#yet again my point is proven
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aguineapigcouldntdothis · 1 year ago
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this is so long please read if it interests you and skip if it doesnt i genuinely just couldnt stop thinking of things to add.
i used to wonder why antisemites would constantly make up criticisms about zionism that are either blatantly false or a misunderstanding of facts. especially when jewish antizionists have consistently been able to find real criticisms of zionism and analyze them based on jewish history and personal experience (tbh i dont consider any goyim to be antizionist or zionist but that's not the point). it's definitely not a problem of "valid criticisms of zionism dont exist". even when i dont agree with jewish antizionists i usually understand how they got to their conclusion and i find it fully respectable. also when i say factual/valid criticisms i dont just mean shit i personally agree with. im a zionist with plenty of criticisms about the movement (yeah I know it's ironic). all i mean by that is a criticism of zionism that is backed up by facts.
imo antisemites either explicitly or implicitly know that if they look up factual criticisms of zionism they'll also have to learn about the positive stuff. it's all intertwined. to a lot of jewish people this isnt that big of a deal. we're raised to ask questions and we're taught how to formulate a good argument from a young age. its pretty normal for us to critique things that we generally support or find postives in things we generally critique. however, goyim are much less likely to be raised this way. obviously some are but the dichotomy of good and bad is much more prevalent in goyische culture than jewish. of course we know some shit is good and other shit is bad, we're not fuckin idiots, but nuance is integral to us.
i dont know what it feels like to be raised in a culture with a strong difference between good and bad. it doesnt make sense to me at all. however id assume that that upbringing combined with social media, which favors quick, shocking information, would result in something like goyim constantly glazing over factual critcisms of zionism and just making shit up. the made up shit is simultaneously more gut-wrenching and easier to digest due to its simplicity. it's really fucking hard to accept that zionism is so complex if youve been taught that things are always just good or bad. and even harder if your activism began and ended with social media instead of a medium that favors long-form content.
you cannot research zionism without being whacked in the face with nuance. its the reason i research zionist history more than zionist theory because that shit is so confusing sometimes (said with love). learning about zionism isn't an easy task at all. ive been doing it seriously for around 5 years and casually since i was a small child and i still learn shit every day. if i studied zionism for hours every day id probably still have something to learn when i die.
antisemites do not like being called antisemites, so they try to learn things about jewish history and then fail. they dont actually care about the information they just want to seem like they know something. they are not doing this for the benefit of jewish people. they wont actually spread true jewish history or recommend jewish creators that could share correct information. they'll instead say bare minimum shit that makes themselves feel proud for saying the word "jewish" and their followers are making death threats towards zionists.
ive seen some goyim say some factual things about zionism and stay in their lane while doing so, both things i rlly appreciate. and time and time again they're met with antisemitic conspiracies, death threats, doxxing, etc. not as much as jewish people are but still a lot. most people are not ready and may never be ready to support jews through the good and the bad.
this ties into the idea of the "innocent" victim. the one who is pure and kind, who never said a bad word about anyone and saved baby mice from fires. this idea of the innocent victim exists in war, abuse, crime, literally anywhere where someone's human rights are violated. however even if someone is innocent in a particular situation most people are not 100% good and innocent all the time. there's a few exceptions like babies (although i do know some babies that are fucking assholes) but in general people are a mix of good and bad.
jewish people do not shy away from being both good and bad. we embrace it with open arms and even though we try to improve our bad traits we dont fear them. "the only good jew is a dead jew" is fitting because when someone is dead you can make so much up. you can pretend they were incapable of every doing anything even remotely bad. you can say the poor jew who died was your biggest inspiration even though you scoffed at them every time they opened their mouth.
and this is why antisemites hate zionism so much and love making up false critcisms. because it throws concepts like black and white morality, the desire to consume information quickly, and the innocent victim into the fucking mud. then it punches it and steps on it and kicks it. anything and anyone that favors simple information over complicated information, not matter how incorrect, is going to have a hard time discussing zionism. people want to know things, yet sometimes they dont wanna actually put in the work to learn the correct information from good sources because that's hard work and antisemites do not want to put in hard work regarding jewish history.
if you believe im gonna solve antisemitism singlehandedly then who the fuck do you think i am. this isnt going away anytime soon. however you can do shit to help. study zionism on your own time and develop your own opinions on it. i highly recommend focusing on 1-3 specific topics trust me it's really confusing otherwise. teach others about it when you feel safe to do so. share resources with them and encourage them to do their own research. maybe point them to a specific aspect that relates to an interest they already have, and if you're mentally able to handle it call out antisemitic misinformation. a lot of people will not listen but there will always be at least one person who just needs a little bit of help starting.
anyway i may do actual research on this in the future because observations and i might turn it into a proper essay. I'll write one version where i say fuck and another where I don't.
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ganondoodle · 1 month ago
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honestly i dont know how many times i can keep trying to like and engage with things if they always end up disappointing me so badly i cant like what came before it anymore
im not trying to center this around me or something, but im having a hard time coping with arcane doing it too (to me)
few things can catch my attention and all interests in media i have ever had fumbled everything later so badly i often never want to see or think about it again
its happened with transformers (prime specifically, i think the ending of season2? i dont remember everything but after the fucking new guys show up and it killed my hyperfixation on it back in the day), one piece (stopped since whole cake island and anything new i see of it only makes it more clear i cant stand it anymore), zelda (ahah .. totk, fuck that game, basically killed my hyperfixation on the franchise and im only holding on for some projects and cool people i met through it), (edit; how could i forget fromsoft/elden ring and what the DLC did.....), arcane/league (arcane, lore retcons, and now its ending, but it happened before it turned into a hyperfixation so theres that bit of mercy lol) and those were only my super special hyperfixation ones i still clearly remember im sure im forgetting some, its happened with movies and other series i gave a try too (even mob psycho ... the series i thought couldnt disappoint me ...)
i feel so bad about it, i feel like i am somehow wrong to dislike or even hate how media goes, and bc it happens every time i feel like .. theres something wrong with me .. theres gotta be soemthing wrong with me right?.. i SWEAR i do NOT find joy in hating or disliking things, it is not fun for me, i hate hating things, especially when i once loved them, even if it may seem like there is nothing i can ever like i am NOT doign it on purpose, i feel the same, i feel like theres nothing i can ever just like, and i hate myself for it .. but also cant help it, i cant force myself to like thingsi dont either, i just want to rip my hair out and cry
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katyspersonal · 2 years ago
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ALRIGHT LET’S TALK ABOUT BLUBBORNE!!
Here are a list of things to choose from <3
Chat about Logarius or Alfred!!
Ideas for Bloodborne 2 👀
What do you think about Hemwick being connected to Cainhurst?
Talk about Gilbert!! I never get to see you chat about him! Lil guy!
Ideas on Arianna’s backstory!
Ideas on Adella’s backstory!
What would a Discord with the original Byrgenwerth scholar gang look like?? xD
Choose one or all! It’s up to you!! <3
Oh my GOSH fjdhfds Good to know you all headed my warning to never give me a choice because I answer EVERYTHING, huh -_- xD But in all seriousness though, these topics just happen to be those I do not have 20 pages essay ready for, so my answers will be short(ish) and I think I can discuss all this stuff in compact manner!
Chat about Logarius or Alfred!!
Well, they're complicated characters for me. You know I am physically unable to 'hate' a fictional character because no matter what they did, they aren't real and can't hurt me and if all else fails they exist to make the story better. But because of some events and reflection on life and society, these two in particular put a pit in my stomach on the notion of being trademark catholic-coded purists. There are so many things that can be speculated about complexity of Laurence's or Adrich's situations, but these guys feel pretty plain for me? The black-white thinking bastards that got so tempted with the idea of abolishing all evil that it made them ruthless, blind to nuances and purist that can't see how they become the REAL evil in the end.
I think Logarius/Rogeriusz is fairly underrated though and it cannot be blamed on him being unlikeable from moral standpoint, because we've all seen how popular Alfred is despite graphically killing a defenceless woman! But Logarius has a lot to like as a villain - he is noticeably tall and menacing, he was a powerful leader figure in Healing Church like Ludwig, he has a lot of mystery to his character as to why he uses Pthumerian magic and shares theme with Queen Yharnam (and as follows, why would he turn against a kindred clan/bloodline?), and what he discovered that made him gatekeep it? Besides, there is a translation mistake calling an item 'Skull of a Saint' something else - 'Sage's Hair', and when I discovered the proper description ( x ), I realised there is a big implication that following Healing Church's saints were wearing crowns after his raid on Cainhurst - both to honor him and to boast about having thrown the local monarchy!
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This is just very odd that Logarius was a pioneer of the delusion about exterminating 'impurity', and managed to hit da briks before he became hated and showed true nature of his pursuit - unlike poor Ludwig that presumably had better intentions and less freedom to see through WHAT was guiding him, yet fought long enough to become accursed by everyone. It is UNFAIR. But Logarius is such an important element in the system, as a trend-setter rather than people brainwashed into following Church's agenda! Willem is never addressed for messing with unknown too, Logarius is never addressed for being ideal inspirer of hate and murder... Guess the REAL martyr here is Laurence every time! xD
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Alfred is also a hard one for me, as for someone from the country that actively fabricates history facts, encourages distrust to outer information and ignorance, and just straight up lies with agenda. Like, sure, I am familiar with how easy average person can fall for a narrative - and how easy it is to discourage any skepticism and critical thinking before it formed. If anything, I pity him.
But I've grown to feel even more tense about this character when I reflected on the fact that he is SO eager to exterminate the 'enemy' that he goes after ones who can't even CAUSE any harm (he wants to kill Annalise who is absolutely defeated and defenceless, and he is the only summon in Old Yharnam where beasts that won't go outside live). There is a difference between trying to protect people from the possible threats (since whether vilebloods DO have cursed magic effect is up to interpretation) and "cleansing" the world from anyone affiliated Just Because. I've been doing Adella dirty for a long time calling her 'female Alfred' and I had since took it back because she at least gives Arianna a 'chance' as long as she doesn't share her blood that Adella's religion forbids. Not even one - she did the "three strikes and you're out"! Alfred is ruthless tho, in a very uncomfortable way, but it took me some unpleasant experiences to SEE truth about him. I think that no matter how far up you are in a religion, but whether you have a braincell to extend minimal reasoning about WHY you are fighting the 'bad guys' is on the individual and not on the source of this brainwashing, and Alfred fails this test.
That being said, he is still an interesting character, and I really love his unique appearance! His nose is a whole BEAK xD /pos I also headcanon that Alfred never met Logarius in person and his bond with him is parasocial, based on admiring the great person of the past upon feeling like he 'knows' him! The same applies for my versions of Amelia/Emilia and Laurence!
The rest of the topics are going under cut!
Ideas for Bloodborne 2 👀
Honestly, I think the best one I've seen executing the concept was HollarityArt in their contribution for Vaati's Bloodborne 2 concepts contest! Here is the link on Twit with their concepts: ( x ).
I have very little ideas on this but I agree that part 2 would be the best placed in sea/ocean setting! But the MOST tricky thing about the sequel would be that one of the potential Bloodborne endings is our Hunter becoming the new Great One that governs the cycle, instead of Flora. And another one is them replacing Gehrman. So the sequel must deal with addressing how no matter WHICH ending player had in Bloodborne, it didn't matter! Basically, something should happen with Hunter's Dream or the current Moon Presence that would leave any ending still palatable. So, addressing the current 'queen' Great One would result in the cycle still ongoing (aka our Hunter as Great One inflicting the same cycle, so it is not possible to pin whether Flora is still active or Hunter is). And, sure, for some reason, the Hunter's Dream is broken, just so we could not see our Hunter from previous game. This is extremely depressing, but feels in the spirit of From's games.
What From would need to do with Bloodborne 2 is to add information that doesn't quite confirm or deny exist fan theories, but instead adds more to WORK with! And creates MORE questions. So, reveal extra details about what we see in Bloodborne, but in a way that didn't answer the question. As in 'yeah there was a Great One counterpart for Flora', 'yeah there was someone in Isz that did birth Ebrietas as little celestial larvae many centuries ago, here is her statue and nothing else', 'yeah look at the ruins of the waking world version of Fishing Hamlet' etc. Some characters I think should reappear but in a way that feels expected while also not REALLY telling us anything new. So, Queen Yharnam not in the wedding dress, Gehrman functioning like his hunter self (like I said, Hunter's Dream should get broken), Maria having her recollected memory from when she was a caretaker of Research Hall, Adeline in a Kin form somewhere in a secret nook of Sea location (presume she ascended with or without Paleblood Hunter).
I like the idea that Yharnam in the sequel is a ghost town that has no messenger lamps or huntsmen, only rare NPCs and enemies who are largely people and/or Kin of the type we haven't seen before. Yharnam would have a bigger layout that makes much more sense geographically, some buildings and areas would look notably different if not more civilised. So that'd return the question whether Yharnam we play in even WAS real or this sequel Yharnam simply the same but changed from the last time, so people can argue whether this Yharnam is "real" and not "dreamed" one or developers simply improved their mapping and designing skills xD Maria would be able to travel there with us by waking up in the body of the Doll that still stayed in Old Workshop, and many people in Yharnam would act hostile towards both her and the player; later in the plot turns out that Hunter's Dream breaking was the result of external powers, and roaming people and unfamiliar Kin work together and target to remove the traces of influence from Stars and Moon! They'd be more alien Kin that urged to help with grasp of Flora and Fauna had on the Earth and its mortals, but in reality more or less want to establish their order. But protesting them would restart the cycle of vices of humanity, so... yeah, again, the game would be depressing and point out how there is no choice, only diverse ways to suck.
I also think the next game should extend beyond Yharnam, and using a ship to travel between locations would be a cool idea! Maybe getting to visit Valtr's home, or whatever Loran is now. @val-of-the-north had an idea that there is a legit country known as New Loran, but it would reveal more about history and heritage than just a bunch of electric beasts and sand. If I try to describe more concepts I might get really sucked into this swamp, so I'll leave it be here, but meeting relatives of some characters we've known would be great too! I always have this image in my head about Valtr's niece that heard he chased some monster and never came back, so we meet her when she is an adult that wanted to investigate on the mystery of her uncle. Also learning more about the fuckery Micolash and Laurence did do in the past through item descriptions; again, in a way that actually doesn't disrupt anything, more like 'well we already knew they had to commit a lot of crimes, we just now know the details'. The war criminals are still here in spirit! xD
What do you think about Hemwick being connected to Cainhurst?
Well, I said that sometime before, but I do think that both Cainhurst nobles and Hemwick are mixed human+pthumerian (and sometimes just human) descendants that preserved a lot of practices from ancient Pthumerian civilisations... and matriarchal traditions, too. They have different practices, as Vilebloods use blood magic and consume blood for power, whereas Witches use magical binding rituals, necromancy and disturbing tools as well. Ironic that they had 'Blood vs Eyes' conflict of Blood vs Arcane Healing Church factions before it was cool, don't you think?
Yharnam used to be monarchy but so many foreigners and neighbouring cities rubbed in on the area, that they became practically equal with higher class Yharnam citizens, and had to count people like Willem as equal. Maybe if Healing Church didn't form so swiftly, Yharnam would never have a mayor. But yeah, basically, Witches were something of peasants in relation to Cainhurst nobles. But they cooperated enough, and Witches would often offer medical help to the nobles who entered trouble with the curse living within their blood, or struggled to control pyromancy upon first periods. Witches maybe lived in poverty and dirt without much convenience, down to having to pay taxes TO Cainhurst, but they have unspoken knowledge within themselves that they are, in fact, superior to the nobles, as they have better grasp on the arcane secrets and are waaaaay less helpless before supernatural. I believe Iosefka and Fauxsefka are from Cainhurst, and Witches were how Iosefka studied ways to purify the blood from Frenzy + Beasthood inducing effects. Why that practice never picked up? Because we live in a society, indeed.
Talk about Gilbert!! I never get to see you chat about him! Lil guy!
Ahhhh right! I just didn't have much reason I guess? I do have a face design for him, that features some facial skewing like many Yharnamites have!
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Like his beasthood form suggests, he was afflicted with Ashen Blood, which I believe was not a planned action but an honest mistake by using the blood of a poisoned beast (Blood-Starved Beast crucified in Old Yharnam). However, back in the day where Yharnam was not quarantined away from the rest of the world (to the point you are not supposed to SURVIVE being there if you never had holy blood transfusion), there were plenty of people picking stuff up and illegally selling it abroad. @val-of-the-north has an idea that Valtr and his friends caught one of such groups, just when one of them transformed into a beast upon getting too much of his own "medicine" and I stealeded it xD
But Gilbert I think was a victim of one of such things, contracting Ashen Blood by consuming a poisoned "medicine". He never was able to connect the dots between getting worse after it as someone who already had his own illnesses. The more I learn about Victorian era, the more I realise how shockingly ignorant they were about medicine. I mean, they were having mercury pills for god knows how long! So, yeah, he saught Yharnam, and naturally had his strange sympthomes sustained by consuming the blood as someone who got beasthood 'activated'.
I like to think that he used to be a hatter, and it WAS what made him sick initially; they were number 1 victims for mercury poisoning, because of the materials used in their craft. However, it were not just hats that he could do well, and after arriving in Yharnam, he gladly worked to produce more clothes, sewing mostly Yharnam Hunter garbs obsessively! And is one of the rarest people who met Ludwig in person and is still around AND sane! Hence how he had his Flamethrower - the Healing Church shared one with him to help him to self-defend. But, he was out of use and got too sick before he got to kill even one. Being bedridden, he used to read books a lot, until his eyesight got afflicted too (apparently beasthood attacks the eyes the most), so he mostly entertains himself with fantasies and reciting memories.
Ideas on Arianna’s backstory!
