#she would be so mortified

[blockednddeleted]

Start of Something New

Hi.

It's December 16th 2024. 3:39 AM. The world seems to be on some sort of cataclysmic downwards spiral, heading to some kind of disaster that will have us remembering these horrible moments we're living atm as the idyllic "before times." So, now seems like the perfect time to start something new, to take steps on my personal journey of growth and healing by putting myself out there. Or rather, further out into the digital world, a world I've been desperately terrified of since forever...in a time of international crises and turmoil — I have excellent timing.

But the "right" time was never going to happen. And as the years have ticked on and I've gotten older and older, I realized the only person that's been holding me back from the things I want in life is me. This is something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time, and I’m finally doing it! Taking this step of creating a dedicated tumblr to share my art, my thoughts, and a piece of myself in this space.

Now, don't go misunderstanding me here, I've been on tumblr for ages. But I've existed mostly as a kind of lurker for way longer than I would care to admit. Rather than, say, being an active participant. I kept meaning to do that and *this* for ages. Sometimes I would get really close but then panic and bail. I struggle a lot with fear around putting myself out there. Well, all the fear really. The fear of being seen, fear of not being seen, fear of making mistakes, and fear of losing control. Fear, fear, fear. Fear has had more control over my life than me for too long now and I'm sick and tired of it. It was unfortunate that I first encountered this site when I did. During the really awful days of tumblr, when it was really really toxic. It really helped the fear have a unbreakable titanium grip on me for decades.

Not that the internet has gotten less toxic since then, if anything it's gotten even more dangerous and hateful. Though the vibe on tumblr does seem to have become a lot more chill since then. I may be wrong about that, but I was here for the fountain chocolate parrot thing, so I'm pretty confident. The main thing that's led to *this* has just been exhaustion. The constant fear takes a toll, and constantly being terrified is fucking exhausting. and seeing how I've nearly died in complete silence a couple times now, I'm at the point now that I'm like, fuck it. If I keep waiting for this supposed "perfect" moment my anxious brain constantly says there is, at this rate, I'll be dead and gone before it ever happens.

So here's to saying fuck it, let's do this!

I intend to keep this blog as a place for me to share my art, thoughts, and writing — personal, fandom-related, my own work, or otherwise. I already have an instagram which I've been posting to every so often. I don't really get a lot of interaction over there. But that was kind of why I started with that account first, I liked that it felt like a literal ghost town. I have no idea what I'm doing in that space, so weirdly, it felt safer than others. But I'm ready to come back to my home turf now.

I hope some of what I do here will resonate with someone out there, but even if nothing I do here reaches anybody, I’ll be proud of myself for trying. For daring to exist.

If you’re reading this, thank you for being here.

Here’s to starting, even when it's scary — hell, even when it's downright terrifying.

To finish this post off, I've included a little doodle I did the day after the election. That was a dark day. But then I crossed paths with a dragonfly. It was a rare encounter so I took notice. I'm not a religious person by any stretch of the imagination, but I do care to notice little things like this, even if the skeptical grouch in my mind wants to huff and wheeze about it.

So, that night, when I was feeling sad and remembered seeing the dragonfly, I looked up what it's been thought to symbolize and needing to create something, anything, as a reminder that this darkness was only temporary, that life was still worth living, I drew this. I didn't have my drawing things or even a blank sheet of paper. Only a pad of lined paper and some crayola markers. Bud I'm so happy I still did. It may not be perfect, or particularly pretty or skilled, but it's mine. And that's all that counts.

[wrightandco]

someone mistakes miles and franziska for a couple and franziska without missing a beat says “oh no you’ve got the wrong idea. you see, my father killed his father.”

[edwardseymour]

good for her.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Nanami frantically digging through Shoko’s pamphlets and googling “how to give the ward you just met a sex talk” after the last chapter, this poor man needs a Xanax and a 12 hour nap SO badly right now 😂😂

fantastic chapter btw!! I love love love maki and am fully prepared to be terrorized by her plan—terror for her having to deal with the Zenin and terrorized because that girl is batshit insane and can do anything she sets her mind to ❤️

(I have a sneaking suspicion that her plan involves that mysterious “Okkotsu Yuuta as the world’s most unenthusiastic honeypot” tag, and OH BOY OH BOY am I on tenterhooks to see what insanity (positive) Maki comes up with)

Hope you have a great day!!

