#she has every right to judge you
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“Do not judge me for doing what you yourself have done.”
Babe she’s judging you for doing the thing that you judged her for doing please save your scoffs
#this coming from the Queen of judging people?#she has every right to judge you#girl don’t make me laugh#house of the dragon#hotd season 2#hotd spoilers#rhaenyra targaryen#alicent hightower
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Not gonna lie I can't really get behind a lot of the hate Jojo Siwa is getting. I know she's done some things that are genuinely not okay but so many other things are just normal human experiences?? Being in messy relationships. Exploring your sexuality and being excited about a label that seems to fit you and then later discovering that actually you feel a different way. That's totally normal. Stop shitting on early 20s queer people for trying to discover themselves. All of Jojo's experiences are amplified to such a high degree because everything that's going on in her life has been broadcasted to the whole world since she was a child, when really if it wasn't all so online it would still be messy but a very common kind of messy. And because everybody gets to watch this young person's life unfold they feel like they're entitled to have an opinion on it. But this is not the internet's life. This is the life of a 22 year old who is dealing with normal life shit and then on top of that also always has to deal with the opinions and words of so many people who Don't Even Know Her. That must be so hard. It has to be so hard trying to figure yourself out when left and right you're being told that actually you are wrong for feeling differently now than you did a year ago. And on top of that there is already this culture of hating Jojo Siwa. You don't have to like her but I think so many people are just hating because everybody is hating. And so for her Everything she does is just wrong. Every label she identifies with, every style she tries out for herself, everything she's experimenting with, every emotion she feels. To the internet it's all wrong. I don't think I've seen any new direction Jojo is going into recieve more encouragement than backlash. And let's be so fucking real right now. That image change from cute cotton candy teen to something more adult and edgy may not be everybody's thing. But she sure as hell isn't being boring. She's trying herself out, trying to find new ways of expression and yes she might be a little bit overexcited about it in the way that she claims to be inventing totally new things. But my goodness, let a person be excited about trying out new things. I'm not sure what else to add here but just from all the videos discussing all the drama surrounding her I've watched I just can't get behind the hate
#jojo siwa#young feminine presenting queer people really can't do Anything right#and i'm so sick of it#leave her alone#and also#the things she should genuinely be criticized for like that weird dance competition thing she did are being overshadowed by#'omg haha looks she's doing a weird dance move in her music video so cringe'#like if you criticize a person then do it for the things that are actually harming others#and i don't mean relationship drama with this#relationship drama is between her and the person she's in a relationship with#no matter how much of it is being put online at the end of the day it's still personal and it should stay like that#idk if i'll respond to comments on this i usually don't make posts like this but i just had to get this out#because it's really starting to piss me off How Many people think they are entitled to have an opinion on a person's life who is only two#years older than me#if right now i had millions of people on me looking into every part of my life expecting me to know everything about myself#and expecting me to not make any mistakes and never change my opinions and feelings#i think i'd probably have a full mental breakdown#jojo siwa is So Young#everybody makes mistakes at that age everybody messes up at that age everybody changes like 10 times at that age#we really shouldn't be so hateful toward a person who knows nothing else than to have her entire life and personality be broadcast to the#whole world to judge and criticize every smal bit of it#i hope she can heal from all the shit that has happened to her and i hope people can be kinder and more forgiving with her#lea's random thoughts
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What i have learned in the past year is that i have a very strong preference for judges that let you set your dog on the table while they're assessing movement on the dog ahead. We have not been lucky so far this year 💀
#it just stresses me out when i dont have time to get her to land properly and get her legs under her without the judge and everyone#watching and waiting#and 50 other exhibitors complaining the sheltie judging is taking too long lol#every show i went to until this year this was the norm but#last few judges has insisted on moving the dog before the table bit#last one didnt even do that she just. didnt let you set up before#this and: tables set nearly all the way into the judges tent (gets really crowded)#tables with wobbly legs#tent roof/tarp set over the table when its windy so its fluttering right above the dogs ears#troj is steady on the table#by all means#but you try getting ur shelp to show ears when everything over and under them is going WOBBLEWOBBLEWOBBLE
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you ever scroll past some sort of discourse that you didn't even know existed, and you have to take a second and realize that, while none of us are superior to others, some of us ARE much better at choosing which dumbass hills to die on? because I think sometimes you deserve to go 'huh. at least I'm not getting involved in all that'.
#well idk i'm still wasting time typing this out but that's marginally less embarrassing as an outsider than the people arguing about it#tw abuse mention in tags#so APPARENTLY!!!#enneagram mbti people are complaining about enneagram 7s being predisposed to being manipulative (?)#someone's like 'my sister was a 7w8 and neglects her kids' like jesus christ i don't think her enneagram is why she does that?#saying this as someone who LOOSELY AND UNSERIOUSLY enjoys mbti/zodiac/boxes to put my blorbos into:#these people are just doing the zodiac but for people who think they can armchair diagnose others they dislike with cluster b disorders#like congrats you made it worse and combined it with pseudopsychology to make some hellish ableism amalgamation#and it was already stupid to begin with but man you really took it up to 100#like we do realize that this is all fake. right. this isn't an actual psychological profile.#and taking it seriously has worrying implications? and you cannot judge someone based on anything but their behavior?#like again i get having fun with these things as little categories. my autistic ass loves sorting things into categories.#i will give my blorbos full star charts for 6 hours. yay categories.#but with the caveat that it's unserious and for funsies and not at all an actual representation of any human being?#like when i say 'i'm such a taurus lol' or whatever i'm not actually under the impression that it dictates my actual personality?#it's all confirmation bias anyways. people see what they want out of this kind of thing#like yeah i'm kinda lazy and i like food and self indulgence but. that's probably like half of the. idk. virgo population or whatever too#i think those are just things that most human people enjoy unless you're one of those super ambitious go-getters who never slows down#same goes for every other trait. curiosity? emotion? stubbornness? logic? those are just things that most people have in some capacity
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I work as the person in an amusement park who watches the children who get lost. Here’s some advice. This also applies to any mentally disabled adults that are under your care. Keep in mind that many places will not look for a minor ages 13-17 unless it is close to closing or they are disabled, as corporate considers it a strain on resources and employee use.
1. Teach them your phone number. Best gift you can give them. I’m not supposed to have my phone out at work but I can cut down dependent’s being-lost-time by probably 400% if I can contact you. It also assures the children That We Are Doing Something and that They Are Helpful and Smart. If your dependent has a poor memory, apparently writing your phone number in sharpie and then covering it in nail polish makes it stay all day, even if they’re sweaty or getting in the water. I haven’t tested this but I’ve heard a lot of moms recommend it. I’ve also seen bracelets with little plates or the beads saying the phone number.
Addendum: your dependent may tell you that they know your phone number, but they actually only know your passcode. True story. This summer has been a lot better, but last summer exactly one child the entire season knew his mom’s phone number.
2. Acknowledge that dependent’s memories are faulty, especially in new places. If you tell them to meet you in X spot or that your stuff is all in Y place, they may not remember where it is or remember how to get there.
3. All dependents, but especially little ones, have shit time sense. They might find your stuff, wait there for a minute or two, and truly believe that they’ve been there for an hour. Half the small kids that are brought to me are ones who *know* where their stuff is, but haven’t seen an adult they know personally in 5 minutes, so they’re going to panic.
4. Don’t take naps!!! And don’t let your dependent go anywhere you can’t go or at least go where you catch them at the end!!! Yes you’re staring at the play structure your dependent entered, but can you see them? No? Then there’s a good chance they went elsewhere. So many of the littler kids that are brought to me are brought by genuine, good-hearted strangers who see lost children and take them by the hand. Away from the spot you’re napping in front of/staring vaguely at.
5. This might just be something from my work, but we will not call dependent’s descriptions over the loudspeaker. This is because if an asshole were to see your dependent, hear the description, know it’s a lost dependent, and decide to steal it, they can then use the excuse, “I know where your guardian is! Come with me!” And then lead them out of the park or toss the dependent over their shoulder. Do you know how many crying and screaming dependents leave the location every day? A lot!!! We’re a fun location!!! We’re not going to know if the dependent is screaming because they don’t want to leave or if a stranger is taking them away. We might call the description over the loudspeaker if it’s past closing time and the dependent still isn’t found. But before that, we will only report it over secure radios across the park.
6. Tell a park worker right away. Preferably someone with a radio. Even if you spot the dependent within the next minute, that means the dependent will have less being-lost time. Especially if we already have the dependent with, you guessed it, me. Also please tell us when you find the dependent.
7. Take a picture of your depdendent at the start of the day! That way security guards can have a good idea of what to look for. One mother told me her daughter was blonde and showed me a picture. Her hair color looked brown to me, but then I knew what to look for in the crowd.
8. Keep at least one person in your group in one spot at all times, especially if you don’t have access to your phone or forgot to give out your phone number to the guards. That way they can find you if they pick up the dependent. If you are the only person in your group, then PLEASE stay in one place or at least stay with ONE security guard. It sucks for the dependent if they can’t find you right away even if the both of you are looking for each other and a guard is helping them. You are NOT helping if you panic and run around. And keep your goddamn phone on you and answer calls from unknown numbers!!!!! God. This is a good time to do that.
9. If you lose your dependent in an attraction like the lazy river at a water park, and you have that ONE person staying in place, then this is what you can do with 1+ mobile people.
A. If only one person can be spared to be mobile, have them pick a spot and stay right there, watching the river go by. Eventually, if the dependent is in the river, they’ll go by.
B. If you have two people that can be mobile, both start at the same place in the river and go opposite directions. If you meet up again without spotting the dependent, well, they’re not there.
C. If you have more than 2 people, you can do B but also station different adults at the lazy river entrances/exits.
10. Don’t blame the dependent! Even if they ran away and/or are pissy that you’re upset once you all reunite, trust me, there’s a 99% chance they’re upset too. Yes, this is a good time to have a serious conversation with them. Yes, if this is a repeated problem, and/or you warned them you’d leave the park if this occurred, you should not back down. But also - they’re dependents. They’re not stupid, and they should be told consequences and dangers so they can make good decisions, but they will never have the adult/guardian perspective that you do. Be kind.
Also please for my sake teach them if they’re brought to someone like me, that it’s THEIR job to be safe and listen to me while us park workers look for you. It’s YOUR job to find the dependent, not the dependent’s job to find you. I had a six year old little girl genuinely toddler-howl at me because she wanted to go look for her mom. I’ve never before heard a kid her age howl like that. I can trick kids out of crying 9/10 times but howling came as a surprise lmao. I think I can manage it now that I’ve experienced it but damn.
