#she has mental issues so it’s not her fault

[illegiblewords]

With respect to the quotes in your response and the time that must have taken to compile them, I'm going to politely but firmly disagree with you regarding your overall stance and read of those quotes.

We know factually that the Ascians were tempered by the first and most powerful primal to exist. Emet-Selch saying so and the steps involved in creating Zodiark notwithstanding, the story's construction does not work if this is not the case. If the Unsundered were 'not enough to count' tempered it would contradict explicit information we are given about how tempering works throughout the game from as far back as A Realm Reborn. Moreover, it would be inconsistent worldbuilding serving to frame the Unsundered as subhuman exceptions to the way every other tempered person is treated across the series--directly contradicting the themes of FFXIV but in particular of Shadowbringers and Endwalker. To make tempering insignificant for the Unsundered would be to argue they are uniquely and inherently evil, that they should be held responsible for tempering and actions while tempered in a way no other tempered has been. This direction would serve to advocate for treating some people as acceptable targets for dehumanization whose circumstances and suffering 'don't count' or 'aren't real'. This is not consistent with how Final Fantasy XIV as a story conducts itself, nor should it be. It would lower the technical quality of the game while simultaneously promoting cruelty and lack of nuance as long as you think you have an acceptable target.

The way the condition of the Unsundered is presented specifically challenges players to look back at earlier interactions in the series with new context. We understood as early as A Realm Reborn that the tempered needed to be stopped even if it meant killing them--but that this was a tragedy not the fault of those tempered. This stance is showcased via the necessity of executing the Immortal Flames soldiers who were tempered following our first encounter with Ifrit. We see the game acknowledge tragedy and examine intersection between personal disposition and tempering in the Amal'jaa tribal quests through Loonh Gah's mother. This miqo'te, with her brain fried from tempering, continues to cradle a stone in place of her daughter while being unable to recognize or acknowledge her actual flesh-and-blood daughter trying to communicate. The MSQ quests tied to Sri Lakshmi showcase these elements too in the Qalyana broodmother's desperation to restore her daughter. Tiamat, a sympathetic character, cannot be physically freed until her tempering to Bahamut has been removed because she would have been dangerous. We also see the extent that action while tempered becomes horrifying as per the reaction of the kobold priest in the MSQ upon being freed from tempering. His anger toward Limsa Lominsa remains and was authentic. Titan's mission to fight for the kobolds against Limsa Lominsa was made genuinely too. That does not negate the priest's sincere horror and anguish at the kobolds sacrificed to fuel Titan.

As per my previous post, throughout the game tempering is framed not as simple puppetry but as a nightmare allegory for mental illness where recovery is rendered impossible. Perception and thought patterns are warped according to the primal's mission, tempering has parallels tied to insanity plea and coercion. This makes the notion that 'Unsundered tempering is no big deal' even more inappropriate. Such a stance poses that tempering would be a real issue for everyone else, but not for them. It doesn't count if it's them. They're subhuman. They're exceptions.

Knowing that the Ascians had to be stopped, knowing that this could mean their deaths if no other avenues were possible as per tempering, does not necessitate cruelty and disregard in the event that they are tempered. Both cruelty and disregard is what they were shown prior to Shadowbringers. We see it in the very first cutscene of the entire game, when Lahabrea commits the crime of showing up in an ominous looking robe with spikes and a frowny mask while the Warrior of Light is given a weapon by Hydaelyn. We see it when Lahabrea is later referred to as an 'it' during the quest What Little Gods Are Made Of while the Scions excitedly discuss killing Ascians. This enthusiasm is notably absent when it comes to killing the Immortal Flames soldiers, or tempered Garleans in Endwalker, or even surrounding the perceived death of Yotsuyu at Doma Castle. We see it in Minfilia's reactions to Elidibus, who she had never met before but who also has robes with spikes and a mask. Neither the main cast nor the players knew much of anything regarding the true motives of the Ascians at that stage. We knew the 'what', but not the 'why'.

Presently we know exactly how Zodiark was summoned, how many sacrifices were involved (relative to total population and in what stages), who was the driving mind behind His concept, and what likely went wrong so far as tempering is concerned. We know explicitly what Zodiark's mission as a primal was as per Y'shtola in Shadowbringers, using the very quote you yourself provided--salvation. And I want to emphasize, I predicted a mission of that sort before 5.3 was even released and had discussed it online because the game set it up. The signs were placed by the devs. My initial phrasing was 'restoration' of the ancient world. We can piece together key phrases relative to Zodiark's mission through multiple scenes and can see evidence of the effect tempering had across many characters at many points in history via concrete behavior and dialogue.

"O mighty Zodiark, god born of our boundless faith! We bid you hear our prayer!"

"Accept this offering of lives, and deliver unto us the lives we once had. Deliver unto us the days of old..."

"The days when the star was a font of love, and we knew naught but bliss!"

This is a key point where Zodiark's mission as a primal was given further direction through the prayers of the faithful. This is why we see Elidibus repeat, word-for-word, the phrase 'a world free of sorrow' as his goal at Seat of Sacrifice. This sentiment is part of Zodiark's mission incorporated after the initial summoning. Not only does Venat herself point out in-scene that sorrow has always been part of the world--the Convocation knew that too. At absolute minimum both Elidibus and Lahabrea did seeing as all of this happened post-Pandaemonium. The directive toward 'a world free of sorrow' was something implanted after the initial tempering mission (salvation) by worshippers of Zodiark... who frankly may have also been tempered at that point. Venat, Azem, and Venat's followers not being tempered is easily explained through The Traveler's Ward but there is no reason to think the rest of the star wouldn't be cooked.

And it is not insignificant that Ancients who teleport before Zodiark's summoning and affiliated tempering do so in a burst of black and blue.

Not only do the lunar shades who comprise Zodiark emanate a black and purple miasma:

We have seen similar miasmas before, when contemporary Ascians teleport:

Lahabrea, Erichthonios, and Themis all teleport in blue at Pandaemonium fwiw. I'd argue Lahabrea going more red-violet is likely an indication that his tempering is severe.

Regardless. We do know how tempering took hold, in what stages, and have visual signs of that tempering.

The analysis involved in understanding this point requires evaluation of environmental storytelling, repeating motifs/themes, character analysis with regards to motive/psychology/dialogue/behavior, narrative parallels, precedence in similar areas, etc. The conclusions I've discussed are substantiated across the game, again with precedent going back as far as A Realm Reborn. It doesn't mean my readings are always perfect but there's a lot of consistency to all be coincidence.

You cannot reasonably claim 'we have very little of the details on the ritual of Zodiark's summoning, and the details on what influence this might have had on the Ancients present, the Ancient souls tethered to Zodiark in sacrifice, and the Ascians.' You can claim that you see very little personally. From where I sit there's a lot.

As I said in my initial post, you are free to develop your own headcanons regarding tempering if you don't like how the game addresses it. What you have described, however, are headcanons that actively contradict the game and at times the very examples you provided in your own response.

The title Emet-Selch translates from Hebrew to Angel of Truth. It is canon and even significant that Emet-Selch does not deliberately lie to the player regarding his motives and behaviors. He admits openly to plotting without saying how, and when he shoots G'raha Tia to see the Warrior of Light succumb to light aether it isn't because he ever lied about that point. Moreover, it is stressed in Endwalker that all of the Convocation members are trained to recognize lying when they encounter it as an added emphasis on the importance of truth with regards to them. This does not mean the Unsundered are incapable of lying directly. But Emet-Selch by all appearances does not deliberately lie to the player, and this is reiterated on a meta level down to the title he holds. At most he lies by omission (what his Ascian plans entail) or by mistake due to personal limitations (inability to accurately perceive sundering). Another point demonstrating Emet-Selch's inaccuracy regarding the nature of sundered souls being a product of tempering rather than deliberate can be observed in how he shows Amaurotine shades reacting to WoL and The Scions--as if they were children. We know in practice that the Ancients assumed WoL was a familiar, which is more distant to how Emet-Selch as an Ascian thought they would or should have been viewed at heart. The discrepancy between Emet-Selch telling the Scions that he doesn't see them as truly alive, therefore it would not be murder if he kills them is illustrated as not being his true feelings via the shades he creates, in the metaphysical holes in his argument as an expert in his field over 12k years old, and in his behavior in The Ladder cutscene during the MSQ. It makes sense if he's tempered. If he's not tempered there is no way he's maintaining an inconsistency of that magnitude for as long as he has with the expertise he possesses.

Analysis involves distinguishing between deliberate lies for personal advantage and those told due to being an unreliable narrator. An unreliable narrator might struggle with a given truth due to ignorance or because of individual psychology. I'm covering this because you specifically brought into question both Emet-Selch and the Ascians' honesty and motives.

Shadowbringers firmly and repeatedly stresses that Darkness as a force is not evil, conquest, violence, ambition, greed, or anything of the sort. On a fundamental level it ties to activity. It can tie to protection, but this is not inherent. Emet-Selch stating that the Ascians seek to advocate the rule of Zodiark's darkness is an extension of His mission as a primal--to restore the Ancients and create 'a world free of sorrow'.

Knowing what we know now, we know this wasn't the whole truth about the Ascians motives. This tosses doubt that this is perhaps not the whole truth of the tempering as well.

There is nothing to suggest that it wasn't the whole truth about The Unsundered's motives. Emet-Selch, Elidibus, and Lahabrea if anything have only further evidence that it was the entire truth to their motives, particularly being tempered. Even accounting for The Heart of Sabik and Athena's influence only serves to underline that the Unsundered genuinely just wanted to restore their people, but because the methods were antithetical to their personal morals tempering needed to amplify or diminish different aspects of their psyches to ensure compliance.

Sundered Ascians are not (being sundered) tempered to Zodiark. The Lifestream cleared that. We know scars can remain across reincarnation as described by Claudien in Anabaseios and Amon in the Aitiascope. We also know from Emet-Selch himself that the impacts of tempering by Zodiark linger to the degree that Sundered Convocation members make better servants to The Ardor overall. Even so, Sundered Ascians are not tempered today. As such they can sabotage the entire mission by murdering Zodiark as Fandaniel did if the position tempering initially presented has less foothold according to their values and nature. The Sundered are not currently bound in the way that the Unsundered are bound. They have strong suggestions perhaps, but both in lore and what is directly demonstrated it is possible to reject those. A tempered Ascian and an untempered Ascian are not interchangeable in their degrees of agency.

Zodiark involved the sacrifice of 3/4th of the star's ancient population prior to His sundering. Half of the total population went to the initial creation of Zodiark. Half of the remaining population of the star (so 1/4 the initial total) went to restoring the star to a habitable state after The Final Days.

Zodiark did not absolutely consume the souls given to Him. They were specifically not destroyed but kept in-tact as part of His composition. This is how we are able to encounter the Lunar shades and Hythlodaeus specifically on the moon in Endwalker. We also see that those Shades are completely disoriented, do not have a clear sense regarding the passage of time since The Final Days, and repeat the same desire shown in Venat's flashback later and in Elidibus's fight at Seat of Sacrifice. The latter two are even repeated verbatim.

Hydaelyn did not have the same brute strength as Zodiark. Hydaelyn did not have the same number of souls given as tribute compared to Zodiark. It wasn't even close. This is a primal built from the complete sacrifice of thirteen souls (matching The Twelve and The Watcher, the Twelve composed heavily of dynamis IIRC) with Venat as Heart versus Zodiark drawing from the sacrificed lives but in-tact souls of billions. The difference between Hydaelyn and Zodiark was that Venat specifically designed Hydaelyn with the ability to split and enervate Her foes, because She could not match Zodiark's raw strength. Emet-Selch explicitly explains this in Shadowbringers.

Hydaelyn is basically employing magical jiu-jitsu, using the force and size of Her opponent against Him.

Shiva, Thordan, Tsukuyomi, and Gunnhildr are not Hearts. The individual summoners project the primal they are summoning onto their own corporeal bodies and person to embody them but that is not the same mechanically as a Heart. Hearts by all appearances are specific to Zodiark and Hydaelyn, and involve someone being able to direct primals that are specifically composed out of the composite minds and wills of many equally complex individuals. If there was no Heart, then logically all of those wills would be issuing contradictory directives at the same time and the primal would not be able to function--let alone efficiently. Trying to conflate these distinct phenomena is like trying to conflate multiple forms of mental illness because crying is a symptom regardless of the underlying cause. One might be the frustration, helplessness, and self-worth questions of a narcissist short on supply. One might be a victim of abuse experiencing a PTSD flashback. It's not that there is nothing in-common between upset people but they're not interchangeable. I'd argue having a primal map onto a person is not what makes a Heart in itself. Underlying structure and function matter.

Livingway explicitly explained in the quotes I provided that Hydaelyn was not engineered from faith, but as pure creation magics. Zodiark and the other primals we've encountered across the game incorporate faith very heavily, also as stated by Livingway.

I am going to paste in my discussion regarding the mechanics of primal tempering from one of my past posts. I'm not sure you followed before.

