#she's also got the CPTSD :)

[cripplecryptid]

Being an adult and understanding ur mothers mental health patterns is so wild. Like oh all of a sudden my entire life makes sense

All the times as a teen when I started to feel Bad and like i had to leave the house asap bc i felt like I was going insane at home. Yeah. I get it now

[blueheartedwolf]

I wish I could find a doctor that wants to find out what’s actually wrong with me instead of recommending prescriptions to address the symptoms. I’m so tired of being recommended ibuprofen for debilitating pain. Tired of relaying my medical history to a new doctor and getting the same furrowed brow and shrugging shoulders I get every time. Tired of having so-called medical professionals ask why I need a cane if I’m able to walk down their clinic hallway without it. When will someone fucking help me?

[whimsycore]

I think what people don’t understand about having a narc parent is how isolated you are and how they make you feel on the daily. I had major oral surgery today and I woke up in a dark house tonight.

She literally raised me with the belief that she’s terrified of a completely dark house. And because of that I would make sure a light was turned on for her. Whether she was inside the house yet or not. This woman left one light on and it’s where she was today before she left.

The entitlement and inconsideration is part of daily living with her. But I’m supposed to stay with her because she’s scared to be alone. I’m supposed to not want anything for myself. I’m supposed to not DO for myself because she doesn’t. Imagine your entire life they make you a caretaker and they complain every minute of every day about you to someone so you can’t even trust other adults in your life. And you can’t count on your parent either because they let you down often but expect the world from you.

[runawaycarouselhorse]

This thread from the CPTSD subreddit about the overabdunance of cheap junk food, but little healthy food (and the weird poverty mindset leading to parents guarding food until it spoils and screaming at anyone who eats [too much] of it or acting like they were planning to eat it, but if you don't eat from it, it gets thrown out) is so illuminating.

[miikaarinn]

i had a psychiatrist appt today and holy fuckingnhell never again im not doing this shit ever again

[x-birdsong-x]

GODDD OKAY OKAY okay it's not in her playlist anymore just because I heard Florida through a wc playlist and GOD that is her song but if Miss Americana's bridge fit better i'd have kept it - but gooddddddd okay like. obviously platonically for the second verse it fits so well with 8x01 and the first verse is SO 16!adams coded and it drives me insane i'm sliding down the wall and punching the air projecting like she's a little whiteboard thinking about adams when she ran away (and when you got along with your pets better than your family what can you do but snap when you get home and find out you weren't there when your oldest dog died)

FIRST tho I just need to yell about the repeating "You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes" fitting Adams so perfectly. It's how she thinks of herself; it's how she's been taught to think of herself. What happened when she was a kid was her fault, the one time she reads House correctly is you took the first deal they offered you because you wanted to punish yourself, she gets herself fired doing House's test that for a second they both think was a mistake, as far as her opinion goes the accident in Nobody's Fault was her fault. Typical of me to put us all to shame something something

Second I can just link this post for a better explanation but watching Runaways and overanalyzing every little bit about her there is not a chance in the deepest parts of hell that Adams had good parents. They did SOMETHING to make her snap before she left. The way she responds to Callie is you could at least let her in the room and your mom knows she messed up, she's determined not to do it again and she's your mom, and for the first time she's acting like it and beyond everything else Callie is upset that her parent is not listening to her. Something something nothing scares me more than the stranger at my door who I fail to give shelter time and worth they are THE firewatcher's daughter patient/protag matchup

okay god where was i going. these are actually from last year so there's absolutely ways i'd change it now given i've dug into runaways' lines even deeper now and also my unholy amount of brain-animatics are rooted in warriors fandom song-matching so,,,, but here have the first verse(?) of my original freak-out about this . leaving out the second verse with ep 1 because there's too much i can't decide my opinion on looking at it now lol . never did anything past those verses because it just doesn't fit as well

also sorry i can't do anything about the quality firealpaca and tumblr do not get along

GOD there's SO many ways i'd change that now if i had time i'd redo it right now but they're all in pngs and idk where the actual files went

im so sorry i could go nearly line for line for everything before the bridge which is where it becomes more of a stretch but the first half of miss americana and the heartbreak prince works with adams and i can not be obnoxious enough about this she is a fidget toy to me

wait i love this. please tell me more I love hearing your Fidget Toy Adams thoughts

[chronicallycouchbound]

I feel like people often don’t talk about the experiences of disabled people who have caretakers because so much of the conversation is about us—not including us.

