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I think she is my favourite of the whole Symphonic Poem set, I'm a sucker for browns icl!

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No grand picture but just a pic of all the lil guys together!

Even Aaron is happy to be in the mix! Let the lil guys be an AU where nothing bad has ever happened to them lmao (the scars/tattoos are birthmarks 🤣 )

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I am still alive! And the lil guys still thriving!

I haven't rlly been going places to take cute pics of them as life has been busy busy, between a bereavement, the funeral and sorting my diploma that starts in a couple weeks, vet appointments just some of them. I feel like life has been non stop 😭

But! We doing good! Just going to be extremely busy. Hope to be able to take more lil guy pics tho!!

Lil Jeremy is currently on route to his new home! So excited for them to receive him 💛

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Getting ready to say goodbyes 🥹

Lil Jeremy will be going to his new home soon! I'm so excited for his new parent to see him in person

Jean and Kevin are upset about it but he won't be all that far so I'm sure we will see him again!

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He's just a lil guy

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Not a great pic, but this is my coping mechanism while mourning so we run with it.

I may be having a bad time but I have mini twinyards so rlly I'm winning in life I think

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What do we think of Lil Jeremy? Cutiest lil guy around?

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💤💤

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Finished Lil Jeremy 💤

I'm so happy with how he turned out I love him 🥹

He has ofc other faceplates. I'm so excited for him to go to his forever home. (He is a commission)

I'm going through a bereavement in my close family so working on him gave me joy

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Lil Jeremy Commission Progress!

So my first lil guy commission!! 🥹 My first time experimenting with doing more customisation of the parts! I was so nervous but so excited to give it a try!

The hair the commissioner selected with me was unpainted as that was what I would be doing

Daunting to think of painting but I was gonna give it my damnedest!

Some pictures from when I first blushed the faces and then added freckles, always placing the hair on to see how it fits under the hair.

Now the scary part (to me) painting the hair-

My first go I managed to mess up a bit, looked good but couldn't remove some marks so alas, remove and redo and was much happier! Making sure it didn't look streaky was my main concern 🤣🤣

Anyway here's him all put together! I have some painting to do on his body (blushing and painting) but I think 1st lil guy commission I can call a major success!!

He's so cute I'm sobbin. Best BELIEVE I'll be taking millions of pics of him while I await the last part to swap. (His body rn looks like he has a rlly bad tanline neck down lmao needs a better match)

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Kevin has had a touch up, some blushing and ofc freckles

He's helping me while I work on a lil guy commission (I'm not currently taking any new ones)

Been able to experiment with painting more on the faces and also painting the whole hair piece too, I'm really pleased so far!

When I finish it I'll upload my progress pics!

The blushing doesn't show up a huge amount on camera but I think it makes such a difference on making the faces less flat even in pics. Just so cute 😭😭😭💛

I will ofc improve! But for my first time doing more than just scars and their tattoos I'm pleased!

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💤💤

It's too warm for lil Andrew out there so he's hiding away inside by a fan

Hate UK heat waves 😔

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✨PTSD AWARENESS MONTH✨

Now, normally I don't do cosplay pics here, nvm out of cosplay pics. But this is an important topic to me and I think very relevant to many AFTG fans that I think people touch on via headcanon and often relate to in regards to the characters but often goes unnamed.

I wanted to do a little post with some information, my experience and what I did and do to manage my own CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) this will be incredibly personal but I feel not only does it help me to talk about it but I feel it's important to talk about in general.

The main difference between PTSD and CPTSD is the timeframe. PTSD is generally a singular event or short-term events whereas CPTSD involves repeated trauma over a longer period of time (also includes childhood developmental trauma)

CPTSD completely rewrites how the brain works and how you see yourself personally and relationships. CPTSD shares some symptoms with PTSD, such as flashbacks and paranoia, but it also includes additional challenges like emotional dysregulation, negative self-perception, and difficulties with relationships.

CW for below:

-domestic abuse

-verbal, emotional, physical abuse

-discussions of bad mental health/suicide/ED

So to get into it, I'm Marie/Sunshine whichever people prefer, and I was diagnosed with CPTSD in 2023 after leaving an abusive relationship.

It was near daily arguments, verbal harassment and abuse, being unable to sleep and not able to work uninterrupted. I found my every day revolved around trying to keep them happy and stop them being mad at me, there was the odd physical altercation I have only recently been coming to terms with being wrong. Between the verbal and emotional abuse daily, then only being kind when I offered my body and the physical hurt my brain quickly spiralled, I couldn't say I was ever mentally present, I heavily disassociated which angered them further when they felt I wasn't paying attention enough but I just couldn't bring myself back, I used savings to try and keep them happy and because I felt constantly guilted, tried everything just so I could have peace. It was never worth it. Any time I would bring up my hurt, my concerns it was always spun to be my fault, that I wasn't understanding enough, I was the defensive one who couldn't accept my wrongdoings. Yet it felt like all I could do was apologise.