Another element worth going over for this segment is my current understanding of primals, tempering, and how they operate. This will be relevant for analysis later on and my ideas on the front have become more defined over time, so it seems important to cover here. My read is that primals are entities formed by humanity’s (as in, the Spoken races--this included beast tribes and is largely a marker of sentience/sapience) collective unconscious. As in, the Jungian collective unconscious--common experiences, instincts, archetypes, and symbols shared across history and evolution. These transcend culture and will frequently manifest in similar ways across cultures even when little contact exists between them. I think primals operate this way for a number of reasons--one being that we are told outright in the main scenario quest What Little Gods Are Made Of. MINFILIA: Primals behave somewhat differently. In order to manifest and then maintain a physical presence in this realm, they must consume vast quantities of aether, most often in the form of crystals. Though they may seem to live, their flesh is but aether given shape. Thus a defeated primal leaves behind no broken corpse--rather, the essence of its form seeps back into the land whence it came, and the energy of its shattered spirit is called back to the aetherial realm. URIANGER: And there it waiteth till next the prayers of the faithful do draw it forth from the sea of aether to take their offering of crystals and make for itself a new body... The primal, with its prayer and purpose and remembered shape, is not erased outright but returns to the collective of souls where it mingles among them and can be summoned back.

As an aside, we know from the Dark Knight questline, and Sophia existing that the developers are very much aware of Jung. They are giant Jung references to the concept of The Shadow and the most mature stage of the anima--Eve/Helen/Mary/Sophia. Primals even being called primals also points to them as archetypal shared experiences--these are the most fundamental, primal parts of being alive. These are the experiences people share.

I also think it makes sense for primals to be part of a collective unconsciousness through the combination of their missions/methodology along with how they influence the minds of those tempered. How tempering manifests would be a direct reflection of the mission for a given primal. To offer examples, Lakshmi represents the desire for bliss free from strife--stripped of any interruptions of that bliss. Ifrit, I would argue, reflects a desire for certainty. More specifically the relief that comes from lack of responsibility tied to an all-powerful authority figure.

[At this point I discussed how Lahabrea could have easily slipped into tempering by accident, but that was covered in the first post.]

These desires would be things that, to some degree or other, every living person has within them. The primal would then swell that potential, that desire, to the point that it was all-consuming and bend it to their purpose. It’s not that something is planted within that never existed, but an existing quality within the person would be magnified beyond natural degrees and exploited. Thought patterns are warped beyond anything the person would have experienced organically. The result is essentially magically amplified/enforced mental illness combined with coercion, none of which could be recovered from until very recently. It’s a prison for the mind where the person’s own thoughts form the cage. What, then, of Zodiark’s tempering? Zodiark’s mission is salvation yes, but I think another element was added--for a world free from sorrow. To return the world to paradise. For all to be what it once was. Except we, as players, know that sorrow has always been part of the world. Zodiark’s mission has no ending. As long as pain exists, salvation would not be achieved. So, in-essence, there is a twofold mission--salvation and restoration. Part of how this becomes an issue during the Ardor is that there are only three Unsundered remaining. Even if you account for seeds for potential tempering in every person, if Zodiark’s followers were tempered to a crisp as Ifrit’s were they wouldn’t remain recognizably themselves at all. So existing impulses within each Unsundered would need to be twisted and exploited to the point that,  through faulty perception of reality or personal vulnerabilities, a set of circumstances would be presented that forced absolute compliance. It’s basically a combination of worst nightmare insanity (of the legal and mental illness definitions) along with coercion/enslavement. And again--there was no escape. No allowance for thoughts outside the magically reinforced pattern.

[I discussed Emet-Selch's tempering here, but have also covered that already.]

Expressions of Zodiark’s tempering would be subtle, insidious. It’s also what makes it impossible for Emet-Selch or any of the Unsundered to deliberately end their own lives. The duty and love they bear for their people absolutely forbids abandonment of the Ardor, even when they naturally would have given up. Their grief cannot fade, they cannot be allowed joy or connection to the sundered world. They cannot recover or find peace in any capacity because if they did, they might allow themselves to stop. The ONLY hope they are allowed is to restore their world. Even hope for death would be forbidden in their own minds. Emet-Selch, in Elpis, seems to recognize that by telling the Warrior where to find him and continually moving the goalposts to force a fight--his future self was essentially pulling suicide-by-proxy. He still had to fight with all he had and couldn’t actively try to escape the Ardor. But to the best of his ability he gave the Warrior of Light, Azem’s shard who had successfully killed Nabriales and Igeyorhm, the tools to kill him too. It’s another way to read his statement that his ideals are inviolate. He couldn’t escape tempering, but he struggled with all he could. Presented with an opportunity to end the cycle he did everything in his power to make that happen. And, when the Warrior went to fight Elidibus in-turn (with Emet-Selch newly freed from tempering in the Lifestream) Emet-Selch did what he could to end the cycle for Elidibus too.

In the past I argued that Hydaelyn could have easily been a primal built off of the concept of 'freedom' as a loophole around tempering. However, with the insight Livingway's quotes provide we know that Venat actually removed faith as a factor. This makes sense since she had a smaller number of summoners (fourteen including herself, versus billions) and those fourteen could easily be at the skill level necessary to focus on and execute Hydaelyn's concept without faith as a requirement. The Convocation and particularly Lahabrea were directing the concept mechanics for Zodiark, and I've already explained why it makes sense that Lahabrea in his position relative to the summoning ritual made a mistake with an errant thought that could have easily caused tempering. It is possible that tempering could have been done on purpose as additional enforcement of the salvation mission, but given the character setup, lack or precedence, and emphasis on how easy it is for creation magic to be altered during the process I'd argue it is more likely, complex, and tragic if it was genuinely an accident. Particularly given that was the first primal.

You cite Livingway learning about modern primals deriving from Ascian techniques from Sharlayan tomes, and because the Sharlayan tomes specifically do not talk about how tempering works with Zodiark or Zodiark's summoning assume those techniques must be different. There is no reason for this beyond scale and favoring crystals over human sacrifice. I get the sense you may not have understood when I explained this subject in my first post.

So with the aid of creation magicks guiding these summonings they don't have to worry about this aspect influencing the primal to cause tempering. That is why it is "summoning as intended".

'Summoning as intended' if anything points more to the notion that the initial tempering attached to Zodiark was accidental. I know you don't want to believe the explicit confirmation we were given by the game that the Ascians were tempered, but if anything this suggests that tempering was not supposed to happen in that ritual and something went wrong.

According to Livingway, summoning involves heavy incorporation of faith. Venat used creation magic for Hydaelyn following the template of Zodiark in many respects, but making alterations to enervate so that Hydaelyn could fight Zodiark despite lacking comparable number of sacrifices fueling her. Livingway, learning about the primals summoned on The Source since ancient times, decided to keep some of the faith but weave it with heavier involvement from creation independent of faith to prevent accidental tempering. It could be as simple as including a directive to ensure that the summoners remain free and independent, since we know canonically how creation magics work.

This "tug" is the version of tempering that the Ascians have. And while not on the full scale of the mind altering drastic subsuming of an individual self that we know tempering to be, I imagine it does have some influence. We just don't know exactly how.

Respectfully I think you are misreading the passage in the sense that you are not correctly mapping how different words and phrases relate to each other. It happens, nbd fr. It could have been phrased better. I'm going to break the exchange down to try and help out.

Y'shtola's line precedes Livingway's line, which is shown in my original post. This establishes that the ritual that is to be conducted allowing primals to fuel The Ragnarok combines the 'original and best' form of creation magic employed by Ancients (shared by the loporrits) with the faith element used by tribes as taught by Ascians. 'Faith' is not 'that rubbish' being referred to by Livingway, since we know that the faith of the tribes is being incorporated alongside more structured creation magic to call primals forth. Faith was not the problem in summoning at its core. There was a different problem that occurred during summoning, separate from faith, that caused tempering. The problem was 'the fervent desire to assimilate others into one's belief'. And as Livingway goes on to say, 'Beings thus created are instilled with the selfsame desire, and use their powers to enthrall people--starting with the summoner.'

I've already explained how and why it makes sense that Lahabrea would have had this desire, born out of fear. And that desire, that fear, comes from sensitivity in the creation magic. The summoners were not perfect or emotionless machines, and they were the first victims of tempering. They then spread that fear, that desire, to others as a tool for use in The Ardor after experiencing it for the first time themselves.

Ascians in their summoning of Zodiark used faith as a major factor, as has been established repeatedly across multiple posts and by Emet-Selch himself about Zodiark being composed of prayer and sacrifice, making Him a primal. It is literally in trailers for Shadowbringers. By all appearances creation magic at its base form does not involve either faith or tempering in an inherent way.

'That rubbish' refers to the wish that others would share the same goal with the summoner and the primal's mission. It can be addressed as I said, just by hoping tempering doesn't happen. The thought and hope is enough.

'I mean, if the being was on the scale of Zodiark, you might feel a little "tug"... but I think we'll be safe enough.'

'If the being was on the scale of Zodiark' refers to if the loporrits, in trying to summon primals using their hybrid technique with the tribes, were using a primal on the scale of Zodiark. It does not refer to general faithless concepts. It does not refer to standard Ascian techniques either because we know those are full of tempering and have been from Zodiark's summoning. It is specifically referring to the loporrits using a safer hybrid technique right now, which is being questioned and discussed in the scenes by rightly concerned Scions. If the loporrits tried to summon Zodiark at full strength to fuel The Ragnarok, even without a specific directive to temper, even if the loporrits put safety measures in place--people would likely feel some draw to follow Zodiark's mission anyway because of His sheer scale. Zodiark is huge to the point of being inherently unsafe. The Convocation did not summon Zodiark using the loporrits' safety measures. They had no protection and so received the full force of Zodiark's tempering.

This "tug" is the version of tempering that the Ascians have. And while not on the full scale of the mind altering drastic subsuming of an individual self that we know tempering to be, I imagine it does have some influence. We just don't know exactly how.

This is why your reply is inaccurate. We know what the 'tug' refers to. It was not the initial summoning technique. It is a hypothetical scenario the loporrits are discussing to illustrate the safety of their current technique in contrast to the technique that was first used to summon Zodiark or any other primals throughout history. And as I've discussed, we do in fact know exactly how the Unsundered were impacted by tempering. If you want further information, my Archon Thesis is available in five parts. I address how we know Lahabrea was the primary creative force behind Zodiark there in environmental storytelling and the parallels that exist across the game underlining that point.

And to reiterate--you are allowed to have headcanons. You are allowed to disagree with canon. There are worthwhile scenarios to explore from that angle. The Unsundered being tempered is still canon.

Zodiark's Tempering

A lot of people have been confused about whether the Unsundered were tempered (they were) and how tempering works.

Long post under the cut.

First, I'm going to point at the exact line from Emet-Selch in Shadowbringers: "He tempered us. It was only natural. There is no resisting such power."

I believe this was said in one of the ocular cutscenes, but explicitly in no uncertain terms--the Convocation was tempered. This includes the Unsundered. The tempering was, in fact, so powerful, that even after having their souls cleansed in the Lifestream Convocation members still make 'the best servants' according to Emet-Selch.

Zodiark was not only the first primal, but a primal on a scale beyond fathoming. This was half a star's worth of souls, billions of people. I'd argue that we also see what this tempering looks like in practice with Emet-Selch at The Ladder scene in Kholusia, where he is genuinely moved and expresses admiration of both the Warrior of Light and the people of Kholusia coming together only to be railroaded back to 'but the world as it was was better'.

That was not a natural thought pattern. That was tempering. We see further evidence in how Emet-Selch tried repeatedly to live alongside The Sundered and had only the most negative qualities amplified--preventing him from ever finding peace. Hell, it shows in his argument that the qualities of a soul diminish with sundering too. For one, the default quality in a person isn't positive. He frames things in terms of other shards becoming proportionally less intelligent for example, or less kind--but arguably cruelty should have been diminished as well. The civilizations and inhabitants of other shards are also, notably, not at a huge personally/intellectually different framework compared to The Source--where souls are more dense and would (by Hades' argument) have been more advanced and capable.

What we actually know of unsundered versus souls mechanically is that they are more aetherically dense. Being more aetherically dense, it takes more dynamis to influence them. The ancients still feel absolutely and are vulnerable to Meteion, but the sundered are probably a bit more reactive on the whole. It might also be like an inertia situation where once an unsundered starts to feel something it tends to continue and build. That's speculation though.

Zodiark's tempering appears to be closer to magically enforced mental illness in the sense that it warps thought patterns, elevates some tendencies and minimizes/negates others, prevents certain ideas, twists perception, keeps some memories or experiences at the forefront while diminishing or losing others, etc. Psychological wounds that are useful to the mission are kept open artificially well past the point someone would have naturally started to scar over. There is a reason I've been arguing that it's closer to coercion and insanity plea in terms of diminished responsibility. The tempered aren't even able to accurately understand the situations they are in due to thought warping, and claims that their position is reasonable amounts to a completely psychotic person claiming not to be crazy. It's not as simple as mind control from an external source. It's that the person's own thoughts and tendencies are manipulated in unnatural ways to form a cage forcing them into compliance with the primal's mission.

I'd argue it's also very suspect that both Elidibus, the lunar shades, and (IIRC) the despairing post-Terminus ancients Venat encountered separately repeat the exact phrase wishing for 'a world free from sorrow'. Lahabrea explicitly referring to Zodiark as 'the master' at Praetorium strongly indicates tempering too.

A major source of confusion stems from the following scene:

Creation magics are complex and highly sensitive, requiring a tremendous amount of focus. A single moment of distraction can change the outcome of creation. Hades creating his phantom Amaurot having an idle thought 'Hythlodaeus would know the truth' is enough to make the shade of Hythlodaeus aware, even if it wasn't on purpose. Even if it was a split second.

