#she always treated that part of him like it was something to metaphorically put out a cigarette with

[hobnob-moth]

For the penultimate costume, we have Janus and Lilin as Lestat and Akasha from Queen of the Damned. Depending on what part of the story that sideways glance he's giving is either his attempt to best fit into the role Lilin is currently giving him, or him desperately trying to get out of this situation as soon as possible but knowing better than to run. For Halloween, we'll have the winner of Carmen and Janus stuck together in a dinosaur costume.

[seonghwaddict]

★ NEVER SAY NEVER. [ 010 ] the head and the heart.

synopsis. something about the eight most well-known boys of your campus just didn't sit right with you, so you never gave any effort to interact with them. but after a series of... interesting incidents, they can't seem to leave you alone. pairing. college students! vampires! ot8! ateez x fem! reader. genre. fluff, angst, eventual smut, college au, vampire au.

chapter warnings. heavy angst, blood drinking, student/teacher relationship (not pedophilia), gore, blood, murder, manipulation, very intense heartbreak, knives, strangulation, mention of metaphorical suicide. word count. 3.6k rating. mature for violence.

　　　　　　　　chapter ix // chapter v // chapter xi

choi san had always been a loving soul.

growing up in a loving and caring family, he had been taught how to give and receive affection well. always caring for his friends and family, willing to do anything to make them happy. he was quick to forgive and forget, quick to assume the best of everyone’s intentions. to put it quite plainly, for many years of his life, he only saw the best in people.

but being so loving had its consequences.

he fell in love too quickly.

at the age of 18, he was sat in his literature class in high school. the teacher hadn’t showed up yet, the students scattered around the class and chatting idly. his seat was by the window, on the third row. the weather was nice, sunny with a cool breeze. he remembered this day vividly.

he remembered this day so vividly because it was the day he met jang sooyeon.

though, at first he knew her as ms jang for she walked in with the principle, introducing herself as their new teacher. absently, he noted she was very pretty, and awfully young to be a teacher. as she walked between the desks to hand out worksheets, his gaze was drawn to a dainty, silver anklet.

it all started slowly; lingering looks and touches that rested on his shoulder for a beat too long. ms jang somehow always found him when he was alone. sometimes she’d offer a book recommendation in the library, other times she’d ask him to stay behind after class for a little chat. one day he walked in with a black notebook, poems and prose scribbled inside. noticing the little book, she asked to take a look inside. but he refused; looking at his writings felt like looking into the deepest corners of his mind, little scraps of his soul etched on the paper with his crappy ball-point pen.

but, somehow, at some point, she ended up inside it, nose practically pressed to the ink as she made sense of the inner workings of his brain. though the compliments were nice, he didn’t think too much of them. but looking back, he should have known better.

over time, her little actions and words had his heart swelling with an all-too-familiar feeling. he found himself seeking her out and soon enough, they met up outside of class, outside of school. first under the excuse of san needing tutoring (a pathetic excuse as his writings exceeded the skills of many), but soon he found himself spending time with her outside of school just because he wanted to. making excuses in the first place was stupid, everyone around them knew there was something going on.

he let her in, he cared for her and let her care for him, showing her parts of himself no one else had seen before. for that year, all his thoughts were occupied by her. his love for her grew incessantly, in ways one could almost call obsessive. he wrote about her in his notebook, learned how to bake so he could make her her favourite treats. he showed her his sanctuary, a little clearing tucked away in a forest of his hometown.

he remembered laying on the grass beside her, staring up at the clouds swirling high above. they talked but he couldn’t remember about what. when you were with a loved one the subject of conversations mattered little compared to being in their presence. he remembered her sitting up, twisting herself to look down at him with a soft smile.

looking back at that moment, he realised her smiles never quite reached her eyes.

still, he was so infatuated with her that he couldn’t see beyond rose tinted glasses.

time seemed to slow and he felt their surrounding fade away as he looked into her eyes, realising she was slowly leaning closer. hands clenching with anticipation, he hitched himself up on his elbows. but before he could kiss her a small reflection glinted in the sunlight and his eyes were drawn down to her ankle. the silver anklet glittering in the light, taunting him.

he knew it was a bad idea. he knew he shouldn’t have said anything. but he still looked up at her and quietly asked her to take off the anklet. when she asked why, that should’ve prompted him to come up with some stupid excuse.

but he loved her. he loved her so much that his heart betrayed his safety, previously unspoken secrets tumbling from his lips as he told her about his true identity. without hesitation, he admitted what he was. a bloodsucking vampire.

at first she didn’t believe him or, more accurately, she made him think she didn’t believe him. but his face stayed serious as his eyes begged to be believed, so she tossed the anklet in a seemingly random direction. and they kissed and they kissed and they loved and they held each other until the sun bade them farewell and plunged bellowed the horizon. when they got up to part ways, he missed the sinister grin on her face as she retrieved her anklet.

and she knew she caught him in her trap.

jang sooyeon was many things. calculative, determined, possibly a bit sadistic. but a fool was not one of them. from the moment she had set eyes on choi san, she knew she found what she was looking for in that school. every progression, every action, in their relationship had been carefully planned out to get her to where she was now—her back to his chest as he leaned against a tree stump in their little hideout.

she rested her head against the left side of his chest, just over his heart, staring ahead at the blades of grass and fallen leaves that danced in the autumn wind. a silence settled over them before she whispered a questions.

“sannie… would you do anything for me?”

“yes, of course. why do you ask?”

“but how far are you willing to go?”

he should’ve listened to his brain, the warning signals blaring at her words. but his heart—oh, his naïve, foolish, utterly hypnotised heart—begged and screamed for him to draw her closer.

“i’d do anything for you.”

“if someone bothered me, would you… would you kill them for me?”

he paused at that, glancing down at her. an almost hesitant “yes, anything for you, my love,” falling from his pursed lips.

all things considered, he should’ve seen it all coming. everything after that conversation felt like a blur up until his next memory. it was the first time he killed someone.

she had told him this man had been bothering her, insisting to spend a night with him despite her saying she was already seeing someone. though he was slightly irked by the smile that threatened to force itself onto her features as he agreed to take care of the man, he was more focused on the fact that another man dared to even look at her with such little respect.

so, after some digging, he found himself trailing behind the same man on a dark street. hood up, eyes fixated on him, making sure not to alert him. san’s eyes briefly moved to the entrance of an upcoming alley, deciding that would be the perfect opportunity.

ten minutes later, he walked out the other side of the alley. the corpse of the man left leaning against one of the cold walls, smothered to death.

had there been any reason that didn’t involve her, he may have felt some remorse. but he was convinced what he was doing was right, keeping her safe from this potentially dangerous man.

and then she let him drink her blood.

when she offered it, he was surprised and declined, telling her that he never expected anything in return for what he had done. but she insisted, pulling up her sleeve and baring her wrist. what more suitable way to pay a vampire than in blood?

when the first drop of her blood entered his mouth, he knew he wouldn’t be able to enjoy bagged blood ever again.

after that it became a cycle. he’d get rid of someone for her and then he’d go back to her apartment and she’d let him suck a few drops of blood from her. his once pure heart was slowly stained by something darker, despite how justified he was made to believe his actions were. he lost count of how many people he went after, but he knew it was slowly driving him to insanity. and even though she convinced him he was in the right for killing those people, his heart kept him awake most nights with those dark memories.

and choi san always listened to his heart.

he doesn’t remember when he brought his concerns up to sooyeon, but he remembers they were somewhere dark. it may have been during the period where he refused to go home. he had brought her to his house for dinner and as soon as she left, his parents wouldn’t stop giving him warnings and telling them that they sensed something dark in her. this led to an argument, ending with him slamming the front door and avoiding them for a month to move in with the love of his life.

he should’ve listened to them.

the tv illuminated the the room as he sat on the couch. he heard her footsteps before she emerged from the narrow hallway of the one bedroom apartment. a towel was wrapped around her hair and her fresh clothes clung to her body in areas that hadn’t been dried properly. he looked at her, trying not to get distracted by the way she sat beside him and pressed herself into his hold. he inched away so he could see her better, the changing light of the television illuminating her wonderful features.

“listen, i… i wanna ask you something…”

“is there something wrong, sannie?”

he paused for a long moment, trying to gather his thoughts.

“don’t you think all the killing is unnecessary? i mean, you know i love you… i don’t want to have to do all this just to prove that.”

“oh, but, sannie… these are people that deserve it, they’ve hurt me. would you really want someone to hurt me and get away with it?”

“no! no, of course not. that’s not what i meant. it’s just- it’s too much for me. we love each other, don’t we? we shouldn’t worry about what anyone else does. people bother me, too, but i don’t ask you to kill them.”

“you think that? you think we love each other?”

“well, yes…”

a sharp feeling of dread tugged at his intestine.

