#she doesnt even need it because she can do it herself. shes not disabled. i guess im just too much work for people like that

[autisticlee]

I need a friend (or maybe actually a life partner) thats super consistent/scheduled, not flaky, probably not disabled with unpredictable flare ups/energy issues, someone with energy who can plan and get stuff done. because I cannot do it myself. I need someone very close who is like this so they can help me do things I want or need to do. come over in the morning to exercise like go for a walk or swim or kayak. come over to help me make food when they realize I forgot to eat. come over and help me change my bed sheets. sit with me while I work on something and keep me focused or help me get done easier. plan a time to hang out or go somewhere and be here at that exact time instead of forgetting or canceling.

I NEED consistency in my life. I cannot provide it for myself. I know there's people out there who are like this. the autism in me craves it. but the adhd in me rejects it and always wins no matter how hard I try. having unpredictable physical flare ups doesn't help. trying doesn't do anything. people make it clear to me that it doesn't look like I try at all. that proves how useless trying has been. I need an external force that is beyond my control. alarms and reminders are in my control so they never work. I can't be consistent with myself and flake out on myself, beyond my control. but when it comes to other people, i'll push through and stick to things for their sake. I need a separate entity that has more control over the situation. someone to do with me and not just "remind" me. but also someone that won't push me too hard or let me push myself too hard. remind me to stop and drink/eat. don't let me push through pain. remind me it's ok to rest. etc.

but finding consistent people is so hard. I can't seem to do it. I only find and attract flaky, inconsistent people. I don't know what i'm supposed to do about it. they want me to be their consistent, nonflaky friend that they can flake out on. i'm told i'm always there for them whenever they need me, and they appreciate it. but I can never say the same about them.

no one wants to help me or "hold my hand" mostly because they can't even help themsleves and expect me to do everything for them, but also people who could help just dont like or care about me enough. i'm a burden to people who don't care or value me enough. I need someone to magically care so much about me that they enjoy being my solid pillar of consistency, support, and companionship. they wake up and WANT to see me immediately, so they come over and wake me up to make breakfast and go for a walk and do chores at their house together and etc.

you can't just wait and they will show up like a pokemon you can catch and turn into your loyal companion. you can't just make someone like you. but I don't know how to make anyone like me/find people who like me for who I am and don't have the energy and spoons endlessly sort through everyone in the world for the chance of finding one i also like and feel comfortable with. I need a person that either doesn't cost energy to interact with or somehow gives energy. that'd so hard to find.

I do try, though. but it takes at least a month or two to recover from the energy and effort it takes to reach out to a single person, especially since it's me doing most of the work. so the process is slow and is wasting my life away. I don't care about the possible "one day" because i'm struggling NOW. thinking about "one day" hasn't helped improve my life one but over the past 15 years or more, i've been told "one day"

it seems to be all about either luck or being privileged to have the energy and right personality to attract the right people. I have none of those things. so I just continue to struggle to exist within my own chaos alone. merely barely surviving and not at all living.

[supermightyglue]

omgg im so obsessed with your jackass oc’s. i dont have a specific headcanon request but could you write more about a main cast girl?

yesssss yes !! & thank u sm that means the world <3 i have many more ideas and am gonna post actual headcanons and stuff but for now take this very random and very specific shit

her nickname is pissbaby. i have said it before but i must say it again so everyone is aware. she got it growing up and tbh there isn’t a real reason for it other than the fact that she has pissed herself a few times

went to the met gala with knox (was def invited before he was tho)

braids pontius’ hair a lot. does his hair in general. she’s good with hair styling nd even cuts her own

was the one to receive the off road tattoo

is always paired with knox (and tremaine sometimes) for press shit

has a lot of modeling/movie offers but tbh she just wants to skate and do stunts and travel and hang out with her guys

ik i said she cant cook but i changed my mind. cooking is lowkey her love language. she’s a vegetarian but doesn’t mind cooking meat if someone wants it. a long day filming? invites everyone over and cooks for them.

doesnt cook for herself tho. the queen of struggle meals. buys a lot of cereal

also always let’s ppl crash at her place. pontius is there a lot cuz the whole living in his van situation. he and steve were in her (iconic) cribz ep

present for most of the wildboyz trips even if she didn’t appear in the episode. she loves animals and traveling and learning about other cultures so it was like heaven for her

CRAZY stupid .. like, almost as bad as knoxville. she somehow was able to get in the bullpen and it scared the shit out of everyone (especially steve o)

honestly she doesn’t like fucking with animals and doesn’t wanna do anything to hurt them. she feels bad for certain things they do and regrets stressing them out

and she can be really sweet, but with animals? she is practically a different person. she turns into such a softie

has a few doggies. all rescues and with disabilities because she gets sad when people don’t want them

probably closest to the wildboyz, especially pontius. but knox too, and dunn <3

super fond of preston too. he’s so sweet and she can’t help but adore him

ppl swear either chris or pj is her soulmate (myself included nd i cant decide who pls help me)

always down for skate sessions

is sponsored by powell peralta (and is kinda at war with bam because he thinks his element sponsorship is better)

very fashionable. an it girl. (again, i picture her as devon aoki)

super scrappy and will fight a grown man

she knows how to fall because she’s a skater but she also has gotten some GNARLY injuries. usually to her head. always has bruises

knows first aid and she isn’t a medic obv but she has been SUPER helpful in certain situations

literally unable to drive, and yet, she drove for part of the gumball rally .. she managed to genuinely scare the guys. she doesn’t have her license for a reason.

one of those ppl who genuinely does not need deodorant but unfortunately the smell of jackass clings to her

has a lot of girl friends. she is a girl supremacist. we don’t blame her.

she can be really mean sometimes but most of it is on accident. she just doesn’t have a filter. the guys don’t really care tho, she fits in

ska music enthusiast. and a deadhead

so she doesn’t puke and doesn’t get grossed out HOWEVER she refuses to take part in that yucky shit. hell no. that’s what crosses the line.

once the guys collected a cup of their mixed sweat and poured it on her and she has never been so mad. like, she gets mad, she has a temper, but she lost her shit in a way that she never has before. made them turn off the camera. knoxville was the one to pour it—no one else was brave enough. tremaine was even on the fence about it. she ended up breaking knox’s nose. he was a good sport about it. they didn’t fuck with her in that way ever again

she can be kinda mean but it’s usually on accident cuz she has no filter. but for the most part the guys don’t give a fuck and it’s funny

interviewers and paps can be really really rude and sexist and the guys can’t help but get pissed and say stuff because they love her. BUT they also know that no one is better at defending her than she is. don’t fuck with her. ever. she will practically end someone’s career. she does not give a shit

[feelingbloo]

doing this all at once because im fasting and need a distraction... this shit be getting personal lmao

day 1: your stats

currently 82.2lbs as of writing

day 2: how tall are you, do you like your height?

im 4'10, no not really! definitely doesnt help my bmi out at all, lmao. id prefer to be around 5'4.

day 3: a picture of your thinspiration. what features do you like about this person?

most thinspo kinda rolls off my back and doesnt affect me, so i dont really look at it. blessing and a curse.

day 4: your greatest fear about weight loss

i only have one fear, and its my partner. she (not so subtly) compares herself to me and uses me as thinspo, and i know losing weight will only make this problem worse.

day 5: why do you really want to lose weight? are you doing it for you?

im not sure if theres a real reason anymore. everything i can think of is something that occurred after the disordered eating started, so i dont know what truly drives me. id say im doing it for myself because theres nobody else i would do it for.

day 6: do you binge? if so, explain why you think you do

of course, definitely. most times its due to an emotion, i think ive always used food as a comfort in that way.

day 7: do your parents know you are trying to lose weight? do they care?

they dont, i never told them and they havent found out. i assume my mom would care, my father sorta shuts himself off so i dont know if hed be mad about it or what.

day 8: your workout routine

im physically disabled from an unknown myopathy (my body doesnt produce enough muscle) so everything is a workout to me lmao. i generally walk around for 4-ish hours a day, since i cant quite manage anything else.

day 9: did anyone ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?

no, only my eating habits. i was often told that i ate so much i mustve had a tapeworm, and most of what i eat is "junk food" due to sensory issues.

day 10: what was the hardest thing you gave up during this weight loss?

dude, i fucking miss the liquid calories! in past restriction phases i refused to count liquid cals, and i definitely still lost weight, but not as fast as i would have liked. ive started counting them and ughhhhh.

i didnt cut them out completely, so i still have creamer in my coffee and the occasional soda, but i want my milkshake goddamnit 😭

day 11: your favorite thinspo blog and why

same answer as day 3.

day 12: what do you normally eat?

for main meals i usually have tuna on toast, egg salad sandwiches, cream cheese bagels, ham sandwiches/ham bagels, grilled cheeses, basically just carb + animal product. if we order out its either a cheeseburger or fried rice.

for sides/snacks/small meals i like string cheese, pickles, mini candies, lollipops, pepperoni, if theres any sweets in the house i have some of that.

its a wonder that i even lose weight on this lmao. but OMAD and counting cals is what makes it possible.

day 13: are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

i dont think ive ever seen someone answer this with the former option. we're all doing this unhealthily on this side of tumblr.

day 14: whats your UGW? when do you expect to reach it?

ooh, tough one. it seems like everyone has a set UGW but i dont. i feel most compelled towards the number 73lbs, which is the bmi of my LW (15.3). i dont think that bmi is low enough for me though, i'll figure out when i get there.

ive gotten close to that weight a couple times, but ultimately something always happens and i emotionally binge or whatever. no clue about timing.

day 15: are you vegan or vegetarian? if so, has this helped you lose weight? if not, would you consider turning vegan or vegetarian?

ive had lengths of time where ive been pescetarian (vegetarian + fish), it never helped me lose weight.

at this time in my life im not able to limit my diet to that degree, but i heavily support the lifestyle for ethical and environmental reasons. if i move out id likely try veganism.

day 16: when did you first decide to lose weight?

i began obsessively weighing myself at 7, and started to learn purging around 9/10. it wasnt ever something i was serious about, but at 12 i discovered the online ana community andddd... it really just brought out that part of me. so id say 12 is where it officially began, but ive had it in me since 7.

day 17: do you have an eating disorder?

never officially diagnosed but i dont think most people here are. yes, anorexia nervosa.

day 18: what food is your weakness?

i dont restrict what type of food i eat, as long as its under my limit. but my real weakness is food other people give me... i cant resist it regardless of the calories and it makes me feel so dumb. they dont even have to be in the room! it could just be takeout, they dont even have to be the one to cook it!

day 19: when is the last time you ate fast food?

i cant even remember, i almost never eat it since i dont like it. the grease and the oils coat my mouth and throat and it feels so disgusting.

taco bell cinnamon twists are bomb though.

day 20: favorite diet?

the special k diet is funny (literally just eat special k) but i always lose a lot of weight when i do cereal-based diets like that.

day 21: what are your clothing sizes?

ehhhh,,, i dont wear fitting clothes and everything is baggy, do usually womens small or sometimes xs.

my measurements are quite small (26bust, 23waist, 28hip IIRC?) so im below a 00 in most charts ive seen. unfortunately thats just my general size due to my height, im not as thin as people imagine from that by any means.

day 22: what was your lowest weight? when and how did you gain?

