#she said she thinks i do have adhd and since i already take adhd meds (off label for treatment resistant depression) she said that it would

[ofmdee]

🍒

[deezneezz]

Leona & ADD

I got a few ppl (on twitter) wanting me to elaborate on Leona and ADD, so I figured I will share my thoughts here as well, please be nice it's just a personal hc. You don't have to agree at all!! Since it contains some personal experiences I ask of people to please be kind about it!

Anyway, Leona and ADD.

I think a lot of people usually agree on Floyd and Kalim having ADHD, but Leona actually shows a lot of lesser talked about traits of ADHD. Namely Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), sensitivity to clothing/textures (he doesn't like restrictive clothes).

He also has the more commonly talked about traits of course, executive dysfunction being a big one. And his depression definitely exacerbates these traits, when i was undiagnosed and depressed i used to sleep my entire days away. I wasn't getting anything done anyway.

Not to mention not sleeping properly, so I was desperate to find moments to sleep during the day. I've slept on floors, on toilets, in an abandoned corner in uni instead of going to class. I was just *so* tired all the time I didn't want to sit in class, I wanted to sleep.

I was lucky I passed classes without studying, cause i would've never gotten through uni otherwise. I still took longer than necessary. The moment my support system (Ruggie, anyone?) graduated and left I had no one taking care of my basic needs, and I certainly didn't.

I had a dorm mate who cooked for me, made sure I had even an ounce of self-care, and also looked at my room and said "hmm, Deniz, maybe it's time to clean up a little" and then I very reluctantly admitted that it may have gotten a little out of hand.

She would just sit in my room sometimes chilling around while I cleaned cuz that was one of the few ways I cleaned at all (this is a real thing for ADHD, called body doubling. It works). Ruggie arriving at NRC and Leona suddenly performing tons better in school is no coincidence.

Coming back to RSD.. I mean I don't really have to explain it do I.. book 2, Lilia's scathing remarks, the shame of disappointing his dorm, etc. I know a lot of ppl call book 2 an 'overreaction' but like, this is genuinely what it feels like internally when RSD triggers

book 6 too, Jamil's over-protectiveness is clearly (to the audience) smth that's mostly Jamil's own habits and trauma doing. But to Leona it's a rejection/insult to his ability to take care of himself, his skill, etc. This was genuinely smth that set me off too.

"How dare you try to explain to me smth I already know, do you think I'm stupid?" "You're not like me." The unwillingness to admit that someone may be relatable in any way because making any comparison to yourself makes you vulnerable to what you haven't achieved for yourself.

"I would ace these classes too if I wasted my time and life studying as much as they did, but I actually love myself." <- guy who was jealous and did not know he was coping and didn't study cause of executive dysfunction and concentration issues.

Leona clearly knows a lot about the things he genuinely cares about, Ancient spell language, chess, magishift, so its kind of funny to see him so low effort in classes. Though honestly i know the game also says that "Leona already knows all this stuff" so.. who knows really...

Now I'm more chill but I used to legitimately go off the handle a little cuz RSD doesn't really care about whether the shit u feel is proportional to the offence it physically hurts in your chest and you just wanna burn down the world at that exact time and... IS THAT NOT LEONA...

TLDR: give Leona therapy and meds, lol.

[thedudeplayinggalaga2]

See You In The Morning?

Kate Bishop x GN Reader

3K Words

Warnings: Mentions of injury, Angst, Language, Questionable punctuation, I think that's it?

A/N: This is the very first full fic I've ever written and Grammer/Punctuation has never been a strength of mine. I also have no idea if this story makes any sense but I had a good time writing.

You had forgotten to take your ADHD meds this morning, and now you were really paying for it. As you sat at your desk stopping and staring and stopping a multitude of different tasks without actually finishing any of them. 

It was Kate's fault really, she had completely thrown off your routine as she had a tendency to do. It was a rather chaotic routine but it still got you out the door in enough time to grab breakfast and make sure you took your stimulant before getting to work. 

But last night Kate hadn't come home, she had sent you a quick text telling you not to wait up. This happened fairly often since you'd moved in, and she would usually come home at 3 or 4am. But she hadn't made it home till this morning when you'd already been up and getting ready for work. 

You grimaced to yourself thinking about the conversation you'd had with her. 

"How's your other lover?" You'd asked

"Listen I know that's a joke but it's not a very funny one! I'm so sorry, I really am! But this mission I've been working for weeks finally had a big break and I needed to follow this lead! I'm so close to catching this guy!" 

"It was a joke, and I'm glad you made some headway on your mission, but I did feel sad and concerned when I woke up this morning and you still weren't home." You said this to her with your back turned as you made lucky his breakfast. 

You heard Kate get up and walk over to you, she put a hand on your shoulder. You turned to face her and had gotten the first good look at her face since she'd gotten home. You gasped "Kate, that's a pretty nasty cut above your eye! What the hell happened!?"

"I... Well.. you see there was a guy with a bat and.." 

You didn't give her time to finish cause honestly you didn't think you wanted to know the rest. So you'd pulled her into the bathroom and started cleaning and patching up her various wounds before having to rush out the door so you would only be slightly late to work. 

And now here you are, having a highly unproductive day and also worrying about Kate. She had been having way more late nights than normal recently, and pretty much always came home a little beat up. She definitely wasn't getting anywhere near enough sleep, you assumed this was probably why she had been super distant as of late. And last week she had forgotten about Lucky's vet appointment which was probably the most concerning thing of all. 

You've been with Kate long enough to know and understand that this is just what dating a superhero can be like sometimes. But this time it was really starting to effect your relationship for some reason. Things where so inconsistent between the two of you, partly because you never saw each other and partly because when you did Kate didn't talk much about anything of substance. 

As Kate had grown more distant you'd started to get shorter with her, finding less and less patience which you normally had a bottomless amount of for her. You'd also stopped planning dates with her, stopped waiting up for her even if she said she wasn't going to be too late, and you'd been regrettablely a little too harsh with her when she forgot Lucky's appointment and you'd hauled ass across town to take him. 

Sitting at your desk, switching between the same three programs over and over again you started to tear up. You didn't like this, you didn't like feeling so disconnected from her. You hated how you two seemed to be living completely different lives. Because goddamit you loved Kate Bishop so much! You loved being her partner. Kate was absolutely wonderful! She was passionate, brave, and very caring. She used her skills and talents to help other people, something you admired very much about her. She made you feel seen in a way nobody had ever really seen you before. But most of all Kate made you feel safe, not just physically but emotionally too. She had always felt like home. 

----

The subway commute home was never your favorite, it was always so busy this time of day and wildly overstimulating. But you tried to spend the ride figuring out your game plan for when you got home. You wanted to talk to Kate, if she was even home, but you didn't want to create conflict especially if she was going to be leaving again tonight. 

As you walked into your apartment Lucky nearly knocked you to the ground, absolutely showering you in kisses. 

"Ok! Ok! Lucky I love you too! But we talked about this buddy, you can't just jump somebody at the door!" You said pushing him off before giving him a scratch behind the ears. 

You checked that Lucky had water and decided to let him outside as you assumed he'd been inside all day. Then you went to search for Kate. 