Also make sure those kids are DRINKING. Being in a water park is NOT the same as drinking water. They should be drinking every 15 minutes at LEAST, I am NOT kidding.
Also if I call you to tell you your kid is here, please don’t call or text me back after you have the kid. I’m sure other places have phones for these types of things but the only one I have is my personal phone. And I am happy to get the kid off my hands and into your arms, but I’m using my personal phone so plz. Don’t call me back. Absolutely call me if you need directions to my ‘office’ in the park. Don’t call or text me after. I have stories about that hoo boy but this post is already long.
#I am not exaggerating when I say howling#not in a wolf way more like a howler monkey if you have no idea what human toddler cries sound like#I like kids of all ages but there’s a reason why#I’m not going to teach elementary school#I am the person in the *place I work* where if a kid is lost#the staff brings the kid to me until the parents are found#so like. I’m never going to see these kids at their best#I wish I could just hug them but I’m barely allowed to hold their hand if I’m escorting them to get water#this time of year their emotions are heightened by the fact that they’re almost certainly dehydrated#but if they’re a flight risk I do NOT want to risk losing the kid#so I have to wait until#a coworker comes by to get them some water sometimes#the howler girl = this kid#this kid was reunited with her mom without too much time going by thank god#she was a huge fucking flight risk omg#she desperately wanted to go find her mom and I’m like#GIRL you are the lost six year old ITS YOUR MOM’S JOB TO FIND YOU!!! Your job is to stay safe!!!#and color this pretty picture oh god please look back at the coloring page instead of calling upon the hounds of hell#I like to assure every kid that is brought to me that#1. mom’s (or whoever) not going to leave without you (sometimes this is a lie judging from the parents.still very important to tell kids thi#2. they did the right thing asking for an adult’s help#3. as they are literally a kid it’s not their fault they’re lost (again a little debatable with the older kids but still they’re minors)(so#I tell them all this)#4. it’s their job to stay safe while we find your mom#5. now do you want some water?#it’s more obvious in the pale kids but I’ve had so many Black and Brown kids come up to me the last couple days looking positively pink#those kids needed water. so I try to get everyone water#it pisses off my coworkers but idgaf. everyone has a legal right to water in this state esp in the summer#and even if they didn’t#fuck you I’m stealing it. these kids need water
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Have been reading this sci-fi romance and like UGH u ever really wish a book was just at least a little better??? There's stuff in this that's interesting but also a lot about it that's so... Juvenile and kinda undercooked lol...... But it's so hard finding good romance bc for a lot of romance readers this is enough, except even then not really since they prolly didn't fuck nasty enough in this book for the ppl that just need the merest pretense to read smut (which is fine if that's what u like there's just an oversaturation of this, esp when you can have a light plot/heavy smut story with slightly better writing and internal world building without having to explain and describe the 'boring' parts 😅)
#i have another romance series i like and return to and i feel like i couch it so much when i say its good actually#but my recent attempts to get back into reading and find a good romance this last year has kinda shown me#i was taking the quality of writing in that series for GRANTED#this series which has more smut than the book I'm reading but has very compelling world building evocative writing interesting cast#meanwhile the author I'm reading might as well just say I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WRITING THIS at points of the book and worse#they're upfront that this aesthetic in this book is inspired by a game and it's clear#they're taking for granted u know the aesthetic and barely describe anything#which is kind of a problem in contemporary romance a lot but there's times when the writer clearly has a vision and just doesn't communicate#anyway this is for no one I'm just right about to finish it after hoping every chapter it would be better#text posts#the thing is too i have played this game they're referencing and it's got nothing to do with the game except the setting/environment#but if i hadn't played that game i wonder how well i could picture it#they also didn't name another game that I'm pretty sure they took inspiration from#i know it's hard when you want to write a character that's smarter than you but over and over it's like why make her have a skillset#if you clearly aren't willing to do any of the bare minimum to make it seem like she actually has the skills or knows anything 😔#the forward on this book is literally like A/N: I didn't want to research anything for this book so i didn't#and since i said so you can't judge me!!!#yes i can.... it's only by the grace of the fact I'm reading this on a borrowed ku account and didn't pay for it that I'm not harsher lol
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I interrupted M's daily top surgery spiral and told him he needs to start telling people 'I'm a man that happens to have massive tits, so what? Got a problem with it?' Cause at the end of the day if he never is able to get top surgery, he's still a dude. People can respect him or shove it. bUT WhY nOt bInD aT lEaSt? First off, try having bigger than average breasts (that's AFTER a breast reduction even mind you!) now let's add chronic pain from a list of different conditions, oh and hot flashes too, can't forget debilitating anxiety, plus sensory issues. Go on, see how simple it is to bind now. 🙄Fuck. You. Guess what, even if he simply wanted to keep his breasts for any reason, he's still a dude. End of story.
#text post#👽#trans stuff#no wrong way to be trans#also don't you dare compare rich able-bodied trans folks to poor disabled trans people#while everyone has hoops they must go through the privileged have less hoops#being poor directly affects our ability to transition we can't afford it#the only way we could is through the government and for the longest time there weren't any psych doctors available...#...yet a psych doctor's letter is needed for insurance to cover it#for everyone that says how easy it is and act like the government is handing out surgeries and hormones left and right#every year we have to fight with insurance to cover our fibromyalgia/antidepressant meds that we can not function without#but tell me again how I can just request top surgery and get it done within a few months#no dentist within a three hour radius takes my insurance but let me know how easy it is to get a gender therapist that will#we have to wear glasses with super thick lenses because they don't want to shell out for the lighter weight material...#...I'm sure the same people that can't be assed to cover a little more for our everyday comfort would gladly shell out thousands of dollars#please pick up my sarcasm cause I'm laying it on thick#besides cost we also have some medical conditions that need treatment and that takes up time and energy#we also have been worried about transitioning and getting turned down for treatments for being trans...something we can't risk#If we had the funds we would have gotten top surgery years ago we wouldn't have to worry about in-network consequences or requirements#CJ is able to be a traitor and as delusional as she is because of her privilege#allies please listen to the actual whole community not just a few celebrities that can kind of speed run transition#that isn't to invalidate their own struggles but how they transition will look very different from someone who does have to wait#someone who can afford to buy a whole new wardrobe in a day will be perceived as more legit and trying harder...#...than someone that can only afford a few new clothes items here and there. Soley based on presentation. Tell me how is that fair?#which also brings me to facial surgeries#look how many rich trans people have facial surgeries vs poor trans people#unless it's a major cause of dysphoria it isn't as often pursued yet it can add another layer of passability and signal to others “valid”#I can tell you a lot of trans people would do more things to affirm their gender and alleviate dysphoria if they had the funds#we're just out here trying to survive not to be judged how valid we are or aren't by others who don't know shit#TL;DR take what rich trans people say or do with a grain of salt and listen to what the community is saying
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10000 Days (Wings pt. 2)
...We listen to the tales and romanticize
How we'd follow the path of the hero
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun
How we'd rise to the height of our halo
… Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations
None of us have actually been there
Not like you
… Ignorant siblings at the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy
Spare me
None of them can even hold a candle up to you
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won't see
… But enough about the collective Judas
Who could deny you were the one who illuminated
Your little piece of the divine
… And this little light of mine
A gift you passed onto me
I'm gonna let it shine
To guide you safely on your way
Your way home
… Oh, what are they gonna do when the lights go down?
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they gonna do when the rivers overrun?
Other than tremble incessantly?