73lbs at 12, my height didnt change since then lmao. i experienced some trauma right after getting to that weight, which led to me binging myself back up to 90lbs.

day 23: did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

i think it was more personal experiences rather than the media, however the media likely did contribute once i had already established my disordered eating.

day 24: how do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia

it depends on the context. in the original meaning, it just meant a space where you could discuss your disorder without actively working towards recovery. i support that heavily.

nowadays, where it usually means people promoting ana/mia as some pretty dainty "lifestyle", fucking ew. what is wrong with you people. i understand wanting to romanticize your disorder (and find others who do the same), but i draw the line at genuinely thinking that disordered eating makes you "better" than others, or whatever bullshit they try to say.

day 25: have you ever purged? if so, describe your first experience.

i have purged in the past, but due to my disability (day 8) i typically cant vomit anymore no matter what i try. the muscle just isnt strong enough anymore to contract that violently.

first experience was harrowing lmao, i had had a bowl of instant ramen and was hallucinating as i was purging it. everything else was so distracting, i dont really remember anything about the actual purging itself.

day 26: what excites you most about reaching your UGW?

the first time i got to my LW, i just remember feeling so giddy and proud and i want that again and again.

day 27: how do you deal with being around food?

if i eat it, im not longer around it... i just have zero self control.

day 28: do you want that gap between your legs? why?

i guess so. its something a lot of people are envious of, and i knew i was happy when i had it in the past.

day 29: your definition of beauty.

this is going to sound "wrong" from an anorexic person, but chubby people. i dont have a fetish for it, i have slept with average people without problem, but i dont think i could date someone who wasnt at least bmi 23... ive found that bmi 25-27 is the sweet spot though.

i just think theres something so attractive about it regardless of gender. like hell yeah thick arms and round stomachs and back rolls. fuck yeah.

day 30: 10 facts about you! and now, what are your stats?

oh god what is this, an interrogation? not saying stats since im doing this in one go.

i draw (hobbyist, nowhere near professional)

i collect animal bones and general knick knacks

garfield and miku are my favorite characters

i tap on everything

i wanted to be a veterinarian as a kid

favorite animals are polar bears and hammerheads

my grandmother wanted me to be named tapestry (what??)

i have dyscalculia

i enjoy making cookies

i can barely whistle

[silurisanguine]

OC mega Q&A

I did this many moons ago for my Deus Ex OC Zofie Orel from this user's posts. The original posts seem to have vanished but credit where credit is due. I've also added a section from this post as well. Now i'm going to do it for Seren Jones as it really does flesh out her character quite a bit, even more so that i've already done. It's also a good reference to show anyone who asks. I'll tag the Coemancer crew if you fancy doing it for yours and anyone else who wants to give it a go.

LONG post behind cut.

BASICS

What’s their full name? Seren, (Coe) Jones. She takes the Coe surname in her OG verse after marrying Sam, but drops it again whilst Starborn so as not to draw attention to herself. She plans to take it again should the stars align.

What does their name mean? Why were they named that? Seren is welsh for Star. She understands the irony. Her parents named her Seren after her mum saw her open her eyes for the first time and knew she'd want to explore the stars. Her father being a history professor with interested in the cultures their ancestors came from suggested the Welsh word for star.

Do they have any nicknames? Star, Ren. She also went by Dusty James when in the protective programme.

How old are they? 30 years old as of the start of her story.

When’s their birthday? 12 9th month 2300 Akila City

What’s their zodiac sign/element/birthstone/etc.? Do they believe that holds any significance? Earth astrology means nothing in space. She has no idea and doesn't care.

What’s their species/subspecies? Do they have any special/magical abilities? Starborn. All the powers that come with that. She is naturally empathic and can sense the emotions of others, which is both a benefit and hindrence. She now also has the ability to manipulate minds, thanks to Ryujin. She uses it as a tool should the need arise, but doesnt rely on it.

What “class” do they belong to (for fantasy characters)? If none, what weapon do they favor? They favour the Va’ruun Inflictor rifle, Hard Target sniper rifle and Magsheer. Occasionally using a Big Bang or Breach shotgun for close quarter’s ship fighting. Her specialities in her og verse were stealth, but since becoming starborn, she has developed more close quarters fighting skills that utilise her abilities. APPEARANCE

What do they look like? 5’5” athletic build woman. Original universe she had a silver coloured pixie haircut, Currently sporting a turquoise blue bixie cut. Has a few tiny scars on her face from mining, one on her forehead, the other on her jaw. She has a body encompassing tattoo of a trail of stars around her body. She now also has a band tattooe'd around her ring finger to symbolise the wedding ring she lost.

Do they have a face claim? Myself in my 30s but with full health and video game perfect.

What’s their style like? Clothes, hair, makeup? Her original universe she wore sleek modern dark clothing. Whether it be formwear or suits. Now she wears what ever is comfortable under her starborn suit which she mostly wears. She does prefer dark colours still and prefers formwear, cargos and long sleeve tops or settler wear in shades of black. She does like to wear makeup, sticking to smoky eyes and dark lipstick. Her hair is one of her signature things and the blue colour is because of a certain pendant someone once wore.

How do they carry themselves? What’s their default expression? Her Og verse, she carried herself with humour and a twinkle in her eye. Since becoming starborn, she’s become more reserved and there is a constant sadness in her eyes.

Do they have any physical ailments or disabilities? Not any more. Noel once called her the physically healthiest person she’s ever met- One benefit of becoming Starborn. Mentally though, she is traumatised and has higher functioning depression.

Any defining features to their character? Her accent isnt definable as she moved from Akila to New Atlantis a few times. She now doesnt really have an accent but can take on any and often does when in proximity to them, becoming more Akilan the longer she is there and same in New Atlantis.

PERSONALITY

What’s their alignment? Chaotic good. She is compassionate and believes in doing good, but she hates beurocracy and sees the corruption in both the UC and FC. But she loathes the Crimson Fleet, seeing them as nothing more than 'coloured coded Spacers'.

Which one of the 16 Personality Types do they fit into? She finds that whole thing very problematic and does not subscribe to it.

What are their hobbies and interests? Do they have any particular “favorites” (food, books, and so on)? Houseplant gardening, Music and reading. She also now loves customising her weapons. She secretly loves Chunks cheesecake and cherry Boompop! She can cook, but tends not to bother much by herself. Though she did learn to cook her grandpa's famous meatloaf after the recipe was passed to her. Favourite book is Bram Stoker's Dracula.

What are they bad at? Delegating. They have a perfectionist streak and feel they need to do everything themselves to make sure it's done right.

What kind of things do they dislike/hate? Cruelty, The Hunter, The Crimson Fleet in the OG verse, Corruption, Injustice and evil corporations.

Do they have any vices/addictions/mental illnesses? Her main ‘vice’ is always having bourbon or a Solomon beer on her person to toast the universe she leaves. She also has higher functioning depression.

What are their goals and motivations? To find a universe she can finally stop in and find a Sam she can be with again after losing the love of her life in her OG verse. To survive until then.

What are their manners like? Any habits? Her OG verse , she was polite at first until she got the measure of someone. Now she knows people, she behaves exactly as she needs to. Habits - saving every fishbowl, jellyfish tank and plant from ships. She also always toasts a universe before she leaves it.

What are they most afraid of? Never finding ‘home’. Finding a Sam she hates.

BACKGROUND

Where were they born? What was their childhood like? Akila City. But at 5 left and moved to NA with her parents. Start of war left NA and returned to Akila at 8. Stayed there until she was 16 when her dad got a new job in NA uni and moved back there again. She was a lone child and was bullied most of her childhood due to being Freestar in UC space, then an expat back in Akila. She was nerdy and kept to herself, a little baby goth that liked to read and learn things. She had few friends, most expats like her that stuck with each other until something better came along for them, often leaving her alone again. Wasn't until she went to university she started making friends that had similar interests to her.

What’s their family like? Her dad Michael is a university professor, occasional poker player and the one who showed her how vital a good education is. Her mum Anne mostly worked in the diplomatic sector, as an assistant to the consulate dealing with businesses. She taught Seren how to deal with both. Seren had a good relationship with her parents, though as a kid didnt fully understand why they had to keep moving. But it forced her to have a strong sense of independence that allowed her to survive her life now. She misses them dearly but hopes they are doing well with the vast amount of money she left them. She avoids meeting them in the new universes, especially ones where she doesnt know what happened to the Seren of that universe.

What factions or organizations are they a part of? What ranks and titles do they hold? She was born in Akila City, so is Freestar Collective. She believes in what they stand for, but doesnt ignore the corruption with the governors. She became a Ranger because of her sense of justice, though hates the black and white views of some of them and the corruption in others. In her OG verse she also joined the UC Vanguard as she realised very quickly there was a bigger story going on that would effect the whole settled systems. Same reason for joining Sysdef to take down the Crimson Fleet. Other accomplishments of her og verse were being a Ryujin operative that managed to prevent the Corp from releasing some dangerous tech. Of course her title now as Starborn brings it’s own complications and accomplishments in each universe she travels through.

How do they fit into their “story”? She was in protective custody under a cover name Dusty Jones, working as a miner. The day she was told the company she had become whistleblower to, was no more was the day she was asked to collect what ever was in that cave on Vectera. She became the lead explorer of Constellation due to her connection to the Artifacts and ended up becoming Starborn after losing everything that meant anything to her in her original universe.

Where do they currently live? What’s their place like? Now? On their ship: The Valkyrie. Before she builds that, her Guardian ship and sometimes the Lodge beds to rest. Before that in her OG verse- the Lodge, her home in Akila and her cabin aboard the Star Eagle. The Guardian of course is minimal. She adds a bed roll to one side and any cuddly toys she finds she places them around her cockpit seat as it amuses her. Same with fishbowls and jellyfish tanks that she puts by the main viewing window. Once she's built the Valkyrie, she sets it up with an infirmary as the first thing you enter upon, crew quarters one side should she chose to have some and her captain's quarters the other, which is always a Nova galactic hab as its cosy and has a built in galley. Upstairs is a workshop and small internal storage. Her priority is always have a cabot4 bridge so she can avoid ladders. Her home in Midtown, Akila in her og verse was cosy, mixing Akilan furniture with more modern New Atlantis stylings. One day she might rebuild it.

How do they eventually die? She’s ‘died’ many times already. Each time she enters the Unity her body dies and part of her being joins that universe, the rest being reborn again in a new verse. She hopes one day she’ll find her new home to stop in and die of old age with the one she loves…and maybe start all over again when they feel like it.

RELATIONSHIPS

Do they have any friends? Would they consider anyone to be their best friend? She was best friends with Sam. Also in her og verse she was great friends with Andreja and Barrett. To a far lesser extent Sarah until after she loses Sam, where Sarah is a great comfort. She found it easy to make friends with lots of people around the systems too. Now? She has become friends with her counterpart from one universe and the Sam they are married too. It always ends though, so she tries not to become too close to anyone.

What’s their friend group like? What role do they play in it? Before - like family. As an only child who was bullied growing up, she didn't really have friends. So to be with people who accept and get her was a wonderful feeling. She was part of Constellation and became almost the main go person thanks to being connected to the Artifacts the group were looking for. Now She is quite the self imposed loner. Sometimes guiding those she likes in a verse she comes across, helping them in some way. She sometimes takes crew aboard her Valkyrie so she isnt so alone, giving them her ship before she leaves that universe.

