#seriously I am at my fucking limit
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The Directeur de l’état civil can suck my fucking cock. Stop making it so difficult to change my identity documents and official government accounts when you have LITERALLY ALREADY APPROVED MY GENDER MARKER AND NAME CHANGE
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My father is watching AI Slop on the TV
I am 100% not regretting my decision to cut ties when I move out
#maddie speaks#seriously I am at my fucking limit#like everything else was bad enough#but this?#absolutely not
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why do people want a cookie for not harassing random jews living their lives. “the people i racially profiled were nice to me, peace is possible ✊” is a fucking INSANE take
#seriously how fucking hard is it to be normal about jews. not assuming them to all be genocidal maniacs.#every day i reach my 30-minute time limit on twitter i sigh with fucking relief that i am freed from the cycle#of being Mad at some antisemitic take plastered on my TL for some reason#say it with me: if this was any other minority group… you’d be crucified for saying shit like this#fuck me. anyways#tw antisemitism#leftist antisemitism#zionists dni
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as someone who has just started volunteering in a big op shop 2 days a week.... if you're the type of person that just leaves a whole ass mountain of clothes strewn on the floor of a change-room and maybe haphazardly hung up on the wall or direct on the floor in front of the change room rack... I reserve my right to believe that I should be allowed to flay you alive when the purge happens. also this is playing in my head right after you have the audacity to do this and probably say to yourself that "well, it's their job anyway 😒🙄. why should i even try and bother to help them?"
however, if you're the type of person who honestly tries to rehang your clothes on the hanger and either puts them back correctly on the return rack at the change rooms.... or EVEN BETTER puts it back in the CORRECT clothes rack where you got it from (or at least you guessed where you got it from and say put it in size 8 when it's size 10 or something). I am passionately, earnestly, eagerly, ardently, caringly, wholeheartedly, tenderly, vigorously, etc, making out with you. with tongue. sloppy style. we can do anything else sloppy style too if you wish, king or queen.
#life#about me#shut up ilona#ilona tries to be funny and relatable#ilona tries to cash in on an oldish (i suppose) meme#but seriously though#i spent the WHOLE FUCKING DAY working on change rooms at the salvos today and i am GOING INSANE#a group of teens came in to try on ugly formal dress for what i assume is an op shop ball thing#and they just left EVERYTHING all over the floor and maybe ONE thing on the wall (just a hanger)#and another changeroom at tbe#*at the back of our shop had like 16 garmenta hung on the wall half hap hazardly#i nearly cracked thr shits and fucking screamed#i didnt scream but i did when i got back to my car#and its all bc we dont have a clothes limit like target and other big retailers do#apparently they used to but for some reason head office decided to get rid of it for some fucking bizarre reeason#like if qe had a limit of 5 items of clothes for a CR#then people wouldnt have the fucking audacity to fucking dump out a whole fucking basket's or trolley's.....#....worth of fucking clothes on a CR floor or haphazardly on the wall our on the chair ourside of the changetooms
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well alright lads. my good computer, the one i play games on and use to run my dnd shit and am most comfortable writing on, finally died. and the part i need to repair it is out of stock everywhere. and my job is yanking my chain and i can't find a new one literally anywhere. even the grocery store is ghosting me.
that's a lot of words to say im taking small writing commissions, as well as offering proofreading and editing.
prices are 1 cent a word for both. editing and proofreading and general soundboarding i will do whatever length. commissions have to stay small (2k-5k) so i don't fucking die but i'm willing to wiggle. im willing to wiggle on everything tbh.
dm me here on tumblr if you're interested, additionally my kofi link is pinned on my profile if anyone is just feeling generous in general
#i am seriously at my fucking limit lately.#writing commissions#everything is a fuck and its so. difficult.#all my problems are small and first world and i know that but shit seriously adds the fuck up.#bird droppings#sorry about all this yall.
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hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh someone i have blocked COUNTLESS times sent me a friend request on discord
he's been saying false shit about my friends and trying to get me to turn on them
WHY IS HE SO OBSESSED WITH ME?
WHY CAN'T HE TAKE A HINT?
WHY WON'T HE LEAVE ME ALONE?
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I know people were uncritically doing inspiration porn as an anti-AI art statement but good fucking lord you people will just revert back to basic ableist bullshit at any excuse right down to "no excuses for not doing things abled people can do!" and comparing disabled people to literal animals. You can fucking make your anti-ai art statements without doing this you know!!!!!