… High is the way, but all eyes are upon the ground
You are the light and the way that they'll only read about
I only pray Heaven knows when to lift you out
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough
You're going home
… You're the only one who can hold your head up high
Shake your fist at the gates saying
"I have come home now
Fetch me the Spirit, the Son, and the Father
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended
It's time now
My time now
Give me my
Give me my wings"
… Give me my
Give me my
Give me my
Give me my
Give me my
Give me my wings
… You are the light, the way
That they will only read about
… Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance
Burden of proof tossed upon non-believers
You were my witness
My eyes, my evidence
Judith Marie, unconditional one
… Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this bold suggestion
Should you see your maker's face tonight
Look him in the eye
Look him in the eye, and tell him
"I never lived a lie, never took a life
But surely saved one
Hallelujah, it's time for you to bring me home"
youtube
#the truth#inthegardenpraying#my final post#I completed what I set out to do and we did it#TOOL#10000 Days (Wings pt. 2)#maynard james keenan#Wings of Marie#judith marie keenan#martin luther king jr#martin luther king day#trump inauguration day#trump inauguration#trump#if I have to come back I will come with a different name#judith marie keenan is maynard james keenan's mom who died of an aneurysm but still kept close to her faith and passed#judith marie keenan to maynard james keenan because the life she led and the type of women and mother she was made him believe in her faith#Judith made Maynard doubt his atheism and angered him that she still believed even after everything that was done to her#maynard hearing what church leaders said to judith that the aneurysm is because she wasn't right with god deeply impacted him religiously#maynard's voice as he watches her die mercifully disappointed at the tragic outcome of Judith when he thought she deserved better#tribute to martin luther king jr. and Gandhi because Gandhi was Martin Luther King Jr.'s inspiration and both having been assassinated#tribute to trump for surviving assassination and when he passes may he pass peacefully and be remembered for the hell he was put through#I am politically independent but people only assassinate people who are very important and must be preserved at all cost from dominance#competence shall succeed and calm heads will come together no matter who is president and the sore losers will learn redemption#every person has flaws but to say that no one is redeemable and must be killed is a person that passes judgement#those who think are worthy to pass judgement on others will be made an example of by learning redemption#“do not judge others and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others.” -Matthew 7:1-2#Youtube#inthegardenofprayers name to signify this blogs done#prayer of mercy
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#to that one person on the discord#are you an oversharer by nature or is this a side-effect of years of 12 step meetings?#seriously it’s okay to keep some of your thoughts on the inside#not every sentence has to start with some qualifier about having been in recovery a long time#or about your personal experiences with the law#we know you’ve said it about a bajillion times by now#and like i get it#those are big important things for you that inform how you see the world and interpret text/movies#but not every movie or book or tangential aside must relate back to your ‘sober time’ or your multiple felonies#it’s okay to skedaddle from a group chat without dropping in something about getting up early for a meeting#that whole thing about not wanting to be judged for addiction or things done under the influence falls flat#when you won’t shut the fuck up about it#none of us are judging you! which might make you feel freer to keep talking about it#and I’m glad you’re comfy#but some of us are increasingly not comfy with how much ✨recovery✨ talk we must endure#it’s clear to me that a lot of people sub in the 12 step lifestyle for the thing they no longer want to be doing#which sort of shows that the nature of ‘addiction’ is first and foremost behavioral#because you could sub in anything. a woman i knew in al-anon was like#’sorry i haven’t been to meetings a lot but i discovered tae kwon do and it’s been taking up my time’#she also added that it felt like getting a new hobby felt like it was doing more for her than sitting around talking about problems#and she’s right#that’s around the time i got right into my movie project and started giving myself other shit to do and i felt SO. MUCH. BETTER.#going to a meeting every day of the week was… not good for my mental health#but finding things to do that both entertained and taught me stuff about writing/storytelling? oh yeah#that was the balm my soul needed#i am discovering more and more that life is about balance#and you can’t find that balance if your attempt to ditch the demons of discontent means bringing them with you everywhere#leave them at home and enjoy the movie without telling us about your every crime#this is not a confessional it’s a movie discord#come on man
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It's like Marina said, as bad as the mini fight of that day was, it was necessary, we finally talked about the things we suffered and showed how they also hurt us, and how mom hurts us too, she doesn't understand/doesn't try to understand us, and that's it!, maybe that's just how it is, mom is like that, she's not considerate, she doesn't understand what we suffered indeed
Before that it seems that I/we get it very frustrated with that, even though I didn't admit it, it seems like I wanted her to understand, I/we wanted her approval, but now with this day....we don't need her approval, it's just like that, mom is like that, she'll never understand what we went through, and she's not interested in the things we do indeed, and that's all right, she's just like that, she doesn't understand and she doesn't need to understand, I/we no longer want her to understand and be interested
#reflection#The reason of the mini fight was just that mom started talking about trauma and said that she has afraid of being judged...#We said that we had this fear a lot too but then she question us saying that...#How we have this fear “judged of what?” She said#I snap it what you mean? “Being judged of what?”(Ugh The way she says) I think you forgetting something...#Very important about our life we suffered bullying!! Bullying is basically an phsychologic abuse of judgement💢🔥#We were judged almost our whole life a-and it was in everywhere by people at our age adults kids...#At the english course at school at the street#How dare you say that!!! As if what we being thru was nothing!#I had afraid of going outside I didn't had a voice god and it seems we eventually become a target to judgement just for existing...#People laughed at us i had an anxiety attack almost every day#Are you having amnesia should I get worried? First forget that you liked mine s1fu w0man and now forget that we were victims of bullying...#In a very Young age(these are so unimportant to you that you simply forget)#Then we open up about a very suck day that the school superior screamed at us cuz we didn't find...#People for doing a group project(this story is for another day it was worse than that)well it had a teacher...#That put us in this situation I swear I almost hate this woman till this days cuz of that well mom was saying “ ah it was the teacher job..#She was doing what she has to do?" We fuckin know that it was her job I not saying she was evil I just want you to see how it hurted us...#Marina was the one that fighted more back she said how much frustating it is to open up to mom...#Cuz she always like that she always tries to almost put the blame on us make us understand the other side but NOT OUR SIDE#And we always caring and understanding with her but she is not the same with us that was what marina said...#Then mom just go away crying I guess(I didn't saw my eyes were shut)#Now everybody is okay again time cease those things#....well it was very intense but it was the right thing#I don't understand what mom's being thru and mom don't understand what we being thru....#Cuz we are different people for more similar that “trauma” is we dealt differently....and that's okay we don't need to understand
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"Hey mom, the electric bill cutoff is today, we only need 30 dollars, do you think you could spare that?"
"Oh, well, your sister needed 100 for one of her bills-"
:)
#of course she did#of course she always does#like god i'm not judging her for her financial situation but i always come second every time#like fine i can understand the bills but a new bumper for her car?#it's my parents paying for shit like that that always makes me like HUH???#because our rear bumper has been fucked up for over a year now since that guy rear ended owen and it's like#'well why haven't you guys gotten it fixed yet?'#I DON'T FUCKING KNOW BECAUSE WE CAN'T AFFORD IT MAYBE?#and we've NEVER asked them for financial help when it wasn't dire#we'll drive around with a dented bumper idfc#it's just always always ALWAYS me being second priority#fine i get it this time but i can't not be salty that this is the 29387493th time this has happened#vent#i know i'm being a huge bitch right now don't @ me#i know
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— under their noses — chapter one
a series by © luvbabydoll — inspired by @goatgoesmbe
you never intended to start an only fans.
but between nursing school, grueling shifts, and bills that refused to pay themselves, you had to get creative. and what started as a desperate attempt to make ends meet quickly turned into a steady income.
the men on their seemed to like you. they liked your voice, the softness in your tone, the way you spoke like you meant it. you never showed your full face, but that only added to the mystery. you played into it—the sweet, teasing persona, the gentle praise, the intimacy that kept men coming back for more.
and, completely unknowingly, the entirety of Task Force 141 had fallen for you.
—
it had all started months ago.
one of their missions had gone sideways—bad intel, long hours, more bodies than they were expecting. and by the time they got back to base, exhausted and strung out, all they wanted was food, alcohol, and sleep.
but mostly alcohol.
soap was the first to bring it up.
slumped against a crate, half a bottle of whiskey deep, he let out a groan and muttered, “boys, i think i’m in love.”
gaz snorted, kicking his boots up on the table. “oh, yeah? you have some girl we don’t know about?”
“angel.”
ghost, who had been silently nursing his drink, stiffened.
gaz raised an eyebrow, “angel…?”
soap pulled out his phone and waved it lazily. “she’s some onlyfans girl, mate. best thing that i ever stumbled upon. swear to god, she cares about me.”
gaz laughed. “you are down horrendous, johnny boy.”
“oi, don’t judge me ‘til you’ve heard her. this girl is unreal. always saying the nicest things.” soap sighed dramatically.
gaz rolled his eyes. “yeah, mate. ‘cause she’s getting paid to do that.”
“so? it still counts for me.”
gaz held out a hand. “alright alright, lemme see.”
soap hesitated for a moment. “...fine. but don’t be weird about it.”
gaz took the phone, tapped through a few of the videos, and went silent.
after a moment, he muttered, “okay, shit. you might be onto something.”
soap smirked miraculously. “told you.”
ghost, who had been quietly brooding, finally spoke. “you idiots just now finding out about her?”
they both turned to look at him shocked.
gaz blinked. “w-wait, what?”
ghost took a sip of his whiskey, deadpan. “i’ve been subscribed for months.”
soap choked on his drink. “YOU WHAT?”
ghost shrugged carelessly. “found her first.”
gaz’s jaw dropped. “y-you mean to tell me you—simon ‘i hate everyone’ riley—has been secretly been subscribed to an onlyfans girl this whole time?”
ghost didn’t answer. he just took another sip of his whiskey.
soap stared at him, with a look of betrayal that you see in movies. “and you didn’t tell us?”
ghost gave him a flat look. “why the fuck would i tell you?”
soap pointed aggressively. “you gatekeeping bastard.”
gaz shook his head in amusement. “price is gonna lose his shit when he finds out.”
“Finds out what?”
the three of them turned to see price walking in, looking mildly suspicious.
for a moment, nobody spoke.
and then, without missing a beat, gaz held out the phone. “cap. you gotta see this.”
and that’s how, in the span of one drunken night, every single one of them became your most loyal subscribers.
—
and then you arrived.
your first day on base was nothing special—standard introductions, paperwork, getting settled.
well for you, at least.
but for them? it was a nightmare.
soap noticed it at first.
your voice—was way too familiar. too exact. the way you spoke, the soft warmth in your tone. it sent a shiver down his spine.
gaz eventually picked up on the way you moved—the tilt of your head, the way your fingers ghosted over their skin during check-ups.
ghost, who was normally unreadable, was tense.
and price? price just sighed a lot.
none of them said anything. they couldn’t.
because if they were wrong—if this was just some wild coincidence—then they’d look like absolute idiots.
but if they were right?
then their sweet, soft-spoken angel had just walked into their lives, completely unaware that every single one of them had been on their knees for her voice alone.
and fuck, they were not prepared for that.
#luvbabydoll ‧₊˚ ⋅#cod smut#cod modern warfare#cod mw2#ghost cod#simon ghost smut#simon ghost riley x f!reader#simon riley x reader smut#simon ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#johnny soap mctavish x reader#johnny soap mactavish#johnny soap mctavish x you#john price x reader#john price smut#john price x you#john price x y/n#kyle gaz garrick#gaz x reader
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In My Head
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: Sunshine reader is always seen as sweet and innocent to the team, always happy to use her healing magic wherever possible. Bucky, touch starved and in love, discovers reader is not as innocent as she seems.
Word count: 8.2k words <3
Plus size reader safe! All body types are safe in this fic! Everyone loves Dom! Bucky I do too but good god I need whipped Bucky who will do anything for Reader. This is the longest piece I’ve written in so long! Enjoy and leave a note<3 I’m in my marvel era again so feel free to request anyone! I didn't proof read (i finished it at 1am)
Tags: There is a plot! (porn with plot lol) AFAB reader, The smut is pure FILTH tbh, Smut, Pining Bucky, no use of Y/N.
Smut warnings: Sub!Bucky, soft dom! Reader, use of ‘Good boy’, Bucky has a praise kink, pussy eating (lots of it), Needy/touch starved Bucky, Bucky has an Edward Cullen moment, Oral (female/reader receiving— THREE times hehe) penetration, Buck likes his hair pulled, Bucky dry humps, Reader squirts (third oral sequence so skip that part if you wish) needy creampie.

There were things in the modern world that baffled Bucky, Bubble tea, new terms for prejudice ending in 'phobia', babies with Ipads in their faces. And you. The first time he laid eyes on you, you gave him a blindingly sweet smile, and held your hand out for him to shake. When he didn't take it you didn't judge him or look at him funny, you smiled like you understood. From then on, you respected his boundaries and he began to feel safe. It made sense to him that someone like you had the power to help and heal others.