I receive in home care for 30 hours a week (+ 4 hours/week for respite). This is paid for by Medicaid (state insurance). Outside of paid hours, my primary caretakers care for me unpaid and assist me most of the time. I’m very rarely left alone due to my high support needs. Often, when I am left alone, I am completely bedridden or at minimum housebound. I have frequent emergency life threatening health problems, falls, and serious injuries even with support in place, and these things significantly increase when I’m on my own.

I’m extremely lucky that my paid caretakers are my partner, my sister (the only family member I have regular contact with, I’m estranged from the rest of my immediate family and most of my extended family) and my best friend.

I used to have agency staffing which was horrible for me and borderline traumatic. At several points, before doing the self directed care option (which allows me to choose my own staff, hire and train them myself and dictate hours for them), I opted to not have any staffing. I was regularly in the emergency room. I can’t drive, so I was having to walk and if I was lucky enough to be able to take the bus on occasion or get a ride from a Facebook acquaintance, they were few and far in between. I don’t have family support, and even my sister who is supportive wasn’t living in the state at the time and doesn’t have a car most of the time.

And before I could even choose which staffing option, even though medically it had been deemed essential for me to have in home care, even though my insurance covered it, I had to wait several years (I was 18 when I was approved) until I was 21 to qualify to start. The reason why: I was legally an “adult disabled child” because of my high support needs (which is funny because I STILL don’t have SSI at age 24) and thus legally unable to consent to my own care plan. I needed a blood relative to consent, and that same blood relative (who had to have proof of such!) couldn’t care for me. At the time, my sister was the only person who could’ve been my caregiver and also she is the only verifiable blood relative I have contact with for safety reasons, and my only relative on this side of the USA.

The first business day after my 21st birthday I immediately got things set up to get in home care.

This is out of date, I get assistance with more than just these highlighted ADL (activities of daily living) tasks now.

In short: my day-to-day life is entirely dependent on others.

And there’s power imbalances that exist between me and my caregivers, even with my current caregivers being amazing and anti-ableist. They will always exist. We talk about the power dynamics of me being dependent on them for my survival, and how heavy that weight can be for each of us.

Having caregivers often means that accessibility is extra difficult— I’ve been told straight up multiple times that I can’t have assistance from my caregivers to help me change in a changing room when we’re out shopping. That they can’t go into the bathroom with me, that they can’t help me get un/dressed during appointments, that they can’t come into spaces with me.

I’ve been denied access to psychiatric care because I can’t do my daily living tasks (ADLs- the highlighted items) independently. And when I’m in a hospital or emergency room, I can’t have my in home workers be paid to care for me, there’s an expectation that the nursing staff at the hospital will do it. Even though my caregivers were specifically trained to learn my body and needs for weeks and have been working with me for years. I have severe cPTSD and showering in front of a stranger is something I cannot do. I would rather fall or faint or get injured or just not shower than deal with that. But I’m expected to just let anyone have access to my body just because I’m physically disabled and need support.

When I faint/fall/get injured/have life threatening health issues arise while I’m not clothed, or when I’m otherwise vulnerable, I’m supposed to let strangers just touch me however they want to. I have to show them my chest (for my cardiac care) and let them poke and examine me. I can’t object without losing access to vital care.

I have agency. I have rights. I have autonomy. I deserve to be able to exercise these things.

[razzledazzlebeach]

Daryl Dixon took awhile to age mentally

As I read more and more analysis about Daryl and rewatch some of the earlier seasons, I wonder if it was intended for his character to have some kind of age regression issue. (I didn't do, like, extensive research, I just looked into some CPTSD and age regression signs on a few different sites, so this is just an idea I'm tossing out in hopes of hearing some other perspectives!)

The first situation that really catches my attention is his reaction to Merle being left in Atlanta. Now, obviously, this would be an incredibly emotional time for anyone and it's not entirely out of place to just say he was very distraught over the news and anyone could have reacted the same way he did. I just think that the specific way he did might have some signs. If you think about a grown man, especially one who was raised in a very macho household, you would assume that their reaction might be to storm out or yell at someone. Although Daryl did yell, he also started crying and pacing. It seemed almost as if he was having a full-on meltdown. Some signs of age regression are meltdowns (Ranting, shouting, insulting others, threatening others, whining, angry tears, or getting physically violent) that ring any bells?