You found her passed out in your bed on top of the blankets letting you know she'd falled asleep as soon as she laid down. You smiled though as you noticed she was wearing one of your hoodies and probably your sweatpants too. 

You bent down the kiss the top of her head before settling down next to her in the bed. Stroking some hair out of her face you couldn't help but smile at your beautiful girlfriend and her slightly battered face. 

"What time is it" Kate mumbled so quietly you could barely hear what she said. 

"It's about 4:30 my love." 

"You're home early." 

"Yeah.... I was having a really bad brain day so my manager told me to just go home." You hoped she wouldn't press any further, but that was wishful thinking. 

Kate finally opened her eyes to look at you, worry evident in them. "Must have been a real bad brain day for Stark Industries to suddenly prioritize mental health over productivity." 

You let out a soft laugh, "Well I definitely wasn't being productive so more likely it just seemed like a waste of company time for me to be there." 

Kate sat up against the headboard next to you, looking even more worried, she tapped your forehead softly with her finger "What's goin on up in there?" 

You gave her a half hearted smile, "Well I forgot to take my meds this morning which isn't the end of the world but it definitely didn't help, there's also no way I've had enough protein today, and ...." You trailed off trying to decide if now was really the best time to tell her that you were also very worried about her and about your relationship. You decided against it because honestly you couldn't remember the last time you'd just sat in bed with her and you wanted to keep those vibes goin.

"Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Hope you weren't trying for an Oscar with that performance, because I definitely didn't buy it!" Kate said teasingly. 

You groaned looking up at the ceiling "Sorry Kate, I just feel a little overwhelmed right now." Which was entirely true, you did feel very overwhelmed and your brain was going about 200 miles an hour. 

"That's okay, how about we get some food and take Lucky for a walk?" She said suppressing a yawn. 

"Are you sure? I know you're probably exhausted! You can rest more before you have to go to work." 

Kate put her hand on your face stroking your cheek with her thumb. "Yes I'm sure baby, you're having a bad brain day, so let's get some food in you and take a little walk. Also..... I've missed you." 

You leaned your head into her hand a little. "I've really missed you to my love."

----

Kate treated you to your favorite restaurant that had some outdoor pet friendly seating so Lucky could join. And now you were walking through central parking doing your best to keep Lucky from trying to chase squirrels. 

You'd been walking in silence for a few moments when you finally broke it. "Kate, I was also having a hard time at work today because I was worried about you. And well, also about us...."

Kate slowed down and turned to look at you with a frown on her face "Worried because I was hurt this morning? Because really it was nothing! I appreciate you patching me up, you do a better job than me, but really I'm okay! It looks way worse than it is!" She rambled. 

"Well obviously I don't like it when you come home hurt, but it's more to do with how distant you've been. I know how important what you do is, and I would never ask you not to do it! But... You haven't been home much recently, and when you are you seem so distant...." You trailed off realizing you didn't know where this was going. 

Kate was quiet for what felt like forever but than she said "This guy I'm trying to catch, he's like really really bad, like I would tell you how bad he is but I really don't want to burden you with that knowledge. It's really hard for me not to think about it when I'm home I guess." She was just staring at the ground now as you walked, and the way her demeanor changed you could tell that this was really weighing on her. 

Before you could respond she continued, "But, what did you mean that you're also worried about us?" Her voice getting quieter, almost nervous. 

"Well.... I guess I just feel like we are living two completely different lives, passing like ships in the night hardly ever seeing each other. And when we do it's like you're not actually there, or I'm being grumpy with you. This is the first time in weeks we've actually had dinner together. Kate I love you so so much! But I'm getting worried because I want to support you, but I can't do that if I'm always being shut out."

You sat down on a bench taking Kate's hand in yours as she sat next to you. You studied her face trying to figure out what she was thinking. 

"I don't like shutting you out.... I just want you to be safe and to not have to deal with the things I do." 

"And I do appreciate you leaving out the gruesome details truly, you don't have to tell me everything, but it would be nice if I could at least know what you are feeling sometimes. Because otherwise I have to just try and guess."

Kate nodded her head looking out into the park thoughtfully. "Well right now I'm feeling like I'm absolutely failing at everything! I spent all night tracking that son of a bitch for nothing! I've really dropped the ball on my relationship with you, like I caused a whole ass bad brain day for you! And last week I forgot about Lucky's vet appointment!" 

You opened your mouth to something but Kate quickly cut you off "I swear the god Y/N if you say anything about the vet appointment I'm emailing Pepper Pots to tell her you steal all your really good ideas from your intern!" 

You gasped dramatically clutching your chest for emphasis "Okay! Uncalled for! But Pepper would know you were lying because my intern, bless his heart, couldn't tell you the difference between a PDF and a JPEG with a gun to his head." 

"Okay! So a bad threat but I hope I made my point clear." 

"Yes, I swear to never speak or the vet incident again. And I also will apologize for being so harsh on you about it too." You said more soflty "I definitely could have handled that better, I made it a bigger deal than it needed to be and you didn't deserve that. What I was going to say is thank you for telling me how you're feeling, it helps me understand where you're heads at a bit better." 

You were going to say more but Kate leaned her head on your shoulder and started playing with your fingers causing your brain to short circuit for a half second. 

"Do you think I'm failing?" Kate asked in a whisper. 

You stared at her hand intertwined with yours for a minute before responding. "No Kate, I don't think you're failing, I know this bad dude is giving you a run for your money, but he doesn't know who he's up against! Kate Bishop, the world's greatest archer! You're gonna get him, you always figure it out." 

Kate sat up and gave you another small smile, she looked down at lucky who was now sitting at her feet enthralled with a stick he had found. "What about us? Am I failing at this relationship?" 

"My love, the fact that we are sitting here having this conversation is proof that neither of us are failing." You truly did believe that, and also kind of said it to reassure yourself too because recently you'd been wondering the same thing. "I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to be your partner. I knew there would be nights spent without you, secrets I couldn't know, and the occasional missed vet appointment...." 

"Y/N!" Kate said warningly

"Last time I swear!" You said quickly putting your hands up. "But recently you haven't been talking to me about.... Well... Pretty much anything. And I miss you Kate, it feels like you've been gone for weeks and I miss you." 

Kate looked at you with tears in her eyes "God I've missed you too Y/N. I do want to talk to you about how I'm feeling and what I'm doing. I just don't want you to get caught up in all this. I don't want you to get hurt." 

"Well right now it's hurting me to not know anything that's going on with you." 

She nodded "Yeah, I understand, I feel like I don't know what's going on with you right now either, like I don't even know what your current hyper fixation food is and I always know that."

"Well right now it's those little babybel cheeses, but last week it was BBQ chicken pizza from that place down the street from us." 

"I bet Lucky enjoyed that one." Kate leaned down to take Lucky's stick before he shredded it more than he already had. 

"Oh he very much did! Everyday I come home without it he looks at me as if it's the greatest betrayal he's ever experienced." 

Kate stood offering you her had so you could continue your walk. "Y/N I promise that as soon as I catch that bastard my first priority will be making sure we get some quality time together okay? And in the meantime I will be better at communicating." 

"Okay, I love you Kate, and I know you're gonna get him!" 

