#seriously just play a warlock

[glamourscat]

tim drake anon here. could you please do the sfw alphabet? or maybe (scandalous!) the nsfw one? 🫣

୨ৎ Tim Drake NSFW Alphabet

a/n: tim drake anon i absolutely adore u. i decided to do the nsfw first, cause why not ;) but the sfw is also coming out soon!! - if you want, dm me so i can tag you for the upcoming one!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Needy for kisses, for reassurance, for contact, for touches. Especially if you took charge, yep, rest assured he will want to be cuddled. Viceversa, if he was the one to be in control, he would kiss your neck, cuddle you and praise you to the moon and back. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I have said it here, But his favourite part of himself is his hands. For being a vigilante they are not overly calloused, strangely enough. His fingers are long and delicate, marked by only a few old white scars. He is not happy if he doesn’t make you finish at least twice with his fingers alone.

On his partner? I feel he would strongly enjoy anything he can rest on. Butt, chest, thick legs, tummy… anything he can squeeze honestly lol. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Boring i know, but i feel, he would be low key not into the mess. Unless he is finishing inside, and even then he is not a super fan –when he does it to people, because when and if he receives it is another story– he would probably just finish in the condom

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Roleplay. I know, I know. Hear me out. During his 90s run, he is seen playing “Warlocks and Warriors”, which is extremely similar to Dungeons & Dragons. With his nerdy ass you bet he would be into some mystical roleplays. Wizard and elf? Witch and lost traveler? I cannot take myself seriously while i am writing this part lmao. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He is a scrawny grimelin nerd and canonically had a few relationships. Its the loser’s charm. Still, just because he had relationships, doesn’t mean he actually has a lot of experience. I feel he has a good grasp of what to do obviously. But there are a lot of things left to explore still.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Cowgirl, both for you and him, doggy, both for you and him. And good old missionary. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I wouldn’t say he is straight up serious. He is concentrated, for sure. He wouldn’t crack up jokes, but, maybe you two bump heads or something worth to be flustered about happens and then you two find yourself giggling together. So, it’s definitely not a ‘serious’ vibe, it’s more a chill, relax one

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He can’t grow hair at all. Like, barely. He probably has a bit of hair down there, but nothing so extensive for him to even shave. A faint happy trail though can be found

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Depends on the occasion. Anniversary, bdays or something of the sort? it's romantic. The kisses drag on for longer, moans will be louder and aftercare will last quite a while.

On a normal day however, he is still romantic, but it's less intense.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Not necessarily. He would if you two haven’t seen each other in so long and he is hit with the need to release, but otherwise, he doesn’t really care

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

being dominated, possibly into femdom? praises, worship, foreplay, phone sex, sending pictures --but also taking physical ones together. Hair pulling, slow/sleepy sex, fingering, pegging, edging, hickies.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Your guys’ bedroom or, guilty pleasure, his office ;)

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Honestly little things. A massage, a gentle caress, butterfly kisses. But most of all taking care of him. Making him take a break, showering together, caressing his abs and back and he is gone

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

anything with the risk of hurting you or him

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

prefers receive, because like i have said previously, he likes to use his fingers more. I would say he is definetly skilled though and won't passed the chance to go down on you if needed

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

A mix. On him he prefers fast, deep and hard. When he is in control though, he would mix it up from slow and deep to fast and rough

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Nope. It's all in or all out. He wouldn't mind only doing foreplay, but a quickie is just not for him

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

I honestly don't think he is a risk taker. Will he try new things? Sure, why not. But experiment is surely not at the top of his priorities

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Usually two, after some long and good aftercare after the first round. In some occasions even 4, including breaks

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

YES. Listen, as the only canon bisexual (which also is such bullshit like cmon dc) this guy has dated canonically women and men. For sure he owns a few things. I can see a few dildos, a strap on, a small vibrator

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

If he is in a mood he is so unfair it's almost mean. Seeing you squirm, whining and moaning for him to do something? Yeah indeed. He is into edging after all lol

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

LOUD. Moans, whiny tiny hums, groans and swear words. His voice is a bit husky and it's so damn hot

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

listen, HEAR ME OUT PLEASE, I think he would be into recording and taking pictures or at least doing it in one of those hotels where there is a mirror on the ceiling. He gets off on the idea of fucking you and seeing you two during the act, through a mirror or camera screen-- bonus point since you two can rewatch it together later. Or better, taking polaroids, pictures together, and having a naughty album hidden.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I think fairly average. Around 5 inches, right thickness, slightly longer. It's a pretty pinkish colour with a darker blushy pink colour tip. Maybe a bit curved up

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Low. He can live without it, but there are moments where he just needs to let loose

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Not quickly at all. After aftercare, which can last even more than an hour, since it's about you two resting, eating a bit, maybe gossip too- just enjoying each other's company. Once you're asleep in his arms, unless he was the one who bottom, he will wait for you to be fully asleep to sleep.

[dawnbreakersgaze]

NOPE

NO

NO THANK YOU

I don't like the way those are lining up AT ALL.

"Broken free of the shackles of natural law"

We've heard/seen Zayne be referenced as "shackled" at least 3 times before at this point. By Raymond, by the 'Narrator' ("remains shackled to time"), and in reference to the Foreseer myth. This makes the 4th. I genuinely hurt every single time the story so heavy handidly reminds me that Zayne really is a dog on a chain. The Foreseer robes even have a LITERAL collar of thorns over the neck of it ffs. It's painful to watch at this point and it breaks my heart.

"Why persuade Zayne? What he really needs is a pair of hands. Ones that can carry out God's mission and allow for God's descent."

Between this, and the one below of-

"At least he has another option. His last one"

I'm torn on which one is referencing Astra. On one hand, Astra really could be a modern made "God". An elevated man of great power, someone Zayne turned to in his 11th hour to try and save MC (though we all know how that turned out, unfortunately). It would seem that Xander Sciences is playing at God, and if we know anything about the sci-fi scene, it's that human experimentation ALWAYS ends up going ~soooo well~ and nothing ever goes wrong there 👀

On the other hand, the "last option" really gets my gut feeling going. My theorist brain is telling me Zayne is gonna go full Warlock pact and make a deal with an entity in exchange for MC's life. Only it's gonna go tits up and be a Fey pact, and because we all know how MC and he end up, clearly Zayne did NOT read the fine print (or more likely, Zayne thought he could out maneuver the rules). Ever since I read the Mt Eternal anecdote and realized the Tower and Mt Eternal are in the same location, I could not shake the feeling that Zayne already has made contact with whatever "Astra" is. Be it a very powerful person, an actual God, or someone else entirely different (like another time traveler, such as Xavier and the backtrackers). We know he's traveling back there multiple times by himself, conducting research of an unknown variety, that only he and Dr. Noah are privy to. I'm just saying if ever there was a cover up for having contact with a supernatural being/aliens/a God, that's a really fucking good one.

Whatever it is, this new lore drop has really really spelled out in big bold letters, that Zayne is thought of as a tool by a LOT of people. Xander Sciences, Astra, even the Dean of the medical academy had a moment there. My poor man even thinks of himself as a tool, one that is meant to save MC (from himself he even says at one point 😭😭😭 like oh my God Zayne stoppppp). He literally considers himself expendable so long as he saves her. Once he's done his job and secured her future, even if that means passing on the ability to save her to someone else, he's fine laying down his life for that.

And that's seriously the saddest part of this whole fucking game imo.

[k01ku]

I made two posts forever ago about warlock and hunter culture then i lost my destiny hyperfixation but TITANS THIS ONES FOR YOU‼️‼️‼️‼️ at long last here's the titan culture post !!

titan culture in destiny to me seems to be the middle ground between both classes in terms of sociability. as in warlocks seem more antisocial for the most part— or at least more individualistic, while hunters are more communal and prone to sticking in very tight knit groups.

titans to me- any titan except for sun breakers bc they were exiled and as such still hold a grudge against the city probably- are usually pretty friendly and community oriented, except for the aforementioned solar titans. like eva literally has said that void titans are very polite at some point i think LMAO

Rather than warlock study sessions or hunter bar hops, i think titan hangouts have more middle aged dad energy regardless or age or gender, like a lot of barbecues, and playing sports together, or just like hanging out in each others living quarters, like much less secretive than hunters and much less seriousness than warlocks

i think they'd have a tendency to look down on hunters and warlocks more superstitious natures. like warlocks have their head in the clouds a lot of the time because of their meditations (and i personally think they have deeper connections to the traveler) and such. while hunters have a more folksy kind of superstitious attitude, like if you punch the door of your ship while leaving three times it makes the hunt go better- stuff like that. i think titans, being much more pragmatic and prone to efficiency, would kind of think that sort of stuff is silly

titans are much more intelligent than the community tends to meme them as, they're usually leaders- the coordinators. i think they're much better at leading groups of people and finding the most efficient solutions to a problem. like in my brain, warlocks make the initial plan- titans make it practical and know how to execute it on the field- and hunters know how to improvise if that plan goes wrong. Unlike warlocks- who i think would be good at coming up with plans in theory but would struggle to apply their book smarts practically- i think titans are the opposite. i don't think they tend to struggle on an intellectual front, but i do think they're much better at applying their knowledge in a practical sense.

