#seriously how fucking hard is it to be normal about jews. not assuming them to all be genocidal maniacs.

[stolen-stardust]

why do people want a cookie for not harassing random jews living their lives. “the people i racially profiled were nice to me, peace is possible ✊” is a fucking INSANE take

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

this is so long please read if it interests you and skip if it doesnt i genuinely just couldnt stop thinking of things to add.

i used to wonder why antisemites would constantly make up criticisms about zionism that are either blatantly false or a misunderstanding of facts. especially when jewish antizionists have consistently been able to find real criticisms of zionism and analyze them based on jewish history and personal experience (tbh i dont consider any goyim to be antizionist or zionist but that's not the point). it's definitely not a problem of "valid criticisms of zionism dont exist". even when i dont agree with jewish antizionists i usually understand how they got to their conclusion and i find it fully respectable. also when i say factual/valid criticisms i dont just mean shit i personally agree with. im a zionist with plenty of criticisms about the movement (yeah I know it's ironic). all i mean by that is a criticism of zionism that is backed up by facts.

imo antisemites either explicitly or implicitly know that if they look up factual criticisms of zionism they'll also have to learn about the positive stuff. it's all intertwined. to a lot of jewish people this isnt that big of a deal. we're raised to ask questions and we're taught how to formulate a good argument from a young age. its pretty normal for us to critique things that we generally support or find postives in things we generally critique. however, goyim are much less likely to be raised this way. obviously some are but the dichotomy of good and bad is much more prevalent in goyische culture than jewish. of course we know some shit is good and other shit is bad, we're not fuckin idiots, but nuance is integral to us.

i dont know what it feels like to be raised in a culture with a strong difference between good and bad. it doesnt make sense to me at all. however id assume that that upbringing combined with social media, which favors quick, shocking information, would result in something like goyim constantly glazing over factual critcisms of zionism and just making shit up. the made up shit is simultaneously more gut-wrenching and easier to digest due to its simplicity. it's really fucking hard to accept that zionism is so complex if youve been taught that things are always just good or bad. and even harder if your activism began and ended with social media instead of a medium that favors long-form content.

you cannot research zionism without being whacked in the face with nuance. its the reason i research zionist history more than zionist theory because that shit is so confusing sometimes (said with love). learning about zionism isn't an easy task at all. ive been doing it seriously for around 5 years and casually since i was a small child and i still learn shit every day. if i studied zionism for hours every day id probably still have something to learn when i die.

antisemites do not like being called antisemites, so they try to learn things about jewish history and then fail. they dont actually care about the information they just want to seem like they know something. they are not doing this for the benefit of jewish people. they wont actually spread true jewish history or recommend jewish creators that could share correct information. they'll instead say bare minimum shit that makes themselves feel proud for saying the word "jewish" and their followers are making death threats towards zionists.

ive seen some goyim say some factual things about zionism and stay in their lane while doing so, both things i rlly appreciate. and time and time again they're met with antisemitic conspiracies, death threats, doxxing, etc. not as much as jewish people are but still a lot. most people are not ready and may never be ready to support jews through the good and the bad.

this ties into the idea of the "innocent" victim. the one who is pure and kind, who never said a bad word about anyone and saved baby mice from fires. this idea of the innocent victim exists in war, abuse, crime, literally anywhere where someone's human rights are violated. however even if someone is innocent in a particular situation most people are not 100% good and innocent all the time. there's a few exceptions like babies (although i do know some babies that are fucking assholes) but in general people are a mix of good and bad.

jewish people do not shy away from being both good and bad. we embrace it with open arms and even though we try to improve our bad traits we dont fear them. "the only good jew is a dead jew" is fitting because when someone is dead you can make so much up. you can pretend they were incapable of every doing anything even remotely bad. you can say the poor jew who died was your biggest inspiration even though you scoffed at them every time they opened their mouth.

and this is why antisemites hate zionism so much and love making up false critcisms. because it throws concepts like black and white morality, the desire to consume information quickly, and the innocent victim into the fucking mud. then it punches it and steps on it and kicks it. anything and anyone that favors simple information over complicated information, not matter how incorrect, is going to have a hard time discussing zionism. people want to know things, yet sometimes they dont wanna actually put in the work to learn the correct information from good sources because that's hard work and antisemites do not want to put in hard work regarding jewish history.

if you believe im gonna solve antisemitism singlehandedly then who the fuck do you think i am. this isnt going away anytime soon. however you can do shit to help. study zionism on your own time and develop your own opinions on it. i highly recommend focusing on 1-3 specific topics trust me it's really confusing otherwise. teach others about it when you feel safe to do so. share resources with them and encourage them to do their own research. maybe point them to a specific aspect that relates to an interest they already have, and if you're mentally able to handle it call out antisemitic misinformation. a lot of people will not listen but there will always be at least one person who just needs a little bit of help starting.

anyway i may do actual research on this in the future because observations and i might turn it into a proper essay. I'll write one version where i say fuck and another where I don't.

[strainingfororiginality]

Chapter 9.3 - Timing

"This is crazy. You’re talking about the devil … The fucking Devil?" Dutch dismissed the implication. “Satan himself?”

"While they are quite often conflated as the same, I assure you the Morning Star is not in fact Shaitan. Shaitan is a simple fallen Djinn. I am speaking of Lucifer himself, my dear. The First Fallen. Prince of Darkness, King of Hell and The Most Powerful of the First Brood."

"First brood?" Fet wasn’t familiar with that term but no one spoke up to help him with the misunderstanding.

"Bloody hell …" Dutch uttered it without much thought to how her words were actually fitting.

"Oh yes. If we fail … if he succeeds … bloody hell indeed, Mrs. Velders." Thomas agreed with utter seriousness.

"You still didn’t answer the question … " Gus countered, steering the conversation back on track. “What does he want from her?”

"He seeks to break her, Mr. Elizalde." Thomas sighed. “And I fear I was the only thing keeping her grounded.”

"You? You? Keeping her grounded? That’s rich." Dutch mocked his words.

"Break her?" Fet’s face contorted with worry. “How?”

"What does he want?" Gus asked, shortening his previous question as he began to get frustrated with the slowness of the conversation.

"What he wants … “ Thomas said. “Is to be free from his self-imposed prison. He wants what everyone in Hell wants. He wants out. He wants … to come home."

Dutch laughed out loud now, not fully understanding quite yet. "And he thinks she’s gonna break him out of Hell? Sorry, no. Not buying that. She’s a smartass cookie. She’s not a foo--"

"He is very clever, my dear. He has watched her her entire life. He has promised her something he knows she will not refuse and she does not fully realize what he wants from her yet and I don’t think she will … until it is too late. I do not care how smart she may be, he is The Snake from the Garden. She does not realize it yet, but she is the key to his freedom."

"How?" Gus was targeted in his question. “What kind of key?”

"She is special, Mr. Elizalde."

"No shit, esé." Gus barked.

