#sexy grumpy old ladies

[i2sunric]

HOLD YOUR BREATH (s.jy)

pairing: detective!jake x reader (f)

summary: not having seen your husband’s face in two days, you decide to bring him dinner and check up on him— sleep deprived and stressed, he can’t help but get a taste of you.

warnings: 1960s au. mentions of murder, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy!), pussy eating, pussy drunk jake (r we even surprised), semi-public sex, choking, p in v, jake is a detective, jake wears glasses, sex on desk, dirty talking, pet names (baby, love, darling), wall sex, breeding kink, cream pie, lmk if more. NOT PROOFREAD.

wc: 3.7k

published: 11th June 2024

taglist: (permanent) @stolasisyourparent @jaeyunsbimbo @heelvsted @jwnghyuns @seunghancore @bangtancultsposts s @shawnyle (oneshot) @kirinaa08 @immelissaaa @skzenhalove @anittamaxwynnn @honeybunnee @cherlv

a/n: based on this ask from anon! sorry if it took me a while to prepare it, hope you like it tho <3 please LIKE & REBLOG!

Being a detective in the 60s wasn’t easy at all. With all the danger occurring and newly killers all walking around, trying to take lives as if they were useless, you couldn’t help but bite your nails as you waited for Jake at home.

But being a detective’s wife was even more difficult. The constant dread fuelling your heart until it was too heavy to carry.

One late Friday night, you were sitting by the kitchen table all alone. The warm June air hitting your skin since you left your window open, watching as the sun was beginning to set.

You had already deep cleaned the whole apartment, probably not even a single crumb of dust was left.

Then, you rearranged the books on the shelves.

In the morning, alphabetically and in the afternoon from the oldest to the newest. Ridiculous.

Utterly bored, you had even painted your nails of a weird shade of green that matched your favourite blouse-skirt set.

You weren’t even being dramatic, given the fact that your only company hadn’t shown his face at home for two days.

Date a detective, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.

It was everything but fun or entertaining, since you spent most of the time alone, due to his crazy schedules.

But you loved Sim Jake too dearly to even consider confronting him about it.

You heard a few stories about old ladies’ nieces at the hair salon you worked who got forced into marriage and you were so glad it hadn’t happened to you.

Because you knew it, bet your heart on it that Jake would always choose you first.

You glanced at the clock that ticked half past seven and like the perfect wife you were, you began to wonder if Jake was even taking care of himself. Had he eaten enough? Had he even eaten at all?

So, rolling up your sleeves, you cooked a delicious meal to bring him to his workplace. Inside the small lunch box was some warm miso soup and vegetables for his big, sexy brain.

Repressing the shiver that ran through your spine when you stepped out of your house and immediately spotted a ‘Missing Person’ sign, you started walking down the familiar road. You just thanked the sun was still high enough to bring some natural source of light.

You reached his office when it was dark already, having walked almost one hour away. Cursing the heels you forced yourself to wear even as your feet screamed for help, you knocked on the door.

The new detective Jake introduced you at a dinner showed up, bright smile and innocence plastered on his face “Hello! Miss Sim.”

You smiled back “Good evening, Mister Kim.” Sunoo stepped aside from the door “Looking for Detective Sim?”

You hummed as you took in the sight of the very dark hallway “Third door on the left, is that right?”

Sunoo nodded happily, “You remembered.” He then placed one hand on the side of his mouth to whisper “But I warn you, he’s not in the brightest mood.”

Oh goodness. “Thank you for the information.” You said as you walked away, to the door that led to your husband’s office.

Softly knocking on the door, you waited for his response, and when his grumpy “What?” From the other side, you decided to open the door.

And there your husband was, his hair sticking to every direction while his glasses almost fell down his nose bridge.

Jake was playing billiards, leaning against the table as he desperately tried to get in the ball. A simple task that seemed not to work for him, since he looked so distressed.

A cigar balanced between his upper and bottom lip, its smoke lingering in the air.

When his chocolate brown eyes finally settled on your figure, they softened in a way that made your heart skip a beat.

“Y/N.” Jake breathed out, placing down the pool stick on the table and walking towards you as you closed the door “What are you doing here?”

“I brought you dinner.” You raised the lunch box in your hand, smiling “Figured you might need it.”

His brows knitted, a frown appearing on his face “You walked here all alone?” He glanced at the clock that ticked nine already “It’s dangerous, baby.” Don’t let yourself be fooled by the sweet nickname, his tone was low and rather pissed.

Being in contact with crime most of his day, Jake grew very protective of you, and directly imposed that you wouldn’t go out without him — or any male friend — after six pm.

You shook your head and let out a small sigh “I’m here, aren’t I?” You said as you walked towards his desk to place down the lunch box.

“Besides, I haven’t seen you in a while.” You tilted your head, resting your back on the table “Haven’t you missed me?”

“Christ, Y/N.” He walked toward you right away, closing the space you had put “I missed you like crazy.”

He dropped his head low and sighed tiredly “But there has been another murder and we can’t figure out who the culprit is. I’m in deep-sea here.”

You gently cupped his cheek in your small palm and rubbed your thumb ���Maybe you should take a break?” You suggested “Working too hard fries your brain.”

Jake nodded “Maybe I should.” He murmured and looked behind his shoulders “Wand to play pool?”

You grimaced “You know I can’t play that game.” His lips twitched into a smile wrapping a strong arm around your waist. "I could teach you." He told you, lowering his head and brushing his lips against your ear.

You placed your hands with your newly polished nails on his clothed chest, right under his shoulders "I'm afraid I'm a lost case at this game, even for the greatest detective in town."

Jake chuckled lowly and tilted his head to press his lips against your own, sliding a hand downward to grip your thigh. He parted his lips, slipping his tongue into your mouth and tilting you backwards in between his body and the desk.

Jake took the opportunity to grip your thigh and spread it apart, too eager to even care about having a make out session first. He slipped his hand under your skirt and groaned when he felt your folds right under his fingers.

"Goodness, you didn't seem to be wearing anything." Jake mumbled against your lips before trailing his own down your jawline and to your neck.

His fingers pressed against your core and he groaned lowly, sliding his fingers across your entrance.

You let out a quiet gasp at the feeling and let out a small chuckle before his fingers delved deeper inside of you, moving in and out of your wetness while kissing across your jawline.

"You seem quite needy already, love." He mumbled with his gravelly voice. You grasped the back of his head and rested your forehead on his, your eyes never leaving his.

He kissed the tip of your nose, such a gentle gesture in contrast to the filthy thing he was doing to your body, the sound of your slickness pooling down your thighs and on his wrist filled the room— until it was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Cursing under his breath for not having locked the door when you first came in, and not having foreshadowed his fingers deep inside you, he pressed a finger on his lips to shush you. “Who is it?” He then asked.

“Detective Sim?” Someone’s voice came from the other side “The captain wants to speak with you, sir.”

He was about to turn the doorknob when Jake said “Busy at the moment.”

The other detective stepped back from the door but didn’t walk away. “It’s important.” He said bluntly.

You thought that at those words, Jake would leave you there on the table and go doing his job, instead he curled his finger inside of you, making you press a hand on your mouth to middle a moan.

“You can tell me from there.” The detective began speaking and Jake looked down at you, his eyes darkened as he continued to move his fingers in a circular motion inside of you. "Keep quiet, mh?" He whispered to you, his tone smug.

You let out a shaky breath and grasped his forearm, doing your best to not let out any noise.

He let out a low chuckle, curling his fingers again to draw a moan from you. "Shh, you have to be quiet." He whispered and the detective continued to speak.

Not like you could focus on what he was saying with the way his fingers worked you closer to the edge.

“About the murder cases we were working on…” The detective said, “I have an update.”

Jake tilted his head at the mention of the case and kept his fingers moving inside you. "And what is the update?" He called out, not letting up his movements at all.

You couldn’t take it anymore and tried to remove his wrist, "Detective Park found a similarity with the other two murders, seems like the culprit puts a small signature."

Jake ignored your piss-poor attempt to stop him as he continued to talk to the detective with a nonchalant tone.

"What sort of signature?" He questioned, a smirk on his lips while he continued his movements with a particular curling of his fingers.

Your legs shook as he kept hitting your sweet spot “He cuts the ring finger's nail of all the victims." The detective informed him.

Upon hearing the information Jake's eyes widened slightly before moving his sight back down to you. His fingers continued their ministrations, drawing more tremors from your body though his mind was working at the new information revealed to him.

Not hearing any reaction from the inside, Jake’s colleague added “Detective park said to find him when you aren't... busy?” He cleared his throat and for a second you thought he guessed what was happening “I'll tell him you'll talk to him later?"

Your husband hummed lowly as he thought back to the information, continuing to work his fingers in and out of you as if it helped him think. "Yes, I will come talk to him after." He told the detective with a steady voice, his eyes taking in your expression while his gaze darkened.

With the dismissal, the person’s steps went away until they completely disappeared. Jake smirked and moved his fingers faster, curling on your g-spot.

He lowered his head, pressing his lips against the side of your neck and up to your earlobe. "Just a little more, love." He whispered in your ear.

You moaned shakily, now finally able to let it out. You wrapped one arm around his neck to steady yourself as the other rested behind you.