Zodiark was a creation that involved not only the sacrifice of half a star (so likely billions of people)--it also involved the active participation and focus of those people in the summoning process. We know from the environmental storytelling and evidence at Akademia Anyder that I cited in other analysis that Lahabrea was the mind behind the Zodiark concept. We know that the scale of the creation was enormous to the point that it would not function without elevating one individual to steer it--the Heart. This being Elidibus. But the actual summoning was still extremely complex and on a vast scale involving multitudes of people at different skill levels. Hythlodaeus, while experienced as Chief of the Bureau of the Architect, has very limited abilities in creation himself due to aether deficiency. He still sacrificed himself as one of the participants in Zodiark's summoning ritual.

Faith was necessary to simplify the process across that many people of varying life experiences and skill levels. The Convocation would have been handling the more technical elements and forms the concept would take, and guess who was at the head of the Convocation's efforts?

Lahabrea. Who has recently failed to contain Archaeotania despite his people's every faith in him, who we know to be extremely traumatized and has every reason to be terrified not only of the situation but of not performing up to the expectations placed on him. For god's sake, one of the last things Athena said to him involved calling him disappointing after getting full access to his soul.

A single moment of Lahabrea being afraid and hoping everyone would be able to join together to save the star, to be on the same page, would be enough to cause tempering. He's not perfect, but he's been expected to be. He's expected to have perfect composure, impervious to normal human emotions. And of course emotions bled through at a time like that.

The same hope that others would join in to support the mission has bled into every subsequent primal summoning where tempering became a problem.

Venat's summoning technique is different from the summoning technique used by the Ascians. It's also different from the technique used by the Loporrits. Venat used standard creation magic without elevating faith as a tool. She had less people to worry about. The loporrits decided faith would be a useful tool for The Ragnarok insofar as the primals could help fuel its journey, but going off of pure faith rather than the hybrid of faith and strict procedure is dangerous. So they combined the two in a controlled environment knowing the risks.

What Livingway is saying is that using the hybrid technique that is being employed for the first time in that scene, a primal as powerful as Zodiark would cause a slight tug instead of the full force of tempering. Normally there isn't any sense of influence at all with that technique. Zodiark is on a scale and at such a monumental power level that even the safe method would try to influence its summoners along with any bystanders. Zodiark has the most powerful tempering of any primal that has ever existed.

I also want to take a moment to point at what primals are and how they work as distinct from standard creations.

When discussing creations, the shades at Hades' phantom Amaurot mention that souls are gifts from the star and cannot be artificially created. This is part of why Hermes claimed to be so distraught about the way concepts were being handled--there wasn't any accounting for dynamis as a factor.

Livingway mentions that Venat forbade loporrits from making anything possessed of a soul (impossible) or similar.

Here I'm going to point you back to the lecture from the ARR quest What Little Gods Are Made Of:

Primals, brought into being with faith rather than as pure technical concepts, have something like a soul. They are archetypes shared by the living and when they are slain, they aren't destroyed because archetypes can't be destroyed. They return to the aetherial sea, like souls, until they are called forth again. These archetypes reflect common human experiences and desires shared across many, many people. It makes sense that Zodiark would be built off of this premise in the first place as a way of creating common ground with that many participants.

It also makes some sense that something resembling a soul is advantageous, since logistically in FFXIV souls are sources of power in their own right. Thordan, Nidhogg, Shinryu, and The Alexandrians can attest to that.

I understand that there are people who prefer not to use tempering as a key factor in characterization of The Unsundered, and disregard tempering from their headcanons. Obviously this is allowed, but it's not canon. The game is explicit on this point and underlines it multiple times in multiple ways. Hades when told about what lies ahead is completely horrified and does not want to go down the path the Warrior describes--not just for his own sake but because he morally disagrees with it. His line about staying true to his principles at Ultima Thule is deliberately ambiguous--is he referring to pursuit of the Ardor? Trying to save his people? Trying to resist tempering as best he could despite being helpless against it? Giving the Warrior of Light an opportunity to mercy kill him? We don't know.

And regarding the memory of Lahabrea saying he can believe he would get lost trying to save his people to the point of becoming something horrific during Anabaseios... it's very, very important to remember that Lahabrea hates himself. Lahabrea just accepted for years that Erichthonios is better off with the idealized memory of his dead, abusive mother rather than the living father who rescued him. Lahabrea has been ready to commit pseudo-suicide throughout Pandaemonium. His entire Savage transformation design reflects that he thinks the only thing he's good for is being used for his DNA and serving to protect people as Lahabrea. He tries to shield his heart with his wings and the left arm representative of his personal self is long/at a distance, anemic, and basically non-functional due to too many joints. He doesn't want to exist as a person because he hates himself and he expects to be hurt.

And that's before everything to do with The Final Days.

Lahabrea is not a reliable narrator when it comes to questions about whether Lahabrea is a good person. He might be the least reliable source you could find. He is a guilt katamari who is ready to think the worst of himself given the slightest opportunity.

A huge part of what makes Zodiark's tempering interesting is that even if any of the Unsundered are freed, it's difficult to definitively answer the question of whether they might have made the same choices organically. Anything in their heads that might have given them tools to make another choice was taken away. And we know the sundered Convocation members were not tempered when they decided to join The Ardor as Ascians. Fandaniel was able to kill Zodiark because of this.

As it stands though, none of the Unsundered were free. They cannot be judged by the standards of people who are.

I hope this helps clear things up!

[fuckyeahdindjarin]

I was assaulted unprovoked at the bus stop by a teenage girl on the way home tonight and I’m being very brave about it 💀

It’s my birthday in two weeks and I’m so fucking ready to say goodbye to 33. I need a fresh start please 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edited to add: the whole time I was thinking, please don’t rip my hair out, it’s my sister’s wedding on Saturday and I’m maid of honour 💀

[mainfaggot]

how do you cut someone off

[dennisboobs]

ok at the point now where looking at an image of dennis makes me want to smash my head through a wall

[sweetcloverheart]

While I don't disagree with your criticism, I feel it isn't taking into account that Marinette's anger toward Paris in the story is portrayed as "understandable but bad" since this fic is a deconstruction/playing Saltinette for horror, as the point is that Marinette blaming the citizens is meant to show that she (or at least the version of her pre-giving up guardianship) has gone off the deep end. Like her letters had her blaming people for getting Akumatized over the smallest things, even when the reasons were understandable/not their full fault (like Kagami and her parents). While the fic is sympathetic to what pushed her to this point, it also makes itself pretty clear that she's obvious not being rational in her anger nor should be considered such.

(Got a little rambling after this point)

And even then, the story also explains that the issue wasn't that the citizens (understandably) relied on her; it's that she felt they took her presence as Ladybug and her powers for granted, and as such refused to make actionable changes that would have eased the burden because, well - why would they need to? So long as Maribug has the Miracle Cure, anything bad that happens (either because of Hawkmoth or their own impulses) gets undone, so why do anything about their own issues or find ways to avoid Hawkmoth's influence? Andre can continue indulging Chloe's tantrums and do nothing to help prevent the birth of more Akumas, citizens can continue giving into their anger over the exact same problems and making magical contracts with the man responsible for half their issues, and everyone can keep expecting Marinette to clean up whatever messes they caused, whether she was in or out of the mask. Sure, not all of them likely believed this or felt/acted that way, and pre-amnesia Maribug could very well be exaggerating circumstances to keep her work from being undone (she did lie about the Princess Justice incident), but she clearly felt there were just too few to justify enduring any longer, especially if it took two full years for her to have a complete mental breakdown. The situation seems more a commentary about how the status quo repeats issues for the sake of placing the burden of maintaining itself on Marinette (since the ladybug miraculous is required to solve anything and everything in the show) and makes it come off like no one is learning anything from their akumatizations than the citizens "deserving" punishment for daring to need a hero because some billionaire decided being a magical terrorist and using their emotions to make villains was a better use of his time than therapy or helping his grieving son - or at least that's how I interpreted it.

Plus the Marinette in this fic is uncritically supposed to be the bad guy here (sympathetic due to her mental state and events, yes, but the bad guy all the same); Her giving Lila the Ladybug earrings is bad. Her abandoning the citizens to the new Hawkmoth and Lilabug's selfish whims is bad. The fact that they're in a timeline barrelling towards Lila becoming mayor and creating a loyal cult is bad. Her lacking sympathy in their plight is bad. Her blaming folks for being taken advantage of during moments of emotional vulnerability is bad. Her tricking Luka into getting her the Black Cat ring and having a plan in place to unreality him and remake him into her "perfect loyal boyfriend" if her does ultimately betray her is bad. Nearly everything happening in the fic is meant to be seen as bad, because this version of Marinette is so broken/damaged from her time a Ladybug (as the issues just kept repeating themselves, like a endlessly spinning wheel) that she is determined to have her "happy ending" one way or another, even if it means building on the backs of the people she once swore to protect and helping her enemy harm more people. This is a villain origin story, a tale of petty revenge gone wrong. This version is what Saltinette actually is when you strip away all the justification bias and self-righteous catharsis - a damaged but ultimately selfish girl who's willing to do whatever it takes to get hers and achieve "justice" for all the "wrongs" done upon her, consequences be damned, and we're all here to see the inevitable 12 car pile up it causes (or at least I am).

(That being said, I do think someone made a much kinder/fairer version of this story where Marinette gives the earrings to someone more responsible and things get better for everyone that's also pretty good.)

(If it isn't too much trouble) Tell me the juicy details on why you hate TwoLetters!Saltinette!

Well, after daring to read The Karma of Lies, I learned my lesson and opted to stay away from salt as much as possible, especially since the stories were from the same author. So I only read the last chapter of Two Letters, just once. But just that last chapter, and the bits and pieces I’ve heard and read from other sites, has painted a clear enough picture that I still have a good idea what it is I hate about her.

Aside from the usual behaviors she exhibits in fanfic (her hypocrisy in complaining about getting akumatized because of Lila while not doing anything substanial to fix the situation herself, ruining lives of her former friends over what’s really no more than petty high school drama, etc.), this girl, out of some warped mindset, decides to give her earrings and her heroine position over to a girl who she KNOWS is a lying, self-absorbed sociopath who will most definitely abuse the powers for her own selfish gain at the expense of others… to punish the public? I mean, at least on some level, I can understand why she wants to see her friends punished, but the whole fvckjng city?! She’s going to leave them at the mercy of someone she knows will not protect them and instead hurt them badly, and for what? Because she’s resentful of them depending on her? Well, of course they’re dependent on her, they’re living in a time when they’re in danger of literally being turned into monsters just for having emotions! I get hating that they seem to pressure her, but they have a perfectly valid reason to be pressuring her to help them when she is literally the only thing saving the, from a magical madman. I’m pretty sure common curtesy takes a backseat to rational fears.

[cuntwrap--supreme]

My dog has been having senior moments, such as randomly forgetting what she's doing or trying to walk into a street, and I've been calling her "Mr. President" when it happens.

Like, "No, Mr. President, we can't walk into oncoming traffic. That's how we get killed!"

[teabookgremlin]

i’ve been obsessively checking facebook i feel like a boomer

[krispiecake]

currently thinking about how when i told my dad to tell my mother i would not be speaking to her until she apologised she just. straight up stopped even trying to contact me. like, not even a text. absolutely insane how much this woman refuses to admit that maybe she was wrong about how she handles some things. she cannot swallow her pride to even do this one really small basic show of respect. fucking mental.

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[merkerlerspeaks]

Zodi/Celeste/Raine is somehow both my baby and also the girl my inner little weird girl looks up to so much she adopts parts of her as her personality

[gallusrostromegalus]

The Van Has Officially Declared It Spooky Season

---

I've got my parent's van for the week and it seems determined to establish my status as The Local Cryptid by terrorizing an innocent 7-11 clerk.

...I might need to back up a bit.

My mother is an eminently sensible woman who knows herself well, and when The Plauge hit, she knew she'd need some sort of mentally and physically engaging craft project to keep herself from going insane and massacring the local zoning and water management boards (even if they have it coming). So she and Dad acquired a utility van and converted it into a camper van because while they love camping, they're past the age where their joints and immune systems will tolerate sleeping on the cold ground in a nylon tent.

They did a terrific job of it and my mom taught herself woodworking and carpentry and now the van has it's own cabinets, fold-away dining table, and removable queen-sized bed with memory foam mattress. My Dad was already a computer engineer, but he learned the dark magics of automotive software and electronics to install after-market backup cameras, a media player that would take a terabyte hard drive and a solar-powered battery and outlet so they could wake up and just turn on the kettle and griddle for breakfast without having to exit the van into a cold morning on an empty stomach.

Truly, the height of Camping Luxury.

My parents are both in their mid-seventies and my primary life goal is to be at least half as cool and hale as they are when I get old.

Anyway, they take it out at least a dozen times a year and it works fabulously, but, being as I am on good terms with my parents and also finishing the process of moving house, I've been borrowing it to move large and cumbersome objects that will not fit in the back of my equally lovely but minuscule Honda hatchback.

It's a Great Van. Very easy and comfortable to drive. Stunningly good MPG for it's size. The best cruise control I've ever had in a car.

It's just also. Quirky. Mischievous, even.

---

If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.

