#I’m just gunna start blocking

[lhazar]

Following the hotd tag is crazy sometimes. People making posts raging about how disgusting one side or the other is and telling irl people to off themselves for having a preference, like they’re actually living in the show for real and anything these characters do have real consequences irl. Never have I witnessed so many people in a fandom that needs to touch some grass. None of these characters are real but the people you’re suicide baiting and swearing at are and it does nothing but make you look absolutely deranged

[algae-tm]

MATCH MY FREAK

Max Verstappen x Heiress! reader

You have a reputation for being high maintenance, Max thinks you’re perfect (oneshot)

Author’s Note: if you can’t tell I have major writers block on my kill bill series… this is why you plan folks! I’ve kinda written myself into a corner. However, I love doing these lil oneshots so here’s another :)

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

MESSAGES

yourusername just posted on instagram

liked by lewishamilton, maxverstappen1, and 5,234,432 others

yourusername : mom, i am a rich man

view all comments

user1 : a rich man yet all your exes say you bleed them dry

— user3 : at that point it’s a skill issue… if they knew they couldn’t keep up they shouldn’t have started dating her

— user1 : you females will defend each other no matter how in the wrong you are. — user3 : not fighting with a dude who calls women females

—user1 : lmao cause you know you’re wrong

user5 : I think oomf on twitter was right, she likes lavish things so she buys them and the men in her life are threatened.

— maxverstappen1 : couldn’t be me I’m very secure in my masculinity!

— user5 : MAX VERSTAPPEN!!!!??????

— user6 : what is bro doing here

— user8 : y/n’s freshly single and brother decides to shoot his shot lmao 🤣🤣

— user1 : brother run away whilst you can she’ll only drain your energy and your bank account.

— maxverstappen1 : me and my bank account can handle it

carlossainz55 : bro @maxverstappen1 thank you for lending me that 5 million euros after I lost my job! — maxverstappen1 : the least I can do brother!

landonorris : Max Verstappen let me win the Miami gp! — maxverstappen1 : No bro it was all you!

georgerussell63 : hey dude @maxverstappen1 when do you want me to return that lambo you lent me?

— maxverstappen1 : of course you can just keep it!

charles_leclerc : max verstappen saved my mother and my dog from my burning yacht, then gave me his spare yacht cause he felt bad!

— maxverstappen1 : no worries say hi to pascale and Leo for me!

danielricciardo : Max Verstappen is the most passionate lover I’ve ever had!

— maxverstappen1 : bro what? — maxverstappen1 : this is not true!

— user6 : lmao Dan I don’t think you did this correctly…

—danielricciardo : I only speak the truth 🤭

maxverstappen1: oh what a coincidence I am also a rich man, we should talk about our similarities over dinner

lewishamilton : catch flights not feelings

— yourusername : so right lew 🖤

MESSAGES

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

yourusername just posted

liked by maxverstappen1, lewishamilton, and 4,324,367 others

yourusername : is somebody gonna match my freak?

view all comments

user23 : isn’t the saying like luxury whispers or something?

— yourusername : why should I whisper? My people deserve to be luxurious loudly!

lewishamilton : I actually have the perfect person to ‘match your freak’ he’s equally as weird as you

— yourusername : 🤨🤨🤨 I’m all ears

— maxverstappen1 : me me me!! He’s talking about me

MESSAGES

A YEAR LATER • INSTAGRAM

maxverstappen1 just posted

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc and 8,234,432 others

maxverstappen1 : I MATCHED HER FREAK!!

view all comments

yourusername : yeah you did baby!!

danielricciardo : that should be me 😔😔

— yourusername : stop trying to steal my man!

— danielricciardo : he was mine first!!

— user42 : this dynamic is everything

user44 : max actually bagged a baddie??

— user56 : they’re gunna divorce in like 2 years once he realises she’s too high maintenance…

— maxverstappen1 : NUH UH

lewishamilton : for the role I played any children you have should be named Lewis…

— maxverstappen1 : you extorted me!

— lewishamilton : I helped you get the girl!

— yourusername : yeah max, was I not worth the extortion??

— maxverstappen1 : what no, of course you were! I’d be extorted 1 million times for you!

— user65 : wow they really do match each others freak…

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

TAGLIST

@forevercaffeinated-lee

@callsignwidow

@a-beaverhausen

@emryb

@c0deincrazy

@dontworryaboutitokie

@c-losur3

@chuxk-lerclerk

@silkenthusiasts

@ietss

@sp1rl

[shawtythatluvsurgut]

gunna have a video of me feeding my feedee up on my onlyfans soon. i’m thinking about starting it back up while i take a break from college because it was kind of empowering to get to own my kink in such a way. I also enjoy sharing that side of myself with all of you. subscription price will be between $8-$10/mo since my feedee is going to be collaborating with me on certain pieces of content. i will maybe begin gaining again once i get my health back in check, we’ll see. i want my muscle mommy build back, and to get that back i’ll have to pack on some weight. so we’ll see what happens with that. ;)

in the meantime and between-time, stay safe. especially on the internet. all of my old rules still apply for messaging me, but i will gradually get back to making regular content and posts. now that i am taking a break from school, i’m working more, but I also have free time on my hands when i’m not working. it feels really nice to get back into the swing of things. I’ve missed you all and I’ve missed the positive aspects of this community.

going forward, i’m just going to block people who talk shit to me or delete their comments (unless it’s of actual importance to discuss). i’m just done engaging with that shit. idk, i���m on new medication that seem to be actually working and i feel stable, so i feel ready to re-embrace this community with open arms.

a special thank you to everyone who continued engaging with me and communicating with me during my break. i appreciate all of your kind words more than you know, and if i didn’t respond to you it was because i didn’t want the answer to “hey how are you?” to be “i’m miserable. how are you?”. but I saw all of you - each and every message, comment, text, etc. - and i just want to say thank you. the people who still proceeded to message me with positivity are the reason I have decided I want to come back.

With all that being said, I hope you will all accept me back. I understand that some of you were upset that I left and didn’t understand my reasonings, but I hope we can reconcile our differences and i can gain your trust again. I’m not the angry person that I became when responding to hate messages, and that also influenced my time away. I could see that my demeanor on this hellsite was changing and I was getting more upset, angry and, honestly, afraid of going on here (let alone posting myself on here). However, that has changed. I’ve been working on being more optimistic and caring less about the negative opinions of others. Frankly, if someone doesn’t like me or my content they should just be an adult about it and either reach out to discuss that or ignore me. If they can’t do that, I believe they are childish and need to get a grip. There are some key things I’ve learned in life that I want to share with people who are as I described above:

- your comfort is not someone else’s responsibility. if it makes you uncomfortable, then don’t engage. It’s as simple as that.

- no one has to cater to your interests. everyone lives on their own agenda. your wants and desires do not take priority over the wants and desires of others. sure, there are some people who will cater to your every wish, but i’m definitely not one of them.

- similarly to above, your desires do not take priority over someone’s health. that includes both mental health and physical health. (death feedism is a thing if you are interested in someone wanting to gain while not caring about their health. this is not a death feedism page and i suggest you go search in the tags for that if it is what you are looking for. I do not want to kill my feedee, nor do I want him or I to gain enough weight to become immobile or at risk in any way. As hot as the idea is to me at times, we are both too active and work in active careers for that to be a realistic possibility for us. maybe someday i’ll get a stay at home job and get really big, or maybe someday he will. only time can tell. sorry for the length, i’m high. i’ll stfu now.

- people don’t care. no stranger online owes it to you to care that you don’t like their body, or that you don’t like this or that. it doesn’t matter because that person does not know you. there’s no point in wasting time caring about your negative comment unless it’s actually useful and constructive commentary.

So anyways, i’m back in business again. gonna post some FA art soon + start uploading to my OF again. I thank any of you who read this far and again I hope you can accept me back into the community.

Thanks,

Nico

[call-me-maggie13]

She’s fine. Beatrice is fine.

She just took a week off to help with Diana. She can’t afford to miss any more lectures. It doesn’t matter how many meals her body rejects or how terribly her bones ache. It doesn’t even matter that she’s already sweat through her shirt in the twenty minute commute from her apartment to her university.

Because she is fine. She’s not sick. She can’t be sick. Not now. She can be sick this weekend. When she doesn’t have classes. Yes, she’ll do that. She’ll be sick this weekend and be fine now.

"Ms. Beatrice, I want you to know I mean this respectfully, but you look like shit. Go home." Dr. Superion doesn’t let her past her desk, slaps her cane across the walkway to block Beatrice’s path.

"I’m fine." Her head is stuffed with cotton, everything is muffled and her brain is about to start oozing out of her ears.

"Do not make me call your wife. Go home."

"She’s not - " Dr. Superion is already dialing Ava’s number, how she knows it is a mystery Beatrice would want to solve were she not currently withholding her breakfast’s second coming.

"She said she’ll pick you up here. Sit." She rolls her chair around the desk, forces Beatrice into it and rolls her into the hall. Beatrice watches her curiously. "I don’t do well with sick. Don’t try to come back until you’re better. I’ll send you the slides from the lectures you miss."

Beatrice drops her head into her hands, elbows digging into her knees as she takes long, slow breaths to steady her stomach. She digs the heel of her hands into her eyes in an attempt to relieve the pressure behind them.

It doesn’t help.

"Bea-Bea!" Tiny feet patter around the corner and a little body launches into her chest, the sudden movement sloshing her insides uncomfortably but she hugs Diana back regardless.

"Hey, what’s wrong? Can you walk?" Ava brushes the back of her hand over Beatrice’s forehead and her cheek, the fingers pulling away damp. "Come on, let’s get you home so you can sleep."