You clenched around his two digits, the knot in your stomach tightening.

Jake let out a soft growl in your ear, his fingers curling against your sweet spot. "Not yet, wait." He demanded.

“W-what?” You frowned, unable to stop the euphoria creeping in “Why?”

Jake smirked against your ear "I'm not done with you yet, love." he mumbled huskily before taking your lobe in his mouth and sucking on it.

His fingers worked you until another moan nearly escaped your lips and he took that opportunity to capture them in his own "Quiet, you don't want anyone to hear you being a noisy little thing, do you?"

You shook your head as you threw it back, your hair dangling in the air and eyes squeezing. You bucked your hips to meet his hand, his palm rubbing against your clit.

Jake titled his head at the sight, looking ever so gorgeous. He added a third digit inside of you, but it stretched you so good to the point of pain. You couldn’t help but whimper out loud.

Jake chuckled at your reaction and his tongue delved between your lips when you whined, muffling your sounds. "Shh, you're being too loud, baby." He bit your bottom lip.

You clenched around his digits, walls taking them in “T-too much.” You murmured.

He hummed lowly and slowed his pace slightly, bringing one arm to grip your waist again. "You can handle it, can't you, baby?" Hequestioned as his fingers began to curl against your sensitive spot to ease your discomfort.

At the feeling, so full and good, you rolled your eyes to the back of your head “T-there.” You moaned helplessly “Keep going.”

“Be quiet for me.” He demeaned and curled his fingers at a speed you weren’t even sure was possible.

You looked down at where your bodies collided and couldn’t help but let out a moan, your slickness was pooling down his wrist onto the floor, making a whole mess.

Jake followed your gaze and smirked at the sight, “You like this? Mh?”

You nodded “Yes, Jake.” Your eyes were half lidded as you felt the knot in your stomach tighten “Like it. So good.”

Jake titled your chin up to meet his dark eyes and raised a brow, your walls sucking his digits in “Are you close, baby?”

Like the expert of your body that he was, he knew all the signs to pick up. “Yes— I’m so—“ You couldn’t even finish your sentence, that one particular curl on the spongy wall made your body shake in release.

Jake’s arms wrapped around you, holding your body against his as you quaked, “Good girl." He mumbled in your ear, his fingers continuing their work until you came down from your high.

He pressed a soft kiss to your jawline, his fingers slowly pulling out of and he smirked as they came out slick with your release. "You were so good for me, darling." he mumbled against your ear.

He pulled his fingers to his mouth and sucked them, he hummed “Love the taste of you.”

Jake gently gave your arm a light squeeze before moving you to the side. You watched him through puzzled eyes until you saw him pushing on the floor all of his files.

“Baby?” You asked and he only replied with a smile. He pressed his lips against your neck, sucking and biting on the soft flesh while he moved his hands to the back of your thighs.

“Now..." He mumbled as his hands gripped your thighs, lifting you up.

You widened your eyes when you noticed how he placed you on the desk and rested your thighs on his shoulders, kneeling in front of you “There we go.”

“J-jake?” You asked, looking down at him. He winked at you “Just relax." He mumbled softly as his lips began to trail across your thighs.

Your body twitched at the feeling, his featherlight kisses sending waves of pleasure.

Jake trailed his lips up until they were close to your core, his breath fanning against your sensitive skin.

“Wait.” You tried to stop him by pressing one hand on his hair. “You haven’t been touched yet.”

He chuckled again, looking back up at you from his position in between your legs. "Don’t worry about me, love. This is about you." He whispered, blowing on your pussy.

You rolled your eyes back and Jake took the opportunity to swipe his tongue slowly on your core, tasting your juices and your previous cum.

“Oh, Lord.” You moaned out, grasping his hair into your hand, knuckles almost white.

He hummed as the taste of you hit his tongue, drawing a low groan from him.

Your breath grew heavy, slowly guiding his head to lick in the spots you were the most sensitive.

“You taste wonderful, love.” He whispered, sucking on your clit.

You unconsciously bucked your hips, not in control of your body anymore as it succumbed to the pleasure.

Jake chuckled and pressed a hand on your hip, pinning it down to keep you from moving while his tongue continued circles against your sensitive spot. "Stay still for me, darling." He mumbled, continuing his movements.

You arched your back and grasped his hair and he could tell that you were already close to the edge.

So, he took the opportunity to slide his tongue in your entrance, making you moan out as the warm and spongy feeling made your whole mind black out.

His eyes never left your expression as he watched you closely. He was enjoying making you squirm, moaning out his name.

And just like thunder crashing, your body shuddered while you squirted right on Jake’s face.

You widened your eyes, unable to stop the overwhelming feeling of pleasure as you basically screamed-moaned. At that point, you were sure even people on the streets knew what you two were up to.

However, Jake seemed very content with it. He wiped his face with the sleeve of his suit. “Pussy so good, makes my day better.” Your liquid was dripping down his glasses and jaw.

“I made a mess.” You whispered, propping yourself up on your elbows “And?” Jake raised a brow, pulling your chin in a kiss. You could taste yourself on his tongue “I love your messes.”

“I want to help you.” You stated, palming his angry hard-on “You already made me cum twice.”

“We don’t have protections.” He murmured, kissing your lips once, then twice “I don’t want inconveniences to happen.”

The thought of him breeding you made your mind fill with primal urges, but you tried to negotiate “You can pull out.”

Jake shook his head, resting it on your shoulder “I don’t have self control when it comes to you.” He kissed your clothed shoulder.

“A blow?” You questioned, caressing the little hair he had behind his head. Jake chuckled again, “I’m too rough and I don’t want to ruin your cute attire.”

His gaze travelled down to your hand that helped you hold yourself up and smiled “You put nail polish on? It suits you.”

How he managed to make your heart flutter after literally having you shake, you weren’t sure. Maybe he had a talent.

“I wanted to be pretty for you.” You chuckled, “Can’t ruin your reputation.”

No matter how much Jake tried to talk you out of sex in his office, the way he was slowly rutting his hips on your inner thigh gave him away.

He occasionally let out small hums in between his words, and you knew damn well he must be feeling so pained.

So, you slowly climbed down the desk and looked at him. He showed you a nice smile, oblivious to the contorted plants you had in mind. His lips dropped into a frown at the same moment your skirt dropped to your ankles.

“Y/N?” He asked, raising a brow as you began to unbutton your blouse, showing your silk bra.

If Jake had one weakness apart from eating you out, then it was your boobs. He loved them, worshipped them day and night.

His eyes darkened at such sight, walking towards you right away and pushing you against the wall.

“You drive me insane.” He whispered, unzipping his pants and letting them drop to the floor “You fuck my head.”

You watched him with excitement bubbling your stomach, he gripped your bare thigh and raised your leg until it was around his waist.

You looked down at his hard cock, pressing against your stomach “Watch me stretch this pussy out.” He said as he aligned himself with your entrance and thrusted inside of you.

You were so wet and sensitive, your skin burning against his. Jake gripped your ass so tight it would surely leave a mark by the next day, he rutted his hips inside of you at a fast speed.

“I don’t think I’ll last long.” He warned, “I feel you much better without a condom.”

You clenched around his length as his admission, making him groan. He pulled you into a heated kiss as he kept moving his hips, desperately chasing the relief he longed for.

“Fuck.” He breathed out, grip on your skin painful “Fuck, you were made for me.”

With one skilled hand, he undid your bra and palmed your breasts, his tip hitting your cervix, making you moan.

Jake lowered his head onto your chest and began sucking on your nipple, circling his tongue around it “Ah, Yes!” You chanted out.

Without missing a beat, Jake changed tit and did the same thing to the other.

“So deep.” You moaned, squeezing your eyes shut as the familiar feeling of euphoria reached you for the third time “So good.”

“Yes baby,” He grunted, one hand sneaking up to wrap around your neck “You’re so good for me, so good.”

The sudden loss of air made you clench around him, your walls hugging his cock, sucking him in.

“Fuck— Stop clenching like that.” He huffed, squeezing his eyes just like you did “I’m already so close.”

“I don’t want you to pull out.” You placed one hand on his cheeks, brown eyes boring into yours “What?”

“I want you to cum inside of me.” A rather deep thrust “Your babies, I want them, I don’t care.”

“Oh goodness.” Jake grunted, his hips moving almost manically “You’ll be the death of me.”

You pulled him into a kiss which wasn’t exactly one, you two were just moaning and breathing into each other’s mouths.

“Are you sure, love?” He asked, drops of sweat coating his forehead, his bangs sticking to it “We can’t undo this.”

“I’m so sure.” You moaned out “Cum inside of me.”

At those words, Jake shot his load deep inside of you, filling you up with his warm seed.

You whimpered, grasping his forearm when the orgasm hit you as well, making you clench around him.

He held you against the wall, both of you trying to catch your breaths.

You smiled and removed one bang from his eye, caressing his cheek with your thumb “This was the craziest shit I’ve ever done.”

You slowly rocked your hips, needing to feel him more, needing his cum to stay inside of you.

Jake groaned and rested his forehead on yours “Damn baby, if this is how it’ll end up every time you visit, I hope you do it more often.”