What’s their love life like? Do they have any kids? She was married to Sam Coe. They had an incredible relationship of best friends, soulmates and lovers. Passionate and full of fun. But he was killed by the Hunter in her Og verse and she has been in mourning since then. She became the closest thing to a real mother Cora Coe ever had considering how bad her birth mother was, but lost her when Sam died and Lillian took her. She will meet that Cora again some day though.

Who do they look up to? Who do they trust? She admires her parents for doing what ever they had to do to keep her safe and comfortable during the Colony War. She admires/d Sam for how he turned himself around and became such a wonderful father to Cora. So far, the Sams she's met, she would trust, even the one who was cold to her, because she understood his reasoning.

Who do they hate? Do they have any enemies? The Crimson Fleet. The Hunter, Lillian Hart and Jacob Coe. Benjamin Bayu, Vae Victis. They made plenty of enemies in her og verse, what was left of the Crimson Fleet for one and who ever Vae Victis was working with.

Do they have any pets? No. She always wanted a cat, but they were too expensive and being she is Starborn now, it isn't fair to have one (cats are seen in a movie poster so i think they exist, we just never see them). Perhaps when she finds ‘home’ she’ll get one for her final home. She does save all the fishtanks and jellyfish tanks though for her ship, who get to see space as she sets them in her cockpit.

Are they good with kids? Animals? She adores Cora like a mother. She never thought she’d feel that way, but Cora is special - also a teenager. She still doesnt go googly over babies. She has no intentions of more children and isn't even sure Starborn can have children. But adopting might be on the cards..maybe. She likes animals and prefers not harming wildlife, using creator's peace on agressive species. FACTS

Which tropes do they fit? Which archetypes? The Hero, The Chosen One, The Sage and Explorer all rolled into one.

Do they play any instruments? Sports? She likes to sing along to songs when she’s alone. She is naturally stupidly fit thanks to her new nature, but as an explorer keeps it that way.

What are some items they always carry? Her favoured weapons, medical packs, alien boba tea and Chunks cakes. Bourbon. Lots of credits.

Do they collect anything? Her ship Valkyrie. Fish and jellyfish tanks. Succulents.

What position do they sleep in? Side sleeper, curled up usually with a plushie for comfort.

Which emoji would they use the most? :cowboy:

What languages do they speak? Standard universal (Mix of British and US English). Akilan slang.

What’s their favorite expletive? Shit.

What’s their favorite candle scent? Amber and vanilla.

What songs remind you of them? Evanescence - Far from Heaven and Starset - Telescope

Which animal would you say represents them? A russian blue cat.

What stereotypical high school clique would they fit into? The weirdo.

What would their favorite ride at an amusement park be? Rollercoasters. She loves swooping around in her ship during combat.

Do they believe in aliens? Ghosts? Reincarnation or something else? She believes the Creators are something otherworldly and she still believes some planet has sentient aliens comparable to humans. But she’s seen plenty of alien creatures! Ghosts? yeah she believes in them after finding the Pale Lady. Re-incarnation? Does Unity count because she’s been reborn a few times now.

Do they follow any religions/gods? Do they celebrate holidays? Her parents are both Enlightened and she does agree with the philosophy, though doesn't practice. Even with becoming Starborn, she can't subscribe to the Universal view. She refuses to celebrate UC Foundation day, but does enjoy the Solomon festival in Akila. ( Earth equivelent US 4th July and UK Midsummer)

Which Deadly Sin do they most correspond to? Which Heavenly Virtue? Not catholic so closest might be wrath for her hatred of The Hunter. Virtue? Compassion.

If you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, which would it be? Strength: UPRIGHT: Strength, courage, persuasion, influence, compassion. REVERSED: Inner strength, self-doubt, low energy, raw emotion. Both aspects fit her. SOCIAL

How does your OC feel about their full name? They find it quite ironic their name means star, when they are in fact Starborn. But she loved when Sam called her his star, so she loves her name.

What do strangers notice about them first? Her eyes usually. they are very pale green and striking, usually accentuated with makeup to enhance them. next would be her hair colour, which is usually unnatural.

How does their social personality differ from how they act when they’re alone? In her OG verse she comes across as polite and professional to strangers but also empathetic due to her natural ability. As The Marshall once said, she could sell dirt to a dusty (aka miner.) She's quite chatty and enjoys company. Alone, she talks to herself whilst doing things and especially now as Starborn where she finds herself alone a lot she often sings to herself. (the Guardian ship has great acoustics she'd found.

How do they act around a crush? She was smitten the first moment she saw Sam and worked very hard to make sure he got her signals. But always behaved as a friend would to him, just now and then dropping hints that she was interested.

Do they have a “tell” for when they’re lying? No, she has a killer 'poker face'. If only she knew how to play poker. But It's how she was able to fool the Crimson Fleet when she went undercover in them, playing them whilst taking their support from them. She enjoyed being the Mantis in her OG verse, seeing as much like one of her favourite earth movies Atomic Blonde.

What do they smell like? In the OG verse, her signature scent was amber, Akilan bloodrose and vanilla. She's been told she now has a incense like scent they can't place. She wonders if all Starborn smell like that?

What is their hair texture like? Very straight, silky thick hair.

How much jewelry do they wear, and do they have a favorite or distinguishing piece? She wears two sets of little hoops in each ear, which she gets redone every universe. She once had a platinum wedding ring, made from metal she mined.

Do they have a word or phrase that they tend to overuse? My Sam.....

What is a weird quality that they have (ie their hands are always cold, they’re always hungry, they snort when they laugh, etc)? Apart from the fact they are a being beyond space and time now? ... They have a high tolerance for alcohol, it seems even more so now as Starborn.

What color do they look strikingly good in? Deep dark red or teal blue. But they look and feel great in black. Andreja would be proud.

How do they show affection to someone they love? Small touches of affection, making them a hot drink when they wake up, Finding them little gifts that mean something personal to them. Having a secret language that includes jokes only they get. Always having their back.

Do they make strong/frequent eye contact when they talk to someone? Yes. Their eyes often reflect the emotion of the person they are talking too.

What attributes do they have that are inherited from their parents or shared with their siblings/other relatives? Courage and stubborness, compassion and empathy (the latter from her mother. )

Are their greatest flaw and their greatest strength related and in what way? (ie very caring and helpful but a doormat, or very observant and shrewd but often paranoid) Being stubborn can be both an asset and a flaw!

How has their childhood affected the way they view an aspect of their life (people, education, society, themselves, etc)? She saw the two main factions of the Settled Systems as a child and how it treated a child, so as much as she is more a Freestar supporter she knows it isnt perfect. She was often alone and is cautious about making friends although she desperatly wants companionship.

[bridgyrose]

Ruby starts to call Cinder her "Sin-a-min stick" and Cinder gets annoyed with her girlfriend.

“I love you sin-a-min stick.” 

Cinder paused for a moment as she tried to process what she had just heard. “What did you call me?” 

Ruby grinned a bit. “I called you my sin-a-min stick.” 

“Is that because of the sweet heat you feel every time we kiss?” Cinder asked as she kissed Ruby. “The lingering spice that you know you love?” 

“That might be part of it, but mostly because I feel like I’m sinning every minute I’m around you. Get it? Sin-a-min, sin a minute?” 

Cinder’s smirk dropped to disbelief as she watched Ruby put up a big grin and make finger guns at her. She pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a heavy sigh. “Just like your sister, arent you?” 

“She thought it was good and Weiss laughed at it when I ran it by her.” Ruby leaned into Cinder. “Besides, maybe it’ll stick.” 

Cinder rolled her eyes and pushed Ruby off the couch. “No.” 

“Ow!” Ruby rubbed her back and giggled. “Okay, I deserve that. But I can totally come up with worse pet names for you.” 

“I’m going to regret this, but try me.” 

“Firestarter. Ashes. My loving campfire-” 

“Okay okay, you win.” Cinder sighed and moved over on the couch to give Ruby some room. “Sin-a-min stick can stay. Still terrible.” 

Ruby got up and sat down next to Cinder. “Okay, then you give me a terrible pet name.” 

“You know I dont do those.” 

“There’s a first time for everything.” 

“And I’d still rather not.” Cinder sighed and pulled Ruby close to her, mechanical fingers resting against her girlfriend’s thigh. “Besides, you know our relationship isnt exactly like that.” 

“I know, but that doesnt mean you cant have fun with it.” 

“I call you my girlfriend, isnt that enough?” 

Ruby sighed. “Alright, if that’s enough, then I’ll accept it.” 

Cinder nodded and tried to relax, her fingers clicking as she moved them down Ruby’s leg. “I do see you as more than a friend, and while I’ve managed to talk myself into allowing myself to call you my girlfriend, we both know that title is only for show.” 

Ruby nodded and turned around to look at Cinder, a soft smile on her lips. “Then I’ll accept what we have and what you’re willing to call me.” 

Cinder nodded, then winced as her prosthetic started to tighten up, her fingers growing stiff and no longer moving. She quickly moved herself and used her other hand to loosen the prosthetic and take it off. “Stupid arm…” 

Ruby’s smile slowly faded. “Giving issue again? Didnt we just have Doctor Polendina look at it?” 

“Yeah.” Cinder finally unlatched the arm from her and sighed as she made her way to the table. “But you know how our missions go and the strain aura puts on this. Even the best made prosthetics cant handle the abuse we give them.” 

“Then… maybe its time you retire.” 

Cinder paused in her step and slowly looked over at Ruby. “Retire?” 

Ruby nodded and sat up. “You’re always going off on dangerous missions for Ironwood and Ozpin, and this is the fifth time we’ve needed to get your arm looked at and… maybe… its time for my sin-a-min stick-” 

“No, I’m not going to retire. I know I’m disabled, but I can still do the job.” 

“And what happens if you lose another limb out there?” 

Cinder sat down at the table and started to take her prosthetic apart. “Then… that’s a bridge we cross when we get there.” 

“But Cinder-” 

“We both know the dangers of being huntresses. Its what we signed up for.” 

“And I refuse to lose you like I lost my mom!” 

Cinder tensed up a bit and slowly looked over towards Ruby, who was trying to hold back a few tears. “Ruby…” 

“Do you realize how much you worried me when you lost your arm in the first place? Yang lost hers while trying to keep a village safe, but she at least had the rest of us to back her up. But you… you went off on your own for Ironwood and I didnt hear back from you until you were in the hospital getting patched up. And you still dont talk about what happened out there.” 

“Because it doesnt concern you right now.” Cinder sighed and looked back at her arm, her other hand shaking as she tried to unscrew one of the panels to the arm. In the back of her mind, she could hear Tyrian taunting her about Ruby as she tried to keep herself steady. “I’m… not ready to talk about it yet. But when I am-” 

“Its been five years, Cin. When will you be ready?” 

“Maybe when all of this is over.” 

Ruby frowned and then sat down again. “You know I worry about you.” 

“I know.” Cinder pulled the panel off her arm and started to look over the wires to make sure nothing was frayed. “Things are… complicated and the last thing I need is for you to get involved with this.” 

“Are you ever going to tell me what you’re involved with?” 

“You know what sounds good right now?” Cinder quickly started to patch her arm back up and re-attach it to her. “Pizza. I’ll go pick some up. You’re still a fan of that weird anchovy one, right?” 

“You’re changing the subject.” 

Cinder grabbed her coat and put it on. “Pizza first, then I’ll tell you everything. Deal?” 