It's got the same issue that Doberman Dogs have where they look like the sort of creature that likes to snack on toddler's faces whilst actually having personalities made of marshmallow fluff. This vehicle is unnecessarily menacing and I think nothing short of an airbrushed Epic Van Wizard will correct this. People see this van pull up and lean over and squint suspiciously at me when the driver's side door opens, and then look moderately confused when, instead of Charles Manson, a small, potato-shaped creature with neon purple hair and a statistically unlikely assortment of dogs emerges.

My own two dogs, Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin/Corgi and Charleston Chew The Taco Dumpster Dog, Do Not Like The Van. Even with the bed in it, they have a tendency to slide and roll around in the back, and both WILL chew through dog saftey belts or other attempts to secure them in there.

On the other hand, my house mate's dog, an exceptionally tall standard poodle whom we lovingly call "The Creature", loves the Van because SHE wears her doggy seat-belt with only mild complaining and gets to sit up in the passenger seat like A People.

Also like A People, The Creature likes to stand and walk around on her hind legs. It doesn't hurt her and it's entirely voluntary, but every so often I will feel a hand on my arm and instead of my husband or friend, it's a canine that's taller than I am on her hind legs who wants to stare at my face with soulful, concerned eyes. The Creature's favorite thing is that she is exactly the right height for me to hold her arm in Genteel Fashion and walk around the pet food or hardware store with her like I'm a count escorting a debutante around a royal ball.

---

As it stands, I am set to inherit this vehicle whenever my Honda gives up the ghost, and I fully intend to paint an Epic Van Wizard on it when that time comes.

The other peculiarity of The Van is that while Dad did manage to successfully install all his after-market electronics, not all the electronics get along. Sometimes, they fight for Dominance. The Terabyte Music Player and the Backup Camera have a particularly contentious relationship, and turning on the music has about a 25% chance of turning on the backup camera as well, and turning on the Backup Camera is equally likely to turn on the music.

Firthermore, The Van has a favorite song.

I am not kidding that Dad filled an entire terabyte hard drive with music and the software to sort it via the radio controls, but of all the Early Boomer Dad Rock (Kingston Trio over The Eagles) and Irish Folk and Symphonies and the entire discography of Weird Al Yankovic, The Van's favorite song- The one it picks to play as victory music every time it beats the Backup Camera at their weird electronic game of rock-paper-scissors -is The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.

You all know this song already.

...but in case you've forgotten the tune:

Yeah.

The Van's favorite song is the goddamn Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Music.

It does not play this song at a normal volume.

Every time I turn on the Backup Camera and it manages to turn the music player on as well, The Van insists on absolutely blasting this nonsense on at the maximum volume it's physically capable of producing, which I know is loud enough to be heard from the Denver International Airport's Pickup zone when they Van decided to start playing it from the economy lot about half a mile away.

Perhaps it's The Van's way of honoring the aesthetic sensibilities and sonic enthusiasm of Mr. Sousa.

...I can't help but wonder if the purpose of an Epic Van Wizard is to control this sort of faerie-like malarkey, and channel these chaotic energies into things like Spell of Don't Break Down In Nevada or Enchantment Of Always Have Good Parking.

---

So last Friday the 13th, I get a call from my friend and housemate, at said airport.

It's roughly 11PM at night, and I have already retired for the evening. I am in the exact minimum of clothing required to be a decent housemate and not scandalize the neighbors should I happen to walk by a window. My feet are up. There is a cat in my lap and fictional British people murdering each other in highly inventive fashion on the tv. -But my friend has returned from her friend's wedding,and either American or United Airlines has managed to lose her luggage, including, among other valuable possessions, the keys to her car. ...So she cannot just drive home as originally planned.

There are, as luck would have it, her spare set of keys not eight feet from me.

Being a good and decent person, I agree to bring the spare keys to her so she may get home before daybreak and not spend a semester's worth of tuition on an uber across the greater Denver traffic jam.

Being also that she Loves Activities, and it's her mom we're going to pick up, I elect to take along The Creature.

I am primarily focused on remembering how to get to the airport and not leaving my friend's spare keys on the counter, so I throw on a pair of flip-flops, step outside, remember that it's AUTUMN and my minimal evening attire is not sufficient thermal protection, step back in, grab the first coat in the closet I lay hands on, pull it on, check that I have her keys again and leave.

The trip to the airport is largely unremarkable, save that it becomes necessary for me to put on sunglasses to drive, despite it being nearly the witching hour and almost entirely darker than the inside of a cow.

It's necessary because this blissful darkness of night is violently punctured by a startling number of cars that seem to have installed miniaturized but no less powerful lighthouse bulbs in where their headlights ought to go so the oncoming traffic and sports cars that insist on tailgating me in the slow lane alike illuminate the road and my mirrors with the kind of radiance I'd normally associate with the arrival of a Seraphim.

I arrive at the distant highly discounted airport car lot where my housemate is waiting, deeply apologetic. It's nothing. I say. Once I see that your car starts up, I'm gonna go to that 7-11 across the way that I parked in front of, get a slurpee or something and I'll see you at home.

While she is retrieving her vehicle (an equally eccentric but much more stately Subaru that is old enough to be elected to congress) I rifle through the loose change in the glove box and discover that I have exactly $6.66 in small bills and coins. The Subaru, continuing it's long voyage into vehicular immortality, immediately starts up.

Upon her return, we all remember that my friend had all her camping gear in the backseat of the car and there is no room for The Creature to ride home with her parent, so I again assure her it's nothing, and will just take The Creature into the 7-11 with me. She is trained as a service animal and needs the practice after the plague.

I wave my friend off and turn to enter the 7-11.

I promptly trip over the jutting back bumper of The Van and fall, cartoonishly, face-first onto the sidewalk.

Fortunately, I have a lot of practice falling on my face, and have learned not to throw my hands out but instead cover my face, so my unexpected self-inflicted attempted curb-stomping lightly scrapes my hairline and nothing else -my sunglasses even stay in place- and I get up and resume my quest for a slurpee.

It's well known that the airport is a lawless place, and the 7-11 across from the discounted airport parking at the stroke of midnight is no exception.

I know it's the stroke of Midnight because there's one of those Audubon society bird-call clocks that makes bird noises, and my arrival is heralded by the twittering call of a Summer Tanager. I am almost charmed enough by the unusual choice of chronological device to excuse the exorbitant Airport-adjacent mark-up of Slurpee prices. I stand at the machine for some time, trying to decide on a size for the price and guess what the fuck "Blue Lighting Blast" is supposed to taste like.

The Creature is being Very Polite but is somewhat agitated, I assume because she *just* saw her mother for the first time in three days and then she LEFT with no explanation, so The Creature is on her hind legs, staring woefully into my eyes, asking to be escorted around the 7-11. Even though that's not what she's not supposed to be doing, there's nobody else in here, so I let her hang off my arm and discuss various Slurpee Flavor options with her.

We eventually decide on an experiment in which I try a Small Blue Lightning Blast, and discover it tastes a bit like licking a nintendo cartridge but in a pleasantly satisfying way.

I go up to pay and realize something is amiss.

The Cashier is a young man staring at me with wide eyes, one had over the register and the other wrapped up in his rosary.

I look down at myself.

In my haste to reunite my friend with her spare keys and service animal, I had left the house in the following accoutrements:

Flip Flops. Not matching. It's below freezing outside. That last part is not particularly odd footwear for the weather in for Colorado, but it's an important detail for the rest of the ensemble.

Assorted scrapes, bruises, cuts and welts on my arms and legs that come with doing outdoor work and living in a house with three dogs and a fully-clawed cat that all want to be in my lap all the time. It's cold out, so vasoconstriction has pulled the blood away from my skin, a trait that served my ancestors well during the last Ice Age, but leaves me with pale skin to contrast the various wounds and I look like a corpse that fell out of the back of a pickup truck.

The black Bootyshorts with "CRYPTID" painted in bright red gothic font across my ass, that @theshitpostcalligrapher gave me for my wedding present.

A peculiar but extremely comfortable garment that straddles the line between "Lacy Camisole" and "Industrial-Strength Sports Bra" like the Ever Given straddling the Suez Canal. It is also Bright Red. with black accents.

The Jacket I had grabbed out of the closet, which is in fact, a black Velour Dinner Jacket.

The Tokyo-Ghoul inspired reusable anti-covid mask a friend made me with the set of Coyote Teeth.

My sunglasses, which are shaped like a Halloween Bat. The lenses are the wings and the body is the nose bridge. It is ALSO bright red.

A Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle that I have been audibly affectionately calling "Dear Creature" who is hanging off my arm like she's my Prom Date.

The Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle is ALSO dressed up in a black Dog Sweater that has white bones printed on it to look like its an X-ray jacket showing off her skeleton.

I look like I am taking my Very Fancy Werewolf Girlfriend to a particularly casual Dinner Party for Vampires, but the thing that's really selling it and probably alarming the kid the most is the fun accessory I acquired in the parking lot not five minutes earlier:

The "Small Scrape At my Hairline" is actually a painless but PROFUSELY bleeding head wound that I had somehow entirely failed to notice covering my face, neck, decolletage and magnificent cleavage with blood like a Tarantino Film Extra.

This does explain why The Creature has been delicately trying to use her bodyweight to push me down onto the floor for the last ten minutes. So I don't injure myself while we wait for the paramedics she hoped this kid called to arrive, you see.

The Creature has such a High and Naive Opinion of humanity.

I decide this social situation is already fucked, and the only way out is through, and with haste, before I start dripping on the floor.

"Hi there!" I say cheerfully, to indicate this is a visually alarming but not terribly serious situation. "Just a Small Slurpee!"

The Cashier has entered the relevant code into the register before I finish the sentence. His gaze flicks off me just long enough to look at the total, and he grips his Rosary harder.

$6.66

"Oh cool! I have exact change!" I say, taking the money out of my as-yet-unsanguined pocket without looking and slap it down on the counter. "You have a good night and be safe out there!" I wave, leaving.

I get in The Van, mortified, buckle The Creature up, and as I make to leave, I have to put it in reverse, which automatically turns on the backup Camera.

It also turns on the music player.

I make eye contact with the cashier as the dulcet tones of John Phillip Sousa boom from the van hard enough to make the windshield and the windows of the 7-11 rattle for the nine-and-a-half seconds I have to wait to be able to turn the volume back down. Not knowing what else to to, I give him a thumbs up, and leave.

Anyway, now I know what my Future Van Wizard has got to be dressed like, and what their familiar is.

---

If you enjoyed this story, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Funny Stories book on Patreon

[catastrophicdisasters]

apologies, i'm still angry abt TUA S4

so, if we take out all of the blatant issues with the season (character assassination, 'resolutions' that create more plotholes than they solve, rushed scenes that make no sense, side plots that go nowhere, raymond vanishing for no reason, etc etc), what are we left with? let's see:

fatphobia (multiple jokes made about 'chubby Diego', when David just looks hydrated and healthy)

SA played for jokes (it's clear that Klaus having sex while possessed is supposed to be funny, but he's being held hostage and forced to do this for money, when we already know he didn't even want his powers back??)

cheating

problematic / borderline problematic age gaps (either way you spin it, either Five is physically 20-26 while Lila is likely mid 40s, or Five is mentally 70s while Lila is mid 40s; Aidan was 19 while filming, and Ritu was 34)

waiting for the actor to come of age before introducing a romance (we already know what some fans can be like over Five/Aidan, this will not have helped; I would be horrified if I found out the show runners had planned a romance arc with a coworked 15 years older than me and then waited for me to turn legal age to execute it)

sexism (i was reluctant to call it that but i also don't know what else to call it - Lila basically had her agency stripped away to become the love interest two men fought over; Steve wanted Five to have a romance and didn't care who with - use Lila simply because she was there)

complete disregard of character trauma (Klaus being buried alive despite it having been mentioned in every prior season that he was locked in a mausoleum by Reginald, including literally being left to die)

possible overstepping of an actor's boundaries (i've not been able to verify this, but i've seen it said that robert sheehan has requested not to do sex scenes?) (still havent been able to prove this; wasn't an issue with other roles so... hesitant to leave it)

actors requests being ignored (David asked multiple times if the Lila cheating sideplot was required, but clearly it went ahead anyway)

bad cgi

that awful vomit montage

Reginald (im not quite calling it abuse forgiveness but uh. it's not far off tbh)

i don't even know what to call this, but basically told the Hargreeves the abuse they suffered was their fault because they shouldn't even exist??

what did i miss? (im sure there's something)

from the replies:

the song in the ep3 dance scene uses a slur for romani people (and is also about a man and an underage girl)

SA dismissal (it's literally never addressed that Allison SA'd Luther last season. like, at all. everything's just a-okay now!)

more sexism (Allison's arc was also reduced to serving men; there's a single line to explain that Ray left, with no mention of why (i could go OFF about this but this post isn't supposed to be about mishandling of characters); even after everything, all her bonding with Claire comes through Klaus's storyline. also, Sloane is just gone and nobody gives a shit - Luther has one line and that's it??)

so many issues with consent (all of the girls shown in the place Klaus works look drugged / Klaus doesn't want to be there and doing any of that, it's all against his wishes / they all get their powers back against their wishes - although they do tell Ben that wasn't his choice to make / Klaus gets his powers back against his will when Allison is pressured to do it to save his life)

[astonmartinii]

forever and a day | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem long distance reader

nothing can separate them, except maybe 9,000 miles and a couple of oceans.

