#shes squishy to the point it makes my game run weird

[eudico-my-beloved]

lmao for some reason while in void mode i kept getting oneshotted by something and i didnt even have abilites on. now i lost an hours worth of loot (8 toroids)

[claire-starsword]

The Guardiana Magic School Run - Part 6

Manarina time. As you might have heard, this is a weird place.

The weirdness includes having a hidden Demibuster on its walls. I'm fairly sure there are no more dark dwarves to fight, and this sword is already outclassed by the Middle Sword. Why is it here.

It can be sold for money I guess, but even that has a catch. Special items like this go to the deals section when sold, to make sure you don't lose them forever. I'm unsure if filling the deals section this way messes with the generation of random new deals. So I'm a bit afraid to do it, but on the other hand the deals section hasn't done much for us lately. We shall see. Right now we have more important things to do.

New party member.

Our beloved ice queen sadly starts out as like, a lesser Tao, and not just because of the level difference. She has less HP overall, the squishiest of defenses, and will take longer to learn AoE spells, because she gets Freeze before Blaze level 2. Freeze will be a great spell to have later on due to greater damage and range, but this and the next chapter are like, chock full of undead enemies immune to it, so yeah, not great!

The Steel Rings have always had her name on it, so Tao gives two to her, and now they both share a 7 in defense. Anri then swaps weapons with Khris, ensuring I won't have to spend money on a Power Staff, because Anri does not need one, I do NOT want this woman in the front lines ever.

We then get a very important egg, say hi to Arthur in the laundromat, and briefly return to Rindo to buy Medical Herbs for Anri, as Manarina has no shop. Hilariously I'm exactly 1 coin short of buying more than two herbs. Anri also gets the Antidote I've found last chapter, even though I generally feel healing is more useful.

I'm not very worried for this battle anyway, so I'd say preparations are complete. We head to the Cavern of Darkness.

The clear bonus is just money and I'm not too concerned about it.

We start greeted by two zombies, and compared to the four zombies of last time I don't care. Poison can be an annoyance but thankfully this time Lowe can reach people to heal them. And the zombies are so slow basically everyone can get into position before they move. And by position I mean Gong and Max will be tanking everything as usual.

Except they won't, the zombies don't even get the chance to act as the mages finish them off. Very nice for Anri to get the exp, and Tao also levels up, both her and Gong are a level above Max actually, I didn't notice that. She learns the Sleep spell, which I don't think I've ever used in any game in the series, but this is the magic school run so maybe we'll show it o- haha i'm kidding who cares use fireball and only fireball

Turn 3 opens up to a little more excitement, I though enemies would stick to blocking the bridge but one Sniper got spicy, Max remains irresistible I guess. Beyond the bridge there's like, five bats and you know that can get annoying, especially since they can cross through the water. My main concern as usual is the mage with its big damage, but Snipers also have a chance of picking my squishy people from afar so I want them gone as well.

Gong continues to massacre.

The Power Staff debuts amazingly, I even regret sending Tao after this guy first because this would have been a one hit kill.

Max counter kills the first bat that goes for him, because I guess he's still pissed off at the last battle. Sadly he doesn't do that for the second one, so we're still stuck on the bridge in annoying ways. The zombie also poisons him, because this man can't take a break.

Yeah he's not happy.

Turn 5. I was too afraid to send anyone ahead after Gong and Max killed the zombie blocking the bridge but Max countered the bat in front of him so we can move on now. He's also no longer poisoned thanks to Lowe, though he does need some healing.

Khris gets to him and earns a great level up for her troubles. Lowe is the only healer missing Heal 2 at this point. It's worth mentioning that Heal 2 is even more useful here than in the mega drive, as it heals 20 HP as opposed to 15, and has the same range as Heal 3. Kind of an exaggerated buff, honestly.

Anyway, the bats get wiped out without much problem, mostly by Tao, with Anri getting a kill in which is nice. Their spells cannot be dodged so they're the best to deal with these pests. We now head to the worst part of the battle.

These three mages can kill any force member at this point if they all focus on the same target. Even just two Blazes can be deadly. Of course, they're still easy to kill and hardly move, so it's matter of timing the approach to kill at least two before they act.

Gong and Max manage it just fine in the next turn. Since we're nearing the end, I'm start spamming heal spells for exp, though some real healing will need to be done too as one mage survived. Lowe in particular has tons of MP and the Skeleton doesn't move, so I'm still confident.

...never mind the Skeleton does move. And it's beefy enough to finally do more than one damage to Max, even if still not concerning.

Max also takes less than half of its HP, something that hasn't happened in a while. See the game is not a complete cakewalk to the magic school, we're just still pretty good. Also, Max has leveled up twice in this battle but got only one or two stats raised up, so it really seems like his godly level ups are a thing for the beginning only.

Also, the Skeleton stats claim it has no magic resistance, but Blaze 1 did only 6 damage which I find a bit weird. Still, we have two mages so it was enough to end this, and luckily Anri is the one to reap the exp and her first level up.

No HP, no defense, lots of magic, it's a very squishy wizard level up for sure.

Fairly sure I had turns to spare, at least this time I did expect the battle to be easy.

Besides the plot mandated Orb of Light, this cavern has lots of other loot. There's a spare Power Staff, which I can give to Tao in case of emergency I guess, a Voodoo Staff which is not as good and has the issue of being special enough to go to deals when sold, guess for now Anri can have for emergencies too, a Medical Herb, nicely filling Anri's final item slot, and more importantly, the Power Ring. This thing has someone's name written all over it.

Arthur has finished his job and can join us now! He's uh, not off to a great start. His HP is on par with Anri's (derogatory), his defense is around the ring wearing spell casters here, not ideal for a melee fighter, and his attack is lower than the priests, though that might say more about the priests than anything. Anyway, the next battle is full of new stronger enemies and a boss with an overpowered spell, and I have seen this man die as his very first action multiple times, so while it's fun to still get to play a knight in this kind of run, I'm not thrilled for this beginning.

We can try to make it better though. Let's head back to Rindo. And get immediately side tracked by the deals section.

The Zombie Charmer is an even stronger staff than our current ones, with extra damage to undead enemies. It was likely made for the Shade Abbey battle but still useful to deal with the plentiful of skeletons in Chapter 3. However, I'm fairly sure it is the clear bonus of the next battle, so we don't necessarily have to spend this much money to have it. Even if it would be very rad to have two.

It's a tough decision between it and the Charm Rings, but given that I'm worried for the next battle, and the rings can be useful for the whole rest of the run and are limited to this chapter, I'm think I'm going for them. The deal will still remain here for Chapter 3 if I need it.

Back to Arthur, I buy him a Spear to give him range, and hope the Power Ring compensates for the drop in attack. It actually does leave him with 18 attack which is 1 more than he started, so it should be fine. Now I just need this man to never be touched by an enemy in his whole life.

I then buy a couple Medical Herbs for him as usual, and a Charm Ring for Max. Max now has 23 HP and 32% magic res, which I hope means something against the Marionette. I considered giving it to Lowe since he has the Doll Hater, but he has little defense and that thing packs a punch physically as well, so do the minor Mishaela minions as well. The circus battle sucks. I hate relying only on Max for everything, but he feels like the only guy with enough HP for the magic resistance to matter.

That's all preparation I can do. Next update we find out who lives or dies.

Losses: 0 Deaths: 1 The expected deaths on Narsha interludes: 0/3

[tzawa-1y]

had this sitting around a while, wanted to make it nice and detailed but also hopefully somewhat accurate, idk yesterday scared me lmao-

also quick bump to the original post, if you'd like to send someone in and haven't feel free to! might be slow over the next couple days again tho.

Anyways;

Hoshizawa's thoughts on @dantelionwishes Sato, Makoto, Miss Me, and Hibiki

read more because whoof

Sato:

very friendly around the teachers in general, and likes tagging by them a lot.

Sometimes ends up being the last to leave class cuz he's trying to make quick chat with him about whatever he was teaching, and ends up having to dash to the next class.

actually masks more & acts a lot more formal around him though, like there's a big difference between hoshiz with other students, and hoshiz with Sato.

(well it's there with any adult & Tsumi actually, but especially Sato)

That said, he really likes Sato, even if he comes off more threatening or stern or whatever compared to like Miss Me.

Would probably still just end up throwing him way off intimidating guy script; "well... now that you know this... do you have any other questions for me?" "are you my friend? :3"

definitely has to learn about non-quirk combat, as his quirk can relatively easily be subverted, and he's just very squishy LMAO-

Makoto:

She's definitely interesting??

Hoshizawa doesn't get a lot of their humor and references, and kinda feels uncomfortable with that...

but he does still like them! will probably go to Makoto to learn about video games.

Not too scared about Makoto going through his devices, all the worst in a boring way lmAO-

shitty pictures of just birds or whatever and cool plants or something on his phone.

probably not bestest besties, but he has fun talking with them.

he... finds the glowsticks really cool but. been thinking about it... idk if he can really. see them. that well.

but he does find their eyes neat! it's very helpful if he goes into her dorm and he can actually see them cuz they're glowing a lil lmao--

and of course, they're both Very comfortable with physical contact.

Miss Me:

Again, just really friendly with his teachers, but especially Miss Me (his main homeroom teacher ofc yk)

definitely the greater target of him sticking around until the last minute (or past said last minute, honestly) to rant about something.

Hoshizawa has a lot to learn not just about using his quirk safely and working with the downfalls of it, but in specializations and using it in new ways too!

she's likely able to work best with Hoshizawa on finding how to learn in a way that works best for them both.

He really likes Miss Me, and how friendly and comfortable she is, defs his favorite teacher.

probably had a moment or two of *hoshiz runs up to hug* *miss me dodges (an attack)* *hoshiz kept going and crashed* lmao

very much the teacher he's most comfortable around, but still masks more compared to like with the students.

Hikari:

literally wants to hug her like always. warm friend.

but also she seems nervous and anxious a lot and doesn't know how to read when she's more or less anxious or what she actually wants.

so he's a lot more regularly like actually holding his arms out & offering a hug instead (as opposed to suddenly hugs attack w a lotta students)

particularly he cannot read when she's agreeing out of anxiety or genuinely agreeing.

ends up asking what she wants or needs in the moment because he has No Clue. (but can hardly get the question across right and ot sounds weird)

they were both homeschooled and had very protective family! relatability ayo

they have an equal standing on meme culture and that's rlly neat

shows her the terrible pictures and just stresses her tf out (tbh idk how I'd respond either- rip lol)

eventually though if hoshizawa is able to see her pictures he 1) gets very ":000 wait thaTS SO PRETTY THO!!" (swiftly apologizing for being loud and scaring her ;;) and 2) understands the point and might ask for some advice.

basically just really wants to be friends, she's literally the only other homeschooled person here and wants to have someone to relate with in not knowing what's going on lol.

that said, he's not totally sure how to go about it seeing she's so extremely anxious all the time and he's not totally sure how to respond to that, or when exactly she feels better or worse.

also, he doesn't have to look down at her thank god, they're sorta equal height.

[clearsky]

My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here

[pikelanette]

Trinket

hey friends!! been a while, I know... but hey, here’s some modern AU perc’ahlia! inspired by the prompt ‘carnival’ and kind of sad but also kind of happy (my favourite)

Pairing: perc’ahlia Words: 4580 Rated: T Link: ao3

a modern au about winning bears at carnivals

The first time Vex’ahlia saw Trinket, she let out a delighted chuckle.

Gilmore was showing them all of the prizes the kids could win at his shooting game at the annual Emon carnival. He’d pulled it all together at record speed. Apparently, his diner was going through just a tiny bit of a dip in visits, so he wanted to lure in some more families with younger kids by participating in the carnival and plastering his logo on everything he sold. He told Vex and Vax about it a couple of weeks ago and flirted with both of them until they gave in and promised that they’d help out. Vax would help out at the waffle stand and Vex was going to run the shooting game stand a few lanes over.

The game was fairly simple: customers had to hit a couple of unicorn-themed targets with a small plastic gun that shot tiny squishy balls. If they couldn’t hit any, they got a consolation prize, a discount for a waffle at Gilmore’s other stand. But if they did manage to get some hits in, there was a variety of small, cute prizes for them to pick from. And the biggest prize was a huge bear plushie.

Vex’s eyes shone brightly as she looked the bear over. When her brother saw what she was looking at, he snorted. Then he reached out and took her hand. He got it, of course.

When they were six, their mother took them to a carnival. The big prize for one of the games was a huge bear plushie just like this one. Weirdly realistic, kind of menacing, absolutely perfect for her. She’d spent a stupid amount of time trying to win it, but money was tight, and when she noticed her mom’s guilty expression every time she opened her wallet, she let it go. It didn’t stop her from walking by the stall a couple of more times, just to see the bear. She made up a story where she’d rescue him from his carnival prison and he would be her best friend. Together, they’d go an adventure. Vax too, of course. He was part of all of her adventures.

Quietly giving up on that bear was a turning point in her life. It was the moment she realised that her mom needed her help. Her mom needed her to be strong and happy with the tiniest things. Her mom needed her to stop wanting things.

Vex’ahlia never stopped wanting things.

She hadn’t thought of that bear in years. Her life had a bunch of other turning points that kind of took the spotlight away from it. Losing their mother to cancer. Moving in with their horrible father. Finally leaving his house the second she and Vax turned eighteen.

That last one got their lives onto a better track, though. Things got better after they left the Vessar family behind. It was rough at first, of course, trying to make a living, but they’d saved up money while they still lived with their father for that exact purpose, so things never got out of hand. They took any jobs they could for a while, and then they went into the food business. They opened their bakery when they were twenty-four. Thanks to Vax’s creativity and Vex’s eye for business, it took off after a year.

It was a little poetic that the bear came back into her life after all that.

She walked up to it and patted one of its arms, greeting it like an old friend. Gilmore had no idea what was happening and his head was too full to ask, so he just told her to get acquainted with the place before the opening the day after and dragged Vax off to see to the waffle stand.

Vex watched them go with a smile on her face and turned back to the bear. “It’s you and me again, buddy,” she told it. She grabbed its paw and shook it. “Nice to finally meet you. This is going to be fun.”

And it was fun.

Their bakery hadn’t made it through the selection process for the food stands at the carnival, but this way she could still show her face to prospective customers. People knew her as Vex from the bakery, so every time she chatted with them and handed out prizes to the children, she knew that she was putting her bakery back into their heads. The bakery was open, of course; their employees were running it during these weeks. Vex knew exactly how to pepper that fact into conversation.

Gilmore’s game was deceptively simple, so most customers left with a nice prize. The discount system worked too: Vax told her that most of the people who won a discount code showed up to get their waffles and spent some extra money on drinks and special toppings. Gilmore’s business was booming. And according to JP, the bakery was seeing customers too, despite the carnival.

The shifts were very long, but Vex didn’t mind. After the carnival she’d be beat for a couple of days, but for now she was thriving. She loved commerce. She loved carnivals. And Vax brought her waffles.

She ran the stand by herself, which kept her very busy during rush hours, but she preferred it that way. She liked having full control over the entire place. It reminded her of the first year at the bakery, when Vax and her were the only people keeping the place together. It was a little weird not to have Vax there, sometimes, considering that comparison, but every time she felt that she could just turn to Trinket.

She named him Trinket because all of the prizes were trinkets, and because he was adorable. Every morning when she came in, she patted him on his arm and told him good morning. A few days into the carnival, everyone knew that Vex had made friends with the giant bear at the shooting stand. She would stand next to it when the children were shooting and pretend to talk to it about how incredible their aim was. She’d frown and nod like she was listening to a response and tell the children that Trinket thought that they were awesome. No one came close to winning him, of course. You needed seriously good aim to get all of the targets, and for the big prize there was a time limit too.

Of course, some people couldn’t resist teasing her about her friendship with the bear. Like the handsome engineer who fixed broken games all day

He caught her eye as early as the second day of the carnival. He was called in to fix the Wack-A-Mole came right opposite to Vex’s stand and Vex absolutely did a double take when he came walking up.

He was wearing the same blue uniform as all the other engineers at the carnival did, but there was something different about him. He held himself as straight as a rod, every movement efficient and sharp. He wore glasses, golden-rimmed, and his shoes might be well-worn, they were clearly very high quality.

Money, she concluded with a surprise. You didn’t usually spot people with money doing jobs like this. He must enjoy it.

There was a lull in business around the time the engineer worked the Wack-A-Mole, so she had all the time in the world to send glances his way and check him out as he worked. He disappeared behind the machine for a while, but eventually he came back out, covered in grime and dirt and slightly sweaty. He wiped his hand over his forehead, still holding a wrench, and then he looked up and stared straight at her.

He looked eerily composed for someone who had just done some very dirty work. Something inside of Vex jumped to attention.

The engineer turned back to the guy running the Wack-A-Mole without saying anything and told him that there shouldn’t be any more problems with the machine. Vex made sure to busy herself at the till as they said their goodbyes, somehow knowing that he wouldn’t just leave. And she was right. Footsteps came up to her stand and halted, and when she looked up with her customer service smile, she found the handsome engineer.

“You must be bored,” he said. His voice was smooth and perfect, like whiskey down her throat. Lovely.

“It is rather quiet at the moment,” she replied, her smile fading into a more sincere one, “But the past half hour has been pretty entertaining.”

He smiled back. “You have a pretty intense stare.”

She leaned against the counter. “Being subtle is overrated, don’t you think?”

“Oh yes,” he said, “It has a time and a place.” He smiled again. “I’m Percy. I’d shake your hand, but…” He wiggled his grimy fingers. “Perhaps some other time.”

“I suppose we could do introductions without the traditional handshake,” Vex teased, “I’m Vex’ahlia.”

“Vex’ahlia,” he repeated, “Nice to meet you. You work with Gilmore?”

“Temporarily. He’s a friend. My brother and I own the bakery on sixth.”

“You didn’t get a spot with the stands?”

She shrugged. “Too many applicants. We’ll try again next year.”

“Shame. You make a mean cinnamon roll.”

Vex laughed. She was very proud of their cinnamon rolls. “You’re a fan, are you? I don’t remember seeing you around. I’m sure I would.”

He patted his head. “Is it the hair?”

He did have a very distinctive shock of white hair. But they’d already established her opinion on subtlety.

“That, and your face.”

He snorted and shot her a look. She just grinned back at him unabashedly.

“My sister usually picks them up,” he said, ignoring her compliment, “We have them for our Sunday brunch.”

Vex smiled. “What a lovely idea. We also have a great brioche every week. It makes for some really delicious French toast. Perfect for a brunch.”

