visionof-lumen

[visionof-lumen]

system, plurals, plural system, & system member, "the others," sysmate, headmate. system & system member/"the others" are the most common !

we all sortof want something unique [ we've seen others use stuff like constellations or bandmates, which is super super cute ] but none of us can consistently use anything we all manage to agree on xP

question 59: what terms do you specifically prefer for reffering to your system and system members? do yall have different preferences?

[visionof-lumen]

context : pulses perspective, & we have did :) plus we have no headspace/innerworld

oops i ranted . tldr : mostly feels like i had a singular blink, sleeping/napping without dreaming, closing my eyes for a few minutes, or watching a twitch stream .

post under the cut is just detailing Exactly what it feels like :PP

its definitely weird. heres examples of ones ive personally experienced within the past month or so !!.

sometimes its time being extremely slow, then suddenly everything snaps like a rubber band & is super fast and then i know almost Nothing of what occurred and im fronting again. everything is unrecognizable when its slow [ try putting a youtube video on the slowest setting, then imagine its even slower. its horrible ], and when its too fast its basically just a blur of colors & sound. very weird and scary 0/10

other times itll be a blink, and then its over. its been hours and i was gone without realizing [ like anesthesia! ]. if we're in our room, i likely wont notice until i realize time has passed, or if an activity has changed. 4/10 chill most of the time cuz it feels smoother than it sounds but NOT when im in a conversation

in others time might get slow [ not as slow as the first example ], then it gets distant, like someone changed the FOV setting in a video game. then itll go back to normal pretty smoothly!. so its kinda like the first one, but without the fast part. still means my perspective of what happened is pretty fucked but its not as bad as the others. 6/10 annoying but not the worst

sometimes, for shorter amounts of time, it'll feel like i closed my eyes & another system member did something while i was "resting" , but it still felt like the same amount of time passed. so, for example, im playing project sekai, and i rest my sore fingers & "close my eyes" mentally , ill wait a few minutes and when i come back to front then therell be a finished song on my screen [ has genuinely happened . fucker got a full combo on our FIRST TRY on expert mode while i wasnt looking 🙄 diabolical ] 0/10 can these fuckers stop playing video games when this happens ITS ALWAYS ON MY SAVES TOO

if its during a fully consensual switch [ so its been agreed upon by me & whoever im switching out with , & we are both aware of when its going to happen ] then its not very distorted at all, its just like im watching whats happening over the fronters shoulder or on a livestream [ so, not in control, but definitely aware ]. things might get a little blurry when im not super focused on whats happening or ill "look away" & not see/feel anything for a while, but after coming back to front its Much MUCH easier to recall the memories & information!! 10/10 yayy its like a twitch vlog/ stream where im one of the only viewers !!!

& i have yelled/made a noise when switching back because it absolutely can be like a fucked up fnaf jumpscare . yes this happened during our school years

how does it feel in your experience to be out of front?

question 47:

[visionof-lumen]

some of us have the default voice, usually frequent fronters who are more used to using the bodys voice. and some have very different voices, usually those who stay out of front [ but are present enough to speak & project their thoughts ]. we can change them on will too :3

Hello, creatures! Do headmate have distinctly different voices, or is it usually more similar to the "default" voice?

question 53:

[visionof-lumen]

Day 4 - Seb board.. board Seb.. Stib orb.. Seb..

