#she's not gotten her expectations up
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yor ass hurt.
Done
#art#traditional art#pencil#fanart#spy x family#yor briar#yor forger#new season started off with a bang. should i tag this spoilers.#does the concept of spoilers even apply to a comedy story about a person with a bullet in their ass#im caught up with the manga so i might be biased LOL although lemme tell ya#i wasnt sure how they'd start off the new season but i definitely wasnt expecting the your ass hurt done chapter#awesome#the new op is also awesome i care a normal amount (lying) about both spy x family and utaite so the ado song is fantastic#love how much she's gotten to do both in her original songs and the anime music shes been doing. her voice is great#also the ending song is also fantastic and the animation is so so cute
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I can't imagine being anywhere near as insane as Trump supporters because my dad told me that he, earlier, drove past a guy putting a "Harris Walz 2024" sign outside his house and decided to yell out at him "TRUMP 2024 YOU COCKSUCKER" and flip him off. And he laughed when he told me because he thinks that yelling at a man (emphasized man because he thinks men should be "better" than women, and "better" would be voting for Trump in this case) who is voting for a "whore who slept her way to the top" (his exact words) is funny. And expected me to laugh with him. And got angry when I didn't and just stared at him in disbelief. Even though he already knows that I don't like Donald Trump. These people fully expect others to find their weird ass derogatory words and behavior FUNNY. Donald Trump is leading a cult of old people who he brainwashed into being delusional with him.
#vote blue#harris walz 2024#kamala harris#tim walz#i know some fucker is gonna be here saying like “it's true i was the tree”#i didn't see this with my own two eyes but i've lived 21 years with my dad and i HAVE seen him do shit like this#but it was mostly just honking at random people on the sidewalk or yelling “WHERE Y'GOING” in their direction out the window#like it's still embarrassing and weird but not derogatory#and since being retired and having nothing to do all day except watch trump and more trump and more trump he has gotten worse#not a day has gone by in the last four months where he hasn't insulted joe biden or kamala harris#and every single time he has expected my brother and i to laugh at his insult even though he knows that we don't like trump#it's so depressing watching your own parent become a worse person#he was already one of the insufferable republicans before trump and now he's a trump republican which is even worse#and yk what's even worse it's that my mom has no spine against men so if her boyfriend asks for her to vote trump she'll be like “okay”#she's not a republican she just doesn't care because she thinks voting doesn't matter#my aunt who i have always loved so much now calls up my dad to talk about trump with him and i never heard her swear until this year#my other aunt makes talking about trump her entire personality when she has a gambling addiction she should be treating instead#my dad's side is a bunch of trump supporters and my mom's side just doesn't give a fuck#and i can't vote because i'll get kicked out of here faster than the speed of light the second my dad sees#the paper in the mail saying that my voter history has been updated#even if it's not public who i voted for because he knows that whoever i vote for will never be trump#sorry#tag vent#this sucks#please vote
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I have a theory that Yor's poison tolerance is so high not just because of the assassin training, but also from all the trial and error she likely went through while foraging for food as a kid.
(I mean, her cooking is a given as a source of poison training but I personally think that she probably ordered out most of her meals once she started living on her own. But considering a lot of adults sometimes have difficulty determining which berries and mushrooms are safe to eat, I fully expect a child with limited resources wouldn’t know right away. And rather than chance anything with Yuri, she likely was the poison checker herself until she became more familiar with what plants are safe to eat.)
#i am desperate to see more of yor's backstory#what we have learned about it i expect it to be pretty sad#currently it's been seen in cute little flashbacks - from mostly yuri's perspective#and yuri is not exactly the most reliable source of unbiased information - he definitely has rose coloured glasses on#and i fully expect it to just hurt that much more because yor's such a kind person#she likely kept up the warm smiles and soft laughter even on days there wasn't enough food for both of them to eat#or she had gotten hurt doing her real job but needed to look after yuri#spy x family#yor briar#yor forger
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that#but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to#play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite#but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head#And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother#and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand#to have empathy for how I must be feeling#I mean it's still all on her#but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy#Every time I was like#In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved#And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking#heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked#and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed#to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was#bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window#I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants#he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it#I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream#the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life#and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it#and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD#so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house#I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back#there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still#this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard
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Thinking bout the time someone yelled at me because they didn't understand butches.