He arched an eyebrow at her. “Are you trying to flirt me into spending more money, Vex’ahlia?”

She laughed and sent him a mischievous look. “I merely want you to have the best brunch experience as possible, Percy. We just happen to offer the best product.”

He looked her over and waved his finger at her. “You’re dangerous,” he concluded.

“Absolutely. But you don’t look like you scare easily.”

He grinned. “I do not.”

“Then I expect I’ll see you around.”

“You’d be wise to.”

“I am so wise.”

He came by every day after that. Usually, he just chatted her up during one of his shifts. His work took him everywhere around the carnival and he passed by her stand often enough to just have a brief moment to flirt with her. He was a good flirter. She was enjoying herself.

The first time he caught her doing her little act with Trinket in front of some kids, he hid his laughter behind a fist. It was busy, so he didn’t say anything at the time, but when he came back later that day he had a twinkle in his eye that told her that he hadn’t forgotten.

“You never introduced us,” he said as he approached.

Vex sighed, catching his meaning, and patted Trinket on his arm. “Do you hear that, buddy? We’ve made Percy question himself.”

“Well, the two of you are clearly very close.” Percy leaned against the counter, cocking his head at her. “A man can’t help but wonder if there’s a reason you didn’t want us to meet.”

She crossed her arms. “Not every guy gets to meet my pet bear.”

“You wound me.”

She laughed. Over the days, Percy had really made an impression on her. There was something about the way he looked at her, something sharp and perceptive, that made her feel seen in a way that she usually didn’t. Plus, he could dish it out as well as he took it. That was rare, in her experience.

She was called away to let some kids play the game and his gaze drifted over to the targets. Sometimes, when he watched someone play it, he started tapping his fingers against his thigh. There was a nervous energy to him when he watched someone shoot.

Vex smiled to herself and told Trinket that the girl was doing incredible. Once the child left with her prize, a plastic unicorn the size of a microwave, she sauntered back over to Percy.

“Just do it,” she said.

He turned his gaze on her. “Do what?”

She nodded to the game. “Give it a try. You clearly want to.”

He laughed.

She absolutely adored his laughter.

“It does seem fun,” he admitted, his eyes still twinkling joyfully.

“Well, go for it.” She winked at him. “Give me your money, Percy.”

“You won’t even give me a discount?”

“Percy, I am a businesswoman.”

He snorted and flexed his fingers, looking back at the targets. “Alright. Sure.” He dug into his pockets and pulled out some coins, depositing them in Vex’s outstretched hand. She put them in the till as he picked up the tiny plastic gun. It looked ridiculous in his large hands; a hilarious sight that she was trying not to laugh at. She didn’t want to break his concentration.

He weighed the thing in his hands for a second and then brought it up. His fingers flexed one more time. Then he pulled the trigger.

He hit the first target easily. “A strong start,” Vex told Trinket appreciatively.

His lips quirked up into a lop-sided smile, but he didn’t look away from the game. He shot again.

Hit.

Again.

Hit.

By this point, Vex was watching him with a bemused grin. He was good. Where did he get that kind of aim?

She checked the prize ratings to see what he was going to get if he kept this up.

He missed the next one and cursed, but Vex felt a rush of relief as she realised he wasn’t going to get a perfect score. She patted Trinket’s arm.

He hit the next three, then missed the last two. All in all, it was the best score anyone had gotten as of yet.

“Impressive,” she said as he put the plastic gun back down. She turned to the prizes to pull down an extensive embroidery set (unicorn-pattern included). “Much experience with fire arms?”

“In a way. I work at the paintball range just out of town.”

“Really?”

This man really loved to get down and dirty, huh?

She held out his prize to him. “That’s pretty cool. Is everyone there as good as you are?”

Percy tentatively took the embroidery set out of her hands, looking at it like it was a lost child he had no idea what to do with. “Not really. But they’re decent enough.”

She laughed at his expression and his blunt confidence. The sound of it drew his gaze back to her, and he sent her that enticing half-smile again.

“Well, I’m certainly impressed,” she told him, trying not to blush. Her heart skipped a beat whenever he smiled at her like that, and it was ridiculously embarrassing, even if he couldn’t tell.

Percy hummed and looked back at the game. “Don’t be impressed yet.”

She arched an eyebrow at him, but he didn’t give her an explanation. Instead, he got back to work, leaving her with a wave of his hand and a row of question marks on her mind, the embroidery set tucked underneath his arm. The question marks disappeared soon enough, because business picked up again after that.

Something in had changed, though. After that, he tried the game every day. He started hitting the fourth target pretty quickly, but the last two still eluded him. They were pretty challenging, and the little plastic gun clearly wasn’t his preferred weapon.

It was Vex’s favourite part of the day. Percy would come by, usually bringing her a drink or a snack or just a snarky comment about someone at the carnival, he’d hand her some cash and then he’d try the game. He didn’t get frustrated when he couldn’t hit everything, but he was never truly content with his work either. He just stared at the last two targets sometimes, cogs in his head clearly whirling, trying to figure out how to make this work. But he never stayed too long – he always got back to work right when he was supposed to. Percy was nothing if not punctual. Plus, he loved his work here. She could tell from the way he talked about it.

Vex was having the time of her life. Not even her brother’s teasing about Percy could dull her sheer joy.

Then one day, Percy hit the eighth target.

Vex couldn’t deny the way her stomach dropped when the squishy little ball hit the target. Percy looked better than he ever did, staring at it with a fire in his eyes that made him seem invincible. But Vex couldn’t focus on it, because she was too busy clutching the huge artificial bear beside her.

Percy brought up the gun again, and part of her wanted to call out for him to stop. Panic hit her like a freight train and she held her breath.

He missed.

Vex breathed out and tried to still her shaking fingers. Percy was frowning at the target, clearly discontent. She laughed to relieve some of her own tension.

“Don’t feel bad, darling,” she said, “The last one is a real killer. I think it was made to be impossible.”

“Nothing is impossible,” Percy said. He eyed the ninth target again, still holding the gun as if he might try again.

“Until when were you on break?” Vex asked quickly, “Five to? Because then you should be getting back to work.”

Percy nodded and put down the gun, turning to smile at her. “You’re right. I’ll see you tomorrow, Vex’ahlia.”

“Looking forward to it.”

She waved at him before he disappeared into the crowd. Then her smile dropped from her face.

She tried to shake off the tension in her neck and shoulders. She was doing customer service, for God’s sake. She had to look welcoming.

She plastered her smile back on and tried to forget.

She thought it worked right up until Percy came back the next day, a smile on his face and his money already in his hand. Immediately, her shoulders tensed up again.

She smiled back at him. “Back to give it another try, then?”

“I’m going to get it one of these days.”

“Oh, well… There’s only five days left. You might have to concede.”

Percy handed her the money, his eyes already on the targets. “Not I, Vex’ahlia. Not I.”

Vex’s heart was in her throat from the moment he picked up the gun to the second he put it back down. He still couldn’t hit the ninth target, but she was getting seriously nervous. He’d managed to go from hitting the first seven to the first eight in… What, three days? There were still five days of the carnival left. The ninth target was definitely the hardest to hit, but, contrary to what she said before, it wasn’t impossible. He just needed some seriously good aim and a healthy dose of luck.

She looked at her bear. She felt jittery and uncomfortable, like she’d had too much caffeine.

“Are you alright?” Percy asked, a worried frown between his eyes.

Vex almost jumped. “What? Yes. I’m fine.”

She was being short with him, but for some reason he was annoying her right then.

He didn’t seem to pick up on it. Instead, he just nodded and said his goodbyes before heading back out into the fray.

Vex couldn’t calm down for the rest of the day. She kept glancing at Trinket, standing beside her all big and strong and dependable. She wouldn’t admit to it, but she’d been secretly thinking about taking him home after the carnival was done. She was sure she could give Gilmore a fair price for him. After all, she was now at an age where she could indulge herself. She could have the huge bear plushie if she wanted to. She could take him if no one else did.

After her shift ended that night, she looked up Gilmore. She couldn’t help herself.

“Shaun,” she said, making her voice and smile as warm and inviting as possible.

He arched an eyebrow at her, already suspicious.

Vex dropped the act. She frowned. “Is there a way to make sure that no one wins the main prize?”

“What?”

She was about to repeat her question when he held up a hand to silence her. “That’s illegal,  Vex. We’re not doing that.”

“But is there?” she pushed.

Gilmore sighed and stepped up to her, sending her one of his own signature dazzling grins. “Vex’ahlia. Darling. If you mess with the mechanics of my game, I will snap your neck like a twig.”

Vex repressed an angry pout and turned away from him. “I was just joking,” she snapped. She straightened out her shirt and left him.

The next few days, she had to physically restrain herself from biting her nails while on shift. The jittery energy she’d felt the day Percy hit the eighth target was a constant now. She kept bouncing her leg and rolling a coin between her fingers. She did breathing exercises to keep herself from rushing the customers, but she couldn’t help the turbulent river of nervousness that coursed through her own body. The sight of Percy’s white shock of hair in the crowd was no longer something that she looked forward to. Instead, every day she crossed her fingers that that day he’d be too busy to visit.

He never was, of course. No, he showed up every day, at a different moment, catching her off guard just as business lulled for a moment. First, she’d draw him into conversation, asking him about his work, his family, his hobbies, anything. She flirted excessively, trying to keep his attention fully occupied. But, about five minutes before his break would end, he’d hand her the money and pick up the gun.

She hated him a little bit in those moments. Couldn’t this guy take a fucking hint?

But he still hadn’t hit the ninth target by the time the last day of the carnival arrived. Vex dared to be a little hopeful. The odds were against him, at least, and she’d talked to Gilmore about taking Trinket home after the carnival. As long as they got through this day, her buddy would have a permanent place in her living room. But she hadn’t yet cleared out a spot. She didn’t have that kind of confidence yet.

When Percy came to the shooting stand that day, it felt like the moment that the entirety of these two weeks had led up to. She kind of felt like there should be a crowd for this. Someone should be paying attention, at least. Instead, everyone around them was just having their regular fun. Someone was cackling at the Wack-A-Mole stand. A mother was chastising her child for holding their ice-cream a little loosely. In the distance, they could hear the excited yelling of people on one of the more exciting rides.

Percy smiled at her as he gave her the money for the game. “One more try,” he said conspiratorially.

Vex forced a laugh that sounded hollow to her own ears, clutching the money in her hands.

She refused to hold onto Trinket as Percy picked up the gun. Instead, she crossed her arms, hunching her shoulders a little. She felt small, and she hated it. She hated that she cared about this. She hated that she couldn’t talk about it.

She was six years old again, walking past that carnival game just to steal another glance.

Percy hit the first five targets easily. He moved in a smooth line now, quick as a dancer. He was beautiful.

He took a breath before he hit the sixth. Took a second. Hit the seventh. The eighth.

Vex’ahlia held her breath. Her heart was racing. For some reason, fight or flight was kicking in, and she had the incredible urge to break something. She wanted to punch his pretty face.

Percy angled the gun. He moved his hand a hairbreadth. Settled.

Vex followed the little ball with her eyes as it shot towards the ninth target. She watched it sail right into it with an audible plop.

Bells went off. She was pretty sure a confetti gun covered the entire place in colourful paper. She didn’t care.

Tears rushed into her eyes. She was six years old, and she had to walk past the carnival stand. She had to give up the bear.

She looked up and caught the tail-end of an adorable dorky victory dance that Percy was doing. He had a grin on his face that could light up the night sky.

She turned away quickly, palming at her eyes to get rid of the tears. She took a deep breath.

She was twenty-seven. It was time to give up the bear.

“Congratulations!” she said, turning back to Percy with a smile.

His grin had faded into a content smirk. “I knew I could do it. I just had to get it right.”

“It’s a real feat.”

She tried to keep her voice peppy. Percy was a good guy. She liked Percy. It was just a bear.

He was basking in his own satisfaction. “Can I come pet him?” he asked her, a tease to his voice.

Vex forced a laugh and waved him over to the stand’s entry point. “Of course. He’s all yours.”

Percy entered the stand and stepped up into her space since the first time she met him. He was a little taller than she was, and he smelled like oil and caramel apples. He had her favourite smile on his face, but she couldn’t enjoy it.

She turned her face away and led him to Trinket. “Here he is! The man himself.”

“An honour to finally meet you,” Percy said, patting Trinket’s paw with his hand.

Vex bit her cheek.

“So,” Percy said casually, glancing at her, “What are you going to do with him?”

She blinked slowly. “What?”

“The bear,” Percy said, “Where are you going to put him? He’s pretty big.”

“Where am I going to put him?”

“Well, yes.” Percy turned his body towards her and crossed his arms, smiling down at her. His eyes had a boyish glint to them. “I’m not going to separate a lady from her pet bear. What do you take me for?”

Vex needed another few moments to wrap her head around what he was telling her. “What? You… What, you’re… You’re… Wait, you’re giving me the bear? You won it.”

“I think you’ll give him a better home than I would. Besides, isn’t this customary? Winning a prize for your date?”

“You…” Vex’ahlia let out a laugh. All of the tension she’d accumulated dispersed in one cackling bout of laughter. When she finally wiped the tears from her eyes, Percy was looking at her a little weird, although not at all displeased.

“I didn’t know we were on a date,” she said finally. Her hand reached for Trinket instinctively, and when she touched him, she knew that she could finally take him home.

She was twenty-seven. This bear was hers.

[fishmongeringstudies]

scene fifteen: in moments of deep and debilitating anxiety remember that someone out there is thinking about how to fit a horse-shaped figurine up their ass and that they will probably succeed

in the history of sexuality: volume one michel foucault puts forth the idea that we as a society have gotten bad at dying due to a lack of practice. in the place of death, he posits, we obsess with life. every tedious stage of it, spotlit and burnt into our retinas so that even when we lie awake in bed with our eyes shut, visions of the future stalk through the darkness like specters. we are categorically unable to predict what lies ahead on the yellow brick road and obligated to try. as a result, we have become shrewd, planning creatures.

we have lost our touch with death. we are out of touch with it. we do not die enough, even though everyone you speak to will likely agree that each of us only dies once.

in a half-hearted bid to help its students cope with the fact that the world had been consumed overnight by a pandemic which was steadily eating away at the sanity and sanctity of life as we knew it and everything was fucking terrible, my college came up with a plan wherein instead of four classes in the fall, we would only have to take three. in exchange january would be given up to a four-week speedrun of one more class, so as to complete the holy rectangle. consumed with hubris and distracted by the legend of zelda: breath of the wild, the game which had eaten up the last five months of my life and promised to follow up with the rest of it, i decided to take a philosophy course on personal identity. on the first day of class i logged onto zoom, my personal sleep paralysis demon, at eleven on a monday night to my professor asking us completely seriously: what makes you you?

my toes, i guess? i have ten of them. i mean most people have ten toes, but mine are pretty weird looking. are we done here?

we were not done here. we proceeded to investigate every aspect of the twenty-first century conception of the self, from the lumpy flesh bag which contained our affectionately soft and squishy parts to the memory, the continuous narrative that held all our dimmest and brightest moments together. we doubted each one, flirted with it; then we cast it away. was the self the brain? no. was the self the body? no. was the self the memory, the shreds of past glories, was the self actually a collection of selves? is the you who plucked that goldfish out of the pond at age seven because you thought lungs meant you were invincible the same you who wrung their hands nervously together as they stood in front of the cashier this morning, waiting for the person behind the counter to ring up your groceries?

there was a counter for everything, you see. i know this because i presented a quarter of them. it's fun to shoot things down, less fun to be shot at; having been gunned out of the sky several times in my life i make it a point to keep my eyes trained on the horizon when i am out and about these days. so yes. people are not really. really what? they simply aren't. we have been living in a farce of reality, telling ourselves we matter when we have never been able to articulate with certainty the exact nature of that 'we' to begin with. or should i say me?

one night in late january while lying in bed after a three hour breath of the wild korok hunt, drifting peacefully into the ether, a thought flashed across my mind: WHERE DO PEOPLE GO WHEN THEY FALL ASLEEP.

i bolted upright in bed, heart hammering like there was a hammer in my chest and a little man holding the hammer and that motherfucker was swinging like he had hell to pay.

it turns out my extensive history of making jokes about immortality isn't just a reflection of my overinflated ego. it's a reflection of this:

michel foucault was sometimes criticized for his armchair philosophy style of tackling what were, at heart, deeply empirical human issues. even if the epistemic foundations were sound, there was often a clear disconnect between the ideas he espoused and the communities which they were to be applied to. this is a criticism every philosopher deals with at some point in their life. this is a critique of philosophy as a whole. stop smoking your damn bong and get back out here, skinny academia man. there's a whole world to see.

in season three episode eighteen of the penumbra podcast by sophie takagi kaner and kevin vibert a character named buddy aurinko stops in the middle of a debilitating fit of coughs, and admits in a wet, cracking voice that she does not want to die. 'i don't want to die,' she says to herself, standing in her office and overlooking a heist of astronomical proportions. her heart is made of steel; it pumps gasoline through a body more metal than flesh. she is half human in the most literal sense, with a clockwork soul and a gunmetal smile. in spite of the alarming state of decay the radiation exposure has left her body in, she wants to live. she fights for it. she leaves the heist to her crewmates and escapes to a room that will protect her from shock waves that would otherwise stop her mechanical heart. kicking her heels off and running and stumbling down the hallway, she makes it to safety just in time to hear the explosion go off.

life is a firework show in the sense that we are surrounded by highly-flammable and explosive objects which look nice from afar and are a threat to our safety up close. this analogy made sense when i started typing it but it seems i've come up short. life is a firework show. i like things that eat darkness. i am a firefly. i make fire take flight.

i think michel foucault was right, in some ways. we are living in abundance. i do not mean a physical abundance, a pile of tailored suits at the foot of the bed; i mean an abundance of life. the distribution is disastrously uneven. but the average is high. we emerge into a life which assumes we will stay for a long, long time, which fluffs the pillows and plans the high school graduations and sets aside money in a bank account for our first car, our second apartment, our third lover. we emerge into celebration. happy birthday. cue candles. cue applause.

but on a purely individual level, is it really that bad to be gorilla-glued to life? should we expect the other shoe to drop at thirty instead? what about the mid-life crisis? what about the cat on the windowsill? as death grows to terrify us, so does life. they are two sides of a coin which, when flipped, always lands heads-up. but i propose a counter-argument. i propose joy. joy in standing in the supermarket and running your hands across rows of blushing apples. joy in starting an argument you know you will win. joy in waking up to the shrill screech of your alarm only to discover that today's morning classes have been canceled due to the snow piled up outside your window. we have progressed too far down the yellow brick path to be caught up in false dichotomies. you can love something you fear. you can soak yourself in it, drench yourself in it, tip it down your throat like champagne. flip a coin and it lands both sides up. flip two coins. flip the table and sit on its belly for a while.

are we done here? never. not in a thousand years.