Heh, like I said already, I love the idea that her mother ran with her from Cainhurst when Arianna was still a baby, so she never GOT to know the noble life. But, she did inherit her mother's noble dress, and vague idea about their blood being special enough to offer to the hunters. I entertain the idea that Alfred was Arianna's brother but had to be abandoned since he was older and their mother could only care for one child in the hard situation, but it is up in the air.
In either case, Arianna's mother died soon(ish), most likely from violent death. But instead of some Church fanatic killing her in "righteous" wrath, it was that her mother went insane unable to consume queen's blood or find any management for it, so she, like... had Vileblood version of becoming blood-drunk and was shot before she transformed into a bloodlicker completely. When she was about to turn on her own daughter to drink her blood dry, no less! The hunter that saved Arianna was Henryk, who picked every other orphaned child under his protection because he was aware Choir takes orphans and they are never seen again. I swear, at least once Choir had to confront him about whether his children are all 'really' his, and Valtr had to wear a dress and pretend to be their biological bother dsjfhdsfdsh
But for the most part he was not able to properly care for his adopted babies; Viola was exceptional case that stayed close enough. Most of the orphans under his protection were wandering around looking for their purpose, and Arianna was like this. She clinged to Crow of Cainhurst, trusting him as the only remaining hook with her Cainhurst past, but he did not feel qualified or interested enough to play a dad for her - something he regretted upon meeting Arianna again years later and seeing WHAT she has to do to survive.
I also think that Arianna reacting on female Hunter differently is not a homophobia (?) internalised in Yharnam, but remains of her mom teaching her that women are "superior"; she speaks from the standpoint that she doesn't pity men all that much, but would dread to 'dirty' a woman with something as questionable as a loveless sex. It is not something beyond her that men will be like animals, but she feels inferior compared to other women, and it really gets to her.
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Ideas on Adella’s backstory!
Likewise an orphaned person. When she reached puberty, she was this 👌 close to attempting to sell her body, like Arianna, before she managed to get herself a place in the Healing Church. It happened on the rift when Choir fell from uhhh... "grace"?, as well as the daughter of the current Vicar, Norbert/Herbert, turned into a celestial kin together with the children she was overseeing there. As result, he was compensating by picking up every other child/teenager and raising them within the Healing Church's walls like an actually good dad figure. He saw how Adella was doing and basically dragged her in (punching the old bastard that did want to use her on the way).
The decision to become a Blood Saint and not just part of the staff was her own, though; she bought the narrative about hunters being brave and protecting people while it was choking out its dying breaths but still existing. So, she wanted to help people.
Localisation slightly messed this up, by making it sound as though Adella has severe insecurities regarding the quality of her blood, but that's not quite the case:
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Whereas the religious 'we all must admit we are sinful by nature and should bash ourselves all of our lives' vibe might apply, within the original context it seems to be that she is insecure about having to do it in 'battlefield' conditions rather than in the setting of great religious reverence it SHOULD be. Like, all she does is extracts her own blood in a vial. She only talks with us in Yahar'gul if we convince her we are Healing Church staff too; so, she still thinks we ARE one of their hunters. It seems like internal Healing Church rules about 'proper' blood sharing are what makes her feel "vulgar", not her blood overall.
Adella mentions a friend she could possibly turn to during the night of the hunt if we refuse to tell her of the safe place, and I made it be a person you pick black church garb from in the alley where Arianna is. It is a shrodinger character, of course, because it is a gendered set, but I default all sets to 'male' because default Paleblood Hunter is some guy with grey hair and I love using this as "official" option! The window NPCs in this area mention "thanking" the Church in a rather passive-aggressive and fake manner, that makes me feel like the guy was killed here out of spite. I think he is Adella's EX that she still keeps clinging to, and... well, he was in this area because he wanted to help Arianna by telling her of a safe place, as he had a bad feeling about this night. Again, irony.
What would a Discord with the original Byrgenwerth scholar gang look like?? xD
Pfffft you mean if they made a small group Discord server for familiar people only? Laurence would be a moderator, that nobody asked for, because it is a small (mostly) closed Discord group and not an official server... But he'd insist on bringing some discipline and civility anyway.
Server would have expected standard channels for drawings, research notes, general chat, jokes/memes, debates, Rom's (daily) pictures of the bugs and spiders, vent and announcements... Except, they would have to create more and more debate channels all the time, because every time it'd be either Caryll and Laurence, or Micolash and Julie cluttering the debate channel so much and refusing to stop. xD Like, they'd have to spawn new debate channels just so other people could have a talk too sdfhhdfds
Damian would share health / self-care advices regularly, like "don't forget to hydrate!" or "10 advices to avoid studying burn out!" and tell others to stay safe and not overwork. Unfortunately, nobody follows his advices. He also always answers everyone in vent channel.
Rom tends to overwhelm any channel when she is online by spamming whatever she is thinking about, but nobody tries to stop her because she tends to accidentally drop something useful, like a solution to the homework, or a significant breakthrough. They have a locked channel accessible for everyone except for Rom and Yurie/Julie, where they discuss Rom's ramblings as they happen and decide what to take from her without credit :(
Micolash sometimes has mad ramblings, similar to Rom but HIS are unhinged and genuinely creepy and disturbing. They have a locked channel accessible for everyone except for Micolash, Damian and Rom, where they laugh at his wording or mock how weird he is :(
Patches is only active in the server to promote the shit he's selling or questionable links, but if anyone gets scammed and calls him out on the server, he gaslights them that he did them all a favour and showed with a concrete example how important it is to know basics of the internet safety xD And might accept their apology for getting mad at him, if he's feeling nice fhshfdhsfds
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Thank you for asking! It was a trip dshfhds
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reel-fear · 1 year ago
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You know another theme I love writing is like... Broken families, not like broken as in divorce but the feeling of like, a family who seems to be beyond repair.
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appelsiinilight · 4 months ago
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Except it is absolutely not just "practical cuts" (as opposed to what kind of cuts??) and "lining up the right movements", actually! It IS, like, CGI effects.
As an example, this behind-the-scenes video shows the work that went into the turning-into-a-pumpkin trick. Yes, he starts by filming himself jumping, and then films a pumpkin falling, and then matches the shots together...
And then edits elements of both videos together so that the pumpkin fades in over him and so that his limbs tuck into it as it falls, which would take someone at my skill level at least five hours, but I assume he's quite a lot faster. He also edits in the pumkins scattered around him in the video. They weren't in the videos he filmed. He did that on a computer.
Here's a more in-depth explanation of his editing process, by himself:
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"oh well that's still all practical and not cgi-" here's part 1 of 4 of mandatory course material on what is or isn't cgi, by an industry professional
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Collection of me turning into random objects
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kasarian · 1 month ago
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im glad to be friends with one person who at least gets me and is so very patient with me even tho we dont talk much bc of timezones because if not i wouldve been worst off. recently been reaffirmed again and again that the world will keep blaming me for things i never did and will nitpick me of my mistakes because i forgot left something a mess after my routine of cleaning consistently or something like that.
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probablyasocialecologist · 2 months ago
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All the takes are correct and yet they also miss the point. Yes, it was insane for the Democrats to think they could win by running a soulless candidate, without a shred of progressive policy vision, pursuing endorsements from neocon war-hawks everybody hates, while arming and funding a genocide, and belittling and crushing those who have enough morality to protest it. It is enraging that the Democrats are so smug and blind to this. But these are all just symptoms. The deeper reality is that liberalism has failed, liberalism is dead, and people urgently need to wake up to this fact and respond accordingly. It is a defunct ideology that cannot offer any meaningful solutions to our social and ecological crises and it must be abandoned. Democrats have proven over and over again that they cannot accept even basic steps like public healthcare, affordable housing, and a public job guarantee - things that would dramatically improve the material, social and political conditions of the working classes. And they cannot accept a public finance strategy that would steer production away from fossil fuels and toward green transition to give us a shot at a liveable future. Why? Because these things run against the objectives of capital accumulation. And for liberals capital is sacrosanct. They will do whatever it takes to ensure elite accumulation, it is their only consistent commitment. At home, they suppress and demonize progressive and socialist tendencies. Abroad, they engage in endless wars and violence to suppress input prices in the global South and prevent any possibility of sovereign economic development. The Democrats have done all this purposefully and knowingly, for my whole life, not as some kind of "mistake" but in full consciousness that it is in the interests of capital. And because liberalism cannot address our crises, and because it crushes socialist alternatives, it inevitably paves the way for right-wing populism. They know this pattern, and yet they risk it every time - this election being only the most recent example. They did it in 2016, when they actively crushed the Sanders campaign and sent Trump to the White House. They do it because ultimately they (and I mean the liberal ruling class here) don't really mind if fascists take power, so long as the latter too ensure the conditions for capital accumulation. They 100% prefer this to the possibility of a socialist alternative. So, progressives have to face reality. The dream of "converting" the Democratic party is dead. This is now a fact and it must be accepted. The only option is to build a mass-based movement that can reclaim the working classes and mobilize a political vehicle that can integrate disparate progressive struggles into a unified and formidable political force and achieve substantive transformation. This will take real work, actual organizing, but it must be done and that process must begin now.
Jason Hickel
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celestialmancer · 6 months ago
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⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;
#this is a fucking vent so just gnore the venty ass tags but i have nowhere else to place this that feels safe other than just.#shouting into a void where no one hears. aka here ig.#bc its better i shout into a void alone than drag others down with me somehow—i dont. know#regardless… i’m just… i dont know what to think.#things are really bad lately & i’m struggling again to stop myself from sh utting down every time i try being vulnerable & opening up.#i keep clamming up & letting my mind take the reins when it tells me to just erase anything i say. to not open up.#to swallow every single emotion & experience that’s hurting me & let that poison kill me slowly instead. deal with it alone#because it feels like its wrong to open up. like its wrong to say anything. like me being open is just.#me being a fucking burden or something. i don’t know. i shouldn’t be like this. i’m supposed to be fucking better than t his.#what the fuck happened to the version of myself that could just keep suppressing & suppressing & not being a goddamn thorn in ppl’s sides.#esp bc all the things i’m having a difficult / painful time with is all fucking trigger heavy shit or things that i just don’t.#fucking know what to do with anymore because its not shit within my control.#a lot of it’s shit im still just processing that has hurt a lot & havingg to cope w that grief alone.#but then there’s also other circumtances too that are hard to navigate & my BPD having a field day w me in recent history too#i don’t know what the fuck is wrong w me at this point. & im scared & i can’t stand being fucking alone in this shit yet.#i feel like i have to. i have to. i have to. beccause this is my own issue & to dare express anything is me just. using ppl isn’t it.#that’s all it is right. & besides how many times has it been proven that ppl get sick of me for not being okay.#how many times have ppl walked away because they realize im just some fucking deadweight emotionally or something. id on’t fucking know.#am i spiraling? who fucking knows! maybe! because im fucking tired of what my life has been in general & im. overwhelmed.#overwhelmed by existence itself i fucking guess & what its meant for me overwhelmed by expectations overwhelmed by vulnerability thats just.#bleeding out through the fucking cracks of this fucking mess of a person i am.#& constantly fucking afraid that im just. too much. too much. too much for anyone.#too emotional in fucking general too intense too overwhelming for others regardless if its overwhelming them via pos or neg emotions.#afraid im going to get discarded afraid of what’s to come afraid in fucking general. fear & grief & pain & rage & hatred &.#desperation to feel anything other than this & desperation to feel loved thats got me having rly foul compulsions too#all my emotions feel like some kind of fuckihng hairtrigger & its hard to stop it in fucking general. i dont fucking know. & like i said it.#feels like shit to deal with completely alone. not bc i wanna deal with alone but bc i /have/ to bc if i dont then im just. a problem. or.#i dont know. im tired of everything tired of my emotions tired of this life tired of all that ive had to face up til this point & tired of.#fear & idk how to handle things alone anymore. my friends deserve better than this emotional burden i am to be around ig.#it feels so much like i have to apologize to those i befriend for being. well. this. for all of me & for being ‘too much’ in general.
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soyoursoulisgreen · 6 months ago
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Fanfic Ratings!: - Time Loops - Soulmates - Monster AUs (half/all the ship is mermaids, dragons, demons, whatever)
Time Loops: B! I really really enjoy time loops, I just don't spend much time Reading them - which I might change actually 👀 There's a lot of potential in them, and I like them best when they're taken in a weird direction, like subverting other common tropes like "The power of love/friendship will save you" or doing everything perfect etc., etc. But I also like when those happen too! :3
Soulmates: D - I have a lot of strong opinions about soulmates as a concept which basically boil down to This Would Change A Lot of Things about the World, and if that's not worldbuilt into the story, I'm not interested. If it's just a singular/ethereal/unproven soulmates thing like the Red Thread? All over that lol, but it's more set dressing than Plot if you get me. Things like first word-tattoos, or hearing your soulmates' thoughts, or feeling what they feel, or yes Omegaverse true pairs - full of potential! But I don't! Like it! Generally!! I think it's that I feel icky about One Person Ever (abusive True Pairs really turned me off of Omegaverse), maybe if I hunt down some polygamous Soulmates I'll feel better about it lol
Monster AU: A - I love monsters! ♥ Of all kinds! I have a lot of faves in this category (I'm also including aliens in this because - apart from the obvious lol - I really enjoy non-human alien pairings :D Bug aliens are some of my favourites ♪), including monster/monster! I haven't read it for a while but there's one that's a drider/mermaid pair and they're super cute <3 I also like when the monster is a manifestation of self-something-negative and turns into self-love hehe ♥
#Woah an original post#Ask#Ask me#Fanfiction writers are so cool they can look at a trope and be like I Am Going to play this Completely Straight#And then that same person or a different person can be like I Am Going to Turn This On Its Head#How cool ♪#Uh oh tho my trapcard of soulmates lol#I wrote the outline for a soulmate concept at one point and it completely changed the biology of the human-adjacents#I haven't picked it up for a while so I don't remember much but it made for a very clear divide between Paired and Unpaired people#I dunno there's just - it's probably also the amatonormativity as well that just kinda squicks me out lol#Aroace people already aren't treated well in a world where soulmates Aren't Proven!! What would it be like for them there :(#I think it would be worse I do Not imagine a queer utopia in a world where Soulmates Happen#A magic class divide with external signifiers - people would be discriminated against and jfkdlsafd#The ships being cute and the harmless fun or even interesting consequences get a bit overshadowed in my mind :')#Again just gotta go looking for a version that resonates with me ig haha#I don't know what I'd do to fix those problems for me - if I knew I'd make it! But I haven't found it yet#And then monsterfuckers hehehe <3 That one's easy!#Although I also have my own issues with it but that's a me thing lol - for other people it's wonderful and perfect and I love it!#Sneaking in my selfcest agenda in there as well lol#The potentials are limitless! Hehe <3#Ty for the ask :D Fun!! <3
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red-dyed-sarumane · 7 months ago
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no one touch me this is all im going to listen to for the foreseeable future magu has done it again this fucks so hard
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smol-tired-binch-blog · 8 months ago
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*head in hands* oh God my parental issues affect my view of Kiryu
#it feels so DUMB and CLICHE like is it not enough for me to fully understand this man and why he does what he does and the fact that it#always comes from a good place and yet his actions nearly ALWAYS hurt those around him so it makes me irratated with him. Is it not enough#for him to be a mirror that reflects back at me and reminds me of everything I hate about myself? Is that not enough?#Noooo I have to go and care about Haruka more than the writers do so what I see is a girl who wants stability and who loves her father#who tries to be like 'im always here for you you can always count on me' but in practice is distant and leaves her to struggle alone#the one man she always knows will be there is the same man she can count in to never be there. his actions being fuelled by love and his ow#untreated issues somehow don't dull the pain but they do make you think you should be grateful for what you have and don't be harsh#It is at this point I May Be Projecting but always I'm correct. Anyway their relationship isn't 100% me n my dad ofc#I wouldn't even say we're both LIKE the characters but I'm seeing the threads. I'm seeing the reflection. I dont like it dnbmhfgndgdn#smol speaks#once again life would be easier if I JUST hated Kiryu but he makes it very difficult to do so but he also makes it difficult to like him#He's so fuckin stupid. But also his upbringing sucked. His views of the world and how he's 'supposed' to act clash with his inherent desire#and nature to be selfless and help others. Trying to prove to himself and others a 'true yakuza' is some beacon of honour#the people's champion. imo he is proven wrong time and time again but he refuses to hear it. At what point does it stop being a case of#standing your ground an act worthy of respect but then becomes bullheaded stupidity#selflessness into selfishness. courage into idiocy. love into hurt. fuck off Kiryu. get some help. you have it#smol plays yakuza
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orchidbreezefc · 8 months ago
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ok. years have passed and we've had some distance, so i'm finally gonna take the leap of faith that tma fandom is finally ready to hear me on this. let's talk about tannins.