[tourettesdog]

I am having extremely specific and niche ideas I must share. Specifically headcanons for Danny Phantom characters playing World of Warcraft

I feel like Sam would have been the first of them to get into WoW. Something other to play than Doomed, with a heavier focus on questing. She'd play on a PVP server and would be something of a legend on her realm.

She'd pretty much do everything, from hardcore raiding, to achievement hunting, to a little roleplaying on the side with friends.

She'd have two characters she swaps between, a troll warlock and an undead rogue, and would have the most min-maxed gear she can possibly get at all times. A "for the Horde!" girlie all the way. The warlock has tailoring/enchanting for professions, and the rogue mining/jewelcrafting, and she's got every recipe she can get her hands on for both.

I could see Sam trying to get Tucker and Danny into WoW, only to be wildly disappointed with their character decisions as both of them cozy up Alliance-side on a roleplaying realm.

-

Tucker takes one glance at worgen and goes "I'm gonna be a fucking werewolf" and it's all over from there. His main would be a guardian/feral druid (tank and melee dps) with the corniest RP name you've ever seen, and he loves them dearly. He's always looking for new transmog to dress up with, and he takes his mining/engineering professions a little too seriously. He mostly plays with Danny, but probably has a horde alt Sam forced him to make so they could actually play together before cross-faction became a thing (I am being intentionally Vague about what expansions they'd be playing in).

Tucker's horde alt would be a tauren druid that ALSO runs engineering. Pretty much the same character, especially considering he spends 90% of his time in animal forms.

-

Danny would start off playing a night elf monk and would get more into the RP of it than he ever wants to openly admit. He loves all of the flips and shit the monks do, and he's all in on the night elf aesthetic. He swaps between mistweaver and windwalker (healer and DPS), depending on what him and Tucker need to get shit done. He doesn't really focus a lot on the professions, instead going for dual gathering with mining and herbalism so he just has a lot of rocks and plants to throw at Tucker or onto the auction house.

After the accident though, Danny takes a long, staring look at death knights and decides he needs to play one-- for the memes. He's dogshit at it after playing monk for so long, but you can pry his frost (dps) death knight from his cold, half-dead hands.

The DK is just another night elf and when he's RPing, Danny likes to say it's the same character as the monk.

(Also I specifically think that Danny would play a nelf instead of a draenei because, as a trans Danny truther, I feel like the too-buff male draeneis would be a little Much for him, and the femme ones would be too dysphoric.)

-

Val would very begrudgingly start playing WoW with them once she joins Team Phantom. She'd go Horde-side with Sam, with a tauren warrior decked head to toe in red. She quickly gets sucked into the game, and gets a little intense with farming for all of the things she wants-- mounts, cool transmog, some battle pets. She likes to do a lot of content alone, finding it fun to just go off questing, but she'll let herself be dragged into dungeons ever now and then. She just doesn't have the time or energy for raiding consistently.

Val winds up making a bunch of different alts eventually to keep collecting shit, and she gets scary good at gold farming so she can pay for her subscription with in-game currency. She's got a bunch of different professions she runs on her various alts, but the warrior's got mining/blacksmithing since the idea of making her own armor won her out.

-

Dani plays on a laptop bought with Vlad's money, on a subscription also bought with Vlad's money. She takes one look at Val and Sam playing Horde-side and decides there is no other side to play.

She mains a vulpera hunter and is a troll through and through. She lives up to the hunter stereotype of accidentally pulling everything, but makes up for it by being scary good at DPS and PVP. Her and Val do a lot of mog and mount farming together, and some of her favorite things to collect are the battle pets and toys. She's got Meerah's Jukebox (a toy that plays a song about alpacas before exploding) hotkeyed to drop at a moment's notice.

She winds up getting a little too invested in alchemy, insisting she needs to be good at making goop.

-

Wes would not play WoW, and would instead play FFXIV and would never shut up about how much better it is than WoW.

Bonus:

Lancer plays a lot of WoW during the summer when school is out. He's got a human mage who looks a bit like a buff version of him that he's been playing since the game released, and he's got all sorts of achievements and collectibles held onto from that era. He runs herbalism/inscription as a profession, and has every recipe for it under the sun. He still insists on riding his first horse mount that he ever got, and it has a Shakespearean name.

[utilitycaster]

would love to see your take on the recent laudna-delilah merge! i believe you've mentioned before that you found laudna stale (?) so i'm very interested to know if this feels compelling to you. i'm DISGUSTED and scared 😅

I LOVE IT. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.

In all seriousness my issue has always been that Delilah has for the most part been not just an unfired Chekhov's gun but like...a gun that occasionally thrusts itself into the hands of a major character who was designed to handle this gun and yet everyone including that character was, for like, the majority of the play, repeatedly saying "oh man it's that wacky gun again!" and really, the gun was way cooler when it was fired in an earlier play in 2017.

You can play a warlock without a complex relationship to their patron! Loquatius is a solid example; Elmenore and he are on pretty chill terms and he's mostly a bard and it's a story not about that aspect of him anyway. Zahra is another; she and Sirius appear to be largely simpatico! But if you pick Delilah Fucking Briarwood as your patron you best come correct, and, increasingly, finally, following episode 77, Marisha has and it's been great and it finally expanded into the rest of the party.

I love how quick Laudna is to trust Delilah on this even though she knows Delilah lies, she knows about the gnarlrock. I love how Imogen immediately stands by her and Fearne is inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt, only to slowly, with mounting horror, realize (or, more likely, reluctantly admit to themselves) that this is Delilah's doing and that Laudna either won't or can't resist. Because that's the immediate threat - sure, it says something about Laudna's character and victimhood whether she is doing this deliberately, or whether she cannot overcome the compulsions from Delilah, and for what it's worth I think it's somewhere in the gray area between - but in the end it matters most that Laudna as an entity comprising both herself and Delilah is going to pull shit like attacking people in their sleep to steal magic items to feed to the evil undead wizard. She's more sympathetic if she's trying but failing, but in the end, if we can return to the (imperfect but not uncalled for) addiction metaphor Marisha has invoked re: Laudna, whether you drive drunk because you were in recovery and were triggered by circumstance and fell off the wagon, or whether you simply don't care, you're still drunk driving and someone still can be killed. Intent says a lot about your character but not whether you're a danger to yourself and others, and Laudna undeniably is.

I'm honestly happy with basically any outcome here. I think it will be narratively easier if Laudna doesn't really resist much, given that that's what she's been doing for 30 years and much of the campaign; foreshadowing is a complicated thing in an improvised medium but I think it's hard to deny that a tragic ending hasn't been well signaled. But I think it's possible for Marisha to thread the needle, particularly if she keeps putting in stellar performances like that one, to have Laudna snap and turn on Delilah. It's doing wonders for my thoughts on Imogen and Laudna's relationship too; finally there's some unavoidable tension and conflict to the point that even if they deny it that creates more conflict. I don't know if they'll overcome it, but I don't think we can have gnarlrock all sizzle no steak #2 this time. I think Imogen's going to have to make a stand of some kind, even if it pains her.

[sorchathered]

Sacred New Beginnings

Chapter 2-Illicit Affairs

Pairing-Bradley Bradshaw x reader, Jake Seresin x reader

Warnings- Drinking, language, smut

Summary- I started writing for chapter 2 last night and somehow decided to do a backstory for you all instead. I didn’t really proofread so don’t kill me, just wanted to get this out asap!

Song inspo- illicit affairs- ts, babe-sugarland

7 months ago

They’d been running night maneuvers all week to prep for the mission, members from dagger and the golden warriors hand selected by Warlock and everyone was wrung out. It was long nights that sometimes bled into afternoons pouring over schematics and flight plans and then simulating the terrain, Stormy and Jake had been holding it together as best they could but he could tell she was drained; her smile hadn’t reached her eyes in a few weeks and he was worried. He caught Rooster around 9 am Friday morning in hopes that he could get him to take her out over the weekend, get her to relax so she’d be refreshed on Monday, and it had seemed like they were on the same page, Stormy needed a break and Rooster could take care of her better than Jake could. But when Friday night rolled around and he joined Coyote for drinks at the bar he found Bradley drunk at the pool tables with Phoenix no sign of you to be found.