You’d always bring them things; vitamins, water, those weird orange flavoured things that dissolve in water, something a little sugary for a boost, with that sweet, innocent smile he'd grown to adore. He would never- could never admit that though, someone like him wasn't worthy of you. He could settle for some longing and pining instead.
Bucky is lounging on the sofa with Steve, some 50s flick playing that Steve had insisted on, something about a painter in Paris- he wasn't sure. And then, you walk in, your sweet voice drifting into his ear.
“An American in Paris, huh?” you asked, gently teasing as you moved closer to the sofa, catching sight of the movie they were watching.
Bucky shifted a little, his gaze flickering to you, then quickly back to the TV. He tried not to look at you too much when you were around, not because he didn’t want to, but because every time he did, it felt like something in his chest tightened. It certainly didn’t help that it was a hot day today, you’d opted for a cute pink and white sundress that stopped mid thigh.
“Yeah, Steve’s choice,” Bucky muttered, trying to sound casual, but his voice came out a little softer than he intended. He knew that you liked these kinds of old movies, so maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.
Steve grinned from the other end of the couch, catching the subtle shift in Bucky’s tone, but not saying anything about it. Instead, he glanced up at you with a friendly smile.
“You a fan of the classics too?” Steve asked, gesturing for you to sit if you wanted to join them.
You walked over, the scent of your shampoo reaching Bucky’s senses. Vanilla and coconut, coincidentally his favourite fragrance, something that had changed not long after he’d met you… coincidentally of course, and the more you lingered around, the harder it became for him to focus on anything but you.
“Reminds me of my dad. Some are super sexist but I’m a sucker for Marilyn Monroe” you said, sitting down at the edge of the couch, right next to Bucky. Close enough that he could feel the warmth radiating off of you, but still with enough space to respect his boundaries. You always seemed to know exactly how to balance that, without even trying. It amazed him.
Bucky felt his pulse quicken as you sat beside him. You were so close. Too close. Not close enough.
He grunted in agreement with your statement, nodding, though his eyes stayed fixed on the screen. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to you—he just didn’t know how. What could he say that wouldn’t make him seem awkward or broken? Besides, talking might make him reveal just how badly he wanted to be near you, and he couldn’t afford that.
But then you spoke again, your voice soft and gentle, like you were speaking just to him. “How was training today?”
He cleared his throat, trying to push away the thoughts clouding his mind. “Same as always. Steve still hits like a truck.”
Steve laughed from the other side, “You’re the one with the metal arm, Buck.”
Bucky shot him a look, but there was no real bite to it. Just a distraction. He was grateful for it.
You laughed too, and that sound—it was like a melody that settled right under Bucky’s skin, making him feel warm in a way he hadn’t in a long time. He stole a glance at you again, just for a second, and you were looking right at him. That smile on your face, the one that had been seared into his memory from the moment you’d met.
“Let me guess,” you said, eyes twinkling, “you didn’t let him win this time either?”
Bucky’s lips twitched, almost into a smile, but he stopped himself. “Nope.”
“Good,” you replied, your voice soft again, almost as if you were relieved. “Can’t let Cap off easy.”
It was such a simple thing to say, but it hit Bucky harder than he’d expected. You cared. Not just in the way you handed out snacks and drinks after training or smiled when they passed by, but genuinely cared. For him. For Steve. And maybe, just maybe, that meant you’d be willing to see something more in him than he saw in himself.
The silence between you wasn’t awkward, but it was thick with unspoken words. Bucky could feel it. He wanted to reach out, say something—anything—but the words lodged themselves in his throat, like they always did when it came to you.
For a moment, Bucky let himself wonder what it would be like—if he could let himself believe he was worthy of you. Of someone so full of light and warmth, when all he felt was the shadows of his past.
But then the doubt crept back in, and he looked away again. He couldn’t let himself get too close. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, his voice barely audible. It wasn’t much, but it was all he could manage without giving too much away.
You didn’t push him, though. You never did. You just smiled again and settled into the couch beside him, watching the movie like it was the most natural thing in the world.
And for a fleeting moment, Bucky let himself pretend that it was.

The training room echoes with the sharp sound of fists hitting metal, the rhythmic thud of boots against the mat, and the occasional grunt of exertion. Bucky and Steve were sparring again; the same routine they'd run through countless times. It usually helped Bucky clear his mind, focus his energy on something physical, something he could control. But today, it was different.
“Come on, Buck, focus,” Steve says as he circles around, hands up and ready. His movements were fluid, precise. He was always like that—disciplined, unshakable. Bucky was too, usually. But not today.
His thoughts kept drifting, unbidden, back to you.
He couldn’t stop thinking about how close you had been on the couch last night, the way your voice had softened when you’d spoken to him, like you saw something in him that no one else did. That smile. It was haunting him in the best way.
As if to taunt him farther, his mind flashes with the image of you in your sundress, the way it swayed around the soft skin of your thighs.
“Bucky?” Steve’s voice cut through his reverie, but not fast enough.
Distracted, Bucky moves just a second too late. He swings wide, and Steve, quicker than ever, ducked under his arm and swept his legs out from under him. Before Bucky could react, he hit the mat hard, air leaving his lungs in a sharp gasp.
“Damn it,” Bucky growles, more at himself than at Steve. He stays on the floor for a moment, trying to shake the thoughts of you from his mind. He shouldn’t be getting distracted like this. Not during a sparring session. Not ever.
Steve stands over him, offering a hand, his brow furrowed in concern. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Bucky grumbles, accepting the hand and letting Steve pull him back to his feet. His ribs ache from the fall, but it wasn’t anything serious. It was more the embarrassment that stung. Bucky didn’t like feeling off his game, and lately, thinking about you was doing just that.
“You weren’t focused,” Steve says, stepping back into position. It wasn’t a question.
Bucky wiped the sweat from his brow, shaking out his arms as if that could somehow reset his mind. “I’m fine. Let’s go again.”
Steve hesitates for a second, then nods, getting back into stance. He could tell something was on Bucky’s mind, but he wasn’t going to push. At least, not right now. Steve knew when to back off, and when to press—though Bucky had a feeling that conversation would come soon enough.
They start again, trading punches and dodges, but Bucky couldn’t shake the lingering thoughts of you. The way you made him feel—safe, seen. The way you’d praise him. God… the way you’d tell him he did a good job after training or a mission,
Just for a second, his mind drifts again— Your pretty eyes, the way they’d look at him like he was something amazing, the smile you’d give him and then he wonders what your face would look like as he dives down deep between your thighs-
Steve’s fist came in fast, and though Bucky manages to block it, he doesn’t account for the follow-up. Steve's knee connects with his side, hitting just below his ribs with enough force to knock the wind out of him.
Bucky staggers back, holding his side with a grimace.
“Whoa, Buck!” Steve stops immediately, hands out in concern. “You good?”
Bucky clenches his jaw, nodding, though his side throbbed. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said through gritted teeth.
“You’re not fine,” Steve replies, taking a step forward, but Bucky waves him off, frustrated with himself more than anything.
“I said I’m fine,” Bucky snaps, turning away for a moment to catch his breath. He hates this. Hates how easily you get into his head, how much he let himself think about you when he was supposed to be focused. It wasn’t like him to get distracted, especially not in a fight.
Steve gives him a long, knowing look. He wasn’t pushing the subject yet, but Bucky could see it in his eyes—Steve had noticed something. And knowing Steve, it wouldn’t be long before he asked about it.
Steve lets out a sigh, shaking his head. “You need to go get that checked out.” He motions to the cut on Bucky’s cheek and his ribs.
“I said I’m fine,” Bucky mutters.
Steve doesn’t budge. “Buck, if you don’t get that cleaned up, it’s going to get worse. You’re already bruised, and that cut—” He gestured to Bucky’s face. “—needs to be looked at.”
Bucky was about to argue again when Steve adds, with a pointed look, “Go see her.”
He blinks, his heart suddenly beating faster in his chest. “What?”
“Go see her,” Steve repeats, his voice calm but insistent. “You know she can patch you up. She always does.”
Bucky opens his mouth to argue, but the words wouldn’t come. You always did take care of them after training, offering vitamin drinks or snacks, your touch gentle and your presence calming.
“I don’t need—” Bucky begins, but Steve cuts him off with a significant look.
“Buck, you’re hurt. Let her help you. Besides, we both know she’d want to,” Steve says, his tone softening as he rests a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “She cares, man. And you’re not doing yourself any favours by pretending you don’t need her.”
Bucky clenched his jaw, his chest tight with a mix of frustration and something else he couldn’t quite name. The truth was, he did want to go to you.
With a heavy sigh, Bucky nods, finally relenting. “Fine.”
Steve smiles, patting him on the shoulder. “Good. Now go get cleaned up. I’ll finish up here.”
Bucky hesitates for a second before turning to leave the training room, his side still aching from the hit.
All he knew was that when he saw you, when you smiled at him with that gentle, understanding look in your eyes, it was going to make it that much harder to keep pretending he didn’t feel anything.

Bucky’s footsteps echo softly through the hall as he makes his way to the infirmary. When he reaches the infirmary door, he gives a soft knock before stepping inside.
You’re there, sitting at your desk with one thigh crossed elegantly over the other, your attention focused on some paperwork in front of you. You’re dressed in your usual professional attire—a fitted dress that hugs your form just enough to hint at your curves beneath your white lab coat. The subtle click of your black heels against the floor when you shift is a small, but noticeable, sound that makes Bucky's heart beat a little faster.
You look up when you hear him enter, that sweet, welcoming smile appearing almost instantly. “Bucky,” you greet warmly, your voice soft. “What brings you in? Did you and Steve go a little too hard today?”
For a second, Bucky just stands there, distracted by how you look. His heart skips a beat as he takes in the sight of you. He notices, maybe for the first time, how the hem of your dress rides up slightly when you cross your legs. He forces himself to look away before you catch him staring.
“Uh, yeah,” he mutters, gesturing vaguely to the cut on his face. “Just a cut… and maybe some bruised ribs.”
You arch an eyebrow, your smile turning a little coy. “Only maybe bruised ribs? Sounds like you need me to take a closer look.”
Bucky blinks, heat creeping up his neck as he tries to decide whether he’s imagining the playful tone in your voice or if it’s actually there. He clears his throat. “Yeah… probably.”
With that, you uncross your legs and stand up, heels clicking softly against the tile floor as you walk over to him. Your movements are graceful, confident, and Bucky feels his pulse quicken as you draw closer. There’s something about the way you carry yourself today—calm, collected, but with an air of subtle suggestion that makes him feel off balance.
