#she has mental issues so it’s not her fault
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mvmnbnv · 20 hours ago
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*ahem* wow okay so a couple things
one, I'm not a jinx stan. I have mad respect for jinx but I'm a Vi stan through and through
two: the first half was s1
three: Jinx had every right to want to fucking murder someone (yes Vi) who ended up on the side of her oppressor and released poisonous gas into the air as if it wasn't already bad enough
four: she was a literal child trying to help her family...and its not her fault piltover is so shitty that one of its enforcers decided locking up a child was a good thing to do for her safety...pleaase the fact that you think that's jinx fault is so funny and sad at the same time.
Five: Vi makes an ablelist remark too calling jinx delusional twice but you dont seem to care...
and who tf is victimizing jinx lmao?? I'm saying she was done dirty. I never said she was a saint, I never said she didn't hurt Vi. I'm saying she's at a point in s2 where she loves Vi way more than caitlyn does but somehow the writers think she's the issue...when the oppressive system they've lived under has always been the real issue. When cait's over here calling her people animals, gassing them, and never says even does something as little as saying sorry to vi for any of the shit she's done to her. There's no remorse on her part at all...not even to that small degree. everything you mentioned is the result of piltover's bullshit, and quite frankly i couldnt give less of a shit what jinx does to them, fuck them. they can burn. they are the problem. And jinx's case is one of the many where i can say an apology isn't warranted or needed, one because Vi's the one who flipped to the oppressive side, and two, jinx does things in s1 that you cant wash away with "sorry", but instead just makes an effort to be better in s2. Unlike cait, whos arc is just garbage. One of the writers literally said she would be second in command to ambessa if not for vi. that mf has no moral compass on her own. Jinx can do good whether vi is there or not. Not to mention jinx and cait's actions are not and never will be on par bc of the amount of power caitlyn has...so yea figure it out
this shit is hardly mental gymnastics just common sense
neither jinx or cait say sorry for anything they do, both of them have done shit that cant be undone with sorry, but again, jinxs actions will never equate to caits one, and she actually makes an effort to show vi she cares and has genuine moments w her. cait literally could never and were just left with "microexpressions" n shit
thinking about how these writers literally outright say jinx was the issue in Vi's life while also having cait show no genuine love for vi in any way
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Jinx was the one who pulled her out of her pitfighter arc. Cait was too busy going through with martial law to even be bothered to give a shit where Vi was
Jinx was the one that even after everything Vi had done and how angry she was with her, wanted to still be a family with her. To build their family back together, to have Vi be apart of her life along with Isha.
Jinx was the one who found Vi's father and went with Vi to a place where they could heal, stay, and help them out and again...be happy together.
When I tell you these writers can go fuck themselves. It was JINX who loved her sister genuinely, who had looked out for her when the person they put her with in turn couldnt have given less of a shit. just being a dictator and sleeping with someone else. only having Vi be the thing that stops it from happening again...and even that isnt a guarantee considering she hit vi in act 3 for trying to ground her.
WHAT. ARE. THEY. SMOKIIING??? Jinx is literally the one that loves Vi the way she deserves and is the one who loves Vi DESPITE what she cant do for her... im sorry im just angry with how dirty they did jinx and the fact that they literally think shes the problem like??? WTF??W?ASFDJASDJFD
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fuckyeahdindjarin · 1 year ago
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I was assaulted unprovoked at the bus stop by a teenage girl on the way home tonight and I’m being very brave about it 💀
It’s my birthday in two weeks and I’m so fucking ready to say goodbye to 33. I need a fresh start please 🤷🏻‍♀️
Edited to add: the whole time I was thinking, please don’t rip my hair out, it’s my sister’s wedding on Saturday and I’m maid of honour 💀
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dennisboobs · 10 months ago
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ok at the point now where looking at an image of dennis makes me want to smash my head through a wall
#ada speaks#idk how ppl exist in this fandom who don't feel bad for him tbh#which is the last thing den wants bc being perceived as weak and pitiable is devastating to him but#chasing this mfer down to give him a hug#he is so. fucked up. he has been fucked up by every adult in his life.#i think the fandom perceives him as this spoiled rich kid who had it better than most of the gang but the reality is#he was failed just like the rest of them and it's almost worse because he doesn't – and almost CAN'T – recognize this#letting the protective ego-boosting and boasting drop leads to him having to confront SO much baggage and i don't think he is mentally able#i think he DOES know deep down that everything is a lie and he has been hurt because we see that self awareness in ptsdee and tends bar#but his relationship with everyone in the gang is so strained that i don't think he would be able to have a moment like charlie did in s15#even in tends bar there's a moment where they all recognize something is going on with him but immediately place him at the center#because he's the problem with him. anything done to him is his fault. it's not only something he reinforces. the gang does too#this must be because *dennis* has no feelings and he hates valentines day because everyone else is unlike him which makes *him* mad#the entire gang has an issue placing blame on themselves but to not even be able to conceive of dennis being hurt by them is. telling#because he's inhuman to them. it's how he's propped himself up and yet simultaneously hopes that they will see through that act#the way he reworks things in his mind so that everything is a consequence of his grand plan#means that he is always at fault regardless of whether he brushes the blame off#so he is not a *victim* of anyone else. because this was all under his control. he wasn't raped because he was initiating it.#klinsky was His Conquest. he was fourteen and she was in her fifties but he forced himself on her so that makes it His Fault.#it was a two way road. he's fourteen. and he 'entered' her. he's fourteen. but she was uncomfortable with his advances. but he was fourteen#cw csa mention
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cuntwrap--supreme · 4 months ago
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My dog has been having senior moments, such as randomly forgetting what she's doing or trying to walk into a street, and I've been calling her "Mr. President" when it happens.
Like, "No, Mr. President, we can't walk into oncoming traffic. That's how we get killed!"
#it makes me sad that she's so old. and it's only in the past couple months that she's been doing this.#she's still overall very physically healthy. we go on walks almost every day and as long as she wants to.#and she eats well and takes vitamins and her teeth are kept clean and her claws trimmed and her coat clean#but she's slipping a little mentally#she's 11 which is old as hell for a dog her size. the vet said golden retriever mixes (which is what i assume she is) usually live to 10.#and she's not even started going white too much. just around her snoot and a little on her paws.#so when i take her in the vet always assumes she's like 6#but I've had this crusty old lady since shortly before i was even legally an adult#and I'm scared for when she does die because my other dog dying damn near made me commit suicide#and like I've said. I've had her a lot longer.#if she were a person she'd be going into middle school. like.#and she's had her share of weird health things. she's had a thyroid issue since she was 4. she has a weird skin condition.#she's had a couple surgeries and has scars from being attacked by random dogs (not my fault. she's well trained)#she's fallen a couple times recently but the vet says that's normal for her age#she went blind then wasn't blind and is going blind again#her hearing is starting to get shit too#I'm just so worried about her. this dog is a person to me. she's more real than my family in my mind.#and my cat is cool and all. but she's not a people. she's just a cat.#i guess the best i can hope for her is she lives the rest of her life comfortably and can die peacefully in her sleep#i think I'd completely come unglued from reality if i lost another dog to surprise everything cancer#but that's what I'm most scared of#because it came on so quickly and no one caught it despite me being that person who takes their dogs to the vet over a cough#she's sleeping right now and making goofy ass dog dream sounds. and i know i won't hear that any more sometime soon.#dog#old dog#senior dog#clio#joe biden mention
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worlds-worst-ships · 2 days ago
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I only know three of these and I know this is gonna make a lot of people start crying in the comments "oH My gOd, yOu'Re sUcH a WiLlY hEaD fOr hAviNg a DifFeReNt OpiNiOn tO mE, i'M tElLiNg-" SHUT UP. I'm called worlds-worst-ships for a reason, you whiny noob.
Anyways, under the cut;
Anyway, Mark and Amber is basically my pet peeve. Everything always being your fault, when you don't talk to them for ten minutes your partner is already chatting up someone else at a party, and when you actually have a good reason for needing a bit more time to yourself, its never, ever good enough. Sure, Mark probably should've been more straight up, but I think that literally risking your life and almost dying to save the world every week is a pretty good reason for missing a few dates. I see people everywhere saying this situation ain't toxic, and thats because this sort of shit is NORMAL these days. Be perfect, never miss anything unless you're literally dead in a ditch, or you ain't shit. Even if you're dying of a heart attack, they'd better find your body crawling to go see your girl with a gift in your hand, cuz otherwise if she's anything like Amber, she will spit venom on your name in the eulogy, trust me.