"Oh yeah? Ya think?" Fet attempted to be condescending, but he obviously didn’t have the confidence to back up his wavering voice, his face contorting with further concern as his ignorance shown through. “Special how? Eph said she was part muncher … ”

"Perhaps …" Thomas sighed, gesturing towards the couch. “I should start from the beginning?”

"Beginning? When exactly was that, asshole?" Dutch bit at the offer.

"There are several actually. Many beginnings to this tale, my dear. The Fall of Lucifer, The Fall of Ozyrel, or maybe even The Corruption of Michael?" Thomas cocked his head to the right, thinking carefully and missing the presence of The Jew for the first time. Abraham would have already been quite versed on the Book of Enoch. “But, actually … let me begin with The Children of Fornication, the Nephilim. The Bene Elohim and their progeny, the Giants and … The Prophecy of the Demiarc, that which is feared like none other … the Most Forbidden of All.”

"We should not delay further!" Barqan barked to the back of the apartment. “Stop delaying, woman!”

"You know …" Barb responded with growing disdain as she walked out of the bedroom, pulling yet another large rolling luggage behind her. “It never works out in your favor when you call me that.” Yes. He knew that fact very well and he cringed slightly, not offering an apology but taking the handle of the bag from her to hurry her along. “Put it in the car … I need to get the last one.”

"ANOTHER one?! How many do you plan on bringing?!" He huffed. It wasn’t really a fair complaint, as he hadn’t really had time to accumulate any worldly belongings yet. She ignored him and returned to the room for the final bag. “Fine! I will just put this in the car!”

Grumbling to himself under his breath, he reached for the front door handle. He was eager to get on the road and moving. When they woke a few hours earlier, he had seen the news reports of both the gate freezing and then unfreezing. Then the videos online that spread like wildfire, videos of … Barqan couldn’t believe his eyes at first … videos of Michael spreading his goddamn wings and taking flight in Rome … in public.

Swinging the door open wide, he held his breath as he looked down at the familiar spotted face and green eyes which peered back at him with a strangely cute and unintimidating scowl.

"Hey, can you grab the extra pack of cigs from the glovebo--" Barb was in the middle of asking while she walked out of the bedroom, pulling an even larger rolling bag behind her. As she locked eyes on the small woman who stood at the entry to their home, she froze, gulping heavily. “Ah … shit.”

Her scowl faded and Barqan heard a distant and all too familiar laughter from the quietest parts of the Nexus, and unlike Abyad, he recognized exactly who’s voice it was and a chill ran down his spine as he found himself unable to move or speak.

Dawn could read his fear and she smiled ever so slightly. "Hello again ... Great Fire."

Leaves - Zola Blood

It's a slow show Tell me when the end comes Make it be the honest one Cause a thousand leaves are falling down

It's a slow show Tell me when the end comes Make it be the honest one Cause a thousand leaves are falling down

He awoke to her lovely brown eyes. They were a sea of amber, floating amidst flecks of raven. These eyes could calm his fiercest fire and he stared up into her with wonder. As always, a smile graced his thin lips as he looked back into those most precious irises. But she didn’t return the smile as she normally did and the situation slowly came back to him and he pulled himself up to a sitting position.

"Quintus?" Michael asked immediately.

"Gone."

"How long have I been out?"

"Too long."

Rubbing the back of his neck, he bent it to the side, cracking it in a futile attempt to alleviate some of the pain that throbbed through his body, but he knew better than that. A blow from a celestial weapon would take some time to recover from and he panicked for a moment, looking across the floor and spying the staff still laying there. Oh thank god.

Relief spread across him and he closed his eyes tightly, trying to calm his racing heart. Everything was spiralling even further out of control and though he longed to go after Quintus, he also knew there were more pressing issues right now. Keeping the boy from Raphael was key to maintaining his secret, but as he gazed across his tiny house, locking eyes with the bound White King, he wasn’t sure it could be a secret any longer.

Hathų helped him return to his feet and the first step was nearly disastrous but he quickly found his footing as his strength return. He approached the gagged Djinn slowly, bending down to his prisoner, he squinted as he waved the ring towards Abyad’s eyes. "I’ve no patience for any shit right now, old friend. Even without the blade, I can still bind you."

Abyad nodded only once to show his intended compliance and Michael pulled his gag free. They were once friends. They were once allies. They were once brothers. A certain benefit of the doubt could be afforded … but first … "You burned her?" Michael felt that fire through her and he knew only Djinn kings could burn that hot.

"I did not realize she was your--" The king tried to excuse himself and Michael’s hand was on his throat, squeezing just enough so that no further words would not escape.

"Sorry. How this works is … I’ll ask the questions and you’ll answer them. Understood?" A single nod and he released Abyad’s neck. “You burned her?”

A single and solemn nod as Abyad understood what would come next and Michael struck him. Hard. Sending the Djinn’s head bouncing off of the wall behind him, but he remained utterly silent, understanding the rules fully.

"What did she want from you?"

"She has the Lumen." Abyad answered as succinctly as he could. “She wish me to forge it for her.”

"Forge it …" Michael repeated the words under his breath. “He’s looking to make his own celestial weapon?”

A single nod. He. Damn.

"Where’s she going?"

"No idea."

"Who else is there?" Michael asked. In the beginning, there had been Seven Djinn kings, but as far as he thought he knew, all except Barqan, were gone. Three were in Hell and three were destroyed. It was always assumed that Abyad was among those destroyed ...

"On Earth?" Abyad asked for clarification, but he really didn’t need it. “I was the only one left, except The Black King, that is. But even we cannot find him … I doubt she knows of his existence--”

Michael nearly laughed. "She knows of him …" The Hayyoth took a deep breath in. So, he needed to get to Barqan immediately. “You said we … Who is we?”

"We …" Abyad hesitated and Michael’s fingers clenched together into a fist tightly. “We are the Order of Argaman … The Fallen Children.”

Michael knew there were sects of Fallen on Earth. Barqan had admitted as much to him, but he knew the Djinn had kept many things from him for safety. "Is that how you still live?"

"Yes."

"What is this Order?"

"We …" Hesitation again and Michael cocked his head to the right, giving his best exasperated stare. Did he really need to strike him again or take the information forcibly? “We exist to protect the Child of Prophecy and usher in the future.”

"The future?" Michael laughed out loud. “The Child of Prophecy? Then your goal is to bring about the fall of Heaven?”

"Michael." Abyad addressed him calmly. “You, of all people, should now realize … Falling is too often confused with Freedom, my lord.”

"Madness." Michael responded. “And you are mad if you think I’ll ever let Heaven fall ...”

"And yet …" Abyad smiled. “Here we are … my falling Hayyoth.”

Fair enough. "You’ve help from Heaven?" No beating around the the bush. There was not way any of this would have been possible without it.

"Yes."

"Who?" Perhaps there were allies here he could tap?

"I’ve no idea."

"Who, Abyad?" He leaned in, menacingly, but Abyad’s honest shrug told him the angel really had no clue.