--- 

You had gotten back home a few minutes ago and you were getting Lucky his dinner. You expected Kate was in your room putting her suit on assuming she would probably be heading out soon. So you were surprised when she walked into the kitchen wearing her signature purple sweatshirt and your sweatpants. 

"I do need to go back out tonight but I thought it'd be nice for both of us if we maybe watched a movie or something before you go to bed?" She asked hopefully. 

This made light up instantly, but then you frowned at the prospect of having to try and pay attention to any entire feature length film. "I would love that, but seeing as I didn't complete even one task at work today I just don't think I'm gonna be able to watch a movie." 

Kate looked thoughtful "Good point, should have thought of that. Okay.... How about we watch TikToks together with New Girl playing in the background?" 

"And that Bishop is possible the best idea you've ever had!" 

So you and Kate spent the rest of the evening cuddled up on the couch doing exactly that. 

---

You and Lucky had just gotten into bed for the night and Kate was getting ready to head out. She came and sat on the edge of the bed leaning in to give you a kiss. "Y/N if I don't get this guy tonight I don't know what else I'm gonna do." 

"Well, have you asked Clint for advice?" 

"No, he's on vacation with his family and I don't want to bother him."

You nodded, being sure that while Clint loved Kate and was always helping her out, he probably wouldn't appreciate his family vacation being interrupted by whatever it was Kate was doing. "Okay, fair, well I'm here for whatever happens. I might not be a superhero but I do work for a very powerful company and Jerry from the biotech department owes me about 20 favors. And I'll be her to patch you up, just try not to break anything cause then I really will have to insist on taking you to the ER." 

Kate gave you a massive grin as she said "You're my superhero though." 

"Okay! That was so cheesy it was physically painful to hear! Imma need you to go now!" 

Kate responded with the first genuine laugh you had heard from her in weeks before leaning in to give you another kiss. 

As she left the room she turned to look at you and Lucky all tucked into bed. "I love you both, I'll see you in the morning?" 

"We love you too! Ummm... If it's not too much to ask, do you think you could bring me breakfast in the morning? I have to do two days worth of work tomorrow and it would help a lot!" 

[scarefox]

That false diagnosis is triggering and disappointing me so hard. It literally just proves that this therapist already coined me since day 1 and didn't budge and rather saw all my attempts to deny her idea as prove that she's right.

I told her so much of my worries, fears, potential adhd & autism symptoms, why I am cautious with other people out of fear of very realistic dangers, all the shit why I am in burnout, intrusive thoughts, depressive thoughts, selfharm thoughts I had during my lowest times, that I am even afraid to fall back into that spiral, all my physical anxiety symptoms

Just for her to basically diagnose me with: doesn't want to work, judgemental and envious of others, complains about too much work when it's normal workload, passive aggressive, unjustified complains of feeling misunderstood and mistreated, hates authorieties, tries to find excuses to not hold deadlines or manipulates work

How do you even defend yourself against that, when defending and complaining is part of the criteria to not take you serious???

I already lost trust to that therapist halfway through the clinic stay but ... this wow. I don't know how to look at her next Thursday when I have to go to her again to get my meds.... I will try to tell her that I disagree with that diagnosis. But I doubt she will change it. Fellow therapy mate got the diagnosis for borderline in the beginning but at the end the therapist said she's not seeing it anymore but won't change it because her coworkers would think she's a bad therapist for taking that back.

I would understand a diagnosis for avoidance personality disorder for me BUT NOT basically passive aggressive lowkey narcissistic simulant who's not as nice as they pretend to be wtf?? (despite this diagnosis being outdated and can't be diagnosed during depression!)

Why is she so obsessed with making us victims (not just me but others in my therapy group) into perpetrators and slacker??

Like every time one reported about feeling shit and overwhelmed, she came with "but have you thought about how your partner feels when you act like that?"

Or me literally diagnosed with social anxiety and with bullying experience got "actually when you are scared of people you are judging them before knowing them, you make them into perpetrators before they ever harmed you".

I mean I get the point of that mental image, but I feel like she actually believes that anxious people are all resentful haters under a nice mask. Yes I told her that I wear a mask in public but to hide my fears, depression and social confusion not my secret hate and spite I have for everyone!

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

I had to ask my mom for money today. And ask my brother if we can transfer all the bills to his name, bc my mind feels like swiss cheese, and I just don't think I can manage it rn. We usually go halfsies on bills, but it's my bank account everything is under. So I was constantly having to put cash in the bank, then go online to pay bills, and I just can't. I can't handle it. I go back to my psychiatrist tomorrow, not that it fucking matters. I've been seeing her over a decade and I'm still fucked up. She prescribed me meds that made me worse. Like, the side effects were awful. And I've had to stop taking other meds before bc of the side effects. it all just feels so hopeless. i thought i was getting better for awhile, but that didn't last. I thought the TMS was gonna fix me, but now instead of sad I just fell scared all the time and that's so much worse. I can handle sad. I've been dealing with it my whole life. I was a sad, lonely kid. Then I made friends and it helped, but I was still depressed as a teenager. I was suicidal by 16; I literally only stayed alive through high school and college bc I had people that loved me who would feel bad if I was gone. Then there kept being reasons to put off, like my bff getting married and wanting me to be the maid of honor, and how I couldn't do it during her honeymoon bc that would kill the mood. And then my other best friend got married, then pregnant, and I couldn't do it then, bc what if the shock triggered a miscarriage or something? I've lived the first 25 years of my life just waiting to die. And the anxiety has always, always been there. The adhd too, and sometimes i hate my parents for not getting me the help i needed, just bc one doctor said i didn't have it after the school suggested testing. There was no actual testing, he dismissed it out of hand as my behavior just 'kids being kids'. He probably didn't believe adhd existed, bc he was old af and set in his ways. And kept prescribing meds that were no longer being made, bc the FDA found them unsafe. so i've always been fucked up. since i was a kid i felt like there was this wall of glass between me and the rest of the world. i could look inside and I could see it and hear it, but I never felt part of it. Like I was something else, this other thing that couldn't connect. And it's never went away. I still don't understand all of these unspoken rules everyone picks up on. I've spent so long, trying to contort myself into something not normal, but acceptable. Something people could love. So I default to being polite, and using the 'right' answers to get by. And keeping everyone at an arm's length. Bc the social anxiety I get from just having to talk to another person who isn't one of my people is so bad that I'll start shaking while talking to them, and become more and more uncomfortable until it's finally over and I go in the bathroom and cry. I don't know how to be vulnerable around people unless they already know and love me, or I'm on the internet where there's no connection to my government name, and no one i know irl will ever see it.

[thatspookyautymn]

I’m so bogged down with homework, I’ve barely had time to do anything with either of my YouTube’s, my Etsy (which I’m now painting all different types of Scenequeens, Emo, Spooky, cute art. I have a bunch of paintings done, but haven’t gotten to list them yet, and same w/my Depop. I have so many stupid projects due, I would seriously rather sit down and write a 9 page paper. UGH. I’ve been at this since 8am. I studied for the wrong exam, but even if I flunk/miss the time slot where it’s due, I WILL have a chance to make it up. Next semester Im telling them I have ADHD. Im diagnosed w/it, but I should have submitted proof bc I don’t take medication for it. It helps A LOT. BUT I also have horrible anxiety/panic disorder so the meds amp that up and I end up feeling freaked out but hyper fixated all day. It’s a bad combo.