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prayers for my doggy please she's not doing so hot :(
#i think shes dying. and im having to decide whether i should spend the money on x rays and treatments that will just delay the inevitable#or just try to make her last days comfortable as possible and let her go#update: yeah its kidney failure shes dying.#i am seriously at my fucking limit like are you kidding me. universe are you fr
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Both 27 year olds in wh go crazy age regressing Charlie in a more physical manner (literal 10yr old body and for example her penchant for plushie-collecting) Ashe it just happens to him tragically mostly when talking to Noel it's not his fault he happens to trigger the most vulnerable emotions in Ashe on accident every single time (sorry i mentioned them once but then i went off about them in tags.) Charlie and Ashe parallels are so intriguing for real. Something is wrong with you guys
#Omg kris talking about wh on tumblr!? What the heck.. It's because twitter down#I know after most siriconc noelashe conversations the first thought Ashe has after they break apart is like#What the fuck just happened why did i say all that. *trying to erase all memory of it immediately*#If it was me i'd be suicidal. But it's good to be suicidal sometimes. Like when you're that far gone lol (insane person thought process)#But seriously for some reason recently i have been alot more dissociative (or noticing it) and i understand him way better#It's self sabotage from instinctual desire to be 'saved' like a moth to a light when you're NEVER in your right mind but#Nothing really pushes you to be influenced by others in that state... Until it gets unbearably personal and then you crumble#I think also that my main motivation for obsession over their relationship in specific is my love for Ashe#And to break him apart like a watermelon. And noel is capable of this. And I relate to Noel really crazy bad#>:) Come here Ashe my darling the wooden stick isnt for anything silly or bad i promise. Ignore that im drooling#sorry for the twitterinas i think i soujd like a broken record i think i am one well that's the life when your spin is a piece of media wit#limited content. As is all media
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today i'm thinking about how asagiri made it clear that sskk did not have the same trust between them that skk has. and yet, when atsushi meets akutagawa again (post-vampirism) his first thought is to try and get him to snap out of it by saying stuff like “it's me” or “i know you're still in there,” because he's so certain that akutagawa wouldn't break his promise.
it's so clear from this that after everything they've been through, atsushi implicitly trusts akutagawa. he trusts that he'll keep his promise— that he didn't kill aya, and that he won't kill him. he places every ounce of desperate trust that he can into the man he once considered his rival, and he pays for it with his limbs, but even so he can't bring himself to hurt him or even fight back and basically shin soukoku are the perfect greek tragedy.
#they are my 13th reason#seriously i am at my limit what the fuck asagiri#character analysis#bsd#sskk#bsd spoilers
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My afraid-of-romance ass has just been asked by another regular customer for my number and the stupid thing is that again I do think this guy is kinda cute and I really probably should say yes
#the fear tho lmao#what am I afraid of? I have no fucking clue#this is why I’m still questioning my sexuality lol like what am I? do I even actually like guys? do I like anyone?#in an existential spiral at the moment#but honestly why do they always ask for my number#like dude just give me yours and let me make the decision when you’re not right here in front of me#but I felt bad telling him no today just because the last time a customer asked and I said yes I almost immediately regretted it#and then that didn’t work out because I thought he was too young#young* and now he still sometimes comes by and I just feel awkward about it#maybe I should turn to Facebook and see if I can find him because I have set an age limit for myself and I really don’t want to entertain#anyone younger than that#but I’m……… I know I’m like never active in here anymore#but I just needed to talk about this somewhere#because any of my coworkers would probably tell me I’m being ridiculous or they’d just seriously keep questioning why I keep saying no to#customers that hit on me and my best friend would probably also not get it#idk y’all I just needed to rant about it/talk about it#anyway I’m definitely gonna stress over this until tomorrow#and I’m gonna feel really bad if he stops coming by
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terfs when a study shows literally anything positive about trans people/transitioning: 'hm i think this requires some fact-checking. Were those researchers REALLY unbiased? Because if they were biased this doesn't count and if they weren't knowingly biased they probably were unconsciously biased, woke media affects so much these days. Have there been any other studies on this? Because if there haven't been this could be an outlier and if there have been and they all agree that's a bit odd, why aren't there any outliers, and if there have been and any disagree we really won't know the truth until we very thoroughly analyze them all, will we? Were there enough subjects for a good sample size? Did every single subject involved stay involved through the whole study because if they didn't we should be sure nothing shady was going on resulting in people dropping out. Are we 110% sure all the subjects were fully honest and at no point were embarrassed or afraid to admit they didn't love transitioning to the people in charge of their transition? Are we 110% sure none of the subjects were manipulated into thinking they were happy with their transition? In fact we should double-check what they think with their parents, because if the subjects and their parents disagree it's probably because they've been manipulated but their cis parents have not and are very unbiased. How many autistic subjects were there because if there weren't enough then this doesn't really study the overlap between autistic and trans and if there were too many then we just don't know enough about what causes that overlap to be sure this study really explains being trans and isn't just about being autistic. How many AFAB subjects were there because if there weren't enough this is just another example of prioritizing AMAB people and ignoring the different struggles of girls and women and if there were too many how do we know sexism didn't affect the results. Was the study double-blinded? We all know double-blinded is the most reliable so if this one wasn't that's a point against it even if the thesis literally physically could not be double-blinded. Look i'm not being transphobic, i want what's best for trans people! Really! But as a person who is not trans and therefore objective in a way they cannot possibly be, i just think we should only take into account Good Science here. You want to be following science and not being manipulated or experimented upon by something unscientific, right?'