"I have no idea, my Lord. None of us do. No one knows who Argaman is."

"Fair enough." Michael wasn’t sure what further use he might be and he brought his ring to his lips, quietly whispering the enochian word for Sleep into it before pushing it against the White Kings skin and the Djinn slipped into unconsciousness with ease.

Retrieving the staff, Michael moved towards the door, turning to address Hathų with tired confidence. "Go to the meadow. Leave him. No one will find him. Go to the meadow now. I’ll be back for you."

"Back for me?" She stepped forward. “You cannot be back for me, Michael. You must run. You must--”

"Run?" He scoffed at her instruction. “I will never run. I will never leave you.”

"Michael …" Her hand was on his arm, delicate and needy in her touch. “They will hunt you. You must run. You cannot come back here … not for me. At least not now … They will put you in prison. They will judge you. They will--”

"Hathų, I don’t care." There was nothing she could say and she could read him like a book. “Without you … without them …” Their children. “There’s nothing else I want from this existence.” His tone was unusually firm. “You’re the only things in creation that matter to me anymore.” He cupped her face in his large hands, tilting her eyes up to stare back into his. “I will fix this. I will go and I will bring her back with me … We will come back to you. I will always come back to you.”

He planted a single and prolonged kiss upon her forehead before he stepped out of their small house for the last time and she watched him vanish before her tearful eyes.

"A strigoi is simply a human shell, commonly devoid of any soul, inhabited by the mad remnants of the splintered archangel Ozryel." Thomas explained.

"But you ain’t that." Gus challenged the statement.

Thomas rolled his eyes. "As I said … commonly. The soul needs a living brain to inhabit a Qliphoth. My brain was allowed to remain fully intact."

"Huh. Lucky you." Dutch sneered, unable and unwilling to hide her disdain for him still.

"Wait …" Fet rolled his hand in a reverse circle, implying he was about to re-address something. “So, he needs her Clay-fought?”

"Qliphoth." Thomas corrected.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Her earthly shell … he needs dat? Why?"

"And if he’s so goddamn powerful, where the bloody hell is his Clay-fought?" Dutch asked.

"Qliphoth." Thomas corrected again. “I was never privy to that information. You cannot technically destroy a Hayyoth shell, so his brothers hid it from him and the world. It was entombed. Isolated it from all contact. This was one of the many secrets the Master hoped to glean from the Lumen …”

"Entombed? Oh shit …" Fet sighed heavily as bumps ran across his arms, putting two and two together. “Da Other Ancient … da one in Egypt … that was … Lucifer’s body?”

She wanted to desperately talk about this fact, but there was a lot of information to process and Dutch shook her head. "Ok. Ok. Stop. Stay on point here …" She breathed. “So, if he gets her body?”

"The world is over, my dear." Thomas shrugged. “Resurrecting Lucifer was the Master’s plan all along.”

"Wait, what? His plan?" Gus furrowed his brow. “How could she have been his plan all along?”

"She is the Dawn … The Dawn is the bringer of The Morning Star. It all started with her DNA test at Stoneheart, Mr. Elizalde. Everything began in that instant. Everything was suddenly possible. And when she was not on that plane, as planned, the Master lashed out, as he often did."

"And the strigoi invasion?"

"A very good distraction. The Master was not a fool. He knew he could not defeat Heaven without the forces of Hell behind him, without the little cobra standing by his side. Any glory on Earth would have been short lived without the Shining One."

"For what purpose?" Dutch asked. “Why? What’s the endgame--”

"End? Perhaps, but to every end, there is also beginning." Thomas chuckled. “With the power of Ozryel and Lucifer, they were going to wipe the slate clean and begin again, but this time, in their image, not his.” Thomas looked up briefly, sneering into the space above his head.

"Jesus … So dis has never been about control of da world …" Fet sat down, his face contorting with emotional torment. “Dis has never been about strigoi at all … ”

"No, Mr. Fet." Thomas smiled, something amused him about this revelation. “It has not. This … has always been about Eschaton …”

"Eschanton?" Gus asked for clarity.

"The End Time." Thomas answered. “The End of Days.”

"You said the light bringing shit promised her something?" Dutch asked, almost afraid to hear the response. “I don’t buy that she’d do something like this just willy nilly.”

"Quintus." Thomas admitted easily. “He has promised her the return of the Bastard Born.”

"Dat’s just crazy." Fet nearly laughed. “He’s … “ Painful hesitation. Painful memories and Fet’s brow furrowed at the thought of it. “He’s ash.”

"Mr. Fet." Thomas looked at him with curiosity. “You have just been told there is a Heaven and a Hell. You have just seen an archangel take flight before your very eyes and you think that a simple resurrection is beyond all reason?”

"I …" He stuttered to respond, thinking about it and shrugging innocently. “Guess not …”

"No. She wouldn’t do that." Gus refused. “She ain’t dumb--”

"She is not stupid, Mr. Elizalde, but she is naive. She thinks she can control him, but the very opposite is in play."

"She ain’t gonna give him control of her body--"

"She already has … on several occasions. I have witnessed it. Did you not see the night club?" The humans answered with silence and he continued, his face growing serious. “But, he does not wish to have temporary control. He seeks to take her body long term. He seeks to drive her soul from it so that he might take the helm permanently.”

"Drive her soul from it?" Dutch choked. “To kill her?”

"Nothing is ever that simple. If it was, then the Master would have just killed her when we had her." Thomas shook his head. “No. If she were to just die, her divine soul would be thrust to Heaven and there would be no path for him to follow back to her shell.”

"You’re barely making any sense, you shiny fuck." Dutch was starting to become frustrated with the conversation. The thoughts of what might be in store for her friend were beginning to make her nauseous … or maybe that was because of something else …

"There is only one way a divine soul can be thrust into Hell, my dear. There is only one rule, one sin, that must never be broken by any soul in creation. The very loophole that Lucifer himself used to circumvent judgement of Heaven."

"Fuck. Just out with it, bruh!" Gus said with fire in his eyes, but his stomach grew uncomfortable, as he actually knew what the Nazi meant. “Just say it.”

"He seeks to break her, Mr. Elizalde. Mind, body, and spirit." Thomas said.

"I think I’m gonna be sick." Dutch sat down quickly, her body reeling with continued nausea.

"Break her?" Fet asked, innocent and confused as ever. “What are you--”

"She’s gotta do it herself, bruh." Gus met his large friend’s eyes, recalling his strict Catholic upbringing and that most loathed mortal sin as he turned to Thomas, desperation thick in his voice. “Where are they going? You gotta have some idea?”

"I am uncertain where her next stop is, but I am certain I know where his eventual destination will be."

"Where’s that?" Dutch remained as calm as possible.

"Lake Baikal." Thomas said without hesitation. “Siberia.”

"Why?" Dutch asked, but a small part of her knew she wasn’t prepared for the answer.

"It is the Gate to Hell."