161 was the first tma episode i heard on early release, and i felt the bit where martin declines wine and cites tannins was pretty obvious in its implications. cool, got it, say no more.
imagine my surprise when i was one of maybe three people i saw read between the lines there, in a fandom famous for red stringing--a fandom that immediately caught the much less obvious thread of ignition sources in the same episode. i'll spell it out: alcohol is an issue for martin.
maybe it just felt obvious because addiction is a pet issue for me--as it is for jonny, who has said everything he writes is filtered through a lens of addiction. i don't know if that's due to his own experience or a loved one's, and i won't speculate; i also don't know if martin personally struggled with drinking or just avoids it for fear he would, but alcohol would fit what we know of his family. his dad walking out and his mum spiralling into bitter wallowing and verbal abuse? i'd bet one or both of them drank, yeah.
on a basic level martin tries to decline alcohol, and that alone should have raised eyebrows given what we know of martin and, again, a fandom that dissects everything. we already knew martin "K" blackwood lied about his personal life and his family in particular, especially pre-canon, which is when this flashback took place. i was shocked that everyone took his flimsy excuse at face value with no further questions.
and the excuse is flimsy. martin turns down wine by--nervously--exclaiming tannins are "a proven headache trigger!" which sounds like trivia from a magazine cover and not the words of someone who actually has headaches--and it hasn't come up before or since. jon, confused, points out that tea, a drink martin consumes to a degree that is memetic both in- and out-of-universe, also contains tannins, and martin squawks a panicked, "what?!"
if tannins are enough of a concern for martin that he knew they're in wine and so avoids it, why didn't he know they're in his drink of choice? why does he still drink tea at the time of canon, and why doesn't he struggle with constant headaches from consuming 'a proven headache trigger' day in and day out? why, indeed, would someone avoid wine and not tea?
when sasha insists martin drink he caves and agrees to 'just a drop'. i imagine him pouring it in a plant, which admittedly he could have done if tannins really were the issue. i will say that i, for one, would be less likely to falsely agree to something that makes me physically ill than to a private issue that i'd rather not be pressed on any further. this scene also establishes martin's birthday was an ice cream party instead of the more traditional visit to a pub.
also, this scene was in the first episode of the final season, as one of three flashbacks that could have been to any pre-canon event in the archives. prime narrative real estate. not really time one would waste on establishing the important character context that martin has... headaches. which never comes up before or after, even regarding the week he spent in spiral town. but you know what is pretty crucial character background...?
it felt like a no-brainer, and yet all i saw was h/c fluff about jon attending to martin's headaches. and i hate feeling bitter about disability representation. i want folks with chronic headaches to feel seen and have fluffy escapist fantasies. i don't want to be mad about people portraying a character with a disability. but, guys? you got the wrong disability. jonny sent a clear message, and it went over fandom's head.
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Breakfast Time
My son’s stuck in a time loop again.
He thinks I don’t know, of course. He’s never told me that this happens to him (or that he can do this, possibly; I’m not sure which it is.) Maybe I’m a bad mother, if I haven’t proven myself worthy of that trust. But there is only so many times that one can watch their son trudge through a day with bored impatience, anticipating everything you say just a little too quickly and showing no surprise to even the most surprising event, and then come downstairs the next day disoriented but rejuvenated and with a new zest for life and a tendency to get blindsided by even the most predictable things, before one makes the obvious connection.
I don’t think he’s lived through this day too many times yet, because he’s not frustrated by my good morning joke but not surprised by the monster attack being announced on the news. He eats his toast makes polite conversation that sounds just a little too rote until his sister comes down, and he puts his toast down in that distinctive way that make her eyes widen in sudden realisation, a reaction I never would have noticed if I wasn’t looking for it. He told her about three time loops ago, I think, although it might’ve been earlier and I just never noticed the signal until then. I make sure to keep the smile on my face as I push a plate of toast towards her.
The thing on the news is some kind of flying beast, and my son’s eyes don’t leave the TV screen. I expect that calm, solid determination that I usually see in his expression on days like this, but instead he watches it only with a wary sort of calculation. I suppress a sigh – it looks like I won’t be remembering today, then.
The pair exchange glances and look to me. “Hey, mum, I figured we should go to school early. We’ve both got these big tests coming up and – ”
“Yes, fine, whatever. Go.” I know what you’re thinking – obviously they’re off to do something dangerous, and obviously they’re far too young for this sort of thing, and obviously I shouldn’t enable this, and I’m a terrible parent for letting them run off to maybe get themselves killed someday. But I put this to you:
How, exactly, do you expect me to stop them?
As my son heads for the door, though, I almost stop him. I consider, not for the first time, just telling him what I know, what I’ve figured out, and asking him to explain everything, to say where he’s going and what he plans to do about that thing and if his sister is involved and if they at least have help, to put my mind at ease. I don’t, though. Because, logically… I must have done that before, right? In at least one of the countless days that never happened. I must have gotten worried or angry or just fed up with this ridiculous charade and told him that he wasn’t as good at hiding as he thought he was. He has to know that I know, right? And yet, he still chooses to let it play out like this.
Or, perhaps, he told me once. That must have happened, right? I must have been there to help, to patch his wounds and dry his tears and listen to him confess his fears or his worries or his regrets about this big responsibility, about whatever he’s doing out there. He must have told me, at some point, at least once, in one of those nonexistent days. And afterwards, he chose not to tell the me that stuck around. Meaning that I must have given him some reason to keep this secret.
What did I do to him? What did I say to him? How bad a confidante must I have been, that he chooses instead to keep me in the dark?
They leave, they ‘go to school early’, and I start on the dishes. As I wash my daughter’s breakfast crumbs away, the plate slips from my fingers and shatters on the tiles at my feet. I sigh, and turn to get a broom.
Then stop. Pick up all the other dirty plates. And shatter them, one by one, on the tiles.
Then I leave the mess behind me, pull a full tub of rocky road ice cream out of the freezer, and resolve to spend the day eating junk and watching youtube videos. After all, it’s not like it’s going to matter tomorrow, right?
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gay-dorito-dust · 1 month ago
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I see him in the back of my mind, all the time.
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This fic came to me in a dream, woke up crying.
You couldn’t help but feel abandoned, left behind to deal with the onslaught of emotions all by yourself as your eyes remained firmly on where Viktor once was before the arcane consumed him whole.
The war was over but the hollow feeling within your chest only grew stronger when seeing loved ones reunite in fits of hysterical tears and bone crushing embraces, the lump in your throat got worse as the ache in your heart had something missing, someone missing that made it beat faster than normal. There was nothing Viktor left behind of his existence besides from his cane that you kept tightly clutched within your hand, mimicking the way he’d love tap the ground with it, as though you were trying to prove to no one in particular who cared that he still exists.
Silent tears seemed to flow endlessly down your cheeks as you wandered through the hallways of the Academy, and yet you felt numb, cold like you were already long dead and didn’t know it just yet as even your fingers felt cold to the touch, but you didn’t know whether that was from the biting cold wind or something else entirely. You didn’t care either as your reason for caring and for loving every aspect of life was taken away from you, taking your beating heart with him as he did and you didn’t know whether to hate him or love him even harder for giving you the best moments of your life, memories that seemed to all play out before you as you entered the now empty laboratory.
You could still hear the laughter and the scolding echo as though the walls with complex equations scrawled upon them had harboured the essence of the people who once worked diligently to the point of physical exhaustion. Your throat clenched again you delved deeper into the lab with one place in mind like you were being pulled towards it by an unseen force; Viktor’s workbench that had now upon closer inspection had a fine layer of dust settling over it, something he would’ve never let happen despite the tendency to leave his things scattered everywhere he pleased but still become cutely annoyed when he couldn’t find them.
However there seemed to be one thing that the dust refused to touch, a broach. Your brows furrowed as you looked at it confused, what was a broach doing in a place like this? It looked like it was made a while back but yet had a polish to it that made it seemed like it was made only recently. You knew Viktor didn’t wear broaches so seeing such an item on his workbench specifically was leaving you more questions then answers, questions that were soon answered when you noticed a small note underneath it, scrawled with Viktor’s usual chicken scratch writing;
‘For my dearest muse, for I will always be with you, always - Viktor.’
You clutched the cane tighter now as the pain within your chest almost made you collapse on the floor. This broach was for you. Viktor made it for you and never had the chance to give it to you, or perhaps he was waiting for the right moment to do so, but fate decided to be cruel and change the trajectory of your life for the worst; the common con when you happened to fall in love with a scientist determined to make a change. You sighed unevenly as you reach for the broach, your fingers closing over the cold metal of it while gingerly lifting it off the workbench, holding it up to your face so that you could take in the details of Viktor’s most beautiful creation.
The broach had a decent weight to it, not too light where you could easily crush it within your hand, but not too hard where it was proven difficult in your hand for prolonged periods of time. It was beautifully done as on the front of the broach was a an intricate design of a mechanical Blue Jay bird. You ran your thumb across the bird to feel the engravings that made it beneath your finger tips. The bird began to glow a vibrant blue, making you jolt a little, and the broach opened up to show it’s insides to you as a soft melody began to play from some hidden component within the broach.
The moment the first notes of the soft melody hits your ears the tears that had stilled in you moment of curiosity began to fall once more, this was the song that you had told Viktor once upon a time ago was your favourite, and so for him to make you this broach with your favourite bird on the front and your beloved song on the inside, you’ve never felt more loved by a man such as him. Yet you couldn’t run to him and kiss him senseless, not anymore, which made the broach itself a reminder that even if he was long gone you were the last thing on his mind.
‘Oh Viktor.’ Your voice came out weak as a sob broke from your lips as memories resurfaced as the melody continued its tune just for you.
‘Viktor!’ You burst in the lab, making him jolt as he looked over at you with what he wanted to be conveyed as annoyance but came across as a cute pout in your eyes.
‘My dear how often must I tell you not to burst in here so abruptly and without warning, what if something went wrong and you had gotten hurt.’ Viktor scolds as you merely shrug and moved over to his side to look over his shoulder, trying to see what he was working on, only for him to move it slightly away from your line of sight.
‘We’re both alive aren’t we?’ You said sarcastically and Viktor sighs as a small smile graced his lips as his amber eyes looked back at you with the warmth you always use to being greeted with. ‘You truly fear nothing my love but the next time you pull sometime like that you’re banned from entering the lab for the rest of the week.’ He says warningly as he points his wielding tool at you to emphasise his point.
You leaned over to kiss his forehead. ‘Duly noted my love but can I see what you’re working on? Or is it a secret for me to find later?’ You then ask as you once again tried to see what he was making, and once again Viktor move it away from your curious eyes, making you pout once more as you looked at him pleadingly.
Viktor sighs, your curiosity was never ending and while he would indulge you on his creations, he couldn’t do so for this one. This broach was his most ambitious project thus far and it was a project he has dedicated to you a long time ago the moment you both sat at the docks, hearing a harmonious melody within the wind as you admitted that it was your favourite.
It was that moment where Viktor decided to make something that you could keep on your being forever and thus project blue jay broach was underway. He was halfway done with it, all he had to do was finished wielding some components on the inside that would play the melody the moment the broach was opened, then he would move onto engraving the blue jay on the front as a final touch to a months long work in progress. ‘Practice your patience and you shall find out what it is soon enough my muse.’ He says softly as he kisses the back of your hand.
‘Alright keeps your secrets, I’ll find out sooner or later.’ You said as you crossed your arms over your chest.
Viktor raised a playful brow. ‘Is that a threat or a promise my muse?’ He asks.
You shrugged your shoulders. ‘Why not both.’ You said and Viktor laughs which makes you smile in response, feeling your chest warm as you looked at him, vowing to treasure this beautiful man for the rest of your life.
‘I know it’s not much but I wanted to make you something…I know it’s not the best but-‘
‘I love it my muse.’ Viktor starts as he takes the gift off of your hand, cradling it within his own as he looked over the amateur wielding and more so at the love and effort you’ve put into making this just for him.
You looked between him and the bird that you’ve made for him on a whim one day, wanting to repay him for loving you as he did in a way he’d recognise, even if you weren’t familiar with it you’d give it a try just to see him smile that gorgeous smile of his that made his amber eyes seem to brighten.
‘Really? You mean that?’ You asked and Viktor brushed his hand against your arm softly, stopping to hold your hand and squeeze it reassuringly.
‘Unequivocally my love. It possess a uniqueness that is undoubtedly yours and yours alone.’ He replies while pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
‘That’s a poetic way of saying that it’s made by an amateur who can barely wield shit without almost hurting themselves.’ You muttered under your breath as you rested your head against his shoulder. Viktor chuckles as he puts aside the mechanical bird on his workbench in order to hold you against him as he rests his head atop of yours.
‘If it’s any consolation it’s a well made creation for an amateur wielder.’ He says, smiling to himself when he hears you muffled groan. He wishes to stay like this forever if he could, just have you in his arms for all of eternity until that eternity fades to nothing, and it was just you two locked in the moment in the blanket of never ending darkness.
‘I hate you.’ You say.
‘I love you too my muse.’ Viktor replies as he presses a kiss to the side of your head.
‘Viktor?’ You asked.
‘Yes my love?’ He replies, looking at you.
‘Do you think we’re together in every universe?’ You then looked at him, finding him more beautiful than any star that hung in the sky before you.
Viktor makes a face full of thought before letting his hand find yours, squeezing it as he presses a kiss to the back of it. ‘Of course my love, for what would I be without you to be my muse, my confidant and my anchor.’ His face then becomes one of seriousness as he leans so that his forehead touches yours. ‘Do you believe that we’re together in every universe?’
‘Without a doubt.’ You answered back, kissing his lips. ‘I don’t think I could live in a reality where you don’t exist my beautiful Viktor.’ You add as you started deeply into his amber eyes, watching them soften in relief as Viktor reciprocated your kiss with one of his own.
‘What a coincidence I was thinking the exact same thing my muse.’ Viktor whispers softly to you as he kisses you once more. You held the back of his head to keep him close as the stars watched you both display your love for one another in the most innocent way possible.
Mel wondered down the hallway but as she was about to pass the lab, she heard the soft melody coming from it and stopped to peek through the open doorway. Sat fast asleep on Viktor’s chair, body splayed uncomfortably across his dust covered workbench, was you and she couldn’t help but smile sympathetically for you, after all you had just lost the love of your life before your very eyes and with no plausible way of getting him back.
What was making the melody Mel did find as her eyes landed on the open broach within your hand, Viktor’s final gift to you as it hummed the melody for the fifth time. It was a beautiful song Mel thought to herself as she moved next to you, resting her hand over your shoulder as she heard you softly mutter in your sleep. ‘I’m sorry Viktor. I love you.’
‘I know he loves you too.’ Mel replied as she reached over and closed the broach in your hand, seeing the mechanical engraving on the cover as she did so before pressing a kiss to the top of your head, wanting nothing more then let you sleep and be with Viktor in the land of dreams as she moved to walk back out the door. Mel looks back at you once more and in a moment of nostalgia overcame her she saw Viktor sleeping in that very chair instead of you. He was clutching his cane the same way you did and in that moment it looked as though your hands were touching; together intertwined in the smallest of things.
Viktor would always be with you, always.
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simpee9000 · 2 months ago
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You Were A Dream ~T. Amajiki
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Blurb Idea Description : Tamaki was always shy, but with you? He was doing everything he never expected. All with his best friend's sister. it felt like the words cruel joke on him. Yet for you, it was all sunshine and rainbows. Word Count : 20k (Omfg) Warnings : Angst, Smut, First Times in all but home run (lmk if more)
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The past couple of days have been a headache. You had a presentation to do with Tamaki soon, yet all Mirio did while Tamaki was over was yap.
"Mirio," you rubbed at your temple. Head in your hands, elbows on the table.
"Yes?" he chirped, turning his attention off Tamaki.
"Can you please go?" you nodded your head in the direction of his room.
He gave you an odd look, "Why?"
You rolled your eyes. It was obvious he was trying to see why you wanted to be alone with Tamaki. It was obvious enough for Tamaki to shift uncomfortably. "I have a presentation to do, now please?"
"Why can't I sit on the couch?" he questioned, voice still cheery as he somewhat glared at you.
"All you're doing is distracting us, please? I don't want to have to go do this at a cafe or his apartment," you gave Tamaki an apologetic look for your insanely overprotective brother. He's known Tamaki since elementary school, there is no reason he shouldn't trust you alone.
"Alright," Mirio gave a look of distaste, "My door will be open, though!"
With your nuisance of a brother gone, with only the motion of him pointing two fingers at you, then his eyes, telling you he was watching you.
"Sorry," you mumbled to Tamaki, reshuffling your papers again so you could get back to work, "I don't know why he's like that."
"It's fine," his eyes were turned to the papers, not wanting to acknowledge anything.
"Maybe next time we should go to yours," you half-joked, but it was filled with hope, "Would keep us on task."
"Oh, um-" his eyes darted around the room, turning his eyes to Mirio's door, "I don't know-"
You laughed off his unwillingness, "I get it, don't worry."
"I just- I've never really had a girl in my apartment before," he whispered once he was sure Mirio wasn't listening. He didn't want the blonde to get any ideas.
"Really?" you looked at his embarrassed expression in shock, "What about Hado? Aren't you dating?"
"What?" he squeaked, "No! Y- Mirio is dating her."
"What?!" you hissed, "That's who's been over recently," you made a look in disgust.
"Do you not like her-"
"No, I love her- just I've heard things from his room," you cringed.
"Oh."
"I thought you were dating her-"
"No," he rushed.
You saw Mirio slip his head through the wall, "Mirio!"
"I couldn't hear you! Why are you guys being so quiet?" he eyed you.
"Tamaki just told me you're dating Hado!" you glared at him.
"Sorry!"
You shot Mirio a long glare before brushing off the conversation, saving it for later when Tamaki wasn't in the middle of it.
With how you went to school with them all, you were shocked you never knew they were dating. You always thought Hado and Tamaki were dating, blinded somewhat by how you thought Tamaki was unavailable. It was obvious Mirio was dating her. They spent lunch together and met each other parents officially. All the typical dating things.
The situation gave you a headache, so after only cleaning up a few slides to your presentation, you called in a night, saying goodbye to Tamaki so you could finally shower and sleep.
"Sis," Mirio called your attention after you were trying to step off to the bathroom.
"Hm?"
"Don't," he warned, odd to see off his usually happy personality, " do anything with him while I'm gone."
You huffed, "I have a project with him."
"Public places only," he crossed his arms, trying to give a stern lecture like your dad would.
"You're not Dad," you rolled your arms, matching how he crossed his arms, "plus, you know Tamaki, I don't get why you're weird about it."
"I still want to be in the know if you start talking like that," Mirio explained, "he's proven himself as a friend- I just don't know how I feel about him dating you."
"Oh my god," you groaned in embarrassment, "He doesn't see it like that."
"You don't know how guys think-"
"Shut up," you huffed.