You stand just inches away from him, reaching up to gently tilt his chin up so you can inspect the cut above his eyebrow. Your fingers are cool against his sweaty skin, and Bucky freezes, his breath catching in his throat.
“It’s not deep,” you murmur “But it’s a little more than a scratch. Seems like you need my magic touch~” you wiggle your fingers and Bucky bites back a groan at the subtle implication.
Before Bucky can respond, you place your hand gently over the wound, and he feels a soft, warm tingling sensation spread across his skin. Your healing powers are subtle but effective, and within seconds, the pain is gone, the cut already closing up beneath your touch. He’s experienced your abilities before, but every time he feels a spark from your touch, it’s a simple move but he craves more.
“There we go,” you say softly, removing your hand from his face. Your fingers linger a little longer than usual, trailing down his jaw ever so slightly before you step back, your eyes locking with his for a brief moment.
Bucky swallows hard, trying to shake off the heat rising in his chest. He’s probably imagining it—just reading too much into things. You’re always sweet, always kind and innocent.
Your gaze drops to his side, and you gently brush your hand over his ribs. “Lift your shirt for me?” you ask, your voice light but carrying a tone of suggestion that makes Bucky’s heart skip a beat.
He hesitates for a second, then does as you ask, pulling up his shirt to reveal the dark bruise spreading along his ribs. You make a soft sound of sympathy, a small pout forming on your lips as your pretty eyes lock with his for a moment. You look back down, your fingers grazing his skin as you crouch slightly to get a closer look.
“You really got hit hard,” you murmur, your tone carrying a note of concern but it switches up subtly as you carry on: “Good thing I can take care of you.”
Bucky’s breath hitches. Did he hear that right? Is there something more in your words? You were just talking about the injury right? The way you said it, the way you moved—it feels almost sinful in a way he’s not used to, at least not from you. He tries to keep his focus, but with you this close, your fingers trailing lightly over his bruised skin, it’s damn near impossible.
You place your hand gently over his ribs, your touch soft but firm as you close your eyes for a moment, focusing on healing the injury. Bucky feels the familiar warmth of your powers again, spreading through his body like a gentle wave. The pain begins to melt away, the bruise slowly fading beneath your hand.
“There,” you say softly, your voice barely above a whisper. “All better.”
But your hand doesn’t move right away. Instead, it lingers on his ribs for a second too long, your fingertips brushing the edge of his abdomen in a way that makes his breath catch. Then, just as he’s about to say something—anything—you pull away, turning to your desk, palms flat and bending as if you’re looking for something. Bucky’s mind flashes to pulling up your dress and fucking you senseless then and there, his metal hand clenches and he shakes the thought away.
Bucky exhales slowly, trying to calm the sudden storm in his chest. He has to be imagining it, right? You’re just being your usual caring self- but that touch felt different. Everything you’re doing feels different. More intentional. And the way you’d looked at him just now—
He notices you didn’t actually pick anything up from the desk after you’d bent over it a little.
“Alright, just one last check,” you say as you come back to stand in front of him, a small, almost playful smile on your lips. “Let me make sure everything else is fine.” You reach up, your hand lightly brushing against his neck as if you’re checking for tension or soreness. But then, your fingers linger—soft and warm against his skin, trailing slowly down to his collarbone. The touch is innocent enough, but there’s something in the way you do it that makes Bucky’s entire body tense.
You meet his eyes, your expression still sweet and professional, but there’s a hint of something more—something almost teasing in the way you hold his gaze. “Hmm, seems like you’re all healed up,” you murmur, your voice soft but suggestive in a way that makes his pulse race.
Bucky swallows, his throat suddenly dry as he stares at you. For a moment, he can’t move, can’t speak—stuck between the need to figure out if what he’s feeling is real or just in his head. He tries to convince himself it’s all innocent, but the way your hand lingers on his neck, the way your eyes flicker to his lips for the briefest of moments… it leaves him wondering if you aren’t quite as innocent as he thought.
You finally step back, that same sweet smile on your face as if nothing happened. “Take it easy, alright? Don’t push yourself too hard next time.”
Bucky nods, his voice hoarse when he finally speaks. “Yeah… thanks.”
You tilt your head, your smile widening just a little. “Anytime.” You sit down on your chair again, crossing one thigh over the other, it seemed deliberate.
You rest a pencil on your lower lip, teeth grazing it just slightly, pretty eyes on him. Bucky draws in a breath and feels a problem growing between his legs. He spins around to the door, hoping you don’t notice.
As Bucky begins leave you call out once more: “Let me know if you need me Bucky~ you can always come to me”
As Bucky leaves the infirmary, his mind spins. He came in with injuries, but now he has a different kind of problem, he attempts to calm down, the hardness in his pants making it hard to think. Something has shifted between you two, and whether it’s real or just in his imagination, Bucky can’t help but think back to it all. Did you want him too?

That night, Bucky stares at his ceiling, mind flashing back to you at your desk. Why didn’t you pick anything up? Did you forget what you were looking for? The look in your eyes told him you must’ve known what was going through his head.
He groans and pushes his face into his pillow, he thinks back to something that had happened a few days ago. You were giving out some sort of vitamin pill to everyone, when you’d leaned in, lips near his ear as you whispered:
“I saved you the last cherry flavoured one, don’t tell anyone” before winking slightly.
He shivers at the memory; he could smell every inch of you when you leaned in.
He grunts and pushes his face farther into the pillow. Why did you always save the good things for him? Was it on purpose? Whenever you baked you’d give him first pick- he thought you were just being nice, the sweet girl they all know. But the more he thinks about you the more he notices those little things.
Before he had even registered what he was doing, he was standing and making his way to your rooms. You did say he could always come to you. Bucky freezes outside the door when he realises where he was and what he was doing. Was he crazy? How could he come up with an excuse for being at your door at eleven at night? Before he can change his mind and turn around your door opens. There you stood wearing nothing but a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top- with no bra.
Bucky freezes, his breath catching in his throat as his gaze locks on you. The soft glow of your bedside lamp spills over your frame, highlighting the way your sleep shorts hug your hips and your tank top clings to your chest. His mouth goes dry.
You blink at him. “Bucky?” your voice is soft, a hint of curiosity laced in your tone. “Is everything okay? F.R.I.D.A.Y told me you were stood outside my door.
For a moment, all he can do is stare. He knows he should say something, anything, but his mind is scrambling for an excuse—an explanation for why he’s standing at your door in the middle of the night. His thoughts drift back to your touch earlier, the brush of your hand on his neck, and the memory of your lips near his ear just days ago.
You tilt your head slightly, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips, and Bucky swears there’s something teasing in your expression. You step aside, opening the door wider as if you’re inviting him in. “You didn’t have to knock, you know,” you say with that same sweetness. “You can always come to me.”
His heart pounds in his chest, loud enough that he wonders if you can hear it. He swallows, trying to push down the tension, but something in your eyes—something about the way you're looking at him—has his feet moving before his brain catches up.
He steps over the threshold.
Bucky steps inside, the door clicking shut softly behind him. The room is dim, and the soft scent of your perfume lingers in the air, teasing his senses. He watches you as you turn back toward him, your smile still warm, still innocent—at least on the surface.
“So…” you say, your voice soft as you walk a little closer to him, “What brings you here so late, Bucky?” There’s a hint of playfulness in your tone, like you already know the answer but want to hear him say it.
He shifts awkwardly, his eyes darting away from yours. “I… uh, I couldn’t sleep.” His voice comes out rougher than he intended.
“We both know my healing powers can’t help you sleep Bucky. So what’s up with you coming to see lil’. ol’. Me.”
He opens his mouth to reply, but no words come out. His mind is racing—unsure if you're playing a game or if he’s just reading too much into it. His eyes flick down to your tank top, the way it clings to you, the coolness from the hallway had made hard peaks appear on your chest he then glances back to your face. You’re watching him carefully, that same playful glint in your eyes.
You tilt your head slightly, voice soft but teasing. “You’ve been thinking a lot lately, haven’t you?” Your fingers brush lightly against his arm, sending a shiver through him. “About me?”
Bucky feels his pulse quicken. He’s certain now—there’s no way he’s imagining it.
“I—” He swallows hard, trying to find the right words. But before he can, you step even closer, your body inches from his now, your hand lingering on his arm.
“You think I didn’t notice?” You ask sweetly
Bucky’s breath hitches as your words sink in, and his chest tightens, the space between you suddenly feeling far too small. His mind is racing, but his body is rooted in place, drawn to you in a way he can’t explain. He tries to speak, to form some kind of coherent response, but his voice fails him.
“You think I didn’t notice?” you ask again, your voice low, sweet, but with a teasing edge that makes Bucky’s heart race. Your hand is still resting lightly on his arm, your touch burning through his skin despite the fabric of his shirt. The warmth of your body is so close now, and Bucky is overwhelmed by the scent of you—intoxicating, pulling him deeper into the moment. He can feel himself grow hard at the simple touch, he want’s your hands all over him. He just needs to feel you touch him.
He stares down at you, his gaze flickering between your eyes and the way your lips curve into that soft, knowing smile. You tilt your head up slightly, your eyes locking with his, and for a moment, everything else fades away. It’s just the two of you, standing impossibly close, the air between you thick with tension.
“I’ve seen the way you look at me,” you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper, but Bucky hears every word. “I notice where your eyes go when I wear a skirt or dress, if I bend over or wear anything even remotely low cut.”
He swallows hard, his pulse pounding in his ears. He wants to say something, to explain himself, to apologize, but he can’t—because the truth is, you’re right. He has been looking at you, watching you, craving your presence without ever fully admitting it to himself.
You shift even closer, your chest almost brushing against his, and Bucky’s breath catches as your fingers slowly trail up his arm, lingering at his shoulder. His heart feels like it’s about to burst out of his chest, and he’s not sure how much longer he can keep control of himself. The way you’re looking at him, your lips parted slightly, your eyes holding his like they’re daring him to make the next move…
He’s losing it.
“You don’t have to hide it,” you whisper, your voice laced with that same soft, teasing edge. Your hand moves up to his neck now, your fingertips brushing the sensitive skin just below his jaw. “You can tell me what you want, Bucky…”
He whines.