[badkitty3000]

What icks would Five have? Things that are nit character flaws and can be sweet for others but make him cringe

This is a fun one! Five is a grumpy old man with little patience for people, but he's also a romantic at heart, so he probably would be ok with a lot of cheesy couple things (cuddling, holding hands, buying flowers, slow dancing, etc). But I could definitely see him rolling his eyes at a lot of things and refusing to participate in some couple activities. Here's a list I compiled off the top of my head.

Sharing food. This is the first one that came to my head, and it makes me laugh to think about his gf in the beginning of their relationship, casually leaning over to try a bite of his spaghetti and he just knocks her fork out of the way with his and blocks his plate with his arm. "What do you think you're doing?" he'll say incredulously. "Uh...I just wanted to try your food. It looks good." He laughs, shaking his head. "What are you, crazy? Get your own damn spaghetti." Then he continues eating while guarding his plate and giving her the side eye, with no further explanation given.

Sitting on the same side of the table at a restaurant. Along the same lines as the food thing. This is highly annoying, and if you sit in a booth next to him, with the other side completely open, he's going to frown deeply at you and then immediately blink over to the other side. He needs his space, especially when eating. Besides, you can't be trusted not to try and steal something off his plate. Oh, and don't try and feed him a bite of something off your fork. You may find the fork flying across the restaurant after he swats it angrily out of your hand.

Overly "cute" dates. Five is romantic, and he likes to take his ladies out on the town, but he's also traditional. Dinner, movie, stroll around the park, maybe a trip to a museum or aquarium. But other things like mini golf (utterly ridiculous game, also he once got kicked out for attacking the windmill with his club), picnics (he's had enough of eating meals on the ground, thank you very much), costume parties with matching couples costumes (Five Hargreeves does NOT wear costumes. Although, he has no issue seeing his s/o dressed in some sexy little cat or bunny outfit, or maybe even Wonder Woman because maybe he had a crush on her as a kid. Just don't ask him to participate because he's not doing it) are a hard pass.

Texting/sharing memes/social media. We're going to go ahead and assume he lives in an AU where there's cell phones. The phone is a necessity and he loves having a mini computer in his pocket to whip out and prove to someone else how right he is about something. He will text when needed, and in brevity. Yes, he will also send some sexy ones to make sure you're thinking of him and to get ready for whatever he's got planned for you later that night. BUT, there will be no sending memes or funny gifs. He is an old man and probably pronounces it "mee mee" and rolls his eyes when you try to show him one. Social media is also out, so don't bother trying to tag him in anything or make cute anniversary or birthday announcements for him.

Selfies. Just no. If you have a pic of him on your phone, it's probably one you had to sneak when he wasn't looking.

Tickling. I feel like this should go without saying. Some people may think this is cute...Five does NOT. Can you even imagine trying to tickle this man? I guess you could go ahead and try, but I promise it will only be a one time deal and you would be taking your life in your hands. I don't care how much he loves you. He's also not going to be doing the tickling. Unless it's by accident when he's running his hands down your body. And if you kept giggling, he'll sigh heavily and stop what he's doing. "Are you finished?" he'll ask, one eyebrow raised. You'll nod your head, restraining the urge to laugh. Then when he's back to touching you and you start up again, he'll lean back with his arms crossed. "I can't work under these conditions. Let me know when you've pulled yourself together. I'll wait."

This is all I came up with. What are some you think he would have? I love hearing others' takes on Five's little idiosyncrasies. Please share, I want to know!

[importantkidspyfarm]

We were slighted. Where are Penelope and Colin in their own story.

This season is just so discombobulated and poorly planned. Part one and part two are not the same show.

This show needs to go back to season one storytelling.

Why aren't we hearing Penelope's letters to Colin. Those letters should be how Colin falls in love with her. They are the writers!!!!!!!!! Why aren't they bonding over writing.

Penelope has been in love with a version of Colin that she's partially made up. That's par for the course with friends to lovers romances. This season should've had Penelope falling in love with the real Colin. Pen is allegedly reading (and editing) his journals and spending real quality time with him thats a perfect in for a romance. Getting to know the real him through him, the flawed, grumpy him, that make her love him more.

Colin should be doing the same. Listening and reading her edits of his book. Being amazed at how wonderful a writer she is in her own regard and not just in her letters.

The fact that there were no flashbacks is crazy their love story starts in the past.

Benedict is kissing boys, but what's the point? Sophie's coming next season, so why do I need to see him in the last hour of the show. In the world's slowest threesome. It started in daylight, and Lady Whats her name was still dressed hours later and no Ps or Vs touched. If he'd have kissed a boy episode 2 and lady whoever wanted him all to herself by episode 8, I wouldn't feel like it was for shock value.

Should've opened with the queen getting serious about finding Whistledown. Penelope helps Colin with his writing. He helps her with finding a husband. Tit for tat. He falls head over heels, but she's moved on, thinking he's off limits. He follows her one day bam he knows she's whistled down. Eloise and her fix the shot Cressida makes the claim. Pen tries to let it go, but she can't. Fight argue falls deeper in love. Yadda yadda end of season.

Penelope is married but doesn't get to enjoy it because Whistledown is going through it. And Colin's being a boy about it.

Why instantly do away with Colin is only marrying Pen because he compromised her and is doing it as a friend plot? How fun would it have been if during wedding planning Colin was really getting into it (he knows her fave colors and flowers etc.), but Pen is hesitant because she thinks it's not real. And we get to see a skeptical Portia and Violet see that Colin really is in love with Penelope.

Because this boy who's never courted this girl (wallflower) just said he was going to marry her out of the blue and apparently not because he compromised her. They would be skeptical.

The season opens with Whistledown talking up the Wallflowers one of the girls even gets engaged. That should've been the main subplot. Pen using Whistledown to help the wallflowers of the wall. Then maybe when everyone is bashing Whistledown those girls come forth and praise the column.

Why is there no Colin pulling a Pen and watching her out the front room window?

We don't even get to revel in the fact that a 16 year old girl had the ton eating out of the palm of her hand.

Where the hell did Lord Debling go. What was the point of him?

The show made a point to point out that there are intimate moments in Colin's journals that he deems for her eyes only. Why not have Colin read one of those moments to Penelope!!!!!!!!!! How sexy would that have been. Infinite.

Colin becomes a published author with Penelope's help, and we see none of it.

Colin realizes Penelope is Whistledown through rereading her old letters we hear none of them, we see him kinda read them for half a scene.

Francesca was such a nothing burger for 2 seasons. All of a sudden, we can't get rid of her. I don't care about her first marriage. Put her ass in Scotland until he fucking dies. Bring her back only as a sounding board for Eloise on how to talk to a widow on her season until Franchesca's season.

Why are the Mondrich's here!!! That man is fine as hell, but I don't care about their story.

They need to treat each season as a mini series. Focus on one story and treat the rest as filler.

They set the Modiste up as Penelope's confidant. we see her twice. Why not let that friendship bloom.

Cressida: I don't care about her outside of her pretending to be Whistledown.

Like, come on. You gave us a taste of wedding planning, and Violet and Portia were messy mums together.

Penelope's relationship with her sisters changes but again we see none of it.

They get married and have five scenes alone together afterward. Even when they in the same room together, the story is not about THEM.

Anthony and Kate are the perfect example of how I want to see everyone else. They are here, but are they.

They owe Polin at least 90 minutes of more screen time. Which will never get.

Anyways I'm happy for Penelope

Okay, I'm going to stop thinking about what should've been and just enjoy what we got because it's not going to do any good and just make me mad.

These latest seasons just feel like they were produced by someone who doesn't like the romance genre. And if you're a person, like me, who loves romance and all it has to offer, you know how detrimental and annoying people who don't like romance are to romance. Next time you switch showrunners, make sure you get someone who actually likes the thing they're making.

[justoceanmyth]

Dandadan is such a good show. It's got everything: balls (or...no balls?) to the walls alien fights, grumpy old ladies, sexy old ladies, heartbreaking scenes on the beautiful tragic smallness of human lives, giant crabs, plot relevant testicles....

[avidfics]

Meeting Vi Part 3 (End)

A/N: I promised @lusynea another part to this story, so here is the final part! Don't need to read the other parts: Part 1 Part 2

Summary: Your worst fear has come true. Vi hasn't contacted you since you kissed a week ago. Now Sevika and Jinx convince you to forget about her and it all comes to a head. (some angst, fluff, teasing but a happy ending)

WC: 4k

“That will be-” hiccup! “$10.” With bleary eyes, you wait for your customer to hand over the money for the cupcakes. Not that the older woman seemed to want the goodies anymore as you stood behind the counter with swollen eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and a wavering lip.

Despite your horrid appearance she hands over the money. As she leans over, her necklace peeks through. A slim chain with a teeny picture of her and an elderly man.

“Is that your husband?” your voice croaks, sore from crying.

The woman only gives a faint nod.

Making change for her money your heart tugs. “That’s so sweet.” You didn’t want to cry in front of this grumpy elderly lady, but damn tears were stinging the back of your eyes. “Keep it in, keep it in, you better not cry,” You threatened in your head. But that damn picture kept painfully pulling at your heart.

“Old, wrinkled love is so, so…” your lip trembled as the dam finally broke, “adorable.” Tears streaked down your face as your chest heaved.