Joker and Harley is straight up every girl in my local area. Joker has committed every crime known to man, many of which were committed on Harley, and she still can't get enough of him. I swear, girls like Harley don't use Tinder, they use Crimewatch, and even after years of the same shit they run crying to everyone else as if they're in any position to help them while guys like Joker are on the same crud until the day they die, its more than toxic, its downright hazardous. And before someone says "oH mY gOd, yOu'rE ViCtIm bLaMiNg, i'M GoiNG tO sPaM rEpOrT yOu fOr 15 HoUrS a DaY oN aLl Of yOuR sOciAlS bEcAuSe I CaN't FiNd tHe X BuTtOn oN mY BrOwSeR LiKe A NoRmAl pErSon", know that I have always said Harley's story makes zero sense. She was living a normal enough life, no glaringly obvious points in her life that would've whittled away her self worth to the point where a loony like Joker could get to her like that, so her falling in love with him isn't a product of some mental health issue, she's literally just a dumbass.
At least with Light and Misa, Light doesn't do consistently heinous shit to her. He at least provides for her to some extent, tries to keep her happy (albeit for his own ends, but still), he's never hospitalised her, cheated on her, (I wouldn't count that thing with that woman in the hotel room, as far as I can remember, no juices were exchanged, he just strung her along for the case), and overall, Misa's situation is actually at least somewhat bearable compared to the others. I've been in the Mark/Amber situation and would rather die than live like Joker and Harley, so yeah, Light and Misa take it for me.
Toxic heterosexuality
I'm not sure what we're voting for honestly, interpret it how you want. (And explain your choice in the notes for fun!)
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btw I only know 3 of these ships so don't yell at me too much if one isn't toxic
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these-detestable-hands · 10 months ago
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I don't wanna be a party pooper because I really love Herlock but with the way they live, Iris is gonna grow up to resent him and likely decrease or completely cut contact after moving out
#She does a lot of the house chores and he relies on her way more than a parent should#A parent shouldn't rely on their kid at all#Maybe when the kid is an adult but Iris is TEN#At that age she should be reading fairy tales and drawing ugly drawings and going to school#Not cooking and cleaning because her guardian is too inconsistent and mentally ill to do it himself#Of course you can't blame a parent for being mentally ill but you can blame him for not reaching out and getting help to raise Iris#Obviously he can't raise her alone#He's a single parent and has a full time job plus some mental health issues#Like dude at least call in Greg to babysit her once or twice a week so you can take a break#Or ask another friend!!!#Idfk#Anyway I speak from experience#My dad is doing badly so I often have to cook and clean because he can't#And it's only partially his fault that he's like this#But I still resent him and I want to cut contact#It wouldn't be unrealistic for Iris to want the same when she gets old enough to realize how unhealthy her relationship with Sholmes is#It's good that Ryunosuke and Susato live with them#And Iris has a friend like Gina who cares about her deeply and helps her sometimes#But that's RECENT#Sholmes has had custody of Iris for as long as she can remember#And with how they both talk about it then this way of living is normal for them#PLEASE get another adult to live with you and take care of Iris you mess of a man!!!!#I have an au I need to make on this subject#To explore the characters but also to vent some of my resentment towards my own dad#Proof reading the tags and I wanna add something#Iris still cooks when Ryu and Susato move in#So they don't do much to lessen the load on her#But add to it because she has to cook for two more people#pie won't shut up#asexual attorneys
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teabookgremlin · 1 year ago
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i’ve been obsessively checking facebook i feel like a boomer
#for context#iris’s placement needs to change so that she can be closer to professionals due to her recent behavioral issues#and one of the trainers posted on the organization’s facebook group looking for a volunteer to take her#so i keep checking that post in case anyone’s commented saying they’ll take her#bc i’m so stressed out not knowing how much longer i’ll have with her#and also stressed bc her training has been put on hold for the time#so i’m really nervous that she’ll be off training for too long and that even if she gets through her behavioral issues#she won’t be able to graduate and go on to be a working dog#not to mention all the stress of her being the second dog i’ve trained who’s needed to be moved due to reactivity#which makes me feel like it’s my fault and i’m bad at this#even tho a trainer has confirmed that she doesn’t think i’m doing anything wrong#but still#i’m nervous they won’t want me to keep puppy raising which is an irrational fear#bc i haven’t been told anything of the sort#just ugh i’m just having a rough time rn#also if iris is gonna be transferred it needs to happen before august bc i’ll be super busy#with moving into my dorm and then working at freshmen orientation at my school#so i just won’t be able to mentally handle that stress plus iris having just left#i just need to have set dates like ok iris is leaving on this day i can get a new dog on this day#but unfortunately i really can’t get that specificity right now#anyway that was a lot of rambling whoops
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jackoshadows · 6 hours ago
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Jonsa shipper popular theories in this fandom:
Jon Snow 'settles for ugly Arya' because as a bastard he could only love from afar beautiful, high born Sansa
Here are all the different violent ways Jon will murder Dany for his true love Sansa
Jon will abort his baby with Dany for Sansa
All of Jon's friendships are just Sansa stand ins, Jon's entire story is about his subconscious great love for Sansa
Jon will be repulsed by Arya when they meet again because omg she killed people! With the sword he gave her!! Unlike pure, innocent gentle Sansa.
Tradwife discourse
Arya is really a man unlike feminine Sansa - which is Jon's ideal's version of what a woman should be like.
All the good ol' misogynistic scorned women tropes with respect to Dany on how she is going to go mad and massacre people because Jon will chose Sansa
Political!Jon 🤮
All of Jon's thoughts about Arya is actually about Sansa
All of the foreshadowing for Jon/Dany like the 'blue rose on the wall' is actually about Jon/Sansa
The real parallels are between Sansa/Lyanna not Arya/Lyanna
Sansa charmed GRRM so much that he replaced Arya with Sansa in all the main plots and narratives.
Jon will kill Dany and give her dragon to Sansa.
Also Jonsa shippers: They just hate Jonsa because they don't like Sansa and want her to get abused and taken advantage of! Look at the sexism you guys!
Hey, maybe, just maybe, Dany, Arya and Jon fans object to this ship because of all the toxicity, sexism and vile misogyny exhibited towards other female characters in this series?
Also lol at this person bringing up Sansa/Margaery. The difference between Sansa/Margaery and Jonsa is that the former is treated like the crackship it is while the latter is pushed as canon while trashing Jon's canonical relationships with a huge amount of so called metas, theories and speculation spend on simply hating characters like Dany - for being a main character with romance foreshadowing with Jon - and Arya for having a canon emotionally heavy relationship with Jon.
Also take it up with GRRM for writing relationships for Sansa - positive or negative - with Tyrion, Sandor and LF. That's not the fault of the readers and if one wants to change that and give Sansa the relationships that GRRM wrote and is writing for Arya and Dany then do it with fanfiction.
Like literally the main issue these people have is that for them Sansa is not Arya or Dany - she does not have Arya's main character focus and relationship with Jon or she does not have 3 dragons and an army and be a powerful central character in her own right. So they are out there doing mental gymnastics and twisting the narrative to shove Sansa in there - while dragging down characters like Arya, Dany and Jon - and then write posts like these about how it's just Sansa haters who dislike Jonsa.
The irony being that they are the biggest Sansa haters out of everyone. If one does not like book Sansa and the relationships GRRM has written for her then why is one even a Sansa stan? Go stan for Arya and Dany - but then these characters are complex and flawed and do more than be pretty and wanting to get married with children - and therefore don't fit into the typical tradwife narrative that her stans force Sansa into. Sansa can be a complex character if her stans allow her to be one with all her flaws - but the whitewashed version they stan is one of the most boring and blandest character in the series.
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It's interesting that they always miss the point. Also very big of them calling the fandom ships "weird,incestuous" when J0nsa would also count as such. Newsflash: this is not about Sansa being or needing to be "humbled". If only they knew half the shit their own fandom is up to...
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krispiecake · 2 years ago
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currently thinking about how when i told my dad to tell my mother i would not be speaking to her until she apologised she just. straight up stopped even trying to contact me. like, not even a text. absolutely insane how much this woman refuses to admit that maybe she was wrong about how she handles some things. she cannot swallow her pride to even do this one really small basic show of respect. fucking mental.