#feeling some kind of way about telling queer stories lately#and what makes something “queer enough”#which. in my opinion is that any story I tell is queer enough because I am a queer person telling stories about queer characters#but there are always going to be people who call that into question if boys arent kissing boys and girls arent kissing girls#in easy uncomplicated ways#looking glasses is meant to be messy#everyone is at turning points in their lives. they're young adults whose identities and relatio ships aren't fully formed yet#but those complications (in my opinion) are what make the story queer#what are dess's pronouns? she/her but only because she hasnt had a chance to think about anything else#when an overbearing mother got her daughter back after they were missing for years#she might have a hard time adjusting to her child maybe not being her “daughter”#which is queerer: two women getting together or breaking up?#i dont think it matters#but I find these in between spaces interesting to explore#and it's my story that I'm doing for free#so even if dess looks too much like a man#i dont owe it to anybody to conform my story to someone else's expectations#(long ramble that probably isnt very coherent)#(i've just been thinking about some of this stuff lately. and this is the funniest response I've ever gotten to the comic)#(like yeah. she is a girl. good job!)#(i dont often get hate on the comic (which I'm glad for) so whenever I do I find the types of hate really fascinating)#(and dont worry. I got this months ago. I've just been thinking about it again recently and laughing)#nickel for my thoughts
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my one season 4 complaint is Where The Fuck Was Aneesa
#never have i ever#i really wish her and fabiola had stayed together them not working out didn't rlly serve any purpose to the plot for the new season#fabiola's new relationship was barely rlaborated upon. as expected.#and aneesa was basically written out she was barely even part of the group#plus that scene of them at the staircase talking about fab's robotics team. they still have so much chemistry and they were literally just#talking about robotics#i understand she's not a major character and she can't have a separate plotline to herself but she wasn't even involved in anyone else's#her and fabiola were cute together and she would've at least been part of the plot if they were still dating#allison was barely a character what was the point of writing some random new partner for fabiola when she already had a perfectly good#love interest#it just doesn't make sense to me. whi decided it would be a good idea for them to break up#was it just an opportunity to shove in a nonbinary character who had no personality and was just there as someone's s/o and call it#representation#cause there are Many better ways to have nonbinary rep than this#but ofc mindy kaling wouldn't give a shit about this.#n e ways for this support my nonbinary aneesa hc . it's real.#fabiola torres#aneesa qureshi#OR AT THE VERY LEAST SHE SHOULD'VE GOTTEN WITH PAXTON. SHE HAD THAT NICE HOT JOCK LINE AT THE END OF SEASON 3#im fabneesa 4 life but i would honestly be haply with her dating paxton. they're both cool and they'd be fun together. and she deserves a#nice hot jock boyfriend.
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Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡
So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.
At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.
Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.
I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.
So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.
If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.