Ruby nodded. “Fine.” 

[skybristle]

19 + 23

since u didn't specify i'll do whoever first comes to mind with the question

19 - Does your iterator know who Sliver of Straw is? If so, what do they think of her?

sparks: i think it's interesting because she's basically the only iterator in bh who's still really commited to the great problem after mass ascension [starlight and ash were pretty diligent too but broke off after the ancients left].

it's mainly out of *needing* something to do to distract herself from the pain and the itchiness in her expanded structure. and she's always been a Very innovative and unique thinker, she is genuinely somehwat famous for pioneering a lot of methods and etc that iterators use while iterating. always coming up with new things, always thinking. and i think thats kind of a manifestation of how desprate she is to be free of her pain and escape. she needs out of this can she needs out of this body and it all hurts and she needs *out*, she needs ascension, she needs to leave all this pain behind. if only there was a perfect string of code to execute to do so. and that's exactly what sliver found.

sparks probably WAS one of the people combing through her remains, desprately, desprately trying to find something. as cycles passed and nobody found anything conclusive and that flare of hope began to die.

i honestly think that hopelessness and that denial of an escape and sparks beginning to realize oh god this might all be for nothing and i might never find a way out is what slowly begins her spiral into wrath and eventual violence in an attempt to make it stop hurting.

oops i just talked about sparks. i love you sliver of straw go make my girl worse

23 - When using overseers, what is your iterator's favorite thing to watch/look at?

chimes: there's a slugcat colony near his can he fucking LOVES watching. just. watching them do their thing. the colony trusts him and doesnt' mind him around so his overseers are even allowed to see The Tiniest Babies and yes chimes exlodes into tears every time. theyre so little. So microscopic and weenie. Single celled ass organisms like those really fucked up baby kittens. he just really appreciates their way of life and in a way his relationship with them reminds him of that with his citizens who he misses dearly and used to spend much of his time observing and helping. his overseers also probably act similar to the tutorial one in that it tries to help slugcats find food, warn them of danger or approaching rain, etc etc. he archives and catalougues a lot of the slugcats and their victories and liniages, just as he once would for the citizens of chorus. the local colony is actually quite developed since they refuse to 'leave chimes behind' [as they believe his immobility is something like a disability]

he also does like scavs though they just don't enter his can so he hasn't gotten as close to them. finds their soceities interesting to observe though....

[deerdecay]

google: what to do when you're about to fucking snap

[cloudywithchanceofrainestorm]

Honestly "Thems the breaks, kid" just made me realize how truly selfish and impulsive Lilith was when she cursed Eda.

Just the fact that, when they had to duel for the emperors coven, instead of talk to her sister about it she immediately jumped to "Im gonna loose if i dont do anything." Like she immediately threw her sisters wellbeing out the window when it suited her.

But its even worse when you consider that the consequences of her curse went way beyond just her individual magical ability.

As a result of Eda's curse:

Eda attacked their father, causing him to become disabled and no longer be able to work

Their mother became a victim to medical scams, using family heirlooms and going on dangerous jouneys to try and cure her daughter

The pervious two situations caused Eda to run away from home at a very young age, making her look out for herself at way to young of an age.

Ruined her relationship with Raine, the only friend she had aside from Lilith she had (and her one true love)

Made her isolate from anything and everything until she found king (and by that point she was middle aged)

By all account Eda's life was considerablly more miserable then it had to be. And sure there was no way that lilith could of known the curse would of caused these things, cause she didnt understand how the curse worked in the first place. By all accounts she seemed to think that the consequences of this would be as far as making Eda slightly weaker so she could win that duel, not life altering.

Don't get me wrong, this isnt an anti lilith post by any means, cause this makes perfect sense given her situation at the time.

Lilith was a youngish teenager, who felt ignored by her mother and undermined (unintentionally) by her sister. Of course shes gonna make a stupid mistake like this. I can remember so many times as a younger teen i made horrible mistakes that blew up in my face because I couldnt fathom consequences past the end of that week.

Lilith making one singular mistake, that then snowballed into several mistakes, is something that happens with kids her age so often. Because of this it's far more forgivable that it would be for anyone else.

However, what if far less forgivable is her actions as an adult.

Lilith didnt tell anyone that she was the one to curse Eda, most likely out of shame. But that sense of superiority over her still exsisted through out season 1. Lilith couldnt help but feel smug that she was in a position of high respect while Eda was a pursued criminal.

But even with her higher position, she can't capture Eda. All her effort means nothing because in the grand-scheme of things, Eda is still the more powerful witch, even while cursed.

In their battle at the end of season 1, Lilith still needs to resort to trickery in order to win (by capturing luz), and when she screams out "Then why were you so easy to curse!" In response to Eda saying she is better than her, alot of people pointed out that Eda was both sleeping in her own bed and also trusted lilith because shes her damn sister.

Lilith wants to be seen as a powerful witch, but she keeps having to resort to trickery to achieve it. And experienceing the curse first hand throughout season 2 definitely works to humble her, as she finally stops focusing on whether shes a failure or not and instead focuses on developing personal relationships to enrich her

By "Elsewhere, Elsewhen" shes finally realized that she doesnt need to be told shes great to be happy, becoming suspicious of Philip Wittebitch when he starts telling her what she wants to hear.

Honestly this went from "Eda's curse really messed her up huh" to "The life and times of Lilith Clawthorn" and i ain't sorry.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. no but fr why would rachel set up artemis as persephone's first real friend but then quickly undermine it for eros of all ppl (who basically drugged her and had her kidnapped???) and random nymphs like daphne and now just spends all her time shitting on artemis for not being omnipresent and not kissing hera and hades' feet any chance she gets? like oh no, artemis is her own character, doest know whats happening bc no one tells her, & doesnt follow hades & co's status quo, shes so awful for that!

2. the "immortal dating pool" also isnt small lmao?? like oceanus alone has 3k daughters and 3k sons, any several other gods and goddesses have innumerable children and descendants fairly large, especially compared to other pantheons. LO too even shows there even MORE nymphs and creatures than actual myth so the dating pool is even bigger?? that excuse is so stupid because its like "oh hades had no choice but to date a 19 year old!" like ok thats his problem then?? get immoral tinder, you weirdo??

3. I think a big test of actual representation is see if you remove it from the story that is suddenly breaks the story and/or character. If it doesn’t break anything and can be reminded with no fuss, then it’s not representation. Let’s try it with LO;

- the only mention of Eros being bi was cut as a deleted scene and only put on twitter, so it’s not even in the text. Echo and Hera is not a couple that affects the story, so it can be removed easily. Athena and Hestia have importance in the maiden society, but their relationship can easily be removed as well. So LGBTQ+ rep is not in LO.

- Psyche being a woman of color is purely aesthetics, so that could be cut and effect nothing in the story. So BIPOC representation is not in LO.

- Hephaestus’ disability has no effect on the story or his character. I’ll say it counts on a technicality, but I doubt any actual amputee feels “seen” with how LO depicts him. He’s is merely a pawn over an actual character.

- The only body diverse characters are nameless nymphs, so they could also be cut with no problem. Body diversity is also not in LO.

I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting, but it seems LO is stacking up to be a very white, very straight, very un-diverse work. 

4. its wild an excuse for the age gap is "well rachel HAD to keep it that way it was that way in the myths" like first off no it wasnt?? persephone in the myths is OLDER than athena and artemis so if theyre adults persephone would be older, but second rachel changed so much about it that even if that big of an age gap was myth canon (its not) then what excuse is there for her to not make her 119? 1019? she changed everything else, why would that have to keep that the same then? make it make sense.

5. One of the biggest failings in LO is it refuses to let Persephone grow up. If she confronted she has darkness in her, then that's a huge sign of her accepting who she is and maturing, but the narrative actively doesn't let her do this, and Persephone does nothing but let herself be coddled by everyone else and be passive. She doesn't stand up to Demeter, to Hera, not even to Hades. She is not allowed to grow up, and she doesn't want to change that. How is this suppose to be our Dread Queen?

6. thats also it too. i dont think rachel is very comfortable (nor has the skill) to depict serious moments with the nuance they need. she did it a few times in s1 (the assault and the birdcage specifically) but it seems the farther into it she gets, the more she undercuts serious moments with her "humor" to keep the mood up. i get why she does this, but the mood swings are very jarring, and it just makes it seem like she doesnt actually care and theyre just there for "serious" points and that's it

7. im not giving her the pageviews but yall best be lying rachel is not seriously using ARTEMIS to blame for persephone's mass murder too?? in what way??

From OP: Hades used Artemis/Apollo’s AoW as an example/defense as to why Persephone should get a light punishment. However, it still fails to take into account that:

Artemis and Apollo didn’t cover up their AoW and did talk to Zeus, Persephone’s was covered up. Zeus even said it’s more about the cover up than the AoW.

Persephone hid from the law and used the Olympus Underworld treaty to keep herself there. (I can’t really see her in a sympathetic light after she tried to avoid the consequences of her actions in the first place. NOW, she wants to take accountability and yet it took her mom being taken in and the court date being announced to do so.)

There was a river of souls for Persephone’s AoW vs the 13 Artemis/Apollo killed.

That’s not a good comparison.

-----FP Spoilers/Mention-----

8. if rachel seriously throws leto under the bus to write herself out of apollo r//ping persephone i might actually lose it. you dont get to claim youre the beacon of feminism and care so much about empowering women when you take a victim of attempted assault in mythology and instead use her to excuse and "redeem" a r//pist in your stupid story because you were too arrogant to think about any of the fallouts from your stupid story and hamfisted plot ideas your tumblr fans suggested in 2017. 

9. FP// Why are the comments more angry at Hades being upset over P being assaulted than him overstepping his boundaries, eavesdropping on P when she thought she was in private, and forcing her to tell him about her assault when she wasn't comfortable with doing so? He forced her to tell him about something she was not ok with doing so and SHE's framed as the one who needs to claim Hades down. There's so much in that scenario to call him out for (like his weird controlling ways) over his reaction??

10. listen yall even the most functional couples ever still have disagreements and fights. the fact lo hades saw persephone turn his ex into a plant right in front of him and nearly killed her w/ no pushback or even reaction and she has to put up with his temper tantrums and treat him like a child to claim him down is so?? yall both suck so bad sorry to say.

[monstrouslyobsessed]

—asks on beastfolks

well, i didn’t expect to get so many asks on beastfolks but i’m also happy yall are interested!

