reasons Why MastersList

“Just 'cause Hannah fucked up her life doesn't mean she has to fuck up ours.”

Zach Dempsey

“Don't love anything more than life.”

Justin Foley

“I hope that wherever you go next, you feel peace, you feel safe in a way that you never did here.”

Clay Jensen

“If I sell out Bryce or lie, either way, my whole life falls apart. I got no one else on my side”

Montgomery de la Cruz

“Why don't they put up a poster that says 'Don't be a fucking dick to people'?”

Alex Standall

[kuro-ttsuki]

𝖱𝗈𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗂𝖼 𝖲𝗎𝗂𝖼𝗂𝖽𝖾 | 13 𝖱𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝖶𝗁𝗒

This is a short story based on the show 13 Reasons Why and the song Romantic Homicide by D4vd.

Please be warned that this story contains R*PE, s*icide, s*xual assault, s*xual scenes and m*rder

Introduction

Juliana Foley, the twin sister of Liberty High's most beloved athlete and heart throb, Justin Foley. Now this isn't a cheesy sitcom where one twin is popular, leaving the other twin in the dust of irrelevancy, both twins were born into the poor life. They had a drug addict of a mother and her river of abusive drug addict boyfriends that did not supply her addict but their endless trauma.

They had nothing but the dirty rags as clothes on their backs and each other, well until they met an angel in disguise Bryce Walker. He did not only befriend the Foley twins and basically helped build their nonstop relevancy today's high school popularity but he was their family, their everything. To Justin, Bryce was a best friend, a brother. But to Juliana, he was her first kiss, first love, first boyfriend, her... rapist; but we'll get to that last part later on.

Juliana Foley, Liberty High's cheer captain and class president, the boys there kissed the ground she walks on while the girls envy the air she breaths out. She was pure perfection at it's best, the most likely to succeed in life, they both were. So beloved, so admired but yet one person, and 13 tapes ruined that within seconds. Everything they built together came crumbling down their feet once a girl named Hannah Baker came into their life and shared their secrets. A domino effect has occurred....

Present Time | A week after her death

With how hard her heels slammed against the cold concrete as she stomped her way towards Bryce's house, she was surprised they didn't break under the pressure or even cause a mini earthquake.

The girl practically seething with pure anger after hearing Hannah's tapes, she was the last one Tony gave it to before giving it to Clay Jensen, Hannah's best friend. You'd think with what Hannah said about her, she'd be scared about the tapes coming out like the rest of the group but no. One, her tape wasn't as bad as the others, it was her secrets that was bad. Secrets that Hannah shared. Secrets like Bryce fuckin Walker.

After not only hearing that Bryce was cheating but that he raped Jessica, and Hannah. And to think she was the only one and she bared that constant pain for so long, hoping that he doesn't do it to anyone else and yet he did, behind her back even. Manipulating her to keep her mouth shut and just smile, making her think she was fucking delusional to even think her boyfriend would do that to her but no. She faced the cold hearted truth once hearing those tapes and that truth felt like a bullet to the face.

Upon hearing the tapes she realized something, not only does she know the truth but so does everyone in the friend group, they all knew what kind of monsters they were all while Bryce was the devil and yet...they chose to do nothing, to say nothing as if the tapes were a lie. How could they? Her friends? Her brother? Everyone.

How could they do that to her. Most importantly how could they do that to Hannah.

Her fist left a burning hot pain on themselves for how hard she was slamming them against Bruce's front door. She knew his every day schedule like the back of her hand, his parents are on a business trip leaving him alone and since it's a Saturday, he's definitely by himself; Saturdays were their 50 shades of gray kind of night. I know, so young but yet they fuck like sex hungry thirty year olds.

"Bryce Fuckin' Walker, Open The Damn Door!" Her voice sounded angry but really it withered with pain, afraid that she might cry in his presence about what she just learned. It felt like hours with how long the girl stood there, injuring her fist trying to get her so-called "boyfriend" to open the door. No luck. No luck for a good thirty more minutes and then hearing the sound of a door lock being unlocked made her stop immediately.

Taking a step back to fix her outfit and composer she watched as his face slowly emerged from being the door, looking all handsome with confusion written all over his face. It was hard, it was hard to hate him. After being involved with him for so long, after everything he did for her, for her brother. It was so fuckin hard to hate that face, she fell in love with that face. With that man and to finally come to the conclusion of what he truly is, is so heartbreaking.

Her lips trembled and then flattened as she tried her hardest to speak the words that were already formed and played out in her head. "I heard the tapes." Her tone was quiet, her demeanor was weak, she sounded pathetic, not at all mad as she was minutes ago. She hated how much control he had over her.

His face stayed the same, in fact it was relaxed. Not alarmed at all that his girlfriend now knows the truth. It was like he knew, no matter how he played it, the outcome would be the same, she won't go to the cops and she won't leave him. It was only how he was going to play it out to get that outcome and so, he played the clueless role. "I don't understand what you're talking about."

"The tapes, Bryce." Annoyance danced around her voice, "Hannah Baker's tapes. I heard them, all of them so don't play fucking stupid. Everything. I was right about everything, about who you are and you made me always feel stupid but now I got proof!" She was met with silence, in fact, she was met with a remaining calm composer as if he just knew she was bluffing.

This made her frustrated.

"Why are you not worried?" There was hesitation in her voice, she was confused, angry, and scared all at once. She didn't even recognize the boy she fell in love with. "I—I'll ruin you. I can turn you in, turn them in.."

"No you won't."