#spotatalk#i'm just gonna drop this in the queue I guess?#but I'm writing this on the last day of june so....#whenever this rolls around will be a jumpscare abd a half I guess?#I think honestly I coukd do a full breakdown of the Crew and why they're all expressions of me but like#quick summary is#Reset: Wants approval from people but mostly clings to the past. is afraid of losing his brother and acts on it to bring him back. i#<- I lack that conviction to do whatever you have to to get your way. i worry my brother and I have a weird gap between us we wont repair#Orchid: Uhhh woman. lots of pressure that she had at one time that's now no being pressed but she still tries to live up to it also.#<- I don't like the pressure of being a woman. also gifted-kid who cannot move past the pressures imposed to be 'perfect' and it's screwed#Stereo: Pulled into a situation he doesn't want to be in initially. it's bad for him but he likes the people so he decides to stay#<- I see the good in people. even when they hurt others around me. I was a bystander often and should've left the situations. paralelling.#Monochrome: Afraid. No purpose or preperation in life. soneone offers to guide him and he takes that offer because it's better than home.#<- Kinda self-explanitory but I've got little direction and feel lost a lot of the time. If I'm given a path I usually walk it no hesitation#and... for fun let's do some others!#Haphazard: Cleaning up after others since childhood. he's never really gotten a break and sees any sort of mess as an enemy#-> He's fixing rifts in universes I gotta patch relationships. there's so much conflict and I'm always so overwhelmed by it#Lost: He's got amnesia. no clue where he is. where he's from. who you are. who he is. he'll know when he gets there. he's sure.#-> I've been hsving minor issues with my memory for years. i coukd be forgetful but sometimes it just escapes me and that's spooky#Teddy: Isolated in her universe for years. she self-mutilated until she liked herself. when she finally met people she compulsively lied#-> Much more extreme version of how isolated I sonetines feel. hobbies can't replace human interaction but it's hard#oh and Ichor: God who loves mortals but cannot seem to find ones who will prove hin right for his trust and care#<- I've got a big heart. i express it often but the sentinent is scoffed off a lot. I get beat down about it and just keep moving forward#Pretender: Knows who he is. however the world doesn't like it much so he acts how they expect him to or isolates away#<- I still present femme when I'm nb/agender. i bend and break to people's perception of me. if I can't solve something I run.#okay I feel more insane than when ai started but these stupid skeletons have helped me through so many mental health problems it's only a#little bit funny 🙏
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HE HAS RETURNED TO US
#Nevermore#Nevermore Webtoon#Webtoon#The way she just clambers up the fence ����#Merry is a little chaos gremlin#Much more so today#Like usually I’m like “Merry is the more chill one” NOT TODAY#And jeez what was with him telling her to stop like that#And then when she was like “—AS FAR AWAY FROM THE TWO OF YOU AS POSSIBLE—” oh my god I was DYING at Merry’s joy#Rubbing his hands together 😂#And then Mourn was like NO there are RULES Merry#Interesting how they get to know their students like this#I wonder who will get the opportunity in the future#Prospero would’ve gotten it if he passed which is interesting to think about#Annabel’s gonna go there I figure at some point#I wonder how short the cohorts are#I assume a year but who knows how long a semester is in this world#It’s not like there’ll be any long breaks what family is there to go visit#Anyway TINY LENORE AND THEO OH MY GOD I DIDN’T EXPECT IT THEY’RE SO CUTE#Lenore and Annabel looking ✨fine✨ together#And oop spectreeeeeeeeeee#But no she wants her FRENCH BOI#I was worried I thought we’d like get a ghost of him here and he’d still be suffocating but no we got him out of there for a moment#He’s so scared look at himmmm#It’s okay Duke it’s Lenore#And then they HUG AAAAA#Actual conversation next week yay#But also do the Deans know? Like if they saw him flickering on the merit board then like why didn’t they act on it#You guys are the DEANS OF THE SCHOOL PROTECT YOUR STUDENTS FROM EACH OTHER#Great ep
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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Absolutely firehose blasting good vibes your way cheye!!! So happy and proud of you for pursuing the life you want even though it's hard. Manifesting cheysperity (cheye prosperity)
thank u! when me and my dad were breaking the news to my mom even he was telling her that he isn't thrilled about it either, but I've had so little Say over my life, all my life, that this needs to be something I can choose for myself for once...now I jst hope it actually all goes thru + happens ^_^