I think it’s time for new hair colooorrr I already bought the colors and extensions, and I wanted to this weekend but couldn’t 😤 I did manage to cut my hair bc it was getting too long on top, and I love high scene hair kthxbyyyyee 💖🖤💖xoxo

PS-this girl came up to me in school while I was in line at Starbucks and she said “we have the same Cinnamoroll hoodie!” Instant bff’s. Lol

[whitchygaythem]

Sometimes you just gotta chew on things to focus

"Ceceeee" Rowan said in a sing-song tone. 

"I know that tone Row, and in a minute." Celia replied flatly, not looking up from her computer or moving from her spot on Rowan's knee. Rowan scoffed in mock injury.

"How could you possibly know what I was going to say, my dear Cece?" 

Celia looked up at Rowan and rolled her eyes. 

"Row, I have known you since middle school, and you are incredibly easy to read. You haven't typed a word in ten minutes, and you've been fidgeting nonstop." 

Rowan cringed. They thought they had been hiding that so well…

"And I noticed that your ADHD meds ran out."

Rowan cringed again.

"Soooo, how about it?" Rowan tilted their head and grinned down at Celia, who looked unamused. 

"I get to take my phone in right? Most of my photos on my blog on in there and all my followers think it's just a set."

Rowan's grin widened.

"So that's a yes?"

Celia tossed her laptop off her lap and onto the bed and slowly backed away from Rowan's grabby hands. 

"Ah, ah, ah, I get- woah! I get to bring my phone right?"

"Yeah sure, whatever" Rowan had already grabbed Celia and was hastily tossing her into their mouth. Celia flailed for a moment, before getting herself adjusted. Rowan kept their mouth open and their jaw loose so Celia could move her "photo set" to her comfort. Rowan stood very still as she felt Celia pause for a picture, the shift into another pose before pausing again. Rowan's fingers began to tap idly on their knee, trying to distract themself, fighting the urge to flip Celia over, to taste her-

"Ok Row, I'm done. You can do your… thing" 

Rowan pressed Celia to the roof of their mouth with their tongue, swallowing all the collected spit with a swallow. They rolled Celia around in their maw, tasting, savoring every inch of their best friend. They decided to stop messing around with Cece and actually get to work. They looked down at the laptop that had long shut off and got back to their paper. To focus they gently chewed Celia's thigh. Not enough to really hurt or draw blood, it was so Rowan could do some kind of constant action so they could focus and Celia could have some kind of constant sensation to help her relax and soothe her fibromyalgia. The first time it happened, Celia had only agreed to do this because she said it was "mutually beneficial" and because she was tired of Rowan acting like "a fidgety giraffe" (whatever that meant). But after about a month, Celia had warmed up to it. She even asked Rowan to chew her arm! Once. A while ago. Even if she did ask Rowan would be grateful. They felt Celia's body tense up and then relax, practically melting on their tongue as Rowan chewed out a sore spot on Celia's leg. Rowan smiled and returned to their paper, their friend's weight on their tongue letting them focus. 

[nei-ning]

So, I met therapist today. She was okay old lady but I was still so anxious that I kept shaking while visiting her - and she noticed it.

I wrote her a list of all symptoms which are common to ADHD and autism but she said we can't focus on those yet because of my depression and anxiety (um, ADHD and autism both actually cause depression and anxiety).

She asked about my eating and I told the truth: body wants food but still I don't desire anything. Like people usually want to eat certain food in certain days, I don't. I eat chocolate since that keeps me alive mostly. I eat to stay alive, not to enjoy food. She then asked do I ever go in the local restaurant called Old Fox and buy food there with me. I said I know the place but have never been there. Again she asked would I buy food from there. I said no because I rather buy ready foods from market but STILL she asked the same question, adding that I could get food from them with -50% discount at evenings. At this moment I was thinking doesn't this lady know how much restaurant dishes costs?! Even with discount. I still said I rather buy ready food from market. I get more food from there.

We chatted a bit more when she finally said she would give me 6 weeks sick leave but since my application to social support has been granted at the end of next month, sick leave now would mess it all up so she will give me sick leave later in May.

She also sent me in blood test to test vitamins. Of course I didn't know about this so I drank a bit of pear juice at the morning. I told about this to the nurse who took my blood. She stayed she would write little note down about that.

Therapist also gave me new meds. She told me to stop taking my current one today, be without meds for 3 days to see how it all will effect in my sleep (because, so far, all depression meds have cause me horrible nights with little bit of sleep). On Friday I take this new pill which SHOULD give me energy. However, she told me if I get horrible symptoms from it, I can quit taking them right away.

Lastly, she told me she will send / escorts me forward in this little local hospital which is more specialized in severe cases what I am. She said I should go there next week already and go there weekly (in some kind of rehab) to get over my anxiety and become more social - or so I understood. Heck, didn't all that freak me out! My anxiety instantly flew to the sky (even now too). I told her weekly visits are too much, once or twice a month would be more better since I KNOW I'll freak out every time, I KNOW those visits will exhaust me. Not to mention I don't know is it like 1h visit or 4h visit.

She will contact this special little hospital and will call me later - or they send me a text from that hospital. Uuggh, anyway, things are going forward but at the same time I'm, once again, so anxious I feel sick, my guts are twisting, I feel my throat growing tighter, I feel like I'm shitting in my pants and so on.

[fitgothgirl]

Just had my 2nd therapy appointment. I really like my therapist. 😭 Since it wasn’t our first introductory appointment, I was talking more about how the last couple weeks have been in particular, and was getting into how I just can’t do shit even when I know what I want or need, i.e. executive dysfunction and then overwhelm-shutdown. She already said last time she was able to diagnose me with ADHD and could easily see I have it, and today she reiterated that and that she’s resolute about getting me on ADHD meds. She’s having the telehealth service reach to to me to schedule for that, which they were supposed to do after my first appointment and never did. She said if I get any pushback (always depends on the psychiatrist and their attitude toward ADHD) to just let her know and to not worry, she’ll fight for me and she’s in my corner, etc. I think it’s finally going to happen... 😩 

And besides that, she’s just so down to earth and nice and seems really knowledgeable. She says that she likes the way I think and that I “have a cool brain” lol. I’ve been really transparent with her too so that always helps. We’ve been talking about depression and weed and ADHD and self/body image all together and taking baby steps. (It was only the 2nd appointment after all.) I feel really comfortable with her.

I only have appointments every other week but I’m kinda wanting to bump it up to weekly, at least for now... We’ll see. I missed my appointment by accident last week so it was rescheduled to today, so my next appointment is already just over a week away, so at least I don’t have to wait for the next one.