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

oscarpiastri

liked by logansargeant, landonorris and 893,209 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: finally back in the homeland and reunited with my girl

view all comments

user1: oscary/n nation we are so back

user2: australia always does us so well

yourusername: can you convince mclaren that they should keep paying for our dates

oscarpiastri: i think we were technically working

yourusername: were we? it never feels like work being with you

oscarpiastri: you didn't notice all of the people around us and filming us?

yourusername: i only have eyes for you osc, we know this

oscarpiastri: hehehhehehehee

yourusername: also i have to completely commit you to memory before you fuck off for another couple of months

oscarpiastri: you could always just come with me

yourusername: let me get my degree first, one of us has to be educated osc

oscarpiastri: i have my a-levels? lando doesn't even have gcses

landonorris: why am i catching a stray?

yourusername: because my boyf is smart

landonorris: i've got street smarts 😩

oscarpiastri: you've been catfished like five times already and nearly had your bank details stole?

landonorris: well ... i like to see the best in people?

user3: thank you mclaren for giving us the oscar and y/n content

user4: and the proof that love still exists

user5: terminally lonely girls block mclaren, oscar and y/n.- it's for your mental health

user6: or if you have commitment issues this is some good exposure therapy

logansargeant: oh who did you force to be your photographer this time?

yourusername: you never learnt reading comprehension in school?

logansargeant: i can read i just choose not to read the soppy shit you and oscar say to each other

oscarpiastri: leave us alone

yourusername: you have a problem with us no matter what 🤨

logansargeant: do NOT make me the bad guy for complaining about hearing your guys' sexy time

oscarpiastri: we spend A LOT of time away from each other

yourusername: and by the sounds of it, you could learn a lot

logansargeant: you know what WHATEVER

user7: they terrorise logan so much from opposite sides of the world, pray for him when she can travel with oscar

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 83,409 others

yourusername: i love any piece of you osc but the separation anxiety is kicking my ass

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user9: oscar gave y/n a plush of himself

user10: no cause he's literally such a black cat

yourusername: he blushes just like that as well

user11: oh really?

user12: want to share with the class

yourusername: that's for my eyes only

oscarpiastri: i'm glad he got to you safely

yourusername: i just about tackled the postman 😔

oscarpiastri: poor graham, we should get him a better christmas gift this year

yourusername: yeah sorry graham but you sprayed the kitty with your cologne and i can't be held responsible for my feral behaviour

user13: they get their postman christmas gifts?

user14: they have the same postman?

user15: yes, y/n lives with his family

user16: really?

yourusername: they can't get rid of me

oscarpiastri: they also love her as much as i do (literally, i have to fight my sisters to spend time with y/n)

landonorris: so this is why we were waiting so long for you at the airport

oscarpiastri: well, yes. it's very important i get y/n a souvenir

landonorris: i could've slept for like an hour longer?

yourusername: just because you don't understand true romance lando 🤨

landonorris: i know romance!

yourusername: maccies in a hotel room is not romance

landonorris: you guys are just freaks about each other that's not my fault

user17: y/n hanging out with oscar's sisters is so precious

user18: if they aren't married soon i will no longer believe in love

user19: they're 23?

user20: tbf i forget that because they've been together since they were like 15

logansargeant

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 351,904 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

logansargeant: oscar forced me to post this so y/n could 'remember how hot he is while he's away at war'

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user21: oh wow... thank you logan!

user22: this is not exactly what i was expecting when i opened instagram but alas i'm not complaining

yourusername: WOOF WOOF WOOF

oscarpiastri: 🤭🤭🤭

logansargeant: someone please remind me why i'm friends with you two

yourusername: because we're your only friends?

yourusername: wait sorry that was mean

yourusername: i just get protective

logansargeant: you're telling me 🤨

oscarpiastri: i'm swooning 🥰🩷

logansargeant: i give up

alexalbon: why am i a part of this oscar thirst trap? why are you posting a thirst trap of oscar?

yourusername: HE'S A GOOD FRIEND

alexalbon: i didn't consent to be part of your weird long distance lust

yourusername: oh girl ain't no one looking at you when oscar is there

alexalbon: you know what you're mean :( i want you to stay in australia

yourusername: i promise i'm a lot nicer when i'm with osc, the distance makes me cranky

alexalbon: i see, remind me to never take oscar out in a race

logansargeant: i think that's wise - i heard her yelling down the phone about carlos

yourusername: i had to block him to stop myself

user23: i am honestly so confused

user24: i think we just let them do it, we'll never understand

landonorris: do NOT ask me to do this @oscarpiastri

yourusername: booooooo you're such a debbie downer

oscarpiastri: he's just s fuckboy he doesn't understand

landonorris: i don't think i'll ever understand you two

yourusername

liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri and 119,056 others

yourusername: one degree hotter xx

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user26: fucking finally now we can get y/n in the paddock every weekend

liked by oscarpiastri

user27: mclaren social media team seen celebrating just as much

oscarpiastri: and i didn't think it was possible for you to get any hotter

yourusername: maybe a piastri jersey?

oscarpiastri: and a ring?

yourusername: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

yourusername: you know i'll never say no to that

yourusername: do nOT propose through an instagram comment oscar - nicole

oscarpiastri: noted 😔

yourusername: but name the time and the place and i'll be there baby

user28: so we could defo get a y/noscar proposal this season

user29: i would be so insufferable it's unbelievable

user30: the way i just know it was killing oscar not being able to go

user31: did you guys see the kicked dog eyes in the paddock yesterday 😭😭😭

oscarpiastri: they had to force me on the plane

landonorris: no they legit were about to call mick or pato

user32: did y/n convince you to not run away to australia?

oscarpiastri: maybe ....

charles_leclerc: ummmmm who is this oscar? why hasn't your father been introduced?

yourusername: HI

oscarpiastri: y/n is the love of my life and you SHOULD be able to meet her next race weekend

yourusername: so have i also got another father-in-law?

charles_leclerc: you seem to terrorise the other drivers a lot so - yeah!

yourusername: at your service (unless it's you hitting oscar, then there's no MERCY)

charles_leclerc: okay you are kinda scary wtf

oscarpiastri

liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 1,203,677 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: unbelievably proud of you and everything you've done darling. i'm so sorry i couldn't be there to celebrate with you, but i'll make it up to you before you know it xx

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user33: oh to be loved like this

user34: they make me feel lonely like the world apart i can only imagine how insane it'll be when they're back together 24/7

yourusername: i love you so so so much osc. you've done more than you could know by supporting me through my education. we have the rest of our lives to be together, so don't beat yourself about it now

oscarpiastri: but i'm so proud of you and just wanted to be there to celebrate you :(

yourusername: osc i can feel you pouting through the screen baby

landonorris: he really is and it's kinda annoyingly cute

yourusername: of course it's cute it's oscar 🙄

landonorris: right so i'll take back my congratulations then

yourusername: FINE BY ME

user35: obsessed with how y/n and lando already have this weird sibling bond

user36: it's the weird relationship that you kind of love between your gf and friend

user37: it's all cute until they actually fight

yourusername: if he makes any wrong step against oscar i'll crush that loser

landonorris: ahhaaha funny joke

yourusername: you're a 5'5 twig, i could snap you in half

user38: i need them to recreate the last photo when oscar wins his first race

user39: i think pinterest would explode

yourusername: no but no joke, i love you so much osc and i can't wait to start the new chapter of our life

oscarpiastri: i love you too xx

oscarpiastri: sorry to my sisters but they're losing their live in stylist because you're never ever leaving me ever again

oscarpiastri: that makes me sound like a possessive asshole but i just have attachment issues

yourusername: no these years since you started in f3 have been actual hell without you and i never want to leave your side again

yourusername: i just love watching you do what you love

oscarpiastri: i'll always love you more

user40: who's chopping onions wtf

user41: i'm invoicing them for my therapy

mclarenf1

liked by fredvesti, arthurleclerc and 1,256,046 others

tagged: yourusername

mclarenf1: don't tell oscar but we've got a surprise guest for him 🤫

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user45: take me out back and shoot me please and thank you

user46: so real of you

landonorris: is this why his phone is currently hidden in my drivers room?

mclarenf1: maybe ...

landonorris: if he fights me for it that's on you guys

mclarenf1: wait admin has just realised you definitely shouldn't be on your phone

landonorris: LOL

user47: mclaren you better not fuck this race for oscar because i need my big rom com ending kiss in parc ferme

user48: omg romance writers do i have a plot for you

user49: the way this would seem so unrealistic if i read it in a book but these fools really have been together for like eight years and are unbelievably in love

yourusername: heheheheh thanks for flying me out on such late notice xx

mclarenf1: no worries queen

yourusername: you guys better be on top form, you can't hide from me in the garage

mclarenf1: hahahaha 😅😅😅

user50: is y/n the reincarnation of nicole scherzinger? like a wag that goes fucking mental

user51: and wears team merch with pride

yourusername: nicole is a queen (thank you for one direction queen) but you guys do not want me on the microphone

user52: you and oscar karaoke? please?

yourusername: we once did breaking free together but you'll have to bother logan for that video

user53: OSCAR PLEASE WIN AND DO DRUNK KARAOKE

oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, yourusername and 1,556,308 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: i told you she was my lucky charm. overjoyed to get my first win, it's a dream come true and to have the love of my life with me makes it even sweeter. y/n, i'll love you forever and a day x

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user54: CONGRATS OSCAR 🧡🧡🧡

user55: i'm having such a proud mum moment

user56: tears in my eyes

user57: not as much as y/n that girl was going THROUGH IT

user58: we need her mascara, cause that shit didn't budge

yourusername: I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU OSCAR

yourusername: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

yourusername: AND THANK YOU FOR WAITING FOR ME TO BE AT A RACE TO WIN

oscarpiastri: i guess i just knew in my bones you were here and simply had to win

oscarpiastri: i just wanted to see you so bad that i drove the fastest to the finish line

yourusername: well tell them to hurry up and debrief so we can celebrate 👀

oscarpiastri: ON MY WAY

user59: maybe we will get that karaoke?

logansargeant: congrats bro! @landonorris i hope you brought some ear plugs, if not you might want to start drinking now

landonorris: SOMEONE GET ME A DRINK STAT

yourusername: i'll personally buy you a drink because i'm going to rock his world tonight

oscarpiastri: 😎😎😎

landonorris: and here i thought you were my little innocent teammate

yourusername: there's nothing little about him

landonorris: EWWWW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE

yourusername: all celebrations aside, i'm so proud and i'll love you forever and always x

oscarpiastri: it's always been you and it will always be you

yourusername: i love you

oscarpiastri: i love you too

fin.

note: WOOOOOOOOOO OSCAR!!! (i'm ignoring everything else to do with the race, oscar is my king)

[weirdrandomtina]

So, I experienced some deju vu during this scene in Trolls Band Together:

John Dory grabs his backpack, says he's leaving (I'm done, YOLO, etc.), and then the last thing he says is "Goodbye Forever!", followed by Branch's distraught face, and the next thing Branch knows, all his brothers have left him and he never sees them again.

I was trying to figure out why that little snippet stuck with me, then it hit me:

Trolls Holiday in Harmony, when Branch is trying to figure out a gift for Poppy. He's worried about doing the wrong thing, disappointing her or freaking her out, and says "I CAN'T let that happen". He illustrates his point with Poppy packing a suitcase, and what does she say right before she runs off?

Really brings his abandonment issues into the light😢

I've seen a few comments of people being annoyed when Branch said to Poppy "aren't you going to leave me anyway", but they clearly don't understand how trauma affects people's mental and emotional state.

He knows Poppy loves him and doesn't actually believe she'd leave, but after a lifetime of being alone, even though he's happy and loved now, there's still that subconscious fear that he'll end up alone again. Poppy means everything to him, and he can't bear the thought of losing her too, especially as a result of something he's done (his grandma died to save him, and he believed his brothers leaving was his fault because he 'ruined everything' at the concert).

Sometimes this results in Branch trying to push Poppy away, which seems conflicting, yes, but again: trauma messes with your mind. He was already heartbroken and angry at his brothers, so he wasn't thinking clearly and blurted out his hidden main fear.

And when he says "everyone else [leaves me]" I hear "everyone in my life has left me so I must deserve to be alone, so you might as well leave me too."

And that's probably why Branch was so hesitant to be open with Poppy - 1. I might scare her away, and 2. why bother expressing my feelings to someone when I'll likely just lose them anyway. Plus he's still getting used to having someone to confide to in his life. Keeping emotions bottled up for years is a hard habit to get out of.