I couldn't find a gifs of that exact moment :(

It probably didn't help that the entirety of the camp was staring at him as all of this happened. Temper tantrums can happen because someone is scared/ashamed and can't regulate themselves. (Like sensory overload.)

Another thing that I want to kind of address is the way Rick responds to Daryl when he's having these sorts of meltdowns. Throughout the series, and in the third episode, we see Rick bending down almost horizontally just so he can make eye contact with Daryl. He speaks to him like he's a child, and instead of feeling insulted, Daryl actually takes comfort in it and calms down!

"I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic, do you think we can manage that?"

What is age regression?

We all know that Daryl was abused as a child, and trauma like that can sort of freeze the brain. This is a quote I really like that explains it: “It doesn’t necessarily make you stuck at a certain age, but instead, [you are] acting out the emotional wounding that happened at that age,” Lapides adds." People may start to regress because they are triggered or feel threatened, and an apocalypse seems like it would cause a constant trigger. Daryl might be reverting back to childlike behaviors as a trauma response. (honorable mention being the nail biting, but that's a bit of a reach) Shane being the way that he was could have also been a trigger for him.

One of the symptoms of age regression is overly clingy behavior. And you are probably thinking, "well, if there's anything Daryl has, it's not clingy behavior. He's a loner." I disregarded this too for awhile before I really thought about it. He is highly independent when he's doing things he's comfortable in, like being in the woods or going for runs. But when it comes to making decisions or being social, Daryl immediately clings to someone who he knows will do it for him. Most of his life he had Mere to hide behind. The most outgoing and shameless person alive. I don't think Merle ever asked Daryl his opinion on anything. He would decide, and Daryl would follow, and I think Daryl took a lot of comfort in that. So when Merle was gone, he latched onto Rick because he was the best choice. He knew Rick was a very righteous man who had plenty of leadership qualities. He knew Rick would make decisions for him, and give him directions.

Carol and Rick's mothering

Circling back to the way Rick would react to Daryl's outbursts, carol sometimes did the same thing. I know some people ship them, but honestly, at least in the earlier seaons, I got major mother/son vibes from the two of them. Especially when Beth died and she was trying to teach him how to grieve. The forehead kisses, the pookie nickname, all of it seemed to point in that direction. There was also another time Rick pulled the "Can we manage that?" move, and it was during Aiden and Glenn's fight in S5. He made sure to get low enough to make eye contact, and block his pacing. He kept telling Daryl that "We can't do this now." It all just looks a lot like he and carol are parenting Daryl, if only in moments where he is feeling intense stress and that trauma triggers.

Anyways, this was just a few ideas I was tossing around, and very clearly this in my first analysis lol, any thoughts?

[aloy-sobek]

Thinking about how the BG3 crew view chronic pain

Lae'zel would be insufferable about how pain is strength. However I think if given a change to swap bodies, Lae'zel would see you as the ultimate warrior. Strongest, mightiest, most fearless creature. ESPECIALLY a romanced Tav as Lae'zel gains a softer perspective of life. But good gods would she be annoying at first.

Wyll gets it. Eye still hurts him. Half the time he gets migraines because of his fucked vision and the other half it's phantom pains from where his eye used to be. His prosthetic gets dry. Needs to be cleaned and can cause irritation. He gets it.

Halsin is similar, he's older sure, but got a nasty scar on his face that smarts from time to time. Facial injuries stay hurting even once they've healed. He would offer natural healing, not in a crunchy way, but in a way to help sooth. Probably lots of massages.

Gale is a walking chronic pain. He is also a good example of doing that pain to yourself. The kind of chronic pain where you know it's your fault you're in this mess but also by gods it still awful. It's one thing to be punished for your stupidity, it's entirely different to suffer continuously.

Karlach, I mean, come on. She is the embodiment of chronic pain. Her insides are literally on fire. She riddled with scar tissue. She's known nothing but pain for over a decade. She's a good dark humor chronic pain friend 😌

Astarion is no stranger to pain. As a firm believer that he suffers CPTSD, Astarion probably has his far share of Somatic flashbacks. A form of chronic pain often thrown away as irrelevant because there is "no real cause." As if the past traumas of the body wasn't cause enough. He however at first would be a shithead about your pain, but as time rolled on, would sympathize, over a glass of medicinal wine.

Shadowheart literally has a chronic pain button in her hand. Granted it's being pushed by a god but if we thing about it, don't we all. She'd be sassy about it though. Heaven forbid she be too vulnerable, maybe for Tav and she would feel for a Tav in pain. Curse that moon witch empathy.