Leaving them was one of the scariest things I have done, the actual pain I felt in my body at the time I didn't realise was my fear culminating physically and I thought it was upset at a breakup. I wasn't sure if my decision, I felt terrified to be without them nevermind with them. The way I was spoken to ended up with me being borderline suicidal, I was so dissociated I don't think I even realised how bad it was, I had lost a huge amount of weight, dropping multiple sizes when It came to my cosplays.

It wasn't till months later when I'd finally cut them off that it all hit me and I truly started processing, all this time I couldn't sleep due to the nightmares and paranoia, the flashbacks were completely crippling me, I couldn't be in certain areas of my own house without them. I couldn't handle my phone flashing with notifications because I'd fear it was more mean things, I had to turn off all my notifications, I wouldn't talk to people for months, I just couldn't cope with any sort of interaction out of fear. I can still remember the feeling of pure dread that would sink in my chest at these things, it still happens; just much less. I didn't want to go out, I couldn't trust the world I felt like everything was wrong and so was I, I felt completely off kilter and not human.

I knew I wasn't coping, and I knew I couldn't keep suffering this, I wanted to live and live free. So I signed myself up to therapy, I ended up seeing a trauma therapist who assisted me in finding ways to cope, to be able to push through the flashbacks and understand I did the best I could with the information at the time. It wasn't my fault, it never was.

I have been lucky enough that the meds I take for my migraines also have been used for some ti treat other things such as insomnia/anxiety/depression. So I found the meds also help me sleep and keep me awake.

It has taken me years but I'm in a much better place, I have amazing friends who were there for me through it all and loved me even when I couldn't bring myself to show I loved them. I lost a friend who was one of the first to call out the abuse to me but decided to latch on to the abuser themselves, seeing themselves in them, I don't count anymore as a major loss- if they see themselves in my abuser then it's certainly not someone I need around me. I'm not who I used to be, I mourn that person who never got to fully flourish, but I also treasure them and the fact for a while I was them while I muddle my way through who I am now.

Now I can truly live without all of the fear I once had.

Am I still scared? Yes.

Do I still feel that dread? Yes sometimes

Do I still get flashbacks? Yes, but not as much as I once did

CPTSD sadly doesn't go away, I will always have to cope with this. For a long time I wanted to deny it, refusing to let it be part of me for it has already taken everything from me and changed who I was permanently. I now accept it is part of me, but I won't let it be the only part of me. I may still have flashbacks, and fear but I can manage that much better, and when I don't I understand that I need to have compassion for myself even when that's hard. Only recently have I felt able to start connecting with people again, nor fearing anyone looking too closely or even trying to reach out to me.

But the biggest thing I do to manage my CPTSD is have patience and compassion for myself, it's way easier said than done. Took time, still takes time and I have to sometimes convince myself of it. We deserve the time to feel safe and talk ourselves through what our mind throws at us.

Set your boundaries.If you need to turn off notifications, do it. If you need people to not touch you, set that boundary. People who love you will want to support you and make your life easier. However a lot of our coping is on us, we have to set those lines and it does take some time to even find where the line is for us, but once we do, enforce it.

Where possible I do highly recommend attempting therapy, it isn't for everyone, I myself don't get on with it long term, but to atleast gain the knowledge on coping mechanisms it was very worth it. (I say this being in the UK so it is a different system to most and I know I stuck extremely lucky in being able to get therapy so quickly when I needed it) I also say this as someone who doesn't like therapy, I don't like going but I cannot deny the benefits of doing so and actively recommend it.

Give yourself time. Things like this don't go away sadly. It's taking the time to relearn ourselves and how to live as ourselves again. It takes time to learn what works and moves us forward.

Try new hobbies. I was always a cosplayer but I found throughout this it tainted that for me since my abuser was also a cosplayer. I tried so many things, little craft book nooks, sewing, got back into reading, gaming, and I ended up getting into dolls which I had wanted to do forever which ofc led me to creating the lil guys. The lil guys really brought me so much happiness, at first I was a bit embarrassed by the hobby but now it's my favourite thing. The insane joy I get from talking about them or making them and taking them places

I will likely come back and add things to this as I always fear I'm not wording myself correctly or could come across better.

I will also add any NGL questions I get about my experience which can always be asked here

I wish to stress while this is my experience, if I have worded myself incorrectly or been insensitive please do let me know!

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Got the set of Luluya symphonic poem dolls and I am

IN LOVE

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He has been up to Birmingham to hang out with his godparent, then up to Lancaster to see my bestie and now the 4/5 hr journey back home 😔

Have a lil guy meme courtesy of Cali as always

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Kevin's godparent has thorough spoiled Kevin and me when they weren't supposed to 🤣

But it means Kevin now has an exy is sexy shirt which is what we joked about in one of our first convos

They also made me lil Raven uniforms for jean, Neil and Kevin 🥹🥹

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I am having a long string of horrifically bad luck and me being unwell is the least of it. But lil Kevin is gifting me with his benevolent presence

(as we can gather any and all lil guys have a clingy gene that is shown in various ways)

That's a very big chomp for lil Kevin