#like…… i think she said ‘im sorry it came out rude’ right after it happened but. GIRL.#THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE APOLOGISING FOR AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT.#she knows full well that what she said was inappropriate invalidating triggering and insulting#AND that i have repeatedly asked her NOT to say it over the past few years.#and yet she just says ‘sorry it came out rude’???? like not ‘im sorry i said that’ not ‘i was wrong and insulting and disrespectful of ur#boundries that youve had in place for years now’#and like she keeps doing this again and again and again with so many fucking things#she just has no respect for my mental health issues or who i am or like just me as a person#its near constant. shes always subtly calling me dramatic and ridiculous and telling me that im stupid and that its all my fault#but the moment i try to bring up anything like this to her just just yells#and goes ‘oh i get it im a horrible mum well i tried my best and i put in so much work’ ect ect ect#like i was sharing with her biosocial theory and how i think that bcause we have never different ways of regulating out emotions#it meant i was never taught to do it properly/in a way that works for me and that combined with my autism and my trauma likely led to my bpd#and when i tried to explain that it wasnt anyones fault its just that we’re different ppl and there was no way she couldve knows#she was like ‘ohhhh so its MY fault? hm? I’M the reason youre like this!?’#and she looks down on me so fucking much for my ed and for sh and really just for any symptoms i show bc#why cant i deal with things properly like HER.#idk its so exhausting like i just want a proper apology from my own fucking mother but no.#shes doing the exact same thing that she berates and mocks and looks down on me for.#ugh i feel like screaming
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sherlock-is-ace · 2 years ago
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#midnight thoughts before going to bed (feel free to ignore)#but today i realized two major things about myself and my mental illness#1. i was reminded that when you have an anxiety disorder your body has a hard time telling the difference between anxiety and excitement#and suddenly my whole life made sense lol#the amount of times i didn't do something that i really wanted to do because it caused me MAJOR anxiety#and it was probably excitement actually but my body went into full fight or flight mode#and 2. i realized that my masking is actually causing me physical pain#like this is of course of i am actually autistic. i still feel like i can't say i am cause i have no right you know?#but objectively i'm like 98% sure i have autism#ANYWAYS masking is usually just forcing eye contact or not stiming in public (as much)#but today i realized that when i hear loud noises or too many at the same time my instinct is to cover my ears#but i don't because that's ''weird'' or will make people ask questions that i don't really know how to answer#so i don't cover my ears i just sit through it in actual pain and hope for the best#and the worst part of this is that when i say ''masking in public'' i mean in my own damn home#because of my mom and the fact that she doesn't believe i have issues#i think it's my fault tho i shouldn't have mentioned my self diagnosis while we were watcing the good doctor (and later attorney woo)#because those two are her only reference for what autism is/looks like and i'm not like that#i mean for the most part... the good doctor was the reason i realize i might be autistic#and woo's struggle with revolving doors hit a bit too close to my heart lol#but anyways...#i need to deal with my out of control anxiety#and i'm pretty sure i am autistic...#those are the conclusions of this post lol#angel talks#personal
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merkerlerspeaks · 5 months ago
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Zodi/Celeste/Raine is somehow both my baby and also the girl my inner little weird girl looks up to so much she adopts parts of her as her personality
#Making Zodi so into entomology got ME into it enough that I got over my phobia of bees#And now things that I think first that she would like I end up liking myself a bit more than I have in the past#like green apple and coconut smells#Instead of basing your OC off your personality....base your personality off your OC LOL#I'm kidding but seriously the adult version of her I have planned would be the absolute coolest friend to have I think#I think creating her I just took a lot of traits I admire and smashed them into one character#She loves being feminine but she's also super tomboyish#She's wicked smart both in street smarts and academics#She has an ambiguous enough tragic backstory and affliction that anyone with a chronic illness#mental health issues#or has done something horrible and regrets it so so much#would be able to relate to her (symbolically at least)#She's a weird girl with weird interests#She's loyal near to a fault#She can treat most afflictions because her ADHD butt has a special interests in medivial/magic medicine#But she is also far from perfect because she does things WRONG and suffers for it#and tries to right it#And suffers with a lot of jealousy problems and some anxieties#She gets angry and bottles up that anger sometimes till she lashes out#But she's also super forgiving because she KNOWS how doing things you regret feels all to well#Idk I just love her#Im thinking about her and she is by far my favourite girl#I've seriously considered taking her and using her in another story#Like she would still be a Tangled OC but at the same time....I'd also take the exact same character#and build a nice story for her to star in bc she is my baby and something I like this much really should have its own thing#Oh I forgot to mention too that I just really like that she doesn't have much focus on things like kids and romance#Like yeah she COULD she has nothing against it but....why tho?#She could take it or leave it. She doesn't need it so she focuses on her own things.#And I also love that I can like her so much and not be trying to ship her with anyone#that's one of my favourite features about her
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gallusrostromegalus · 1 year ago
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The Van Has Officially Declared It Spooky Season
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I've got my parent's van for the week and it seems determined to establish my status as The Local Cryptid by terrorizing an innocent 7-11 clerk.
...I might need to back up a bit.
My mother is an eminently sensible woman who knows herself well, and when The Plauge hit, she knew she'd need some sort of mentally and physically engaging craft project to keep herself from going insane and massacring the local zoning and water management boards (even if they have it coming). So she and Dad acquired a utility van and converted it into a camper van because while they love camping, they're past the age where their joints and immune systems will tolerate sleeping on the cold ground in a nylon tent.
They did a terrific job of it and my mom taught herself woodworking and carpentry and now the van has it's own cabinets, fold-away dining table, and removable queen-sized bed with memory foam mattress. My Dad was already a computer engineer, but he learned the dark magics of automotive software and electronics to install after-market backup cameras, a media player that would take a terabyte hard drive and a solar-powered battery and outlet so they could wake up and just turn on the kettle and griddle for breakfast without having to exit the van into a cold morning on an empty stomach.
Truly, the height of Camping Luxury.
My parents are both in their mid-seventies and my primary life goal is to be at least half as cool and hale as they are when I get old.
Anyway, they take it out at least a dozen times a year and it works fabulously, but, being as I am on good terms with my parents and also finishing the process of moving house, I've been borrowing it to move large and cumbersome objects that will not fit in the back of my equally lovely but minuscule Honda hatchback.
It's a Great Van. Very easy and comfortable to drive. Stunningly good MPG for it's size. The best cruise control I've ever had in a car.
It's just also. Quirky. Mischievous, even.
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If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.
It's got the same issue that Doberman Dogs have where they look like the sort of creature that likes to snack on toddler's faces whilst actually having personalities made of marshmallow fluff. This vehicle is unnecessarily menacing and I think nothing short of an airbrushed Epic Van Wizard will correct this. People see this van pull up and lean over and squint suspiciously at me when the driver's side door opens, and then look moderately confused when, instead of Charles Manson, a small, potato-shaped creature with neon purple hair and a statistically unlikely assortment of dogs emerges.
My own two dogs, Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin/Corgi and Charleston Chew The Taco Dumpster Dog, Do Not Like The Van. Even with the bed in it, they have a tendency to slide and roll around in the back, and both WILL chew through dog saftey belts or other attempts to secure them in there.
On the other hand, my house mate's dog, an exceptionally tall standard poodle whom we lovingly call "The Creature", loves the Van because SHE wears her doggy seat-belt with only mild complaining and gets to sit up in the passenger seat like A People.
Also like A People, The Creature likes to stand and walk around on her hind legs. It doesn't hurt her and it's entirely voluntary, but every so often I will feel a hand on my arm and instead of my husband or friend, it's a canine that's taller than I am on her hind legs who wants to stare at my face with soulful, concerned eyes. The Creature's favorite thing is that she is exactly the right height for me to hold her arm in Genteel Fashion and walk around the pet food or hardware store with her like I'm a count escorting a debutante around a royal ball.
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As it stands, I am set to inherit this vehicle whenever my Honda gives up the ghost, and I fully intend to paint an Epic Van Wizard on it when that time comes.
The other peculiarity of The Van is that while Dad did manage to successfully install all his after-market electronics, not all the electronics get along. Sometimes, they fight for Dominance. The Terabyte Music Player and the Backup Camera have a particularly contentious relationship, and turning on the music has about a 25% chance of turning on the backup camera as well, and turning on the Backup Camera is equally likely to turn on the music.
Firthermore, The Van has a favorite song.
I am not kidding that Dad filled an entire terabyte hard drive with music and the software to sort it via the radio controls, but of all the Early Boomer Dad Rock (Kingston Trio over The Eagles) and Irish Folk and Symphonies and the entire discography of Weird Al Yankovic, The Van's favorite song- The one it picks to play as victory music every time it beats the Backup Camera at their weird electronic game of rock-paper-scissors -is The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.
You all know this song already.
...but in case you've forgotten the tune:
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Yeah.
The Van's favorite song is the goddamn Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Music.
It does not play this song at a normal volume.
Every time I turn on the Backup Camera and it manages to turn the music player on as well, The Van insists on absolutely blasting this nonsense on at the maximum volume it's physically capable of producing, which I know is loud enough to be heard from the Denver International Airport's Pickup zone when they Van decided to start playing it from the economy lot about half a mile away.
Perhaps it's The Van's way of honoring the aesthetic sensibilities and sonic enthusiasm of Mr. Sousa.
...I can't help but wonder if the purpose of an Epic Van Wizard is to control this sort of faerie-like malarkey, and channel these chaotic energies into things like Spell of Don't Break Down In Nevada or Enchantment Of Always Have Good Parking.
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So last Friday the 13th, I get a call from my friend and housemate, at said airport.
It's roughly 11PM at night, and I have already retired for the evening. I am in the exact minimum of clothing required to be a decent housemate and not scandalize the neighbors should I happen to walk by a window. My feet are up. There is a cat in my lap and fictional British people murdering each other in highly inventive fashion on the tv. -But my friend has returned from her friend's wedding,and either American or United Airlines has managed to lose her luggage, including, among other valuable possessions, the keys to her car. ...So she cannot just drive home as originally planned.