“i don’t love you, san. you’re a monster. how could i ever love someone like you?”

she said more, but he didn’t hear any of it. he could feel every fibre of his soul being torn apart; could feel his ribcage being ripped open to reveal that naïve, foolish and utterly hypnotised heart of his. a sharp pain in his chest had him tearing up as if she’d dug a knife into his heart and twisted it in his chest. but he knew she was right. he was a monster and it was a fitting punishment for such a monster.

to want someone so much—to have them in your grasp—and knowing they will never love you the way you love them.

the days after that melted together into a dull pile of memories. he returned home but didn’t tell anyone what had happened, locking himself in his bedroom and skipping meals. he sat on his bed and cried and cried and cried and cried until he could no longer feel anything. his heart had nearly gone numb and he came to the realisation that he would’ve much preferred it if she wrapped a silver chain around his neck and strangled the life out of him.

one time he found himself staring into the mirror, terrified at the person she had turned him into. every time he looked at himself, the same words repeated in his head. monster, monster, monster, you fucking murderer. and he knew it was true. he stared at his reflection, wondering if he had changed enough to turn into a new person, enough for it to be considered some kind of suicide of his persona.

he hated himself. he should’ve listened to everyone, he should’ve listened to his brain. not his no-good, useless heart. if it could even be called that anymore.

when the urge to drink blood lured him out of his bedroom, he found himself in the kitchen opening a bag of a-positive. the familiar liquid slipped down his throat and his hunger was satiated, but not for long.

that night they found out about the blood intolerance, sat in a vampiric doctor’s office after he collapsed and was rushed to the clinic. he thought he was dying, barely hanging onto conscience as his father picked up his limp body from the kitchen floor and placed him in the car. he woke up on one of those hospital beds, his parents, older sister, and his doctor standing around him. the doctor explained that if vampires only drank one blood type for many months, in rare cases it could lead to the body being unable to process all the other types.

something clicked inside his mind. she had killed him. killed his heart, killed his body, killed his soul. she was a murderer, too. he was merely just a shell of who he used to be. the scraps left of his heart and soul screamed for revenge. he had already killed so many people, this was just one more. maybe when she was finally gone, he’d be able to live life normally.

he thought it was odd, really. just a week before he loved her more than anything in the universe, and then he was creeping through her hallways with a knife clutched in his hand. a violent end to his devotion.

the floorboards of the hallway creaked as he crept his way to her bedroom. with a random kitchen knife gripped so tightly in his hands his knuckles turned white, his breathing went shallow. he revised his plan over and over and over again, replaying it in his head like a broken record. nothing could go wrong in the next few minutes, he couldn’t afford any mistake no matter how small. a droplet of sweat melted its way down his forehead and got caught on his brow, he wiped it away with the back of his hand and finally stopped in front of the door, open just a crack.

suddenly, he felt as if his throat closed up; one of the telltale signs of his body’s reluctance to commit this heinous crime. he should be used to it by now, but somehow it felt different when it was the woman he imagined a future with. he swallowed repeatedly, praying the dry tightness of his throat would be eased by his saliva. it took him several more minutes to muster up the courage and wrap his hand around the metal doorknob, pushing the door in as slowly as he possibly could and wincing quietly when the hinges whined

she seemed to be fast asleep, light snores resounding through the spacious bedroom. much like how he revised his plan repeatedly in his head, so did his head telling him to stop. he let his disparity take over as he silently shut the door behind him and walked to the bed like a predator stalking his prey. as his gaze settled on her, a fleeting sense of remorse could’ve swept through him had he been able to see her face, peaceful in her slumber. but, alas, there was nothing to be seen except a silhouette dimly lit by the moonlight beyond the windows.

she didn’t make as single sound as the first stab went straight to the base of her neck, blood pooling around the knife as he sliced through the throat. not a single sound gave away the fact that she was now dead.

he pulled out the knife, the blade suddenly feeling so much heavier in his hold as crimson liquid dripped from the metal and stained anything it landed on. the faint smell of iron wafted into his nose and shot straight to his brain, unleashing some kind of primal urge to continue stabbing at the body despite knowing she was dead. he sunk the knife into any part he could reach—her arms, chest, stomach, shoulders.

once his mind cleared and his rationality returned to him, all he could see was dark splatters surrounding him, staining the bed, her body and his own hands. bile rose to his throat but he swallowed down the bitter taste quickly, stumbling back and dropping the dagger, the ringing of the metal crashing against the wooden floor resonating through his ears. tears pricked at his eyes as he gasped for air. the squelching of the blade as he sank it into her flesh would forever haunt him, echoing through the corridors of his scarred mind.

as he looked away from his bloodstained hands and at her body, he found her head slumped in his direction, lifeless eyes lit by the moon staring right at him. san whipped his body around; he couldn’t stand looking at her any longer. the regret crashed over him like a wave, leaving an icy trail of what-ifs. what if she had been awake? would he have still gone through with it? and yet, as he thought through all the possibilities, he couldn’t help but feel a slight weight lifted off his shoulder.

he made quick work of getting rude of the corpse. wrapping a sheet around her and carrying her out of the building. it was just past midnight, not a chance anyone would be awake. he ducked into an alley and rolled her out of the sheet, placing her in the shadows where she wouldn’t be found. even if she did, it would just look like some angry drunk had done it. those cases were often dismissed by the police. he returned to her apartment and changed the bedsheets.

when the news of her death got out, his family moved away so he could finish the last two months of high school away from the pitiful and prying eyes of his classmates. he hated the way they looked at him when he walked in the halls. he wanted to scream at them.

stop looking at me like that!

like i’m a fucking tragedy.

stop it.

stop fucking looking at me.

after all of those events. he was sure life would never return to his numb limbs. until he met jung wooyoung and kang yeosang in his first year of university. he had pushed them away at first, but upon finding out they had something in common, he accepted their friendship.

with their friendship came five others; kim hongjoong, park seonghwa, jeong yunho, song mingi, choi jongho. they proved him wrong, he could feel alive again. at least with them. it was a rather quick bond, considering themselves a little clan. but as much as he adored them, he knew he would never love some like he had loved sooyeon ever again.

until he was proven wrong yet again. from the moment he met you, he came to the conclusion that there was a reason that old saying—never say never—came to be. don’t get him wrong, it wasn’t love at first sight. but he felt something, a warmth in his heart that he hadn’t felt in years.

he wanted you for his own safekeeping. he wanted your hair to slip through his fingers. he wanted that voice of yours to whisper in his ear, under the bluish moon. he wanted you to rip out his heart and carry it with you in a little box under lock and key.

and as he looked at you now, sitting on the couch with wooyoung and yunho as you laughed and squealed as you played some game with them on the tv, he wondered. he wondered if you’d hold his tainted fingers and kiss his lips. he wondered if you’d love him and his scars and his sickening skin. if you’d love his weak heart and guilty soul. would you love a monster?

when you left, he felt his insides light on fire as you pressed a fluttering kiss to his cheek when you passed him in the kitchen, when no one was looking. since that night in your bedroom, he knew he was doomed.

seonghwa joined him in the kitchen to wash the dishes. san but his bottom lip, trying to desperately swallow down a question that lingered on his mind for weeks.

“you want to say something,” seonghwa spoke over his shoulder, a smile evident in his voice, “say it, sannie.”

“do you…” he sighed and leaned against the counter. “will we ever tell her?”

god, he wanted to know how you’d react. would you embrace them and tell them it’s okay? he wanted to be loved by you so badly his hands trembled.

the question made seonghwa pause, glancing at him and turning off the sink. he took his time drying his hands, eyes turned to the ground. he sighed, walking over to san and placing an affectionate hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

“she’s special, and i think she’ll come to know about us. but we can’t risk rushing anything. all in due time, san, all in due time.”

with one more squeeze, he dropped his hand and left the kitchen.

[ lilo’s notes ] i apologise for what i have written, though i do hope you all enjoyed it. i also apologise for the long wait, but i really wanted to write something of high quality for my dear readers!! happy new year, please take care of yourselves well <;33

network … @cromernet @blankjournal

taglist … @atinytinaa @marievllr-abg @pocketjoong @rainstarcuts @sarahleighflora @melohwa @kyukyustar @yuntokkie @ateezourstars @kitty4hwa @hyukssunflower @aestheticsluut @neohyxn @mrowwww @darkdayelixer @itsokaytobedumb00 @hwa-sans @purplelady85 @seongfury @meginthebuilding27 @stopeatread @mothworked @foliea @emtrades22 @teezers99 @mulletjoonsupremacy @imalildelulu @sunukissed @aygotnobitches @ad0rechuu @brxken0rex @strawberry-moonpies @bluehwale-main @lightinythedark @hotteokisms @yandere-stories @skz-enthusiasttt @seongwin @huachengsbestie01 @galaxypox @moonminji @lilactangerine @lelaleleb @asjkdk @honey-lemon-goose @stayteezdreams @diorwoo @yunho0o0o0o @majestickitty @shookykookie30 @0325tiny @seongua @90s-belladonna @2holover @satsuri3su @ren-junwrld