terfs when they see a study of 45 subjects so old it predates modern criteria for gender dysphoria and basically uses 'idk her parents think she's too butch', run by a guy who practiced conversion therapy, 'confirmed' by a guy who treated the significant portion of subjects who didn't follow up as all desisting, definitely in the category of 'physically cannot double-blind this', completely contradicted by multiple other studies done on actual transgender subjects, but can be kinda cited as evidence against transitioning if you ignore everything else about it: 'oOOH SEE THIS IS WHAT WE'RE TALKIN BOUT. SCIENCE. Just good ol' unbiased thorough analysis. I see absolutely no reason to dig any deeper on this and if you think it's wrong you're the one being unscientific. It's really a shame you've been so thoroughly brainwashed by the trans agenda and can't even accept science when you see it. Maybe now that someone has finally uncovered this long-lost study from 1985, we can make some actual progress on the whole trans problem.'
#science#transphobia#cass review#less 'cass review' generally more 'zucker specifically' because this same problem exists outside cass#have lost count of the number of times i've seen 'well THAT study may have said most trans kids persist but it MUST be wrong'#'there's another study says the exact opposite. that one's right. obviously.'#but cass is why i'm annoyed by it now#normally i don't have a problem with critical observations and questions. yeah check your science! that's good!#there have been some bullshit studies and some bullshit interpretations of good studies! scientific literacy is important!#and normally also am willing to pretend the people pulling reaction 1 on some studies and reaction 2 on others are. not the same group.#but now there's a ton of cass supporters tryna say 'oh the cass review didn't reject or downplay anything for being pro-trans!'#'some studies just weren't given much weight for being poor evidence! not our fault those were all studies with results trans people like!'#…….………….aight explain why zucker's findings are used for the 'percentage of trans kids who don't stay trans' stat instead of anyone else's.#would've been more scientifically accurate to say 'yeah we just don't know.'#'studies have been done but none of them fit our crack criteria sooooo *shrug*'#like COME ON at least PRETEND you're genuinely checking scientific correctness and not looking for excuses to weed out undesirable results#am also mad about zucker in particular because his is possibly the most famous bullshit study#quite bluntly if you're doing trans research and think 'yeah this one seems reasonable' you. are maybe not well-informed enough for the job#there's just no way you genuinely look at the research with an eye toward accurate science regardless of personal bias#and walk away thinking 'hm that zucker fellow seems reasonable. competent scientists will respect that citation.'#that's one or two steps above doing a review of vaccine science and seriously citing wakefield's mmr-causes-autism study#it doesn't matter what the rest of your review says people are gonna have OPINIONS on that bit#and outside anti-vaxxers most of those opinions will be 'are you actually the most qualified for this because ummmm.'#people who agree with everything else will still think someone more competent could've done a much better job#people who disagree with everything else will point to that as proof you don't know shit and why should we listen to you#anyway i'd love a hugeass trans science review with actual fucking standards hmu if you know of one cause this ain't it#……does tumblr still put a limit on how many tags you can include guess me and my tag essay are about to find out.
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bloatware i hate you.
especially from you microsoft. stop making me have to fight for my life to get my computer to have only the programs I WANT INSTALLED.
also also. big giant huuuuuuuuuge fuck you to dell for royally fucking me up for so long. never again. you're dead to me.