There are, as luck would have it, her spare set of keys not eight feet from me.
Being a good and decent person, I agree to bring the spare keys to her so she may get home before daybreak and not spend a semester's worth of tuition on an uber across the greater Denver traffic jam.
Being also that she Loves Activities, and it's her mom we're going to pick up, I elect to take along The Creature.
I am primarily focused on remembering how to get to the airport and not leaving my friend's spare keys on the counter, so I throw on a pair of flip-flops, step outside, remember that it's AUTUMN and my minimal evening attire is not sufficient thermal protection, step back in, grab the first coat in the closet I lay hands on, pull it on, check that I have her keys again and leave.
The trip to the airport is largely unremarkable, save that it becomes necessary for me to put on sunglasses to drive, despite it being nearly the witching hour and almost entirely darker than the inside of a cow.
It's necessary because this blissful darkness of night is violently punctured by a startling number of cars that seem to have installed miniaturized but no less powerful lighthouse bulbs in where their headlights ought to go so the oncoming traffic and sports cars that insist on tailgating me in the slow lane alike illuminate the road and my mirrors with the kind of radiance I'd normally associate with the arrival of a Seraphim.
I arrive at the distant highly discounted airport car lot where my housemate is waiting, deeply apologetic. It's nothing. I say. Once I see that your car starts up, I'm gonna go to that 7-11 across the way that I parked in front of, get a slurpee or something and I'll see you at home.
While she is retrieving her vehicle (an equally eccentric but much more stately Subaru that is old enough to be elected to congress) I rifle through the loose change in the glove box and discover that I have exactly $6.66 in small bills and coins. The Subaru, continuing it's long voyage into vehicular immortality, immediately starts up.
Upon her return, we all remember that my friend had all her camping gear in the backseat of the car and there is no room for The Creature to ride home with her parent, so I again assure her it's nothing, and will just take The Creature into the 7-11 with me. She is trained as a service animal and needs the practice after the plague.
I wave my friend off and turn to enter the 7-11.
I promptly trip over the jutting back bumper of The Van and fall, cartoonishly, face-first onto the sidewalk.
Fortunately, I have a lot of practice falling on my face, and have learned not to throw my hands out but instead cover my face, so my unexpected self-inflicted attempted curb-stomping lightly scrapes my hairline and nothing else -my sunglasses even stay in place- and I get up and resume my quest for a slurpee.
It's well known that the airport is a lawless place, and the 7-11 across from the discounted airport parking at the stroke of midnight is no exception.
I know it's the stroke of Midnight because there's one of those Audubon society bird-call clocks that makes bird noises, and my arrival is heralded by the twittering call of a Summer Tanager. I am almost charmed enough by the unusual choice of chronological device to excuse the exorbitant Airport-adjacent mark-up of Slurpee prices. I stand at the machine for some time, trying to decide on a size for the price and guess what the fuck "Blue Lighting Blast" is supposed to taste like.
The Creature is being Very Polite but is somewhat agitated, I assume because she *just* saw her mother for the first time in three days and then she LEFT with no explanation, so The Creature is on her hind legs, staring woefully into my eyes, asking to be escorted around the 7-11. Even though that's not what she's not supposed to be doing, there's nobody else in here, so I let her hang off my arm and discuss various Slurpee Flavor options with her.
We eventually decide on an experiment in which I try a Small Blue Lightning Blast, and discover it tastes a bit like licking a nintendo cartridge but in a pleasantly satisfying way.
I go up to pay and realize something is amiss.
The Cashier is a young man staring at me with wide eyes, one had over the register and the other wrapped up in his rosary.
I look down at myself.
In my haste to reunite my friend with her spare keys and service animal, I had left the house in the following accoutrements:
Flip Flops. Not matching. It's below freezing outside. That last part is not particularly odd footwear for the weather in for Colorado, but it's an important detail for the rest of the ensemble.
Assorted scrapes, bruises, cuts and welts on my arms and legs that come with doing outdoor work and living in a house with three dogs and a fully-clawed cat that all want to be in my lap all the time. It's cold out, so vasoconstriction has pulled the blood away from my skin, a trait that served my ancestors well during the last Ice Age, but leaves me with pale skin to contrast the various wounds and I look like a corpse that fell out of the back of a pickup truck.
The black Bootyshorts with "CRYPTID" painted in bright red gothic font across my ass, that @theshitpostcalligrapher gave me for my wedding present.
A peculiar but extremely comfortable garment that straddles the line between "Lacy Camisole" and "Industrial-Strength Sports Bra" like the Ever Given straddling the Suez Canal. It is also Bright Red. with black accents.
The Jacket I had grabbed out of the closet, which is in fact, a black Velour Dinner Jacket.
The Tokyo-Ghoul inspired reusable anti-covid mask a friend made me with the set of Coyote Teeth.
My sunglasses, which are shaped like a Halloween Bat. The lenses are the wings and the body is the nose bridge. It is ALSO bright red.
A Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle that I have been audibly affectionately calling "Dear Creature" who is hanging off my arm like she's my Prom Date.
The Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle is ALSO dressed up in a black Dog Sweater that has white bones printed on it to look like its an X-ray jacket showing off her skeleton.
I look like I am taking my Very Fancy Werewolf Girlfriend to a particularly casual Dinner Party for Vampires, but the thing that's really selling it and probably alarming the kid the most is the fun accessory I acquired in the parking lot not five minutes earlier:
The "Small Scrape At my Hairline" is actually a painless but PROFUSELY bleeding head wound that I had somehow entirely failed to notice covering my face, neck, decolletage and magnificent cleavage with blood like a Tarantino Film Extra.
This does explain why The Creature has been delicately trying to use her bodyweight to push me down onto the floor for the last ten minutes. So I don't injure myself while we wait for the paramedics she hoped this kid called to arrive, you see.
The Creature has such a High and Naive Opinion of humanity.
I decide this social situation is already fucked, and the only way out is through, and with haste, before I start dripping on the floor.
"Hi there!" I say cheerfully, to indicate this is a visually alarming but not terribly serious situation. "Just a Small Slurpee!"
The Cashier has entered the relevant code into the register before I finish the sentence. His gaze flicks off me just long enough to look at the total, and he grips his Rosary harder.
$6.66
"Oh cool! I have exact change!" I say, taking the money out of my as-yet-unsanguined pocket without looking and slap it down on the counter. "You have a good night and be safe out there!" I wave, leaving.
I get in The Van, mortified, buckle The Creature up, and as I make to leave, I have to put it in reverse, which automatically turns on the backup Camera.
It also turns on the music player.
I make eye contact with the cashier as the dulcet tones of John Phillip Sousa boom from the van hard enough to make the windshield and the windows of the 7-11 rattle for the nine-and-a-half seconds I have to wait to be able to turn the volume back down. Not knowing what else to to, I give him a thumbs up, and leave.
Anyway, now I know what my Future Van Wizard has got to be dressed like, and what their familiar is.
---
If you enjoyed this story, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Funny Stories book on Patreon
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catastrophicdisasters · 4 months ago
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apologies, i'm still angry abt TUA S4
so, if we take out all of the blatant issues with the season (character assassination, 'resolutions' that create more plotholes than they solve, rushed scenes that make no sense, side plots that go nowhere, raymond vanishing for no reason, etc etc), what are we left with? let's see:
fatphobia (multiple jokes made about 'chubby Diego', when David just looks hydrated and healthy)
SA played for jokes (it's clear that Klaus having sex while possessed is supposed to be funny, but he's being held hostage and forced to do this for money, when we already know he didn't even want his powers back??)
cheating
problematic / borderline problematic age gaps (either way you spin it, either Five is physically 20-26 while Lila is likely mid 40s, or Five is mentally 70s while Lila is mid 40s; Aidan was 19 while filming, and Ritu was 34)
waiting for the actor to come of age before introducing a romance (we already know what some fans can be like over Five/Aidan, this will not have helped; I would be horrified if I found out the show runners had planned a romance arc with a coworked 15 years older than me and then waited for me to turn legal age to execute it)
sexism (i was reluctant to call it that but i also don't know what else to call it - Lila basically had her agency stripped away to become the love interest two men fought over; Steve wanted Five to have a romance and didn't care who with - use Lila simply because she was there)
complete disregard of character trauma (Klaus being buried alive despite it having been mentioned in every prior season that he was locked in a mausoleum by Reginald, including literally being left to die)
possible overstepping of an actor's boundaries (i've not been able to verify this, but i've seen it said that robert sheehan has requested not to do sex scenes?) (still havent been able to prove this; wasn't an issue with other roles so... hesitant to leave it)
actors requests being ignored (David asked multiple times if the Lila cheating sideplot was required, but clearly it went ahead anyway)
bad cgi
that awful vomit montage
Reginald (im not quite calling it abuse forgiveness but uh. it's not far off tbh)
i don't even know what to call this, but basically told the Hargreeves the abuse they suffered was their fault because they shouldn't even exist??
what did i miss? (im sure there's something)
from the replies:
the song in the ep3 dance scene uses a slur for romani people (and is also about a man and an underage girl)
SA dismissal (it's literally never addressed that Allison SA'd Luther last season. like, at all. everything's just a-okay now!)
more sexism (Allison's arc was also reduced to serving men; there's a single line to explain that Ray left, with no mention of why (i could go OFF about this but this post isn't supposed to be about mishandling of characters); even after everything, all her bonding with Claire comes through Klaus's storyline. also, Sloane is just gone and nobody gives a shit - Luther has one line and that's it??)
so many issues with consent (all of the girls shown in the place Klaus works look drugged / Klaus doesn't want to be there and doing any of that, it's all against his wishes / they all get their powers back against their wishes - although they do tell Ben that wasn't his choice to make / Klaus gets his powers back against his will when Allison is pressured to do it to save his life)
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astonmartinii · 4 months ago
Text
forever and a day | oscar piastri social media au
pairing: oscar piastri x fem long distance reader
nothing can separate them, except maybe 9,000 miles and a couple of oceans.