#🧿🧿🧿#skunk mail#Anonymous#i mean its more obvious what it is now i jst feel weird saying it outright bc i get nervous anyway#a few weeks ago i posted about hoping smthng happened bc the resulting turmoil wld be really funny in a universe lining up way#and it Did. so we had to tell my mom about it like one week before we go to my cousin's (my age) baby shower lmfao#ive never Upset my mom so i didnt know what to expect but she's fine now she just sulked and cried a bit day of#(unlike my dad who gives me week long silent treatment when he's mad)#i wonder though if she'll get riled up once the date of procedure comes closer since itll be rly Soon if it all goes well#hmmm lets see what else#i think i may have gotten to her bc i told her i cant even consider relationships if my body still has the ability to do All That#that if i do change my mind in the future (i wont) there is no shortage of single parents. ever.#and that the mere Hope of being able to go thru with this procedure has actually made me more open to bonding with my nephews#now that I know she won't be able to use those interactions as a weapon against my decisions ykwim
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i love that my mum is buried in a park. a beautiful place that isn't just fulla death but lotsa pretty plants and animals too. she's near a duck pond and she'd love that, she liked to feed the ducks. and shortly after her funeral, a wallaby hopped by and that made me love the park even more
#it was months ago. that poll just got me thinking about it#i expected it to be a sad day but i was actually pretty happy#because it was a nice ceremony. full stuff mum woulda liked#pink and purple orchids. a playlist of songs she picked out#nobody was dressed in black (as per both her request and mormon tradition). it was a lovely sunny day#my hair and outfit looked really great. i gave a good eulogy#it was just a nice day. funny how things turn out#but a lot of my tears and woe happened to me on my own#i expected to cry during the eulogy but i was strong. and i'd cried when i wrote it. it being prepared helped#there is a video of it but i havent gotten a lot of it. nor any of the photos of that day#my godfather has all that and i havent met up with him since then. just how things have been. i'll get 'em eventually
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Sakura gets a second point for being the first to complete the tree climbing at being better at chakra control, but at the same time it just feels like she was made good at it so no extra training segment time would have to be put into her getting good at it and it can be all about Sauce and Nart. Idk that feels too pessimistic but also could totally be true.
#she takes on a very 'obsever' role. like kashi is the teacher watching over them. but sock is the watching and commenting from the same#perspective of nart and sauce and also the viewer unlike kashi. cuz he provides a lot of exposition and whatnot in his inner monolgues#and its like. of course the girl is just the observer who watches alongside us as the two main boys grow and develop#AND I DONT WANNA FUCKIN BE PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THIS BUT GOD ITS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!#but her whole character so far is 'i hate the class clown. im book smart. i diet and im in love'#and the way i see it is. 12yo girl TRYING to fit into the femininity she sees in the world around her so she forces herself to be like this#but she has inner sock who speaks what she really feels showing that she puts on quite a front and isnt really much like that at all#and you expect her to grow into wanting her to truly define herself. and she does with getting stronger and training under tsunade and#learning medical ninjutsu so she really finds a spot for herself. she does!!! but then she KEEPS hanging onto the love nonsense#and admittedly there are moments that push a very obvious trope of thinking she likes sauce cuz hes cool but finding out that the real 'gem'#is nart so i definitely understand where n@rus@kus are coming from#but then she just STICKS with sauce until its the worst ship possible and its an utter mess of 'ill never give up on him'#EVEB DESPITE HIM TRYING TO KILL HER!!! THEN THAT FUCKING WORKS OUT!?!?!?#AND TOO THIS DAY SAUCE STILL NEVER COMES OFF LIKE HE ACTUALLY LOVES HER#IM SORRY BUT ITS TRUE. SARD WE ARE GETTING YOU BETTER PARENTS. ON GOD!!!!!#so she just hangs on to this one little thing that she SHOULD have gotten development for to move on from BUT IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS#so its like half her development never fucking happens and thats why it#s such a fuckinf mess!!!!!#i fucking hate this show. i need to go back to watching mike's dino game vod. what am i doing here?????#i did this to myself btw. i didnt need to start yelling about that but thats just how it is with nart#start thinking about something good and then it reminds you of something related thats bad and now its like. yeah this shit sucks#remember when kishi said he regretted not making hina the heroine???? we could have lived in a better timeline.#but if i say that i will get assassinated#anyway.#sock count#personal