“Oh, keep the change!” the women snatches the brown bag and stomps out your bakery.

At any other time, a disgruntled customer would have held more weight, but for the first time in your life you were heartbroken and had zero idea how to deal with the pain.

Your feet drags as you go to your back room and collapse at your desk. It had been a whole week since Vi stormed out of your apartment. The two of you had crossed the line of your friendship and kissed. It was nice. No, a warm bath was nice. That moment was pure bliss straight out of a dream. But just like a dream, it ended. The reality was you didn’t just want sex with Vi - so you told her exactly how you felt. The result? Her getting mad and not speaking to you for a solid week.

Your fears of your friendship ending had been realized. And what had the sexy boxer left you with? A state of sexual frustration and depression. Not a fun combination.

So here you were, huddled alone in your office at the bakery, surrounded by flour and sorrow. Your body shudders at the thought of anyone seeing you in this state.

“I thought I smelled something pathetic.” The low, hard voice has you jumping. You knew that sardonic voice anywhere.

Sevika and Jinx waltz into your back room, looking like the poster for a poorly written cop duo movie, scanning your trainwreck of an office.

Your jaw drops. Jinx always found a way to creep herself into your bakery but Sevika was a whole different story. The women was a walking death machine, and said death machine was biting into one of your cupcakes.

Jinx merrily skips over the scattered baking books laid across the floor. And hops her bum on your desk, swiping away the mountain of used kleenex. “Not to state the obvious, sweet cheeks, but you’re a mess. You can’t let one set of boobs kill your mood.”

Blowing your nose into another kleenex you narrow your eyes at her. “Said “pair of boobs” is your sister, Jinx. And that’s easier said than done. I really cared for that idiot and can’t get her out of my mind.

“How do expect to stop caring when you’ve been sitting here acting miserable.” You jump once again at the sound of Sevika’s voice. She starts eating her second cupcake, but not before looking at the decoration in disgust. “Seriously? Isn’t putting sad faces on these a little on the nose?” she asks before chomping into it.

Normally, you would avoid any conversation with Silco’s number two, but she was ticking you off by eating your cupcakes. “Cut me some slack, I’m trying to get over her.”

Sevika shoots the balled wrapper towards the trash bin, but purposely misses. Her eyes hold a small spark. “Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

“Not to me.” Jinx sings out. “Best way to get over someone is to bury them under me. Six feet under to be exact.”

You were surrounded by lunatics. “Jinx, just a reminder we are talking about your sister. And secondly, I don’t want to hop in bed just to soothe my heart.”

At the gushy sentiment Sevika groans. “Who the fuck is talking about a heart? Fuck someone else and get your dignity back. The little that you had to begin with because best believe Vi ain’t soothing shit except another girl she’s probably fucking at this very moment.”

You ball a used Kleenex in your hand and dare to glare across the room at the brut. An act that likely skimmed ten years off your life. “Vi wouldn’t do that.” The tears take a back seat to the rage that’s building in the back of your throat.

In a surprise twist, Sevika grins at your sharp look. Walking across the room to you, kicking your scattered cookbooks to the side. “But you don’t know that. Shit, known of us do.” She glances at Jinx, and even she shrugs her shoulders, unsure. “So baby get your sorry ass up, because we have some shots to take.”

A million insecurities raced through your mind but your only reply was, “Baby?”

Sevika scoffs. “As in you’re acting like a sorry crybaby who needs to take a hint.”

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Damn it, I need to grow a backbone. You think as you caught a glimpse of yourself in a passing window. Even though it was nighttime in the Undercity, the streetlights casted enough of a glow for you to see the silhouette of the outfit Jinx’s physically forced you into. Literally.

The only item she allowed for you to pick was your top, which was a slightly see-through black shirt with dramatically long sleeves reaching the tips of your fingers but that’s where the modesty stopped. A deep v collar plunged down the shirt, giving anyone with eyes a slither of cleavage. The cool air licked across your exposed legs since the leather mini skirt Jinx found was more like a bandaid. The only satisfied part of your outfit was your knee high platform boots. Or as Jinx called them “the bitch stompers 1000.”

Unfortunately for your deranged friend, there would be zero stomping tonight because your heart had been stomped on enough. As the two of you walked through the underground club, already moving to the music, you looked around to gauge the crowd but one pink head of head freezes you in your tracks, losing Jinx.

God, the sight had you seeing blood red. Vi was here, looking so hot that the girls in the club were panting like dogs, but what made your fist ball was the scantily clad girl hanging onto Vi as if the two of them were opposing side of magnets.

“Yikes, sis.” Jinx appears right next to you, observing the same debauchery as you. You flinch at the sound of her blowing bubbles with her straw into her drink right next to your ear. “I mean kinda proud she’s such a stud but also ew.”

Jinx’s ramblings are tuned out like static. Here you were mopping in your bakery for the past week, feeling like absolute crap, while Vi was having a blast with the local hoes. And sure, that girl might not have been a certified hoe, but that didn’t stop you from wanting to grab the girl by her cheap extensions and drag her across the dance floor.

Your bitch stomping boots were itching to be used.

“I need a shot.” you mumble, storming away. The bar was a mosh pit of thirsty bodies also needing spirits to forget and you was no were close to getting through. An aggressive elbow whacks against your rib, knocking you backwards. Your eyes widen as the height of your boots leads you tumbling backward.

Two sturdy arms wrap around your midsection, halting your fall.

The immediate relief of not falling on your bum makes you laugh.

“That would’ve been the icing on a terrible day, thank you.” The arms slightly tighten as you tug away to face them. And they remain there as you take in the pink hair and bright eyes.

“Vi.” you breathe, shocked. You were back in Vi’s arms and it was everything your heart needed. It was like for the first time this week you were finally centered, could finally breathe. However, past her shoulder you see the same hoe, waiting for Vi on the dance floor and you yank yourself out of her arms. Scoffing at your bad luck, you storm away.

A hand snatches you back. “Woah, woah babe just wait a second, didn’t you want a drink.” Vi’s carefree grin smiles down at you, making your heart clinch. While the mass of people crushed her closer until the two of you were nearly flushed together, molding your bodies together in a way that makes you bite your lip, incredibly tuned on. Her eyes leave a trail of heat as she blatantly checks you out. “Shit, you look hot as fuck.” She quickly scans the room, eyebrow crinkling. “Who you here with?”

Snatching your hand away, you don’t even attempt to hide the anger in your eyes. “Don’t get familiar, Violet.” Storming away in your boots you raise your hand in the air and flip her off.

Walking away felt as liberating as it did wrong. And now you couldn’t even drown your conflicted feelings in booze thanks to that idiot. Jinx’s obnoxious laughter guides you to over to her high table, joking with some acquainted.

“Hey there tits, I mean toots!”

Ugh. “Jinx, how did you get drunk before I did?”

A hush falls over the group just before two shots of liquor are placed in front of you. “So the crybaby was brave enough to make an appearance.” Grabbing both shots you drown them in two gulps and turn around to see Sevika looming over you. “One of those where for me.”

Your frown at the feel of someone watching you. Scanning the room, Vi’s electric eyes nags your attention. Furious didn’t begin to describe how Vi looked at you from across the room. Her signature scowl etched into her beautiful face, lip curled and body tensed as if ready to stomp over to you. Only when her eyes flicker to Sevika standing close to you do you understand. Vi had the nerve to be jealous even as a floozy hung off of her shoulder.

Batting your eyelashes, you smirk up at Sevika. Placing the empty glasses back in her hands you shrug, too blitz already from the alcohol to be fearful. “Opps, guess you’ll have to go and wait in line for another one.”

Sevika scoffs at the suggestion. “Not likely.” With a snap of her fingers, a waiter magically appears with two tumblers of dark liquor. Handing you yet another drink. Inwardly you shrink away at the thought of tasting the dark liquor but outwardly you graciously accept it. Your touch lingers along her fingers as you take it. Sneaking a glance, Vi is no longer visible through the crowd. The alcohol makes your disappointment apparent.

“Guessing you’re trying to make VI jealous?” One hand lifts up your chin. ”But you just had to ask, Y/N, I’ll never pass up the chance to mess with that idiot.” A small part of you was freaking out because holy shit being this close to Sevika was terrifying. But the alcohol didn’t care that you weren’t interested in her, it only knew that you craved Vi’s touch and at this point in the night, you would find another way to salve that hurt.

You closed your eyes, feeling Sevika bend, close enough to smell the last cigarette she smoked. With a steady inhale and exhale, you feel her ghost over your lips but it’s suddenly yanked away and the sharp sound of glass breaking startles your heart. Your eyes widen at the sight of Vi suddenly standing where Sevika stood, chest heaving and eyes lasered in her, who now stands disorientate a few feet away from you as if she had been shoved.

Well there goes your buzz. Appalled, you question Vi’s sanity for messing with Sevika, but she doesn’t share your self-preserving concern. She turns to you with barely controlled rage. She holds your eyes captive with each step she takes. “Don’t get familiar, Violet?’ So now we’re using government names and acting like I didn’t have you squirming with just my thigh between your legs a week ago?” You flush at the vivid reminder. Each step echoes in your heart, urging your flight or fight. So you take off.