Ah crap. This is a bad sign.

The apartment door was open just a crack and Michael cringed. Shit. As he pushed it completely open, he saw the woman within, tied to the wooden dining table chair and he unbound her immediately.

"Did she take him?" His question was simple and short.

"Yeah." Barb nodded, rubbing her wrists where the rope had rubbed against her skin. “They left hours ago.”

"Any idea where they went?"

"No. She wasn’t very talkative." Barb said as he turned to leave and she spoke again. He could hear the worry in her voice. “Is she gonna to kill him?”

"I don’t think so." Michael’s own tone offered her little assurance and he hesitated for a moment, not fully understanding Lucifer’s influence on her yet. “At least not until she gets what she needs from him.”

"Good luck." He heard before he willed himself to the Ukrainian next.

The Walker - Gayngs

I've been walking for days

I wore out my shoes

There's a dust storm approaching

And everything will change

And I'm tied to you

Baby I'm on my way

I'm jumping over fences

I'm taking baths in rain

I'm not worrying about sleeping

Until I see your face

There's a dust storm approaching

And everything will change

I'm tied to you

Baby I'm on my way

He didn’t even try to run. There was something either more practical about Barqan than Abyad, or perhaps he was just more cowardly. In all fairness though, Barqan knew who she was and Abyad didn’t.

She was surprised though as he hadn’t argued with her once or tried to talk her out of anything. Actually, he hadn’t really said anything to her. There was a hint of shame in his demeanor and she could read it in his eyes each time he looked at her. During the long ride, he watched the road mostly. Occasionally, he would glance around at the backseat. EL would smile back at him when he did, but she knew Barqan couldn’t see him.

"Do you feel him?" She asked at one point, speaking only the once and Barqan responded with a nod. He feared and his obvious fear actually made her uneasy. But she brushed it aside and focused on her motivation instead. While she drove, she thought about many things. Her destiny. Her fate. Her future. She thought about Quintus and she thought about chaos.

It wasn’t Barqan’s silence that caused her the most unease, but it was EL’s. He still hadn’t talked to her much since her show of power on the roof and she knew he was mulling things over in his mind. Fuck.

When they pulled up to the burned, defunct factory, she stepped out and took a deep breath in of the all too familiar area. She spied her perch far above and remembered when Quintus had stepped out similarly, the first time she had ever seen him was in this same parking lot.

She could have gone anywhere, she supposed, but this was hers now. After the dream she had, she asked Ferraro to look into the property for purchase. She understood that this was where she would face Michael again and she smiled as the memories of her last time here, with the Born, washed over her.

Everything began here and it was fitting that it should end here as well. Something about that sentence painfully lingered in her mind, but EL, feeling her unease, reassured her from behind.

"Stay focused."

Fet had said Quintus burned it down, but it was clear the fire had only consumed the one building and even then, there was minimal damage to the steel and brick foundation. It was architected in such a way that the flames didn’t touch the remaining three buildings and she smiled. It was all still here and she knew it would have everything the Djinn needed to build her what she required.

As they walked through the main manufacturing floor, Barqan looked around carefully but still remained silent until she addressed him.

"Does it have what you need?"

"Yes."

"Then …" Grinning madly, she hoisting the duffel bag onto a metal work table and fished the Lumen out. As she chucked it at him, Barqan plucked it from the air with ease, his face falling as he stared down at the powerful metal in his hands. “Best get to it, Black King.”

"JESUS!" Dutch jumped at the sudden appearance of the archangel and she grabbed at her chest dramatically.

"Heh. Not quite. Close, I suppose." Michael couldn’t help but smirk at his own joke, but he wasted no time, pointing at Thomas. “He say anything?”

"Antonio Ferraro." Fet said. “He’s an employee of Quin--” Michael was already gone, mid-sentence and Fet threw up his hands. “What the hell? Dat’s just great, man. Fucking great.”

"Do you really think any of us can help him with what he must do?" Thomas asked. “He is more powerful than even the Master at his height …”

"We failed her." Everyone knew it wasn’t just her he was talking about. It wasn’t just her he felt he had failed. Gus eased down onto the couch and silently stared at the picture in his hands. The same one that Fet had been using to show people when they were searching for her in the States. He stared at the tiny woman on the far right of the image, whom he had his arm around and was in the middle of planting a kiss on the side of her forehead “We gotta have faith. We just …” It was obvious he was trying to convince himself. “We gotta have faith that he can help her.”

"Help? Do you actually think he is her ally, Mr. Elizalde?" Thomas admitted readily. “Do not be foolish.”

"Wait … what the hell do you mean now?" Dutch asked. “He’s her family … you just told us he’s her grandfa--”

"I did indeed." The Nazi shook his head. “But, as I know Mr. Elizalde can attest … family is not always on your side. He is the Right Hand of God. He will do what is necessary to save creation … and himself.”

"Maldito puto!"

"Mr. Ferraro." Michael approached the man sitting quietly at the desk from behind.

"She is here." Without even turning to look upon the Hayyoth, the italian man lifted up a piece of paper with one hand while he tapped the screen of his phone with the other. An address was printed elegantly across the note. “She is expecting you, sir.”

The angel paused for a moment, mulling over that statement carefully before taking the note and reading the information scribbled across it. He knew this location, of course. He had watched her for many months at this location and he closed his eyes tightly.

He considered taking Ferraro somewhere, but it wouldn’t be necessary. It would all be over soon.

"I appreciate your cooperation." Michael offered his gratitude before he was gone.

So Silent - Zack Hemsey

She was tripping on something that was laced in her tea

And she was high as a kite when she said she could see

Said we in the land of the free but no freedom grows

And if we in a brave new world where'd the brave all go

Her phone dinged with the arrival of Ferraro’s text message. Fishing it out of her pocket, she stared down at the SMS:

        On his way. Happy Hunting.

The timing was perfect and Barqan approached her, holding out the newly crafted weapon for her to take and assess. He tried to talk her into a sword or even a spear, but in the end, she demanded he make it into a staff again. It had been a staff before, when the Monkey King wielded it and she knew that was always her weapon of choice.

As she took it from his offering hands, gripping it tightly, she smirked, appreciating its weight and feeling the power resonating throughout it. If this tiny shard gave off this much power, she could only imagine what the actual celestial blade was like. Her fingers traced its surface carefully and she felt the sense of being home run over her soul as her arms filled with nervous bumps.

Perfect. It was … perfect. It was … hers.

"My brothers and I …" EL stepped forward, from behind her, and she could feel his pride. “We were given our gifts. We never earned them. We never earned anything we were given. We were simply born with power.”

He walked around her carefully and she knew his words would be perfect, because he was so good at speaking to her heart. He had always known her, hadn’t he?

"But you … you have earned this. You have crawled your own way out of their pit of obscurity and made them see you." He smiled. “And this …” He spun, waving his hands at the building around them.  “And this is your story, Aurora. And you … you have never needed to be gifted anything, because you have always owned your own agency.”