He walks over to the group seriously annoyed, they had just talked about this so why the hell was Bradshaw here instead of doting on y/n?!

“Hangman! We were just talking about how we needed a team to play against, how about you and Javy join us?” Phoenix was definitely tipsy, Bradley had told her he needed a drink or ten with his best friend and she was more than willing to help out.

“Bradshaw, where the hell is Storm? I thought we talked about you wining and dining her this weekend?” Jake said with a sharp edge to his tone and Rooster flushed from the mention of your name.

“Not that it’s any of your business bagman but I’m handling things just fine, I picked her up dinner and she was watching Netflix in the tub when I left. She doesn’t need a babysitter, just needs some sleep and I don’t know what me being here is going to do to help with that”

He had the gall to scoff and roll his eyes, did he seriously not want to spend your one weekend off wrapped up in you? Jake couldn’t think of anything better and he wasn’t even allowed to feel that way, Rooster had you naked in his bathroom and he decided the hard deck was a better idea?! Unbelievable.

Meanwhile in your shared home you had taken a nice long bath and eaten the Chinese food Bradley ordered for you but you still couldn’t shake the anxiety thrumming through you. You knew you needed to sleep but instead you were in the living room folding your shared load of laundry and drowning out the warning bells in your head with trashy tv. Bradley had been distant lately but hell so had you, you two were on week 3 of opposite shifts while you trained for this mission and it had been all stolen kisses and text messages, sometimes missing each other completely before you had to head to your respective places. You had such an ache in your chest, you hadn’t been intimate in weeks and you missed his touch, he had assured you he would spend the whole day with you tomorrow but that you should go home and rest and he would be back after some downtime with Natasha. Nat was in a VERY committed relationship with one of the air traffic controllers on base and Bradley being a man solidified that he definitely wasn’t her type, not that you’d ever worried about the two of them anyway. But something felt wrong, ever since you’d been chosen along with Jake to fly with this new ragtag crew there had been a shift. You knew he was upset he didn’t get chosen but he had assured you he was happy for you, knew that if everything went well this could mean you finally getting promoted to lieutenant commander and being able to make a name for yourself. He’d been chosen several times for missions you didn’t get to join in on and never once had you wavered in your support for him…was he shutting you out? Had you done something wrong and didn’t realize? You had worked yourself into a panic now, tears pricking your eyes and breaths coming shallow and you were suddenly startled with the blaring notification of a text on your phone.

Bradley stumbles into your home around 12:15, reeking of cheap bear and cigarettes. You had finally given up and went to bed at 11 and he couldn’t be more grateful that you weren’t waiting up for him tonight. You’d left his laundry folded on the couch and with guilt sinking into his gut like a rock he made his way to the guest bathroom to shower so he wouldn’t wake you. He had fucked up royally today, when Jake suggested that the mission was burning you out he should have felt sympathy but he couldn’t conjure the emotion if he tried. He should have been the one flying this mission, he would never complain about being burnt out on it especially knowing what this could do for your career. He felt like you took it for granted, so after Jake had headed home for the day he made his way to Admiral Cyclone’s office. He still didn’t know what he was doing it was like he was on autopilot as he stepped in and made his case. You were burnt out and fatigued and that made it all the more dangerous for everyone flying with you. It only made sense for him to suggest you be asked to step down and Bradley to take your spot so you could recoup. It felt like he had blacked out for all of it, before he knew it he was at the hard deck and several drinks in to a strong buzz. He could barely look at you before he’d left for the evening, just suggested you rest up and he’d order you dinner before he slipped out. Jake had been annoying the shit out of him about you, how he should have been doing more and deep down he knew it was true; he’d betrayed you today and let his anger take over but he was still so deep in it he didn’t even care. So when Mirage slipped in behind him in the men’s bathroom after he had been flirtier than usual he didn’t stop her. He’d let her kiss him, warnings going off in his mind that he should stop but it felt too good at the time. She inflated his ego, told him how badly she’d wanted him, how he was so hot and talented and when she ground herself on him he let instinct take over, bending her over the sink and pulling a condom from his wallet; the ones he only ever used for hookups like this with you. He’d fucked her hard and fast, reveling in her praise and came hard, the thought of you not even close to the forefront of his mind. As he pulled out and helped her get dressed the door creaked open, he didn’t even notice it at first until Mickey exclaimed behind him. Fuck. He was so, SO screwed.

Jake Seresin Masterlist

Tagging-

@attapullman

@mamachasesmayhem

@bobgasm

@floydsglasses

@pinkdaisies1106

@mygyn

@angelbabyyy99

@roosterforme

@nouis-bum

@purelyfiction

@86laura11

@djs8891

@shanimallina87

@jessicab1991

@its-the-pilot

@dempy

@dizzybee03

@the-aspiring-fanfic-writer

[givemeanaccountalready]

Time for another Milgram shitpost! It’s my apology for never finishing my Milgram analyses in my drafts and that one anon ask. Woo!

I have had this idea for a while now, of just the Milgram prisoners trying to pass the time, and while the words have changed many times over, the general idea of some of them having something like a DnD campaign because there’s no TV, internet, or even a radio to pass the time, so why not?

Yuno: “Seriously? I thought you, of all people, would be into this sort of thing.”

Fuuta: “You want us to play pretend.”

Yuno: “How is this any different from your little computer games?”

Fuuta: “This is very different from MMORPGs, and you know it. This… is lame!”

Muu: muttering “You would know.”

Yuno: “Oh, please. Your eyes lit up when I mentioned it.”

Fuuta: “They did not!”

Yuno: “Did so.”

Fuuta: “Did not!”

Mikoto: “They kind of did, dude.”

Fuuta: “No one asked you! And they did not!”

Mikoto: “I mean, I’ll play, if you want Yun-chan. It’s a good idea. I really don’t want to do another ice breaker.”

Shidou: “They’re good for getting to know others.”

Yuno: “Thank you. Who else wants to play?”

Kazui: “Oh ho, ho, I don’t know. It’s been ages since I’ve played a game like this. I wouldn’t know how to play.”

Yuno: “Alright, we got Kazui. Who else? Amane?”

Amane: “I am studying.”

Fuuta: “See? Even the grade schooler doesn’t want to play. I mean, you guys don’t even have any dice or anything to play.”

Yuno: “We don’t need dice to play. It’s just to pass the time. Who else? Kotoko?”

Kotoko: “No.”

Fuuta: “You need dice to play! How else are you gonna decide stats? Just by classes? That’s lame.”

Mikoto: big bro mode activated “You’re lame.”

Yuno: “Oh my God. Fuuta, I’m gonna make you be the first villain boss guy we face.”

Fuuta: “It’s just boss, and why do I have to be the villain?”

Yuno: “Why do you need to fight me on everything I say? Shidou’s gonna send you to your room if you don’t play nice.”

Fuuta: “Oh my God, fine. I’ll play your dumb game.”

Mikoto: “Wait, shouldn’t Es be the one sending us to our rooms?”

Haruka: nods

Yuno: “Haruka, do you wanna play? There’s no rules to this?”

Fuuta: “You can’t have a game without rules!”

Yuno: “Shut it, or you’re going to be the team goblin. Haruka?”

Haruka: “C-can I?”

Mahiru: “Can I play too? What are we playing?”

Kotoko: “Fake DnD.”

Yuno: “Oh? Did you change your mind then?”

Kotoko: “No.”

More nonsense:

They finally got Amane to play because Shidou wouldn’t stop bugging her about it.

Yuno: “You can be a priest if you want.”

Fuuta: “They’re called clerics and they heal-”

Amane: “I want to be a crusader.”

Fuuta: “A what?”

Yuno: “Bet. Want any special powers?”

Amane: “I want lightning to smite my enemies with.”

Shidou: whispers to Fuuta and Mikoto who canonically have sisters and probably know firsthand how unhinged play time drama can be “Is that normal?”

Mikoto: “Yes.”

Fuuta: “You’ve clearly never played crime Barbie. Coward.”

Mikoto: “Oh, word? My little sister used to love overthrowing evil queens with her My Little Pony dolls. That and evil orphanages.”

Fuuta: “Evil orphanages… Good shit.”

When faced with The Villain ™️

Mahiru: “Is he… is he hot?”

Yuno: “You can’t fix him.”

Mahiru: “I can try!”

Yuno: “You can’t. That’s how Kotoko died.”

Kotoko: “I wouldn’t try to fix him!”

Yuno: “You were trying to fix him like a dog.”

Kotoko: “Okay, now that… that I can accept.”

Kazui: sweating “I think we played enough for tonight.”

Later on, after Kotoko attacked.

Fuuta: “Hey… Yuno?”

Yuno: “Yeah?”