Or you try to take off anyway but Vi clutches you back, pressed hard against the round table. “Stop running away,” she demands.

“Oh, so you can but I can’t?” That outburst wasn’t supposed to escape but the damn alcohol was revealing emotions you hadn’t plan on exploring tonight.

“Didn’t know you cared about that, seeing how you’re here having a grand time.”

“Oh the double standard is despicable.” Sevika sharp laughter reminds you this wasn’t a private conversation.

“Crybaby, is this second-rate boxer causing you problems?” Vi’s jaw clenches but she doesn’t address Sevika’s jab. Instead, nicking the tumbler of alcohol from your hand, she inspects with a turned lip as if it had a bad odor and tosses its contents over her shoulder as if dashing away the bad energy. “You don’t like dark liquor. Here, I got your favorite after you ran off.”

Sevika, already recovered with a new drink, circles Vi from behind. “Maybe she wanted a taste of something different.” That did it. Vi releases you just to charge at Sevika. But no matter how mad you got, you didn’t want Vi fighting one of the cruelest fighters in the Undercity over her own stupid pride. “I’m leaving,” you announce. Drowning everyone’s shots at the table, to their dismay, you march away to the nearest exit, not knowing what Vi would do.

Walking outside, you immediately stumble to the side of the building. Perhaps platform boots and back to back shots weren’t the smartest idea. You’re still stumbling when you notice heavy steps approach you from behind.

Freaking Undercity. You mumble to yourself. Preparing for the assault, you bend over and reach into the side of your boot. When you see their shadow reach out you spin around and press the cool metal to their skin.

Vi’s brilliant eyes sparkle in the streetlights, both hands held up in surrender. “Whoa cupcake, I would be impressed except-“ a finger stretches out to your forehead and shoves at your temple, and that’s enough for your drunken equilibrium to send you crashing into the closest building. “-you’re flat-out drunk.” Walking over, she gives in and pulls you to stand straight up.

“Please tell me you at least had an actual weapon?” Mumbling some profanities, you hold up your ‘weapon’. “Shit babe, a serving knife from your bakery!” You point the knife back at her with narrowed eyes, “Anything’s a weapon if it’s used with enough force.” Vi rolls her eyes hard and said in a flat tone, “I’m shaking in fear. How about you tuck that away and let me carry you somewhere to sober up. Unless you’d rather shank every person who walks behind you.”

You side- eyed her and her lame attempt at chivalry. However, you were too drunk to save face.

Vi tried to hide her smile as you grumbled your acceptance. With uneven steps you walked over, lifted your hands to Vi’s shoulders, only to push her down so you could climb on her back.

The weight and feel of your legs wrapped behind Vi's back bought a wave of nostalgia from your first meeting. Just your close proximity after a week-long fast made Vi want to press you as close as possible. The feel of your warm thighs under her hands as she carried you and the smashing of your boobs against her back made Vi groan. Barely concealed desire had her eyes rolling to the back of her head. Her only luck tonight was that you couldn’t see how visibly you affected her. Here she was supposed to be taking care of you but all she craved was to carry you into one of these darken alleys, slam you against a building and make you regret exposing so much skin, especially in the presence of that tool, Sevika.

It was a short walk, and you were still drunk for most of it but damn the swirling combination of alcohol, pent up frustration, and the musky smell of Vi casted a horny spell over your head. Giving in to the pull you snuggle against her neck. You missed this closeness like crazy. The long lines of her throat kept you entranced and you wanted to erase the memory of that girl from earlier. Your heart speed as the tip of your nose ghosted up and down her exposed neck.

At the first swipe Vi trips over her own feet. Pretty giggles escapes your lips but you continue. Her smell felt like home and you wanted more. The alcohol gives you the bravery to sniff the base of her throat. Vi steps quicken to a brisk walk. Having too much fun, you don’t notice as she walks into an apartment lobby. You switch and start dragging your lips along her neck. Mixed with open mouth soft kisses. A gutted, “Fuck,” mirrors your feelings as Vi’s warm hands under your thighs squeezes your flesh. But what starts as a punishing grip turns into feverish kneading that racks up your arousal. Without shame, you whimper and unabashedly hoist yourself higher to get better friction. Distantly you realize you're on and off of an elevator and hear keys.

“Warning you cupcake, calm your hotass down.” There was a threat hidden in her words, and you were sick of caring about consequences. Kissing the base of her neck, you dare to sensually lick up her neck, tasting the slight sweat from the late night, and take her earlobe in your wet mouth, softly sucking.

Somewhere a door is slammed shut and keys are thrown against a counter. Vi drops your legs and the startling movement has you dropping like a hot potato to the group. But you don’t have time to feel the pain against your bum because Vi gathers you against a wall, picking you up, you hang on like a koala. Once your legs are once again wrapped around her waist, her hands land several slaps against your ass. “I’m trying to do right for once and tuck your drunk ass to bed,” Vi eyes flash in the slight moonlight peeking through the windows. They zone in on your lips before grabbing hold of your face and devouring your lips as if she was trying to swallow you whole and you were more than eager to return it with equal passion. Gripping her back and kissing her with all the resentment and longing the past week had created.

You don’t register when she starts moving through the dark apartment. Or when she gently sets you on your feet. But when she leans away you start to frown. “Where are you going-“

Cold, heavy water jets from above. “What in the world!” A bright light illuminates the room. Blinking disoriented, you realize you’re standing in a shower. Vi’s stands outside the shower, tight lip smile and eyebrow raised, offering you a towel. “I warned you to calm down.”

You snatch the towel. “So you spray me like a dog and ruin my hair?”

“I wanted to talk,” she shrugs. You kick your boots off, and storm to what you believe to be her room. “Oh so now you want to talk? Which one is it Vi? Because last week you walked out on us when I begged you to talk.” With angry movements, you start stripping your clothes off.

Standing in the door with her arms crossed, eyes tracking your hands as you drag your wet skirt down you legs. You don’t miss the way she’s eye fucking you, even mad. “Babe, I just needed time to sort out my thoughts and feelings.” A silent challenge was raised as you eyed one another, and in response she shrugs her heavy jacket off, tossing it on the bed.

A simple short sleeve button up accentuates her well-defined arms. The first few buttons already opened. You wondered what color bra she was wearing... “Yeah, I can tell how hard you were thinking about your feelings as you grinded against that girl tonight. And don’t call me babe.”

Her eyes darken as she maneuvers closer to as if you both are in the ring. “Sweet so I can’t call you ‘babe’ but that brut, Sevika, can? And what the hell are you doing around her anyway?” Rolling your eyes, you wave that off.

This whole conversation was draining you. One, you were still tipsy so now you felt like crying. Two, having a strained relationship with Vi was the exact scenario you was scared of. And thirdly, you were still wet, cold, and she ruined your hair. Your legs give out and you plop on the edge of her bed, lip quivering, and something lodged in the back of your throat.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Vi scrambles to grab another towel and kneels down between your legs, clasping the towel around your shoulders and actively drying your wet body. “No fair, you know I can’t handle your tears.” Vi’s panicked petting was both funny and sad which made the tears start coming down and words choppy. “Sevika is just an ahole and called me ‘crybaby’ because I was crying over you, stupid.” More tears tracked down your eyes, smearing any eye makeup you had.

“You were crying over me cupcake?” You try to push at her chest but she doesn’t budge, and traps your hand to her warm chest. “As you now know, I suck at this. But I realized this past week, even if I’m bad at this, I’d rather suck at it with you. No more drawing lines. But I gotta know, are you sure you want to put up with this?”

Your tears finally settle down. You press your head against hers and slide your hands underneath her button up shirt. Her breath hitches at your contact but you keep touching her. Pulling the shirt up and over her head. You press kisses against her face. “I want any and every messy part of you I can get.”

That must’ve be what she needed to hear because she yanks you further up on the bed. At some point she had taken you bra off. Your thin wet shirt was still molden to your body. Through the shirt your nipples pebbled hard and Vi was delighted. Her hot mouth contradicted against the cool shirt and the contact felt like heaven. She laved at it like her favorite treat and then enveloped her wet mouth over it, switching to one nipple to the other until all you could do was mewl while clutching her short hair in you hands.

“You sure you want all of me? It’s not pretty and it comes with my crazy little sister.” You roll your eyes at the mention of your crazy friend. You tightly twist her hair, hearing her groan in pain as you drag her face up. “Just stop meeting hoes in the club.” Wincing, she peppers kisses over your face. “Sevika paid that girl to nag me all night.” Vi admits before commencing with her fun, tucking her head under your shirt and playing with your breast, making you forget all about this past miserable week.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you all who have stuck with this series:)

[slashingdisneypasta]

Ive been bored out of my mind 😩 any movie or book recomendations?

You opened up the can. Do you want the worms? XD

YES!! I DO HAVE RECCOMENDATIONS!! XD And I'm so glad you asked ^^ Obviously you're not required to take any of these, but if you do- let me know what you think! ^^

If you're here, I assume you like fun, sinister and exciting villains. So I'll give you a little info on the villains in each source 😅😆

Movies:

First of all- a n y m o v i e (or episode in a TV show) with Robert Englund playing the bad guy. You can't go wrong. Even if the rest of the source is... not-so-great... the man never misses.