[pwippy]

hi. what is this. 4th hand post? idk. anyways. reaching out in alien stage! literally and metaphorically! i had to cut out a lot of stuff because i reached the 30 image limit

mizi

she doesn't put on an act when she performs. the way she reaches out to sua is the same way she performs, but without! a glass wall separating them! she's first to reach out to sua and holds on tightly. she also reaches out in self defense (aka beating up luka or that cool gun scene I COULDNT FIT IN.) or in love/anger. for the anger part check out this cool thread @crustyfloor and @ivanttakethis analysing how mizi couldve been attacking sua as well

sua

once she connected with mizi she held on TIGHT. before mizi, she was treated as doll. just an object. with mizi (codependency) she actively reaches out, placing flowers in mizi's hair and reaching for the light. the light, being artificial, could represent false aspirations? she hopes for a better future but knows its doomed. alternately shes reaching for heaven. (SORRY I HAVE TO QUOTE IT- rage rage against the dying of light OK IM DONE) also mizisua picked up the 2 hands outstretched from each other. its like theyre halves of a hug its so cute

ivan

man. where do i even start with him. besides the beating up scene which was more reciprocation? ig? hes actually kinda lowkey and gentle with how he reaches out. i cut out the club scene which would be the most obvious example but yeah !! he reaches back for till in the meteor scene. he does a hand twirl (which someone analysed on pinterest), he reaches out again when he's dying, closest thing we'll get to him opening up, in any collar scenes he like barely brushes tills neck. how does he know how to open those btw. in his 2 other freaky scenes he's. distracting till?? idk i've seen arguments for him distracting till by doing that blood thing but till did like. pay attention to him. he responded to wtv ivan said. idk it might be an unreliable narrator moment. ALSO THE WALL. THE SCRATCHES IN THE WALL. not sure if he's scared or interested or something else but hes holding back something man. idt he'd interfere tbh

till

he reaches out for mizi most of the time. its always indirect tho! chasing the flower crown. literally held back by glass. reaching out for fake mizi. AND most importantly reaching out with his music. i think the guitar fingering counts. he always can't or doesn't want to approach mizi. he straight up doesn't reach out to ivan besides the meteor scene. might be symbolically implicative of his fear of emotional connection!

hyuna

she reaches out to people to help them!! when she was younger she reached out to luka (theres also that one part in all in where shes brushing her fingers against his face) and acted as some support for him. despite her brother being audibly creeped out by luka she brushed this off and treated both of them like younger siblings (despite luka being older). she also picked up(???) the fist in the air thing from hyun woo! outside of anakt she looks like she wants to strangle or shoot luka. when she tried to stab him and was sent off stage she saw a hallucination of hyun woo but couldn't reach out since she was in handcuffs. she helps mizi out now too!! assists her in navigating around the alien stage premises (helps her up onto the scooter + gives her a gun) and distracts her from a mental breakdown

luka

off stage he's usually curled up (the official art rahh) but on stage he takes as much control as he can. illusion of freedom! he goes straight for the neck or for his opponents emotions and purposely gets into their personal space. the way he reaches out is like a taunt or a lure. towards the alien audience, his chest is bared to them. "i was made for your entertainment." etc.

also i think its interesting to note anyone who reaches for the sky is immediately cooked

[eldest-of-katts]

okay because people have shown up in my dms talking smack I'm going to make one blanket statement on the 1000 year loli chilchuck thing.

yes, there has been a problem with young girls being put in suggestive positions in anime with the "uhmmm she's actually a bajillion years old" excuse. yes, other characters don't treat chilchuck like an adult. yes, he is short with big eyes.

However, chilchuck consistently acts like a grown man. he- in both the manga and the anime- straight up just is an adult. He looks like an adult when he is any other race during the swaps in the manga. When the other characters get turned into half-foots they look similar to chilchuck. He is explicitly stated to have more dungeon and general life experience than laios, and he acts like it.

The 1000 year loli trope explicitly functions as an excuse to prey on people who are inexperienced and unable to advocate for themselves. Chilchuck is a parent, is a union organizer, has explicit boundaries that he enforces rigidly, and he is treated as an adult man by everyone who doesn't have a fantasy racism-focused character arc/issue.

I can see how if you haven't read the manga and seen that he has an established life that he later reveals (and haven't paid attention to him in the anime lol) you could get a mistaken impression about him. Marcielle does too in the source material! It's part of her character at the start of her arc that she has issues with longevity!

The thing that irks me a little about this interpretation is that it leans into the child-coded discourse that was prominent a while ago (she's short!!!!! but has boob???? ILLEGAL!!1!) and it does a disservice to the themes of infantilization as a policy maneuver hurting the working class.

I saw chilchuck and his labor advocacy for half-foots both as a metaphor for racism (obvious take ik) and for ageism.

The working gen z as a cohort are being infantilized and pushed out of job markets due to infantilization, similar to half-foots in the show. gen z is being maliciously portrayed as too young to vote, enter office, know themselves, know their rights, and take advantage of their resources. Simultaneously, child labor protections and protections against workplace abuse are being rolled back in the US. In Japan, young people are being worked to the bone for nothing and are becoming disenfranchised as a generation while simultaneously expected to be the labor faction that supports the postwar generations in their old age.

Chilchuck's being treated poorly I saw as a clever commentary on the ways infantilization allows for protections to be stripped away under the guise that "oh it's just a job for teenagers- they don't need more than minimum wage" or "let the kids rescue the economy! they're always complaining about that job market!" while simultaneously stripping away rights under the guise of protection- "We can't have that on the internet! think of the children!" "to protect these young people we must raise the age of medical consent for hormones/reproductive health decisions!"

Kui's work with this series spoke to me on many levels, and specifically, the infantilization issue touched me in a way that few other pieces of media have. The struggle to be taken seriously in a stem field as someone young, as someone female, and as someone who had a high-pitched voice to the point I did years of voice training to be taken seriously, chilchuck's character resonated. I (kinda) understand your instinct to think "SHORT! CHILD! RALLY THE MASSES AND KILL THE PEDOS!!1!" but in this case, it's misdirected- mostly because the author was trying to use this misdirection to prove something to you, the reader.

Kui consistently makes cutting commentary on modern issues, the show's take on food neutrality as its headliner, but also the author's takes on cultural issues and the environment (with a focus on our place in the food web as animals). I feel that reducing chilchuck's very conscious position as a tradesman and an activist discounted due to his apparent age down to "1000 year loli ewwww let's send this random tumblr user suicide bait" just displays a lack of critical analysis of the show and a level of disrespect towards Kui and the work as a whole.

TL:DR- stop sending me kys messages I'm fucking that old man

[thecoolerliauditore]

Sorry someone asked me about the self harm post and I got really out of hand writing stuff that wasn't really relevant and just mansplaining how I view double life's mechanics in a metaphorical sense as a whole. This really is not anything but I feel like I wrote too much to just delete it now so here

Scared that this is gonna be someone else's bdubs unsweetened lemonade situation but:

double life's mechanic, in essence, is "your life and wellbeing have direct impact on someone else" so when you combine that with the players actions and how they abuse the mechanic to control and punish their soulmates, you get some pretty cool stuff that could be translated into symbolism. If you're insane, of course.

I feel like I should note that I'm not going to go into the queer reading of double life and the anti-soulmate themes because I feel like other people have summed that up better than I could even though I do feel like that is one of the strongest reads of anything in the series. For the sake of argument we're going to be equating a soulbound with someone you have a genuine connection with emotionally and not just your watcher government assigned husband because I do think both are applicable to every soulbound pair in the series.

so with that being said a good chunk of the players, the worst offenders being divorce quartet, instead of seeing their soulbound as a reason to be more careful use their physical pain to punish their respective partners, while hurting themselves in the process.

Scott + Cleo are the most straightforward example, to me. They feel snubbed by Pearl and Martyn so they "teach them a lesson" by hurting themselves, knowing that it will impact their partners. They also enable and push eachother to get more and more dramatic with their "punishments", i.e. through the mutual axe crit morning routine they'd established. They call themselves chosen soulmates but through both the axe crits and other behaviour (e.g. cleo admitting she was "using" scott) it is shown that they don't truly Care For eachother, rather that they simply need eachother to enable themselves.

Pearl is also pretty straightforward: Scott hurts her, so she hurts him back. Despite her gleeful mocking and giggling through it all I'd argue this is not something Pearl ever really wanted to do, especially since the soulbound isn't the only way Scott hurts her in the series (I'd even argue him socially isolating her is worse than the axe crits) and this is the only thing Pearl has to get back at him -- through hurting herself. I also think it's kind of fucked that despite the fact Scott is hurt by this (as in the mechanics apply to him), he always treats it as more of an annoyance until it gets to the point where he's worried about his own life (e.g. when joel chases down pearl, scott specifically yells "Pearl run! MY life isn't worth it!")

It almost becomes this messed up toxic competition for Scott and Pearl to see who can push things further. There's this one part I think about alot where Pearl is doing her usual powdered snow tick damage ("just a tickle", as she puts it) and Scott leaps off a massive cliff and takes out a huge chunk of their healthbar to get her to stop. And he does this all without saying a word.

Martyn is kind of the outlier as the one who engaged in hurting himself the least and even Cleo chills on the axe crits after awhile, I like to think due to her and Martyn's conversation on the bridge and her realising what she is doing isn't fair to him. However, Martyn is not without his own demons since his first reaction to Cleo teaming with Scott was to fucking start hitting her, despite the damage reflecting back onto him (he even pulls out an axe and starts going for crits).

seriously though I haven't seen anyone else comment on this. what the fuck man.