[cakesexuality]

Psychiatrist appointment kept getting rebooked on both our ends and was cutting close to the 6-month mark (when I'd be officially considered discharged if I didn't come back) but it finally happened yesterday

Last time I saw him, he said my main problem was psychosis, which is true and that probably was my biggest problem at that point

This time, he said he doesn't think I have psychosis at all

I asked if we could try a depot, because I'm having issues taking my meds as part of my relapse and a depot would make it a little bit easier

He says he can't do that because I don't have a diagnosis for something an antipsychotic would be used for

I have a diagnosis for something that an antipsychotic would be used for and have had this diagnosis for the last 9 years

I ask why I need a diagnosis of something specific in order to receive a depot

He tells me "I need to tell them why you're taking it"

Who the fuck is "them"?

He wants to increase my Seroquel to 100mg

Even 75mg of Seroquel is too much for me to take on a daily basis and I have to cycle my dose throughout the week between 75mg and 50mg

He wants to change my antidepressant from Wellbutrin to Prozac

I give him the heads-up that Wellbutrin doesn't do anything for my MDD but works for my ADHD, so taking me off it would leave my ADHD unmedicated, but this doesn't seem to bother him

I've taken other antidepressants similar to Prozac in the past and they didn't do anything for my anxiety, sometimes made my anxiety worse, usually didn't do anything for my depression, and were not worth the stuff that would happen to me like hair loss, hallucinations, rapid mood swings, dissociation, etc., but this is fine to him

He wants to give me the liquid form of Prozac because it's easier to control the dose, but oral suspensions have been the hardest medications for me to take right now and I'd fare better with a pill

I just finished taking 28 doses of a liquid medication in 7 days, please give me time to breathe before starting a new one

He wants to change my antidepressant because I'm in a bit of a relapse and one of the potential side effects of Wellbutrin is reduced appetite

One of the potential side effects of Prozac is reduced appetite

The increased hunger caused by my Seroquel outweighs any possible reduced hunger from my Wellbutrin

He says my main issue right now is anxiety and that's another reason why he wants me on Prozac

I ask him what had led him to say anxiety is my main problem so I can clear up any possible misunderstandings, since I don't feel like that's my main issue at the moment and I don't know what I've said or done to make him believe that

He says "Because that's my opinion"

I ask if it's my body language, my tone of voice, my word choices, etc. leading him to that conclusion

He says "None of those things"

I ask, if not one of the things I listed, what else could it be?

He says "Because that's the impression I get"

I ask why he gets that impression

He says "I just do"

I can see that he apparently gives prescriptions based on vibes rather than actual symptoms

After going around in that conversational loop at least 5 times, I say "Okay" and disconnect the video call

I talk to a social worker at CMHA who doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about when he says I need a diagnosis to get a depot and she convinces me to reconsider whether I want to give up on this doctor already

I call his receptionist the next day and she says that he meant he would need to tell my diagnosis to the drug manufacturer

The receptionist also says I'm already officially discharged less than 24 hours after speaking to him, so I guess the decision of whether to go back has already been made for me

I talk to a nurse at CMHA, a pharmacist at my pharmacy, and a receptionist at my GP's office, and none of them know why he would have to tell my diagnosis to the manufacturer

[dagasinfilo]

couple years back i went to a new doc by recommendation of my then psychiatrist. she was young and seemed empathetic even if a bit cold so i got myself full of illusion. i talked about my arthritis diagnosis, how i was never properly informed about it, how i don’t know it’s specificities, how it was at best semi-formal (even if initially we did get a second opinion, who agreed with the diagnosis, even though by all means the whole thing was a form of manipulation from my parents. long story). i talked about other symptoms i couldn’t correlate to the arthritis. i talked about my mental health. i talked about my in/ability to function and how it was impacted in both fronts, and how each affects the other.

she talked about differential diagnosis. she talked about a process that would start with basic bloodwork+testing for arthritis (i assume autoantibodies). she talked about several steps. she told me to exercise and stop smoking. i was elated. i’m being listened? considered? believed?

i went and got the bloodwork done. a couple months go by.

i go get my t shot (same hospital, only public hospital in my town). i talk about the whole experience, by request of the social worker that’s usually there.

“you don’t have arthritis”

… huh?

“the results came back,” the doctor that provides me hrt, who’s also a general practitioner, gesturing smugly towards a computer screen. “they’re here: you don’t have arthritis”

… huh.

by this point i was already going through one of my absolutely worst years mental health wise, for reasons completely unrelated.

i didn’t make a new appointment.

until last may. i had gotten my adhd assessment and diagnosis and had been on meds for it since january. and man! i didn’t feel perfect but i felt confident enough. and i figured, hell, better take care of this other thing before the snowball gets too big, ya feel?

and so i went back.

“why are you here”

a coldness runs down my spine.

uh. i- um. i’m, well, you know, i uh sorry i took so long! i was having problems, but um you know how last time we did some tests, and you said you were gonna order more to s-

“all tests came back fine. have you been exercising?”

ah yeah i mean well kinda, i-

“you need to get some exercise. and stop smoking” she then spends an amount of time talking rapidly about how there were so many ways in which i could die if i didn’t stop smoking, and how she wasn’t gonna tell me about them so i don’t freak out. i think. i was overstimulated from sensory hell in the waiting room and was already struggling when i came in. by this point i was barely processing anything.

“get some exercise and i promise that will fix everything”

i meekly agree. my mind is blank. id been on complete autopilot since some minutes back.

i walk the same 40 minutes back home that i walked to get there, at the same briskish pace i usually walk when alone, which is the fastest, and the slowest pace my short legs and hyperactive brain will allow respectively, as usual disregarding any pain or soreness or weakness, which is what growing up disabled, raised by a disabled mom who’s terrified of looking disabled, and by extension terrified of you looking disabled, will do to you.

it’s almost august and i still get little glimpses, windows that open as suddenly as they then close, of memories, understanding, feelings from that ~25 minute appointment. things i didn’t remember, things i then promptly forget again. things i dont, that then stay with me.

thinking about anything related makes me jittery and nauseous. it makes me feel like i need to peel all the skin from my back and shoulders. it makes me confused and hopeless and extremely alert

this is not new to me. i had felt that before, for different reasons. thats the brand of feeling that consumed most of my late teens and early 20s that i ended up getting a ptsd diagnosis for.

and i guess that’s why i haven’t gone to the er for the rib thing nor the sudden struggling with balance and muscle weakness that’s barely letting me walk of late

[captainchokchok]

My psychiatrist is currently on maternity leave so I met with a new one at the end of September and one of the things we discussed was ADHD medication. The one I've typically been seeing prescribed me a non-stimulant because I sleep pretty poorly and she didn't want a stimulant fucking my sleep up even more but the one I've been using hasn't seemed to be doing anything. So I checked with the one I met the other week and asked if it was okay to stop taking it for a week just to see what happens and if it's actually been helping me at all. So anyways, starting that this week and yeah even though it's my first day not taking it, it doesn't seem like there's any real difference from when I do take it. I think tomorrow might be more of a better test since I go in to the office on Tuesdays and am usually able to focus a bit better during those days compared to the days I work from home. So we'll see what happens. But anyways the new one said we can discuss it next time we meet if stimulant ADHD meds would be helpful and I'm kind of afraid of it. I'm mostly afraid of any negative affects and particularly I don't want my sleep quality to be any worse than it already is. But then I'm also just worried because it seems like most medication I try doesn't actually seem to do anything for me. Whether it's pain meds like Advil or something or if it's my antidepressants, they just never seem to actually affect me in any way. So I'm like worried even if I do wind up taking a stimulant, would it even help?? Idk, I'm just sort of tired of taking shit when it doesn't actually seem to do shit for me it's really annoying. Anyways just some questions floating around in my head now on how I want to proceed with life and medical stuff lol

On the plus side I did make a call to try and order new CPAP supplies which I should have done last month but was to scared to do. No one picked up which was fine with me but I realized I accidentally left out the CPAP machine I have so hopefully they'll call back? They said callbacks aren't guaranteed sooo we shall see.