HYENA MOMMY~~~ I know that I prob have mommy issues but god the image of the hyena matriarch doming me just drives me insane... like can ya imagine hyena mommy to instruct the rest of the pack on how to pleasure their darling~~ then when darling is exhausted she would take them herself... lord oh my —anonymous

LOL well, im not sure if it would be lady hyena’s thing, since she probably doesn’t like sharing her darling (hyenas get pretty aggressive toward each other within their own pack iirc, typically over food and power struggles)—but this isn’t to say that it’s not a thing in other packs/tribes! some tribes just might require the leader to share their own darling too as part of their traditions. 

bet it’d be more common with dog and wolf beastfolk, but i wouldn’t be surprised to see something like this with feline, bears, birds, etc. 

this question is more of a curiosity, if you want you don't need to answer 🤗. what is the body type and height of the species/ tribes of beastfolks? —anonymous

uhhh, they’re pretty diverse tbh, and a few would probably have illnesses of their own that would affect their body shapes—like some of us has.

however, you would rarely see a, ah, heavy body shape in a very active tribe, at least those who lives in the wilderness anyway. you might see sickly skinny fews though, because with some tribes living in the wild and having to hunt, its the survival of the fittest, and they probably wouldn’t have doctors who would understand the issues.

most tribes tends to take care of every one member though (as long as they contributed to their society in some form, disabled, elderly, and ill members included), so very few tribes would’ve forced their members to survive on their own and those are the tribes you would probably want to avoid at all costs regardless.

in more urban settings, you’ll see all sorts of body types though since even the beastfolks will eat junk foods and drink sodapops and alcohol.

that said, most the beastfolks are actually much bigger than humans are, both in height and in size. the biggest ones (on land) are usually bears, deer, horses, and whatnot. of course there *are* exceptions where some beastfolks are just born freakishly small (because like us, they have genetic faults too).

again, they are as diverse as we are, although there are some consistencies lol

```When human is pregnant, the ‘humanfuckers’ become overprotective ? when someone tries to touch the baby bump would they growl? do they get possessive?Would they only let someone stay close to their human up to a certain distance (like never too close)?```💋 —anonymous

depends! most of them would probably be fine if its other family member/someone in their pack and sometimes friends (if they ask for permissions first). if its a stranger (doesnt matter if human or beastfolk, we all have those assholes) then yeah, they’re getting some teeth snapping and rising fur actions.

i imagine they would only get bad if they’re in a public setting filled with unknown people tbh, like…public buses or in malls. 

i’m sure it’s becoming a general thumb of rule in the modern society to keep distance from a beastfolk and their mate, especially if they’re visibly pregnant. fyi there are afab beastfolks with amab darlings, so it won’t be rare common sights to see a pregnant beastfolk with their mate too—just don’t expect their human to do the snarling, its usually the beastfolk being extremely territorial of their mate and their unborn baby/ies regardless of what gender they’re passing as.

```what would ‘ humanfuckers’ do if they saw their human looking at television and blushing because they're looking at a very attractive actor?```👀 —anonymous

depends tbh, some would’ve shrug it off, others though would’ve taken it as a challenge to reassure their dominances over their darling.

“good thing we don’t know them, otherwise you’d be right underneath me and be humiliated in front of them right now, right here~”

beastfolks Owners would do Tik tok challenge with their pets humans ? The Beastfolks would have their own version of YouTube and social Media? ❤️ —anonymous

internet does exist, yes! humans are the ones who invented it/computers still though (which was one of many reasons why humans still get some independences, because of their intelligences—beastfolks generally dont see them as emotionally intelligent though but i digress since thats for another post). so, i do imagine there would be prominent humanfucker cultures online, debates, memes, and pron of all kinds included (yes, pron, you can expect a lot of them via sex videos, animations, comics, novels, etc.).

heck, internet is probably where the term humanfuckers came from, since the original term was probably something like human lovers or a bit more innocuous—or actual slur of some kind. humanfuckers landed on between the two but was largely embraced by the beastfolks community in spite of that.

so, yes, there are youtube, social media, tiktok, whatever, and yes, you’ll see a bunch of humanfucker memes on all of those lol

free to ignore this but in the future will you write more about Beastfolks OCs or not? —anonymous

i still need to write the lioness! i always wanted to try and write her, especially since she’s a trans. i’m just vvvv nervous on writing her while still casting a very respectful light even in pron though. so, it’s something i’m still chewing on.

as for actual…normal everyday characters (since lady hyena and the lioness are both politicians fighting for human rights—read, their mates’ rights lol), i have couple in mind i’ve been tossing around but nothings too solid yet. on most parts, pretty much all of the followings are just one-off characters.

—wolf (he/him) and rabbit (they/them) (or lamb? havent decide yet), wolf purchased a human (afab) to breed with since his submissive rabbit spouse couldnt give him cubs/kits. rabbit didn’t really approve. upset, the rabbit took it out on the human when the wolf was out and absent and soon realized the beauty in breeding with the human. the wolf was pleased by the outcome. noncon, more than one.

—bull dilf (he/him), already a father of a handful who long since moved out and started their own lives, was feeling empty nest since he lost his wife years ago. impulsively, he went out and brought himself a human (afab) to keep as a pet—but wounded up finding himself wanting to be a father again and bred the human. noncon? big dicc.

—bear (she/her) brought home a human (afab?) she found lost in the woods to her adult daughters. noncon, more than one, probably some incest.

there’s also tribal beastfolk members i also wanted to touch on too + a skittish beastfolk produced from a human taking their own human.

so yeah, i would love to write more of beastfolks! so hopefully, i’ll get around on writing more of them (or at least lady hyena and lioness) sooner or later.

whewwww, so many…but so fun! feel free to send more questions in! doesn’t have to be about beastfolks ofc can be on any of my other ocs too <3

[caffeinated-chaos-bean]

Posting this here because I feel...idk... like I'd be more likely to get ask advice sent in here rather than my personal blog???

I just was asked soemthing that... it really tears at my heart.

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For context, a friend of mine recently went through a similar breakup to what I did. Different circumstances leading up to it, mind you, but same end result: BF not wanting to talk out issues with GF, ultimately leading to an arguement, a tantrum on BF's part that ended with him leaving, and their relationship ultimately over.

In a nutshell, BF not wanting to communicate and work through issues similarly to what my fiance did before he moved out and ended our relationship.

Now... this week, she and I are planning to hang out. I want to check up on her and make sure she is okay, because she's been with her now-ex since 2017. She's been with him for 5 years, so obviously she's extremely down and also has her own me that health struggles added added that.

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Tonight...I got a message from her... and she was asking for a huge favor.

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This favor... was asking if she can love in with me and my mom.

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Her ex can afford their apartment on his own, whereas she cannot.

She's offering to pay rent, to do the driving needed when we get grocieres...

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But theres a few issues...

We don't have a very big "house". It's a trailer. It's a 30+ year old trailer. And it's small.

On top of this, we are still getting our house in order after my ex pretty much left it trashed and cramped. I mean... some of his shit is still in my closet because he just up and left it.

I'm still sleeping on the floor. We sont have a space for her to sleep unless unless she is okay with sleeping on a broken, torn, and overall gross couch that we technically have to get rid of whenever we have the funds and can get around to it...

My mom also is trying to get social security (disability). We already don't know how it will go given I still live with her and have an income of my own, paying for everything that's in her name with my money. We don't know if that will be a roadblock for my mom being able to get her own income lest she "leave me out" of things, if you get my meaning.

And the last issue (that pops to the forefront of my mind that is) would be that of my mom's response. I do plan to being the queation to her, but... I'm scared of her reaction. The entirety of my ex living here started well and and slowly delved into emotional and mental abuse from all three of us going at each other and my mom eventually not really eating and constantly saying she's not even at home in her own house house that she may as well sell it or give up and die. It's dramatic, yes, but all of us were at each other's throats essentially. It wasn't pretty, it was chaos. With this experience having ended just... what, not even half a year ago? Maynbe 3 or 4 months?? I don't know how my mom is going to take the idea of someone moving in with us yet again.

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And as for my friend, she does t have family in town anymore. Her parents left for Texas, her grandma with dementia lives way out of town in a place that's way too dangerous and she herself doesnt want to move to, for her own safety and mental health.

She has no where to go. Quite literally. And if she ends up being kicked out without somewhere she can go, she becomes part of our state's growing homeless population and I don't want that for her.

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This is why I ask for advice. I don't know what to do. She isn't isn't ex, she's also not a guy, so it would jsut be me, my mom, and her. Us three girls...

I want to tell her yes, I want my mom to say yes... and as I said, despite the fear of her reaction I do plan to ask my mom tomorrow as it's pretty late tonight.

But I want to know what all of you would do. What you guys would do to ha dle this type of queation in the circumstances that I'm in as is with my mom.

Her paying rent and being a second income with her own vehicle and license would help, after all I have to get orthodontic work done eventually. I've had to take each of my cats to the vet every other week, one by one, since the last week of September and that's a huge cost on one sole income (paid barely minimum wage, $14 per hour). Her paying rent, along with me still giving my mom bill money from my paycheck, would allow her to pay larger portions of our bills and we'd be able to get stuff doen that my mom.and i alone would t be able to do... such as fixing our dryer, fixing our propane heater, etc. Plus, my friend has OCD. She's willing to clean, which is a major difference from my ex who would leave used forks and bowls around the house, left our white stove top black from not waning after cooking, and being the reason we had to throw out our cookware and buy a new set. With her and I paying stuff together we could maybe get our septic looked at and get it fixed so our toilet doesn't whistle every time it gets flushed.

Plus it would get her away from her ex and into somewhere with a better environment.

I just... with what hapoened before with my ex, I have no idea how to do this...to ask my mom...I need advice...

[lostinyourdreams]

Soul Weaver headcanons

I strongly think that she is albino, it just makes sense to me since in her original skin her eyes are red- 

She can get out of her “soul weaver costume”(aka the big metalic spider one) but its very rare to see her out of it since its her comfort zone

Will only get out of it around the people she is very close with but taking her mask off around you means that she trusts you with her life

She eats in her room rather than at the dinner table for obvious reasons-

I think she is actually alive compared to the other hunters which leads most hunters to think she is weaker than them 

Has horrible night terrors that keep her up half the night resulting into her having bags under her eyes 

She sleeps hugging a dummy made out of her own thread (kinda like young kids sleep with a teddy bear) hoping it would help her not have any nightmares 

Extremely insecure about herself, at the circus she had always been told she is less than a human and people only were curious about her because of her disabilities 

She doesnt properly take care of herself since she never really knew how, she just does the bare minimum that kept her alive until now 

She always puts up a happy facade around people but would occasionally crack 

She tears herself down if she messes up first before actually training to do better

She is very naive because of her childhood and illiterate. She will believe 100% of whatever you say and will feel betrayed if you lied to her 

Has trust issues and a bit of anxiety, she feels like everyone will leave her if she messes up so she never allows herself to do mistakes. 

Sometimes she will spare survivors or let them go with a draw. Especially if the survivor is Andrew, he is a freak like her and they didnt have the best upbringing so she feels like she relates to him a lot 

Affection starved. If anyone even gives her a pet on the head she will feel overjoyed and would cherish that moment for months 

She is a people pleaser, thats all she did her whole life, pleasing ringmasters. 

Despite not having a good upbringing she still tries to give the children of the manor happy memories, she will play with Robbie (axe boy) whenever he wants, help Galatea (Sculptor) with whatever she needs and try to take care of Yima when Yidhra isnt looking (of course Yidhra always catches her doing so and scolds her) 

She makes everybody sweaters for winter? She makes everybody sweaters for winter.

She also gifts everybody plushies, she just places them in front of their door and waits to see their reaction 

[dailyandrewandaaron]

Could you maybe write something post-canon where Neil’s ableism comes up and he and Andrew have to sort of navigate it’s effects on their relationship/have some type of discussion over it? Or alternately if you’d rather not, something about bi Katelyn?

not quite that but heres something about ableism 

-

Its not the words so much that bothers Andrew but the silence that always followed them .  