No she won't? Why did he say it so casually, so confident. Why wasn't he breaking? ....Why did she want him to?

"Yes- yes I will. You don't know who you're playing with." There, the hesitation sat at the base of her throat, giving him the go that she was bluffing. "No you won't." He stated again, this time disturbing her personal space, his eyes glued to her, his flatten lips twitching into a smirk. " You know why you won't? Because you don't have the tapes right now and your brother is on the tapes, so is your friend Zach, so is your bestie Jessica, everyone Jules. If I go down, we all do. Dominic affect."

Fuck he was right, he didn't even need to bring up the fact that she wouldn't turn him in because she also still love him, maybe that one was obvious but still, she was furious.

With one quick slap that smirk was whipped clean off, she couldn't help it.. She hated how confident he was, how right he was..How calm, like he acknowledged his sins and doesn't have remorse. How could he do that?

To her, to those girls. How could he cheat on her like that? How could he be the main reason a girl killed herself and he doesn't have remorse? She was disgusted. "We're fuckin done. If I see your face or if you even try to talk to me or look in my direction, I'll squeal and bring everyone down with me. If you don't have remorse, I won't either." Her words taste like venom on her tongue but that's how she felt deep in her gut. She hated him, she despised him but with all of that, at the same time it broke her.

He was her angel, her first everything and he turned out to be a devil in disguise and he's protected too, why? He's a rich white boy in America surrounded by money and jock friends that worship him like he's a god. It was sickening really.

Her heels clanked against the concrete once again, making a bitter melody as she walked herself home that night. Hannah and everything she said flashed in her head like a flashback. That poor girl, that poor pitiful girl. You know at the same time Juliana felt bad but she despised the girl too? She went after Jules brother and kept seeing him, she went after Zach and even Bryce. Oh Lord Bryce, just the thought of them two .....it felt like flashes of burning heat burning in her stomach.

Home, she didn't know why she bothered going home. She knew Justin wasn't there, home was the last place the twins would even be. Bryce was always their second home, their hideaway from hell, and now it's not even that for her anymore. Upon arriving at their shitty apartment, Juliana slowly upon the door, mentality cursing at how loud this door can be when they're trying to sneak in, luckily no one was there, well, until she closed the door.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Seth, Juliana and Justin's mom's boyfriend and well, shit bag drug dealer. One time he tried to make a move on her and Justin tried to protect her honor only to get his ass kicked. "I went to Bryce's house " Her words were short and bitter which was strike one to him, but before anything could happen amber saved the day by convincing her lousy, shit hole, white trash boyfriend back to their room, she didn't even bother to look at her daughter. But then again, she was always a boy mom even though she was a shitty mom most of the time.

Letting out a breathy sigh, she quickly ran to her room, locking the door behind her. Tears crept up as her eyes were now swollen with them. God, what the fuck is she going to do.

[unknownbl0ggerr]

Promise me

Alex Standall x Fem! Reader

What if someone talked Alex out of doing what he did?

Trigger Warnings! : mentions of suicide, mental health issues, guns, swearing, everything you expect from 13 reasons why.

——————

“come over”

that was the only text you got, it was the only thing you needed to rush over to your boyfriends house.

you got to the front door and texted him, you weren’t gonna knock it was late and you weren’t stupid. he opened the door quickly and you could see he had been crying. he shut the door quietly behind you and grabbed your hand as you both walked to his room.

“alex what’s going on?” you asked softly as he sat on his bed. he took a shaky breath before shaking his head, “hannah’s dead and it’s all my fault.” “what?” you asked walking towards him. “no honey that’s not true.” you said kneeling down in front of him.

he had his eyes closed and you could see the tears rolling down his cheeks, “it is. you heard the tape. I could’ve fucking helped her but i made it worse. i killed hannah baker.” you held the side of his face gently, he opened his eyes and looked at you, breathing heavily.

“baby there was nothing you could do. she made her choice long before you even knew she was suffering.” he didn’t answer but the tears didn’t stop. your other hand that was on holding his wiped the tears off his face, “what happened to her was terrible. she deserved better but you can’t best yourself up over this. you didn’t kill hannah baker. she killed herself.”

he nodded slowly before crying again, you sat next to him and wrapped your arms around him, he cried into your shoulder and you rubbed his back.

——————

you laid next to each other, over the covers, holding hands, breathing practically synced. “i was gonna do it.” he said softly, voice practically a whisper. you turned your head towards him. “i was gonna end it.” this time it was a whisper. you sat up, now noticing his unnaturally cleaned room. “but that’s changed now.” he said sitting up with you, “because you’re here.”

you grabbed his hand gently and got closer to him, you were face to face now, sitting crisscrossed, knees touching, “promise me.. promise me if you ever feel like this again you call me. no matter what. no matter where i am, what time it is, what i’m doing, it doesn’t matter. what matters is you.” you held up your pinky for a pinky promise and he chuckled softly before he started tearing up, but stopped himself.

he nodded and grabbed your pinky with his, “i promise.” you smiled and so did he, you kissed him on his nose then his cheek. he rolled his eyes playfully then kissed you on the mouth which you gratefully returned before gently pushing him away.

“i hate to end this sweetheart but i do have to break it to you, we have school in about..” you checked your phone then nodded. “6 hours.” “shit..” he said still smiling. “shit is right.” you laughed.

“well, do you wanna stay here tonight?” he asked already knowing the answer. “alex i don’t really have a choice do i?” she joked making him smile again, “guess not.” he gave her a shirt and some shorts to change into and they fell asleep in each others arms.

[sammythelover]