Fuuta: “I can’t stop thinking about-about it. Can you-can you talk about the game?”

Yuno: “The game?”

Fuuta: “Please. Everythung hurts and I need something else to focus on.”

Yuno: “…”

Fuuta: “Yuno?”

Yuno: “… okay, so Mahiru accidentally set off one of the traps in the villain’s old hideout. You and me, the brave knight and the baddest witch in the west, we were sent ahead to find the old Warlock, Shidou of the path, to figure out how to get Mahiru out of the ancient scroll she’s now trapped in…”

[cryptids-and-muses]

Post canon homestuck crew play Dungeons and Dragons

Karkat and terezi

Co dms

Unstoppable when actually working together

Terezi will get sidetracked messing with karkat

Karkat trying to write a deep and well fleshed out campaign that’s thematically resonant vs terezi’s desire for chaos and traps and trying to “trick” her players FIGHT

Terezi believes in karma and will make the world bend to this

Karkat is trying to set up romance arcs and argues about how it adds to the theming

Dave draws them fanart of their characters. Terezi loves it while karkat argues about accuracy before admitting yes he also appreciates it

Calliope also does fanart and karkat praises her skill and accuracy unlike some people

John

Arcane trickster rogue

Forest gnome

Just a goofy little guy!

Mostly just playing to have fun, starts off with a fun but simple character who develops over time

Ends up SUPER invested and taking this so so seriously

Karkat worked a dramatic reveal into the, in his words, “bare ass bones two paragraphs that a fucking wiggler could have written backstory” and John did not see it coming and loved it

Goes head to head with terezi a lot on her various traps she designs for them. She is getting more and more absurd with it. Karkat had to talk to her about breaking the world building with things she’s introducing. He is the only rogue. Send help.

Rose

Drow warlock

Tries to justify picking drow as anything other than she just thought it was cool

Nearly went old ones for patron but settled on archfey for story reasons

Has a 10 page lore document detailing her tragic past and her toxic relationship with her patron

It became 15 pages after going back and forth with karkat for a bit and adding even more

Only her and one other person are taking the romance arcs seriously and they become karkat’s favorite players

Tries playing morally ambiguous but terezi can be annoying about that and claims it’s just “the consequences of her actions”

Her and karkat both get very very into the scenes between her and her patron, the drama! The acting! Dave is uncomfortable and karkat brushes it off, it’s not like him role playing as his sister’s abusive girlfriend is weird. It’s in fact very important to the plot Dave

Has written fanfic of the campaign

Jade

Dragonborn barbarian

Path of the beast

Don’t ask me I just know

Her GLEE when she says “I’m gonna rage :D”

ANIMAL COMPANION! She nearly went ranger just for that but knew she wouldn’t have as much fun. Found a way to get one anyway.

It was harder naming her animal companion than her character

Having fun and likes the problem solving side of things, but likes breaking things with her massive strength just as much

Terezi likes to throw stuff at her, both traps and encounters, and finds it funny if she can just wreck her way through

“See John that’s how you deal with a pressure plate trap”

Takes the rp side of things very seriously

Once argued with Karkat over if her favorite npc would do that and cursed him out

Has read roses fanfic of the campaign

Dave

Plays a teifling with grey skin and orange horns

“What are you talking about karkat this is just my dude, don’t you like him?”

Hellus Jeffus

He’s a valor bard, eventually multiclasses paladin

Starts out just trying to mess with people but like John starts getting into it, though he tries to down play it

Have hellus more of himself than he realized and it’s making him face things about himself

Eventually hellus self sacrifices to save the party in this deeply intense moment. There were tears, Dave was wrecked, they went on a whole quest to revive him. It was touching and karkat is smug

Dave might have worked through some things

Jane

Halfling cleric

Her and John are small buddies!!!

Started out life but wasn’t having a lot of fun with it so with terezi’s permission switched to war or tempest with later s few levels in fighter

Her John and Jade are the biggest front liners, John’s character ends up really close with both of them as it’s easier for the rogue to bond with the person giving them sneak attack

Jade and jane’s character have an in game arm wrestling match

Took a bit to get into the rp side of things but eventually got the hang of it

Roxy

Tabaxi, easily, it’s so obvious

After much deliberation settles on glamour bard (though wizard and rogue were tempting for the joke, she wanted to branch out)

So many horny bard jokes but very little actual follow through, karkat gets frustrated by this as she’s all this talk but isn’t pursuing any of the romance options he’s giving her

She has SECRETS! She is HIDING THINGS!! Her cheery persona is a FASADE!!!

Cue complaining to karkat about how hard it is to wait to tell the others about her secrets and him threatening violence if she tells anyone before the in game reveal

She tells jake

Lots of egging on Dave and helping him with his fucking around

The BOND between her and Dave!!! They are the duo to end all duos. Team rocket type shit. There is nothing stronger than the bond between the bards of the party. My theory is it has to do with trading bardic inspiration.

Dirk

Half elf Druid circle of spores

Wildfire seemed fun to him but wasn’t as good

Wasn’t originally planning on being a Druid but after going over all the classes he liked all the customization and decisions that go into Druid like prepared spells and such

Didn’t really think about his backstory much, just improved something. He keeps improving new additions and it’s getting more and more elaborate and complicated. He has multiple hidden and long lost siblings by this point. Still doesn’t write any of this down. If he messes a detail up he justified it with more improv.

Yes his character has spiked up red hair and sunglasses. Don’t question how the Druid got sunglasses karkat.

Really likes the tactics side of things, he’s even pitched a few things to terezi she updated and later worked in

Sometimes works on plans and strategies out of game or making a million back up characters that play off the others in interesting mechanical ways

Is considering becoming a dm some time

Jake

Needed some help making his character, he just didn’t know where to start

Eventually after much discussion settles on a teifling bladesong wizard

Wanting to get away from his usual adventurer style Roxy helped with the backstory and they came up with this evil scientist raised in a cult who’s good hearted but was never taught right and wrong

He gets very into playing him and his moral struggle but can lean a little too good for his backstory, karkat points this out and Jake swears to get better at it

Dave pitched a lot of names for them and it was eventually settled on “Bernard Gunn” even though he has a sword. Jake just likes how it sounds

“Why is he blue jake?” “…..uhhh” “why is he blue?”

Calliope

SHE LOVES THIS SO MUCH

Teifling Druid with a focus on healing

Circle of shepards

Not a troll color pallet like Dave though, honestly it might get a bit trickster

Beautiful backstory that she coordinated with one of the others to make joint. The most obvious choice is Roxy but I think it was actually jade, Jane or John.

She gets so into it you guys, like so into it

Gives at least one dramatic speech completely on the fly

The other character who takes karkat’s romance arcs seriously and his other favorite player

Has also argued with terezi about world building and consistency. This may put her above rose in karkat’s eyes

Was also allowed to read rose’s fanfiction and offered full on reviews

Also considering going into doing but for the opposite reasons to Dirk

Vriska

Fairy artillerist artificer with a dip in war magic wizard

Min maxxed to hell and back

(Technically there was a better race, but fairy has its own advantages and she couldn’t resist)

An elaborate backstory too with some secrets of her own, I’m thinking full on lost princess

Yes she is That Player, you know the one

Has nearly been kicked multiple times and now won’t leave on principle

Not the best at sticking with the party and not just doing whatever she wants, but suprisingly Dirk has been able to talk her into it with his talk of tactics and playing smart

Second most effective is John who just looks at her like “vriska you’re not making this very fun :(“

Kanaya

Fire genasi ranger

Really tried to get into it but this just isn’t her thing so eventually decided to leave the group

Karkat came up with a fun story reason for her to leave and eventually brought her character back as an Npc

Did help rose make a cosplay of her character, after which John, Calliope, and Roxy wanted to make ones too

Vriska eventually tried to “manipulate” into helping her make one for her character

[kieran-granola]

Material Boy

(This one is available on AO3)

When he’s not busy being a vigilante, Tim likes to think that he’s a pretty simple guy. He has normal, civilian friends. He's awkward when he talks to people he wants to bang. He likes skateboarding and playing Warlocks & Warriors. He dropped out of high school.

He also, like many kids of his generation, grew up collecting superhero merchandise and memorabilia.

And yes, maybe he never got out of the habit of collecting super-trinkets even after joining the vigilante game — a fact he keeps between himself and God, he can only imagine how much shit Steph and the others would give him if they knew — but it's not like he steals stuff from the heroes he knows. He just... buys things. A lot of things.

Which brings him to his current problem: the amount of merchandise created depends a lot on a hero's popularity. This means that Superman has insane amounts of merch. Wonder Woman and Batman too, to a lesser extent. In Gotham, Robin does pretty well for kids' stuff, and Nightwing has inspired more than one, uh, adult line of toys.