(In particular: The Last Showing, Inkubus, and Good Day For It are really good! Especially the first 2.

The Last Showing (free on Plex): Villain is a weaselly, geeky loser with a with dreams of sinister grandeur.

Inkubus (free on Tubi): Villain is a sexy, sinister, cunning, smug old demon.

Good Day For It (free on YouTube): just... just have a peak at what I've been posting non-stop the whole weekend 😅🫠🫠🫠)

The Rescuers and the Rescuers Down Under. If you haven't seen these and you like Disney Villains, you must!! You get both!; a nasty woman with scary eyes and no code of ethics, and a big, sinister, crooked-grin bush man.

The Lake Placid Series. I KNOW, I KNOW- you probably read that and think 'ughh why' but LOOK- TRUST ME- The Bickerman's are a riot. A hoot, even XD From a sweet old lady who swears and feeds whole cows to the crocodiles played by Betty White to her son who's a greedy old poacher who is equal parts creepy and loony tune- they're so much fun XD The only movie in which they aren't antagonists is 3, but then you get Reba who is a grumpy, bad ass milf and is that really a miss? No, I don't think so.

Going back to kids animation- Happily N'Ever After (free on Vimeo) You got a myriad of villainous suitors to choose from in this one XD You got the Big Bad Wolves (💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️), witches, Rumplestilstkin, and Cinderella's Evil Stepmother who is- just- so hot XD A wicked lady with a slit in her dress.

... are you into creepy nasty old men? Because I think Judge Turpin played by Alan Rickman in Sweeney Todd; The Demon Barber of Fleet Street takes the cake in that department.

Little Shop of Horrors. Yes- Audrey II is plant, but he's smooth motherfucker, and some of us are into that 😆😅 And maybe so are you. And if you aren't into Audrey II, there's always Orin; a leather jacket wearing, motorbike riding, sadistic jackass.

Oh!! The Funhouse Massacre!!! Another fun one with a myriad of scary boyfriends XD (and one scary girlfriend XD). It's a cheesy gore fest but of you like that or can get past it- your villains here include a Wrestler Murder-Clown, a Psychotic, Silent Harlequinn, a Sinister and Charismatic Cult Leader, a Sexy Sadistic Dentist, a Cute Cannibalitic Chef, and a Creepy Old Taxidermist.

Disney's Once Upon A Halloween (free in parts on YouTube). It's all your favourite Disney Villains (before Dr Facilier I think) in one place- what else could you want? XD

Books:

If you like hot demons and you have a teacher kink-- then The Evil Librarian Trilogy (Michelle Knudsen) are definitely for you XD You got the evil librarian (Mr Gabriel), who is basically evil incarnate with a sexy goatee. Then you also Principal Kingston who is an older dilf wearing cargo pants and is slightly silly (my favourite, and also the reason i named my kangaroo oc kingston)-- and then Ms Kralovna; the language teacher and an absolute Queen.

Dorothy Must Die (Danielle Paige) pretty much makes Dorothy (years later) a wicked slutty dictator, the scarecrow a creepy mad scientist, the tinman a besotted obsessed guardsman, and the cowardly lion a monster. Plus there's the Nome King in the last 2 books who is describes as the 'most sinister senior citizen' which is the perfect descriptor for him XD

If you like Slasher movies, you will d e f I n e t l y love The Final Girls Support Group (Grady Hendrix). It's just so cool and interesting how Hendrix puts the actual Slashers into the book without saying their names.

Hellhole (Gina Damico). Okay this is another demon XD Except this one works in... the greasy food office in hell XD (I think XD ) Don't get me wrong, he's bad; he's powerful, and he'll kill your whole family, and he has unreasonable demands if you refuse. But he's mostly happy to sit in your basement with no pants eating tostitos and whole sticks of butter while watching project runway and playing cod for now XD And his name is Burg (as in Burgundy Cluttermuck)- isn't that cute? XD

Karen M. McManus books. Any of them. (Though, I do recommend The Cousins and Two Can Keep a Secret in particular. I cant tell you much cuz they're mysteries but they are definitely my kinda bastards. If you like the characters I write for you'll probably like them too XD The only misfortune is that, since they are mysteries, they aren't acting all villainous until the end. )

Alice and Red Queen (Christina Henry). If you have a strong stomach and you like gory, sometimes unpleasant horror- these are for you! The characters of Alice in Wonderland are n e v e r going to be the same 😅😅😅 Especially the Rabbit, who is... I think, a trafficker? Meanwhile the Walrus, um- nope, i'm not going there. Moving on!

DANCING JAX DANCING JAX DANCING JAX. These are my f a v o u r i t e books. Ever. They will always be my favourite books. And let me tell you why!!- They are o v e r f l o w i n g with vastly different, interesting, flawed characters who totally stick with you forever XD And a good lot of them are bad guys. You got:

- Austerly Fellows; a creepy charismatic cult leader type who may not actually be Austerly Fellows?? Their could be a swapped at birth/changeling sorta thing going on here?? (The 'original' Austerly had a mark on his foot and the one that his mother got back from the baby farm didn't).

- The Jockey; the kind of bad guy who ain't loyal to anyone. Not even the other bad guys. He must play everyone one way or another (its the way he was written, and he follows through), at some point. He's tricky, and weaselly, and gross. I love him.

- Jangler; Austerly's right hand man. He's a stern, crotchety and nasty old codger. His heart is as cold as ice, he's calculated, and he definitely takes joy in some of the terrible things its his job to do.

- etc. There's more but I cant give more away 😅

Thats what i can think of right now! ^^ I'd be so so jazzed if you took any of these recc's but don't worry about feeling obligated too! ^^ It was fun to talk about them XD

[im-no-jedi]

I don't talk enough about my MLWTBB OCs and I think that's a shame

in the first story, we have a Twilek Mom™ and her sassy Zabrak bestie who both work as sexy waitresses in a high-end restaurant. we have the restaurant's owner, who is literally just bedazzled Castor from Tron Legacy, and his trusty assistant who is the Chiss version of Severus Snape. there's also the villain, a corrupt but smooth Devaronian businessman obsessed with getting what he wants by any means necessary (he may or may not be faceclaimed as Tom Hiddleston, that's all I'm saying 👀). oh, and did I mention he's Roland Durand's uncle?? 🤭

then we have the Ord Mantell characters, who are seen throughout the rest of the series. there's a quirky Cathar who owns a pawn shop, likes shiny things, and has no regard for personal space. there's a grumpy architect droid who seems to only care about his work (despite that obviously not being the case 😜), and his friendly little BD droid assistant. he also has a rivalry with Tech and refers to him as his nemesis LOL. there's also a Godfather-like Besalisk who lives in the mountains and is an intimidating presence to everyone he meets... unless you're willing to play cards with him 😆. he also owns a giant mouse droid who does all his bidding; no one knows how it's able to do the things that it does because it's always done out of sight. there's even a smug, self-centered half-Mirialan who is constantly trying to woo my character, even after she's CLEARLY been taken. oh and I can't forget the sweet old lady who runs a fruit stand and is always being nosey about my character's relationship with Hunter ROFL

some other characters in the story are a rich, stuck-up businesswoman from Hosnian Prime, and her two bumbling assistants, who are responsible for finally getting Hunter and my character together (no joke). and I can't forget my character's reprogrammed OOM Battle Droid who is super sweet but quite ditzy and frequently gets into scraps with Echo haha

and there will be more to come in the future... 😌

[quarktrinity]

quark watches star trek season 2 episode 12

wow what a conveniently expository conversation theyre having just after beaming down

no chekov dont enter the spooky building

holy shit a dead dude

yep that dude sure is dead

holy shit alive people

weirdly loud and intense music

obviously old people think theyre in their late 20s. uh oh

old guy: "elaine was so beautiful. so beautiful." kirk: :T

yes kirk we get it ur into blondes

"old friend" ok so shes his ex. how many exes does this dude have

"when my husband died" so shes single. alright

i think i realized why i find so many of the Kirk Romances boring and annoying and only some of them fun and interesting. most of them are entirely on the basis of "shes blonde and hot and likes him because hes blonde and hot," and all the interesting ones actually establish chemistry and tension and its not just showing that theyre attracted to each other, its showing WHY. and then the boring ones just assume u understand why kirk wants to bang this blonde chick of the week. i actually dont. shes boring, show me why he wants her

obviously plot relevant comet mentioned off-handedly by spock as having not been investigated

kirk having memory troubles methinks

it seems the whole crew is becoming Old

topless kirk <3 thaaaanks <3333

kirks definitely having memory troubles

kirks tummy is so good

kirk has Body Pains

mccoy has gray hairs. theyre all entering their dilf eras

mckirk sexual tension

kirk has arthritis. lmao

they tried to make kirk look like hes balding by just slicking back his hair. he looks kinda goofy

mccoy looks ancient

mccoys southern accent is coming out

whoever wrote this episode thinks aging is horrifying

off-screen lady is off-screen

ok blonde doctor lady is starting to get interesting. my favorite part of this is that kirk points out that she talks like spock. interesting of u to say abt a lady ur hot for kirk.

