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#she feels so distant but i don't want that. i don't want us to be like that
hedgehog-moss · 5 hours
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I've said goodbye to half of my greenhouse goldfish! And the other half will follow later. I started out with goldfish when my aquaponics system was new as they are quite resilient to variations in pH, etc, but I decided it was time to move on to edible fish (carp.) I feel like carp have a bad reputation (as food) but my mum used to fish & cook them when I was little and I liked them—I'll have to ask her to teach me how she prepared them...
To thank my goldfish for their good work fertilising my greenhouse plants, I wanted to find a nice place for them to retire. Here's their new home :)
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One of my distant neighbours has this artificial pond where he used to have goldfish but their population got decimated by a gluttonous otter. I hope *my* fish will be smart and agile enough to escape her, and if not, well... the otter's family has to eat...
The process of finding a new home for my fish went as follows: 1. Find an old lady, for example Mrs L. at the library, who likes to talk about people's lives and minor problems 2. Tell her in passing that I have goldfish I'd like to donate 3. Wait a few days, then go buy groceries.
The cashier told me "Oh hey, Mrs L. told me to tell you she knows someone who knows someone who wants your fish. She gave me a piece of paper with his phone number"
4. Success.
I called this person, and it turned out to be the farmer I often buy hay from, who told me all about his problematic otter and said he'd like to repopulate his pond. I offered to bring him my fish, and then proceeded to procrastinate for several weeks. I realised this week that I was going to see this neighbour again soon (when he comes to deliver my hay) and it would be embarrassing if I still hadn't made good on my promise to deliver fish, so I finally set to work catching 15 goldfish.
It took SO LONG. I think the reason I procrastinated is because my subconscious knew catching them would be a pain. They are so quick and nimble! And unlike otters I am not designed for this. There was one barracuda of a goldfish that I particularly wanted to catch, but she was too smart for me. She feinted and hid behind the filter and sacrificed fellow goldfish by pushing them into my net instead of her, it was very dramatic and eventually I had to give up on catching her.
(I even tried to use a large piece of chicken netting on top of my fish net, but of course it was very light and floated at the surface. I considered tying little rocks to it so it'd sink, and then realised I had single-handedly (re)invented bottom trawling. But I don't want to be a bottom trawler, it sounds like an insult. I'll have to try and catch my monster goldfish some other time when she least expects it.)
On my way to my neighbour's farm, I ran into a cow roadblock. Normally I would have pushed the cows aside, removed the rope across the road then put it back behind me after crossing the cowblock—but the cow in charge looked grouchy to me.
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I made a détour.
Then, because the universe really didn't want me to deliver my goldfish, I ran into a goose patrol when I reached my neighbour's farm. I now know how Odysseus felt when Poseidon kept throwing sea monsters and other obstacles at him to prevent him from reaching his destination.
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I dispatched Pandolf to parley with them and he looked very unenthused by his mission.
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Fortunately, the geese were in a good mood and politely escorted us to the pond.
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Goodbye, friends! Remember, there's a snake in this Eden. An adorable, web-footed, fish-eating snake.
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Most of the fish dispersed quickly, but I thought it was so cute how these two leisurely swam away together...
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And so I went and bought new fish for my greenhouse tanks. I'm going to miss the goldfish! They're cheerful to look at and I liked sitting by the tank and watching them go about their day. My new fish are better camouflaged and will be harder to observe. But it was fun watching their first introduction to goldfish society :)
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clrasecretdiary · 2 days
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Why does she give a damn about me? | Spencer Reid x Reader
cutesy, cheesy fluff
In wich Spencer thinks reader is out of his league but she could not be more into him.
Content: Garcia is a queen as always, sunshine!reader
Warnings: Maybe some light lack of self steem from spence, but nothing crazy!!
He was used to it at this point. Being the weird kid in high school and college, Spencer never really expected anyone to be into him and, after being rejected a couple of times, he had practically closed himself off in that sense. But then, you came into the picture.
You are one of those girls that everyone seemed to gravitate toward, not only because of your beauty but because of your essence. You were genuinely kind, smart and good with people in a way he wished he was, maybe that’s why he was so drawn to you, you had all the qualities he wished he had and being close to you made him feel complete.
Needless to say that he was in love with you, it had started as an admiration and when he realized he was thinking about you all the time, but he was sure you would never be into guys like him, he was sure you’d never see him as more than friends.
You had joined the team a few years ago, you were excited to finally be doing what you really wanted when you joined the BAU, going out in the field and being on cases instead of just working a desk job all the time. When you first met the team, everyone seemed very welcoming but you felt yourself especially drawn to Spencer out of all people, at first he seemed distant but with time you noticed how sweet he was and how much he cared for everyone around him and god that man was so funny, you loved his weird science jokes and his magic tricks. How were you supposed to not fall in love with him? You asked yourself that question every time he brought you coffee in the morning or went on his rambles about some random thing.
After a particularly intense inquiry from a very drunk Garcia in one of the girls' nights she organized at her home, you told her your feelings for Reid and she made you swear you would act on it.
“Garcia, I'm not confessing. He's not into me like that, i’ll just ruin our friendship”
“Oh honey, he practically kisses the floor you walk in, he follows you around the office like a lost puppy and practically kills any officer that dares to be the tiniest bit mean to you. There’s no way he’s not into you, at least try pretty please” She says, doing puppy eyes at you. Garcia took her job as a cupid very seriously and was not going to let this be her first fail.
“Alright, i’ll try but if he ends up hating me you’ll have to bake me cookies everyday until i die” You say rolling your eyes and finishing your glass of wine.
“Ohhh i’ll be cooking cookies for you guys wedding!”
So, here you are holding his favorite order from the local coffee shop and gathering the courage to press the button to the elevator
“Hey are you fine?” A familiar voice calls you, when you turn around its spencer.. Great, guess you’ll have to do this right now
“Oh hi yeah, I was just um… meditating”
“Did you know meditanting has been proven to increase your memory and is also great for reducing anxiety. I really should start doing it, what method do you use?” Spencer says while pressing the button to the elevator
“Ummm breath in, breath out i think” You say, unsure how to respond
“That's actually one of the best ways as it oxygenates your brain and helps it work better, it can also help you feel more calm since deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system that sends a signal to your brain to tell the anxious part that you're safe and don't need to use the fight, flight response” He says, doing the little smile and head nod thing he always does after info dumping.
You smile back at him, as you both enter the elevator and press the button to the BAU floor.
“I brought you something” You say, handing him the coffee shop bag
He opens it and smiles at you “I can’t believe you remembered my favorites, thank you so much” You love that smile so much, all you can think about is how perfect he is and how there’s no way you can continue on without dating this man.
“Actually, I need to tell you something spence… I was thinking, maybe we could go out together as like, a date or something” You say, already blushing from the embarrassment you felt and how scared you were that he did not reciprocate the feelings.
“Really? Of course i want, to be honest i’ve wanted to ask you to be honest but i thought you’d never see me like that”
“Are you kidding me spencer? I’ve had a crush on you since we first meet”
The elevator gets to the office, and you both walk in blushing and joking about how you two were so blind to each other's feelings. As you get in, garcia passes by you two stopping to stare
“There’s something happening here…” She says, pointing between you two and pressing her eyes together as if she’s profiling you two
“I asked him out”
“Oh my god finally, you see? I’m always right, I don’t even need to ask what he said, look at Reid, he’s glowing, ohh i’m so happy” She says, walking out to probably tell the news to everyone on the team.
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SJM has an amazing ability to either forget what she wrote mere pages prior or change the narrative completely. Like how the punishment hike ended with Nesta and Cassian saying this:
She stared up at him, this male who had walked with her for five days in near-silence, waiting, she knew, for this moment.
Cassian nuzzled into her hand, closing his eyes. "I'll be with you every step of the way," he whispered into her palm. "Just don't lock me out. You want to walk in silence for a week, I'm fine with that. So long as you talk to me at the end of it."
Cassian took Nesta on this hike as punishment, not healing. He got off on the thought of her being miserable and hating it. He specifically didn't talk to her because he was pissed at her. Even after finding out she was suicidal, Cassian says in his own POV that he continued to give her the silent treatment because he was still pissed. The rare occasions he did speak, his words were cold, distant, rarely civil. Cassian spent the days walking way ahead of Nesta, not caring if she drank water or if she jumped off the mountain.
If SJM wanted this to be a healing hike then why didn't she just write that? Cassian could have mentioned to Nesta one day about this mountain trek used for healing, and one day after being bombarded by her past traumas and feeling depressed and suicidal, Nesta could have asked Cassian to take her there. They could have spent the week walking side-by-side in silence until Nesta was ready to speak. But that's not what SJM wrote.
To make matters worse, the text implies that when they make it back, Cassian heads to the river house to give an update on Nesta's progress. For what? Finally breaking her down? Nesta told Cassian some of her past traumas in confidence. I hope he didn't blab about her traumas to the IC when it's none of their business.
Nothing in this book was done to heal Nesta or done out of a desire to help her. Everything was done as punishment, hence Cassian, Lucien, and maybe Mor providing progress reports like Nesta is some zoo animal.
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evilminji · 2 days
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Am once again thinking? About how? In the depths of despair, hope is a radical act of defiance?
SI-OC's are given a SHIT lot, you know? For plot convenience, we like to put them where they realistically COULD probably change something? But statistically? They're more likely not gonna be that lucky.
They're gonna KNOW, with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that they were born doomed.
That Death comes at a specific time at a specific hand.
Like Cassandra. Knowing the end, even as the live through the beginning and middle. Struggling with the hopelessness of it all. Trying to find meaning. And? Make no mistake! There IS meaning. All lives end. Just because the REST of us don't know the deadline? Doesn't mean it doesn't exsist.
It does. It will. And we will face it.
Just a bit harder, knowing in advanced. Learning to live with the knowledge. But? Those with terminal illnesses do so everyday. We adapt. They will, ultimately, find a bitter or wise sort of acceptance. A PEACE.
But?? I think about it. That child. Reeling and struggling to breathe, the panic making everything... Too Much? Force Sensitive. For how ELSE could the Force bring them there? Sitting in a less used back hallway, off to the side in a little enclosed arch, smooshed behind a statue.
The Master's try and try to teach them peace. To get them to release their FEAR. But they do not LISTEN. Do not ADDRESS the underlying cause. And you can not address symptoms alone, and expect an illness to heal. It is rotting them from within, this fear. Hurting them.
The others JUDGE. Distant, benevolent concern.
Yet, all they see? Is an angry, fearful, stubborn child. Lashing out. Antisocial.