She gripped the staff tighter. How much of this was her own doing, her own agency really? And how much of this was her sisters’ doing? But as the question danced across her mind, she realized something she had missed before.

They had told her. She had a choice. She always did. That was the entire point of everything. It wasn’t that it couldn’t be changed, but it was that everything was happening because she had decided it. They weren’t in charge of future, but rather, they had cleverly and intentionally put her in charge of it.

This was her story and she was the flood. Disastrous and cruel … and unrelenting.

She swung it once and smirked. There was one difference she asked him to make on the shaft, one which the Monkey King did not have. It would have made no difference if it had it anyways, as humans wouldn’t have been able to power them, because only Hayyoth blood can drive a Glyph of Power.

And the shaft was littered with them, each and every one taken from the hidden pages of the Lumen … just like her Sun Stik, covered in marks. Each design, swirled and delicate, powerful, beautiful, and unique. She locked eyes with EL and he flicked his chin towards the direction of the parking lot.

"He’s here."

Absolutely brilliant commission by @needlesslycryptic

I am SOOO happy I finally get to use this commission.  It took me a lot long to get to this chapter than I had planned.

[evilelitest2]

100 Days of Trump, Day 38: Why Are You So Angry?

Welcome back to 100 Days of Trump, where I try to recommend 100 works to help us understand WTF happened in 2016, and it should be increasingly obvious that I don’t actually plan these things out in advance because today’s recommendation is actually a little bit behind all things considered.  I was hoping to move past the psychological state and into the “The system itself which makes all of this possible” state, but I remembered this video series and I want to talk about it, so Innuendo Studios.  Its a video game channel that mostly talks about Indie Games and while all of that stuff is very cool and I recommend you check it out, I want to focus on his six part series on Gamergate called “Why are you so angry?”  

    Now I’ve said it before and I will say it again, to understand Trump you need to understand Gamergate and if it wasn’t for Gamergate, I honestly don’t think Trump would have gotten elected, within this bubble of internet gaming insanity we see the core of both Trump’s popularity, and the way he was able to win.  And there is a lot to say about Gamergate, and a lot of it was covered in my earlier series talking about Assassins, or Taxi Driver, or The Wall, or Breaking Bad, or Pan’s Labyrinth, or, Protagonist, or Rope, and above all the Social Network, all talking about the misdirected rage and optimistic nihilism that characterizes the Gamergate and by extension Trumpkin crowd (and really they are the same people).    So what does Innuendo Studios have to say which the earlier works don’t already say?  Well, in his Why Are You So Angry series focuses on a specific sub set of the reactionary hate mob, not the guys who lead it, but the guys who serve as support for those who do, which he coins “Angry Jack”

   Now I think it is important to understand that this video series isn’t actually summing up the whole movement, and the Angry Jack is just one small part of a larger WTF puzzle, so don’t take this video series as rite and go “OH well, I understands Gamergate/Trump Perfectly” not all of his supporters are Angry Jacks and Angry Jack are just one part of a larger system.  But when it comes to this particular subject, he is unto something.  The Ian Danskin posits that a core point of these movements is less malice than a form of ethical laziness, that sloth is the core sin of a lot of these reactionaries.  People like things to be simple and things to be self serving, its human, and when outside information challenges stuff, it is easier to double down than think critically.  To use a non political example, people who don’t drink at parties, I don’t drink by choice and a friend of mine doesn’t drink because it makes her head hurt, and a third friend doesn’t drink hard Liquor.  When ever we are at a party, despite having very different reasons for not drinking (and one of us actually liking alcohol) a lot of strangers will react really hostilely to any of use refusing a drink equally, and the ones who drink the most react the strongest.  Because they are assuming judgement to what is actually just personal preference.  I don’t drink because I dislike drinking, I don’t subscribe a moral value to it, but people who meet me seem to preemptively make me into some sort of prohibition era strawman, and it is doubly absurd for my friends whose choice comes from a place of ‘I don’t want head aches” and “I like this alcohol but not that alcohol”.  Because the people who get so pissy are terrified of judging themselves, so they try to create environments where nobody might do so.

Now this video series isn’t perfect, I do think his understanding of Christianity is ironically quite muddled and his belief of where this all stems from is frankly....dumb and juvenile, but look past that stuff and focus on his larger point, and you see why this is useful, a lot of this reactionary stuff is coming out of a sort of defense of one’s internal state of ignorance, that these people think they have found the loophole to living a morally good life without doing any work for it.  Just don’t notice whenever bad things happens, look away and pretend the problem doesn’t exist.  And the progressive movement is challenging that, it is effectively acknowledging problems that everybody knows exist.  And in order to make everybody more comfortable with the situation, they lash out to create an environment where people don’t have to think about these complicated issues.  Again, most people are lazy, cowardly, and stupid, and prefer it that way, anything that would make them not want to behave like that is legitimately scary if your goal in life is to be selfish and never have to be judged for it.  Even for the less debased, there is the question of difficulty, and people want simple solutions to problems even if those don’t exist.  I wish I lived in a world where parents didn’t sexually assault children, or if it happened it was done by creepy immediately evil people who I could call the police to instantly handle without any difficulties.  But I don’t live in that world, I live in a world where it is extremely common and there aren’t obvious solutions.  A lot of people prefer a fantasy of the first than the reality of the second. And this is why so many (but not all) reactionaries are weirdly positive towards the Civil Rights movements and the early feminist movements, because in their mind that was “When the bad thing ended”.  

   Small note, I don’t like how Ian uses the term sociopath, and I think it is very silly, but move on, focus on the larger point.

    And this is why we need to understand the relationship between Angry Jack and the more open and direct reactionaries, because if you have encountered these people online, you notice that unlike the most dire hard Alt Rightists, they don’t openly say the white nationalist/MRA/homophobic rhetoric, they insist it isn’t there.  They tune Trump out when he says some things, and tune in for others, and when they interact with Neo Nazis, they pretend they can’t see the obvious racist elements because they don’t want to confront the reality that they are allied with them.  A lot of these vocal harassers online are internally terrified of confronting who they are or what they have become, and if they were ever in a circumstance where they could calm the fuck down, would be horrified by the people they call their allies.  But they don’t want to face that, so they ignore it.  This is what Fox News and other groups like that do for these people, they give them an out.  Remember after that refugee child drowned and everybody briefly pretended they gave a shit about refugees and the Right’s hypocrisy on the subject of human rights was coming to the forefront?  And then Fox turned it into a Refugee vs. Vet, when both groups are fucked over by their very policies?  It isn’t suppose to make any sense, its suppose to be a life raft for the people who don’t want to think hard about the fact they are abandoning children to die.  Or how about when Milo got caught advocating for the sexual abuse of children, and the Right’s response was to bring up Roman Polanski as a “left wing child rapist”, nvm the fact that the left has been attacking Polanski for decades now particularly feminist circles.  Its a way to not think about the type of people they are allied with, for the average supporter think about this as an “US vs. THEM” argument rather than “Holy fuck, the guy I listened to thinks children should be raped...maybe all of the other things people said of him might be equally true....maybe this whole being cruel for the sake of humor thing is bullshit maybe the other side has a legitimate....oh wait, if I condemn Milo then THEY WIN and fuck THOSE PEOPLE (jews)”   So they march behind actual nazis, and as Hannah Arendt noted, once this all blows over, they will be out there saying they had nothing to do with it and that the Nazis tricked/forced them into participating in these crimes.  