Minsc would try and fight your pain away. Which would be quite endearing. He would also be extra gentle around Tav. Not realizing chronic pain did not mean fragile. Boo is doing his best to explain.

Jaheira knows. She's been around a block or two. Fought a thing or two. Pain isn't something she's new too, but chronic? That isn't an enemy she deals with. She'd sit and talk with you on bad days. Keep you company. Good friend in that way.

[thornsent]

hi pls help lmao

I'm morgan, a disabled trans fag in my mid 20s. I have cptsd + DID + some other fun chronic mental and physical health conditions and a lot of my trauma is regarding housing. specifically losing housing and ending up homeless. I spent 5 years couch surfing after an abusive relationship let me homeless and without anything until I got subsidized housing and thought things would turn around.

they didn't. my living situation is bad, and I've been posting pretty extensively about it esp lately. I live in a slum. there's roaches, a neighbor who's basically been stalking me, a landlord that's harassing me, and most recently a drive-by shooting quite literally outside my window. my lease ends on the 31st.

my housing worker has been incredibly sketchy and unreliable and I don't even know if I have housing secured past the 31st anymore but I'm down to the wire and have no choice and I cannot stay in this place any longer with how it has affected my physical and mental health. I really can't

I need help with moving supplies. I thought I got enough boxes but I'm still running short, and my housing worker says she wants me packed by this sunday. I also need to make some runs to goodwill. I have absolutely no movers scheduled or anything like that which my worker is supposed to be taking care of so I have no choice but to rely on someone who has been unreliable since we began working with her. I have been a fucking mess about this, it has truly been one of the worst weeks of my life

c4sh4pp is $doppelgougar v3nm0 is alumirust p4yp4l is alumirust@gmail.com

[rosy-crow]

not enough people are reveling in the horrors that is sephiroth having SEVERE CPTSD!!

HGGFJFHF YEAH

Also, on a few lists, “hyper-vigilance” was a symptom…which….bruh

I watched a documentary about kids with CPTSD and also one on attachment disorders in infants after maternal neglect a while ago, and basically, when they put well-adjusted kids in a room with each other and some adults, it was all smiles, trust, camaraderie, play, fun, etc.. Those babies were bright and looking at the adults all the time! They bonded really easily.

But the kids with either the attachment disorder or the CPTSD just sat there looking on high alert. They didn’t sleep or rest, they didn’t trust the adults. They looked anxious and they were babies :(

The kids with the maternal neglect issues were known to look around the room and at the doors like they were waiting for someone. Waiting for someone to come back. It made me cry at the time, dude.

Anyway, Sephiroth first reminded me of the kids with the attachment disorders when I was going through OG and he seemed like he was looking for…something. When he found Jenova, I was like…”OH! WAIT IS THIS MOTHER THING DELIBERATE…”

And when I got to Lucrecia, as soon as she said “I never even got to hold him,” it all clicked. That explained a LOT 💀

I could not find hardly any analysis videos or forums on him (outside of tumblr) that even bothered to mention it. It’s hopefully gonna change with FS!

But what’s also becoming more blatant aside from the attachment disorder is the CPTSD, I agree. He showed up in episode 1 already a mess around the adults, not sure how to interact after isolation, really apologetic when he messed up and he wilted whenever Glenn yelled. Then we had that whole speech he gave when they confronted him about his ruthlessness and he basically gave away that he was trained to be afraid as a warrior. Deathly fearful, paranoid and reactive on the battlefield even with children and elderly because he believed he’d surely die if he hesitated or showed any compassion.

That basically means they beat fear into his head for a long time and put him in situations where he perfected the “kill or be killed” mindset.

(I’m so happy he does THIS with the Wutai troops as an adult though. HE LEARNED TO HESITATE AND OFFER HIS ENEMIES A CHANCE BEFORE JUST GOING FOR THE KILL SJDHDH)

But as for his younger self, what kid would be trained like that (especially by fucking Hojo) and not develop all of the exact traits Sephiroth has in these stories, honestly…I can’t even imagine.

He has the other symptoms of CPTSD too. He feels disconnected and different, he has serious issues with engaging or starting relationships, he dehumanizes himself, he speaks like the world is hopeless and HIS life is worthless outside of his missions, and he is apparently gonna say to Angeal something about them not being able to understand each other because of how they were raised….which fits with the “feeling like nobody can understand you” symptom.