Beatrice is fine. She can walk herself. She doesn’t need Ava’s hand on her elbow or arm around her waist to steady her. She doesn’t need Ava to pause every time she whimpers or gasps to make sure she’s alright. She doesn’t need Ava to call off tonight to stay with her. She doesn’t need Ava to tuck her duvet up to her chin and kiss her forehead and tell her she’s going to be okay.

She doesn’t need anything.

But she does like it. In fact, you could say Beatrice loves it.

"Bea?" The bed shifts and she groans. "I made you some tea, maybe it’ll help settle your stomach." Cold fingers against her sweaty forehead. "You’re still burning up, if your fever doesn’t break soon - "

"I’m fine." The words made her stomach churn and she takes deep, long breaths to try to force it away.

"Just. Take this. It’ll help." Beatrice doesn’t look at the pill Ava hands her, she’s too scared to open her eyes after she’d thrown up the last time she’d tried. Ava helps her sit up, take a sip of the warm tea to wash the medicine down, tucks her back in. "I’m gunna leave the door cracked, call out if you need me, okay?"

She hears the door creak on its hinges, screeching to a near close before footsteps fade away. The television is on, murmuring voices drift down the hall. Diana giggles, blocks tumble, the fan rattles, the air kicks on, Beatrice’s head hums. There’s clattering in the kitchen, dishes moving and hitting each other. Then there’s nothing. There’s warmth and there’s dark and there’s nothing.

The bed shifts again and Beatrice wakes, tiny hands of ice brush against her clammy cheeks and she relishes the cold relief.

"Bea-Bea." Diana is getting so much better at whispering. She’s still too loud and sometimes her voice is too harsh, but she has improved so much and Beatrice can’t help the surge of pride she feels at the nearly successful whisper. "Bea-Bea dying?"

"No, patinho. Just sick." Diana’s hand pushes the hair from her face and her head hits the pillow just beside Beatrice’s.

"Sleepy?" Beatrice nods and the pillow shifts when Diana copies the movement. "Cuddle?"

"Diana, I told you to leave her alone, baby. She’s not feeling well." The blanket shift as Diana is lifted away, Ava offers a quiet apology and they’re gone.

Beatrice curls her fingers around her thumb and she’s asleep again.

Cold toes tuck under Beatrice’s stomach, jolting her awake. She lifts her cotton filled head and cracks one eye to find Diana trying to curl into her side.

"Hi." The little girl giggles. Beatrice doesn’t try to fight the smile.

"Hello." She drops her head back against the pillow and lets her eyes slide closed. "Your mama know where you are?"

"No." Diana whispers and tucks her nose into Beatrice’s shoulder. "I stay?"

Beatrice hums and rolls onto her side, opens her arms to Diana to crawl into.

"Hot hot." Diana presses her cold hands into Beatrice’s cheeks, snuggles closer to her chest. "You wet."

The thin layer of sweat has long since become a waterfall, soaking Beatrice’s shirt and the sheets beneath her and the thin blanket above. She’s cold and hot and wet and sticky and uncomfortable and so, so, so very tired.

"‘m s’rry," Beatrice slurs and shifts away from her. Diana follows.

The door creaks open and Beatrice cracks an eye to find Ava at the edge of the bed with her hands on her hips. Diana is grinning at her dopily, curled into Beatrice’s sweaty embrace. Ava tries to reason with the toddler, explain that Beatrice needs to sleep and that she feels "icky." Diana doesn’t care.

Beatrice doesn’t either.

"Ava," She pauses at her name. "She can stay."

"Bea…"

"You too?" She knows its unfair to use her Bambi eyes on Ava when she’s already trying so hard to convince Diana to leave. She knows Ava has never disagreed to anything when Beatrice has employed her wide eyed pout.

She knows and that’s why she does it.

"Fine. Fine, just for a little. Then you go back to sleep." Beatrice smiles when Ava presses into her back, pulling away with a giggle. "Ew, you’re wet."

"Sorry…" Ava chuckles and presses back into her, kisses her clammy cheek and winds her arm around her waist.

"Don’t apologize," Ava hums into the back of her neck, squeezing her tightly. “It’s not your fault.”

Beatrice curls her fingers around her thumb again, squeezing tightly as she begs her stomach to settle. Ava’s fingers ghost over the knuckles and she instinctively flattens her palm into the mattress.

“Sorry.” She’s thankful her face is already red from the fever so Ava can’t see the way they flush.

“What were you doing?” Her breath is cool on Beatrice’a neck, thumb brushing over Beatrice’s wrist as she turns her hand over and closes the fingers back around her thumb. She curls her fingers on top, offers a soft squeeze before releasing her. Diana hums and tries to mimic the action, her tongue peeking out of her mouth as she tries to figure out how to control her fingers.

“It’s stupid.” Beatrice flattens her palm into the mattress again and turns to press her face into the pillow.

“I didn’t say it was stupid and I don’t appreciate you implying that I thought it either. You aren’t a mind reader, Bea. So don’t try to be.” There’s only a little edge to her tone, just a little hint of annoyance that slips through the concern.

“I was holding it.” Beatrice’s eyes burn as she waits for the laugh she knows is coming.

“Your thumb?” There’s no malice in her voice but Beatrice is too scared to turn and check her face. Ava’s hand hovers over Beatrice’s again. “Would you rather hold my hand? If you would like, I mean. You can totally hold your thumb too, if you’d rather that but - ”

Beatrice threads her fingers over Ava’s, curls their hands together and squeezes them when she finally stops talking.

“Yeah. Like that. Cool, cool cool cool. Co - ”

“Ava, as much as I adore your ramblings, please shut up.” Beatrice giggles, soft and breathy and Diana laughs too.

“Sorry.” Ava buries her head in the back of Beatrice’s neck and prays she can’t feel her cheeks burning over her fever.

Find more here!

[aquaquadrant]

Deep Breath in.... Deep Breath out....SCREAMING

Thank you for this amazing update it was so so good. I will probably end up sending multiple asks (apologies in advance) because there is so much to process. This was such an amazing chapter! Your ability to capture these strong emotions and display what I feel is accurate characterizations is truly captivating. I've been so pumped for this chapter and I was just so blown away by it.

God first off Impulse. IMPULSE!!! My man literally carried Tango to a safe place, helped the ranchers feel safe, and just went full Dad mode. I flipped when he went full demon mode after finding out what happened to Tango. Man was ready to enter Hels and destroy Hels Tek block by block.

Jimmy getting hints about Watcher stuff as well was *chef kisses*. Kinda curious can Martyn and Scott hear what the Watchers are saying to Jimmy? Martyn seemed to step in just when they were getting extra hurtful.

God you fed us with Ranchers too. I was so happy that Tango may slowly be starting to get that he is loved. The way Jimmy didn't back down. uggggg perfection

Also Tango associating quartz with Hels was so painful. My man went through every trauma response this chapter and probably will still hit like 30 more.

Small questions you might not be able to answer yet but will ask anyways. When Tango went through the portal, is it still open on Double Life or did Jimmy get in at the last second? If Tango did break the portal would he or Bravo be able to get back to the rest of the universe? You mentioned that Bravo's sense of superiority shows up differently in Tango, is that Tango enjoys watching other suffers. That he enjoys the power it gives him or is that more of a trauma response due to strong need to be in control and by killing others he feels like he is strong enough to protect himself? Or I guess a combo of both hahaha. Ummmm last question for now can I like stab Atlas for like everything? Especially the collar? That cool ya awesome I'm gunna assume that's a yes

HEY NOVA always great to hear from my readers, no apologies needed ^^ i’m glad u enjoyed it!

loved getting to give impulse a bigger role in this update- as tango’s oldest friend on hc, it just made sense that he’d be front and center. and getting to show demon mode was the cherry on top 👌

martyn and scott CAN indeed hear jimmy’s watchers if they’re close enough, scott just tries his best to pretend they don’t exist out of spite while martyn is more sympathetic to being the brunt of their jokes. neither of them want to talk to jimmy abt it tho bc they think he’s better off not knowing abt the watchers, even tho the alternative is him thinking his own thoughts are super mean ;(

(but neither of them were close enough to catch grian’s brief slip into watcher state, in case anyone was wondering)

GLAD U ENJOYED THE RANCHER MEAL 💃 there’s a lot of interesting hels dynamics and worldbuilding and angst to explore in this au but at the end of the day, this is a rancher’s au for a reason 🙏😤

obvi u sent this in before i answered other asks abt it but JUST in case u didn’t catch those, tango was interrupted before he could break the portal, and if it were broken, they would still be able to open a portal out of hels using another player’s data.

as for ur other question, it’s def a bit of both. tango’s always had a bit of sadism in him as an amplification of bravo’s superiority complex. one of his favorite pastimes pre-hels tek was to set traps outside of the cities and wait for players to stumble into them and perish terribly, while he watched with delight. but after hels tek, he fixated more on mob farms as a way of trying to reclaim that trauma, while ALSO being a more socially-acceptable way to scratch that itch.

and last but not least, u can TRY to stab atlas but ur gonna have to wait at the end of a very long line.

[bringthekaos]

Not a single day goes by that I don't think about Pulse of the Machine

😭😭😭 guhhhh you’ve no idea how much that means to me.

I was and still am very proud of that story, and the response has been incredible. I have an awful habit of starting to write longfics and then abandoning them midway through when the muse fucks off home (ummmm Oasis anyone?? I stg I’m gunna continue it, I’m just suffering a major case of the writer’s block). But from the very beginning, something was different about Pulse of the Machine. It was like I was possessed. I just had to get that story out, and it just came so naturally. I knew generally how I wanted it to go, but at every turn it came alive and led me to places I’d never planned to go, but loved nonetheless. And hopefully one day, if I can cement a little bit more of the plot rather than just an excuse for Jayce and Viktor to fuck nasty, then maybe there will even be a sequel!