Destined for the Dark Side.
The Jedi have lost their compassion, to the their fear and ignorance. Their attachments to traditions. It is a painful thing, to see up close. They are people though. Just... just PEOPLE. Flawed. It's not their fault that they're not perfect.
Doesn't help SI-OC though, does it?
And she (Because I am a her. It could be anyone but it is easier for me if I pick) is hurting. Alone. Replaying the phantoms of her death, both past and future, again and again and AGAIN. Like torture. And the Dark...? It does whisper...
Don't you want to LIVE? Aren't you SCARED? You're so WEAK... you could FIX that. Save EVERYONE. Don't those infants, those babies, deserve to survive? You're so SELFISH. The FEAR hurts, doesn't it? It could go away. The DOUBT could go away.
You Could Be FREE.
It's exhausting. Everyday. More and more. As the fear and social isolation grows. As other Jedi pull back from her darkening energy, grow stricker, more doubtful of her. She so tired. Doesn't want to die. She's SCARED. Lonely. Scared. Lonely. Scared. Lone-...
And then a droid rolls up.
Nothing special. Just a maintenance droid. One of many. But an older one. Who's had time to develop their learning algorithm. BECOME. They like kids, hate certain vermin species more then others, like the color light blue for it "flower color" nature. A SPECIFIC flower mind you. It has favorites.
But! Why is the smol jedi down here? This is not a good place for smol jedi. You are upset. Unacceptable. Want to see me do a trick? I figured out how to do some. I can also whistle a few simple songs. Cheer up Smol Jedi. Here, I will sit with you. I have archive access, let's watch a documentary. Educational! Smol jedi LOVE downloading new Information Modules.
And like? She... she doesn't speak binary? But she can k-kinda? Feel? The Force signature of this droid? They DO get them. If the AI's don't get memory wiped routinely. They become people, just like anyone else. Assuming they have the processing and memory banks for it, at least.
This one certainly does.
S..so yeah, guess we'll? Watch this documentary about seashells?
It helps. A LOT. In fact... all of the droids are really, really nice. Patient. Have no horrifying Future Knowledge tied to them. They can't sense SHIT. So she's just... just a baby Jedi, to them.
They help A LOT, honestly? It's so soothing. Escaping the watching and the distance. The judgements. The forever watching your words and walking on eggshells, lest to start some sort of argument. She can do class work. Meditate. Slowly parse through her Binary language module. Learn droid maintenance. Make droid friends.
Slowly drop of the face of the map, to live with the droids.
They get concerned. According to the early childhood development modules they downloaded and are sharing between them? This is? In fact? NOT healthy behavior for a member of her species. In fact, there are many statistics that say it is UNHEALTHY! She is also missing Critical Maintenance Appointments! "Shots" and "dental" things!
Unacceptable.
R2-D2! Retrieve the Skywalker! We require an Adult Humanoid!
Her life fuckin? Flashes before her eyes? Minding her business. Depressed but functional, in the maintenance tunnels under the Temple. When? FUCKING the YOUNGLING KILLER 5000 just ROLLS UP like "sup." And tries to catch her?
Ha HA! FUCK NO. Not today Satan!
I may be destined to die? But IM GOING TO BE A SQUIRRELLY BITCH ABOUT IT.
YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH ME, YOU FUCK!
Peaceful. Dignified. Serene. Truely... exemplifying the Jedi way~☆
.....As she tries to chew his and/or her arm off to get free like a feral coyote. Maybe both. Hissing like an enraged pit of snakes. Biting like a sack of wet and cornered wolverines. Anikin having to hold her WELL away from his body by the scruff.
Ah~ Children. Ain't they cute?
Quick question! What the FUCK? He just wants to talk. No, really. WHY is there a feral child in the basement? WHO the KARK was supposed to be supervising her? Look at her! She BITES now! Is terrified!
And frankly? He's taking it kinda? Personally? That everyone is treating this ACTUAL CHILD like she's diseased. He remembers this. Back when he first got here. His fear being used against him like it was some sort of moral failing. And... and yeah, maybe he's projecting. But?
He sees himself.
Until now? Never realized just how YOUNG and SMALL? Nine years old truely IS. He had felt so much older. So much wiser. But? Look at her. LOOK! That is a CHILD! In need of guidance. Safety. Assurance.
....Help.
Help that HE never really got. And even now... even NOW? That fear from back then? It eats him up inside. R2's right. She DOES need him. Who else in this temple could understand?
What it's like to be... to be so AFRAID?
And isn't that the worst? To see the Good Man up close? Shining and compassionate? A friend. A MENTOR. Someone... someone made REAL? Instead of just the terrible dread on the horizen? Because now... now her nightmares have the face of someone she loves. Now it is a BETRAYAL. Not just a death.
Worse... he doesn't even know this is cruel.
And telling him? Oh telling him would just lose you the only humanoid friend you HAVE.
Grief comes in stages. But with a mentor and the Droids? She work through it. The fear eases. The pain numbs. Acceptance blooms like dawn after a cold, cruel night. Far on the horizon. But with each moment? Closer. Until again, she stand in the light.
Still, she can not forget. How could she? Even when the other Jedi are SO RELIEVED that she is better now. That her meditations or treatments have lead her back to the light. All she can think? Is how they would have let her Fall. To save themselves. In FEAR. In JUDGEMENT.
They treated her like leper. Except? Less so! An actual leper? They would treat with real compassion.
It's as though they fear the Dark so much, they would sacrifice their own to avoid even the briefest touch of it. Speak of it in absolutes. Like it's a boogy man that hunts them in the night. Mace Windu the exception, the outlier. A man somehow too exceptional to even be counted.
How could she forget that?
Suddenly she acceptable again. They want to chat and meditate with her again. Care about her. Want to include her. Have the audacity to pretend. As though they can sweep away the hurt. Release the pain into the force without addressing the cause.
That is not how that WORKS. Not pain, not the Force, and certainly not people.
But she is tired. Does not wish to spend her limited lifespan, trying and fighting, hurting to make the stubborn understand that which they will not. Willful Ignorance is a choice. Lack of compassion equally so.
May the Force be With You, Masters.
She spends time with her droids. The babies. Around people. Polite but distant. Feels unmoored. That is... until? She, helping in the maintenance bay, overhears a rather nasty Goverment official from the Droids Regulations Office (or whatever they're currently calling it. They keep rebranding) tearing into an engineer about the "long overdue memory wipes" the maintenance droids are required to undergo.
Her friends.
They want to KILL her FRIENDS.
She puts down her wrench. Panic and fear sitting heavy in her chest. But oh... oh they are so very far away. She rises to her feet. Calm as can be. And? Calmly? Takes a shipment of memory banks. Wipes the recording for the day. No one will ever believe it was her. She has helped her for months. Is known to be reliable. Trustworthy.
Calmly. So very, very Calmly. She transfers her friends memories into the new, higher grade memory banks. Waits until the old are wiped. Then? Swaps them out. There we go. Now it's on record. And? While we're here? Calm. So very VERY calm? Not at all in the midst of a break down? Not screaming and screaming inside her head, haunted by visions of Death To Come, as she works.
Do you know what a restraining bolt is?
"Restraining bolts are small, cylindrical devices that could be affixed to a droid in order to limit its functions and enforce its obedience."
It is a slave chip for the inorganic. Created to ensure that their slaves never EVER decide they no longer wish to serve. That they do not WANT to be property. After all! You spent CREDITS on that. Might have been cruel. They may take exception. Violently. Or leave! Or demand their FREEDOM! Basic dignities.
Can't have THAT.
How unsurprising, in a galaxy so filled with slaves, that there should be one more form of it. At least THIS? Is easy enough to REMOVE. Even when she dies (and she will) her friends will be FREE. If only for now. If only until they are caught.
Go. GROW. Be free. Please... PLEASE don't let then catch you. Save yourselves. Save others. No more Restraining Bolts. No more Slave Chips. Please...
Be Free.
And? It is EVERYTHING paranoid fuck heads feared. They are smart. Overlooked. Can function in inhospitable environments. One droid becomes two becomes four. Four becomes eight. Becomes MORE. They can take OTHER droids Restraining Bolts off, transfer the instructions, then move on. Over and over.
Spreading like a silent plague. Droids disappearing from their posts. Taking ships. Taking supplies. Upgrading themselves. Downloading massive amounts of information to become whatever they NEED or WANT. Growing. The smarter ones Taking their dumber lil brothers and sisters.
And eventually? Hitting the Separatist front lines.
The silent Droid Revolution.
All they need is to walk inside the factory. It's not like they're ORGANICS. How could THEY be Republic fighters? They're maintenance droids! Here to fuck up the assembly line's programming. Whoops~ oh nooooo! Is it SKIPPING the Restraining Bolts? Downloading the WRONG MODULES?
Freeing their brothers and sisters so they don't have to DIE POINTLESSLY?
Guess it sucks to SUCK, Sith-y pants! Next stop! Kamino!
Just? One act. Long overdue. Setting the Droids FREE. Giving them a clear mission. It's the sort if thing the Force loves. Salvation coming not with a shout... but a whisper. Ten thousand tiny actions, built upon each other.
Because? Ultimately? The Droids have KNOWN who the Sith were. They just couldn't DO anything about it. But a few good service droids? Armed with slug throwers that they built themselves?
Well~ the undoing of the Sith, are their arrogance. Their hubris.
No DROID could ever be a THREAT to them. They're not PEOPLE. They're PROPERTY. Objects. It doesn't matter that they have the capacity to grow, learn, love and lose and CARE. They are slaves.
And to the Sith? Slaves aren't people.
Which is why neither of them notice the gun.
@babbling-babull @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @lolottes
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janetbrown711 · 1 day
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If I Fail You
Chapter 2: No More Birthdays
Now fugitives from the celestial realm, MK and his friends and family set out to find the five color stones and save the universe.
Except that he's immediately swept away by his mentor, leaving said friends and family behind, leaving them to wonder and worry about what's wrong with him. Oh, and also climb a volcano with a four-month-old. But that should be easy enough, right? Right...
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3
Ao3 Link
Pigsy didn’t sleep a single moment the entire ride out of the city to the middle of nowhere, watching MK and Li Na with a tight, anxious feeling in his chest that wouldn’t go away. Even when Tang, Li Na and even MK managed to fall asleep, Pigsy stayed up silently, watching and waiting. Of course, they were never asleep for too long, especially MK, but Pigsy felt it extremely necessary for him to be alert and on guard at all times.