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
oscarpiastri
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liked by logansargeant, landonorris and 893,209 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri: finally back in the homeland and reunited with my girl
view all comments
user1: oscary/n nation we are so back
user2: australia always does us so well
yourusername: can you convince mclaren that they should keep paying for our dates
oscarpiastri: i think we were technically working
yourusername: were we? it never feels like work being with you
oscarpiastri: you didn't notice all of the people around us and filming us?
yourusername: i only have eyes for you osc, we know this
oscarpiastri: hehehhehehehee
yourusername: also i have to completely commit you to memory before you fuck off for another couple of months
oscarpiastri: you could always just come with me
yourusername: let me get my degree first, one of us has to be educated osc
oscarpiastri: i have my a-levels? lando doesn't even have gcses
landonorris: why am i catching a stray?
yourusername: because my boyf is smart
landonorris: i've got street smarts 😩
oscarpiastri: you've been catfished like five times already and nearly had your bank details stole?
landonorris: well ... i like to see the best in people?
user3: thank you mclaren for giving us the oscar and y/n content
user4: and the proof that love still exists
user5: terminally lonely girls block mclaren, oscar and y/n.- it's for your mental health
user6: or if you have commitment issues this is some good exposure therapy
logansargeant: oh who did you force to be your photographer this time?
yourusername: you never learnt reading comprehension in school?
logansargeant: i can read i just choose not to read the soppy shit you and oscar say to each other
oscarpiastri: leave us alone
yourusername: you have a problem with us no matter what 🤨
logansargeant: do NOT make me the bad guy for complaining about hearing your guys' sexy time
oscarpiastri: we spend A LOT of time away from each other
yourusername: and by the sounds of it, you could learn a lot
logansargeant: you know what WHATEVER
user7: they terrorise logan so much from opposite sides of the world, pray for him when she can travel with oscar
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yourusername
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liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 83,409 others
yourusername: i love any piece of you osc but the separation anxiety is kicking my ass
view all comments
user9: oscar gave y/n a plush of himself
user10: no cause he's literally such a black cat
yourusername: he blushes just like that as well
user11: oh really?
user12: want to share with the class
yourusername: that's for my eyes only
oscarpiastri: i'm glad he got to you safely
yourusername: i just about tackled the postman 😔
oscarpiastri: poor graham, we should get him a better christmas gift this year
yourusername: yeah sorry graham but you sprayed the kitty with your cologne and i can't be held responsible for my feral behaviour
user13: they get their postman christmas gifts?
user14: they have the same postman?
user15: yes, y/n lives with his family
user16: really?
yourusername: they can't get rid of me
oscarpiastri: they also love her as much as i do (literally, i have to fight my sisters to spend time with y/n)
landonorris: so this is why we were waiting so long for you at the airport
oscarpiastri: well, yes. it's very important i get y/n a souvenir
landonorris: i could've slept for like an hour longer?
yourusername: just because you don't understand true romance lando 🤨
landonorris: i know romance!
yourusername: maccies in a hotel room is not romance
landonorris: you guys are just freaks about each other that's not my fault
user17: y/n hanging out with oscar's sisters is so precious
user18: if they aren't married soon i will no longer believe in love
user19: they're 23?
user20: tbf i forget that because they've been together since they were like 15
logansargeant
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liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 351,904 others
tagged: oscarpiastri
logansargeant: oscar forced me to post this so y/n could 'remember how hot he is while he's away at war'
view all comments
user21: oh wow... thank you logan!
user22: this is not exactly what i was expecting when i opened instagram but alas i'm not complaining
yourusername: WOOF WOOF WOOF
oscarpiastri: 🤭🤭🤭
logansargeant: someone please remind me why i'm friends with you two
yourusername: because we're your only friends?
yourusername: wait sorry that was mean
yourusername: i just get protective
logansargeant: you're telling me 🤨
oscarpiastri: i'm swooning 🥰🩷
logansargeant: i give up
alexalbon: why am i a part of this oscar thirst trap? why are you posting a thirst trap of oscar?
yourusername: HE'S A GOOD FRIEND
alexalbon: i didn't consent to be part of your weird long distance lust
yourusername: oh girl ain't no one looking at you when oscar is there
alexalbon: you know what you're mean :( i want you to stay in australia
yourusername: i promise i'm a lot nicer when i'm with osc, the distance makes me cranky
alexalbon: i see, remind me to never take oscar out in a race
logansargeant: i think that's wise - i heard her yelling down the phone about carlos
yourusername: i had to block him to stop myself
user23: i am honestly so confused
user24: i think we just let them do it, we'll never understand
landonorris: do NOT ask me to do this @oscarpiastri
yourusername: booooooo you're such a debbie downer
oscarpiastri: he's just s fuckboy he doesn't understand
landonorris: i don't think i'll ever understand you two
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yourusername
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liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri and 119,056 others
yourusername: one degree hotter xx
view all comments
user26: fucking finally now we can get y/n in the paddock every weekend
liked by oscarpiastri
user27: mclaren social media team seen celebrating just as much
oscarpiastri: and i didn't think it was possible for you to get any hotter
yourusername: maybe a piastri jersey?
oscarpiastri: and a ring?
yourusername: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
yourusername: you know i'll never say no to that
yourusername: do nOT propose through an instagram comment oscar - nicole
oscarpiastri: noted 😔
yourusername: but name the time and the place and i'll be there baby
user28: so we could defo get a y/noscar proposal this season
user29: i would be so insufferable it's unbelievable
user30: the way i just know it was killing oscar not being able to go
user31: did you guys see the kicked dog eyes in the paddock yesterday 😭😭😭
oscarpiastri: they had to force me on the plane
landonorris: no they legit were about to call mick or pato
user32: did y/n convince you to not run away to australia?
oscarpiastri: maybe ....
charles_leclerc: ummmmm who is this oscar? why hasn't your father been introduced?
yourusername: HI
oscarpiastri: y/n is the love of my life and you SHOULD be able to meet her next race weekend
yourusername: so have i also got another father-in-law?
charles_leclerc: you seem to terrorise the other drivers a lot so - yeah!
yourusername: at your service (unless it's you hitting oscar, then there's no MERCY)
charles_leclerc: okay you are kinda scary wtf
oscarpiastri
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liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 1,203,677 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri: unbelievably proud of you and everything you've done darling. i'm so sorry i couldn't be there to celebrate with you, but i'll make it up to you before you know it xx
view all comments
user33: oh to be loved like this
user34: they make me feel lonely like the world apart i can only imagine how insane it'll be when they're back together 24/7
yourusername: i love you so so so much osc. you've done more than you could know by supporting me through my education. we have the rest of our lives to be together, so don't beat yourself about it now
oscarpiastri: but i'm so proud of you and just wanted to be there to celebrate you :(
yourusername: osc i can feel you pouting through the screen baby
landonorris: he really is and it's kinda annoyingly cute
yourusername: of course it's cute it's oscar 🙄
landonorris: right so i'll take back my congratulations then
yourusername: FINE BY ME
user35: obsessed with how y/n and lando already have this weird sibling bond
user36: it's the weird relationship that you kind of love between your gf and friend
user37: it's all cute until they actually fight
yourusername: if he makes any wrong step against oscar i'll crush that loser
landonorris: ahhaaha funny joke
yourusername: you're a 5'5 twig, i could snap you in half
user38: i need them to recreate the last photo when oscar wins his first race
user39: i think pinterest would explode
yourusername: no but no joke, i love you so much osc and i can't wait to start the new chapter of our life
oscarpiastri: i love you too xx
oscarpiastri: sorry to my sisters but they're losing their live in stylist because you're never ever leaving me ever again
oscarpiastri: that makes me sound like a possessive asshole but i just have attachment issues
yourusername: no these years since you started in f3 have been actual hell without you and i never want to leave your side again
yourusername: i just love watching you do what you love
oscarpiastri: i'll always love you more
user40: who's chopping onions wtf
user41: i'm invoicing them for my therapy
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mclarenf1
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liked by fredvesti, arthurleclerc and 1,256,046 others
tagged: yourusername
mclarenf1: don't tell oscar but we've got a surprise guest for him 🤫
view all comments
user45: take me out back and shoot me please and thank you
user46: so real of you
landonorris: is this why his phone is currently hidden in my drivers room?