06.04.21

[misstvirus]

** RESIDENT EVIL VILLAGE SPOILERS **

I decided to put this on tumblr so I could hide spoilers from Twitter and full explain why I gave Resident Evil 8 the score 5/10

These are my opinions and my personal review of Resident Evil Village. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and I am in no way saying that anyone’s experiences or enjoyment of the game are invalid.

Please excuse me - I had a hard time trying to put my thoughts in order. This is a game summary and commentary after the first few paragraphs.

I first discuss the graphics, music, etc but it turns into me basically explaining the plot so I could express my dismay at the end. Skip to the last few paragraphs to read my mental nerdy breakdown.

The gameplay, graphics and mechanics are perfect. Each installment since of series since Resident Evil 7 - has improved. The game mechanics while in combat such as switching weapons, healing and guarding are smooth, it’s damn near perfect. The Duke brought a lot of nostalgia and memories of Resident Evil 4’s Merchant. I enjoyed being able to interact to upgrade weapons, buy supplies and sell treasures. The games over all aesthetic, atmosphere and attention to detail. Each location was beautiful and you can see the love, sweat and dedication put into the game. The music is there, it is eerie at times but it’s not as memorable as other installments of the game. Resident Evil 7 had its featured title song, “Go Tell Aunt Rhody” - Resident Evil Village’s “Yearning for Dark Shadows” was not as heavily featured and did not get the hype like it’s predecessor.

Resident Evil Village had a good story (please note this is my thought strictly AS A REVITALIZED RE GAME BEFORE THE CHRIS REDFIELD SEGMENT). The story starts by continuing with Ethan and Mia Winters after the events of Resident Evil 7. I knew Capcom moved in a different direction and accepted that as long time RE Junkie that although it’s from the same universe - they would not be the same type of games. Chris Redfield’s end game appearance in RE7 and a few Easter eggs were the only MAIN (not DLC content) links to the previous RE installments. The new set of villains and interesting tie-ins to village folklore story was a great way to foreshadow the events to come. The village and story behind Mother Miranda and her reasoning for creating the big baddies because wanting to bring back her dead child were good and had this been a stand alone or continuation WITHOUT TYING THE GAME INTO THE RE UNIVERSE I would have liked it fully.

The game starts with Ethan and Mia Winters, a new baby, Rose and are Having marital issues not dealing with Louisiana/RE7 events and Chris Redfield shows up and kills “Mia”. Chris’s team takes the baby and Ethan and knocks him out. When Ethan wakes up in wreckage of a van, without his baby and dead drivers. As Ethan wanders into the woods and makes his way to the village. He discovers something is killing the people and meets up with a group of people who worship Mother Miranda and quickly die by monsters. These monsters are called “lycans” who are products/monsters of the Cadou mold similar/same thing in RE7. Ethan finds himself apart of weird meeting of all five villains - who stole baby Rose and want do some weird shit.

Tada! Ethan has escaped and ends up in Lady Alcina Dimitrescu or “Tall Lady” “Vampire Mommy” castle. You are confronted by her and her three daughters Bela, Cassandra and Daniela.

Let me step in to rustle the jimmies and ruffle the feathers of the Lady D hype group. What you see in the previews is what you get. No more, no less! There is nothing special and there are no redeeming qualities or mentions past notes in game files of Lady D outside your castle encounter. The story isn’t based around her, she’s just a tiny part in a larger story plot 1 of 5 villains/baddies. The daughters are overly sexual and have the most cringe worthy dialog. I love me some sexy characters and villains but the daughters were just so cringe. They could’ve AMPED up the horror with them and created a stronger scare factor but dropped the fucking ball. They were not creepy or scary and brought nothing to the story with delivering lines about wanting to “consume Ethan’s manflesh” “not stale as mother said - tastes so good.” Also to be noted they were not actually vampires but bioweapons. Lady D being a good result to the mold “Cadou” and the daughters the result of the Cadou and mixing of insects. You kill the daughters, get chased by Lady D who eventually mutates into a flying tentacle bat-dragon and it’s done, she gone. Sorry to fuckboys who thought she was bigger player.

After Ethan beats Lady D, he grabs a yellow flask that’s apparently filled with the juice and parts of baby Rose - and each of villains has one of these baby-juice boxes. Ethan will have to collect them all to be able to put Rose back together.

Next visit is House Beneviento. This was the scariest of all five villains and village locations in my review of the game. It reminded me of a Silent Hill installment less a Resident Evil installment - the use of light, sound and overall paranormal factor did bring in a successful horrifying portion of the game . The mutated baby chase was comical yet creepy. You have to hide to escape it and you ended up playing hide and seek with possessed dolls. The entirety of House Beneviento will definitely give you an uneasy feeling. Donna, the woman controlling a doll named Angie is another baddie who you later learn is mentally unstable and uses her abilities to manipulate plants - to cause hallucinations to create the creepy doll house scenario. (Oof it’s hard for me to stay on track). Part 2 of 4 of Baby Rose - which yes it what your game objective says.

Next Moreau, a mutated fish man - gives Ethan the Resident Evil 4 and Resident Evil 5 game play feel - having to complete actions while some oversized bioweapon is looming around and can take you out with a misstep, like falling in the water or moving too slowly. Moreau did not gain any abilities with the Cadou mold, basically his body wasn’t compatible and he just mutates uncontrollably. Mentally slow, weak and kind of a sad story. Ethan runs into Chris Redfield who tells him to stay out of it and than runs away. Ethans fights Moreau and gets another baby juice jar.

Next Ethan faces off and explores a laboratory with Karl Heisenberg - a bioweapon who can manipulate metal (think a less cool and weakly motivated Magneto). He one of the last big baddies - and motivated by being essentially rejected by Mother Miranda. He is the most stable reaction to the Cadou mold. Before Ethan and Heisenberg face off - Chris Redfield comes in - to reveal he was not the bad guy Ethan thought in the beginning of the game. Mia wasn’t Mia but in fact Mother Miranda in disguise- who was attempting to steal the baby Rose which she ended up doing anyway because Chris’s team wrecked with the baby. At this point I’m say FINE WHATEVER, I guess this works

Chris goes into kill Mother Miranda, we the audience discover the BSAA is now not what is used to be. Chris isn’t affiliating with them and his team hides away from them as they attack. BSAA gets struck down attempting to kill Mother Miranda’s mutation - a megacyte squishy organ (that’s keeping her alive and immortal). Chris puts a massive bomb on big Miranda squishy thing and discovers that Lady Dimitrescu, Karl Heisenberg, Moreau and Donna Beneviento are all attempts to create a perfect vessel to bring back her own dead child Eva, who died in 1912 of the Spanish flu. It is revealed Eveline, the RE7 little girl mold baddie wasn’t another failed attempt. Miranda has turned baby Rose into baby juice to use with the Cadou mold in a ceremony to bring her dead child back.

AND drum roll please - we find out Ozwell Spencer, founder of Umbrella and the progenitor virus the big Daddy of it all was in cahoots with Miranda at some point in his youth and supported her crazy ass research but had his own stuff going on. WHY?! WHO KNOWS? NOT ME! WHY WAS THIS PUT IN THE GAME. To piss me off? Yes. Chris has also discovered Mia is still alive in jail cell for what reason? who knows? And Mia reveals that Ethan is special!

Cue black screen, Ethan awakes to see to Eveline - the mold baddie from RE7. Eveline explains - that Ethan has been dead and died back during the events of RE7. Jack Baker had killed him and dragged him into the house. So he was dead the entirety of RE7 - That explains why Ethan is constantly dismembered, beaten and walking the mold keeps him alive. Ethan will not survive much longer because his missing heart but is determined to bring back his baby. Weakly he carries himself to fight Mother Miranda with Chris. Mother Miranda performs her ceremony with the baby juice boxes and out comes not Eva (her baby) but Ethan’s baby Rose.

They fight and Ethan kills Miranda, carrying Rose off to Chris but that missing heart is the end of Ethan so he takes the trigger for the squishy bomb and pushes Chris away and sacrifices himself for his daughter. Chris boards a helicopter with Mia and baby and the body of a BSAA solider. Ethan blows himself and the Miranda squishy up. The BSAA soldier turns out to be a bioweapon and Mia is distraught at Ethan being for reals dead and Chris is annoyed and directs the pilot for BSAA Europe HQ. Credits Roll, now we see Adult Rose (baby juice reborn as mold human) visiting her Dads grave it’s apparent Chris has been training her and her bodyguard (?) pulls up and they argue and she goes all combative on him. It’s implied she’s not normal since she was DUH she was turned into baby juice and put back together with Cadou mold they drive off - apparently you can see a ghostly Ethan in photo mode - I don’t know I don’t give AF enough about The Winters family and this game at this point

The End

5/10 - Story (read below)

9/10 - Everything else

- Katie’s Dismay and Final Review and Rating-

Graphics: 9/10

Setting: 8/10

Music: 6/10

Game Mechanics: 10/10

Story: (pre Chris Redfield tie in): 7/10

Story: (post Chris Redfield) 4/10

As a modern game, it was great, exceptional. It checks all the classic horror boxes but isn’t the scariest entry, Resident Evil 7 was a much more scary game. The story is why my rating is slow and it’s based on my biases and years of following the story.

STOP! Don’t want to hear my angry ranting? SKIP THE REST

THE ANGER OF a grown ass Resident Evil Fan.

They should’ve omitted the entire BSAA story and BSAA bioweapon-man and not included those notes about Spencer and Umbrella. This game was solid as a next installment and sequel to Resident Evil 7 until they decided they wanted to tie the original Resident Evil storylines into the new story.

When Capcom decided to breakdown and rebuild the franchise, it was a blow because so many storylines were unfinished. I understand they needed to keep evolving and I was blown away by the result. RE7 was not and did not feel like an old RE Game but it was new and it brought back the horror and fear the RE Games early installments were known for. A new RE for a new generation!

But TO ME PERSONALLY - The positive thoughts and opinions I had of RE7 are sullied by Resident Evil Village. Why try to tie it in as an after thought after such a successful overhaul? It’s a slap in the face! Capcom has created some of the best characters in video game stories just to say fuck them for this overhaul but WAIT WE REALLY LIKE CHRIS AND THE BSAA STORY LINE LET’S BRING IN THE OLD STORY NOW.

Fucking NO.

I don’t know what’s worse reading that fucking note from Spencer or the BSAA bullshit.

So now one has to say... WHAT happened to all of the characters who worked for BSAA or worked with affiliates of the BSAA? Chris goes on his own way - Now what? What happened??? There’s nothing explaining what happened between RE5 and RE6 to RE7! They failed to create that bridge. If they had established ANYTHING in RE7 it would be easier for me to swallow.

If you want to overhaul and change the series FINE but don’t back peddle now. Don’t try to throw it the last few minutes of the game with some lazy writing and a vague cliff hanger just leaving it like this.

And of course one could think - “maybe they will make a new game, maybe another sequel?”..... BUT HAVE Y’ALL seen what’s happened at the end of every RE game since RE4???? We are finally getting a Netflix series in 2021 to fill the time after RE4!!! That was 16 YEARS ago! So how can crazy ass fans like myself really expect them to fix the plot holes?!

My theory is that - in between RE7 and RE village They were working on the RE2 Remake and the RE3 Remake and it was if someone at Capcom finally asked - “If all these new RE players are going to play RE village - don’t we need a way to connect these stories????”

And someone jumped up in a conference room and replied. “FUCK IT LETS JUST TIE IN SPENCER AND THE BSAA IN THE LAST 10 MINUTES!”

I have cried, laughed and loved these games my entire life. Some of my major life events happened because of this series! I have followed every game, collected merchandise, gotten tattoos and met the most amazing people because our mural obsession over this series. That’s why it hurts me that’s why I’m tear it apart so viciously and also why I keep playing. There’s always hope that someone will fix the plot holes and finish the stories that lured in the older RE fans and I will always hold Capcom to a high standard and expect them to do right by the fans. I’m not speaking for ALL older RE Fans or ALL fans and I’m definitely not gatekeeping the fandom. This is how I feel - I’m grateful there is a new generation breathing life into RE but I’m screaming a warning - BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUPS - there’s a strong chance your favorite characters new or old aren’t going to get an ending or be reduced to a brief snippet in a file you may not not find.

ANYWAYS

Happy to those who loved it, condolences to those who are pissed off like myself

I’m annoyed but I’ll power through!

Happy 25th Anniversary to my longest obsession!

RE Verse coming in the summer, the Netflix series and the remake Live Action Movies.

HERE’S TO RESIDENT EVIL!

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Homecoming Job

leverage 1.02

Dr. LeRoque: Pardon me, Mr. uh?

Nate: Oh, uh, Nathan Ford. You’re Dr. LeRoque?

Dr. LeRoque: Can I talk to you outside?

Perry: Doc, he’s cool, I found him on the internet.

Dr. LeRoque: Yes, that never goes badly. (to Nate) With me.

Nate: Uh… I’ll be in touch.

(Perry hands him the flash drive and Nate follows the doctor out of the room)

okay but big mood “I found him on the Internet” “that never goes badly”

but also,,, bruh we NEED to know how their clients found them,,, like ??? H O W

- - - - -

Dr. LeRoque: You can’t just come in here and get his hopes up!

Nate: I’m just here to provide options.

Dr. LeRoque: There are no options.

Nate: The Veteran’s hospital …

Dr. LeRoque: Is 400 miles away and has a five month waiting list. Everybody in that rehab room is a reservist. When reservists get out they get sent home no matter where home is or how far it is from the treatment they need. Nobody thought this through. We’re not a rich hospital, I cashed in every favor I had to take care of these kids for as long as I could but I have to go back in there and tell Perry we can’t treat him anymore. I have to do that. Run your scam on somebody with money.

Nate: It’s not a scam. I’m here to help.

Dr. LeRoque: People don’t just show up to help. That’s not the way the world works.

leverage really called out the us government’s negligence and neglect for veterans in episode TWO and we stan them so hard for it

leverage said “go big or go home” from the VERY beginning

- - - - -

[Audition Room]

Sophie: Why? Why? I can’t live like this anymore. With the lies and the filth. No. Help me. I want to be clean. I want to be clean.

(two directors watching are overwhelmed by just how awful Sophie is)

Rogers: Yeah, you understand this is a soap commercial, right?

Sophie: Uh huh. When I thought about Peggy I came up with this idea that the dirt was really this giant metaphor, for sin.

(Sophie’s cell rings, she glances at her purse)

Rogers: You should take that. No, no you should take that.

Sophie: Oh. (answers phone) Hello? When? (hangs up) Peggy killed her first husband.

Rogers: Thank you

I literally scream every time I LOVE SOPHIE S O MUCH WHAT THE FUCK

- - - - -

[Parking Lot]

(one man is laying on the hood of a car and another falls on top of him. Eliot turns away from the car as the last man pulls a gun on him. They stare at each other for a moment, then a phone rings)

Eliot: That you or me?

(man seems unsure as the phone continues to ring)

Eliot: Could be important. Does your mama have your number?

(man looks down and Eliot grabs the gun, punching the man in the neck. The man goes down, choking. Eliot unloads the gun and tosses it away before pulling out his phone and answering it)

Eliot: Yeah? Nothing, why?

“nothing”? I’m-

- - - - -

(guard walks by a painting hanging in a museum gallery. He looks away for a moment, and when he looks back a rope is dangling where the painting had been. A cell phone rings)

Parker: Parker. Shh. No, I wasn’t shushing you.

I love her, your honor

- - - - -

(Parker, Eliot and Sophie come around the corner and head down the hall)

Parker: From the first job?

Eliot: Yeah.

Parker: I put all that money in a Swiss bank account.

Eliot: Millions of dollars and you didn’t buy anything?

Parker: I don’t like stuff, I like money.

Sophie: I bought a little retirement home, an island.

Eliot: Nice.

Sophie: In Dubai. And Tokyo.

Parker: What about you?

(they reach the door which has a small envelope with Sophie’s name written on it. Sophie takes it off the door and opens it)

Eliot: Yeah, I’m not about to tell two known thieves what I did with a multi-million dollar payout.

Sophie: Don’t you trust us?

(Eliot doesn’t answer.)

- - - - -

Hardison: This is our new cover story. Welcome to Leverage Consulting and Associates, founded in 1913 by the great Harland Leverage the Third.

(Hardison points to a painting on the wall of an older man that greatly resembles Nate)

Sophie: I’m sorry. Nate is going to kill you.

Eliot: Did you paint that?

Hardison: I’m gifted.

Eliot: That’s weird

HARLAND LEVERAGE THE THIRD

- - - - -

Hardison: Now Leverage Consulting Inc. is squeaky clean, all corporate taxes on record as being paid for the last ninety years. (He gives them each a cell and a folder) All your identities as partners, your payroll taxes are paid, you guys have pension plans and dental, those are employment records, case files and company newsletters.

(the group walks the halls of the Leverage offices as they discuss the files)

Parker: In 1998 I won the sack race at the 4th of July picnic. Cool.

Hardison: Now these, these are your offices. Now you can bring something like a photo, you know what, a plant! I’m a big supporter of dandelions.

hardison goes hardcore when coming up with backstories

- - - - -

(Hardison opens doors to a conference room that holds a long table with many chairs around it. One wall is dedicated to large TV screens)

Sophie: Nice.

Eliot: My man.

Hardison: Long version or the short version?

Sophie: Short.

Eliot: Short version.

Parker: Shortest.

(Hardison hits a remote the TV screens illustrate his explanation)

Hardison: Photo and video forensics programs, back doors into every electronic banking system in the world, running heuristic data crawls all over the news sites to find our clients, oh also!

Parker: This is the short version?

Hardison: Facial recognition database tied into CIA, NSA and the FBI. But, the real pièce de résistance (changes screens to sports games) DirectTV HD Total Sports Package. NFL, NBA and I threw in a little bit of hockey ‘cause I know you people like that.

Eliot: Hockey.

hardison nests SO HARD

like, bring in all the highest tech into your cozy new office you designed for you and your fellow adopted criminals? heck yeah

- - - - -

Nate: Our client is the cameraman. Corporal Robert Perry. He says that the Castleman contractors spooked and started firing.

Eliot: 5.56 NATO rounds mixed in with some 9 mils from the sub-machine guns. Insurgents would have used AK-47s with 7.62 ammo. It has more of a... (hits the back of his hand to his palm) crack. Contractors shot 'em up all right.