"Hado thought I liked her as a friend too," he pointed out.
You caught onto the subject change, "When did you even start dating?"
"Once we graduated."
"Mirio! I haven't known for three years!"
"Sorry!"
"Oh, I can't wait till you're out of the country," you glared at him, annoyed at how he wanted to know everything but not tell everything.
"Hey!"
The break from him would be amazing. He'd be gone for god knows how long, and you'd finally have a breath of fresh air. With him out of the apartment, you'd have free range.
Only a couple of days. That's all you told yourself when he was bugging you and Tamaki while you were working.
When Mirio was finally gone, it felt like the best thing possible. You've lived with him since you were in the womb. You might be twins, but you weren't identical. He took after your dad mainly while you followed your mom's genetic line. Similar quirk, though.
Led you to spend almost every waking moment with him. Going to the same school, living very similar paths. Having all the same friends. Everything was always together, so you decided to continue that path and get an apartment together, feeling it'd be weird to be far away from dad without him.
You loved Mirio, but god was he a pain in the ass. He'd leave stuff everywhere, and god forbid he had a girl over. Anything you heard was against your will, and so was anything you saw. Now knowing it was all Hado made you gag. So, with him gone, you were free. Free to live in your apartment as if it was fully your own.
It led to nasty habits, and you'll admit it. Leaving dishes out longer, throwing clothes anywhere, and listening to TV way too loud late at night. It made you feel like you lived in the dorms again, your own private space.
Yet even with the freedom of him gone, you didn't want to move out quite yet. Though you told him you didn't want to leave home too quickly, the main reason was Tamaki. Something about him made you want to stick around a bit longer. You got along well, and he was one of your closest friends, but the main reason he was that close was because Mirio made it happen.
So you weren't going to move away from your main source to him.
Sometimes, your interactions with him made you feel delusional. Overthinking any interaction with him. Thinking he felt comfortable around you or that he looked at you softer.
You only had rare chances to see him one-on-one. Sure, you had work, but that only had team-ups every once in a while. You wanted to see him in a social but private setting that didn't work.
Even though they were rare, and Mirio wasn't home, you were assigned to work on an office presentation for your PR management. Tamaki and you were the cleanest PR heroes in your office, so they wanted you to work together to explain how to achieve that.
It was finally in the step you wanted, so you weren't going to listen to Mirio's warnings. You were just hopeful he didn't tell Tamaki the same out of kindness.
Yet now, before you were even ready, Tamaki was knocking at your door while you were fighting with your top to get over your head.
"You have a key, right?" you called out through your sweater.
"Yeah?" you heard his meep voice peak past the door.
"Come in, just give me two seconds!" you rushed out of view, determined to make yourself presentable as you tripped into the bathroom.
The sound of the door opening caught your attention once you got your shirt settled. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah!" you stepped out of the bathroom once you gave yourself a once over, completely out of breath from how much you rushed. You've spent the past two hours getting ready for him.
"Your face is red- are you sure you're doing okay?" he eyed you wearily.
"I'm fine," you smiled, stepping past him to get yourself a glass of water, "You excited about the presentation?" you joked while digging out your filtered water in the fridge.
"I-um was hoping you'd-"
"I know," you glanced at him, "I was joking."
"Oh."
You swallowed awkwardly. Normally, Mirio provided a filler for the two of you. "I'm excited to work with you, though, relieving to be paired with someone I actually know."
"Mhm," he rocked on his heels, looking around your apartment as if it was his first time there. Looking at it in a new light without Mirio in it.
You took a sip from your glass before making your way to the living room, grabbing your files from the counter as you walked. "Might as well throw ourselves into it," you spoke out loud as you started setting up papers in an orderly manner on the coffee table.
"Yeah," he mumbled, following your steps into the living room, and sitting down next to the coffee table before you.
With the idea of having the apartment to yourself, you hyped yourself together, wanting to make a move, even the slightest one, while Mirio was gone.
You went to sit down, strategically placing your hand on his shoulder to make it easier to sit down, "Sorry, bad knees," you joked off the casual touch, "Hero work makes you old."
His face flushed slightly, "I get it."
The delusional thoughts started kicking in again, scratching at the part of your brain that screamed that he liked you back.
"I can't believe we present tomorrow," you chose to dart to a conversation before your brain raced too far ahead.
"Yeah, I hope it goes well," Tamaki folded his hands in his lap.
"It will," you gave him a soft smile, "We have all the slides done. We just need to add some details. Honestly surprised we got anything done with Mirio around."
"Mhm," he agreed softly.
"Next time, we definitely have to go to your apartment," you turned away from his reaction, your words escaping your mouth before you thought.
You heard the fabric of his clothes shift as he shrugged, "If you want to- Not sure what Mirio would think."
Not willing to get into the headspace of your brother, you moved your focus to the presentation, "What do we add here?"
Tamaki shifted slightly, the idea of work clouding his anxious demeanor for a second as he leaned over your shoulder to explain the next step.
Close interactions happened between you often, even without a thought. It was something Mirio commented on often, but you only noticed without his extra presence.
You thought back to when Tamaki was sharing his favorite book, huddled over your shoulder as he helped you flip to his favorite chapter.
It's the main reason you thought he liked you.
So, with Mirio gone for the foreseeable future, you have to soak in the full glow of the interactions. Even during the first presentation of many.
"Suneater," you placed your hand on his bicep lightly, "Charted the amount of interviews and rates for us on this graph." You looked to the screen as you let your hand fall, ignoring his flustered look to continue the presentation.
You snuck in as many of those light interactions as possible without suspicion.
Clearly getting away with it when at the end of the presentation a sidekick you couldn't remember the name of, approached you.
"You can't believe all that," he said in a cocky tone.
"Hm?" you turned to face him, drawing your eyes away from where Tamaki stood.
"The public doesn't give you a good rating just because of your donations," he crossed his arms, "In your research, you had to of seen that half your voting audience is males."
Understanding the hostile tone, you crossed your arms as well, "How is that relevant to the presentation?"
"They only give good ratings because they view you as a perfect virgin."
You tried to hide back your look of disgust, "At least they-"
"Excuse me," Tamaki stood by your side, drawing all your agitation out of your expression, "I need to steal her for a moment."
"Well," the sidekick rolled his eyes and looked at you, "If you want to change it, you know where I work."
Now you wanted to gag.
"What did he mean?" Tamaki looked at you confused.
"Nothing," you waved off, "He's just the type of guy I don't want to be anywhere near."
"Oh," Tamaki looked in the direction of the guy.
"What did you need?" you looked up at him, getting rid of any irritation in the comfort of his presence.
"I was just trying to help you get out of that conversation," he admitted shyly.
"I looked that bad, huh?"
"Yeah- well no- Just looked grossed out," he fumbled over his words.
You shrugged, "I was, people like him give me a headache," you grabbed your bag and looked at your phone for the time. "Want to go to the bar? I'd love a drink or something to celebrate our first successful presentation." In honesty, this was nothing to celebrate, but any excuse worked.
"I don't know," he mumbled, face tinging red, "I'm not a huge bar person-"
"Then ramen?" you offered, placing a smile on your face at his slight rejection.
He eyed you carefully for a moment, "Sure- can we go to Fat Gum's?
"Of course," you gestured for him to lead the way.
Ramen was great, Tamaki gushed over how much he loved it but could rarely eat it. It had hardly any protein, so, therefore, nothing to fuel his quirk. He explained it thoroughly. Giving you a different light on how he functioned as a hero.
The two of you talked about all the small things of your lifestyle, filler conversation of what you didn't learn about him throughout the years. A deeper side to him other than just your brother's best friend.
You drank as you talked, buzzing yourselves with the warmth of alcohol. Though you've seen Tamaki drink before, it was easier to tell one-on-one that he was a lot more open when buzzed.
Neither of you was wasted or even touched the aspect of being drunk when you stepped into the warmth of your apartment.
"Thank you for walking me home," you smiled at him as you walked through the door.
"Mhm."
You walked into your kitchen, putting away your small amount of leftovers. "I'm glad we hung out," you mumbled into your fridge, "you know, one on one."
"Me too," he spoke softly.
"We should do it more often," you suggested as you stood up, trying to gauge his reaction.
He flushed slightly and nodded, "I'd like that."
Not wanting to scare him off, you moved onto why he came over, "So you said you've never seen the Silent Voice? It's so good." You turned your TV on.
Tamaki choked out noise and dragged your attention to him, seeing his eyes catch your couch before darting away. Matching his view, you caught your midnight blue bra tossed over the couch, something you missed because it blended into the black couch.
"Oh my god," you grabbed it quickly, throwing it near your room and trying to calm the embarrassment flooding your face. "Sorry, I forgot I left that there," you sighed, "You've probably seen plenty, no big deal," you whispered to yourself. Trying to steady the nerves from the realization that he saw your favorite bra, one you bought with him in mind. You felt bad about it after buying it, but once you tried it on, most guilt melted away.
He gulped, "I actually haven't, but um, it's fine."
You glance at him, curious, "Really?"
His head shook quickly, eyes avoiding you as he tried to casually sit down on the couch that definitely didn't have your bra on it moments ago.
"Not even the one support course girl? In the third year?"
"What?"
"The girl that was all on you."
"I've never dated anyone?" he flushed, trying to clean up the mixup, fumbling over his words.
"Oh, well," you blinked at him, you honestly thought he dated her. Or someone. You've seen all the looks they've shared. "You've had to of seen one in high school."
"Why?" he croaked out, clearly struggling with the conversation. He was probably only able to talk because of the alcohol.
"Tamaki, everyone was head over heels for you," you explain, hiding the jealously, "You didn't take up on any offer?"
"No-" he shook his head again, "I thought they were joking-"
"No," you laughed lightly.
"Oh."
"Did you ever kiss a girl?" You asked, now confused.
"No," he mumbled, embarrassed by every part of this conversation, "Didn't think anyone wanted me that way."
"Don't worry," you comforted, "I didn't do anything in high school either."
"Really?"
"Didn't have the time," you answered his unspoken question, sitting comfortably on the floor in front of the coffee table, "Besides, you and Mirio scared everyone away."
"How?"
"Mirio has a creepy friendly vibe to him-"
"How did I?" Tamaki rushed out after interrupting you.
"You're intimidating. Most thought you liked me or something," you laughed through the pain of him not.
"Oh."
"But if I did," you paused, "I would have been lucky if it was you," you spoke softly, trying to calm your own nerves as you looked at him. His face flushed as he tried to read into what you were saying.
"So you would-" he trailed off.
"If you'd let me," you laughed lightly.
His eyes flickered to your lips, watching over your body language to see if this was in any way a joke. You'd never, but you could regret this.
"Do you want to?" You mumbled, moving slightly closer to him.
He flinched for a moment, taking in the entire situation. Looking over how you anxiously tapped your thumb on the floor and you looked him over as well. His body relaxed slightly, shoulders slouching as he nodded.
Your eyes flickered between his eyes and his lips as you leaned in before you closed them, gently kissing Tamaki. A surge of excitement making you feel giddy, you've wanted this since you were 14, if not before that. And it was better than you expected and anyone else. While he was inexperienced, the emotions of it topped any other kiss you've had.
He briefly let his hand rest softly on your cheek before dropping it in shock at his own actions. Parting his lips from yours to catch his breath.
"I can't believe-"
A stupid ringtone filled the room, blaring off your phone.
When you moved to decline, Tamaki shook his head. Telling you to answer.
"What Mirio?" You asked, annoyed, staring at his bright face on Facetime.
"How was the presentation? I tried to ask Tamaki but he hasn't answered me," Mirio pondered.
Your eyes flashed to Tamaki.
"Is he with you?" Mirio got closer to his screen, looking over your surroundings.
Tamaki nodded at you. "Yeah, he's right next to me. He just walked me home from ramen."
"Ramen? You guys got Ramen together?"
"Yeah?"
"Like a date-"
"No."
You flashed Tamaki, an apologetic smile saying it wasn't a date.
"Mhm- okay," Mirio eyed you for a moment, "Works going great here too-"
Mirio continued to yap about what he's done so far, and how much he loves it all. Asking questions about your presentation before telling Tamaki to go home, so he did. With a flustered goodbye that left you embarrassed to have to talk to Mirio.
"Why do you still need to talk?" you asked when you returned back to your phone.
Mirio sighed, "Look- I don't want to spill Tamaki's secrets but-" he debated for a second, "I'm pretty sure he likes you-"
"What?" you uttered in disbelief.
"I'm only telling you because you're my sister- I don't want you getting his hopes up if you are not interested. I also want you to tell me about this stuff-"
"I don't have to tell you stuff," you mumble. If you ended up dating Tamaki, it'd be unlikely you'd tell him.
He frowned, "I know, just be careful with him?"
"How do you even know he likes me?"
"He's just more comfortable with you," he said honestly, "Don't let him know I told you. He needs to do things on his own time. But with me gone, I don't know how I feel about you guys hanging out one-on-one when he likes you."
"Thanks for telling me, but I'm not going to do anything with him," you said, telling the lie, acting as if you hadn't kissed Tamaki just before he called.
"Good."
You hung up the call, Taking a deep breath before throwing your phone on your bed in excitement. You were Tamaki's first kiss! You made him flustered- which was easy but you did it in a different sense. All great signs. And even Mirio thought he liked you!
Tonight will sit with you forever. You kissed two people before, but Tamaki was easily better. You were over the moon about it.
Adding an extra pep to your step as you went on with your week.
"You seem extra giddy lately," Hado looked over at you as she sipped her boba.
"Huh?" you thought over your actions.
"You got a certain aura to you," she smiled, "Wait!" she gasped, "Did you meet a boy?"
"What?" you paled, "No, I wish!"
She frowned, "Then what is it?"
"The presentation at work is going well- I don't know," you shrugged off poorly, getting away from the topic.
That conversation was one you thought nothing much of. Moving on with your days as you waited for Mirio to come home and ruin your fun and alone time with Tamaki.
When he did finally get home, he was as annoying as ever.
Bothering you when you were just getting a drink from the fridge.
"Sis," Mirio called to you from the living room.
You peeped your head out, seeing him and Tamaki sitting in the living room. Tamaki looking at his hands in his lap rather than at you. "What?" you walked into the living room, stopping to stand next to where Tamaki was sitting.
Mirio's eyes flickered between you too before settling on you, "My coworker asked about you."
"What about?" you asked, sensing Mirio would talk for longer you took a seat on the armrest next to Tamaki. Letting your leg fall and rest next to his. You tried to not act happy that he didn't move away.
"He thinks you're cute," Mirio smiled, "He asked me for your number."
You furrowed your brows, "A guy asked you for my number and you're fine with it?"
Mirio shrugged, "He seems nice, but has only been nice, I think you should give it a try."
"I don't know," you shifted uncomfortably, knocking your legs in Tamaki's causing him to look up at you. His eyes were covered with uncertainty that went away as soon as he shifted to look back down. "I don't think I'm interested."
"Come on, Hado said you wanted a boyfriend-"
You rolled your eyes, of course, she'd snitch or try to set you up. "Yeah, one I actually know, not some random guy you deem fit."
"Please," Mirio frowned, "You didn't like the other person I mentioned. I don't want you to be single forever-"
"I won't be," you huffed.
"Just think about it?"
"Fine."
You walked out of the living room and locked yourself in your room. Deciding to not step foot out of it tonight so you didn't get bugged to date this random guy.
Mirio has always been weird about your dating life. Somehow you avoided the discussion in high school but when you started living and working together, he'd interrupt any conversation you had with a guy. Trying to see if they were good enough.
He even did it with Tamaki, he watched any interaction you had with him. When obviously Tamaki has more than proven himself, Mirio still watches. It's weird.
So when you heard a faint knock at your door at 3 in the morning, you slowly opened it, unsurprised to see Tamaki standing there. (Mirio never knocks and if he does it's loud.)
"What's up?" you asked softly as you let him in, closing the door behind him so Mirio didn't get weird somehow.
Tamaki fidgeted with his hands, avoiding looking at you, "Um- earlier, Mirio said you wanted a boyfriend?"
"Yeah?" you dragged out, moving to sit on your bed and get comfy.
"It's not- you wouldn't date the guy he suggested right?"
You shrugged lightly, "I don't know, I don't want him bugging me."
Tamaki's eyes met yours nervously, "Did the other night not-"
You jumped to your feet, grabbing his hands in yours, "It did. Don't worry, I just- I want more? Like a relationship."
"Oh," he swallowed nervously, brushing his thumb over yours as he watched your hands, "If you let me- I'd want to be more?"
The feelings rushing through you were forcing a smile to your face, "Yeah?"
He looked up, "Yeah, will you-," he whispered an 'oh my god' as he choked over his words briefly, "Will you go on date with me?"
"Will I get another kiss?" you flirted, leaning into his body slightly.
His face shot bright red- "oh-um-I don't know."
"Time will tell then," you dismissed the topic, not wanting him to feel like there was an expectation.
Tamaki looked toward the door, "I should," he pointed to the door.
"That's probably for the best, you have my number so text me," you smiled at him. He gave a short nod before awkwardly leaving the room.
Him asking you out shocked you. Sure, Mirio told you he thought Tamaki liked you, but it was never confirmed. While you wanted to kill Hado for telling your brother you wanted a boyfriend, you are so fucking glad she did.
Because now, a week later, you were at ramen with him.
Fussing over work topics like normal before you started to get to know each other a little bit more. The last time you shared dinner felt like a practice date, so you're glad this one was similar. He mainly let you talk, but he shared his opinions and answered any questions. Asking his fair share of questions as well.
Even he ended the date by walking you home.
"I can't believe you haven't seen any of the hero movies from America," you feigned shock as you walked the hallway to the door of your apartment.
"Aren't they all just reenactments of actual heroes?"
"Well yeah- but they are still cool. You have to watch them with me," you stopped in front of the door, "It'll be our next date?"