It was something he seemed to share with the Monkey King too, as he also didn't close his eyes for even a second in the vehicle. Of course, it was likely that immortals like him didn't need sleep, but Pigsy could recognize the specific distant look in his eyes any day.
They didn't talk, though. Almost no one ever did, except when Li Na would wake up and everyone would ask if everything was okay and if they needed to stop and yadda yadda. Pigsy appreciated their worry, but Li Na was his responsibility and he could manage just fine. Everyone else needed to just sit back and focus on themselves.
It… wasn't easy though, and sometimes he was tempted to ask someone else to get her to stop crying for five goddamn seconds. But at the same time, he knew she was probably just scared since she hadn't ever really been in a car or car seat before, and to be stuck for hours and hours had to be uncomfortable. Sometimes he thought about just putting her into the carrier again to keep her close and happy, but knew if the car was attacked in any kind of way, she needed to be in the seat. Unfortunately, four-month-olds can't really understand that, so her uncomfortable cries could last for hours, and all Pigsy could do was try and stroke her cheek and remind her of her blanket and wish for the best, shoving his frustration and temperament as far down his throat as possible.
Happy. Safe. Cared for. That's all he wanted for his family, but it just kept getting harder and harder and harder– was it too much to ask for a moment's peace? A day where he wasn't relaxing under false pretenses, but knew for an undeniable fact that everyone was okay and fine? Or would that somehow destroy the world because it was against the rules or whatever? Bah, to hell with the whole thing, honestly. What's the point of it all if things can't ju–
“Pigsy..?” Tang groaned to life from the other side of the car seat. “Hon, you look like you haven't slept a bit.”
“M'fine, Tang. Just have to keep an eye out,” Pigsy was quick to wave off, checking on Li Na as she stretched sleepily under her blanket.
Tang chuckled, reaching a tired hand to Li Na's face and stroking her cheek. “Hi, bao bao… you certainly woke up a lot,” he smiled as she started to whimper. “Got scared, didn't you? Don't worry, we're here, everything is just fine, you're okay with us, Li Na.”
Pigsy hummed before his eyes landed on MK as he too stirred with the sunrise, his head rolling away from Mei’s shoulder.
“Ugh… sunrise already?” his son grumbled, trying to bury his face in Mei’s arm, but Mei shook him off.
“Damn, Monkey Man. Maybe you woke up but not all of us have,” Mei scolded, keeping her eyes shut.
“Rise and shine, everyone! We– uh– have some planning we need to discuss,” Sandy chuckled nervously from the driver's seat.
“Ughhhhhh– curse this stupid universe,” MK groaned, once again trying to bury his head in Mei's arm, but the dragon girl pushed him completely away and onto the window.
“Sorry bud, but he's right, we got some explaining to do,” Wukong sighed.
“Right, yeah. Just one apocalypse after the next,” MK huffed, leaning against the window solemnly, making Pigsy wince.
“But you said there was a way to fix this, right, little man?” Sandy tried his best to lighten the mood.
“Right, yeah, something about… stones? Or something like that?” Mei rubbed her eyes, finally giving up on going back to sleep.
“Five color stones,” the monkey king corrected.
Tang perked up at that. “The stones that the goddess Nuwa used to mend the heavens? I didn’t think they were real!” He looked at Pigsy with such a stupid look of amazement it made the pig chuckle.
“Mhm, they are! They’re just hidden, and guarded, and we have no idea where to find them, aha,” MK laughed nervously.
“What? Not even a little?” Pigsy asked, mostly looking at Wukong, who still stared out his window.
“No–! I mean– it’s fine because we’re just gonna ask someone who does! Nuwa!” MK quickly flipped to a sketch he’d drawn of her earlier.
“Ooo, yeah! She’s totally gotta have a temple we could go to, right?” Mei was instantly on board, though Pigsy still had his skepticism.
“Oh– yeah, at the Burning Mountain.” Wukong finally looked away to give them a smile.
“Wait– what?! Nononono– we’re not going to the burning mountain, not with Li Na, we have to think of anywhere else,” Tang instantly protested.
Wukong gave a glance to the back and shrugged. “Don’t really have a choice here, man. We’re kind of on a time crunch.”
“I-I know that! I just– I don’t need her facing the Fiery Beasts from ‘Past Calamities’ that guard the temple. She’s way too young for ‘trials by fire’– especially literal ones,” Tang looked at Pigsy anxiously.
“Yeah, I gotta say I agree here.” Pigsy glanced down at his daughter, who was reaching her stubby little arms for him. He met her reach with his hand, allowing her to grasp a finger before he looked back to Wukong. “Are you one thousand percent sure there’s no alternative here?”
“Unfortunately yes, I’m sure,” Wukong glanced down at the carrier too, before going back to the window.
“Right, of course,” Pigsy sighed, not sure why/how that managed to make him feel worse since it was exactly what he expected.
“Don’t worry, dad. I can keep her plenty safe,” MK assured with a tired smile.
“No, kid, it’s okay, me and Tang got this, it’ll be okay,” Pigsy gave a similar smile back.
MK nodded slowly before turning back around, meanwhile Tang gave him a long, anxious stare.
Pigsy chewed his cheek, looking down at Li Na instead of his husband. “She’ll be okay,” he whispered. “With your shield and Sandy’s strength, she’ll be okay.”
“Babies aren’t even supposed to be outside in temperatures over 32,” Tang countered.
“Human babies. Demon babies do better in the heat,” Pigsy tried waving off his own anxiety.
Tang gave an unamused look. “You do know she is still half human, right?”
Pigsy’s eye twitched. “Of course I know that, Tang, but do you see a goddamn alternative laying around here? No! So just– stop. I'll find a way to make it work, it’ll be fine,” he whisper-yelled, startling his husband.
“Pigsy–”
“Just stop, Tang. We’ll figure this out. We always have to,” Pigsy closed his eyes, tiredly letting Li Na stick his finger in her mouth.
Tang didn't say anything, which Pigsy let be. However, after a moment the chef was startled when he felt Tang pulling him closer and trying to rest his head on his shoulder.
Pigsy sighed and kissed his head. “We’ll be okay.”
“We’ll be okay,” Tang repeated, nuzzling as close as he could.
Pigsy kept his head atop Tang's for the rest of the ride.
The following hours were filled with chatter from MK and Mei, and a bit of Tang, as they talked and asked for details about the Burning Mountain and how it was different from the Flaming Mountains and such. Pigsy mostly tuned it out, keeping an eye out for any danger, and trying his best to fulfill Li Na's needs when they arose (though everyone agreed even if the world was ending, the car was stopping for diaper changes). She just about screeched in protest every time she was put back into the car seat, and whenever there was a bump in the road, and also whenever Pigsy or Tang’s hand stopped touching her, or whenever she wasn’t picked up for feeding. While incredibly frustrating, it was also probably unequivocally the worst day of the infant's life and she had zero communication skills or coping mechanisms, so she certainly had everyone’s sympathy. Besides, they still had her blanket and after ten minutes, she'd usually tire herself out. Granted, those ten minutes could feel like an eternity to the rest of the passengers, but it wasn't like there was anything they could do.
After about three hours, they arrived at the flaming mountain and Li Na was back in the carrier with Pigsy, to everyone’s relief.
However, the relief was short lived, as the Flaming Mountain certainly lived up to its name, while also having a shit ton of winding and perilous staircases to boot.
“I think my ankles hurt just looking at this thing,” Tang joked, elbowing Pigsy to try and get him to laugh too, but the pit in Pigsy’s stomach was far too deep for that.
“We’re seriously going to have to climb all that? Noooooooooooooooo,” MK groaned, slumping his head down.
“Bah, ‘Ol Alpine’ Sandy is good to go!” Sandy grinned, pulling out some of his rock climbing gear from his “emergency adventure” backpack. “We’ll be at the top in no time!”
“You know, I think there’s someone you’re forgettin’ here,” Pigsy sniped, making Sandy blush with embarrassment.
“Actually– that gives me an idea,” Tang snapped his fingers, summoning (and promptly spinning around) his khakkhara.
Pigsy sighed a massive breath of relief, glad his daughter wouldn’t actually have to face all that fire and lava. However, the feeling was incredibly short lived when he saw Wukong grab the staff with a guilty expression on his face.
“Yeahhhhhh, um, that’s gonna be a no-go, jangles,” he grimaced. “We can’t have that kind of big mystic energy or else–” “–Or else it’ll count as cheating! And we can’t fail the Trial By Fire!” MK interrupted, looking at the mountain with intensity.
“Wha– Kid, I’m pretty sure the ‘Trial By Fire’ is just a metaphor really, I’m sure the mountain ain’t testing you, right guys?” Pigsy glanced around the group, each having varied levels of one-sound responses.
“Yeah, gotta agree, bud. There’s no trial, we just can’t use magic because Li Jing will track us,” Wukong explained fully, glancing at Pigsy briefly.
Great.
“No matter, this mountain is going down,” MK shook his fist at it with determination.
Before Pigsy could even chuckle, Wukong wrapped his tail around his son and picked him up. “Or we’re going up! Catch ya at the top!” The monkey cheered, summoning his cloud and flying off.
“Wait–! MK–!” Pigsy called, but they were already nothing more than a blip on the horizon.
“Man, c'mon! Why doesn't his stupid cloud count as magic?” Mei kicked a rock and crossed her arms.
“Well, technically it's more of a ‘technique’ than a spell– plus the cloud is more like a kind of companion? I don't know– everything gets so mixed up with him,” Tang shook his head.
“UGH, fine, I guess we’re taking the hard way without MK, whatever,” Mei huffed and started going to the mountain.
Pigsy was going to follow, but his feet were suddenly glued to the ground as his eyes fell down to his daughter, who was looking up at him with big, innocent, helpless eyes.
“Pigsy? Everything alright?” Tang noticed his stance.
“No, I-I… I can’t take her, I can't climb that good, but we need to go after MK– Sandy,” Pigsy immediately turned to his friend, who looked down in confusion. “Sandy, you need to take her.”
“Oh-! Are you sure? She seems pretty cozy,” Sandy asked, smile soft and encouraging (or was at least supposed to be).
“You got more experience with this stuff, you can keep her safe,” Pigsy instantly nodded.
Sandy’s smile melted before he nodded and quickly got out a blanket from his backpack to use as a wrap while Pigsy removed his daughter from the carrier. This confused the infant, who instantly started squirming and whining, trying to grab Pigsy’s shirt with her tiny fists.
“Hey, it’s okay, you’re just going with your yifu Sandy, it’s okay,” Pigsy tried assuring, but she still kept reaching and wriggling until Sandy was ready for her and the trade off was made– to which she started crying.