Parker: You ID’d the weapon from the gunshot sound?

Eliot: It has a very distinctive sound

D I S T I N C T I V E

- - - - -

Nate: Yes, and lobbyists in every office in Washington, DC. The problem with a cover-up is all the paperwork it takes to keep the lies straight.

Hardison: Internal emails, memos.

Nate: Exactly.

- - - - -

[Roof]

[Hardison and Parker are wearing black and connected to repelling gear)

Hardison: I gotta go back to the office I just remembered something.

Parker (adjusting Hardison’s harness): What?

Hardison: I just remembered gravity and the squishiness of all my manly bits.

Parker: I designed this rig myself. The line is carbon fiber. Five point harness. Weight support here, here, and here. Auto-breaking resistance on the main pulley back here.

Hardison: Okay cool, so it’s tested?

Parker: Not yet.

Hardison: Not yet? When the hell was you gonna test it?

(Parker pushes Hardison off the roof. She smiles, he screams)

Parker: Big baby.

(she jumps after him. Hardison screams until he stops upside down. Parker lowers herself to his side)

Hardison: Seriously? Seriously

hardison’s first time rappelling decidedly Did Not Go Well

- - - - -

Sophie: My company’s focused on meeting senators, but I’m thinking congressmen.

DuFort: You know the great thing about congressmen? Fifty, a hundred grand well spent will get one elected, but then once they’re in the incumbency rate is over 95 percent so you can get an average 18, 20 years’ use out of one of them. In these uncertain times buying a United States congressman is one of the best investments a corporation can make.

[DuFort’s Office]

Hardison: Oh I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I’m a professional criminal and I find that disturbing

they’re going at america’s THROAT in this one and I love it. thank you john rogers

- - - - -

(while DuFort is distracted Sophie pulls out his wallet and removes the RFID card with her teeth. DuFort takes off his coat to look at the stain)

I am but a simple gay and this was Hot™

- - - - -

the phones hardison gave the team have six main buttons: internet, text, files, to-do, id scan, and mail

- - - - -

Nate: Parker, what’s the status of the voicelock?

[DuFort’s Office]

Parker: Uh, I’ve been sampling DuFort’s speech but I still need a few more sounds.

[Private Party]

Nate: How many?

[DuFort’s Office]

Parker: Well I only need the sounds puh, tuh, oo, ah, eh, oh, ah, ke, a, ef.

[Private Party]

Nate: Ah, only those. Eliot.

(Eliot walks by carrying two trays of appetizers)

Eliot: I’m on it. Pardon. (approaches Sophie and DuFort) Hello.

Sophie: Ooh. Mmm.

Eliot: (to DuFort) Appetizer, sir?

DuFort: Sure, what do you got?

Eliot: I’ve got the pâté d’escargot avec bière d'Argentine and (looks at second tray and grimaces) what looks like old duck, kind of greasy.

DuFort: I guess I’ll have the first one.

Eliot: Of course.

(Eliot offers him the second tray and Dufort looks at him expectantly)

DuFort: Well? May I have some?

Eliot: The greasy duck?

Sophie: Oh, no, no, no, I wouldn’t have the greasy duck.

Eliot: No I wouldn’t suggest it.

DuFort: No, the other one.

(Eliot pretends confusion)

DuFort: The the pâté d’escargot with the bière d'Argentine!

Eliot: Excellent choice sir (gives DuFort the first tray).

DuFort: (takes food) Who is this clown?

[DuFort’s Office]

Parker: Pretty good. Got most of them. Okay, now all I need is ef, uh and kuh.

[Private Party]

(DuFort spits out the appetizer he has taken)

DuFort: This is shrimp!

Eliot: Very good then. (walks away)

DuFort: It’s shrimp you stupid F----!

[DuFort’s Office]

Parker: Oh, there they are. Really loud too

parker being so competent and knowledgeable about voice activation codes? amazing. iconic.

and the whole scene with eliot and the food? hilarious.

also there already another meta post about this but this scene shows just how SMART eliot is,,, like coming up with that on spot??? don’t get me wrong, hardison is “the smartest man [any of them know]” but damn

- - - - -

continuing list of non-weapon objects eliot uses as weapons:

an IV stand

+ bonus

nate: the defibrillator/AED

- - - - -

Perry: Mr. Ford!

(Perry pushes a defibrillator towards Nate, who grabs the paddles. The first man runs toward Eliot with a knife, but Eliot grabs his arm and pushes him toward Nate)

Nate: Hello.

(Nate hits the man in the chest with the defibrillator paddles and he flies backward, unconscious)

eliot looking Impressed™ at nate for that

- - - - -

Eliot: Play time’s over Nate, it’s only a matter of time before they come after us. The tall one, the way he used a knife, ex-Marine, probably Force Recon.

Hardison: You ID’d a guy off his knife-fighting style?

Eliot: It’s a very distinctive style.

two distinctives in one episode

- - - - -

Hardison: I didn’t sign up for any of this. What I did before, nobody got hurt.

Sophie: I stole paintings for a living.

Parker: I never hurt anybody.

Eliot: I actually hurt people, so…

LMFAO eliot but also- notice that sophie never said that she never hurt people, she just said she stole paintings for a living

- - - - -

Sophie: Nate, if anything had happened to this kid--

Nate: You know you guys called on me. You remember? You begged me to run the crew, agreed to play by my rules. Now walk out if you have a problem with that. Walk out any day if you have a problem with that. It’s simple.

(everyone looks hesitant)

Eliot: We finish this one.

Parker: Just one

PSH like any of y’all believe that

- - - - -

Hardison: How do we hit ‘em?

Sophie: Congressman Jenkins, he’s our in. Looked me straight in the eye and told me he’d never even heard of the shooting.

Parker: So?

Sophie: Looked me in the eye? When men are telling me the truth they’re not looking me in the eye. A man only ever looks a woman in the eye when he’s making the effort to lie to her.

Eliot: ...Well you can’t argue with that.

Hardison: Noted and filed

LMFAO

- - - - -

Nate: All right, Jenkins is DuFort’s pet congressman, let’s see if we can get him to bite. The best way to get two people to reveal a secret, get ‘em to turn on each other.

- - - - -

Sophie: You should look out for the signs congressman. Missed phone calls, no more little favors.

Jenkins: Those are the same signs that your wife is cheating on you.

Sophie: That’s right.

Jenkins: What am I supposed to do when that happens?

Sophie (hands him her card): Play the field

- - - - -

Hardison: Congressman Jenkins is very careful. No direct bribes but he’s renovating his house and so far he’s received over $600,000 worth of work for a little over fifty grand.

(Hardison brings up pictures of Jenkins’ house on the screens)

Eliot: Castleman owns the contracting company, huh?

Hardison: I mean, he’s going through like three shell companies but yeah. And this man loves his house. Just check out his web browsing habits.

(Hardison changes the image to a website for wood panels)

Hardison: Look here, see the man spent three weeks picking out the perfect mahogany wood panels. This site is like wood porn.

Eliot: Is his house finished?

Hardison: Not even close.

Eliot: Can I borrow your phone?

Hardison takes out his phone, dials for Eliot and hands it to him.

Eliot (on phone): Hello? Yes, I’d like to cancel delivery on some mahogany wood paneling. Please.

(Hardison tries to help, Eliot walks away)

Eliot: The Jenkins house. Yeah, you know what, do me a favor man, just go ahead and cancel the whole order. Yes sir.

(Eliot leaves the room as Nate enters with a bowl of popcorn and two beers)

Nate: What’s he doing?

Hardison: Yanking the congressman’s chain

I love chaotic (pre)boyfriends

plus at one point it high hey looked like they were holding hands

and eliot’s SMILE at hardison ,,, you soft man, you never stood a chance

- - - - -

Hardison: A woo--whoa, whoa! A wood-- a wooden box?

Nate: A wooden box.

Hardison: Wood? Well, we can put a man on the moon but all our laws go into a wooden box.

- - - - -

Hardison: I mean, break a law, everybody’s done that, my mama’s done that but steal a law. Oh, she’s gonna be a legend baby.

(on screen, C-SPAN news shows the Senate floor where Parker is walking to “The Hopper”. She waves at the camera and puts the fake bill into box.

Parker: The eagle has landed.

Nate: It’s in!

Hardison: Uhn! Go ahead girl! Sexyness! Unh. Rrrnnn.

Nate: Might want to ease up on that a little bit.

Hardison: Just saying.

Nate: Yeah.

Hardison: Between me and you. Between me and you.

Nate: Never leaves the room.

adorable “the eagle has landed” parker + already-gone-for-her hardison ,,, I love it here

- - - - -

(also, again I am reminded that there is a 250 text block limit so imma have to make a part two and apparently this is my life now)

[biotic-boshtet]

Aftermath - Chapter 7

Read on AO3

Start at the Beginning

Doubt (and Duct Tape)

“Norah Jean!”

“I’m so sorry, Jeff.”

The comm dies and the pod launches. The fireball blooms in slow motion.

She’s spinning.

Spinning.

Spinning.

Suffocating.

-

Norah Jean snaps awake. The first thing her eyes land on are the multitude of stars through the skylight. They used to be so beautiful. Now she can’t even breathe, staring up at them. Can’t tear her eyes away from the cold, emotionless lights. She’s vaguely aware of her corona flickering in and out, rising and falling with her shallow breaths. The comforter is tangled around her legs. She focuses on what she can feel. Her hands are balled up in the sheets, clenching so hard her knuckles hurt. Her body is drenched in sweat, soaking her t-shirt and shorts. The air circulating through the cabin is frigid, cooling her sticky skin.

She can almost take a normal breath.

The soft whir of the fan pointed at her bed breaks through her thoughts. Norah Jean takes a breath, listening to the subtle hum of the drive core, then the sound of the empty fish tank. She can smell the air freshener on the desk, apple cinnamon, it smells like home. She shifts slightly, and the smell of her shampoo wafts up from the pillow.

Her mouth tastes like blood. She must have bitten her cheek before she woke up.

Norah Jean can finally look away from the stars, can a deep breath. She sits up and puts her feet on the cold floor, holding her head in her hands. She won’t be getting back to sleep tonight. This marks the sixth night in a row she’s had that nightmare. She learned on night three that falling back asleep only brings more of them.

She gets up and walks to the desk. Half a dozen reports sit stacked next to the computer. The clock reads 0200. With a sigh she sits down and picks the first pad off the stack. They won’t read themselves.

-

Her cabin is cold, just the way she likes it, and Kaidan is wrapped up completely in her comforter on the bed. She climbs onto the mattress and peels away the edge of the blanket to shimmy under and cuddle close to him. He stirs when her cold hands touch his warm skin, rolling over to face her.

“Hey, Sugar. Didn’t think you’d show.” He presses a kiss to her nose.

“Didn’t think I’d show? This is my cabin.”

“I missed you so much.”

“What? Kaidan, I haven’t gone anywhere.”

“Two years is a long time, Norah Jean.”

“I haven’t left, I’ve been here the whole time!”

“No, you haven’t. You died. None of this is real, Sugar.”

“No. Let’s just go to sleep, this is just a nightmare, everything will be okay when we get up.”

“Norah Jean, you need to open your eyes. It’s time to wake up.”

She blinks and they aren’t in her cabin anymore. Alarms wail all around her and Kaidan faces her, fully suited up.

“Joker’s still in the cockpit, he won’t abandon ship. I’m not leaving either!”

Alarms give way to the silence of space as the Normandy crumbles around her. In seconds, nothing but stars surround her.

She can’t breathe.

-

With a start, Norah jean sits up in her desk chair. Her datapads are scattered across the desktop, and the clock reads 0430. She leans back and rubs her face, covered in lines from the datapad she fell asleep on. She gets up and heads for the gym in the cargo bay.

-

After a few hours of deliberation, looking between the roll of duct tape, the folded bedsheet, and the skylight, she keys the comm frequency for the main battery.

“Hey, Garrus, are you busy right now?”

“Well, I was in the middle of some calibrations, but I’ve been looking for an excuse to run a full system diagnostic. Please tell me you need my services for two hours or so.”

“I do need your help with something, I don’t think it’ll take me two hours though. Meet me up in my cabin?”

“On my way.”

Several minutes later, the door chimes as Garrus walks through. He makes the Turian approximation of a whistle as he looks around.

“Damn, Shepard, you’re living like a queen up here. What’s a guy like me gotta do to get a view like this?”

“Oh? I’ll trade you. I’d sleep better in the down in the guts of the ship anyway.”

“You’re not sleeping?” His mandibles twitch and he looks long and hard at her face, as if only now seeing the dark circles under her eyes.

“Only a little bit. Not nearly enough. But that’s why I called you up here actually, because I have a plan.” She turns to grab the folded sheet and roll of duct tape from the bed. “We’re covering the skylight.”

“’We’?”

“Yes. As you can see,” Norah Jean stands on the bed and reaches one arm up. Even on her toes, she doesn’t come anywhere close to touching the ceiling. “I can’t reach it myself, and this bed is attached very firmly to the floor. So, I need you to give me a boost.”

“A… boost?”

“Yes, Garrus, stand on the bed and pick me up so I can reach the ceiling.”

“Okay. And if I drop you?”

“Are you already planning to?” She laughs at the way his mandibles twitch.

“No! I just don’t want you stabbing me because I accidentally dropped you!”

“Garrus, where would I be hiding a knife? My hair isn’t long enough to do that anymore. Even if you do drop me, I’ll land on the bed, its fine. If you’re that worried about dropping me, I can just sit on your shoulders.”

“I like that, that sounds more secure.”

“Okay then let’s do it, lemme climb on.” Garrus climbs onto the bed and kneels down, so she can climb onto his shoulders.

“So, what is it humans say about duct tape? That it fixes everything?” He slowly stands to his full height, wobbling a bit between the squishy mattress and the marine on his shoulders.

“200 plus years and it hasn’t failed us yet. Even in space, there’s use for it.”

“Maybe Ceruberus should’ve used a bit of it on you, might’ve sped the process up.”

“I’m not gonna give that the dignity of a response.” She lays the sheet over she arm and tears off a strip of tape.

It takes them almost thirty minutes to securely fix the sheet to the skylight. The first corner she’d taped up peeled off once two sides were plastered to the steel. Then as they finished the final corner, the second corner sagged down. By the time everything is secure they’ve gone through a roll and a half of tape, and Garrus is lying on the bed with his eyes closed.

“Tell me when the room stops spinning okay?”

“Here, this’ll fix it.” Norah Jean tears off a square of duct tape and sticks it to Garrus’ armor.

He lifts his head and opens one eye to look at his new silver patch. “It really does fix everything.”

-

Norah Jean sits on her too-soft bed and stares at her armor on its rack. She’s put herself through countless armor drills, just like the Academy’s, but still, she can’t get her time under three minutes. Major Mabbit would have her ass.

She walks over to the rack and starts the timer.

Two minutes and fifty-six seconds. Progress. Hopefully she won’t need to suddenly get ready to drop anytime soon. She takes her time pulling the armor off, inspecting the slowly growing collection of scratches and dents. Ghosts her fingers over the dent on her chestplate from one of Garrus’ concussive rounds. On one of her greaves, a gouge from an impromptu sparring session with Jack out in the field. A square of silver duct tape right in the middle of her left pauldron. The signs of a stranger’s armor slowly becoming hers.

-

The door to the cockpit slides open, and Joker glances over his shoulder to see Norah Jean come in. She scuffs a foot on the floor before sighing and sitting down, hugging her knees to her chest.

“Uh-oh, you’ve got that look that means you’re thinking about one specific thing too much. Spill it.”

“I’m still me, right? I’m still the person you grew up with? Your old high school sweetheart?”

Joker sighs, turning his chair to face where she’s sitting on the floor. “Norah Jean, why-“

“Just. Answer the question. Please.”

“It’s a complicated question, so you’re getting a complicated answer, just a warning. Yes, and no. Of course, you’re not the same person you were in high school. You’re not even the same person you were when you graduated from the Academy and left Arcturus. But that’s normal, hell, even encouraged. You came away from Akuze like a ghost, you’d been through hell and back, but you were still you. People don’t just walk away from trauma without changing, Norah Jean that’s just not how that works. It’s unfair to expect yourself to be the exact same person you were when you saved the Citadel. You got spaced for fuck’s sake, and you remember it? That changes people. So yeah, you’ve changed, but everyone changed when the Normandy went down, whether they want to admit it or not.”

“That’s not what-“

“If you’re asking me if I think you’re some Cerberus controlled zombie, the answer is hell no, absolutely not. If Cerberus had a chip in your brain, I don’t think I’d be able to beat you at Scrabble.”

Norah Jean snorts and rolls her eyes. “Wow, that’s the metric you’re going by? I didn’t realize the bar was so low.”

“It’s more of a combination of things.”

“Do you ever wonder about how life would be if we’d stayed together after the Academy?”

“Telling you “No.” would be lying and I try not to lie to you, you’ve got a weird knack for figuring that shit out.”

“Because you have a shitty poker face, Jeff.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyway, I try not to dwell on it, it was 10 years ago. I can guaran-god-damn-tee that if we were still together in ’83 I wouldn’t have been piloting the Normandy because there’s no way Anderson would’ve passed up having you as his XO. Do I regret breaking up with you? No, not really, because without worrying about the regs, you got to chase down what you wanted from your career, and I got to pilot this sweet, sweet ship. Yeah, at first it sucked because you needed space and that space meant we didn’t so much as message each other for 2 years, but it was worth it. And plus, I like our friendship better this way, we’ve got a good thing going here. Now grab the Scrabble set, get your ass in your chair, and we’ll see how many games I win this time.”

“You spend all this time building me up just to break me down again, I see how it is.”

“I’ve gotta keep you in check somehow, Norah Jean.”

[loregoddess]

Ib and Ff7

FF7 is under the cut bc I Had Some Thoughts about it, and I am so sorry.

Ib:

Favorite thing about that game: I was NOT expecting to end up as emotionally invested as I got after like, a handful of minutes playing it? Like it's a little indie rpg maker game and yet it's honestly one of the most impactful games I've ever played.

Least favorite thing about that game: The motion controls are a bit wonky which like, small indie rpg maker game mechanics are to blame, but it made getting out of the mini-maze hell when I was on my "I have to save Garry" run.

Favorite character in that game: Garry, I've never gotten so attached to a fictional character in such a short amount of time only to be BETRAYED by my own choices, resulting in him being dead and in a painting for my first ending.