His face brightened for a moment, previously filled with nerves since you left the restaurant. "If you want to- I have a nice TV," he indirectly invited you to his apartment.
"So," you rocked on your heels, waiting out the minutes before you had to go into you're apartment, "How should we end this one?"
Tamaki's eyes flashed to your lips, then to the door and back again, "You're not worried?"
"Mh, not really," you swayed into him, you've been waiting to kiss him again since you kissed the first time.
He gulped, "I don't know what I'm doing-"
"Tamaki," you spoke softly, "Just do what feels right."
His eyes flickered away for a moment before he settled back on you. "I want to," he confirmed. You only nodded again to give him the full go-ahead. Seeing him lean in slightly before you moved to meet him halfway. Missing his lips slightly with a small giggle, before he could pull away with embarrassment, you softly moved your hands to his cheeks. Directing his face to kiss his lips properly with yours this time.
You felt him smile into the kiss, your hands falling onto his shoulders and feel him relax in your hold.
"Okay," you whispered after pulling away, "I should get inside."
"Mhm," he hummed deeply.
"I'll see you soon, right?" You twisted the door handle.
"Yeah," his voice was deeper than before, his eyes more lidded. Clearly absorbed into the kiss you just shared.
"Okay," you giggled lightly, "goodnight.
"Goodnight."
Shutting that door behind you was difficult, a permanent smile smeared across your face. The budding relationship was good, and you could tell it'd stay that way.
"How was your date?"
You jumped, turning away from the door, "Jesus- Mirio you can't do that," you placed your hand on your heart.
"How was it?" he laughed off your scare.
"Good, he's super sweet," you said, giving your honest opinion, "I know I haven't been on many dates, but that's a permanent favorite."
Mirio smiled, "I'm glad, when do I get to meet him?"
You fumbled your words, forgetting you lied for a moment, "I don't know, I really just want the relationship to be between me and him for a while. Plus, I don't think he's ready for you to know."
"What? Why?" he asked, as if distraught.
"You're intimidating," you laughed, "you're not just number five hero for nothing."
"Is that why he's scared?"
You shrugged, "I haven't asked much."
"What's his name?"
"Aoto," you shot out a random name.
"His job?"
"He's a pro too."
"Great! Have I met him?"
"Maybe once or twice," you smiled as you turned away.
He stopped after too many questions. He did this after every single date you went on, and you went on many. Bingeing American movies between restaurant dates, and soon enough you were officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
Mirio constantly mentioned it, once you told him. Especially in front of Tamaki.
"How's your boyfriend?" Mirio asked when you stepped into his hero office.
"Huh?" you asked, sharing a look with Tamaki.
"We were talking relationships," Mirio stated as if that helped clear the question.
"He's good, I haven't gotten the chance to talk to him today," you took a seat next to Tamaki in the chairs Mirio had in his office.
"You have a date tonight right?" Mirio asked.
You rolled your eyes, "Yes, I've told you this."
Mirio ignored you, turning his attention to Tamaki, "You should get a girlfriend!"
"Huh?" Tamaki choked, ripping his eyes off you to look at Mirio.
"It'd be good for you to get out there."
"What's with you and setting people up?" you laughed at Mirio. The second he didn't have to pester you to date, he went to bug Tamaki.
"It'd be good for him," Mirio looked at you, turning to Tamaki, "Could help you get over some things."
"I- um actually," Tamaki shared a look with you, "I have a date tonight."
You panicked for a second, worried Mirio might connect things.
"Really?"
"I also- have a um- girlfriend-"
"What the fuck?" Mirio blinked in shock.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you- I was just trying to make sure things were actually happening," Tamaki blurted apologetically.
"It's fine- just wow," Mirio laughed, "I'm happy for you- I thought you liked someone else."
You smiled, knowing the meaning and knowing that it was true.
Mirio stopped torturing you guys like that after a while, letting your relationship together progress naturally all under his nose.
Even when Tamaki would come over, you'd get small moments alone together.
That was especially nice on the rough days.
With Mirio busy showering, you answered the door. Smiling softly at Tamaki's slightly surprised face.
"Hey," you mumbled, stepping slightly so he could come inside.
He furrowed his brows, "What's wrong?"
You looked over your shoulder, checking to see if Mirio somehow left the bathroom without you hearing. With the coast clear, you stepped into Tamaki's space, softly closing the door behind you to give an extra layer of privacy. Before you stretched your arms out for a hug, instantly pulled into his chest as he wrapped his arms around you.
"What happened?" he rested his chin on your head, squeezing you a little tighter.
"Just," you sighed out, "A bad day, no real reason." You answered truthfully, it was just an exhausting day.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, rubbing your back.
"It's fine," you buried your face into his shoulder, taking in the small smell of his cologne and smiling at the blush creeping up his neck. "How late are you staying tonight?" you asked.
"Not sure- why," he answered quietly.
"Well, I'd love to call you tonight before bed," you looked up at him, the two of you often called before going to sleep. You both shared a horrid sleeping schedule so you were able to call free of interruptions. Mainly sitting in silence and enjoying the presence of the other. And tonight was a night where you felt like you needed that.
"I'll be home before you go to sleep," Tamaki confirmed your plans instantly, clearly loving your routine together.
"Thank you," you mumbled, snuggled back into him, "I hate that you're so close but so far."
"I'm sorry," his shoulders slumped, clearly feeling guilty.
"Not your fault," you pulled back, looking up at him.
"I know," he mumbled sadly, looking down at you, "Just- I wish I didn't put you through this.
You shook your head, "it's worth it."
He looked at you softly, eyes practically shining as he looked at you, briefly falling to your lips before shooting back up to your eyes.
"Kiss?" you asked, sensing his idea that you knew he would be too embarrassed to ask. You did this each time, and it shocked him every time.
He nodded lightly, bending his head down to yours.
Giving you a light peck before you asked for more. Laying a light peck into a kiss into another kiss. Slowly kissing him over and over until you were softly making out against your apartment door, for the first time as well.
Your knees were weak as you moved your hands to rest on the back of his neck, keeping him close as the blood was rushing to your head.
The distinct background noise of your water pipe stopped, cluing you in that Mirio was done showering, so you pulled away.
"You should get inside before he asks questions," you smiled as you pulled away.
"Mhm," he nodded, face entirely flushed.
You ushered him inside, going into the kitchen while he made himself comfy on the couch, acting as if nothing happened, even though his entire face was painted red.
"You good Tamaki?" Mirio asked when he saw Tamaki's flushed expression.
"Uh- Yeah."
"You sure?"
Tamaki's eyes flashed to you for a second before he looked down.
"Do you not want her to hear?" Mirio pointed at you.
"No! No- it's not that- just um- my girlfriend just- um-"
"Ohhh," Mirio wiggled his eyebrows.
You poured yourself a drink as you watched Tamaki cover his face with a pillow. "Mirio, leave em alone," you laughed.
"I wanna know what she did, don't you?"
Tamaki just kept himself under the pillow, clearly miserable. "Probably just texted him that she loved him or something," you shrugged, trying to cover for him, and not wanting Mirio to question about it.
"Aw! Did she?" Mirio swooned.
The pillow was finally dropped from his face when he gave Mirio a nod, "Can we switch topics now?"
And switched topics they did. You went to your room and busied yourself, pretending that the hallway to your apartment didn't just become your favorite space, until Tamaki called and the two of you fell asleep together.
Small moments like that opened your attraction to him to a new light. Tamaki was truly always there for you. Any time you were upset, he kicked himself out of his anxious habits and helped you, it was truly the hero in him.
The two of you have always been close. With Mirio no longer supervising you hanging out, you were able to get even closer together and it meant the world to you.
You've always been curious about the type of person Tamaki was, and Mirio did not lie in the slightest. Tamaki was the most kind-hearted person you've ever met.
The interactions between friends made it obvious you were dating, but apparently everyone was blind.
"I can't believe you had a crush on All Might!" you shook with laughter after weakly slapping Hado.
She shrugged, taking a sip of her drink, "Shouldn't be surprising, I mean look at Mirio."
"Still! He's like 80," you cringed playfully, feeling the alcohol from the night buzzing under your skin.
Mirio was laughing next to Hado, poking fun along with you.
"Well you liked Hawks," Hado pointed at you with a slight blush on her face.
You paled, "This isn't about me!"
"You always go on about how confident and hot he is," Hado added to your secret.
Tamaki shifted in his seat next to you.
"He's only like four years older than us," you huffed, "Unlike All Might."
"I only liked young All Might, not him now," Hado frowned.
You let out a laugh, moving yourself to get comfortable in your seat on the couch, "Still, he's ancient."
The group of you have been drinking since you got off work, supposed to have a movie night at Hado's but it just turned into talking, something all of you need. Just getting your minds away from your hero work and acting like teenagers again.
Mirio and Hado shared the loveseat while you and Tamaki shared the bigger couch yet shared the same space. You curled next to the armrest so you could talk closer to Hado and Tamaki was in the middle seat, with no care as your shin rested against his thigh. Even though Mirio gave him an odd look. Yet you were too into the conversation to care.
"So you wouldn't bang young All Might?" Hado asked you with her brow raised.
"No!" you laughed loudly.
"He's basically like Hawks though," she pouted at the fact you couldn't see her side, "just a lot more buff."
You looked at your brother who was just staring at Hado as if she said something magical, "You're just gonna let her talk about banging other dudes?"
Mirio shrugged, "Everyone has thoughts, she's not going to do anything. Plus it was a thing of the past."
"Yeah," Hado gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, you cringed for a moment. "But you like Hawks, do you just like them more confident?"
You shrugged, "I don't know? He just is easy to talk to."
"Oh my god! I forgot you talked to him," she gasped.
"What?" Mirio's eyes snapped to you.
"Not like that-"
"Yes like that," Hado interrupted you, "He gave you his number!"
"What-" Tamaki uttered quietly next to you.
Your eyes flickered to him for a second, "Like two years ago. He gave it to me for work."
"Yeah, that's why he used his personal number," Hado teased, "Do you still have it? Are you dating him?"
Your eyes just about popped out of your head, "No! I am not dating him!"
"So you still have his number?"
"I mean- yeah, I don't use it thought," you shrugged, suddenly feeling guilty even though you genuinely forgot you even had his number.
"You should so text him," Hado clapped her hands enthusiastically.
"I have a boyfriend," you said appalled, wanting to throw up at the idea of what Tamaki was thinking right now.
"What he doesn't know won't hurt him! Come on you should see if he kept it," Hado inched closer to you, eyes bright with ideas.
You looked at Mirio for help, "I hope you don't think that way for your relationship."
Hado blinked, "Of course not. I've been with Mirio for ages though. You're relationship hardly seems serious. I mean, none of us have met him and your dad hasn't either."
Guilt was all that was on your mind, "It is serious, I like him a lot."
"But you don't love him," Hado pointed out, "It's obvious you're not proud of it, you'd be proud of Hawks though."
This was getting on your nerves, all the alcohol fading from your senses. You looked away for a moment, trying to ease your emotions and locking your eyes with Tamaki. He wouldn't even look at you.
"Got it!" Hado cheered next to you, typing in your phone like it was hers.
"Hado!"
"I texted him!"
Your heart dropped, "What the fuck."
"Come on, it isn't that serious," Mirio said, seeing how your entire mood vanished.
You snatched your phone from her hands and saw the message on the screen.
     Hey, how you been?
Sent to Hawks.
You looked at Tamaki, he just had a blank reaction on his face.
"Hado!" you snapped your head to her, "That is not okay to do!"
"It's fine," Hado tried to calm you down, "You can just tell your boyfriend that I did it. He has to understand celebrity crushes."
"Trust me, he'll know you did it. Doesn't make it okay."
"Every guy has crushes, he'll understand," Hado smiled at you, rolling her eyes at your reaction.
"Yeah, but he isn't making moves on them," you glared.
"He would if he could," she shrugged. You didn't even know how to take that statement but before you could process it, she turned to Tamaki, "You have a celebrity crush right?"
"What- why does that matter- I don't-"
"Trying to prove a point, you liked Mt. Lady a little bit right?"
"I- um- I guess, but not anymore- I have a-"
"A girlfriend I know," she cut him off again, turning to you, "See, everyone has crushes."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean they have their crush's number in their phone," you shot back.
"Anyway!" Mirio called out loudly, not likely the argument that was coming up, "It's getting late, you guys should head home."
You huffed, glaring at Hado and your brother, "Gladly." You got up and Tamaki followed slowly behind.
Mirio waved you two out, not even saying anything but giving a sad smile towards you.
When you got the the elevator, safe from other ears, you turned to Tamaki, "I am so sorry-"
"It's fine," he mumbled, looking down at his feet, "I don't want to talk about it."
The usual fumble of his words was gone, too into his head already to care how he spoke.
"I swear Tamaki-"
"I know," he glanced at you, giving you a reassuring smile that hardly helped.
Even when he walked you to your door, he just left. Not staying the night like it was planned.
Things were officially worse than you thought.
Before you even got to go to bed, your phone buzzed.
     Great, now that you texted. Long time no talk, missing me? ;)
Just when things couldn't get worse, Hawks just had to text.
You deleted the chats before talking a shower to sleep. Texting Tamaki that you were sorry once again. Talking about previous crushes was already weird to talk about in his presence, but to actually text them was horrid.
Through the next couple days, you tried to reach out to Tamaki, getting ignored for the most part. He even refused to come over, which had Mirio thinking he was sick.
Yet when you softly knocked on his office, you were greeted with his clearly healthy, if not tired, face when you stepped inside.
He kept his eyes on his desk as spoke, "Sorry, I was just finishing this project up-," when he looked up his eyes widened as he whispered your name.
"Hey," you closed the door softly, walking up to his desk and standing on the opposite side from him, crossing your arms so you didn't mess with your hands, "Mirio thinks you're sick."
His eyes fell in shame, "Sorry."
"I'm not mad at you," you uncrossed your arms, "Just worried. You haven't been talking to me- you haven't even stopped by since."
He looked like a wreck in all the ways that were only noticeable to you. His eyes were more tired than normal, dark circles giving clear evidence of how little sleep he got. The normal hero suit he had on had rips over the cape, him clearly not caring enough to replace it. One thing that was good about his quirk, is that it forced him to eat, so you didn't have to worry in that regard.
"I know," he looked up at you, shoulders slouched and head still down, barely making eye contact through his bangs. "Everything just became a lot."
"Do you not want to anymore?" you shifted how you were standing, trying to prepare yourself for what he'd say next.
"No- I mean- I want to continue dating- just- I don't know," he groaned in frustration over how he fumbled his words, "Are you serious about me?"
Hado saying your relationship wasn't serious, was the biggest lie you ever heard, so for it to be effecting Tamaki, made you feel horrible. "I am, very," you nodded aggressively, "Tamaki, you mean the world to me."
His eyes stayed on the papers that lay on his desk, "So you're proud of us?"
"Of course," you basically pleaded, grabbing his hands over the desk that lay clenched at his sides, "Very, I'd show you off if I could."
"Hm," he squeezed your hands back.
"I mean it," you tugged on his hands lightly, making him look you in the eye.
"Can I-" he paused, gathering the courage, "Can I meet your dad?"
"Huh? You've met him before?" you tilted your head.
"No- I meant like, as your" he looked down shyly again, whispering now, " your boyfriend."
"Oh," you smiled, "Oh course, he'd love you."
"Are you sure?" he looked back up at you.
"He already does, he'd just be happier," you confirmed, "he always wanted us to end up together, believe it or not."
Tamaki's face flushed, "Oh. Do you think it's a good idea?"
"Don't worry, he won't tell Mirio," you reassured. Taking your hands out of his so you could place your stuff down. Taking your phone out of your pocket and placing it next to your purse on his desk.
You walked over to his side of the desk, wrapping him in a hug.
"I'm glad you want to meet him, in that way," you mumbled into him, "I'm sorry that this is the way your meeting him, though."
"Hm," Tamaki wrapped his arms around you, soaking in the comfort of your embrace after depriving himself of it for a week. .
"Nothing said that night was true," you wanted to clear up any insecurity that he could have from that night. Wanting him to have no reason to feel afraid.
He hugged you tighter, "Thank you."
You pulled back from the hug, placing a small kiss on his lips, surprising him. "I only have eyes for you."
The soft smile that traced his face made you feel like you fell in love with him all over again.
"So will you be coming over again?" you played with the hair at the base of his neck, arms still wrapped around each other.
He nodded softly, indigo hair fluffing out around your fingers. He was glowing in this light. The sun casting through the windows to highlight his features just right. You looked over him briefly, causing him to go red in the face and down his neck at you obviously checking him out.
"I haven't really seen you in your hero suit this close-up," you mentioned, taking in the way it highlighted his arms.
He shifted, "Yeah."
"Looks good," you looked up at him through your lashes.
Being away from him, if only for a week, made you more bold. "Yeah?" he practically melted at the compliment.
"Mhm," you hummed, leaning into your tip-toes so you could press your lips to his.
Softly connecting your lips as if you were reminding yourself what they felt like. Humming softly against him in the process.
You were getting worked up just at the feeling of him, stepping closing into his as you tilted your head to the side, anything to get closer.
The back of his knees hit his chair lightly, wheeling it back slightly before he moved his arm to catch it before it got too far. Wheeling it back under him so he could sit, taking you with him without breaking the kiss, sitting you in his lap.
His confidence had you reeling, hands pulling his head back so you could deepen the kiss, trailing your tongue to meet his. His hands tracing over your waist to pull you closer. Goosebumps rising under your clothes at the action. He bit at your lip, the first time he's ever been so forward, a soft moan slipping from you in reaction.
"Tama," you uttered, breath lost and body lost in the feeling of the kiss, your hips rolling against his.
He stopped kissing you, eyes wide as he looked at you, hands holding your hips steady. "I don't-" he fumbled, "In my office?"