Before the embarrassment can hit him you let out a low groan at the sound. “Fuck…”
Bucky’s breath comes out in a shudder, his self-control hanging by a thread. He feels the warmth of your hand against his neck, the way your touch lingers just a second too long, and it sends a wave of heat rushing through him.
He opens his mouth to respond, but you’re already moving, closing the last bit of space between you. Your eyes flicker down to his lips, and Bucky’s resolve crumbles. He can’t hold back anymore.
His hand reaches out almost instinctively, fingers gently curling around your waist, pulling you closer. He leans down, his breath mingling with yours as he hovers just inches from your lips, his heart pounding in his chest.
“You…” His voice is low, strained, as if he’s barely holding on. “You’re driving me crazy, doll.”
You smile, and the look in your eyes—soft, teasing, and just a little wicked—sends him over the edge.
Bucky leans to close the gap but your finger presses against his lips. A frown forms on his face, and then you speak.
“ah ah ah” you shake your head “we ask for what we want”
Bucky mentally scolds himself for not asking, he was in the moment.
“May I kiss you?” he asks.
“Say please” there was an unexpected dominance to your tone, completely wiping out the innocence.
Oh fuck.
Bucky feels himself grow harder at the tone. He’s momentarily stunned. Your pretty eyes are on him, feigning innocence but there’s something sinful hiding in them. His beautiful blue eyes look down at you, filled with need.
“Please?”
You let out a moan at the word, your body heating up, your core dampens your shorts.
“Fuck… Bucky…” You say breathily before you pull him down a little to reach your height and kiss him. It’s gentle, as though you’re teasing him, giving him a glimpse to what he can have. He just needs to ask politely.
“Doll… please… I…” He struggles to get his words out, brain fogged over from all the sensations hitting him at once. You run your hands along his abs and he whines again. The whine shoots straight through you. Bucky Barnes, the worlds most accomplished assassin is whining for you.
“Please what? Good boys use their words.” You say in a sinfully soft voice that sends a shiver down his spine.
“I need… more… please” He whispers your name at the end and you hum, satisfied. You grasp his hand and it feels so good to him. Too good. He follows you as you pull him towards the bed.
“Sit there. Lean against the headboard” you hum and he immediately does as he’s told. Sure, he was a super solider who could overpower you in a second, you were both aware. But you were both also aware that he didn’t want that. He needed you to guide him.
You plant yourself in his lap, straddling him, before letting out a soft hum as you feel his hardness push against your core over your sleep shorts. Bucky lets out a moan at the contact but you’re quick to swallow it with a deep, heated kiss. His hands claw at your hips and you gasp slightly as the metal of his hand touches your skin. He’s quick to pull it away but you’re quicker, gripping his wrist and shaking your head, guiding it back in place.
You continue the kiss, before taking his lower lip in between your teeth. You open your eyes to see his blue ones are locked onto your own in what can only be described as the hottest, neediest way, his pupils dilated. You lick over his lip before your hand snakes around the back of his neck and up to his hair. You gently tug, its light, testing the waters and his lips part, head nodding. You pull his hair back a little harsher and he moans. You laugh, the sound dark and sinful in Bucky’s ears.
Your lips kiss his earlobe. “You like your hair pulled? Dirty boy~”
He moans again and nods, hands gripping your hips a little harder, pulling you down to grind on him. You make a ‘tsk’ sound and he freezes, quickly remembering your rule.
You get off him and he groans at the loss of contact, his needy eyes falling onto you. You slowly pull down your shorts, revealing your core to him. His breathing quickens, cock twitching and straining against his sweatpants.
“Take your clothes off, honey” your sultry voice fills his ears and he does so immediately, stripping off his shirt first, exposing the honey toned abs with numerous scars here and there. He is beautiful and you let it show on your face. He drags down his sweatpants leaving him in his grey boxers. There’s a dark damp spot on them from his arousal, pre-cum weeping through from the tip. You make a gesture for him to keep going and he obliges, dragging the boxers down. He stands there, glorious cock hard against his abdomen, looking at you, waiting for your next command.
“What do you want? You just need to ask” You inquire, goading him to tell you.
He swallows, looking down at your dripping core and then back to his cock. You fully expect him to ask to fuck you based on his expression, but he shocks you.
“Can I taste you please?”
Your eyes widen briefly, stunned at his choice.
“I’m sorry— if you don’t want—“ He begins to speak but you cut him off with a finger to your lips and standing up. You slowly peel off your shorts, leaning against the wall.
“You asked me so nicely.” You beckon him and the speed in which he’s on his knees in front of you has your legs weak. His hands skim over your thighs, leaving Goosebumps in their wake. “Is this what you want?”
Bucky looks up at you with desperate eyes, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips. “Yes, please” His voice is hoarse.
“You wanna make me feel good?” You coo.
Bucky groans, his hands gripping your thighs a little. “More than anything” He confirms.
You nod, giving your permission and he settles in between your thighs. He grasps your ass, pulling you up so your legs are over his shoulders, his head cradled by your thighs. You’re momentarily stunned, briefly forgetting he’s a super soldier with insane strength. The thought goes right to your core. Your back is against the wall, his hands still firm on your ass, keeping you in place. Bucky’s breath ghosts across your core before he looks up at you. The sight was nearly enough to make you come. With a firm squeeze on your ass, he dives in, licking a stripe up your lips, making you gasp and weave your fingers through his hair. He groans and begins to lap at your clit like a man starved. He occasionally moans and groans, letting you know how much he’s enjoying being between your legs.
“Bucky— oh my god” You moan out. This only drives him more, he focuses his tongue on your bundle of nerves and you see stars.
He is good at this.
Really fucking good.
Too good?
It doesn’t take you long to come at all, you grasp his hair tighter, thighs squeezing around his head in a way that makes his cock twitch against his abdomen. He rides you through your orgasm until you’re squirming and too sensitive.
He pulls back, holding you up still, and looks into your eyes. The lower part of his face is sinfully wet, he gives you a charming smile, eyes still betraying his neediness.
“You did so well… so good for me…” You breathe out and a strangled noise escapes him.
A praise kink.
“You did so so good for me Bucky~ You deserve a reward” You coo, getting off his shoulders and standing up. You tilt his head up with your finger. “You want a reward baby?”
Bucky lets out a breathy noise and nods.
“What do you want? I’ll give you whatever you want”
Bucky Looks up at you, standing up. He shocked you again.
“Please doll… sit on my face… if… you want…” He adds the last part, unsure. All he knows is that being in between your thighs, hearing you, feeling you, giving you pleasure is all he wants right now.
You bite back a groan and nod, watching him scramble to the bed, laying on his back. He’s gloriously naked, thick cock incredibly hard and standing to attention. You crawl up his body, making sure to brush up against his length to hear those delicious whines from him. His hips buck a few times against you and then you’re settled just above his face. You look down at him and he looks ravenous— His desperate eyes flicking from your core to your face. His hands keep flexing as he struggles, wanting nothing more than to pull you down onto his face and hold you there until he can’t breathe.
“You can touch me Buck” you say softly and his hands hesitantly settle on your hips. He pauses before it eventually becomes too much and pulls you down onto his face, groaning at the impact. You don’t move much, assuming he wants to take the lead when he speaks, muffled against your core.
You giggle and look at him innocently. “Sorry honey what was that? I can’t understand you~”
His eyes grow even more needy, looking up at you. He speaks, muffled again before he decided to lift you up just enough to speak.
“Move— please. Grind on my face. Use me to come please”
How could you say no to such a beautiful request?
You settle back down and rock your hips. His tongue moves with the same finesse and you can’t help but wonder if he’s tired. He doesn’t look tired. You move his arms so he’s holding them up and you entwine your fingers, using his arms to keep you upright, moving against him. His eyes are fluttering shut in pleasure and you groan. You make quick work of your shirt, leaving you both naked now.
“Eyes open Bucky~ I thought you wanted to see what you do to me?~” You tease.
His eyes shoot open again, pupils dilated, his eyes more black than blue now.
“Good~ So good to me” You breathe out and he moans against you, making you gasp and your hips stutter. You grip his hands tighter. His pretty eyes are begging you to come and you do, thighs once again squeezing around his head, making him feel dizzy. Your hips are bucking against his face not even thinking about his breathing— but that isn’t on Bucky’s mind either. You ride out your orgasm and get off him, falling on your back, breathing erratic.
Bucky lays there with the lower half of his face wet, stubble and all. His breathing is erratic and his cock is painfully hard against his abdomen.
“Holy shit Bucky” You huff out and a hoarse moan leaves his mouth.
He slots himself between your legs, kissing your shoulder, slowly moving down your body until he’s at your hip, kissing it softly.
“You are so beautiful doll” His eyes are sincere and your cheeks feel hot at the compliment. “One more time? Please?” He asks, eyes pleading.
Sweet mother of Jesus.
“You want— you seriously— you want to eat me out again?” Your eyes are wide.
Bucky nods, nuzzling and kissing your thigh before focusing on your face again. “And to fuck you with my fingers if that’s alright with you doll?”
Sweet. Mother. Of. Jesus.
Your brain short circuits for a moment at the words leaving his mouth and you mindlessly nod, your gaze heated and intense.
He runs a finger along your dripping core and he moans. Was he really getting this much pleasure? You hadn’t even touched him at all. He teases your entrance before sinking a finger in softly. He hisses at how tight it is, his cock twitching. You let out a soft breathy moan at the feeling, instinctively reaching for his hair. Bucky peppers kisses on your thighs before he begins pumping his finger.
It’s not enough.
“More” You demand, gripping his hair. Bucky is happy to oblige, pushing a second finger in, your toes curling. “oh god yes”
Bucky begins to curl his fingers, brushing up against your sweet spot as he increases his pace a fraction and you cry out.
“Am I doing good?” His husky voice asks, desperate for praise.
“So good baby, so fucking good. You’re so good to me” You moan out and he snaps, thrusting his fingers into you with a little more force and latching his mouth onto your clit. You’re so sensitive at this point you let out a whine, your words not coherent. You didn’t even know it was possible to come this many times before being fucked. The coil in your stomach feels more intense than you have ever felt before, you tighten around his fingers and before you could warn him, he pulls away, watching the liquid squirt from you in awe. You, on the other hand are glassy eyed and trembling afterwards.
Bucky gives you a few minutes to settle before he brings himself back up to your face, you pull him in for a messy kiss. His cock is settled on your thigh, Bucky whines into the kiss and you can feel him jutting against it. You grasp his chin as he kisses you, feeling his length as he desperately claims whatever friction he can get.
