#selfabuse

[mypoetryelenabertolini]

Depression is a silent killer.... At one point or another I believe we have all experienced suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I know how hard it can be to want help but feel too ashamed or prideful to ask...With this life even we don't deserve to allow ourselves to self-abuse. *Before you knock on deaths door just make a promise to YOURSELF and those around you to seek HELP FIRST!!!* Pay attention to the signs that you ARE HERE FOR A PURPOUSE!!! We all fail at one point or another, we all just want it to end and find "peace". That peace could never be replaced for those that love you...so cry, breakdown do what you need to do! But after DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO SO YOU CAN MOVE ON AND BECOME BETTER THAN BEFORE! Seek some kind of help my love and never give up

Check out my poetry book for the rest of this poem and more!

🩸https://store.bookbaby.com/book/elenas-diary

I also have a journal you can purchase to complete the set; use it as an outlet to release those emotions! Writing is therapy!!

🩸🩸https://a.co/d/5xkrI2K

[lanwangjiismyreligion]

Warning: This post ist about personal experiences with emotional and narcissistic abuse in families. Please be aware that this content can eventually be triggering, thank you.

Yesterday I got an e-mail and it was written in regards to an article I posted on my small German blog last month. This article was my personal attempt to talk about a phrase I heard a few weeks before:

"Aren't we all a little bit narcissistic?"

Here is the link to my article. It is written in German but feel free to share anyway:

I took this phrase and made it the title of my article. I wrote about how such a phrase minimises and trivialises the harm of certain personality traits and in the end shifts the blame to the victims of emotional narcissistic abuse. This kind of societal gaslighting is often used in Germany, unfortunetly.

And this e-mail was such a touching feedback that made me think like rather spontenious: perhaps I should write some kind of memoir where I can collect and share some of my experiences so far? It would be so much nicer to have a book than just posting short articles on my blog ...

2 Seconds later, a shrieking voice screamed in my head: Am I out of my mind??? How could I think I had the skill or the guts to pull this of? How dare I'm that arrogant to think that this is a good idea? Do I want to be the next Stefanie Foo? How insolent, how prespumptous, how overbearing, how absurd and irrational ...

After my inner selfabuse faded a bit, it dawned me: It doesn't matter what I start writing the anxiety of trying and potentially standing out in the open is always there. It scares the hell out of me to be successful doesn't matter how small this success is.

And here ist are some more crazy thoughts:

I don't really think that, well, I know it sounds ridicules, but I don't really know if my experiences are qualified enough to justify writing a memoir.

I'll be blunt: Perhaps on an absurd level of self gaslighting I am not sure if I'm "traumatized" enough. Yeah, even as I write this, I feel that I must be crazy to think that my parents had been that bad.

Because its all so fresh, I mean that I' m able to recognice the possibility that I could be a narcissistic abuse survivor. After I published my fantasy book in September 2023 I started to feel fatigued and anxious instead of being happy. But I couldn't stop writing and I wanted to be a selfpublisher, so I fought. I was live on Instagram, reading chapters, I found an real life writing community were I'm active and do readings, I'm now a member of the team that runs the community, yes, I am successful in a small way.

But marketing was and is so, so scary, the thought of making my book - and in the end myself - public alone was and is terrifying. Yes, I did some things but it was far, far less then some "normal" selfpublisher does in a commercial writing carrier on average. Really far, far less.

I have not an official C-PTSD diagnosis.

I just discovered that in my family was some strange sickening pattern between children and adults that seemed to come from parts of my grandparents and that my parents showed the same behaviour, perhaps a little bit of a variant. My father showed this entitlement, he did the silent treatment, showed impulsive rage, one day something was okay, the other day not, so there were no rules, the jealousy he showed toward my friends and male lovers, he did the triangulation thing with me and my older sibllings, like I was the golden child but later I turned into a scapegoat within days and so on.

It took me until last year to recognize that depression, burnout, immune system problems, heart and blood preassure problems and anxiety where all normal illnesses we younger ones are dealing with until today. Some of these things I associate with PTSD or C-PTSD now, but actually I cannot say for sure because no one diagnosed me or the others. But depressioen and Burnout were diagnosed but it wasn't put into a connection as consequences from emotional abuse.

But this e-mail showed me that it seems there are people out there without a chance of getting a diagnosis who can identefy with my experience and now I'm sitting here thinking in circles:

[floridakilo]

in the same way that i think personality disorder dx’s pathologize the effects of trauma in women they also ignore the violence and selfabuse inherent to the idea of “being a man”...like the fact that one study found half of male SUD havers to fit the so called diagnosistic criteria for aspd should be extremely concerning and telling 

[lifeintheworldtocome]

tbh when sidney gish said on my phone ive got a list of food i ate and people i kissed because of this im losing weight im batting my eyes like siren bait just like a hate watched series i catalouge life dearly dreary how-tos on half-assed selfabuse probably when im twentytwo then ill be doing something new because i lose attention fast cause i get bored right off the bat but i hate class and i hate work and doing nothings even worse but i still curse still complain every day if i thrive best in hate machines and shallow tabloid magazines and groups for memes where everyone fights and tries to make straight white boys cry then will i die still swallowing all sides of conflict possibly im three percent non hikikomori ninetyseven speaks now im there fuzzy socks and shampooed hair cyst acne bare im eating healthy watching ina cook for jeffery im kinda pissed if this is the real me at least i know who i kissed and what i ate