blonde doctor lady is into dilf kirk. aight

honestly they didnt make kirk very dilfy :/ they shouldnt have slicked his hair back like that, it looks silly

kirk calls out that blonde doctor lady is into older men

alright this is a good love interest. im cool with this

chekov is grumpy

kirks memory troubles are starting to become problematic

kirks napping <3

woah so crazy how the comet was plot relevant

kirk you gotta go take another nap or something

weird tinfoil dildo

spock says Its Too Cold

commodore guy says kirk is getting too stupid to be captain

"this isnt gonna hurt a bit" "thats what you said the last time!" "did it hurt?" "yes!"

dead lady

kirk is obviously insecure

spock were in crisis i think its fine if kirk repeats himself sometimes for a bit. give him time to fix this

mccoys napping <3

kirk is canonically 34

kirk is grounded

kirks being funny <3

kirk does make a good point that theyre wasting time they could spend fixing this problem

commodore dude immediately makes dumb decisions

kirk as a rambling old man is fun to watch

hes acting like a jilted lover with spock. i love this show

the camera is still obsessed with kirks ass

hahahaha this show thinks radiation poisoning can be treated

commodore dude forgot about the space cold war

kirk is once again in restraints

"it could cure or kill" so itll obviously work

kirk has no fear of death

camera is weirdly focused on kirks crotch

yes lets zoom on his crotch while he writhes on the bed in pain. i couldnt make this shit up if i tried

commodore dude doesnt know shit about the space cold war

kirk is Fine now. damn i almost forgot how sexy he is

kirk is so good at captaining

the romulans should know that kirk would never blow up his ship. dont they even watch star trek

mcspock banter

"well, gentlemen, all in all, an experience well remember in our old age- /stops, reaches for his back with a surprised and thoughtful expression, then adjusts so it looks like hes just holding his hand on his hip/ ...which wont be for some while, i hope" youre 34 kirk it happens

[amyinmyheart]

I had a dream tonight, where I was some kind of angel. Which is unusual, usually I'm some sort of witch or fae creature in my dreams, but anyway. I was hanging out in this abandoned building with some homeless & punk people. Their leader (who protected them a lot) got really sick and then I revealed my angel nature and healed him, because otherwise he'd died. I asked everyone not to make a big deal about it and stayed with the group for a while longer.

Later, I was traveling alone and getting kind of fed up with humanity. Yes, there are good humans but also many evil ones. I was getting tired of being immortal and longing for companionship that wouldn't eventually die on me. That's when I met this 50+ year old looking dude, who was some kind of evil/fallen angel. We recognised each other as fellow angels and he tried to seduce me to "the dark side". Fat chance brother, was what I told him. He just was out of luck there with me - wrong gender representation... unless he had some evil angel sexy lady friends he wouldn't manage a seduction with me. He got grumpy, as I just wasn't phased by his flirtation attempts and I laughed at him!

[redpool]

Episode 5 of TLOU

Are you not supposed to be quiet in an apocalypse?

What the f-

Oh yeah, I figured out who big beard is.

Why do you care?

Perry? Perry?? Really, Perry?

Is he deaf? Or mute?

Awe

I think I like this Henry more than the game version.

Jeez old man

Awe

Synchronised

Oh shit

Never mind

Yeah Joel

Grumpy ass

Oh fuck

He has the assholeyness down

Oh

Oop

Sensitive subject

Is it bad that I don't really like the game version of Tommy but I LOVE the tv version?

I. Don't. Care.

And then sniper... please

I was right

Bit early tbh tho

Oh s.h.i.t

BOO

Oh shit

Mr/Ms bloater, where are you when I need you.

Shut up lady

What the fuck is wrong with you

Do something man.

Who died and made you king?

Oh balls

*giggles*

*giggles and kicks legs*

Woah, oh my god.

Ignore my last two comments

Sexy

sorry, had to switch to my phone

that... is how its done

lol

oh balls

woah.

[wyrmguardsecrets]

Every "Sexy limber perfect woman" I see in game I imagine IRL is a middle aged short lady with glasses who looks like a old grumpy librarian.

let us live our dreams

[tvmagicqueer]

I guess the catholic elementary school across the street is having an end of the school year celebration or something. And I'm not completely a grumpy, old asshole. Let the kids have fun. But I'd still rather not hear Gangnam Style loud enough to rattle my walls.

Nothing reflects the teachings of Christ more than "Heeeey sexy lady!" played at top volume.

[autumnslance]

*eyes some mutuals recent ask responses*

OK, much as I like it when others find my characters aesthetically pleasing (I know Dark at least can stop a few hearts), if a pretty arrangement of pixels is the only reason you’re interested in my blogs, please keep moving along.

I like to think there’s more to my characters than their looks, that people would be interested in their story hooks and personalities, and cuz one clicks with my writing (fics and/or lore commentary), than wanting to salivate over unobtainable pretend women and asking people who they follow that’s subjectively “hot/attractive/cute.”

[captainlevisteacup]

All Characters, the Nicknames MC has For Them, and the Events That Follow: A Wholly Unnecessary Thread

Warnings: None, unless you count demon boys being butthurt about being called out

Enjoy my stupidity!

Lucifer👿🖤🥀☕🍷

Luci

Pridey Pants

Gordon Ramsey of Life

Mom

Loosen-up Luci

Jesus's emo brother

*cough* Daddy *cough*

The results of these nicknames....they were not pretty. MC calls him Luci? He doesn't LOVE it. Does that small scary smile that MC knows (or should know) not to push.

Pridey pants...ohhh boy. MC says it at dinner....is absolutely terrified when he doesnt do anything. After dinner, follows MC into the hallway to dole out *ahem* punishment

Beel is the only one to understand the Gordon Ramsey one. Starts booming laughter

Mom. Oho. This is the second worst. Happened when MC asked Luci to pass them a steak knife. Ended up with the knife being thrown into the table, inches from MC's hand.

Ah. The worst one. Jesus's emo brother. He doesnt even know where to begin. The brothers AND Diavolo have to SPRINT away to keep from cackling like crazed lunatics. Simeon is the only one who openly laughs. Kitchen duty for 2 months. Absolutely worth it. Would do it again without hesitation.

Mammon💛💵💰💳

Mammory Gland

Finding Nemo Seagull (Mine! Mine!)

Crow

Tan Elsa

Greedo

General Greedous

"Ehhhhh? What's a mammary gland?"

*muffled Satan laughter*

Mc has to explain the crow one, because apparently it isnt common knowledge that crows love shiny things?

Tan Elsa. Levi was crying when this one slipped out of MC's mouth. All Mammon could do was be offended. After much, MUCH coaxing, reluctantly agreed to dance to "Let it Go" in a dress.

Levi💜🐍🎮🕹

Has a thing for degradation, so you can really only insult him with anime stuff

Levi Heichou (if you get this, we can be friends)

Leviathan the lonely

Snake man

Mermaid Boy

Snekky snek

Levia-hand

He could ignore all of them.....except for

LEVIA-HAND

I mean come on!

"MC did you really have to go there? That was really-"

"Below the belt?"

"UGH MCCCCC"

*distant suggestive Asmo noises*

Satan💚💢📚

Angry bean

Grumpy kitty

Nerd

Angry librarian

Blond, angsty James Charles

Fashion disaster

There isn't a single one of these that DOESNT make Satan want to break something.

Who is James Charles? Fashion disaster?! "I happen to dress very nicely, thank you very much"

"How am I a librarian? I just read, it's very different, honestly MC"

Refuses to even acknowledge "grumpy kitty"

Asmodeus😘💋❤💅

Asmo-dick-us

Ass-mo

Momo

Polly Pocket

The kinky one

*jokingly* slutttttt

He, surprisingly, doesn't mind any of them. He thinks it's really cute that MC has nicknames for him. He always encourages you to call him them more often, and even makes a bunch of them for MC. His favorite one is Momo, because:

"Its just so cuuuuuuute!"

Beel🥺🍔💪🏻

Sexy Vacuum man

The last Weasley

Snack Buddy

Hungry Bean

Un-beel-eavable

These all make the boy SO HAPPY

MC cares enough to make nicknames for him?

*happy Beel noises*

Wait. MC thinks he's sexy?😳

What's a Weasley?

He has a snack buddy?☺☺☺

Belphie🙁💭💤🛏

Sloth man

Sleepyhead

That bastard with a choking kink

Killer grip

The emo twin

Black Sheep

"I woke up like this" master

He wants to be mad. He really does. But there's a problem: he can't argue with ANY of them. Kinda makes him smile just a LITTLE

Is glad MC has forgiven him enough to actually JOKE about the choking incident.

Spends a lot of time trying to get someone to explain what "emo" means. Levi knows what it means, and refuses to tell him because he thinks its funnily accurate

Dia👑💮🔥

Double D Dia

Big Tiddy Divvy

King of the Boobs

Díablo

Milk man

Firehead

The rich, gay uncle

There isnt a single minute he doesn't find these hysterical. He thinks it's a charming human world custom, to give someone a nickname. He also thinks it shows how comfortable with him MC is.

His favorite is easily DD Dia. Mc noticed his body? *smirk* interesting

Why are so many of them boob related? MC does realize he is a male, right?

The rich, gay uncle. Diavolo has no words. Absolutely shook.