Martyn continues with this later as well, when he catches Scott and Cleo in the middle of one of their axe crit routines and, once they explain what they're doing, starts hitting Cleo again (again, despite the damage reflecting onto him and having just taken an axe crit). This part was especially interesting to me because he never hits Scott even though he's the logical target (no soulbound), the one who actually did the axe crit and just as responsible for the split as Cleo, but afaik he never lays a hand on him.

In fact I'd even say it's worth noting that Martyn is almost on friendly terms with Scott, despite talking behind his back. When Cleo and Pearl get into a game of chicken to see who can stay longest in a pile of powdered snow, Martyn and Scott suddenly start taking damage and, instead of getting angry at their soulbounds (like Scott and Cleo had at the start of the series), Martyn places down his own powdered snow and asks Scott if he wants to do it too, to which Scott giggles and agrees. It seems like Martyn is more or less only concerned about His soulbound.

Like Cleo slowing down and eventually stopping with her axe crits, Martyn stops hitting her after awhile too.

Now while I do realise the imagery is very uncomfortable, it's worth noting that Martyn hitting Cleo is pretty much equivalent to Cleo hurting herself to get back at him, if anything Martyn hitting her does less damage. So at least in the confines of this post the comparison is less beating your wife = cutting yourself and more "here are two people who do mutual harm onto one another, with different methods but the same outcome".

Cleo is also pretty smug through the whole thing and doesn't seem emotionally impacted whatsoever by Martyn hitting her (aside from taking offense) and the two make up relatively quickly as well. What I'm trying to say is Martyn Wifebeater Littlewood is not real but he does suck. It's not Literal physical abuse and it's not Literal self-harm. Other than in Pearl's case I think you could make a case for that literally being the equivalent of her hurting herself because it's all she has to get back at Scott with.

This also opens up a good question of: if hurting their soulbounds is the goal, why aren't all of them doing what Martyn is doing? After all the outcome is the same, the method is just more direct. There's this interesting point here I think then of Martyn being the most outwardly hostile of the four, but also the most direct and willing to communicate, even if he does it in a really awful way.

ALTERNATIVELY that is literally what is happening and both Martyn and Cleo are just insane people.

Outside of the divorce quartet, things get even muddier.

I feel like one of the pitfalls for the purposeful self-damage = self-harm take actually comes from Etho and Joel, early on in the series when Joel is building the RelationShip. Etho purposefully jumps off a ledge to do fall damage to Joel everytime Joel takes damage while building to "teach him a lesson", according to him. He even does this in front of people whose reactions range from amused to slightly taken aback.

Now this could easily be read as controlling behaviour but I feel like that would be severely out of character for etho, who historically has not wanted anything to do with team-ups on any level past convenience. It could be argued that this is what the soulbound system brings out of him now that he is forced to keep track of one other person (and imo he's pretty clear he doesn't care deeply for joel as a soulbound whatsoever) but he is otherwise so unbothered with anything Joel does and, if anything, let's Joel lead their decision-making ("the ship burns, everything burns" was certainly not etho's doing).

The damage he does to himself + Joel is also minimal enough that it doesn't ever get to the point of worrying either of them past being annoying and it's not something Etho does for more than one or two episodes.

So with that what I'm trying to say is there's definitely wiggle room for what it means for individual soulbounds and its overall impact seems to be very dependent on who is doing it and what the intent is behind it.

Which is relevant for the last pair I feel like this is especially important to: Scar and Grian. What does, for example, Scar showing Pearl the powdered snow signify? Is he enabling her like Cleo and Scott with eachother? Is he doing it out of amusement? Does he relate to her plight with Scott due to his own situation with Grian and want to feel some sort of second-hand justice?

It's not really clear, especially added to him hurting himself to get back at Grian for the cheating thing. I'll be honest I'm very scared in general of speaking on Scar's character because he's kind of an enigma to me and I've heard every take on earth about what he actually is like.

There's definitely more to talk about here but this is too long lmao chile

[toastandjamie]

Hi hello, it’s Mat/Tuon time again and today’s topic is the Art of War!

So, famously, Mat and Tuon treat their courtship like war and I want to talk about the different ways they approach said war and how that reflects in their actual war strategies.

So let’s start with the goals, the most important part of any war. On the surface Mat’s goals are pretty simple, he wants to make Tuon fall in love with him. However his true intentions are a bit more complicated than that. While he does want a loving relationship with Tuon his main goal is and always will be to defend his fragile sense of independence and identity. Tuon on the other side of the metaphorical battlefield is both trying to learn about Mat and importantly trying to thoroughly claim him as hers. In the terms of a war, Tuon much like the Seanchen Empire, is a conquering foreign power attempting to subjugate the local population. Mat conversely is interestingly enough not a retaliatory force attempting to stop this invasion, but more akin to a smaller rebel force that is not attempting to overthrow but instead is trying maintain a certain level of rights- like a rebel population trying to lower taxes or have less sovereign oversight.

This is where their individual strategies come into play. We are told pretty consistently that what makes the Seanchen so dangerous is their adaptability. Even as aggressors the Seanchen have such a strong defensive strategy to wear down the enemy. The Seanchen’s Ever Victorious Army, is not victorious in every battle, but they Are victorious in every war. The reason for that is that they learn from their enemy, no trick is going to work on them twice. That’s what makes them so difficult to beat in a long-standing war. However the only reason they can carry on in long dragged out wars is because they are such a large army that is being constantly well supplied. Tuon similarly despite being “the aggressor” in the courtship she is still a defensive player. She has a very strong wall, and forces Mat to make the moves and then throws him off balance with decisive and sharp attack. Like The Kiss, or even her suddenly finishing the marriage vows without ever even mentioning it before then. Tuon like her army may lose a battle or two, such as the A’dam Incident, but in the end she’ll win the war and successfully subjugate the rebel army. However for any imperialist nation the war doesn’t really end when you defeat the enemy. You still need to govern and reach the perfect balance between being in control enough that they don’t seek independence but not be too heavy handed that it results in a rebellion. The most successful and long lasting colonization efforts finds balance between those. The Roman Empire for instance famously allowed the conquered nations under them keep their culture intact and even attempted to keep their power structure relatively untouched. The Seanchen do the same as we see in Ebou Dar, this type of gentle assimilation is a far more sustainable type of colonization than aggressive assimilation which often angers the locals to the point of rebellion. Tuon uses these same gentle assimilation techniques on Mat. She doesn’t force Mat to completely assimilate to Seanchen, she doesn’t scold him for his friendship with Aes Sedai only for going against her and while that may seem like a negligible difference it’s an important distinction because it sounds more reasonable. The same as the conquering culture simply introducing aspect of their culture to the colony put doesn’t outlaw the original culture, simply, encouraging assimilation into the new one. Think about it like the boiling frog experiment, slowly raising the temperature so the frog doesn’t jump out. It’s the same logic with both Seanchen colonization and Tuon’s courtship.

Mat and the Band however are a defensive army. They are always trying to protect or defend something. There’s two ways win a defensive war, outlasting your opponent or defeating your opponent. Mat prefers the method of defeating his enemy because of the simple reason that Mat’s main priority is to minimize casualties in the long term. Simply outlasting and surviving the enemy runs the risk of retaliation, but if you strike first and strike decisively you can remove the threat before it ever hurts you. It’s why Mat is always upgrading to bigger and better weaponry that does the most damage in the shortest amount of time. Mat reacts similarly in his courtship with Tuon, he initiates in order to get the upper hand, a preemptive strike if you will. Mat relies a large decisive gestures, gifts, big grand acts of service. Hard hitting attacks in the hopes of ending this war as quickly as possible. Unfortunately for him Tuon’s slow retaliatory battles is almost a perfect counter for his aggressive strikes. Now Mat however is not fighting Tuon for freedom, he is not trying to escape her sovereignty instead he is just trying to protect his most valuable independence. To extend the colonization metaphor, he doesn’t mind deferring to a major head of state he just wants to have his own local government to take care of things close to home.

Luckily in terms of the longevity of the relationship, Mat’s goal of simply maintaining a level of independence is actually well suited to Tuon’s concept of imperial leadership. As far as such large empires go, it’s impossible for the singular head of state to manage every land, which is why the allocate leadership of smaller areas to vassals. As far as the metaphor goes, the way they settled things by the end of the books the war ended in an inconclusive white peace with Mat accepted vassalization with ✨benefits✨ and Tuon plotting to slowly strengthen her authority over her newly conquered territory with a gentle assimilation onto her empire.

[rise-my-angel]

Ned Stark never told Jon the truth for multiple reasons, a big one being about the extremely tenuous spread of information. If by telling Jon, there was ANY chance that that others may learn and it could reach Robert, he would not risk it.

There's clearly a reason after the war, Howland Reed returned to Greywater Watch to sit on a swamp bog lilypad in complete silence for twenty years.