Renee would only smile placidly when Allison named him monster and nobody challenged her but instead took it up for their own use

Aaron would offer no defence when he was named crazy only shrugging as if it was an indisputable truth

kevin raised no objections when he was called joyless , empty , agreeing that he had no purpose in life beyond himself

nicky would laugh  in the same breath as saying he was soulless  as if it was an in joke between them

Neil  did this too  - yes even him

He would later denounce their attitudes one by one pretending to be shocked theyd treat andrew so -  but it was hollow coming from him -knowing  before  their first meeting even he was already psychotic midget and this  is what he would remain -  even after - even when it means something

now - andrew wouldve been fine with a legacy of fear if that was all it was  but it was not  -  not  if he - not if he was - a midget - . yes , thats what cements it , what caused them to hold  him apart  from and below them - it shows  in their eyes - his lack of humanity -  

is he a threat or  is he a joke ? oh , certainly he is both-  they are afraid of him but they show him no respect  

he is that sort  of monster . The kind that  isnt only feared  it is  also pitied. the sort where people think it is a cruelty that he even  lives at all - being what he is  

they call him ruthless  to his face and whisper  midget behind his back

sometimes its  the other way  around  

and that is almost worse

. andrew encased himself with mystery and aggression hoping he could inspire enough fear that his height was never made light of in this way.  

his brother shared this particular burden . Aaron shouldered it by being unpleasant enough that he avoided the types who  would think to patronise in that sickening way due  to their stature  and by commiserating his lack of presence with the fact he was spared the condemnation of being the evil twin -  being short on its own is not monster  worthy status

being short and - crazy - well theres no hope for you there

kevin of all  of them knows the best the feeling , Kevin has words of his own . launched at him from the catapult of ignorance and prejudice  cripple, retard handicapped  he recognises the ripple of pain that surges through him when wymacks  mouth form the words

 Its the same as goes through his own body when neil says psycho , 

when Aaron says evil , 

when nicky says soulless , 

Allison says monster

- Yet Kevin does not defend him. He likes it that  he is one step above him this way.

You have two hands you only have one brain.

Neil in their secret moments tells him he is not worthless that he alone is his love but he never takes back those earlier words never soothing the wounds they made. Neil wont take any of it back

Its his own fault Neil says for not telling them the way it was,  for not explaining- because of course ,of course it needed explaining. This couldnt just be accepted

-but you see  Neil that he is andrew minyard .His reputation went before him . He was monster before he'd even arrived.

You could fight that or you could embrace that and  use  it as your shield . andrew chose the latter.

it kept people off his back at least

He'd known that Aaron was afraid of him skirting around his presence keeping Kevin or Nicky between them pausing before he got into the car hiding and suppressing his other relationships to not raise his ire. His brother who loved him enough to kill still found him a danger

Nicky who had left a happy life for him who had stayed without a deal and didn't leave the moment he could. Nicky  who spent years trying to keep them safe who had sacrificed for them. He believed it too or he had  no scruples in pretending and laughing about how he was soulless. This is a deeper insult from Nicky who actually believed in souls but long ago he'd given up the thought that Andrew would be hurt by such a thing. When things are said to nicky andrew says dont use that word but when things are said to andrew nicky doesnt intervene

Renee is stronger than him. Her fight methods are better. she knows that. She is teaching him he doesn't scare her in the way he scared the others but still she treats him delicate like he'd explode if she pushed too far. She has no problem fighting him but she is afraid not for herself but that one day he would betray her trust and use her careful teaching against those she protected. She would take Allisons side of course she had done before - she stays quiet when allison rants about him

Allison knew him the least but claimed she knew him the best. When you are already  monster , as in her eyes he was ,every thing you do becomes monstrous. She expected nothing less of him. Of course he would be violent . of course he would hurt her .he is a monster

Matt had reason enough he supposed to revile him though he had helped in the long run he distrusted him. Thinks he would hurt Neil. As if he would. A if he would do the one thing that would destroy him. But of course of course Andrew doesn't feel things. people were collected if they were useful. Matt was not useful enough and so he was not chosen. this is how he views it. Doesn't know why beautiful Neil would chose such a strange and damaged person as Andrew. He thinks Neil is an innocent and knows not the darkness of his soul which is assumptions in itself

Dan - he did not know truly what Dan thought of him but it was not warmly. She viewed  him as something to be handled to be put up with to reach a higher goal. His skills were needed his person was not. She kept him and his at arms length enough to say I'm not with them. Now there was a them and he was their leader. She left him alone which he was grateful for but she doesn't bring him in doesn't let him close she doesn't want to hear his voice she doesn't think the psychotic midget has anything useful to say

Seth was his least favourite and that was no secret. He was prejudice in a very boring way. Just the kind that hated those who were not like him and didn't care enough to change that. He hated Kevin the most but andrew , was a close second. His ideas about life having value  didnt extend to the likes of Andrew Nicky and Kevin. Not even Aaron was normal enough for him.

Wymack was a rare thing in Andrews life a older man that he trusted. That he could trust with his family. He knew that wymack would not hurt him -not physically. Nobody thinks Andrew cares what he is called. Wymack didn't hate Andrew he knew that . wymack was actually rather fond of him but he never stoped  using the words.

perhaps you know such a word. it burns deep into your body .It's not icy the shock of it, its hot , white hot. The word is such a noise that it fills you to your lungs.

It drowns you in hot water and you can hardly breathe. He doesn't know if wymack believes the words he calls him but he doesn't stop. He can't say they hurt for it would break the illusion. If they knew Andrew could be hurt by words then it's all over for him he might as well put a knife into his own belly .So  Andrew knows it wont stop .

Wymack would scoff if he ever mentioned ableism. It sounds made up but it surely is not.

Neil would tell him there's no such thing -but how would he know? The only other disabled person he knows is kevin whom he'd called a cripple.

I don't hate disabled people neil would say and  genuinely believe thats enough  That that's the most he can give. Andrew supposed that is what most people think is the best they can do.

that's not what ableism is anyway. Well. it is. but that's not all.

Andrew knew ableism well

The word is new to him but the feeling is not

The experience of it is nothing new

Andrew knows ableism  is not just hate  ignorance and prejudice. It's is not just violence. It is not just fear of the unknown.

Although it is all those things It is also choosing not to acknowledge the difficulties you face .

Choosing not to stop using the words.

Choosing to laugh and not to listen

Choosing not to care because it isnt about you

It is when you are hurt and nobody does anything because nobody thinks that's a thing that could hurt.

When you are hurt physically and everybody shrugs that's just how it is for people like you

You are different so your pain is not important because most can ignore it.

It is the silence that follows the slurs when not one single person says you shouldnt say that

Not your brother.

Not your cousin.

Not your boyfriend.

Nobody

Such is ableism.

when nobody raises it because nobody believes there is such a thing

So it continues unchallenged

because .

Well None of us were offended

say the abled bodied team members 

[concentrateandpush]

Lauren had worked in the fast food restaurant for 4 years, her and Dan were studying the same degree. Sometimes Dan would come and eat before the end of shift so they could walk home together. She was the girl next door and they'd lived next to each other their whole lives.

They were best friends, always had been, but one night when the families had a barbeque, both Lauren and Dan had a little too much to drink and ended up sleeping together, nothing more was said and they kind of forgot about it, despite it being both of their first times.

It was getting late and Lauren was sweeping up and in scrolled Dan, he was wearing his typical attire, a check shirt, jeans and DMs. The shoes were something that him and Lauren shared a love of.

"Hey hey hey, could I get a cheese burger and fries with a coke please madam?" Dan asked hanging on to the bar weightlessly.

Lauren chuckled and replied with "Only if you'll walk me home" and with out hesitation, Dan bowed to imply yes.

Lauren had been getting so tired recently, her back was hurting and she constantly had headaches, she assumed this was because of college stresses. But today, she was feeling super crampy, she put it down to not having a period for so long as she had always suffered with irregularity.

"You dont look great Lau, are you ok?" Dan had picked up on her uncomfortable stature. "I guess, I think I just need a hot bath, not long anyway, 45 minutes left then I can leave" Lauren powered through until she went in to the kitchen and picked up a dust pan and brush. As she bent over she felt such a strong pain that she fell down on all fours "F*ck" she shouted, it was a pain she had never experienced before, like a cramp but with severe amounts of pressure.

Gordon, the chef, went over to Lauren and asked if she needed help, by which point Lauren was embarrassed and ran to the bathroom. She slammed door behind her and sat on the toilet seat looking at the mirror to pep talk herself.

"Hoo, okay, not long left then you can get out of here, get some pain killers, have a bath and chill out, you'll be fine, stop thinking about it and it'll go away it's just a period pain, it's been months, it'll all be ok" as she said the last word the pain came back, but somehow even stronger. "Ahh, shh, hoo hoo hoo" she couldnt understand what was happening but heard the bell go off for service, gathering herself and breathing through the pain, she ran out and grabbed Dan's meal and took it to his table.

"What's going on with you? You're sweating, you really dont look well, are you ok?" Dan knows Lauren so well, he can tell something isnt right. "Honest, I'm fine, girl troubles I think" Lauren laughs nervously and runs back to the bathroom to look at her period app. The app she uses tracks periods, ovulation and sex, so when she had sex with Dan it's logged in her diary.

She slept with him in January, her last period was two weeks before, that was 9 months ago. "No, no, no, f*ck" with the realisation of what's going on dawning on her. She locks herself in a cubicle and takes her fingers to her self and touches the area, inserting her fingers slowly to see if she feels anything, she questions whether or not she would be able to feel anything, would it be too early? She feels around forcing her fingers as high up as she can and she touches something, as she touches it, a load of water floods out of her.

"Oh f*ck, I need help, I need to call someone, stay calm, I'm so stupid, oh my god it hurts so bad" panting and crying, she gets her phone out and calls her best friend Sally, she always picks up first time, breathing as rhythmically as she can so when Sally picks up she can talk

"What up gurl" Sally answers.

"Ok I need you to not freak out" Lauren warns Sally.

"What's going on? Where are you?" Sally demands.

"Okay, I need you to listen. About 9 months ago, we had a barbeque and Dan came over, I may have had a few too many drinks and we kind of.."

Sally interrupts Lauren "Girl, tell me you didnt have sex with Dan?! Are you kidding me?"

"Yes, we had sex, but this is serious, how soon can you get to the diner?" Lauren asks.

"If it happened 9 months ago why.. is this a prank? Holy shit Lauren, are you having a baby?" Sally says, putting 2 and 2 together.

"Listen to me, come in through the back door, DO NOT speak to Dan if you bump into him, come straight to the bathroom, I'm in here and I need help, DO NOT bring anyone and do not tell mom or any of my brothers"

Sally doesnt even answer and hangs up, Lauren knows she is on her way. Breathing through the contractions, Lauren has so many things on her mind, where is the baby going to sleep? Should she call Dan in? Does she even want a baby? She rubs her underbelly and realises how much weight she had put on, having always been plus size, she never noticed any difference as her clothes were so baggy.

Ten minutes pass, the door slams open and she hears Sally "Lauren?" She slams every cubicle open and Lauren pushes her door wide. Shes sat on the toilet seat and her legs are wide open, she's in the disabled cubicle so there's loads of room for Sally to get in.

"How long have you known?" Sally asks, offended that he didnt tell her.

"I didnt, I had no idea until the water came out, I haven't even done a test, Sal please help, I can feel something up there, will you look? Is that awkward? F*ck here it comes again"

"Right, Lauren look at me, you can do this, yes it's scary, but I'm here and I'm not leaving. Open your legs up, breathe through the pain and let's see what's going on yeah?"