Nanami, frantically rushing to r/Parenting for this fucking hurdle of fatherhood:

I (27M) may have discovered my newly adopted son (16M) is in a relationship of indeterminate and possibly intimate nature with his three (15F, 15M, 15M) friends. I need emergency advice.

I only met/took in my eldest a few days ago. Those days have been extremely trying, and have unfortunately placed a very stressful burden on my son. I have tried to support him in any way I can; however, the young character of our relationship makes me fear overstepping his boundaries. I do not want to rush anything which may damage any trust he may form in me in the long run.

As a result, I do not believe having “The Talk” with him would be appropriate at this juncture. However, I fear it may be necessary.

I recently approached him while he was visiting with his close friends in a private room. I knocked (from what I believed to be a respectful distance designed to preserve his privacy) and heard a series of… disconcerting noises. His friend (15M) then proceeded to claim that he could not open the door because they were indecent. The door was quickly opened, and all parties were clothed, but this and other behaviors between the group make me wonder if they have something deeper than friendship between them.

His previous parents were neglectful, and the main influence he has had in recent months is… a rather sorry role model. I believe the assumption that he has not yet learned of safe sexual practices is appropriate. I want him to be comfortable with me before we speak of such matters, but I also want him to be safe in the present.

A complicating factor is that one of his friends (15M) rather frequently wears a hyper realistic panda costume. I bear absolutely no judgment or prejudice against any of his potential partners and support him in his relationship. However, I do not actually know the specifics that should be covered in a talk given the particularities of these partners.

Another complicating factor is that one of his friends (15F) would have been better off being raised by wolves than the sorry excuses of humanity that raised her. While I fear that I may overstep boundaries by speaking with my new ward about such topics so soon, I would most certainly overstep boundaries by broaching the matter with her. At the same time, I cannot deny my suspicions that such a conversation would be desperately needed. How should I proceed?

The fucking comments:

what is wrong with you and your life

there is no way you are a real person

ThatOneGuyinthePandaCostumeTokyo.com is this them

your kid is a furry

Nothing in Nanami’s years of teen parenting prepared him for that moment. The man discovered types of panic he did not know existed. POV you’ve known this boy for three days max and you’re the person Responsible For His Wellbeing and mid crisis you have to figure out 1) if it’s too soon in your relationship to give him the safe sex talk 2) if you can even avoid the safe sex talk if what seems to be happening is happening 3) would it even be appropriate to give the safe sex talk to the people he would be potentially having sex with and 4) is he a furry.

Nanami was not prepared to be confronted with this particular challenge of parenting. Especially because Megumi gave Tsumiki the puberty talk, no one’s been brave enough to give her the sex talk, and the entire teen parenting group has Megumi as too Baby in their minds to have even contemplated giving him any talks.

You have NO IDEA how excited I am for that tag.

Thank you for your kind words! I’m glad you liked it!

[nerdanel01]

Okay, so Agnes, Emmrich and the Veilfuard squad are now supposed to be helping with the unstable Veil down in the Neceopolis, right?

...

Have we considered what happens when Varric, inevitably, decides to visit the Necropolis and check up on their field work, discovers the Agnes/Emmrich unresolved tension and starts dropping hints that he'll feature their divorce drama IN HIS NEXT BOOK?

What would be Agnes, Emmrich and Johana's reactions to THAT, I wonder???

Have a great day 💚💀

Inquisitor + Rook, 600+ wc below the cut *very slightly spoilers for the unwritten conclusion of There Is Only Forward if that matters to anyone

It occurred to Agnes that this might be the last time she set foot in the Lighthouse. Ghilan’nain was once again imprisoned, Elgar’nan defeated. Though she had welcomed this conclusion—longed for it, even, in moments when she was not sure she would live to see it—she could not deny the fact that something about it made her sad. She had spent over two decades in the Grand Necropolis without making any real connections to her fellow Watchers, save of course Emmrich; in less than two years, she had become so attached to the other members of the Veilguard that the idea of them all going their separate ways was tugging terribly at her heartstrings. After they finished cleaning out the Lighthouse, packed their things and departed, Agnes was not sure she would ever see any of them again.