Would I recommend it? Why? Yes yes yes, it's free, it's fun, and it only takes like, 30 minutes to play.

Free space to go off about something! Despite Mary being the antagonist and responsible for Garry's death in several endings, I do feel a bit bad for her and wish there was an ending where Ib could like, save both Garry and Mary. It doesn't make much sense for the overall mood of the story, but still.

Rating out of 10: 9/10, good game overall, strong narrative, slightly wonky controls, excellent soundtrack, endearing aesthetics.

FF7:

Favorite thing about that game: It has a really interesting plot and cast of characters, and just a really strong narrative overall. Getting into all the extended compilation stuff was easy because the initial game experience left me wanting to explore more. The Remake does a really good job integrating a lot of this extended lore into...whatever the Remake's narrative is trying to do.

Least favorite thing about that game: The fandom--Okay, for real though, in the original game I hated Aerith's death. Like, yes, from a story perspective as the player because she was one of my favorite characters, but I actually think that was strong writing for the narrative development. What I mean is that mechanically it was a hideous decision because it leaves this gaping hole in the game. Maybe the player was using her and now has to try and get a character they weren't used to using up to level speed with Cloud and whoever else they were using for their main battle party, and that's just frustrating from a player perspective, but also when she leaves she takes everything except the materia she was carrying with her and the player looses access to that entirely for the rest of the game, but can still purchase her staffs and stuff from in-game vendors? Like, knowing this now what's the point of using her at all for the first part of the game? There's literally no point in leveling her up when I could use the exp for someone else, and there's no reason to buy her any good equipment because her most powerful staff is in the last dungeon you can use her in and you could give her any throwaway bracelet because you're going to lose it anyway. It literally makes no sense from a mechanic standpoint and I hate it because the original game's mechanics are already wonky (although that wasn't entirely rare for that era's jrpgs) but then just having this mechanical gap appear halfway through the game just messes things up even more. The original FF7 game has a lot going on in it, but because there's so much I feel it lacks the sort of polish it could have had, and I especially feel that Aerith's death just made the lackluster mechanics feel more insulting. However, the Remake has so far done a fair job of balancing the party mechanics so that even if the writers do decide to kill off Aerith again, I don't think there will be the mechanical gap that the original game suffered from because the Remake is much more mechanically balanced and well-designed.

Favorite character in that game: Aerith and Tifa, even when I was playing through the original game with it's really wonky writing (or localization, maybe), I just liked them a lot. Aerith breaks a lot of the "jrpg squishy healer girl narrative's heart" tropes I've come to expect, and Tifa had a lot of depth stemming from all that was going on in her personal character arc, and I really appreciated the writing for both. The Remake's kept the momentum and added even more details that make me love these two even more. Special mention goes to Nanaki (Red XIII) because would it wouldn't be a game series I've been obsessed with if I didn't love one of the characters the main writing team loves to ignore.

Would I recommend it? Why? Y...yes? I mean, sort of. Like my very long rant shows, I'm not actually a fan of the mechanics of the original game, and that's saying a lot since I actually love a lot of old game's for their wonky mechanics. But like, I had a hard time figuring out the internal logic and battle systems, and I'm still not even sure what healing magic scales off of right now, or the most effective use of materia and other items to their maximum effect, which is something I usually pride myself for knowing in jrpgs. The story is really interesting, but there's also a lot of plot gaps that sometimes get explored in extended lore but were never hinted at in the original narrative (like, when I found out that Tseng and Rufus not only survived their "this character very much just got killed on screen" deaths, but got quasi-redemption arcs, I was so, so confused). Also the general pacing is really weird, like the Midgar section sets up the Turks as being Really Serious antagonists, but then they just. End up being comic relief for the rest of the game, and slightly annoying boss fights. Rufus gives this really dramatic speech about how he's going to be a tyrant who rules by fear and then spends the rest of the game Not Doing That, instead chasing after Sephiroth and failing and then dying but not really dying bc as I noted, that got retconned. Hojo is literally one of the most evil characters in the story and the root of almost every issue, but you also get directions from him on a beach surrounded by girls in sexy (for PS1 era graphics) swimsuits, and it's like, why? So like, the original is decent and has a lot of interesting points, and the ost is amazing, but the mechanics are wonky and the actual plot flow is...weird. So like, if you just want to know the story, watch a playthrough, but if you want the challenge of the wacky mechanics (which I know damn well people have figured out and made incredibly strong end-game teams), then go ahead and play it yourself. As for the Remake, I would suggest at least watching the original game to get to know the narrative to better understand how the Remake is changing the direction of the story, but also like, I'd recommend it just because it's plain fun, the mechanics are pretty easy to pick up, the ost is still amazing, and the narrative is even more rich. I would suggest a handful of things from the extended compilation works to better enjoy some of the Remake additions (i.e. the novel where Kyrie and Leslie first appeared as characters, they're both actually super amazing and the Remake only skims the surface with them), but like, it's not necessary for the overall enjoyment of the Remake.

Free space to go off about something! I've gone off about enough already, but I would suggest avoiding the fandom if you're interesting in getting into the game because there's so much petty arguing over shipping nonsense and what is or isn't canon, like, it's not the most toxic fandom I've ever seen but it's not what I'd call fun either. Would fully recommend the entire compilation though, I really loved all the novels/short stories, and even just watching playthroughs of the games related to FF7 was so much fun and added so much depth to the world and characters. Would recommend Advent Children, but only after playing/watching the original game and reading at least On a Way To a Smile (and additionally reading The Kids Are Alright for the Complete version of the movie) because nothing in the movie makes any damned sense otherwise.

Rating out of 10: Original game is 6/10, and the Remake is 9/10

[chaeryybomb]

stray kids as anime boys: bang chan [part 1] [part 2]

✎ᝰ┆bang chan as the sports captain

(feat. stray kids && some of the 97liners)

listen

this is the only role I am 100% convince chan will be in an anime

u can't change my mind ᕦ(ò_ó)ᕤ

S O let's get into it

what sports captain is he??

the question should be what sports captain is he not 

d-does that make sense?? HDHS U GET WHAT I MEAN

look chan is build™ with muscles (and brains) he's gonna use those muscles

for s p o r t s

"chan u can't join all the sports club"

“watch me felix”

ya boi tried out for every sports club available in school and he got into to every one of them

THANKFULLY felix made him reject some(most) of them bc chan already doesn't sleep enough

everyone say thank u felix

so chan is in the volleyball and basketball club

and he's the volleyball captain!!!

chan is the secret weapon lemme tell u that

his spikes?? they can BREAK A WALL

so if u see chan practicing spikes pls be careful

avoid him

avoid the gym in general

unless ur asking for a concussion SKSKS

no joke there's a dent in one of the gym's wall bc he spiked too hard

his excuse was "bambam ur supposed to block it!"

"I WAS TRYING NOT TO DIE CHRISTOPHER!!!"

so how does that apply to u dear reader

well, ur not a huge sports fan

u rather stay at home and watch netflix than go under that cursed fireball u call a sun

but yk who is a huge sports fan???

ur best friends chaeyeon and lisa!

well technically bc chaeyeon is dating jaehyun who's also on the volleyball team

and lisa swears she doesn't but obviously she's there to look at jungkook

"y/n! there's a game after school today, and you're coming with us to watch it"

"just admit u wanna look at jungkook and go"

"WITH WHAT PROOF????"

"WITH THOSE HEART EYES LALISA"

"HHHHHHH CHAEYEON, Y/N IS BULLYING ME AGAIN"

Σ(°ロ°) "WHAT DO U MEAN AGAIN??? WHO WAS THE ONE WHO PUT CHILLI PEPPERS IN MY SANDWICH HUHH LISA WHOOOO—"

mama chaeyeon saves the day, "alright children no more fighting" 

"SHE STARTED IT FIRST!"

"FIGHT ME LISA" (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ

in the spongebob narrative voice 2 hours later

u find urself in sandwiched between chaeyeon and lisa, sitting on one of the gym's bleachers

chan and the boys are down there warming up

and u can't help but drift ur gaze to a certain (crispy)blond hair boy, who's stretching at the moment

maybe u were starting too long, but lisa nudges ur elbow with a sly smirk

"ohohoho y/n, what do u see??"

u shove her elbow away and glare at her, "ur about to see my fists in a minute"

the entire game ur gaze was set on chan and u don't even know why

jokes on u reader, it was the anime magic kicking in

up until the second half of the game, u had the sudden need to go to the bathroom and who are u to deny ur bladder dhhshd

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," you tell lisa and stood up to squeeze ur way out of the bleachers

ur earbuds almost burst due to all the screaming dhshhd

but hey! u successfully made it to the end

＼（＠￣∇￣＠）／

u make ur way towards the exit when u hear lisa and chaeyeon scream your name

and suddenly the world went black

y/n?? y/n??? oh my god she fuckin dead

maybe u regain conscious for a few seconds bc the last thing u remembered was a pair of feet running and the scent of someone's sweat mixed with cologne

yk the typical anime shit dhsjdjs

when u wake up, ur laying down a bed and ur in a room where u don't recognise

"holy shit y/n, you're awake! lisa go get the nurse!" chaeyeon exclaims from beside you and you hear the door close

you squint your eyes, trying to adjust from the bright light

chaeyeon's face comes into view and she has a worried expression on

"w-what happened?? where am I??" you ask she helps you sit up on the bed

"you're in the nurse's office!"

"why,,, am I in the nurse's office?" you furrow your eyebrows at chaeyeon

"well you see—"

the door slams open to reveal lisa and the nurse

"oh good, y/n you're awake," the nurse smiles at you

she walks toward you and gently grabs your chin with her gloved hand to examine your face

"fortunately nothing is broken but that's gonna leave a bruise on your forehead for a while, you took quite a hit."

"a hit???" u furrow ur eyebrows even deeper if you could sjdjsk

"yeah! you got hit by a volleyball!! you should've seen what happened, the ball went flying like WOOOSH at you and BAM u were knocked out!!" lisa explains with many hand gestures

"it was a good thing that chan boy carried you here, you were out cold," the nurse adds.

wait

Σ(゜゜) c-chan???

CHAN CARRIED YOU HERE???

u don't even notice your face starts to heat up until the nurse looks at you with concern again

she places her hand against ur forehead and says, "oh my, you're heating up, I think you got a fever coming—"

"no! no, I'm completely fine!" you reassure the nurse

you bring your hands up to your cheeks and rub it harshly and slap it a few times in hopes the redness will go away

HAH SIKE UR BLOOD SAYS NO

the nurse let's you stay in the office for awhile, thank god school was already over

lisa and chaeyeon, like the best friends they were, stayed with u and walked u back home

the next morning when u wake up—

━Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||)━

HOLY SHIT THE NURSE WAS NOT KIDDING WHEN SHE SAID IT WAS GONNA LEAVE A BRUISE

THERE'S A HUGE ASS BUMP ON THE MIDDLE OF YOUR FOREHEAD

WHAT THE FUCK

HOW THE FUCK ARE U GONNA COVER THAT UP

U ARE THIS )( CLOSE IN CUTTING UR BANGS AT 7 IN THE MORNING JUST TO COVER UR FOREHEAD* U WOULD'VE IF UR BRAT OF A BROTHER DIDN'T KNOCK ON THE DOOR

"y/n hurry up you're gonna make us late!!"

"SHUT UP HYUNJIN I'M HAVING A MID LIFE CRISIS AT THE MOMENT"

"YOU CAN HAVE IT IN THE CAR"

in all honesty u should be thanking hyunjin for saving u from the future regrets

otw out of the bathroom u curse at hyunjin, who sticks his tongue out in return, and grab one of ur beanies from ur dresser and slip it on

"why the fuck are you wearing a beanie in the middle of summer??"

"it's called fashion hyunjin, look it up"

(hyunjin, snorting) "please, we all know I'm the fashionable one in this family"

so yes, u walk into school with a beanie on ur head, in the middle of summer

it definitely caught weird looks from people because again, why the fuck are you wearing a beanie in this heat???

it's equivalent to having a "I'm stupid" sign taped on ur forehead

u walk into class, already tired from everything and everyone and first period hasn't even started yet!

what a mood

chaeyeon looks at you weirdly and opens her mouth to ask but you stop her

"don't. a lot of people already asked," you groaned, pointing at the black beanie on your head, specifically the spot where u got hit at

chaeyeon looks at you with sympathy and pats your head

when lunch rolls on, lisa basically slams into ur classroom

"why are u wearing a beanie??"

"because I can and it's a free country!!!" u snap at her

"geez fine," lisa puts her hands up

(lisa, mumbling under her breath) "someone woke up from the wrong side of bed today"

"HEY I HEARD THA—"

"OKAAAAY let's go I wanna get pizza bread before it's gone," chaeyeon interrupts aka stopping another fight from happening by hooking her arms through yours and lisa’s* (¬､¬) hnnggg u win today jung chaeyeon

u turn to walk out of the door when u stop in your footsteps

to see the PERSON WHO CAUSE UR FOREHEAD BUMP BRENDA

YES U NAMED IT BRENDA IN THE CAR

IF SHE'S GONNA STAY ON UR FOREHEAD FOR A WHILE

AT LEAST SHE SHOULD HAVE A NAME

AND SHE'S NOT EVEN PAYING RENT

y/n's forehead:

brenda the bump: it's a free real estate

anyways

the three of u stop and stare at chan

like hullo, why u here???

chan coughs awkwardly and rubs the back of his neck. "um, can I speak with y/n?"

chaeyeon and lisa exchange a look and shrugs, "yeah sure," they say and pushes u out of the door

and u stumbled into his arms

again, the anime shit™ working its magic

u immediately push urself off chan and clasp ur hands behind ur back while chan takes a few steps back

"so,,," you start

"oh right! uh, I'm sorry for yesterday, hitting u with the ball and everything"

"oh! it's fine, it really is!" you assure him

"no, it's not! lemme treat you to lunch, it's the least I can do," chan says

"nononono you really don't have to!" you shake ur head at him

"please!" he begs, "I hurt you and I should do something for you"

"n—"

"JUST SAY YES" lisa yells from across the hall

you whip ur head towards her direction and flip her the bird

chaeyeon mouths an apology and drags lisa away, but her laughter rings through the empty hallway

you turn back to chan who's looking at you with pleading eyes

"pleaseee" (´･ᴗ･`)

GOD HE'S ADORABLE

"fine!"

"YAY"

"but!" u wag ur finger at him, "ur only allowed to buy me chocolate milk"

"yes!!" he cheers and drags u off to the school's convenience store to buy you a bottle of chocolate milk

u thought he was gonna get u the cheap one but nO

HE GETS U THE EXPENSIVE ONE

THE ONE THAT COSTS LIKE 3 DOLLARS

FIRST OF ALL, CHOCOLATE MILK SHOULD NOT BE THAT EXPENSIVE

FUCK CAPITALISM

secondly, if u thought this was a one time thing

hAH READER YOU ARE SO SO SO WRONG

it soon becomes a regular thing and every morning, there is a chocolate milk on ur desk with a cute stick it note saying "good morning ♡´･ᴗ･`♡"

GAH UR HEART

and everyday after school, chan walks up to u and ask "hey y/n! did u get the chocolate milk?"

and he will pout if u show him the untouched bottle of milk

so u make sure that u drink it during lunch where he can see u drinking it

and it makes his insides all mushy and squishy

and that escalates to him waiting by ur locker every morning!!

he waits for u by ur locker and when u walk in

he fucking beams at you

the sun who??? u only know a bang chan

he hands u the chocolate milk and greets u

"good morning, y/n!"

and ur hearts does it usual schedule bang-chan-caused-flips

AND THAT ESCALATES TO U GOING TO HIS GAMES

"I thought u hated these things??"

"well I do but chan asked me to come so—"

(lisa, wiggling her eyebrows) "oh chan huh"

"hdshhdshutup"

so here u are again, sandwiched in between lisa and chaeyeon

o wow ur feeling a sense of deja vu

chan spots u in the crowd and runs over to u

"try not to get hit by any balls this time," he grins as he ruffles ur hair

"friendly reminder, I got hit by a ball from you," u retort and smack his hand away

"YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T BRING THAT UP ANYMORE"

"I CROSSED MY FINGERS BITCH"

the coach whistles for chan to get into place and u grab onto his arm, shocking both of u

o wow u got bold moves there reader

"uh, good luck out there," u smile at him

chan's heart doubles over in LOVE and smiles back at you "thanks!"

he runs back to the team, who are all looking at him with a sly look

"so when are u gonna ask y/n out?"

"i'll purposely aim the ball at ur head mingyu"

tbh u don't even know much about volleyball and all u see are balls being hit back and forth

im writing the match based on what I've seen my school's team done and it may be inaccurate pls correct me

sometimes u involuntary wince when u see chan spikes and the ball bounces off the floor bc the other team failed to block it

u pity the floor

it's the last match and both teams are tied

chaeyeon is gripping onto ur arm for dear life bc out of the three of you, she's the only who understands the most about volleyball

both teams are fairly powerful

they have a really strong setter aka lee hyunjae

boy may not look like it but he's strong!!!

the coach whistles and jaehyun serves the ball

jacob from the other team returns the ball and it goes flying across the net

in a blink of an eye, chan yells "mine!" and he spikes the ball with force* hyunjae rushes to block it but misses by a milimetre and the ball bounces off the floor

the entire gymnasium erupts into cheers

and u are pulled up from ur seat by a screaming chaeyeon

they won???

OH MY GOD THEY WON DJSJDJ

chaeyeon runs down to congratulate her boyfriend and u follow in suit

but u run straight into chan's arms to hug him

"congrats!" u squeal as he lifts u off the ground and spins u around

when he sets u down, the both of u finally realizes the position ur in and back away from each other awkwardly

"ahaha,,, congratulations!!" u tell him

chan grins at u "what can I say, ur my lucky charm"

ur cheeks start to heat up again and chan laughs

the rest of the team comes over to drag chan to the changing room, leaving u alone with lisa and chaeyeon

once the boys disappear behind the doors, the two girls turn around to look at u

"what was that???" lisa asks, referring to the hug between u and chan, as she whacks ur arm

she tryna whack the answer out of u HDHS

"STOP HITTING ME WOMAN THAT HURTS!!!"

"NOT UNTIL U TELL ME WHAT WAS THAT BETWEEN U AND BANG CHAN, Y/N"

"it was a hug! nothing more!" u say, more like ur trying to convince it was nothing more

"that was not just a hug," lisa mimics ur voice "that was one of those couples hug chaeyeon and jaehyun does!"

(chaeyeon, pipping up from the side) "she's right!"

"he totally likes you!" lisa smirks at u

 "no he does not!"