Thank you again, truly! Whenever I’m feeling down, I go back and read ya’lls comments on PotM. They all just make me smile from ear to ear!! 💕

(Also, to all who’ve sent one, I’m gunna get to all the other asks, I swear! Work is just kicking my ass rn and I didn’t feel like I had the spoons to answer genuinely.)

[satninroses]

Drunken Care | A.B x Reader

(A/N): First Austin request :-), Supa cute!! Hope you enjoy :-))

Summary: Austin takes care of drunk reader.

Pairing: Austin Butler x Fem! Reader

Word count: 1,083

Warnings: Drunk reader, throwing up, swearing, mentions of sadness.

The party had started somewhere at 4:00 P.M. At this point, it was almost 1:00 in the morning ad there were still plenty of people at his house.

You knew Austin from childhood. You were close friends from elementary to high school. He left about a year after your senior year to pursue a career in acting and you supported him all through it. Both of you stayed in touch after everything and talked practically everyday.

When he invited you to the party, you were eager to see how he was after all these years of chatting through the internet. You wanted to envelope him in a tight hug as if he was the one thing grounding you to this Earth.

When you arrived, Austin had pushed his way through the sea of bodies to get to you. This made your heart so happy. You had missed him so much that you couldn’t stop the cascade of happy tears from falling down your face.

You had spent the whole night chatting and catching up with eachother, reliving childhood memories, embarrassing moments, and so much more.

During your conversations, he would be invited to a toast in his name and to his accomplishments. You think there may have been 9 or 10 toasts. You really couldn’t remember at this point. All the drinks entering your system wound you up and unraveled you into a drunk girl.

You sat on his couch staring at your phone, which was upside down and backwards, waiting for him to get back from grabbing a few snacks. While he had drunk to his toasts, he could obviously handle his alcohol better than you could.

“Hey (Y/N). You doing ok?” He placed his hand on the small of your back to get your attention. You sluggishly turned your head to gaze into his pretty eyes. How were they so pretty? How was he so pretty?

You felt tears well up in your eyes at the sight of him. “Oh Austin! I mmmisssed youu! I didn’t know what I was gunna do without you!” You dug your head into the crook of his shoulder and let yourself cry.

“Oh, it’s ok! I’m here now, ok? Don’t cry, I’m right here.” He pat your back reassuringly and laid a small kiss on your forehead. He stood you up to walk you outside for some fresh air. This proved to be a challenge. Your foot- brain coordination was not on point due to your intoxication. You stumbled a bit before finally gripping his shirt and the wall. “Where are we going,” you slurred.

“I’m just gonna take you outside for some air. Is that ok?” He continued to lead you out onto his back deck in hope of calming you down a little bit. You finally reached the back door and he unlocked it. You stepped out into the slightly chilly June night.

An extreme wave a nausea hit you like a cinder block. Your knees hit the ground and your hands rushed to cover your mouth.

“(Y/N)! Hold still i’ll get your a bucket or something!” Before Austin had the chance to stand up and go search for something to catch your puke, it was too late.

You let out that days meals in a painful manner. You were absolutely humiliated. While throwing up did somewhat sober you up, you were still to far gone to stand on your own and clean it. “Oh god. Ok, stay here! It’s gonna be ok. Can you try and make it to that lawn chair for me?” You nodded slowly has to not upset your head more.

For a full five minutes, you sat on the chair and stared at the vomit in embarrassment. “I threw up on his porch. What kind of friend am I?” You began to sob again. “What if he thinks I’m gross and rude?” A hand touches your back.

“I don’t think anything but the world of you. You’re just a little drunk, and we’re gonna get you back on your feet, ok?” Austin went around the chair and kneeled in front of you. In one of his hands were two Ibuprofen and a few crackers. In the other hand was a glass of ice water. “Take these, munch on these crackers, and sip on the water ok?”

You took the pills and swallowed them. You had taken a few more sips of water. He held an outstretched hand towards you. With your free hand, you grabbed it and walked with him back into the home and upstairs. He led you to a large master bedroom. He sat you on the bed. “Stay here, ok? I need to run downstairs.”

You sat alone in silence again for a few more minutes. He returned upstairs with your purse, phone, and a sweatshirt.

“I told everyone to head home. Said some goodbyes. I brought you this in case you wanted to change into something more comfortable. You can use the bathroom right here if you want.”

At this point, you were more sober than you were 20 minutes ago. Still not completely sober. You stripped off your dress and heels as well as your bra. You slipped the sweatshirt on over yourself. You grabbed a pair of his shorts from the laundry basket in the corner of the bathroom.

You walked back into the room and sat on the bed.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah. I’m really sorry that I threw up on your porch.”

“It’s ok. Accidents happen.”

You smile at him and give him a hug. He wrapped his arms around your torso comfortingly. After some time, you let him go and stared at him.

“Do you want me to take the guest room?”

“No it’s ok. You can sleep in here. I’d prefer it too. That way in case you aren’t feeling well I can help you out.”

You laid your back down on the bed and let out a long exhale. “Thank you Austin.”

He smiles again and offers you a sweet kiss on the forehead. before laying beside you. “Anything for you (Y/N).”

You both maneuvered your way under the covers where you fell asleep next to Austin. While being one of your most embarrassing moments, you were glad to be with him again. That was all that mattered.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 25/05/2024 (Billie Eilish's HIT ME HARD AND SOFT)

Once again, despite hot competition, Sabrina Carpenter sticks to that #1 spot on the UK Singles Chart for a fourth week. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

content warning: lesbian sex references, death

Rundown

As always, we start the episode with the notable dropouts, which are songs exiting the UK Top 75 - that’s what I cover on this show - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we have quite a few arguably predictable leavers as well as song longer runs. Overall, we bid adieu to, unless I’m missing anything: “Rim Tim Tagi Dim” by Baby Lasagna, “meet the grahams” by Kendrick Lamar, “Cry No More” by Headie One featuring Stormzy and Tay Keith (I expect a resurgence when the album comes), “Push Ups” by Drake, “Never be Lonely” by Jax Jones and Zoe Wees, “Saturn” by SZA and “Whatever She Wants” by Bryson Tiller.

As for our notable gains and returns, we have quite a few in the latter category, with Fleetwood Mac’s “Everywhere” at #75, “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers at #72, “Thank You (Not So Bad)” by way too many people back yet again at #64, really a lot of bottom-feeders blossoming pro-Eurovision. There are even more returns though, with Becky Hill seeing both “Outside of Love” at #74 and “Right Here” at #65, as well as a bit of a unique one: the hi-NRG classic “Smalltown Boy”, an anthem of queer persecution and liberation by the somewhat forgotten Bronski Beat is back at #63 - you might know their former lead singer Jimmy Somerville a bit better for his second band The Communards. “Smalltown Boy”, their debut single, peaked at #3 in 1984, blocked from #1 by two just as iconic tracks of the British 80s, “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” by Wham! at #2, and “Two Tribes” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood at #1. It’s returned to low peaks before in 2013, but a viral TikTok dance seems to be what spiked this one up this time around. The band would reach the #3 peak several times again but they did not last past the 1980s. Their last top 40 hit was a 1991 remix of “Smalltown Boy” credited doubly to Bronski Beat and Sommerville, though sampling of the track has also bred some success, particularly in EDM. Of those who sampled it for hits, Real McCoy’s “Automatic Lover (Call for Love)” hit #58 in 1995, Steve Angello and Axwell of Swedish House Mafia hit #13 in 2006 with “Tell Me Why” under the name Supermode and even Killers frontman Brandon Flowers tried his hand with “I Can Change”, reaching #52 in 2015. None of them touch the original’s catharsis.

We also have yet another TikTok viral hit return this week, this one a bit more inexplicable because the song is no way near as iconic or good, but it’s “The Man Who Can’t be Moved” by The Script at #48. Now this one has actually been more of an intermittently successful since it peaked at #2 in 2009 - pipped at the post by Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” - having returned to the charts in every successive year until 2014, even reaching the top 20 again after a performance on The Voice in 2012. I can’t find much concrete on why this is back, there’s less media coverage than Bronski Beat because… well, frankly, it’s just not a very interesting song, is it? The Script tried to sue James Arthur for similarities between this song and his three-week #1 “Say You Won’t Let Go” from 2016, and gained a writing credit, as if they couldn’t easily have been sued by Keane if we’re validating small musical differences as actual plagiarism. The fact that not a single one of those songs is actually good shows you that these guys are fighting in court over scraps of dull piano ballad melodies, it’s really delightful.

Now after that, we have the healthy amount of gains: “greedy” by Tate McRae at #67, “Addicted” by Zerb, The Chainsmokers and Ink at #66, “Miles on It” by Marshmello and Kane Brown at #57 (kill me), “on one tonight” and “one of wun” by Gunna at #52 and #32 (postpone the killing), “Evergreen” by Richy Mitch & the Coal Miners at #49, “obsessed” by Olivia Rodrigo at #47, “The Door” by Teddy Swims at #45, “The Sound of Silence” by Disturbed and its brand-spanking-new and terrible remix at #39 (Jesus Christ), and finally, a song actually worth being happy for: “Love Me JeJe” by Tems at #36.

The top five on the UK Singles Chart this week starts with “MILLION DOLLAR BABY” by Tommy Richman at #5, “Too Sweet” by Hozier at #4, “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” by Shaboozey up to #3 and our big story, the highest of Billie Eilish’s three tracks, “LUNCH” at #2. Obviously, “Espresso” is #1, more on Billie later, for now, let’s hear the new entries lower down the rank… or, really, just the one.