It was in this state of melancholy that former-Inquisitor Lavellan found her, sifting through the various personal effects strewn across the Lighthouse common room, sorting things into piles: a bottle of fine Antivan brandy that no doubt had come from Taash; drawings and schematics in Bellara’s hand of ancient elvhen artifacts; Davrin’s whittling knife and the not-quite-finished carving of Assan he’d been carefully chipping away at, night after night. So engrossed was Agnes in her task that she did not hear Thanduwen approach.

“I have something for you," she said, easing herself into the green, tufted sofa beside Agnes.

Agnes furrowed her brows, took the brown-paper-wrapped parcel out of Thanduwen’s hand. "How kind. And how… unexpected.” There was no animosity between her and Thanduwen, but they had not exactly become close.

“Well, I didn’t think Varric had told you,” Thanduwen said as she leaned back on the sofa, propping herself up on what remained of her left upper arm and draping the right casually across her lap. “I figured you ought to know, now that everything is over.”

What did this have to do with Varric? The furrow between Agnes’ brows only deepened as she slipped her fingers beneath the paper, tore the parchment away to reveal… a book. Varric’s latest publication, it seemed, from the way his name was stamped in gold-embossed letters on the book’s spine and the bottom of the front cover. Perhaps out of denial and disbelief, it took her a moment to recognize the black haired figure on the cover (the illustrator had taken liberties, made her much more buxom than she was in real life) and the silver-haired gentleman behind her, who was all-too-sensually sliding the sleeves of the woman’s blouse past her bare shoulders. The title on the cover, also embossed in gold:

Romancing Rook.

“Wendy,” Agnes began, fighting to keep her voice calm, “what the fuck is this?”

Thanduwen let out a little sigh. “Inevitable, I’m afraid. Varric did tell you he was working on it, didn’t he?”

“Varric says a lot of things,” Agnes said, through gritted teeth, opening the cover and flipping through the pages, “most of them lies. I didn’t think he was telling the truth, didn’t think he’d actually do it. He writes detective stories, adventure novels…” Her eyes went wide and her stomach dropped through the floor. “There’s smut in here!”

“But not falsehoods,” Thanduwen said, unhelpfully. “As far as I am aware, Varric did not write anything that your other companions would not confirm to be true. You were not particularly secretive about your affair. And based on what little time I spent in the Lighthouse, you weren’t exactly quiet about it, either.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Agnes said, with exaggerated sarcasm. “It didn’t occur to me at the time that anything Davrin might have overheard in the late hours of the night—“

“And often in the morning,” Thanduwen interjected. “And sometimes, time permitting, the afternoon as well.”

“—that does not mean I thought it was going to end up in mass-produced paperback!” Agnes slammed the book shut and set it down on the table, raising forefinger and thumb to pinch the bridge of her nose. It wasn’t even the smut that bothered her, really. It was the idea that this might turn her into more of a celebrity than she already was—and she did not care for what little notoriety she had already gained. Worse still if the book made her out to be some kind of sex symbol. “Were you secretive and quiet about it, when you were with Solas?”

“No,” Thanduwen said, with a chuckle. “But Skyhold was a lot bigger than the Lighthouse; I had a whole tower to myself. And thank the Creators, really—” she stopped, shook her head, corrected herself: “sorry, forgive me, old habit—because it was hard enough for Leliana to convince the rest of the Chantry to let me be her Left Hand, after everything that happened at the Exalted Council.” An amused smile played about her lips as she adde, “If there had been a scene of me pegging Solas in All This Shit Is Weird, I doubt even the Divine would have been able to redeem my reputation in the eyes of the Chantry.”

That was more information about Solas than Agnes had ever cared to know. She hunched over, propping her elbows on her knees, running her hands through her hair. “When I get my hands on that dwarf…”

"You will not lay a finger on him," Thanduwen replied, sweetly. “Not without going through me.” Despite the threat, still she reached out, offering Agnes a sympathetic pat on her back before she rose off the couch. “Anyway, share it with Emmrich. You may be upset about it, but I doubt he will be.”