[appreciatingtokrev]

that's true, i just keep reminding myself that nothing last forever but i am a bit sad about the ending. do you normally go to an art museum? ah, i suppose life is full of surprises, you never know what is around the corner. that's great, it's better to see things as the cup half full than empty.

i think gi will still be the company's most successful game. do you just stick to PC games then? isn't hsr the only one whose have a voice for the MC? i'm always phone based so i'm lost with the letters lol. wait, you can play it in class? 👀

don't worry, quite a few people retake a year no matter what country they are in so you're not the only one and i understand retaking a year more than once can be a bit demotivating but you can get through this.

just try not to beat yourself up about it, you are trying your best. yes, extra time to re-evaluate some options, would you like to goes into the STEMs? or another field?

i can imagine lmao, some kpop fans are too extreme though where they end up becoming saesangs. which kpop group did she introduce you to? i am an ex-kpop fan so i no longer know about the current groups.

those earrings would stand out wherever you would go especially since they are gold coloured lol. i have actually seen some shorts on YouTube of users styling their wigs and it's look like a profession because of how hard it look 💀 i'm wondering you might find a 15th february person? who know lmao but birthday twin would be most exciting. our time zone difference seem to be one hour apart so we should be able to wish each other on our days? i'll probably come off anon when it happen 🙂

you can take another shirt that fit you properly and ask them to use the shirt for guidance or get proper measurements. i just scrolled up the sleeves for mine lol. it is only the sleeves and nothing too complex so i can't imagine it will be expensive.

yeah, of course. i feel the same whenever any of my friendships or relationships or whatever end bc at the end there was still a lot of love and care involved. i love going to art museums <3 i generally love art and museums lol. i visit a bunch of museums every year, usually with my father, my godmother or said friend i mentioned. so yeah ig i usually visit them?

agreed lol, i mean hi3rd was already big before genshin but genshin topped it off still. omg my phone literally only has 16gb of storage so i can’t play any games on there ajdkffjskaj meaning i very much stick to my laptop. hi3rd doesn’t have a mc the way gi/hsr do and kiana does have a voice plus gi’s mc is occasionally voiced (only during cutscenes i think?). the mc in hsr is definitley voiced a lot more tho. i mean... i shouldn’t be playing any video games in class..... but always work on our devices anyways....... and i’d much rather play hi3rd than do french in class... ajdkfjdjsk (i’m not a good example of a student ajdkgkksj)

aa ty :) i’m doing great in school rn bc it’s all topics i’ve had before at a different school haha and i hope it’ll stay like this for a while, but let’s see. i’m also in the process of getting meds for my adhd so hopefully i’ll be able to study easier sometime in the future. honestly idk what i wanna do later rn... psychology or biology, specifically marine biology maybe? i’d love to be a marine biologist, but i get sea sick :/ though at the moment i’m mostly leaning towards studying medicine so i can work in forensic medicine. but luckily i still have at least a year to decide.

yeah, the kpop fans... she mostly introduced me to stray kids. i’m not like a big kpop fan, but i do have a playlist with kpop songs i like bc of her lol.

aren’t they silver colored tho? i made mine in silver at least ajdkfkks. but yeah, agreed. yeah, wig styling does look difficult tbh 💀 but. i believe in myself. if i believe enough it’s got to work...

maybe, who knows. ohh no more anon z next february 16th :0 hehe, i’ll gladly wait until then :3

ahh i have no long-sleeved shirts that correctly fit me ajfjfjhsk the only ones i’ve got left are from when my parents made me buy them bc i dislike them and prefer oversized hoodies and stuff by a lot lol. thanks for the tip though

[passerine-writes]

Silent Sparks - Volt 16

Warnings: None :) Word count: 2061

Notes: Italics - Tsukare signing Bold italics - Family member/friend signing 'Italics with apostrophes' - Thoughts Masterlist

Volt 15 | Volt 17

"Excuse me! Young man, what's it like going to such a prestigious school?"

"What's it like to have All Might as a teacher?"

"What is the Symbol of Peace like in person?"

Multiple reporters asked me questions and I very much started to regret walking to school with Midoriya today. I think I said 'no comment' more times then I can count.

"Excuse me, you're a student here! How is-" My hearing cut out when a reporter placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Take your hand off of my student before I call the authorities." I looked up to see my dad standing there, very exhausted and uncaring towards the reporters. "Get inside." I scurried in and made my way to the classroom.

"Hey, Tsukabro!" Confused, I looked up and was greeted with a smiling Kirishima. I waved at him and saw Hitoshi already talking with Midoriya so I figured I'd give the lovebirds some space and walked towards the redhead. Him, Kaminari, Mina and Sero were all hanging around a few desks and I tiredly joined them. "Bro you look exhausted! Did you get any sleep last night?" Out of habit, I nodded and sipped on my coffee.

"Yeah, I got a few hours in. Can you believe all the reporters out there?"

"I know right! It's insane!" I looked to Kaminari as he spoke, even his voice was pretty.

"Yeah! And then someone asked me why I was pink! It makes no sense to ask me that!"

"Isn't it just part of your quirk?" I asked the pink girl and she nodded excitedly.

"Don't forget the horns! I don't know why since my quirk is acid, but I guess it's just part of it." I hummed and took another sip of my coffee.

"Hey, Tsukare, I wanted to ask you something about yesterday." I turned my attention to Sero, starting to feel slightly overwhelmed with the group conversation. "How did you learn to fight like that? Those were some crazy moves!"

"Hitoshi and I have been training and sparring together for a few years now, guess I just picked it up along the way." He nodded quickly, believing the half lie I told him.

I patted my pocket and realized I forgot my main fidget cube at home. I started searching through my bag, hoping to find one of the many fidgets I keep in there but soon realized I forgot to put them back in after rearranging my bag.

"Tsukare!" I looked up and saw a hand holding a fidget controller out for me. I looked up and met Kaminari's eye, gratefully taking the item from him and fidgeting away. "I saw that you started bouncing your leg and couldn't find your go to stash, thankfully I remembered mine today. Just give it back to me before our last class, yeah?"

"Thank you." He smiled brightly and I ducked my head as I started to blush again.

"What's that for?" I felt my nerves dissipate almost completely as I clicked the buttons and used the mini joystick. I wasn't too surprised by Mina's question.

"Oh uh, I have ADHD, so I have a hard time focusing and concentrating and stuff like this helps me do that. I just forgot all of mine at home and I'm still waiting for my meds to kick in."

"Ohhhh, okay!"

"Everybody! Class is about to start, please take your seats!" I rolled my eyes but sat in my seat at Iida's announcement. We learned our lesson on the first day and instantly quieted down at the sight of my dad.