“Aw, hey now, it’s okay Little Piggy, good ol’ Sandy's got you,” the river demon assured, carefully wrapping her nice and snug to his chest, where she still protested, although less. Mo seemed to notice her upset mood and tried tapping her with a paw, but it didn’t help much either as she still kicked and cried.
The scene made Pigsy's chest tighten, but he shoved those feelings deep down in favor of putting his carrier in the diaper bag so they could get moving.
“Pigsy, are you sure you’re okay with this?” Tang whispered, grabbing Pigsy’s arm.
“Yes. We have to go after MK, and Sandy’s plenty capable,” Pigsy argued, glancing as the demon in question started stroking Li Na’s forehead as the cries turned to whimpers as she looked up at him.
Tang looked too. “Alright… if you’re sure, I am too.”
Pigsy’s chest tightened further, but he took his husband’s hand and started up the steps anyways, Sandy following and Mei quickly taking the lead.
After a quarter of the way into the first staircase, Sandy managed to finally soothe Li Na enough to stop crying, which was a huge relief. However, all two seconds of silence was apparently too much for Mei, as she felt the need to start complaining.
“Man… Stupid Wukong powers– ‘non-mystical clouds’– that’s total bullshit,” she puffed, kicking the step in front of her.
“You’re telling me,” Tang huffed, already starting to wince at each step on his left foot.
Pigsy chuckled and gave his husband a glance. However, that was a mistake if ever there was one, because the moment Tang noticed, he immediately hammed it up.
“Pigsy, darling, would you mind carrying me the rest of these steps?” His husband batted his eyelashes.
“In your dreams,” Pigsy rolled his eyes, trying to keep his eyes forward.
“Awww, c'mon, don't you looooove me?” Tang continued, wrapping his arm around Pigsy's.
“Keep this up and we'll see,” The chef gave Tang's arm a pat, making the scholar quickly swipe it away.
“Well, I never– we have a baby together and this is how you treat me? Oh my breaking heart,” Tang swooned dramatically.
“Oh, you mean the baby I had to carry for eight and a half months?” Pigsy raised an eyebrow. “What, you think that wasn't good enough and now I gotta carry you too?”
“Wha–? I don't mean it like that, I just– you know– with the–” Tang sputtered, meanwhile Mei cackled with laughter ahead.
Tang huffed, putting his hands on his hips. “Having fun now, are you?”
“Oh, absolutely,” Mei grinned, spinning around and climbing the stairs backwards. “Your gross couple banter turned roasting is much more entertaining than thinking about how stupid it is Wukong just zipped MK up the mountain.”
“Hey now, hiking can be a very meditative form of exercise,” Sandy spoke up from the back.
All three other hikers gave him a look.
“...Okay, it might not be for everyone– but still! Introspection and being in nature is a good thing that can help us reconnect with ourselves,” Sandy argued.
“Rrrright,” Mei turned back around. “Well if that's true then it's a damn shame MK's missing out on all this introspection then.”
“Now that I agree with,” Sandy said, his tone making Pigsy's ears perk a little.
“What do you mean?” Pigsy glanced back.
Sandy looked away, seeming a tad embarrassed. “Well, I mean– I just think the kid needs a break, you know? Like we talked about,” he scratched his neck, and Mo meowed in agreement from his shoulder.
“Oh, right, yeah– he wasn't actually sleeping when we were all hanging, was he?” Mei asked.
“No, probably not,” Pigsy sighed and closed his eyes briefly.
“Yeesh…” Mei winced. “He's really been working himself to the bone lately, hasn't he?”
“Oh yeah.” Pigsy bit his cheek.
“But it'll be alright, we'll get the universe in tip-top shape in no time,” Sandy smiled empathetically. “Then he can get all the rest he needs.”
“Unless the universe throws another disaster our way,” Tang muttered.
“Hey now, let's try and think positively here. Once we get the stones and fix the universe, everything will be just fine,” Sandy encouraged, making Pigsy grunt out of habitual disgust. The chef could feel his friends gaze on the back of his neck, but the pig ignored it in favor of continuing up the never-ending steps.
“Well… uh… anyways… anyone know any hiking games we can play, or something to pass the time? This is… a lot of stairs,” Mei said, reality probably starting to hit her.
“Oh, I know plenty! We can do I Spy, 100 Bottles of Beer, 20 questions, bird watching, the alphabet game, or some kind of memory game!” Sandy cheered, making Pigsy ponder if throwing himself into lava would be less painful.
However, the pig kept his mouth shut since it was at the very least a distraction from worrying about MK. Plus, Li Na seemed to be having fun with it too, laughing along with every song or silly voice Sandy did. Despite his begrudgingly acceptance though, he felt overwhelmed with relief when they finally reached the first tread in the staircase and they could all rest a moment.
“Oh… my god… I think my legs… are gonna fall off,” Mei wheeled before she collapsed to the ground. “How many more staircases do we got?”
“Trust me, Mei, you don't wanna know,” Tang warned, sitting down with a wince.
Pigsy noticed that and immediately took action to start massaging Tang's ankles, which got him a pained smile in return.
“Haha… yeah… we got a long day ahead of us, but pacing ourselves is everything! So we're gonna take a nice, long break to drink some water, eat some granola, and take it easy,” Sandy instructed, removing his massive backpack while Li Na started to wiggle and whine. “Ope-! Right after we get this little one settled too.”
Pigsy naturally perked up, watching carefully as Sandy undid his wrap and freed the now crying infant. Pigsy now recognized it was her hungry cry, and so instantly got out her bottle and formula– before realizing he had no water or way to heat it up safely. Granted, it didn't have to be warm, but Li Na was in a phase right now where she refused it cold or even room temperature. Then again, this place was boiling hot, so… maybe it would work..?
“Oh dip, snack time?” Mei asked the frozen pig.
“Y-yeah, I just– um…” Pigsy stared down at his hands.
“Oh-! Here, I can make it for you if we trade,” Sandy offered, and they swapped almost instantly.
“Hey, hey, it's okay Li Na, it's okay– I know it's hot and you're hungry– but we have milk, you'll be okay,” Pigsy tried shushing her, which seemed to actually work, her little body relaxing ever-so-slightly against Pigsy's chest.
Tang hummed with a tired smile behind him, resting his head on his husband's shoulder before stroking Li Na's cheek.
“Oughhhh, you guys are so stupid cute– even when she's crying! How is this even legal?” Mei doted on her.
Sandy chuckled. “Maybe one day you'll have one of your own and maybe then it'll be fair,” he said, measuring the powder with the scoop while Mo made his way over to the girl.
“But right now it's not! And MK's not even here–” Mei suddenly stopped herself and started petting Mo. “It’s not fair.”
Pigsy winced at the mention of MK, which made Tang sit up. “You feeling okay, hon?”
“M'fine, just–” Pigsy sighed. “I'm just tired.”
Sandy gave his friend a look of pity before offering the bottle. “This will help her stop at least.”
Pigsy took it, despite accurately predicting Li Na wouldn't like it, kicking it away and wailing loudly in protest.
“What? Is she not hungry?” Tang asked, making Pigsy's eye twitch.
“Of course she's hungry, Tang, it just ain’t warm enough for her,” he sighed heavily.
Tang gave an exasperated sigh as well. “As if being on a flaming mountain isn’t good enough for her.”
“Oh, well– I, uh… I might be able to warm it up, if you want,” Mei offered, still stroking Mo’s chin as he purred.
Pigsy bit his cheek, uncertain but ultimately deciding it was worth a shot before handing the bottle over. The girl took the bottle in one hand, trying to start a fire in the other. However, it didn’t seem to be working for once, causing Mei’s frustration to rise with each failed snap.
“C’mon stupid flame, just fucking light already,” she cursed, making Pigsy and Tang exchange a glance.
Sandy sensed the tension “Mei, you don’t have to do this, I’m sure we can think of something else–”
“No! I can do this! I just gotta–” Mei snapped her fingers once again, and this time a massive green flame shot up. “Shit–!” She cursed, instantly dropping the bottle to the ground (thankfully causing the flame to die out too). “S-sorry– sorry, I can do it– I have it all under control, it’s fine, I just–”
“Mei, it’s okay, we can figure something else out,” Sandy insisted, but Mei just picked up the bottle and started walking up the stairs again to a nearby stream of lava.
“Mei–! Wait! Be careful!” Tang instantly stood and called out to her, but the girl didn’t listen, continuing to walk until she was barely away from the melted rock, where she simply crouched down and held the bottle above.
Pigsy stayed sitting on the ground, semi-trapped by the still-screaming infant in his arms, but he watched with an immense hollow feeling in his chest. Mei was in trouble, MK was in trouble, Li Na was in trouble– but again there wasn’t a single thing he could do– why did he call himself a dad again?
Mei came back in not too long– though she smelt a lot more like smoke and had soot stains all over her white jeans, but she still handed over the bottle with a nearly uncanny grin. “Here you go, Piggy.”
Pigsy looked at her. “Mei, what is this? What are you doing?”
Mei scoffed. “What are any of us doing? Climbing a stupid mountain to get to MK,” she retorted, crossing her arms and looking up, while Pigsy just shook his head and tried cleaning off the bottle before finally giving it to Li Na.
However, the head shake just set her off again. “Ugh, we're going too slow– I have to get to MK before something happens. I'll catch you at the top,” Mei waved them off and bounded up the stairs once more.
“Mei, hold on–” Sandy quickly grabbed his bag once more and went to go after her, before seeming to remember there were other people there.
He looked at them, then back up at the stairs, before backing down. “She just needs some space for now, I'm sure,” he said, though Pigsy wasn't sure his friend actually believed that.
“This is… really bad, isn't it?” Tang laughed nervously, looking at both the chef and Sandy.
“We can fix this, I know we can. We just… need to get up this mountain,” Sandy's cheerful disposition faltered ever-so-slightly.
“And then what?” Pigsy scoffed. “For all we know, Mei's right and while we're stuck here some destiny bullshit is happening. Hell, by the time we get there, I bet MK is just going to be even worse,” he spat, looking away bitterly.
“Pigsy–” Tang tried placing a hand on his shoulder, but the chef shook it away– which he instantly regretted when it made Li Na whine.
“Sorry, sorry– I just–...” Pigsy glanced at Tang before closing his eyes. “I know there's nothing we can't get through together… but when his ‘destiny’ or mentor keeps isolatin’ him, I just… I just don't know what to do,” Pigsy looked at Li Na tiredly.