Ugh. This seems to be a big part of what he has and it’s at its worst right now in episode 2 because now it’s not just the isolated war machine childhood + the Hojo horrors fucking him up, but we got everything that happened in Rhadore too.

I mean yeah, no WONDER this kid is closed off and falling into the Alissa/Jenova/Masamune trap or whatever. I bet he’s gonna have a mini Nibelheim or some kind of breakdown, and my hopes are in Angeal’s intervention. If anyone can get through to Sephiroth, it’s him.

[awkwardandeccentric]

We know Stolas has terrible mental health issues and we assign that to his environment, rightfully so, but mental health issues are also genetic. So, how much of his depression, anxiety, and cPTSD is from being raised by Paimon and attached to Stella…and how much of it is inherited from his mother? A woman he never got to meet. A woman who never go to show him love. A woman who must have had a hard life if she ever crossed paths with Paimon.

Do you think his mom ever got to watch him hatch? Do you think he ever called out for her when he was scared or lonely? Do you think he ever asked about her before he learned to be silent?

How much was the deck stacked against him before he was even born?

[rubydubydoo122]

hi, i'm kind of a newbie in comics and can you elaborate why pit madness is not real? thank you (i haven't got to the modern comics yet)

I’m pretty sure Pit Madness just… isn’t really a thing. There isn’t anything in Canon that outright says ‘the pit makes you crazy’

If anyone wants to correct me on anything, feel free to, because I’ve only read major comic book storylines

I think Pit Madness was made up in Fanon to justify Jason’s ‘insane’ actions— like eight heads in a duffle bag, or the attack on Titans Tower, or his whole pill helmet era— but they’re forgetting that Jason came back to life after being brutally murdered and I think he has a right to lose his mind a little bit after that, especially since he also had some major brain damage. It’s probably more likely that Jason has a chemical imbalance and has CPTSD, from his early life on the streets to the things that have happened to him during his time as Robin.

It’s also a way the fandom reinforce racist stereotypes about the Al-Ghuls. ‘But Talia threw Jason into the pit and pointed the pit madness towards Bruce’ that did not happen. Jason did most of his world tour on his own free will. He planned his return to Gotham all by himself.

In fact, Talia loves Bruce and she was finding Jason’s world tour, so she was probably guiding him away from killing Bruce.

Also, something something ‘Ras is a crazy creepy old man’ he wouldn’t be over 600 years old if the pit waters drive you insane.

I think there is a brief period of time RIGHT AFTER you emerge from the pit where you lose your mind, but it eventually wears off and it wouldn’t last for as long as the fandom makes it out to be, and it wouldn’t be flashes of Rage. It would probably be more akin to insanity, because it’s a cursed fountain of youth.

Also, Cass and Damian were also put into the Lazarus Pit (I’m pretty sure?) and they

Sorry if any of that came out aggressive, but Pit Madness drives me insane (pun intended) if I’m wrong about anything, someone please correct me.

[hisaribi]

So I've got possessed by the de-ages Dick au, and while I usually go for physically de-aged but still adult mind for angst and research of weakness and the need to rely on others. But this time I needed an angst

So Dick got de-aged both physically and mentally, to the begining of his Robin days, fresh of loosing his parents. He's stuck in the constant performance everything is great I don't trust any of you mode. He's friendly, helpful, only once asked why they all were Robins, but because others didn't have any idea where it came from, he didn't tell a thing (he trusted his adult self judgement in not telling younger ones all the whys). There was no way to reverse him, no memories he could get back, no skills that suddenly would pop up no recognition. Dick Grayson, Nightwing, is basically dead.

Jason though told him that if he wants to get out of all the overbearing protectiveness (Bruce wanted to do everything Right this time, Tim was weirded to see Dick the way he remembered from his parents death and probably experiences cptsd again with need to protect the kid, Damian who suddenly became twice Dick's age and it was the first for him to not be the youngest and also he was going through wanting to leave this life and maybe move towards the medicine, and maybe pull Dick out of it as well, Cass sometimes followed him like a silent shadow out of worry as well, Steph, Duke and others mostly were weirded out and kept away). So Jason who went through everyone around mourning his past Robin self and not accepting his current one, not fully, sort of knew what Dick was going through, and it was even worse, because he didn't even remember what was before, the chunk of twenty years of history he didn't know about, and people who mourned Nightwing. But also to stay asshole-ish Jason told Dick that he can crash his flat only if he could find it (or any other houses)

So Dick got tired of it, especially because he wasn't allowed to go out on the patrols, and while Bruce and Tim left he sneacked out as well. He climbed through the window of Jason's flat, he did find it himself, and heard voices, Jason wasn't alone. Dick kept to the shadows and was light on his feet, he didn't recognize voices, but they werenangry or anything. So he listened in.