For the record, I would divide Gamergate into more than two groups, rather Nine see here for my thoughts.  

What separates the Angry Jack from the Nihilist MRA people we see in Assassins and Breaking Bad is that Angry Jack really needs to see itself as morally correct and most importantly, normal.  They might use rebel rhetoric but they don’t see themselves that way, they identify themselves as just a dude, and really want to believe that feminism is nothing more than a few thousand rich college students or that the only white people who think racism is a problem are a couple dozen people who have been white guilt-ed into being puppets for the Black Panthers, they want to be the default, and are upset by the notion of having to accept a larger world.  This is why the fact Clinton won the popular vote is so upsetting to these people, because they really want to believe that they are most of the country, that they are normal and are driving abnormal out of their larger political community, the alternative scares the shit out of them.  And so much of this comes from my old enemy, simplistic easy morality, something which the left sadly has trouble with as well.  Because the way we depict morality in so much of our fiction makes this mindset more powerful, it encourages the thought process that is so useful to the right.  Because if our villains in works are nothing more than evil for its own sake, then we don’t have to think complexly about them, we don’t have to assume that their evil comes from a place and there are simple solutions to complicated problems.  And the left should avoid this mentality as well. 

Also how much of this battle is a fight for vindication, that these reactionaries are furious that society at large doesn’t respect them and doesn’t take their opinions seriously, and so they are screaming loud and more intensely out of the hope they will finally be recognized and respected for who they are...except that they aren’t because they are crazy. This is why Trump supporters are so angry at the media, because they won, they managed to get the most powerful job in the world, and yet people are still calling Trump and by extension them horrible people....because they are.  And that is why they want to get ride of the Media, because they hope that they can create a reality where nobody criticizes their ideals, which ironically always makes it worse.  

   Finally since Tumblr only allows 5 videos per post, here is part 6, where Ian talks about how to deal with these problems   This comes off as a tad naive today but it still applies, and this is why it is so important to try to keep people around you from buying into simplistic narrative, particularly because seemingly innocuous  nonsense always gets co-opted by bigots and turn into a recruiting tool for the Alt Right.  That is why these guys are so horrified by the notion of progressive politics making people happy, they find the notion that bioware games have gay relationships terrifying because the moment they acknowledge that is good, they start to validate the progressive arguments and they don’t want to go down that road.  Hey, has anybody had something they need to do but they keep putting it off, and you can kinda live with that until a friend says “Hey weren’t you suppose to turn into those papers?” and you find yourself getting suddenly mad at them?  Its that, because they don’t want to face the shitty part of the world, and if left alone, they will concoct a little alternate reality where they don’t have too, but they can’t do it if people keep poking the bubble.    Remember, so much of this reactionary bullshit is coming from an emotional place of insecurity and is kinda pitiable if it wasn't for how many people they are hurting, and even as the left condemns and opposes them, we need to understand them, because otherwise we won’t be able to defeat them. And for all of their talk of how tough they are, they are remarkably thin skinned.  But this is the most important thing, keep up the fight and keep attacking their arguments and proving them wrong, because while it doesn’t seem like you get any results, every time you do that, particularly when you conduct yourself in a more civil, mature, and above all intellectually honest way than your opponent, you keep a pupil form of an Angry Jack from joining up.  They don’t say anything, they don’t comment and say “Thanks dude, your take down of that MRA made me reconsider my life choices’ instead they take that comment and it sticks with them later in life, and it makes it that much harder for them to make a pact with Neo-Nazis.  And this is important, Gamergate and Trump seem inevitable now, but this is what matters,it took a lot of work for these movements to get started, /POL/ had been trying to get a Gamergate Going for at least three years before this one took off, and the Alt Right have been trying to get a trump going since the 1930s, it takes tremendous amount of effort to craft the sort of narrative to make this double think possible, and it took decades of work for them to make it this far.  And if the left hadn’t gone with Hillary Clinton, it wouldn’t have worked, by choosing somebody as bad as Clinton, it provided them with the psychological tools they needed to rationalize supporting Trump, which wont’ be true if we go with somebody with less of a dark past.  “They go high, we go low” actually does work, its just that Clinton didn’t go high, she stayed in the middle.  And the more pressure we keep up on them, the more their movement frays.  They seem powerful now, but this current state of affairs is on a very weak wedge, and it can come crashing down on them in an instant.  The only way they can keep this up is if we either give up, or support morally debased responses to them.  

[wishingfornever]

11/21/17 – No Contact:  Impatience

I’m impatient, I think.  I can’t stand watching youtube videos under 2x speed.  And even then, I mindless click away.  I have no patience, hence impatient.  Maybe I’m restless.

I went out to apply for some jobs.  Not much now.  Applied for the HEB. I’ll apply at other locations soon.  Again, I can manage for another two weeks if need be.

Hrm… NationStates.  It’s a riot.  A few days ago, I decided to comment in a thread asking if your nation (YN) would be able to defeat the above nation (AN) militarily.  I use stats to determine my nation.  That’s obvious. However, I also avoid certain stats in lieu of my own.  Instead of having 2.022 BILLION citizens as of writing this and have the population of China and India, I choose to limit myself to 10 million people.  The reason for this is simple: 10 million is an easy number to remember.  Cuba has a population of 11-12 million and my country is supposed to be smaller than Cuba.  I figured the population gap would decrease with my massive technological increases and healthy citizens.  May be wrong, but whatever.  The Dominican Republic has my population and is about the same size as my theoretical nation.  Probably smaller.

Ah, just checked.  By my own lore, it’d appear my nation is smaller…

Anyways, population of 10 million.  Military might is in the top 4% in the world, almost top 3%.  Scientific Advancement is top 3%, unsure how close it is to 2%.  We’re top 3% in health, intelligence, and healthcare.  Top 4% in information technology, pacifism (shut up), and top 22% in Arms Manufacturing. My nation’s military uses conscription.  I’ve meticulously written out the inventory, taking into account military spending, what I can and can’t do with said spending, and based the inventory off other REAL world nations with equal power. A lot of thought and planning. This guy…  Dis muthafucka.  He says he can take on ALL that “In a longshot” so it wouldn’t even be close.  Upon further inspection, his population in game is 45 million.  That sounds impressive, but if we really did population stats I would win without end based on that alone.  But I don’t because population is too damn high.