Bucky is surprised at himself. There has never been a time in his life where he has felt the need to dry hump a woman. But you have the best ways of bringing new feelings and actions out of him.
“Please” He says softly.
“Oh you’re so worked up honey. After doing such a good job. Take what you want Bucky” you coo, stroking his cheek and he leans into it before settling his hips between your legs.
“Can I… are you okay if I…” He begins and you nod.
“You’ve more than earned it” You rake your hands through his hair, nails scratching his scalp.
In an attempt to ground himself, He places his hands on your headboard, letting you guide his cock into place. He pushes in and groans, immediately shattering the headboard where his hands were.
Oh lord.
You squeeze around him and let out a breathy, aroused giggle. Bucky on the other hand looks mortified.
“Oh my god doll I am so sorry—“ He goes to pull out of you but you grasp his arms and shake your head. He doesn’t take much convincing before he pushes into you fully. He’s panting and rests his forehead on yours. Even with the fingers stretching you earlier, you need to adjust. The super solider cock is no joke.
You moan encouragingly in his ear and he pulls back softly before pushing back in. Your eyes flutter and Bucky has his trained solely on you and your reactions.
“Am I hurting you, doll?” He asks, breathily, stopping his motions.
You shake your head immediately. “Please don’t stop”
He keeps his strength in check, bracing on the half broken headboard again, his hands slotting into the Bucky sized hand holes in them. He uses a leisurely pace that does hit the spot, but it’s not quite enough. You could tell he was holding back for your sake but you needed to see just how much he needed you.
“Harder Bucky~ Fuck. I can take it— please”
The headboard crushes even more at your words, your legs were wound around his hips, he leans forward, wrapping his arms around you, his face buried in your neck as he desperately thrusts into you. It’s hard and fast, a string of moans and curses leaving your mouth as you can’t move in his grip, all you can do is take it. You’re seeing stars now, as Bucky is whining and muttering praises in your ear.
“You feel so good doll”
“I would do this forever… beautiful beautiful girl”
And lastly:
“Oh god thank you” He repeats the phrase a few times and your head spins.
He’s fucking thanking you.
You manage to moan out a few praises that are punctuated by his sharp needy thrusts. He pulls his face away from his neck when he’s close. You can see it on his face, begging you to come first. He slips his metal hand down to your clit, stroking the already sensitive bundle of nerves and your eyes widen at the coolness against it.
“Please come” He moans and it doesn’t take you long to oblige his plea, the metal hand on your clit, the whines from Bucky and his cock hitting you deep pushes you over the edge and you come, clenching him hard.
“You’re so beautiful” He says in awe. “Please can I come— please doll” Bucky’s thrusts are faltering.
“fill me up Bucky~” You moan and that’s all it takes, his thrusts become harder, your body jolting from the force, you’ll feel this in your hips in the morning. You could always heal it away. But you probably won’t. You place a hand over his neck holding it loosely, your other hand raking through his hair.
Bucky thrusts into you hard and deep, with hoarse moans of thank you as he comes inside you, filling you up. He simply stays inside you after, his body moving with his deep ragged breaths before he collapses on top of you, making sure to use some strength to stop him crushing you. You stroke his hair, muttering soft praises.
He rolls off you, his honey toned skin covered in a sheen of sweat that made him look godly. Your legs are jelly; you aren’t even sure you can use them for the next few days. Bucky stands and walks to your bathroom, giving you the perfect view of his sculpted ass and returns a few moments later with a warm wet cloth to clean you up with.
When the both of you are cleaned up, Bucky begins to wipe away the crushed pieces of headboard from your bed sheepishly.
“Sorry doll” He says quietly.
“It’s okay” You assure. “It was hot. Made me feel like Bella Swan” You joke.
Bucky looks at you, not understanding the reference.
“From Twi… never mind” You hum, helping to brush off the little pieces of wood. He lays back down and pulls you into his arms.
“Doll… I… I have never felt like that before. What did you do to me? I am under a spell when it comes to you.”
You yawn and let out a sleepy laugh. “You’re telling me. I don’t think I could sleep with a regular dude again after that”
It’s not long until exhaustion rushes through you. Super solider stamina is no joke. You drift off, head on his chest. Bucky watches the soft rise and fall of your chest, your soft snores filling the room.
And for the first time in what feels like forever; Bucky has a deep, dreamless sleep. His nightmares paused as he slumbers beside your soft, warm body.

It’s late when Bucky wakes up. Your side of the bed is cold. He glances at the clock on his phone, reading 11:07am, and a text from you, timestamped two hours ago:
‘Morning sleepy head. I didn’t wanna wake you. You looked too comfortable ;)’
He smiles at the text and looks for his clothes, only to find you must have taken a trip to his room to grab some fresh clothes. There is a towel on a chair with a new set of clean clothes and a pair of boxers.
When he’s all cleaned up and dressed he makes his way to the kitchen. You’re talking to Wanda, Steve and Sam.
“Bucky good morning!” Your sweet voice drifts over to him. “You slept in late. Are you feeling okay? Late night?” It’s an innocent question, no one bats an eyelash at it. You’re the healer of the team, and you’re concerned. But Bucky bites back a groan at the implications they both know is behind the sweet words.
Before Bucky can respond, Tony walks in.
“Hey Hippocrates” Tony calls out to you. “Why did F.R.I.D.A.Y tell me you needed a new headboard for your bed?
Oops.
-END-
#Bucky x reader#Bucky Barnes#Bucky Barnes x reader#Bucky x Plus size reader#plus size reader#bucky barnes x plus size reader#marvel#winter soldier#winter soldier x reader#winter soldier x plus size reader#James bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#avengers#avengers x reader#marvel x reader#MCU#mcu fanfiction#fan fiction#smut#fluff#sub bucky#bucky barnes sub
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casual enough? — rafe cameron


— what happens behind closed doors after rafe sees you hanging out with a different boy? with no exclusivity, what you had with rafe cameron was an absolute blur. until tonight.
warnings: smut! (piv, rafe does it ROUGHHHH) squirting, swearing, "slut" mention
you knew better than to mess with rafe. you were well aware of his jealous tendencies, anger issues, and how he acts when you so as much look at another guy when he's around.
but he's been testing your patience way too much for your liking as of the moment.
he had one arm wrapped around a blonde, smiling at what she said but clearly wasn't interested in what she was saying. you knew rafe—you had him wrapped around your finger, but the idea of him actually hanging around with a different girl (when he himself doesn't want you doing the same) had you seething mad.
so here you were, skin-to-skin against jj motherfucking maybank. his hands on your waist and your hips swaying to the beat of the music that traveled across the whole bar. you laugh at what jj says, and all that could rafe do is watch as you had fun with someone—someone that wasn't him.
rafe and you were nothing exclusive, that he always made sure of. but he could feel that deal slowly slipping away each time he sees you with anyone else. it was getting hard for him to ignore the pang in his chest every time the idea of you getting with someone crosses his mind.
tonight was no different.
rafe did his best to keep his cool, ignore the way you were pressed against jj's body, the two of you so close that your ass grinded against his fucking crotch every time your hips so much as swayed. rafe could see that clearly, and it was killing him.
the final straw, though, was when jj's hand snaked from your waist to your chest and then to your neck. he held you there for a few seconds, which had you turning back to him with a smirk. the original plan was to make rafe jealous, see how much it takes until he finally cracks. you decided to go along with jj since you knew how much the two despised each other. and judging by the way rafe's eyes bounced back from you and jj, a scowl present on his face, you knew the plan was working.
though, what you didn't expect was for rafe to walk towards you and jj, the blonde girl previously in his arms now forgotten. "i need to talk to you, right now." rafe says, standing in front of you and jj. you smirked instead, dancing once again. "sorry, cameron. i'm clearly busy here."
rafe scoffs then pulls you away from jj rather harshly, which had you glaring at him. "not a fucking fan of repeating myself, baby. either you come with me or i fuck you in front of everyone—including your boy right here." rafe had you pressed against him, his lips against your ear as he whispered.
he had you so speechless, that you just blinked at him slowly. your heart thumps against your chest rapidly, which has you sweating underneath his gaze. you look back at jj, but he already understands what you meant. he just winks at you before walking away with a smirk.
rafe seems to be satisfied by that, which brought him to grip your arm a little bit tighter. "if you know what's best for maybank, you're coming home with me."
✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭
"please, rafe. just give me a second." you were choking on your spit at this point, as rafe fucked you to the point of overstimulation. his hips slapped against the back of your thigh rather harshly, the skin already turning red due to his movements.
"you just don't want to admit it, but you know you love this dick too much to get me to fucking stop." rafe had your face buried in his pillows as he fucked you mercilessly from behind. he was proven right when you clench around his length, his words running through your mind.
"and i was right. got so fucking tight the moment i said that. you love this, don't you, baby?" you were a gasping, moaning mess underneath rafe. and all you could do was take his harsh thrusts.
your eyes rolled back, tears spilled from them as he kept the same pace while he fucked you through yet another orgasm. his thumb was hooked into the side of your mouth, the action keeping your head in place as he kept on thrusting into you.
you could only moan pathetically in response, eyes rolling back into your head while his cock practically tore you in half. rafe wasn't quite pleased though—he wanted to hear you talk, not moan. "i asked you a goddamn question, didn't i?" a spank landed on your ass then, which earned him a mewl instead. "you better fucking answer when i talk to you," he leans down then, mouth leveled with your ear as he spoke. "just a simple yes, slut. that's all i'm asking."
your hands gripped the sheets beneath you as you fought the urge to make a mess and squirt all over the sheets. but rafe had other plans. he flipped you over so you laid on your back, your eyes immediately meeting his. "fuck, yes! i love it, rafe. i love it so much." you managed to breathe out in between sighs and gasps, which had him smirking. "that's about right."
he could feel you clenching around his length once more, which he hissed softly. "shit, you gonna cum again? that's three times in a row, baby." his fingers moved to your clit then, rubbing the sensitive bud in fast, and hard circles. "come on, cum for me. wanna see you make a mess all over this dick."
after three particular thrusts, you gushed all over rafe's length, making a mess on the sheets and his stomach. "that's it, baby," he leans down until he was in level with your neck, in which he kissed and sucked slowly. "love it when you squirt all over me."
you could tell rafe was close, judging by the way his hips seemed to lose rhythm by the minute. "gonna fucking cum inside you, baby. gonna fill this pussy up." rafe fucks you through another orgasm, his mouth latched onto your neck while he did so.
what you don't expect are the words that come out of his mouth next. "don't want anyone having you like this, you get that? i'm fucking yours. i was always yours." rafe says through gritted teeth, while you stared at him with wide and teary eyes.