It were Jason and two other people he remembered, the ones that came to visit him somewhere after he got aged down. Roy and Kori. And well, he heard them.

How Dick was now younger than Roy's daughter and he still couldn't break it to her, that her favorite uncle Nightwing was gone. How Jason talked about this sort of mourning and how he was still actually stuck to that about Dick despite knowing how it felt. And Kori confessed that she had a child with Dick, a daughter she didn't tell him about, who stayed with Tameranian people. And now they won't ever meet.

They then argued about this whole thing, and Dick left, no way he could get to Jason ever again. He went up to brood on the gargoyle, because well, everyone did treat him as a memo of someone who wasn't there anymore. Who he could grow into, but not really him.

And apparently Damian sat next to him and gave Dick a snack. Because Damian noticed Dick running away, and followed just to make sure he won't get in trouble, and he was actually about to leave him be after he climbed into Jason's kitchen, but then he was glad he didn't. And he then contemplated if he wanted to leave Dick alone and not show himself, or sit down next to him and support. He decided the latest, because well Damian (and most other people) was aware Dick wasn't all sunshine and rainbow, so they sort if expected him to blow up, even Bruce, who was to him just as much of a stranger as others were.

Dick got angry at everyone looking at him like he killed his elder self personally. Like they treat all his mannerisms and wordings as a sign of him getting his memories back and not him actually always having them or taking them from others and it just happened to be the ones they adopted from him. But then sitting with Damian he just plastered his usual smile and went like oh hey yeah decided I needed some air thanks for snack anyway how's school.

And then Damian tried to tell Dick a story, like the one that was in his Robin comics, about a prince and all that, as the middle Dick deadpanned that Damian was awful at disgaising true story behind this tale premise, they bickered a bit, but Damian then told Dick that Dick being his Batman, Dick accepting him was what got him into the family, was the reason he stuck there, and while yes, Damian didn't know about this Robin version of Dick he would try to the best of his abilities to support him. Like no, Dick also wasn't patient, for Dick back then Damian was a burden along with the Batman, and Damian expected it all to be really rough, but at the very least Damian really wanted to help at the very least till Dick could walk on his own and be his safety net and Dick at first laughed at how pretentious it sounded, but it lacked bite to it

Dick silently leant at Damian and they stayed like that for some time

[darkphoenix07]

could u do a yunho reaction / comforting reader who has cptsd related to sexual abuse? i know it might be vv uncomfortable to write about so it's okay if u don't feel comfortable with it, but i wanted to try my luck 🥺

Yunho helps you after being assaulted

Links :

Masterlist

Ateez Mental health request

Paring : Yunho x Reader

Genre : Angst, Confort

Warning : Sexual Assault, Blood, Manipulation, Blackmail, Cursing, Self Harm, Suicide. Please don't read this if you aren't uncomfortable. It's horrible so I will love it if the one who requested it reads it only.

To the girls who needs comfort for getting assaulted

Your neighbor who is six years older than you had been stalking you for a month by now. You informed police but they didn't find any evidence or you being harmed which is why they made no response. So, you didn't see that coming which was about to make your life upsidedown.

Electricity was gone when you were going to your house by stairs. Like all the other nights, his eyes were on you and you didn't even know. He dragged you, took you in his house, forced himself on you and blackmailed you to stay quiet or else he would hurt your boyfriend, you had to believe him because he knew everything about you. It was a cold obsession of his for you which you were unaware of. But now that you know, you couldn't do anything. You had to go with him in his car, his house and everywhere he told you to.

You kept avoiding your boyfriend for a whole week because he had eagle eyes, he would know right away that you had been sleeping with someone else. You weren't allowed to let him know, it could put his life in danger.

Like every other day, your neighbor assaulted you and let you go to your house, with bruises on your body and lips. Even your nose was bleeding as you begged him to stop but instead of stopping he hit your face with his fist.

You were done more with yourself than him. He was diabolical and you were feeling like a masochist for not being able to do anything. You just let him do anything he wanted to wether it was your mouth or something else.