#no i do not want copilot no i do not want onenote no i do not want any of this crap get OUT#and dell. seriously. you've nearly destroyed my cpu and hard drive from all this bloat#i thought my laptop was about to DIE#and suddenly with all the dell shit removed it's functional again#it doesn't even sound like a jet engine any more#this laptop is nearly ten years old#anyway i am so angry right now don't mind me#not looking forward to when my new computer arrives and i have to argue with microsoft again#but at least the company i'm buying this prebuilt from doesn't appear to add any other bloat. please. god. i'm so fucking tired.#i just want to be able to function on my tech again#being my own it department is fucking exhausting#rant brought to you by me fighting for my life the past several goddamn months tbh#but it's been real real REAL bad the last week and i am AT MY FUCKING LIMIT
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Following the hotd tag is crazy sometimes. People making posts raging about how disgusting one side or the other is and telling irl people to off themselves for having a preference, like they’re actually living in the show for real and anything these characters do have real consequences irl. Never have I witnessed so many people in a fandom that needs to touch some grass. None of these characters are real but the people you’re suicide baiting and swearing at are and it does nothing but make you look absolutely deranged
#your fictional man will not fuck you your fav doesn’t care what you think of their enemy#they’re all war criminals#also we all know exactly how the canon gunna go#so I seriously do not understand why some people are like “’COLE NEEDS TO DIE ASAP’#‘RHAENYRA WILL NEVER BE QUEEN’#cringe it’s literally so cringe#and I’m someone who literally says ‘to be cringe is to be free’ at any opportunity#do you people have any media literacy at all#I feel like I already know the answer but I am at my limit#I’m just gunna start blocking#txt#sorry for the rant lol the amount of unhinged people have increased exponentially since s2 dropped#hotd fandom#hotd critical
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might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by
#depresso rant incoming skipp all this if you dont wanna hear it#txt#el/ena might have to become a deadname for lack of a better word sjdhfg#putting the slash because im beyond paranoid now#nothing on this earth is sacred i feel like ive lost the only safe space i had left#would you guys call me some silly name if i asked :-( fuck#shit im so hurt this is the worst#trying to be positive so im not just a huge drag but im so isolated in my real life and as stupid as it sounds#tumblr was becoming a little home id carved out for myself#and i feel like im never going to feel safe here again#but in order to tell you guys about a new blog url ill have to post about it which means they might see it too and uagshfg#and god it doesnt even matter bc my arts out there anyway and a few random 10k+ note posts so theres a chance theyll find me no matter what#and shit i loved so many of my old urls but i cant ever reuse them and i feel like im seriously losing my fucking mind trying to hide#like tumblr and having you guys was the only thing keeping me going through all this shit and it feels like ive lost all of that comfort#this is gonna be the worst fucking birthday ever dude just for that extra cherry on top like i seriously have nothing going for me rn SJDHG#denver and a few lovely mutuals to keep me kicking but oughgf#i feel sick#feel like i need to shower and scrub my soul raw to get this vile ass feeling out#god im sorry to be negative i rlly am i try to keep things cheery round here but im styeadily reaching my limit#and i want to reblog stuff to comfort myself but i dont want to reblog anything in case theyre watching and fuck im so dfjsfgjksfjkgsfkdgh#i could really go for a hug right about now s'all
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Bleh
#thinking about shit#getting really tired and stressed with everything going on#and I'm seriously starting to wonder if this is my next breaking point#and if I'm going to be forever worse bc I kept pushing myself with my me/cfs#that's the fucking scary thing about it; not knowing if I'm doing to accidentally do something wrong and make myself permanently worse#and I don't know how to explain these fears other than fucking terrifying#to literally be entirely unaware of the true limitations of your body and not knowing if you're going to make yourself worse by accident#I cannot wait for the move to be over#once we have a legal address together I can get on my husbands insurance and beg him to quit#I am incapable of working a traditional job as it is but I'm forced to because I have no other options#so I'm already pushing myself on a regular basis#and I fear every flare up is just going to be my new normal#and what if it is just a flare up? I have to keep working I have to do my job I have to do chores I have to pack#will working myself this hard during the flare up lead to something worse?#I can't do this anymore I just fucking can't#I can't stand not knowing if this past year is going to permanently incapacitate me#I'm already reliant on my husband for everything short of carrying me to the bathroom and wiping my ass for me#I hate not being independent and I hate the idea that I might be stuck in this much pain and this much fatigue for the rest of my f'in life
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