…But Red Hood? As tacky as brands can get with their products, they know better than to create merch of mass murdering rogues and villains, and unfortunately people aren't sure whether Red Hood qualifies a good guy. This means that Tim's haul is Very Poor when it comes to Hood. Which is an issue on account of Tim's massive crush on Jason.

How is a man supposed to pine in dignity when he can't even find a decent body pillow to warm his lonely bed? How?!

Tim obviously has to fix this problem. He has to rehabilitate Red Hood and ensure a steady supply of bling for his display cases. And shelves. And furniture. And possibly wardrobe, he's not picky.

He has to.

Which is why he ends up raving about Red Hood, his crime-fighting exploits, and his charity work on social media. He uses all of his covers' accounts and even creates a few more, enthusing people and posting praise until, finally, his amateur PR campaign snowballs.

He knows his job is done when his hashtags start trending outside of the Gotham metro area, and the first Red Hood plushie comes out of Build-A-Bear.

___________________________

Jason is bemused when he first gets wind of his rising popularity. Sure, it's nice to be appreciated and the genuine testimonials from Gothamites warm the cockles of his dead, dead heart, but where did the hype come from? And why are people trying to ask him for autographs? He's a crime lord! He's dangerous and scary, and people should definitely not feel comfortable enough to ask him for selfies!

…Oh fuck, is that it? Is someone trying to sabotage his reputation?

Disturbed, Jason reaches out to Oracle for some help with finding the person behind this heinous plan. He's not entirely sure why Babs laughs for five minutes straight after hearing his question, but she eventually tells him that the original accounts extolling his virtues belong to Red Robin's covers.

Shrugging to himself, he suits up and heads to Tim's nest. He busts in, ready to deliver the wrath of the Hood on Tim for making him look like a hero when he's a Very Mean, Very Dangerous Badass… only to find Tim eating Froot Loops out of some violently lime liquid, while wearing what looks like chibi Red Hood pajamas, complete with little cat ears over the stylized helmet.

Suffice to say, that display takes the wind out of Jason's sails. He holsters his weapons back and takes off his helmet so Tim can properly appreciate how appalled he is before speaking.

"Okay, what the fuck, Timbo?"

Tim blinks. "You wanna be a bit more specific there?"

"I wouldn't even know where to start. Just. What the fuck."

"Well, I'm having dinner?" Tim tries, shoving a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.

"Froot Loops in, what is that, cucumber juice? That's dinner?" Jason stares harder.

Tim swallows his spoonful thickly. "It's Mountain Dew, actually."

"Okay but that's worse. You get how that's worse, right?"

"Did you seriously come here to talk about my meal plans?"

"I came here to ask why you decided to ruin my street cred, and to kick your ass—" Jason winces as Tim eats another mouthful, "—but apparently you're doing a great job at hurting yourself on your own."

Tim gives him a blank look. "I ruined your street cred? How?"

"You told people I'm a hero," Jason says accusingly.

"Ah, I see what the problem is. Look, Jason, this might come as a shock to you and I understand if you need to take a minute to process this very new piece of information but… you are a hero, dumbass."

Jason seriously considers throwing his helmet at Tim but, with the state Tim is in, he's pretty sure it would feel like pouring water on a drowning man.

"I'm not the kind of hero they make jammies of! I mean, what the fuck are you even wearing?"

Tim pulls on his shirt to show off the design, perking up. "These? They're Red Catting Hood limited edition PJs. They're cute, right?"

You're cute, Jason mutters under his breath, before taking a few menacing steps forward. "They're ridiculous. I'm not a cat. And I'm definitely not cute."

"We're going to have to agree to disagree there."

Jason stares at him. "You think I'm cute?"

"No, I think you're a cat," Tim deadpans, still eating his disgusting mixture.

"I… I tried to kill you, remember?!"

"Yeah, you did. And now I have little cartoon kitties of you on my jim-jams. Life's full of curveballs, isn't it?"

Jason is pretty sure he's having a minor breakdown in Tim's kitchen. He opens and closes his mouth silently several times, confusion robbing him of his words. Tim watches him for a couple of minutes, then he stands up and shuffles closer to pat him on the back.

Jason lets out a very unmanly squeak of horror when he spots matching Red Catting Hood slippers on Tim's feet.

Tim shushes him. "Hey, it's okay, dude. I understand that you don't know how to deal with people expressing positive emotions in your direction after getting the Bruce special growing up, but it's gonna be fine. Just breathe. You'll get used to it."

Jason stares at Tim with wide eyes. Then he gently takes him by the shoulders.

"Timmers. Tim. You crazy little birdie. Telling me I'm cute, talking about emotions... Are you okay? Is this a cry for help? Talk to me."

"You ask me that now?" Tim gives him a judgmental look. "I can't believe that's where you draw the line. I mean, where's your 'Be my Robin' enthusiasm?"

"It drowned in your bowl of Mountain Dew next to the Froot Loops. No, but seriously. If I'm your last resort, then you can tell me what's wrong. No need for tacky PJs, I'll listen."

Tim's eyes narrow. "Okay, then listen to this. First of all, my PJs aren't tacky. Second, I like you, dumbass, and yeah, I think you're cute. And third, I hyped you up on social media because I wanted Red Hood merch for my collection."

Jason takes a second to let that confession wash over him. He regrets removing his helmet. He's blushing, he knows he's blushing. In fact he must have been a redhead in another life, because he must be reminiscent of a tomato at this point, and oh no. He's a grown-ass man, why is he blushing like a nerd for this incredibly sleep-deprived, adorable maniac?

"You have a collection?" he squeaks.

"Uh, yeah. I started it when I was 4." Tim raises his eyebrows. "But nevermind that, are you seriously going to leave me hanging? I just told you I like you, man."

"I don't know what to say," Jason chokes out. "This... You're—I'm not good for you."

"Sorry but the entire internet would disagree. You're a hero, remember? And I can take care of myself, thank you very much. I don't need to be patronized."

Jason gestures at Tim's dinner. "That is demonstrably false."

Tim pouts. "Well. If you were my boyfriend, you could make sure I eat properly."

"Is that what you want? To be my b—" Jason's voice breaks. He swallows before trying again. "To be my boyfriend?"

"I mean, yeah?" Tim shrugs. "That's not why I hyped you up, I'm not kidding about the merch thing. But. Yeah. That would be… Good. Nice."

"Oh."

"Is that something you'd like too?"

Jason licks his lips. "Yeah, I—I think so. Yeah. There's just one thing though..."

Hope sparkles in Tim's eyes. "What?"

"It's just... I can't let people think you like me more than I like you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means—" Jason tugs on the fabric of Tim's PJs, "—that for every Red Hood item you own, you have to get me some matching Red Robin merch."

Tim grins a wide, bright, genuine smile that almost offsets the deep purple bruising under his tired eyes. "It's a deal."

___________________________

(They show up to the Manor together two months later to announce their relationship. They walk in hand-in-hand, Jason wearing a Red Robin hoodie, Tim in a Red Hood henley. Damian doesn't even have to pretend to gag at the sight.)

[aggravatetheaxe]

dethklok plays WoW

Nathan - main tank. Horde of course. Probably orc. His only toon. Absolutely a blood death knight both for aesthetic and because you know he's pulling top dps in addition to holding agg on everything in the room. Guild leader, does not take his title seriously but will still kick your ass if you bail on raid night. likes pvp but prefers pve

Pickles - plays mostly trolls, has 2 or 3 toons, probably also has an ugly forsaken and an ugly goblin (although goblin is a later race so depends on the year). Cat druid, often forced to spec into healing because mythic dungeons are only 5 man. But prefers to be cat or combat rogue. Incredible dps when he's allowed to do dps. not nurturing at all as a healer, WILL let you die if you piss him off (unless you're Nathan, but Nathan never dies). loves both pvp and pve but gets super steamed during pvp

Skwisgaar - paladin paladin paladin. Belf, of course. has secret female alts as well as secret ally alts. constantly adding his girlfriends to the guild and taking shit from the bank without asking. But he doesn't get in trouble because his dps is second to none - topping the charts even over Nathan. Ret pally, could technically heal with holy but his dps is just so insane that they can't afford to have him healing. pvp is beneath him

Toki - altaholic. Lots of female toons, lots of ally toons, gets bullied for both. Really wants to main a hunter so he can have a bunch of cute animal companions (and because it would be easier dps) but the others say that's gay so his main is a frost DK. the others make him spec into unholy because his crowd control brings clusters together so that Skwis and Nathan can wipe them out. So, so fucking angry that he never gets to do any actual dps because his plagues never get the chance to stack - and despite knowing it's a DOT issue the others clown on him for being the absolute bottom of the dps chart. pvp is too hard for him, no one protects him and everyone picks on him