"uh yes, he does! jaehyun says so!" chaeyeon says in a matter-of-fact tone

"and you—" lisa points her index finger at u "—like him too!"

"WITH WHAT PROOF???"

"WITH THOSE HEART EYES HWANG Y/N"

before u can continue bicker and PROVE THAT U DO NOT LIKE BANG CHAN

jaehyun comes into view and says "hey y/n, chan is waiting for u outside, he has something to tell u"

[ part 2 ]

[fallout4reactsblog]

Companions react to in-game glitches and other inconsistencies happening around (/being used by Sole)? Flying on an engine, cars jumping around spinning at crazy speed, corpses/items moving like they're possesed, settlement structures hovering in the air with a single ladder piece attached, people "swimming" on land, instantly getting all items from a smallest piece of meat... (Just not normal gameplay features like saveloading and Pip-boy stopping time, but 100s of items in pockets will do)

 Cait: She wiped the sweat off her brow, letting her ball bat hang loosely at her side. A trail of blood followed her fingers as her eyes surveyed the room, taking in the blood, guts, and general gore that now decorated the floor and walls. Her and Sole sure had made a mess.

They folded their arms, a satisfied smile on their face. “The loot’s gonna be great. You take that half of the room, I’ll take this half?”

“Yeah, alright.”

She moved toward her half as sole crouched down in front of a man whose head had been cracked open like a walnut, brain spilling out of the ruined shards of his skull. Without hesitation, sole picked up a lump of brain flesh, turning it over in their hands before sinking their fingers in.

“Sole, what the fu-”

Her words stopped short as sole pulled a 10 mm pistol from the chunk, looked it over and made a face, then tossed it to the side. They pushed their hand in again, this time emerging with a stimpack, which they tucked into their pocket.

“What the fuck?” Cait whispered as sole pulled out several pieces of armor, a set of road leathers, and a tattered but still-intact box of InstaMash.

Sole looked up, the box still in their hand. “What’s wrong?”

“You just- all that- from one chunk of brain?”

“Uh, yeah? That’s the stuff they had on them. Not much of interest.”

“Normal people don’t do that.”

They just laughed.

“I’m serious, sole. That’s fucked up. You can’t pull a pistol out of somebody’s brains and not expect people to look at you funny!”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

Curie: “Madame/Monsieur, do you think that man is… alright?”

“Which one?” Sole looked up from their drink, peering around the bar.

“The man over there, who is having a seat on, ah, nothing.”

Sole squinted toward where Curie was pointing, and sure enough, some strange man was relaxing next to a table, seemingly comfortable in a ninety degree squat. He took a sip of beer as if to prove it.

They hummed, eyebrows furrowed. “Goodneighbor folks sure are strange, huh?”

“I do not think he is well.”

“Maybe he’s just had a bad dose of Jet? Or too much to drink?”

“Best not to stare, I think. It is not polite, oui?”

They laughed a little and turned into their drink. “I suppose so. let him do what he needs to do.”

“At the very least, it will be an excellent workout for his thighs.”

Danse: He’d pinch the bridge of his nose, if not for the power armor, so he settled for folding his arms instead.

“Sole. Carrying all of that junk around is just going to slow you down. Let it go.”

They huffed, shoving another tin can into their pocket. “They have more uses than you think they do.”

“Is the same to be said for the empty beer bottles?”

“Actually,” they said, scooping two up and shoving them into the same pocket, “it is.”

“The alarm clocks?”

“Even more useful.”

“The typewriter?” he asked, watching them shove a whole one into the chest of their vault suit, never to be seen until they found a workbench.

“The most useful of all.”

He eyed how smooth the pockets of their suit were, despite the number of items he knew they were carrying. He was surprised they had room for junk at all, given the number of weapons, ammunition, and armor they were carrying.

“Sole, how strong are you, exactly?”

“Not sure,” they replied, scooping up a screwdriver and a hammer, tucking them into the same pocket the tin cans and beer bottles had gone into.

“Better question, how do you manage to pack all of those items into your pocket?”

They looked down at the pocket, which hadn’t even begun to look full. “I don’t know. I just put stuff into there until I can’t carry any more.”

“That works?”

They shrugged. “Somehow. How do you think I get you to carry all that stuff?”

His eyebrows shot up. “I’m carrying things?”

“Uh-huh. You’re great at it.”

“What am I even carrying it in?”

They just smiled at him. “Does it matter if I take it all out after?”

“Yes. It does.”

They refused to answer, and all Danse could hope was that they didn’t try to store things in his power armor joints.

Deacon: “Hey, sole, come over here a sec.”

Sole wiped the super mutant blood off their arm, flicking it to the side as they picked their way over to him. “What’s up?”

He pointed wordlessly at the body of a super mutant that was slowly sinking into the ground, headless. Sole stood silently at his side, watching the Earth slowly devour the carcass, inch by inch consuming it. They seemed to stand there for hours as it sank. There was no sound, no wet sucking or movement of Earth. Simply a super mutant defying any laws of physics that Deacon had ever known.

When all was said and done, and the last of the body had disappeared, Deacon nodded sharply. “His soul and body are with Todd now.”

Sole stared at him a moment before laughing, an ugly snort-laugh that turned their voice up an octave. “Todd? Who the hell is Todd?”

“I don’t know,” he said, giggling a little himself. “Someone who likes super mutants I guess.”

“He must like them a lot!”

They laughed a moment longer, then sole sighed and reached into their pocket for a tin can. Solemnly, they placed on the spot that the super mutant had disappeared.

“Here lies Howard, consumed by Todd. May he find his peace.”

“Howard is a terrible name for a super mutant.”

They stuck out their tongue at him. “I don’t see you coming up with any ideas.”

“Super mutants need weird names, like ‘Blood’ and ‘Guts’ and, uh…”

“Hamburger,” sole supplied.

He nodded sternly. “Exactly. Now you’ve got the hang of it. Here lies Hamburger. May he find peace with Todd.”

Sole placed another tin can on top of the other with a flourish, and they walked away, discussing other good super mutant names.

Gage: “Boss, I’ve got a question.”

“Shoot.”

“How, uh, solid would you say the average ghoul is?”

“Depends on the ghoul. Bloated ghouls are about ten percent, because they’re all, y’know, bloated. Your standard run-of-the-mill crazy ghoul is about forty percent. They get pretty squishy because of the rads. Sane ghouls are a solid eighty, which is higher than the human seventy, because they lose a lot of soft tissues.”

“So they should not be able to be halfway through walls?”

They hummed thoughtfully. “Not unless they’re in a hole.”

He eyed the wall the ghoul was stuck in, nudging it with the butt of his gun, and determined it to be quite solid. “No hole. Just a ghoul through a wall.”

“Gage, ghouls can’t go through walls if the wall is solid. Someone chopped a ghoul in two and mounted it on either side of the wall.”

He poked at it a little more. “It’s definitely in one piece, boss.”

“Gage.” Their tone was warning. “I’m going to come over there, but if I find out you’re fucking with me, or pulling my leg, I’m going to kick your ass. Got it?”

“Yeah, sure.”

They appeared at his side, almost scarily quiet. He gestured to the body vaguely, half-disgusted.

“Yeah, they shouldn’t do that.” Sole nudged at the thing with their boot, making a face. “Just leave it.”

“Doubt I could get it out of the wall anyway.”

They snorted, then leveled their pistol to put one round in its back. Gage leapt away as the wall suddenly decided the ghoul shouldn’t be in it and launched it across the room. Sole’s hand shot out as if to protect him, and they stared at it a moment.

“Just leave it,” he echoed.

���No kidding.”

Hancock: He stared down the road at the body of a now-dead raider, one hand gently rubbing his forehead. He turned back to sole, who was now shaking out their wrist. He looked back down the road.

“Damn, this batch of Jet is fucked.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I swear you punched that guy all the way down the street.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. That actually happened.”

“Huh?”

He peered back down the street, suddenly trying to put reality together where he thought there was only illusion. “So, how strong did you say you were?”

“Definitely not strong enough to punch a guy down the block, I’ll tell you that.”

He considered that. “So the Jet’s not fucked, but physics is?”

They laughed. “Seems so. Gravity decided to not come in today.”

“Hey, he earned it. Hardest worker around. Let him take a vacation, right?”

“As long as I don’t go floating off, I’d love to keep punching people and watching them fly away.”

“Pretty entertaining if you ask me.”

They turned to him with a mischievous smile. “Bet it’s even better on Day Tripper.”

“I’ve got some of that. Right, ah, here.” He pulled a bottle of pills from his pocket, shaking it enticingly.

“Well, let’s go find some more raiders and see if we can make it happen again.”

MacCready: He stretched out, listening to the bones in his back pop. “I say we call it a night. It’s dark, and I’m getting tired.”

“I could go for a nap,” they replied, though they didn’t look all that tired. “I think that Outpost Zimonja is close to here, we can catch some shuteye there.”

“It’s safe?”

They chuckled. “Should be. I built the place myself.”

“I guess it’ll have to do then,” he said teasingly. “Though how good your judgment is, no one knows.”

“Jury’s still out,” they replied, happily playing along, “but the other settlers aren’t complaining yet.”

They made their way to the settlement, sky darkening around them. Sole pushed through the gate at the front of the settlement, and showed him past the turrets and guard tower to the rest.

It was small but otherwise cozy, and sole beckoned him over to the workbench. “I need the stuff you’re carrying for me.”

“Sure.” 

He rifled around in his pockets, passing every item to sole’s outstretched hands. That it took a few minutes was expected, but after the tenth desk fan and thirtieth ball peen hammer, he was getting suspicious at the amount of stuff he was finding on him. How did he carry that much weight? It seemed, well, impossible.

“That should be it,” they said after nearly twenty minutes, tucking a handful of pencils into one of the workbench drawers. “Thanks.”

He stared down at his thin arms, trying to imagine how he hadn’t even noticed all the items he’d been carrying. “What the heck did you do to me?”

“Oh, with all the stuff you were carrying. I just asked you to pick it up. You don’t seem to notice when I ask you to grab it for me, as opposed to when I hand it to you myself, so I just asked you to grab the junk I couldn’t carry.”

“But- I- I don’t-”

They slapped a hand on his shoulder. “Try not to think about it too hard. Let’s just get some rest, okay?”

“Sure,” he said, but the way his thoughts were spinning told him he wouldn’t be sleeping at all.

Nick: “Sole,” he said, honestly trying his hardest not to laugh, “you can’t do that.”

“And why not?” They grinned at him, hands on their hips, clearly pleased with their work.

“It’s just- It’s not right sole. You can’t put beds in walls and expect everything to be okay.”

“I think I can,” they replied. “The settlers can sleep in it just fine.”

“How the hell do they do that?”

“Simple. They lay in the wall too.”

That was enough to make Nick Valentine, synth detective, lose his composure, and he burst out laughing. Not a small giggle, either, a full laugh, one that left him doubled over and leaning against the wall for support. He hadn’t laughed so hard in a long time, but the thought of some poor settler laying in a wall to sleep had him in absolute fits.

When he finally calmed, only a smile lingering on his face, he gestured to the half-inside, half-outside bed and simply said, “How?”

“Oh, silly Nick,” they teased. “It’s on a rug! Don’t you know that if it’s on a rug, it can do anything? I can put beds through walls, I can put bookshelves though walls, I can put anything through a wall, as long as it’s on a rug.”

“Oh my God.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, still smiling. “I don’t even want to know how you figured that out. So you saw the ways you could break all the rules and immediately decided you’d put beds through walls.”

“Of course! What else does one do with such power?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. Are you going to put the bed back inside?”

“Heavens no. Then it wouldn’t be funny at all, just boring. It’d look like every other house out there.”

“It does add a certain, ah, uniqueness I suppose.”

They bumped his shoulder with theirs. “Now you get it.”

Preston: “Sole, when I asked you to build a settlement in Hangman’s Alley, you know this isn’t what I meant.”

They shrugged. “You said to build a settlement, so I did.”

He raised an eyebrow, still staring at the supposed settlement they’d built. A single staircase touched the ground, and the rest of the building expanded from that, hovering above a grid of garden plots that held the crops and water pumps that fed the settlement. As impressive as it was, he couldn’t imagine it was safe.

“I know what you’re thinking.” They spoke before he could even open his mouth. “I promise that it’s safe. I just got tired of building the same old buildings over and over again, so I wanted to do something different. I tested it before I let anyone in and I did the math, and I swear that it’s not coming down anytime soon.”

He glanced over at them, and though they were his general, all he saw in their eyes was a need for approval. Maybe a hint of embarrassment at having been caught, but mostly a need for him to trust them and like it as much as they did.

“Well,” he sighed, turning back, “it’s definitely new. And practical, given the small space.”

“Do you like it?” Their voice was so hopeful, so bright, and yet so fragile.

“Yeah,” he said with a smile. “I like it a lot.”

“Do you want to have a look inside.”

“I’d love to.”

X6: “You cannot fly.”

“Yes I can,” they said cheekily.

“No, you cannot.” He folded his arms. “Not without the assistance of some sort of machine.”

They held their hand out. “Give me your jacket.”

He raised an eyebrow, clearly conveying his displeasure with that idea.

“I promise to give it back,” they huffed. “I’ll even clean it for you after. I just want to show you that I can, in fact, fly.”

He considered the offer a moment, then begrudgingly removed his coat. Their face lit up and, for a brief moment, he almost didn’t regret it.

“Alright, X6. Watch and learn.”

He watched, slightly curious, as they laid the coat on the floor, the crouched down and positioned themselves so they were standing on it. He almost protested their dirty boots on the leather, but they had offered to clean it, so he decided against it.He simply observed them grab to solid handfuls of fabric, getting a good hold on it, and then he watched them jump.

And somehow, they stayed there, floating in the air on top of his coat.

He slid his glasses down his nose, and softly murmured, “Holy shit.”

“See?” They jumped again, rising further into the air. “I told you I could fly.”

“You did. My apologies, ma’am/sir. Though I would recommend you bring this to the attention of our scientists immediately.”

They released their hold on the coat, falling gracefully to the floor. “Why, you think they’d be interested?”

He leveled a stern look at them over his glasses. “You just broke physics, ma’am/sir. I think the term ‘interested’ is an understatement.”

[tozierpunks]

re: the losers having kids who become friends

Stan and Patty planned for kids; they were definitely trying before that call came. So when IT is defeated and Stan is a-okay, they finally get the babies they want. Jennifer comes first; she’s a firecracker of a kid. She’s loud and she’s uninhibited and she’s everything that would’ve exhausted Stan as a child. He adores her. He combs her hair at night before bed, and ties ribbons in her pigtails before school, and he��s so incredibly proud to be her father.

After deciding to have their two (and absolutely NO MORE) kids close together, Patty gives birth to little Andrew. He’s very much a follower, and hangs on to his sisters’ every word. She gets them into all sorts of shenanigans, and Andy is a dutiful baby brother. He’s constantly got his thumb in his mouth; which is CUTE.

Stan brags to the other losers that his kids never fight.

Bill and Mike take their time getting together; Billy has a divorce to get through after all. As soon as it’s all said and done though, they start looking to adopt. It doesn’t take long at all -- in fact, it seems like... fate. Whether it is or isn’t, Mike is awed when their little Lucy stumbles through the door.

She has a fairly large burn on the left side of her face, which will become a permanent scar. Her parents died in a car crash, which gave her the mark in the first place. Mike says she looks like an angel, which rapidly gets her out of her shell.

They adopt her as quickly as they can. Then it occurs to them, one CRUCIAL fact they didn’t quite consider: the world............. is horrifically dangerous.

Most of their time is spent keeping Lucy’s curious behind out of trouble. She’s the Tommy Pickles of the kids; danger is her middle name and she also laughs in the face of it. She’s got courage but also... no offense to Bill, but she’s got his Big Stupid. She finds a feral cat and - despite it scratching her to ribbons - she wants to take him home and give him a bath. Mike has to quickly yeet her out of the bathroom and trap the cat inside before calling animal control.

Ben and Bev? They have five (5) kids, which... is on brand. Two sets of twins; Milo and Miles, followed by Olivia and Owen, and then finally their baby, Archie.

Milo Hanscom is a sweet lil poundcake; he’s very much like his dad. If a conversation isn’t going EXACTLY how he mapped it out in his brain, he will turn and walk away with no added explanation. On the other hand, Miles is a lot like his mom. He’ll sneak cigarettes and he’s incredibly smart; he’ll swipe a bag of candy from Keene’s store and sell each piece for a quarter on the schoolyard. Bev has no idea where he gets his income, but she is SUS.

Miles and Jenny are actually best friends; as toddlers, they would go up to each other (sneak up, really), and smack each other on the heads as a greeting.

Olivia and Owen are as close as sisters can be; they have their own language, and both of them are brilliant, scholarly girls. Owen will absolutely stab anyone in the way of her GPA. They’re the masterminds when they’re babies: all those shenanigans the Rugrats get into? Owen or Olivia hatches the plan, and they have their older brothers wrapped around their fingers! So they have the muscle to back up their ideas.

Archie is the super sweet baby child. He is SCARED. Of EVERYTHING. He cried during his first haircut. Animals terrify him. As a baby, he’d sob when the sun disappeared behind clouds. Ben tried playing peekaboo with him once, and Archie was inconsolable bc “WHERE IS MY DADDY?!?” Those kawaii stress balls - the squishy things with cute faces? THOSE are harder than Archie Hanscom.

Finally, we have Richie and Eddie’s kids: Julian and Deana. Biologically (because yes, they chose surrogates), Julian is Eddie’s, whereas Deana is Richie’s. And... it kinda shows through their behavior.

Julian is the first of the Losers 2.0 to say no to his parents. His first word: No his second word: Nah-uh his third word: Nope his fourth word is stinky, but that’s neither here nor there.

HE KEEPS BREAKING SHIT. Ofc it’s an “accident.” How far can this lamp tilt? How much water is too much for the doggie bowl? How much of this lotion and toilet paper can he fit in the toilet? (He counts to twelve, but to be fair, he skips numbers 3-11 cause he doesn’t know those. “1, 2, 12.”) How much Julian can fit through the doggie door? (the answer is half)

Now Deana-- they panicked in the hospital. Eddie grabbed Richie by the shoulders and said, “Every gay couple our age has a pet or daughter named Diana. We can’t name her after the princess.” and Richie goes, “Psh, of course.” and haphazardly scrawls and “e” over the “i” on her birth certificate.

Julian is one and a half years old when he meets his baby sister, and Eddie carried him in to see the newborn infant. Her weird beady eyes terrify him, and his immediate response is to smack her lil face. This instigates their childhood long fight, because they don’t stop for the next thirteen years.