Sally takes her eyes of Lauren's sweaty, red face and looks between her legs, "oh my god Lauren, I can see the head, the head is coming out, have you been pushing?". "No, hooo hooo, I didnt know if I should, how far out is the head?" Lauren asks as she reaches down and feels the head poking out, "Sally, go and get Dan, I think he needs to be here" Lauren orders.

Sally gets up and goes to the door until Lauren shouts "Wait, please dont go, I need you here, ahh, I dont think I can do this, I dont think I can get it out" she's overwhelmed and frustrated. "Of course you can, you can do anything, here let's get you on the floor, I'll put down my coat, sit on this, get comfortable".

Lauren is half sat up and half lying down with her hands supporting her weight. "I think I should stand up" she says frustratedly. "Okay, maybe try squatting?" Sally suggests. Neither of these girls have even seen someone give birth let alone given birth themselves. "I need to scream, but I dont want anyone to hear, I need Dan".

Lauren starts actively trying to push out the baby, panting through the pain panting, pushing, panting and pushing until she feels the ring of fire. "Sally, rub it, It hurts to bad, rub the sides, please please. Hoo hoo hoo hoo, am I stretched out fully? Ahhhh nghh". "Stay calm, the heads nearly all out, you're doing so well, I'm rubbing around the head, does this help?" Lauren starts to run her fingers around the head with Sally. "I need to push more, nghhhh, hoo, ahhh AHHHH" pushing as hard as her body will let her, gritting her teeth, the whole head is out.

"Lau? Are you in here" Dan shouts from the outside of the door.

"Dan?! Come here, come in the bathroom, please, ahhhh, DAN" Lauren shouts, needing his support, begging for his help.

Dan comes in the bathroom and opens the door to the disabled cubicle to see Lauren, legs spread and his childs head hanging out of her. Lauren is surprised that he smiled excitedly firstly, then he kneels down and holds her hand "Is it mine?" He asks. "Yeah, it's yours" she smiles. "You should have told me, I would have helped you" he says with a frown on his face. "I didnt know, I had no idea, I.. ngh, ahh". "Come on, let's get this baby out" Dan orders.

"Come on, push as hard as you can, like you're going to the bathroom, come on, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. That's so good Lau, now try holding for 10" Dan guides her.

"How do you know that?" Sally asks, curiously.

"I helped my sister give birth to my nieces, the ambulance didnt come fast enough" Dan answers.

"Come on, push down here" Dan puts his finger where Lauren can push, "Let's do this, pushing after 3 for 10 seconds, come on".

"Ooooooooooooooooooo" Lauren is in the zone and is pushing, shes almost singing with the sounds she's making. "Well done, you're getting there, the shoulders are the hardest part, just concentrate and push, okay?"

Lauren nods and pushes down as hard as she can "nggggghhhh, get an ambulance, it's coming out" Sally runs out and tells the chef to call for an ambulance and runs back in as fast as she can "Mmmfffff, shit, whoooooo, AH shit". "You're doing so good, you're beautiful doing this, you got the shoulders out, let's just push now and it should just slide out".

With one last push the baby is out and Lauren and Dan are parents.

[thescarletsith]

I can only hope that this helps those who felt pain when finding out about the end of Rise of Skywalker. It was never about Kylo Ren getting what he deserved or seeking redemption, it was about ending the pain within Ben Solo. I had to find some sort of positive reasoning behind all of this before witnessing it for myself tonight.

SPOILERS AHEAD.

Any negative reason given for why Ben Solo deserved to die isn't convincing, because Ben didn't do any of those things.

He was born into a family of Legends; expectations were set for him before he could even talk. The truth of his grandfather was hidden from him by his family. Facts of his bloodline would have given him insight as to why he felt the way he did, but they were kept away from him, leaving him to feel completely alone with a growing pain inside of him that he couldnt confide with anyone about. His whole family was painted as a perfect, lightside, good guy team. Saviors. Warriors. Heroes. Legends. So how could it be possible for him to feel the conflict that he was trying to hide? He would never be good enough or strong enough to belong to this family. He grew up feeling worthless to his parents who were always gone. The only place he could find self-worth was the darkness reaching out to him, wanting to help him and show him how to end his pain. But he didn't want help, he wanted to do it on his own. He wanted to push through and make his family proud. And when he learned the truth about his grandfather being Darth Vader, (a truth which he learned through the government his mother worked with, NOT from his own family) the teachings of Jedi being good, peaceful people became a joke to him. Good people don't lie. Good people don't turn a blind eye to the suffering of someone they claim to love for the sake of their own desire of not having to address something they'd rather forget. And good people own up to their mistakes - they try to right their wrongs.

Nobody did that for Ben. They saw a darkness in him and chose to fear it instead of face it. They chose to train him and raise him to be what they considered "good". They chose to invade his thoughts during his sleep and make of it what they wanted, deciding on their own that he was destined to belong to darkness no matter what measures they took to prevent that from happening.

Ben saw Luke standing above him with every intention to murder him. So Ben defended himself, disabling Luke from hurting him. The emotions he was constantly burying pushed through to the surface - his own fear, loneliness, anger, and confusion. He had done everything asked of him. On the outside, he was everything they were trying desperately to create and yet... he still wasnt good enough.

And those voices that had been with him since he was born called to him to go and find his true ally - the one who would make him as strong and fearless as Darth Vader.

When the light betrayed Ben Solo, the darkness welcomed him with open arms. It comforted him, embraced him, and accepted him, thus rising the darkness that Ben Solo tried desperately to run from.

Kylo Ren, who was birthed from his parents carelessness towards him and his uncle's betrayal, killed Ben Solo. And though Kylo still felt the same as Ben, he was now being given what he believed to be genuine help to forever end the pain.

And that's all he ever really wanted.

He was manipulated into believing everything he was doing would eventually bring him the peace he craved. He was convinced what he was doing what was right. He was told that the darkness would give him all of the things his family never even attempted to. The dark side became the good side and the Jedi didnt deserve to exist anymore.

He's told that killing his past will allow him to become who he's always been meant to be, and since he has no idea who that is, he's willing to do whatever he has to in order to figure it out.

Then he meets Rey, who makes him realize Ben Solo isn't really dead and that Kylo Ren is just a mask he wears.

Then Rey defeats him in a duel, wielding his families lightsaber. What a slap in the face. Some random girl from a desert planet who has never trained her Force abilities, never really even knew she had these abilities until she met him, was never directly involved with any Jedi, and totally naive to everything she was able to do that he was put through hell and back to learn, just beat him with his own families weapon.

And instead of being sympathized with by the person who swore to help him since he was a kid, he's spit on about it. He was told none of the others ever faced such a task like he would when encountering his own father and by killing his father, reguardless of how he truly felt about it, he expected praise for doing what was suggested to have been the hardest thing he would ever have to do to prove himself worthy, yet he's spit on about it. He's back in the same neverending loop of being a disappointment.

His family saw darkness inside of him and the darkness saw his family inside of him. He couldn't win with either side.

So the Force gave him someone else to turn to, connecting him to this girl he should hate, but felt no hatred whatsoever towards. Instead, he was intrigued by their bond, impressed by her strength, and comforted in the realization that he found someone who felt exactly as he did. He ignored her threats, her doubt, her insults and her disgust towards him because he understood it: Ben Solo felt the same way about Kylo Ren.

He saw so much of himself before his turn to darkness in Rey and wanted to be for her what nobody was brave enough to be for him.

He knew that the only restraint she had on becoming what she longed to be was her inability to let go of a past she didnt need. He saw her strength, potential, determination and hope when she didn't see herself as anything. If he wanted to coax her with him inside of a life of never ending pain, he wouldn't tell her to kill her past, the thing that caused her pain, he would tell her to embrace it, allow it to consume her and feed off the power that pain could give. Her fear of accepting that any family she had is dead was the only source of darkness inside of her - it was her greatest weakness. He tells her of his own families betrayal as a means to say having a family isn't always what she's convinced herself it is. And he's so aggressive about it because he envies her: she has no one determining her path for her. She is free to be whoever she pleases and would face no judgement about it, and yet for some reason she aches to belong to someone.

And she eventually sees him for who he really is; the person inside of him that he's been silencing because he knows he could never go back to that life. She has seen him murder in cold blood, she has felt his conflict, she knows for certain all the horrible things he has done, yet still tells him that it isnt too late, showing him the hope she has in him - a hope he was never shown even before he committed the terrible acts he's done. There in his darkest of days, he's finally found that one person who accepts him, and he has absolutely nothing to offer her.

Still, she goes to him to save him from the darkness that has always been there and because of that, he is able to kill the thing he rightfully assumed was trapping him in that darkness.

He doesnt want to belong to any group, he doesn't want to set himself up to fail again, but he wants to be with this girl and keep the feeling of validation she gives him. So he pleads for her to allow everything to end so that they could start a new order - a new life - together. But she doesn't view it the same way he does. She wants him to go back with her, to the light, but the light already rejected him. He doesn't belong there, even if he wanted to.

There's no common ground then, and she leaves him.

The emotions he is left with cause him to feel the dominant presence of the darkness he had rightfully assumed he killed, and he goes on a rampage, deciding he will end it all himself, only then to be stopped by the single person who's doubts towards him hurt the most. Surely killing his uncle would be the way to end his internal war...

But again, he was wrong.

He sees no other option now but to consume himself in his own misery, and uses his new title as Supreme Leader to cause as much death and despair as he's endured his whole life.

He figures out why his conflict exists when he learns from Lord Sidious that all of the voices he has heard were simply from Sidious.

And Kylo becomes a puppet for the dark side once more, tasked to kill Rey and destroy all Jedi once and for all.

So Kylo faces Rey again, senses his mother's death, nearly dies by Rey's hand, faces his father within that near death, then awakens by a Force ability used by Rey to heal him.

Knowing that Rey should have left him to die but didnt pushes him to help her end a war he helped create. He destroys his own Knights and stands beside Rey in the light to defeat their common enemy. While fighting along side her now, he feels whole. He feels like he has found where his destiny lies. And her small grin, her gleaming eyes of hope as she looks at him, prove that she feels the same way.

During the battle, he is thrown into a pit by their enemy, leaving Rey to fight alone. The physical injuries Kylo sustains in no way hold him back from trying to get back to her. He acknowledges his pain and he accepts it; he doesn't let it physically or mentally hold him back. He doesn't let it control him. And as he climbed despite the pain and weakness he felt as he did it, he accepts his past, and he rids himself of it. He accepts his parents distance from him, his uncles betrayal, the darknesses deceit and his ignorance to the truth. He accepts himself for who he is, what he has done, and where he comes from, because none of it mattered to him anymore. He needed to make sure he hadnt failed Rey the same way people always failed him. He needed to be sure she wasnt pulled to the darkness by her own bloodline. He needed to make sure she was safe, help her end this, and see where they may be able to go from here.

Ben Solo made it back to the surface, leaving Kylo Ren in the darkness of the pit.

But he was too late.

He fell to ground, pulling Rey into his arms. Pain returned to him, only now it was much worse. He has nothing. He has nobody else. He gave his life to the darkside because he trusted it and then he lost everything and everyone he ever loved because of it.

Looking at her lifeless eyes caused Ben to lose any hope for himself he may have had left. He knew Rey had so many people who would mourn her death, cry over her, need her, miss her...

No one would do the same for him.