Murderface - orc arms warrior and tauren fury warrior, dps but mostly off tank. makes cringe jokes (abt both native americans and milking) if tauren. One secret ally toon (human no less), also a warrior, that he uses to /walk around stormwind and RP badly. constantly brags about his dps but he's actually garbage, only above toki. makes a big deal out of his rank in the guild but he actually has no bank privileges. loves self harm through pvp

Charles - undead disc priest. a few alts, equal numbers male and female but almost all undead. probably a GM. heals when pickles is on dps and there's room or in a raid setting. guild treasurer, full bank permissions, has to constantly police the boys and spends thankless hours filling the bank back up with pots, food, etc. Also in charge of recruiting, so he should just be guild lead at this point but he dutifully never complains :) plays an affliction warlock and a couple rogues (combat and assassination) on a different server, when the boys give him one free fucking moment to do his own thing

Magnus - used to be a super powerful destro warlock that matched skwisgaar in dps. was super involved in the guild, help build it into what it was, contributed lots of materials, consumables, and money to the bank. Recruited some of their best players. after a horrific falling out (he was the asshole in the situation; controlling, etc) he was kicked from the guild and replaced. has since (due to wotlk) abandoned his warlock for a death knight. now he has a forever grudge and badmouths dethklok any chance he gets, but the majority of the server knows he's the drama so he has trouble finding others to play with. because of this he's been forced to switch over to alliance side. hence he falls in with...

MMA & the revengencers: MMA is yet another DK, probably blood, guild lead of the revengencers - rival guild to dethklok, constantly butting heads with them in pvp, ganking their low level members/alts, just generally being a nuisance. MMA wants revenge for Nathan (with the help of GM charles) getting his OG account banned

Edgar - human arcane mage main ("actually, the rotation is quite simple"). has lots of female alts. treasurer of the revengencers, takes everything way way way too seriously. Definitely works for blizzard or is a GM. very tense, sometimes outright hostile, relationship with Charles despite being essentially coworkers. "umm you sir have won the internet" "updoot" guy in chat. full collection of mounts, even the rare and/or limited edition ones

[lil--nuggett]

Hey guys, so if you know Baldur's Gate 3 this is an AU for that with Hardenshipping but it's really fucked up. I will explain why it's fucked up below the cut.

Maxie is a High Half-Elf Warlock (his patron is Groudon), and Archie's a Human Fighter <3

Also I just realized this is the first time you have seen me draw Archie seriously lmao my bad guys I'll try to draw him again soon

I took a ton of inspiration for various things for these designs, including Guile for Archie's armor bc I love Guile sm!!

(More info and our dumb AU lore under here - No BG3 Spoilers I promise <3)

I'm going to tell you this now... this gets really fucking crazy and honest to god I know I'm going to have a hard time explaining this. It WILL be quite long and I WILL be yapping.

This AU is really just something we did on impulse and it's really fun to mess around with, so I'm hoping you all will enjoy the concept as well :)

I'll try to explain it simply as I can. I thank you in advance to all who sit here and read this ily sm if you read it all <3333

Anyways, okay so imagine how one could do a bg3 AU for these two fuckers...

And throw it right out the window because you'll never guess how me and my friend have done it.

The Backstory:

This all started when my friend decided to play BG3 for the first time, and he jokingly said to me "Should I make Maxie our main character??" and I replied "I you want, but I won't force you" and thus BG3 Maxie was created, and his misadventures began.

Now your probably wondering (if you've played the game) what about the guardian?? Who did we make the guardian?? Well, we made Archie the guardian. However, I did not know just how wild this idea would get within the next few days.

So, eventually we realized how crazy the BG3 lore actually is (it's a like fucking DnD campaign idk how we didn't realize this beforehand), and so, we jokingly started our own "AU Lore" that ties in with the BG3 Lore.

If you really want to know, I have an entire note in my notes app dedicated to keeping track of what happens. It is very long.

The Parasite:

Now, if you've played the game or know anything about it, you know about the Mindflayer parasites. Well, one fateful day, me and my friend joked that the Parasite in Maxie's head was this little freak who looks like Archie.

The two have no correlation other than looks, its completely coincidence and it's not a mimic situation. The Parasite "Archie" does nothing but talk nonsense to Maxie all the time, and initially the bit was that he only talked about Fortnite. All because I made the joke that the dream realm in game looked like a fortnite update. By now, that bit has fallen off (thank god), replaced by just general nonsense and lies.

Also he fucking looks like this:

Weird little freak. This is just one of his talk sprites I have, this is just his neutral expression.

So basically it's:

- Maxie was supposed to be on a Geology research trip, but instead he got dragged into the Parasite issue with the rest of the companions. He really just wants to get home to Archie.

I am the one who handles everything for Maxie in this AU, I do his voice, I handle his lore, etc.

- Parasite Archie is this 1 foot tall, neco arc-esque version of Archie that sits on Maxie's shoulder and tells him nonsensical things. He also says Maxie's name wrong, he says Maxie's full first name and pronounces it as "Maximilliam" instead of the "N" at the end. For Maxie it's like handling a toddler but the toddler fights back, doesn't shut up, and threatens your life. He also has a ton of his own lore that my friend continously adds on to, so I can make another post with just the parasite's part of things.

My friend handles everything with the Parasite himself, comes up with the lore, does the voice, etc. I simply keep track of it.

- The "dream visitor" version of Archie is not real either. It's linked to the Parasite in ways that if I get into it, I will spoil a good chunk of the game. Sorry. Just know you can consider this and Parasite Archie kind of as one in the same almost.

- The REAL Archie is still at home, completely unaware of what's happening, while Maxie is fighting for his life. He does miss him, though, and hopes he gets home soon. He and Maxie are only boyfriends, they haven't gotten married yet. (They also haven't been through their rivalry yet, as this all takes place before that happens.)

Sorry for the convoluted yap sesh, I just have more art planned for this stupid AU and- God I cannot possibly just post this shit with no context. Like, I'd have to explain it eventually so I might as well do it now beforehand yk 😭😭

I might do separate posts with our HCs and some silly conversations that have happened between Parasite Archie and Maxie if you guys would want that :)

Also, I do have all of the sessions from where my friend plays the game recorded and I'll be sure to post some clips of what Parasite Archie sounds like eventually, possibly with snippets of my shitty Maxie voice in there as well. You'll get to see the talk sprites in action with that, too.

[dead-lights]

pathfinder -> tess the psychic, keisha the oracle, flora the sorcerer, ethren the wizard, and maria the druid

i was feeling nostalgic about my old tabletop group and couldn't sleep last night, so I made pathfinder versions of some premades. ADHD is giving me some trouble today and i forgot to take my meds until it was too late, so i got a little carried away while i was supposed to be doing other stuff >.>

This isn't really a workable party - aside from Maria they are all extremely squishy - but my partner is willing to DMan adventure with them, or at least a few encounters. tabletop groups are fun, but we do really enjoy just having him DM while I play multiple characters.

seriously this party definitely needs stronker friends tho just oh dear. A psychic, an oracle, a sorcerer, a wizard and a druid??? Tess, Flora, and Ethren are untrained in all armor, Keisha is only trained in light armor, and Maria is a good and loyal friend who would never abandon her party even though her medium armor and larger health pool might otherwise save her. They're all super dead, is my point.

very long under the cut - just me copypastoing parts of the rulebooks with info about their character builds. i might post actual character sheets later idk i'm kinda lazy and haven't filled out anything past level 1 for them.

tess // half-elf psychic (the one who sets shit on fire with her brain)

background: magical experiment (resistant skin)

At some point in your life, powerful people performed magical experiments on you that changed you permanently. You still bear the marks, as well as the abilities. The experiments rendered your skin tougher and resilient to cold and fire damage.

idea here being that Tess was badly injured in a potion making accident, and received an experimental healing procedure to save her life. hence the lack of eyebrows and vampire skin.

class: psychic

You rely on your collection of psychic cantrips as a mainstay, choosing where and when to amplify them for maximum effect. You weave your more conventional spells into the fray where more complex magic is needed, unleashing your mind's full potential in a blaze of power when the time is right.

you can play psychics as either an int- or charisma-based class. i went with int for Tess to represent her genius trait. i don't like dealing with spell slots, so I tend to favor cantrip-focused casters like psychics or dnd warlocks rather than idk wizards.

conscious mind: the oscillating wave

At the heart of all things is energy. Though it may change its form or resting place, it is eternal, fundamental, the purest of building blocks. Your powers let you shift energy - either concentrating it in a single point to explosive end or freezing objects by plundering it away - in an endless oscillation of temperature.