Any chance of the wrong people learning this truth puts Jons life at immediate risk, something Ned won't allow. Protecting Jons life at the cost of some of his relationships with the ones he loves, is a sacrifice he has to make. One of his final thoughts is of guilt, wishing he could talk to Jon just one more time, implying he doesn't want to leave this world with his son thinking Ned raised him this way out of shame or spite.

There's also the fact that Ned is clearly a man with deep trauma. Most of the main older characters from Roberts Rebellion we meet are trapped at that age. Their traumas never really let them move passed that era and its clearly effected the men they've become. Ned Stark, Robert Baratheon, Jon Connington, Jaime Lannister, even Howland Reed. All characters who never really lived passed that war and its greatly effected their lives as older men.

It means that while it isn't fair, Ned does not discuss those days, Jons mother, or even Lyanna in general because he is still trapped in that room she died in. Ned is still metaphorically that young man, sat catatonic at his little sisters now dead bedside. Ned doesn't shut all that down from his family and Jon to just keep him in the dark, its Ned spending Jons entire lifetime with deepy unresolved trauma that he now has no idea how to process. Shutting down emotionally about his families death and not truly processing the greif isn't even singular to Ned. This is a trait we literally see with Jon later on once he thinks hes lost basically his entire family, not really processing those loses in a healthy manner.

So if shutting down from trama is a flaw you put towards Ned, then its Jons flaw too. They both are extremely closed off about greif.

Again, Ned in his final pov chapter feels shame when thinking of how he and Jon will part ways with each other before Ned can fix his wrongs. Ned doesn't want Jon to think he raised him this way with any ill intent, Ned raised Jon that way out of deeply rooted fear for losing his son. And Ned wants Jon to know that hes sorry if he ever made Jon feel anything less then that love.

Its easy to fall into Jons pov trap, where the thinks his father abaondoned him to the Wall because thats what he thought Jon deserved. But the books clearly explain that Ned always wanted Jon to stay in Winterfell with Robb. But between the turmoil of Roberts appearance, the mystery of Lysa accusing the Lannisters of murder, and then realizing Jon wants Benjen to convince his father to let him go and Catelyn pressuring Ned to make Jon go, he concedes. At the least, even if Jon hates him for it, if Jons at the Wall hes as far from Roberts wrath as he could get.

Ned lets him go, but Ned always wanted Jon to stay in Winterfell where he belongs. Ned never treated Jon like a pariah. Ned treated Jon better then most bastards ever get from their highborn families, but did not give too much special treatment in order to keep eyes off of him for his saftey. The less people who pay attention to Jon, the less chance anyone would ever put it together. And keeping Jon a bastard, means while he receives the stigma that comes from it, most people who Ned would be scared of Jon interacting with, will now ignore him. It hurts for Jon, but Ned again, knows its better then someone putting the truth together and winding up having Jons life at risk.

Even through what Jon doesn't understand about his father continues to bother him, Jon actively still pushes away every older male his life trying to position themselves as a psuedo father figure to him, because despite it all, Jon knows the only father he wants or ever needed, was Ned Stark.

Ned was not perfect in the manners which pertain to Jon, but to pretend as if Jons unobjective pov of insecurities and fears stemming from not having the context of his father keeping such a massive secret, is secretly some smoking gun proof that Ned was actually a bad father or deserves to have Jon discount being raised and loved by him his whole life?

It is completely disingenuous.

[zestyaahbutler]

Wait is her psychiatrist Hannibal?!?!

Hey!! Something like that 🙂 her psychiatrist is heavily inspired by Hannibal.

I really enjoyed Silence of the Lambs and the Hannibal series and movies. I haven't read the books which I really should. But I am super interested in Hannibal as a character. I'm also a firm enjoyer of the cannibal trope as both a metaphor for love but also exploitation of power/ego.

Shes a redhead with a 70s blowout. Think curtain bangs but this is another image that is very her energy.

Amulya's psychiatrist is a woman by the name of Milana Spezia Deodato. She is an Italian woman that originates from a family of werewolf hunters. From a young age she was raised to be a hunter and it caused her to develop some peculiar behaviors and habits as a result. On the outside though, she is a very intelligent woman who at most seems a little eccentric and polite but snooty. She is also known as a very good cook! She was hired in the 1970s by Hellsing via a recommendation l from Sir Islands.

In my lore, I have it as Islands beinf part of the roundtable but his family owns and runs hospitals. Milana did her years of residency at one of the hospitals that the Islands operated. She obviously made an impression with the family and Islands himself for her background in monster hunting and how she was researching how to apply it to her field of psychiatry. Islands suggested her to Arthur for a new department of Hellsing that was focused in rehabilitating individuals who had experienced encounters with the supernatural. This was in hopes of keeping the operations of Hellsing from the public more and that people could return to normalcy in an easier fashion. Some people who have those experiences never exactly recover.

For Milana, she was given people to research and treat, while she got a good paycheck. But it also gave her plenty of food. Her cannibal habits are not known by anyone in Hellsing(aside from Walter ofc but listennn). Anybody she takes are simply seen as having fallen in battle and missing. She was always very good at covering her tracks.

Arthur handing Amulya to her was out of desperation because realistically, Amulya couldn't express the worries she had to any psychiatrist. It would put Hellsing at risk. Additionally, it gave Amulya someone in-house to talk to. If she had an episode, she always had immediate support through someone with actual experience and licensing.

Amulya came to rely on her and was being treated properly for some time. Many of her lapses was due to her own spiraling.

Milana had varying thoughts on her. She found her intriguing and a good ticket to get a look at what Arthur is like behind closed doors. She found herself very entertained by her dynamic between Amulya and Walter. She knew of his feelings from observing them both. It wasn't neccesarily wanting to match them up but more that she was interesting in seeing what would happen. The possibilities, the reactions of them all. She did eventually get bored of the situation. Milana did know Amulya was going to commit suicide before it occurred. It was how it affect Arthur, Walter, and anyone else in the organization. She got what she wanted, though she was out under alot of pressure by Arthur after the fact but Amulya's death was seen as her mental state getting the better of her.

After one of her attempts, Milana did start doing sessions with Walter. It was a conflict of interest but they couldn't exactly afford anyone outside of the organization. Their sessions was ordered by Arthur so Walter couldn't exactly refuse. Walter was never a fan of her. She had a habit of prodding anyone she talked to so he felt like he was always under a microscope. He never wanted to be analyzed while all she wanted to do was analyze him. Milana knew he was involved in an organization separate from Hellsing while he found out she was a murderer and cannibal. He was disgusted with her despite his own actions. Really they were two fucked up individuals that found a messed up but hesitant (on Walter's side) kinship with one another.

Milana remains in Hellsing till after the battle of London where she moves to America for a new start and new roster of meals.

Her and Walter's dynamic is this:

[monsterblogging]

So, I think I finally sorted out why I find Karl Heisenberg kind of weird and incoherent as a character concept when I actually stop and think about it. It took me several weeks and two watchings of Why Do You Always Kill Gods in JRPGs? to finally put my finger on it, but here it is.

So, the Resident Evil franchise is a series that has been loaded with metaphor and allegory from day one. The games have talked about stuff like labor exploitation under capitalism, eugenics, theocracy, neoimperialism, and even how the existence of counter-terrorist organizations creates perverse incentives to make more terrorists so the organizations have something to do.

Now the thing is, these are all systemic issues. For most of the franchise, the focus has been on large scale systemic problems.

Resident Evil 7, however, changed things up a little. While systemic problems are still a thing, they're put on the back burner in favor of focusing on a toxic family dynamic. Specifically, it focuses on what happens when people internalize a loved one's irrational fears and unhealthy behavior patterns. The mold here represents the emotional bonds between these people, and the way it's rotted their physical home represents how it's destroyed the family as a home. As a concept it's pretty solid; the only issue here is the execution, which treats Eveline as if she's an unsympathetic monster when she's actually the primary victim here. But still, solid base concept.

Resident Evil 8 tries to do both interpersonal issues and systemic issues. It took a lot of cues from Resident Evil 4 (the "theocracy is bad, oh my god keep it out of the government" installment) and threw in a lot of systemic issue shit while also trying to be about a toxic family dynamic. For the most part, this works out fine.

You got Mother Miranda representing the power of theocracy. Lady Dimitrescu's here representing stuff like conspicuous consumption and worker abuse/labor exploitation. Donna's representing toys/entertainment used to distract people with unhealthy illusions rather than giving genuine enrichment. Moreau represents a neglected healthcare system. Heisenberg is here to be the military-industrial complex... or, is he?

The first three characters do a solid job of embodying actual systemic issues. Heisenberg, however, is kind of a mess because the game tries to code him as two completely different kinds of people: the militaristic leader, and the exploited blue collar worker/engineer/mechanic.

Many of Heisenberg's lines seem to suggest that he sees other people as means to an end; things to be weaponized. He frequently praises Ethan's body and wants to weaponize him against Miranda. He also wants to do the same with Rose. This is, of course, how the military as an institution tends to view people.