[baldudiable]

venus in love

aries venus : falls in love quickly, and out of love just as fast. with aries being the first sign of the zodiac, this venus can become impatient, often jumping headfirst into relationships. what she doesn't realize is that the intensity usually wears out after some time. when it does, she might grow bored and move on to the next. this is a passionate venus who's prone to fantasy. she has issues with commitment, especially with aries being so dominant and uncompromising. she is only satisfied when her lover worships her and gives her everything she wants. however, venus in aries will remain unfulfilled and lonely until she learns that love requires balance, dedication, and patience.

taurus venus : this venus is in it for the long haul. trust is of utmost importance to her, and it is given over time. however, it can be easily broken, and once lost, it is hard to regain. she loves deeply and takes offense easily. her fixed energy makes her loyal, but with taurus being venus’s home, she also enjoys the attention she gets from others. she might even flirt or play with it, but she is unlikely to cross any lines. she is generous with her possessions and energy, but only after you have earned a place in her heart. she may remain in a relationship long after its expiration date, as she fears losing the sense of stability it provides.

gemini venus : this airy venus is hard to get and hard to keep. she's always on the move, seeking excitement and stimulation wherever she goes. it’s very unlikely that she will stay in a dynamic where she isn’t mentally engaged or captivated. she is often content with celibacy, as she typically has a wide circle of friends to rely on or hobbies that keep her busy. what she desires most in a relationship is a partner who can be a true friend, someone who teaches her things she doesn’t know and joins her on her quest for fun.

cancer venus : it’s hard getting into this venus’s affection as she's very protective of her heart. she is guarded as her love has been taken for granted in the past. her cardinal quality makes her fall in love quickly, but also unlikely to express it before the other person does or proves their worthiness. once in a relationship, she gives her all to her partner. she can often feel like she's not getting as much as she is giving, even if she is. she has trouble accepting that her partner works differently than she does, therefore bringing different things to the table. she can feel entitled to their time or attention, resorting to manipulation tactics to get her needs met. 

leo venus : if a leo venus gets in a relationship with you, it’s likely because there is something in you that few people possess; it can be your status, your looks, your kindness or dedication to an art. she loves seeing uniqueness in others, and will gladly compliment yours. she's generous to a fault, giving to her loved ones until her energy or resources are exhausted. she gives a 100% of herself, and expects the same from you. you cannot half-ass anything with her. her most evolved version is indeed loyal. however, when immature, she can be so addicted to attention that she ends up cheating on a loving partner because of the temporary validation it gives her.

virgo venus : this is a complex position for venus. she often flirts with the idea of love without fully committing to it. it's not that she isn't interested in love, it’s just that she has a harder time navigating it. being in love is a very demanding task you see, and to this detrimental venus who is focused on self-improvement, love can often feel like a distraction. she is often absent-minded and forgetful, preoccupied with other matters, which can make her appear uncaring to more sensitive partners. she isn't the most demonstrative with her love either, unless the chart is influenced by neighboring signs leo & libra. her affection is mostly shown through her actions and her willingness to assist you.

libra venus : an immature libra venus can struggle with staying faithful to a partner. she craves affirmation and goes to great lengths to obtain it. her focus on beauty and image can lead her to be attracted to a partner's looks, reputation or status —failing to see the human behind. this tendency may cause others to perceive her as superficial or fake. she often believes she’s better off with someone at her side, which can encourage her to remain in unfulfilling or toxic relationships—but this stems from her fear of being alone. libra’s desire for harmony can lead her to change herself to fit her partner’s fantasy.

scorpio venus : like taurus venus, it takes a long time for her to open up. in the sign of her fall, she struggles deeply with trust. she's been through a lot in love, and has decided to keep her heart guarded. potential lovers are often put through a series of tests to prove their loyalty and honesty. however, even when their intentions are pure, she remains suspicious—driven by her fear of being hurt again. she holds many secrets, revealing them only to those she knows for sure will stay by her side. when wronged, she can be vengeful, going to great lengths to ensure that the person who hurt her suffers as much as she did.

sagittarius venus : this one is hard to tie down as she is always on some mission. like sister sign gemini, sagittarius venus wants to be stimulated, and joined on her quest for knowledge. with sagittarius being ruled by the biggest planet in our system, this venus needs the space necessary to grow. she cannot be in a relationship where she isn't allowed to come and go as she pleases. she does have the desire and capacity to be committed, but refuses to be discouraged from wandering and exploring. if you’re involved with one, give her the space she needs and be curious about what she's learned on her journey. if you do, she will always come back and tell you. 

capricorn venus : this venus doesn't get involved in short-term flings as she considers them a distraction from her main priority—longevity. when positioned in the most serious sign of the wheel, venus wants to build— and if someone wants to join her on that journey? that’s even better. however, she is not going to waste her time on an unserious person who just wants to have fun. she won't pay attention to them, as she’s focused on building her legacy. it’s true that she isn't the most romantic or showy with her affection but the fact that she picked you to begin with—when she doesn't care much about being with others—is proof that she loves you.

aquarius venus : can be non-committal and overly protective of her independence when immature. but aquarius's fixed quality makes her long for connection. she's unlikely to leave someone she is attached to, unless her need for space isn't met or her boundaries are crossed. as a fierce individualist, she may struggle to include her partner in plans. however, with aquarius being the sign of the group, it’s necessary for her to belong and connect with someone. the only thing that differentiates her from sister sign leo is that she's too proud to admit that she needs someone else’s presence and admiration—however, this doesn't mean that she isn't without desire.

pisces venus : pisces venus can have the tendency to ignore the reality of a partner or relationship and instead see them for their potential. she's a dreamer who believes a troubled person or doomed relationship can be saved with her love. but there is a point where she realizes that the person or situation won’t change because they don't want to. her refusal to face the truth leads her to break her own heart. disillusioned by love, she might even decide to give up on it entirely. she has to endure heartbreak in order to gain clarity on what she wants in a partner. when she does find the right one for her, boundaries between them become blurred as she forgets herself and instead focuses entirely on the other. what this venus must realize is that her lover isn’t the only important thing in her life and that their presence doesn’t diminish her own identity.

[dovveri]

ordinarily

synopsis: you’re having a few issues with your sex life so you decide to start seeing a sex therapist with your boyfriend

warnings: reader receiving, cheating, lots of sex talk bcs this entire fic is literally set around sex, fingering, clitoral stimulus, vibrators, dildos + strap on, sana watches reader masturbate

w/c: 7.8k

a/n: if u didn't know im a psych student and this idea came to me at 3am while cramming sexual dysfunctions for my finals and i ltr wrote this in a few hours bcs i was OBSESSED - that being said this is all still fictional bcs... let's be honest i js wanted to have sex with dr sana but some of the facts are still real! the treatment however... not so real LMAO

❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

“ms. l/n?”

“yes!” you scramble upwards at the sound of your name, pulling your boyfriend up with you and walking briskly towards the woman who’s called you. she offers a kind smile, gesturing for you to follow her.

“is it alright if i bring my boyfriend along?”

she nods, “yes that’s fine. it’s actually customary that both partners are here for appointments like these.”

she leads you towards her office, a clean, organised room with a small couch next to the doctor’s table and chair, and what looks like an upgraded version of a classic examination table.

she seats you both and rolls her chair forward so she’s facing the both of you when she talks. “so how can i help you today ms. l/n?” her eyes are kind, a hint of a smile on her lips.

“u-um just y/n is fine dr. …” you glance to her badge, “minatozaki.”

“alright y/n. sana is fine for me too then.” she smiles.

“r-right sana. so we’ve just been having some trouble with our- um- sex life recently and i think it’s mainly my fault.”

she frowns a little, picking up a notepad on her table to jot down some things, “why would you think that?”

“um well- i- i haven’t um- i’ve never had a penis in me before. my previous male partners would only ever use their hands or mouth but because we were getting a little more serious than that, i wanted to let ben-“ you glance at your boyfriend who looks a little uncomfortable, shifting around in his seat a little, “be the first and we’ve tried for a while now but it’s always just too painful? and i know everyone says the pain passes and whatever but it never seems to pass for me…” you blush, getting progressively embarrassed as you go on.

"i see. do you mind if i ask you a few questions about your sex life?"

you nod, feeling intimidated by the things she's jotting down into her notepad.

"how long has this been going on?"

"umm- i'd say we've tried to have penetrative sex for about 2 months now?"

"have you ever experienced anything like this before?"

"no."

"do you have any history of previous mental health problems?"

"not really, no."

"when you attempt to have sex, do you engage in foreplay?"

"u-um... yes."

"and are you able to secrete natural lubricant from that?"

ben lets out an undignifed snort. you elbow him, face burning red when sana looks up from her notepad, narrowing her eyes at ben who shrinks in his seat, covering his mouth.

"u-um yes i think so."

"ben? is this true?" sana's eyes are locked on ben.

"sorry doc are you asking me if my girlfriend gets wet?"

"for lack of better words yes."

"well yes she gets plenty wet. i always make sure she's turned on before i go in. if you’re asking about if i'm good at sex then yes. i am. plenty of girls in the past have cum because of me."

"i didn't ask that but thank you for your contribution." sana says a little sarcastically, looking back towards you and then down to her notepad. you elbow ben again in response who glances at you slightly annoyed, the tips of his ears red.

"what sorts of foreplay activity do you engage in, does it arouse you, and on average how long would you say your foreplay would go on for?"

"i- um- i-"

"this is a safe space. everything i'm asking is purely for diagnosis reasons, there's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, i deal with lots of clients everyday who come in and have talked about much more bizarre things and none of them are nearly as attractive as you are which makes it a lot worse when someone comes in here claiming they have sexual proclivities towards aliens or otherworldly beings."

you blush, the throwaway compliment in there didn't fly past you. "do people really ask about that?"

sana chuckles a little, "oh you'd be surprised the things people come in here about."

you laugh a little in response as well, feeling more comfortable around the doctor, "um well i guess we do all the normal stuff. kissing, whatever, um it usually lasts about... 10 minutes?" you turn to ben who shakes his head a little so you correct yourself, "20 minutes maybe. and um yeah i guess it does arouse me."

sana hums, making a few more notes, "are your nipples sensitive? your breasts? does he play with them? what about your clitoris?"

"i- um- yes... to all of those."

"have you ever orgasmed before?"

"i- yes."

she senses the hesitation in your voice, looking up curiously, "have you orgasmed during sexual relations with ben?"

you shuffle in your seat a little uncomfortably. ben looks at you expectedly, but you can't bring yourself to meet his eyes.

"yes. yes she has." ben replies for you instead when he realises you're not responding.

sana's eyes cut to his with a scowl forming on her face, "did you know only 64.4% of women are able to reach their orgasm during sex? and that number is even lower when the sex is just penetrative? in comparison, 91.3% of men reach their orgasm, in fact, sexual dysfunction in men is actually more common when men orgasm too fast."

ben raises an eyebrow defiantly, "your point doc?"

"that it's normal for women not to reach orgasm. and normal for them to fake it when their boyfriends are pretentious assholes that think they have the best game in the world but in reality, have inflated egos that would easily be shattered if he found out he wasn't as good as he thought he was. most of these women care too much about hurting their partner's feelings than to tell the truth."

ben leans forward aggressively, ignoring your protests for him to sit back down, "i don't know what kinda whack patients you got in here doc but i'm not one of them. i don't need anyone to worry about my feelings like you women do."

sana rolls her eyes, not backing down from his intimidation, "do you have any problems with sexual activity? come too fast? not able to get it up? not able to come?"

ben sputters, "w-what?! who do you think i am?!"

"it's a yes or no question."

"no! i don't have any of those problems! i told you i'm not one of your weird patients!"

"alright that's all we'll be needing from you today. i think this session will be much more productive for y/n if you leave the room. so if you'd please-" she stands up and opens the door, indicating for him to leave.

"what? you can't just kick me out! this is my girlfriend! i'm just as involved in this as she is!"

"actually, since you haven't admitted to having any problems with sex, and you've both said that foreplay and arousal is adequate, there's nothing more that involves you. so yes, i can kick you out."

ben looks back at you, his face red, but you push him forward, "just go ben don't make a scene. i'll see you outside." he frowns, sending a final glare to sana before stomping out the room.

sana closes the door softly after him, settling back down with a sigh.

"i'm so sorry about him i didn't know he would react like that i-"

"it's okay y/n. this is actually quite common. sexual dysfunction is often severely underreported in men, because of the masculine standards they put themselves up to, lots of them won't seek treatment. that's why most of the clients we get are women who come in here with their boyfriends, and a lot of the time these boyfriends don't think they have anything to do with the women's sexual dysfunction, and a lot of them can't accept that they do."

"but you just said-"

"i know what i said. and it's true that if your foreplay is indeed enough and arousing for you, and that this isn't because of any sexual dysfunction he may have, then it no longer directly regards him. however, just because it doesn't directly involve him, doesn't mean it's got absolutely nothing to do with him. i do think i have an idea of what you're going through, but to confirm i'd like to ask a couple more questions if that's okay with you? and hopefully you can be fully honest with me now that ben isn't here."

you shuffle in your seat a little. "yeah of course."

she smiles, going back to her notepad, "so backtracking a bit, i'm assuming ben hasn't been able to make you orgasm?"

you blush, shaking your head.

"how about with previous partners? is there anything they've done that's helped you reach that orgasm or are there any similarities you can think about between them?"

"mm well for one, i've only ever been able to come when i'm with women."

"oh?" sana looks up again over her specs, a twinkle in her eye.

"u-um yeah and with them it's mostly um, using their hands or oral, and even then i normally need at least some clitoral stimulation to come. i have tried using dildos before but i also find it a little too painful, but i'm at least able to bear it when it's with a woman, with ben i kinda just push him off because it's all too much."

"i see. that's quite normal. most women do require clitoral stimulation to be able to orgasm. a very small proportion of women are actually able to come from penetration alone. do you masturbate?"

you blush again, fiddling with your fingers, but her friendly smile reassures you, "yes. well- less since i've been with ben because he doesn't really like it when he finds out i've touched myself. he gets a little offended and always says i don't need to masturbate when i have him. he takes offense because he thinks i'm doing it since he's not doing a good enough job or something."