You were basically delirious with how he kissed you, dipping your head down so you could trail kisses down his neck, "Why," you faded out, "why not?"
"Someone could walk in," he tensed, but still tilting his head to give you better access.
"Doubt it," you mumbled, trailing back up to kiss his lips.
He groaned quietly, "Hm," he hummed, losing all the fight he had as you licked into his mouth. Losing the grip he had on your hips, letting you free as he moved his hands up and down your waist.
Every time you had made out before this, he was always so hesitant. You were almost thankful for the actions of Hado that made this happen.
Taking his spike of confidence and shifting your hands from his hair to his arms. Getting a whine of disagreement before you squeezed at his biceps. Trailing down to hike his hands up higher, right underneath the wire of your bra.
You let your hands work back up his arms, weaving one into his hair and the other on his pec. Pulling on his hair just like he liked while appreciating his body at the same time. This was the closest you've gotten after all.
His hands stayed where you placed them for a moment, only moving after you ground your hips down into his again. His confidence was high when a moan a surprise left your lips. You didn't expect him to actually do it, just mainly hoped after you offered.
He palmed at your tits while you kissed him sloppily, mind drunk off him with hardly anything being given. It was just what he did to you. Sometimes you felt stupid around him with how he made you feel. You could only imagine how brain-dead you'd be around him when you actually fucked.
You've only wanted this since you knew what it was.
You wanted to savor it all, every shaky breath he let out, and every squeeze of his hands. Even if he stopped here, you'd die happy.
Makeouts that lead nowhere lit a fire under you, and that's how each makeout with him has gone. You could be kissing for hours without noticing the passing of time. However slow this relationship was, you'd be happy to match its pace.
You pulled apart, needing the slightest bit of air but gaining none. Losing your breath just at the sight of him. Lips red and plush, hair messier than usual, heavy breaths rising his chest under your hand while his eyes were locked on his hands that laid on your chest.
His eyes flickered up to meet your eyes, his hands slowing their movement to just lay over your tits.
"What?" he husked out, eyes lidding.
You smiled down at him, "You're so fuckin hot."
His face was red before but it went brighter at your comment, "I- oh."
You wanted to frown at the lost in his confidence but you didn't want to make it worse.
His eyes shot to his door, "I think we should- um- cool it."
"Okay," you mumbled, kissing him lightly as you got up from his lap, leaning on the edge of his desk instead while you tried not to notice the tent in his pants.
He wheeled the chair closer, looking up at you before shyly looking down, "Sorry."
"It's fine," you said honestly, smoothing his hair down.
He moved his chair closer, letting his head rest on your stomach while you ran your hands through his hair softly. His hands reached for the back of your thighs, massaging them slightly. "I know you want more-"
"Tama," you moved your hands to his jaw, guiding him to look up at you, "It's okay, I promise. You're all I need."
"Okay," he mumbled, looking back down. You were standing between his legs as he messed with the fabric of your outfit.
Your phone buzzed next to you. Both your attentions' turned to the message displayed on the screen.
     You drunk text me didnt u? Too shocked that I replied?
Hawks double texting you was not even an idea you thought possible.
"Did you- did you text him more?" Tamaki eyed you, sitting normally in his chair now, no longer touching you.
"No," you furrowed your eyebrows, "He double texted."
"Hawks?" he asked, doubting you.
"Yeah," you picked up your phone, offering to show him the texts.
"I don't want to be the person that has to look at your texts to prove something," he shook his head, voice unwavering as his eyes turned dim.
You frowned, "That's not what I was saying- I'm just going to tell him what happened."
"Tell him you had a crush on him?"
"No- not that- just that Hado texted him," you mumbled, shifting awkwardly at how upset Tamaki was.
"Hm."
You sighed, typing away a text-
     Sorry, my friend texted you when she was drunk
"I don't want Hawks," you tried to comfort.
Tamaki just sighed, turning to look out the window instead.
     Sure, sweety, why was I mentioned?
The boy in front of you ignored the sound of your phone.
     My friends stupid, thought it'd be funny if I flirted with you when I have a boyfriend.
You didn't want Hawks to get the slightest idea that you would want him back.
     Oh, wtf lol. Ur friend is weird as fuck for that
     I aint that guy
Letting out a sigh of relief caught Tamaki's attention.
"Hawks is officially out," you told him, even though that wasn't the entire issue.
Tamaki gave you an odd look, one you couldn't analyze the reason behind before you heard the door click open.
"Tamaki!" Mirio's voice cheered as he entered. Pausing when he saw you, "Sis?"
"Hi," you stood up and faced him, "Whatcha doing here?"
"What are you doing here?" Mirio looked between you and Tamaki.
"You said he was sick, I was worried," you shrugged.
Mirio hummed, giving you another weird look before turning his attention to Tamaki, "You okay? You don't look too good."
"Hm?" Tamaki looked uninterest when he looked back at Mirio, it sent a pang to your heart.
"Did something happen?" Mirio looked between you two. The guilt you felt was probably written across your face.
"No, just a long day," Tamaki answered for you.
"Ah," Mirio nodded in understanding, "Bad time to tell you that we have patrol?"
"No," Tamaki shook his head, standing up and grabbing his visor, "Great timing."
"Oh good!" Mirio smiled, oblivious to the dig at you.
You scratched your arms awkwardly, not knowing what to do with yourself knowing you were no longer wanted.
Mirio smiled at you when you cleared your throat, about to make your exit. "Oh, Hado wants me to invite you to dinner, to apologize for the other night," he pleaded with his eyes for you to accept.
"Oh, um, I don't know Mirio," your eyes flashed to Tamaki. You were still upset with what she did. After all, the effects of it still haven't gone away.
"Tamaki, you should go too," Mirio smiled at him, "It'll be a little redo."
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Come on guys, please?" Mirio put on his classic puppy eyes, basically forcing the two of you to say yes.
So even though you ended on bad terms earlier in the day, and have yet to talk about any of it, you were sat next to each other for dinner.
Fidgeting with your straw as you listened to Hado nag at him. You felt horrible for him but you could hardly focus on the conversation as your head ran through what went down earlier.
"Come on," Hado begged, "You haven't told us anything!"
"I- I don't know," Tamaki shrunk in on himself. Sinking into his seat in the booth you guys shared. Tamaki barely agreed to this tonight, and now he was getting questioned.
"Guys-" you tried to help despite what happened earlier.
"Shush, you're next," Hado pointed at you, "Both of you haven't told us anything about your relationships."
"Not true," Tamaki mumbled into his collar, "I've told Mirio some stuff."
"Hardly," Mirio laughed as if this was all in good fun, ignoring your sharp glare, "You've just me some of your issues."
"Huh?" you turned your gaze to Tamaki, not believing he ran to your brother.
"No- Not like that, I haven't had any issues-"
"Come on Tamaki, it's okay to admit. Every couple has issues-"
"We haven't argued- I have no issues-"
"You struggle to tell her stuff, plus you clearly had issues with what you've told me," Mirio pointed out, shrugging as he laid back in his seat.
"No-"
"Just today you said that you're worried she's talking to someone else."
"What?" you paled, looking at Tamaki in shock.
Tamaki's eyes flashed to yours and back to Mirio's, "I- um."
Though frustrated, you didn't want to bring this up here. You tried to tell him earlier but apparently a longer conversation was needed.
"That and you can't fully connect with her because of how anxious you are," Mirio added on top of it all.
"Mirio," you hissed, "Knock it off, his business doesn't need to be exposed." You also didn't want to hear any more of it, not from him.
"It's hardly exposing-"
"You're being a dick, I don't care you're intentions," you glared.
Mirio shut his mouth and gave Tamaki a sad smile, turning his attention fully to you instead, "Well what about you?"
"Me?"
"How's your boyfriend? You never talk about him."
"You never talked about Hado?" you shot back, already upset.
Mirio shrugged, "I did, just not about our relationship. Come on, how is he?"
You rolled your eyes, "I'm not gonna be home tonight, I'm going to his place."
Tamaki let out a confused noise.
"You seem mad," Hado pointed out, concerned.
"Oh," you tried to calm yourself, "I'm just not sure he and I are on the same road right now."
Mirio and Hado both gave you a sad face as Tamaki looked at you as if he was terrified. As if he didn't already agree. He thought you were cheating, clearly you weren't on the same path.
"I'm sorry," Hado placed her hand on yours, " I hope I didn't have anything to do with it. I'm here for you if you need me."
"Huh?"
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Mirio asked softly.
"What? No," you huffed, "I'm going to go-"
"I'm sorry," Tamaki mumbled, shyly watching as you shuffled out of the booth.
You glance back at him, before talking to the group, "I'll see you guys later."
While you wanted to stay back and be there to make sure Tamaki wasn't questioned further, you couldn't stick around to hear anymore.
Your adrenalin was pumping as you walked to Tamaki's apartment. Hands tight around your sleeves as you paced the span of his hallway.
Everything that happened today was too much. First time you talked to your boyfriend in a week, then you kiss him, then your old crush texts you, and then he thinks you're cheating. You scoffed out loud.
"You okay?"
You spun to the sound of a voice, "Oh- Hi Kirishima," you smiled at the redhead.
"You seem upset?" he tilted his head like a puppy.
"I- Don't worry about it, I'm fine," you brushed him off.
"Did Amajiki upset you?"
You blinked at him for a second, forgetting briefly that just because those close to you didn't know, that didn't mean no one knew. Kirishima has seen you leave Tamaki's apartment many times and learned himself. After all, he was his neighbor. "Kind of- It's complicated."
Kirishima leaned into the wall next to him, "I'm free to talk to."
"Tamaki should be back soon, I don't want him to think I'm talking shit," you declined.
"Well besides Amajiki, how's life?" he smiled at you.
You smiled, "Well, I recently watched the anime you and Kaminari were ranting about."
"Really? Denki's here now, wanna come in to talk about it?"
Your eyes flashed to the elevator, "I'm not sure-"
"Bro what are you doing-" Kaminari's head popped out Kirishima's door, "Oh hey~"
You frowned, "Hey," you greeted, acknowledging the flirty tone.
"Didn't know you lived here," he pushed himself out of the doorway to smile at you.
"I don't, I was just visiting a friend," you denied.
"At eleven?" Kaminari tilted his head.
The elevator dinging caught your attention, seeing Tamaki anxiously walk towards you.
"We should let you be," Kirishima smiled at you, nudging his shoulder into Kaminari.
"Oh-," Kaminari basically had a lightbulb go off in his brain, "that type of friend," he whispered.
"Goodnight!" Kirishima waved before shutting his door.
You let out a breath, glad Kaminari wasn't flirting in front of Tamaki, it'd only make his suspicions worse. You turned to fully face him, "Hey-"
"You're not breaking up with me right?" Tamaki mumbled, pulling at his sleeves as his eyes shook when trying to make eye contact.
"What- No, I just think we need to talk," you motioned for his door. Leading him to quickly unlock his door and motion for you to enter.
"Do you need water? Food?"
"Tamaki," you called out, "It's fine, just sit,"
His eyes flickered to you as he turned to look at the ground again, dragging his feet before sitting on the couch, you following shortly behind.
"Tamak-"
"Can I say something first?" he rushed out, continuing after you gave him a nod, "Thank you for trying to get Mirio to stop. And I'm sorry."
"Tamaki," you grabbed his hands lightly, untangling his hands gently, "I'm not mad at you, I just want to know why?"
"Why?"
"Like- why did you tell Mirio but not me? He can't solve the problem," you frowned.
"I'm just worried," Tamaki looked down at your hands, "I'm surprised you even want me- so I wouldn't be surprised if you left me. Especially for him."
"Tama-"
"I don't think you'll cheat on me," he continued, "I just get insecure when you're talking to another guy."
"I didn't want to talk to him-"
"I know, I just- he's everything I'm not," he squeezed your hand lightly, still refusing eye contact, "I just don't wanna mess things up, and knowing he's my competition- I don't know. I don't want to mess things up by complaining."
"You know that's not what I want, right?" you questioned, "I don't want to date anyone but you. I need you to talk to me"
He sighed, peering up at you, "I know."
Taking advantage that he was already looking at you, you moved your hands away from his and cupped his face. "I want you for all your anxiousness, I want to know you, not whoever you think I want." You knew that Tamaki wasn't hiding everything, but just in case he was, you wanted to make sure he got your point.
"Okay," he mumbled.
"Who have I even been dating for the last four months?" you joked.
His eyes flashed with worry, "I haven't been hiding anything! I just- I just didn't want you to think I was dramatic."
"I know," you smiled, pulling him in for a hug, wrapping your arms around his neck lightly as you rested your head on his.
"Thank you again," he mumbled into your shoulder, "for making Mirio stop asking questions. It's embarrassing."
"Anytime. Just make sure to come to me next time, not my brother."
You truly meant that, because now at parties, when someone gets too close or makes him anxious, you made your way to his side and helped him sneak away. He came to you now, trusted you.
Which became difficult when Mirio was always watching. Pointing out how Tamaki always shifted closer to you in public. As if he was glued to your hip. Stating how, no matter where you stood, Tamaki always had his eyes on you.
"I don't think he ever got over his little crush," Mirio always said in response.
"I feel bad for his girlfriend," was also mumbled one night, right after Tamaki left.
"What do you mean?"
"Tamaki is all over you like he looks like he got a breath of fresh air just by looking at you."
It was comforting, Tamaki even called you his 'home' one time when you were watching TikTok, commenting on how he saw people compare their relationship to a safe place. Obviously he became embarrassed when he realized what he said.
Because even though you've dating for six months now, you've never said anything too lovey. You were trying to match his pace, not wanting to fluster him into saying it back. In that same spirit, when you spent that night at his, it was often spent on his couch, never entering his room.
"You can go into my room and grab a change of clothes if you need," Tamaki offered as he helped you take your rain-soaked coat off. The two of you having returned from your six-month anniversary date, a small thing Tamaki deemed necessary to celebrate.
"I need a shower," you mumbled, peeling off a wet sock.
"You can do that too," he mumbled, face bright red at the idea of you showering.
"It's fine, I can go home and shower," you mustered up a smile, "I don't wanna intrude."
He paused in his motions of taking off his own coat, just blinking at you instead, "Intrude?"
"Yeah."
"My home is your home, you know?" he spoke softly. You processed that slowly, turning to look at him fully. "I love you," he rushed out.
You laughed lightly at how sheepish he looked, "I love you too, Tama." You walked to him and squeezed him into a hug, getting grossed out quickly with how your clothes squished together, pulling apart with a quick kiss. "I needa shower, can you show me how it works? I remember you complaining that it's complicated."
He turned the shower on for you, gave you a towel, and took your drenched clothes to wash while you showered. Squeaking and talking high pitched when he entered the bathroom with you showering, even though you were fully hidden behind a curtain. So he placed your clothes and left as quickly as possible, saying he'd shower in the guest room.
With you all changed, surrounded by Tamaki, you padded around his room, taking in the surroundings he placed around everything. It was a very moody bedroom, filled with dark colors, but it was nice, and easy on the eyes. Calming.
"Are you done?" he knocked on his own bedroom door.
"Yeah, come in," you turned towards his voice. Soaking in the view of him freshly out of the shower. Sure you've seen him with wet hair just moments ago, but him being clean and at home, with you, changed the feel of it.
He pouted slightly, a permanent blush on his cheeks, "That shirt looks better on you than me."
You looked down with a smile, "You should let me keep it."
"If- if you want to," he fumbled for a second, padding over to you slowly. Reminding you to absorb all of this moment that you could. Him freshly showered, covered in a grey sweater hanging on him loosely, and blue plaid pajama pants doing the same. He walked past you and to his bed, laying on one side before he eyed you and then the spot next to him, "Do you wanna-"
You practically skipped into bed, jumping into it and halfway onto him as you hugged him. "I love you," you mumbled into his neck. Basically getting cuteness aggression with how he has been acting all night and how he looks right now.
"I um- I love you too," he hugged you back, arms awkwardly wrapped around you, stunned.
You placed a quick kiss on his neck before trailing upwards, kissing his jaw and then his lips. Emotions running on overdrive as you thought over tonight.
Not only had you shared a beautiful dinner at the same place you guys had your first date, but the two of you shared your first 'I love yous' it had you reeling through it all.
Tamaki was as shy as ever with the kiss, following all your movements as your tongue licked into his mouth. Tilting his head back slightly and gripping onto your hips, allowing you to climb over and straddle him.
Moaning ever so slightly when you bit at his lip.
Slotting yourself over his hips made you buzz, your hips rocking into his.
"Fuck," he whimpered. He helped you move your hips over his slightly. Running you perfectly over the length of him.
"Tama-" you pressed your lips to his again, breathless from the kiss and the movements, feeling him become hard under you.
"Do you wanna-"
"Yes," Tamaki cut you off, rocking his hips into yours slightly, already knowing exactly what you'd suggest even with it never discussed before, "Please."
You pulled away to look at him for a moment, having your hands tangle into his hair as you looked him over. His face was flushed, eyes screwed shut. "Why'd you stop?" he husked, his eyes now barely open, keeping them lidded as they were heavy with the situation.
"You're so fuckin hot," you mumbled in disbelief that you currently had him under you and wanting, finally doing something about it rather than all the times before.
He whined, moving his hand to trail up your back, pushing you into him again so he could reconnect your lips as you rutted your hips. Breaths heavy but hardly catching any air as you lost yourself in the feeling of him against you, panting against your mouth.
He was running himself perfectly over your clit, catching your moans in his mouth. You never thought it'd be possible to cum from this alone, but you were already climbing that hill fast. Just needing an extra push as you whined.
Tamaki moved back slightly voice shaky, "Are you close?"
"Just need a little more," you tightened your grip on his hair, pulling slightly.
"Can I touch you? Want you to cum," he asked, the words sounded so off, coming from his normally embarrassed self.