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ayane you need to get a grip. ayane please. for me
#if her and pin actually for real end up together i'll scream#i dont think its necessarily out of character for her to have a crush on him. shes used to dating older guys and ofc she would fall#for someone encouraging. but if pin reciprocates its so fucking over everyone#not only would it be gross but it also wouldnt. make sense for him#hes repeatedly referred to her as a kid and acted more like a mentor to her. he literally said he doesnt catch feelings for kids#at the beginning. in reference to HER SPECIFICALLY#im holding out hope but also im scared#so far the writing has actually kind of exceeded my expectations in terms of how it handles more complex feelings and relationships#like i also felt that ayane and miura weren't going to work out and the way that falling out was written was well done#and more recently how kurumi has grown up and matured and gotten closer with sawako and apologized is great to see#this is the one thing making me anxious. we need to be normal for just like ten more chapters. for me#kimi ni todoke#mine
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Communicate like an adult and get results :)
#one the best things I've learned to do in the last five years is advocate for myself#new people took over the kennel I contract at and they haven't been giving me any of the boarding nail trims#I've been a little miffed about it but didn't say anything bc I assumed it was a money thing - if I do the nail trim I get commission#but if a kennel tech does it they don't get commission#today I caught them with a special baby of mine tho and they had just gotten started so I said#I'm supposed to be the only one who does her nails#and the tech was thrilled bc she doesn't like doing nail trims anyway#so after that I pulled myself together and said something to the manager about how the old owner had me do basically all of the nail trims#and he goes#great!#we all hate doing nail trims#and I ended up with 3 today and 2 tomorrow which is an extra $25 in my pocket so that's awesome#i really have found just talking about things like an adult (calmly and rationally) can get you the things you want most of the time#ig bc I grew up with a parent who would sometimes snap at me just for speaking I always expect the worst reactions from people#but so far I've found I almost always get the best#and even when I don't get what I want#nobody has yelled at me for asking
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jesus christ are the commentaries with dr drew ever fucking painful
#he starts talking about dee and i am just. cringing. shut the fuck up buddy#mf said charlie mac and dennis are sociopaths but dee MUST have bpd because. shes a woman.#and then when charlie challenged it and said she does the same shit the guys do he was like#well shes got some 'male stuff going on with her. you sort of expect that of a man. and that's her sociopathic stuff'#💀💀💀💀💀💀#could not have gotten a guy who knows less about whatever the fuck hes talking about.#charlie and rob challenging his analysis the entire time and being like Its Not That Deep Mac And Dennis Are Just Gay#ada speaks#yikes yikes yikes#frank's intervention ep was WAY worse than mac and den break up but both are so cursed they make me violent
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ricocore ?
ID: a textpost from infectiouspiss that says "when god closes a door you reach your little paws under it and go mrrwwaaaooow mmreeaaow" /end ID
OH YOU DID SEND ME RICO POST I MISSED IT!!!!!!! Yeah that’s ricocore!!!!
Mostly before the end of the war though that kind of sapped all of her ability to Try Again (somethings something loss of an integral piece of her identity etc etc etc) and when the gang gets hit by the robot Geneva convention she just fully gives up. Didn’t realize/accept that she had rebuilt a family for herself until she lost it 😬😬😬
#chainlink is the only one who DIDNT entirely give up during the Geneva arc#rico and roughhouse got hit hard by sprocket turning them in and also in Rico’s case it was just one final failure too many#esp since she brought the rest of them down with her#but like chainlink had pretty much been expecting this the whole time he’s not even surprised#this is basically what ze signed up for. would have been nice if they’d gotten anywhere!#but the most he was hoping for was to go out with a bang
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