That had her eyes flying open, her head snapping back up to look at Thanduwen. “What is that?” 

“Did I stutter?” Thanduwen replied, grin widening. “He had no problem sending you down to breakfast bowlegged more mornings than not, from what I hear. Somehow I think this might please him tremendously.” Tapping her fingers on the book cover, she concluded, “Chapter 14 is especially titillating. You can tell him to just start there.”

—---------

Johanna would read the whole thing in one sitting and then buy extra copies to leave around the Necropolis for the rest of the Mourn Watch to find. She would probably also write to Varric’s publisher to see if she was entitled to royalties because, quote, “I love them but those two are idiots and none of that shit would have happened without me.”

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

i want sunday to bring me to robin like a cat carrying a mouse in their mouth . btw

[red-riot-unbreakable-heart]

Tokoyami: This is my favorite song! Turn it up, please.

Kirishima: *Turning the song up warily on his computer* This is your favorite song?

Tokoyami: Yes! It's complicated and has a lot of layers to it -

Bakusquad: *Materializes out of nowhere to belt out the chorus in SoCal accents*

Bakusquad: DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME ON ME YOU'RE ALREADY THE VOICE INSIDE MY YEAAAADDDD!

Kirishima: Your favorite song is "I Miss You" by Blink-182?

Tokoyami: This band is full of complex layers and artistry.

Dark Shadow: Yeah! They have true musical passion within their souls!

Kirishima: *Glances at his laptop to see the next Blink-182 song queued up is "Family Reunion."*

Kirishima: Yeah....ok.

[squorttle-pox]

please. i need alastor with his hair up so we can see the side of his head. second set of ears or smooth flesh prairie?

[speedy-scout-is-cool]

get lost or im gonna draw your mother again.

HEY DONT U DARE BRING MY MA IN TO THIS

[keenadraws]

her angst is entertaining

[jin-zixun]

actually xiyao is tolerable if it's a minji au. not because I'd want su she out of the way but because I think having su she as a brother in law would fix lan xichen.

like seriously. lan wangji already thinks supporting your war criminal husband is the best thing to do even if he is actively killing hundreds of people, he just doesn't like jgy for petty reasons. but su she fucking loves jgy, he thinks it would be intolerable for lxc *not* to support his war criminal husband, in fact the lan sect should be doing way more to help him? maybe he wouldn't even have to be a war criminal? come on this place needs soooo many reforms now and it's too late to go back to ignoring minshan once you've let him become lan-er-furen

like every day at dinner lxc is like "do you guys think I am too naive in seeing how perfect a-yao is?" and su she says "actually he's more perfect." and lan wangji says nothing because he's the type to defer to whatever his partner says.

someone brings up jgy torturing people or killing his superior officer and su she's just like "deserved. should have killed more people tbh" and lan xichen is impressionable so he's just thinking 'oh yeah guess that sounds about right. wow! actually a-yao is soooo much *more* amazing! showing such restraint in not killing more people! what a good person ❤️' and lan wangji truly does not care about that so he still says nothing.

[nerdie-faerie]

Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart

[pynkhues]

the new iwtv writer's room assistant who is active in the fandom by her own words is "yaoi traditionalist" ("bottom lestat i would rather eat glass but thank you" - her words). this is why fans should never be allowed into the production. i'm so afraid they'll let her pitch a scene (i know it's above assistance paygrade but anything can happen) and she'll bring these bias into the script.

Oh god, lmao, we need to reintroduce shame.

[aaandbackstabbed]

Beakley, talking about Goldie: I say eat the bitch

Scrooge: bitch I’m trying

Beakley, disappointed, disgusted:

Scrooge: I wasn’t supposed to say that out loud.

[yellowloid]

so i think the most likely thing is they were doing something related to her music. THAT i can believe but the engagement photoshoot rumors......like have you SEEN that man he'd rather get kicked in the balls

[thatpurpledudetrey]

acotar modern au but feysand and nessian relationship got ruined ever since rhysand and cassian started to binge watching skibidi toilet and scrolling through yt shorts