"fuck, i'm gonna cum." rafe finishes inside you after he says it, and he pulls away to watch him drip out of you slowly.
"in case it's not clear yet, i fucking love you so much. seeing you with jj like that killed me earlier. i want you all for myself, baby." rafe lays beside you, chest heaving up and down as he caught his breath.
"i love you too, rafe. you're it for me."
first actual rafe smut i wrote??? holy shit
drew / rafe's masterlist
#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe x reader#rafe x you#rafe obx#rafe cameron#drew starkey#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey smut#drew starkey x you#rafe cameron fic#obx x reader
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Things we (me) are forgetting about Six of crows, not in order:
• There were rumours that Wylan was caught in an affair with his tutor
• Inej killed rinca moten (the desert lizard) that Matthias claimed he never seen being defeated before. She did it in few seconds too
• Jesper and Nina had chloropellets that they used to put other prisoners to sleep stitched under their skin. And had to cut them out to use them
• Matthias had a buzzcut for whole two books and half; also, half of SoC he had brown hair and brown eyes tailored
• Kaz had lockpicks and bloody explosives swallowed for the entirety of heist, and had to regurgitate them every other hour
• When Nina was young, she wanted to go to Fjerda as an avenging warrior or a spy (foreshadowing, I guess)
• Inej used Kaz's gloves to climb in the incenerator scene
• After learning Inej's real name, Kaz asked if that's what she preferred to be called
•Kaz's pov has shown that he probably had fracture or other injury from when he jumped while carrying Inej in his arms, and it was never mentioned him getting any medical attention. My boy been running this heist like this, AND without his cane for hours
• They blew up the nation's holy magical tree (somehow I keep forgetting this part)
• Matthias gave Kaz an agressive CPR until Nina took over. So his heart probably stopped during heist? (Somebody just give him a vacation or something)
•Nina flirts/ed with Kaz (as he had mentioned himself, she just loves flirting with everybody and everything)
•Inej seems to be the ONLY one in the Dregs without their tattoo
•Matthias labeled Inej as a demon in his head as well, not only Kaz
•Matthias' middle name is Benedik. I think only his and Jesper's second names were revealed (very likely that they are the only ones who have them)
•Kaz gave Matthias the "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me" talk (like, literally)
•“You can’t spend his money if you’re dead.”
“I’ll acquire expensive habits in the afterlife.”
•Inej thought that Kaz "at least owes me his best imitation of a human being".
•Wylan was standing up to Kaz several times, even at times when others wouldn't (like right after the Oomen incident)
•Matthias has the coolest nicknames for everybody in general
•Kaz kinda thinks more of Inej than others do? Has more faith in her and how strong she is, if you will
•Kaz went back for the Black Tips after Inej was injured and "there was enough blood to paint a barn red" (reminder that he still has a fracture after running with her in his hands and jumping off great heightswhile carrying her)
•Tolya was mentioned in SoC ("There’s a Heartrender at the Little Palace who can recite epic poetry for hours. Then you’d wish you had died.”)
•Matthias thanked Inej personally for being the reason they made it out of the harbor alive (that's right, everybody must respect Inej)
•Kaz wants reassurance that Inej believes in him once in a while
•Everybody feels kinda good about sharing secrets with Kaz cuz he's Dirtyhands and he wouldn't judge anything
•Kaz and Inej have a series of silent signals?
•Kaz said "You don't want a look at what's inside my head, Nina dear" while wearing fucking dumb goggles
•Inej is the only sacred thing in Kaz's life, and she made him feel like a boy still believing in existence of magic
#i had this in my drafts#for months apparently#since i reread soc this summer#six of crows#wylan van eck#inej ghafa#matthias helvar#jesper fahey#nina zenik#kaz brekker
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➽ Just for Practice
Caleb x fem!reader Thank you @erensfeed for the idea and all the help she gave me!! Tysm nunnie! Hope this is a nice surprise for when you wake up <3 warnings: suggestive topics, mature, kissing (of course)

"Kissing? That’s what got you so worked up? Kissing is why you haven’t been eating my braised pork?" Caleb's lilac eyes fix on you like you’re crazy, a hint of something darker lurking beneath as he frowns.
"Ugh, I told you you wouldn’t get it." you groan, flopping onto your bed in frustration and avoiding his gaze, you didn’t want to see Caleb judging you.
Your high school graduation is just a few months away, but so far, every girl in your class won’t stop talking about the people they’ve kissed this year. Some have only had one kiss, others have had plenty, but out of all of them, you’re the only one who hasn’t had a single one yet. It’s not your fault—you’ve just never found yourself even a little bit attracted to anyone at school.
You didn’t even notice your appetite waning, your mind preoccupied with this. With graduation nearing, the last thing you wanted was to feel left out—missing out on bonding with your friends was the last thing you wanted.
“What’s so special about kissing?? It barely means anything.” his face twists into confusion and disgust, as if really trying to grasp why you’re making such a big deal out of this. Caleb silent mouths ‘kissing?’ before shifting his gaze back to you—just in time for you to throw a pillow straight at his face. But the pillow stops mid-air in front of his face, before dropping onto his lap as he leans back against the chair at your study desk.
“All of my friends have already had their first kiss. That’s like the only thing they’re talking about these days.” Your lips push up into a pout as you grab one of the stuffed animals nearest to you and hug it, allowing your head to rest on the plushie.
“And you’re jealous?” You choke on your saliva, coughing and hacking as your wide eyes meet his—one eyebrow raised and eyes heavy with disbelief. Caleb would’ve never guessed that his girl would grow up to be worried over something as minuscule as a kiss, especially a kiss with someone else.
“I’m not jealous! I mean like… It’s not like… Okay, maybe just a little?” your hands flail wildly all over as you try to defend yourself, but to no avail. Feeling a blush creeping onto your cheeks, you take a quick glance and see that Caleb's gaze has darkened.
“Do you even know how to kiss?”
“Caleb… That’s a stupid question,” you murmur, already knowing the answer. Caleb knew that too. “Why would I be so worked up if I—”
With his lilac eyes fixed on you, he tilts his head slightly, then leans forward. “Would you like to know how?” His words cut through your sentence, leaving your lips parted in shock as you prop yourself back up, still clutching the plushie to your chest.
“What? What do you mean?” your brain struggles to process his words, unable to fully make sense of them as you frown and watch him get up. Caleb's tall figure towers over yours as he steps closer, leaning casually against the wall, making you tilt your head up to meet his gaze.
“I can teach you then, Pip-squeak.” His body lowers, closing the gap between you two as your grip on the plushie loosens. You try to back away, only to find your back pressing against the headboard just inches away.
“I… I mean… does this count as my first kiss?” His right hand reaches out, gently caressing your cheek before softly holding your chin, guiding it towards him.
“Hmm. Think of this as practice.” Caleb's grip on your chin is soft and gentle, completely opposite from his hazy, clouded gaze.
“Oh. Oh…kay then-” you draw the ‘o’ out but as soon as the confirmation leaves your mouth, his lips brush softly against yours. With your eyes closed shut and brows furrowed, he slowly moves, capturing your bottom lip between his own with a delicate pull.
Your body sinks further into the mattress, plush pillows pressing against your back. The bed groans under Caleb's weight as he closes the distance between you, one large palm placed on your hips while the other rests on the headboard. You kiss him back, or at least you try to. You move your lips in the same motion of waves as he does, but everything feels so awkward and off.
Feeling quite embarrassed, and out of air, your intended gently nudges on Caleb's tank top quickly turns into desperate grasps before the kiss finally breaks. You felt like you’ve just ran a marathon—body burning up and your lungs out of breath as you pant, trying to inhale as much oxygen as you could while avoiding eye contact. Though it was harder than you thought, because Caleb was now on top of you, his smirk haunting you as your cheeks flush.
“H-hey! Don’t look at me like that. I told you I don’t know how to kiss…” Your voice grows quieter each passing second as it somehow ends up as a tiny squeak. The sound of Caleb's laughter fills your ears as you turn back to him, his knee now finds itself between your legs as his face hovers just above yours.
“You’re overthinking this, Pip-squeak. Just follow what I do.” Though his words are reassuring, that husky tone in his voice throws you off as he quickly captures your lips into a kiss for the second time. Caleb's lips move against yours in a soft, sensual way as you try your best to mimic him. Remembering what he did to you, you trap the soft fullness of his lower lip and gently apply suction to it. His hums of approval catch you off guard as you feel a subtle rumble of his chest—Caleb's hand snaking down to the small of your back, before pulling your body flush against his.
As if a flip has just been switched, Caleb's lips move frantically against yours, biting your lower lips then soothing the sting with his tongue. Your lips part at the sudden pain, allowing his tongue to delve into your mouth. Soft whimpers escape from your throat as Caleb explores you, tracing every corner and leaving an odd-yet-pleasurable feeling as he does so. Surprised, and a little scared, you push his body off of yours as you cover your mouth in shock, the faint apple taste still lingering in your mouth.
“Your tongue… Do you still use that apple flavored toothpaste or something? Because that’s all I’m feeling? Tasting?” Caleb grabs your hands, lowering it as a light chuckle leaves his lips.
“You’re a natural, Pip-squeak.” Completely ignoring what you just said as his thumb caresses your cheek and he stares at your lips, as if capturing them in a kiss with his eyes, “But I think you need a little bit more practice. What do you say?”
“Oh….Um…” Your voice comes out as uncertain mumbles and murmurs while his face only inches closer to yours. That’s when you realize how Caleb's body is pressed against yours, radiating heat—how heat crept up his neck and spreaded to his ears. How his lilac eyes were still clouded with a hazy and clouded look.
“I think you need more practice.” Caleb already had a taste of you and now he can’t get enough. Your scent seeps into his senses, impossible to ignore—like an addict chasing his next fix. He took your first kiss and now he’s going to take your every first. He was going to make sure of it.

A/N: Ughhh, this was quite hard to write considering I’ve never kissed anyone before. BUT. I have read many writings about kissing so I hope that’ll make up for this. Stay delusional ya’lls! (*´∀`*) Dividers by @omi-resources
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