Lucifer overheard some of these...was appalled MC was harassing the PRINCE with their ridiculous nicknames.

He was about to go off on a terrified MC, when Diavolo stepped in laughing and told Lucifer....

"Calm down, Mom."

Mc nearly choked on their own suppressed laughter

Barbatos had to quickly usher them away so MC could openly laugh and therefore breathe

Barbatos 🧐👀🐀🕓

Barbie

Simply one hell of a butler

Sebas-chan

Time warp man

Chuck E Cheese

The cake maker

Understands every single reference, is actually surprisingly cool with it, as long as MC doesn't embarrass him with it.

Diavolo catches wind of what MC is calling Barbaties, eventually starts adopting the nicknames

The only one Barbatos doesn't like is "Chuck E Cheese", because he hates rats so so much. How dare they compare him to one of those disgusting creatures?

Simeon🌙🤍🌹🌈

Boomer

Dad joke central

Beautiful man

Sinful shoulders

Angel Dad

Sin-ammon Roll

Simeon can't decide between being flattered or appalled. He's not THAT old. Nor is he a father! Well, maybe more of a father figure in regards to Luke, but still! He doesn't tell THAT many dad jokes.. right?

Blushes intensely at Beautiful man and Sinammon roll. Wonders if MC really means that or is just teasing him.

Eventually he makes the stupid decision to ask Asmo....wrong move. Asmo ends up laying out all of Simeon's desires towards MC, the week following he can't even look MC in the face. MC has no clue what happened and starts to think it was their fault.

They confront Simeon about it after a while, and Simeon full on breaks and confesses to MC

Asmo takes full credit for this happening

Solomon😑🖤💫🧙🏻‍♂️

Shady Lady

The sus one

Kinky dude

Draco malfoy

Doesn't mind MC having insulting nicknames for him....he has them too. Starts swapping them with MC to see who can make the other laugh harder.

Sometimes, the brothers will sit in and listen while they exchange them, and they'll keep score and vote on who wins

Eventually, Diavolo and Simeon get involved

Barbatos caters these events

Luke😇👶🏼🌸🧁

Baby angel

Son

Woof

Puppy

Little doggo

The poor boy has no idea which one he hates more. Gets so flustered whenever MC calls him one of these that his whole face turns red

Simeon tells him its adorable every time without fail

This makes Luke even worse. All MC has to do is call Luke one of the names and its fair game for Luke hunting

The only one he actually...kind of...likes is Son. He likes the idea of MC as a parent figure.

Which leads him to realize: what if MC and Simeon got together! Then MC WOULD be his parent

Gets Solomon and Barbatos to help bring MC and Simeon together

They end up bombarding the two with an obnoxious Valentine's day-esque cake

Did it work?

[the-fiction-witch]

Rise and Shine

MOVIE MAZE RUNNER COUPLE NEWT X READER RATING SWEET + SEXY

I clung to the sweet beautiful waves of sleep. I felt like I was floating on a plastic inflatable mattress on a sweet lady river pool. Warm but not too hot, chilled but not cold. I knew it was getting late really. I should have been up an hour or two ago. Usually I'd be up, washed early and off to work, typically beating most boys to the kitchen for breakfast except the runners and keepers, even then half of them would still be snuggled in their hammocks dreaming of girls and bacon. But I didn't want to today. I just wanted to stay in my sweet snuggly bed, my mattress on the floor of my little hut by the woods made of piles of old torn clothes and other soft things I could find, my lovely little pillow against my head and my blanket gently over me.

I could hear boys going about their business getting to the kitchen for their breakfast but I did my best to block it out and just snuggle for five minutes more.

I heard a tap on my door, I turned away and ignored it snuggling with my blanket even more. I heard my door open and close quickly again but I did my best to ignore it and stay in my sleepy state I knew who it was and I just wanted him to go away

"Good morning little piglet"

"No" I pouted

"Love."

"No" I pouted pulling my covers over my head

"Wakey wakey piglet" he cooes sitting on my bed

"Ummmm bugger off newt!" I complained kicking his skinny butt of my bed "let me sleep"

"You'll miss breakfast you sleep any longer"

"I don't want breakfast" I pouted

"Your really gonna be in this type of mood today?" He complained

"Go away newt I just wanna sleep"

"You know alby will kick my butt if I don't get you up love" he says and seconds later light burnt my still closed eyes as he had no doubt just opened my curtains "rise and shine my little grumpy piglet" he smiled jumping on my mattress

"Noooooooooo" I whined bundling myself up in the covers

"Y/n" he warns "you know alby has authorized me to use deadly force" he says "are you prepared for the tickles should you not comply?"

"Go away newt I'm sleepy. Just let me rest"

"I'm not leaving till you are out of bed so." He laughs grabbing my blanket and pulling it off me

"Uuuuuuughhh!" I complained

"Uuuuhhhhh… hello love." I heard him smirk o was confused so I begrudgingly opened my eyes and I of coffee remembered given hot hot the glade is nowdays I typically slept in one oversized vest shirt and a pair of panties and of course that's all I wore now with my nipples poking through the shirt a little as they were randomly hard and I didn't have a bra on of course, and he now sat kneeled on my floor my blanket in hand in his usual hoodie and brown pants, unable to stop looking at me his eyes flicking between my cleavage, my nipples poking through my shirt, my tight little panties and where my panties has ridden a little in the night exposing even more of my ass then usual.

"Newt!" I yelled quickly putting a hand between my legs and one across my chest to avert his perverted gaze

"Boobs- who!what- I uhh I uhh didn't boob- no I mean I uhh I breast- no! I tit-" he stuttered unable to… words. So I snatched my blanket back to cover up

"That's what you get for janking poor sleepy girls blankets"

"I uhhhhh I'm not complaining"

"You little perv"

"How was I mean to know you uhhh slept so… bare"

"How did you know I didn't sleep naked?"

"You sleep naked sometimes!" He yelped half in panic and half in excitement

"No! But- ohh nevermind. I'm going back to bed newt"

"No your not. Come on alby will kill me your not your of bed you know he will"

"Maybe you deserve it"

"Come on, wakey wakey. If you wake up now I'll get you extra toast?"

"No. I just wanna sleep newt leave me be"

"No you have to get up" he says "come on little piglet"

"Stop calling me that"

"But it suits you, my cute grumpy little piglet who gets all whinny at me because I woke her up"

"What is there to do today?"

"Uhhh you have some laundry to do"

"You?"

"Nothing my day off"

"So you're using your day off to torcher me" I pout

"You really don't want to get up?"

"No"

"What am I meant to tell alby then?"

"I'm sick"

"You know he'll call Jeff over you say your sick"

"I don't care what you tell him newt I just wanna sleep"

"Alright" he says getting up and heading out, I climbed out my bed shutting my curtains and returning to the snuggly bed but the moment I did the door opened again and best returned

"Uughhh what"

"I told him your not very well. Lady troubles. So you can sleep"

"Ummmm thank you newt"

"Your welcome grumpy little piglet. But he said I have to keep an eye on you"

"Fine" I sighed "just no being a perv"

"Don't go to bed I nothing but a shirt and panties"

"Why what do you wear to bed?"

"None of your business"

*Your hoodie and your boxers?"

"....maybe"

"Then don't moan at me just because your other head is up" I told him "did you also wanna sleep?" I offered holding some blanket for him

"Yeah alright" he shrugs climbing into my bed with me so I nuzzled close to him and we got nice and cosy "ummmm I see why you wanna stay in bed all day now." He cooes holding me close to him but I could feel his hard on pressing against me and often caught his eyes

"Quit being a perv newt"

"To be fair where else am I gonna look" he smirked "y/n? My cute little piglet? Could I kiss you?"

"What?"

"Could I kiss you?"

"Of you stop calling me that. Maybe"

"Bit it's so cute."

"No."

"Fine. Love okay?"

"Why not just y/n?"

"Because all the boys call you that. I like calling you something they don't" be smiled

"Fine" I sighed "why do you call me those anyway"

"I… thought I just answered that question"

"I mean why specifically those names"

"Oh. Well I don't know why I call you love. It's just sort of… automatic I suppose" he answered

"What about the other one?"

"Well. You usual are pretty good at getting up often times beating me being up In the glade. But then some days you do this. Where you refuse to get out of bed. And sometimes when I come and visit you to try and wake you up you grunt and growl at me not too unlike the pigs in the slicers, when you try and get them up in the morning, so you're my cute little grumpy piglet"

"I'm not a piglet"

"Your my little piglet"

"I don't bite you if you dare to enter my pen"

".... You have bitten me before love. When I was trying to wake you up" he laughs "so, can I kiss you?"

"I guess" I shrug he was so sweet, slow and gentle leaning over and capturing my lips in his own, barely much pressure against our lips as they just grazed each other he tasted like grass and he smelt like dirt and strawberry flowers I couldn't help my eyes fluttering shut as we slowly kissed till I pulled back and got cosy on his hoodie "ummmm your nice to cuddle with"

"Yeah your nice to cuddle with too" he smiled kissing my head,

I don't know what time it was but it had been such a nice time, snuggled together in my bed giggling and kissing often having little naps as we cuddled together sometimes shifting to spoon in different positions for a while but almost always returning to being nuzzled close to his chest his head on mine.