On Julian’s third birthday he asks for them to take Deana back to the hospital bc, “she’s stinky, and I hate her,” and he smiles like :D when he proposes the idea. He’s convinced Deana is broken because she refuses to eat; she’ll suck the salt off fries, and eat a lil piece of pepperoni off the pizza, but other than that, no thanks!

Now when you get all the kids together? Ultimate chaos! Jenny and Olivia lead all the others on their bikes to ride around Derry, and when Miles finds the Barrens, those girls have the brilliant idea to build a clubhouse. Ofc neither of them wanna get dirt under their nails, so they enlist Miles, Milo, Lucy, and Julian. Deana keeps trying to eat the dirt, and Julian is huffy bc he has to stop her.

Archie screams every time a bug flies by, and Lucy gives him her sweater (she knows he likes it, because it’s a pastel green and v. soft), telling him, “My daddy made this for me, and it protects you from monsters, if you believe it does.”

Throughout digging, each of the kids rotate who brings snacks and games. The Hanscom kids always have a great haul (mostly because there’s more grabby hands to raid their pantry), and everyone is so-so when it’s Julian and Deana’s turn, bc the only sugary thing in their cupboards are cereal.

While everyone’s digging (they’re about two feet into the project at this point), Andy and Owen are playing a game of scrabble. Neither of them wanted to get their hands dirty! Much to Owen’s surprise, Andy wins. She’s not a good loser, and she very huffily throws the board a couple feet away. Andy, a patient and good sport, goes to get it, when he falls through the large mound of leaves.

All the Losers 2.0 panic (Jenny “strangles” Miles as she shouts that her parents will be SO PISSED if she let the earth eat her brother), and are relieved when he pokes his little head out from the leaves. He looks excited, and he shouts, “GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND!”

Julian puts Deana in her wagon (which all the other babykids ride in too, so Deana, Archie, Lucy, and usually Andy) and pulls them over - with Milo’s help ofc, and Olivia is the first to venture down. She turns on a flashlight and echoes Andy’s excitement, “GUYS, LOOK!”

Climbing down the ladder, one by one, the kids marvel in complete awe at their discovery. There’s a swing, a dusty old hammock, and even a super old-looking stereo. With a little elbow grease, this hole could be turned into EXACTLY the clubhouse they wanted. Their entire summer goes to making the clubhouse a perfect hangout spot.

One night, while the original Losers Club is having a barbecue, Patty asks, “Where do you think those kids run off to all day?”

Ben fondly thinks back on the clubhouse he and his friends created together, and he can only hope his kids find something half as great. “Probably somewhere fun,” he says.

“It’s probably how it was when we were kids,” Richie says, looking at each of his friends. “The best.”

   ------------------------------------------------------------------

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[always5hineee]

Hell and Back- Chapter 19: Date Night (Trials 25-26)

Word count: 1533

Chapter warnings: None

[Please do not replicate any of the behaviors read in this book.]

-----

       "Limited power is Sehun," she said looking up. "We only have a few more people left to go. Maybe I should-"

       "Xiumin, you're up." Suho cut her off. As she stared at him, he looked at her strangely. "What are you waiting for? Hit his name." Shaking her head slightly in astonishment, she did as he asked. She felt like this would backfire later, but... there wasn't much she could do.

       "Slash someone's tires." She said.

       "That's not too bad."Xiumin said, sighing. "At least I don't have to drive off a cliff or something. Do you still have that knife, Y/N?" She nodded, pulling out of her pocket with slight irritation. She knew that it wasn't Xiumin's fault that Suho was gatekeeping the challenges from her, but she couldn't help but take it out on everyone just a little. Taking it gently from her hand with a grateful nod, he flipped out the sturdiest knife in the bunch.

       Kneeling down next to the car that they'd just crashed, he felt around for the softest spot. Limber fingers eventually settling on a particularly squishy area on the inner ring, he drew back the blade, puncturing the tire. With a hiss of air, it began leaking, causing the circle to slowly melt. Looking up to her expectantly, she checked the status of the trial. After a moment, she shook her head.        

       "Nothing."

       "Maybe you have to do all four?" Kai suggested. "It did say tires."

       "Oh, good point." Xiumin said, lifting himself up off the ground to repeat the process for the adjacent tire. It only took him a minute to get the rest of the tires, the car sinking one millimeter at a time. Looking over it, slight guilt in his eyes, he glanced over to her again. As she lifted the phone, she saw a bit of italicized text appear... never good.

       "It... It says you need to slash the tires of someone's real car."

       "How does it know this stuff?" Sehun groaned, complaining. "Like, a tire's a tire!"

       "Well, we should probably just do what it says." Chanyeol sighed. "Wouldn't want to deal with 'failure', now would we?" He joked. Despite the nature of his jest, it did bring back the memory of Luhan. She hoped he was doing okay... there was no rule against texting him, right? Maybe she should just-

       "Y/N! Are you coming?" Kai called, catching her attention. They were leaving to find another car for Xiumin.

       "Yeah, sorry!" She ran over, jumping into the car.

       "Should we just go back near the rooms?" Kyungsoo asked. "It's getting kind of late anyway, and as soon as we're done with this, we're a quarter of the way through, so maybe it's best if-"

       "No." Suho said. "We keep going. We should finish the personal trials before we go to bed."

       "Um, Suho," Chen reached to put a hand on his shoulder. "I know you're freaked out, but everyone's tired, including you. Maybe you just need-"

       "I'm not freaked out, and I'm not tired!" He said shortly, trying not to raise his voice. Calming his tone, he grit his teeth, "I just want to make progress on this. The more we do now, the less we do later. So we're finishing the personal trials tonight. After this we just have Tao, Sehun, Chanyeol, and Kris."

       "And me." Y/N said, reminding him once again that he was leaving her out.

       "...Yeah." He said, almost as if he was trying not to think about it. Did he have some sort of plan? "Anyway, we also shouldn't be slashing tires so close to where some of us live. Then we're suspicious. Just pick some random car."

       "Well, we're kind of close to the city." Kris offered. "There are always cars parked in sketchy alleys. Let's just get one of those." Everyone agreeing, Kris edged the car down a nearby alley, cars parked on both sides as he said. Getting out, Kris started,

       "We should maybe spread out, just in case something happens. Xiumin, just go to the car in the back, it shouldn't take more than two minutes. Let's go." Since Kris obviously, (and concerningly), seemed to know what he was doing, they obliged. Tao walked down to the mouth of the alley, looking off into the distance as he did so. Curious, Y/N followed him, watching as he leaned against the brick walls, looking out over the dirty streets.

       "How are you feeling?" He asked as she walked up behind her, causing her to pause for a moment. She didn't realize he was aware of her presence.

       "Alright, a little tired. What about you?"

       "Fine. Little worried."        

       "Yeah..." she said. There was nothing else to discuss, everyone was a little on edge. They were a quarter of the way through, just like Suho had said, but there was still a lot of way to go.

       "Your phone is buzzing." He pointed out, surprising her. She hadn't even heard it... His senses must have been better than hers, to say the least. Pulling it out lazily, she unlocked it, realizing that the notification was coming from the app.

       "Oh, it's the trials." Eyebrow raising, he asked,

       "Is Xiuimin's trial done?"

       "No... And it doesn't usually notify me outside of the app when trials are finished..." Looking over the text, she read it out. "Do you wish to replace player Tao's trial with a simultaneous trial to player Xiumin's? There's a countdown of a minute and a half, as well."

       "That's... strange." Tao said slowly.

       "How did it know that we wanted you to go next? Did it hear Suho talking earlier?"

       "I mean, if it knows when we complete trials, it has to have some way of observing what we do, right?"

       "So... should we accept it?"

       "Maybe we ask Suho..."

       "We're down to thirty seconds, though," Y/N countered. "Do we have time?" Eyes shifting left and right a few times, he finally shrugged.

       "I mean, I'm curious. Hit it." Pressing the accept button, the screen flipped back to the regular trial screen. Xiumin's trial compacted, sliding left to about half of its original size, a new bubble appearing to its right. Labeled, "Player Tao" at the top, the text underneath appeared. Hit on the next person that walks into the alley. Reading it over her shoulder, his nose scrunched up.

       "Really?" She shrugged.

       "I guess that's your trial now. Let's hope it's a pretty-" Just as she was making fun of him for this new development, they began to hear heavy footsteps. Peeking around the corner, one of them above the other, both of their eyes widened. The man walking towards them must have been six feet tall, middle aged and well built, dressed in what one would expect any biker-type man to wear to a bar on a Friday night. But half of those qualifications weren't being met, so why was he walking towards the alley. Freaking out a bit, Tao turned to her.

       "What do I do?!"

       "It's okay, we don't even know if he's coming in here! Just-" She was trying to console him when a deep voice spoke up from next to them.

       "Um, excuse me?" Looking up, they saw the man in question, hovering over them.

       "H-hello!" She said, waving, trying to get Tao to speak by elbowing him. "What can we do for you?"

       "I'm, uh, trying to get to my car." He pointed behind them. "So if you could just... move." Oh... OH! This was why the trial had been aside, it had to have been his car that Xiumin was slashing the tires on right now. What kind of sick twisted irony was this game trying to pull. Regardless, there wasn't much they could do now... Tao would just have to distract him. Collecting his thoughts, Tao started to talk.

       "Hey, uh... you come here often?" She nearly face palmed right in front of them. Was he serious? And after all the girlfriends he'd had, this was the best he could do? Still, it served to confuse the man, at least.

       "I... what?" He asked.

       "You look good in, uh, that... old jacket." Giving Tao a weird look, the man coughed awkwardly.

       "Look, kid, I appreciate it, but I'm 37, straight, and married, so I'd like to go home now." Pushing him lightly out of the way, he began traversing down the alley. Looking at her phone, she saw both challenges clear at the same time. She had no idea how that had managed to count as 'hitting on' someone. It was more like a verbal assault of secondhand embarrassment. Still, she frantically waved her hand for the other boys to get out of there as fast as possible.

       No longer trying to save any face, they ran as fast as they could, piling into Kris's car. Just as they heard the man shout in anger, Kris tore off down the drive, out of sight before he could even run out of the alley to grab their license plate number. Breathing in deeply, Xiumin sighed.

       "Alright, that's that I guess... So who's next, Tao?"

       "Actually," she laughed. "About that..."

Go to Chapter 20

[willow-salix]

OK, this is random and silly, but also a bit mushy, not really my usual thing at all, but I felt the need for a squishy Virgil and to let you all awwww. This is my offering for this week's #fabfivefeb that the lovely @gumnut-logic is hosting. Enjoy.

"Duck…duck…duck...duck….GOOSE!" The young boy slammed his hand down on Selene's head, packing a powerful punch for one so small. The boy shot off like he'd been fired from a cannon to the cheering of his schoolmates. 

"Selene, you gotta run!" Gordon bellowed. It took Selene a second to scramble to her feet but then she took off, running the perimeter of the circle. 

"No! This isn't Baseball, you don't need a home run!" Alan laughed so hard he actually fell backwards out of the circle. 

"Chase him!" 

She changed course and raced after her attacker, who was as slippery as a greased eel and dodged around her, easily avoiding her. 

"Catch him!" Virgil yelled encouragingly.

"I'm trying!" The young boy slipped out of her grasp and threw himself down into her vacated spot. 

"Home!" he smiled triumphantly. 

"Heck, I missed," she threw up her hands in mock disappointment, "I guess I'll just have to sit out." She didn't get more than two paces before she was called back. 

"Sel, you can't leave, that's not how the game works," Virgil grinned from his spot on the ground, where he was sitting cross legged, just like  everyone else. 

"I can't?" 

"Nope," Alan chimed in. 

"THIS GAME MAKES NO SENSE! Why do we even have ducks and geese, what's that all about?"

 "Haven't you ever played this before?" Gordon looks horrified. 

"No! I never played that at school."

"What did you play then?" A little girl asked her. 

"We played lots of other games, I suppose one of the closest to this is British Bulldog."

"What's that?" a smaller boy who had been looking incredibly bored, suddenly sat up and took notice. 

"Yeah, I've never heard of that one," Gordon admitted. 

"Can we play it now?" a smaller girl asked. 

"I… I guess so, I mean, I don't see why not."

"How does it work?" 

"Well, the aim of the game is to run from one side to another, without getting caught, kids are only allowed to do touch tagging, adults are fair game. We start off with four people in the middle who have to catch and tag as many people as possible, the ones that get tagged join the catchers in the middle. We run back and forth until one person is left that makes it safely to the other side."

"That sounds fun," Alan grinned, "I'm in!"

EARLIER THAT DAY

"Once again I want to thank you all for doing this, and apologise for not being able to attend myself, we had a minor disaster with Hyper2, nothing to worry about, just a small acceleration problem," Tycho Reeves' hologram floated above the instrument panel of Thunderbird Two where John usually appeared. 

"Acceleration problem? I'm not going to have to shoot down another tube am I? We didn't bring Four."

"No, no, it's not that type of problem," Tycho assured them. "The issue is that as soon as we reach full acceleration she starts to go backwards. We think the safety cut off Brains designed is working a little too well."

Selene heard Alan's muffled snort of laughter behind her but managed not to join in, unfortunately Gordon wasn't so disciplined. 

Tycho cleared his throat before continuing.

"As I explained to Scott, the school is counted as a low income area and so it's helped by the charity I patron. They are doing heros week and International Rescue was the most written about people. The competition was held over three schools in the district and the essay that was chosen belongs to a boy named Will."

They all nodded, having read the brief. 

"I've scheduled you in for two hours but the school is more than happy for you to stay as long as you like, the kids especially would like you to have lunch with them if possible."

"I'm always up for lunch," Gordon said, having managed to gain control of his laughter. 

"We'll stay as long as we can," Virgil promised, "but if an emergency comes in, we'll have to go."

"Wouldn't expect anything less," Tycho smiled, cutting the feed with a goodbye nod. 

"This is going to be so much fun!" Alan cheered. 

"This is going to be hell," Selene groaned. 

"You didn't have to come," Virgil pointed out gently. "I don't know why you're making such a fuss, you're great with kids."

"I had to, I couldn't leave all the girls to the mercy of all your testosterone, they had to know that girls can be part of a team too. But I'm still allowed to make a fuss," Selene grumbled.

"We aren't."

"You're boys, it's common knowledge that boys have a hidden inner child that's always bursting to get out."

"I resent that remark," Gordon mock huffed. 

"Plus," Selene continued as if he had never spoken, "you aren't the ones with a womb that your Grandma is determined to guilt into popping out great-grandchildren."

"Would that be so bad?" Virgil asked innocently and she could already see the images he was imagining from the little smile forming on his face. 

"Yes! With all that Tracy super sperm, I'd have a herd in a year! You guys don't just stop at one." 

Alan choked, Gordon laughed so hard that no sound came out, just a wheeze like asthmatic bagpipes. 

"Bit dramatic, don't you think?" Virgil's eyebrow arched but his lips twitched as he held back a grin. 

"Not really. But, we talked about it and neither of us feel even remotely ready to think about anything like that, it's just not the right time. Honestly, I don't know if it will ever be the right time or if we'd even want any, at the moment we don't. Much the same as we aren't getting married to please everyone else, I'm not popping out kids for any reason other than us wanting them either."

"Fair enough," he nodded, seeing her point. "You know, Dad used to go to schools and talk to the kids about being an Astronaut. One time he came to the school that Scott and I were at and it was so weird to see all our classmates going crazy over his stories, stories we'd heard a million times before and thought were rather boring. To them he was Jeff Tracy, Astronaut, but to us he was just Dad, the slightly goofy guy that made us do our homework and gave us chores to do around the house."

"Do you think that Dad will want to do it again after we bring him home?" Alan asked, not remembering anything that Virgil was talking about. Selene reached over to take his hand, giving it a little squeeze. 

"Oh I'm sure he will," Virgil smiled fondly, "that was the only time that people thought he was cool, he'd never give up a chance to tell impressionable kids all about space."

Gordon laughed. "He got John and Alan but never managed with me, I prefer to keep my sights set a little lower and wetter."

"Boy, do not be saying stuff like that in front of the kids," Selene warned as Alan sniggered beside her. 

"I just meant-" 

"We know what you meant," Virgil laughed. 

"Well I'm just going to shut up if I'm going to keep getting picked on!" 

They lapsed into silence until the school playing field came into view, the only place big enough to land. There was already a crowd of children and teachers waiting to greet them. 

"Wow, that's a lot of kids," Alan's eyes grew wider as he looked out of the window to the field below. "Can we handle that many?" 

"Luckily we won't have to, we're doing a talk to everyone in the school hall, and then going to hang out with the winner and his class," Virgil assured him. 

"So only say, thirty kids, not 300?" 

"Yep." 

Alan nodded. "That we can handle." 

Virgil brought the big craft down softly on the grass, and even the soundproofing of Two couldn't drown out the cheers and excited screams of the children. 

"Here we go," Gordon gulped as they walked down into the belly of the craft to make their appearance. 

                                 ***

"And remember the golden rule, be safe, be careful, and be kind. Those in need of help aren't just the ones in danger, they are the ones being bullied, being hurt, or in a sad situation. There are some things in life that people can't help and there are some that they can, and you are the next generation of International Rescue Agents, it's your job to make sure that you help as many people as you can," Virgil smiled, looking around at the rapt faces of the kids. 

" You don't have to be big to be a help, " Alan chimed in. 

" You don't have to be super strong," Gordon continued. 

" You don't even have to be a boy, " Selene added to the cheers of a number of girls in the audience. "You don't have to be an action man to help someone, sometimes the help that people really need is to know they have a friend, someone to have their back and to stand with them when they need it. Emotional support is just as important as physical support." 

"Wherever you go, whatever adventures you go on, remember to always think things through and plan for your safety. It can be a big, dangerous world out there and taking risks makes it all the more likely that you'll end up in trouble. Always play safe," Gordon instructed, reiterating the lessons they had just gone over involving safety in the water, out in nature and even in the city and towns. Danger was everywhere, they knew that better than anyone and knew that a situation could turn deadly in a matter of seconds if you weren't fully prepared. They had instructed them on how to make themselves as safe as possible if they did get into trouble, how to call for help and what to do while waiting for help to arrive. Now they were making sure that their lessons had hit home and wrapping up the talk. 

"Always carry your phone," Alan continued to drum in their words of caution, "and never be afraid to ask for help, because there is always someone willing to step up. It could be the police, the fire service, paramedics, mountain rescue, the coastguard or even us."