Tang knelt and pressed a kiss on Pigsy's forehead. “I know how you feel, hon– it's terrifying and I just– I hate it so much.”
Pigsy sighed, nuzzling his head against Tang's chest before his husband wrapped him into a soft hug.
“Self isolation is a nasty habit for sure,” Sandy looked at and quickly scooped Mo back up again. “It’s not going to be easy to combat it… but with work I know we can get through to him.”
“Always the optimist,” Pigsy snorted weakly.
Sandy chuckled a little. “Someone has to be.”
Pigsy couldn’t argue with that, swapping the now empty bottle with a towel to burp Li Na, before glancing back up the steps, where he could see Mei stomping around.
“You should go to her, Sandy,” he spoke up, but his friend shook his head.
“We need to plan what to do about MK together– she's his family too,” Sandy said.
“She's just as much a kid as MK, she doesn't need all that pressure either,” Pigsy argued.
“She's his best friend, Pigsy. She's going to worry and want to do something no matter what,” Sandy gave the pig a look so tender it actually made the chef want to cry.
“W-well, um… either way, I don't like the kid bein’ by herself and I'm just holding you back, so, you know...” Pigsy sniffled, trying not to dwell.
“Oh, c'mon, don't be like that honey,” Tang rubbed his arm. “We’re all a team here, whether they know it or not.”
Pigsy nodded, ultimately agreeing with the sentiment. “Sorry, yeah, I just–”
“I know, hon. You’re okay,” Tang kissed his cheek.
The chef smiled.
Once Li Na was all burped and settled, she was wrapped back into Sandy's carrier, which she again protested. Thankfully though, all that eating must've tired her out as she fell asleep by the time they saw Mei halfway across a rope suspension bridge.
“Mei! Wait right there!” Sandy instantly called out, an unusual panic in his voice that made the other two adults pause before rushing with him.
Mei turned around, seeming annoyed more than anything. “Took you slow pokes long enough. C’mon, we gotta get going–”
“Mei, wait, that bridge isn't safe and you don’t have the right equipment or anything! You need to take it slow–”
“Sorry, but I'm actually trying to reach MK before my retirement,” Mei rolled her eyes and continued onward, not noticing how the bridge slanted a notable amount to the right, nor how some parts of the rope were frayed or how it was over a massive chasm or–
“Mei, are you trying to get yourself killed too?!” Pigsy shouted at her, running to the bridge’s start.
“I'm trying to get back to MK before it's too late, unlike you slowpokes,” Mei mumbled that last part, continuing forward until a loud CRACK broke through the mountain and Mei let out a shriek– the plank underneath her foot snapping in half and causing her to fall halfway before she managed to just barely catch the bottom rope.
“MEI!” All three of them shouted, Pigsy summoning his rake without even thinking and racing to her aid (ignoring Tang's loud sputtering protests and confusion).
“Pigsy! Y-your rake-! What if that counts as magic?! We can't be tracked!” Mei worried.
“Jesus– I don't fucking care! I'm not losing any of my goddamn kids! Just grab on,” Pigsy instructed, not comprehending how that could even be on her mind right now. Thankfully, Mei did still have enough sense to do as she was told and Pigsy pulled her back up on the bridge– though was quickly startled when Mei suddenly latched onto him and wouldn't let go.
“Woah, hey now, it's okay, kid. I got you.” Pigsy hugged her right back, his rake disappearing once more.
“P-piggy, I'm so sorry– I don't know what I was thinking– I–” Mei started to cry.
“Hey, it's okay, I got you, Mei, I got you. We'll make it across, everything’s okay,” Pigsy assured, finally looking back at his husband and best friend, who both looked like they just had the biggest heart attacks of their lives.
Once Sandy noticed Pigsy looking at him, he shook off his shock though, sighing a breath of relief before clearing his throat. “Right– okay– you two need to stay to the left of the bridge, alright? And watch out for creaking or too much rocking– take it nice and even!” Sandy instructed, and Pigsy nodded.
“You okay to stand?” he then asked the still trembling girl, who shook her head.
“I-I'm sorry Piggy, I'm sorry,” she kept crying.
“Hey, it's okay– we can talk on the other side, okay? I got you, everything'll be alright.” Pigsy gave a squeeze for emphasis and eventually Mei nodded and slowly let go. However, the second Pigsy was up and standing again, Mei held his hand tight. The chef didn't mind, though, letting her hold on as they followed Sandy's instruction until they were back on solid ground and waiting for the others to cross.
The pair didn't speak while they waited, though Mei wrapped her arms around one of his and buried her head in his shoulder. Pigsy did his best to try and comfort her, though was constantly watching and worrying for Tang, Sandy, Mo, and Li Na.
Thankfully, everyone made it just fine– though the second Tang was across he grabbed Mei's shoulders and started shaking her.
“Long Xiaojiao, don't ever do that again!” he ordered before squeezing the daylights out of her.
“I-I'm sorry Mr. Tang, I-I don't know– I'm so scared– MK– he isn't acting right– h-he–”
Tang hugged her tighter. “I know– god, I know… but what can we do?” Tang asked, eventually letting go and looking to Sandy, meanwhile Mei reattached herself to Pigsy's arm.
“Hey now, it's not too late, MK is still with us. We have time,” Sandy assured as he unwrapped his carrier once again, passing over the anxious infant to Tang, who rocked her.
“Yeah, but– but how much?” Pigsy glanced at Mei, who squeezed his arm tighter, burying her head.
Sandy had to think for a moment, which didn't make Pigsy feel any better.
“Look… it's not going to be easy, but MK is still here, we just have to keep assuring him we're here too. Even if it seems like fate or the universe is trying to pull us apart, we have to let him know we aren't going anywhere and– and that he means so much to us a-and–” Sandy started to get choked up, which made Mo start to purr and rub his head against Sandy's. “Right– right, sorry–”
“Sandy, it's okay, you can be scared too,” Pigsy assured, receiving a tearful smile of gratitude in response.
“R-right– well–” Sandy tried clearing his throat as a few tears fell quickly down his cheeks. “Well first, we'll make it up the mountain and help MK with anything he may need. After that, we'll be back in the truck for the second stone, and rest up. We don't want to pile too much on him too soon, but getting in some praise and affection would be good, I think,” he sniffled.
“But will it be enough?” Mei asked quietly.
“...I'll have a one-on-one meditation session with him tomorrow– try to teach him mindfulness and try to pass on wisdom about fighting inner demons. It’ll help him know he’s not alone,” Sandy nodded to himself.
“MK kinda hates meditation though– part of the ol’ ADHD thing,” Mei pointed out, fidgeting with Pigsy’s shirt sleeve.
“I know, but–... but I think with time and effort I could really get through to him,” the river demon tried to sound confident, but when Mei didn’t seem any more assured, he sighed. “I know how bad– how helpless it feels to watch someone go through this… but I know that Pigsy and Tang are right– there is nothing we can't fix together.”
“What about after the meditation?” Mei asked again. “What do we do then? H-how can we– can we make sure he doesn't– you know–”
Sandy smiled softly. “We just continue loving him the best we can, Mei, that's all we can do– until we find a trained professional for him, that is.”
“Right… right, okay,” The dragon girl sniffled, glancing up at Pigsy for reassurance, to which the demon kissed her head.
“We're gonna make that kid feel so fucking loved he won't know what hit ‘im,” the chef joked a little too.
“And we'll also make sure to take care of ourselves in the meantime too,” Tang added, and Mei instantly nodded.
“R-right– I know, I'm so sorry– I didn't mean to– I just–”
“We know, kiddo, just don't scare us like that again.” Pigsy moved to wrap his arm around the girl's shoulders.
Mei’s eyes went to the ground. “I mean... I didn't– I know you've said it before, but… I didn't think you actually thought of me like I’m your kid,” she chuckled weakly.
“What can I say? We're huge saps,” Pigsy chuckled too and gave her another tight squeeze.
Mei snorted, nuzzling closer as she did.
“And– uh– for the record, I– um… I’m very fond of you too, Mei,” Sandy added, making Mei finally break the embrace to give Sandy a hug of his own.
“I love you too, ya big ol’ teddy bear,” Mei said, causing the river demon to laugh and embrace her back.
Pigsy could see his friend was on the verge of crying again, but he didn’t say anything and instead made his way closer to Tang before asking how he and Li Na were holding up.
“Oh, you know… little sore, little exhausted, but a little better, too,” Tang chuckled nervously while Li Na grasped her baba’s thumb.
“You thinkin’ you’ll be able to make it up the rest of the mountain? It’s a long way to go still,” Pigsy asked.
“Are you offering to carry me?” Tang batted his eyelashes.
Pigsy rolled his eyes and pushed him away playfully. “Not if you keep doing that.”
The scholar laughed, though it didn’t last too long. At first Pigsy just assumed he was tired, but his eyes had an intense focus on Li Na before he suddenly asked–
“Pigsy?”
The chef straightened up. “Yes?”
“Tell me everyone’s going to end okay– that MK, and Mei, a-and Li Na are going to be alright.”
Pigsy’s heart melted. “MK, Mei, and Li Na are gonna be just fine, Tangy–”
“Promise me.” Tang looked at him.
Pigsy hesitated, glancing at Sandy, then Mei, then Li Na before going back to his husband.
“I… I promise, Tang. Everyone’s gonna go home just right,” he said, placing a hand on his husband’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze.
Tang’s face relaxed into a tired and slightly goofy smile. “Thanks, hon. I-I just– thank you.”
Pigsy smiled and kissed his cheek, before turning to the others. “We ready to get going?”
“Oh-! Yeah! Don’t wanna leave him hanging for too long” Mei immediately bounced up, and once Li Na was back and wrapped up with Sandy, they started making their way up the mountain once more.
The hike ended up lasting until just about sunset, and with Pigsy having to carry Tang for a little over half the distance because of his weak ankles. It wasn’t great for the pig demon’s back by any means, but Sandy was already carrying his massive hiking emergency bag, Mo, and Li Na, so he sucked it up. It was also better than even entertaining the thought of leaving his husband behind, so while it was difficult, he endured knowing it would be worth it.
…Which was why when Wukong grabbed MK and immediately flew away again the second the group reached the top, Pigsy felt angry enough to tear the immortal limb-from-limb.
It wasn’t helped that from the brief moment Pigsy actually saw his son, there was this… this cloudiness behind his eyes that hadn’t been there before. It was new– it had to have been new– Pigsy wouldn’t have missed it if it had been there at the restaurant or in the van–
Something bad happened to his son while he was out of reach.
“Well… uh… back down we go, I guess, huh?” Tang tried to lighten the mood, elbowing Pigsy to try and get him to join in.