mclarenf1: maybe ...
landonorris: if he fights me for it that's on you guys
mclarenf1: wait admin has just realised you definitely shouldn't be on your phone
landonorris: LOL
user47: mclaren you better not fuck this race for oscar because i need my big rom com ending kiss in parc ferme
user48: omg romance writers do i have a plot for you
user49: the way this would seem so unrealistic if i read it in a book but these fools really have been together for like eight years and are unbelievably in love
yourusername: heheheheh thanks for flying me out on such late notice xx
mclarenf1: no worries queen
yourusername: you guys better be on top form, you can't hide from me in the garage
mclarenf1: hahahaha 😅😅😅
user50: is y/n the reincarnation of nicole scherzinger? like a wag that goes fucking mental
user51: and wears team merch with pride
yourusername: nicole is a queen (thank you for one direction queen) but you guys do not want me on the microphone
user52: you and oscar karaoke? please?
yourusername: we once did breaking free together but you'll have to bother logan for that video
user53: OSCAR PLEASE WIN AND DO DRUNK KARAOKE
oscarpiastri
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liked by landonorris, yourusername and 1,556,308 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri: i told you she was my lucky charm. overjoyed to get my first win, it's a dream come true and to have the love of my life with me makes it even sweeter. y/n, i'll love you forever and a day x
view all comments
user54: CONGRATS OSCAR 🧡🧡🧡
user55: i'm having such a proud mum moment
user56: tears in my eyes
user57: not as much as y/n that girl was going THROUGH IT
user58: we need her mascara, cause that shit didn't budge
yourusername: I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU OSCAR
yourusername: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
yourusername: AND THANK YOU FOR WAITING FOR ME TO BE AT A RACE TO WIN
oscarpiastri: i guess i just knew in my bones you were here and simply had to win
oscarpiastri: i just wanted to see you so bad that i drove the fastest to the finish line
yourusername: well tell them to hurry up and debrief so we can celebrate 👀
oscarpiastri: ON MY WAY
user59: maybe we will get that karaoke?
logansargeant: congrats bro! @landonorris i hope you brought some ear plugs, if not you might want to start drinking now
landonorris: SOMEONE GET ME A DRINK STAT
yourusername: i'll personally buy you a drink because i'm going to rock his world tonight
oscarpiastri: 😎😎😎
landonorris: and here i thought you were my little innocent teammate
yourusername: there's nothing little about him
landonorris: EWWWW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE
yourusername: all celebrations aside, i'm so proud and i'll love you forever and always x
oscarpiastri: it's always been you and it will always be you
yourusername: i love you
oscarpiastri: i love you too
fin.
note: WOOOOOOOOOO OSCAR!!! (i'm ignoring everything else to do with the race, oscar is my king)
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weirdrandomtina · 1 year ago
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So, I experienced some deju vu during this scene in Trolls Band Together:
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John Dory grabs his backpack, says he's leaving (I'm done, YOLO, etc.), and then the last thing he says is "Goodbye Forever!", followed by Branch's distraught face, and the next thing Branch knows, all his brothers have left him and he never sees them again.
I was trying to figure out why that little snippet stuck with me, then it hit me:
Trolls Holiday in Harmony, when Branch is trying to figure out a gift for Poppy. He's worried about doing the wrong thing, disappointing her or freaking her out, and says "I CAN'T let that happen". He illustrates his point with Poppy packing a suitcase, and what does she say right before she runs off?
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Really brings his abandonment issues into the light😢
I've seen a few comments of people being annoyed when Branch said to Poppy "aren't you going to leave me anyway", but they clearly don't understand how trauma affects people's mental and emotional state.
He knows Poppy loves him and doesn't actually believe she'd leave, but after a lifetime of being alone, even though he's happy and loved now, there's still that subconscious fear that he'll end up alone again. Poppy means everything to him, and he can't bear the thought of losing her too, especially as a result of something he's done (his grandma died to save him, and he believed his brothers leaving was his fault because he 'ruined everything' at the concert).
Sometimes this results in Branch trying to push Poppy away, which seems conflicting, yes, but again: trauma messes with your mind. He was already heartbroken and angry at his brothers, so he wasn't thinking clearly and blurted out his hidden main fear.
And when he says "everyone else [leaves me]" I hear "everyone in my life has left me so I must deserve to be alone, so you might as well leave me too."
And that's probably why Branch was so hesitant to be open with Poppy - 1. I might scare her away, and 2. why bother expressing my feelings to someone when I'll likely just lose them anyway. Plus he's still getting used to having someone to confide to in his life. Keeping emotions bottled up for years is a hard habit to get out of.
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cressidagrey · 15 days ago
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It's a Love Story - Chapter 10
Summary:
Azriel's shadows find their master a wife.
Azriel would just really like his heart not to get broken again.
And Sky...well, she's just really surprised that that far too handsome male is interested in her at all.
Warning:
Rhys Bashing (as usual), I classified this as Azriel x OC, even when it't technically Azriel x Sellyn Drake (but we kinda know nothing about Sellyn Drake other than that she writes books so Sky is kinda an OC), Cassian is kinda a good guy for once, Azriel has a horrible time, as usual... Stuttering, toxic families (For once I do not mean the IC), Self-Esteem Issues, Secret Identity, Body Image Issues, Fat Shaming, People being utterly horrible. Racism against Illyrians/Lesser Faes?
If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.
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“Azriel is fine,” Gwyn repeated drily, her nose buried in a book.
Her friends got to hear all about Nesta’s worry. 
“You don’t know that,” Nesta said with a sigh. “I just…gods, I want to throttle Rhysand,” she seethed. For doing this to Azriel. 
To Az. Who had always been kind to her. Who had always been…sweet to her. Who was sweet. Even when his exterior didn’t betray that. Who was kind and thoughtful and gave the best gifts…Who had sat with her when she had waken up from nightmares and had been willing to lay down his life to make sure that her sister would be happy. 
He was like a brother to Nesta. He was what she had always imagined an older brother to be like. And she knew that he had been utterly miserable, but hadn’t been able to fix what was wrong for him…and now she got to find out that it was all Rhysand’s fault. 
Emerge just sighed. “Get in line,” her friend said drily. “Mor wants to do worse than that to him, I think.”
Nesta held back a snort. She believed it once she saw it and not before. 
“He is fine. Quite happy even,” Gwyn repeated, a small grin painting her features. 
“How do you know?” Nesta demanded, turning to her red-haired friend who just smiled at her. 
“Because I saw him yesterday,” Gwyn said simply.
"You saw him?" Nesta asked, her eyes widening in surprise. "Where? When?" When had Gwyn. 
Gwyn just sighed. “Why would a male and a female that love each other very much come to see a Priestess?” 
Nesta's eyes widened as she realized what Gwyn was implying. 
"You don't mean..." she trailed off, shock and disbelief etched on her face. "They're getting married?" she said weakly.
Gwyn just grinned at her, miming to lock up her mouth and throw away the key. "Let's just say that Azriel couldn't have been more in love if he had tried," she said cryptically, flipping the page of her book with a smirk.
“Who is she?” Nesta demanded. Who was Azriel’s mate? Who was the girl that the mother had picked to be good enough for Az? 
“Sweet. Quiet,” Gwynn answered easily. “Thinks Azriel hung the moon and the stars.”
That was what he deserved, wasn’t it? 
Azriel deserved happiness after everything he had been through, and if his mate could provide that for him, then that was all that mattered. 
"Azriel deserves someone who loves him that much," she said, nodding in agreement. "Does he seem happy too?" she asked in a quiet voice.
"He's as happy as I've ever seen him," Gwyn answered, her expression softening. "He couldn't take his eyes off her the whole time. It was like the rest of the world didn't even exist."
Nesta smiled, feeling a sense of warmth thrumming through at the thought of Azriel being so happy. "I'm glad he's found someone who makes him feel that way," she said softly. "He deserves it."
Gwyn just smiled, her eyes twinkling. "I think they're good for each other," she said simply. "They just...fit together, you know?"
That’s what Nesta wished for for him.
And once she had that confirmation… well, it was much easier to calm Cassian.
Who had been near rabid with… Nesta wasn’t even sure with what. A bad conscience maybe. Anxiety, anger…a whole maelstrom of emotions. 
"Talk to me," she said simply, as she sat down on the ground a few feet away from where he was stabbing one of the training dummy. She had half expected him to pin a painting of Rhysand to it, to stab his brother’s proxy.  “Stop reducing every training double to kindle,” she said drily.