New Entries

#62 - “Ain’t No Love in Oklahoma” - Luke Combs

Produced by Chip Matthews, Jonathan Singleton and Luke Combs

Yeah, so again, unless I’m really badly missing something, which is possible, we only have one non-Billie debut and it’s from Luke Combs of all people. It’s not even a lead single, it’s just a cut from the soundtrack to an upcoming disaster film Twisters about, well, take a wild guess. Combs provides a heavy country rock rolick with a great lead riff even if a bit too cleanly produced against the drums to hit the exact smoky edge it should. His delivery feels just slightly off - he’s giving it his all, but it doesn’t fully function the melodies, especially the transition between the verses and pre-chorus, and that chorus is awkwardly unresolved-feeling, which absolutely is thematically on point given the natural disaster theme of the film and its use as an analogy in this song. The adrenaline-chaser in Combs gets to shine here and in a pretty simple, relatively heavy track, with an admittedly mostly boring guitar solo, it does its job, I suppose? I’m glad something that sounds like this is charting, and I imagine that build-up to the final chorus and the way it picks up the pace near the end absolutely hits in the context of whatever rural Southern US chase scene it’s used for in the film, but as a separate entity, I’m not really too impressed.

#9 - “BIRDS OF A FEATHER” - Billie Eilish

Produced by FINNEAS

So I haven’t actually listened to the new Billie Eilish album, HIT ME HARD AND SOFT, yet. I know, I know, I’m a chart reviewer, I should be paying more attention, I should be analysing the intricacies of Ms. Eilish’s new record instead of crying to Black Dresses or listening drunkenly to the new Sexyy Red mixtape - clearly a priority of mine - but that’s just the way it goes, sometimes I’m late to these things, and I won’t be able to fully comprehend these songs within their album’s entire context. It does help, however, that the songs debuting this week come one after the other in the tracklisting. This is the fourth track, “LUNCH” at #2 is the second, so this ship should run quite smoothly. This is a groovy track about everlasting love that seems to preoccupy so much of this lifelong relationship with her inevitable death, which is an interesting approach, especially since it’s almost a given in her lyrics that she’s dying first… or even soon, which makes it a bit harrowing and almost undermines that passion: it’s easier to love until the day you die if you know your death isn’t far away. The subtle wavy synths that decorate the flickering drums take that unique feeling into a slight uncanny valley that the sincerity of the flourishing dream pop guitars can’t really fully mask. Eilish’s performance is gorgeous and really convincingly emotive as always, especially in that second verse and pre-chorus which serve as a reassurance of their love to her partner having doubts. FINNEAS’ production here is absolutely killer in those final moments, with the screech in the right channel firstly adding to the blurry blend of vocal layers before they vanish and it becomes used to pre-empt both flashy synth blasts in the back of the mix and a careening “woo” vocal, I know this is a bit of a nerdy fixation but it really is genius production. I’m sure with the added context of the album’s narrative this hits even harder but even without, it’s fantastic.

#7 - “CHIHIRO” - Billie Eilish

Produced by FINNEAS

The third track on the record is in reference to Studio Ghibli’s classic anime film Spirited Away, and a lot of the content on this track, particularly Billie’s need for her partner to open up to them, an almost desperate need that she feels is suffocating her on the chorus if you take it in combination with the album cover. The No Face spirit wants to be let into the bathhouse by the main character, Chihiro, because of its admiration for her, and the doors of settings in the film overall hold a lot of meaning in regards to how the idea of freedom is approached in the film. This is not a film analysis blog so I will stop there but believe me, Billie and FINNEAS get nerdy songwriting-wise, especially with the “forget my name” motif - listen, it’s a liberal arts student’s dream, truly, but as far as it is sonically, this is also excellent. The murky funk groove leaves itself slightly unresolved-sounding with how bass heavy it is and how the tennis racquet-sounding percussion just flops into the rhythm, with meandering melodic loops and patterns, much of which is Billie’s own vocal improvising, patterned across the track but never leading to a true climax. The refrain where Billie’s voice gets into breathy, back-and-forth territory before landing in a really fantastic vocal performance and harmony that sounds damn impressive, is such a great moment because it comes as a result of such anxiety-inducing detail, yet doesn’t temper any of it - the vocal mixing and layering just gets more complex and echoing after, with glitching, cascading vintage synths arising in the distance over whispery vocals. By the time she’s belting, she’s so drowned out by the synths that it feels like nothing’s changed, she’s still just as muffled. Now I’m not fully convinced on the song once it fully gets into the rhythm of things, I would probably prefer if it ended with the second refrain on a pure sonic level even if narratively, that conclusion is necessary, I just don’t find the military march of the 70s synth anxiety as captivating the second time around. It’s still a brilliantly written and largely well-executed song though, so I can’t complain. Given its length, I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the one that gets replaced by a fan favourite in the coming weeks, thanks to the arbitrary three-song stipulation.

#2 - “LUNCH” - Billie Eilish

Produced by FINNEAS

And this is the single, I guess and I think, because from what I’m hearing about the record and the two other songs here, it seems like a smash hit is both hard to find and not in this album’s wheelhouse. This is the most lighthearted of the three, however, and largely because it’s about casual oral sex. Lyrically, it’s pretty straightforward: she has a crush on a friend and wants to turn that friendship into if not fully a relationship, at least allowing for some benefits along the way. Musically, it feels pretty simple too, with its post-punk riffs over a bassy groove and drums that, admittedly, don’t really hit for me, they feel a bit rote and factorial for something so primal and human as… well, eating a girl out, I guess. Unless there’s some kind of industry producing conveyor-belt cunnilingus out there, and if there is, I stand corrected, and where can I email them? Jokes aside, it’s a fun song, not meant to be taken massively seriously, but has a lot of cool atmosphere regardless, a charmingly funny performance from Billie, and the obvious implementation of sensual breathing into the beat is obvious but works. I’m not wowed by it but if this is the single, whilst it’s far from great, it’s probably the only one that’ll work out as an actual pop tune for the summer, so beggars can’t really be choosers. I really need to listen to that album.

Conclusion

Well, there’s not much to choose from, is there? I think all of these songs are at least decent, I’d be insincere giving a Worst of the Week - my least favourite is probably “Ain’t No Love in Oklahoma”, but it’s not at all by much. Consider that Worst of the Week if you want, but I’d rather say that Billie Eilish, of course, takes both the Honourable Mention for “CHIHIRO” and the absolute Best of the Week for “BIRDS OF A FEATHER”. What a brilliant song. As for what’s on the horizon, PinkPantheress, twenty one pilots and RM of BTS are all lined up to have some chart impact, I’m sure,  but for now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy and I’ll see you next week!

[loaksloversblog]

HII BBYS !! i’m currently writing a lo’ak x reader story on wattpad , and one shots !! send recommendations for stuff you would like to see ! here’s a sneak peak 😉

Y/N POV:

   we decided to stay at my house tonight. Everyone else is at the community feeding pod. I take lo'ak in my room, changing into sleepwear because we are staying in tonight. he brought one of the movie players from the RDA lab , and some classics his dad used to watch back on earth . We decided to start setting up . "love , have you eaten today ?" he says to me . "i haven't eaten much , but there is some food in me." i respond with . "let's get some snacks before the movie , okay ?" he says , and i agree . He offers to get them , and brings back some fresh fruit . He knows me so well , they are all cut up and in small portions . I ate some , but not the full plate .

I was kind of nervous eating around him . i know i have issues with eating , but i don't want to put that burden onto him .

After a while of watching this super unrealistic, but yet intriguing movie called iron man or whatever , we snuggled up . until he just wacked me in the face with a fucking pillow . "Lo'ak ?! what the fuck?!" i said , looking at him with a silly confused expression on my face . "what ?? you can't have a sleepover without a pillow fight !" he said back , squaring up with me . "oh it's on." i say , standing on the bed whipping a pillow at him . He's so much bigger than me , so he didn't hesitate to block every shot i tried to take . Eventually , i resorted to tackling him . I jumped right at him , trying to use my weight to force him on the bed and continue beating him with pillows . He just ended up catching me ??? he's so fucking strong . i always thought it was hot before , but it's gunna be an issue if i always lose our pillow fights . He threw me back on the bed , but making sure to be gentle. Probably less than half his weight is holding me down . I cant help but admire his perfectly toned body , and i start to feel a ripple of heat move from my core down my legs.

    I try to reach for another pillow , but he just grabs my hand and pins them above my head . His playful acts were innocent at first , but the tension between us has built up now . We sat in that position keeping eye contact with eachother . it was like a magnet was pulling us together . His eyes are so beautiful . The most precious thing i've ever seen . I cant tell what he wants in this exact moment , but all i know is i want to eat this man alive .

    He soon breaks out of the eye contact , kissing me hard and passionately . That same warm flush moves from my core in between my legs again . I place my arms around my neck , pulling him closer and kissing him harder . he moved closer to me , and i can feel his hard cock though his lioncloth on my thighs . I understand it's too soon , I KNOW we can't , but god i cannot wait until he can fuck me sensless .

   He moves his kisses from mouth to neck , being gentle but more agressive than last time . i'm not complaining though , i kinda like it this way . He moves his hands up and down my body , almost like he's trying to feel every part of it . As he's kissing and nibbling my neck , i feel a sharp pain . I wimped at this feeling , and he backs up . "Shit , are you okay love ?" he says . He notices i'm bleeding , and starts apologizing immediately . In all honestly , that was fucking hot .

   I sit up and look at him , debating on if i should say what i want to say . I don't know what animal lo'ak as unlocked in me , but i feel fucking feral . "do it again ." i say , and i can tell i'm giving him fuck me eyes .

   "wait , you want me to ? you want me to bite you again ." he says , looking at me with a confused but excited expression . "yes .. is that weird ? it hurt but , it hurt good ?" i'm kinda nervous at this point , wondering if i said the wrong thing . "as long as your sure princess , i'll do anything to please you ." he says with a smirk . he lays be back down , continuing with aggressive kisses on my neck , chest , and shoulders . When he moves to my right shoulder , i feel that same pain again . That pain that made me feel like i was gunna fucking explode , and i feel his fangs sinking into me . I whimper again , and he starts licking up the blood that's ever so slightly coming out of his bite mark . He moves back to my face , towering over me with the most dominant but gentle look . He places a kiss on my forehead , and starts to untie my top .