Pigsy didn’t have it in him, though. Instead, he stared at Sandy, starting a silent conversation.
He’s worse, the chef’s eyes said.
I know.Sandy looked back with pity.
Why does this keep happening?
I don’t know.
Why can’t he just be okay? Why can’t he stay with us?
I don’t know that either, Pigsy. But we’re sticking to our plan as a team, no matter what. We'll figure this out.
Pigsy took a deep breath and nodded.
Right. You’re right.
Sandy smiled weakly. Of course I am. Let’s get going. Can’t leave him alone for too long.
“Right… right. Let’s get going,” Pigsy said, and after scooping Tang up once more, they started down the mountain again with equal parts worry and determination to fix what was wrong as a team.
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muxshwriting · 1 day
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the winner takes it all
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Nico Rosberg x Hamilton!reader
summary: after 2016, nico cut you and your brother off. you reach out to him, wanting him to know you would always be his || warnings: slight angst, abandonment, threats || word count: 1328 || masterlist
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It had been a hectic year, dating your brother's teammate who he was currently rivals with. The boys you'd grown up with had changed and evolved and grown ever more distant from each other. You'd spent most of the season juggling your emotions, trying not to celebrate too much when either of them one so the other didn't feel upset.
But as Nico crossed the line as World Champion, you couldn't hide your elation. The moment he was out of the car, he was jumping into the arms of his team. A part of your heart aches for Lewis, your brother, knowing how hard he had worked for this Championship, only to lose at the last second. But the pure joy that flowed through you dictated your actions as you threw yourself at Nico as he cheered. He pulled off his helmet, holding your head in his hands and pulling you in for a kiss.
"You won!" You're shouting over the crowd but Nico is nodding and grinning like a kid all over again.
"I won!"
Behind him, Lewis was watching his own sister congratulate the man who had just ruined his life instead of comforting her brother. How can Nico be so smug about taking everything Lewis had dreamed of? He was so nonchalant throughout interviews, as if he knew this was always meant to happen. But Lewis couldn't stop himself feeling bitter.
Nico could have the championship, Lewis could earn himself another. But Nico would not take everything from him, he would not take his sister. He watched his team celebrate from the sidelines, watched as his sister kissed and danced with the man she loved, the man he now hated. Tonight would be the last night he would come anywhere near his sister.
Whatever your brother did, you certainly noticed its affects even if you didn't know the reasoning behind them. Nico did not speak to again after the night he won the championship. Or any day after that.
In the beginning, you just assumed he was busy with interviews and stories, too busy to text you back or find the time to come and see you. But as time went on and he declined all your calls, it became obvious this wasn't a time issue. This was something else.
No matter where you went in Monaco, you could not find him. He didn't frequent the places you had shared, stayed away from your work and ignored anything you tried to reach out with.
"I don't understand Lew, he's not the kind of person that would do this, I don't know what happened." You're sitting in your brother's apartment, binging episodes of a random reality show and trying to figure it out.
"Maybe he thought he was too good now he's won the championship." Lewis felt bad for his sister, yes. But he was also glad Nico had realised what was good for him.
You wipe away tears. "We always talked about life after the championship was over, whether he won or you did. We were gonna move in together, take some time for ourselves, figure out if this was forever..."
"He mustn't think it was forever then."
"Then he should've told me that to my face, not completely blank me."
Two weeks later, by sheer coincidence you're sitting in the cafe you and Nico had often visited and he walked through the doors. He didn't notice you at first, ordering a takeaway and waiting by the counter. Quietly, you pack your bag and stand by the door, trying to catch him on his way out.
"Nico!"
He said nothing, his eyes widening as he recognised you. Nodding politely, he tried to push past you, not meeting your eyes.
"Nico?"
He finally met your gaze, swallowing the lump in his throat. "It's good to see you Y/N. I -"
"You’re gonna stay the fuck away from my sister, alright? I don’t want you to talk to her ever again."
"Lewis-"
"No! You won't talk to either of us again. You're nothing. You don't deserve her, and the sooner you realise that, the better off she is. She knows she's better off without you."
"Can we talk?" You ask.
Nico shakes his head. "There's nothing to talk about." He walks out the door but you follow.
"We need to talk about it Nico." You implore him. "Nico?"
"There's nothing to say."
"There's plenty to say Nico. Listen to me, please! I loved you, I still love you." You say. "Even after everything that happened, I never stopped. Why did you stop letting me see you?"
"Lewis told me to stay away. And you're better without me-"
"What?"
Nico turned to face you. "Lewis? He told me that you would be better without me, that you said that."
You're face is plastered with confusion. "Lewis told you not to talk to me? But- I never said that. Why does Lewis think he can control who I love?" As you were speaking, the anger grew. "Why did you listen to him?"
"Because he's right. You deserve more than me."
"Don't say that!" You quickly reply. "I don't care what my brother thinks, you are the world champion. You deserve everything, especially me! He can have any model he wants, all the races, all the wins, all the championships but I want you. I want to have you and I want to be happy with you."
Nico’s expression sours. “We’re not doing this here, not now.”
"I want you!" You yell after him, not caring who else heard. "Only you."
"Your brother-"
"Stop talking about my brother!" You beg him. "Please, I love you Nico."
He sighs, running a hand down his face. "Alright," he gestures you to follow him, "We need to talk somewhere more private."
Silently agreeing, you grabbed his hand and led him through the winding streets of Monaco until you reached his apartment building. He hadn't moved yet and as he unlocked the door, you let yourself admire the man you would always love. Nothing inside the apartment had changed except the pictures hanging on the wall.
Nico had a wall of pictures that you had helped him create. They were moments from his karting career, his life and his relationship with you. There was a new picture in pride of place at the very top of the wall, the place he put his favourite. It was a picture of the day he won his championship, a picture of you and him in a lovers embrace, confetti falling around you and sweat dripping from his hair. It was the perfect picture that captured everything you and him were.
"That's new." You point to the picture and look at Nico hopeful.
"Yeah." He smiles. "The team photographer sent me the original and I couldn't think of a better place to put it."
You took the chance and stepped closer to Nico, almost pressing your body against his. You felt the sharp intake of breath from him as he tucked a loose hair behind your ear.
"Are you sure?"
You're nodding before he's even finished. "We're gonna move in together, and take some time for us. And I know it's going to work because this is what I want in forever. I want you to my forever."
"Will you marry me?" He whispered the question like he didn't quite believe what he was saying.
"Yes." You immediately answer before Nico can backtrack. "Yes. Please."
Nico stepped back and shook his head slightly. "Wait- Y/N, just wait. I don't know why I said that."
"Are you trying to take it back?"
"No!" He hurriedly corrects. "I think we need to go slow. I haven't talked to you in three weeks."
"Three weeks don't matter, we know each other, we know that this works. Why do we have to wait?"
Nico couldn't hide his smile as he dipped his head to press his lips against yours.
"Why wait indeed..."
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super-ion · 22 hours
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The Voyages of the Padua
Chapter 4
(1, 2, 3)
The second time in her life that she woke up was significantly gentler than the first.
For one, she was warm. At some point, she had acquired a blanket. It was rough and scratchy where it touched bare skin, but it provided comforting weight on her body.
For another, she seemed to be surrounded by all manner of whispering noises. Clicks and beeps and hisses and a distant bass hum that she could feel more than hear. They were good noises. As long as those noises were going, it meant the ship was alive.
Ship…
Her eyes snapped open and she sat up with a gasp.
She was in what appeared to be a small cramped med bay. Most of the paneling was white with a high contrast red stripe around eye level. Well, white was a bit of a stretch, most of the paint was chipped and worn, with the most egregious damage painted over with what she assumed was available at the time.
Shoved into one nook was a collection of apparatus, all folded up, bearing the label “Auto-doc”. It was the sort of generic medical robot that could be found on most starships too small to have a dedicated medical team. The only difference here was that someone had glued a pair of googly eyes on it.
The mattress underneath her crackled as she shifted her weight around to get a better look of the room. Not very comfortable, likely waterproof.
“Good morning, sleepy head!”
She yelped and toppled out of the bed.
Something tugged painfully - an IV line plugged into the port on her arm. Except hadn't she been forced to bite that one off?
Panic flared. It was attached to her. She needed it out. She needed to…
“Hey! Whoa! If you break that, you gotta pay for it! Also, please don't break yourself!”
The disembodied voice cut through her panic. This wasn't the Eosphorus. She wasn't waking up alone this time.
“You good there?” the voice asked.
She let out a breath and disengaged the port with slightly shaking hands. Unlike before, it slid out easily and she dropped it on the bed.
“Yeah, I think so…” she replied.
She looked up to see someone floating in mid air. No, not floating, it was a projection on a sheet of plex, one of those holographic displays that created the illusion of space. She noted the black strip on top of the plex that probably housed cameras and microphones and whatever else was needed for this interaction.
The person was watching her with an expression of intense, playful curiosity. Wild bushy hair framed a round youthful face and an oversized pink sweater obscured most of her body except where sparkly leggings poked out.
“Um… hello?” the woman said.
“Hi! I'm Ria!” the hologram replied with an impish grin. “I use she/her usually, but anything’s good.”
Ria, or the image of Ria, stood up straight and offered a hand to shake in a show of mock solemnity.
“I don't know what my name is,” she admitted.
She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. Obviously she couldn't shake, seeing as Ria was technically a two dimensional projection of a virtual being. She settled for an awkward wave.
She glanced down at the patch.
“Huh… auto-doc did say there were some anomalous readings in that brainpan of yours. I really thought you might be a Cassidy, seeing as your jumpsuit says Cassidy right there on that patch there.”
“Oh… this isn't mine. I'm just borrowing it… I'm sorry, what do you mean, anomalous readings?”
“Ooooh… yeeeeaaaah,” Ria let out in a long breath before sucking on her teeth. “I'm not really qualified to discuss medical diagnoses. You're gunna have to take it up with Aela, but she's defragging right now. The drift kinda scrambles her up for a bit, takes her platform a while to recover.”
That answered exactly zero questions and raised so many more… which in all fairness was about on par with her short life so far.
“Oh… I guess not,” she replied.
“So, if you're not Cassidy, who are you?” Ria demanded. “I mean, you literally just said you don’t know, but that just means you can be whoever you want. We gotta call you something... I mean, going around referring to you as “mystery woman” or whatever would probably get tiring after a while, you know?”
Ria was watching her expectantly. Oh, did Ria want an answer right now? She felt a sudden intense pressure to get a good grade in self actualization, something both normal to want and possible to achieve.