But one problem here is, Heisenberg doesn't dress the part. They could have put him in a ratty old officer's cap and jacket and given him a dozen swords (the weapon of the ruling class) to magnetically control. But instead, he dresses like a member of the working class and carries a fucking hammer. So while Capcom probably meant Ethan's rejection of Heisenberg's offer to come off as "fuck off, I'm not letting you exploit me!", it... sorta also comes off as "fuck you, I don't need no stinking unions!"

Heisenberg also complains that Miranda has humiliated him by putting him under her control. This might have been meant to reflect how actual militaristic shitheads love to complain that they're being humiliated and emasculated by not being allowed to inflict violence willy-nilly. But the problem is, Heisenberg's complaints are actually valid, because he's actually being abused by his mother figure. Your militaristic shitheads aren't being abused; they're just pissed off over not being allowed to go kill people wherever they feel like manifesting their destiny and becoming great men of history.

Additionally, Heisenberg just doesn't embody the toxic masculinity that your militaristic shitheads insist makes you a Real Man™. Yeah, his traumadumping is ill-timed and obnoxious, but he's actually talking about his trauma instead of just bottling it up. He's doing what toxic masculinity considers unthinkable - making himself emotionally vulnerable to another man. He's actually less aggressive than the other lords, since he doesn't actually try to kill Ethan until Ethan tries to kill him. Furthermore, in calling Chris Redfield a "boulder-punching asshole," he displays contempt for over-the-top displays of male-coded power.

And of course, Heisenberg making soldats could be read as a metaphor for how the military dehumanizes people by turning them into instruments of destruction, but the problem is that he's using people who are already dead. Sure, he's definitely been considering using living people, but the fact that this thought only comes after years of nothing else working and he's never actually done it says that he hasn't actually committed himself to this, so if that was the intention here... it also doesn't work.

So yeah, IMO Heisenberg ends up being a kind of weird, incoherent character concept because the game wants him to represent both the military-industrial complex and the exploited engineer/mechanic literally just trying to survive, and uh, these are two very different concepts and don't really work together in the same guy.

[mimsytheborogove]

Had a convo with a somewhat friend recently about Everything Everywhere All at Once (EEAO), aka the best movie, and they told me that “anyone can put philosophy over anything if you try hard enough” when we disagreed about the message of the film.

Please!!! No!!! Also spoilers under the cut.

The movie very deliberately referenced Albert Camus’ Myth of Sisyphus in its themes.

Sisyphus is a Greek king who is cursed with rolling a boulder up a hill for all eternity, only for the boulder to roll back down once it nears the top (also the he tried to live forever by trapping Death and getting Persephone to let him out to do his funeral rites…Sisyphus was a bad guy). The point of his punishment is that trying to escape Death is ultimately futile.

Camus takes this conceit and uses it as a metaphor for life as well — life is also, ultimately, futile. We get up everyday to roll the rock up the hill, but it always rolls back down. There’s no divine purpose to the rock rolling except to emphasize how meaningless it all is. Life, similarly, has no purpose (since Camus came after the existentialists).

Why, then, do we bother? Why don’t we all just lay down and die? Camus offers the following: we must imagine Sisyphus happy. If Sisyphus finds happiness in the act of rolling the rock, it ceases to be a punishment. Similarly, we must find happiness in the act of living. Get a Starbucks once in a while and hug a furry animal, you’ll understand. These small moments of joy which we eke out are things which we must choose to continue living for, every single day despite the pain we endure, because for most people it’s worth it.

EEAO has this exact theme. When Evelyn and Joy are beginning a reconciliation of sorts in the parking lot, they talk about the pointlessness of living, where all there is are these little moments of happiness and the rest is meaningless. And Evelyn makes it clear that yes, there’s a lot of pain in life and her relationship with Joy. They fundamentally do not understand one another, in part because of the generational divide and the immigrant/ABC perpetual foreigner division between them. It causes them pain, it hurts, it’s frustrating and annoying because they can’t seem to quite make the other understand. But Evelyn states that she essentially believes that loving Joy and having her as a daughter is WORTH IT ALL. And, when Jobu Toppacky chooses not to enter the all-consuming bagel of nothingness (which is definitely a metaphor for Joy’s suicidal ideation), this is symbolic of her ALSO choosing the sparks of joy over nothingness. We must imagine Sisyphus happy.

THATS WHAT THE MESSAGE IS. Sometimes, choosing those sparks of joy is worth it. Some people might not think it’s worth it — think of Gong Gong and his decision to basically disown his daughter for not obeying him — and they choose nothingness over any scrap of happiness, because the pain is too much. Sometimes, that’s what’s necessary. But the point of life is the pain and the happiness (like how Jobu Toppacky says, she knows the joy and pain of having Evelyn as her mother), and we choose every day to wake up and try again and again for that scrap of happiness.

And it’s not perfect! Obviously! My somewhat friend was caught up in Evelyn fat shaming her daughter (something I felt so close to my heart because whew, growing up Asian). She said that Evelyn still throwing out a “you look fat” comment at the end made it seem like the movie “tripped and fell at the finish line.” THE FATSHAMING IS BAD BUT ITS NOT THE POINT OF THE MOVIE, OBVIOUSLY.

Of course the fatshaming is bad!! Joy treats it like an act of affection (which it basically is — in my family at least, it’s meant in a “I care about your well-being, and I pay attention to you because indifference is tantamount to disdain”) but it’s still not good. It’s very bad, actually, and it highlights the way that Evelyn has grown up in a very different culture than Joy and still, even at the end of the movie, does not completely understand her daughter.

And that’s GREAT! Because in real life, there is no perfect communication. We are casually cruel to people for no reason because we just don’t understand them, or they don’t understand us, or both. You may not realize it, but you’ve probably hurt someone you care about because you’ve said something in a way that was interpreted poorly. Evelyn hasn’t learned to understand her daughter or even accept her daughter completely; she’s learned to keep trying, to keep “tripping at the finish line” and getting up again, because her daughter is WORTH IT to her. And Joy, similarly, is going to keep trying despite the mutual pain, because her mother is WORTH IT to her. How that trying turns out is ambiguous at the end of the movie — maybe Joy, like Gong Gong before her, doesn’t find it worth it in the end and cuts off her mother entirely. But for now, she finds fulfillment in the small moments, enough to choose to continue on. We must imagine Sisyphus happy.

This is NOT a movie about “family is more important than anything, even when your family is sucky.” It’s about the fact that Evelyn and Joy CHOSE EACH OTHER out of their own volition. Because those little moments mattered enough. That’s why Evelyn is so devastated at Gong Gong for abandoning her, asking him how he could let her go. She can’t imagine not enduring this suffering (she legit gets beat up by like five million guys and hops dimensions for fuck’s sake) for her daughter. She loves Joy, and she will keep choosing her. And Joy, ultimately, shows she loves Evelyn and will keep choosing her as well.

Waymond is the perfect foil for Evelyn because he is the embodiment of the “kindness and love just because it makes it all a bit more bearable” sentiment. He’s played off as an idiot, and he kind of is, but his glowing sense of sheer goodness radiates throughout the film. Why not put googly eyes everywhere? It’s hilarious! Why not give cookies to people? Cookies are good! The mundanity of life sucks ASS, and it keeps going and going (not unlike the cycling of the machines in the laundromat), why not have some enjoyment? Life is fucking meaningless but guess what? These cookies are bomb af.

In the world where Evelyn is a celebrity, Waymond appears to have found success elsewhere, whatever that looks like. Evelyn is undoubtably successful since she’s a superstar. And yet, Waymond says that, in another life, he would have also found fulfillment in just running a failing laundromat with her. Evelyn is heartbroken that Waymond doesn’t love her in the way she remembers from her version of Waymond — but why? She’s a superstar! She’s more successful than she ever dreamed! But she had chosen Waymond in the past, and she found that choice fulfilling enough that, faced with its loss, she is devastated. Waymond said that his love for Evelyn would have made the laundromat worth it, and Evelyn seems to agree here. We must imagine Sisyphus happy.

Anyway, that’s why EEAO is great, don’t @ me.

[neversetyoufree]

Shipping is fun and all but why do the whole fandom makes it like VNC was about rotting for Vanitas to be with either Jeanne or Noe and sexuality ? It's not what the story is about, it's about Noe and Vanitas's story together and how Noé will end up killing Vanitas. Is it because it's also treating of their relationship that the fandom focuses so much on romance which is a very sub themed (after all in shounen romance is always a subplot, more or less underdevelopped)

I mean, when it comes to Vnc, I'm not so sure that the romance is underdeveloped, anon. I 100% get not caring about romantic shipping, and that's fair, but sex and romance are big parts of this story. I don't think it's unreasonable to be invested in them when they're very present in the manga itself.

You're right that shonen series in general tend to be very light on romance. However, a majority of shonen also don't have their characters very regularly engaging in a metaphor for sex.

It's pretty undeniable that the blood drinking in VnC is meant as a sexual metaphor. Sometimes this is played for horror (like Astolpho's backstory), and sometimes this is played for horny (like the VaniJeanne scenes), but it's almost always there. It doesn't mean that every instance of blood drinking is meant to symbolize literal sex, but both in-universe and in terms of symbolism, drinking someone's blood in VnC is an erotic act. And there's a lot of blood drinking.