   God , im fucking feining  for him . All the nervs from our first time exploring eachother are gone , and we just want to devour eachother , but we can't mate . not quite yet .

    He palms my tit , squeezing it aggressively while sucking on my other nipple . He begins to pinch and nibble , causing me to whimper even more than before . i still feel the heat and tenderness from the bite on my neck . "you like that , don't you ?" he says with a smirk . "fuck lo , i do ." i say back , trembling in egarness for him . "lo is cute , i like that" he says . he moves back up my body , continuing to kiss me more . i can feel him , as hard as a fucking brick . he starts grinding again my pussy , and even with both our tewangs on , it feels fucking amazing .

   He wraps his arm around me , continuing to grind slow and hard . I'm debating on just begging him to pound me till i fucking cry , i need him .

   I can tell this feeling is pleasuring him too , as he is breathing heavy in my ear . it sends shivers down my spine , knowing i'm able to give him pleasure just by being here . I kiss on his neck , getting even more aroused by the sounds he's making . I cannot help it , i have no control over my actions anymore . i sink my fangs into his neck , gentle enough to draw blood . fucking ewya ,  this is hot as fuck . i watch as the blood trickles down his neck , until i lick it up . I can tell he's surprised by my actions , but i can also tell he's turned on by them too . i feel his dick pulsating against my clit , almost like all this foreplay has him close to an orgasm . I cant lie though , i am too .

   We just kept gripping eachother while grinding . I scratched his back so hard i left marks , i just can't take this tension anymore . I push up , throw him down on the bed and sit in him , feeling the imprint of his brick of a cock . I continue to grind against him hard , hitting my most sensitive spot continuously . Im breathing heavier , and he is too . "fuck lo , i think i'm gunna , cum ." i say , barley able to get these words out if my mouth . "do it love , be a good girl and come for me , year ?" he says . these words make me tingle even more than before . so i use his dick as my personal toy , grinding against it for my own pleasure . as much as i'd love to think about how he feels right now , i can't . "FUCKKK" i yell , shaking and squirting all over him . I lay on him , for just a second to put myself back together . As soon as i'm able to sit up without trembling , i grind on him even more . his loincloth wet now from my squirt , allowing him to feel even more pleasure. "don't stop y/n , your gunna make me cum." he says , trying to hold back his moans . i continue this motion , even faster and harder , i fucking love hearing him wimper and moan . It doesn't take too long for him to finish , adding even more fluids to his loincloth .

   I hold his hand as his whole body shakes , finally experiencing that long awaited orgasm . He sits up , gives me kiss on the forehead , and cleans us both up . he brings me a t-shirt of his , he used to wear it to sleep back home . It was from the RDA camp . I put it on , just admiring his sent . I immediately get up , and just hug him . I cannot express how this man makes me feel , sexually and innocently . I hug him tight , and long . "babe , are you okay ?" he asks . i look up at him shedding a single tear . I say to him with slight fear in my voice , "yeah , i'm okay i just-" and i almost cant get it out . he holds my face , reassuring me obviously conserned . "i'm just falling in love with you." i say . His ears perk up with a grin on his face , and he responds with , "it's okay , im falling in love with you too."

|are you guys sweating or is it just me ???? i hope you enjoyed because GOD DAMNNNNN i'm sweating . i love all you pookies ! more chapters to come soon and regularly 🫶🏽|

[miniiredd]

So, Not to be that guy and still go on about this but like not only did people and people I thought I was close with forget me/my birthday , I now see them remembering/ actively doing something for other people’s birthday literally like the next day and the days after, which actually kind of hurts more like being forgotten is one thing and kinda used to it (shout to my family and family trauma), but that second part really fucking stings

And now A girl I worked with and thought we were good friends, which well looking back was really more me begging her to be my friend to like me (Which embarrassing looking back now), has now unfollowe/blocked? Me on most things (also Shout out to Instagram for being like hheeeyyy so this happened, please don’t ever stop being a messy bitch)… which honestly I laughed when I saw, cause like I thought to myself ‘I wonder how long after she leaves does she start blocking/deleting’ turns out not long 🤷🏻‍♀️😂. The fact she’s gone to this effort while also owning me money just makes this 🤌🏻 even better

I really just wanna hermit and like not interact with anyone, but You know what, no, I’m not going to let this make me spiral…. I’m going to have my whinge/sook here (which I probably shouldn’t, should keep it to myself but fuck it)….. but then Imma move on and send out the fic ideas that I’ve been to shy to and treat myself to some smutty fics, and focus on the people care and want me in their life’s and arent making me question that (not that they’ll see this but my AusGp girls you guy especially 🫶🏻)

My RSD ain’t gunna win this one 🖕🏻✌🏻🙌🏻👏🏻

(Please ignore me posting/whinging about this again 🙄 but I needed to get it out or it’ll just sit there and bother me…..)

[my-digi-life]

In my first post, did I even really say what I wanted to do with my-digi-life? Haha, I don’t think I did, so let’s do that now. 

I want this blog to be a place where I can share my thoughts and feelings about what’s going on in my life. Even if I don’t have any followers, I think screaming into the void can be extremely helpful sometimes. 

I want to post journal entries, maybe some prose writing, maybe even some of my art???? I’m always worried about sharing my art because I’m not very good and I’m not someone who can take a lot of criticism. The most I’ve ever shared my work is in the headings, signature, and section labels I make for these blog entries. 

The other day I was working on somethings and I think I’ve found a style I like; I enjoy using my iPad for art now, but I SUCK at adding light and shadow to my pieces. I think I have it and then I go to blend and it immediately goes to hell. With the style I’ve started using though, I’m keeping the colors as is after I block out my highlights and shadows. I think it’s just called rough color, but I literally have 0 idea bc I don’t exist in art groups at all. 

My goal has never and never will be to do art for an audience other than myself so I guess I don’t really care if others think it looks good haha. I’ve never been particularly talented in art so just getting a product I kind of like it good enough for now. I want to grow, but I want to do so on my own, tweaking as I go, y’know?

I’ve also been watermarking the art I make on my iPad with a transparent PNG of the image I use to sign the end of entries here, almost like a lil stamp.

I’m kind of just rambling preemptively because I see how new artists get ripped to shreds on tiktok bc their art isn’t “up to par”. I get that there’s rules to art or whatever, but who cares about the rules if the art isn’t being made for consumption? If the art is gunna rot on my iPad or in the void of this blog, why does it need to be polished and perfect and proportioned correctly? 

Maybe I’ll make a post soon with a piece? Just as an additional lil something.

Hum and kiss from your friend, 

[algae-tm]

SUMMER LOVIN’

Charles Leclerc x Reader

You and Charles fall in love in St.Lucia (one shot)

Warnings: none?

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

INSTAGRAM

youruser

liked by yourbffuser, and 124 others

youruser: you think you just fell out of a coconut tree???🥥

view all comments

yourbffuser: HELLO??!! Who is the man????

- youruser: what man?

- yourbffuser: now i KNOW you aren’t serious. in the second pic!!!!

- youruser: oh him… that’s pookie 😋🤭

- yourbffuser: count your motherfuckin days

yoursisteruser: you collect white men like pokemon smh

- youruser: gotta catch ‘em all!! 😏😤

-yoursisteruser: sigh

charles_leclerc just posted

liked by pierregasly, arthur_leclerc and 1,234,432 others

charles_leclerc: St. Lucia 🌊☀️

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user1: why is he so boyfriend coded in the 2nd pic?

- user2: don’t be alarmed bestie but it might have something to do with the literal girl he’s holding hands with in the 3rd pic…

landonorris: is this what the youth call a soft launch?

-charles_leclerc: you are the youth

carlossainz55: ay who’s the girl?

— charles_leclerc: No one and everyone

— user1: wtf does this mean 😭 😭

— user5: why is this simultaneously the dumbest yet most romantic thing I’ve ever read, and I have a boyfriend 😭

— user6: girl- tell your boyfriend to step up or leave him… the bar is in literal hell. — user7: bro releases a couple songs and thinks he’s cool and mysterious

youruser just posted

liked by yourbffuser, and 129 others

youruser: cute solo travel idea- get a man to take you places

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yourbffuser: two posts with the same guy? I fear we’ve lost her

- youruser: NOOOO I’m still a bad bitch, I’m licensed and everything!!

- yoursisteruser: heartbreaker turns into lover girl… story for the ages

yoursisteruser: who is he???? Your fans want to know!!

—youruser: just a cute monegasque

—yoursisteruser: is that a cheese or something?

— youruser: a place apparently… he gets stroppy when I call him French 🤷🏾‍♀️

charles_leclerc just posted

liked by carlossainz55, pierregasly and 1,456,789 others

charles_leclerc: summer lovin’ happened so fast

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user4: two posts with what I’m guessing is the same girl… please twitter users starts sleuthing!!

— user5: or, hear me out, bit of a wild suggestion, just let them be?

— user3: do you think they were together b4, or he found her on holiday??

— user4: wait holdup I didn’t even think of the possibility that this could be just a vacation romance you’re so right @user3

— user5: why do I even bother with these people

pierregasly: day 67895 of asking you to tell me who she is!!

— user53: lmao Pierre is one of us confirmed

— user43: close! He actually knows Charles personally so no he isn’t one of you

— user53: now what did I do to you? 😭

youruser just posted

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youruser: bye bye bye you were bigger than the whole sky…

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yourbffuser: oh pooks

yoursisteruser: glad to know you have a heart

— youruser: bite me

— yourbffuser: time and place, bestie @yoursisteruser

MESSAGES

SIX MONTHS LATER

MESSAGES

3 MONTHS LATER

INSTAGRAM

charles_leclerc just posted

liked by lewishamilton, arthur_leclerc and 5,234,432 others

charles_leclerc: mine mine mine mine mine mine mine

(tagged youruser)

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lewishamilton: nice to see it brother! You know what they say

— youruser: once you go black!