📑🪙📂 🐟 x 🌊 Divider 🦈🐚🪢

[visionof-lumen]

us when during our intake appointment our new psychiatrist hears of our 5 billion "hobbies" and immediately responds by giving us a rundown of bipolar symptoms and asks "do any of these apply to you?" :: 🤯🤯

uh . Fuck Yeah they applied. she said she wont diagnose us just yet but if our symptoms continue for another few months she'd definitely put it in our file ^^ yippe???

she also questioned why we're on the max dose of a popular med to help treat bipolar and have been on that med for a few years . despite it obvs not getting rid of the hypomanic symptoms. which we had no answer other than "well. [we] didnt even know it was for bipolar , so..."

it feels so WEIRD to be validated by having bipolar [ type 2 !! ] even though our mom has said since we were 13 that we probably have bipolar, since she has type 1 ... we dont feel like we have bipolar but then we look at the symptoms and go "ohhh . oh yeah. yeah that makes sense" . so its really funny that we doubted ourselves on it while our new psychiatrist sees that shit day one...

even our friends [ online ] said they knew that we had bipolar already when we told them what happened DX .. everyone knows but us!!!

also one of our friends just said they thought we were already diagnosed w adhd which is fucking hilarious because i dont think we've Ever brought that up & we have it NOWHERE in our files as far as i know????

[ of course this isnt taking into account the fact that Everyone We Know could be wrong . but i feel like thats a little unlikely?? ]

[visionof-lumen]

avpd suckx wdym we have to look cool and acceptable avatar-wise in order to play ROBLOX.

like its TERRIFYING to think otherwise . gross. scary.

so we're trying to learn 3d modeling in blender -> so we can make our own items -> so we dont have to waste money on robux -> so we can look Cool and play the fucking games!!!

this is going to take a While

[visionof-lumen]

oh Wow . been testing out various aac apps to see what exactly we fit best with and so far we like avaz most , but we have such a small phone screen we turned off the word labels to save space for the pictures and its actually EASIER to use now that the extra words r gone :O we thought itd b harder..

[ currently using aacil symbols to customize our own boardset.. might end up making some of our own b4 we use any other symbol libraries.... we need images to b familiar & unique in order to recognize their meaning ]

[visionof-lumen]

we've been wanting to write more consistently for a while now, so!! would anyone maybe want a request blog dedicated to writing oneshots & ficlets about various 'types & such? the fictional sources would be limited to the ones we are already familiar with, but almost everything else is fair game !.

we were thinking of things like detailing an alien's day on an earth beach for the first time, or someone being isekai'd into their source world, or maybe a cute moment between nonhuman partners!

we dont have many recently finished works as of writing this post, but we would definitely push some examples out for the blog if anyone has any interest!

[visionof-lumen]

our mobility issues are getting worse . horrible joint pain is guaranteed daily. its been spreading from our ankles & knees up towards our hips & lower back now . our visits to the mall or around stores are getting shorter and shorter from being exhausted & in too much pain to continue.

we find ourselves daydreaming of having a foldable walker [ and sometimes even a wheelchair, when it gets Bad ] so we can actually move around without being worried of needing to find somewhere other than the floor to sit. we know wheelchairs arent exactly accomodated for even when places say they are, but its comforting to daydream/pretend otherwise .

we cant stand for long periods of time. ten minutes maximum before it becomes unbearable and we're about to cry from the pain. our face is in a constant grimace because we're too focused on continuing to walk/stand to care about what face we're making in response to the pain.

our mom has started to search for seats for us to sit in when we're in one spot for more than a minute or two, especially when we're outside the house . she reassures us when theres only one chair nearby that we can sit instead of her. we feel really bad about it because fuck!! shes our mom!! she deserves to sit down! but we cant argue because we do need the break from standing.

anyway . ow ow bones go OW ouuuuch. make it STOP

[visionof-lumen]

Us with our machine in the wild !!! 🌞

pictures of Freddy & his machine { AAC device } out and about to make you feel less nervous about using your AAC device in public !!!!!!!

inspired by @clownrecess ' s post

↑ in a ballpark , ↑ in group therapy

↑ at school , ↑ in the car

↑ at the park 🌈

↑ school ’ s outside , ↑ on a walk

[visionof-lumen]

Shep and Em’s Tips for Practicing with AAC:

- Google, “intermediate [your native language] practice sentences” and copy the sentences using AAC. For English, I like intermediate rather than advanced, because the advanced sentences I found used more complex vocabulary that was far less likely to be found on AAC buttons.