It wasnt hard for him to find the strength to do what he had to do. He didn't even hesitate.

Through the Force, he gave all that was left of him to the only person he felt truly accepted it - it was all he had left to offer. A descendant of one of the most feared Sith Lords became a source of hope for so many, and was a light too pure to let fade.

Ben was able to accept his life and feel total peace within it when he felt Rey's hand hold onto his. Her smile when she saw him, the joy when she said his name, and the thrill when she kissed him allowed him to feel a happiness he would have otherwise never been able to feel. His own smile felt foreign to him, but he was thankful to feel it one last time.

He was thankful to pass away while in the arms of someone who cared for him. Thankful to have been able to make use of a life that never felt like his.

Ben Solo did not die as a legend. His sacrifice would be seen by others as an act of redemption, though Rey knew he didn't save her for that reason. He never felt as if he needed to seek ways to redeem himself for the damage he had done, because he was always lead to believe he was doing what was right.

Ben Solo was simply saving what he loved, and he was finally free of his pain.

[australian-desi]

Qurbaan Hua ~ Episode 5-9: Of IVF Being Horrible, Windchimes, Cunning Aunties and Disgusting Husbands

Gonna dive right in

Episode 5

Mans has gone from “me and Meera have been dating for 6 months” to screaming “I LOVE YOU MEERA” at the top of the mountain 

Time for another coincidance - it’s purnima so he’s going to go ask for a mannat and on this day different people from different faiths go to this certain place for their wishes and prayers - and we all know what that means

Also now that I’ve watched a few episodes, I have to say I really like the styling  for Chahat they’ve given her a mix of ethnic and western wear and the fancy clothes she wears are really pretty (so far) and I hope it stays this way

I am a complete slut for mannat scenes and this one was very pure

Why can’t these people say Saraswati, it isn’t that hard

Also it’s 2020, surely it’s time we understand just because a woman is pregnant doesn’t mean she’s disabled and needs to be carried everywhere

Also, Naveli (Anjali2.0 and Neil’s cousin) is superrr suss

SHE TAPED HIS FACE OMG IM MORE IMPRESSED BY HER BY EVERY MINUTE

And she’s given him meds to give to the people he interacts with coz he causes them headaches (and he’s held onto it the whole time coz Pehle Pyaar Ka Pehla Tohfa) 

Awww our OTP has ‘Bhags stamp of approval’ 

They’ve also touched her feet how cute

Episode 6

So Ghazala has ruined Chahat’s mum’s sharara and like this is what I mean they’ve written her horribly, like why would someone go out of their way to hurt a kid like that - her mother’s dead what more does she want

And daddy dearest has another pooja to attend so he’s said no to attending his daughter’s baby shower, something Neil is now salty about

For a doctor, Chahat’s dad is quite daft 

And for a pandit, Neil’s dad is quite mean

Nice touch by Ghazala by turning this whole thing on Chahat, and thankfully her dad believes her

Episode 7

So this Kamini wannabe of a mami has said that Saraswati’s baby is najayaz, and at this point I really have got to ask - how the fuck did she jump to that conclusion?????

Apparently coz she was barren for 8 years, so how can she be pregnant now, so something must be up 

The logic fails me here, IF SHE WAS BARREN/WAS UNABLE TO GET PREGNANT, HOW TF IS THE CHILD ILLEGITIMATE???

OMFLLLLLL SHE’S SAYING THAT COZ THE CHILD WAS CONCEIVED FROM IVF, THAT’S WHY IT’S ILLEGITIMATE 

I CANNOT

I’M SO CLOSE TO QUITTING 

DO THESE DUMBASS PEOPLE NOT REALISE THAT AN IVF BABY IS ALSO A BLESSING IN ITSELF, IT’S NOT 100% GUARANTEED TO GET YOU PREGNANT EITHER BUT IT HELPS 

By this logic they shouldn’t use annnnyyyy modern technology 

I understand Neil now, and why he’s so done with this bullshit

YAAASSS NEIL, GO FUCK THEM UP 

Look Chahat, I love you and all, but like listen to Neil when it comes to his crazy psychotic family

Also do not tell me like the Oberoi family, this whole family cannot have 1 smooth sailing function/party 

We love a sibling duo that had to raise each other because their parents were dead/useless 

I’m so fucking done, now not only does your doctor have to be of the same religion, he/she has to be from the same caste 

YEH DOCTOR DHOOND RAHE HAI KE RISHTA 

Neil’s trying to talk some sense to these people, but as usual, he gets shut down for talking sense 

OMG HE’S COME OUT WITH FACCSSSS AND HAS GIVEN HIS DAD AN ULTIMATUM - His daughter or his dharm 

Also by saying that if he’s so for modern technologies in other areas, why is he against iVF 

Omg daddy pandit finally got some sense - this was an exhausting feat

Poor tacky Kamini, unlike the og, this one’s plans always fall short 

Neil, take Saraswati and just get the fuck out of here, this dumbass mami has come with a plan and is not going to rest until one of these kids gets disowned 

Episode 8

So Vyasji in a twisted turn of events has accepted Neil’s gf, as long as their kundlis meet 

Let’s be real their stars ain’t aligning in this life 

Chahat is talking to her mother through this windchime she made with her mother’s jhumke (I guess its a coping mechanisms) about how she’s gotten a cake ordered and needs to pick it up

The windchime has told her that she needs to learn how to cook to get married 

Basically even if your Indian mother is dead, her ghost will still taunt you on your inability to get married even when you are a doctor 

She has decided she will marry a chef so that she doesnt need to learn how to cook 

The foreshadowing, the cluelessness

Omg Neil’s dad writes with ink and a peacock feather (why did I think this man would write with a pen like a normal person)

He’s literally whipped out a chart and started making Neil’s (ex)gf’s kundli RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS DAUGHTER’S BABY SHOWER BECAUSE #priorities 

Anjali2.0 is literally sitting there praying as if Vyasji is sitting there calculating her Year 12 results and not a kundli

And we’ve got an “asambhav”, but we all knew that - Neil’s literally smirking coz he knew no matter what, the stars won’t align 

Omlll he’s inherited the whole “I write my own destiny” from Arnav 

“Main uss ladko ko kabhi nahi apnaunga” “Toh kya faraq padta hai, main usse apna chuka hoon” Boisss I really like this dude 

I wish I had this confidence but alas, I do not

And Neil has decided to leave the chat, go to Delhi and get married there, while giving everyone a fuck you (except his sister ofcourse)

Little does he know he isn’t even gonna make it to the bloody bus stand before he ends back here 

Anjali2.0 is begging her dad to stop him, but he’s talking about the stars and shit 

And right on cue Chahat and Neil are walking on the same bridge, none of them paying attention, they crash and just like that, the cake has fallen into the deep sea, adding to the pollution 

OMGG THIS MAN TOLD HER HOW ALL DADS ARE USELESS AND SHE GOES “oh hello, tumhe bohot saare childhood issues hai, lekin mere baba aise nahi hai ... woh mere liye taare bhi tod sakte hai” 

THIS IS WHY WE NEEDED A FEMALE LEAD IN THE MEDICAL FIELD - SHE UNDERSTOOD WITHIN 2-3 MEETINGS HOW FUCKED UP OUR DUDE IS 

and now he’s sarcastically congratulating her on her father because “aur ek mere baba hai jo hamesha taaron mein uljhe rehte hai, aur vaise tumhe tumhaare taare todne waale baba, bohot, bohot, bohot hi ziada mubarak” 

LOLLL SHE’S PULLING AND DRAGGING HIM TO GET HER THE SAME CAKE AND HE TRIED TO GIVE HER MONEY TO BUY A NEW ONE, AND SHE’S LIKE NOPE, THE BAKERY I GET THIS FROM IS CLOSED AND SO YOU WILL PROVIDE ME WITH A NEW CAKE 

Lolll I never knew he will be stuck here because of a cake 

AND NOW SHE’S TAKEN HIS BAG AS HOSTAGE AND HE’S LITERALLY SCREAMING THAT SHE’S LOST THE PLOT 

But personally, I feel she gained it 

Turns out the shop that she got the cake from, is his friend’s shop, and now he’s baking the cake himself because my man is also a pastry chef 

And he’s friend has left the chat because he doesnt want to get beaten up 

So it’s time for the kitchen romance.tm

Omg he told her he’s a chef and she’s so turned on 

OMGGGGGGG IM DEDDD 

But should’t she tie her hair #justsaying

Now back to the Neil’s crazy fam, where the only other person with sense, Anjali2.0 has also said to her dad, that Neil was always right about him 

Yesss gurlll, give it back to him

She’s telling him off how he forego his religious beliefs for her, but why can’t he do the same for Neil

I actually like her so much and the way she’s written

She’s also telling him how she tried to make sure that Neil never felt their mother’s absence (a responsibility she didn’t to take up), because her dad never let Neil feel loved 

OMG SIS SAID THAT BY BEING HEAD PRIEST, YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR DUTY AS A FATHER AND SHE DID NOT STUTTER 

Everyone is shook (including me)

I was not expecting her to give her father an ultimatum

So she said, that if he does not give Neil and Meera his blessing, he will see her dead 

OMGGG WHYYYAYFOIHFBEI THE ANXIETY 

Episode 9

We’ve begun with some cuteness regarding her rubbing flour all over face 

And like the idiot he is, he’s told her that her face is completely clean 

OMGGG HE’S GUIDING HER HANDS 

HOLY SHIT SISSS IS ALREADY IMAGINING HERSELF BEING MARRIED TO HIM 

Like same, but I also cannot 

Also I’m lolling at the fact she’s imagining their Nikaah, like his family won’t kill him for that

OMG THIS DICKHEAD HAS GIVEN THE CAKE HE MADE FOR HER DAD TO THE GAREEB CHILDREN LIKE SHE GAVE HIS SANGORIA TO THE GAREEB CHILDREN 

Awww I spoke too soon, she left the cake at the shop and he was just messing with her 

Guysss I really love their chemistry

He said that he won’t sit behind her, coz he doesn’t sit behind girls *rolls eyes*, but she’s not having it and reminded him that she beat him in a motorcycle race so he should suck it up

And they’ve had their first ‘accidental’ pressed up on each other fall 

A trope I do love with all my heart  

NOW HE’S COVERING HIS CHEST LIKE HIS IZZAT HAS BEEN LOOTED 

I’m hoping that Shyam1.5 isn’t as bad as his predecessors, but I do realise that is wishful thinking coz the couple scene where he talks to Saraswati was quite sweet

OMG THERE’S AN INTRUDER IN THEIR HOUSE AND I REALLY DON’T WANT SARASWATI TO GO CHECK, AND I’M FREAKING OUT 

She’s found Naveli’s earrings on the ground, Shyam1.5 and her are having an affair aren’t they

I FUCKING KNEW THAT NAVELI WAS SUSS AND SO WAS THIS HARAMKHOR SHYAM1.5 

I AM SO GROSSED OUT RN, WHAT IS SHE 10 YEARS OR MORE YOUNGER THAN HIM 

OMG HE’S ACTUALLY YUCK, LIKE SHYAM WAS YUCK BUT AT LEAST KHUSHI WASN’T HIS SAALI

AND WHAT TYPE OF COUSIN DOES THAT 

Saraswati please go fuck him up 

OMG OMG OMG YEH PADA THAPPAD!!!!!!! 

Well that’s another week done