His arms manufacturing is top 14%, information technology is at 20%, military is at 21%, has a death rate of 21% (top 21% in the world, mind you and not only 79% survives to adulthood), scientific advancement is at 28%, and everything beyond that is just… crap. Now, clearly by stats alone he’d get DESTROYED.  Even if he had 42 million to my own lore’s 10 million.

Here’s the thing. This muthafucka… his active personnel is 12 billion out of 19 trillion.  This is HIS OWN LORE.  Reserve of 10 billion, 2 million WMD’s, 1 million nuclear, 100 million chemical, and has all this other scifi sounding crap like “antimatter” or “black hole bombs.”  I mean… really?

He has ONE billion active ships with ONE billion active sailors.  These are all in space, I assume but I’m not sure.  Makes you wonder how many people are required to run something that’s called a “Ship” of course, but whatever.  And, of course, there has to be more people running logistics on the planet and won’t actually be on ships.

Then there is Air and Space with more ridiculous numbers and he uses a screenshot for a Helghast from Killzone and says, “Super secret supersoldier project.”

I mean… seriously? What’s stopping me from retconning my lore and just saying, “Yeah, well we have 50 trillion people and 12 trillion are military and I have another trillion ships with only 50 pilots who are so advanced they can fly all trillion ships WITH THEIR FUCKING MINDS!!!” I’m not trying to crap on him for using Future Tech (or FT).  My Nation (from now on will be referred to as MN for simplification’s sake; should have done this sooner but whatever) is certainly bordering on Future Tech, thanks to the HUGE advancements in science.  Not the top, but definitely near there. Walter and I wanted to device a bit of a cold war and to demonstrate some games for settling disputes.  It would have began with Wargame:  Red Dragon, had Kerbal Space Program, a few others, and ended with Supreme Commander.  That certainly would have been future tech. I designed MN to basically be… flexible.  I’ve prepared not just military histories but also political ideologies.  Mostly for conflict purposes, but these conflicts aren’t EXCLUSIVELY violent.  In fact, my own nation’s lore has been that MN has never beaten an enemy in ANY combat until 2017.  Really, my history is just supposed to be funny but also balanced. I REALLY want to get a thing started with other nations where terrorists happen and try to blow up things and use a game like CS:GO or Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes to simulate successes of counter-terrorist and law enforcement or their defeats.  I thought it’d be very clever.

Regardless, most of the history is very… historical.  MN began as an uncontacted tribe who was a sister tribe of the Aztec but failed in mostly everything, Spanish Settlers come in and settle on their way to Mexico, MN was mostly ignored as a colony and accidentally was granted independence, had a republic with a presidency, was often confused as Mexico or Cuba depending on the time period and nation, was slow to adapt new ideas, had a monarchy that later became a republic again, and during the previous century because a Fascist dictatorship who hated jews.  Mind you, there were only two jews on the island and they were retirees from Brooklyn.  They were never harmed but quietly respected, meaning when Fascists were running around yelling, “Kill the Jews!” they would quietly bow their heads in the presence of the Jewish couple and say “...except the Rosenblatts.”  Pacifism!  :D

Anyways, that fascist dictatorship was toppled by Communists.  That basically leads into today.

Almost Cuba.  More a mixture of Cuba and Mexico’s history, depending on how you see it.  So, depending on the game I should be fine.  For example, say… there is a multiplayer game based on city building for the wild west.  I’d basically be using Mexican assets if it were the wild west.  Or if it were based in the Caribbean during the cold war, I’d obviously play as the Cuban option.  And if there were a game in the early 1800’s or earlier, I’d play as either Spain or a Native Population like the Aztecs.

Well, what if it’s based in the Ancient World? I’ve settled this too.  Apart from the Aztecs (because they’re not always available), Spain and the kingdoms that made Spain would be the choice in this scenario (Castile, Leon, Asturias, etc) but in a world where the kingdoms of Spain haven’t been formed yet? The Spiritual Successor of MN is Syracuse.  An aircraft carrier has been named “Siracusa” which is the name in Spanish.  So, I’d basically be using a greek template.  If in between Spain and Greeks, I’d be using Goths (Visigoths to be specific).  I try to avoid using Rome because they tend to get associated to Fascists (thanks to Mussolini) and they’re always overpowered.  Keep in mind, most historical games tend to be either historically inaccurate or extremely warlike. Usually both. Don’t get me wrong, I like war games. Real time strategy, real time tactics, shooters and what ever else there is.  All great fun.

However, I wish there were more… peaceful games like Kerbal Space Program. Just something where I don’t need to try to destroy the other person but try to manage myself.  Tropico is a fine example, but eh. Multiplayer games tend to require conflict.  I guess I’m saying I wish there were more peaceful multiplayer games.