"We aren't the hero's, we're just the ones that use the equipment and knowledge we have to the best of our abilities, and you can too. You can be a hero, you don't need a Thunderbird, you just need a good heart and to be a good friend," Virgil concluded. "Thanks for listening to us today, remember what we said, and together we can all make the world a better place.

The teachers started clapping first, then the children joined in. Selene watched her boys visibly relax as they finished, not really used to public speaking.

The principal joined them at the front of the hall and thanked them for their time. 

"Are there any questions for International Rescue before we finish and go back to our lessons?"

A sea of hands shot up and Principal Jones waited patiently for them to pick a few children.

Virgil scanned the little faces, the waving arms and the zeroed in, pointing to a smaller boy sitting on the end of a row, who startled and looked around to make sure that it was actually him who had been picked. He was clearly very nervous and not used to being noticed, but he sat up straighter, his voice growing louder as he gained confidence. 

"Hi, my name is Jason, I just wanted to ask-"

"Speak up, Jason, we can't hear you," a teacher called encouragingly. 

Jason took a deep breath and spoke again, this time a little louder. "How did you guys get so big, big enough to help people? Were you ever smaller, like me?" 

"Alan's still small," Gordon quipped, earning himself a glare from his brother. 

"Believe it or not, we were all small at your age," Virgil answered, ignoring his brothers. 

"Even you?" 

"Even me."

"So I won't stay this small forever?" 

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with being smaller," Alan insisted. "You don't measure a person's worth on how big they are, but on what they do. You don't have to be big to be brave." 

"Jason will never be brave or big then," a voice called out from the other end of the row. 

Jason hung his head, looking down at his shoes, clearly embarrassed. 

"Hey, that's not a very nice thing to say, Jacob," Principal Jones called out. "We don't bully people here, were you not listening to a word these nice people said?" 

"Sorry Principal Jones," Jacob called back, sounding a little less cocky and a little more contrite. 

Virgil was off before anyone realised he was moving, coming to a stop beside Jason's seat. He hunkered down, getting as close to the boys level as he could. 

"Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't be brave, OK?" He was speaking directly to the boy but his deep voice carried across the hall with little effort, making sure that everyone heard him. 

"But it's true, I'm not brave." 

"Sure you are, you're talking to us now aren't you? That's brave." 

Jason didn't answer. 

"There's nothing wrong with being quiet, you know. Not everyone has to be loud and the center of attention."

"But how will I ever be a Thunderbird if I can't be brave and talk to people?" 

"I know it's hard, but you don't have to talk to people face to face to be brave or to help people." 

"I don't?" 

"No, our brother is much like you, he doesn't like to be around many people or to talk to them if he can help it, but he still spends all day, every day helping people." 

"How does he do that?" 

Virgil smiled. "He listens. And sometimes that's all people need, to know that there is someone out there that cares enough to listen for those that need help. We couldn't do our job without him." 

Jason appeared to think about this for a few moments before he nodded. "OK, I'll do that, I'll listen to people and make sure they get help if they need it." 

"Good plan," Virgil hauled himself to his feet, patting the boy gently on the shoulder before joining the others once again. 

"Are there any more questions?" Principal Jones asked and once again what looked like a million hands shot up into the air. 

"It's going to be a long day," Gordon whispered to Selene in a side whisper. 

                                      ***

"So, everyone clear on the rules?" Selene called over the noise of almost forty excited kids and three grown men who were just as loud. 

She, Gordon, Will and a little girl named Mandy were lined up in the center of the games area, while Virgil, Alan and the rest of the children stood in a pack in front of them. 

"On your marks, get set, GO!" their teacher yelled, blowing a whistle. The kids surged forwards, Virgil and Alan running with them. 

Selene managed to tap two gently on the shoulder, Gordon tagged four and Will and Mandy tagged one each before the rest made it to the other side and safety. 

The eight tagged children joined them in the middle, spreading out to form a line of defense. 

"We've got them now!" Gordon crowed as the whistle blew again. This time he only caught two and Selene didn't manage one. They were slippery little buggers who could duck and dive better than Kayo. 

Third round and Gordon leapt on a screaming Alan, bringing him down to the ground in a tangle of limbs. Selene went after Virgil but missed. 

Fifth round and they had all but three children and Virgil in the center, ready to rumble.

"Team, we've made it this far, we've done our best, no matter what happens next, no matter who wins or who falls, we're all winners!" Virgil's rousing speech was met with whoops from his team mates as they exchanged high fives then prepared to run. The whistle blew and they sprang forward.

Two were caught instantly and joined the ranks of the catchers, one dodged past three kids and dived between Selene's legs only to be tagged by Gordon who was protecting her rear. That left… 

Alan broke away from the pack and chased after Virgil who was running full pelt, trying to reach the end of the line and dodge around the edge, unable to plow through the middle. 

With a battle cry that sounded like a strangled baboon, Alan leapt onto his brother's back. 

"Bundle!" he screamed and a gaggle of kids rushed to his aid. 

They swarmed Virgil, some grabbing onto his legs, others hanging off his arm as he fought valiantly to keep moving. Technically he had lost the second Alan had landed on his back, but they were clearly having too much fun to stop. 

Virgil continued his attempt to walk but eventually he had to give in and admit defeat. 

Declaring Virgil the winner, the kids teacher pried a few enthusiastic kids off his leg, although he asked her to leave the little girl who had hold of his hand and was refusing to let go. 

It was a tired but happy group of children who waved goodbye to their heros an hour later. 

Selene sat back in her chair with an exhausted sigh, Alan beside her. It didn't take long for his eyes to droop shut and his head to come to rest on her shoulder. 

She pulled out her phone and started to flick through the pictures she'd taken. There was Gordon making faces with a couple of boys, there was Will reading out his prize winning essay, Alan pointing out various planets and constellations on a map to a number of enthralled kids and last Virgil. The little girl who wouldn't let go of his hand now perched on his lap, hugging his arm as he sat on an impossibly small chair that looked like it was about to buckle any second, a ring of starstruck children sitting on the floor in front of him while he told them stories of their rescues. 

Selene had always known that he was an amazing big brother, just like Scott was but for different reasons. Scott was the one that would leap to your defense and want to pummel whoever had hurt his sibling, but he had a devilish streak that surfaced now and then. Virgil always had his brothers backs, he was always there, ready to lend a hand and help them out of any situation, he was the solid, comforting presence that soothed your fears and made everything better. Seeing him with the kids had given her a glimpse of what he must have been like with Alan and Gordon when they were younger and it made her love him all the more.

She hadn't said anything while they had been speaking of children, but one of the reasons she and John were so dead set against kids at that moment in time was because John, as well as the others, knew only too well just how hard it was to grow up missing a parent, and for Alan he'd done it twice. They led dangerous lives and the thought of one of them possibly not making it home to their children one day wasn't something they wanted to think about. But now, seeing how they were with the kids at the school, Selene knew that any child she had would have the most wonderful family to look out for them, with four amazing uncles, a kick ass Auntie in Kayo, a tough as nails Grandma and hopefully a Grandfather that would adore them. 

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 2

Boggy the Froggy!

Welcome back, ya’ll! We jump back in with our Bad Kids (or 4/6 of them anyway) the very next day. Fabian sends Gilear out on a coffee run on the threat of bodily harm. His mom–who, if you remember is low-key a total badass–tells Fabian that if Gilear doesn’t come back from the quest alive, she’s going to duel him to the death on top of the house. Yikes. At Chez Thistlespring, Gorgug’s parents give him another very detailed sex talk and then remind him that he lives in a world where magic is very real so any and all dreams he remembers should be treated as omens. 

At the haunted house, Adaine wakes up having had portentous dreams like everyone else which is doubly concerning I have to imagine considering (1) she is the eleven oracle and (2) as a full elf she’s supposed to trance, not sleep and dream. Luckily for her nerves, she cast Find Familiar the night before and summoned an emotional support familiar which she gave the amazing name Bogariel Frogariel aka: Boggy the Froggy. 

Meanwhile (and I needed to switch paragraphs because Kristen is doing the D&D equivalent of playing Twister while everyone else is playing Checkers as she is wont to do) Kristen is talking to Tracker about changing Yes? again because she is filled with doubt about her god of doubt but the one thing she clearly doesn’t have doubt about is her relationship with Tracker because it’s been less than a year and she already sees wedding bells in their future. Wild. She also invites Tracker on the quest, rectifying what I thought was a wild oversight last week. 

Everyone meets up and they realize Fig and Riz are missing. They (specifically Fabian) can’t get Riz on the phone (which has never happened before) and all of Fig’s stuff is missing. They head over to Riz’s office to see if they can find him but, before that, Tracker cancels the church of Yes? because, sure. 

There are signs of a struggle at Riz’s office, but no blood. They find a picture of Riz’s super-spy dad (Pok) with his arm around someone who appears invisible to them (though the spot is circled in red). They also find claw marks going up to a mirror. Adaine stops Gorgug from touching the mirror which would have driven him insane and had him attack the group. She sees a twisted version of Riz in the mirror which no one else can see until she describes it (suspicious). Then, she dispels magic and the Riz appears in the room…and attacks them (roll for initiative baybee)!

Fabian is flipped the F out. Kristen decides to chill out and drink Riz’s coffee–much to the incredulousness of everyone else (she’s on those chill existential dread vibes). Adaine and Gorgug are stricken by fear but they’re able to snap out of it quickly. Once they’re sure it’s not Riz (the doppelganger is going full creepy horror movie monster with the head twisting and biting and junk), they start going full throttle but Kristen gets a clutch roll and lands a banishment on Nightmare Riz (who was invisible at the time). Also, Adaine finds a gun but no one is down with her packing heat without proper firearms training so she reluctantly puts it back. They confer with Sandra-Lynn and they find out Fig has, for some reason, gone to Bastion City (the capital) and Gorthalax is missing. Also, because Emily is Emily whether she’s present or not, they find out that Fig has decided to multiclass and she is now a bard/warlock with her demon dad as her patron. Those might be connected because, as her patron, Gorthalax can now find Fig at all times.  

Sklonda, in the meantime, has been investigating a robbery at the mall. They end up there too because Gilear (who is back from his coffee run) said he saw Fig’s bus in the area. They tell Ragh to meet them there and then head over (Gorgug in the old family car which he buys from them for 30 gold (the cost of a pony)–the amount Adaine suggests after the Thistlesprings reject his insane offer of 1000 gold). Also, Kristen leaves her brothers some gold secretly which is sad and also I think not the best way to handle that, but the intention is good. The robbery was of a gem–non-magical I believe–called the Devil’s Heart. [Edit: And apparently Fig’s doing.] Fabian shows up, tries to be helpful, and then eats glass. Normal stuff. 

The group tries to figure out what’s going on with Fig by calling the hotel she’s at and basically doing a straight improv comedy routine, each passing the phone around with a bad story until Adaine just hangs the phone up. Then, they find out from Sklonda that Pok’s partner is a tabaxi (cat person) named Kalina and she is in the empty space in the photo. Sklonda and Sandra-Lynn can see it even though the Bad Kids can’t. 

With that information gathered, the group leaves Elmville for the first time on the way to the Hotel Cavalier in Bastion City and, hopefully, Fig. 

Detention

Fabian for Intern Abuse

Poor Gilear. Fabian solicits increasingly complicated coffee orders from his friends to make Gilear’s job harder and tries to get them to threaten Gilear on their behalf. Even Sandra-Lynn was like, bro. Lay off the guy. Bad form, sir. (Hilarious, but bad). 

Honor Roll

Adaine for Rocking Her Portent Rolls

Adaine had a 19 and a 4 for her portent rolls this session and she used them very judiciously. The first was her 19 which she gave to Gorgug who was about to fail his saving throw and touch the mirror which would have led to him attacking everyone (she has a vision of his beheading her in a rage–sidenote love that Brennan makes her portent rolls actual visions instead of just having the mechanical effect of changing the roll happen). The second was a 4 which she gave to Brennan who was rolling for concentration on Nightmare Riz’s fear spell. What a power move to stare your DM in the face and say, “You roll a 4.” Amazing. Portent rolls are so good you guys. Also, bonus points for coming up with the name Bogariel Frogariel. 

Random Thoughts

Fabian’s response to his mom’s ultimatum that she will fight him if Gilear doesn’t return alive? “Damn, guess I have to fight my mom.”

“MAGIC IS REAL AND SO IS MY FROG.”

Brennan describes Boggy as just the most archetypal looking, round, squishy frog and I want a plush of his yesterday. Or a stress ball! It would go with his whole emotional support thing in game. I love that Siobhan picked not the potentially “useful” or “cool” animal. She went full Marie Kondo and was like, “What’s gonna spark some joy?” Boggy also can give her the help action, which is great!

The episode was great even 2 cast members down, but they were missed. On more than one occasion, I was like, “This is more quiet than usual. I wonder why–ah Emily.” We better get her reaction to Boggy as soon as she’s back.  

Kristen brings up the concept of patenting a god which is wild. We also get an answer to the question I had last week about Tracker’s cleric status–she still is a cleric of the moon goddess. The moon goddess is just chill with her followers not being exclusive. 

Fabian sans Riz is a hilarious mess. For anyone who likes them together as friends and/or romantically there was a lot of Content. Fabian being like, “Idk about Fig but something is def wrong with the Ball because he always answers on the first ring when I call  him.” Him canonically forgetting that he has a name other than The Ball (that’s the name in his phone, obv). And, the coup de grace, him investigating RIz’s office, but only for signs of his name. Him trying to Investigate like Riz, rolling a nat 1, and literally eating glass (“I thought I could taste fingerprints!”). 

“Coffee’s ordered, is the Ball dead?”

Adaine as everyone is clowning on Fabian for possibly making out with the Hangman: The Hangman is much more human than my bitch sister. 

Nightmare Riz, who they still think is actual Riz at this point, pops out of the mirror and Fabian and Adaine’s reactions respectively are, “You can’t do these things!” and, “It’s like 60% of our grade.”

The idea of Gorgug going from a terrified scream into a barbarian rage scream is very funny. Where are the animatics people?

Oh, speaking of people, Fantasy High was trending on tumblr the morning after this stream. Nice job, guys! 

The talk that Gorgug’s parents give him about all dreams being significant is something I always say in movies/books/shows like this. You have protagonists who *know* they live in a magic world and they have weird dreams and it’s not until 2/3rds of the way into the story that they’re like, “Wait. My dreams…mean something?” Bitch, what?

Gorgug’s initial coffee order is Hot Chocolate with a shot of decaf.

Everyone is very chill with Tracker coming onto the quest. Adaine just has one rule: No sex in the tent while they’re also in the tent. Kristen asks like she’s offended Adaine would feel the need to say that but like…come on. 

At first, I thought the invisibility in the photo was similar to the non-Adaine bad kids not being able to see Nightmare Riz until she described him but they still couldn’t see the woman in the photo after Sklonda described her so not sure what was going on with the mirror. 

I went back to the episode where Riz finds the photo of his dad (First Kisses and Last Words at around 1 hour, 27 mins in) and in that photo it’s of his dad and his mom. So either (1) it’s a different photo, (2) Brennan forgot/retconned something, or (3) something seriously screwy is going on. I will also note two observations here. Sklonda mentioned that Kalina doesn’t drink but was holding up her hand in a toast like she was drinking in the photo. That seems too specific a detail to not mean anything. And the second thing is, last ep, we did learn about a servant of the Nightmare King called the Shadow Cat and Kalina (if that is her real name) is a tabaxi so that’s something to think about. 

With all the complicated coffee orders flying around, Adaine just changes hers to a black coffee to try and make Gilear’s life a little easier (her original order was a Peppermint Mocha–sans the threat of violence to Gilear Fabian was offering). I do really love that Adaine seems genuinely concerned about the guy. SOMEONE should be. And it’s consistent with her characterization of just being generally well mannered and empathetic. 

Kristen getting the banishment on Nightmare Riz is something she did after Ally asked for it and Brennan was like, “lol, sure on a 19 or 20.” Boom. Rolled a 19. Just like in the prom fight. So the lesson here folks is don’t give your players a conditional yes and then expect the dice to bail you out. 

Kristen’s existential crisis is so crazy to me because she’s having, like, a prototypical Crisis of Faith™ (and pretty realistically) except, unlike in real life, she has certain knowledge about the existence of gods, life after death, and the means to communicate with those deities in the present day like…I feel like you’re crisis-ing wrong, girl. She’s crisis-ing like she just deconverted from Christianity when I feel like what actually happened is closer to, like, quitting a sorority or realizing you hate your major or changing political parties.  

the nature of humanity is just that every so often someone accidentally invents homestuck helioism again

Ragh had a dream matching up with Gorgug’s (but he didn’t realize it was Gorgug in his dream) which means something and I’m sure we’ll figure out what soon enough. 

The Fabian eating glass scene is another one where you truly need to see it to understand how great it is. Lou is equally game to have Fabian be the coolest person who ever lived or a huge baby and Fabian running away crying because he has glass shards in his tongue is incredible. Hilariously, he runs into Ragh in the food court who has also eaten glass in the past (“Glass is literally invisible.”) and they bro bond over it so hard (“That’s my boy!”) that Tracker and Kristen are like…are they a thing?

The other crazy scene is the gang passing around the phone trying to convince the hotel receptionist to give them info about Fig. Kristen comes up with the name Teddy Guyger (and Zac and I at the same time are like, “Did you get the name Teddy because you have a teddy bear in your inventory rn?”). Fabian tries to drop his dad’s name. Their first move for some reason isn’t to give the phone to Gorgug who is also a part of the band. Adaine just hangs up the phone like Peppa Pig. Exquisite comic timing. 

“I cast bane on Gilear.”

I love the running joke of Adaine having visions throughout the day of her friends in the process of doing dumb BS.

Nightmare Riz going after Fabian’s good eye was big gross. Thanks Brennan, I hate it.  

I wonder if what’s going on with Fig is completely different than what’s going on with Riz. Just because they’re gone for the same reason irl, doesn’t mean they’re gone for the same reason in game. Nightmare Fig could be a fun fight though.

As someone whose fave thing in D&D is not combat, I thought the fight in this episode was great. Interesting concept, good chance for in-character reactions, not too long . 

Ragh upon meeting Tracker: Check it out: I’m gay. (Tracker: Tight.)

Fabian, who has known Cathilda his entire life: Do maids dream?

In this ep, Kristen and Adaine rolled 2 nat 20s each (Kristen rolled one for initiative also but it was lowered by her modifier), and Gorgug and Fabian each rolled 1. Fabian also rolled a nat 1 (which, again, led to him Eating Glass).