[helpmechangemysex]

A good day in worshipping Satan and selfabusing

[twistedcatmeow]

One of the best ways to measure your growth and healing is to watch the quality of your relationships improve or deteriorate. As you become more healthy, as your internal monologue shifts and self-worth grows, you will stop taking as much abuse from others. It will start as discomfort, move to a realization that you shouldn’t be putting up with this, and eventually transcend to your removing yourself from a situation.

Look at your current relations with others. Do people insult you, belittle you, tell you more about your faults than your strengths? Or do they tell you why they have you in their lives, thank you for what you do, and express their love for you?

Now look at your internal dialogue with yourself. How do you talk to yourself? Do you encourage yourself or tear yourself down? What sort of adjectives do you use for yourself, not when you are thinking about it, but when you talk to yourself, in the moment? Do you see how this mirrors how you let others speak to you?

Do you like what you see? Or do you want to change it? Changing it requires you to be conscious in thought as well as in deed. Pay attention, every day, to how you talk to yourself and about yourself. Correct your statements if necessary. Watch your world change.

 

#SelfAbuse #Abuse #Tolerance #Relationships #GettingHealthy #EmotionalWellbeing #metrics #InternalDialogue #ImportantQuestions #Change #Healing #PracticalSpirituality #PersonalGrowth #SelfImprovement #DailyMessage #365DaysToEnlightenment #Ayamanatara #Nighttime #CaliforniaCoast #PCH #Malibu #PacificOcean

[polychromovana]

Selfabusing relationship

[michaelpaulukonis]

STARS IN MY POCKET LIKE GRAINS OF SAND

My wife does not understand why I use deliberately bad photos of myself.

[damagedgoods99]

I was looking through some old photos and even though I tried to hide my self harming as much as I could I noticed them in these pics

[delusionalpieceofvoid]

you want to make your family proud, i want to make them regret their decisions and traumatize them

so stop pretending we fight the same fight

[sourlucrecia]

Szaleństwo nie wynika  z myśli,

lecz z ludzi łkających,

bo nikt, nikt nie zmyślił

szepczących mi do ucha

do poduszki

tego co widziałam nikt nie wymyśli

Ludzi cierpiących

Bóg się zamyślił

Myśl prawdziwa- krucha.

zamknięte cztery ściany, znowu sama

Krzyk, kurwy, znowu krzyk 

lament

kto wprowadził znowu zamęt,

kto znowu podciął żyły

długopisem, połknął haczyk

To chyba znowu marzyłam na jawie

W lustrze

Ona nie wygląda już tak zdrowo,

jak złym trzeba być by tu trafić

dobre dni się chyba skończyły

gdy zdecydowałam że nie chcę

nie chcę już więcej 

nie chcę już bardziej

nie chcę znowu

żyjąc umierać

Pomóżcie mi

Nikt ci nie pomoże

Odjejdź

Wiesz że tak być nie może

Odczep się, o boże

Żałosne z ciebie stworzenie

Zabij się

Zabij się

Zabiję się

Zabij się

Zabiję się

Czerwień w wannie

[iwanttobeskinnyhellamuch]

the only way to be loved is to lose weight and be skinny

no one loves fat

no one loves big

everyone is pleased with seeing tiny, slim girls

girls are meant to be skinny

[confessionsofanangrymetalhead]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by The Angry Metalhead (@confessionsofanangrymetalhead)

Don't be afraid to pull in a warped, shitty bar just because your precious #texasdeadliftbar is being used. Builds character in a man. I've used shitty bars for YEARS; so if I can do what I did tonight there's fucking no excuse for you. Then again, you'd have to hate yourself like I do me. Here's 335x3x6. #confessionsofanangrymetalhead #metalhead #metalheadlifters #powerbodybuilding #igpowerlifting #powerlifting #powerliftingismetal #bodybuilding #igbodybuilding #liftwithhatred #liftwithrage #deadlift #deadliftheartthrob #ihatemyself #ihateyou #selfabuse #extrememetal #extrememetalfitness #dreamsofbodydysmorphia #yourmothersucksdicksinhell #selfloathing #strongandshapelygym (at "Strong and Shapely Gym Inc.") https://www.instagram.com/p/B7rx6z6pM0b/?igshid=f1lba7h0byau

[floridakilo]

im just like joe nymphomaniac but i hate sex replace the sex addiction with drugs and selfabuse ofc

[idiotthewise]

Gig. #punk #bournemouth #theanvil #selfabuse #jarvis #be there #sunhumanz #oioioi (at Anvil Rockbar Bournemouth) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs-KyCbDfRe/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13qg6fjfrzdvz

[helpmechangemysex]

Why

Worshipping and selfabusing for Satan today