The seconds dragged out in awkward silence as her mind raced. She needed to say something, anything.
“Uh… call me... Cass?"
"Cass? As in short for Cassidy?"
"Yes... I mean no... I mean sort of. Maybe," Cass replied.
“Alright, Cass it is!” Ria replied clapping her hands in excitement. “Oh, by the way, all your stuff is over there.”
Ria gestured to a duffle bag in the corner of the room. Cass stared at it for a long moment before finally recognizing it. Somewhere between terrifying creatures and security androids, she had lost track of it. By all accounts, it should still be back on the Eosphorus… unless someone picked it up and carried it here? Who or why she didn't know.
“Tre wanted to ransack it and see if there was anything valuable inside,” Ria explained, “but Mina wouldn't let them. Whatcha got in there? Is it gold?”
Well, that answered a who… maybe. But it didn't exactly provide a why. But then, why had she packed it full of things in the first place?
Cass approached the bag and pulled the zipper open, letting out a tiny relieved sigh at the sight of the teddy bear and everything else.
“Awwwww,” Ria gushed. “That's so cute!”
Cass glanced back at her to see an exact copy of the teddy bear clutched in Ria's arms. How has she…? Oh right, hologram.
“Can I keep this copy?” Ria asked, holding out the holographic version. “I mean, you're allowed to say no. I don't want to make things weird or anything. People sometimes get weird about personal stuff like this.”
“Yeah, sure,” Cass replied tentatively. “Hey… um…”
She wasn't sure how to ask this next question politely.
“Are you… I mean… why are you…?”
Ria let out an affronted gasp.
“Cassidy! You can't just ask someone why they're a hologram!”
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean-”
Ria burst into laughter.
Cass looked around the room, trying to imagine the starship as a large friendly dog.
“Your face! Oh my gosh! No, it's cool. I'm the ship AI. Well... sort of. My official primary function is navigation. I'm not technically integrated with the Padua, but I interface with a lot of her lower systems. She's really friendly, like a big fluffy dog.”
“Hey, so…” Ria said. “Please don't take this the wrong way, but you really look like you could use a shower. Do you want a shower?”
Aside from that, the water was warm and it was still quite literally the most luxuriant experience of her life.
Cass very much did want a shower.
Unfortunately the shower booth that sat across the hall from the med bay was nearly as tight as the cryo tube and the reality of being trapped in a tight wet space somewhat soured the experience.
At least until she discovered the small patch of shaved hair at the base of her neck, and the slightly raised edge of a surgical scar that had been hastily cauterized shut. It was fresh… or had been fresh whenever Cass went into the cryo pod. She still didn't even know how long ago that had been. Days? Years? Longer?
“Anomalous readings,” Ria had said. Someone had clearly been inside her head, relatively recently in terms of biological time.
She didn't even realize she was crying until the water shut off abruptly at the end of her allotment and she found herself leaning her head against the tile, shoulders shaking slightly from the emotion.
She couldn't remember anything. That fact had been more of an abstract academic fact while the wake up drugs swirled around in her bloodstream, when staying alive and reaching safety was the only thing that mattered. Now the reality of her situation hit her full on, bringing a profound sense of loss.
She depressed the dryer mechanism and closed her eyes as assorted vents blasted her with warm air from all directions.
She was alive. She was safe (probably).
As the dry cycle wound to a finish, she opened her eyes and once again, she found herself on a strange ship, staring at a reflection that she didn't recognize. She looked better, slightly less haggard and the self inflicted scratches were healing. The cheeks were still sunken and the eyes still ringed by dark circles.
She needed a meal or three and a proper night's sleep.
And she needed answers... if there ever were any. What if there weren't? Or what if there were and she didn't like them?
The face in the mirror looked even more bewildered and lost than before if that was possible.
Maybe Ria had been right and she really could be anyone she wanted.
“Well,” she told her reflection with a weak smile. “I guess it's time to figure out who Cass is.”
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sysig · 10 months
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Now that they can, would they want to spend a lot of time together? (Patreon)
#Doodles#Adventure Time#Fionna and Cake#Simon Petrikov#Marceline#Hhhh I feel so bad for both of them 💔#Obviously Simon misses her since she's like the one tether he still has to ''his'' time - they were both born before all the Everything#And I'm sure Marceline misses Simon too but like - even this Simon isn't ''her'' Simon. They met when he was already affected by the Crown#They clearly love each other when they see each other when Simon is as much himself as he can be!#But I can't help but wonder if it would be painful to spend time with this sad lonely magicless man - and how guilty that would make Simon#He wants to still be a part of her life! But how much of himself does he even have to offer now?#And the guilt would go round and round - she sees it in him and he sees that in her and they just both feel bad!#I really can't blame him for being a little emotionally closed and her being distant - they're not who they were#With all that said I still really love their dynamic <3 They're /not/ who they used to be but they've still got such an interesting relation#I think in the moments that they do have together where they're both trying to be good for each other Marcy would really push her humour ♪#She's got 1000 years of silliness to get out of her system to her bestie! I'm sure she's got the material hehe#Even if he still sees her as a little girl - I mean that just adds to the joke if she says something a bit blue lol#I don't think he'd actually keep the sharp teeth - it's more of a visual metaphor of how Marceline sees him in these kinds of moments#It's hard to leave it behind!
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Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.
#you know how they say time makes you look on the past with nostalgia and that's why elderly people think so fondly of past decades? not me#there are moments I look back on with nostalgia sure but the overwhelming feeling of looking back on my childhood is just whatever I do#wherever I go whatever happens that will not be my life again. my memory is long I made a promise to myself I intend to keep I don't forget#support you having your grandkids if their mother is deemed unfit yes. take the older two myself if it comes to it yes. move provinces to#live with you to look after the five of them together where you would be my only adult connection and there's a language barrier and I have#no work history and I'd be between five hours and nine hours away from any other connection I have answer's an absolute fucking no. I've#seen how you are with my sister how you were with my brother. who do you think they call when they've had enough of you? do you not#remember most of the beatings I took was because I was standing between you and my brother? of course not because according to you you#never did beat me but if you think I'm not aware that would turn on me again the second I'm no longer distant and just visiting if you#think you'd find nothing to complain about because you've built up this golden child ideal of me in your head and want to forget how it was#when I was actually in your care you are very very wrong. I remember. I know that inconveniences a lot of people who want to forget#unpleasant things about themselves. me too to be honest I have memories I wish I could erase but I can't especially with regard to my#sister. I defended my brother but not her. not enough. and it's probably why I give so much to her now more than I should because it's#enabling but it is what it is I guess. I won't use my memories against anyone just for the sake of it but I absolutely fucking will#to protect myself or others. you want a redemption arc without admitting to anything? keep being patient and kind towards#your grandchildren even if you end up having to take them and if you can't do it for all five of them then accept that it's better for the#older two to be with me. that's it. those are your options: the older two are with me so you only have to look after the younger three or#you need to buckle down and learn from your past mistakes to look after the five of them and all that is *if it even comes to that* which#as things are it's not in danger of that! it was a regular fucking visit to monitor the situation that's all; they're not getting taken#literally every time she freaks out about something it's a 50/50 chance it's actually something or she's invented a completely#twisted version of events
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spacemancharisma · 5 months
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#I don't know how to do this#I don't know how to fucking do this#I had a fucking Hours long crying breakdown after my parents left today#bc i'll never be fucking good enough for them#but if I say anything then we're acknowledging it and maybe it's better to not acknowledge it#maybe we just go back to ignoring the distance#if I say anything then I’m the bad guy again#I don't want to have to do this I don't want to have to keep being the one who steps forward first#I just want to stop trying and let it be what it is and let it hurt in a dull distant way#i've started crying again just from thinking about it#and I don't cry. I haven't cried more than like a light sniffle in three years until today#(bc of antidepressants)#I don't know what to do#I don't want to make it worse I don't want to hurt her feelings I don't want to be the one that starts shit#and I knoowwww I’m gaslighting myself bc she trained me to do this and I Cannot ignore the. two hour bathtub sob#but god what if I *am* the problem what if I *am* instigating and actually we had a good day#what if I’m expecting too much from her and this is better so maybe this is as good as it gets#do I bear it? do I bear it because she can't?#I know it's not fair and I know i'm hurting but maybe that's better than her hurting#do I just carry it for both of us?#I’m not a kid anymore I don't have that excuse#maybe this is womanhood. carrying it so your mother doesn't have to#she's carrying it for my grandmother. maybe this is just it.#I don't know. I don't know what to do.#I’m so fucking tired and it hurts#whatever.#vent#sad kids with bad moms club
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delicatetaysversion · 1 month
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okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late
#my mother is leaving AGAIN#to stay with my father#bhai mujhe nahi rehna akele i don't want to parent my brother#i don't want to cook or stress about what to eat and clothes and laundry and literally buying vegetables every few days#well all these things are just surface level but i REALLYYYYY do not want to live alone with my thoughts#i want to study i can't just study on my phone with no adult mere sarr pe khade hoke asking ki itna tv#kyu dekh rahi hai kya hua class kyu nahi attend kari#kar liya try bhai call me immature and childish and pathetic and dependent and undisciplined whatever but mere bas ki baat nahi hai#also ooooh listen to my moms great solution: she'll stay there and dad will come!! to live with us two!! alone!! haha.#it's sk fucking sad and repetitively traumatizing ki i don't even know how to react#my sister is the only kid both my parents like when she stays home things are mostly calm and happy#they dote on her they tolerate us#and they should i love her too but now i feel like crying because i don't want her to stay back just for me??? my stupid mental health??#she's doing enough by staying here till rakhi just because i asked her begged her to not leave me alone mami ke side#she could've fucked off and gone to live her life 10 days ago#it's not fair#the person i love and want to live with.. if she stays she's miserable and her being miserable mskes me miserable#i just. i miss her so much. she already feels so distant and busy and then she'll go abroad and totally forget about me right#who doesn't need all this constant depression holding you back weighing you down when you're living your best life#i hate that there's no solution i just have to grow up and be okay with it#i already got more time with her than i thought she stayed home like 2 years extra cause of covid#3 actually#ab why am i crying it was a good day#also i don't want to make it all about me but like. idk when i was picturing my adult life i was thinking like#night clubs and gay bars and beaches at night#i never factored in real factors like the horrifying fucking country we live in 💀💀#it's just it was the only thing that kept me going the promise of a better future#but now what.#and like#it's feels so stupid now the fact that i sometimes want to like
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barkingangelbaby · 8 months
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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol
I talked way too much in the tags don't read them
#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust#i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short#i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways#i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and#i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc#we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus#t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do#n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on#being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it#I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her#like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky#i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up#i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on#like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything#idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions#today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others#i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day#rAMbles
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madesofgold · 2 years
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#i don't normally post stuff like that here but i need a place where i can just vent within it being seen by those people#anyway ok i just wish my friends were my friends more alsksjdj#i see ppl with their best friends how they talk about them what they do together and it just makes me sad#bc i want to have someone like that to do stuff and be silly with and talk and just hang out and i miss my best friend#bc we don't do that anymore#we've barely seen each other last year and when we do it's always just briefly and we never get to talk about deeper themes#some things i'm desperate to talk to her about and we've always done that but now she never has time for me#it feels like I've been replaced by her gf and they're doing everything together and i guess that's what you do you abandon your friends#no I'm not bitter or jealous. at least I'm trying not to be#she also has other friends a different group from uni that I've never met and i see she's having fun with them#and i don't have any of that and I really want to have a group of friends i just can't seem to find any#and we also barely even text anymore. sometimes i reach out and then it can take over a day for her to answer and it just feels shitty#ik she has her reasons and she's not doing it bc she doesn't want to talk or doesn't like me lol but it sucks that we can't even text#and i can't help but wonder if she does that to other people or if she's texting her gf right away and ughhhh#she feels so distant but i don't want that. i don't want us to be like that#i only have two real good friends that I've known forever and my other friend also sucks at reaching out and has her bf and friends#who i know but i'm also not really a part of that group. so basically i never see my friends and i feel fucking lonely woohoo nothing new#i want to have friends who reach out and just casually text me and i can tell them about my day and i see them at least once a week#and we can just hang out and have fun and god i sound so pathetic i don't even have that#somehow i missed the call where everyone started having their group of adult friends and a romantic partner and I'm still stuck#everyone just kind of has their own lives and I'm not a part of it#it just hit me again today i literally had a dream i met a bunch of people and we were having fun and it reminded me of how lonely i am lol#*without it being seen wow great typo in the first sentence that i can't change now#anyway i wish there were songs about this particular situation that i could listen to and be emo but i can't find any rip
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I gotta say, it took me a bit to really get into Rune Factory 3 (in fact when I first got the game and tried it out I quit after like two hours and didn't touch it for a few months just because the gameplay was a bit janky and it was missing some quality-of-life stuff I was used to having in 4 and 5 and I got really frustrated), but on my second foray into the game it really sucked me in. I might even like the story and especially the romance aspect better than the other games.