- Watch videos made for children or new language learners and copy their sentences on your AAC, or answer any questions they ask.

- Write paragraphs or stories on your device about characters you make up, or those you like.

- Info dump on your device about your special interests.

-Hold conversations in which you type out the responses of both parties.

- Copy song lyrics onto your device.

- To get practise using your more creative or less frequently used buttons, write poetry or song lyrics, or describe the space around you in as much detail as possible.

- Use AAC to talk to family members, pets, or stuffed animals (this method is Shep’s favourite).

[visionof-lumen]

foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog when our doctors tell us to "just drink more water" ouuuuu motherfucker if only it was THAT easy.

our arfid makes us hate water. we gag, choke, & can even feel nauseous after drinking it. its fucking disgusting, the taste & the texture are revolting, i genuinely dont get why people LIKE water [ its worse after putting in flavoring . i promise ] . people get mad at us when we express it, so we generally dont say anything to friends & family.

we rarely have a couple sips in the morning or late at night if we feel particularly thirsty, & we have to take minimum one sip every day to take our levothyroxine [ pill ] before breakfast. this is pretty much all the water we drink. sometimes we get in a water mood and drink a lot of it for a few days before returning to the one-sip-per-morning routine, this is usually once every 1-2 months.

our doctor says to drink more water & eat healthier, itll help our POTS symptoms. we say "no, thats not possible. we physically have an inability to do that. we will vomit" , they say "well, exercise helps too" , we say "we can't exercise. we get too dizzy & nauseous & trigger migraines if we so much as go up and down the stairs too much in a day" , they say "well, you should eat healthier and drink more water" . THE CYCLE NEVER ENDS. EVERY SINGLE VISIT ITS THE SAME GODDAMN THING. THERE IS NO HOPE

i dont like to think that we're untreatable. but i guess we are?? itd be nice just to have a little injection of water through a needle or something every day or two . its funny that we are not afraid of needles , just food & drinks :3!!!

[visionof-lumen]

have had a very mild headache constantly for the past 5 days now!!!

literally, the pain has not lessened or gone away at ALL in the past 5 days. its not light or sound sensitive, but it DOES get worse & throb violently if we move our head too fast.

only on one side of our head, the right side. its above the temple, just around the top of the forehead , but it sometimes extends to the back of the eye & back of the head [ like a straight line of pain going to the back of our head near where our neck starts ]

it could be from dehydration? not 100% sure . tried drinking more water but its so exhausting and gross we just cant commit to it. probably our fault but whatever we dont wanna gag on fucking WATER all day

[visionof-lumen]

our mother expecting us to agree w her after she confesses that she denied us an autism eval/diagnosis TWICE when two of our doctors have brought it up to her . DUDE

our childhood doctor brought it up when we were very young . the specialist at the ed clinic we went to for our arfid told our mom about how autistic we seem & that we should get evaluated, ONLY AN HOUR AFTER FIRST SEEING US. we were completely unaware of both of these events, they happened behind our back.

btw our mom does believe we have autism & same w our older brother . she outright said she thinks we are autistic. to our face. she hasnt said it to our brother because hes a sensitive shithead and refuses to go to the doctor for anything, so we doubt he would react well to being told he might be autistic.

admittedly this interaction did happen about a year or two ago . but it still shocks us.

[visionof-lumen]

our kitten . his name is beepers, we mostly call him beeps or beeb. very hyper and bitey but sweet when he wants to be [ probably taken away from his mom too early . we dont know when ]

[visionof-lumen]

we need to make more disability related emojis ackkkk

rn we are debating between doing Prosopagnosia ( face blindness ) , ARFID , Pica and/or C-PTSD emojis !

anyways uhhhh ummm yeahhh disability emojis are fun tho bc we like researching this stuff

[visionof-lumen]

JUST found out that cboard does not allow free users to copy + paste any messages . fucks sake. got excited for Nothing