As you got home and locked yourself, you stare at big mirror of your house that Yunho gifted for you. You don't know how to face the girl in front of you as she had scars on her wrist, palm and lips. Well, you gifted yourself all these marks because his marks didn't feel enough to punish you and also you wanted to get rid off his touches.

Why are you even living? You thought as you lifelessly stare at your filthy self. You feel like you're stinking, most importantly you smelled like him. It was too much to take.

You take your electrical razor and take off your dress. Running the razor on every part possible, you fall on the ground until you couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry Dad. I'm so fucking sorry Yunho. I can't live this way," you throw the razor away because it wasn't enough for you to perish. Maybe you are a coward which is why you haven't been able to kill yourself yet, maybe you are a masochist which makes you hate yourself even more.

You want to go upstairs but you are too dizzy to walk. So instead of that method, you take a knife from the kitchen and try stabbing your wrist. You try so hard to reach deep so your veins are cut. But they don't feel enough. As you try to slit yourself again, you feel a hand on yours.

Sitting on the cold floor, alone by the sofa, you feel your blood going cold as you look at the person behind you.

"Y/n," you start trembling hearing him.

"What the fuck are you...oh my god... There is too much blood. God, fuck... Look at me, love," he screams your name shaking you.

His eyes get bigger as he notices your whole body covering in blood, less than your wrist.

"Fuck, no... Please don't do this to me," he says as he takes you in his arms.

"I gotta call an ambulance, damn it," he says starting to leave but you call him.

"Yunho, don't call," you tell him feeling cold sweats falling from your skin. You didn't know that your mother gave the spare key of your house to him because he was worried sick about you.

He watched you with your neighbor and for sometimes he thought you wanted to leave Yunho and go for that guy. But your behavior seemed very fishy, your tired voicemail, your avoiding video calls.

"Don't you dare say a word. I am coming," he tries to leave again but you need to stop him.

"They will know if you take me. I don't want them to know. Don't take me to hospital," that is the last thing you tell him before passing out in his arms.

"Y/n!!! Shit, shit, shit," Yunho panics more as he hugs you in his arms, "Don't you fucking die on me."

He keeps trembling as he takes you in his arms and keeps your unconscious body in your bed.

As he grabs his phone from the table, he falls on the ground seeing his hands full of blood, your blood. It scares him. What if he loses you, what if you disappear from his life forever? No, he won't let it happen. He will protect you at any cost, he thinks calling his family doctor home.

The whole time he keeps his pressure on the cut but he doesn't understand how to stop the bleeding of other places. You look so pale like someone has sucked all of your blood out of you. He doesn't understand why you had to do it.

Until doctor comes and gives you stitches, tells him to be careful with you because there was scratches all over you and your lips.

After waking up, you see him staring at you. You get scared seeing him beside you, on your bed.

"Stop it, stop," he tries to control you but you keep shaking your head.

"Don't do it anymore. Give me some break. I beg you, I can't... I can't take it anymore. Please stop it," moving behind to hide from Yunho who isn't looking like Yunho in your head, you fall on the floor.

As you fall, the saline stick starts falling on you but Yunho grabs it by one hand looking at you in horror, "Baby, I am Yunho. Can't you recognize me? It's me, your sweetheart. Please stop, stop doing this to me. It hurts."

He leaves the saline and sits in front of you as you hug your knees hiding your face from him.

"I am sorry, I misunderstood you. I didn't know he has been hurting you. I am so sorry," he says softly so you don't panic anymore but you are still trembling, the scent of the sinner, his touches, his curses are all inside your head repeating itself like there are no stoping.

"Baby, please look at me once. Look at me closely," he tells you and you slowly face him, your eyes full of tears, your lips trembling and you are a sobbing mess.

"Can I touch you?" He asks crawling towards you slowly and you nod.

He has gone numb looking at how broken you are, how messed up you look.

As he gathers your pieces into his arms, you feel something warm filling you with softness and stops the chaos inside your head in instant. He doesn't leave you with one single hug, he breathes in you and let you breath. You can smell how good he smells, how perfect he looks, how softly he is holding you.

After feeling safe inside his arms, you break down in his arms starting to feel every emotions that you thought you've lost.

He hugs you closer, slowly paces his hands on your back being able to touch all of the bandages on your back. If he was in front of you, your tears would melt with his because he can't stop crying feeling guilty for not being able to protect you.

He feels like a failure, unworthy of your love.