translation: her whole thing is setting shit on fire. also ice. very untamed of her.

subconscious mind: precise discipline

Determine intended outcome. Align thoughts. Identify and resolve distractions. Manifest. Intentional focus is the key to unleashing your abilities, whether that's because your power naturally tends to precise, discrete effects, or because you've adopted strict discipline to ensure your mind can change the world only when you intend it to. Your thought components are calculations you make to determine the forces you need to call upon. Perhaps you mentally weigh the mass of an object against the force of gravity to levitate it or you might determine exactly how much energy is needed for an object to combust. Calculation components tend to impart ordered visual and auditory effects to your spell manifestation, such as regular tessellations of light, mathematical spirals, or harmonic tones.

this is meant to capture her perfectionist trait. i also gave her the "natural ambition" feat just for good measure.

some spells associated with the oscillating wave go from powerful to devastating if you can cast them at melee range, replacing d4s with d6s and d10s with d12s. Psychics are squishy as fuck and there's only so much I can do to mitigate that, but I'm working on a build or strategy that will make at least occasional melee attacks feasible bc tess deserves to burn the world to the ground if that's what her heart wants :D

keisha // human oracle (the one who can kinda temporarily turn people into werewolves once she hits level 10, ish)

background: false medium

There are people in this world who possess the ability to pierce the veil between the world of the living and the world of the dead, allowing them to communicate with spirits. You… are not one of them. But you know enough about the occult, as well as cold reading tricks and various practices from local religions, to scam your way into people’s coinpurses. Unlike a through-and-through charlatan, there’s some real occult methodology behind your flimflam, but that’s likely cold comfort to the people you swindle. Whether you decided to take a more righteous path, were caught and pledged to make it right, or still slip in a few “séances” between adventures, you’ve taken to an adventuring lifestyle as you move from place to place.

the idea of Keisha as a grifter-truned-oracle is very appealing to me. while she does have powers now, they have nothing to do with contacting the dead - she's more fortune teller than medium. doubt that will stop her running séances to earn a quick buck tho.

class: oracle

Your conduit to divine power eschews the traditional channels of prayer and servitude—you instead glean sacred truths and great mysteries embodied in overarching concepts, whether because you perceive the common ground across multiple deities or circumvent their power entirely. You explore one of these mysteries and draw upon its power to cast miraculous spells, but that power comes with a terrible price: a curse that grows stronger the more you draw upon it, which you might uphold as an instrument of the divine or view as punishment from the gods.

mystery: cosmos

Celestial bodies great and small exert influence on you, giving you sublime cosmic power. Perhaps you see the glittering stars as a divine blessing, or perhaps you feel drawn to the infinitely dark spaces between. You might uphold deities who represent the sun and the moon— or you might draw power from dark entities from beyond the stars.

curse of the sky's call

Your body is drawn toward the heavens, making you lighter and less substantial than you should be. Your eyes glow with starry light, and your hair and clothing float and drift around you.

flora // changeling sorcerer (the one with the asshole mom)

I think making her the daughter of a blood hag is a good alternative to making her a vampire. she could always take the vampire dedication at a higher level, but i like her as a changeling hanging with Tess and Keisha.

background: magical misfit

You don’t understand folks who claim that magical talent is some sort of burden or great responsibility; you’ve always used your magic to cause trouble and to escape the consequences. Whether becoming an adventurer is your attempt to make amends or just a new way to make some mischief, you’re excited to see where it takes you, and you still delight in using your skills to get out of trouble.

class: sorcerer

You didn’t choose to become a spellcaster—you were born one. There’s magic in your blood. Self-reflection and study allow you to refine your inherent magical skills and unlock new, more powerful abilities. The power in your blood carries a risk, however, and you constantly face the choice of whether you’ll rise to become a master spellcaster or fall into destruction.

heritage: changeling // bloodline: hag

Your mother was a hag. Your eyes' heterochromia is the most obvious signifier of this parentage, but you likely also have a slighter build, paler skin, and darker hair than most members of your other parent’s ancestry. You gain the changeling trait. You also gain low-light vision, or you gain darkvision if your ancestry already has low light vision.

ancestry: veil may

Born of a blood hag, a fiery blood drinker hidden behind a false skin, you have one blood-red eye and the ability to slough off your appearance in an instant.

I gave Flora the self-assured, genius, and mean traits in-game, so for this I put her in a charisma-focused class and boosted her int score, as well as giving her some mean spells. I played a smart warlock focused around intimidation in my last dnd campaign and think that sort of playstyle would work really well for her.

ethren // human wizard (the one with a real job)

class: wizard

You are an eternal student of the secrets of the universe, using your mastery of magic to cast powerful spells. You treat magic like a science, cross-referencing the latest texts on practical spellcraft with ancient tomes to discover and understand arcane magic. Yet magical theory is vast, and there's no way you can study it all. Most wizards learn through formal schooling, with their curriculum informing a specific rubric, although particularly driven researchers sometimes piece together their own theories.

arcane school: civic wizardry

You've learned that the fruits of arcane studies—like any other field—should ultimately help the common citizen. You’ve learned the humble art of construction, of finding lost people and things, of moving speedily among buildings and moats—yet these same arts can be turned to demolition, and the constructs you animate to build bridges can just as easily tear them down.

the civic wizardry thing comes from some specific headcanons I have about ethren - namely, that he was involved with the building of the tunnels under Forgotten Hollow/Glimmerbrook/Moonwood.

i'm strongly considering rebuilding him as a druid - i really like the association of mischief/charisma, untamed/intelligence, and practical/wisdom, so I don't love having him in an int-based class. i can have him kinda multiclass to let him keep some of the civic wizardry stuff. that would also let me rebuild Maria as a witch, since he could take over healing duty.

maria // human druid (the one who gets to wear real armor)

characters can become werewolves starting at level 2, but I think Maria would spend a little more time as just a spellcaster before taking that step - I thought about making her the oracle rather than Keisha because of the lunar aspects of Keisha's mystery, but decided against it because I don't want maria in a charisma-centric class. if i decide to redo Ethren as a druid, i will probably make Maria a witch instead - it's an intelligence-based class that focuses on the use of a familiar, so it seems kinda perfect for her as a familiar-owning untamed spellcaster. I'm not unhappy with her as a druid, though, and she can get a familiar like that too. and i like seeing her in scale mail!

class: druid

The power of nature is impossible to resist. It can bring ruin to the stoutest fortress in minutes, reducing even the mightiest works to rubble, burning them to ash, burying them beneath an avalanche of snow, or drowning them beneath the waves. It can provide endless bounty and breathtaking splendor to those who respect it - and an agonizing death to those who take it too lightly. You are one of those who hear nature's call. You stand in awe of the majesty of its power and give yourself over to its service.

druidic order: untamed

The uncontrollable call of the natural world courses through your body. You might have been raised by a wild animal, or you might have come to reject the artifices of cities after growing up in one. Now, primal magic grants you the ability to wear the form of an untamed creature.

background: astrologer

Astrologers look to the stars for signs and portents, using their positions in the heavens to chart courses for those living beneath them. As the celestial spheres move, so does fate itself. You studied the stars and learned to divine your path based on their guidance. Whether the stars directly called you to a life of adventure or you use the stars to guide your wanderlust, you're living out the stars' guidance in a life of adventure.

the astrology thing ties in with her mooncaster stuff. dnd druids have the option of the circle of the moon subclass, which I do like better than the untamed order she joined here, but ya know - this is pathfinder, she gets pathfinder powers.

[therobotmonster]

So many kid's toys these days just. Arn't fun. They're designed to be COLLECTED rather than PLAYED with. Everything is a fucking blindbag. Materials are flimsy and cheap and designs don't hold up to an actual child throwing them around. And it's all so EXPENSIVE, even accounting for inflation.

To expand on my thoughts here, I'm unrolling a Twitter thread I made about this trend. (with some additions)

The Big H's handling of mainline figs is... distressing, of late. Very little push for show mains, oversupport of already saturated legacy characters, and some frankly unsettling engineering and materials choices (esp in Cyberverse).

Increase in overall fragility, thinner parts, styrene-on-styrene joints that will go floppy in a few months of light play, very little "clicks" or locks solidly... the passion is clearly in the collector's end, and that's just bass ackwards.

This repugnus would have been amazing triumph from Mego in 1970s. But for a mainline big H TF line in the 2020s? This is a backslide. And before anyone brings up that it's from the kids' line, that's the point. They're KIDS, they should get MORE care and effort in their merch.

Every toy you make might be a kid's only birthday gift or holiday present. Toys are /given/ to children, and if the work is subpar, you make a chump out of grandma. You won't be there to blame if it breaks or disappoints.