— lewishamilton: I was gunna say the course of true love never did run smooth…

— youruser: mine works better!!

— user4: lmao she’s hilarious

— user5: and just as chaotic as Charles 😭 they’re made for eachother

—user6: idk I think he needs someone more introverted… she’s attention seeking (this user was blocked by charles_leclerc)

—charles_leclerc: blocked 🤭😙

—youruser: my man, my man, my man!

landonorris: she’s gorgeous

— charles_leclerc: why do you live to cause me distress??

georgerussell63: blimey, was only yesterday you told us you never got her number

— maxverstappen1: very stupid

— danielricciardo: Max be nice

— maxverstappen1: sorry

carlossainz55: well done cabron!

youruser: mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine

arthur_leclerc: she’s lovely

— charles_leclerc: isn’t she just

•••••••••••••

TAGLIST

@forevercaffeinated-lee

@callsignwidow

@a-beaverhausen

@emryb

@c0deincrazy

@dontworryaboutitokie

@c-losur3

@chuxk-lerclerk

@silkenthusiasts

@ietss

@sp1rl

[bloody-sickness]

Literally all the proshippers I’ve seen are some flavor of gay or whatever, I honestly don’t understand the homophobia bit. Besides, there are a lot of popular ships within fandoms that have some flavor of LGBT in it so.. and so I’m even more confused how that’s so. In addition, some proshippers are minorities. Some, key word. Obviously there’s gunna be racism in a fandom, ever fandom deals with that. But really? *everyone* is a racist?? Antis just wanna hate on people. Anyways, after thinking a bit I came up with some more key points. Trigger warning for CSA mentions, suicide mention, self harm mention, grooming, a LOT of curse words, me semi - venting about my own experience, and just genuine anger directed at antis. You have been warned.

1 - Some proshippers are MINORS. Some antis send death threats to MINORS. Some antis send SA threats to MINORS. Harassment is illegal, even more so to minors. 2 - “All proshippers are groomers / pedos / *insert crazy allegation*!!” I hear some say. Really? No, really? Firstly, proship means “ship and let ship”. Where is any mention of grooming? “But—” No. Just no. As a victim of grooming multiple times, I feel fucking insulted that you even think that shipping an adult with a minor is ever comparable to IRL grooming. Of course there’s gonna be bad people. Its the goddamn internet. But still.. Jesus. Oh, and people saying it promotes irl rape / SA…. Just honestly shut the fuck up. 3 - “It ruined mental health!! What if it affects someone IRL??” Get the fuck outta my face with the bullshit almost every anti says. If someone’s moral compass is changes just because of words on a screen or a gwad damn drawing then they need to see someone and get off the internet. Like, holy molly. No one who has a basic human fucking morality will go “mmmm, I wanna go fuck a child just became I saw a drawing / read a short fic.” No one. No one sane.

4 - “I’m a victim of *blank*… this upsets me….” Sorry but this isn’t about you. Block the blog, ignore it, and heal. I’m not downplaying anyone’s trauma but going online to start debating will probably make you worse. Just saying. 5 - Very important… STOP SENDING DEATH THREATS. Jesus. Jesus fucking Christ. You think your employer would care about someone shipping characters together or if someone sent some rando on the internet death / rape threats or told them that they deserve anything that happened to them? What if they actually killed themself? Huh? Digital Footprint exists. You’re never truly anonymous. So have fun explaining to someone why you told someone to kts. 6 - If you can’t use proper terms like child sexual abuse and instead call it “cheese pizza” or if you can’t call a pedo / groomer by their title and call them “kid diddler” or “kiddy liker” you’re opinion is instantly invalid. No matter what. Call it by its name, stop being pussy about it. As someone who went through alot, I ship my oc with their father to cope with child abuse and neglect! I ship my oc with older men to deal the fact that I was groomed wayyy too many times to count. Just because someone’s coping mechanisms doesn’t fit your “normal and appropriate” thought preferences, doesn’t mean it’s invalid. What if they were cutting themself? What if comshipping / darkshipping helped distract them from that? It sure helps me.

Tldr; I fucking hate antis.

I— what— *mental breakdown*

How the hell do you compare people who ship FICTIONAL CHARACTERS TOGETHER to people who would KILL SOMEONE BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THEY CANT CONTROL???? I am so lost

[demarogue]

Gunna say something and it’s not gunna be as gracious and measured as what some of my friends have said.

This is a message for the ship warriors of ACOTAR. It applies more broadly but this is honestly the most toxic dysfunctional fandom I have ever had the pleasure(???) of participating in, so it’s mostly for this one.

You all need to get a fucking grip.

These characters are not real. The world SJM has created is not real. I love the books as much as anyone can, I have reread them many times and they are my preferred escapism when I’m having a shitty time but it is just that — escapism.

You know who IS real? The fanfic author you’re dragging. That’s a real person. The artist who made a picture of a ship or a character you don’t like is a real person. The other fans who have theories you don’t like or opinions you disagree with are real people. (The author herself is also a real person, though I suspect that statement might get me dragged. This isn’t really about her, though.)

If someone is unable to remember which of these things are imaginary and which are real, and uses their fandom presence to genuinely hurt a REAL PERSON because they disagree with them about a ship — that’s shitty, toxic behavior. That’s not neutral behavior. I hope people in this fandom start blocking those folks en masse because they need to lose their followings. I’m gunna go a step further and say that if you continue to follow/support people who are doing this, that’s not neutral behavior either.

Apologies really don’t mean anything if the behavior continues.

I made a space (on discord) that is zero drama because the way this fandom operates on tumblr and tiktok and the bird website is atrocious. I did that specifically so I can kick people out if they cannot treat others with respect. If you want to come hang, you can dm me (I’m not posting the link publicy again because I’m not interested in playing whack-a-mole with trolls). It’s 18+ only, for ethical reasons.

I will not be entertaining excuses and devil’s advocates and he-said-she-saids about the situation I’m referring to. If it reminds you of something, it probably applies. If you were involved, I hope you make actual amends to the person you hurt. And I hope everyone across fandoms gets their act together for 2023.

It’s supposed to be fun, y’all. It’s supposed to be joyful.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13/04/2024 (J. Cole's Might Delete Later, David Guetta/OneRepublic)

Hozier’s “Take Me to Church” peaked at #2 for four weeks. The first week, “Uptown Funk!” blocked it, but for the most part, it was halted by Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do”. This week, just under a decade later, Hozier can finally claim his UK #1 as “Too Sweet” lands its first week at the top, skipping straight up from #4 last week. I’m personally not complaining as it’s a great song, but I will be complaining because under it, we have J. Cole. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, those being songs exiting the UK Top 75 (which is what I cover!) after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we bid farewell to: “exes” by Tate McRae, “I Remember Everything” by Zach Bryan featuring Kacey Musgraves, “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo, “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus and some long-term bottom-feeders like “Someone You Loved” and “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac. Like much of everything else this week, it’s a bit of a mixed bag.

We only have one returning entry, but it’s pretty interesting and surprisingly high: Thanks to the specific surge of TikTok traction to a Summer Walker remix, “Hell n Back” by Bakar, which peaked at #20 just last year, is back for another run at #26, already nearing its peak position that I honestly expect it to surpass soon enough. As for the gains, we see healthy boosts for “We Ain’t Here for Long” by Nathan Dawe at #49, “Worth It.” by RAYE at #46, “Jump” by Tyla, Gunna and Skillibeng at #43, “if u think i’m pretty” by Artemas at #39, “Saturn” by SZA at #30, “Happier” by The Blessed Madonna and Clementine Douglas at #21, “Back on 74” by Jungle at #19 - really glad this is still at it - “Belong Together” by Mark Ambor at #14 and finally, of all hits, “Austin” by Dasha finds its place in the top 10 at #8. Maybe this is a fluke, or maybe Dasha is a pop star in the making. I guess time will tell.

As for our top five, we start with… Artemas, joy, and “i like the way you kiss me” at #5, then the usual suspects: “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #4, “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” by Beyoncé back to down to #3, Bentley Boonemobile with “Beautiful Things” at #2 and of course, Hozier at the very top. Now for whatever debuted on the rest of this chart this week… trust me, it’s mostly not very good.

New Entries

#67 - “Cry” - Benson Boone

Produced by Malay

Bento Box’s debut album with a name stupider than the nicknames I give him on this show debuted surprisingly low at #16 - that’s lower than Feeder, man. And I like Feeder. Regardless, I did like those two singles, I have yet to hear the record, but I’m sure there’s some good on it, and I’m happy to say that this would be included in that. Now why is pretty simple, it starts with a melancholy ballad produced by Frank Ocean’s go-to, Malay, but that doesn’t last long as it’s scrapped for a more propelling pop rock chug. The lyrics go from woe-is-me to bitter and toxic bitching about his ex, in icky falsetto deliveries only accentuated by an ugly, distorted vocal chop that does not fit at all. There’s an obvious vocal glitch that was kept in and doesn’t sound intentional in the first verse, but it adds to the genuinely infuriating song full of straining and one-note riffing, as well as a second fake-out with him briefly trying to see her perspective. The song’s ugly, it doesn’t flow and it makes me hate the guy singing it, but that seems to be the intention, with which it completely succeeds. Three-for-three, Ben 10, keep it up. I wish you were comfortable with swearing though, it would hit a little better… I know, that’s rich coming from me.