"What happened? Tell me the truth or else I'll make him say everything," he asks you after some days as he brought you to his home for keeping you safe.

You know how stubborn you are, you tell him everything one by one and end up trembling, throwing up. He helps you to vomit rubbing your back, washes your face and brings you to bed.

You don't remember when was the last time you walked on the floor by yourself because he carried you all the time, fed you like a kid, changed your bandages by himself, stayed with you all the time making you feel like the safest person.

"No one can hurt me. Do you get it? No one. You don't have to give yourself up for protecting me. Look at yourself, look what you've done to my baby," he tells you, gives you the nicest scolding and for the first time you smile in front him.

He hugs you again and kisses you on the forehead, "I've taken care of him. He will die soon."

"What have you do-" you start to ask but he puts a finger on your lips, "No question. Tell me what can I do for you to make you feel good. Do you want to go somewhere far away? Beach House? Anywhere, I'll take you anywhere, love."

"I want to stay home with you for a while. Can we do that?" You ask him, scared of him saying no that he has works.

But he makes you straddle him and touches your forehead with his, "I'll be home with my baby and kiss every part of you until you forget everything about the past weeks."

And he does, he takes care of you, moulds you into a new version of you as you get well.

[ To the people who got assaulted by someone. You did nothing wrong. It was them, they were wrong for doing this to you. So, don't think you are filthy or unworthy of love. You deserve more love for only surviving, doesn't matter what you did to survive this. So, thank you for surviving. You are doing a great job. ]

[crystalgastles]

i looove ur page, could u do some general hc’s nsfw and sfw both of them if ur comfie w it for jeff :3. tysm and remember to drink water and be easy on yourself💗╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

So, I don’t like writing sex scenes in general. The only reason I added one in after the flesh was because of the fact hiding your sorrows in sex, drugs, and alcohol are something I have dealt with and I feel like it was the right time in the story for it, (my character dealing with guilt about something I have yet to reveal and Jeff because of his religious trauma being brought back up) . I wouldn’t really have any general nsfw headcannons for Jeff just because I don’t write for smut fanfics (not that there is anything wrong with smut authors it’s just not what I do personally) but I’d love to answer for general headcannons since I haven’t really gotten in on appearance for him yet or personality. Sorry that was very long 😭 anyway here they are

His hair is very long (down to his mid back) with a ton of split ends because he only trusted his mother to cut his hair

My Jeff is autistic, specifically about food and what he wears because he’s very large in stature

He’s 6’7 the steeled toed boots he wears makes him around 6’8

He loves women, women took care of him, and it was mostly women who didn’t abuse him in the church so he has a very strong sense of justice when it comes to misogyny (my feminist king)

He doesn’t leave witnesses who can speak. He thinks that leaving them with the trauma is worse than just killing them

Has an intense fear of never being able to give or receive love

Had his eyebrow pierced when he was a teenager and never took it out, there is no eyebrow left but the bar is still there

Kills people over music opinions, mostly men who have no idea what good music is but act like they do

I headcannon him as bisexual but he leans towards women because he is more comfortable with them (go figure that’s my orientation too)

The entire right side of his chest and arm is covered in burn scars from when he burnt down janes house

He was childhood friends with Jane, her father found out Jeff was helping her sneak out at night to see her girlfriend and had her sent to conversion therapy and Jeff was forcefully baptized, the night he killed his family he burnt down her house with her entire family inside except for her.

He went in to try and save her but she wasn’t there, she was at her girlfriends

He was born on December 25th (religious imagery wow shock in my writing)

He lets very few people touch him, the people that he does however he likes to just have them close, most of these people are women

Very sharp features, his face is unique in my mind and I don’t know how to describe it but he’s very sharp but feminine in a way

He got his scar by cutting it open on stage for shock value when he was in a band

Was in a metal band in his teens called Glasgow, hence why he cut his face open repeatedly

He’s not good with relationships. He gets attached and jealous but will also leave for weeks at a time without warning even though he does not mean anything by it he’s just doing his thing.

Delusions are his falter. He has horrific cptsd half of the people he kills is for this reason

Extreme alcoholic, will drink rubbing alcohol if he has to

Has had four partners in his life, all of which are dead now

He hums to himself when he’s alone

When he loves he loves people, steals things for them when he can, buys things for them if he comes upon cash. He shows his affection like a crow

There are more but I’m running on empty currently but if there are any other characters you guys want to hear about let me know