Of course, in the same breath, I also wish more of the violent games had a unique shtick.  For example, I think one such game that’d be fun would be a TURN OF THE CENTURY Counter-Strike.  Here me out: In Counter-Strike, you set up bombs and release hostages.  Well in the late 19th century and early 20th century, there were these political extremists known as… Anarchists!  Maybe you’ve heard of them. Here’s the thing.  They were FAR more extreme than Anarchists today.  Trust me, I used to roll with Anarchists today.  These guys would constantly explode shit, sabotage shit, even assassinate people.  They assassinated Tsars, Kings, even US presidents (as well as Non-American Presidents).  Like, the French dedicated a newspaper article dedicated to them called “The Dynamite” but in French for some reason. Now, in CS you just plant bombs or rescue hostages.  In this hypothetical scenario, the game modes should be planting bombs and maybe also hostage rescue… but also assassinations!  A nameless, NPC king or Archduke has to be protected from the Anarchists.  Maybe have NPC civilians who loiter or whatever.  Guards against Anarchists. How the game is done is really irrelevant.  It’s more a concept to expand on CS.  NPC’s of course need programming… but if done, you can run around with a hidden pistol and just shoot the nobility up close.  Have an animation where a guard pushes the nobility down and protects them with his own body.  Have an Anarchist set up a sniper position in an apartment complex and have a team of guards clear out the houses for suspected Anarchist activity. Ah… a beautiful dream, no? Programming, however, is hard.  NPC’s are just a pain in the ass to work with.  Not many games actually have decent pathfinding. However, that could be good. Anarchists should be dressed as normal civilians.  Would add to the affect, right?  Hard to spot.  The guards actually have to watch out for suspicious behavior.  Of course…  NPC’s are dumb.  So, they’ll shoot a civilian or whatever.  And you’d need them to want to NOT shoot civilians. And there could always be game mods without Civilians.  Planting bombs or whatever so it’s basically CS before WWI.  I think it’d be fun, but then again… what do I know?  :3 Anyways… yeah.  I think my original point was why do people insist on their own stats?  Like, I WORKED to get my military that high.  Pacifism just came to me.  I can understand if someone wants to do FT instead of MT (Modern Tech) but come on.  Be a little reasonable.  Like, I won’t ever imply my nation will do something if I don’t have the stats for it.  If I do have the stats for it but I don’t like the stats, then I’ll work to change it. In that regard, why don’t I just say we’re backwards and uncivilized until I reach the correct stats again?  I bitched about that a lot. The thing is, I worked for those stats.  Even if I wasn’t trying for them, I got them.  The population is one thing, but those stats… yeah.  I think they’re more influential because there is about a million nations in NationStates and MN happens to be one of them.  If those Nations were reduced to only 100 nations and all of them were placed on a ladder with the lowest percentages at the bottom and the highest on the top, I’d be the top on most the ladders.  For my military, only three other nations would be above me.  And that’s not even my highest stat. That is crazy. Of course, a lot of nations have been destroyed so I doubt there are 1 million active nations.  Really, just a lot of defunct nations with only a few thousand actually active. A lot of nations don’t use the NS Stats.  They impose their own…  Honestly, I can be fine with that.  However, when your nation becomes the Grand Duchy of Maryland-Sueberg, then you have a problem.  Overly powerful nations… they annoy me. So much so, the first war in NationStates I’ve participated in with MN was against a Constitutional Monarchy of the Puerto Rican Empire.  They were pretty Mary Suish, but they had to be replaced due to inactivity.  Thus I fought against someone else representing them. They had a 10 million man military, and my population then was far less than theirs.  Their lore was that Puerto Rico got independence and some how managed to annex some islands… then they were attacked by Cuba, Haiti, and the Dominican Republic because they were “Jealous” and thus formed a coalition and declared war… Casus Belli:  Your hat is shinier than our three hats. Dumb.  It was pretty dumb. An issue happened between PR (Puerto Rico) and MN where they basically were liberating the Bourgeoisie of MN who fled my nation as if it were the Mariana Boatlift. Um… okay?  It’s not an event I got, they declared that they sent their navy there to rescue an oppressed people. Thing is, I’m fairly certain he thought the Bourgeoisie was a race rather than a class.  Because he said people identified as being Bourgeoisie…  Sure thing.  MN is Marxist-Leninist and had a classless society, but you know what?  I rolled with it.  This was perfect. I used this intervention as a VALID Casus Belli (reason for war) and announced my intention to declare war.  We were in the same regional alliance at the time so I had to get it approved.  It was. PR… I wish they were still around.  They were top 1% in religion and had Fox News.  They were ultra right wing when I was super left wing (top 3% in Secularism due to Marxism).  We couldn’t have been more opposite.  He had unrealistic views of his nation and I had realistic goals.  However, I had this little thing that I written up earlier this year specifically for warring nations in the same regional alliance. Basically, it was what I used to declare war. Such a brilliant document outlining and trying to have a fair 1v1 tournament that used population to determine the battles required to win in game.  Normally, the defending party would choose the game but it was the first time this document was being used so… yeah. This was a practice run, basically.  They had a larger population than me so I needed more victories to beat them.  Of course, they went inactive so another nation in the region took their place and represented them. I won several and lost one.  The war was placed on hold because the prelude to this Esther mess and… well, it hasn’t really ended.  I took stats and meticulously recorded the casualties and used a random percentage to calculate the fatalities as opposed to wounded. Basically, I would have won the war so it never really mattered.

I regret it not being the REAL PR but whatever.  His replacement was fine enough.  It was more to settle a point.  If you think your nation is hot shit and your leader is this fantastic general, your arrogance will betray you.

Looking now… there was this gentleman who I had the misfortune of playing with (in Wargame: Red Dragon, same game I used in the PR War) to just test it out.  Was supposed to lead to a grand war, regional even with three vs three. Thing is, this guy was far more advanced than me in the game.  I don’t remember his stats because he seemed friendly. I was deceived.  I managed to beat him and he couldn’t be more upset. He claimed I helo rushed him when in reality, I had two helicopters in the middle of the match.  They went around the flanks and hit his spawn at the same time.  It was a coordinated effort to give my forces a break because he pushed HARD.  I was only slowing him.  By the time he realized what had happened, he sent forces back to destroy my helicopters but not much was accomplished.  I won after destroying basically everything. Thing is, he had anti-air.  But he claimed I helo rushed and I would be GLOBALLY REJECTED BY THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY IF I KEPT DOING IT!!! Yeah, well I knew what a helo rush was but I wasn’t going to confront him about it.  I asked a pretty well known player about it and he said, “Nah, not a helo rush.”  So, I’m not crazy.  He certainly was though.  Haven’t spoken to him since, seems his nation is now defunct.

Whatever.

I’m not well.  I don’t feel well.  Something in my stomach.  I feel like I should be worried.  Strange.  Today, however, shall be important.  Regardless of how I feel.  The future is mine to take. I’m going to begin Rosetta Stone today.

Everyone messaged me in the middle.  I’ve been ignored all day but the moment I get into something, everyone comes out of the woodwork. Typical.

Anyways, the previous segment was written BEFORE I took Max out on a walk.  I just came back.  A little tired. Honestly, haven’t been eating much but that shouldn’t a surprise. What is surprising is how well I’m doing on Rosetta Stone!  :D I blasted through the first three lessons on level 1 for disc 1.  The final lesson will complete the level.  So, assuming they’re divided like this in all the other lessons/levels/whatever it should take me about 3 hours per level with 4 levels per disc and they’re 6 discs… should take me a solid 3 days to go through EVERYTHING.  That’s a rough estimate, of course. Honestly, I think I sped ran it.  I was doing very well.  Of course, it was a beginning course and I did restart when the damn program couldn’t hear me.  I was sitting there yelling “WHITE!!!” as loud as I could and eventually it went through.  I mean… it’s “Blanco” but basically yelling white because blanco is white in Spanish.

Ariel is under the impression that I can speak Spanish.  I told her I couldn’t before but she’s forgotten.  I’ve allowed her to believe this for a few years now.  Doesn’t really come up.  If Spanish ever comes up, it’s so basic it’s not even worth looking up. Oof… this girl I’m talking to.  Not Ariel, another one who I’ve not mentioned.  I referenced her, but never stated her name.  I discovered she has a purity ring.  She’s a few years younger than me AND VERY attractive.  And…  I think I know why she has a purity ring.  Victim of sexual assault.  She’s had trauma she hasn’t told me about, so I know something happened. I’ll be gentle with her.  Same thing happened to Esther and Ariel.  :/ Of course, that’s something most people don’t like to reveal.  And… well, I’ve revealed it for Esther and Ariel multiple times.  I want to go back and change it, but… I can’t.  I told myself I wouldn’t in the interest of upholding the truth.  What I believe in.

Of course, you may think I’m crazy.  I’m not.  I don’t think I am, at least.  I don’t care if I’m viewed in a negative or positive light.  What does it matter?

Eh… it’s getting late.  I’m pretty tired.  It’s only 6.  I want to go to bed.  Well, if I do go to bed I’ll go to bed early… and I can wake up early.  Get started on everything.  This… may be my break.  I can finally do what I planned on doing.  Took me long enough.