With that said, given that these characters are constantly running around drinking and/or craving each other's blood, of course people are going to talk about romance a lot. "Which character wants which other character's blood?" is a huge driving factor for the character dynamics in this story. And there's a lot of straight-up discussion of romance as well!

You cannot talk about or analyze Noé and Dominique's relationship without talking about her massive crush on him. You cannot analyze Vanitas and Jeanne's relationship without talking about their mutual attraction and all the blood drinking scenes. You cannot fully analyze Noé and Vanitas's relationship without talking about how much Noé wants Vanitas's blood.

It may not be the norm for shonen, but Vnc is, objectively speaking, a series that puts a fair amount of emphasis on romance. It's not the main plot, but neither is it a clumsily handled background element like in Naruto or something. This is a series driven by the relationships between its characters first and foremost, and several of those relationships are canonically romantic and/or horny.

(Also, as a bonus fun fact, there's an interview with Mochizuki where she directly talks about how she wanted Vnc to focus more on both action and romance than her previous works).

And as for the Vanoé angle specifically, you're right. Vnc is the story of Noé and Vanitas's relationship. It's the story of how they meet, what they do together, and how/why Noé will eventually kill Vanitas with his own hands. And the thing about that relationship is that it is frankly fucking FULL of queer subtext. Like half the writing on this blog, for example, is about Noé and Vanitas's relationship, and not all of it is gay. Sometimes I talk about the death and tragedy angle, sometimes I speculate about the concrete plot details of what's to come, and sometimes I talk about how absurdly queer-coded Noé's whole "your blood smells amazing" routine is. It's not the only thing going on between them, not by a long shot, but it's there! And I think it's quite reasonable to discuss it.

So like, everyone engages in fandom differently, anon. It's fine to not give a damn about the romantic angle. I personally am almost incapable of caring about ships that aren't heavily implied in their canon sources, which makes me a bit of the odd one out in some fandom spaces.

However, speaking for myself again, this is a meta blog. More often than not, when I talk about romance on here, it's through the angle of examining what's there in canon. I find the relationships between the characters to be the most compelling part of Vnc, so that's what I write about. Sometimes that means writing about how Noé's constantly trying and failing to save his loved ones generally, sometimes that means writing about the history between Vanitas and Misha, and sometimes that means writing about how fucking in love with Vanitas I think Noé is.

I can't speak for others, but I personally don't think I'm reading anything into this series that isn't there. It's fine if it's not an angle you care about personally! I fully support you in blacklisting ship tags if the discussion of romance gets on your nerves. I cannot fucking stand "ship wars," so like. I get it. But "shonen usually doesn't care about romance" does not mean "all the people talking about romance in Vnc are doing it for no good reason."

[immediatebreakfast]

The response that I wrote to the similarities between van Helsing and Dracula, and their relationship to respectively Lucy and Jonathan is still flying in my mind.

Because in a way Van Helsing does step in as a metaphorical father figure for Lucy, even if it is only present in their medical visits. It feels that at some point he crossed the line between doctor and patient, and started to view Lucy as a "temporary" daughter figure that he needs to save.

And Lucy, being so skillfull in the arts of social interactions, is certainly aware of that.

I know it sounds crazy, but the way Van Helsing treats Lucy went from medical yet gentle care, to gentle familiar treatment. Moreover, I think that it started the second time Lucy was at risk of dying. That was the moment where Van Helsing realized that the vampire is aiming to kill rather than feed.

"I stay here to-night, and I shall sit up with little miss myself. You and I must watch the case, and we must have none other to know. I have grave reasons. No, do not ask them; think what you will."

And that Lucy's life is practically on his hands, on top of the failure of leaving her alone. Van Helsing's theories, and methods did not work because of his refusal to share something with Seward.

Even if his intentions are good since they benefit the narrative (since both him and Seward are keeping Lucy alive) Van Helsing, as a possible parental male figure, will always be within the framework of the Gothic. And the gothic dictates that a male figure (whenever it's a villain, parent, friend, or lover) involved with either the gothic heroine, or the gothic damsel will have some kind of symbolic struggle.

Example of today, Van Helsing lecturing Lucy on the value of obedience and silence after she asked about why he needed to put the garlic flowers around her room.

"Oh, little miss, my dear, do not fear me. I only do for your good; but there is much virtue to you in those so common flowers. See, I place them myself in your room. I make myself the wreath that you are to wear... We must obey, and silence is a part of obedience; and obedience is to bring you strong and well into loving arms that wait for you."

Hell, even the act of giving garlic flowers instead of bulbs takes a different light if one is aware of this dynamic. Add that Lucy's wedding is this month, it feels like a goodbye gift, a traditional last gift of innocence before the daughter becomes the wife (in victorian gender roles).

This is why I think this part needs Lucy's perspective too. Of course she feels grateful for him practically saving her life, but with Mr. Westenra out of the picture (presumably dead), and Mrs. Westenra rather hands off treatment with her. I wonder what Lucy thinks about this rather parental type of treatment.

[sashaisready]

starting over got me effed up! 😭 your writing is so good that I can’t help myself but to be so immersed and be in the feels. Thank you for sharing us ur talent!

(Ps. Ik most people don’t like her getting back with Bucky bc of what he’s done. But I genuinely think they can make it work, if Bucky grovels and proves that he actually loves her and regrets what he did.

Bc frankly, you did a damn well job in describing her pain. Yet, I can’t help but also have some understanding with Bucky. Imagine suddenly knowing that the love of your life, the woman that he only cared about, the only person he wanted to spend his life with, was betraying you. It wasn’t even a baseless accusation. It’s not like he’s going around speculating, trying to prove that she’s a mole. He’s thrusted into these evidence that sounded real. That must have been also so painful. Yes, he let his emotions act. But I think this is also hurt bucky putting his defenses up. He’s a mobster. He shouldn’t have a vulnerability. But he did, and it’s with her. Now that vulnerability with her mixed with her supposed betrayal, he must’ve felt hurt, ashamed, and threatened all at once. So, as a response, and as mentioned, he acted as work bucky. He treated her like any other stranger, shut her out, and built walls around him. He had to. In his mind, his vulnerability with her led him to this situation. I’m not saying what he did was justified or understandable. Hell no. He should’ve acted like a proper partner that tried to hear her. See her. Not throw her out like a piece of garbage he wanted to dispose. Not shove all the gifts and money that he WANTED and WILLINGLY and INSISTINGLY gave to her, down her throat. He made her feel as if she’s nothing but trash, an inconvenience, someone that he’s wanted to get rid of. That’s POS behavior. Yes. But I kinda see where it all came from. In the end, they both hurt who they love the most, one unknowingly and the other so so purposefully.

So, I hope (as I’m not sure what happens or what will be revealed in part 2) that he will do his best to make things right. I imagine it’s her now having trust issues with him. Her heart, in battle with her mind. Whether to give him a chance or to not risk it all again. But I imagine Bucky being on his knees (metaphorically and maybe literally), bending over backwards, doing everything he can and what she wants for this second chance. To make things right, to treat her better, and to work himself to a better man that she deserves. Bc she deserves a best man. And Bucky should only strive to be that man for the rest of his life. And this time around, he’s not gonna let her go. He’s gonna listen, love, and protect her just as much as he protects himself and his business, if not more. Something he should’ve done before he lost her. And they live happily ever after 🙏🏻💙

I didn’t mean for this to be long 😭 I’m sorry I just wanted to get my thoughts out. As I mentioned, I got too into your writing 😭

This is not to put a pressure on u and demand how it actually ends. This is me putting my 2cents (which may be controversial, and which why I just sent it anonymously) so please feel free to not post/respond to this 🫶🏻 just wanted to get it out of my chest hehe if you’ve read all of it, thank you for reading my yappings. And again, thank you for putting out your wonderful work 💙

Oh my goodness what a wonderful ask! Thank you. I really appreciate the time and effort you’ve put into your analysis and I’m so pleased the story has struck a chord with you 💖

I think you’ve nailed it. Nothing excuses Bucky’s behaviour but being presented with this evidence to suggest the woman he’s in love with has betrayed him has caused him to spiral and it’s shaken everything he thought he knew. He should’ve taken a moment, but the anger and hurt took over and he flew off the handle, burning everything to the ground before he could get his head together. And reader always suspected that her love story was a little too perfect, the handsome man whisking her away from her service job and caring for her in a way she’d never experienced, so she didn’t put up much of a fight when her worst fears were confirmed and it all went wrong. I hope you like how it ends!

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I loved your ranking of Jane! She gets way too much hat. Tbh I like her way more than Kenny

Thanks anon, glad you enjoyed the post!

But yes, I agree. I think Jane gets too much hate and I believe it comes from a misunderstanding of her character, as well as a lot of bias set in Kenny's favor.

Believe me, I understand a lot of the criticism with her character and I don't fault anyone for disliking her. To each their own, y'know?