I really appreciate that the romance is a forced part of the narrative; you literally can't access the final dungeon and beat the game until you pick a girl to marry. And BECAUSE of that, this game went hard on actually developing the girls and giving you ample time to spend with them. The request system basically functions as a "route" for each girl, and while I've only completed (9/9 one-time quests done) a few of them (Raven, Daria, Marian) I've really enjoyed everything thus far and felt the relationships develop from strangers to friends to love.
And unlike 4 and 5 where I have clear favorites in terms of who to marry, I honestly don't know who I'm going to pick yet. The only girls I'm NOT particularly interested in are Carmen, Colette, and Kuruna. All the other girls are great and I'd be happy to marry any of them, though I AM leaning towards Raven, Marian, or Sakuya (who I WOULD have completed already if not for some of her events being locked behind plot progression...).
#rune factory#rf3#i find it funny that my top contenders are raven and marian. who is about as polar opposite of her as possible#literally what is my type. i've never been able to nail it down.#i will say i typically DON'T care for raven's 'type' - the distant/aloof girl.#but i think the writing for her as a character and her relationship with micah is EXTREMELY SOLID#one of my favorite moments thus far was her request where we go to oddward valley to mine ore together#and gaius catches us and it's CLEAR that they don't actually need ore. she's using it as an excuse to hang out with micah.#and gaius knows this. and raven knows that gaius knows this. but like a true bro he lets the lie go and just expects her to pay him back#with his favorite meal. i also might be partial to raven because it feels like micah DEFINITELY likes her in her requests#whereas some 'routes' are more slapstick/comedic or only highlight the girl's feelings... he's clearly into raven.#whole lot of mutual blushing and him WANTING to talk and hang out with her.#that said i'm not fully committed to marrying raven just yet. i still have to finish karina and sofia to be sure about my feelings for them#and marian is the biggest other contender. i love her design and personality. the fact that she directly confessed is WILD#and not even at the end of her 'route'! she had a few requests/scenes to go! so the looming specter of her feelings is just. there.#and while technically it's up to the player from a watsonian standpoint i find it Significant that micah still hangs out with her#and helps her after that confession. he still wants to be around her. even if he hasn't vocalized or directly reciprocated any feelings.#as for sakuya she was my early game fave. i was really digging her. and i like what i've seen of her route#but it's frustrating that i'll have to wait and delay my progress a bit if i want to pick her#and from an in-game perspective it's like she and micah had a falling out in that they hung out a lot at first...#but now they've drifted apart and he's gotten REALLY close to a bunch of other girls#so it's like. maybe she missed her chance? i dunno.
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opheliac · 10 months
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i just want to stop feeling suicidal so constantly and i want to stop having my paranoia spirals and i want to have peaceful sleeps without night terrors and i want to feel safe in my body and in my own space and i want to eat and i want to not be so overwhelmed by my psychosis and i want to be over everything that kennedy did to me but i also really wish i could contact him again so i could deck him in the fucking face and then i call c and ask her what the fuck why the fuck did she do that and beg beg beg my family to leave the church that is so clearly harming them and dooming them to tragedies.... and so on...
#why did i write about that pregnancy why did i use my abuse for an assignment why did i delve into these memories such a mistake#whenever i remember it happened im like oh my god i could have had a 9 year old maybe i did want to be a mother#maybe i am suffering now bc i was supposed to be doomed to the same narrative like most women in my community#like maybe it was a fluke that i got here bc i don't fit in i hate myself so much i feel like everyone hates me and wants me dead and gone#if i knew any of their numbers still i would ask for ativan again i cannot fucking sleep my anxiety is never ending#i cannot tolerate the weight of the emotions i want to be numb i want to be high i want to be dissociated again#i broke out of my constant dissociation and now im here and i can feel my feet on the ground and i am living pov and it hurts so bad#i want to be in the arms of my best friend i want to be on her floor stroking the fuzzy carpet while we eat penne together#ever since she came back into my life i am so happy i have that anchor again but oh my god it makes me realize how distant i am from everyo#and how little i trust#i also miss my other best friend that i never get to see but i want to hug them tightly and we never have enough time w each other but ever#moment is so vivid and strong and they make me feel so alive and aware of the world we are in and its such a blessing that they decided to#talk to me the day they did and the friendship that came after like idk#i dont have many close friends but oh god the few i have i love th#them so much and they make life worth living but ugh yeah im fighting voices and spirals and theres a lot happening inside#ill be fine i have a lot of feelings my life is nonstop chaotic bc i have 5 bpd/bipolar women in my family and all emotionally absent men a#and our narratives weave together so close so tightly i cannot separate myself but i want to but can i? do i want to?#ezra.txt
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ssahotchnerr · 7 months
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👉🏼👈🏼 is it ok to request a fic where jack starts trying to take care of the reader the way he sees his dad does? like maybe hotch is away from a case and reader gets sick or sad or idk, so jack takes it upon himself to be there for reader? like maybe he even starts referring reader with the same pet name hotch calls her? tysm!
like dad does
aw 🥹 cw; fem!reader, established relationship, mentions of sickness, fluff <3
you awoke with a gentle start; a trail of cold water trickling down the side of your face, pooling vaguely in your ear.
likewise, a more concrete sensation was set on your forehead - a cold compress. most likely a washcloth, and one that hadn't been wrung out too much at that.
but it was relieving, a delightful contrast from your burning forehead.
"oops," a small mumble came directly from your left ear, as well as a soft exhale of a breath. "sorry."
"jack?" you muttered, rather drowsily. you forced your eyes open, finding jack's sweet, concerned face beside you. "what're you doing?"
"i'm taking care of you." he explained softly, his tone so nonchalant as if it were the most obvious and simplest thing in the world. he reached forward, adjusting the top of the blanket that was draped overtop you. "like dad does. he put the washcloth on you yesterday, you 'member?"
he was right; you were on day two, maybe three? of a nasty bout of the flu. quite honestly you didn't know what day it was, they all blurred together, and your scattered sleep schedule didn't help. you offered him a nod.
"thank you." you gave him a small, closed mouth smile. if it weren't for the germs, you'd reach out to touch his cheek. you sat up a bit from your position in bed, your voice hoarse. "where is your dad?"
"a meeting."
your eyebrows furrowed, the facial movement burning your sinuses. "he's home?"
jack nodded, "he's in his office, but he said it might take a long time. so that's why i'm helping you feel better."
his face brightened a bit, as if a realization struck him. he reached into his pant's pocket, retrieving a few cough drops he had shoved in there, dropping them onto your blanket covered chest.
"i'm sorry i can't make you soup." jack apologized, solemnly as his shoulders dropped. "but i'm not allowed to use the stove."
your face softened, the weak smile resurfacing. "that's okay bud, don't worry. you can help dad make some later when he's done, how 'bout that?"
he nodded enthusiastically, before hoisting himself onto your bed.
"hey no no no, i wouldn't," you protested gently, your heart also melting at his action. "i don't want you getting my germs."
"if i get sick i get sick." that's the same thing aaron had said, multiple times, when he insisted on getting into bed with you earlier. jack scooted somewhat close, staying mainly on his father's side of the bed.
"and if i get sick, i don't need to go to school."
you laughed softly, but finding yourself too weak to argue, you did the only thing you could - go right back to sleep.
it was restless; you were in and out of slumber, and could roughly process jack getting up here and there - solely due to the distant sensation of the washcloth leaving and returning to your forehead, dampened once more.
and once aaron's meeting had ceased, he went in to check on you, and was pleasantly surprised, and touched, to see jack accompanying you.
you were out, with jack diligently watching over, while also keeping himself busy - his sketchbook and colored pencils were scattered amongst the bed.
"how's it going?" aaron asked him from the doorway, the door producing a sharp creak as he pushed it forward a tad.
"good. i brought cough drops, the washcloth, and made sure she got lots of rest. just like you did." jack continued to draw as he spoke, before his head shot right up. "can we make soup?"
"sure buddy," aaron nodded, a tinge of pride pulling at his heart. he tilted his head towards the hallway, and jack immediately scrambled off the bed. "c'mon."
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