“Az said three days,” and he wasn’t there this morning,” Cassian snapped.
"Calm down," Nesta said firmly. "Azriel is a grown male, Cassian. He can take care of himself. Maybe something came up."
Like breakfast with his wife after they got married. 
"But what if he's hurt or...or worse?" Cassian said, his voice cracking with emotion. "We don't even know where he is or what he's doing."
Nesta sighed, knowing that she couldn't brush off his concerns completely. "Look. He said he would be with his mate," Nesta said drily. "I am sure she'll take care of him. And Gwyn did see him yesterday and said he was fine."
"Why did Gwyn see him?" Cassian demanded immediately.
“Because I had a favour to ask," Azriel's voice came from behind them, drily.
Cassian turned around so quickly that she was quite sure that he got whiplash...and then pounced on Azriel in a bonecrushing hug.
"I am so sorry," she could hear her mate apologise. "I had a talk with Rhys. I imagine you'll get a apology from him as well. It's not enough, it's nowhere near enough, but...maybe it could be a start," Cassian said softly. "I am sorry that you didn't feel like you could come to me when you found your mate."
Even when Azriel had a temper...if it was about his family he was more forgiving than they had any right to, Nesta reflected drily, as she watched him return the hug from Cassian. 
"It's not your fault," he waved him off, his voice dry. Cassian disagreed with that assessment, Nesta knew. Cassian thought that he should have said something earlier, done more...
She had never seen him as angry with Rhysand as he had been over the last few days. Actually, Nesta hadn’t thought that she would ever see the day that Cassian broke his High Lord's nose on purpose.
Cassian pulled back slightly from the hug, his expression still earnest. "I mean it, Az," he said. "I should have been there for you. I should have had your back."
"He did break Rhys'nose on your behalf," Nesta said drily.
Azriel's lips twitched into a faint smile. Thank you," he said, amusement in his voice.  "That...means more than you know."
Cassian just shrugged, still feeling guilty for not having been there for Azriel when he needed him. "I should have been a better brother to you," he said quietly. "I'm sorry I let you down."
Azriel said nothing, but squeezed Cassian’s shoulder. 
Nesta couldn’t help but look for a ring on his hand. A simple gold band glinted there on his finger, and she was unable not to smile at it. 
“Congratulartions,” she said quietly, nodding to the ring and Azriel looked at her and then the ring…and then he chuckled as she stood up and hugged him too. 
“Thank you,” he thanked her graciously. 
“You got married?!” Cassian said, sounding shocked, but the warmth in his voice was apparent. “Congrats!”. 
"So, tell us all about her," Nesta said seriously.
"Why do you want to know?" Azriel asked, staring at her.
"Because she is your mate. She is your wife. She is important to you," Nesta said simply. "She is important to you, so she is important to us. What's her name?"
"Her name is Sky," he answered softly. 
Sky. 
Her name was Sky. 
Named after what Azriel hadn’t been allowed to feel for over a decade. Sky. Named after what every Illyrian held dearest. 
"Sky is...the sweetest person I have ever met. With the bluest eyes. She loves books and her cat," Azriel explained, a soft smile on his face. 
Nesta and Cassian exchanged a small smile at the way Azriel's face lit up when he talked about Sky. "She sounds amazing," Nesta said sincerely. "We can’t wait to meet her. Whenever you are ready."
"Do you...Do you want to come to dinner tonight?" Azriel offered.
Nesta hadn't expected that. Had expected Azriel to hold a grudge to keep her away from all of them...but he was giving them a chance.
"Are you sure?" Nesta asked carefully. "We would love to come, but only if you're comfortable with it."
Azriel paused for a moment, "I'm sure," he said simply. "Sky would like it, and I...I would like it too."
Nesta smiled, feeling a warmth in her chest at Azriel's words. "We'll be there," she said warmly, Cassian nodding in agreement.
"Good," Azriel said simply. "I'll tell Sky."
"Thank you, Az," Cassian said softly, his expression earnest. "For giving us a chance."
This didn't stop Nesta's mate from telling her about his more and more ridiculous theories about Azriel's mate during their flight into Velaris and the mountains surrounding it.
Nesta couldn't help but roll his eyes as Cassian suggested her being a mythical being like Amren. "I swear, Cassian, you have the wildest imagination," she said, shaking her head. "Can you focus on flying for one minute without dreaming up these ridiculous scenarios?"
Cassian just shrugged, grinning unrepentantly. "Hey, it's fun to speculate," he said with a playful wink. "Besides, you never know...maybe Az's mate is a mermaid princess or something equally as exciting."
Nesta couldn't help but snort with laughter, even as Cassian landed in front of a charming cabin at a mountain lake. As soon as they landed, Nesta took a moment to take in their surroundings. The cabin was indeed charming, hidden away in a picturesque mountain setting near a serene lake. The peaceful surroundings seemed to perfectly mirror Azriel's quiet and introspective nature. Nesta could understand why he had chosen this spot as his home.
As they made their way towards the front door, Nesta couldn't help but feel a flutter of nerves. This was…this was important. 
This was the female that Azriel had married, his mate…she was important to him.  
Before they had a chance to knock, Azriel opened the door, a slight smile on his face. "Come in," he said warmly.
Nesta's gaze immediately fell to the female at his size. Shorter than average, a body that consisted out of voluptuous curves, with chocolate brown waves falling to her waist. Her hands were clenched together and she was obviously nervous as she stared at Nesta and Cassian with ill-hidden apprehension.
"This...is Sky," Nesta heard Azriel say. Nesta couldn't tear her eyes away. Sky was exactly what she had expected and absolutely nothing like it at the same time. 
Nesta's first impression of Sky was that she was undeniably pretty, in a quiet and understated way. But as she looked at the nervous expression on Sky's face, Nesta couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy.
She could only imagine how daunting it must feel for Sky to be meeting Azriel's family for the first time. She gave Sky a warm smile, which she hoped would put the girl at ease. "It's nice to finally meet you, Sky," she said gently. "Az has told us a lot about you."
Sky managed a trembling smile, but the nerves were clear on her face. "It...It's n...nice t...to me...meet y...you t...too," she stuttered, grimacing at her own voice. Azriel's hand on her waist tightened and he fixed both Nesta and Cassian with a look that told them there would be hell to pay if they said a single thing about her stutter.
Nesta just gave him a reassuring smile, as  she got the message loud and clear. She wasn't going to make Sky feel even more uncomfortable and insecure than she already seemed to be. Not when it was clear that Azriel cared about her so much.
Cassian didn't even hesitate to pull first Azriel into a hug and then Sky right alongside with him, her small frame utterly dwarfed by Cassian.
“So you are my brother’s mate,” Cassian told her seriously. "We are so happy that we finally get to meet the girl that makes our brother so happy.”
Sky blushed at Cassian's warm words, but some of the tension seemed to leave her shoulders. "Th...Thank you...," she murmured, her tone a barely audible one. She stepped back into Azriel's embrace and he wrapped his arms around her tightly, his wings coming around to encircle her in a protective embrace.
Even his shadows seemed to love her. The shadows that normally kept away from every other person, only clinging to Azriel…seemed to dote on her, curls themselves through her hair, and along the hem of her dress…
"Shall we go inside?" Azriel asked, gesturing towards the open door behind him. Nesta and Cassian nodded, following the pair into the cozy cabin. The interior of the cabin was just as warm and inviting as the outside, with rustic wooden floors and a large stone fireplace that crackled cheerfully. There were shelves filled with books on every wall and a few comfortable armchairs nestled around a low table.
So many books. Nesta was quite sure that it probably could be considered a private library.
But before she could really take it in, there was a rough meowing.
Nesta glanced down in surprise to see a fat, fluffy brown cat sauntering towards them, meowing loudly. The cat rubbed against Sky's ankles before trying to leap on the arm of the couch...and failing horrible. "Is that your cat?" Nesta asked, an amused smile on his face.
"Y…Yes, Th...That's H...Hector," Sky answered, picking up the cat that now pretended that falling off the couch had been totally his plan all along and instead curled himself happily in Sky's arms. His yellow eyes stared in two different directions and his fur was patchy...but he was somehow quite charming.
Nesta liked him. He had character.  And his rough purring was adorable.
"He's adorable," Nesta said honestly, holding out her hand towards him. As Hector sniffed at her, she reached out to gently scratch behind his ears. The cat leaned into her touch contentedly, his purrs growing even louder.
"Sky dotes on him," Azriel said with a hint of pride in his voice. "He was a stray and she took him in. She's been taking care of him ever since."
Nesta looked at Sky, who was smiling at her cat. "That's so sweet," Nesta said. "He's a big boy, isn't he?" she said with some amusement. When Sky held him, Hector seemed to be nearly half her size.
"I...It's a...all the tuna he eats," Sky answered drily.
Nesta chuckled, "Well, he's certainly in good hands with you." She watched as Hector purred contentedly in Sky's arms, clearly very attached to her.