#64 - “Good Luck, Babe!” - Chappell Roan

Produced by Dan Nigro

With Olivia Rodrigo’s producer and some sleeper traction for her debut album from last year, Missouri singer Chappell Roan seems primed for a big 2024 breakout, especially since she’s on tour with O-Rod. Her last album was a bit of a queer concept record and this seems to be following in similar footsteps, being about compulsory heterosexuality, feeling like you are conformed into heteronormative behaviours despite being queer. It details a secret relationship wherein love cannot be fully reciprocated due to that circumstance, and it’s treated tastefully with enough drama for most of the song for it to feel both worthwhile and not mundane, as well as not making some grander statement. The bridge irks me a tad, not allowing for the nuance of gay women marrying men and framing it in a way that seems more bitter and honestly self-serving to her narrative. Even if it’s from a different perspective, it seems a bit tasteless and awkward tonally with the rest of the song, especially given this is a classic synthpop track in the vein not of the retro pastiche or indie revival but standing damn near to Wham!’s “Last Christmas” and struggling to tell the difference kind of synthpop. That makes it slightly unique but in terms of the vocal melodies Ms. Roan lays on top of that sound, it fails to capture me all too much, and I’m also really struggling not to hear a mashup on the verses with “I Just Called to Say I Love You” by Stevie Wonder. The lyrics sharing soime similarities aren’t helping either. This is far from bad but both sonically and lyrically, it trips over, in a way that seems like it might be on purpose, and I do want to give this song credit for tackling an interesting, niche topic and having a morally grey depiction of it. That’s impressive for the pop charts, I just don’t really enjoy the final product. Sorry.

#59 - “Feel It” (From the Original Series Invincible) - d4vd

Produced by Gray Toomey, Noah Ehler and Sam Homaee

For some brief background, Invincible is an Amazon animated series based on the comic books starring Omni-Man, and the second part of its second season has just concluded, with the crew recruiting d4vd of… “Romantic Homicide” fame, because, of course, for a soundtrack single. Now for the song and okay, this is quite similar to the Benson Boone song from before. Firstly, it vaguely aligns itself with alternative R&B and indie pop in its groove, guitar tones and delivery and secondly, on a lyrical and vocal level, I’m pretty sure I’m also supposed to find d4vd a bit overwhelming and annoying, given how this girl thinks he’s crazy and he’s being inescapable to her. There are a key differences: A) this is not a rock song, it’s a synthpop haze with too much reverb, echo and overdubs - probably enough studio manufacturing to kill a small elephant. B) d4vd is neither funny nor really aggressive, he is simply being a nuisance towards the woman in the name of love, and has some creepy undertones regarding how she treats the woman in this story being uncomfortable with his advances, even if this relating to a fictional character in the series, it fails to translate beyond that. C) there is not much space left in this mix for any real emotional resonance, because he’s half-rapping and the song is filled to the brim with effects. It’s difficult to even focus on the narrative given the sheer amount of layers. Finally, D) this is a pick-up, not a rejection, so the annoyance feels like encroaching on territory rather than having any solid catharsis. All this is to say that the song just fails on all of its levels, but fails honestly. I can absolutely see someone liking this even having over-analysed it like I have, and its crime is not translating well to an audience it didn’t really intend to have, considering I’m not a d4vd fan and I’ve never seen this show. I can envision this getting pretty big and whilst I do not like the song one bit, it’s hard to complain about, really. It’s just refreshing, especially in a J. Cole week, to have a song that I don’t like for storied but largely impersonal and constructive reasons. To put it simply, I just don’t feel it.

#53 - “Crocodile Tearz” - J. Cole

Produced by T-Minus

I wrote a pretty extensive and scathing review of J. Cole’s latest mixtape, Might Delete Later. It’s #7 on the albums chart this week, and debuted three songs here this week. I am going to keep these entries brief as can be, because that review is there for you to read on my RateYourMusic 2024 listening log, the account’s exclusivelytopostown. Most of that log is in a scattered first-impressions style but that review is very thought-out, reflective and in-depth, so I’m quite proud of it. I’m tempted to format it and upload it separately as a review to this blog, though I don’t want to flood my page with such negativity. To cut it short, I think this mixtape is frankly embarrassing, as even moving away from stagnant and dire trap-adjacent production mostly headed by a clearly tired T-Minus, Cole is so unconvincing and insecure in his flexing that it becomes difficult to listen to, especially when he has all the technical lyrical skill and little personality to back up those flows, so they end up soggy and awkward. When he in any way attempts to be conscious, introspective or even commenting on his “place in the rap game”, he becomes downright insufferable and really just shows his ass rather than his pen. This song in particular has some of the dullest production Cole has ever rapped over though there are not many particularly corny lines here, other than how his dogs only shed tears in emojis and how he’s so much better than those girls on Instagram, right? Cole’s insistence on claiming himself superior to entire groups of people based on an intellect or higher spirituality he shows no proof of existing never gets old.

#38 - “7 Minute Drill” - J. Cole

Produced by T-Minus, Conductor Williams, Al Hug and Elyas

Okay, genuine question: how do I ethically tackle a song that has been rescinded by its artist, that days after release, has been disowned by the person who wrote and performed it, expressing live on stage that he regrets it and wishes it to be removed? Surely giving harsh criticism to a song that already makes him feel bad is just kicking a man when he’s down. Firstly, if you consider Cole’s position to be “down”, then you and me both are in the trenches and secondly, whilst I understand that the industry demands quick responses and can make the bureaucracy of releasing a track based on heated emotions quite frustrating, there is the option of just leaving it alone and not releasing anything, especially because “7 Minute Drill”, referring to the song process used to make it, not its runtime or genre, is framed more as a warning shot than a full-on diss. He didn’t even send the angry message before deleting it and walking it back with apologies. If anything, this song, like really the whole album, proves Cole’s insecurities about his self-instated “middleman” promo package and media representation. Cole just doesn’t have either the heart, or lack thereof, to make an actual diss track and also has nothing but good things to say about Kendrick - even in this diss track, he praises his musical output and fabricates outright lies about the albums’ reception to make it appear disrespectful. If you want any sonic criticism, the T-Minus beat is a practically unlistenable parody of “Like That” but Conductor Williams, as he always does, pulls a smooth piano jam in the back half that sadly cannot save the pathetic bars placed upon it. Next.

#37 - “I Don’t Wanna Wait” - David Guetta and OneRepublic

Produced by David Guetta, Brent Kutzle, T.I Jakke, Tyler Spry and Timofey Reznikov

Sigh… I quietly predicted this to myself. Once I’d seen EDM do-overs of “Gangsta’s Paradise”, “Better Off Alone” and “I’m Blue” hit the charts, a sinking feeling inside of me knew that O-Zone were not safe, and by God’s, Guetta has gone and done it. And he bought the hacks at OneRepublic with them, so no, let’s talk about that original song, because I think it’s genuinely great. Those synths glitch and buzz out more than you remember, having some pretty cool interplay with the deeper-voiced verses, and whilst yes, there is a nonsense hook, and the rest is in the band’s native Moldovan dialect of Romanian, you don’t need to know the language to find yourself humming the refrains in your head. The flip-phone beep after he says “beep”, the call-and-response “Alo! Salut!” and obviously both the “maiya-hee, maiya-hoo, maiya-ha” and “numa-numa-ey” choruses, they are so embedded into my brain, and that can’t just be by memetic coincidence, it’s a brilliantly written song and well executed. And obviously it was a hit - in the UK, their only hit, peaking at #3 in 2004 whilst Mario Winans’ “I Don’t Wanna Know”, also a classic, was #1. What’s most frustrating about this Guetta rendition is that “Dragostea din tei” was already milked dry for sampling, long before his 20-year anniversary last year. Most famously, it was sampled in a Newgrounds meme, but other than that, T.I. took it to #1 in the US with Rihanna on 2008’s “Live Your Life”, which was already a comical attempt at making it serious (consider it starting with T.I. shouting out the troops in Iraq), but you know what Tip and Rihanna DIDN’T do? Remove the nonsense lyrics - Rihanna does re-sing real lyrics in the nonsense melody, but they start and end the song with the original sample, there’s no hiding where it came from. They work because they’re nonsense, we do NOT need a Ryan Tedder rewrite! “Live Your Life” peaked at #2 here, but it was blocked by a single from The X Factor so it’s basically an honourable #1, I don’t like it much but it has a heart and charm that Guetta and Tedder could not successfully pull off even in their “prime”… which coincides pretty comfortably with when T.I. released that song. Have fun chasing the past, boys, maybe you’ll find your talent and creativity hidden back there.

#29 - ���H.Y.B.” - J. Cole and Bas featuring Central Cee

Produced by DZL, T-Minus, Cedric Brown, AzizTheShake and FNZ

I quite like Bas. He doesn’t exactly a consistent brand of sound, instead shifting through a pretty eclectic array of pop-rap styles, though often maintaining both trap and Afrobeats influences, and therefore, his work tends to be a bit hit-or-miss when you consider the full-length projects. Regardless, he has genuine pop perfection on those albums - what ties his albums together is Bas, a lighthearted but experienced presence who is full of hooks and catchy flows, as well as often genuine heart that makes the variety of styles feel connected via that vocal throughline. This is his first top 40 hit in the UK, and it really bothers me that Cole do not push Bas further, as this could have easily been at least his second given he released a Jersey club-inspired single with AJ Tracey last year that could have absolutely smashed over here. It was one of my favourite songs of 2023, and still gets me really excited - if there’s anything Bas is great at, it’s just letting you loose and allowing for a dropping of the same pretence that has defined J. Cole’s every move. Cole puts Bas on his albums as a gesture but is seemingly unwilling to promote the man’s solo music. This may be because of how obvious it is that Bas, whilst maybe not as technically lyrical, has the pop edge over Cole, and could honestly be way bigger if given a chance to a mass audience or even bigger features like Cench over here, who is completely fine in his verse. This is just a sample-drill track wherein Cench does fine, Bas is cool but is only granted the hook - telling - and Cole embarrasses himself by reciting the alphabet without the letter L because he doesn’t take those. You got outcharted this week by two Benson Boone songs, Teddy Goddamn Swims and the song that dissed you in the first place still at #11. Please, stop lying to yourself, it’s not healthy.