I find her compelling and way more likeable than Kenny, and while I stand by the Wellington ending being the best outcome for Clementine and AJ, I loathe that you only get it by going with Kenny. Personally, if forced to throw out the Wellington ending, Jane is Clementine's best option as far as S2's ending goes...

...We don't talk about ANF Jane. ANF is forever on my shitlist for what it did to Jane. You ever want to study a great example of writers fully misunderstanding a character then writing a total character assassination? Then look at Jane in ANF.

But anyway, Jane isn't heartless and she actually listens to Clementine when she chews her out and tries to improve, something Kenny just... doesn't do, no matter how many times he says he will be better. Actions speak louder than words, my guy.

One example I can give comes with Arvo. Jane will threaten him with a gun and suggest they take his stuff, that she doesn't care about his supposed sick sister, all that... no matter the outcome, Jane shows remorse for her actions and questions how she got to the point of threatening a kid like Arvo, someone clearly powerless against her and in a position to be taken advantage of.

Then you have Kenny who treats Arvo as a personal punching bag and never once does he feel remorse. Kenny just treats him as an outlet for his rage, nothing more. Arvo isn't even a person to him. Hell, he cares more about going after Arvo and beating his ass than he does if Clementine falls through the ice while trying to save Luke.

You know who pulls Clementine out of the icy water? Not Kenny. Jane does, and she's the only one in a huge panic about her freezing to death, running around looking for a way to start a fire and what is Kenny doing? Right, beating Arvo again.

That's just one example. Also, to touch on the topic of Sarah, because I know that's a big thing for people who dislike Jane which fair enough, I get that. I don't have time to give a full analysis, but Jane's backstory is a huge part of why she tells Clementine that Sarah's going to bring her down. Sarah isn't in good shape after Carlos is killed, and you can't just pretend that she didn't endanger them when she refused to move. It makes sense why she doesn't, and it's incredibly tragic, but Jane can see as an outside observer with no attachment to Sarah that if they stay here, they're all going to die. So, either Clementine forces her to move, abandons her, or dies with her.

There are plenty of flaws with how Sarah is portrayed and handled in S2, again I don't have the time to give a full analysis, but Jane is gentle no matter what Clementine decides to do, save her or leave her. She doesn't chew Clementine out, she doesn't say, "I told you so." Jane explains her story with her sister, and the Sarah situation clearly triggered that trauma for her.

Again, soooo easy for people who hate Jane to be like "see?? she left her sister to die?? Jane bad, she want Sarah dead too," but that's just purposely ignoring the nuance and grey of the situation so you can think easy. And no, Jane doesn't want Sarah to die, that's just a straight up lie.

When Sarah is trapped, Jane will put aside her beliefs and safety to help Sarah when Clementine asks her to. It's not Jane's fault Sarah died. Maybe if she hadn't been hit with that plank of wood, she could've gotten to her faster. Maybe she would've died because Sarah was such in a state of panic that she would've brought her down, too. Y'know that drowning metaphor-- a drowning person will almost always pull you down, is it worth sinking with them? all that.

I want to make it clear that this isn't Sarah's fault. She's a victim here, both in the situation and in the games writing. Jane knows this, too. She's sincere in her apology to Clementine, and seeing Sarah die is yet another trigger that causes her to leave.

There's so much about Jane's character that I could get into, and I plan on it at some point. Like I said in my tier list, Jane is a great character and I'm tired of pretending she's not.

[mk-wizard]

A Plague Tale: When tragedy is necessary

SPOILERS ABOUT “A PLAGUE TALE” SERIES AHEAD!!

As sad as the ending was and much as we all wish Hugo made it, it should stand not just because it would cheapen his death. The fact that there was no saving him was the entire point of the story which is actually Amicia’s story. The story of A Plague Tale is really the story about Amicia and her coming to terms with her brother having a supernatural illness known as the Macula and seeing him go through all the harrowing phase while fighting both literally and metaphorically for a way to save him. Eventually, she has to accept that there was no saving him from the Macula, but she could at least give her brother a proper goodbye and end his suffering out of mercy. While the circumstances and details are fictional, the situation is not. Dealing with a terminally ill loved one is a very common thing as is hoping that maybe they will be the exception and beat the disease or that there is a cure waiting to be discovered in their lifetime only to face the harsh reality that all we can do is love them and be there until the end.

We talk about representation, but we forget that isn’t just orientation, skin tones, race, religion, gender identity, etc. Representation can be things such as this and it is important to showcase them. We need show that some people just don’t have happy endings, but that doesn’t mean they can’t recover from them. In fact, the way Amicia was at the end of everything (Requiem) shows the right way to mourn which is to continue living your best life, cherishing the time you had together, remembering them and also learning from it. In her case, she wants to take action to help the next Carrier and Guardian, so that this time, they may have a fighting chance at least which can be seen as a metaphor for a loved one passing away from cancer and you trying to do what you can to help the fight against it so someone else may have a fighting chance. When you look at this way, it also drives home the point of how the tragedy of Hugo should stand. He did not make it, but because everyone learned from his experience, the next Macula Carrier might be able to.

Also, I mentioned that there was no saving poor Hugo and I meant it. The only way to keep the Macula from taking over the boy was for him to be constantly calm and happy which is impossible. No matter what Amicia and the others would have done or went, Hugo would eventually face stressful and bad situations as the beginning of Requiem showed us. It is impossible to control every single event and suffering is a part of life. And there was no medical way to keep the Macula at bay with the way science and alchemy were in the gang’s lifetime. Even if the Count had never kidnapped Hugo and they did make it to the cabin in the mountains, something else would have eventually triggered the Macula. They just did not have the means to cure, treat or keep it under control. Even the elixir from the first installment (Innocence) just slowed the process down. Also, Hugo was either always on the run, was in pain or getting treatments that were like torture which was not a life any person should live much less a child. To add insult to injury, none of it helped, so in the end, the only way to end Hugo’s suffering was to euthanize him.

This doesn’t mean that this is the way it will end in the hypothetical third installment. In the final bonus scene of the Requiem, it is hinted that the next Carrier was born in modern times when medicine, science and possibly alchemy has made progress in leaps and bounds. And considering how determined and unbroken Amicia was, I have no doubt that she made precautions to help the next Carrier and Guardian to prevent both a disaster and tragedy. It is possible and dare I say likely that in the hypothetical third installment, the terror of Macula will be put to an end and the Carrier will be saved. The dark side of this though is that Hugo’s tragic end has to stand.

Anyway, that is my opinion, and I would like to hear yours. Thank you for reading and as always, stay safe.

PS: I think the creators should create a third installment not just to complete the trilogy, but also because having this one time where having a story take place in modern times would work in its favor because we are going through a pandemic. In this case, A Plague Tale which takes place in our time would be especially terrifying and all the more satisfying.

[formula-red]

well. 353 days since i last saw my father. 313 days since i last spoke to him. 213 days since i sent him a letter telling him to never talk to me again. and today, with my sister now safe at uni, i finally blocked him

(do not read past this if you are sensitive to anything related to this)

(what is essentially a long journal entry incoming lol)

is this the end? i'd like to think so. but how do i truly end a relationship with someone who has shaped the most deformed parts of who i am?

you will always cast a long shadow across my life– the time and the effort i have already put and still have to put into undoing all that has been done, the literal and metaphorical cost of recovering, the parts of myself i hate, the fact that i hate myself in the first place– these are all things that will weigh on me for years, if not forever, in one form or another. i hear your words echoing in the ones i use to hurt myself. i can't look at myself in the mirror without seeing the same cold blue eyes that were so unfeeling in the moments when i felt far too much. i wonder if you ever look in the mirror and see the opposite; do you see my own reflected back at you, wide and innocent, just a child struggling to understand what she has done? there is a part of me that will remain that child looking for answers forever, a part of me that will always want to know what about me was so wrong to make you hate me so much, what about me was so different from my siblings and so revolting to you. a part of me that will always want you to love me. but i know that those answers will never come.

i try to tell people but they don't understand. and i know you wouldn't understand. did you know i had to learn how to be sad instead of angry? i didn't know how to be sad because of you. i thought that rage and violence were sadness. you taught me that anger is controllable, it can be weaponised, it is the emotion of the strong, but sadness is weak, sadness is embarrassing and humiliating and for children who can't handle themselves and who shouldn't be let out of the corner. you stripped me of basic human emotion, conditioned me to believe that feeling something other than anger was a sign of failure and fragility.

now i take pride in being everything that would disgust you. everything you trained me not to be. i am kind. i am soft. i am gentle. i am fragile. i am open. i am sad. i am happy. i ask questions. i give hugs. i cry. i listen. i care. i am still working on trusting, and on accepting myself, but i move towards both every day.

most importantly, i love. completely and deeply, i love. i love other people so much. i live my life vulnerable and open to destruction authored by the hand of another. i open myself to the immense beauty and pain that is loving another human being far beyond myself. i reach towards instead of pulling away, ready and willing. i love without restraint or hesitation. i love, i love, i love, i love, i love.

i know my life will be better without you. it IS better without you. and i will never, ever, treat another human being the way you treated me.

and while i will never forgive you, with time, i will be able to forgive myself.

and that is all that matters.