Cassian, meanwhile, was eyeing the cat with a playful grin. "Careful, Az, Hector might try to steal your girl with all his charm," he teased.
Azriel just cocked an eyebrow, "Oh he already did," he drawled, a hint of amusement in his voice.
Nesta couldn't help but laugh at their banter. It felt good to see Azriel being relaxed enough to joke around, even if it was at his own expense.
Even Sky was smiling as Hector let out a loud meow, clearly demanding attention. "Someone's jealous," she said softly, scratching him behind his ears. Hector purred contentedly and burrowed deeper into her arms, clearly happy to be the center of attention.
"Y...You want to hold him?" she offered the cat to Nesta. "I need to check on dinner."
Nesta gamely lifted Hector from Sky's arms, cradling him like a baby. "I'll keep him entertained while you do," she said with a smile. Hector mewled contentedly, his head tilted as he looked at Nesta with one eye.
As Azriel and Cassian made themselves comfortable on the couch, “Are you sure that’s a cat?” Cassian hissed towards Azriel. “And not a stunted mountain lion or something?” 
“It’s all the tuna he eats. He had a hard life," Azriel said defensively.
Nesta looked up from where she was still playing with Hector. "I can see that," she said with a nod, gesturing towards Hector's missing eye and patched up fur. "I can tell he was loved from the moment Sky took him in though."
Nesta carried him over to the bookcases, eyes greedily reading the names and words on the spines.
It was a whole galore of romance books in these bookcases, a lot that Nesta had never even heard about, though there were some of her favourites between them...another bookcase held books from every which topic that involved sword fighting and horse riding and blacksmithing and everything in between...lots of cookbooks too...and then there was one bookcase that seemed to be solely filled with every Sellyn Drake novel in existence. Even the ones that were so rare that notneven the house had yet managed to get them for Nesta. 
Nesta couldn't help but smirk as she ran her fingers over the spines of the 'Sellyn Drake' books. "Seems like Sky is just as big of a fan as I am," she said with a chuckle.
She turned to see Sky in the open kitchen, busy with a large pan. "You have all of her books," Nesta said admiringly. "I can't believe you have some of the rare ones, I have been trying to get those forever!"
Sky looked up from her cooking, surprised that Nesta seemed impressed by her collection. "Y...Yeah, I...I do like them..." Sky replied, her voice soft and hesitant. She turned back to the stove, clearly feeling self-conscious as she stirred the pot.
Nesta sensed her discomfort and decided to lighten the mood. "You know, I think I should officially crown you as the ultimate Sellyn Drake fan," she said with a playful grin. "No one has a collection like this one. Maybe we can talk about our favorite scenes sometime. I'm dying to discuss the latest novel...Did you read it already? Azriel got it for my birthday," Nesta told her brightly. "It's signed. I have no idea how he even managed that."
"I gave it to him," Sky said, turning towards her. 
Sky had gotten it for Az?!
"Where did you get it from? It wasn't even out yet?!" Nesta asked curiously. "Tell me your secrets."
Azriel smirked, "I have my ways," he said with a wink. "But I can't reveal all my secrets. The fun is in keeping a few things a mystery."
Nesta just rolled her eyes, "Always the cryptic one, Az." She then turned back to Sky, "But seriously, where did you get the signed copy from? I'd sell my soul to get my hands on one of those."
"The...The author owed me a favor," Sky said, her voice hesitant.
Nesta's eyes widened, "You mean you know Sellyn Drake in person??!!"
"I...I mean...I...she is...me" Sky stammered, her cheeks turning red as she fumbled with her words.
What?
Azriel chuckled warmly, walking over to Sky and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling Sky close. "What Sky is trying to say, Nesta, is that she is Sellyn Drake," he finished for her.
Nesta just stared for a moment, her mouth hanging open in surprise. "Are you serious?" she asked, still reeling from the revelation.
Sky just gave her a small nod, her face flushed with embarrassment. "Sellyn Drake is… a…actually a p…pen n…name," she said softly. "I couldn't use my real name and still keep my a…anonymity...So Skylar Alden became Sellyn Drake.”
Nesta was still trying to process the news. "So you're telling me that the author of my favorite novels of all time, is standing in front of me, cooking dinner?"
Sky shrugged, "Y...Yes?" There was a hint of uncertainty in her tone, as if she was unsure of what reaction she was going to get from Nesta.
Nesta's face split into a wide grin, "This is the best day ever" she exclaimed. She couldn't believe that she was meeting her favorite author, and it was even better knowing that the author was someone so sweet and unassuming as Sky.
Cassian started laughing, the sound deep and amused. "You have a few tricks up your sleeve, Sky" he chortled amusedly.
Azriel chuckled, the corners of his lips curling into a small smile. "Sky is full of surprises, even to me," he teased.
Sky just swatted at his arm, a soft blush coloring her cheeks
***
Somehow actually admitting that she was Sellyn Drake...that was easy. So easy.
She used to be so afraid to tell people about it. But with Azriel at her side, she felt safer. His love and support made her feel more confident and comfortable in her own skin. She could be herself with him without any judgement.
And why shouldn’t she be proud of her success? She wrote these books! They were her babies!
"Alright, but I need to know what happens next!" Nesta told her, her grey eyes wide and desperate. "You left the book at such a cliffhanger!"
Sky laughed softly, feeling a little less self-conscious now that the cat was out of the bag. She turned back to the stove, stirring the pot once more.
"Maybe I c…can give you a s…spoiler or two," she offered, grinning. "But just this one time. Can't give e…everything away too easily now, can I?"
Nesta leaned in, her eyes gleaming with anticipation. "Please, please tell me," she begged. "I need to know what happens next!"
"Alright," Sky agreed, amused by Nesta's enthusiasm. "But you have to p…promise not to b…breathe a word of this to my publisher. She would kill me if they knew I was spilling the beans before the book is even published." 
Nesta nodded eagerly, making a zipping motion across her lips. "Your secret is safe with me."
"And we lost them," Cassian said drily.
Azriel laughed, "Can't compete with the author herself, Cass. Best to just sit back and enjoy the ride."
Nesta was lovely and Cassian was as loud and boisterous as Azriel had described him to be...and quite frankly, Sky loved Azriel's family. At least the two people that she had met.
"Was tonight...alright?" Azriel asked her softly as he pulled her into his arms that evening.
Sky smiled gently, leaning back into his embrace. She felt relieved that the night had gone well, and that Azriel's family had accepted her with open arms. 
"It was...better than alright," she replied softly, feeling a warmth in her heart. She caught his hand in hers, pulling it to her lips, so she could press a kiss to the simple gold band that encircled his ring finger.
Their wedding had been a spur of the moment decision a day ago...but Sky wouldn't have wanted it any other day. It was everything she had ever wanted. Just the two of them.
No need for a big production. 
Azriel's eyes softened, and he tightened his arms around her. "I'm glad," he murmured, the emotion in his voice palpable. He kissed the top of her head, holding her close. Neither of them said anything for a while, just holding each other in a comforting silence.
"We have the healer appointment tomorrow," Sky said softly.
Something Azriel had insisted on after their talk about having children. He was worried that the beautiful wings that sprouted from his back would mean a difficult pregnancy for her, an impossible birth…
Azriel just nodded, his face set in a grim expression. "We do," he replied, his voice tight. He was still grappling with his fears about the situation. "But no matter what, we'll face it together," he promised her fiercely.
Madja, that was the healer's name, put these fears to rest however.
"Quite frankly, it's unlikely that the child will be born with wings anyway," she told them after she had listened to Azriel's fears. "It will only be half Illyrian, after all"
"Nyx?" Azriel questioned pointedly. He had mentioned his nephew to her in this context, about him being born with wings which had nearly killed his High Fae mother throughout the birth. 
"There were....circumstances around his conception, you know that," Madja said drily. "Skylar is High Fae with a dash of River Nymph. Which quite frankly, could be a point in your favour anyway."
"How so?" Sky asked curiously.
"Your bones are...bendy," Madja told her drily. "Even if the child would inherit Azriel's wings...and would have them at birth...which is unlikely in itself, your pelvis would be able to...expand enough to have the baby pass through the birth canal. However, it is more likely that any child the two of you had would be similar to the other half-illyrian you know," she told Azriel pointedly. "Being able to summon the wings at will, just like Rhysand."
Just like the High Lord?
"Really?" Sky asked, feeling a sense of relief wash over her. Azriel also appeared visibly more relaxed. "So there's a chance that our child will be born without wings?"
Madja nodded in confirmation, giving them a slight smile. "Yes, there is," she said reassuringly. "But even if that isn't the case, your Nymph ancestry would make the birth easier for you."
Azriel's hand found Sky's, squeezing it gently. She could feel his relief mirroring her own. It was a weight lifted off their shoulders to know that their baby's birth might not be as difficult as they had feared.
It was calming. Like all the puzzle pieces were slowly putting themselves together. 
"Thank you, Madja," Sky said warmly. "For putting our minds at ease."
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