"Tama," you laughed lightly," of course you can, I'm literally dry-humping you right now-"
"Shush," he hushed, head falling into your shoulder with embarrassment. His hands trailed up, softly going over your waist until they were hovering over your chest. Gasping when he realized you weren't wearing a bra when he cupped your chest, "Oh my god."
He kissed your shoulder, biting lightly at your collarbone as his hand squeezed at your chest, his fingers meeting to pinch at your nipple. "Please Tama," you moaned, you were already so close.
So when he pulled back from your neck and just looked at you with his desperate expression, whispering, "I love you so much," your eyes rolled into the back of your head, shaking and falling apart on top of him, fully clothed. Seeing white.
"Oh my god," you felt boneless, letting yourself fully relax on him. You've never cum because of someone, never even got to the point.
"You okay?" he asked, his hands running up and down your back.
You laughed breathlessly, "Yes, more than good," you kissed his jaw before pushing yourself up to look at him.
Trailing your eyes to the still obvious tent in his pants, slightly bummed you didn't get him off. "What's wrong?" he shifted, anxious under your eyes.
"You didn't cum," you pouted.
"I- was I supposed to- I'm sorry-" he tensed.
"No," you squeezed his shoulders, "I just wanted you to." You moved your hands over his pecs and down to his abs, feeling him flex underneath.
"You don't have to," he bit back a groan when your nails scratched at his skin and slipped underneath his sweater.
"I know," you leaned back into him, kissing his jaw before moving to nip at his neck like he did to yours. Placing marks over the side of his neck while he whimpered, hands squeezing at your slides.
You kept your hands moving, tracing over his abs before slowly sliding under his pants and under his boxers. Feeling brave before you actually had your palm over him. You've only done this once before, all the way back in high school with some guy you hardly liked. Now you were scared you would freak him out.
Palming him gently before wrapping your hand around him. Biting your lip at the gasp that left his lips. His hips slightly rolling into your hand.
You moved away from him, moving your hands to peel his pants down so you could see him.
He jumped at your grip on his waistband, "wait-"
You paused, "You okay?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," you smiled at him, "Are you?"
"I- I am just- don't look at it," he mumbled, gripping onto your thighs.
"I kinda have to look at it babe," you moved your hands off his pants, "If you're not ready It's okay."
Tamaki frowned, "No- I want to- just, don't judge me?"
You furrowed your brows, "Never even thought of it."
"Okay- you can, be gentle," he stuttered, looking towards the ceiling.
You gave him a quick kiss on the lips, shuffling back and moving his pants just enough so you could see his dick. Whatever he didn't want you to look at was stupid, and impossible now. The length of him bobbed once you removed his pants, twitching as it laid on his pelvis.
"Don't stare," Tamaki shuffled under you, reminding you to move. Wrapping your hand around the base of him for a second, before moving back. A whine leaving his throat as he opened his eyes to see what you were doing, A sharp moan from deep in his throat left his lips when he saw you spit into your hands before wrapping your hand around him again.
Pumping the length of him slowly, letting both of you get a feel for it. He jerked up into your hold, hands squeezing at your thighs before he wrapped his hand around yours. Tighten your grip around him, guiding your hand.
"Just- just like that," his eyes fluttered shut, his hand moving off yours when you followed his motions. Adding your own touch by running your thumb over his tip everything you reached it. His breath hitching at every touch.
You were sure that the second you saw him in the light, that he'd be perfect.
His hands reached for your ass, pulling you closer until you had enough room to get him off between your thighs. Panting out moans. Eyes lidded and eyebrows pinched together as he watched you.
He moved to sit up for a second, resting on one elbow before using the other arm to pull his shirt off, throwing it to the side of the room before resting back on his elbows. Letting his hands grip at your hips.
"I love you so much," you cooed, anything he did was godly in your eyes. He was beautiful, letting a whiney breath of your name loose.
He opened his heavy-lidded eyes, locking eyes with you.
The look on him made you want to do anything he wanted. Running over his length with more passion.
"Fuck, I want you in me," you mumbled, looking down to appreciate how his muscles were tensing and untensing, chest heaving.
His eyes rolled back, slurring his words, "Can't say stuff like that."
"Mhm," you hummed, watching him roll his head back, hips pressing up to you, "I want you so bad, Tamaki."
He struggled to look at you again, the eye contact making him struggle to keep calm. Too many times he has thought about this exact situation. Probably since high school.
"I need you to come, baby," you spoke softly, you wanted to be the reason for his undoing.
He huffed, clearly in his head as he pushed his head into the pillow.
"Just let go," you whispered, your free hand falling between both your legs and lightly holding his balls, squeezing gently.
All air left his lungs, hips jolting up as he came. Thighs shaking under you. Cum coating over your hand as he silently came, mouth twitching as he worked through his high. Moaning loudly only after he stopped cuming, breathing heavily.
His hand grabbed at your wrist, pleading for you to stop with heavy breaths. You moved your not cum covered hand over his abs, coaxing him through the last waves of bliss.
He let out a shaky breath, "Fuck."
"You okay?" you smiled down at him.
His face was bright red as he nodded, "That's the hardest I've ever- you know."
Pride flowed through you. You leaned down to place a kiss on his lips before moving to get off him.
"Where you going?" he tightened his grip on your thighs.
"I need a rag or something," you laughed.
"Oh," he blushed, letting you get up to grab the towel you used earlier. Wiping off your hands before moving to go help him. "I can do it," he muttered, embarrassed as he grabbed the towel from you and cleaned himself off before throwing the towel to the side. Pulling his pants back up and reaching for you.
You stepped out of his reach, shifting uncomfortably, "I- uh, need a different part of shorts."
He blinked at you confused, looking down at your shorts, before shooting his eyes back up, "Oh- I- um, third drawer down," he pointed towards his dresser. Eyes following you as you padded over to it.
"Sorry," you mumbled as you pulled out the first thing you saw, just a plain black pair of boxers.
"What?" Tamaki moved to sit up right, "Why?"
"I just came in your boxers," you shot him a look, as if he was stupid. Turning so you could look at him as you pushed the sticky pair of shorts off and the new boxers on, already having cleaned yourself when you grabbed a towel from the bathroom.
You felt his eyes trail over your body as you changed. He could only see your thighs because of how his shirt fit you. Watching you carefully as you stepped into another pair of his shorts.
"I'm glad you did," he spoke without much thought.
"That I came in your pants?"
"I- no, well yes, but that you came," he fumbled over the words. Eyes following you as you came back to the bed, snuggling straight into his side.
You snorted at his words, "Of course you are."
"What do you mean?" his hand held your hip, letting you hook your leg over him as you laid your head on his chest. His other hand holding your thigh to him.
"Every guy is over the moon when they make a girl cum," you explained.
"It's not just that," Tamaki sighs, "I'm glad we did that cause it- it makes us closer."
"Aw," you chooed, moving your head to lay a kiss on his jaw, "If you're in love with me, just say it."
"I'm in love with you," he locked eyes with you while he said it, completely confident in his words.
You smiled hard, "I'm in love with you."
The phrases 'I love you' and 'I'm in love with you' were completely different to you. Both meaning completely different things than the other, you could be one without the other. You've explained this to him, so him saying it meant the world.
Emotions were high that night, as well as into the following morning. You were too comfy, cozied under his covers for the first time, ignoring the alarm blaring next to you.
You reached to turn it off, clumsily pressing the snooze button before scooting back into Tamaki. Content as he hugged you tighter to him, squeezing you. A laugh left you when you noticed his hand was tucked under your shirt and placed on your tit.
"Mh," he grumbled into your neck.
"Tama," you traced over his arm curled over your stomach.
"Hm?"
"You got work baby."
He stretched his legs out, only then realizing his hand placement, "sorry," he muttered, caring less because of how tired he was. Sitting upright before rubbing at his eyes, trying to wake up.
You turned to face him, rubbing a hand up and down his back to try and help wake him up.
He shrugged you off, "Gonna make me tired."
"Sorry," you laughed lightly, yawning a falling back into the pillow.
"Go back to sleep," he looked at you over his shoulder.
"Mhm," you hummed, looking over the muscles carved into his back. He patted your thigh before getting up to get ready. Your eyes followed him until they became too heavy, closing softly and letting you fall back asleep without the warmth of him.
He stepped around carefully, taking a shower in the guest room to avoid waking you. Tip-toeing around his room when he got back. Throwing on a random shirt and sweater, noticing the rain that was still going strong from last night. A random pair of sweats following his shirt. An outfit he just needed to wear too and from the office, where he'd change into his hero gear there.
A hand rubbing at your hips woke you up softly, along with his voice, "I gotta leave."
"No," you grumbled, grabbing lightly at his hand that laid on you.
"You can stay as long as you want, just text me when you leave," he smiled softly at your actions. Annoyed at the fact that he had to leave you.
"Okay," you murmured, "I love you."
"I love you," the comfort in those words lightened up his mood even more than it already was. You pouted your lips, indirectly asking for a kiss. Humming happily when he placed a light kiss on your lips, adding an extra kiss to your cheek for good luck as well.
"Be safe," you let go of his hand, looking up at him with tired eyes.
"I will," he smiled, reluctantly leaving you.
Mirio would not let Tamaki catch a break.
All throughout the work day and even into the evening when Tamaki went to your apartment.
"This is the first time I've seen you with a hickey," Mirio clapped Tamaki's shoulder.
You turned your eyes off the TV to look at the boys, their greeting was quiet at first but Mirio spoke loudly at that last sentence.
Tamaki's eyes caught yours before he looked at Mirio, tugging his collar up, "Mirio."
"Fine, fine," Mirio laughed, "Just glad to see you getting out of your shell."
"Hm."
"It's good to share that."
"Mirio," you cut in, "I don't need to hear about this."
"Jealous?"
"Hardly," you laughed, turning your head back to the TV.
"Sure," Mirio teased as they walked to join you in the living room.
"Projecting?" you raised a brow at him. He glared at you as he sat in his favorite chair, Tamaki sitting next to you.
The two softly talked about stuff you could care less about, focusing on the TV until their conversation interested you again.
"When will you guys just live together? She's over so often," Mirio groaned.
"You don't live with Hado," Tamaki mumbled.
"Cause I have a sister that's dragged along with me."
"Aye," you threw a pillow at him.
"Why don't you live with your boyfriend?" Mirio switched to you.
"Why are you always questioning my relationship?"
Mirio gave you a blank look before shrugging. Switching the topic to dinner while you left the room. Slightly hear Tamaki suggest food you liked instead of their interest. It was sweet.
He got along with your family so well, sometimes better than you. You were worried that when you finally owned up to your relationship, that'd it'd break the bonds.
One bond it wouldn't break was with your dad.
You called him before, telling him all about your boyfriend as things went on. Only now finally accepting an invite for dinner.
Stepping through the door was a huge step, giving Tamaki a reassuring look over your shoulder before calling out for your dad.
"In the kitchen," he called back. So you stepped slowly through your house, Tamaki always a couple steps back.
"You ready to meet him?" you peeked through the living so your dad could see you, Tamaki conveniently placed against a wall. Head hidden from the world.
"Of course," your dad cheered. You already knew how happy he was about this, but seeing it was nice.
You guestered for Tamaki, him peaking at you from under his hair. Taking a deep breath before stepping into view.
"Oh."
"Sorry," Tamaki squeaked out.
"Sorry?" your dad looked at him confused.
"For, um- dating her without your permission," Tamaki kept his head down.
You looked between the two, curious who this would go. The only words that could help Tamaki right now would be your dad's.
"I'm glad it's you, boy," your dad smiled brightly, clapping his hands on Tamaki's shoulders.
Tamaki raised his head, "You are?" Tamaki would never say it, but your dad was basically his dad. He looked up to him in all the ways a son looks at his father. His father died while he was young, so he found another in yours. So the validation meant the world.
"Yes," your dad laughed, pulling him into a bear hug, "hopefully you actually become my son now."
You laughed warmly, "See? Nothing bad, as I promised."
Your dad replied first, "I was worried it wouldn't be Tamaki, after all my work."
"Dad stop your matchmaking," you groaned, following after your dad when he returned back into the kitchen.
"You were right," Tamaki mumbled to you, shifting his attention back to your dad when asked a question.
"You still working your quirk?"
"Yeah."
"Great, made your favorites."
"Dad," you glared, "you didn't even know if it was him."
"My heart told me it was."
"And if it wasn't?"
"I'd hope the food would make you think about him," he hummed.
You groaned, sitting down in your seat. Mirio got his meddling from Dad, and it was obvious.
"What? Mirio might be oblivious to your crush but I could see it clear as day," your dad pointed a spoon at you two.
Tamaki flushed next to you, taking charge and shifting the conversation himself. Chatting with your dad while you just smiled and watched. Appreciating how all could be normal. How this could be how life was?
While you were fine keeping your relationship secret, it still took a toll on you whether you liked it or not. Hiding it from Mirio was hard. You wanted to be closer to Tamaki, say what you wanted, and share what you wanted.
All in time is what you kept telling yourself.
Tamaki stepped away for a moment, looking for something in Mirio's room that came up in conversation.
"He looks as if you hung the stars in the sky," your dad spoke softly.
"What?" you focused back in on the conversation.
He shrugged, "It's easy to tell he loves you."
You smiled softly.
"It's always been easy to tell, but only now you're willing to hear it," your dad sassed.
"Oh my god, I know- I was a little slow," you admitted with a laugh.
Tamaki easily blended back into the conversation when he came back.
Things were always easy with him.
The only thing that wasn't was hiding.
Just being next to him was risky, it felt as if Mirio knew.
You were just laying on Tamaki's couch, leg over his waist as he placed his laptop on your thigh, typing away at a work report. You comfortably scrolling through your phone. Ignoring Mirio's text and moving to the next video. Showing Tamaki all the funny ones.
"Do you know what I put here?" Tamaki pointed to a text on the screen.
You put your phone down, leaning into his space to get a closer look, "I think that's where you put the chemicals used," you said after a minute, "It's always difficult when they ask what the heroes did. Too much going on to focus."
Tamaki hummed, typing away what you said. Letting you relax back to how you were on his side.
His phone buzzed with a call, him reluctantly taking his eyes off the screen. "It's Mirio," he glanced at you, telling you to be quiet without words, "Hey?"
"Are you doing the work report right now?" Mirio asked eyes closed to the Facetime call. You wanted to laugh.
"Yeah, I'm almost done with it," Tamaki held his phone with one hand, scrolling through the work report with the other.
"Can I see it real quick? Page 7," Mirio begged, "I'm lost."
Tamaki scrolled to that point and flipped the camera without thinking, "Here."
"Is that your girlfriend's leg?"
"Huh?" Tamaki then noticed your leg. You wanted to laugh at the dumb action.
"I didn't know she was there, Hi!" Mirio called out.
Tamaki looked at you panicked, "She's asleep right now."
"Oh, sorry," Mirio laughed, "I got what I needed, I'll let you get back to her." The two hung up and Tamaki just looked at you in disbelief.
"I can't believe I'm so stupid," he groaned, smacking his hand over his eyes.
You laughed now, "It's nothing, now he knows you're not lying though."
Things like this happened often. Mirio almost finding out, but never quite. That or he'd make comments about it.
"You guys are always with your boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time, it's almost like you're dating each other," Mirio side-eyed you.
So you changed things up.
Saying you were with your boyfriend when you knew Tamaki would be with Mirio. Tamaki didn't do the same, he felt guilty for lying already.
But when push came to shove, all he did was lie.
You sat on his couch like normal, startled when you heard a knock on the door and Mirio's voice behind it, "Tamaki! I need a gym partner."
The two of you scrambled off each other, staring at the other for a plan.
"Tamaki! I'm coming in," and in Mirio's fashion, he walked through the door.
Years as a hero gave you quick reactions, so you activated your similar quirk and fell through the couch and the floor.
Mirio always came close to finding out. But the point was that he never did find out.
So you lived in a secret bliss. Enjoying each other company as best as you can.
Tamaki meant so much to you, that you'd give him your all. He was your top priority. Helping him after a long day's work, helping him clean any lasting wounds, and grabbing his ice pack. Always a shoulder for him if he needed it.
He was the same to you, you've called him crying and he'd drop anything to help you.
The relationship between the two of you was more than you've ever had before.
Sure you've dated people before, briefly for a couple of months a most. But here you were, working for seven months with Tamaki.
Imactacy between the two of you was insanely important, and not even on that level. He just always had to have a hand on you. A thigh pressed into yours. He just wanted to be close to you. It was the main way he showed you how much he loved you. And in turn, he loved whenever you complimented him. Practically glowing each time.
You found yourself glowing too, you would cringe if anyone else acted the way you did with him, but he just brought out that light in you.
He approached you on his bed, fresh from his shower. Going under the covers when you opened them for him. Nudging your legs apart so he could lay on you.
His head naturally falling on your chest, his arms wrapping under your waist and pulling you tighter to him.
"I love you," he muttered into your chest, moving to lay a single kiss on your skin, slightly exposed through a tank top.
You let one hand rest in his hair, the other rubbing up and down his bare back. Tracing the slight scars that you could see in the soft light of his room. "I love you too."
He pushed himself up, kissing you softly. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too," you kissed him again. You've been insanely busy for the past three weeks. Hero work getting hectic and the paperwork getting worse.
He hummed into your lips, slowly deepening the kiss. Taking charge all while taking your breath away. Working you through the kiss as his hands move to rub at your sides. Humming into the kiss when you arch into him.
His hand moving up to grab at your chest. A surprised hum leaving your lips, giving him the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.
You've been in these shoes before. Making out, grabbing at each other, sighing breathlessly into the kiss. Yet he hardly took the lead. He's kissed you passionately before but never in his own bed or somewhere so intimate. You were always the one starting it.