"Decent work on yesterday's training you guys. I saw the video feed and went over each of your teams results. Bakugou. You're talented. So don't sulk like a child about your loss, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever." I tried to resist rolling my eyes at his attitude. However something seemed different with him.

"And Midoriya. I see the only way you won the match was by messing up your arm again. Work harder. And don't give me the excuse that you don't have control over your quirk. That lines already getting old. You can't keep breaking your body while training here. But your quirk will be really useful if you can get a handle on it. So show a little urgency, huh?" I sent my friend a smile as he got excited by the backhanded compliment.

"Right!"

"Let's get down to business. Our first task, will decide your future. You all need to pick a class representative."

"Pick me, guys! I wanna be class rep!" Kirishima jumped up and yelled, followed in succession by Kaminari, Jirou, Aoyama, Mina, and Bakugou. I think I was one of the few that didn't raise their hand for this.

"Silence! Everyone, please!" I watched from my seat as Iida stood up and settled down the class. "The class representatives duty is to lead others. That's not something just anyone can do. You must first have the trust of every student in the classroom. Therefor, the most logical way to fill this position is democratically. We will hold an election to choose our leader!" I shrugged, not minding and just tuning out the classroom discussion. My dad went and took a nap in his bright sleeping bag, however I don't blame him. That thing is comfy.

After a lot of thought, I casted my vote towards Iida. He clearly had leadership abilities, intelligence, and a clear head on his shoulders.

In the end, I got six votes and Yaoyorozu got three, everyone else had two, one or none. I wasn't expecting to get the most, so I simply wasn't prepared.

"Okay you idiots, who voted for earbleed over there?!" I rolled my eyes at his aggression.

"Did you honestly think anyone was gonna vote for you?" I couldn't hold back my bit of laughter at Sero's comment.

"All right, the class rep is Tsukare, and our deputy is Yaoyorozu." I smiled, trying to hide my nerves. Public speaking isn't my forte.

"I have something I'd like to say." All eyes were on me and I looked down at the fidget that Kaminari lent me, focusing on that instead. "While I'm glad that a portion of you trust me and think I'd be best suited for this, I don't have a lot of leadership qualities. Which is why I would like to nominate Iida to take my place as class rep. I think he would be better equipped and proficient rather then me." I looked up and saw Iida staring at me with wide eyes.

"I trust his opinion, you all saw how he stuck to his guns with All Might yesterday, he wasn't scared to stick up for what he thought was right! He's super manly! So if he thinks Iida should be rep, then that's good enough for me." Iida stood and bowed, thanking me as we went back to our seats. Yaoyorozu saying something about points under her breath.

"Now that we have our new class rep, we can continue on with class today."

——————

I slowly sat down between Kaminari and Kirishima, after checking with Hitoshi, I took Kaminari up on his offer from yesterday.

"Hey Tsukare! I can't believe you gave your spot to Iida!" I looked at the blond beside me and nodded.

"Yeah, honestly public speaking and leadership things aren't really my cup of coffee. I know Hitoshi and Midoriya are two of the ones that voted for me but I don't know who else did."

"That, would've been all of us." I looked to Sero, shocked that all of them voted for me.

"Really?"

"Of course Tsukababes! It was actually Kaminari and Kirishima's idea!" I looked at the two and they nodded, with bright smiles. And then the alarm started ringing.

"Warning. Level three security breach. Students please evacuate the building in an orderly fashion." My blood ran cold, in all the time I've lived with my dads, this has never happened. Not once.

"I think we should go, like now." My voice wavered and we all got up quickly, rushing to the already crowded hallway.

People bumped into me left and right, the hallway felt like it was getting smaller and my ears started ringing. I tried my hardest to just breathe but it wasn't working. Kirishima was practically crowd surfing at this point, I don't know where everyone else went. Next thing I know I was half slammed into the wall and into Kaminari. We toppled over, getting pushed around in the hallway until we found a stable place against the wall. My back pressed snug against it, his chest almost flush against mine as he angled his body to block some of the crowd. His left forearm rested against the wall next to my head while his free hand rested on my hip. My breath got caught in my throat as I looked into his golden irises.

"You're okay. I'll keep you safe." I went to speak but got stopped by Iida. We looked up to find him floating and planted in front of the exit sign.

"Listen up, everything is okay! It's just the media outside. There's absolutely nothing to worry about. Everything's fine! We're UA students. We need to remain calm and prove that we're the best of the best." He yelled across the hallway. We all relaxed some, Kaminari let his shoulders slump as he eased up, but his hands never moved.

Once the hallway was mostly cleared out, he let go and sent me a blinding smile. My face was surely pink and warm after realizing the position we were just in.

"Thank you." He looked into my eyes for a second before stepping back, a coy smirk on his face.

"Yeah, no problem!"

Once back in the class room and everything was said and done, I noticed Yaoyorozu sulking a little with the other girls and I had a feeling on what it was about.

"Hey, Yaoyorozu?" She hummed and sat up straighter while she looked at me. "I noticed you were a little uh, off put about something. I-I'm not trying to pry or anything, but is it because I nominated Iida, even though you had two more points then him? I overheard you mumble something about that earlier but I wasn't too sure." She froze for a moment, losing her composure and the other girls looked at me in shock. "Can I take a seat?"

"Yes, of course." I pulled up the empty chair, noticing that Hagakure was standing instead of sitting and sat next to her desk.

"I didn't offer you up because I could tell that you need a break. You clearly work hard and strive to be the best, and I admire that about you already. However, something tells me that you're the type of person to go above and beyond for everyone else before yourself. So if that's the case, I wanted you to be allowed to take a break and breathe while still getting things done. If anything, I think you're overqualified for deputy." I watched Yaoyorozu's eyes begin to water and I worried that maybe I said the wrong thing or too much and just made it worse.

"Wow, that's actually really thoughtful Tsukare." Jirou chimed in, eyes widened slightly as she looked at me.

"I-I'm sorry if I overstepped or anything, I wasn't trying to." Yaoyorozu shook her head and tediously dried her eyes.

"No, not at all. Thank you. It truly means a lot to me." I smiled and excused myself, putting the chair back in place before finding my brother who was, unsurprisingly, talking to Midoriya.

"Hey." The two greeted me, the green haired boy a lot more enthusiastic then my brother.

"Hey Tsukare! I was just talking to Shinsou about you two coming over this weekend." I looked to my brother and nodded.

"I don't see why not, we'll have to talk to our dads though." He nodded excitedly, a bright smile on his face as his green hair flopped around.

"Okay! Just let me know!" I sent him a thumbs up as we started our trek back to the station. I couldn't shake the feeling like someone was watching us though.

[swolewhale]

Day 1 - The Actual Beginning

Here I go doin the thing. Today was pretty much the same as usual with me. Stayed in most of the day playing Skyrim (downloading a fuck ton of mods and not actually playing). Only time I went out was in the morning for this volunteer thing. Don’t have a life or any friends near me so thought it’d be a good idea to do something that would get me out of the house.