It seriously drives me nuts seeing how far the stuff-for-kids industries have fallen. There's no brands without the work, but as the poet DMX said: "these cats done forgot what work is."

All your blockbuster superhero empires start in the pulp gutters. Compared to the movies toys, games and comics will never be profitable ENOUGH to be worth it on a billion-dollar scale ledger.

"Give me mighty oaks! There's no profit in acorns!"

If you want the stuff that makes the Michael Bay blockbuster, you have to start with the stupid goofy cartoon no one had seen before where anxiety over the oil crisis was acted out by robotic Punch and Judy puppets. How many studios would greenlight TMNT or TF sight unseen today?

If you make toys and cartoons and video games, your job is to make kids happy. How is that not sacred? If anything is sacred it should be that.

Art is the act of evoking emotion, and fun is an emotion (what else could it be described as?) and it is SO IMPORTANT.

I fear that gets lost in the "what to do over next?" rush. Every artist at those companies has a dozen amazing ideas in their back pocket that won't get a chance to become the next Transformers because a studio is terrified they'll make Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors instead.

Since the world is run by Captain Planet villains, I wouldn't bat an eye if we found out venture capital was a ploy by some disgruntled warlock who just hates the goddamn Care Bears.

Just some dick at Bear Sterns singing "There's no room for joy on a spreadsheet" to a weaselly sidekick.

Cuz guys, we've got companies that make GAMES for CHILDREN hiring the Pinkertons. I repeat. Games. For. Children. That's not normal. That's not a normal thing. That is a very disturbing thing.

And its hard to even discuss without sounding like a frickin' Care Bear myself. Because how do you sum up the creeping dread that the support beams are being mined thin, and everything fun for kids will go the way of Toys-R-Us, dragged down like Artax.

I'm not advocating pure altruism here. There's plenty of money to be made giving kids an awesome experience. It's investing in future fandom. Real Brand loyalty. If you want the blockbuster 15 years from now, get them hooked on the fun cartoon now. The value-add always pays off.

For every Transformers or He-Man there's going to be several Robotix-es or Power Lords. That's a risk. A risk worth taking. New ideas should be easier and cheaper to bring to fruition now than ever. But the system won't let it happen.

[ktamina]

09/30/08 - Mick 7 answers your questions!

This is an old interview of Mick (#7) that I found, enjoy!!

Hey, I am like, the UK's number 1 Slipknot fan, and have always wanted to know, what inspired your mask design?

Matthew Fulton- 14

MICK: Nothing. I had my original latex hockey mask way back and then my leather one and I was using those designs and it morphed into what it is now. There isn’t something crazy creative about it.

Hey Mick! I just want to let you know that you are a huge inspiration to me. You were one of the reasons I picked up a guitar, B.C Rich 7 string Warlock as my own first purchase, and got serious about it. My question is, how do you get new ideas for riffs and solos. I've made a couple of my own songs, but I always get stuck trying to make cool catchy riffs or solos. Got any advice?

Jim- 16

MICK: Yes. Don’t over-think it. Just let it happen. Things come out. If you try and plan or force it will sound forced or dishonest. I never try and over-think a direction whatever comes out 1st time I play it comes out. I never spend a ton of time thinking because it sounds forced. If you spend too much time thinking about it, it won’t sound like you. Don’t try and sound like someone else.

How does it feel to be getting back to work with the rest of Slipknot after a 3 year hiatus? Did it feel great knowing you were going to be back behind the mask and in a recording studio once again or was it just the same as it was 3 years ago?

Matt Haynes- 16

MICK: Things are always different when doing a new record. You are a different person than you were years ago. I don’t think in those terms. I just do what I do! But yes it felt good getting back to work.

What has been your scariest nightmare?

Paul Hawkins- 16

MICK: I wouldn’t say I have had a scariest nightmare but it would probably be something that deals with me not having genitals anymore…

If you could play any other role except Rythym/Lead guitarist in the band which would it be?

Bryan Lares

MICK: I wouldn’t.

What was the biggest culture shock you experienced in a foreign country during SK a tour?

Marcelle Andrade- 21

MICK: Being forced to shit into an ornate porcelain hole in the ground in Japan. OR having a warm stream of water tickle my asshole from the bidet in my hotel, also in Japan.

Mick, what advice would u give to young metal musicians trying to get our band noticed without reverting to the typical main stream sound?

Alex Munro- 16

MICK: Music should be honest, it should be an extension if you. You shouldn’t try and achieve a sound. It should just be you and not what you are trying to manufacture. We didn’t pay attention to the trends at the time when we wrote. We did what we felt and that is what you should do. You should play music for you and not to be noticed.

I'm Marina. OK I know that you probably get this question asked a lot by fan-girls but are you single, and can i ask u out on a date if you are :) ?

Marina Spevak- 25

MICK: Send pictures and I will get back to you.

Hi Mick! What Pedals do you use for Before I Forget and Heretic Anthem, and what Guitar would you recommend for a O.K Metal player at good price (like below $400)?

Alex Hayden

MICK: I don’t use pedals on either one of those songs or any pedals of any kind. But if its distortion you are referring to I just have a tube head turned up loud. There isn’t one really so buy used. You can’t get anything new that price worth anything. Look at pawn shops and buy a decent used early to late 90’s Ibanez especially an RG 570.

Hey micl! I'm from Iran. First you should know you've got MANY fans in Iran! Seriously. :D My question is what's the meaning of the tattoo on your arm? The Asian one…

Sohrab Alimardani- 18

MICK: It means hate in Japanese.

What do you think is the meaning of life?

Krista

MICK: Life is without meaning. And we are all totally insignificant in the whole scheme of things.

Just touring with slipknot but be crazy but what is the single most brutal moment you can recall while on tour?

Shawn Jarvis- 15

MICK: Watching a guy die in a police chase about 100 feet in front of me...

[vigilante-apologist]

My very correct opinions on CR characters as WoW classes and specs:

Vax: Subtlety rogue

Vex: Marksmanship hunter

Pike: Discipline priest (or holy paladin)

Grog: Arms warrior

Scanlan: Arcane mage (or augmentation evoker maybe)

Keyleth: Balance druid (or elemental shaman)

Percy: Marksmanship hunter

(I got nothing for Tary, Blizz needs to get on the artificer bandwagon)

Fjord: Affliction warlock (or retribution paladin)

Beau: Brewmaster monk

Caleb: Fire mage, obviously

Veth: Outlaw rogue (yeehaw)

Jester: Shadow priest (just barely, Jester is her own thing)

Molly: Havoc demon hunter

Cad: Restoration druid (or holy priest or restoration shaman)

Yasha: Blood death knight

Chetney: Assassination rogue (or unholy death knight or vengeance demon hunter or enhancement shaman)

Laudna: Destruction warlock

Dorian: Arcane mage (seriously Blizz we need bards)

FCG: Preservation evoker

Braius: Retribution paladin

Fearne: Balance druid (only in play-style, feral druid at heart) (or I guess elemental shaman)

Imogen: Elemental shaman (or devastation evoker)

Orym: Protection warrior

Ashton: Fury warrior

[lak3flower]

I present to you ao3 tags that have made me giggle out loud

super gentle fancy people dirty talk

i will face canon and walk backwards into hell

They are lesbians herald

this didn’t go with how I wanted it to

can that please be a tag

my personal crack of choice: knuckle kisses

Peter Parker/Peter Parker/Peter Parker

The devil works faster but fanfic writers work faster

The like to play knife games

hiccup u piece of shit

alex is scared of the toaster

we die as hostages to Gibbles

source: im a lesbian and i think katie mcgrath looks hot with a sword

Din's out here saving young gays

the inherent romanticism of parent teacher relationships

no spoilers but luke is dressed like a cowboy

this is uhhhh romeo and juliet except the tech startup version and they're old and no one dies

I giggled like a little school girl the entire time I was writing this

hot showers are orgasmic

I know nothing about warlock anatomy but we manage

Hijinks & Shenanigans

Lunacy in general

but still with a slight canon-typical Sense Of Omen And Doom

Allusions to sexytimes

seriously- check your sugar levels before reading

Birds as really heavy-handed metaphors

Sexy cooking innuendos

its about the comradery of needing a good cuddle

Made Up Science

or so it may seem

convenient blizzard plot device

BEARS!

With Apologies to My History Professors

When You're In Love With the Anthropomorphic Representation of Dreaming and It Shows

I used so many different words for semen in this I’m so sorry

hey fellas is it gay to venerate your best friend

Horror to Smut to Happiness: the timeless narrative arc amirite

just click on the damn fic

Hades finally goes to his sons ball game

The Blatant Homoeroticism of Death and Dying

Accidental Child Acquisition

Everyone's a scoundrel