"hmm." she hums, jotting something else down, "is he doing a good enough job? i know you said foreplay was fine but i just wanted to check in on that again."

"he's alright i guess. like most men i've been with in the past he does kinda rush things a little, and he does do foreplay it's just a little rougher than i like sometimes. i also think um-" you blush, eyes flickering around the room.

"mm?" sana smiles gently again, encouraging you.

"i think he has trouble finding my clit? or i don't know he always kinda fumbles around when he fingers me so his hands always brush against my clit a little too rough and then he presses down on parts where he thinks it is and asks me if it feels good."

sana hums again, writing down some more notes before the next question. "so back to masturbation, before ben, how often would you say you masturbated?"

"oh u-um, maybe like once a month?"

"and you're able to make yourself come?"

"sometimes. sometimes it just gets too tiring and i end up just falling asleep."

"i see." sana writes a few finishing notes and then places her notepad on the table. "so from what you've told me today, it would seem like you have something called genito-pelvic pain or penetration disorder. normally this sort of behaviour has to go on for at least 6 months before it is diagnosable, but even though it’s only been two months for you, we can still work on ways to improve your symptoms. so there's nothing physically wrong with you or your body, this is more of a cognitive response to a fear of pain from penetration. what happens is because of this fear, you're vaginal muscles tighten when you're about to have sex, they're trying to protect you from this invasive thing that's going to enter your body and that it thinks will cause you a lot of pain. this is why it's so much more painful when someone does penetrate you, because you're muscles are already working actively to try and push it out, they only get tighter and tighter making sex more painful for you. this kinda creates this cycle of fear because it does hurt when you have sex, so the next time it happens, your muscles learn to anticipate this pain and try to close you off from this external invasion. does that kinda make sense?"

you nod a little hazily, the words floating around in your head.

"it's a good thing that you're still able to take penetration though. in some extreme cases women's vaginas have been sealed so tight penis penetration is impossible. now there aren't any medications for this unfortunately, but the main treatment is to unlearn this fear that's maintaining the disorder, and eventually you'll be able to engage in sex that is enjoyable for you again."

"how would i unlearn that?"

"well first of all, masturbation helps. a lot. you say you were only really doing it once a month in the past but actually, masturbating weekly or even twice a week is perfectly normal. and i know you said your boyfriend doesn't really like it but... well it's your body right? if he can't make you feel good then you need to start learning how to make yourself feel good. you need to start turning sex into a positive experience again. later down the line, that also means a lot more foreplay than what you're currently doing. i'm talking like an hour at least. using lube as well will be extremely useful, even if you are wet, it always helps to be fully prepared for that first penetration. i know this all sounds like a lot right now so we'll start slow. would you mind getting up on the examination table and taking off your pants and underwear. i'd like to examine your pelvic muscles a little more closely."

you nod, shuffling onto your feet and beginning to strip out of your clothes. sana pays you no mind, grabbing a new pair of gloves and slipping them on. you figure sana has done this plenty of times in the past, there was nothing to be embarrassed about. well... aside from the fact that sana was really pretty and her really pretty hands were about to be touching you and-

she's turning back around when you lay on the examination table, hands crossed on your stomach, fiddling with your fingers. you avoid her gaze but catch the way her eyes linger a little on your legs. she moves closer towards you, you keep your gaze fixed on the ceiling, feeling the tips of your ears go red at the attention.

she giggles a little and you're confused, "y/n you have to open your legs for me to be able to see anything."

"oh right i- um-" you shyly spread your legs apart, revealing your cleanly shaven lips.

sana squeezes something into her hand, "this is just lube. to see your pelvic muscles in action means i'll have to part your walls so i'm just lubricating them to make it a little more comfortable for you." she looks up at you, waiting for your consent, and when you nod, she gets straight to work.

you gasp at the cold feeling of the lubricant running down your folds, wiggling a little. then, sana's hands come in and start massaging the lube along your folds, spreading it so it covers the entire surface area of your core, fingers gentle as she spreads the liquid. your breath catches a little when she bypasses your clit, squeezing your hands together, and trying your best to not make any inappropriate sounds while in your doctor's office.

you sneak a glance down at her, watching the way she has her lip caught between her teeth while she focuses, eyes glued to your folds. she spreads your lips and starts applying the lube on your inner folds as well, meticulous with her work, making sure no slice of skin was missed.

"i'm going to start prodding around your entrance now alright?"

you can only choke out a hum in response, not trusting your voice to give away the fact that this was turning you on very much.

one of her fingers glides down to your entrance, her other hand still holding your lips open, and she starts to poke gently at your entrance, you can feel when a short fingernail dips in just slightly, wiggling around a little to try and loosen you up. at this point you're kinda glad sana went with the lube because it meant she couldn't tell she was actually getting you spectacularly wet on her own, your own slick mixing with the lube she's spread all over.

she starts pushing a finger in very slowly, but you cringe a little and shuffle your hips when she's about a knuckle in. she pulls out gently, "hurts?"

you nod, "a little."

she starts pressing gently against your folds again, "i'm just going to try massage your folds from the outside, hopefully it'll get your muscles to relax a little with some stimulation."

it is relaxing, the way she's gently pressing into you, it’s certainly never like anything you’ve felt before, it turns you on, but also eases you, it’s a combination you’ve never experienced.

when she gently runs a finger over the hood of your clit your hips jerk and you gasp.

“sorry! too much?” sana backs away quickly, hands raised so you can see she’s no longer touching you.

you inhale, forcing yourself to look at her, your gaze a little blurry, eyes lidded, “n-no. that was- g-good actually.” your voice is a lot scratchier than it was, you can’t believe how turned on you are from just minutes of being with her. “a-actually would it- um- are you allowed to take your gloves off? like if you want to! you don’t have to if you think it’s gross or anything i just think it could help a little so you can feel exactly where your skin and nails touch me.”

sana raises an eyebrow, seeming to consider you, and you want to crawl back into your pants, run away and never see be seen in public again the longer she takes to regard you.

but then wordlessly, she takes her gloves off, flicking them into the bin and reaching for the bottle of lube.

“oh um- you don’t have to. i’m wet enough i think.”

sana smirks then, squeezing some into her palm, “oh sweetie i know. remember what i said about lubing up anyway though? there can never be too much lube.”

you blush at the pet name, gritting your teeth when you feel the cool liquid and the soft touch of her fingers again. except this time it’s so much more real, you can feel every single brush, every stroke, every movement of her fingers against you. when she brushes against your clit again, you can’t help the faint moan you let out. your cheeks burn in embarrassment when you feel her still her movements against you. “s-sorry i-“

“it’s okay. you can make as many sounds as you want. just relax. stop thinking sweetie.” she brushes over your clit again, with a little more purpose this time, and you let out another whimper, trying to stop your hips from grinding against her hand.

the next few minutes are torturous. you're biting back moans every 2 seconds, focusing on keeping your hips solidly on the examination table, hands clenched tight together, you’re so wet you can hear the way she's sliding through your folds much more easily now, able to insert the entire length of her fingernail in with each stroke downwards. your breathing has gotten observably heavier, each inhale and exhale is strained, and you certainly couldn’t look at sana anymore, eyes glazed, just trying to focus on not giving yourself away.

"i’m gonna try go in again now okay?"

you nod, a little desperately, closing your eyes to block out the sight of her between your legs.

she gently prods at your entrance, now able to slide a knuckle in fairly easily, you feel like jelly around her, unable to control your own movements when you jolt downwards, sucking in more of her finger and moaning at the feeling.

“alright?”

“mhm just- just do it.”

“do what sweetie?”

“just- you know-“

“hmm?” she slips a little further in, and you clench around her, your muscles trying to trap her inside of you.

“f-fuck- i- yeah- fuck-“

she giggles a little and you flush, you realise again that she’s very attractive and very good with her hands and those hands are now inching even deeper into you, and before you know it, she’s got her entire finger buried inside of you.

you’re breathless at the feeling.

“painful at all?”

“n-no. not at all. feels- um- g-good.”

you can hear the smirk in her voice when she teases, “you feel good.”

you clench around her at the praise, unaware that sana’s trying her very best to stay as professional as possible, despite wanting so badly to rid you of all your clothes and fuck you until you were moulded to only be able to take her.

“relax baby. i’m going to slide back out now okay?”

you whine when you feel her retreating slowly, your walls gripping her finger, urging her to stay inside. but she comes out until just the tip of her finger is in you, and then pushes in again, filling you up deliciously.

you exhale deeply, back arching at the feeling.

“good?”

“fuck- so fucking good oh god-“

she’s pulling out and pushing in again, slow and careful, watching your body for any signs of pain and fixed on the way your face contorts in pleasure at the feeling of being sexually satisfied for the first time in months.

“think you can take another?” you peek open your eyes to find that sana looks slightly more dishevelled than before, her breathing also a little irregular now, her voice low with lust. you gulp at the sight.

“y-yeah.”

now that you've caught a glimpse of her, you can't look away, your eyes tracing the way her gaze is a little clouded, her tongue peaking out to wet her lips. then she's pushing in again with a second finger, rubbing your clit lightly with her other hand and pressing down onto the external parts of your folds to get you to loosen up.

you suck her in easily, whimpering a little when she stops and looks up at you in concern.

"k-keep going p-please- i can take it- fuck-"

so she continues her journey, pressing in deeper, and deeper, until she's able to fit two fingers snugly inside of you. you moan when she fills you up, pulsing around her, muttering curses and hands moving to hold onto the sides of the examination table.

but then, sana's pulling out again, and this time she doesn't come back. she clears her throat, moving towards the sink in her office to wash herself up.

you clamber onto your elbows hazily, completely soaked and watch in confusion as she dries her hands, her cheeks flushed.

"i think that's enough for today y/n. you can use the sink and this towel here to clean yourself up and get dressed. i'll wait for you outside." she doesn't spare you another glance and slips outside the room, closing it behind her to give you some privacy.

you take a second to recover because what the fuck just happened? you can only follow her instructions dumbly, picking up the towel she's left for you and cleaning yourself up, still incredibly sensitive when you twitch with each swipe along your folds. you put your clothes back on and rearrange your hair so that it doesn't look like you were just about to come mere minutes ago.

once you're tidied up and you've cleared your mind, or at least pushed all the lustful thoughts about being fucked into the table aside, you step outside the office, looking around to find that sana's with ben at the front desk, talking to the receptionist.

you clear your throat to announce your presence when you walk up to them. ben seems to have calmed down and he kisses your cheek sweetly when you sidle up next to him. you take note of the way sana eyes the action, her grip on the pen getting just a little tighter.

"alright y/n. i talked with ben to get an idea of your availability so i hope it's okay that i've booked you in for another session in about 2 weeks."

"yes that's fine!" your voice comes out unintentionally higher than you meant it to. the nerves and confusion hitting you at once.

"and i'll also set you a little homework. like we talked about, masturbation is key to getting better. so here's a self-care kit, it's got a clitoral vibrator and a few different dildo sizes as well as a couple of bottles of lube. i want you to try using the vibrator first, get used to the feeling of orgasming, and then start to bring in the smallest dildo. ben can watch if you want him to or help, but just remember what i said about making sex a positive experience. that's the main purpose of all of this, just relearning that sex is good and that it’s meant to be fun and enjoyable. i'll check with you in 2 weeks how the progress is going and we'll go from there. any questions?"

the entire time she talks to you, she barely looks into your eyes, it's clear she's already discussed all of this with ben who looks more than happy to be a bystander to your sexual pleasure if it meant he would be able to have sex with you later on. you find yourself a little disappointed that she won't acknowledge you. you shake your head no, and she slides you a few forms and the self-care package she mentioned, discreetly wrapped and in a cute little takeaway bag.

"great i'll see you in two weeks y/n. if you'll excuse me now." she sidesteps you and walks briskly back into her office, your eyes trail after her, but you shake the feelings from your head, refocusing on the present and the way ben has his arm wrapped around you.

❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

it's a fortnight later and you're sitting in a familiar waiting room, this time without ben because you convinced him to stay behind after his retaliatory actions the last time he was here. maybe you also just wanted to see sana alone but you weren't going to tell him that.

if you were being honest, sana hasn't left your mind once since you left the clinic two weeks ago. even when you were completing her assigned homework tasks, it wasn't broad muscles and rugged facial hair that you were thinking of, no matter how hard you tried, your thoughts always drifted back to the way sana had handled you so carefully, the way her fingers felt inside you, how she paid attention to every single reaction you made, every small sound, twitch, how attentive she was. and sometimes your thoughts drifted into territory that was a little more imaginative. those usually consisted of sana using the various toys she'd given you to bring you to heights you weren't able to bring yourself to.

"y/n?"

your head snaps up at the voice. you beam seeing her, she has her hair up today, pretty earrings and perfect features accentuated. she smiles in response at you, gesturing you to follow her to her office.

you settle into the familiar office again, much more relaxed and excited than the last time you were here.

"i see you're looking a lot more chipper than 2 weeks ago." sana comments with a smile, grabbing her notepad that you recognise from last week.

"just happy to see you again."

her smile fades a little at that, but you don't let that discourage you.

"right... so tell me how your fortnight has been. have you attempted to have sex with your boyfriend again? uh... bryson was it? or brendan?"