I know that just doing the same shit over and over again isn’t gonna change anything, but it’s not like I can really do anything to change that. I don’t have enough money to just spend on random shit to go have fun by myself, especially when I don’t even know what I enjoy. Hell I don’t even have enough money to buy canned food confidently.

The only thing that I can think would actually make a difference is getting adhd meds, but that requires taking a stupid fucking test that cost 200 dollars for it to tell them the same fucking answer of I HAVE ADHD.

Anyways, that’s not happening anytime soon. My mom said that she’s got enough money to cover the cost in a medical account or something, but I ain’t doing that. I have no idea how much money she has and I ain’t gonna take any more from her. Hell I’m sure insurance could cover it but I’m also sure that they wouldn’t cover even 75% due to bullshit of thresholds or something.

I’m sure the bastards can see my recent history for medical shit. Being in a hospital due to horrible mental health (which wasn’t even as bad as it is now), heavy meds for depression and anxiety that have only been increasing more and more. Surely at some point someone would go “hey this person could die if they don’t get this one thing paid for” but that implies that people work at insurance companies. They only have pathetic excuses for people there.

Anyways, I said I do this to focus on the positives so I guess it’s time for that:

Volunteered at a cat shelter: It was only my second day doing so, but the fact that I even showed up the first day or bothered getting out of bed is something (ignoring the fact that it’s mainly because I’d be too bored being only in bed). Made friends with a couple of wobblers. A lot of the others are a bit more timid of me, but it was just my second day so.

I took a shower: I know, bare minimum, but hey we’re talking about positives. I was gonna do it before the volunteer shift, but then I realized that it would be worthless doing so since I was only going to smell terrible afterwards anyways. Said I was gonna do it after it, and actually fucking did it (the madman). Usually the “I’ll do it later” is actually never for me, so it took me an hour or 2 to do so, but hey, took the shower.

Brushed my teeth: I know, bar- wait I’ve already said that. I’m tying to get into the habit of brushing my teeth after probably over a decade of barely even doing so. Just broke the routine one day and it was all downhill from there. Never had a cavity or any problems with my teeth though, so... Anyways, gotta brush my teeth after I post this, but once a day is better than once a year.

I was going to add “ate food”, but realized that it’s more of a “I couldn’t stop myself from eating a single can of corn” since I don’t have the money to buy more food. Trying to make the shit I do have last a few more weeks, but it fucking sucks. I hate being so fucking hungry all the time. Thanks inflation, capitalism, depression, anxiety, and all the other mental illnesses that I have that may or may not be undiscovered cause that’d just be my luck.

That’s all for the positives so now I guess it’s time for the daily question because it’s my account and I’ll do what I want. Anyways,

What fictional place would you most like to go to?

I lighthearted medieval fantasy world.

Fantasy because it’s my favorite genre. I can imagine that I’m anywhere but here.

Medieval cause DnD, skyrim, and some anime as well make me more interested in that type of magical filled world. I’m sure it could work in a modern setting but I’m more used to the medieval time period having magic.

Lighthearted cause then I wouldn’t have this account and be making these post. Due to the laws of the universe for this world, everyone would be on the more positive side for pretty much everything. I know, unrealistic, but it’s fantasy for a reason.

I’m sure it was more of a location thing, but I don’t really have many that come to mind immediately. After a bit of looking around and seeing my options, either the Comet Observatory from Mario Galaxy or the world of pokemon.

Comet Observatory: Mario Galaxy was one of the first games that I played when I was younger that actually really interested me. It’s one of my favorites, if not my favorite game. The game is very nostalgic for me since it was in a time where I was so ignorant to the world around me. Hell, after many many years of not even hearing music from it, the Comet Observatory theme appeared in a daily mix and I actually cried because of it, so yeah, I hold the game near and dear. I do still have a wii and the game, but the nun-chuck is fucked so I can’t play it right now at least. All that, plus the fact that Rosalina was my first video game crush and that hasn’t gone away at all. Shy quite types get me right in my weak spot of being an absolute sucker for cuteness.

Pokemon: Black 2 was my first pokemon game and still my favorite. I don’t know if there’s a single pokemon that I actually hare or even dislike. I already love animals as is and then you make them pokemon and I wonder where the sign up list has been my entire life. It’s fucking pokemon. Also maybe fucking pokemon. I know the lore, plus you can’t tell me there wasn’t a single mf in that world that hasn’t clapped some gardi cheecks.

Anyways, that’s all I can remember and be bothered to mention today so I’ll end it here. Hopefully tomorrow will bring me blessings (free food).

[skydemonizark]

That's totally understandable.

So I have adhd, tho I wasn't diagnosed till I was in my 20s, and have been abysmal at school for as long as I've been in school. And my parents have never lifted a single finger to help me with it and instead opted to just ground me whenever I got bad grades, or yell at me calling me lazy.

This all came to a head towards the end of 7th grade. I was failing most of my classes, and my concerned teachers decided to set up a special parent teacher conference for me to talk about the possibility of me having a learning disability other than dyslexia (which I had been diagnosed with at 7 years old).

And I don't remember if it was brought up by my teachers or my parents had already suspected it, but immediately after the meeting (like we were still in the school) my parents asked me if I wanted to go on adhd medication.

And for context this is in the late 00s and all I had ever heard about adhd meds were that they turned you into a zombie or removed your creativity, and I didn't know how it could possibly help since I had no clue what adhd was other that having a short attention span. So of course I said no I didn't want meds.

And instead of working with their child who has a learning disability they need help with. My parents went with their go to solution and grounded me. For 3 whole months. I wasn't allowed to leave my room. I don't remember if I was even allowed my laptop but I think I was. But not being allowed to leave sucked especially since I was also suffering from depression and anxiety. Predictably this punishment did literally nothing to help my situation. I still couldn't do my homework and I still ended up failing most of my classes (other than drama and pe).

Now the "am I the asshole" bit comes here. I have an older autistic sister (I mention she has autism cause I think it's relevant). And sometimes I try to complain/ commiserate with her about how poorly our parents raised us (cause even tho she was good at school she def did not avoid our parents shitty parenting), which she always gets mad at me for. Saying I shouldn't hold a grudge that they did the best they could under the circumstances, especially since both our parents were also raised poorly. And that I'm being an asshole for still resenting the parents. And that I just want to blame the parents for failing school and stuff cause I don't want to take blame for my own failings.

She recently we got into a huge blow out fight over it where I insisted it was unfair of them to put all of the weight of the decision on me since I was a child. Which my sister said was because they wanted to give me autonomy and that I shouldn't use "the child excuse".

And all of this has left me wondering if I'm just being unfair to my parents. That maybe I should of tried harder? Or if I should just forgive them and accept that it's unfair to expect my parents to of put any actual effort in raising us.

So yeah am I the asshole for thinking my parents should of done more for me and my sister growing up and still being mad about it to this day?

Would it be okay to ask you for advice kinda like "am I the asshole"? It has to do with parenting a kid with a learning disability which I know you have experience with so your perspective would be appreciated. I'm the kid in this situation tho I'm solidly an adult now so the advice would mostly be to ease my mind about something. (sorry if you don't like vague messages like this, I thought it would be better than sending the question out of nowhere)

You can ask. I'm not guaranteeing I'll have the spoons to answer.