With his hand busy on your chest, he moved his kisses down. Placing them down your jaw then trailing bites down your neck. Making you melt in his hold before he moved his hands down to the hem of your shirt, silently asking you to help him peel it off you.
His face beamed red yet he only took a second to buffer. Taking in the sight of your chest so up-close for the first time. He's seen you in a bra plenty, felt your tits quite a few times, but has never seen them.
Pushing the shock aside, he lifted his eyes to look at yours, as if you'd back down now, before peppering kisses along your chest, whispering, "I love you."
You squeezed at his shoulders when he finally touched his lips to your nipple. Digging your nails slightly into his skin when his hand trailed down the path of your stomach.
"Please," you asked breathily before he could ask.
His hand twitched slightly in hesitation, unsure of his actions before you rolled your hips up the best you could, trying to get any of his touch. Letting out a breathy sigh of his own before he cupped the shape of you through your shorts.
Slowly grinding his hand into you, letting his fingers circle slightly over where you needed him most.
Despite how much you wanted to beg him to hurry, you knew he'd need his time.
His lips left you tit and trailed back up to kiss at your neck. Calming himself down with heavy breaths against you. Gaining the confidence to lift his hand and slip underneath your shorts and underwear. Sighing when he touched the warmth of you, "You're wet."
"Obviously," you softly laughed, rolling your hips into his hand.
He lifted his head to look at you, once again for permission. As if you read his mind, you left your hips, sliding your shorts and panties off your ass. Letting him trail them the rest of the way off your thighs and across the room.
His eyes fell to your face first, always ever so aware of you, before they fell to the space between your legs. His hands squeezed at your thighs, letting himself fall back into the moment and not get stuck in the shock that this was actually happening.
Falling down to kiss you passionately, fueled by everything between you too. He let his hands take charge of the moment, his fingers parting you open so he could run a perfect circle over your clit. Swallowing any gasp you made.
"Where'd you learn that?" you asked breathless. You expected him to be a fumbling mess, unsure and questioning. But he wasn't.
"I- um," you felt the heat radiating off his face, "porn."
You smiled, "Studied?"
"For you," he hummed, kissing you once again and letting the moment continue without many words.
Soaking in all your slight jolts of pleasure as he coaxed you higher. Only dipping his fingers further when he knew you were worked up. Somehow he knew just what to do.
Teasing ever so slightly at your entrance and barely letting his fingers inside, his tongue copying all the movements in your mouth. He only stopped his teasing when you bit his tongue. Letting his fingers sink into you and build up a steady pace.
"Oh my god," you whispered into his mouth.
You've fingered yourself before obviously. But his hand? His presences? Changed everything. All your senses were surrounded by him. You could taste him, smell him, feel him, hear him, and see him. Kissing became impossible to focus on, changing your attention to breathing. Your eyes locking onto the ceiling as you tried to take in the motion of his fingers.
"You okay?" he asked softly into your neck.
Your hands found their spots on his shoulder and the nape of his neck. "Yes, god yes," you whine, because not only was he fingering you, but now he was rubbing at your clit and kissing at your neck.
He was already confident in his actions, otherwise, he never would have started anything, but your sounds spurred him on and it was obvious. He was kissing your neck rougher, being slightly more passionate with his fingers, no longer unsure if their method would work. Rutting into your thigh to help him in any way possible.
The soft sounds you were making made him crave more, wanting you to reach the same peak you had all those nights ago.
Slightly changing the spot his fingers were hitting made you arch slightly, forcing your body closer to his. "Right fucking there, please," you begged, pulling on the ends of his hair.
He followed your hands and stopped hiding in your neck, making eye contact. The look in his eyes had you forcing yours shut. Cumming so unexpectedly fast. Thighs clamping shut as he tried to work you through it all. All you could think about was that look as you came. He was practically begging for you to cum with his eyes all while saying he loved you. It threw you for a loop.
A soft kiss at your lips and his hands retreated had you blinking your eyes open.
"You okay?"
"I love you," you cupped his cheek softly, pulling him in for a sweet kiss.
He laughed lightly against your mouth, "Not only for that, right?"
"Course not," you smiled, kissing him into another kiss.
That night ended in that light, just taking in the step closer the two of you were.
Your relationship was progressing extremely well in all aspects. Because of course, Tamaki was still shy with you, but over the past 8 months, the two of you were closer than ever. He'd tell you anything, and you'd tell him anything. It was a sappy relationship held behind closed doors.
But since that night, you're relationship took another turn and became a lot more sexual. Throwing out random sexual comments casually, mainly you, but sometimes he did too. No matter where you were it was horrible.
"Just sit down girl," Hado laughed at how you were fumbling around drunk.
"Yeah, just come sit on it," Tamaki suggested in a tone, the same tone he said all his other sexual jokes.
"Want me to?" you shot back and he shut up. You were glad only Hado was in the room and just laughed drunkenly.
Another time though-
"Yeah suck it Tamaki!" you cheered, finally having beaten him at a stupid arcade.
"Nah, that's your job."
"Tamaki!" you slapped at his arm and he went beat red, only then realizing what he said and who they were near.
Other than jokes, there were casual discussions about sexual stuff.
"Thanks for dinner," you kissed Tamaki's shoulder, hand rubbing at his back before you moved to hop on the counter next to him. Sitting next to the sink as he washed the dishes you just ate off, refusing to let you do it. "I'm still surprised you're such a good cook," you crossed your legs as you watched him.
"It's mainly because of my quirk, I need to constantly eat and it needs to be useful," he shrugged, moving a clean dish onto the drying rack.
"Makes you a great boyfriend," you watched as he fumbled washing silver wear at your words. "Speaking of your quirk-"
He shot you a glare, "If you're going to ask about tentacles-"
"No," you laughed, knowing how he's had many fangirls mention it to him, even his friends did. "Like how does it work?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like is it anything you eat? Does it need certain components?"
"I think it's anything I eat."
"Is there a time on it?"
"I can do it instantly but once it's out, then it's used up."
"Wait so anything?" you backtracked, a random idea popping in your head.
He eyed you under his bangs, "Yeah?"
"So like," Tamaki stood up straight to look at you, resting his hands on the edge of the sink, waiting for you to spill whatever you were plotting, "If we kissed?"
He shook his head, "I don't think so, I'd need more than just spit. Plus I wouldn't be able to ingest enough."
The way he was answering seriously made you want to laugh, "but you've never tried?"
"Obviously," he sassed.
"Want to?"
He blinked at you for a moment, "Make out?"
"Yeah, so you can try it."
"I don't think it'll work-"
"You could always just eat me out and find out what happens that way," you spoke bluntly, not a thought behind it.
"I- what?" he stood up completely straight, no longer leaning on the counter. Face completely red.
You laughed at his reaction, "I didn't mean to say that aloud. Yet it could work."
He's never eaten you out before. So far your relationship was just making out, grinding, and hand jobs.
"Do- do you want me to?" he shifted his footing, eyes looking you up and down.
Your humor ran dry at the idea, "I mean- yeah. To test the theory."
"Sure," he rolled his eyes, moving to stand between your legs, crowding you on the counter.
Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him in for a kiss.
Likely the sloppiest kiss the two of you've shared.
Mouths parting open quickly, hardly warming into the action. As if the idea of eating you out got the both of you excited.
Breath ran out quickly, you gasping and pulling away for a breather, "so?"
"Huh?"
"Anything?"
"No- I don't think it works like that-"
You slouched in disappointment, "lame." You shifted to hop off the counter.
"What are you doing?" Tamaki grabbed at your hip, stilling you.
"I'm getting down? Might as well watch a movie before it's too late."
He blinked at you, "Did you seriously think the only reason I'd-um- eat you out is cause of a theory?"
"Well, I was joking," you blushed, "You don't have to."
"I want to," he kneaded at your hips.
"Oh," you muttered, shocked for no huge reason.
"Can I?"
You nodded dumbly.
Getting pressed into another passionate kiss. His hands pulling you into him slowly. Getting your hips to hit his. Shocking you with how he was already hard, likely more into this than you are.
He always seemed more focused on you during these moments than himself. And when you did light attention on him, he struggled, staying stuck in his head. But when it was you, he was fine. Likely throwing himself into the moment as he did during hero work.
Yet unlike hero work, he was kissing down your neck, pushing you backward to lay flat on the counter. His movements were slow and planned out, yet to you it rushed from 0 to 100 real quick.
His fingers slipping under the hem of your shorts and panties, peeling them off you easily with how you were laying. Leg crossed round his back, ass hanging off the counter, and back laid flat. Only arching into him when you felt his hands move to circle your clit.
"Oh my god," you moved your arms to rest on your elbows, watching the show he was giving you.
He moved his arms to hook under your legs, crouching down so he could be face-to-face with you.
The quick look up he gave you, a look for consent, had you pleading, "Please." You reached a hand out to cup his cheek. Letting him lean into your touch before he made his own move, your hand going to tangle in his hair.
Feeling a puff of warm air on your clit before your shut your eyes closed. Shivering at the feeling of the tip of his tongue circling your clit.
He surprised you each day with the things he did, especially in this category. He'd fumble for maybe a minute, but the second you gasped, he followed it. Taking every twitch into notes to work you up incredibly quick.
Lapping at your slit softly before sucking your clit slightly. Even moaning into you.
"Tama," you said breathlessly, pulling his hair and him closer.
His hands squeezing at your thighs, helping them close around his head as you softly rocked into him, gasping at each heavy lick into you.
How sloppy he was being was shocking, leaving your mouth open as you tried to catch up with the feeling.
Feeling like it was too far away to catch, too close to your peak before he made you crash right back down, and hard. The lights in the room going white as you felt like you've discovered a new type of light.
His hands kneading at your thighs and sides when he stood back up, trying to help you calm back down. Leaving you to blink yourself awake before smiling blissfully.
"Oh my god," you laughed breathlessly, "I've never came that quick." Tamaki gave you a shy smile before you continued, "I'm shocked."
He shrugged, "I expected it, with how you-um- like getting touched- you know."
"How I like getting fingered?"
"Yeah- that," he looked away.
"Damn," you went limp into the counter, "Still, didn't know it'd be that good. You need to try it."
"Huh?"
You blushed from having to say it, "Like, you need to let me give you head. Mind-blowing experience."
His face turned bright red as he handed you your shorts. "My quirk doesn't work, by the way," he switched topics.
Grabbing the shorts from him and slipping them on, you looked at him weirdly, "What?"
"From- um- eating you out? You wanted to test it but it doesn't work."
"Oh," you blinked, "I forgot about that."
The two of you moved on from that conversation quickly. It was obvious he wasn't ready to take another step on his side, and that was okay. You'd get there when you get there.
On a different note.
He was progressing in his comfort with other things more.
Sitting closer to you in public, letting his eyes rest on you more, and engaging in conversation with you in public normally as well.
There was hardly any change in his personality from public to private with you anymore.
He stayed consistent and it helped the relationship grow a lot more.
Being able to actually talk with him in your own home was a comfort as well. It eased the stress of it all.
You could care less who found out at this point. Tamaki was the highest priority for you after a year of dating.  He was your first everything and maybe it was dumb, but you hoped he was your last.
The relationship was so comfortable.
And he showed signs he felt just the same.
Having gone in a slight couple's costumes for Halloween with you. Ignoring the questions raised.
Unfortunately, your costume had an incredibly short skirt. So when you leaned off your chair to grab something from the coffee table in front of you, your skirt lifted. Giving Tamaki and the other guy leaning back in the chair a clear view of your panties. So without a thought, Tamaki moved his hand to pull your skirt down, settling for blocking the view with his hand when he couldn't get your skirt down without embarrassing you further.
All acts innocent before you went to go sit down, having Tamaki's hand grab your ass before quickly returning to his lap. Giving him a short look before sitting down, patting his thigh in thanks once you realize what happened, and then acting as if nothing happened despite Tamaki's clear blush.
When you tried to get back to a normal conversation, Mirio just kept giving you an odd look. "What?" you finally spat out in his direction.
"Don't you think it's a little weird how close you guys are?" Mirio crossed his arms as he looked at you.
"So?"
"Tamaki hardly flinched when he touched you, or when you touched him."
"And?" you asked again.
"For people in a relationship? Neither of you've met each other's partner either," Mirio pointed a finger between you two as if scolding, "Kind of disrespectful."
Not wanting to seem like anything was done in bad faith, you blurted without much thought, "I've met his girlfriend."
"What?" Mirio drops all expression, looking at Tamaki as if he'd betrayed him.
Tamaki tensed fully, sitting up straight and shooting you a glare, "It was an accident."
"Oh," Mirio's expression calmed.
"I wouldn't want her to meet her," Tamaki spoke harshly as he rushed to comfort his friend, stabbing at you in response.
Mirio looked at you, "I think we should head home." The fact that he was able to see you were upset before your boyfriend did, hurt. Especially when it was his words.
All Tamaki does is nod his head before rushing out.
You motion for Mirio to wait, following Tamaki briefly, "Hey."
"Why'd you say that?" Tamaki looks at you with panicked eyes when you turned around.
"What?" you looked at him confused.
"I care so much about that friendship and you could have ruined it," Tamaki stressed.
"What?" you repeated voice fragile at his words and the meaning behind them, "What about me? Why'd you say you'd never want me to meet them? In that tone."
Tamaki gives you a confused look, "I don't know if you- us- we are permanent. It's new, I've been friends with Mirio since forever."
"It's new?" you questioned, crossing your arms and shifting your stance. Taken aback by how he viewed things.
"Yes?"
"It's been a year in 2 weeks," you pointed out, helpless.
"So?"
You took a sigh, trying to figure out how to word the rest before getting interrupted by Mirio.
"Hey," Mirio eyed the tension between the two of you, "We should get home."
"Agreed," you nodded, turning to walk away from the conversation and to the car.
Letting the night melt away as Mirio drove home in silence.
It was painful to look at the rain hitting the windows of the car, trying not to think of the night you shared I love yous. Trying not to focus on how Tamaki said your relationship wasn't a permanent thing, not in his eyes. His priorities were clearly different, but you had to keep the tears back so you didn't make Mirio think anymore happened.
Anything for Tamaki, you huffed back the emotion.
---
Part 2
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thebisexualdogdad · 1 year ago
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One Piece preferences - how they tell you that they like you (GN!reader)
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Luffy -
● Luffy is not one for shame or embarrassment yet he's always nervous around you
● he always awkwardly rambles when you're near him
● and he even asks if you want the last bite of food before he takes it for himself like usual
● he goes to Usopp first for advice which Sanji and Zoro overhears and tells him to ignore Usopp's terrible advice and listen to them instead
● which then Nami overhears and calls them all idiots and gives Luffy actually good advice
● Luffy finally tells you he likes you but rambles again while talking so you kiss him to shut him up
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Nami -
● she doesn't
● you have to make the first move
● even when you do tell her you like her she makes you work for it
● "I'll go out with you when we find the one piece"
● "I'm holding you to that"
● a couple months later when she thinks you've proven yourself she sets two plates of food in front of you guys
● "what's this?"
● "we're on a date"
● "I thought you weren't going to go out with me until we found the one piece?"
● "I changed my mind now start eating before I change it again"
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Sanji -
● He is very confident and makes it known he likes you the moment you meet
● He flirts with you the entire time you're eating in the baratie
● "Anything else I can get for you cutie? I've been told I make a mighty fine dessert, that is unless you want me for dessert instead"
● "just the check please sweet talker"
● he brings the check to you with his number written on the bottom
● "just so you know I do accept tips in the form of a date"
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Zoro -
● no matter how much Luffy points out to Zoro that he likes you he refuses to acknowledge his feelings for you
● It's not until you get critically hurt in a fight that he finally admits to himself that he likes you
● you've been unconscious for days and he never leaves your side while you're recovering
● you wake up to him sitting at your bedside and you've never seen him look this worried
● "thank God I thought I lost you"
● "you saying you care about me Zoro?"
● "yes Y/N, I care you about you a lot so please don't do that to me again"
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Usopp -
● always brings you flowers and little trinkets
● "I saw this in town and thought you'd like it"
● names one of his slingshot moves after you
● all around gentleman trying to woo you
● Zoro "you know he likes you right"
● "of course I know, I just think it's sweet how hard he tries"
● the first time you kiss him on the cheek to thank him for your gift he blushes so hard and nearly faints
● he goes around proudly telling everyone that you kissed him and that he's your boyfriend now
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Buggy -
● puts on an entire show for you
● pulling out all of his best jokes and stunts
● making the crowd cheer extra hard
● he does a huge speech throughout the entire performance about how you two could conquer the world together
● and how he needs you by his side to be the best pirate he can be
● for his final trick he uses his powers to send his hand up to you with a bouquet of flowers
● "what do you say Y/N? Want to be my co captain?"
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Shanks -
● whenever he's in town he tells you stories of his adventures over drinks at the bar
● and always gives you part of his treasure that his crew found on their recent voyage as gifts
● "You're really giving me this? Do you know how valuable it is?"
● "There's no treasure in this world that I value more than you"
● "well Shanks it sounds like you're trying to tell me that you like me"
● "I would travel the entire ocean for you my dear Y/N and I would love if you joined me on my next adventure"
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Mihawk-
● Literally kills a guy for you
● you're complaining about some jerk you ran into at the bar
● he mumbles "he shall pay for disrespecting my Y/N" and excuses himself
● he returns a little bit later with the guys decapitated head in his hand and blood on his shirt
● "you said you had a problem with this guy so I killed him in your honor"
● "Oh thats… sweet"
● "I knew you'd be impressed. So, dinner?"
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Cabaji -
● always tries to look cool in front of you
● doing tricks on his unicycle
● like riding it through a flaming hoop
● or having you stand on his shoulders while he cycles around the ring
● or putting someone on the spinning wheel and throwing knives at them landing impossibly close to their skin
● "that was cool wasn't it Y/N"
● "sure was Cabaji"
● "So what do you say you and I get drinks together sometime?"
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