"ben. and no we haven't had sex again. i also took your advice and let masturbation be just a personal experience. he asked to watch and help but i told him it would be better if he didn't."

"that's good to hear. how has the masturbation been?"

"great! you were right! i've forgotten what having sex just for the sake of doing it for myself felt like. i've spent so long thinking i enjoyed it when i was really just an item for my partner's satisfaction. in a sense that brought me joy as well, being able to provide a source of happiness for them, but i realised that that's not a healthy thing to keep doing."

sana smiles genuinely, "very good y/n. i'm glad that masturbation has helped you realised that. how about your vaginal muscles? did you try using the dildos in the self care package?"

"um- yes i did but- i was actually hoping- uh-"

"hmm? what is it?"

"well i still haven't really been able to cum from using the dildos, only from the vibrator. it's not as painful anymore to put them in, and i'm still working up the sizes, but it still doesn't really feel good? like it just feels like there's something in me, it doesn't really derive pleasure or anything like that."

sana hums, thinking a little, writing down a few notes before closing her notepad. "would you show me?"

"i- um- sorry what?"

"how you've been masturbating. it may be something with the technique, but if it's something else more serious, i'd need to know about it."

"oh! yeah of course." you stumble upwards, repeating your movements from 2 weeks ago, stripping of your clothes, except this time, you take your top off as well.

sana yelps and turns around at your abrupt show of skin.

"something wrong sana?"

"oh- um- no nothing i just thought- um- i didn't think there was reason for your top to be off as well-"

"you wanted to see how i touched myself right? i generally try and stimulate my tits as well since my nipples are quite sensitive."

"right... yes of course." she turns around again, avoiding your gaze and looking to the floor, waiting for you to get on the examination table.

your lips quirk a little at how shy she's being, "is something the matter sana? you see naked bodies all the time in this line of work don't you? and you pretty much saw me naked last time as well..."

sana blushes even brighter, "um- well- yes but- most of my patients tend to be middle aged and they certainly aren't as attractive as you are."

"you think i'm attractive?" you're laid on the examination table now, head turned to the side so you can watch as the doctor fumbles where she's seated, still not looking at you.

"i- um- well- forgive me- i'm trying really hard to be professional right now and-"

"is that why you left in such a hurry during our last session?" you start trailing your hands over yourself, finding yourself easily aroused in the presence of the other woman.

"oh- um- well- yes i- i didn't want to make you uncomfortable-"

you moan gently when a practiced hand glides up to squeeze softly at a tit, the other sliding down slowly towards your centre. "you could never make me uncomfortable sana. well actually... i was only really uncomfortable when you left me so empty last time. i couldn't wait to go home and try out the toys you gave me, i haven't felt so turned on in so long and i needed to get that out of my system as soon as i could." you're trying to get a rise out of her, but everything you're saying is the truth anyway.

sana's eyes are on you now, wide and a little shocked at the words coming out of your mouth, and you revel in the way that meant her eyes now travelled your body. you try and angle yourself so she can see the way you squeeze at your breast, brushing over a nipple lightly with your palm and watching it pebble in reaction, your other hand dipping down to trace along your folds, finding that you're already dripping, the fact that the object of your sexual desires for the last 2 weeks is now only inches away from you, watching you touch yourself, driving you further off the edge of sanity.

"y/n..." sana's voice comes out almost 2 octaves lower than her usual register. you catch the way she wets her lips and crosses her legs.

"i'm so wet already i don't even need lube. and i know you kept saying to use it no matter what and trust me i did when i got myself off at home, but right now, just look-" you bring your hand up from between your legs, making an obscene display of licking your fingers and sucking on them, making sure she could see the arousal that coated your fingers.

sana's jaw tightens at the sight, she shuffles a little in her seat, unconsciously moving closer towards you.

"you don't have to worry about being unprofessional sana. i promise i want this just as much as you do right now." you slide your hand back down yourself, finding your clit easily after the practice you've gotten over the last fortnight, and rubbing circles around it.

"bold of you to assume i want this. this is my job after all." you leak at the register in her voice, it's something you've only been able to imagine in your fantasies.

"you don't want me?" you pout a little, turning onto your side so your entire body is facing her, your arm pushing your breasts together while a finger tugs gently on a nipple, your other hand still rubbing fast little circles into your clit.

sana chuckles darkly, her eyes closing, she seems to be trying to force herself to keep still.

"because just to be clear... i've thought about how you touched me every single time i came these past two weeks." your breath hitches when you recall the way you'd vigorously rub one out to her, sometimes multiple times a day ever since you started masturbating again. "i- oh fuck- no one has gotten me that turned on in such a short amount of time ever- nng- and i'd think about the way you felt inside me, and how careful and gentle you were- fuck- and then i'd think about how rough you could get as well- oh- and how i'd try and be so good for you- can you- can you pass me the dildo? i think i can slide the smallest one in now-"

she gets up from her seat wordlessly, exuding a dark aura that makes you clench your thighs in anticipation. she moves towards your bag, digging for the package and pulling it out, taking the smallest dildo and then moving back towards you. her pupils are blown, hungrily drinking you in, your fingers speed up just a little at the attention.

you reach out a hand mid-moan, asking for her to pass you the toy.

but she clicks her tongue, pushing your hand away gently and lubing up the toy herself.

you gulp, turning so you're laid flat on your back again, spreading your legs so she can see just how wet you were.

her eyes meet yours briefly, and you adore the way she checks in and makes sure you're okay with this, and you nod, giving her permission before she's sliding the dildo into you.

"oh shit-"

sana hums, pushing the little gold dildo in further, transfixed on the way your fingers move just a little rougher around your clit with every centimetre.

when she's completely inside you moan, clenching around the dildo, it was a comfortable size inside you.

"any pain?" her voice is rough, laced with barely concealed lust.

you whine, "n-no- you can move."

she starts pulling out, and it is almost painful the threat of being empty leaving you desperate, grinding down to try and keep her inside you, but she pushes back in, just a second faster this time and you moan unabashedly.

"f-fuck-" she starts up a rhythm, pulling out of you, then pushing back in, each time a second faster than the last.

you rub your clit, faster, harder, pulling on your nipple, switching to the other one to make sure both were attended to, you've never been built up this quickly. even when you were masturbating you had taken her advice and teased yourself for at least an hour before you got anywhere close to cumming.

you crave her, eyes lidded watching the way the veins in her arms become a little more visible when she thrusts in a little harder. you can hear the examination table shaking under you, you can't keep still at all, trying to meet her on each thrust, the tools and materials clattering about loudly. the possibility that someone could hear you outside flies across your mind but you can barely give it a second thought, in fact, it turns you on even more knowing that you were getting fucked by the most gorgeous doctor that you've been obsessed with the last fortnight, and on the other side of the door everyone was just going about their regular days, having no idea the heights of pleasure she was bringing you to.

"o-oh s-sana oh my god- holy fuck-"

"hmm? good?"

"yes yes so good- oh my god you feel so good inside me i'm gonna- oh fuck-"

"do you mind if i..."

you look down at her, vision a little blurry but you can tell she's asking to do something, "yes yes oh god- whatever- you can do whatever you want to me- oh fuck-"

you feel a soft hand come to rest on your stomach, sliding down to just a little below your belly button, and then it presses down just gently, "oh fuck!" your hips jolt upwards, pleasure running up your spine.

sana stops the pressure but keeps her hand on your lower stomach, "was that okay?"

"god yes- oh sana you're gonna make me cum please-"

so she presses down again, a little harder this time, and you feel the coil in you snap, white enroaching your vision, your thighs shaking, head tilted back, a high-pitched gasp leaving your mouth, feeling completely breathless.

sana waits for you to come down patiently, helping you through your orgasm, continuing her thrusts into your cunt but slower and much gentler.

eventually, you feel your back and hips meet the surface of the examination table under you again, breathing heavily and opening your eyes slowly.

sana's moved next to you, brushing strands of hair out of your face, you preen into her touch. but the next thing she does has you clenching tightly around the dildo that's still inside you. she brings her fingers to her mouth, sucking them in and making a show of wrapping her tongue around them. "exquisite."

you blush, clenching your thighs together at the sight.

she gives you a slow once-over again, before exhaling shakily and turning away, moving to the sink to clean up a little. you struggle a little to sit up, still recovering from your mind-shaking orgasm, and you're about to pull the dildo out of you when she speaks up again, still with her back turned to you.

"keep it inside you. that'll be your homework task for the next fortnight until our next session." she turns around, seeming to have collected herself a little better, her eyes fixed only on your face, purposely avoiding the rest of your body.

you sluggishly start to clean yourself up, wincing a little each time you accidentally move the dildo inside you.

"so you are able to come from penetration, you don't have to worry about that. and it's normal that you need some clitoral or other stimulation to be able to orgasm, often just penetration isn't enough. for the next fortnight i want you to continue masturbating, but i want you to practice leaving a dildo inside yourself afterwards, so your vaginal muscles get used to the feeling of something being inside. you can slowly work your way up the sizes, just don't push yourself and make sure you stop if it starts becoming too painful."

you nod, trying to bring your breathing back to a normal pace while you slip your clothes back on.

"alright. were there any other concerns you wanted to talk about?"

you shake your head, coming to a stand.

"okay. you can make the next appointment with the receptionist out front. i'll see you in 2 weeks y/n."

you nod, again, walking out the door when she opens it for you, but turning back before she can close it catching her a little by surprise, "thank you sana. i look forward to seeing you again soon." your voice is still a little scratchy but sana blushes, pursing her lips and nodding, closing the door after you.

you sigh a little dreamily, feeling more blissed out than you've been in a long time.

❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

this continues between the two of you for a few months.

you loved teasing sana and getting her out of her professional state. once you had worn lingerie under your coat to see her. you laugh remembering the way her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as soon as you took off your coat when you were in the privacy of her office. you'd let her fuck you however she wanted, and then you'd use each new experience to get you off during the fortnight that she'd give you new exercises, all increasing in intensity to help build you up to being able to take an average sized penis.

your favourite one to think about was that week that ben started complaining about how you'd been seeing sana for so long that surely you'd be able to take him by now. he insisted on coming to your next appointment but he was forced to sit outside and wait for you. little did he know you were on the other side of the door, a hand clamped over your mouth, the other holding you up against the door with your breasts pressed against it while sana railed into you from behind. of course she kept harnesses in her office. she had said they were mainly there for educational purposes, to show people how to put one on properly so it was safe and wasn't hurting anyone, it was just an added benefit that she also used them to pound into you with increasing dildo sizes each fortnight.

you lean onto your elbows while you watch her wash off the dildo she had just used on you. it was the biggest one yet and you're still fluttering a little remembering the way it filled you up while you rode her.

"what?" she turns around, drying off the dildo and slipping it back into your bag, pulling her shirt back on.

"just think you're nice to look at."

she rolls her eyes playfully, "shut up y/n."

you wiggle your eyebrows, "make me."

she glances at you, narrowing her eyes a little but making no effort to move closer, "as if you could go another round. you came so hard just then."

you giggle and sigh in satisfaction, resting your cheek on a hand, "i did. you're so good at what you do."

sana hums, finishing getting dressed and looking semi-presentable, settling back into her seat, but her expression changes a little while she studies you.

"what's up?"

"... have you tried having sex again with your boyfriend?"

"i told you i haven't."

she hums again, mind drifting elsewhere and you shrug, sitting up and starting to clean yourself up. "you can try now y'know? you were able to take that dildo and that's pretty much the average size of a penis already. unless he's bigger than that...?"

you scoff, shuffling into your pants, "no. he's actually smaller than the one you just used on me."

"then you should try having sex again."

you pull your shirt over your head, thinking over what she's saying. instead of sitting down in your own seat you climb into her lap, her arms wrapping around you automatically, hands gripping your waist while you make yourself comfortable. "doesn't that mean i won't be able to see you anymore?"

sana chuckles a little emptily, "i'm your sex therapist y/n. you knew this was going to end eventually."

"yeah but you don't fuck your other clients do you?"

sana laughs then, you feast in the sound. "no, no i don't."

"good. i was actually thinking..."

"hm?" she brings a hand up to your cheek, brushing slightly.

"would you... i don't know... like... i think about you when i get off yeah but i also think about you like... all the time..."

"mhm."

"so i was wondering if... i don't know if you felt the same if you wanted to like hang out outside of here? and like i don't mean to have sex i mean like go on a date maybe...?" you're shy, bringing this question up, blushing and avoiding her eyes.

"you have a boyfriend y/n." she deadpans.

"well yeah but i was thinking of breaking up with him anyway. now that you're bringing up having sex with him again i don't want that, and i don't want to stop seeing you. i guess just- just the threat that this all might be over soon- well i don't want it to be over. i like you sana." you say a little more firmly this time, meeting her eyes with decisiveness.

sana smiles then, all eyes, leaning in to peck you gently, "come back in a fortnight and we'll see. if you're no longer with him then... maaaybe i'll let you take me out."

your eyes brighten at her response, jumping out of her lap with excitement, "really?! oh my god i'll call him right now and do it-" you're reaching for your phone in your bag when she laughs, pulling you back into her

"don't do it over the phone silly. not even he deserves that."

you pout a little but it’s quickly wiped away when sana kisses you, lips slotting perfectly against yours with practiced ease. you sigh into her, addicted to the feeling, the taste, the smell of her. it was probably the easiest decision of your life, choosing your sex therapist over your boyfriend.