Conclusion

Guess Best of the Week Boone strikes again with “Cry”. Jesus, I thought I was better than that. It’s even the only song I actually like out of our debuts, which is fantastic, so there won’t be an Honourable Mention. Instead, we can throw out a Dishonourable Mention for J. Cole’s “Crocodile Tearz”, whilst he ties for the worst. Both “7 Minute Drill” and David Guetta’s “I Don’t Wanna Wait” with OneRepublic feel like very cynical and regretful songs, made not for response but reaction and no, in art, those aren’t necessarily the same thing. Hopefully, we’ll have a more pleasant week on the horizon, there are pop girls by the dozen with Dua Lipa, Perrie of Little Mix, Sabrina Carpenter, Mimi Webb and perhaps most importantly, Future and Metro dropped the sequel. For now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you next week!

[primofate]

Genshin x fem!reader [Volleyball Team AU - Inspired by Haikyuu!] He introduces S/O to the team

Before you read this, might be a good idea to read the introduction first. To give you the whole low-down of the team and their dynamicsssss.

Other works in the Volleyball Team AU Series: Click Here

Scenario: You and him have been dating for a while now. Why does the team not know and what’s their reaction in finding out/when he introduces you?

Warnings: AU if that’s not your thing then don’t read, not proofread...as usual.

#1 Zhongli (Captain/Wing Spiker/Ace)

You’ve been dating for nearly 5 months at this point. Beforehand the two of you were close friends. So the team kind of already knew you guys were close, but you’d never met the team properly.

It’s not that he was HIDING your relationship, its that he didn’t want to pressure you into meeting his team. They could really be an overwhelming bunch of high schoolers sometimes.

As it happens he walks to the gym hand in hand with you one day, his other hand on his duffel sports bag, thinking that he’d be the earliest one there as always. 

But when he slides the gym doors open his WHOLE TEAM greets him “CAPTAIN!” and then there’s an awkward silence that descends as they all catch him with his hand intertwined with yours.

KAEYA AND TARTAGLIA LOSES IT. “C-Captain, you had a girlfriend and didn’t tell us?!” “You finally made a move on her?!” “S’about time!”

Needless to say they both get knocked on the head by Zhongli’s fist. 

Zhongli sighs and turns to you apologetically but you say that you don’t mind meeting them. He perks up and claps his hands to ask his team to line up.

They do so diligently. Kaeya, Tartaglia and Thoma are giddy while looking at you. Xiao and Kazuha have their mouth slightly agape as if you’re some kind of rare species. Diluc and Albedo stare you down. 

You introduce yourself as Zhongli’s gilrfriend and as you do so Tartaglia’s eyes dart towards Zhongli who has a slightly shy expression on his face. 

“Oh, oh question time!” Thoma raises his hand “Does the captain secretly eat sweets behind our back?” You haven’t even answered when Kaeya asks “Does the captain ever glare at you (he mimics Zhongli’s face) and say 10 Push ups NOW!” Surprisingly Diluc raises his hand too “...Is the captain strict with you too?”

Zhongli gets irked the more questions are asked and he finally steps in with an ominous presence. “10 laps around the gym...NOW!” 

He apologizes to you again but you reassure him it’s totally fine and they all seem like such fun. 

#2 Diluc (Vice Captain/Wing Spiker/Defense Specialist)

The vice captain is a very secretive guy.

Not even his brother knew.

It’s not that he was ashamed of you, he just liked his privacy and you already knew that. 

But there was this one time where he forgot his textbooks under his desk and you had to go and give it to him while he was at practice.

Shyly looking into the door the first one that spots you is Albedo.

“...Do you need something?” you tense up at Albedo’s question and shakily hand him the textbooks.

“U-Uhm... D-Diluc’s...”

Albedo tilts his head and turns to shout at the team. “Someone’s looking for the vice captain,”

Everyone stops what they’re doing and snaps there head towards you.

Diluc jogs over, sweat still fresh on his forehead. Without thinking he takes the books from you, small smile on his face and thanks you.

The rest of his team freezes up all thinking: “Hold on, is he...SMILING?”

You’re oblivious to them staring and give him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving. When Diluc turns back his team is glaring daggers at him, he stares back at them. Doesn’t say anything, and continues practice.

No one is brave enough to ask him about it.

Tartaglia whispers to Kaeya “You didn’t know about it either huh?”

#3 Kaeya (Middle Blocker)

This MF would talk about you whenever he had the chance.

Y/N this, Y/N that, Y/N is so cute. 

Frankly the team is kinda tired of it. 

But when you finally visit one of their practices the team levels their gaze at you and think “Oh shit, he wasn’t lying, she is actually cute,”

Sees his teammates expression and brags even more. “I know what y’all are thinking. You’re thinking, OH! She’s actually really cute! Hm?”

Slings an arm around you shamelessly with a grin. “Back off boys, I’ll block all your attempts,”

Diluc is the one that walks up to you and you blink at him. Kaeya blinks at him, confused as well.

Diluc suddenly bows, “I feel sorry for you but please take care of him,”

The rest of the team either bursts out laughing or snickers behind their hand.

Their vice captain is low key savage

#4 Albedo (Setter)

The team finds out about you cause when they finish practice they find you waiting outside the gym.

Kazuha asks politely while the others look on “Are you lost?”

You straighten up and stutter a little, “Ah, uh, no, I’m...” You’re at a loss for words. 

Then Albedo suddenly appears from the gym doors and sees you. “Ah, were you waiting long? Sorry,”

Thoma tilts his head in question. “Albedo...Your sister?”

Albedo at this point was standing next to you already. “...No, my girlfriend,” like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Everyone is stunned into statues.

“H-How did you get one before me?” Tartaglia looks as if his soul had been sucked out of his body.

“Next time you can just come inside and wait inside the gym, it’s dark out here,” their responsible captain suggests and you’re amazed at his kindness and bow at him with a thank you.

Albedo doesn’t see what’s the big deal and just grabs your hand and starts walking away.

#5 Tartaglia (Middle Blocker/Wing Spiker)

The team already knew since the first date. It’s because he.would.not.shut.up.about.it

That particular day at practice his spikes were a tad bit stronger than usual.

“Oi... you’re getting too excited...” Xiao mumbles at him. Tartaglia just grins and scratches the back of his head. “Aaaahhhh... I can’t help it, I’m so nervous for my date with Y/N!”

A few more dates later he starts showing off his phone wallpaper to the others. It’s a picture of you and him.

Kaeya tries to piss him off by saying, “Huh, we’ve never actually seen her in person. Maybe it’s photoshopped,” The others snicker.

Is so pissed, asks you to come immediately.

You thought it was an emergency so you come into the gym with a worried look on your face only to be hugged tight into his chest. “See? See? She’s totally real and totally cute!”

Albedo crosses his arms and blinks, then looks at Kaeya “...You totally baited him, he’s such a simpleton.”

Kaeya responds with a smirk “Right?”

#6 Kazuha (Decoy/Middle Blocker/Wing Spiker)

The most formal out of all of them and even tells them seriously that he had an announcement to make.

Next day he comes into practice with you in tow.

Properly introduces you as his girlfriend. 

Everyone is wide-eyed at how official it feels. Then you suddenly take out a big container of fruits and tell everyone it’s for them (The captain doesn’t allow sweets, he thinks it’ll fatten them up or some crap.)

EVERYONE IS BLESSED BY YOUR PRESENCE and Kazuha is just enjoying you getting along with them.

Kaeya and Tartaglia try to whisper and bribe you into making cookies for them. 

Albedo and Xiao stares at Kazuha thinking ‘If someone like you can get a girlfriend, we can get one too, right?’

You offer to come back next time with more fruits and some secret cookies.

#7 Xiao (Libero)

Tried to keep it a secret because he knows his team will make a fuss about it.

The team finds out when his phone suddenly starts ringing in the middle of practice and he asks for a timeout to pick it up.

“Mm... Yeah... I’ll pick you up when I finish,” Everyone starts nudging each other when they hear him talk to you in an unusually calm and soft tone. So different from when he plays volleyball and gets angry at them.

By this point everyone tries to keep quiet and enlarge their ears to eavesdrop.

“Idiot... I won’t be late. I promised to take you out didn’t I?” 

Hearing their tsundere libero say something so sweet makes everyone combust.

When he turns back everyone is staring at him with smirks on their faces. “Hey, why not just ask her to come here?” Kaeya sneakily suggests.

Xiao blushes “A-As if I’d let her near you bumbling fools!”

He was worried it would scare you away, actually.

#8 Tohma (Pinch Server/Middle Blocker)

Literally no one is surprised he has a girlfriend.

It would be MORE of a surprise if he DIDN’T have one.

But they find out cause he left his phone out on the bench one day and there’d been a text message while Xiao was conveniently sitting on the bench.

“...Tohma, someone me--” Xiao looks at the screen where the message ‘I love you!’ is clearly written.

Xiao is so curious but is not gunna admit it so he nudges Kaeya or Tartaglia who might be sitting next to him and secretly motions over to the phone.

They read it and ask in a real loud voice “Oi Tohma! Who’s Y/N? They said I love you!” 

Tohma laughs nervously and since it’s already out he might as well introduce you. 

“This is my princess,” he says when you enter the gym to walk home with him that afternoon. You bow and introduce yourself and everyone looks at you thinking... “Ah, they look like the perfect domestic couple,”

Low-key everyone is jealous of how you dote on him.

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